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BosPatriot71 Archive

View 1 post and 187 comments by BosPatriot71 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

BosPatriot71/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 11:53 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Following you out the door, internet stranger. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 10:45 AM
7

Thanks for the mansplaining OP. While you’re not entirely wrong, I think most of us suggest “Hitting the gym” as a generic phrase for getting active. Guys - maybe on future posts when we suggest hitting the gym, we should include a disclaimer*. Please consult with a trained medical professional before beginning an exercise routine.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 03:01 PM
5

The best things in life live on the other side of fear.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:03 PM
2

So many people have said “I’m sorry” when I tell them. I’m like “Don’t be. This is a very good thing.” lol Congrats on your freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 11:37 PM
4

All of my ex’s siblings proactively reached out to me when the news broke. They said they understood it was complicated and that I’d always be family to them. Most expressed an interest in keeping in touch. Divorce is about six months old but we communicate from time to time (mostly via text) to say hello, check in, etc. Based on the rest of the comments, I can see this is atypical.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:52 AM
9

Friends? No. Cordial acquaintances? Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 06:12 PM
6

Lawyer. They will answer these questions as it varies by state.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:02 PM
6

Keep doing what you’re doing bro. I really admire you. My ex was around maybe 1/2 of the time. Doing it alone is hard as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 03:01 PM
5

Not very Christian like.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:17 AM
3

You lost me after the third run on sentence, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:15 AM
10

This. All of this. Get to work on yourself OP.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:04 AM
5

Well done! Brilliant avoiding alimony too. Congratulations and enjoy this next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:57 PM
3

This!
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 08:17 AM
2

Ok good luck. Northeastern states tend to really crush the primary breadwinners, FYI. I do wish you luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:45 PM
1

If you’re in Mass, feel free to DM and we can talk more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:37 PM
1

Financial guidance varies wildly depending on where you live. Definitely consult with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:45 AM
2

Apologies if that wasn’t clear. 50/50 on 401k. I don’t know the answer to your second question. My ex went back to work when the kids entered middle school. Well before I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:22 AM
3

50/50 on house profits and my 401k, and I pay spousal support of 20% of the difference between our income discrepancies. Long term marriage (20+ years). I made way more than she did. She was a SAHM for 10 years. Worth every fucking penny to be away from that raging alcoholic, doing my own thing. Peace and happiness for the first time in years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:55 AM
3

Completely amicable. We followed the state guidelines on everything. Thanks to this group, I was able to prepare myself for the financial hit (thanks state of Massachusetts).
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:09 PM
4

Just got back in the saddle after many years. DB then divorce. Absolutely like riding a bike. You’ll be fine, bro. Just don’t overthink it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:35 AM
1

You get four or five likes a week? Wow count your blessings bro. I must be ugly as fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 03:22 PM
8

Depending on the state but you’re probably right.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 09:05 PM
2

Need more context and state you’re in. But one thing is certain - lawyer NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 03:39 PM
3

You are my bro.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:02 PM
1

Have never been a ladies man and my flirt game is years out of practice. But I guess I need to put myself out there. Like you said, worst they say is no. Thx man.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:17 AM
3

Says he owns two businesses but can’t afford a lawyer? Bro needs to find a way and fast.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:17 PM
1

How are you meeting women?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:09 PM
6

Yesterday was sock day from my raging alcoholic ex. Totally get your pain, anger, frustration. Until they actually want to get help and are willing to do the work…the hard work..any relationship is pretty much doomed. My ex hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, even though I thought she had several times. Sending you my best, bro. DM if you ever need to vent further.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:21 AM
4

With you, sir. Cohabitated with extremely active alcoholic for 10 months through the process. Hardest thing I had to do in my entire life. But I’ve been free for a month now. I can tell you; it’s expensive but absolutely glorious. Legit just take it a day at a time. It’s all you can do. Also, hit the gym as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 11:39 PM
3

Regarding your edit. You need to do what you must to survive but please don’t put value on your life because of getting asked out on a date. The value of your life comes from within and for your kids bro. One day at a time. Even one hour at a time. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:23 PM
2

Amazing. She’s probably playing the victim, too. “Look at what these awful critics are saying!” Wah wah wahh LOL
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 12:04 PM
6

It was almost a year of cohabitation on this side. Extremely difficult to say the least, especially with a raging alcoholic. But we recently parted ways and I haven’t slept this well since I was a kid!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 10:35 AM
1

This 💯. Well put.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 05:48 PM
4

Same bro
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:14 PM
4

Take my poor man’s award 🥇
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 01:52 PM
2

OP listen to this bro
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:13 PM
1

It hurts. A lot. But you absolutely cannot put a price tag on peace of mind. I have to remind myself consistently.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 11:37 AM
9

And a lot more costly the longer it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 09:44 PM
2

You’ll get there. One day at a time, although that approach is easier said than done!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:19 PM
2

A perfect write up, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:46 AM
2

Divorcing an alcoholic in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, it’s absolutely nothing to stand on, even with two DUIs (7 years ago back to back) on her record. Unless you can show abuse or neglect (tough to prove), you’re probably in the same boat. Our kids are grown and flown. Her drinking worsened last year, hence me filing after her unwillingness to get help. However, my attorney has said if she does something like get fired from work, have another DUI, or something else that’s costly, I can bring …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:45 AM
3

Well I’m in Massachusetts. I interviewed five and not one asked for compensation for their time. Perhaps it’s different here than where you are, as neither of my two other buddies divorcing paid for initial consultations. The lawyers more than make up for the hour of time in their billing practices.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:33 AM
1

Where are you from? First consultation was free for every attorney with whom I met. One gave me two hours of her time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 07:50 AM
5

Youngest in college. Married 26 years. I initiated the divorce, thanks, in part, to her BPD, alcoholism, and refusal to get the help she desperately needs. I was also an enabler and codependent but have worked through that. Divorce will be final in 60 days. Very amicable but financially costly for me. I’m terrified but mostly excited for a new chapter. Trip to the Caribbean booked!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 11:30 AM
1

Exactly what I do. It’s a great tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 11:36 AM
48

Jesus bro that’s effing horrible. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m dealing with a BPD raging alcoholic STBX but nothing like you’re facing. Sending you a lot of strength during this time. Eff her and eff your brother. Trash human beings.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:07 AM
24

Resonates here. I’ve always said my STBX wasn’t happy unless she was miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 02:42 PM
2

Accurate
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:32 PM
13

Stay in school. Cape Cod sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 12:52 PM
2

No alimony?! Consider yourself lucky, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:06 AM
4

Tough hits across the board, sir. But I can feel your strength and determination in this message. So sorry this is all happening but a better version of you is going to emerge and I wish you all the best as you start new chapters.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 01:21 PM
2

Here if you need to talk, bro. Even for fleeting moments of joy, life is worth it. And joy can and will return for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 12:57 PM
6

This is me and reading this was a massive nut punch, bro. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 02:53 PM
7

Sorry you’re going through all this, bro. My situation was similar but not as bad. I’d strongly suggest talking with a lawyer immediately. I will say be prepared to get screwed financially, depending on the state in which you live. For me, the financial screw job was worth it to get away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 10:32 AM
2

I’m not far behind you. Through court. In waiting period now. Totally free this fall.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 11:45 PM
2

Congratulations bro!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 10:50 PM
2

Thank you for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more. As a suicide attempt survivor (about when I was your age), I have to say that life is worth living. Yes it’s hard and messy and sometimes awful, but it’s all worth it for moments of brilliance - even if they’re sometimes fleeting. Now going through a divorce from an alcoholic, I see that lens as well. Here for support if you ever need to talk. Keep living, one day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 01:36 PM
6

Reel it in, cowboy. For a little while at least.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 12:59 AM
1

The devil inside my head says to release the pic online for the world to see. Maybe he’s married too?! I could never do that but it’s fun to think about. Fuck her and that other guy. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 12:32 PM
4

Thx for that advice bro. I’m in the process of doing this right now. Court is soon.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 12:29 PM
1

This!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 12:20 PM
2

This
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 08:56 PM
1

This. All of this. Good luck, OP. It’ll be rough but a new chapter awaits you!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:13 PM
8

The irony.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:22 PM
2

For you. And good on you. But not for all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 12:55 PM
–

Oh man. Yes in Mass. I’m about to get so effed over, it’s not even funny. I make 3x what she does. She’s lazy and a drunk. Married long term. The state guidelines are insane and reward her laziness. But I keep reminding myself that I can’t put a price tag on peace of mind. So I’m reconciling the huge financial hit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:57 PM
1

Correct. Or me with her. 😊
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:20 PM
1

Spousal support- alimony
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 01:55 PM
2

Not necessarily true. In my state, if a substantial change in income occurs, up or down, either party can file to change the amount.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 01:53 PM
3

Google. There are online calculators for many states. I’m warning you, it’s ugly in the northeast bro. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 10:47 PM
7

First off, I’d recommend that you attend Al-Anon meetings. They’ve helped me greatly. We were in marriage counseling for a few years and that’s where I raised the topic as it felt like the best space in which to do it. Feel free to message me if you need support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 11:07 AM
2

STBX and I are remaining friends. A mutual decision we have made. I’m not sure if it’ll last but we’ll see. However, if you feel you cannot do it, don’t. Your mental health should be your priority, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:54 PM
5

I read “leave now” as rhetorical not literal. As in, end the marriage. Not necessarily move out immediately. Have you considered sectioning her? I’ve had to do that with my STBX (similar situation).
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 03:44 PM
7

I’m so sorry, bro. I’m divorcing an alcoholic with childhood trauma. Refuses to address her issues with any vigor or commitment. This is an opportunity for your wife to get the help she desperately needs. If she doesn’t agree immediately, get out and take the kids. She’s a threat to all around her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 10:27 AM
4

And take the kids with you, please.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 10:23 AM
2

So sorry bro. But it did happen. I think it’s time to look forward and not back. Tough, I know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 02:11 PM
1

Five years. Tipping point was her inability to stay sober and refusing to get help with it. Edit: Adding that when I finally said the words, I never felt more relieved about anything in my entire life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 11:22 AM
5

Podcast!
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 02:26 PM
14

I need you as my life coach. Like for real.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:35 PM
2

Bro. You’re only two days in from getting the biggest nut punch of your life. At this point, you’re still in shock and in more pain than you ever thought you could imagine. Right now my advice is to take life half a day at a time. When overwhelmed, do some mindfulness exercises. Allow yourself to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself some grace to feel this way. Take a few days to lick your wounds. Then I’d suggest much of what has been said by other bros on here. Therapist. Gym. A few of …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:33 PM
5

Depending on where you live. Where I am, you go back three years in financial disclosures.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:43 PM
3

It has worked for several friends of mine. Didn’t work for my marriage, or a few others I know.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:36 PM
4

Fully enmeshed. It’s tough beyond measure but I’m keeping my eyes on the prize. Congrats to you, sir!!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 06:42 PM
33

Super healthy, bro. Congrats as I suspect you put in a lot of work to get there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:32 PM
1

Perhaps this is TMI, internet stranger, but mine has definitely shrunk. 🐢
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 07:51 PM
2

One day at a time, bro. Keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 04:59 PM
7

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 04:52 PM
3

Hopefully it’s like riding a bike. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 02:27 PM
4

Sad to report Aug 2019. The streak will hopefully end sometime after Sock Day in the fall.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 02:16 PM
2

I could have written this. My STBX has tallied up multiple DUIs, no felonies thankfully. All legal, insurance, etc costs paid out of marital assets over the years. I’m holding on to weak hope that her history will leverage for me on lower spousal support. Very weak hope but my lawyer is building the case.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 02:01 PM
3

You’re not alone on the boundaries and red flags, bro. I was right there with you for 20+ years. Wishing you all the best going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:23 AM
1

Uhhhh how and in what state? Also, congrats!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:46 AM
3

I wondered the same. Maybe he meant 40/60? But, in trying to extract context, it seems like the ex has major issues so 40/60 wouldn’t make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:46 AM
6

I’m in the exact same situation bro. It’s a struggle but every day I work to reconcile it in my head. Can’t put a price tag on happiness and peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 11:57 PM
2

Not much context but I gave my adult children a heads up it was likely coming. Youngest in college. Their mom has severe substance abuse issues and two of them strongly encouraged me to leave the situation for about two years before I finally got the courage to pull the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 08:48 PM
1

Not sure how much you owe on the mortgage. One strategy I’m taking is giving her 65-70% of home sale proceeds to dramatically lower my monthly spousal support. We’re over 20 years married so I owe for life. It’s almost like money I’ve never seen so it doesn’t hurt as much. Our home is just about paid off, and has tripled in value in 20 years. Definitely talk with a financial advisor who specializes in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 09:19 PM
1

MA resident here and you nailed it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 09:08 PM
5

When I started reading I was assuming I’d think you’re overreacting. But aw hell no you are not, bro. Not at all. Wtf?! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:02 PM
8

Exactly what I was thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:01 PM
2

Sorry bro. I’ve never been in your shoes so I apologize for being so harsh. Sending you strength.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 09:34 PM
6

Possible paths to a cure: Get to therapy. The gym. Church. Meditation. Meds. Reading. Whatever it takes to turn this around.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:40 PM
4

Get yourself together for your kids, bro. Sorry for the tough love but there it is.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:10 PM
11

Facts but I’m taking my peace of mind. It’s priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 12:53 AM
2

The best things in life can come when we face abject fear and move past it. You got this, bro. It won’t be easy but you’ve got it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:24 PM
2

In all seriousness, I think to deny yourself a relationship isn’t fair to you. I mean as long as your as honest as you can be with the potential love interest, and your radar is up for craziness, it’s worth getting out there a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:20 PM
6

Holy shit James Bond has a Reddit account. And a kid?!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:27 PM
1

Well done, bro. Wishing you and your kids an amazing new chapter!!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 11:49 AM
28

Needed this post today as I’m in the worst part of it. So glad that there’s a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Thanks, internet stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 06:13 PM
2

Depends how old they are.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 08:38 PM
1

You absolutely should be getting solid help by now. Time for a change. My thoughts: I generally vibe better with females vs males but I have a male therapist now. Female left the practice. Current guy is good. Very direct, which I appreciate. You should seek one who focuses or specializes in CBT and mindfulness strategies. As a complement to therapy, the gym has been a savior for me. Helps with everything: sleep, weight, food, cognitive function, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 04:33 PM
18

Absolutely not. Leaving the house will create all kinds of short and long term challenges for you. Don’t let emotions rule your decisions; I know this isn’t easy! Lawyer up immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 05:44 PM
13

Or did he maybe ask her if she’s read any good housekeeping or cookbooks lately? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 08:11 PM
89

That’s not feminist. That’s just batshit crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 08:08 PM
3

Bro. When all the comments are basically saying the same thing….
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 12:44 PM
1

“If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of a divine reward, then, brother, that person is a piece of shit - and I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 08:20 PM
10

From the other side. Just one person’s experience. Stayed married. Never really forgave her for what she did. Stayed in it for the kids and sacrificed my happiness to put up a facade. Did individual and marriage counseling for years but probably too late. Divorcing after 25+ years. Kids are grown and flown. But damage was done to them psychologically for what was clearly a bad marriage. I’m not suggesting you quit just yet. Maybe give marriage counseling a try. But make your mental health and ha…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:22 PM
1

Sending you all the best. This is probably going to suck hard, but you’ll come out a better person on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:54 PM
1

Sorry. I wasn’t clear. We each started individual counseling five years ago. We added in a marriage counselor a few years later. So each week, we both saw our individual counselors independently and then marriage counseling on top of that. Does that make sense? It sounds like your wife is done. So if I were you, I’d just seek individual counseling. Ideally with a therapist who specializes in divorce situations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:32 PM
1

Got it. We each started with individual counseling then added marriage counseling into the mix. My individual therapist has been amazing. Her specialties are in general anxiety and relationship issues. Marriage counseling helped a little but we’re still divorcing. Hope this is helpful. Good on you to take care of yourself. Huge first step.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:25 PM
3

Pretty vague question about therapy, bro. Are you asking… What type of therapist (male/female, personality type, therapy style)? What type of medium (in person, online)? Immediate advice - hit the gym at least three times a week. Working out is a savior. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:11 PM
4

Where are you in the process? There is a financial disclosure phase where everything must be reported. (At least where I live.). This includes 36 months of bank statements.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 09:04 PM
2

Got it. So I’m an old guy going through divorce. Looking back, my STBX absolutely alienated me from friends and family. I just went with it to keep the peace, but I know now that was absolutely a red flag. I’d suggest first trying to reach common ground. If she’s demanding more than you’re willing to give, then it’s time to make a tough decision. Please just don’t have kids until you get this settled!!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:04 PM
3

How often are you going out with friends? Are we talking nightly? Once per week? Less often than that?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:57 PM
5

I filed. I’m the breadwinner. I’m going to be challenged financially. But I’m so excited to start the next chapter of my life! I feel myself coming back to life after years of dormancy and numbness. So it’s not all doom and gloom. I wish you well, internet stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 04:17 PM
3

My initial consultations when I was evaluating attorneys were all free.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:47 AM
3

I concur
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:03 AM
5

Great post. Thx for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 12:30 AM
11

As someone wisely pointed out to me when I joined this subreddit - we’re all fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 05:29 PM
6

Many great ideas above but I’d add volunteerism to the list. I’m planning on starting at a local animal shelter ASAP. Edit: fixed a typo
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 09:58 PM
1

Yet another relapse followed by refusal to get the help she needs.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 09:00 PM
2

Might as well start gathering all your info for financial disclosures now. Major pain in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 05:47 PM
1

Seems so. Absolutely sucks, doesn’t it?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 07:00 PM
1

Exactly the same situation here. Waiting on guidance from my attorney. My understanding is, once you come to agreeable terms across all parties, you can go ahead and separate assets.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 06:48 PM
2

Just because the kids are over 19 doesn’t necessarily mean no child support. If they’re in college, it comes into play. At least where I live. Hire an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 02:05 PM
32

Sorry to be harsh but there is no “window to save it”. Not even a “small” one. It’s just over bro. Time to accept it and I’d suggest a counselor to help you get through this difficult time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 09:23 AM
2

Also in MA. Unfortunately I think you have to sign. You may want to see about a free consult with another lawyer just to get one more opinion on the matter. We’re all screwed in MA, unfortunately. And it’s a shame that nobody is working on fixing it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 11:31 AM
4

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 08:05 PM
4

It is not selfish for you to want peace and happiness in your life. You deserve it. And I bet you’ll be an even better dad when divorced. Wishing you all the best.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 03:41 PM
58

I will never ever marry again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 01:49 AM
5

Totally natural, bro. One day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 07:37 PM
5

Here’s to a great new chapter for you, bro. Day by day.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 08:25 PM
1

Options as I see them. 1. Stay and keep things the same (how she wants it) and live in relative purgatory. 2. Have open and honest communication and see if you both can meet somewhere in the middle. (Maybe a therapist could help?) 3. End the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 03:57 PM
1

Got it. That makes a lot of sense. So you’re screwed like the rest of us, unfortunately. I appreciate the explanation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 08:29 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. I do wish you well. However, a bit of perspective that another reply mentions. While many of the emotional impacts are the same for all of us, you have absolutely zero concept of the additional burdens of financial strains related to the process. “The exact same themes do” not “apply for the wealthy.” I’d have thought someone who grew up poor would have more perspective on this. Apparently not. Nonetheless, wishing you good luck, internet stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 11:54 AM
4

This. All of this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 11:45 AM
1

Pls don’t apologize, man. It’s all good and normal to have all the feelings you mentioned. Here’s to a much better 2023!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 12:51 AM
2

Here’s to an exciting new chapter for both of us!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 04:34 PM
3

Understood. I honestly think that part of me will always love her. But I’m absolutely no longer in love in that way, and I cannot be around someone who is refusing to get the help she needs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 09:21 AM
1

I have good health care from work so I do individual counseling. It can be tough finding a counselor that you connect with. It might take a few meetings with different people. But there are also many divorce groups out there. Some are religious if that’s your thing. Others are totally secular. A local Google search should give you some options. Best wishes bro.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 09:18 AM
4

Similar. Her only recently diagnosed anxiety, depression and PTSD (from childhood trauma) killed ours.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 10:13 PM
2

It has been really helpful for me. From figuring out what I wanted, to having the courage to start the process and continuing through it. The financial hit is absolutely substantial but I believe it’ll be worth it. Best wishes to you, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 02:36 AM
4

My therapist reminds me frequently that you cannot put a price tag on happiness and peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 02:29 AM
6

A lifelong friend once observed about my STBX “She’s not happy unless she’s miserable.”
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 03:47 PM
1

I wonder the same sometimes, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 02:07 PM
2

Give yourself some grace as to how you’re feeling and how you’ve behaved in the past. It’s fantastic that you’ve recognized it and will address it moving forward. Accept the fact that your marriage is over. I understand it’s easier said than done but you must move on. It will take time to process everything. Therapy will do wonders for 1 and 2. Sending you all my best. There’s a new chapter coming up with a better you! It won’t be easy but you’ll get there. Peace.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 12:53 PM
21

25 years here and just starting the process. Initiated by me. Sending you the best. Be sure to take time for yourself. Every. Single. Day. You’ll get through this stronger than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 12:36 AM
29

Sorry man. Shoot me a message if you want to talk, vent, whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 11:22 PM
3

Every situation is obviously different so I guess I’m fortunate in some ways. Cheaper lawyers in my area, amicable housing situation, etc. Happy to chat about some cost cutting strategies with you via DM if you’d like.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 12:40 PM
11

Just started divorce proceedings after 25 years of marriage and 30 years together. Three adult kids. Last few years have been awful, like I wasn’t even alive. Can’t speak for you, of course, but I’m convinced this is the right decision for me. I’m excited about what the future holds, even though it’ll be a little tough financially. Life is too short to stay somewhere in misery. Wishing you all the best.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 10:47 PM
18

Make sure you take care of yourself, bro. Gym, movies, whatever you enjoy. At least a few times a week. Wishing you better days ahead. Happy to chat via DM for support if needed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 08:10 PM
2

Congratulations on your sobriety. Massive accomplishment. Keep it up, for you and your kids. What you just wrote above could have come from my wife. It was very odd for me to read. She’s the recovering alcoholic. I’m the breadwinner with some career success. I see her as incredibly negative about most things, even the most mundane. It could be a beautiful sunny day and she’d find a tiny cloud over on the horizon. I mean this literally and metaphorically. I prefer to do things without her because…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 11:02 AM
8

Keep strong, man.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 12:51 AM
1

Just told her I want a divorce after 25 years. Not sure how old your kids are but mine are young adults, and not one was surprised or even bothered. One said to me “dad this was long overdue.” It’s time for you to move on and find someone who values you (if you want).
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:33 PM
7

Entering this exact phase right now and it’s a nut punch of epic proportions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 12:14 PM
1

If you have amazon prime, they offer free unlimited photo storage. This way you can take them off your phone so they’re not in your face constantly, but you’ll still have access to them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 12:27 PM
4

Anyone who judges you for seeking peace and happiness says way more about them than it does about you. Carry on, internet stranger. PS- How do you like GA? I’m tired of winter and want to head south after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 10:33 AM
2

Sending you strength, internet stranger. This too shall pass. You’re a good man and a great dad. Wishing you all the best as you embark on this new chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 04:29 PM
1

I’m you 12 years from now. Wife had multiple DUIs, cars totaled, loss of license. Sober then not again. Three years of marriage counseling just prolonged the inevitable. I’ll be filing soon. Save yourself a lot of resources (money, time, peace) and end it. But pls fight for custody. She’s unfit to be a mother at this time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 11:17 PM
18

Desperately needed to read this today. Thank you, internet stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 12:07 PM
1

Good to know. Probably a good reason to speak with more than one attorney before picking one. Guy told me anything over 20 years of marriage meant alimony for life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:55 PM
1

Exact same situation here minus an apartment building. 25 year marriage. She was mostly a SAHM. Now making $70k. Last kid out next month. Marriage will likely not make it. Based on what I’ve learned, laws can vary wildly by state. I’m in Massachusetts and an initial consultation with a lawyer indicates everything will be split 50/50 and I will owe her alimony for as long as I live to “maintain the lifestyle to which she is accustomed.” Def talk with an accountant and a lawyer before doing anythi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:41 PM
1

Also in MA. Haven’t filed but have talked with a lawyer. He told me 50/50 no matter how much I had before marriage. I’ve come to learn that MA is very harsh on primary breadwinners.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:11 PM
7

Wow did this hit home. I’m in the exact same spot. Have been in counseling (marriage and individual) for a bit now. My counselor said, “Yes, it’ll be expensive, but what’s your happiness worth?” Happy to keep in contact via DM as bro support. Feel free to reach out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 11:46 AM
5

Not the OP but I might as well have written his post. This is an excellent reply. Thank you internet stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 11:41 AM
2

I’m sure you taught them lying was bad. I’m sure they know this. But try really hard to put yourself in the mind of a child. (They are still children.) I’m sure they were terrified of hurting your feelings and/or disappointing you. So they just turtled.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:47 PM
3

Ok. This is a tough one. First of all, you’re absolutely entitled to how you feel. Lost, betrayed, disappointed, etc. However, 14 is still young. Executive decision making and the processing of emotions/feelings are still not fully developed. Clearly they weren’t comfortable being fully honest with you, and they just didn’t know how to approach it….so they remained silent to you. Allow yourself to work through the process of this disappointment. If it were me, I’d be working very hard to establi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:22 PM
1

How old are your children?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 04:59 PM
2

Tough call. It sounds like you want to try marriage counseling. Only advice I have is this… If you do go to marriage counseling, set a rough timeline. We’ve been in for four years. At the start of therapy, we weren’t even friends. We’ve rebuilt our friendship but things have stalled (basically a roommate marriage at this point). If I were you, I’d give couples counseling no more than a year and make your decision.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:56 PM
2

Interesting perspective, especially that last sentence. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 10:18 AM
1

Yeah I’ve been in individual counseling for two years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 10:26 PM
1

Thank you for this perspective. I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 06:26 PM
1

Zero. And honestly I don’t think I have any interest in that. I guess that speaks volumes. Or do I try it and see if it helps? If not, the answer will be clear.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 04:08 PM
3

Cliff notes. Mental illness, childhood trauma and addiction on her side. She has done the work on herself and is much better. Clean and sober, on the right meds, etc. But it has taken its toll on the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 02:25 PM
3

Thx. I think it’s actually me that has moved on. She desperately wants to make it work. Still your point is spot on and what I probably needed to hear. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 12:09 PM
2

Five years 😳
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 12:00 PM
2

Could I possibly message you? I have questions about 401k and house proceeds. I haven’t started the process just yet.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 06:36 PM
3

Wow man. This spoke to me. Still married but contemplating divorce. My kids are almost grown and flown but a lot of damage has been done over the years. She’s finally getting long overdue help but I’m not sure if things will work out. DMs are open if you’d like to chat more.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 03:23 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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