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Character_Town_3983 Archive

View 2 posts and 36 comments by Character_Town_3983 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
26

Character_Town_3983/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 01:57 PM
10

Character_Town_3983/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 10:16 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

They know we've had issues for a very long time. Some of it (particularly the arguing) they witnessed first hand. Some of it they have not. I think it's the drama and reaction I'm concerned about more than the not being certain I want to go through with it. There's no good time. But for years she told me to get out and maybe it's time I finally did.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:41 AM
1

I'm not opposed to getting out and meeting people, but I don't think that will solve my real problems at home. She also has the ability to alienate friends that I have tried to have years ago--she knows everything about everything, shares entirely too much, and wants to be "best friends" with anyone I see socially for starters. That has a really good way of putting people off.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 03:20 AM
2

I love her, but not the way you should love your spouse. I'd say like a sibling, but that just sounds creepy as hell so I won't. I don't share the details of my day with her, just things that she needs to know...usually news about our grown children. I pay my bills (most of them) and she pays hers (usually...although half the time she needs help from me to get to the next paycheck--her "bills" are maybe 3/4 of one paycheck a month. I don't know where the other $$ goes and would not care except w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 04:07 PM
2

You are lucky that the kids support you. That's one of my main concerns is how the kids will react to this. But I've got to get it through my head that how the kids react should not dictate (within reason) how I live my life. She may want to move on. I don't know as we don't really talk about anything because virtually every conversation that contains half a sentence about what's going on with me immediately gets turned into a half-hour long discussion on her by her. I could be underestimating h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 02:59 PM
1

Thanks for your perspective. In my case, I've had enough of failing to manage money, failing to consult on home projects until they are half done and she's unable to finish them, insisting we only eat what she prefers or the way she prefers, whining about how awful every job is until I either tear my hair out or tell her to quit (did stop that 6 years ago), causing arguments during car rides and frequently demanding I stop and let her out immediately, etc. The assumption is that I would immediat…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 02:55 PM
1

I've toyed with the idea of mentioning it to kids but my gut tells me that first mention of it should be to her and not them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 02:35 PM
4

Yes. That's the plan. No cards laid out until beyond absolutely necessary. I should have said that was part of my worst-case scenario that I have in my head. Viewing the outcome as negatively and conservatively for me as possible to reduce the chances that surprises leave me worse off.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 02:24 AM
4

Working on myself is a great idea. Given the situation, I'm in no interest in worrying about any piece of ass until I get myself in a place where I'm thinking of myself first and foremost and have taken a mental dump from the last thirty years. Then I'll worry about carnal needs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 12:50 AM
4

I'll be honest, I almost didn't read that post as I'd scanned it before, but the rest of your post made me decide since there wasn't snark in your post I could man up and read it. A chunk of it doesn't apply to my situation, but there's no doubt a strategic reason to stay..even if the kids aren't an issue and even if I'm willing to let her have the home. I'm regretting not doing it sooner, so that comment resonates with me. Even if it's not 30 more years for me, I don't see marriage as an endura…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 12:13 AM
2

We're cordial some of the time and less than cordial at others. The arguments aren't as fierce as they were years ago (she's not told me to get out in years), but we still have them. I know people don't always get along, but a lot of change for each of us and we've grown apart. Hell...don't ask me to cook, clean, or do any task with her....always ends in an argument often because I'm not doing something the "right" way. Frankly we keep most of our own business to ourselves. Bought our last cars …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 10:53 PM
1

Separate property is separate and she can't get it as long as it's not been comingled as others have said. The income from the property could be part of an alimony agreement. In other words if you inherited real estate that you kept separate and she did nothing to help maintain or increase its value, the property itself is yours. The rent earned from it is income that may impact alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 05:10 PM
4

Remember your end game. Some days that is harder to do than others. I know.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:43 AM
4

That sounds like a good plan. Play along with the counseling if it serves your purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:34 AM
9

Counseling is likely a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:09 AM
2

As long as you explained all the details of acquisition (and subsequent details of upkeep and maintenance) to your lawyer, you should be fine. The lawyer will (or should) know the details of how things work in your state. Also ask him if there is anything you should (or should not do) with the property until the divorce is final. Gotta be careful taking specific legal advice from people on the internet--especially ones in other locations.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 12:18 AM
2

Salary would hopefully go up while his share would go down the longer she works after divorce. Then if she dies while working, he's sol unless he's a beneficiary. And if he gets remarried (I'd advise against it to be honest), he may lose his right to her federal pension. OP needs to see a lawyer who has experience with pensions of this type. I had a colleague who divorced when spouse was 5 years away from a pension of this type--she was smart not to negotiate it away. In my situation, acting lik…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 12:39 AM
1

Her pension is definitely a negotiating point to be certain. If she's vested the chance she loses the cash value is very small, but she may not add to it much if something happens. However, the longer she continues to work at the job she's at after the divorce, the more his proportional interest in it shrinks and he'd have to wait until she retires to get any of it anyway. Personally I'd negotiate it away for something else that's more tangible in the present. I have a similar interest a govt. p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 11:12 PM
1

Exactly right about the government pension. I have one and state statute spells out the formula to determine who gets what percentage of it in the domestic order. Just because a woman says something is true does not mean that it is. Chances are she doesn't really know how the government pension will be handled in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 08:41 PM
2

Work on keeping up your relationship with your daughter and make your time spent with her time that she'll remember fondly later as much as you can. Obsessing on the new boyfriend when with your daughter takes time away from your relationship with her. Knowing generally what's going on is a good thing, but modeling what you consider ideal behavior will hopefully have better long term impact on your daughter. And boyfriends for the ex may come and go. The next one could be a complete asshole whos…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 08:33 PM
2

A real late response to your comment. My state pension has clear guidelines in state statute as to what she would get. There's no getting out of giving her half of it for the duration of my life/her life. I say she'd never get married again (in which case she loses her half of my pension), but who the hell knows? There may be another dude as much of a doofus as I was at 21. My income is nowhere near yours, but even in my worst case scenario, I'd safely have 70K a year in income if I just sat on …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 02:59 AM
3

As others have said: talk to a lawyer. She probably can't do what she's saying she can and you need to protect your assets and your relationship with your kids. They will let you know what could realistically happen and what you should do next. There's good advice here as well, but a lawyer is what you need.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 12:16 AM
1

Your first paragraph nailed it (the process and first steps are (for me) the problem. I don't fear living alone the way some do. And the question you asked is spot on. Not certain about the amicable part or not, but she's not happy either.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 04:53 PM
2

(this may be longer than you care to read, but the coffee has kicked in and I've been mulling this over for a few days now and things have started to solidify in my mind). This reply may be more "therapy" for me than anything else. It's pulling the trigger that I think is the difficult part. Everyone on here will have a slightly different piece of advice to give based on their experience, financial situation, kid situation, "wife situation," etc. I was really glad that I talked to a lawyer first…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 12:34 PM
2

Thanks to all who responded. There's nothing holding me back now and it's time for me to give myself a deadline and stick to it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 02:31 AM
1

We don't have couples friends...largely because she ends up putting people off or I because I just don't sync at all with her friends and or husbands of her friends. I've looked at apartment prices and it'll be very manageable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 01:07 AM
2

For a variety of reasons (most of which can be easily guessed at), I was not interested in pulling the trigger when the kids were home. I've got no excuse now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 01:03 AM
1

She's not saying anything that makes me think staying is the right choice. It's probably more that I just have been in this so long, I don't see a way out. I was gone for 90% of two months on different trips--two were to see our daughter (or housesit for her) who lives 800 miles away. Other trips were related to my self-employment--and I was working when I wasn't travelling. So while mentally it was essentially a vacation, all of the time was not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 02:28 AM
7

I'm reasonably fit for my age and have hobbies and interests that will keep my mind going when the body isn't quite what it used to be. But at this point a relationship afterwards is NOT on my radar---I've had enough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 02:15 AM
3

I'm not going to air any grievances at this point and am going to bury it all under the "I'm not happy" grave. The children already know exactly how their Mom is, how she spins things to make herself the "victim" (I've negotiated this sort of shit when they were still at home and had mother-daughter issues). She'll call me the Bad Guy no doubt and there may be some initial distancing with the kids, but as long as I'm up front with them and don't whine about their Mom we'll eventually get through…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 02:13 AM
5

Thanks. I have no illusions that afterwards will be all perfect. I know that it won't. But above all else, I'm tired of coordinating all of my existence with someone with whom I have nothing in common any more other than our children. I didn't miss her during the time I was away. I didn't have to listen to how she knew things she didn't (she tends to be an expert on everything) or argue about spending more money than we should. I am so sick of arguing over money.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 10:27 PM
4

Open communication about various issues we have generally end the same way--an argument. My feelings get immediately met with what my faults or her issues with me are--without me being able to really get a complete thought out or finish saying what really is bothering me. The response to any of my frustrations is rarely met with an acknowledgement of what my point is--I'm not talking about her admitting I'm right but a failure to attempt to "get" what I'm frustrated about. Communication attempts…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 10:23 PM
3

Ok roommates but the lack of communication sometimes makes it seem like even less than that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 06:29 PM
6

You're right. There is no such thing as "no decision."
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:11 PM
1

The trip wasn't a realistic example of what life would be like after divorce--but I think it gave me an idea that there is something different out there besides what I have now. I don't think the stress of being unhappy is really good for either of us to be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:10 PM
6

We've had separate bedrooms for ten years. We're not what I could call best friends...roommates is a better word for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:08 PM
6

She's screwed around with a variety of jobs and finally seems to be sticking to a job/career. In other jobs she's had, after 2-3 years she would complain incessantly about either co-workers or the environment. Tired of hearing the bitching, I'd finally just tell her to quit. But finally about 10 years ago I got it through my thick head that she was the problem usually--not the others or the job (at least not all the time) and I would listen to the bitching but quit telling her that she should ju…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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