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CarlsJrPaysMe Archive

View 3 posts and 36 comments by CarlsJrPaysMe on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

CarlsJrPaysMe/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 03:17 PM
9

CarlsJrPaysMe/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 01:55 PM
2

CarlsJrPaysMe/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 09:15 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Yeah, the dude should definitely talk to a tax accountant, but filing first is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:43 PM
1

This was my experience as well. Attorneys and my ex kept saying, "It's just a formula." There were 4 or 5 inputs to that formula, though and assumptions went into a couple of those inputs. The assumptions made mattered.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:38 PM
1

I was telling my friend this. The ex would get on me a lot about the house being a mess and not helping enough with the cleaning. Toward the end, I started to realize most of it was her creating the messes. Now that she's been out of the house for months, it's confirmed. Far fewer messes, far less clutter. I don't even come close to filling up my trash cans on trash pickup day and when she was still in the house, it would be overflowing. My spending is so much lower. It's insane. It would be rea…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 04:19 PM
3

I'm with you, man. I call or text if there is something to communicate or ask, but otherwise, when they are with their mom, they are with her. She does not extend the same courtesy to me. She facetimes them every day because it's "her right." She doesn't consider whether it's good for the kids. She just thinks about what she wants. Anyway, I have no idea if I am doing the right thing, but I hope I am creating an environment for them where they know they can always call me, my door is always open…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 04:45 PM
4

Any dish you make will be horrible without proper seasoning. This is the key.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:59 PM
11

I cook a lot. STBX hated when I cooked. She said it was her thing and I was trying to make her look bad. She only wanted me to make basic stuff because otherwise I was showing her up. So now, I cook whatever I want and cook a lot of cool stuff for my kids. They are late teens, so that might make a difference vs. what someone with younger kids can cook. Here's my advice: Know or find out what kind of things your kids like to eat. Not necessarily just at home, but what do they like from a restaura…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:56 PM
2

Good stuff, man. Regarding #2 - You doing this through apps or meeting people in real life? I use the apps and go on a lot of dates, but just curious how you're doing it. I disagree with my attorney a lot. I'm torn on how much of that is normal or how much he's right/I'm wrong and how much is he's just not the right dude to get me through this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/21 02:25 PM
2

If I were to guess, you are looking for confirmation for a few reasons: To know you're not crazy You believe her potentially cheating says something about your worth You wonder what this means for future relationships if someone you thought you knew well could do something like this without you knowing You have some sliver of hope that your suspicions are wrong You want to know what to tell people As someone who has been through a similar situation, here is my opinion - none of this matters. No …
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 03:35 PM
1

Thank you for your advice. No indications from the judge yet according to my attorney. At the pretrial conference, the judge "strongly recommended" we do a settlement meeting. There was one issue her attorney brought up at the pretrial conference - costs STBX says she is incurring while the kids are with me that she wants reimbursement for. My attorney was ready for that and said the judge told her attorney she wasn't going to get reimbursed for those.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 01:38 PM
1

Good point. I think she will use high numbers, so I'll need to be prepared for that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 05:35 PM
3

Great link. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 04:36 PM
3

Thank you. Good advice. Yes, I have a list and calculations started. I still have a few weeks to keep adding and gathering support. I don't really have any specific non-negotiables, but there are certainly things I want which will be my baseline. My non-negotiable is higher level - I don't want all the items working out in her favor. I guess that helps in that I can be flexible, but it also adds potential complexity in that it can result in a lot of "if this, then that" scenarios. I'll have to g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 04:26 PM
1

You're making progress, man. Less drinking, going to the gym and cooking healthy - that's good stuff. My unsolicited advice as someone who has been through a lot of the same emotions as you is to work on changing your self-talk. If you are looking for a relationship, women pick up on low self-esteem easily. There's no shame in living with your parents and it certainly doesn't make you a loser. It's temporary and you are doing what is best for you financially and to give your kids a stable, safe …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/21 02:11 AM
1

It was two things - getting hobbies and my situation. First, hobbies don't have to be some super impressive thing. Just something you enjoy. For me it was sports, working out, cooking, gardening, guitar, movies, home improvement and decorating my house. I'll focus on that last one for a minute. Surfing furniture websites to find a new kitchen table is part of that "hobby." It's looking for something that makes the space mine. That's not some fancy, cool hobby, but it is something I enjoy, takes …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 07:28 PM
6

It's a process and it's difficult. Be patient with yourself. Find someone or multiple people you can talk to. Do things you like to do, even if that's just watch a movie or a TV show or a game. Over time, you'll need to get into (or get back into) hobbies, some form of exercise, and friends/family or some other social outlet. I am dating, but most of the women I have gone on dates with can't compete with how much I enjoy being alone. There have been a couple that didn't work out for other reason…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:17 AM
3

Haha, thanks. Here is the recipe. https://www.recipetineats.com/baked-fish-with-lemon-cream-sauce/ I dial back the lemon juice to 1 TBSP and skip the lemon slices because I'm not a huge fan of the lemony taste. Also, I leave the shallots in bigger chunks so my daughter can avoid them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 08:57 PM
3

Thanks man. I like making things that my kids like - fish (usually haddock) in butter cream sauce, California rolls, parmesan roasted brussels sprouts, honey chicken. When I cook for myself, I like the challenge of making French omelettes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 08:29 PM
17

A few months after she moved out, I got a big promotion. In an athletic competition recently, I was voted best in the division even though I was going up against guys 20 years younger than me. I have improved my cooking skills dramatically and my mom is now calling me for cooking tips.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 06:08 PM
1

I'm no expert and definitely speak with your attorney about it, but it seems to me that this would be the best case scenario for you (legally speaking) - her getting a job and moving out. You might be able to tilt the odds in your favor by establishing the status quo at the kids being with you more than 50% so she can "have her space."
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 06:50 PM
3

That's good. In my experience, the status quo is very important to the court. So, if and when you tell your wife, if there is a situation where you have less than 50% custody, that will be something the court weighs heavily. My STBX wanted 100% custody and I told her there was no chance of that happening any anything less than 50/50 was unacceptable. She then said she wanted the kids to decide, which I again told her to come back to earth. No chance I would want either of my kids having the burd…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 05:05 PM
4

Ohio here as well. At least in my jurisdiction, 50/50 custody is the norm. I'd say to be sure on the attorney you pick. There are things I wish I'd known before picking one.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 04:48 PM
1

I would get confused because when I would tell friends what was going on, each of them (in separate conversations) would interrupt me and say, "Is she cheating?" And I was thinking, "How did he/she get that from what I'm saying?" But it happened every conversation. I still don't have proof or any knowledge that she actually did. It just underscores your point about being in it vs. being on the outside. The good part is it's not my problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 04:32 PM
1

According to local news, that got the biggest cheer of the game. https://www.sfgate.com/giants/article/divorce-giants-game-max-funny-message-jumbotron-16467953.php
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 04:41 PM
4

This is my opinion only, so take it for what it's worth. Grey rock does not mean letting go of boundaries. It just means you enforce them without emotion. Instead of giving her an earful, you state your boundary clearly and assertively. If your ex is anything like mine, she can't be reasoned with, so any explanation is wasted energy. I state my boundaries for 2 reasons - first, to have it documented via email or text and second, to make sure she knows what is expected of her. It is not to try to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 05:54 PM
4

I agree with all of this. The only thing I would add is that the 5 stages are not necessarily sequential and it is common to experience more than 1 stage at a time or to bounce back and forth between stages.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 01:37 PM
2

Mine is far from the "homemaker spouse." She makes $100K. She took 3 months maternity leave and was back to work after that. No career setbacks due to family. She is at the highest level you can reach in her career and it is the job she wanted since she was a kid. I get it - this is how the system works. I make more, so I owe her, but she hardly needs time to get back on her feet, and certainly not 8 years in my opinion. But it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 03:39 AM
1

It's nothing to do with being offended. It's establishing fact vs. misrepresentation. You accused me of something and I refuted it. That's how it works. Why do you keep changing the subject?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:46 AM
1

You are not trying to help. You ended your initial comment with accusations and you have yet to address any point I brought up. I can only guess at your motivation, but it is quite clear you have yet to come up with a basis for any of the accusations you have made.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:41 AM
1

Is this a comprehension issue for you or are you just trying to troll?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:32 AM
1

Exactly as I wrote - you are playing fast and loose with the facts. The section you quoted is from item #2 above which is regarding making a proposal to my wife. She can either accept, reject or counter. To spell it out for you - it is a negotiation question. It is not a question of omitting anything to the court. It is a question of what to include in the proposal that goes to her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:09 AM
2

It's not what makes me feel better. It's just facts, which you seem to play fast and loose with.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 01:13 AM
2

Slow your roll, chief. Nobody is lying about anything. I asked a question about which date to use. You jumping to conclusions about what I'm going to report to the court is a stunning failure in logic.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 12:59 AM
2

It's a good strategy in some jurisdictions to be "the reasonable guy", especially when your ex is being unreasonable. I'm not sure I understand this. I don't think a court is going to have me pay less than I've already agreed to. If she's not asking about my bonus, why would I voluntarily bring it up? The downside is I could potentially be paying something she never expected to get, to the tune of $100K or more over the term of the alimony payments. The upside is a court may look favorably on me…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 05:49 PM
1

Be ready for that to change. The recording is likely not legally binding.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 02:43 PM
9

It's been worth it for me. It just depends on what "worth it" means to you. I've met some intriguing women. I've also met a ton of flakes. It's work. It takes time and effort to take nice pictures for your profile. If you have your life reasonably in order and you take reasonably good care of yourself, you will do fine. You will get "likes." The question is whether you will like them. As u/NohoTwoPointOh correctly states, quality is the issue. Using it for validation or deriving any self-esteem …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 07:46 PM
1

I am about 8 months further on than you. Mine started amicable, but rapidly turned to be quite contentious. I started by trying to find an attorney that would help handle things amicably and get to a collaborative agreement, since that is what we both agreed we wanted. My STBX started doing a lot of things that were not illegal, but also not amicable (taking money out of accounts without telling me, promising things to the kids without telling me, taking things from the house months after she mo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 05:43 PM
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