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CarGuyM1985 Archive

View 10 posts and 92 comments by CarGuyM1985 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Thanks for the thoughts, that is a key I’ve been going after, family and close friends. It was an especially emotionally charged week, I had a grand parent pass and went through that sans any partner, made me reflect during my 20 some odd hours of driving this week.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 10:58 AM
1

Appreciate it, I have the same type of platonic relationship with a lady at the same company as me. Really great friends at this point, we talk often, good luck to you as well!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 03:09 AM
1

Sorry about the lay-off , hopefully the change in unemployment benefits helps ends meet. I didn’t realize how bad un employment was until this all happened and I looked it up just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/20 12:14 AM
3

Thx, the quarantine has led to more drinking for sure, nothing like a 3pm beer while working. My goal is to sit in these feelings while quarantined, and when I don’t have my kiddos. I think I fared really well in my divorce. I think I’m at that point where I feel just alone, not good not bad, just alone. No longer resentful towards her, I forgave her last month (in my mind) and more importantly I forgave myself a couple months back. I have a good list of goals from therapy etc. I’ve been working…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 10:35 PM
1

Thx definitely am, the hobbies were great till being stuck inside lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 10:29 PM
3

Totally agree, ruminating etc. been in therapy since day 1 over 10months ago.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 10:29 PM
6

Dude i has to break up with a post marriage g/f, she was getting nuts, and eventually came out to me she’d been sleeping with her ex still while we were together. I’ve missed her a lot, but you’ve got to guard yourself from things that are bad for you. . . Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:55 PM
7

The first thing not to do, and I’m guilty of it myself, is jump into a relationship. All of those feelings you had about needing someone to help calm your anxiety should be fed with some therapy, gym time, improving yourself etc. once you’re comfortable being alone then you’re getting to a point where you could be in a healthy relationship. So the next step after divorce is YOU :-)
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 11:01 PM
3

Random idea for you all, I started a gmail account for my kid, I write her letters every so often, and plan to give her the account one day when she’s in her 20’s Also totally agree cannot be negative about their mom to them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 08:51 PM
10

Don’t say a word to her until you have your affairs in order, get her all the data you can, talk with a lawyer. Take her to the cleaners and move on with your life. Sorry you’re going through this, be happy you don’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 02:18 PM
1

I have this same situation in Dropbox, literally thousands of photos auto uploaded over 8 years, kids and everything. At some point I’ll do what is being suggested. I won’t delete them so my kids can have them one day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 01:35 PM
1

You’re not, trust your gut
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 03:39 PM
1

Totally agree, gotta get out there!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 11:37 PM
1

Good luck, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. The emotional affair is almost always underestimated by anyone who hasn’t dealt with the fallout of one.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 03:12 PM
1

It’s like flipping the page of a book to a new chapter, you decide the title ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 04:33 AM
3

I’ll say in my situation it ended up being a blessing in disguise.. That said, I feel like you get to the point of that last 10% or whatever it is for any individual where you need to decide what is worth your time, and how long you want to carry the resentment/ emotions with you. There is usually blame on both sides of any relationship failing, and the blame can be “how did you not see the signs earlier?” “ Or why did you put up with that for so long?” I think those are real questions to ask yo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 02:45 AM
1

If you have a MacBook just set it to save messages as long as you’re both on iPhone should work.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/20 05:49 PM
6

This👆, it had crossed my mind before and I refused to believe it, that moment when you realize how much better off you’ll be is amazing. It was about a month after she moved out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 10:37 PM
1

I won’t repeat other good advice I’m seeing, I’ll add what I’m thinking. This is hard, but it sounds like you two are done, don’t make excuses for her... Lawyer up and you make the first VERY low offer, don’t be too proud to take spousal support... take that money and run. Since you all moved so much it will be tough for the where to live etc, but if you’ve been the “homemaker” you will have a good leg to stand on, esp if you have a decent job. Tell her she can go gala and around and chase her c…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 10:36 PM
1

Great add and totally agree!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 05:03 PM
2

I would think more broadly about her replacing me, but you also can’t romanticize the past, sometimes I found myself generating happier thoughts than we really had. Everyone thinks about this stuff while going through the shit. I’ve been in therapy for 7months now and highly recommend going. Every time you think about something like that, first ask yourself if you’ve thought of it before, if no, ask yourself why it hurts, process it, so any grieving you need to over the thought, make sure you’re…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 02:57 PM
1

Yep this☝️, you know the answer, don’t drag out the the inevitable. Confront and move forward with or without her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 08:11 PM
3

(Unfiltered) Man Fuck her, she doesn’t deserve you and the marriage if she isn’t willing to work on it. (Filtered) Good for you dude, find happiness and I hope the kids do ok in the months to come.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 07:23 PM
1

Take some deep breaths and a day at a time, find some sappy movies or music, give yourself time to screen and yell and cry in a safe place. Get therapy, take care of your mental and physical health. It does get better with time, there will be ups and downs... you’ll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 02:20 AM
2

You’ll get lots of good advice here, one piece I’ll add is join “meetup” it’s an app and random people will meet for all kinds of activities. Force yourself to get out of the house and make friends. Yep you’ll be faking it till you make it for a bit, also set time aside to grieve, ie when you feel like losing it, tell yourself you have time set aside for later and focus as best you can. Go to therapy as well. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/19 11:52 PM
2

I love the idea about the email account, just did that!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 06:10 PM
0

Hope you’re doing well, I’ve been doing all the “right” things, therapy, whole 9 yards, it’s fun to get out and do the dating scene again. Nope not healed yet, but working on that. People tend to be very black and white about this stuff, but exactly as you said, to each their own.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 07:10 PM
-1

I hear you I’ve definitely turned down a few 1 might stands already, maybe I shouldn’t 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 01:25 PM
-3

Far from 16, but having fun which is a nice change 🤙😊
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 01:24 PM
2

Sorry for what you’re going through, pls find someone, preferably professional, and talk to them. It can and will get better. I would be a wreck too if I had gone through what you’re dealing with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/19 01:18 PM
1

One step at a time my friend, look at this as the next chapter of your life, this one might be titled “recovery” and it will change again when you are done grieving. Work on yourself, get out and meet new people. Plan for time to feel your emotions, cry, scream, whatever, but plan time for it, and start making small steps.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/19 01:35 AM
0

We are, it still hurts though.......
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/19 12:56 AM
2

Own and grow from your mistakes, move on and be a better person for the next one your in a relationship with.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/19 01:43 AM
2

That’s the thing, the answers are usually there, but people are trying to justify which way to say them or not... I feel for you
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 06:27 PM
1

Not to be a Debbie downer or anything, but it takes two to work on a relationship. If she’s unwilling to do that it’s a red flag. One thing I did wrong in my relationship was not issuing an ultimatum when I should have. Note it wouldn’t have saved my marriage, but it would have gotten my answer sooner. Trust your gut and don’t give her excuses. Be honest with yourself too as well. You likely have a feeling if you want to stay in the relationship or not. Obviously I know nothing about your relati…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 05:59 PM
2

My best advice is get a good marriage counselor ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 03:31 PM
2

I’m having a hard time following your question. Yes some people try harder to stick together because of the kids, hence divorce rate spikes when kids leave for college. No! You should not have a kid to help your marriage... you think you have problems now...
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 01:58 PM
1

You only get one life, you have to decide if this is the life you want. If you’re having these types of problems and writing this post - they aren’t small issues... Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 10:28 PM
3

Haha I love this, I’ve heard “renting headspace” already, but not this way
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 01:11 AM
11

You don’t do this, you move on and forgive.. doing anything stupid will make the craziness last longer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 11:59 PM
2

Get out of the house and do something fun, go learn something new, do a meetup group, or something, but on those down days don’t just sit in the house and ruminate, it will drive you nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 06:54 AM
3

It’s a new phase of your life, as other have said above, there will be ups and downs. Focus on how you’ll grow from the change, how you will likely make different/better choices & and see things more clearly in the future. I thought my ex just up and left, but there were signs I didn’t see. Absolutely get a lawyer, log everything, don’t do anything stupid! Suggestions: - Lawyer ASAP! - Therapy - Stay away from a new g/f as long as possible. - Work on yourself (fitness/hobby etc) - Be the best pa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 07:02 PM
1

Log everything, don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want the court to know, ie anything that could affect your custody. If you’re an upstanding parent and live in the same town etc you should be able to get 50/50. I hate it for you, it will get better, as others have said sometimes gets worse first.. keep your head up and stay positive, welcome to the next chapter of your life!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/19 10:17 AM
1

Munich Germany , awesome time so far!
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/19 02:54 PM
3

Uhg about missed one flight but I’m here now!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/19 11:20 PM
3

Yep, and I flew out of the country to have fun!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/19 10:00 PM
1

I did, she charged $250/hr ... oh wait that was my lawyer :-)
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 09:46 PM
0

Yes hire a PI, and have your lawyer in the loop and ready.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/19 08:48 PM
4

Haha use em up buddy!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/19 06:06 PM
2

Sorry you’re going through this, as others have said it does get better. It helped me to start making a list of things I planned to do after divorce with the kids and for myself. Don’t despair it gets better, focus on being better and what you’ll do different in future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 10:01 PM
3

This, you need a good lawyer and well documented events. Also hire a private eye to capture her in the act when possible. You should continue to be nothing but nice and supportive ie roll with the punches until you can exact very specific actions to get your kids. That said I’m sorry your going through this, my ex and I are much more cordial than this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 06:03 PM
2

Yeah, myself and kids come before just about everything else right now. I’ve been traveling a ton, learning rock climbing and mountaineering, weekly therapy, exercising, and not missing a moment with my kiddos when I have them (50/50) - so unfortunately for her she’s coming in the cracks of time that’s left - which isn’t much.... so if there is a spectrum of following this advice I’m closer to following it vs not following it... but that’s my perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 11:31 AM
1

Thanks, and you’re right. We got to that point where she’s started saying she loves me, I told her to pump the brakes and we needed to step back that I wasn’t emotionally ready to commit and have that deep of a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 11:28 AM
2

+1 good read, and agree with it, and as a dude 5 months into separation I agree with it, though I’m not fully following it hahaha. I will say I am doing all the self development items recommended and my g/f stays last on the totem pole... sometimes to the point where I think I’m not a good boyfriend.. she’s going through divorce too so I think we both are on that spectrum.... not making excuses though...
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 03:45 AM
1

Thank you for sharing, the kids are the most important thing when going through the shit show of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/19 03:05 PM
2

Not gonna lie, I’m excited about the holidays without my ex. Don’t have kids for thanksgiving? Ok I’m going to Europe... don’t have them for fall break, went to the Rockies... etc...rinse and repeat on opposite holidays next year! Make lemonade out of lemons!
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/19 10:29 PM
1

Joint custody, on a 2/5 schedule, so yes every other weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 08:47 PM
2

Thanks for sharing! I’m 5mo separated~ and things went well for me financially in the separation too. If you aren’t in therapy I highly recommend it, I’ve done individual and group therapy, both very beneficial. I still have tough days too, but it is freeing to feel all the emotions and be able to move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 06:40 PM
3

I definitely don’t know your story, but I have two young girls and am a better parent and so much happier without my ex there dragging us all down. Also you get dedicated time with the kids and dedicate YOU time, which if you’re in a struggling marriage you likely need. I couldn’t be happier as a single dad, and +1 on the dating scene being much easier as an adult with their shit together- it’s like the birth of a whole new life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 06:35 PM
1

In my case it was only individual counselling. My wife basically blind sided me and her mind was made up she brought up the topic.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/19 01:16 AM
2

Thx, same to you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/19 05:37 PM
3

Chin up, sorry for what’s happening to you, focus on the future and start making a list of things you’ll do now that you will be free. It isn’t the end, all the guys on this list sub have been there and are working through it; I was also blindsided and I’m seeing more possibilities and positive futures than I have in a long time. Focus on the future, take care of you, and if you need to be sad - plan time for it but try to stay positive otherwise. Also, go to Counselling.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/19 01:41 PM
1

Sorry dude... sucks being blindsided, definitely keep that chin up and persevere!
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/19 06:11 PM
1

I’m a a little over a month in myself, and found my wife did all this with plans to replace me. Suicide is never an option, especially when you have children, I’ve seen the aftermath on children with suicide parents, it’s horrible. However bad the pain is for you, it would be exponentially worse for your child the rest of her life. Don’t do it, please get help, and focus on healing! It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 02:08 PM
1

Realize you likely don’t know the whole story, she might have her eyes on someone else, or lost her mind, or both 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ just be VERY suspicious and don’t trust.... at all...
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/19 12:19 PM
0

Sorry it’s working out like this for you, I don’t have any advice other than keep your chin up and hopefully you get to see the kids again soon!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/19 03:25 PM
1

Thank you for sharing this, I’m dealing with a kind of similar situation and I’m happy to see someone coming out well on the other side. It’s funny that was one of the first things I thought about being single, no more asking for approval to buy something! Cheers!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/19 02:11 AM
1

Thanks for the words, agreed, the small details/wins can help a lot sometimes... because something just as small can freeze you in your tracks...
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/19 12:00 AM
1

If you don’t have a lawyer get one...
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/19 11:58 PM
2

Aren’t economist always expecting that?? That said I’m refinancing the house and my wife is moving out. My interest rate is dropping.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/19 11:56 PM
2

That’s tough bro, and I’m sorry you are where you are right now. My wife basically said the same to me, but I’m the one in shape etc. Don’t search for love somewhere else before handling your marriage. My wife didn’t and she’s hurt me more than anyone ever has in my life. Be honest and discuss the issues, decide together what you want to do... again my wife didn’t give me a choice. Good luck to you both.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 02:02 AM
3

Get some help dude, if you love each other try to salvage it and find yourselves again. I’m going through something similar, but my wife decided to bring another man into the situation. Again, get help and counseling, if you love each other and had that fire don’t sit on it, fight for each other!
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 01:40 AM
1

Good luck, and hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/19 05:51 PM
2

Schedule counseling, don’t assume you two have the tools to work through it alone. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/19 01:37 PM
0

You’re getting pretty good advice in the comments I’ve read, hope it works out for you! *trust your gut!! -> speaking from my own experience.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 03:45 PM
2

My best advice is for it to be in the separation agreement. Otherwise you don’t have much to stand on. The only other action is showing the move isn’t a good thing for the kids, then the court will help.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/19 03:15 PM
1

Sorry to hear this, seems all to common on this thread that our wives of many years all of the sudden drop a bomb... I just don’t understand why mine didn’t talk to me sooner.... Good luck and I promise each day you feel a little better. I also recommend making a list of “things” you’d given up for marriage you plan to do again once you’re fully separated, that’s given me hope and excitement about the future.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/19 03:13 PM
1

Thanks for the thoughts and ideas, definitely will try that out !
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/19 04:03 AM
1

Thanks for the thoughts, I’m right there with you I will have 50% custody and I won’t take time for granted like I have in the past. Sadly I just got that car and don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it or not... it’s hard to unwind finances when you are not planning to be divorced... Edit: Also, yeah I’ve been very active on here lately for obvious reasons. At first I couldn’t read others stories of pain like I’m having, now I feel like it’s helping, and folks on here have been super caring in th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/19 07:49 PM
1

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/19 07:16 PM
1

Thanks I keep trying to tell myself that shit doesn’t matter and some times I’m positive about it, sometimes I’m not...
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/19 07:15 PM
3

So happy for you that your working through this shit storm of divorce. I don’t know when is the right time to get back out there, my wife’s decision to divorce is still really fresh, but I’m taking it as a second chance at a happy life, one looking back I clearly didn’t have with her. Hopefully you continue to find that happiness!
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 01:20 PM
1

Agree with this person. I’m dealing with a wife of 8years telling me she doesn’t now and may have never loved me as more than a brother. It all hurts, and there isn’t anything you can do other than: focus on what you can control and look towards the future. I’m struggling and hurting to, but it is starting to improve, and I hope it does for you as well!
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/19 06:02 AM
1

Thanks, I’m getting there, and I’m done with her... hopefully you’re getting there yourself as well. I’ve had 2 weeks to process this, lots of crying and reflection, but I’m realizing some things and working on moving forward. I’m ready for her to be out of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/19 05:58 AM
1

Wow sorry to hear that, and good luck with everything, thank you for sharing your story with me. The first few days I couldn’t even read these pages on the divorce page, with a little time it’s getting easier and helps talking to people, even if they’re on a computer somewhere else in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/19 12:56 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 06:46 PM
1

Thank you for the comments, it helps hearing this
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 06:46 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 11:55 AM
2

Thanks, I have found excitement in the idea of changing my life towards things I had all but given up during marriage.. I started making a list of things I’ll do with my free time over the next year - and that makes me feel good. I haven’t cried in a couple days, but I’d be surprised if I don’t when we start separating stuff soon... so I expect more of that. I will say I feel like I had a lot of built up emotion that felt great to get out while crying about this. So if it helps, let the tears ro…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 11:54 AM
2

You’re right, looking back I’m definitely seeing things that I hadn’t let myself see before. I now see this isn’t the relationship I want for the rest of my life - I/we all deserve more than this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 11:44 AM
3

Thank you for the thoughts and advice, I don’t wish this pain on anyone, but it helps to know I’m not the only person that’s going through or has gone through it. I’m trying to stay hopeful - but I worry about finding someone else to spend my life with, how this will affect the kids, how I move forward and not constantly look back in pain. I know this is a process, any time for this to feel better seems like an eternity at the moment, a month is un fathomable, a year is not tangible to me... but…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 11:43 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 11:38 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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