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Canadian_builder1081 Archive

View 1 posts and 96 comments by Canadian_builder1081 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
81

Canadian_builder1081/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:24 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

See this same pattern of events on this sub constantly. Women decides she’s done, and its on the man to move out, scramble to find a bed and accommodate her. Can we please stop normalizing this and learn to stand up for ourselves? If she wants out, make her find alternative accommodation. Its your bed, you sleep in it (pun intended).
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 03:37 PM
3

Appreciate that mate. We’re all here battling something. Its a great community and as sad as it is, sometimes misery loves company. It helps, but also hurts to know others are going through it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:24 PM
3

Mate this is a tough one. You cant make someone do the work if they don’t want to, but it’s also really difficult letting someone fully go. My stbxw sounds similar. I thought she was chronically depressed for a long time and no matter how many times i asked her to go talk to someone she refused. It wasn’t until a year after we separated that she started getting help/medication and somewhat addressing it. We’ve talked recently about seeing if there was still something there to salvage (we have ki…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 04:05 PM
18

People change, they grow, they learn about themselves, their likes and dislikes. Maybe you just grew apart i stead of growing together….. That said, anger is one of the important stages to go through in the grief process. Embrace it, lean into it, but try not to react on it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 03:42 PM
5

I feel you man. I still get this feeling and im 2.5 years post separation. Last night at drop-off she was being really nice, considerate, etc. i told her i still miss her and dont know that i’ll ever understand why she quit us vs trying to save our family. Her response was “i wish you the best”. Felt so cold. Time heals all wounds (so i keep reminding myself)
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:12 PM
1

Yup, i pretty much lost myself in the marriage and she was the main source of companionship for me. I Ditched my hobbies and friends mostly to make sure i was home with the kids. I prioritized being a dad, did the bedtime routine, baths, activities etc which left very little time for me. Turned into a “nice guy” while making her the source of my happieness. Learjing the hard way now to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 09:32 PM
2

Sometimes I’ve been direct. Like when the bill comes i’ll take it and say “I’ve got this one, you can get the next one”. Other times it’s been something we’ve chatted about over dinner (new world relationship dynamics, etc).
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:57 PM
5

Easy. You’re a piece of shit bringing 4 kids into this world and then doing this to them. No reason in the world could justify what you’ve done. And you say your wife is great. Wow. You have some serious issues to work through man. Oh and 99.9% of relationships started from adultery end in misery. I pity the realization that will hit you explaining this to your kids when they’re older. Get yourself into counselling, join a mens group to learn how to be a man, and do everything you can to save yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:35 PM
2

Sounds like you’re feeling every piece of this grief, which as painful as it is, is actually really healthy. You have to feel it and work through it before you can heal from it. I’m 2 years post separation and as much as it still hurts, you eventually learn to function again, to have interactions that don’t hurt like hell, and slowly start to imagine what your new future could one day look like like. Right now though, you’re very much still in that grieving stage, grieving the future that you ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:11 PM
11

Women: “we want equality, a seat at the table, to earn the same and be told we are equals” Also women: “pay for all the dates, pursue us, buy me jewellery, flowers and nice things, put us on a pedestal”. Welcome to dating in 2024. I’ll usually pay for and plan the first date (coffee is date zero) but if the doesn’t plan date 2, she ain’t the one for me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 10:46 PM
3

Sounds like she just sees you as a friend/coparent now and doesnt want to put the effort in to turn it around. Divorce/seperation is the worst. Take the time to work aggressively on yourself. Gym/read/hobbies/friends and see if the change has any impact on her desire to show up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 02:50 PM
3

Man i don’t know. I tend to agree with the opposite of most of the “don’t let her back in comments”. You let her down by drinking. Maybe she still really loves you but had to let you go for her own wellbeing. But now you’re doing the work. Im sure seeing your feelings in writing and knowing you’re trying to better yourself brought up a lot for her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 02:08 PM
1

Us men tend to lose ourselves in relationships and look to our wives to occupy every role (friend, activity partner, lover, therapist, emotional support) and are usually left devastated when they leave as we lose all those people/functions. At the same time I’ve learned that women do not have the willingness (and maybe the ability) to self reflect and take ownership in the same way that men do. She has flaws too. You need to (and will in time) reframe your thinking that you were “not good enough…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:40 PM
2

“Embrace the suck” is probably the answer. I relate to being unable to trust again. The psyop of the last few years doesn’t help with that either. I appreciate the advice. Sorry its so relatable but sounds like you have a good mindset to get through it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 05:45 PM
3

Thanks for this perspective. Im glad the meds are working for you and helping level the emotions out. Cutting out booze is a great way to level up. 👊
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 05:43 PM
2

This is good advice. I worked from the office this week to socialize a bit. Im definitely missing the human connection.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 05:41 PM
1

🫡
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:47 AM
1

I’m “lucky” in that i had sold a business and was consulting a year before the separation, and not earning a ton during a year off. So while i lost half of what i had, and built, i don’t pay anything going forward unless my earnings go up substantially. As for the dating, yeah anything more than coffee is probably going to stretch me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:46 AM
2

I appreciate your comment. I would consider dating a distraction to the things i need to work on right now, although i do enjoy the validation and dopamine kick it offers.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:48 AM
1

Thanks man, same to you. I miss a lot of what you miss too. If theres one thing im learning its to not look too far into the future to find the sadness. Still a few months away and with the right mindset a lot can change. Maybe plan something fun for yourself to occupy the mind during that time….I’m looking into a cheap getaway right now, even for a night or 2. Hang in there too bud! 👊
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:18 PM
1

Love this! Ive seen others do it, and well, so I’m pulling for you. I’ll give it more thought and look into options. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:14 PM
1

Thanks for the suggestion. Whats the side hustle? We don’t have Uber in our small town, otherwise id probably do something like that in the evenings when i don’t have the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:13 PM
3

Thanks for being direct. Yup, the phone is definitely one of my issues. And self-love is another….great for dopamine, not so great for productivity. Oh and I’m learning to love myself again but its a battle deep rooted in childhood upbringing. And i don’t think i mentioned needing a women to do these things with. But i know what you mean!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:12 PM
5

Haha thanks for the advice. I’ve “dipped the toe in” a few times over the last year and quickly realized i wasn’t ready. Still grieving the loss of the family unit and until i have more disposable income spending it on anyone except me or the kids seems like a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 10:56 PM
1

Sorry you’re going through it too. Glad to see you’re managing to find things that help. On the one hand it helps to know I’m not the only one (i know im not, but still). On the other it’s painful knowing this is so common amongst men who were blindsided. Women seem to bounce back a lot quicker from divorce, seemingly have closer friends who they confide in and society is welcoming and supportive of the “single mom”.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 10:49 PM
1

Thanks for the tough love. A 2nd job would just about bury me right now, but the hobby is something I’m going to give more thought to.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:39 PM
3

I feel you man. Sorry you’re going through it too. My relationship with my wife wasn’t even that great and yet i still miss that too. But more the family unit that we had. Given everything going on in the world right now between wars, elections and hyperinflation maybe its understandable to have a tough time finding the motivation. Not to mention 2 years of the pandemic. Some good suggestions here already…do you have any hobbies?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:37 PM
1

You aren’t wrong! Maybe i should rephrase that with “im stuck at this job until i find another suitably paying one”. I wish i could just quit but these household expenses are killing me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:31 PM
1

Great suggestions, thanks for taking the time to share. The gym is definitely my safe place and where i feel most positive these days. I grow my own weed (and vegetables) so minimal expense and its sort of relaxing. I have therapy through work (like 10 sessions) but apart from reaffirming things like “its ok to be sad” and “you’re grieving the loss, be kind to yourself” i don’t get a ton out of it. And I’ve tried. Few therapists so maybe i need a mind shift first.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:23 PM
2

Thanks for the words of encouragement and for sharing whats been working for you. Good to see that you’re working through it and finding the positives. I like the focus on the positives when a negative arises, and building back the network. Finding other divorced dads might be the way. I was in a virtual mens group until recently when work became too stressful and i had to cut back on commitments. Might revisit that while trying to connect with other local divorced dads. My married mates don’t r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:18 PM
2

Thanks mate, its a blessing to see the challenges. Now to address them. Some great hobby ideas here too. Cheers
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:43 PM
6

Thanks guys, some really good suggestions and words of encouragement here. I appreciate you all, and this forum. Taking it 1 day at a time when the kids aren’t around. Currently sweating it out in the sauna after a 90 minute workout. Things always feel a little better after a good lift and sweat.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:42 PM
2

Divorce is horrible. On you and the kids. But unfortunately so many women are like this and its hard times get them to change unless they want to. She sounds like an absolute mess man. Is she depressed? Anxious? What does she do at home all day while you are at work? Why does she spend that type of money? Sounds like she is in a bad place and addressing it is going to be like walking on eggshells. Marriage counselling could be something to look into but until shes ready to change her own habits …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:38 PM
4

This is tough man. Ive been there, and didn’t do the work to save it. You need to do a couple things….distance the reaction to your emotions. Its ok to feel it, not ok to act on it. Learn to meditate and explore breath work. Get in shape. No excuse for that (well, other than having 3 kids). Make yourself a priority. Chances are she is already preparing for separation and might be checked out. Might be wise to seek counsel and prepare yourself. Women usually plan/prepare 6-12 months before droppi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 04:34 AM
2

That sounds awful man, sorry you went through that. It took time for me to realize you cant force people to do what they don’t want to do (or the right thing). Hope you and the kids are doing alright.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:17 AM
2

2 .5years. The separation happened quickly and we sold and bought our own places within 3 months. Live close to each other and coparent well. See each other (drop offs, kids activities) every few days. Neither of us dating..
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:20 PM
4

My kids are 11 & 8 and i am considering this very thing right now. Wife finally got herself into therapy, has acknowledged that she brought some unhealed childhood trauma into the marriage, and has shown me more compassion and support in the last 6 months than in the previous 3 years. There’s no way i would go back to the same marriage, but a chance to try again with the mother of my kids and someone i still care for, i think it would be worth a try.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 10:01 PM
1

Woah, this perfectly sums up how i feel. 😪
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:46 AM
6

The best investment you can make post-divorce (and always) is in yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 09:12 PM
2

That’s brutal man, I’m sorry. 5 years is a long time, and thats an awful lot of betrayal. Good for you giving therapy a go because i don’t know that i could after finding that out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:32 AM
0

I wish my neighbour, my coworker and a bunch of facebook friends a happy birthday every year, you bet your ass im wishing the mother of my kids a happy birthday. Men, we need to step up and stop with the pettiness. Unless of course she cheated and ruined your life, then i think its ok to ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 07:45 PM
4

Never been a better time to date or be alive. Go have fun and find the woman of your dreams.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:08 AM
2

Gut instinct is a real thing. Trust that. Either she isnt “the one” or you aren’t ready for anything more serious right now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 02:02 PM
3

Mate there are so many women out there who are also still looking for kids and family. You’re only 40, reframe your views and you can still achieve your goals.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 06:19 PM
2

Why? If you don’t have kids together, move on! There are loads of single women out there who you could find a better connection with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 03:28 PM
20

Shes the mother of your kids, you have years of connection/bond, even it’s laced in trauma. Its natural to have feelings of anger, upset, betrayal around this. You’re doing the right thing hitting the gym and quitting the booze.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 04:13 PM
6

Hey. I split from my wife 2 years ago. Similar situation to you, we were just like room mates who had drifted apart. We tried the therapy but there was too much resentment between us. We had different parenting styles, 2 different attachment styles and some deep rooted childhood trauma that all came to light after becoming parents. That place where you are is where lots of married parents find themselves. I would say our separation has been incredibly amicable, perhaps too amicable at times as w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 04:18 PM
4

Sounds like a perfect time to start over to me. New job, new hobbies to focus on, new tools in the toolbox (therapy is a great start) and a new group of online dudes to help you back up. Its a shitty road but its one you have to travel to get to the reward on the other side. You got this brother! Until then, feel all the feels and try not to numb that shit!!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 03:39 AM
4

Brother, i relate to this on so many levels and appreciate you sharing your story. The fact you’ve realized this and are making a concerted effort to address some of your past trauma is admirable. Not everyone is able to look inwards and acknowledge these shortcomings As others have said, try and enjoy the little wins along your healing path and keep telling yourself that you aren’t broken!
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 05:50 PM
1

You say it wasn’t your fault, but then go on to say you had an unhealthy obsession. The way you talk about women and your relationship would suggest you have some work to do in recognizing the role your actions played in the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 12:58 PM
6

The grass isn’t greener mate. Divorce sucks, alimony and child support is brutal (will be bad in your situation) and only getting to see your kids half the time is horrible. My advice would be to work on yourself first, examine why you’ve allowed your wife to become this way. Did you lead, or are you a “nice guy”? Next, understand why your relationship has gotten to this stage. Sounds like she is taking advantage of you and your willingness to provide and do everything. Why is that? Lastly, make…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:54 PM
1

“Your enemy”? How is the mother of your children an enemy?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:01 PM
7

Id say this is common when it doesn’t work out. Instead of thinking she was the wrong one, try and rephrase that she was the right one for teaching you the lesson or helping you realize something you needed to learn. For me, marrying my now ex-wife taught me that i needed to love myself, how i had no self-esteem and lacked security in myself. I might not have discovered that had i married someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 03:28 PM
9

What she gave you were her terms/boundaries and you determined you were unwilling to meet them. She showed you signs of a healthy person looking to invest in someone…. You hardly sound like longterm material yourself my friend. Drinking, revolving door of women…you aren’t ready for a serious relationship as you clearly haven’t done much work on yourself if this is how you think about women and numb the pain of your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 10:36 PM
18

Many of us would swap places with you brother. Divorcing with kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. While I’m sure divorcing without kids is emotional too, try and see the positives in your situation. Find a 30 something woman also wanting kids and you have plenty of time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:04 AM
8

Yep. First time with a woman other than your wife is weird. It even sounds weird to say/write it. But it’s part of the journey and a step in the process of healing. As others have said, try not to fall too hard for the first woman that shows you the affection and attention you deserve. But do take it in, enjoy it and use it to help you rebuild your self confidence. You recognize a lot of the things you need to work on so make sure you do.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:36 AM
7

Damn brother. Based on all those limited beliefs you’re destined to never find love again. Have you considered therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:18 AM
2

Thanks for this mate. I needed it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:32 AM
4

Sorry for your loss mate. These feelings are totally normal and where a lot of us were. Here are the cliches….One day at a time, it gets easier. Focus on you and stay strong for your kids….all cliches for a reason. They’re true. That doesn’t mean you cant cry. You’re grieving. Not her necessarily but the life you had as a married man, even though it might have not been a great marriage. Lean on friends, family and random strangers when you have to. You will get through this and come out the othe…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:10 AM
4

This isn’t her my friend, this is you. People treat you the way you allow them to. You need to build healthy boundaries. Examples. Can you pick up kid? - sorry im unavailable tonight i have a prior commitment Hey can you come fix my shelf - sorry im busy and unable to right now I need to borrow $1000 - sorry im not comfortable with that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 10:12 PM
4

Its a tough realization when you come to it, but its a common one and something I’m sure many of us have cone to post separation. Be grateful that you are coming to that realization and that you have rest of your life ti find the happiness you deserve. And know that not every man is lucky enough to come to this realization. Good luck brother!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 10:36 PM
1

He sounds toxic
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 06:03 AM
3

Look into insecure anxious attachment styles. Its deep rooted in our childhood and from what you’ve written about your family, id say that might be a good place to start.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:07 AM
1

Im curious what work you’ve done on yourself in the 3 years since separation? Sounds like you’re feeling down on your luck and feeling sorry for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 10:30 PM
12

Brother. I’m sorry this happened to you. With no kids and your life still ahead of you, every man in here would swap seats with you in a heartbeat. Be grateful that you’re still young and can pick yourself back up. It sounds like you lost yourself in your marriage and became codependent on your wife. Many of us here have too and it’s something women find unattractive in a partner. My advice is get to the gym, work out your frustrations and loneliness, read the book “no more mr nice guy” and feel…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:00 AM
2

The fact that you’re self reflecting and looking deeper at you own actions to see if you were at fault tells me you aren’t a narcissist. Ex wives tend to gravitate to this assessment as it relinquishes them of any wrong doing in the relationship (something a narcissist might do).
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:57 PM
7

Check out the Husband Help Haven podcast. Continue doing the work. You cant convince her to come back she has to want to come back. And she needs to see that you can lead
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:01 PM
3

You need therapy. This post is quite disturbing and one of the reasons women seem to hate single men so much. I use the term “men” loosely here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:34 PM
6

Forgive yourself first. You didn’t know then what you know now. For me i have come to realize that i became codependent and looked to my wife for validation. I did over and above what was expected of me as a dad and in turn smothered her and didn’t allow her to find herself as a mom. I now realize thats rooted in my childhood trauma. Its been acknowledged and I’m working towards becoming more secure in myself. Have you done therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:42 PM
5

Sometimes i read a post and wonder if my subconscious wrote it while i was sleeping. I relate to much of what you wrote and have been working through these feelings for the better part of 2 years. May i suggest the book “no more mr nice guy” as well as a focus inward to rebuild yourself. Its ok to grieve the loss of the family unit and with it, the loss of those long term family aspirations, but its more important you find a way to forgive yourself and start rebuilding version 2.0 of you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 06:58 PM
5

Good on you sir. I dropped a DQ Blizzard off to mine tonight after taking the kids out. It used to be a family VDay tradition but the last few years its just been me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:08 AM
0

You need therapy
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:04 AM
3

I’m not sure if its a trend but if you have a good relationship with the ex, and the situation is one in which your kids see you both being amicable and friendly towards each other, i don’t see that as a bad thing. Maybe its more a reflection on where someone is in their healing, resentment they feel towards their ex that they don’t want to interact. I get that. Many guys i know have had brutal seperations, but i also know several who just drifted apart and still get along.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 10:19 PM
3

Fair enough. I guess circumstances around the divorce maybe dictate the willingness with which men are willing to entertain time with their kids or ex. Appreciate the reminder to grab the kids something. All the best.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 10:16 PM
-2

Why wouldn’t you want to have dinner with your kids snd show them you can still spend time together on occasion?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:59 PM
6

Yep. Its about survival right now. One day at a time and it’ll get better. If you can get yourself a counsellor or someone from a work benefits program to talk to, it helps. Listen to podcasts, books, etc. Lean into the community here. Reach out to old friends if that’s available.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:41 AM
5

Its natural and understandable after that many years together. I was a mess ordering a moving truck as i was so used ti having someone else to confirm my decisions. Give yourself grace to feel all these things and know its one of the hardest things we will ever go through as men. Once you wrap your head around it all it can be cathartic rediscovering yourself and being independent again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:23 AM
11

Nah its not you. Thats fucked up that she would expect you to be there to confide in about another guy. She needs a reality check.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:16 AM
14

If you’re seeing this now, don’t for the love of god , get married. Once that ring goes on they make even less of an effort.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:59 PM
1

Then the only way from here is up my man! Listen to self help podcasts, go for a walk and listen to positivity soundtracks (youtube or insight timer), start doing pushups, sit-ups, air squats. High 5 yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself you’re going to get through this. Give yourself 2 weeks and see where you’re at.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:04 AM
2

I feel for you man. Sounds like you have lots of positives (2 potential job offers) and will come through this. Remember, this stage is temporary and you’ll be up and back on your feet before summer! Good luck and keep your chin up!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:50 AM
7

Its the third stage of grief and perfectly normal. Lean into it, be angry, and acknowledge why. You have to move through this stage to reach acceptance. Be aware that depression often follows anger! Good luck man!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 04:53 AM
1

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5bBNbUHV6Pgo67Cx5nwcsK?si=np8GYWc_RJObKvsRhUNnqg&pt=dc9666c7ccf50898bc99deebecf56641&pi=u-daCJrjmpRJ2O
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 04:41 AM
12

Get the hell out of there. Absolutely no reason to put up with that if you have no kids. Women like that will just beat you down and destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Right now she’s using you. Until then, keep records of events. Record videos and audios of your interactions where possible. I wish i had done this when my wife started accusing me of verbal and emotional abuse. Of course she had no examples or evidence, but neither did i of not doing those things.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:38 PM
5

Still tight with her family. I get invited over at Christmas, invite them to kid’s activities, text with her mom and invite her dad if I’m heading to the rink or gym. I have the best in-laws anyone can ask for and they babysit for me occasionally if I’m going out. My advice is if you have a good relationship with them, it can continue after separation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:54 PM
12

She had no drive or passions beside her career. No hobbies, nothing that lit her up. I remember her saying when she had a family that would be her passion and would motivate her. I believed her, and lets just say it didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:20 PM
1

Thats awesome. Focus on that. Great to see so many positive and supportive comments here. I love this sub. I agree with many of the guys commenting that you were in an abusive relationship. I understand why we settle (i likely did that too) bit now you’re out, font go back. Look into journaling for when you’re spiralling and feeling at your lowest. Ask yourself questions like Why did you settle, why her, why would you go back, what does your life look like if you do, what will it be like when yo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:50 PM
2

Thanks man. Again, i don’t think its you. Guys in general are just useless at making friends as adults. Maybe you’ll make mates at climbing. Can you start a group at work? Have you looked into local mens groups, or even something online?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:29 AM
6

Oh man, i just want to climb through the screen and give you a giant hug (probably cos i need one too). You’re grieving the loss of your marriage and these feelings of despair and regret are perfectly normal. It sounds like you have an absolute tonne going for you, as well as a great self awareness and realization that you have some insecurities to work through. Ive never understood height as an attraction so you’ll have to forgive me. One of my best mates is 5’6 and his wife is a smoke show so …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:04 AM
-4

Get your own counsellor, not a lawyer. Join a mens group. Read books, listen to podcasts. The fact shes seeing a counsellor says she wants to work on herself and you guys. It often gets worse before it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:20 PM
5

Oh man, i could’ve written this verbatim. Sorry to hear you’re also there. I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my time scrolling on my phone these last 2 years to fill the boredom when I’m alone, and overwhelm when the kids are with me. Everyone says its great to have so much time to rediscover yourself and start new hobbies but when you lose yourself and your identity its hard to know who you are and what you want to do. The gym and work are my only 2 constants right now, and outside of that i h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 01:05 PM
2

The fantasy we are sold/conditioned into is unfortunately far from the truth. Raising kids and living together, while working a career, taking care of bills, keeping up with the jones’s and maintaining individual hobbies and interests takes its toll. Is it any wonder we all become miserable twats?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:04 AM
10

This sounds like the relationship i had with my wife, although I loved her immensely, i was not “in love/lust” with her and all the romance/passion had gone after 2 kids and 10 years. I made the mistake of pushing her to improve our marriage and repeatedly telling her our marriage wasn’t good. In the end i gave an ultimatum, we either commit to work on it or we need to think about our future happiness…..and she walked. I now see my kids every other week, and although i have lots of freedom and g…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:33 PM
-1

I wish guys wouldn’t jump to this conclusion always on here. Not every wife going through disconnect or a rough patch is having an affair. Sorry to hear you’re going through this. With 3 littles and a new career it must be incredibly hard to keep that spark alive. The fact that you’re both still working on it is a good sign, but the lack of closeness and interest in your needs is a massive concern. Check out resources like Husband Help Haven or Dad Edge Alliance (podcasts and sites) as they’ll h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:29 AM
7

I wonder if if its the new year and holidays where we are surrounded by happy families and it reminds us of what we had? I’m in this space right now too and debating opening up a conversation with my ex. We haven’t filed yet but have been separated for almost 2 years. I miss the kids when they aren’t with me, and when they are with me (50-50) i find it so hard to do everything for that week.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 08:54 PM
8

Surprised to not see “gaslighting, emotional abuse and narcissistic behaviour” as a line item. That seems to be the base package these days.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:27 AM
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