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DarthDad25 Archive

View 0 posts and 173 comments by DarthDad25 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

Because women who are 50 and still single are single for a reason… they’re either crazy or they’ve been ran through and no man wants to touch them with a 10 foot pole.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 08:49 AM
0

Yes. This is correct. We can complain about it. But it’s not going to change. Women always want more because they constantly have a plethora of men they can choose from. If you had the option of attracting multiple women at all times, you would also be the same. I guess it’s like supply and demand 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 08:34 AM
0

Obviously speaking in generalizations. But most men want a wholesome, nurturing, feminine woman. The list would be different for every man, but overall similar. A man is more likely to date a server or McDonald’s worker than a woman is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:52 AM
1

No. You’re wrong. The emotional connection can most certainly be neglected. Many women do not feel heard, valued, or understood.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:45 AM
3

I feel like we agree on this, but then you say my viewpoint is lopsided and flawed? I think, generally speaking, men value their worth differently than how women value a man’s worth. And men value a woman’s worth differently than how she views it. Women don’t think like men. Men are more logical based thinkers. Women are more emotional. Women are probably more prone to making decisions in the moment based on how they’re feeling in that exact moment.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:44 AM
3

I agree with you. But this post only talks about tasks and chores that men do. There is a whole other side of a relationship. The partnership, intimacy, emotional connection..
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:30 AM
-5

I’m not sure what you’re getting at? I was simply pointing out that the original post mentions all things that husbands do, but doesn’t actually take a deep dive into the relationship. Meaning, the actual emotional connection. I don’t think women divorce men for being lazy, or else they wouldn’t have married a lazy man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:26 AM
-6

I’m not trying to fool anyone. Just giving my honest opinion as to why so many women are walking away and divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:01 AM
-14

Truth to this post, but also a lot if surface level logic. That’s where it takes a turn. Women don’t see things through a logical lens. It’s not so much about “he does X, Y, & Z” vs she does “A, B, & C”. Today’s women want a partner. They want someone who they can connect with. Vent to. Be vulnerable with. Feel safe with. Women need the emotional attention and maturity. Many men become complacent. Men will judge their value in the relationship based on this post mentioned. How involved they are …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 06:19 AM
2

It sounds like he wants his cake and ice cream. You can’t let him take advantage of you. I’m assuming he knows you didn’t want the divorce and he knows you would take him back. He has you on the back burner but you have him on the front. You need to start keeping your relationship more business like. Anything about the kids or logistical operations fine. Everything else, no longer your worry. It’s not fair for you to pour emotional energy and attention into a bottomless cup! If you need to, simp…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 02:33 AM
2

Why did he want to divorce? If he wanted you out of his life, why are the two of you still communicating? More importantly, why is he sharing emotional feelings with you still? This sounds muddy. But as a man, I would say to leave him be. He left you. He divorced you. He doesn’t get to still use you as an emotional crutch. He needs to face the reality, which is the two of you are no longer together. Focus on yourself. Find a man that appreciates you and voluntarily chooses you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 02:14 AM
1

Not downplaying it. But sometimes it’s something that can be worked through and sorted out. Why would she suddenly start being this way after 4 years together? What changed? Clearly something happened
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 06:51 AM
3

Does his wife work? If so, I can’t imagine his income as a chef is much higher than hers. He needs to secure 50/50 shared parenting. Mainly because that’s just as much his child as hers. That child will need to have healthy relationships with both mom and dad, regardless of marital status. This will also help lower his child support obligation, if any. They are young. They are figuring out life together and then quickly added a child into the chaos. I would recommend sitting him down and having …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 08:01 PM
2

Calm down brother. The fight just happened last night. You moved from an argument straight to divorce. Unless this argument was a nuclear bomb, this will calm down. Divorce is hardly ever decided in less than 24 hours without some kind of substance abuse or infidelity. You didn’t mention what the fig he was about, so I’m guessing it was something that got blown out of proportion. Take a deep breath. Stop focusing on doomsday and move that energy towards reconciliation with you wife!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 04:43 AM
1

I’ll take the ego boost from you, random Reddit stranger! Glad it could resonate. I’m about 1.5 years into my journey. I’m far better than I was, but still not where I want to be! Now for a REAL motivational quote: “Tough times create strong men” I remember that, and realize that I’m being forged in the fire. You control how you step out of the fire.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 10:39 PM
1

Unpack. Learn from it. Next time set stronger boundaries for yourself. Only do it if it’s truly from the graciousness of your heart and you don’t care if the other person doesn’t reciprocate/receive. Thats how you become a genuine man of character. It also protects you from unnecessary pain and betrayal. Life is a lesson that keeps evolving. We will never master it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 08:55 PM
1

You got it! Strong masculine leadership, is just leading yourself in a masculine way. A HEALTHY masculine way. You act and serve for yourself, regardless of others. Masculine men have a deeper sense of emotional security, awareness, maturity, and intelligence. Being able to step back and understand things past the surface level. Just like I explained to you. Service level thinks going to the hospital and doing a nice thing is a great man. But in reality, that man has a manipulative frame going i…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 06:31 PM
1

You’re close to strong masculine leadership.. but still off in a few areas. Please let me explain, hopefully I can articulate my words well enough for you: Stop doing things “for her” as a way to test whether or not she reciprocates. That’s weak. That’s needy. That’s you doing an action, in hopes that she receives it or reciprocates it. It’s basically “testing” her. That’s weak, because how you feel after doing that action is based on her. If she receives it with love, you’re happy and confident…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 04:31 PM
2

I’m glad to hear you’ve accepted it! Logically accepting is the first step. What you’re feeling now is emotional. You logically know you need to move on. But emotionally and neurologically you’re still processing. You’re hardwired to still be attached to her. To care for her. Protect her. Over time, that will fade. Give yourself grace until that time comes. You’re mind and body are adjusting to the knew level of “normal”
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 02:57 PM
3

Not about fairness. It’s what’s in the best interest of the child. With that being said, mother and father BOTH present and contributing is what’s in the child’s best interest, assuming both parents have a healthy relationship. But who knows what his circumstances are. He may travel for work weekly and not be physically present enough to be a primary caregiver.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 02:20 PM
10

Brother, it’s ok to be hurt and angry by this. Save yourself a long pain and stop focusing on what she is doing. Instead, look inward and focus on what you are doing. Stop asking questions about other men. Stop looking for signs and signals that other men are around. You want to know, as I did too, but it just leads to more betrayal and hurt. This is not the kind of woman you want to be married too. Respect yourself enough to not be with someone who doesn’t voluntarily choose you. She wants othe…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 11:26 AM
10

Just finalized my divorce as well. Nearly broke me. Hardest thing I’ve ever went through. Truly love that woman and I wanted nothing more than to reconcile with her. But unfortunately, as the divorce went along, truths came out, and she is happier now with her affair partner. Hurt like hell to find out she was cheating during the last leg of our marriage. But I’m glad I found out the truth. After grieving and healing, it made moving on easier. I unexpectedly met a wonderful woman. We are going s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 10:35 PM
3

Excuse me? Typically, in marriages, men have more assets/wealth than the women. Men will often to to strong arm their way through divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 02:47 PM
2

What to your what? My message is pretty clear. They’re still married. They are legally required to share funds until they’re divorced
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 02:10 PM
4

Brother.. her money is your money. You can both use marital funds to hire lawyers. She is trying to control you because she has the money. Men typically use this same tactic vs women during divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 02:06 PM
1

Technically, no. Neither of you must move out. You both own the home and you both have every right to reside in your shared home. As long as you don’t get wrapped up in any domestic violence issues, you’ll be fine. Doesn’t sound like that will be an issue. If anything, I urge you to NOT leave the house if you have interest in keeping it. Some courts will view you leaving as voluntarily surrendering it or abandoning it. If you want 50/50 shared parenting then you need to be extra cautious. I’m no…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 02:42 AM
1

Regardless if you or her keep it, the kids are going to benefit from it. I do sometimes wish we had just sold the home and split the profit. The thought of getting my own “new” place and starting fresh seems appealing. But ultimately, what kept me in the home is that my wife cheated and left the home to be with another man. I did want the kids to have something familiar. I also have a sweet 2.9% interest rate that I will never find again. But the house is much too large and is a lot of upkeep fo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 01:53 AM
1

I enjoy helping other men whenever possible. Not enough support out there for men. You mentioned she was a stay at home mom. That means everything you have built during the marital years will be subject to a 50/50 split. Courts don’t necessarily view everything as “perfectly fair” but rather “is it equitable for both parties”. You will take a massive financial hit. I am currently taking out a home equity loan to buy my ex out of our home. Which sucks, because I bought this home and the funds tha…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 01:09 AM
1

I don’t know anything about Washington. All states are different, but overall pretty similar. I have worked night shift (10p-6A) for my entire career (12 years). I have a 9 & 5 year old. My shift was never even brought up. Was never debated or questioned. Luckily, my days off are also during the week. So mom has them on the weekends. I have them on my days off. We split the rest of the week 50/50. I will caution you though.. this will take a toll on your mind and body. I would be up all day with…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 12:55 AM
3

What led to this circumstance? Typically a mother can’t just pack up the kids and leave. I just finalized my divorce last week. Neither of us can move outside the county. If we do, we forfeit our custody rights to the other parent. We have 50/50 shared parenting. I have my kids 3.5 days a week and I FaceTime them EVERY DAY on the days I don’t have them. I know everyone is in a different scenario. But the courts looks at what’s in the best interest of the kids. It’s typically never the best inter…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 12:41 AM
1

You’re having a hard time letting go of the vision of your family. Then you say you haven’t seen your children in two years. Brother.. this is what you need to hear right now: you can’t let go of the vision but you’ve already let go. Why on gods green earth have you not seen your children? Seems like your fantasy world hasn’t caught up with your reality. It’s not too late. You still have family. It may have different dynamics and legal terms. But you’re still a family. You can still care, respec…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 06:27 PM
1

Absolutely! Firstly, I resonate with the cheating ex wife. It was a painful betrayal and one I NEVER thought would happen to me/us. But it happened. I think it’s important to address that fear of thinking the next woman will just leave/cheat when things get difficult. At least that’s how I feel. Secondly, the thought of blending families and constantly having two sets of kids around. Exhausting. Thirdly, I have also met a woman. Been casually seeing her for a little over a year. Honestly, she is…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 11:16 PM
5

Brother. Please. Stop. This whole thing is messed up beyond belief. You’re deciding to have a second child with a woman who is threatening divorce. This is manipulation and blackmail to the extreme. Who is to say you won’t provide a second child and then divorce you 5 years later? You said nothing about your wife except she will divorce you. Does she actually love you? Do you actually love her? Would you and her be married if it weren’t for sharing a child and financials together? You need to se…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/26 07:03 PM
7

It’s great you’ve started to build peace and stability for yourself. If reconciliation with your ex wife disrupted the peace you’ve built, you need to remain strong and keep doing your thing. It’s up to your ex to now build herself back up and get to the level you’ve risen to. If she does, and she is also at peace, and you both want to reconcile.. why deny yourself a possibly great opportunity? Live life. Explore life. Experience life. If your paths intersect again in a healthy way, awesome! If …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/26 12:29 AM
3

Why haven’t you spoken to your children in 8 months? This is very alarming to me. Firstly, because it’s not your exes right to hold the children hostage from their father. Secondly, for you, why on earth would you be ok with not seeing your children? Thirdly, those kids deserve to have mother and father, consistently present in their lives. I don’t know why it’s been 8 months, but something needs done about this ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 12:26 AM
2

UNF*CK YOURSELF - Gary Bishop, Meditations- Marcus Aurelius, Bullet Proof Husband- Jonathan Welton, No More Mr. nice Guy- Robert Glover.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 10:19 PM
3

Every man is different. But for me, I started taking more pride in the things in my life. I started house projects. Updating, redecorating, landscaping. I joined a men’s group. I now help and mentor other men who going through similar situations. I really focused on my own emotional maturity and intelligence. I started inviting friends over for dinner every Sunday. We cook up a bunch of homemade food. I coached my son’s soccer team and my daughter’s basketball team. I became a much more involved…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 10:14 PM
12

Your entire identity as a man has been blown up. I think this was the biggest hurdle for me. I went from being a hard working man during my career work hours, then I came home and poured everything else I had in my tank into my wife, children, and home. In a rapid few weeks I then became a man who still worked, but had no wife and only had the kids half a week. My routine, my responsibilities, the things I did to feel “important and valued” were gone. Affair was exposed and my wife left the hous…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 09:53 PM
2

Listen man, what other people say or think doesn’t matter. A confident man can walk around peacefully because he allows his actions and behavior to speak for him. If someone has sh*t to say about you then they should say it to your face. If they can’t have that conversation with you, then they don’t know you well enough to have an opinion about you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:43 PM
4

Firstly, very sorry you’re going through this. My divorce process is coming to an end in 1.5 weeks. It’s been a year and a half of pain, betrayal, and lies. You’re doing the right thing by going straight to divorce. I tried reconciling after the infidelity and it about broke me. It’s far better to cut the snake at the head and move forward. You’re much younger, have a lot of life ahead, and I’m assuming you don’t have any children involved since you didn’t mention any. It should be a simple and …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 08:37 PM
2

You have a son. That right there should be all you need to stay in the fight. You have more than what you realize. Right now, you’re weighing your value as a man based on the things you had with her and what she took. That’s the neediest and weakest mindset to have, brother! Don’t let her dictate your value. She left. She messed up. That’s on her, not you! You have the ability to create whatever value you want. Starting now. Literally, right now. Go work out. Get shredded. Add a few OT hours at …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 04:55 PM
28

She moved on quickly because she already had someone lined up before you split. This is very common for women. It’s nothing new for a large majority of us men. Here’s what you need to understand, though- she is monkey branching. Hopping from one man to another. She isn’t doesn’t any work. She isn’t healing. She isn’t reflecting. She is t improving. She just finds a new suitor and hopes this one is better for HER. It’s all about HER. You’re taking the time to become more aware. Be a better man. I…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 06:29 PM
5

Two weeks on and two weeks off.. that’s brutal. Is there a reason why you and the ex have this schedule? Seems like if you swapped the kids more frequently, you would have more time to get things cleaned and ready for the kids. I have my kids 3.5 days every week and by the end of my time with them, I also notice my house starting to slip a little.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 02:29 PM
1

That’s still not logical. Why would a reasonable woman marry a man in attempt to fix the relationship problems? Not reasonable at all. Now, I will admit, most men fail at providing emotional safety for their women. No doubt about that!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 03:47 PM
2

Don’t be scared to fall in love, brother. That isn’t healthy. Work on yourself, heal your wounds. Learn from the experience and find a partner who truly compliments your life. Don’t let this negative experience turn you sour or bitter. Set the example for the child you brought into the world. Show that child how to love and be in a committed relationship. The healthier and happier you are, the better you can provide and show up for your kid. I promise, this will heal. I was wronged by my wife af…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 07:28 AM
5

No. The moral of the story is- don’t fall in love or commit to women who can’t commit back and do things your ex did. You saw red flags before even marrying her and you did it anyway. Thats poor life decision #1. Then you brought a child into the world with her. That was strike #2. Not saying she isn’t at fault in this. But cmon man. Choose better for yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 06:34 AM
11

Man.. something about this doesn’t add up. You were with her for 3.5 years. Got married. 1.5 years into the marriage and she says she has been unhappy for 6 months. So basically, a year into a fresh marriage and she was already done and tapped out? Make it make sense?? This is the huge problem with marriages these days. People, usually women but all are guilty, just move on way too fast. Always looking for something more, bigger, better. Nobody actually commits. Those wedding vows everyone says …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 03:40 AM
8

I’ve been casually seeing the most beautiful woman I’ve ever talked to for a few weeks. Still super early, but wow, she blows me away. We have already had more emotionally intelligent convos in two weeks than I did in years with my ex wife. I have a good feeling about this woman! I have never been one to use dating apps. It doesn’t seem genuine. At this stage in my life, I’m not trying to mess around. I know what I want. I know what I offer. I cut straight to the chase. I walked up to her at one…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 07:37 PM
0

I was partially joking.. but also being serious hahhaa
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 05:30 PM
3

Go to the casino. Pull the 10k out at the casino in cash. Spend the whole day there. Eat some food. Get some drinks. Maybe play a few games. Then go home and hide the 10k cash somewhere. Give it to a friend or hide it at work in a desk. Tell her you gambled the money away. Poof. It’s gone. No way for her to get it back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 05:24 PM
6

You didn’t fail brother. The marriage failed. It takes two people to make marriage work and two people to make it fail. She failed you just as much as she failed you. You can only take ownership for your half of the marriage. It’s fine to feel sad and regretful for the end of the marriage. But don’t put the marriage on your shoulders alone. That’s not fair and it’s not real. Perhaps you did fail your half of the marriage. That doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. There is more in your life that defin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 08:56 AM
2

Focus on what you can control… upset and sad that you’re losing your kids half the time? Focus on the time you do have them, and make the absolute most of it. Angry you’re losing the home? Go find a new home and make it 100% yours. Your own little bachelor pad safe haven where you can’t be told what to do or how to do it. Losing the family dog? Go get a kickass puppy with the breed you’ve always wanted. Struggling with all the silence in the new free time you have? Start lifting, get jacked, pic…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:19 AM
1

Those people weren’t your real friends. If they abandoned you that easily, you don’t want them to be your friends. Personally, all the friends “took my side” if that’s what you wanna call it. My wife had an affair with her best friends husband. Pretty gross. I don’t know many people that could defend that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 02:34 PM
2

I’m in the same boat. First couple of a fairly large friend group to split. Here’s what I think about that… People surround themselves with like minded people. You hang around other good people who are in solid loving families. Most of those families don’t divorce. You are what you eat. You are what you surround yourself with.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 06:51 PM
5

Stop caring what other people say or think. Don’t let the divorce define you. If you want a realistic perspective, something like 52% of adults above the age of 30 have been divorced. So you’re in the majority now. I don’t think people are judging nearly as much as you think they are. Maybe projecting your own insecurity onto yourself
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:46 AM
1

This response right here. It shows that you’re on a different emotional maturity and intelligence level than the other common man on Reddit. Most men are not emotionally aware or in tune. Men have difficulty with emotions, maybe to no fault of their own.. it could be the cultural expectations, or the unfairness of modern day relationships. That’s a different discussion though. Most men want to feel in control and being angry/bitter is how they regain a self sense of control. There is no point in…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 08:43 PM
3

Absolutely. Again, I relate. I much so much of my efforts into providing and taking care of the family needs. Any leftover time went towards being a father. I am 100% confident in my abilities as a father and that’s why we are doing 50/50 coparenting. She isn’t leaving me because I lack in the father department. I lacked in the husband department. Sure, I took her out on dates. We went on some solo dates. We had time together. But I did fail at developing a deeper emotional connection with her. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 08:02 PM
6

Seems like you’re handling this well, brother. Your story is eerily similar to mine. Wife came home and surprised me with the divorce talk. She has never once mentioned being unhappy to me. It was truly out of the blue. Sort of.. looking back, about 6-8 months before she wanted the divorce I saw her acting and dressing differently. Going out a lot more. Coming home later, and later. Then spending the night in the city with her girlfriend. But after 10 years of marriage and two small children, I …
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 07:52 PM
7

The truth will prevail eventually. You’re kids will learn the truth naturally and they will respect you more when they see how maturely you handled everything despite the hurt
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:36 PM
1

How much is child time? Maybe no child support is being paid because mom is the custodial parent?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:37 PM
0

You didn’t mention anything about the children. All your facts were about finances. Maybe you’re not contesting the child custody arrangement. But children should be the very first topic of discussion, in my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:15 PM
23

She fell out of love with you because she started loving someone else. I’m sorry man. This will be the hardest thing you’ve been through. Stay strong and go through the course of motion. You will be ok at the end of it all. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Get legal help. Don’t make deals with her because you love her and you want to win her back. Protect yourself and your children first. Prioritize what you want/need.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:32 PM
2

Yes. I have two kids. And I have 50/50 shared parenting and custody. I have them 3.5 days a week. I know they’re forever mine. I’m just saying I can’t make a baby with a possible future partner
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:02 PM
10

She wants to explore other men AKA she already has been. She started exploring other men before she even mentioned a divorce on your camping trip. Women won’t leave a stable situation unless they believe they have a better option
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:06 PM
6

I completely regret mine. My wife also insisted I get it done. We had two small children and she didn’t want anymore. I did it because I figured I would never have the need to procreate again. Also, figured after two pregnancies, it was my turn to sacrifice the body.. I guess? But I was only 29 years old. Fast forward three years later.. she cheated on me. Left me for the new man. Divorce is finalized in 6 weeks. Now she is happily with her new boyfriend and they can start a new family (he has n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:15 PM
1

You asked how marital expenses can be maintained? I said the court doesn’t care. He didn’t have to leave the house. People do in house separations all the time. Then once the divorce is final they sell the home or one partner buys out the other.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 04:35 AM
0

The court doesn’t care
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 04:23 AM
4

Hold up.. 300k for what? And why did HE file in court? Maybe you meant, SHE and had a typo this whole situation is confusing. How did a judge order an uncontested divorce? That implies she filed and you did nothing to cooperate and so she was awarded with whatever she wanted. But this same judge had reprimanded you at another point for turning off wi-fi. So you did appear in front of the judge at some point?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:00 AM
0

Hold up.. 300k for what? And why did HE file in court? Maybe you meant, SHE and had a typo this whole situation is confusing. How did a judge order an uncontested divorce? That implies she filed and you did nothing to cooperate and so she was awarded with whatever she wanted. But this same judge had reprimanded you at another point for turning off wi-fi. So you did appear in front of the judge at some point?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 01:59 AM
7

Hhmm this all sounds fishy. How did she get an uncontested divorce while you allegedly had “no idea”? And if you’re paying for all those things.. then why are you most worried about the cheapest bill of all? This whole story sounds fishy and unrealistic. You can play the victim card and be angry if you want. Do your thing. But it isn’t going to help the situation any.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 01:45 AM
11

Not judgmental. But the legal system doesn’t care. Marital funds and expenses must maintain normalcy until the divorce is final, unless otherwise agreed upon.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 01:43 AM
10

Certainly more to the story. Obviously you were served or at least knew your wife was filling divorce. If you played stupid and didn’t show up.. that’s on you. And yes, it was childish of you to terminate the wi-fi. Why stoop to that level of petty? It shows you’re uncooperative and care more about revenge than actually settling the divorce in a responsible and fair manner. Live and learn.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 01:25 AM
2

I am currently buying her out. Beautiful home. 4 beds and 3 baths, 2,450 square feet. In a fantastic neighborhood. Owe 204k on the house. Worth about 350k. The way I view it, if I sold the house and split the profit then bought another home with the gains, I would be looking for a smaller ranch, 1,600 square feet and they are going for about 275k area right now. By the time to put the down payment in, I would owe about the same as what I do on my current home. Except my interest rate is 2.9% so …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 07:38 PM
3

At first I was really worried while I was reading this post. Then the last sentence changed everything! This is the correct mentality my man! Remember- you didn’t live because of your wife. You live for yourself. Now you get to be the sole leader and make all the decisions in your life. You’re in the driver seat and you have no co-pilot. Time to do it your way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:28 PM
6

Anger is unhealthy. Being angry makes it easier to cope with. But that’s all. Holding anger makes you a bitter man. I used to feel the same way. But I’m not an angry man. I don’t want payback. I don’t want accountability (from her) I don’t want revenge. I want peace. And it’s not possible to have peace while angry
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 01:59 AM
1

I feel strong and confident. But don’t get me wrong man, I have a lot of pain I’m still dealing with. My wife just picked the kids up about 20 minutes ago. It’s hard seeing her. I still think she is the most beautiful woman I could have chosen. I’m still attracted to her. I still have love for her. I still want my family whole and happy. But I can also see that this marriage is completely broken right now and my wife shows no sign of reconsidering. Pretty obvious when she is still with the other…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:36 PM
0

Hey, we all grow at different paces. It doesn’t matter how fast we ascend, as long as you’re continuing to move up. It’s like an investment account. The balance will go up for weeks, then take a sharp decline. Then back up. Give yourself some grace. As long as you’re trending in the upwards direction, you’re improving. Day by day. You’re seeing me as I am now. Not as I was. The truth is, I was a horrible wreck. My whole life shattered to quickly, within what felt like a couple of weeks (from my …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:01 PM
1

I’m about 15 months post discovering my wife’s affair(s). I really don’t know the full story and I have admitted to myself that I never will. I struggled with this for a long time. But I’ve found peace by just knowing it happened, and nothing else matters. My wife had an affair with a coworker, who also happened to be her best friends husband. We were friends with this other couple for a few years. They were mainly her friends, and I tagged along. But they were nice enough and seemed to be good …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 07:21 PM
3

Some conflicting statements in this. The babies needs are your first priority, but you’re not wiling to sell the house because it’s not the best financial outcome. Harsh truth here- divorce is never a positive financial choice or outcome. You may have to bite the bullet and lose out on SOME money in order to protect yourself as a father, if that’s truly what you value. Back to the important thing. Your wife can’t flee to another state with the baby and make these demands. Your child is establish…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 07:08 PM
1

Good! I’m really proud of you for recognizing the part you played. It’s very mature of you. It shows the emotional maturity you’re capable of. Something I’ve heard and read so many times since I went through my own marital collapse: women often stay in a marriage for years after they realize they’re not being fulfilled. During those years, the resentment and disappointment fully takes over their mindset. So when they decide to leave, they are already way past the point of returning. They simply …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 06:57 PM
4

Yes. Open communication without judgement or dismissive language. It’s easy to blame your spouse because it takes heat off you. But you said something very interesting. Your wife has no problem opening up and talking to other men, but not you. You’re her husband and the father of her children. Why would she communicate with them and not you? It seems the outlier in that scenario… is you? Perhaps she didn’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. When she was vulnerable, she felt shot down, d…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 06:42 PM
10

More than likely, two different scenarios played out. First- your wife wanted a divorce and used the “godly lifestyle differences” as a crutch to blame it on, because she already had her sights on this new man and she didn’t have the courage or accountability to be honest with you.. she wanted to leave the family for a new man. Or, the second scenario- your ex wife is simply monkey branching. Instead of doing the hard work on herself and seeing where she also failed the marriage, she is numbing …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:55 PM
8

If you’re not ready for divorce but you want to try separation first (all paths lead to divorce) then you can try “nesting”. Both of you rent a small 1 bedroom apartment. One week, you stay at the apartment and she stays at the beautiful home with the kids. Then the next week you flip-flop. She stays at the apartment and you stay home with the kids. This will make it so you don’t have worry about affording your own place. More importantly, the kids get to remain in their home with as much famili…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:35 AM
0

You have a lot of hard truth in your post. But also biased because of your own narrative that you’ve created. Assuming that all women are like the “ones you’ve seen” isn’t fair. And I promise, for every woman you described (because they’re real) there are 5x more women that truly desire to be in a loving and intimate relationship. It’s like when women say men are deadbeats and horrible fathers. Do those men exist? Yes. Odds are, his wife DID try or WAS trying for a long time. She has given up. J…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:56 AM
2

Nothing was stopping you from turning off the TV, walking to your bedroom, laying next to your wife, and speaking with her. Take the first step my man. Be the leader in the relationship. Stop waiting for her to make a move. Odds are, she is also waiting on you to do the same. If there is a disconnect, it’s your job to change it. Doing the same routine over and over and expecting different results it’s the definition of insanity, right? You need to have a mature conversation with your wife. Don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 11:46 PM
2

Whoa. Weird coincidence brother! I’m awaiting for my final court hearing to finalize my current divorce. Wife left me and was cheating with her best friend’s husband, who is also a co-worker. Him and his wife are also divorcing and he and my wife are still together.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 06:24 PM
3

Did your ex wife monkey branch? If so, username checks out!
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 07:32 PM
2

$20 is extremely petty. It actually makes me laugh. Also, who has a $20 phone bill? She using that cricket phone on 3G towers? 🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 05:24 PM
2

I’d gladly hand her a $20 bill every month. Even if I didn’t have to. And with a smug smile tell her to enjoy the phone
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 05:06 PM
3

I’m assuming at one point, your sex life was normal? So ask yourself.. what has changed? Odds are, you’ve both changed. You mentioned doing your share of tasks and chores. That’s great and all.. but your wife does not owe you sex for doing your responsibilities around the house. That might be what your therapist was getting at. Your wife shouldn’t use sex as a system of “rewarding you” for doing basic family household functions. So why should your wife have sex with you? The only reason- because…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:30 PM
1

Yes. We have both had the kids 3 days each and then a half day on Wednesdays when we swap. This schedule works out for us because mom works normal business hours and I work night shift with Monday and Tuesday off. So I go into work Saturday night and get off Sunday morning. I stay awake and get the kids Sundays morning. I’m off Sunday night and Monday night with them. Then I go back to work Tuesday night. I pay a babysitter to sleep at my house with the kids (aged 9 and 5) and then when I get ho…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:52 PM
3

I think children value how you show up more than the amount. Think back to your childhood. Do you remember the amount of time you spent with your parents or do you remember the valuable things you did together and how your parents showed up?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:07 PM
3

I think what helped me was realizing that showing up as the best possible version (father) of myself part time is better than showing up exhausted and stressed full time. Secondly, realizing that I can be a present and involved father even if I’m not with them physically. I call and ask how school went. Ask them how their test was or field trip or any other event they had going on. I FaceTime for about 20-30 min every night they’re with mom. They still have sporting events or events on the days …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:54 AM
1

It does not change anything with how you approach the divorce. Most states are no fault states. Meaning, neither party is held accountable for why the marriage ended. Also, just because she has an account doesn’t mean she has actually cheated. This means nothing in court. As everyone else is saying.. stop digging. Let it be. You said yourself reconciliation is off the table. Stop focusing on her and what she’s doing and focus on yourself. Focus on getting your life back together. She is controll…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:49 AM
3

This is great advice. Especially the first part. Women typically contemplate divorce for a year or two before they finally sit you down and tell you. By the time she was telling you, she is no longer in limbo or thinking about it. She is already at the point that she wants the divorce and there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind. Only she can change her own mind. Don’t try getting closure or piecing together answers to questions you have. You will only uncover a bed of lies and dece…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 08:05 AM
3

Are finances the driving force of this divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:37 AM
1

Absolutely! I’m here for you and I enjoy lifting up fellow struggling men. You’ve got this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:06 PM
7

Absolutely agree with you brother! That is insanely crazy behavior. Just do me a favor and don’t look for retaliation. Don’t let the behavior of others change how you handle yourself. Also, be careful with using phrases such as “I’ve never wronged her daughter in any way”. This paints a narrative that you were/are a picture perfect husband. Just a minor thing, but still important. My wife also cheated on me. But the relationship collapsed on both ends. She just crossed a line that I never though…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:03 PM
1

I don’t think so. Only thing she could ever come after in the future is child support. But she would be dumb if she did. She makes slightly more money and I have the kids just as much, if not more, than her. I also carry the health insurance. I also live in the school district and I am still in the family home (bought her out). Courts value stability and routine for the kids. They are rooted with me. If anyone would get custody it would be me… but then again, there is still a strong “mon” bias i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 07:49 PM
2

Yes. Since she has never worked, she doesn’t have any retirement or cash of her own. You will certainly be splitting all assets 50/50 and child support is obvious. Hopefully you avoid alimony
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 12:34 AM
13

My wife cheated. Said she wanted a divorce and promised she didn’t want anything from me except half the cash and half the equity in the home. First dissolution papers came and she wanted half of my pension, half of my retirement account, half the house equity and about 75% of the cash. She got to keep all of her pension and 401k though. Laughable that she even had the balls to send that pile of crap to me. Stay the course. Just because she wants it doesn’t mean she is going to get it. I ended u…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:47 PM
2

She is lashing out to take blame away from her. She got caught cheating red handed. She isn’t ready or yet capable of taking that accountability. So instead, she blame shifts. It’s a very common and pathetic tactic. Don’t take anything she says personally. Just let her spew and think in your mind about how you’re the better and more mature person. As for the financial side of things.. that home is her property and she is liable for the costs. She can’t just pack up and leave you with all the exp…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:05 PM
8

Many men have already given you great advice. I’m currently navigating this territory as I’m about to finalize my divorce and my wife is still dating her affair partner and bringing him around our two children. Here is some advice I have: It’s ok to feel betrayed and upset. That’s normal. But it’s also normal for people to eventually date again after a split. Sure, it seems quick. But honestly, you would feel the same way if it was now or a year from now. Her dating another man has NOTHING to do…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:26 AM
14

No point to these silly hypothetical games. Stay grounded in truth and reality. Life will continue moving forward and never backwards. You should do the same
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 07:48 AM
4

Not completely true. Any child born within a marriage, the father is legally assumed to be the husband. There is no way their divorce will be finalized before the birth of the child. But again, what kind of man would “dodge” his own child? Is this the type of man we want to portray? Sure, we can say the same thing about his wife. What type of woman does this? But he can’t control what the other half of does. He only controls what he does. And walking away from his child would be a reflection of …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 08:30 AM
15

She can’t take the child and randomly move back to Canada without you consenting to it. That child is just as much yours as it is hers. Life lesson- don’t marry a woman who has always been toxic to you. Don’t procreate with that woman either. But what’s done is done and you have an amazing child from it. So there is silver lining. If you’re planning on letting her take the child and leave the country and not playing a role in the child’s life then be prepared to get slapped with the largest chil…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 02:15 AM
3

I hear you. Unless I misread something, that very key detail was left out. I completely understand. You’re going to find a lot of men in this group that have experienced this side of infidelity, myself included. I sympathize with you, brother. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain upon anyone. With that being said, one of the things I mentioned above is still relevant. It isn’t your spouses job, or anyone else’s for that matter, to make you feel whole again. This is your task. Anytime you require ex…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:44 PM
1

The only thing you mentioned being unhappy about is her not being able to handle your mental health appropriately. Are you handling your mental health appropriately? Why is this her burden to carry? This is your mental health, not hers. If you’re relying on external factors or people to solve your problems, the. YOU are the problem. Secondly, if you struggle with mental health, how will divorcing help your health any? Seems traumatic. And losing out on half the kids upbringing isn’t going to hel…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:18 PM
5

The burden you have placed on your wife is unfair. You’re asking her to have the same emotional trust and connection with you after you cheated. It will take YEARS of constant work and prioritization to save any relationship that suffers from infidelity. Second thing I noticed: you mention yourself as “stepping out of the marriage” and you describe your wife as “emotional affair”. Why are you giving yourself a free pass by using a more polite version of what happened? You cheated man. You’re a c…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 11:45 AM
1

You get it. And you made the point much more simpler in much fewer words. Good work. Thank you for your wisdom and your words. Those of us that are behind you in life enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 12:43 AM
3

You’re reading it and hearing it. But you’re not understanding my man. Go back and reread what you just commented. 90% of what you just replied with was about what your ex is doing and comparing yourself to her. I know it’s hard. I did this at first too. Time will help. But at some point you have to take control over your feelings. She is currently dictating how you feel. For example- your ex moves on and is acting happy and free with another man. This makes YOU feel a certain way. Why? Why are …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 09:28 PM
2

I think there are a lot of women with internal guilt and shame. They don’t let themselves feel it though because they would literally collapse. My own soon to be ex has told me many times from her own mouth that she is able to internally compartmentalize. Obviously, a dismissive avoidant. She KNOWS what she did. She just won’t let themselves feel truth dictate how she views herself. Because if she did, she would fall apart. She doesn’t know how to sit with that. She doesn’t know how to take that…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 08:58 PM
2

You’re right! Many women just move on quickly and never grow. They just remain the same person and never reflect on where they could have done better. It’s hardly ever “her fault”. So many women just jump from relationship to relationship and they will all end the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 07:32 PM
17

Hey. You need a reality check. She is no longer your concern. She no longer deserves your emotional input or care. The hard truth is it doesn’t matter if she did a “glow up” now or 1 year from now. Either way, it would still be making you feel some type of way. Stop competing and comparing who “wins” the breakup. You’re already winning, and let me explain why.. People who leave a failed relationship and immediately jump into another relationship, or jump into the social single life scene, are ne…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 10:09 PM
3

Yes. I relate to this post. If you’re partner worked, you’re obviously going to feel the income she provided get cut off. Then on top of it, your income gets slashed because of child support/alimony. My situation is certainly better off than probably 90% of men on this sub. My spouse cheated on me and very quickly left after being exposed. At first, she wanted half of my pension and retirement account. After about a year of counter offers going back and forth, I’ve secured 50/50 shared parenting…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 10:02 PM
2

They take the years you were married and divide it by how many hours you worked. So if you worked 30 years and you were married for 10… she is entitled to 10 years of your pension. But since only half is hers, is 5/30. So she would get 1/6 of your total pension payout, whenever that happens
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 11:44 PM
12

Brother, you’re not done. So much more work to be done and conquered. If anything, her behavior validates how much you need this divorce, even if you don’t feel it. Nobody controls your emotions but yourself! Time to be a leader and lead yourself through this. I hit the gym. Bought a puppy. I plan lots of fun events and activities with my kids. And during my work week, I loaded up on OT so I could pay her half the equity in the home and keep the family house. I shifted my vision away from things…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:24 PM
2

Nothing wrong with pausing the divorce. You don’t have to pause it and immediately get back together. You can stay separated. Start talking and seeing each other more: maybe a few dates sprinkled in! You need to communicate how you feel and what you need. Heck, read her this post you just made. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them, firm! If she crosses boundaries or isn’t living up to your standards then continue the divorce. Sometimes women can get caught in fantasyland. Or even affair…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 04:17 PM
3

The fact you’re asking this question shows you still have an emotional investment and dependence on her. Why are you wondering if she will come back? You said it yourself, you’re a man in his 20s kicking off an exciting and awesome new legal career. Brother, level up. Be the man you envision yourself as. Stop being the man stuck in the past. Stop being dependent upon what this woman is doing! Especially a woman that left you aside so quickly and easily. Don’t invest your time, money, energy, or …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:43 PM
3

You want to find love again because you’re trying to fill a void space. The void space is your ex wife. The emotional baggage you placed on her. The physical chores and tasks you shared with her. The responsibilities she took care of. And also, just her physical presence itself. The conversations. The fun times. The only way to fill that void is by finding a new partner, right? Wrong! I believe this is why many people (majority of women) monkey branch from one relationship into the next. What’s …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 04:48 PM
4

Yea. It stings. That means you care(d). It’s natural. But what she’s doing isn’t worth your emotional energy anymore man! Focus on what you’re doing. It’s very typical for ladies to move on lickity-split. She is filling a void space. You’re sitting in the void. Short term looks like she is “winning” but you’re in it for the long haul. The long game always wins! You aren’t looking to fill your glass with something new. You’re filling your glass on your own and that’s long term stability!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:43 PM
2

You bring up some good points. I certainly agree with what you had to say. In my own experience, yes there was another men. Reading through a lot of the stories on Reddit also supports the claim of another man. However, the OP didn’t mention anything about another man. I don’t want to make assumptions either. Some marriages really do fade away without any infidelity being involved. It’s up to the OP to decide for himself. Personally, I believe if he loves his wife and he wants to show up and mak…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:23 PM
0

Hey brother- I’m a firm believer in trying every last effort to make a marriage work. It sounds like your wife is in limbo mode. Wha that means, simply put, is she isn’t happy and so she wants a divorce. But she doesn’t want to divorce you and she doesn’t want to be unhappy with you. Basically, she wishes things were better between the two of you but after years, and years, trying to get the point across she left hopeless. What I’m saying is, if she wants to go on a date night to a comedy show, …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:12 AM
1

Just out of curiosity, how did your wife get you fired for texting you? Seems like some unnecessary blame is being placed here… Anyways, is there a specific reason why your wife thinks this job is too much? Is it longer hours, weekends and holidays? Travel? You didn’t share what the “cons” of this new job is. My ex wife took on a new career before we divorced. Yes, I blame a lot of our divorce on her job. She went from part time to full time plus extra hours. It demanded a lot of her time and at…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:00 PM
4

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I have a few glasses of bourbon a week. I enjoy my beverages. But when I was in the thick of it, I stayed away from alcohol. Not because I’ve had problems with it in the past.l, but because I didn’t want to even open that door of temptation. When this is all over with, do you want to be remembered as a man that had revenge and bitterness or a man that remained calm, took care of his children, and got sh*t done?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 03:23 AM
8

Keep all interaction calm and respectful. That’s the way it should be, regardless of if she is recording you or not. You seem like a grounded and smart man. Keep your head screwed on extra tight because divorce brings out the absolute worst in people. The only concerning part- stop drinking. Stay away from it. It’s not going help anything, only risks more issues. You don’t wanna turn to that path.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:33 AM
1

Maybe. Maybe not. A lot of assumptions being made about what the ex is doing and why. How often do you get time with the kids? Is possible to do a 50/50 custody arrangement? For me, getting shared parenting and 50/50 time was the most important thing. I want to be with my kids. Being their father is my first priority. The bonus of that is they’re already with me and I pay for everything when they’re with me so no need for child support. It also helps that their mother and I both made exactly 125…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 04:01 PM
2

Is your income that much higher than hers? If you recently sustained a pay cut that wasn’t voluntary you should be able to go back to court and get that support adjusted.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:48 PM
3

Hang in there brother. Stop focusing on unfairness and shift your mindset. You’re doing everything you can to provide for your children and that’s the number one priority. Your youngest is 14, so you’ve only got a few years to go! I personally don’t pay child support, so I can’t even begin to relate. But I have 50/50 shared parenting. Is it possible for you to get 50% and pay less?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:17 PM
2

Many men say this! I feel this way about my soon to be ex wife as well. But here is what I learned: why do you want repercussions? Do you want revenge? Do wish ill will upon her? These things solve nothing. It just makes you angry and bitter. I personally don’t want to be a bitter man. I want to lead myself and not worry about what she is doing or what consequences she will or will not face. It doesn’t change what happened. It’s a hard thing to do. I still struggle with it. But I’m comfortable w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 07:36 AM
1

My experience has brought me closer to my spiritual beliefs. It’s healthy. Attend the church and enjoy yourself
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 04:14 AM
1

I actually enjoy these conversations as well. I’m not arguing any means. Obviously, we can’t control what the half of the relationship does. But when it ends, it’s still important to take the time to look back and reflect. Realize the areas that you fell short and where you can improve. Because ultimately, those weak areas did contribute to the slow breakdown of the relationship. Nobody is perfect. That’s not the goal. The goal is to be the best possible version of yourself. For myself, I feel I…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 08:29 PM
2

I would certainly say you’re the exception to the rule. But the rule still stands. I’m simply saying that it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to make it crumble. My wife cheated on me. Certainly I can’t control if she lets another man step into the marriage. But perhaps I was short in areas that made this more tempting or an easier decision to make.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:56 PM
1

With all due respect, I disagree with you. Sure, the big bang that caused the final straw to be broken can be one sided. But to say you had no faults in the marriage is very egotistical and unrealistic. Even if your wife came out today as lesbian, she wasn’t always that way. She was attracted to you at some point. Did you do anything to pus her closer to female attraction? Do you think you could have shown up better in some areas?do you think you were leading your marriage with masculinity at al…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:47 PM
4

I hear you. But flip the scenario. Your ex is avoiding and dismissing her pain by jumping into a new and fun relationship. Deep down, she hasn’t improved any. She is just coping. You’re taking care of yourself. You’re tending to your wounds. And it’s like lifting weights. You break muscle down so when it heals it grows back stronger and bigger. Keep healing! In time, you’ll be glad you remained patient. You’ll be glad you let yourself feel and sit through these emotional highs and lows. You’re g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 03:15 PM
9

Listen brother. The truth is, eventually her or you were going to find someone new. Odds are, if she met a new man two years after divorce you would still feel this same way. So the time doesn’t matter. Her “moving on” is the natural part of divorce. You go separate ways. How quickly she moves on has nothing to do with you and it’s not a reflection of your value. Here the harder truth- people who monkey branch from one relationship to the next hardly ever find success. After a failed long term r…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:34 AM
6

Ok. So what do you need to do in order to meet her “spiritually”? I’m genuinely wondering what it is you need to improve or change to get on her level. This is fascinating, as I’ve never heard this one before. Honestly man, it all sounds like BS. If a woman thought you were 99% compatible in all areas of the relationship, then wouldn’t the sacred sex life be intimate and passionate? She is either straight up not attracted to you anymore or she is getting her fix somewhere else. I was also 1000% …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 04:10 PM
13

Stop worrying about what the other half is doing. Keep doing what you’re doing. Your son needs a stable and mature parent in his life. You handled it well by not sharing your opinion with your son. Over time, he will recognize it on his own and you won’t need to tell him anything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 12:35 PM
1

The kid has never been without her… but guess what, after this divorce the kid will be without her 50% of the time. May as well get used to it. It’s the reality of divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:22 PM
6

Soon to be a ex wife cheated on me with her best friends husband. She claims she didn’t cheat because they weren’t physical until after her and I had our last marriage counseling session. She waited a whopping 3 whole days. She admitted to having an emotional connection with him that went too far during our marriage. At the end of the day, she left me for him and he left his wife for mine. It’s gross beyond belief. But it is what it is. To this day she admits little things that she doesn’t like …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 10:11 PM
1

I work 5x8 hour shift but I work nights. Certainly not easy to have the kids when I work night shift and my days off are during the week. But I do have 50/50 time with them. Let’s of days with no sleep is my answer. It’s not fun or healthy. But dang, I need my kids
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:24 PM
2

Then move. Find something you can call your own. A place where you can be at peace and build upon. That’s real strength! Keep trucking along man. One step at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:56 AM
3

Flip the script. How would you feel if women weren’t interested in you because you had kids? Are you trying to fall in love with a woman or fall in love with a situation? And why would a woman who is worth pursuing that has no kids pick you? Are you a high value man that can pick from a large pool of women? If so, then awesome for you! Go do it. If not, then maybe you need to stay in your league. Not trying to be rude. Just blunt and honest.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:56 PM
3

Yes. I had this same thought. Still married- so wear the ring. But guess what!? You’re not married. You’re “legally married” and the only thing keeping you married is a piece of paper sitting in a downtown courthouse. That’s it. Just paper. What marriage actually represents has nothing to do with the law. And the moment my wife cheated and left, our marriage was immediately broken. That’s the way I view it. To each their own.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:52 PM
2

I get it. I’ve had that same thought. But my children are still here and it’s important for them to have a sense of “home” and something stable. I took down all the pictures that had her in them. Took down all those little girly decorations that she had. Some of those upgrades to the house I’ve done after she left. So it’s starting to feel more like “mine”. And honestly.. those memories of “our home” can be ran from by moving, or conquered by staying and reclaiming what’s mine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:50 PM
3

Take the ring OFF! That ring stands for a commitment. She placed that ring on your finger. She left you. That means she is no longer committed. You no longer honor that ring or what it symbolizes!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:45 PM
4

I think I’m a fool to not buy her out. She left the house voluntarily. I wanted to remain together and try working through the affair. She decided the grass was greener and jumped the fence. That’s her choice. I respect it. But since she “abandoned” I get first dibs on the house. I can sell it and split the profit with her or buy her out. I’ve actually paid the mortgage down a lot over the years so it’s a good sized buyout. But in today’s market, I won’t find a house of this quality, for this pr…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:43 PM
1

I think I’m a fool to not buy her out. She left the house voluntarily. I wanted to remain together and try working through the affair. She decided the grass was greener and jumped the fence. That’s her choice. I respect it. But since she “abandoned” I get first dibs on the house. I can sell it and split the profit with her or buy her out. I’ve actually paid the mortgage down a lot over the years so it’s a good sized buyout. But in today’s market, I won’t find a house of this quality, for this pr…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:42 PM
1

I’m in the same state as you and going through a dissolution. Just because you’re legally married doesn’t mean you’re the father. What the law that I think your referencing means, is when a child is born at a hospital with the married couple present, the baby is legally assumed to be yours. So you don’t need to jump through hoops as a father to prove you’re the father.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:20 PM
16

Nice work brother! I also got a HUGE win over the weekend. Terms were made for our pending divorce. I got 50/50 custody and was able to secure 100% of my pension and retirement account! No child support to be paid. Only thing I have to do is pay out her half of the equity in the home, which I am happy to do! Now all I have to deal with is coming to terms that my soon to be ex wife and her affair partner get to hangout with my kids when I’m not around. Nothing I can do about that. Just gotta come…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 05:41 PM
11

I know the feeling! But I had a great mentor ask me this: Did your home feel lonely before you met your wife and had children? If the answer is no, it’s because you were a full man before you had your family. The point- when your house empty, get back to that man! The man the led himself and was fulfilled with who he was. And then when your children are back in the home, make it worthwhile and invest into it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:12 AM
5

Sometimes a little motivation and a stern kick in the arse is all a man needs! But seriously, I did resonate with a lot of what the original post said. As men, we often lose our sense of self worth because we invested so much energy into what we wanted to be and thought we were, our identity. For me, I was a husband and father first before anything. Every decision I made or every action I had was with my wife and kids at the forefront. Honorable thing to do at face value. But the more you slip i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:06 AM
8

Stop focusing on what you don’t have. It’s no longer within your control. Instead, focus on what you do have and what you can control. Whatever it is, do it 100%. So you don’t have your kids 50% of the time? Fine. Make the 50% of the time you do have them the absolute best. Use the free time you have to get into the gym. Do some home repair/renovation projects, meet your buddies for a round of golf or whatever other hobby you have. Do things you enjoy. Do things that you can invest into. Show up…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:14 AM
2

Yes. My wife also did a 180° flip. Left and said the marriage did not make her happy anymore. This is the typical modern female entitlement. Thinking a marriage or a person brings you happiness. It’s a cute thought and all. But it’s not reality. You should never expect a person to make you happy. You can be happy or fulfilled in your marriage, but don’t really your sole happiness on it. Also, found out my wife was having an affair. So that was the real reason for the 180° turn. Once a woman inve…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 07:19 PM
3

The reasons you listed for not being “aligned” really made me laugh. I’m not trying to be rude. But cmon.. you enjoy different sport events and TV shows? Seriously? That’s grounds for divorce these days? Here’s what you should do instead. List out all the reasons why you married this woman. It shouldn’t be hard to do since you just got married a year ago. You’ll realize the reasons for staying with her and fighting for the marriage out weigh the reasons for divorce. It probably won’t even be clo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:26 PM
1

I feel your pain brother. I am a very involved father and my two young children are the most precious thing to me. I entire identity was being a father and a husband. My soon to be ex wife cheated on me and left me for her affair partner. I do have 50/50 shared parenting and I get my fair share of time with the kids. But on the days I don’t have my children, I feel my identity is gone. My wife and kids are gone. The affair partner gets to spend the weekends having fun with my family. It drives m…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:27 PM
1

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 05:33 PM
3

I personally thought you were good until you said no savings in retirement. If you’re renting, paying child support, and still not able to set anything aside for retirement, at the age of 50… I completely understand why you’re stressed. I personally believe it’s absolute BS when 50/50 shared parenting is happening but you still pay child support. You support 100% of the funds when the children are with you 50% of them time. So why should you also have to fund the ex spouses funds for their 50% o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 12:25 AM
4

Stop focusing on what your ex is doing wrong and focus on what you can do right! Having structure, routine, responsibilities with you half the time is better than none at all. Try engaging in the responsibilities with your kids. I often help my children clean their rooms, pick up the living room. I set a timer and tell them if we can do it in less than 10 minutes then we get to play a board game or watch a new movie. Make a game of it. Over time I no longer had to help them. They just did it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 09:32 PM
2

That’s because you’re numbing the pain instead working through it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 04:41 AM
0

Exactly. And the escorts are feeding into that hate. A temporary solution never solves anything
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 01:14 AM
2

I’m not here to tell you what to do. Just to make you think. You say you don’t need anything else.. then why do you need an escort? You feel unmotivated because there nothing left for you. That sounds like a man whose life and emotions were tied to his wife. Now that she’s gone, you feel empty. You need to find yourself again brother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 01:00 AM
2

Don’t use escorts. It’s a cheap, disgusting, emasculating way to distract your healing and pain. You need to do real work on yourself. Not suppress and avoid it. There are healthier ways that will have more lasting impact. In the moment the meaningless sex may help you. But later you’ll regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 12:49 AM
3

Like everyone else has said, it’s none of her business anymore. She does not get to have insight into your life or have emotional connection to you any longer. The only business she has with you are the children. The children are the most sensitive and valuable business you have though, hopefully for both of you. I would also like to add something, though you didn’t ask. Careful jumping into a new relationship so quickly. No matter what happened in your marriage that led to the pending divorce, …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 06:52 AM
3

Here’s my cold hard truth to you… No. You’re not ok. You’re broken. You’re tired. You feel yourself trying so hard but you can’t seem to get out of the hole. But here is the beauty of it. Become the man that does get out of the hole. Don’t do it for your wife. Do it for yourself. You have a rare opportunity to regrow into something better. Something more worthy. Something you can be proud of! Separate your work/personal life issues from your relationship. Right now, your wife is undeserving of y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 08:36 PM
2

Yup. I was unhappy for a year and I filled a void space in our marriage with another man - my wife. But you could probably insert that comment into any cheating wife…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:51 AM
6

It’s still a hassle to change your name. Gotta go to the social security office, BMV or DMV. All her credentials, if any. Utility bills, loans, credit. It’s not a huge task. But if she is fine with the last name she has why put extra burden on herself? Try not to read into it. It’s her choice. Has nothing to do with you brother! 😎
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 03:34 AM
13

This is THE take that 75% of men tell. I certainly resonated with a lot of it. The only difference- I was getting that physical affection from my wife on a regular basis. She never mentioned anything. Acted like all was fine and dandy. Little did I know she was already planning her escape and mingling with other men for about a year before she left. When she left, she told me I was emotionally unavailable. And I believed this whole story/narrative you just wrote out. But by lucks chance, I caugh…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 12:55 AM
1

I am very scared of this same issue. Currently, my soon to be ex wife and I both agree on 50/50 shared parenting with no child support payment for either of us. We both agree that our children need us both and we are both fantastic parents. We messed up as a married couple. It has nothing to do with the children or how we raise them. We actually see eye to eye on almost everything when it comes to the kids. I don’t see that changing! Here is my concern! I work in law enforcement. I work night sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 08:02 PM
2

Stop trying to convince her to do X, Y, or Z. Trying to convince her to do the exact opposite of what she (thinks) she wants isn’t going to change her mind. Using logic to reason with an emotional problem and an emotional person is never going to work. Love her enough to let her go. Respect yourself enough to not chase someone who doesn’t choose you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:28 PM
1

There are many men’s groups out there. Many churches have weekly or monthly meetings. I personally joined an online community. It has been great for me. It has really opened my eyes to some of my own issues. This particular group has zoom meetings, an online discussion group, book clubs, and training material. Feel free to message me if you want more information. I’m happy to share my experience and what I’ve learned.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:23 AM
1

In divorce all marital assets will be divided equally. The idea behind it is that you were able to go to work and make all that money and save in the 401k because your wife was at home tending to the family. If she had been working, you would have been paying a tremendous amount of money for childcare. So the money you saved from having her at home you were able to save. So it’s half hers. I’m not saying I agree with this idea. But it’s the most equitable way to settle things in courts. I’m goin…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 11:08 PM
4

Horrible idea brother. Writing that letter isn’t going to help you heal. It isn’t going to change the current circumstances. You want to write the letter to get some kind of “Justice” from it. But the truth is, it won’t do anything to help you. The stronger, more difficult, more masculine thing to do is work through the pain she caused on your own. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts in the car. Reading books. Joined a men’s group. All three things have been incredibly helpful for me. Heal …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:49 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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