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CanaryHeart Archive

View 1 post and 546 comments by CanaryHeart on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
201

DebateCanaryHeart/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 07:46 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Dworkin’s writings are exactly the kind of batshit thing I don’t typically see people referencing today.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 08:58 PM
0

Most of these responses seem really low for a single person pursuing a relationship over 6 months. Is this the norm for most people posting here?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 05:13 PM
0

There’s a difference between “joined just to hit on women,” and “joined to learn a new thing and hopefully meet people, maybe even romantically/sexually compatible people.” I’d view the latter exactly the same way that I do people joining groups to hopefully meet friends or build a support network. It’s pretty normal for people to have multiple reasons why they’re interested in doing something. Like, I wouldn’t join a group for something that I think is completely off-putting in the hopes of mak…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 05:10 PM
0

Why is doing an activity or learning a skill as a way to meet new people ridiculous?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 05:02 PM
1

This is being shouted at you on the street. A stranger screaming “Hey baby, nice ass!” is not something most women would consider complimentary.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:58 PM
2

In my experience, what makes an interaction with a strange man feel scary: —being approached while totally alone, like walking on an empty street late at night. This has always turned out fine for me, but I know people who have been mugged etc. so it does give me a moment of panic-y what do I do if . . . feelings. —being touched without being asked. I have a tattoo on my upper back and I’ve had men pull my shirt down from behind me to see my tattoo, and having your clothing pulled from someone y…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:55 PM
5

I think this probably comes from a U.S. perspective, where 40% of adults are obese (or 70%, if you use waist-to-hip ratios instead of a height-to-weight scale). I’ve known a decent number of overweight or obese folks who wouldn’t date anyone heavy (both men and women) despite being heavy themselves, but I honestly don’t know if that’s an American thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:18 PM
–

Suggesting that someone work two jobs and do 80-90% of the chores is fucking wild. This has to be rage bait. The only way that dynamic makes any sense is if the other person is working 3-4 jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:05 PM
–

I think that fucks women over more than helps them, though, unless they’re looking for casual sex. Like, I have a relative in her late 40s who last had a relationship over 20 years ago and has wildly unrealistic expectations. I think she could probably get casual sex, but she doesn’t want it and isn’t pursuing it. Her commitment to ‘holding out for the guy she really wants’ and total unwillingness to examine her own standards has just given her 20+ years of unhappiness, as marriage is/was her pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:57 PM
1

Sure, you can absolutely do everything ‘right’ and still not see the results you want. For example, I’m almost 40 and I’ve never figured out how to make and keep close friends, despite always wanting to and continually trying. But I still had/have a better chance of success than someone who tried to make friends ten times and gave up. I definitely understand that rejection stings. I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria and social anxiety and I have to talk myself back to reality a lot. I definit…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:49 PM
–

Sure. I’m not aware of any research available that points to whether or not the majority of introverted women prefer an introverted partner—I just think that many do. But it can also be more difficult to acquire, as both partners are less likely to be out socializing, less likely to make a move, more likely to have a history of social rejection and take rejection hard, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:30 PM
–

I see this on both ‘sides’, honestly. A lot of men get really riled up when they say that they don’t want to date someone fat, and I say the best way to attract a fit partner is to be fit yourself. I also know plenty of women who only want a high-earning man who looks like a model, despite putting zero effort into their appearance and working a minimum wage job, and they don’t like having this pointed out either.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:20 PM
–

I’m introverted and find what most people call ‘confidence’ unattractive, as do most of the introverted women in my social circle. Those of us partnered with men are all with socially awkward, neurodivergent, introverted nerds who are more like us.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:13 PM
–

In my experience “attracted to confidence” means “I’m a highly social extrovert and I view highly social extroversion as the baseline for normality.”
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:09 PM
4

Gay people aren’t inherently non-monogamous, what?!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:06 PM
2

I’m not sure how it’s not a numbers game? Like, someone who pursues 500 people is going to have more chances for success than someone who pursues 20. I was pretty much always the pursuer when I was younger, and I was really aggressive about it—not aggressive with the individual people, but aggressive with the general goal of making my interest known to anyone I was potentially interested in and moving on once rejected. That didn’t guarantee success of course, but it gave me better odds. Women (g…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:01 PM
1

I think a huge part of this is just that we’re not honest with young people that, for most people, it’s a numbers game. The default ‘men pursue, women are pursued’ dynamic definitely needs to change, and women need to reject people kindly just like men need to respect a rejection, but any average person who is pursuing romance is probably going to face a decent number of failed attempts. My husband did have more difficult time getting dates than I did, but we both got rejected a lot. We’d both b…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:21 PM
1

This. People on here seem to think a relationship is defined in the first hour of meeting, and that being friendly makes you friends. I’m not ‘friends’ with anybody I met last week.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:10 PM
1

Non-assertive guys aren’t bad. I’m not assertive and I don’t gel with most assertive people. But the example here isn’t just non-assertive—it’s maintaining a fake friendship with someone you don’t want to be friends with in the hope that you’ll change their mind about dating. It’s not like it’s evil or anything, but it’s definitely disingenuous. Like, I would be hurt if someone I thought I was friends with because they pursued a friendship with me dropped me like a rock when they got a girlfrien…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:06 PM
8

This isn’t what I would call an asshole—this imaginary guy just asked someone out, they said no, and he’s cool with that but isn’t interested in pursuing a non-sexual/romantic relationship. An asshole in this situation is more like the guy who asked me out when I was younger. I said “Thanks, but I’m already married,” and he went on a rant about how I was fat and ugly and he wasn’t serious anyway. That dude was an asshole. The “nice guy” in this example isn’t really nice, either. If he genuinely …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:00 PM
1

I’d have no issue with this. I told my husband I didn’t care who stayed home, I just wanted one of us to commit to being a SAHP.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 03:57 AM
2

A stay-at-home partner (man or woman) should be providing childcare and doing more (not all) of the domestic, family management type labor. If you’re a stay-at-home dad, your wife is the breadwinner, and you divorce, you should get alimony. In my state, men can seek custody as soon as paternity is established, and the custodial parent receives child support. I’m honestly not sure I totally understand the question, lol. Both my husband and I have been the stay-at-home partner at different points …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 03:49 AM
0

Schumer advocated for that exact strategy in 2016—disregarding rural voters in favor of suburban and urban voters, and that didn’t go well either. The rural/urban divide isn’t some inevitable thing set in stone, it’s only been around since the ‘90s. And rural regions have disproportionate political power in the U.S. whether we like it or not. And just to be clear, I’m absolutely not someone who advocates moving further to the right to supposedly attract rural voters. We need left wing populism, …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 01:58 AM
1

I think both men and women police masculinity pretty rigorously. Like, the whole “performative male” thing where men can’t drink tea (?!?!) or carry a cross-body bag without being seen as disingenuous by both men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 07:23 PM
2

MAGAt’s often can’t be reasoned with—they’re functionally in a cult. There are evidence-based cult recovery tactics, but they require things like building rapport, active listening, identifying and addressing the issues that made them vulnerable in the first place, validating their fears and frustrations without agreeing with their ideology, and patiently asking questions that encourage them to think about their views. Insults and mockery might be cathartic, but what does it achieve? It drives p…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 07:19 PM
1

Nobody is guilty of anything they didn’t do. Sometimes we do benefit from systems that we didn’t build, like I benefit from white privilege in certain scenarios, even though I didn’t actively choose to benefit from it or set it up in a way that gives me an advantage over a non-white woman in similar circumstances.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 07:10 PM
2

Sure, but something being present in the animal kingdom doesn’t mean that we need to tolerate it in modern human society. A lot of animals will abandon a disabled or injured animal, but we don’t leave car crash victims on the side of the road to die.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 07:05 PM
2

I agree with this. There are a lot of women who go for atypical masculinity, but it doesn’t erase pretty privilege. Dave at the bank typically isn’t going to become wildly popular if he grows his hair long and wears eyeliner. Just like I’m somewhat alternative but not super conventionally attractive, and my shaved head and tattoos don’t get the same social response as an alt model in a magazine. Which is fine, most normal people don’t get celebrity-level reactions from the public, but it’s still…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 07:02 PM
1

The enormous Baldur’s Gate 3 Astarion fandom would contradict this somewhat.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:53 PM
2

I pretty much agree with this, but part of getting men to open up is getting enough information to build male-tailored initiatives. Like, if I helped build some kind of program to address male-on-male bullying in schools, I’d be basing it off my *own* experiences being bullied (which was 99% female-on-female) and then trying to tweak it in ways I guessed were more applicable to young men, which probably wouldn’t be very accurate. When my husband and I did a deep-dive discussion into our experien…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:47 PM
0

Men built patriarchal norms, but women absolutely help reinforce them. You can meet someone where they are without agreeing with them. Anyone who does progressive rural activism does this all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:33 PM
3

I’d argue that progressive spaces hurt men more in application than in ideology—like how cishet men are often banned from progressive spaces, despite the fact that we’re hoping they’ll ally with and integrate into those same spaces. I’d be genuinely interested in hearing other takes on how progressive movements have failed men. Like, second-wave feminism had some grotesque takes on gender relations and sexuality, but I don’t typically encounter people citing the SCUM Manifesto or some other bats…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:28 PM
1

I think there’s widespread support for paid paternal leave on the left as well, but it’s not talked about nearly as much because (again) we’re fucking terrible at communicating with any group outside of affluent urban progressives.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:03 PM
1

There’s a lot of things that would help leftwing messaging *if* other people did it, thought it, etc. This is exactly my point. We can’t keep operating like if we say “Well, they SHOULD think/do/understand/prioritize this,” that it will help us. We need to show genuine curiosity about what people actually think/do/understand/prioritize and then present them with better options to improve their lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:00 PM
8

What would ‘valuing men as men’ look like? Honest question. I agree that the left (in general) is absolutely terrible at putting out a consistent, compelling narrative and communicating how it intends to improve people’s lives. There’s a reason democratic policies are more popular when they’re divorced from democratic candidates—not that democrats are ‘the left,’ but they’re still what the American left generally considers the more favorable option of two awful ones. I don’t really think we shou…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 05:56 PM
3

This is probably somewhat area-dependent. I’m in rural midwestern America where the average income is 38k and it definitely survives and thrives here.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 05:46 PM
7

I’ve often wondered if some men would do better on apps with more curated, aesthetic photos that conveyed vibes.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 05:44 PM
8

This is absolutely a description of patriarchy. It’s not complete by any means, but all of these ideas are patriarchal—masculinity is valued over femininity, so men who don’t perform masculinity “correctly” are punished. Men who try really, really hard to live up to patriarchal norms also typically being harmed, as the standard is incredibly narrow, rigid, and incompatible with a lot of basic human needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:38 PM
13

A significant number of progressive people will talk about how patriarchy harms men and women, but we’ve done a terrible job of communicating that to men who aren’t already immersed in progressive circles. Like, ‘toxic masculinity’ is often framed as a personal failing, rather than rigid social norms that promote a very narrow range of harmful stereotypes as requirements for masculinity.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:31 PM
4

I get the frustration, but I don’t think the majority of people wake up in the morning wanting to be a net harm to the world. Like, I live in a poor, rural area that makes affluent, city-dwelling progressive people recoil. Most of them don’t want to address the communication and identity gaps that act as significant barriers to rural progressive activism. It’s easier to dismiss everyone outside the suburbs as villainous or stupid, depending on how charitable they’re feeling in the moment. I thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:21 PM
7

There’s absolutely a lot of gendered bullshit aimed at girls, but we also have a lot more freedom to step outside of strict gender roles than boys and men usually do. It’s still way more socially acceptable for a girl to like fishing and wear pants than for a boy to like ballet and wear dresses, and more acceptable for a woman to have a high-paying job than for a man to be a stay-at-home parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:43 PM
9

I think this is more difficult for men than for women in many ways because of patriarchal norms. Masculinity is still treated as the social default and generally carries more status, respect, and so on. A woman adopting stereotypically masculine traits is reasonable, but a man adopting stereotypically feminine traits is deviant. It's generally seen as good for a woman to be self-reliant, but she doesn't have to be self-reliant in order to be recognized as a “real woman.” I agree that we don't ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:37 PM
15

This is my point exactly. I think the knee-jerk impulse for blue pill and/or progressive people is to dismiss the manosphere as ridiculous—and maybe it is, but it’s obviously successful with significant numbers of people, and I think we’d make more progress trying to understand why it’s successful instead of pretending like we’re just inherently smarter and better.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:20 PM
8

I mean, don’t we all? I think there’s an aspect of that, just like there’s a market for ineffective beauty products promising to “cure” stretch marks or cellulite or whatever. But even in a lot of progressive spaces, I don’t see the same support for the idea that men have inherent value outside of being a functional tool compared to the idea that women have inherent value outside of being an attractive object.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:12 PM
1

It’s only dishonest if you’re not actually interested in a friendship. It’s not dishonesty if you want to be her friend *and* you’d be interested in dating if she’s interested.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 05:33 PM
4

The sad truth is that some social circles just aren’t very supportive. I’ve seen a lot of families that have no emotional intelligence and don’t really communicate about serious issues, or don’t do it well. If you’ve never had any kind of emotional validation from your family when you’re suffering, even something like I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this, they might just be fucking awful at supporting people in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 09:47 PM
4

I’d say that it’s *generally* true that society is less sympathetic to male SA victims and even less sympathetic to male SA victims who have been abused by a woman, but there are also lots of women who recognize this is a very real problem that’s likely underreported because of the social stigma. My partner isn’t a SA victim but was horrifically abused by his mom well into adulthood, and I do think people in general take it a lot less seriously than women who report being emotionally, physically…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 09:34 PM
8

I’d say that I’m really sorry that you had awful experiences in therapy. Therapy is not immune to the problems people face trying to get quality healthcare. Some therapists aren’t up-to-date on the best practices in their field. Some therapists are dismissive. Some therapists are abusive. I’ve had bad experiences with therapy myself—CBT was a disaster for me. Other therapies, many years later, were very helpful. I had a better understanding of what worked for me and I was just older and could ad…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 08:40 PM
6

This really depends on how you measure success. I think a lot of people want therapy to be like a treatment for an acute injury or illness—you have an infection, you get the right antibiotics, and you no longer have an infection. Therapy is often more like treatment for a chronic illness. You’re trying to improve your life, manage your symptoms better, and so on. You’re seeing if you can reduce the severity of your symptoms while simultaneously learning coping skills, trying out accessibility to…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 08:25 PM
3

I’m not claiming that everyone has access to mental healthcare. There are definitely MANY people who can’t get therapy because the cost is too high, whether the issue is money, time, transportation, provider access, whatever. Unfortunately, healthcare in general is a lot of “try it and see if it works.” Chronic health issues are pretty much the same—Huh, let’s try this medication. Didn’t work? About this one? No? How about a specialist? Let’s try another medication. Didn’t work? Okay, off to phy…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 07:49 PM
9

IDK about this. I’ve encountered a lot of medical professionals that aren’t up-to-date on the information in their own field, and people can get extremely weird about the idea of mental illness in their own family.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 07:41 PM
10

Therapy is often uncomfortable, and there are additional social barriers to therapy that men have to contend with, mostly stereotypes around masculinity and emotional vulnerability. It‘s possible the therapist(s) you saw just wasn’t a good fit for you. It can also help to just be frank about it with a therapist—I’m really uncomfortable with this whole idea. I’m skeptical that it can help me. I tend to dread coming to therapy. A good therapist should be willing to meet you where you are, explore …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 07:40 PM
8

Unfortunately, finding a therapist that‘s a good fit for you can be a long process. And there are different types of therapy. Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy was designed for bipolar disorder, but the “right” therapy is the one that works for you. It’s also *very* normal to need time to build rapport with a therapist, so it won’t necessarily feel natural for several months. You might spend a lot of time just talking about your life and getting comfortable before you start to really addre…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 07:29 PM
12

I feel like I have sympathy for most people who are struggling. I don’t think “go to therapy” is universally dismissive. When I suggest therapy, it’s often because therapy was a huge benefit for me, and I think it could really help them with their specific problems. There are a *lot* of people that could benefit from therapy and have access to therapy, but aren’t in therapy for whatever reason. Like, I have a (female) relative who has struggled with multiple mental health issues, job instability…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 07:04 PM
2

No. Even if someone is trying *really* hard to express their interest, chances are that I won’t notice.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:42 PM
1

This. I had serious childbirth injuries that made sex pleasureless at best and horrifically painful at worst. When I tried to get medical care, the most common response was some variation of “Well, you had a baby, what did you expect?” I had a husband who reassured me, advocated for me, reached out to different types of medical providers, helped me do research to try to figure out what was going on and what might help, etc. but I’ve also seen postpartum women who have partners who pressure them …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 04:54 PM
6

Personally, I think men are more likely to *talk* about their dissatisfaction with a dead bedroom—many women are still conditioned to avoid direct conversations about sex and sexual desire—but both women and men are going to be unhappy with sexless monogamy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:28 PM
4

Honestly, I think a lot of relationship problems across the board come from the fact that most people have poor communication skills, and many adults (of any gender) show very little interest in improving those skills. Conversations about sex just add another layer to a pre-existing problem, since many people find conversations about sex uncomfortably vulnerable or have trauma issues from growing up in sex-shaming environments.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:10 PM
7

I disagree with this. I think a lot of women value the approval of other women, even if they’re not interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with women. I also know a lot of women who LOVE doing makeup and will experiment with new looks even if they don’t plan to leave the house. I enjoyed doing this myself when I had more time! My husband isn’t terribly perceptive in general, so when I do a heavy makeup look that took an hour, it’s definitely not for his benefit, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:05 PM
11

And women need to actually talk about it openly. I see *so* many women who seem to think that the ‘right’ man will just know what you want by magic.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:02 PM
31

This. If I had $5 for every woman I’ve seen say something like “My anti-feminist MAGA husband who has always said that women shouldn’t be able to vote treats me like a servant! How do I make him treat me better?” I’d be able to retire on a tropical island.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:00 PM
17

Women complain about sexist gender roles while reinforcing those roles in their personal lives. I can’t count how many women I’ve seen flip out over their male partner wearing women’s underwear or some other trivial shit. Women participate in cultivating an environment where no woman can *ever* win. They don’t trust other women to make choices for their own lives, and shame them to try to get them to make the “right” choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:44 PM
0

This hasn’t been true for me—I’ve been with my partner for over 20 years and we’re very often together almost every moment of the day.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:21 PM
2

I think this depends on how you define friends. Like, I would consider someone I chatted with at a bookclub or I went hiking with occasionally an acquaintance. To me, a friend is like chosen family—someone you have a significant level of trust and intimacy with, who you can rely on in an emergency, etc. without having a familial or romantic relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:18 PM
1

Being a homebody doesn’t typically mean never leaving the house? I’m a very introverted homebody but I still have hobbies, a few of which are outside my home.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:21 AM
1

Marrying the love of my life—it’s pretty much what my actual life is. I wouldn’t give up my marriage for *anything* in life except our children.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:18 AM
2

We have a harder time socializing with neurotypical people. We typically do fine with each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 04:31 PM
3

It really depends on the situation, like most things. My husband and I share finances—we only have a mutual account, he’s free to get a credit card out of my purse and I’m free to get one out of his wallet, etc. If he died or something and I was dating a new partner who had $50,000 in gambling debts, I might not feel as comfortable sharing finances as I did in my 18 year marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:22 PM
2

I want to have sex all the time. Most women I know (that I’m close enough with to discuss this sort of thing) with male partners have an equal or higher libido than their partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:43 PM
4

Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean they’re good at sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:39 PM
1

25 orgasms?!?! TWENTY-FIVE? Like, in one session?? I thought I was prolific over here with 4-8, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:37 PM
1

I’m in a monogamous marriage so I don’t have casual encounters, but I definitely wouldn’t be fucking someone who wasn’t invested in getting me off.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:34 PM
-1

Protection doesn’t have a 100% success rate.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:26 PM
3

Thiiiiis. My husband isn’t the only person I’ve ever given oral to, but he can get it basically whenever he wants it for as long as he wants it because he’s invested in our mutual enjoyment and not pushing me to do things faster or take things further than I’m comfortable with.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:25 PM
9

This. I’m game for a LOT of things. I would be totally be game to try pegging my husband if he wanted that, but he has zero interest in receiving any kind of anal play and that’s also 100% fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:22 PM
8

Not everyone likes it, but I think the point is that basically nobody likes it without any prep or lubrication.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:17 PM
10

I mean, my husband gets to fuck me almost every day for 20+ (and counting) years? And we’re both better at sex than we were 20+ years ago, so he’s definitely getting me at my most skilled. There are sex acts that I’ve only done with my husband, but it’s not like I ‘reserved’ them for him—I either didn’t have interest in them before I met him and developed an interest over time, or it’s not something I would have sought out but was game to explore it when he expressed interest in it. I don’t have…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:16 PM
3

Dismissing a study because of age is the norm. I used to do medical writing, and if I was citing 10+ year old studies I’d definitely be fired.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 03:33 PM
1

Yes, 100%. I’ve been with the same partner for 22 years, and we *still* have frequent discussions about sex, despite knowing each other and what we like/don’t like pretty damn well. I would never, ever have sex with someone who isn’t willing to talk about sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:24 PM
3

I’m a person sort-of like this. I cry at the drop of a hat, my feelings can get hurt pretty easily, I need a lot of reassurance, etc. Overall, I’d say that my husband has less of a problem with this than I do. I’m *extremely* self conscious about it and will give myself a migraine by holding back tears, desperately trying not to be the lunatic who is sobbing over Adventure Time. That said, it’s definitely been part of relationship issues that we’ve had to work through. If you buy into attachment…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:20 PM
10

This is because people like to pretend that they would be able to identify a potential abuser right away, so this woman must have also seen something cruel in his behavior but ignored it for other reasons. It’s scarier to tangle with the idea that abusers can be very charismatic, upstanding members of their communities, and that very reasonable, empathetic people might not see *any* red flags before it’s too late.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 03:49 PM
5

This. I don’t know if men *generally* have a stronger response to visual sexual stimuli, but whether or not the divide is actually gender-based, people enjoy porn in different ways for different reasons. My husband can get off to a still picture of someone he finds attractive—that’s literally impossible for me, no matter how attractive I think the person is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 03:37 PM
2

I’m bisexual and I haven’t known a lot of straight women who watch lesbian porn. However, when I’m watching porn, I’m not necessarily attracted to anyone on the screen—I’m turned on by the sex acts themselves or the general atmosphere.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 03:30 PM
1

This doesn’t seem weird to me at all. I think most people do *some* things to appeal to current or potential partners?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:32 PM
3

I was 13 when I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend—we dated around 2 years and did not have sex, though we both said as adults that we kind of regret that we didn’t. I had a decent amount of casual sex before I met my (now) husband at 16. I also had two short-term relationships during that time. I’ve never been single as an adult. Sex is important to me. I didn’t like dating as a teen (and I’m pretty damn sure I *still* wouldn’t like it in my late 30’s) but it was the price of admission t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:24 PM
6

Even if you’re not *treated* like an ATM, if you have a stay-at-home partner who is handling the lion’s share of domestic labor, errands, parenting, etc. instead of participating in wage labor, your money becomes *family* money. My grandfather was a real asshole in many ways, but he still worked long, hard hours to earn *family* money and make sure my grandmother was taken care of financially in old age, etc. A lot of men who talk about wanting a wife/partner who does all the domestic labor and/…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:47 PM
1

I’m also basically a stereotype of a man about this, which is why I don’t say that physical touch is my love language. My love language isn’t cuddling, hugging, holding hands, etc. and I’m actually somewhat touch repulsed if I’m not fucking you. Generally speaking, I don’t want anyone touching me if it’s not going to (at some point) lead to sex. Mutual sexual desire is a major love language of mine, but it’s not listed in the love languages. I do want regular sexual interest, touch, comments, et…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:21 PM
11

The definition of objectification is “the act of treating people as if they are objects, without rights or feelings of their own,” which implies that this is generally non-consensual. I get what you mean, though—in casual discourse, I would generally say that I like to be objectified sometimes in the sense that I sometimes want to be the object of someone else’s sexual desire, even though I obviously don’t want my rights and feelings completely disregarded.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:10 PM
–

Weirdly, men are included, just not boys. A man can be a troop leader, but a boy can’t join a troop.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:25 PM
–

Gaming has never been a male-only space. I’ve been gaming since 1991 and I’m certainly not the first.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:17 PM
–

As far as I know there are still single-gender scouting troops under Scouts BSA, they just expanded to included mixed gender troops as well. I honestly wish Girl Scouts would follow suit with this. So many kids things are unnecessarily single-gender and it’s a pain in the ass.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:16 PM
1

I don’t think people should be forever defined by their worst moments. Many of these men are victims themselves and were seduced by grifters and manipulators when they were both young and especially vulnerable, and a lot of the more toxic manosphere spaces that I’ve seen are downright abusive to the young men immersed in them. I started reading them expecting to get angry, but instead it made me profoundly sad. If we seriously want to combat the alt-right, we need to start approaching things wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:42 PM
2

I mean, is the guy in the first comment 45? It’s pretty typical for people to see folks who are young enough to be their child as less mature.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:17 PM
2

Most people who were professional writers before chatGPT were trained to use em dashes to set the parenthetical off from the rest of their sentence. LLMs were trained on that same professional writing, which is why they love the em dash.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:11 PM
2

The first time I read that many men are struggling because they view the real world like a video game romance—where you pick enough “correct” dialogue options or give your virtual paramour the “correct” gift and it unlocks a romance (typically with at least an implied sex scene) my brain exploded. They’re absolutely expecting the real world to abide by video game mechanics.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:08 PM
–

This is true of basically any child who has been spoiled and coddled by overbearing parents though, not just autistic people and not just men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:02 PM
–

Honestly, working in childcare for many years I saw both exist simultaneously. Parents/teachers would shrug off behaviors that are stereotypically attributed to boys in situations that were unpleasant for other people (like a boy getting aggressive with another child) but would also punish boys harshly for stereotypical behaviors that were unpleasant for the parent/teacher (like being rowdy when that adult is talking).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 04:58 PM
–

Hard agree. My husband is like…medium functioning, I guess, and the world definitely doesn’t coddle him for this. I do think there are “autism parents” who coddle and infantilize their autistic children, and those children probably do struggle when they realize the rest of the world isn’t going to handle them with kid gloves, but that’s true of many children with overbearing parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 04:52 PM
1

Then good luck to him I guess, because most of this is just basic communication skills that anyone needs in a long term relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 04:42 PM
6

Over half of American adults age 18-25 are overweight or obese, so “virtually all of them” can’t be slim.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 04:21 PM
3

Men who are struggling with trauma from a shitty upbringing need to go to therapy and work through it like the rest of us have to.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 04:10 PM
3

Wait, wait, wait—how did your ex keep your sperm? I’ve been through fertility treatments and that sounds like a slam-dunk court case unless she bought it from you as donor sperm.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:51 PM
9

Especially in the era of the internet. There’s a YouTube tutorial for basically everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:49 PM
4

I feel like there’s some truth here beneath a wild, unnecessarily gendered veneer. Boys are absolutely taught to tie their sense of self worth to their ability to perform masculinity in a conventional way, which includes being competitive, productive, materially successful, etc. but the root of this problem isn’t a hive mind of mothers training up boys to be butlers for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:47 PM
5

Strongly agree with this. I see a lot of confusion over ‘want’ and ‘need’ in this space all the time, with some folks defining terms narrowly and literally (with a ‘need’ only being what’s absolutely necessary for basic survival) and some folks speaking more colloquially, where a ‘need’ can be something your feel is necessary for a decent quality of life.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:26 PM
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I don’t constantly scrutinize people. I assume that (a subset of) men were the primary ones to engage in this kind of behavior since they’re the ones I hear talking about people’s “sexual market value” and assigning individuals a numerical score.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:10 PM
1

I mean, it kind of depends on what they mean by these things? Some men say “men’s rights” and they’re talking about things like genital mutilation or the unique difficulties that male victims of domestic violence/sexual assault face. Some men say “men’s rights” and they’re talking about the “right” to have unlimited sexual access to women. These are two completely different groups of people with different concepts on what constitutes a basic human right. Using your example, I’m a feminist and I’…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 04:50 AM
1

This, lol. Short term fun was not a compliment—it meant I’m horny, you happen to be in close proximity to me, and I’m not physically repulsed by you.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:42 PM
4

How would you determine if someone is wife material solely off of looks?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:39 PM
1

A guy who isn’t an immediate turn on isn’t necessarily not sexually appealing, though—it doesn’t even necessarily have anything to do with the specific person and what they look like. I mean, yes, people can and do hook up with people they’re not remotely sexually compatible with because of other qualities that person has—and I generally think that’s a bad idea if either of you want a sexual relationship—but sexual attraction isn’t an on/off switch that gets flipped the moment you see someone fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:37 PM
3

It depends on what you’re going for, I suppose. If the goal is to get a short-term fuck buddy, then sure, you can hide a lot of undesirable qualities. If the goal is to have a healthy, mutually satisfying long-term relationship, not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:24 PM
8

“A woman once tried to get me shower me with unlimited sexual pleasure but I’m above all that,” is a wild take from someone who supposedly wants sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:20 PM
2

I’m sure there’s some people out there who are successfully hiding this kind of behavior from their long term partners, but the vast majority of people are going to let the mask slip eventually.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:17 PM
8

This! I’m not particularly socially literate myself, but I’ve had so many conversations with men where I try to get them to talk about their interests and there’s just . . . nothing. No questions, no engagement. Things like: Me: “So, X told me you like video games and anime?” Them: “Yeah.” Me: “That’s cool. I love gaming. I just finished Dragon Age: Veilguard which I was a bit meh about, honestly, but I loved a lot of the older BioWare games. I’m not familiar with a lot of anime, but I really lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:13 PM
6

Obviously how successful this is will be largely personality dependent—like I’m very comfortable with sex talk, tasteful sexual jokes, etc. where someone more private, religious or traditionally conservative might not be—but I think this depends a LOT on context as well. Saying sexually-charged things to someone you’re dating is a lot different than saying sexually charged things to someone you met ten seconds ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:59 PM
2

It would depend on what I’m looking for, what kind of mood I’m in, etc. There are tons of people that I recognize are very good-looking people, but I’m not personally immediately turned on by them for whatever reason—they might just not be my type, it might be something that could develop over time, I might just not be in the right mood at that moment, whatever. There are also people who are nowhere near as conventionally attractive but just exude sex appeal for me and short-circuit my brain. Bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:55 PM
28

Personally, I think how quickly a woman has sex with a man has more to do with her personality and what kind of relationship she’s looking for than how conventionally attractive the man is. That said, I think most people have some flexibility in how they view their relationships—a casual fling can become a deeper relationship if you discover that you’re mutually very compatible and spend enough time together to build a close connection, and chemistry can develop quicker than you expected with a …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:46 PM
10

Clear reciprocal interest doesn’t mean immediate interest in sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:32 PM
3

Honestly, if I wasn’t 100% sure I would just ask. I’m not great at social cues, so a partner who is uncomfortable with me asking for straightforward clarification wouldn’t be a good long term partner for me anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:28 PM
4

Assuming we’re speaking very generally here, some things I might suggest struggling men ask themselves: —Are you putting any effort into aesthetics? Do your clothes fit well? Is your hair (and facial hair) decently groomed and maintained? Is your living space clean and inviting? If you’re looking for dates online, do you put time and effort into taking and curating your profile pictures, or did you slap up a bathroom selfie with an unkempt background? —Are you emotionally literate? Can you ident…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 04:26 PM
1

This is not in the original Wicker Man film but I also wouldn’t really be surprised if it was the norm on Summerisle.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 02:50 PM
3

I was a freelance medical writer before LLMs became popular and slaughtered the industry. Generative AI loves the em dash because it’s trained on a mountain of professional writing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:12 PM
2

If you don’t talk to women, how on earth do you know that you don’t have what they want?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:51 PM
3

Lol what. I’m fanatically opposed to generative AI.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:47 PM
5

You can only adjust your lifestyle so far, though. Plenty of people have absolutely no safety net and rely on dual incomes to not be literally homeless. If a partner is out of work long-term and isn’t doing anything to improve the situation—whether that’s looking for a job, filing for unemployment, working with vocational rehabilitation, applying for SSDI, whatever is applicable in their scenario—the working partner can absolutely be put in a position where they need to make difficult decisions …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:46 PM
2

The remaining 2/3 only contains 10% of the nerves in the vaginal canal, though, and the vast majority of women don’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation, period. Plently of women do not want to be 100% filled up—having something ram your cervix is painful, and cervical bruising is not fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:39 PM
4

There are plenty of women who don’t really care much about penis size. There are even more women who can’t accurately guess penis size by sight. I certainly can’t reliably estimate size well enough to differentiate between 4” and 6”. And while I recognize that I’m spectacularly awful at estimating measurements, even trained surgeons have a margin of error between 15-20%.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:30 PM
2

The vast majority of nerves in the vaginal canal are in the 1/3 closest to the opening—for the average woman, that’s 2” or less of depth when aroused.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:15 PM
1

Where I live you have to petition the court for a name change. The filing fee with the court is currently over $300, but I think it’s increased over the years, as I remember it being around $450 to do two name changes. You can adopt a spouse’s current surname without paying for a legal name change, however.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 12:22 AM
4

I don’t actively dislike most marriage traditions, I just don’t think they should be treated as the default. Using your example, my husband and I don’t typically wear our wedding rings and it doesn’t bother either of us. If wearing wedding rings was important to my husband I would wear mine, because it’s not important to me that we don’t—I’m just bad with jewelry and don’t want to deal with it. If we clash on something that’s important to both of us we’ll work together to try to find a mutually …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:36 PM
1

Fuuuuuuck no. A relationship where cuddling is allowed as long as it never leads anywhere sounds like my own personal hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:19 PM
6

This was a whole ordeal for my husband and I, haha. Neither of us was attached to our last name, and we went by a third surname that we mutually chose for several years after marriage. However, eventually we had to accept that we’re too cheap to pay for two legal name changes, so I took his last name (after 7-ish years of marriage?) because I could do it for free.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:10 PM
2

Concealer typically accentuates wrinkles.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:03 PM
4

90% of the clitoris is internal. I’m not defending FGM in any way, but there are absolutely FGM survivors who can and do orgasm.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 03:30 PM
7

This is really only because the most extreme types of FGM get the most media attention in the U.S. despite not being the most common.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 03:25 PM
4

The OP specified that when it comes to FGM, it’s 99% women making the decision to circumcise—so the argument as written is that women are perpetuating FGM in places where that’s legal and culturally normal. Though I’m not 100% sure if it’s a typo on their part since the next sentence is about oppression of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 03:23 PM
1

Most self-proclaimed PUA that I’ve seen are peddling harassment and manipulation as a dating strategy, but I’m well aware that the internet tends to amplify more extreme niche content—are there better sources that you feel more accurately represent PUA as a whole?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:15 PM
2

Yes, these are examples of ways that women reinforce patriarchal norms.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:06 PM
2

This absolutely works on people who are interested in these things—my husband taught me how to play chess on one of our first dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:03 PM
8

I don’t really respect people more or less based on their job—unless their job is something I view as harmful, I suppose. As far as lifestyle preferences, I’d prefer that my partner didn’t work in an “alpha” type career and didn’t buy into hustle culture. My life doesn’t revolve around career ambitions, and I prefer a partner who feels the same way. If I was working a high-demand job outside the home and my partner had a low-demand WFH job I might be a little jealous sometimes, but I’d also be g…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 03:53 PM
1

Possibly religious or socially awkward? That’s only if I thought anything about it though, which would be unlikely unless I was directly asked like this. My husband was basically the same—21 year old virgin who always had many female friends. There’s no reason to think you’re going to be a virgin for the rest of your life at 25.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:46 PM
2

I’m a bi+ woman and a feminist, from experience, a lot of biphobic folks identify as feminists. I certainly wouldn’t say there are more biphobic feminists than biphobic people in the general population, but there are plenty of biphobic people in feminist spaces.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:34 PM
–

Someone who gives zero fucks about intersectionality isn’t going to be a very effective activist.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:20 PM
–

Feminism is opposition to patriarchy, which hurts people of all genders, not some knee-jerk opposition to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:18 PM
2

Why would you think that a woman raping a man is a more trivial crime than a man raping a woman? I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that a female rapist is committing diet rape. I also don’t know how someone sexually active could possibly come to the conclusion that the penetrating partner is always in control. Maybe your partners just lay there and like, passively accept intercourse as something that’s happening to them? They’re lying back and thinking of England? But that’s not the sex most…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:16 PM
3

And if that dynamic works for you and your partner, that’s obviously fine! I don’t think being penetrated is inherently more submissive or violent than penetrating, though, and I think that line of thought can get dicey—like, woman-on-man rape is often trivialized when compared to man-on-woman rape or man-on-man rape because of social ideas like ‘being penetrated is inherently more violating’ or ‘the penetrating partner always has more agency.’
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:54 PM
2

This is crazy town, lol. It’s getting into Andrea Dworkin territory where all PIV sex is viewed as violent domination.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:34 PM
3

Yes, you can—I’m a person obsessed with manners and I own multiple etiquette books, but sometimes being polite is downright unethical. Politeness prioritizes congeniality and conflict avoidance over honesty and accountability, and it can absolutely be used as a tool to uphold harmful social norms.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:21 PM
4

Being as clear as possible about needs and expectations before marriage is so much easier, though. My husband and I were both clear before marriage that we’d assume sexual exclusivity going forward, what ‘sexual exclusivity’ looked like to us (for example, neither of us considers pornographic media to be cheating), and if one of us wanted to change the terms in the future, it’s that person’s responsibility to start a discussion about opening the marriage and what that might look like.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 04:12 PM
1

I think people are entitled to pursue the things that support their well-being—sex is definitely one of those things for me. I also think that ethically, people should honor their agreements. My husband and I agreed to be monogamous, so if I want to change the terms of that agreement, I need to be an adult and initiate the conversation about it, even if it’s uncomfortable. At that point, either we come to a new agreement that’s mutually satisfactory, or we accept that we’re at an impasse and end…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 04:07 PM
1

Words do have meaning, but language is dynamic, and the human experience is highly nuanced. If you’re looking for fixed, black-and-white definitions for everything, you’re going to have a lot of difficulty navigating life in general. There’s a reason that dichotomous thinking is considered a cognitive distortion.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 07:38 PM
–

Shared goals are things like: —Are you financially experience-driven or security driven? (Do you prioritize travel or saving for a house?) —Do you want children? How many? When? Do your parenting styles align? —How much importance do you place on a healthy lifestyle? Is regular intentional exercise important? Is a consistent sleep routine important? How much can your partner diverge from your health goals before you consider their lifestyle problematic? —How much do you value alone time? Is a la…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 07:19 PM
–

Human relationships are complex and just aren’t going to fit in tidy boxes across the board. Pretty much anything we look at as the differentiating factor between a romantic relationship and a friendship can’t be applied universally. As you point out, fuck buddies exist. Emotionally intense and highly affectionate friendships exist. Roommates that share finances and co-parent children exist. I don’t see a relationship where sex is considered a major differentiating factor as inherently shallow. …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 07:06 PM
5

Or a lot of people would be open to something if it just fell in their lap, but they don’t want it bad enough to pursue it in any way, so they’re not doing it and have never done it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/26 05:52 PM
19

…you think that ‘one wrong things’ ends all heterosexual relationships, not just very new ones? People are ending twenty year marriages over an awkward text?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 05:32 PM
17

Everyone I know plans their texts. I have to put a LOT of planning/effort into mine—I typically type them out it Notes and then copy/paste. I have to make a conscious effort not to be “weird” all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 05:26 PM
2

I mean, it would depend on if I’m actually interested? In this example, I would likely not be super interested in his college football days because I hate football, but I would be polite, and I’ve definitely experienced scenarios where a story that I would not have expected to interest me genuinely does. I’d likely be interested in his favorite video games because I like video games 🤷🏻‍♀️.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 08:11 AM
4

This. My partner and I took TWENTY YEARS to try switching dominant/submissive roles, but we both really liked it when we did, much to our mutual surprise! Now we switch regularly.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 08:01 AM
18

This. Regular sex is something I want, not a chore I do for my husband after he pays the electric bill on time or whatever. That sounds like a miserable way to live for both parties, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 03:08 AM
–

Sustaining intimacy doesn’t look like badgering someone exhausted for more sex, though. Especially if the person doing the badgering isn’t contributing to domestic labor and childcare. My husband and I were very invested in sustaining intimacy post-children. I had childbirth injuries which made sex excruciatingly painful after our first was born, and dulled almost all pleasurable sensation. My husband helped me look for healthcare/treatment options. We explored—with a lot of trial and error—what…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:48 PM
1

Right. If any average-ish person only wants to date people who look like supermodels, they’re likely going to have problems. I have a female relative like this—she’s only interested in younger men that look like they could be on a romance novel cover and make enough money to support her financially, but (while she’s very pretty, IMO) she’s overweight, low-income, and doesn’t put a lot of effort into her appearance, so she’s been single for multiple decades.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 09:58 PM
1

This particular photo is kind of unflattering—the hoodie strikes me as something a middle school boy would think was hilarious and his smile looks forced here, but his other photos aren’t unattractive at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 09:51 PM
1

I think the fishing guy is a lot more attractive than the guy posted in this comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 09:47 PM
1

Same. I think the ice-fishing photo is really cool—I’ve never known anyone who went ice fishing and I’d love to hear all about it from someone who is enthusiastic about it, but I don’t know that I’d want to sign up for 24/7 fish/snake talk all the time, since I don’t share either of those interests.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 09:44 PM
1

Hard agree. I know a lot of women who love fishing, but I doubt any of them knows what Tinder is.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 09:43 PM
–

Power dynamics come into play here. I’ve had sex with people who I found irritating who were pushy about sex, but not threatening. My consent wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, but it was genuine consent. But I was never afraid of any of these people. None of them were in a position of power over me, like a boss or a professor. None of them tried to block me from leaving or did anything intimidating or domineering. That is not the case for every woman in these situations.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 04:27 AM
15

I’ve never been with someone 2”, but I would guess it wouldn’t be a problem on my end—the average vaginal canal isn’t very long and the vast majority of nerves are exclusively in the 1/3 closer to the opening anyways. The idea of oral in this size range is very appealing, honestly—3-ish inches is kind of my limit before my gag reflex kicks in. And no matter what size my partner is, I strongly prefer sex that doesn’t revolve exclusively around PIV. Over 6” isn’t a dealbreaker or anything either, …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 04:02 AM
23

If I was building a sex robot, I’d prefer under 6”, but I don’t harbor secret hopes for a specific penis size when I’m with a real person. I honestly doubt I could reliably tell the difference between 4” and 6” by sight.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 03:40 AM
1

I generally expect empathy from other humans because we’re a social species and it’s the bedrock of connection and compassion. I expect empathy from men because men are other humans?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 09:19 PM
1

I agree with point #1, but I most often see men who are really angry when women make generalizations about men—like, there’s a reason why #notallmen became a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 08:07 PM
3

I’m not OP, but I’ve definitely encountered other women who frame a high libido as immature or even animalistic/less evolved. A “need” for sex is often framed as deviant, while a “need” for platonic touch like cuddling is framed as healthy and normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:54 PM
1

For folks waiting to have sex until they’re married, there’s still the expectation that the relationship will become sexual in the future, though. In theory, they want to have sex with each other, they’re just waiting until the time they’ve agreed is appropriate. There’s likely still sexual tension and desire in their relationship. I can understand that a lot easier than a romantic relationship that has never been and will never be a sexual relationship. I totally respect that some people experi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:43 PM
1

If you’re also going “WHAT?!” you may be on the aromantic spectrum yourself! I figured out that my partner and I are probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum after learning about asexual folks who are not aromantic and being totally bewildered. I wasn’t questioning their experience, but I cannot wrap my mind around what constitutes romance without sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:39 PM
1

Other people don’t owe you social interaction either, though. There are lots of people who are touch-starved and experiencing extreme social isolation—that’s a real problem, but it’s obviously unethical to force people to hold their hand and socialize with them. Sex is similar to this, IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:35 PM
1

I feel the opposite—I often feel like folks bringing up the ‘food and water’ argument are being pedantic about the term ‘need.’ There are things I need for survival and things I need for quality of life. I need food for survival, but I need a well-rounded diet that includes some foods I enjoy for a good quality of life. I need 5-6 hours of sleep for survival, but I need 9 hours of sleep for a good quality of life. Sex is quality of life need for many, many people. You won’t die without sex, but …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:31 PM
5

Yes, I’m sure that any bisexual or straight woman would agree that’s not correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:15 PM
1

I’ve actually encountered this a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:13 PM
1

I don’t encounter this problem with actual asexual or aromantic women. I have experienced hostility from low-libido women who seemed to view their experience as normal/wholesome and mine as aberrant/deviant.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 07:13 PM
4

Yes—I took ‘guys’ to mean men here, not the “Hey, guys” gender-neutral sort of use.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 05:20 AM
6

Livejournal Mutual friends Mutual friends Community theater A musical theater chatroom
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 05:13 AM
1

This. Red-tape in healthcare usually costs more money and prevents people who would benefit from medical treatment from being able to access it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/26 06:48 PM
1

How has your scalp micro-pigmentation held up? I’m considering this for the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/26 06:44 PM
0

My first reaction to this was that we should normalize baldness—and I’m a woman who shaves my head because of hair loss, and I just don’t want another problem to manage medically, so I’m probably a bit biased here—but it looks like there are studies that show that male-pattern baldness is a significant source of distress for many men and that treatment generally improves their quality of life. I’m not a dermatologist or an endocrinologist, so I don’t know if hair transplants are (or should be) t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/26 06:41 PM
2

I’ve definitely seen otherwise progressive women reject bi+ men because they’re bisexual, but I. My experience it’s younger women who have had less of a chance to unpack biphobia they’ve internalized growing up in a heteronormative society. Even as a bisexual woman, I had some internalized biphobia towards bisexual men during my teenage years, which I’m deeply ashamed of. I honestly don’t know if this is still as much of a problem with younger generations, though. Coming out as bisexual was stil…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/26 08:25 PM
4

100%. As a bi+ woman I would assume that another woman who said she would “never date a bisexual man” is biphobic on some level and I’d encourage her to unpack that, but (in my experience) she’s much less likely to be aggressive/hostile/dangerous to a bi+ man than a biphobic straight man. And the enthusiasm many straight men have for dating bi+ women stems from stereotypes about bisexuals and how they imagine a bi+ woman might fulfill their sexual fantasies, so their interest is often not a priz…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/26 08:19 PM
0

IMO, what you’re describing isn’t “I wouldn’t date a bi+ man,” but “I have a lot of friends and contacts in the LGBTQ+ community and most bi+ folks I know wouldn’t be compatible with me in a romantic relationship, but I’d be open to it if we were.”
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/26 08:08 PM
-2

Crappy patriarchal norms.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 06:04 PM
2

I second this.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 05:58 PM
0

I think when most of us use ‘attractive’ and ‘unattractive’ in this kind of conversation we’re talking about whether or not someone would be widely considered attractive by conventional beauty standards in our society, not whether or not we’re personally attracted to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 05:51 PM
1

This is only excused (for any gender) by other people with the same batshit controlling rules.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 05:47 PM
4

I totally agree that people should have sex whenever it’s mutually desirable for them and their sexual partner, but for many folks that’s not going to be on a first date. A lot of people’s first dates are an hour long with someone they know virtually nothing about.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 03:31 AM
4

I can understand “from the start” as I’m also someone who would want to find out if we have any sexual chemistry/compatibility before getting serious at all, but the FIRST DATE?!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 03:16 AM
9

This, haha. I was pretty easy when I was single, and if I was ever single again I imagine I’d be the same way, but the FIRST date? Come on.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 03:12 AM
16

This. I’m a woman and I would NOT be interested in dating someone for six months without sleeping with them, so I just . . . wouldn’t date someone who was proposing those terms. Pretty easy. I wouldn’t feel like someone was dangling sex as a “reward,” we just have different attitudes towards sex, and that’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/26 03:05 AM
5

People have value beyond their net worth. I don’t need my husband to “provide” for me—we provide a variety of value for each other, including the fact that we just enjoy each other as people and find value in building a shared life.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 01:46 AM
5

What?! I don’t know ANY autistic men who are nazi sympathizers. Autistic people aren’t particularly well-received by folks who are into eugenics.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 01:32 AM
–

Wait, what? Don’t most people have hobbies of some sort?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 01:21 AM
–

Most team sports are kind of a turn off for me, but it definitely wouldn’t be a dealbreaker, and I could see myself going to games with someone who was enthusiastic about it as long as they’re cool with it not being my thing. Anything that totally takes over our shared space would be a problem for me, but that’s more of a failure to manage space constraints well than any particular hobby. I don’t care if someone has 5,000 Warhammer figures or a huge beer can collection or whatever as long as it’…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 01:19 AM
1

Is everyone you follow a 17-22 year old sorority girl because I don’t know anyone who would say any of this shit, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 09:50 PM
5

“Financial stability” means different things to different people, though. I live in a low-income, low cost of living area—no one here is holding out for a partner who makes 100k+ a year, but some people are holding out for a partner who doesn’t use credit cards irresponsibly, contributes to savings when possible, lives within their means, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 09:20 PM
22

This. People who long for romantic relationships and can’t find one (for whatever reason) are unhappy with their circumstances. People who don’t want romantic relationships or feel neutral towards them are happier single. This goes for pretty much everything—the fact that some people struggle with infertility doesn’t mean that happy childfree people don’t exist. No one likes to be forced into a situation contrary to what they would have chosen for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:14 PM
–

I’m not sure if you meant to respond to me, but I agree with this 100%. Full decriminalization and strict regulation is the only ethical solution.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 07:22 PM
1

IMO it definitely counts as sex. I’ve never paid for sex, but I live in an area where sex work is illegal and I’m broke, but I absolutely would under different circumstances!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:38 PM
1

I’d love to see your content!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:34 PM
1

100%. I mean, I write erotica for a living which is arguably a type of sex work—and I’ve read it to a client for money before—but that’s all above-board because I’m never touching my clients. It’s all so ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:33 PM
1

I’m not disgusted by the vast majority of people I’m not having sex with, and prostitutes can refuse clients at legal brothels. I think the stigmatization of sex work is what makes people feel like “losers” for buying sex. In reality, a lot of sex-work clients are just ordinary people who can find sexual partners in the real world—they might have a romantic relationship with someone with a lower libido and want to have more sex while maintaining clear boundaries, they might want to have a threes…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:22 PM
8

It’s not as easy to determine this as you might think—I’ve known lots of guys who weren’t conventionally attractive or well-off who had a ton of success with women.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:07 PM
13

You’d be surprised at how many people lack this level of common decency—I’ve watched people talk about how hard their life is because of minor surgery to a friend who had a child with cancer and brag about their new house purchase to a friend who literally just had their house burn down. I don’t think this situation is exactly the same, but it’s generally a good idea to get someone’s consent before you start talking about very intimate/private subjects. And yes, if they know that he’s struggling…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 09:05 PM
3

Interesting! I’m also elder millennial and in my experience our age group is the first one that’s generally really open about things that are considered more intimate or private.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:59 PM
1

A lot of women talk about sex with their friends. I know a LOT of details about my friends’ sex lives, while my husband knows basically nothing about the sex life of his male friends. I would definitely NOT talk about sex if a friend was uncomfortable—your friends should really be asking you first, but I would express to them that you’re not comfortable with this subject if you haven’t done that already. My husband (a straight man) actually enjoys that his female friends are more open to talking…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:58 PM
1

That makes me sad. I would hope that sexual experience would boost someone’s confidence and help them find a partner in the future if that’s what they desire. Access to sex work is obviously an issue in many places, and yeah, that sucks for both people who would like to safely patronize sex workers and people who would like to do safe, legal sex work.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:31 PM
4

I really wonder how many of the people with a knee-jerk reaction to prostitution work a middle-class office job and have never done hard physical labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:28 PM
1

I mean, fuck, I live in the US—I can legally buy a shit-ton of products made with actual slave labor in developing countries or U.S. prisons. I can buy chocolate harvested by child slaves. I can buy diamonds mined by slaves in literal war zones. It’s pretty obvious that social opposition to prostitution doesn’t come from some humanitarian concern about worker’s rights.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:26 PM
1

And criminalizing drugs has done a lot of social good where, exactly?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:23 PM
3

I’m guessing the Netherlands.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:22 PM
2

Lol, what? Do they think something magical happens when you have sex that you didn’t purchase?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:20 PM
2

Ah, gotcha. That’s super weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:19 PM
2

Sure. I don’t need a PS5 either, but I’m legally allowed to buy one. I don’t need a massage or a haircut or a pedicure, but I can procure those services if I can pay for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:18 PM
1

Agreed, that’s super gross behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:17 PM
2

Sex workers don’t receive a lot of genuine sympathy, either. No one listens to sex worker advocacy groups about what would actually make the lives of sex workers better—they just get paternalistic and act like it’s solidarity when it’s absolutely not. If sex work was safe and legal where I lived I could probably lift my family out of poverty overnight, so I am particularly salty about this issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:15 PM
1

Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:11 PM
2

Who cares what they want? I’d hope that most grown women aren’t asking their dad’s permission before they take a job they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:10 PM
2

It pisses me off that I’m legally allowed to fuck a man for money/resources as long as I do it under the table, which makes BOTH of us less safe, but it’s illegal if I rent an office and hang up a sex menu. Make it make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:08 PM
1

Having worked in a grocery store for many years, sex work in a safe, regulated environment would have taken a lot less of a toll on my body than hauling stacks of 50 pound banana boxes every day.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:03 PM
1

I’d absolutely be enthusiastic about having sex with someone for $500, the same way I’d be enthusiastic about painting someone’s bedroom for $500. Though really, I’d be more enthusiastic about sex for money because I fucking hate painting and it takes a lot more time.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:02 PM
3

And there are absolutely sex workers who want to be sex workers. For many women it’s just a job that they like better than working at Starbucks or whatever—or maybe they don’t even like it better, but it pays better, or the hours are better, or whatever—but there are sex workers who chose their work and enjoy it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:59 PM
2

I’d personally much rather fuck someone for money than get in a crawl space to do electrical work or deal with a wide variety of body fluids as a CNA or any of the many, many other jobs that require close human contact or intense physical labor. Sex isn’t magical, it’s just another human act.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:52 PM
1

They still can’t go to the police when they’re being abused because criminalizing the client forces the industry to run on secrecy. Many people are not going to threaten their livelihood to press rape charges when they know that their reputation depends on keeping their client confidential.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:47 PM
2

They’ll still have clients, they’ll just be the sort of people who are adept at navigating a criminal underworld, and they’ll be working in shadow markets that aren’t able to be regulated in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:46 PM
4

You’d think that living in a society that’s heavily influenced by a religion where the main Demi-god figure palled around with sex workers and defended women from being punished for sexual ‘immorality’ would produce a more humane view of sex work, but no, we live in this nightmare timeline instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:45 PM
1

Sure, but most marginally-developed societies recognize that people are allowed to pursue things that improve their quality of life, not just the absolute basics required for survival.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:40 PM
1

Wanting social approval for use of a product is different than wanting the ability to access a product safely. I don’t care if my neighbors approve of my purchases, but I do want to be able to make them safely without fear of legal repercussions and without needing to navigate unregulated shadow markets.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:35 PM
1

At this point, I’d argue that being involuntarily celibate and being an “incel” are different things due to the meaning the term has taken on.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:30 PM
3

…like, it doesn’t ‘count’ as sex? How does it not count? Genuine question here.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:29 PM
4

I’ve definitely met some women who have an incel-like world-view, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:28 PM
1

Prostitution being illegal is rooted in misogynistic ideas about women’s purity and modesty—women’s “sinful” bodies tempt good men into immorality and must be controlled. The “Swedish model” of criminalizing the purchase of sex is an attempt to continue to stigmatize sex work while making that more palatable to the citizens of wealthy, democratic countries that typically favor a large degree of self-determination and self expression. Of course, criminalizing clients is bad for everyone and pushe…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 07:25 PM
1

And it sounds like you didn’t pursue a relationship with this person, which is absolutely the right choice. No one is saying that some women aren’t awful people who would make terrible partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 06:58 PM
–

Oh sure, people can have whatever division of labor works for them. No one has to do ALL of these things all of the time, and if only one partner works outside the home, the stay-at-home partner should naturally be doing more domestic labor. I do think that folks should know how to do most of the basic things that make a household functional—eventually, you’re going to have to pick up the slack when the partner who normally does those things is sick, injured, away for an emergency, etc. I just m…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 02:48 AM
1

This is, unfortunately, true. “Pretty privilege” is fairly well documented—people are more likely to assign positive traits and intentions to someone they consider attractive, and that has big real world impacts. Fat women are more likely to be convicted of a crime, short men have lower wages than taller men, and ‘ugly’ people in general have a shorter lifespan and a lower quality of life than their conventionally attractive counterparts. And so far we’ve pretty much refused to address these iss…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 11:28 PM
4

This. And like, if there’s a totally innocent reason for this—like we live in the same building or he works right next door to where I live or whatever, it would usually come out pretty quickly in the same conversation. I think most people have been accidentally creepy like this at some point in their lives, but the creepy feeling goes away when you get the relevant context. Like, I once told a friend-of-a-friend who didn’t know me well ‘I know Will’—the name of our mutual friend. I forgot that …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 11:05 PM
3

No. I think “creepy” in its casual use is most often rooted in cruelty and ableism, especially when we’re talking about passive behaviors like body language or tone of voice. A friend of mine has an adult child with dysarthria who speaks with an unusual cadence at a louder-than-normal volume and has difficulty making friends because many folks view this as off-putting or “creepy,” despite the fact that this kid is extremely polite and gentle and probably one of the least threatening people on th…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 10:57 PM
3

“Just be yourself,” doesn’t mean “Stop learning and growing as a person and refuse to ever engage in any kind of self-improvement.” Like, if you like video games and anime, don’t pretend you like football and ATVs just because you think those men are more successful with women, since even if your fake persona does manage to attract someone, it will be someone that you have nothing in common with and you’ll both be miserable eventually.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 10:07 PM
0

There’s no standard script, but there are generally accepted norms. Like, if I approached you at a restaurant, sat down at your table uninvited, and started sobbing while telling you really personal details about my problems in life, you’d probably find that weird and off-putting.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 10:00 PM
5

Agree. I would call someone ‘creepy’ who like, stealthily followed me home or kept touching me after they’d been asked to stop, not someone who just started talking to me when I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:57 PM
1

In media, this is largely because the ‘woman dies in childbirth’ trope is high-drama. In real life, most women with serious health complications are conscious and can make their own decisions about how much risk they want to take on due to a pregnancy, and most men I know would support the decision that his pregnant partner made.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:27 PM
–

I feel like a lot of nuance is being lost here. Some men say “I want to be wanted for who I am, not what I can provide,” and mean “I don’t want to be expected to contribute anything to a relationship, change any of my habits/behaviors, or compromise in any way.” And yeah, that’s obviously not a great position for someone looking for a romantic relationship to take. They’re obviously not ready to do the collaborative work that’s necessary to build a relationship with another human. Some men say “…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:24 PM
–

Apart from asexual folks, most adults in long-term romantic relationships expect to have a sexual relationship with their partner. Sexual desire is not about merely existing, either. In most long term relationships, you have to actually be good at sex for the other person to want to continue having sex with you, and since what constitutes ‘good sex’ varies from person to person, you have to be able able to communicate your needs, listen to another person’s needs, respect boundaries, show interes…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:15 PM
–

This is true in the majority of the real life male/female long-term relationships I know as well—at least, among the people I’m close enough with to casually discuss our sex lives. The idea that all men are high-libido and all women are low-libido is so antiquated and just plain wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:09 PM
–

I genuinely like my husband and I LOVE spending time with him, but if he provided no practical benefits—refused to take EVER care of our children, do any work to maintain the house we both live in, run errands, fill out paperwork, bring home an income, cook for the family, whatever—I wouldn’t be very happy. Not because I’m looking for someone to cook and clean for me, but because I wouldn’t feel very loved or respected by an adult who wanted to share in leisure times but left all of the work of …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:07 PM
1

I generally agree with this, but there are costs to any relationship, even a happy one. Like, neither my husband or I can just move for the best opportunity—if one of us gets a great job offer or gets admitted to a prestigious academic program, we might have to give that up if it’s not what’s best for our partnership and family. And in any long-term relationship, you’re going to be picking up the slack from someone else’s mistakes or bad fortune eventually—you might be a full-time caregiver and …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:56 PM
2

A semi-nocturnal D&D nerd who dresses well (not expensive clothes, but clothes that fit well) and cooks is the DREAM for many of my friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:44 PM
5

Oh, I absolutely agree that the children come first—if my husband and I both needed to die to save one of our children, that’s what we’d do, and if we had to let the other spouse die to save a child, we’d do that as well. I’m talking about hypotheticals where it’s just you and one other person—where someone would jump in front of a train to save their child, but they wouldn’t to save their spouse. I was really surprised at how common that was!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:29 PM
–

This. I think the issue is often not overtly financial—like, a woman isn’t necessarily thinking that a man should get off video games and go make more money—but a product of a productivity-obsessed culture demonizing leisure in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:27 PM
3

I would take a bullet for my husband and I genuinely think that he would take one for me. I definitely want the kind of romantic relationship where both partners are willing to die for the other—I was really surprised one time when I heard folks talking about how they’d die for their children but not their spouse.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:22 PM
–

Cryptid hunters actually exist, they’re just not catching anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:10 PM
–

If someone is letting a child play shit like The Last of Us and Until Dawn I really question their judgement on what’s appropriate for children.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:08 PM
–

I love this story! I’ve been playing TTRPGs with my husband for 20+ years and I think the communication and collaboration skills you have to develop when co-creating a story really did wonders for our relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:05 PM
–

And this is why you can’t meet women who like video games 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:01 PM
–

Many, many women love video games. I don’t even want to admit how many hours I have into BG3 at this point 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:56 PM
–

Tell me that you don’t know how dopamine works without telling me that you don’t know how dopamine works.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:55 PM
–

I mean, I definitely don’t think women who hate video games are more mature, but I also don’t necessarily think they’re boring? It really depends on what the relationship dynamics would look like—someone who hates video games is probably not very compatible with someone who is deeply immersed in gaming culture and spends a lot of time gaming as their main hobby, the same way that I wouldn’t be very compatible most serious cyclists or football fans or someone else who invests a LOT of time/money …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:53 PM
1

Nope.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/25 10:04 PM
2

I don’t do it because I’m old, not conventionally attractive, and utterly exhausted by performative social interaction—so even if I attracted some niche audience, I’d be terrible at the social aspect of the job. Not every person is suited to every job. I’d be a terrible economist, but I don’t think being an economist is shameful. If I had some guarantee that I could make a decent amount of money I’d definitely do it anyway, even though I think I’d be terrible at it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/25 06:31 PM
–

Are they in high school? I don’t know any grown woman who says “Ewww” about someone they don’t want to date unless they’re actively picking their nose or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 08:07 AM
–

Lol, I’ve literally fucked people that I had zero respect for because I wanted them to stop talking. Measuring respect by someone’s willingness to rub their genitals on yours seems like a wild ass take to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 08:05 AM
–

I definitely would, but it would be someone who is advocating for genocide or something, not a stranger at a party that I’m just not interested in chatting with.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 08:01 AM
2

BLM became a huge national movement in 2014 and the phrase was in use before that. It has nothing to do with distracting people from covid.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 06:47 AM
3

The average man I meet seems masculine to me. I don’t think “too masculine” or “too feminine” is a thing. There are definitely groups of men who perform a different type of masculinity than most men in my social circle, and I’ve encountered men that I view as giving a kind of a cartoonish, heavy-handed performance of masculinity, but I definitely don’t think of those men as more masculine than the average man. I literally couldn’t care less about how masculine the men around me are—I think they …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 10:23 PM
–

I’d rather date a modest earner with strong financial discipline (though I wouldn’t be interested in someone so focused on saving money that they’re averse to us enjoying our lives) but I’d also rather date someone in abject poverty than a high-earner who lives paycheck-to-paycheck so they can flaunt their wealth.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:47 PM
-2

I don’t think it’s saying that men, as a whole, are more dangerous than wild animals—it’s saying that women are more afraid of being alone in the woods with a random man than a random wild animal. We don’t know if that man is dangerous, and if he is, he might rape and torture you before he kills you. He might have weapons. He might behave unpredictably. A wild animal is generally pretty predictable, and there are reliable things you can do to try to protect yourself and survive the situation. A …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:23 PM
6

I mean, are bears more likely to attack you? Bear attacks are pretty rare, but the average woman has a lot more exposure to men than bears. I don’t know that reliable stats exist for man vs. bear violence, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:14 PM
2

I personally haven’t seen a ton of complaints about not being approached by men, but being approached in a bar or a library or whatever is a LOT different than encountering a stranger alone in the woods.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:09 PM
2

Women choosing the bear aren’t saying they hate being around men—they’re saying they’re more afraid of being alone with a random man than being alone with a random wild animal. It’s only the same if you’re literally more afraid that a random woman will hurt or kill you than a random pit bull.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:07 PM
1

This is the reaction that I’ve seen from men more often—most men in the real world aren’t specifically looking for a virgin tradwife. My husband’s reaction to finding out I had a lot more prior sexual partners was basically “Yay, this woman will probably fuck me immediately.”
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/25 07:00 PM
–

I’m probably as left leaning as a person can be and just…what the fuck is wrong with your friends? I would absolutely flip if someone in my social groups backed forced surgery as an acceptable punishment for anything, holy shit. Personally, I only hear this kind of thing from folks on the very far right who are also in favor of torture and execution.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 08:17 PM
3

This really depends on the person from what I’ve seen. I have less than zero interest in a non-sexual romantic relationship, but I’ve met quite a few folks who are interested in romance but have zero interest in sex, or who consider sex a very minor/optional part of a romantic relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/25 09:26 AM
1

I don’t think marriage being a goal, or even a primary goal is the issue—I knew I wanted to be married, so I approached dating seriously from the start to give myself a better chance of meeting the right person—but your only goal? That seems like a recipe for disaster.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/25 09:16 AM
–

This really depends on someone’s individual personality and what their paid job is like, IMO. I think staying at home is way more chill than wage-labor, but I’ve always had blue collar jobs. I also enjoy domestic labor more than other kinds of labor—my last in-person job was as a nanny and I LOVED that work and often couldn’t believe I was getting paid to do it. I’ve known a lot of other folks (mostly people with white-collar office jobs) who couldn’t wait to get back to work after their kids we…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:54 PM
–

Ask literally any stay-at-home-mom if she feels like society supports her choice to stay at home. Stay-at-home-moms are absolutely shit on for their choice, especially if they’re not wealthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:47 PM
–

…film projection did require a human to be present. Film was a physical thing that required a projectionist to physically splice it together before the industry-wide shift to digital film in the mid-to-late 2000’s. I don’t know how someone picking a career in 1992 was supposed to predict that. I don’t know how writers or graphic artists or journalists who trained 10+ years ago were supposed to predict that AI would kill 30% of the jobs in their industry over 5 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:25 PM
–

Many people do get skills and training but can’t get decent work in their field for a variety of reasons—ask literally anyone that planned to work in higher education, publishing, etc. Huge numbers of tech workers are losing their jobs each year as major companies are trying to pivot to AI.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:20 PM
–

You realize that many people don’t have careers or lose careers long past 18, right? Entire industries go underwater—movie theater projection was once a skilled trade with decent pay and a union, and now the job is replaced by a machine that is auto-programmed to start on time.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:11 PM
–

For the most part, people don’t choose blue collar jobs. The vast majority of people would choose to work in an office for an 80k salary over plunging toilets for $16/hr if they had a choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:06 PM
5

I don’t even want to be friends or acquaintances with folks significantly to the right of me, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to date or fuck them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 09:13 PM
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Even if we’re not interested in that specific topic, nerdy women can’t resist an enthusiastic infodump—it’s absolutely delightful to watch someone else get super passionate about this weird thing they love and have made themselves an expert in.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 09:00 PM
–

I saw this analogy one other time and it just blew my mind, it’s so freaking accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 08:55 PM
–

Part of the issue men seem to have is recognizing that women aren’t a monolith. We don’t have monthly meetings where we vote on advice to give to men. I actively sought out relationships/opportunities for relationships. I knew I wanted to prioritize finding a serious, long-term relationship and I approached that the way other people approached building a career. I have no issue with men actively looking for sex or romance. I’d have no problem with a friend asking me out on a date—I’d only be hur…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 08:34 PM
1

Sure—I mean, online dating was already a thing when I was a teen, and Hinge/Tinder launched when I was in my early/mid 20’s, but I was already married. Dating apps might be loaded with frat/sorority type, I really don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that normal, average people no longer exist. None of the people I know who got married 10+ years after I did met through dating apps—they met at work, art class, a hiking club, on MMORPG’s, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/25 07:32 PM
3

Getting accurate data on this sort of thing is really, really difficult. Self-reported surveys just aren’t very accurate overall and rely on the specificity of the questions, the subject’s understanding of the questions, how comfortable the subject is that their responses will remain anonymous, etc. Personally, I don’t think filtering out people to try and pursue an ‘ideal’ scenario is very useful because the vast majority of people aren’t living in ideal scenarios. That said, I also don’t think…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/25 07:45 PM
3

From experience, being very fat and disabled/chronically ill doesn’t keep you from having orgasms. The only time I ever had a physical problem getting off was due to childbirth injuries.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/25 07:00 PM
1

I definitely don’t think being sex obsessed is a male trait—women with high libidos exist. Women in kink culture exist. Women who don’t enjoy having a high libido are often influenced by social pressures and stigmas around women’s bodies and sexuality. I don’t think most women are out there with a new partner every night having wild sex like some RP folks seem to imagine, but lets not feed into the stereotype that women aren’t interested in sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/25 06:52 PM
2

You’re going to get a lot of different answers to this question because women don’t all want the same things in a romantic or sexual partner. When I was looking for a partner, important attributes were: shared values, shared (or adjacent) hobbies and interests, creative/artistic in some way (writing, music, painting, whatever), not terribly ambitious or career/money focused, at least somewhat introverted and happy staying home, flexible/adaptable and able to find happiness in a wide variety of c…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 07:14 PM
2

I want men to stay horny but just not be so fucking weird about it. I have a high libido and I don’t send people genital pictures or try to turn random conversations into sexual ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:47 PM
4

FWIW, I didn’t shave my legs for many, many years and don’t remember ever getting a negative comment. I certainly wouldn’t say it’s normalized, but I think most people don’t really care about a stranger’s shaving choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:45 PM
14

This. About 3/4 of U.S. adults are overweight or obese. If you don’t want to date someone overweight, your dating pool is automatically smaller. If you don’t want to date someone overweight but you are overweight, you’re really narrowing your options.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:37 PM
2

I mean, most below-average people recognize that they’re below-average by conventional social standards, and their partners can recognize that even if they find them wildly attractive and generally wonderful. My husband is attracted to me, but I’m definitely below average by conventional beauty standards and we’re both aware of that—he has a pretty wide range of attraction in general. My husband would be considered “below average” by a lot of conventional standards and we’re both aware of that, …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:23 PM
3

I seriously have to wonder if most people here live in like…a frat house or something. I’m middle aged and married, most of my social circle is middle aged and married, and none of us are in the top 20% of anything. Go to a Walmart or a Kroger or something—do all of the couples you see look like they’re in the top 20% of looks/income/whatever?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:14 PM
3

In my experience, most men and women who have zero options have boxed themselves in—they want people totally incompatible with their lifestyle. Like, I have a relative who I think is gorgeous but much heavier than is typically considered conventionally attractive in my society and just generally not active. She’s neurodivergent and struggles with mental health issues that make domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning and stable employment difficult. She’s only interested in dating folks who are …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:09 PM
–

Man, part of my brain thinks this is a tad fucked but another part thinks it’s genius, haha. The venn diagram of women who are extremely biphobic and women who want a man to perform ‘traditional’ masculinity is basically a circle.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 09:24 PM
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Part of this is probably social pressure and lack of support, though. I’d wager that we’d see a lot more men who wanted to stay home if domestic labor wasn’t unnecessarily gendered and generally devalued.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 09:14 PM
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This. There are several women in my social circle who have been the primary breadwinner for a husband who is the home-spouse or works part time for their entire relationship. My husband and I have both been the stay-at-home-spouse/parent at different times in our relationship. While patriarchal norms around men and career/financial ‘success’ absolutely exist and are perpetuated by both men and women, feminists who are the primary breadwinner aren’t some mythical cryptid, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 09:06 PM
1

This is probably true—it’s a “my love would change him” fantasy taken to the absolute extreme.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 09:02 PM
0

I’m not sure why you’d want to attract mentally unstable women who have a parasocial relationship with literal serial killers?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 09:01 PM
1

I mean, yeah, you can’t just randomly pair neurodivergent people and expect them to be compatible, the same way you can’t just randomly pair neurotypical people and expect them to be compatible. That said, generally speaking, neurodivergent people have an easier time connecting with other neurodivergent people and neurotypical people have an easier time connecting with other neurotypical people.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 08:54 PM
7

That’s only because NT folks define the social standards for socialization, though. Neurodivergent people often have no issues socializing with other neurodivergent people—NT and ND people struggle to communicate and connect with each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/25 08:34 PM
10

In my experience, mixed neurotype relationships are more challenging—the double empathy gap can be a really difficult thing to overcome. I’m not sure why a neurodivergent woman would think a neurotypical man would be kinder to her—that certainly hasn’t been my experience. I wouldn’t rule out dating a neurotypical person, but I would be a lot more cautious than I would be in dating another neurodivergent person.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/25 08:28 PM
2

This, lol. My husband drinks matcha, presumably because he likes it. I think matcha tastes like lawn clippings so I don’t drink it. Pretty sure neither of has lost our dignity over our choice in tea.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 07:53 PM
1

I’m over here trying to figure out what’s undignified about painting your nails or drinking tea.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 07:51 PM
–

Gifts are one of my top love languages but cost isn’t a consideration—it’s the effort that someone put in to learn what you like and the fact that they’re thinking about you when you’re not around. “I took a picture of this thing I knew you would think was hilarious!” or “I was at the grocery store and your favorite snack was on ultra-clearance so I bought 5!” has more impact than “Here’s some super expensive diamonds earrings. You don’t like diamonds but they sure did cost money.”
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 07:47 PM
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No, no, no. The average vagina is not 6” deep when aroused. Most women do not want something banging into their cervix because it fucking hurts.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 04:32 AM
1

This experience isn’t universal, though. I’ve also had sex I didn’t want to have and it was always just a ‘meh’ experience for me. It wasn’t traumatic or especially draining or even upsetting. I’d rather have sex I don’t want than go to a boring job or watch a movie I don’t want to watch. Hell, I’ve literally had sex I didn’t want to have to get out of watching a movie I didn’t want to watch, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/25 05:43 PM
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This is going to be different for everyone to begin with and vary among individuals depending on circumstances. My ideal frequency of sex is once a day—I’d honestly go for more, but then I run out of time to live life, haha. But that requires most other circumstances to also be ideal—when I had three kids under 2, I only had the energy for sex once or twice a week, and I’m sure we missed some weeks entirely. Right now we’re doing major DIY renovations and sometimes we’re up until 3 A.M. working …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:37 PM
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I don’t care about this because it’s so totally irrelevant. It’s like if a man lied and told me he’d seen Star Wars when he’s actually never seen Star Wars—like sure, I wish he hadn’t felt like he had to lie about that, but who cares? Basically, I’d assume he lied because he was embarrassed or whatever, and while I generally don’t love being lied to, it’s a harmless lie. I think most adults have told harmless lies to protect their feelings or someone else’s at some point in their life.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:30 PM
1

Date other socially weird anxious people? I’m a neurodivergent introvert with severe social anxiety—I don’t want to be with a person who thrives on “working a room” and is trying to drag me to parties every week.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/25 06:43 PM
1

I’m in love with my husband and absolutely lust after him. After 18 years of marriage, I’m more attracted to him than ever. Height doesn’t isn’t an issue for me. My husband is a bit taller than average, but I’m the same height. I find plenty of men shorter than me very attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/25 06:34 PM
2

Wife. I’m broke now, so no big loss there. “Alpha dick” tends to mean a man who thinks he’s hot shit in bed and isn’t interested in mutual exploration or feedback, so hard pass. Being the mistress to a king sounds like a good way to get myself stabbed in a back alley when he’s bored of me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/25 06:19 PM
3

I’ve been married for 18 years and a significant part of my husband and I getting together was interest/hobby overlap. Sure, interests and hobbies aren’t quite as important as values, but it’s a totally reasonable way to meet someone who you might enjoy getting to know.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/25 06:11 PM
–

Oh man, that breaks my heart. I’m really sorry you had that experience, that’s awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 04:34 PM
8

I love that you called her out on this and that she took the opportunity to grow as a person and a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 06:55 PM
1

Spontaneous and responsive desire aren’t even that different, IMO. Desire seems spontaneous when we’re not consciously aware of what turned us on—it seems responsive when we are consciously aware.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 05:23 PM
3

lol I was formally diagnosed after a neuropsychological evaluation but enjoy your weird little flex I guess?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/25 06:14 AM
1

I’m wondering this too. A marriage license is like $50.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 12:24 AM
10

Right? And it can vary wildly even in the same region. I grew up in a small city that leans slightly conservative and is one of the most segregated metro areas in the US. My husband grew up less than 2 hours away in a liberal-leaning college town with a major university that attracts a lot of international students. My husband’s mind was blown when he learned that listening to Alan Jackson and being in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes were popular things at my high-school.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/25 05:50 PM
14

I’m the same (neurodivergent nerdy bisexual outside the ‘norm’) and I definitely know “girl boss” type women, but they’re just folks who are in a social niche that’s not mine, not like some supermajority of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/25 05:37 PM
20

This—I can really only speak for my own country, but the U.S. is enormous with significant cultural variations by region. And even in the small and mid-sized Midwest towns I was born and raised in there are a decent number of “alternative” young folks, so it’s not like this is some rare anomaly.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/25 05:28 PM
2

Cool! I’ll check that out sometime.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 02:09 PM
5

This isn’t even being judgmental, IMO—at least not in the way judgmental gets used casually—it’s just good sense and discernment. Trying to put on some performance so you can please someone fickle or incompatible is a recipe for disaster all around, especially for anyone hoping for a long-term relationship. I see a LOT of people in nightmare marriages that could have been avoided if the people involved hadn’t tried to force themselves into a mold they didn’t fit into in the first place. Virginit…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 03:57 PM
1

I think he told me—I knew the girlfriend he had before me was the first woman he dated, so it might have come up in a conversation about that? It was 20+ years ago though, so I’m not 100% sure. I know that I knew before the first time we had sex because I was trying to be extra careful that I wasn’t pushing him into anything. We’d met through a mutual friend who was religious and waiting for marriage, so I wasn’t sure if he was also a virgin for religious reasons (and didn’t have the communicati…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 03:36 PM
6

Zero issues with this. My husband was a virgin when we met—I assumed he would want to take things slow—he did not want to take things slow after all, haha, but I would have been fine with it either way.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 05:24 AM
3

The level of misanthropy it takes to arbitrarily rank people’s value on how much they’ve contributed to society and then decide that young men are useless cannon fodder because they’re too young to have contributed to society is fucking wild. I guess young women have more value because they’re potential incubators for new people? Barf. If anyone’s going to take a bullet, it should be the 60+ year olds starting wars who have already lived most of their life anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 10:45 PM
1

Oh, absolutely. I try to consciously combat this, and most of the examples I can think of are pretty small—asking my husband to check out a ‘thump’ in the night or pump gas and kind of just…expecting that he will because it’s a ‘man’ thing? Which is absurd, of course—checking out weird noises in the house is just an ‘adults who own a house’ thing and pumping gas is just a ‘people who own a car’ thing, but I’ve definitely caught myself thinking along gendered lines. None of us grow up in a vacuum…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 10:34 PM
6

It’s also harmful to trans men and masculine intersex folks. Masculinity has fuck all to do with penis size and body shaming sucks across the board.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 10:25 PM
5

I also had serious relationships young—hell, I met my (now) husband at 16, and we’ve been together over 20 years—but I think you and I are outliers, honestly. Most of the women I know weren’t really looking for anything serious at that age either.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 04:40 PM
2

Sure, assuming that real-life variables like budget and closet space aren’t a consideration here, I’d be happy to take a kid shopping for new clothes because they wanted to feel better about themselves, present themselves a different way, try out a new style—whatever. If they want to get new clothing because of external pressure—like being bullied by other kids—I’m not averse to that, but I’d have more follow-up questions. Like, I’ve had plenty of situations where I deliberately made myself look…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 04:14 AM
5

Oh god, haha, this is exactly like relationship mechanics from video games. Choose enough “correct” conversation options or give them the right objects as gifts or whatever and once you reach a certain threshold of approval you trigger a companion romance, and then a certain percentage of dialogue/cutscenes are unique to a romance and a certain percentage is the same as a platonic play-through. I feel like this explains so much of the shit I see online.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:48 PM
1

This really depends on where you are on the romantic to aromantic spectrum. It blew my mind when I found out there are asexual folks who want romantic relationships, and while I respect it, I don’t 100% understand it. Romance, to me, is essentially friendship + commitment + sexual desire.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:37 PM
2

It’s not? I mean, the love language stuff isn’t science or anything, but I do think it can be helpful for folks who are struggling to convey affection and appreciation—a LOT of adults don’t automatically realize that the things that make them feel loved aren’t necessarily the things that make everyone else feel loved.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:34 PM
3

What do these fractions even mean? Are you equating desire to libido—like, out of every time 5 times I want to have sex, a partner wants to have sex once? Or are you equating desire to attraction on some—like, somehow I feel like I’m 95% attracted to my partner, and partner is 19% attracted to me? The latter seems unmeasurable and arbitrary to me, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:31 PM
4

IDK, my husband and I are both autistic and we don’t try to quantify everything by throwing out weird, arbitrary numerical values.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:27 PM
19

Part of loving yourself is wanting to take care of yourself and support yourself in achieving your goals—you don’t have to berate yourself to accomplish things. I love my children as they are, but that doesn’t mean I don’t support them in learning and growing as people.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:24 PM
4

I’d have zero issues with this. The build-up of sexual tension could be really fun!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 04:36 PM
4

By a romantic partner, or by a random stranger? I don’t want sexual comments or gestures or pictures from random people at all. I do want sexual attention from my husband. His sex drive is never going to be a problem for me—certain behaviors could bother me I guess, but they’d be things that are WAY over the line of what’s considered generally socially acceptable and not things that my husband would do.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 04:33 PM
3

I mean, how long are we talking about? I’d have been fine waiting several dates, but sexual compatibility is important to me and I wouldn’t want to wait a year or until marriage or anything like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 04:28 PM
2

The average woman in the U.S. is 5’4”, 171 pounds, with a 39” waist. This is clinically obese by waist-height ratio, and just a hair under clinically obese by BMI (29.3).
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:51 AM
23

I’m a far-left feminist and I agree with like 98% of this.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:48 AM
–

None of that is necessary for most women, though. ‘Dad bod’ mods for video game men make a ton of women lose their fucking minds.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 07:12 PM
–

This—and honestly, I think attention to aesthetics is a huge draw for a lot of women that would be a pretty easy thing to pick up for any many who has a mild interest in making himself/other things look their best. My husband’s eye for composition and photography skills are wildly attractive to me—he takes gorgeous photos of our children on his phone, he’s invested in how our home looks and feels, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 07:08 PM
0

‘Split 50/50’ is just another way of saying ‘shared,’ IMO. My husband and I have been together over 20 years, we share everything and if something were to happen to our relationship we’d divide everything 50/50. We bought our house with money I inherited, but I would never think of it as my house or my money if we divorced—we’d sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:58 PM
2

And he’s only earning what he’s earning because he has someone at home willing to look after his children and manage his out-of-the-office life for him. If he was a single father who wanted to work the same hours he’d be paying for daycare, an after-school nanny, a house cleaner, meal delivery. He’d have to take time off every time one of his children was sick or needed to go to an appointment. He’d have to finance full-time childcare in the summers when children are off of school, and so on.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:52 PM
1

The administration is the real killer here, IMO. The cooking, cleaning, and laundry is nothing compared to the admin duties.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:46 PM
1

Doing all the chores and life management for 5 people is a whole different ballgame than only looking after yourself. There’s a reason I don’t complain about my work load to friends who have 9 kids—I know that managing more people is more labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:44 PM
1

Most people engaged in these kinds of debates aren’t working a physically demanding job, though. My husband stayed at home when I had a job that was 50+ hours a week of farm labor and hauling 50-pound boxes of produce and I agree that it’s a different division of labor than someone who works an cushy office job where they’re taking leisurely restaurant lunches every day. And my husband did absolutely did more domestic labor than I did during that time, but I still cleaned up after myself at home…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:39 PM
1

I do all of this shit in my house—if I don’t know how to do something, I call my mom, who was a substation technician before she retired. She can usually help me figure it out, especially if it’s something electrical. Basically everyone else I know hires a professional—I can’t think of anyone in my social circle who has a husband who does these kinds of tasks.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:33 PM
2

Domestic work is generally endless too, though? You can certainly finish your daily chores, but there’s always deep cleaning, household repairs, food prep, errands, and family management to be done. I don’t think domestic labor is the hardest job on Earth or anything, but I think it’s very case-by-case depending on the individual’s personality and the type of job they’re accustomed to. I know a lot of people who work in an office and fuck around on Facebook half of their day who had a very rude …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:24 PM
2

If you’ve never seen the HBO series Rome, he’s fantastic in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 02:23 AM
31

Also, I’m not sure that 35+ was ever considered “too old” to have kids—you were just having your last kids instead of your first kids. My Great Grandmother had her 12th kid at 40. My husband’s grandmother had her 6th and 7th children (twins) at 37. Women in their late 30’s and early 40’s having children isn’t a new thing—what’s new is those children being the first or second children. Most people don’t have large families now, so they don’t “need” to start having children at 20.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 05:08 PM
2

Some of this is fine in a marriage IMO—like, my husband handles technical stuff (hooking up electronics and such) because it drives me to madness, and I do the same with paperwork for him. Both of us could do those things and probably learn to do them better and faster, but we don’t want to.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:57 PM
3

This CAN be true. My husband grew up in a hoarded house and didn’t know how to do any domestic shit because he grew up in a non-functional pile of garbage. I literally taught him how to make boil noodles on the stove, but he was totally open to learning how to do these kinds of basic tasks. I’ve absolutely seen couples where one party acts like they’re incapable of learning how to operate the dishwasher or use a hammer and will intentionally fuck it up if they try because they just don’t want to…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:55 PM
17

I had my firstborn at 28 and I wish I’d been younger for various reasons, but other people want different things and I’m certainly not going to tell them what the ‘right’ age to have children is.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:49 PM
0

I have a romantic partner, but I want a romance because it’s something that I find deeply meaningful and fulfilling? Why do people paint? Why do people listen to music? Why do people travel? I don’t think most people have some kind of long-winded rationale for why they’re driven towards the things they want in their life. I do think it’s beneficial for people to examine social defaults like marriage and children and try to untangle if they really want them, or if they’re just chasing after them …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:45 PM
3

Some people like flirting and some people don’t. It makes both me and my husband want to crawl into a hole and die, so we don’t do it. If other people enjoy it, more power to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:36 AM
4

Sometimes this happens for a while—I had pretty severe childbirth injuries after my first birth, and then had premature twins 19 months later and moved six times in the next four years. We still had sex after I recovered enough from birth #1 to not be in excruciating pain all the time, but life circumstances definitely did slow things down in the bedroom. We still desired each other and we tried to communicate that regularly, we were just exhausted. But kids don’t stay little forever. My younges…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:35 AM
3

An attractive autistic dude with sexual skills is THE DREAM for many heterosexual autistic women.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:47 PM
4

I’m not opposed to ethical non-monogamy and my husband knows that, so I’m assuming that he’s still happy being monogamous. If he’s not, he’s welcome to open a discussion about restructuring our relationship. If someone prefers polyamory or some other form of ENM, they’re free to pursue folks with similar views. I know a lot of poly people who seem to be very happy with their relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:45 PM
10

Around 15% of marriages haven’t had sex in the last year, compared to up to 60% of single folks—all of this stuff is self-reported data and surveys, so the numbers can swing pretty wildly. In the vast majority of studies I’ve seen, single folks who are not cohabitating report the lowest levels of sexual satisfaction. I would go batshit insane if I was only having sex once a week, but clearly that’s working well enough for a lot of married/cohabitating couples. Obviously, if sex is important to y…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:41 PM
7

I mean, these women just suck. People are vain and self-centered and just awful sometimes. This is just the gender-flipped version of men who act like fat women, older women, or any woman they personally don’t find attractive shouldn’t exist in public.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:03 PM
6

If your only goal is to have as much on-demand sex as possible it makes a lot more sense to be husband material. No single person is having as much sex with zero effort as my husband and I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:59 PM
1

I’m reeling over a 20k town being a ‘small rural college town,’ the small rural college town near me has 5.5k people. It’s wild how these definitions change based on area! The 25k town nearby is considered the ‘big city’ by most of the people where I live.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 08:11 AM
6

I’m a feminist. Sex with a prostitute is consensual assuming that she entered sex work of her own free will and isn’t being forced or coerced anywhere along the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:51 AM
1

I know women who are Warhammer fans! IDK how hardcore they are but they play a lot and spend a lot of $$ and time painting miniatures.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:04 PM
1

Just to be clear, I am NOT trying to insult your interest by saying my first impression was that it’s ’silly in a bad way’—like, that was my first impression for Delicious in Dungeon too and I’ve probably watched that 9,000 times now. I was just saying that even when my first reaction is ehhh…I don’t think this is for me, I’m more willing to engage with something if my partner really loves it, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a partner to have some level of engagement with your favo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:02 PM
1

Have you tried joining/being active in fan groups, maybe going to anime/gaming conventions? KH was a pretty popular series, there are definitely going to be other people who are really profoundly resonating with it. In my experience fan fiction communities are absolutely dominated by women if you happen to enjoy KH fan fiction.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:56 PM
1

Weird organization systems were a lifesaver for me too! No neurotypical person could find anything but my counters are clear, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:49 PM
1

This is a reasonable level of expectation, IMO. I’m not a big KH fan—and if I’m totally honest I thought the whole concept was silly in a bad way—but I’m a gamer, and I understand how important favorite games can be, how meaningful the characters can be, and so on. And I’ve never played the games, so maybe they’re really awesome and I missed out based on my first impression! But either way, if my partner was really into KH I’d be very open into hearing about how it’s meaningful and interesting t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:47 PM
2

I mean, a dating app/website for neurodivergent people that focuses on special interests is not a bad idea, lol. I would join if I was single.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:40 PM
2

The way I see this cause issues in mixed neurotype relationships is one or both parties thinking the other person is immature in how they approach their interests and being resentful/denigrating rather than curious and open. I’ve seen a LOT of neurotypical people who really, really dislike monotropism and want to push their partner to have more, less intense interests, especially if their interests are something the NT partner sees as age-inappropriate, like dinosaurs or lego. Neurodivergent par…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:38 PM
3

Do not mask around your partner if you want to be in a long term relationship or marriage. This is a recipe for burnout for you, resentment for your partner, and just a disaster for everyone involved. If you haven’t tried meds in awhile, there are new options, including non-stimulants. While not all ADHD folks needs meds, and you obviously know better than an internet stranger what works for you, most ADHD folks do benefit from medication and it’s (unfortunately) normal to have to try a lot of d…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:26 PM
2

I’ve seen mixed neurotype marriages be successful, but bridging the double empathy gap is a huge barrier, and I generally think neurodivergent people will be happier with other neurodivergent people and that neurotypical people will be happier with other neurotypical people. Learning to communicate and collaborate is difficult in any relationship—mixed-neurotype couples need to be patient, curious, and open about their differences and just really dedicated and intentional about making things wor…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:11 PM
1

I don’t know how people think this argument plays out—the majority of adults 25+ are married or cohabitating, so do all the men have 5 different wives in different cities?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:55 PM
-2

The average man is victimized by the patriarchy far more than he benefits from it. A condemnation of the patriarchy doesn’t translate to men = bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 12:10 AM
6

This. I mean, IDK about the death sentence part, lol, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not assume that someone you just met wants you to try to kiss them. If I want a kiss, I’d just ask for one instead of assuming we’re not sexually compatible based on a single initial interaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 12:05 AM
8

Body positivity is just about self-love/acceptance—the idea that people have inherent value and that you’re not required to chase beauty norms or perform masculinity/femininity in any certain way to have healthy self esteem or to deserve basic common decency from others. People can have whatever preferences they want, but other people aren’t required to try to conform to those preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:56 PM
9

It’s not so-so, though? All the people I’ve been most attracted to I wasn’t instantly drooling over. Many people I was instantly attracted to I found less attractive once I got to know them—in one specific case, a girl I was obsessed with actually repulsed me once I got to know her well. An attraction that grows over time isn’t some consolation prize.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:39 PM
3

It’s not uncommon for people to have people they’re instantly attracted to strictly because of physical attributes and other people that they grow an attraction for because of a lot of different factors. Many people also want to be more attracted (and attracted on multiple levels) to a potential long-term partner than someone they’re having very casual sex with. Committing to have an intimate, sexual (and usually exclusive) relationship with someone for the next 40+ years is a lot higher stakes …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:35 PM
1

I’m not 100% clear on what general type of man you’re referring to—like a man who sees it as his responsibility to provide for a family because he’s a man, and either doesn’t know how to or doesn’t think it’s appropriate to set any boundaries or have any expectations? I definitely agree that toxicity isn’t limited to red pill/manosphere spaces.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:59 PM
2

Manosphere-type forums didn’t really change my perception of women as far as I remember, but I was already aware that women participate in enforcing harmful patriarchal norms. I worked in childcare for a long time and both parents and teachers were more patient and affectionate with girls than with boys. A girl who skinned her knee on the playground would likely be comforted by an adult, while a boy was often expected to ‘walk it off.’ Parents were more likely to use corporal punishment with boy…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:51 PM
2

I think some people use ‘dressing well’ to mean ‘dressing fashionably’ and some people use ‘dressing well’ to mean ‘not dressing in clothes that don’t fit, are full of holes, or are covered in stains.’ I don’t care about clothing—I own like 8 identical outfits and 2 pairs of shoes—but it would definitely give me pause if someone showed up for a date in a ratty old shirt that looks like it needed to become a rag two years ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:01 PM
3

Advice to ‘be engaging socially’ always seems like it’s basically telling introverts to try and fake being extroverts to me—and even if someone could do that in the short term (which would be horrible) who the fuck wants to get into a disingenuous long-term relationship or marriage with someone who prizes being highly social and have to try to fake that for the REST OF THEIR LIFE? I’d rather drown.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:58 PM
3

I think the ‘date on personality’ advice isn’t meant a slight about how you look (or at least I hope it wasn’t) but as commentary on how everyone loses youth/conventional beauty with time and people can potentially become more or less attractive to us based on other factors. Like, it’s obviously a bad idea to marry someone that you’re not enthusiastic about getting physical with, but I don’t think it’s a bad idea to be open to dating outside of your typical range of attraction and seeing where i…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:48 PM
1

This really depends on what they’re looking for, honestly—though I think that’s true for everyone and not just women. I’m fat, not conventionally super attractive, neurodivergent, etc. and I likely would have struggled if I wanted to date or marry a high-earning neurotypical extrovert with a six pack, but I don’t want that, and I didn’t struggle. I’ve always been open to going out with people that I wasn’t sure I could have any chemistry with and seeing where it went, and I was surprised by how …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:42 PM
0

I mean, yes, I absolutely think the manosphere preys on the insecurities and vulnerabilities of men, especially young men, but it’s more of a damning commentary on how we’ve completely failed boys and young men. When I started reading manosphere forums, I expected to get angry a lot (and sometimes I did, of course—in many ways I’m everything that men on these forums hate, and the discourse can get pretty personally insulting) but mostly I found it profoundly sad. Not in a ‘wow, these men are so …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:22 PM
3

Trauma isn’t going to be caused strictly by people not wanting to date you, but folks who have dealt with a lot of bullying, emotionally abusive/neglectful families, or other adverse childhood events could easily be struggling with rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is absolutely painful and traumatic.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 06:59 PM
–

…date other introverts? I wouldn’t want to date someone who liked clubbing and getting drunk either—or any kind of constant socializing, really.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:51 PM
–

Sure, there are varying levels of interest/engagement with any hobby, but I also wouldn’t write someone off as non-compatible just because their interest seemed more casual than mine. When I met my husband he’d definitely played a lot more ‘serious’ games than I ever had, but I was very interested in gaming—I wasn’t in the whole CRPG culture because I’d never had a PC, so he was playing Knights of the Old Republic and Planescape: Torment while I was playing Ocarina of Time and Tetris. If he’d ac…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:49 PM
–

If a man views women who share his interests as “low value” then I think that goes a long way in explaining why he struggles to get dates, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:39 PM
–

Or like…maybe he has different interests than you? I’m pretty introverted and I think flirting is horrible—simultaneously boring and exhausting—but there are many folks who are far more social than me who find it enjoyable.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:33 PM
–

I’ve just never seen any evidence that anything close to a 10:1 ratio is factual, either anecdotally or in published stats. Close to half of all console gamers are women. 40% of D&D players are women. 1/3 of Crunchyroll subscribers are women.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:25 PM
–

I’m 38. Myself, and pretty much every woman I know, would STRONGLY prefer to watch anime or play video games over going clubbing. I’d rather get a tooth pulled than go to a bar or a nightclub, and my husband and I have played Baldur’s Gate 3 together for over 1000 hours at this point. There are tons of 30+ women who like video games, anime, genre fiction—hell, fan fiction/fan art communities are dominated by women.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 08:54 PM
0

I’m 5’10” and would honestly find a 6’4” man intimidating initially. I wouldn’t not have a relationship with someone I liked over height differences, but it’s definitely not a universal plus for taller women. My sister in law is 6’2” and I don’t think she ever dated a man that tall either—her husband is a little taller than me, maybe 6’ or 5’11”.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 08:15 PM
2

Absolutely! We’re definitely not perfect communicators, but we’ve put a LOT of effort into learning how to have productive conversations and have had many, many “Hey, I’ve been really frustrated about X, what would work for both of us and how can we collaborate to get there?” conversations over the years that we’ve both initiated. I’d much rather have a calm, problem-solving conversation about any topic than try to guess what’s going on, or have my husband stewing about some issue I’m not even a…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 08:06 PM
3

Neither of us have an issue with ‘checking out’ other people in public/finding other people attractive as long as the other person isn’t weird and creepy about it—I wouldn’t want to be at dinner with someone who was making the waitress feel ogled and uncomfortable, and I don’t think my husband would either, but we’ll often mention it to each other if we think someone is really attractive, or if we see someone that we think the other person will think is really attractive. I honestly don’t know w…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 10:56 PM
7

I’ve been married for 18 years and I know for a fact my husband has porn on his phone. I send him pornographic things I think would appeal to him when I stumble across them. It’s normal and healthy for adults to masturbate and have sexual fantasies. If my husband was watching porn instead of having sex with me, I’d take an issue with that, but it wouldn’t be like “YOU NEED TO STOP WATCHING PORN” it would be like “Hey, I’ve clearly been very sexually frustrated and I know you’re still having an a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 10:34 PM
3

Sure, that kind of discourse would be analyzing porn through a feminist lens—one I adamantly disagree with, but it counts. As I said above, the majority of women I encounter who are vehemently anti-porn aren’t approaching it that way—they’re anti-porn because they consider it cheating, or they were raised in sex-negative environments, or they’ve bought into Fight-the-New-Drug-style pseudo-science about ‘porn addiction’ and other imaginary health concerns.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 10:21 PM
6

I am! Selection bias could definitely be at play here—while I know a decent number of straight feminists, they’re people who are very comfortable in queer spaces and share a similar worldview. Most of the women I encounter who are vehemently anti-porn don’t identify as feminists and definitely aren’t attempting to analyze porn through a feminist lens—even one I would consider absolutely fucked like the conspiratorial hate speech Jeffreys peddles.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:59 PM
1

My husband and I are best friends and we have incredible sex. We’ve been together over 20 years, so I think if it was going to cause an issue it probably would have come up by now.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:33 PM
0

I’d wager that the revilement of NEET folks comes from the widespread cultural fetishization of the Puritan work ethic. Folks resisting capitalist exploitation being met with hostility isn’t anything new.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:22 PM
15

Thiiiis. I think I’m a pretty average feminist. I watch porn. I literally write pornographic content for a living. Most feminists I know watch porn, read erotica, or look at still erotic images themselves, and those who don’t aren’t shitting on anyone who does. Sure, SWERFs are a real thing, but they’re a controversial niche within radical feminism, not an “average” feminist.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:07 PM
1

If you want to attract people who enjoy going to the gym and prioritize active hobbies, then it makes sense to focus on going to the gym and doing active, fitness-type hobbies. I don’t care if a partner goes to the gym. A woman who does CrossFit or plays sports regularly probably wants a partner who goes to the gym or is otherwise focused on being physically active. There’s not a secret sauce that makes you wildly attractive to everyone around you, it’s always going to be individualized.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 07:04 PM
5

I mean, okay? I don’t really agree with this—having a romantic partner is not the be all and end all of everyone’s life—but even if it was a coping method, who cares? Also, a shit ton of people in their 40s and 50s date successfully. I don’t know if you’re like 16 and don’t know any 30+ adults, but middle age/older adults with an active dating life or New romantic relationships is not a rarity.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:55 PM
5

I fell in love with a man and wanted children? These are all legitimate concerns, but life is full of legitimate concerns. There are many potential situations that I don’t know exactly how I’d handle that would likely be very difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:51 PM
0

Same.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:20 PM
7

I think this is a case-by-case thing, like most things involving what sort of sexual pleasure people enjoy. I’ve had a lot of vaginal orgasms and (while I will happily take any kind of orgasm), they’re inferior to clitoral orgasms IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 04:22 PM
–

Saying that you can’t support Trump and be a feminist isn’t gatekeeping, good lord.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:25 AM
1

My husband and I were originally going to take a name that was new to both of us, but it turns out we’re both cheap and lazy so I eventually took his name because it was free and easy. I did NOT want to keep my original surname, so that was never on the table.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:20 AM
1

Sex offenders can be rapists or folks who texted nude pictures of themselves as a teen, or went streaking or something else harmless. I don’t really care if someone I’m dating was slapped with a public exposure charge because they got drunk in college and peed in an alleyway or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:07 PM
2

No. Having a partner who wants to touch me but not have sex with me is like my own personal hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:03 AM
1

We had mutual friends, so we’d heard about each other through those people. We chatted on Livejournal/AIM first and eventually decided to get together and watch a movie.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:54 AM
1

I’d just bring this up? “Hey, I LOVE that you make the effort to stay connected throughout the day, but the texts are so frequent that it’s a distraction at work. I want to hear from you, but could you limit the work texts a bit?”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:27 PM
1

No, I would absolutely love this—my husband often makes food for me and it’s great. Most humans like to be nurtured. There’s nothing about making food for your family that strikes me as submissive. Now, if you’re sending me a text every hour while I’m at work (especially if you expect me to reply) I’d probably ask you to pull back a bit, but it wouldn’t kill my sexual attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:25 PM
2

I mean, yes, but I don’t see how that’s relevant to this conversation?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:21 PM
2

I’d want a man to be paying for porn, too, not watching whatever free stuff pops up on sketchy porn sites where it’s impossible to be reasonably sure you’re accessing ethically made porn.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:16 PM
1

I don’t hate guys who use Only Fans as long as they’re not behaving inappropriately, like harassing or degrading the OF worker. Respectful custom video requests that are paid for (and negotiating the price within reason seems okay to me as long as the client isn’t throwing a fit if the worker says their prices are firm) are totally fine. I’m married and would have no issue with my husband using OF if we had the extra $$ in the entertainment budget.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:15 PM
3

I know a LOT of women who specifically want a man with nerdy interests, because those are her interests. 40% of D&D players are women. The majority of fanfic authors are women. I walked down the aisle to ‘Across the Stars’ from Star Wars and I wanted to go to Star Wars Celebration for my honeymoon.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:08 PM
–

This is just . . . literally how employment works? I do a lot of things for my partner and family for free that I would expect someone else to pay me for.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 04:52 PM
–

Sex doesn’t always have to be emotional and relational, though? A lot of people have safe, healthy, casual sex without emotional strings attached.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 04:50 PM
–

I would date someone who paid for sex as long as everything was safe and respectful and they didn’t talk about the sex workers they hired in a derogatory way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 04:49 PM
2

Nope! Normally by the time we get to PIV we’ve done over an hour of foreplay and I’ve already had 2 or 3 orgasms, and my husband has no issue getting me off after he’s finished if that‘s how it plays out.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 04:30 PM
2

Is this all PIV, or does it include foreplay? I would not want two hours of just PIV. Two hours of sex is chef’s kiss and that’s a normal length for me and my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 06:43 PM
4

I have no issue with a guy finishing in three or four ‘pumps’ as long as there’s plenty of foreplay—it can be really hot to have someone so worked up that they lose it almost immediately! I do NOT want a partner actually thrusting in and out of me for 20-30 minutes, though I imagine this is a personal preference that varies quite a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 06:41 PM
4

No where does this person say that he forces himself to sleep with her, though? If he said that he has to close his eyes and think about someone else, I’d agree with you, but he said that he’s very attracted to her as the whole package even if he might not do a double-take if he didn’t know her and passed her on the street.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 05:57 PM
7

As a woman, I would not be crushed by this assessment, honestly. I know I’m not conventionally attractive, and I think most people are aware of whether or not they meet the standards for conventional attractiveness in their society. That doesn’t mean that people can’t be attracted to you, as this story clearly illustrates.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 05:53 PM
1

Does he constantly talk about how he isn’t attracted to the types of people he isn’t attracted to, or does he just hook up with the people he is attracted to and go about his life?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 03:45 PM
4

I mean, it depends on what they’re playing to me. I’m not interested in gatekeeping the term “gamer,” but I wouldn’t have much hobby overlap with someone who mostly plays games like Candy Crush, but there’s more than Candy Crush on mobile. My partner plays old crpg’s on his phone, my kids play Minecraft, Terarria, etc. I’ve also seen some folks refer to Nintendo switch, Steamdeck etc. as mobile gaming, so if there’s no definition given for a survey some folks might consider any portable gaming a…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/25 02:39 AM
3

Like, if my husband asked me if he could come on my face, he’d get a very visceral “EW, NO, DO NOT WANT,” type of reaction, but it wouldn’t be a “Ew, no, I’m a REAL woman with self respect, not a whore, how dare you think that I might be the type of woman who might enjoy something like THAT?” Because there’s nothing wrong with the act or women who are into it, I’m just very, very not into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 08:33 PM
3

I mean, I don’t have a problem with a strong reaction to something someone doesn’t like—but I have literally seen men say that no real straight man could enjoy anal play, being submissive, etc. and that all of those men are secretly queer or emasculated. “Ew, god, no, that’s a huge turn-off for me, do not want,” is different than “Ew, god, no, I’m a real man.”
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 08:30 PM
3

I have no issue with having pretty much anyone next to me as long as they’re not actively harming me or someone else. I was never very bothered by being hit on as long as people didn’t get aggressive when I told them I was taken and/or wasn’t interested. The only times I can remember that I was distressed by being hit on were: —when I was 19 and had a job canvassing—a man old enough to be my grandfather propositioned me on the street, I laughed because I thought he was joking, and he went into a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 07:40 PM
1

Oh, I definitely know for a fact that many SAHP’s do nothing, lol, but that’s not the only reason chores aren’t done—it just really depends on your personal circumstances. Neither myself or my husband are great at time management (and we’re both autistic and ADHD and neither of us were medicated when we had three kids under 2) so even though I was constantly working, I’m sure that someone with better time-management skills could have been working smarter and getting more done in a day. I don’t t…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 07:21 PM
2

As a woman I’m also interested by this—I’m not automatically afraid of EVERY man in a suit and tie, but I’m much more likely to be wary around a man who looks like he works a high-paying finance job or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 07:08 PM
5

That’s not what she’s talking about, though. I’m a woman who doesn’t like cum in my mouth, but I’m just not into it—I don’t think that women who enjoy it are self-degrading or make other weird moral judgements about the activity, I’m just not into it and I don’t want to do it. I’m also in a relationship where anal only goes one way—I enjoy it, and my husband isn’t into it and doesn’t want to do it, but he doesn’t think that men who do enjoy it are secretly gay or emasculated or make other weird …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 07:04 PM
1

I’d MUCH rather date a virgin who hasn’t had sex because he’s “undesirable”— not conventionally attractive, poor (but harmless) social skills, etc. than someone with sex-negative religious baggage.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:45 PM
2

I’d MUCH rather date a virgin who hasn’t had sex because he’s “undesirable”— not conventionally attractive, poor (but harmless) social skills, etc. than someone with sex-negative religious baggage.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:45 PM
1

Like, dating a man who can’t get laid? Yes, I’d be fine with this. This was essentially my husband—who was not unattractive and definitely did have women interested in him but didn’t have the self-confidence or social skills to navigate those situations with neurotypical people.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:44 PM
2

Are the moms generally more likely to step up as equal partners when they’re off the clock, though? Are they more likely to be fair with their partners about access to family finances? I don’t know enough SAHD’s to have any kind of anecdotal data to know the answers to those questions, so they’re honest questions. I don’t complain about being a SAHP largely because my husband is an equal partner, and listens to me when I’m being run ragged managing everyone’s affairs. We’re not perfect, but we b…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:37 PM
7

I think the difference is that you’re a blue collar worker—I’ve never made that kind of money, but I’ve also only had blue collar jobs. The people I know who complain about how hard being a SAHP is either just don’t have a personality well-suited to 24/7 childcare and/or their previous work was in white-collar office jobs where they had leisurely breaks, consistent hours, tons of benefits, etc. which are just easier than any kind of hands-on work, including childcare and domestic labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:13 PM
2

I still think it’s easier than going to work, but all of my previous jobs were active, hands-on jobs with long, unpredictable hours and few benefits. I was a nanny for years before I had my own kids, so I was basically doing the same thing except I had to get dressed nicely and work in someone else’s home and on someone else’s schedule.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:09 PM
4

This, lol. I’m a SAHM, I haven’t had a manicure since I got married over 17 years ago. We have one car, which is a fucked-up 2016 Honda with over 200,000 miles on it. We homeschool, I don’t have a “break” where my children are gone from the home. I’m clearly not going to yoga or the spa during the day. There are a LOT more families like mine than families where the SAHP is living a luxe lifestyle.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 06:04 PM
4

I was a nanny before I had kids. Most normal income people cannot afford a nanny—even if I still charged the exact same wages I was making in 2007, which would be less than minimum wage is now in my state, most normal income people couldn’t afford to hire me for full-time childcare.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 05:59 PM
2

I think this is only automatic in the nine community property states?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 05:55 PM
9

I would definitely not agree to be a SAHP if I didn’t have equal access to family funds and my name on all family property—car, house, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 05:53 PM
9

This is how I feel too—I’m a homeschooling SAHM and I had 3 children in 19 months—but people have different dispositions and job history. If I was previously working an easy office job that’s consistently 32-40 hours a week like some of the people I know, I might think working outside the home is easier. If I was driven insane by interacting with children all day without breaks, I might think working outside the home is easier. The hard parts of being a SAHM are the things that I consider outsid…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 05:46 PM
7

Yes: uses marijuana, dislikes exercise, watches porn, feminist, 5’5”, refuses to use marijuana, very quiet, never kissed, slept with 20+ people, has a messy room, five years younger, autistic, wants four kids, voted for Harris, believes in reincarnation, has the same name as an ex, wants to be a stay at home dad. No: devout Christian, anti gay marriage, anti abortion, gang, police officer, gets drunk and hungover, refuses to have kids, voted for Trump Maybe: 1000 miles away (do we have a plan to…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 09:59 PM
1

I don’t really like sex toys so I don’t have first-hand experience, but I’ve heard from a LOT of women that they like to incorporate toys into sex (often alongside PIV, not instead of) and that has zilch to do with how well endowed their partner is. I absolutely want any partner using his hands and/or mouth—foreplay is the main event, PIV is just the cherry on top.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 04:52 PM
1

This is true for everyone, though. If a man’s entire view of sex is jamming his penis in me as soon as possible and he doesn’t know how to do any foreplay, the sex is going to be bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 04:47 PM
1

This is going to vary by woman, just like everything else. I’d personally have no issue at all with a 3” penis, and while I’d be intimidated by an 8” penis I’m sure we could figure out how to make it work if we liked each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 04:44 PM
1

Yes, I do. I didn’t identify as a feminist when I was younger because my primary interaction with self-identified feminists at that time was with second-wave feminists who were extremely critical of my life choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 04:35 PM
2

I have two SIL’s, #1 and #2 are the same SIL’s from the first paragraph—#1 is the first one mentioned and #2 is the second one mentioned. Sorry, I’m tired and did not type clearly at all, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:42 PM
2

I used to think this, and then Mass Effect taught me that I would absolutely date a turtle-bird-bug thing if their voice was sexy enough, and after that all bets were off.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:32 PM
2

This is exactly where my brain went, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:30 PM
1

I’ve always wondered this myself, considering my propensity towards monster-fucking in video games and fan fiction, haha. I think I’d be game assuming that real-life risks like disease were mitigated.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:30 PM
5

Totally! When my first boyfriend came out to me as bisexual I was not super supportive, even though I am bisexual myself. That was incredibly shitty and I have apologized, but I was also 14 and still working through my own internalized homophobia. And I’ve been with my husband for 20 years—we’ve both seen each other at terrible moments and done things in our relationship that we’re not proud of. We got together before either of us was diagnosed as autistic and it took us a LONG time to learn to …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:26 PM
0

Looks and money are basically bottom-tier considerations for me. This is going to wildly vary by the individual person, however. I seriously doubt my SIL (who earns six figures) would have even considered dating someone making minimum wage, for example, and my other SIL is incredibly particular about looks. SIL #1 is happily married to a man that is not conventionally attractive—he’s shorter than her, has thinning hair, etc.—but I think he’s an attractive guy and she seems to think so too. SIL #…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 07:19 PM
1

I don’t think most women are denying that there are women who perpetuate patriarchy and toxic masculinity—handmaidens to the patriarchy is not a new concept.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 10:50 PM
5

There are many, many women who game and play basketball. I don’t personally like sports, but I’ve been gaming since 1992.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:46 PM
1

When you have to work 3 ‘gig economy’ jobs to pay your rent, you have no benefits, you have no prospects for things improving in the near future, what time and energy do you possibly have left for other people?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:26 PM
1

I’m an elder Millennial and things already sucked—I got married just a few months before the 2007 recession and we went flat fucking broke, it was awful—but things are much, much worse now.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:24 PM
2

But I don’t want to, so I didn’t. I don’t value high-income lifestyles, and I wouldn’t be a good, supportive partner to someone who was looking to devote a lot of their time/energy to lofty career ambitions and maximizing their earning potential. We’d both be miserable as hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:16 PM
19

This is the kind of thing that makes me wonder if straight people are okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:10 PM
24

The same benefits you have with any friend? Women and men are humans, and friendship is normal for humans.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:08 PM
39

I mean, I’d assume that a man would also want a woman with some of the same hobbies/interests and that he can communicate well with for a romantic relationship? I honestly don’t even know how I would determine whether or not I might be interested in a romantic relationship with someone if I didn’t have some kind of friendship with them first.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:08 PM
4

…why on Earth would being married stop you from being lonely? Even if we assume the marriage is happy, humans are social creatures—while some of us are more social than others, most people won’t be happy with one close relationship, and it’s unfair to expect someone’s partner to meet 100% of their needs 100% of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 08:02 PM
2

Because a romance isn’t a business investment? I’m wouldn’t be looking for a romantic partner because I’m hoping to increase my net worth.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 07:50 PM
3

I think a lot of men have difficulty connecting with other people in intimate relationships, period. Broadly speaking, men have fewer close friends, are less satisfied with their friendships, and have more distant relationships with their family than women do. So many of the traits that are essential to building intimate relationships—vulnerability, openness, interdependence, etc.—are seen as feminine traits in my culture. Society forces men and boys into a really, really narrow definition of ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 07:43 PM
2

Ambitious and hardworking are character traits that have little to do with income. I know folks who started their own non-profit to meet a HUGE need in their community—they work like 80 hours a week but make less than 40k a year.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 01:44 AM
1

1 is definitely not a dad bod, lol, what. I’ve seen people calling strongman body types like #2 a “dad bod” but I honestly think that’s just because “dad bod” is often used as a way to say “I prefer a man without obvious muscle definition.”
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:52 PM
1

If you’re only interested in people obsessed with appearances then yeah, you’re going to find a lot more shallow, status-chasing people.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:43 PM
1

This. My mom would never shame me for having sex in the house—that would be really weird for adult children living with adult parents IMO. My husband and I lived with my mom for awhile when our youngest kids were infants—I’m pretty sure she knew we were still having sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:24 PM
1

It depends on what their relationship is like? If he’s weirdly enmeshed with his parents and doesn’t want to take steps to change that situation, that would be an issue for me. Generally, I feel like multi-generational housing is smart and (as long as the relationships are healthy) benefits everyone involved, and I wish it was more accepted in my culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:21 PM
5

I think this is because lot of women would much rather have high-quality oral than a large penis or high-quality PIV, and these answers are often in response to someone asking about how important penis size or PIV is.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:18 PM
2

A teacher/student relationship adds a whole other layer of power dynamics. I’m very sorry that happened to your brother.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:11 PM
1

This is just generally crazy. Saying that you have a personal boundary of dating near your own age at any age shouldn’t be controversial.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:10 PM
1

So, is your general argument that we should raise the age of adulthood to 21 and consider folks between 18-20 minor children?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:08 PM
1

I agree with this. I think a 40 year old dating an 18 year old is creepy as hell, but we have to have some sort of cut-off, legally speaking, for when people are considered adults who are capable of making their own decisions, and there are plenty of things I find personally off-putting that shouldn’t be illegal.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:06 PM
1

100%. I’ve basically always been a boring old woman, haha, I never wanted to do any of that stuff, and I have no regrets about not forcing myself to engage with stereotypical 18-22 interests and behaviors now that I’m in my late 30s.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 06:01 PM
2

I would definitely side-eye someone who was 28 dating someone who was 18 and encourage the younger partner to be cautious, but I also know many people personally who had large age gaps and have gone on to have long, happy marriages. I think it’s fine to be more hesitant about large age gaps, especially with younger folks, but it does everyone a disservice to refuse to see any nuance or evaluate things on a case-by-case basis.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:59 PM
2

Similar story here—I started dating my husband when I was 16 and he was 20—I was in community college, not high school, and we met through mutual friends who were all older than me. We both assumed that the other person was around 18 at first, ha, and I think our maturity levels lined up with that due to our different life experiences. I’m 37 and he’s 42 and we’ve been married for 17 years now and have three children together.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:53 PM
3

Oh, it’s an issue in real life and has been for 20+ years. I married my husband when I was 20 and he was 24 and many people in real life lost their god-damn minds. My husband has literally been called a p*dophile more than once when someone found out that we started dating before I was 18—despite that fact that we have less than a five year age gap and we were in a totally legal relationship in our state.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:40 PM
2

This is super rigid IMO and assumes very conventional life choices—high school, then college, etc. I was in community college at 16, and a lot of people who were 23+ were in the same classes as me, having the same life experiences. I’m definitely NOT saying that a 32 year old in college should be seeking out an 18 year old or anything, but there’s a LOT more factors at play than age, and 18/23 isn’t some huge chasm in many, many cases.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:35 PM
1

Yes, it’s unreasonable to rule out 80% of the population based on income. I’m always fascinated by this—if income is a deal breaker, what happens when you marry someone who makes 200k and that person loses their job and is unemployed for a year? Gets in an accident, is permanently disabled, and cannot work?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:26 PM
0

I’d have no issue with a 5’1” man. Yes, his dating pool is probably smaller than someone 6’ tall because he’s not meeting bullshit social norms for attractiveness in my culture, but there are many, many people who are dating outside the tier of people who meet most conventional beauty standards. Most regular women don’t match the feminine beauty ideal either.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:24 PM
-1

The ‘uncanny valley’ effect is a neurodivergent/neurotypical issue more than a gender issue, IMO. I have no issue communicating with most other autistic people but I’ve been told variations of “Wow, I really hated you when I first met you,” by sooooo many neurotypical people—they tend to either see me as cold and mean or just weird/freakish/uncomfortable to be around. The commentary on men and feminine interests is spot-fucking-on with what I’ve observed. I actually view men as more accepted by …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:19 PM
1

I’d appreciate the honesty, but I’m not up for a relationship with someone who does the bare minimum. If I wasn’t his physical type but he grew an attraction towards me for other reasons and we otherwise had a good relationship that we both put effort into, that would be fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 11:12 PM
5

I’m an elder millennial and this is a thing in my generation too. I learned to just not talk about how old my husband and I were when we met, even though I was in my late teens and our age gap is less than 5 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/25 05:19 PM
1

In my experience (which is like 20+ years old, admittedly), most younger, secular men weren’t dating for marriage. If you ask most 18 year old men if they can see themselves getting married in the next 5 years they look at you like they’re about to have a heart attack. I saw casual dating as a waste of my time—if you weren’t interested in potentially marrying me down the road, then we need to just be friends or go our separate ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/25 05:18 PM
–

I don’t even think it’s about respect a lot of the time. If someone is doing 100% of the household/family labor they’re going to be exhausted, especially if both partners also work outside the home. You can want to have sex, but it’s not sexy to be bone-dead tired and fantasizing about running away from your obligations because they’re drowning you.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/25 05:08 PM
1

I would just go without her if she wants to go but won’t go and won’t clarify what’s stopping her from going, good lord that would drive me crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 07:01 PM
1

No, but it can cause you to have a lower BMR so that you’re easily gaining weight on 2200 calories per day or less, while at the same time your cells think you’re starving even though there’s plenty of glucose available because your body can’t use it effectively. Most conventional weight loss/diet advice doesn’t work for folks with PCOS—eating multiple small meals, focusing on diet over exercise, choosing healthy carbs like brown rice, oatmeal etc. can fuck people up if they have PCOS. When I fi…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:41 PM
1

The rapidly changing landscape in the U.S. is absolutely the biggest danger for Americans considering marriage and a lot of the potential implications are terrifying.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:14 PM
1

This makes me sad. I haven’t looked at the study but I kind of hope it’s poor quality—my husband and I are having WAY better sex than we were 20 years ago, so I see that as one of the advantages of marriage/a long term relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:12 PM
1

This is a good example of knowing yourself and your priorities and realizing that marriage is not a good fit for what you want in life. If this kind of self-examination was more encouraged rather than seeing marriage as the default, I think there’d be a lot less unhappy marriages.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:10 PM
1

Wait, she wants to go but she won’t go?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:08 PM
1

I love being married and my marriage is mostly a happy one, but there are definitely things that people should consider before getting married, and I don’t think that marriage should just be the social default—many people would be happier single or in long term relationships that aren’t legally entangled. IMO the biggest potential downside is that all of your major decisions are now joint decisions. Did you get accepted to your dream school six states over? Congratulations, you get to go—if you …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 06:07 PM
1

I’m definitely not a slave, but the biggest argument I’ve ever had with my husband was basically triggered by burnout from me being his unpaid personal assistant and managing every aspect of life for five people. Many, many married women are responsible for basically 100% of daily family management and it is exhausting.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:47 PM
3

As a woman, this is just people in general, lol. I don’t know what about me says DUMP ALL YOUR TRAUMA ON ME AND ASK FOR ENDLESS FAVORS but it keeps happening, so I must be projecting something that attracts it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:38 PM
1

This. God, it’s not that hard. I know for a fact my husband finds many of his female friends attractive and newsflash, THEY ARE. Some of his friends are objectively more attractive than I am. But he’s with me, and I literally never worry about him cheating on me with his friends—he knows that if one of us wants to pursue some sort of non-monogamy they need to come to the other person and discuss it like adults and decide if/how we want to change the current structure of our relationship. Laying …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:35 PM
2

100%. I’m bisexual and my range of attraction is pretty wide—if I could never be friends with anyone I was attracted to or could potentially be attracted to I would never be able to make friends. Or all my friends would have to be ridiculously younger/older than me, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:24 PM
4

Even if you’re highly sex-motivated, you can continue to be motivated by sex with your long term partner. I’ve been with the same partner for 20 years and I am HIGHLY motivated to be the best partner I can be for my husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:18 PM
6

I don’t disagree with opting out of a system (to the extent that’s possible) that’s designed to steal the surplus value of your labor and then grind you into the dirt, but I don’t understand why so many men seem angry at women over this situation instead of at capitalism.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:12 PM
3

I think this confusion largely comes from the way the word is used on the internet, though. I’ve seen a lot of people armchair diagnosing other people with NPD when what they really mean is “they’re being narcissistic” in the casual sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:10 PM
1

I’m also curious how folks define simp. Like, on the outside looking in, it seems like a simp is any man who doesn’t strive for a kind of ‘Marlboro Man’ idealized American masculinity—men who are community oriented, have more of a caretaker personality type, wear their heart on their sleeve, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 05:08 PM
6

If a woman is whining about how she can’t convince some asshole to marry her but she won’t dump him because he’s 6’5” and a member of the yacht club or whatever, then no, she doesn’t deserve sympathy, and I know literally no one who would sympathize with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 04:45 PM
–

Being a woman that meets social norms is expensive and time consuming—makeup, skincare, haircare, hair removal, nail care, and so on. If you have a bra size above a DD, you’re lucky to find a bra that fits you well under $80-$100. That said, I think this gap is closing somewhat, as modern men are generally expected to invest more time/money into their appearance than the average man 30 years ago—I think the gap is closing in the wrong direction, but it is closing. I know lots of women who’ve had…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 04:40 PM
13

I’m a woman and I don’t want any of this crap. Men and women suffer under patriarchy and all of it needs to go. Women who want to body-shame men or dehumanize gender non-confirming men or retain patriarchal norms like ‘chivalry’ can eat dirt 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 02:25 PM
1

Oh for sure, the whole this is only true when it benefits my argument thing happens with all kinds of shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 02:20 PM
2

Absolutely. That bullshit harms everyone. There are certainly younger people who are more mature than average and older people who are less mature, but it’s not sex or gender dependent.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 02:08 PM
2

I do. I don’t watch a ton of porn because it’s easier to find smutty fiction that caters to my interests, but if I happen across something I enjoy, I’ll watch it a lot. I prefer average looking people, but I care more about my kinks/quality sex talk than what the performers look like, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 04:02 AM
2

No? It’s creepy to me any time someone in their 30s specifically looking for a partner that’s barely in adulthood. If the older person is a woman—hell, if both people are women I still think that’s creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 02:30 AM
1

I wouldn’t have pursued him if I just saw him out somewhere. In that imaginary scenario, we’re strangers who just happen to see each other in the library or something, and I probably wouldn’t have tried to get to know him based on appearance alone. In reality, we talked to each other quite a bit before we ever met up and we’d both heard quite a bit about each other through our mutual friends. I really liked his personality and we had a lot in common, but I didn’t think he was available, so I did…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 08:48 PM
1

Yes, my husband knows this story—I wasn’t disinterested, but I thought he was still dating someone else at the time, and I wouldn’t pursue someone who was involved with someone else. My husband and I had mutual friends but we’d never met each other (and I didn’t know the woman he was seeing previously, though she also knew some of my friends), and I just hadn’t heard through the grapevine yet that they weren’t seeing each other any more, so I thought we were just hanging out as potential friends…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 08:12 PM
9

Then no, it’s not predatory, though I would think it was creepy if he’s specifically looking for women 10+ years younger.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:59 PM
1

Yep! Unless I’m forgetting someone, I was the pursuer for all the partners I had before my husband. My husband and I aren’t sure who pursued who any more because I didn’t realize that what he thought was our first date was a date at first, haha, and we honestly don’t remember who made the first physical move.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:56 PM
2

My attraction to people’s looks definitely changes over time. I’m attracted to people today that would not have been my type 15 years ago, and I’m more just carnally attracted to my husband—when he puts on his glasses I lose my mind. That did not happen to me in 2006, lol. Or, on the flip side, I once had a friend I was VERY, VERY attracted to that I lost all attraction for as I got to know her better. Physical attraction doesn’t exist in a vacuum. I’m generally in agreement with OP’s post. I wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:48 PM
3

Attraction is a spectrum and can develop and change over time, though. Obviously, no one should marry someone who turns them off, but I’m WAY more attracted to my husband now, after 17+ years of marriage, than I was when he was 20.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:37 PM
12

I mean, is he looking for a hookup with a 15 year old? Context matters here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:29 PM
1

My husband was a virgin when we met. I wouldn’t have married him when he was still a virgin because I think that’s a recipe for disaster, but I have no issue with him having no prior sexual partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:27 PM
13

I wouldn’t reject someone that I liked otherwise, but we’d definitely need to discuss how to have a mutually satisfactory sex life that doesn’t cause me pain—I’m not interested in just sucking it up and letting someone slam into my cervix regularly. But honestly, I’d expect any sexual partner to be open and communicative about our sex life anyway, so its not like I’d only be having discussions about what works for both of us with a well endowed partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:24 PM
23

100% agree with this—attacking some politician/celebrity’s physical appearance because you’re angry at them doesn’t hurt them, it hurts all the other perfectly decent people with those same attributes who can actually hear you. Chances are that you’re not angry with someone because they’re fat or bald or whatever, you’re angry with them because their behavior is awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 02:35 PM
6

I’m a woman. All else being equal, I do NOT prefer a more endowed partner. My preference would be slightly below average, but it’s just not a primary concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 02:31 PM
–

This is generally good advice, yes, assuming a person wants a lifelong marriage/partnership with someone. I’d rather be broke as dirt with my husband than wealthy with someone else, and my husband has been kind and loving to me through 20+ years of appearance changes, including some dramatic changes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 06:20 AM
–

My understanding is that it started after they had a kid together and she wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom and he was not on board with that. From an outside perspective, I felt like she became very ‘new money’ once she married him and moved to a major city and had things like maids and gardeners, and her ex-husband was always very narrowly career/money focused, so I’m not sure why it was a surprise to her that he wasn’t very present for their home/family life and didn’t like the idea of her stay…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 03:49 AM
1

I’m bi+ and neurodivergent and agree with this so much, good lord. Reading relationship forums really makes me wonder if straight neurotypical people are okay, lol, everything seems so rigid and convoluted to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 03:11 AM
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Oh, I’m sure there’s a lot of variation, but I think it can change the dynamic a bit if one person is from a wealthy family—a woman who has a father paying her rent for an apartment in NYC or central London is likely to continue to get some level of family financial support and inherit money down the road. I don’t see as many mixed-income couples where one partner doesn’t have family wealth. I only know one couple where a high-earning man married a low-earning woman (she was a student at the tim…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 03:01 AM
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I had to look up homosexual but I don’t think the post necessarily means someone that’s seeking out relationships for financial/material support, just people who don’t make a lot of money?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 02:33 AM
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In my experience, most well-off people want to marry other well-off people. My SIL and her husband are high-earners in a high cost of living area and approach relationships and money a LOT differently than my husband and I did/do. I doubt either of them would have been willing to date/marry someone with a minimum wage job.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 02:31 AM
7

I’m 37. I knew I wanted to get married and have kids, but having this kind of a hyper-specific timeline is just . . . not at all how I would have approached things. I got married at 20. I wanted to have kids immediately, but we had fertility issues and I didn’t have my first child for another 7 years. Most of my 20s were focused on trying to get pregnant. Most of the things listed were not things I really considered when I met my husband. I wanted someone who was kind, generally shared the same …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 01:50 AM
19

The U.S. is pathologically obsessed with ambition—basically anyone who says “nah, I’m good” and focuses on enjoying their life instead of grinding towards some new goal is an object of derision in this culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 09:41 PM
1

You give birth where you are and the paramedics take you and your newborn to the hospital when they arrive. This is not terribly uncommon even among people who can drive. Labor can be sudden and fast—I know several people who had an unplanned home birth, or a planned home birth where their midwife didn’t make it in time, or they gave birth in their car, or in the parking lot of the hospital. My aunt was born in an elevator. I was being sent home from the hospital when my water broke—if it broke …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 07:10 PM
31

Huh, this is a good question. I honestly don’t know—I’ve definitely met both men and women who thought the average penis size was a LOT bigger than it is in reality, but I don’t know if they’re getting those ideas from porn. I’ve definitely never been disappointed that partners didn’t have a pornstar-sized penis. I’d honestly not be super thrilled to discover that a potential lover has a giant penis—my vaginal canal isn’t exceptionally deep, and even partners a little above average hit my cervix…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 06:51 AM
1

Yes, it absolutely does. I had postpartum psychosis. I tried to kill myself and had full-blown hallucinations. At one point, I was 100% convinced that someone nefarious changed all the controls in my car while I was in a store for five minutes. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 11:41 PM
1

I’m a feminist and I’m very much against RIC, as are many feminists I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:52 PM
1

…where are all of these men who love women just for existing? And yes, some women are shallow and petty, just like men. Women who define ‘success’ as ‘thriving under capitalism’ are going to look for a high-earning partner. I deliberately looked for a partner who was not obsessed with money and social status because I don’t define success that way and I don’t want a life that’s focused on earning as much money as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:45 PM
1

What is “excess” attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:39 PM
6

This is definitely true, I worked in childcare and childbirth spaces for years and there was a significant amount of stigma towards male nannies, preschool teachers, doulas, midwives, etc. and sometimes even towards men who were stay-at-home parents (or just really involved parents!) with their own children. That said, while my own experiences with the public disdain towards motherhood weren’t gendered as far as I can tell, I don’t think that it would have generally been seen as creepy behavior …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:34 PM
8

I’m very, very far on the left and disdain for mothers and children is absolutely a thing in many leftist circles. I wouldn’t say it’s equivalent to the policy-level shit that right-wingers pull in ANY way, but it still sucks.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:10 PM
14

100%. I’d be interested in hearing from more non-Americans about how children are treated in their culture, because in my experience with travel, the hatred towards children is a pretty uniquely U.S. thing. People were incredibly kind, helpful, and just generally sweet and friendly towards my children when I was in Mexico and Italy.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 09:08 PM
2

So, the way that my husband talks about this isn’t literal. Obviously men have emotions other than anger, but anger is seen as masculine while a lot of other really normal human emotions are seen as feminine, so there are moments where anger becomes a default secondary emotion because men aren’t encouraged to be emotionally literate and vulnerable. Like, if my husband is feeling hurt by someone, he’s much more likely to get angry than get sad because anger isn’t vulnerable the way that sadness, …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 08:22 PM
2

Oh man, there are so many moving parts to this. The sex-work industry is a mess and there are serious issues with unsafe work conditions, exploitation, human trafficking, and so on. I would argue that the stigma against porn and other forms of sex-work just pours gasoline on this fire, but there are plenty of people who look at the same statistics and reduce the issue to “porn is inherently dangerous and exploitative.” There are also less overtly dangerous issues with mainstream porn — it often …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/25 07:40 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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