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BoxingChoirgal Archive

View 3 posts and 160 comments by BoxingChoirgal on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
380

Mama SaidBoxingChoirgal/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:10 PM
376

DISCUSSIONBoxingChoirgal/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 10:42 PM
93

MOOD FOR LIFEBoxingChoirgal/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:20 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I love your take on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/22 03:21 AM
3

Groomed is not the same as hairless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/22 07:39 PM
222

Funny story on this topic. I've (58/f) been celibate almost 3 years, preferring it to LV sex. (there have been offers) I've had a #1 contender for over a year now and have been very patient with him. (He is a HVM but with serious health concerns. So the jury is still out on whether or not we will go forward). Since he has not been up to the task of a relationship, we have not consummated and it is understood that if other options present themselves I would consider getting involved with a differ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 05:48 AM
50

Exactly this. Earlier generations of women didn't have as much of a choice but there were a few ways in which the bar was higher. They were not expected to have sex with anyone who bought them a cup of coffee. And their suitors were expected to be able to support a family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 02:15 AM
7

This was beautifully written.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 04:36 AM
90

Your Mom and women like her have made it so much harder for women in our generation. By the time they reach mid-life and beyond, men our age believe that honest women like me (who have NEVER faked it) have something wrong with us -- bc all of the other women they have been with would "cum so easily." I have told my own daughters never to fake it (we are close as well). One of them may be gay/non-binary. So I am glad to know that at least one of my kids will most likely have a satisfying sex life…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 04:50 AM
70

I have always known this but it took me more than half a lifetime to live it/ implement it. PLEASE women, save your time and energy. Adopt this policy!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 06:37 PM
250

OMG I (58/f) have too many! Pardon the lengthy tale. Top three among maybe a half dozen over the course of a lifetime. Mr. Noodle We were exclusive for 4+ years, he ended it. I was hurt, he was remorseful and it was a sad but amicable parting. Once I was healed we kept a friendly connection. Years passed. He became ill with cancer. I was part of his support group, taking a key role at one point. Much in need of tlc (and of course financial support, etc), He wanted to reunite as a couple. I Passe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:22 PM
8

😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:11 PM
24

YES. Next Level Truth: If he ain't planning, he's playing (not mine, I think Steve Harvey originated it)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 09:30 PM
19

Amen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 09:29 PM
13

😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 09:29 PM
43

Great for you, and YAY! (Actually I too felt them in my 40's, suffered some major setbacks, but now feel them stronger than ever) I've got another Nature metaphor for you, which I developed after hearing too many times that I should "Go with the flow" (Usually a male manipulation to have things go according to his whim). Since they are so fond of attributing undesirable behavior to "BiOlOgY":In Nature, the only thing that "goes with the flow" all the time is a Dead Fish. We are neither pond sedi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 07:05 PM
308

Love This. I(58) may have looked better in some ways in my 30's/40's, but I still attract attention/desire and I wouldn't trade my wrinkles and softer body for the personal fortitude and wisdom that comes with the privilege of aging. And, as noted above, romance in the 30's made the 20's look like the shit-show it was. Sure, your early adult years are exciting and full of promise. But I looked better, made better money, and lived healthier in my late 20's/30's than any time prior to that. The 40…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:45 PM
53

Deleted my previous bc it was full of voice errors and inadvertently posted too soon. So sorry to hear this about your friend, and you bring up such an interesting point about a certain type of man. I remember in my youth being at first surprised and then just disgusted and saddened by the educated young men I knew who thought and behaved this way. These are men who will call out their male friends on racism, homophobia Etc. But when it came to cultural misogyny -- crickets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 02:02 PM
4

Fascinating. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 01:31 PM
16

I appreciate your honesty and share your frustration. I hesitate to voice it, over concern at being misogynistic and letting men off the hook -- which also leads to giving Women the responsibility for being the only ones with standards, thereby having yet another JOB to do when it comes to men: having to train them like dog-owners or be the ones blamed when they behave badly. All that said? Well, there's no denying it: If more women had higher standards, more men would stop treating women poorly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:22 AM
18

I weep for the younger generations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 09:56 PM
19

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 09:55 PM
3

🤭🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:26 PM
7

Those robots would get pretty smelly too. I doubt LVM would be vigilant about cleaning and maintenance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:07 PM
2

🙏🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 04:52 PM
3

Hey, glad to know this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:45 PM
16

Thank you for that. I hesitated to post because it really was just me sort of ruminating. but I appreciate the conversation it has spawned!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:41 PM
5

No worries. thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:22 PM
25

Yes, thank you. To clarify: I never stated that I Agree or Believe that women and children always have been unfairly prioritized. I am aware of plenty of examples of this not being the case. I brought it up as a subject because of my family conversation as well as my observations of the general grumbling among misandry-claimers. From what I can tell If/when women and children were protected, even then it seems to have been because they have had value as men's assets, not because their intrinsic …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 12:55 PM
113

eloquent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 03:12 AM
67

Thank you. Insightful, and 100% honest
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:02 AM
50

So well expressed. Thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 12:51 AM
51

yes, so it comes down to logic/practicality , not women's lives being valued more. It's just the most sensible way to handle a terrible situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:36 PM
79

Too true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:35 PM
24

Exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:34 PM
54

Sadly Brilliant, and exactly why the dubious and banal advice to CoMuNiCaTe is so so so NOT the best thing to do...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:45 AM
28

As you say, an excellent source of info. , straight from the horses A**. Thank you for the field work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:11 PM
19

OMG YES. This!! Why do they hate when you are smarter than them, and instantly flip it to make it a flaw of YOURS? Like, the minute you reveal that you have a profession or education that might mean a higher IQ than theirs, they need to immediately confirm that you can't change a tire or wire up a house generator or something USEFUL . .. to knock you down a peg. The older you get the worse they can be. I (f/58) had a "one date wonder" with a guy who visibly , physically, shrank when he learned t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 05:25 PM
21

Good for you. I have been off OLD/Apps for 3.5 YEARS and don't miss them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:25 PM
17

YAY, This!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:45 AM
17

perfectly put
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:49 AM
19

brilliant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:48 AM
40

This cannot be overemphasized. Double standards to the extreme
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:44 AM
17

yep
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:43 AM
12

So True!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:42 AM
336

Yeah.. "brutally honest" is pretty much code for having a mean streak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 07:57 PM
237

Right, women are expected to "snap back" to pre-pregnancy dimensions. Because mothers have nothing else to worry about and should not "let themselves go." Yet "Dad Bods" are somehow a good thing.. S.M.H.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:34 PM
87

If we start with the premise that, for too many men, women are a "necessary" need-meeting appliance, that they resent wanting us... (which I believe is at the root of their false claim that women's desirability for sex and other need-meeting functions means we are UnFaIrLy Valued for who we are rather than what we provide..) , and they often do not see us as fully Human as they perceive men to be --- then none of what follows will come as a surprise, including the above. It only stands to reason…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 02:57 PM
21

Women have wanted this forever, it's no secret. It's only the wealthy/royal who do it routinely. When I(58f) was young (from age 22 onward) I stopped having roommates and would compromise on location in order to afford my own place. Of course historically Women living alone have been looked on with suspicion... and as recently as the70s, in many places a single woman would not be given a lease regardless of her finances. I lived alone , both before and after raising my family. Wouldn't have it a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:57 AM
51

The next tier of this is dynamic: The men complaining that the Gottman Institute study which successfully predicted a marriage's success or failure -- depending on whether a man "accepts influence" from his wife -- is unfairly targeting men. The POINT of the study is that most women automatically accept influence/compromise/meet half-way/provide emotional support and participate fairly Just By Nature Of Being In The Relationship! We have been trained to do so. Usually to a fault. So, when proble…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:18 AM
37

hideous. I was livid, cried with her. She still lives in Pennsyltucky, I left yrs ago. in our rural/hometown area she couldn't find a lawyer to take her case. gave up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:02 AM
85

Exactly right, she was a very youthful mid40-something and instantly went into menopause, has been on hormone replacement therapy etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 01:39 AM
23

That about sums it up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:10 PM
316

Color me UNsurprised. I have a middle-aged cousin who needed an ovary removed. One ovary. The male surgeon removed both ovaries. and her uterus. The doc and her husband couldn't understand why she made such a big deal about it, since they already have their children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 09:25 PM
13

So important to remember.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:16 PM
214

Actually, in truth men often spin which cheating is worse, to suit their narrative: If he is the cheater and it's not physical "at least I didn't fuck her, it could be worse." If he is the cheater and it's physical: "at least I don't love her, it could be worse" If She is the cheater and it's either one: "OMFG I can never look at you the same way again, this is devastating!!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:15 PM
24

Honestly, when looking at the sentence "Your a bitch" I still am torn between whether the slur or the grammatical error is more offensive. It's just who I am and I embrace the standard. Same with excessive use of abbreviations instead of words. Reading an over-abbreviated text is like talking to a drunk or a cretin. I used to think I shouldn't be so judgmental but.. Nah. I don't like it, and as others have said it's low effort to simply communicate correctly. so I pass on a man who can't express…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 11:53 PM
15

I tell my daughters this all the time, and have years of experience to back it up. I never hesitate to push back on the nonsensical posts griping about how it's an unfair burden on men and women should pursue. No. Men won't refuse easy sex/attention/etc., even if they Don't Like You. Their saying YES when a woman pursues means NOTHING. Women on the other hand, when pursued by a man whom they also want to be with, are a safer bet in that we sincerely want to explore a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:44 PM
3

Well put! And, due to my experience, I prefer the idea of a man who can't run back to his Ex as a couple of them did (mercenary as that may seem on my part) -- also that he isn't harboring resentment that gets played out in our relationship. Bereavement grief is Absolute, and in some ways less complex/tainted than divorce grief.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 09:40 PM
4

In my earlier post-divorce years, i agreed with you on point number one. Then I dated a few men who, in spite of being fathers, were utterly unable to relate to parenting struggles. So, my experience completely refuted that theory. Because even though they had children , these men had not been very involved parents. Still concur with your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs, 100%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 02:02 PM
73

Yep. Saw that and couldn't hold back in my comments. It's self-abnegation to such a degree , hard to believe it's REAL!? We can only hope it's fake but if not, well. Damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 09:01 PM
68

At my age (58) the majority of available men are divorced. As a young woman prior to marriage and children, I wanted no part of a divorced man or man with kids. Relationships can be hard enough, why ask for more problems?? It would have to have been an EXCEPTIONAL man with kids/an ex-wife that I would have been with. My preferences based on experience: When I was divorced in my mid-40's and my kids were young-ish, I wanted someone who had kids (but not younger than mine please), because it would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 04:59 PM
8

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 01:32 AM
16

Good on you. And, if not available nearby, find similar groups in the nearest area and help transport to them. It's going to be important for people in areas immediately bordering the worst states to provide resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 11:54 PM
120

Sure. http://www.havencoalition.org/ It's a non-profit that helps women who need to travel for abortions. You can volunteer to host, etc. I have room for someone to sleep over and work flexibility so I can drive to/from the procedure. We need to build a strong underground railroad for people who need abortions and are lacking resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 10:50 PM
63

I plan to volunteer through the Haven Coalition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:58 PM
11

And yet, should he (predictably) find himself not up to the task of leveling up for the woman he thinks he wants, it will be HER fault for TrYiNg To ChAnGe HiM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:23 PM
23

I want to print this, Frame it, and give to both of my young adult daughters for Christmas. Brava.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:06 PM
19

It IS "Just The Way Things Are" for those of us who are post-menopausal and looking for high quality relief/help with functionality. (and, for the record, I am one of the lucky ones, in my late 50's and needing very little intervention in order to continue enjoying a healthy sex life) I have a good female Gyno who prescribes low-dose Bio-Identical hormone therapy (Safer/low risk in terms of breast cancer etc) but it's not as simple or affordable as it is for men my age to get Viagra. Also, (with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:16 AM
177

Just a Big THANK YOU. Their irrational, dumbass idea that the vagina changes over time due to sex partners, but somehow the magic Peen doesn't? F. F. S. I sprain eye muscles due to the unstoppable Rolling of Retina etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:17 AM
6

Oh, this is rampant in the medical field. I now see ONLY female doctors and am absolutely fearless about speaking up for myself and getting 2nd, 3rd or 4th opinions. The older we get, the worse it gets. Even if you are believed, your life just isn't Valued anyway. I swear, it's like they may have a passing thought that you might truly be ill, but they don't CARE and don't want to deal with you. (after all, a women of a certain age isn't of any use anymore, right?) I have a story. Years ago I got…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 02:15 AM
1

yep. sigh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 04:39 PM
21

Happy to. Thanks . I love that FDS is one of the few reddit relationship subs that is not both ageist and misogynistic. The IATA post referred to here makes it horrifyingly clear that men's feelings/preferences are always put first, way ahead of women's feelings or of fairness in general. sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:11 PM
6

Yeah. Sometimes being the one who doesn't "fit in" is a high compliment..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:11 PM
19

Yep, and do you notice how I am getting downvoted/ignored and seem to have been called an AH by someone -- for having the audacity to point out Truth!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:07 PM
9

;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 03:16 PM
146

Oh yes, This. I could not resist commenting on that thread and assuring her that not only was she NOT the asshole, but that I don't buy this guy's "anxiety" thing. The way I have seen it play out, it's not a matter of men being "shy," it's that somehow they think it's unmanly to send back food or correct a mistake on their plate. It's the woman's "job" to be the fussy one. If OP had played into his game, I could just see him making apologetic/"It's SHE who has the problem, not me" eye contact/sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 03:07 PM
60

Oh yes. I remember that well. Also the strategy of: If you don't want to end up having sex that night, but are afraid you will cave in and do so, then don't shave and wear ugly/old/stained "grannie panties." ...because of course your Will and self-care aren't as strong as your Shame-based thinking -- in which your sexual function is centered on how you look, For Him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:55 PM
14

Yep. Women's relationship and dating advice has always centered around how we can do better, what we are doing wrong, our own self-improvement, and of course the Non-Stop guidance on how to please a man, Etc. Men's advice seems skewed more around blaming women for their disappointment and moaning about how everything is unfair to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:13 PM
15

truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 05:19 AM
48

a lazy/entitled one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 05:10 AM
257

L o v i n g This. Also an important distinction and reason why FDS is SO. very much NOT Femcel or anything close... "...While female dating strategy has been compared to pick-up artistry for the way it “gamifies” dating, Savannah believes FDS “isn’t about trying to manipulate men into trying to behave a certain way … it’s more about finding a man who is comfortable with you having boundaries and standards, and who understands how to treat a woman.” Uh, yes, that's putting it very politely. But t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 05:09 AM
11

smart
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:51 AM
48

Yep. They're supposed to show up and complete a task. For pay. Usually very good pay. But they act like they're responding to a bat ear signal in the sky and should be compensated like superheroes coming to the rescue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:51 AM
96

I know right? The last time I had a Tradesman in the house I excused myself to go back to my computer, and he made a presumptive remark about my being on Social Media. I briefly explained to him that in fact I had a zoom meeting with an immigration lawyer my boss had contracted to consult with me on writing National Exemption Waivers to obtain travel permission for Talent that my employer wanted to book into the country during the pandemic. ( ...which is not to say that I owed him an explanation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:41 AM
107

Hey Thanks. I tend to lurk a lot, and only post when I feel I can keep up/have a relevant comment that adds to the discussion. One great thing (among many) about FDS: it isn't as ageist as other relationship forums on Reddit. Feedback like yours makes me realize that I had grown accustomed to my opinions being considered less important because I am over 50. This sub is wonderful. I share with my Gen Z daughters all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 12:09 AM
48

Perfect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:45 PM
178

In Nature females are ViSuAl creatures. Look no further than the wonderful world of birds. Female selection has led to the best looking males procreating: The brighter the feathers and better the song and dance performance, nest-building etc the more successful the male. So, how bout it guys? Let's see what you've got! Dance for me, studmuffin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:23 PM
423

Even when men participate, they tend to cherry-pick their domestic work , i.e. mowing the lawn or taking the car for an oil change (not that my Ex did either of those, but based on observation) and pretend it equals or is more important than the day-to-day tasks that most women/mothers handle. Taking out one bag of garbage is NOT the equivalent of 3 hours of shopping/prep/cooking, followed by kitchen/dining room clean-up and putting leftovers away. (Let's not get started on the expectation of an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:13 PM
14

100% this. It's not only your generation, though perhaps more of an issue now that housing is more universally unaffordable. In the 80's/90's NYC as a young woman, I insisted on having my own space. That meant compromising on neighborhood, but it was WORTH IT. I was the exception among my late 20's/early 30's friends when I insisted on moving in with a man only AFTER marriage. In fact, we kept separate places for a little while during those early months following the wedding. Actually it was nic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 11:20 AM
89

The most salient point about this "logical" approach is that , so often -- after YEARS in a serious relationship -- MEN will say that they are "just not feeling it" in terms of commitment. And that is supposed to be OK. Where as a woman who is just not feeling it in terms of sex on the 3rd date is somehow creating a hardship for him. S.. M.. H..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:30 PM
181

I grew up knowing about Chappaquiddick. The story that proved beyond a doubt that rich white men could get away with murder (especially that of a lesser being, such as a woman) in plain sight. Over the years, I also saw / experienced the general mindset that we should accept Ted as a democratic force in the senate and overlook his "past."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 03:38 AM
6

Born in the mid/late 1950s to mid 1960s. (I was born in 1963) We truly do not relate at all to Boomers and missed out on some of the privilege/advantages they had. But nor do we relate to Gen X, either. This sort of a middle child personality compared with the ones we are sandwiched between. https://www-considerable-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.considerable.com/life/people/generation-jones-group-boomers-gen-x/amp/?amp_js_v=a6&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#aoh=16254896373360&refer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:58 PM
19

Too true. It was bad for me (Generation Jones - cusp between Boomers and Xr's. But for my Gen Z daughters? Shitshow, no joke. ...Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 02:08 PM
15

You are so right. I know of a very happy long term marriage, between a 5'9" woman and a 5'4" man. He's not especially good looking either. His loving and happy/self confident attitude made his height and other less than perfect attributes irrelevant. He has always adored her and Has sometimes even joked about their high difference.. I remember when He went through a bow tie phase. She gently said perhaps you want to wear a tie that would have a more lengthening effect on your torso.. He looked a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:08 PM
10

haha. yes. Don't Be Sediment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:48 AM
181

Oh Stop it. lifetime of experience here. I have been a heterosexual woman from1986 onward (earlier if you count the college years) There were times when I was young and conventionally beautiful , lacking in patience, when I would do such a thing as approach a man. it never ended well. N e v e r. Even when the man in question thought he was blessed with a gorgeous enthusiastic lover, and followed up by accepting my initial offer,.. I ended up undervalued in the relationship. 100% of the time. Bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:46 AM
69

Just. Wow. Truly, I (older, 57 y/o) spent too many years thinking I needed to be "fair" and give shorter men a chance regardless of my attraction/lack thereof. WASTE o f T i m e!! And I tell my daughters nonstop not to DARE Settle. Settling is for, Well.. SEDIMENT. And what is sediment? It is just pond scum or microscopic flotsam that is aimlessly floating in stale waterways. Do. Not. Be. Sediment. Show me something that "settles" or "Goes With the Flow" in Nature and I'll show you Pond Scum OR …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:07 AM
10

Truly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:56 AM
10

57 y/o here. My 22 y/o daughter was hit on today, on the nyc subway, (and of course totally creeped out) by a man who is much closer to my age than hers but who would nevertheless not consider me as a potential date. It's bad out there. No doubt. Why? Because they are delusional, entitled (due to demographics favoring them compared with women the same age) , or generally bitter/seeking domination/revenge after divorce, etc. Humans grow older. Women have a tendency to respond to this with accepta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:38 AM
143

Okay, after seeing this I have no need to further scroll today. T h a n k Y o u. Now I must share. My most memorable short fellow who was also under-endowed (My private nickname for him was "Tom Thumb") was 5'5" at best. He did some things Right in the beginning so I gave it a chance. HOWEVER, just a few months in, he was suggesting that I try cross-training, making comments about what I ate, and eventually -- when I openly said that he seemed to have some issues about my body -- admitted that h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:11 AM
12

Okay. No. Just. N tF O. Do NOT lower your standard Young Beauties of FDS. I am Generation Jones (look it up) . Longterm post-divorce and Not entirely out of the dating scene, though pretty sure about my HVM and my final Life's Trimester with him... But nevermind about me.. And I am one of those moms who consistently tells my 19 and 20-something daughters to NEVER settle for 50-50, FWB, Unclear relationship status, cheap dates, hook-ups, and the other NoNsEnSe that is happening in the younger gen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:01 AM
18

Good for You!! You are in good company. As someone who has always tackled those things (My Ex-husband's sport was Chess and he would rather pay a handyman than change a lightbulb) ... Not only are those kinds of jobs fun, they are more naturally rewarding than typical domestic "women's work." Men have a way of wrongly equating oil changes, yard work, handyman projects etc with chores like cleaning and childcare, etc. Big difference. You assemble a bookshelf ONCE. You mow the lawn in the fresh ai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 01:46 AM
5

Yes, I have always done at least this much. Do what I love doing, and sometimes invite him. Not wait around and miss out bc he didn't suggest it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:19 PM
218

Nailed it. If I could provide one edit: Casual accountability for THEM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 12:49 AM
37

I pray for you and I am humbled by you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 05:19 AM
1

omg You made my Day. Thanks so much. xx
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:56 AM
1

I met my ex-husband at work. It was a big company and we were in different buildings, so that helped us keep it low-key in the beginning. We worked in different departments and Neither of us was a "superior" to the other, so that helped as well. And, before we started a relationship, I had him commit to an agreement: Either we were serious and destined for marriage, OR, if it ended then HE had to leave and find a different job. My reasoning was that it had taken me longer to find a good position…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 12:05 AM
67

He was often away/on business travel all week. When home on weekends or if he was otherwise home more often, he spent time with them of course, but usually with me around as well. My point was that post-divorce he would be ALONE with them (presumably, at least for some of the time) without my assistance. He loved his kids, and has always been financially supportive. And he was not ready or cut out for intensive domestic family life, not up to the day-to-day care of kids. (He had grown up with 2 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 12:28 PM
141

I said to my Ex when we were drawing up our separation agreement: "You'll be alone with the kids , at least twice a month for an entire day or 2. You're going to spend more time one-on-one with them after we divorce than you do now!" It was true. Also, the part about extended Family involvement is so important. My family was long distance. Aside from the occasional friend visit the only help I had was paid help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 11:22 AM
2

Thank you! I've known him for many years but never dated him until now. We met at a boxing gym in the early nineties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:57 AM
2

thanks and Cheers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:28 AM
11

I am sure others have said similar things but my metaphor , for years and as mentioned in a post here has been " panning for gold in a sewer. " At worst online dating is every bit as disgusting and demoralizing as described in this sub. At "best," On the rare occasion you meet someone and have a relationship (as I did in 2018), You are at a disadvantage from the start and all the way through. The guy just never feels a significant level of respect and accountability toward you. You are at a disa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:17 AM
3

Thank you so much. I am really glad I decided to share and wish you every happiness as well. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 01:26 AM
5

Thanks again for the encouragement. I had no idea it would be so well received!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 01:25 AM
15

Oh Honey. You have only Just Begun!!! I was DisEngaged at 24, surrendered to singlehood at 30, married at 33, divorced at 40something, and so on... Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful, and never surrender your standards.!! Thanks so much. xx
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 12:15 AM
3

Thanks so much! x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 10:03 PM
5

Thank you So much. ha! xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 09:31 PM
10

Hey, I love your attitude. HA!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:59 PM
9

Thank you and I Truly hope the same for your mother. FDS is a gold mine for young women, and I am concerned that too many women my age have given up and believe that high standards are only for the young and beautiful. Not. So.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:37 PM
8

Thank you. I am SO happy I decided to Share!! Being of a certain age, sometimes you just grudgingly surrender to your your role as Backdrop. LOVE this community. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:34 PM
4

Thank you Sister. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:33 PM
4

Thank you so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:10 PM
10

Thank you so much and by all means never give up hope. Never compromise, but always keep hope alive! xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:09 PM
53

I want to add... Please BELIEVE ME when I say I know your plight. In case it helps, here is my post-divorce track record (all unfolding while struggling with under-employment, and being forced to move myself and my daughters a few times): Met a man thru mutual friends in 2010. I was a full year post-divorce, i had spent a good deal of time alone, and was ready for a relationship. We hit it off. Within weeks I fully disclosed that I was looking for commitment only, did NOT need him to be Dad to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:08 PM
6

hahaa. Thanks so much! xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:39 PM
12

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:37 PM
45

Oh how I DO Empathize. If not for this man cropping up (and, truly, while I do believe we will spend the rest of our lives together, I have enough midlife & Beyond shitstorm from hell relationship experience to know that the rug can get pulled out from under you at any time) I was prepared to spend the rest of my life partner-less. It takes a lot of fortitude to reject the negative, devaluing messages that society and especially men send to women who are no longer young. Please please actively l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 05:40 PM
32

omg Thank you. So much. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 05:27 PM
18

Thank you! xx
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:58 PM
51

Thank you. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:50 PM
54

Thank you for your concern. The man has been fully vetted. I met him over 30 years ago (we never dated, but were friendly and occasionally saw one another in passing, got together for group events). I know both is Ex and some mutual friends. No worries. No jinxes. Nothing is perfect but this one is Real. p.s. "So what He has money?" He has more to offer than money. But money Does matter. Life throws curveballs, financial crises, unexpected expenses -- one of my kids got really sick for a few yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:45 PM
3

Hey Thanks ShieldMaidenLagertha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 01:29 AM
13

Lived it. I would Still call him an HVM but my ex husband had to buy his way out of certain responsibilities. So he did. Moments after the wedding ceremony my mother-in-law had grabbed my arm and said "you'll want to hire a handyman and if you have kids get a good sitter for when you can't be with them, even if he's home. That way you won't come home to a mess." God Bless her. No regrets. The divorce terms were reasonable and she and I are still friendly. Plus I have 2 gorgeous smart Gen Z daugh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:13 PM
80

Call me Unsurprised. Having reached an age (57) where I have witnessed friends and relatives sicken and die, I can anecdotally confirm what I have read about statistics on married people who get critically ill. When the husband is sick his wife generally devotes herself to his care. Men who are ill and married usually have better health outcomes than single men. A critically ill woman who is married stands no better chance of survival than a single woman, and often has a more complicated situati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 11:25 AM
10

Oh but the resounding double standards... The same people who blame women for "revenge porn" and other exposure brought on by their being either victimized or unwise, ..I'm gonna guess those are the ones who think it's "tacky" to give men a taste of what it's like to feel vulnerable about what you share. Welcome to our world guys. If you don't want everyone to see it, maybe don't do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:23 PM
31

Yep. So well said. Some of us are slow learners. At 57 years old and Not especially financially secure, I nevertheless am pickier than ever. 10+ years of post-divorce single life has taught me many lessons (most of them directly resonating with this sub). My last serious relationship ended in 2019 and I am not in a hurry to partner up. In that case, i repeatedly demonstrated astonishing red flag blindness. One cringingly stark example: On our first date I asked him what he'd been reading lately.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:08 PM
36

Exactly This. If leveraging sex appeal were as powerful as men claim it is, then strippers, sex workers, and only fans gals would be running Wall Street, governments, and all major corporations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 12:54 PM
7

It's questions (?!?!) like this that make me weep for the younger generations. If my daughter came to me with this situation I would shake her by her dumbass shoulders. And if that shitheel she had been catering to was anywhere within reach I would slap him silly. What the hell is going on? The bar has sunk so low you'd have to go spelunking to find it!!! ... While you're at it how about dredging up your self-esteem from the abyss? FFS, Men are Dogs. Get it through your head. They must be manage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:49 PM
15

How about "no drama, no games?" Code for LVM who can't deal with emotional intelligence and being held accountable to hold up his end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 02:44 AM
62

Right. But "women are too emotional." Men literally Off themselves (and/or Other people) bc they can't handle difficult feelings. Yet somehow the answer ISN'T that men should change the way they handle anger and sadness, it's that women/the world should contort itself to shield these men from their own messed up emotionality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 12:59 PM
148

Agreed. and I have done the same. After my divorce (in my late 40's, 10+yrs ago) I have noticed a steady increase in the expectation of nudes from men. NOTE: This HAS NOT happened so much with men I met incidentally -- at an event, through friends, etc. I no longer use APP's/OLD and believe that (among other pitfalls) it creates a sense of entitlement + lack of personal accountability toward women among male users. They really give ZERO fucks about you. Even if they don't envision a relationship…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 12:11 AM
5

Yep. Remember gals: It's supposed to be a Wedding, not an Adoption Ceremony.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 11:56 PM
124

100% This. As an older women who has NOT lost my sex drive (quite the opposite) but has grown uninterested in bad/unsatisfying sex, my observation is that women do not have lower libidos. It's just that we naturally lose interest in something that we don't stand to gain any pleasure from. AND, as you astutely point out: Foreplay happens 24/7. Being actively cared for, connected to, respected by and valued by someone who is also taking care of his personal health and hygiene are Foundational Basi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 09:59 PM
19

Frustrating that there is no follow up as to whether she took legal action. He needs to be stopped and punished.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 07:37 PM
34

Hideous. And it was even worse (yes) than just slugs. He tampered with her meds (replacing them with salt) and more. Link Here: https://www.distractify.com/p/slug-poison-food-aita
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 06:47 PM
8

Yep. And he was far from the worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 06:01 PM
52

Only after finishing my drink and entree, and ordering dessert to take home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 01:34 PM
63

Don't need to imagine. Lived it. Never again. Fact: Having No sex is better than having unsatisfying sex. Your mind is clearer, your mood calmer, and your Bed stays cleaner. p.s. Vibrators don't fart in their sleep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 01:05 PM
74

On one of several first/last dates post-divorce (dating at mid-life and beyond is every bit as horrible as you could imagine, and then some) I was asked if I would consider a boob job. First Date . In the middle of the entrée . My facial expression was all he needed to know how receptive (NOT) I was to the idea. Yet instead of apologizing he doubled down on the subject! Mentioned that he had been "generous" in paying for his ex-wife's boobs and now some other guys were enjoying them. Just. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 12:54 PM
3

Thank you and seeing the younger generation wake up and Do Better for yourselves is reassuring. Time is precious. Too much gets wasted on LVM. I am okay, and learned a lot along the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 05:46 PM
15

CONGRATS. Generational advantage here. It was nothing but a RELIEF to delete the Apps. I came of dating age in the 80's/90's, so it's not as if the Apps felt natural to me from the get-go anyway. Sure, there were plenty of LVM when I was young as well. BUT it was harder for them to hide their shittiness. Post-Divorce 2010 - 2020 I put in a thorough tour of duty on the sites/Apps. You think they're all trash when you're still young? Try dating App's when you're over 50 . Holy MOLY. Jaw-droppingly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:41 PM
2

Stay strong! I found pulse therapy was very effective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 01:54 PM
6

Yeah, and if it hadn't been for my OBGyn who knows how long it would have taken. By her estimate I went undiagnosed for at least a year , probably longer. But I do feel that I am one of the lucky ones. It's a dreadful disease.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 01:50 PM
59

OH yes. I was a youthful energetic 40something year old. Could easily run a 10k, and was a popular fitness coach at a local studio. Also I was a generally well-read, alert and aware person. Happily raising 2 kids and working part-time. Educated, professional. Involved in the community, vibrant. Loved hiking and gardening. Suddenly my period stopped, at the same time I lost 90% of my energy. I had debilitating joint pain and weirdass neuropathy symptoms. (Like, my hands would feel like they were …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 05:45 AM
7

He had it. It was noted as his cause of death in his obit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:24 AM
14

Absolutely. I can make sure my daughters never go through what I did. That's a powerful comfort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 07:27 PM
24

Ah, thanks so much. Honestly I'm great. Loving Life. It was long ago and far away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:38 PM
84

Omg, Thank You for this. I never imagined I could receive this kind of insight so long after the fact! It was a lifetime ago (1984) when I hit bottom-level NVM in a toxic relationship. Best kept secret: He was abusive AF. BUT he presented as a super-sensitive/depressive/ occasionally suicidal Pity Case. A poet. Always needing a loan. Always misunderstood by his bosses and family. And I was always sassy, independent, full of life... nobody would have guessed what was going on. Once he had me and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:14 PM
66

Oh it's not only men. My blood ran cold when talking with my sister. We are in our 50's and have young adult kids going to college; I have 2 girls, she has 2 boys. I shared with her that I worried about my beautiful, innocent daughters experiencing parties, boys, etc. I asked her if she had concerns, especially as her older son was going to a big sports school on a soccer scholarship. She enthusiastically agreed, and said "Omg, YES. I mean, I told him not to trust those girls at parties. They ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 02:35 PM
9

My, my. I wonder who the lucky gal is... god help her. Unwittingly (does he have any other gear?) he articulates the essential nature of the problem: Not only do men want standards to be set that revolve around Their Lowest, most lazy/selfish impulses, but --- they are enraged by women expecting a modicum of respect and consideration. Anything other than a complacent/lobotomized fuck-doll/bang maid is such a hardship for him. Wow. I weep for my young daughters. Oh, And: I got something to put in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 06:33 PM
7

Yep. My first daughter was born after a 36 hour labor from hell and emergency C-Section. The next day my MIL pokes her head in the hospital room door and says I look awful. I respond that I know, and it was a 36 hour labor. Her response: "Oh my God, 36 hours and [husband's name] didnt eat?!?!" ( guess I should have made him a sandwich in between contractions) Believe it or not there was a second child. And when she was born it wasn't easy either. But this time there was a 3 year old at home. I h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:03 PM
1

Classic! I was in 8th grade in the late 70's when my Aunt/Godmother brought me along to my first march on Washington, in support of the Equal Rights Amendment. We lost, but it was an indelible experience. She bought me a blue stretchy t-shirt with cap-sleeves and this quote on the front. I wore it til it fell apart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 06:42 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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