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Dell_Hell Archive

View 2 posts and 154 comments by Dell_Hell on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

It reopens the wound over and over and over again. It's a dozen little things that add up. It's having to stop being a husband and make her stand on her own, struggle, and falter. It's having to stop leaning on her for social or emotional support.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 11:03 AM
12

Hell no. I barely managed to tolerate her for 4.5 months and was very glad to get the hell out. Unless you are absolutely f@cking going to be homeless the answer is no. It will screw up your head and emotions every day you stay. You can't heal with her there. You can't do the work you need to do to work through your part in the cheating or whatever the hell happened between ya'll. GET OUT. You can earn more money later - but time is one thing you can never get back. Stop wasting time with her an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 01:59 AM
3

There's no need to be nice - you don't have kids. You don't have to deal with her once this is over. Make her eat the costs of moving, make this financially painful for her - because yeah, she's screwing someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 05:53 PM
7

The medical field (especially if you are going to be in residency / hospital) is notoriously awful on relationships. The long hours, weird shifts, physical and psychological demands - and young, attractive people passionate about what they do right near you who "understand what you're going through" makes it a giant pool of adultery and cheating. Do not get serious with anyone until you're fully established and in a stable practice outside the hospital setting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 03:09 PM
4

Guess I'm just a vengeful SOB - I'd gleefully go rub one out to the idea of my ex suffering and being miserable in the bed of her own making. Sweet, sweet schadenfreude....
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 08:45 PM
4

If at all possible, find a new job ASAP. I don't care if it pays less. if you ever want to see your kids, you gotta find another option.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:48 PM
3

If kids are involved - cheap and easy will bite you in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 01:58 PM
2

is spousal support temporary or long term? (varies per state)
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 06:22 PM
1

To the Man Feeling too Guilty to Leave
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 05:13 PM
2

Your child support should only be 20% of the DIFFERENCE between your incomes. IE - if she works making 40k and you make 100k, the support is only based on the difference of 60k. If she isn't working right now, she needs to get her ass to work ASAP for the top range of pay she's qualified for. (Don't tolerate deliberate underemployment to game the system)
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 02:11 PM
0

You should think on it often and with horrific guilt you spineless coward. Let's be honest, a miscarriage might have been the better outcome so she wasn't tired to a lying cheating asshole for 18 more years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 10:46 AM
2

No, don't focus on fixing this or regaining this. You want to stop loving her? Focus on hating her instead. Think about every time she lied to you to carry on that affair for months. Think about every time she got a little jolt of excitement when you bought her bullshit reasons for being late / out / etc. Think about her coming home after giving him a blowjob or eating his ass and coming home and laying a big wet kiss on you. Think about how they laughed together at how gullible / easy it was to…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 08:52 PM
10

Until the last child support & alimony payment clears. Then you are officially in the clear and can stop giving a f@ck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:28 PM
1

The closest you might be able to get that is age appropriate is talking about promises and how: "Marriage is the biggest promise you could ever make. It's a whole set of promises that you say in front of a priest or judge and your friends and family so they can see that you both made those promises to each other and that you are going to live up to those promises for the rest of your lives. Your mother broke her promises. It broke my heart and my ability to trust her ever again. That's why we ar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 10:59 AM
1

My divorce was a decade ago, so pretty sure the real estate market has drastically changed since then.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:38 PM
3

I'll warn you, if you do succeed in holding onto the home - there may be quite a bit of emotional baggage in the house and it will likely take you longer to heal. While I was frustrated being forced to sell my house in the divorce, it gave me a low-maintenance option in a small flat so that I could focus on me and my kid - not house chores.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 08:49 PM
3

From a legal and getting it past a judge perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:21 PM
6

If there's a specific reason (DUI history, serious driving history issues, felonies of any sort, sex offender list) then you have a leg to stand on for barring from pickup. Otherwise, you just look like a jealous, controlling ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 04:06 PM
1

Ross Geller completely understands your feelings
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 02:54 AM
1

No, you need to force her to pay you out completely - end of discussion. She needs to do a cash out refinance mortgage and deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 09:29 PM
5

Yeah you can put that in there, but good luck getting it actually enforced.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 07:56 PM
7

Yes, but ours are usually 1/4th of the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 02:22 PM
24

This is why guys need to demand an equal gift these days - a Rolex or something similar. Women are earning good money, they can pony up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:39 PM
3

Be very careful about making it sound like you're hitting on your female coworker. Have a specific way of talking about the divorce that is very controlled and matter of fact. Otherwise, you're just asking for a terrible run in with HR. I would advise telling your manager - as it may help get you some sympathy if you are struggling with managing emotions, need time off suddenly / rapid succession - so you can avoid the appearance of it seeming like you're interviewing other places when really yo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 06:56 PM
6

**Given current inflation, you may really want to take the monthly payment option. **
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 05:59 PM
2

Oh yeah there's lots of folks that are going to end up being divorced over covid related issues, mental health stuff, being around each other all the time, etc
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 11:34 AM
5

Women initiate 80 percent of divorces on average they have been thinking about divorce 1-2 years before they actually file. So yeah, unless she caught you cheating, uncovered something horrible/cruel/illegal/abusive about you - it is almost certain this was a long time coming..
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 11:24 AM
3

In some states if it's due to infidelity on her part, you can avoid alimony. Check your state and local laws.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:20 PM
2

Talk to your lawyer to see if your recordings will hold up in court as evidence. Has she been through a psych evaluation or therapy of any sort? Has your child exhibited any symptoms of being abused? ​ Have you considered having her involuntarily committed? If she at any point insinuates or implies self-harm - call and have her put in the padded room for suicide watch. She's going to pull up that police call as "evidence you're an abuser" - I guarantee it. So you need to work with your lawyer to…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:18 PM
2

Somewhat better, in many areas at least 50/50 custody is default. 4 states now have that firmly as law.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 11:39 AM
16

The courts will NOT give you primary custody in Texas as a guy unless she has SERIOUS problems - psychotic suicidal / absolute junkee. If she hasn't been to the psych ward, rehab, or jail - you are never going to get primary custody for financial reasons alone. Why you ask? Because you are going to get hit hard financially. 20% for child support, and you will likely be paying "spousal support" for 2 years (half the duration of the marriage) So effectively, you get to pay for BOTH her household a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 07:58 PM
22

Still, VERIFY. She very well may have gone and fucked a dude out of spite if you were fighting. "We were on a BREAK!" You don't want to be that dude that finds out when your kid does 23andme at 18 and finds out you aren't related. You're already divorcing her, so "offending her" isn't an issue like it normally would be.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 07:53 PM
8

Here's the thing - the only reason to be cordial & civil is to minimize collateral damage and for the long-game. Going in all guns blazing means she's going to return fire with everything she's got and will likely make shit up just to trash you. Which could end up leading to abuse allegations, TRO's, and a nightmare of bullshit to deal with. If there are kids in the picture, it means you are stuck dealing with her for years and years to come. She knows what she did. When the kids are 14+, you ca…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 05:32 PM
2

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp WS = Wayward Spouse
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 05:28 PM
9

Fight the alimony as much as possible. It is a massive pain to get adjusted, often involving lawyers and failing. If you lose your job, you are expected to sell every damn thing you own to keep paying alimony / spousal support - including taking out LOANS to pay it. So yeah, fight it with every breath in you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 02:48 PM
6

With current inflation, monthly The longer I drag that out, the less those dollars are worth. Look up TVM calculations if you need to compare offers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 11:34 AM
8

It's bullshit so he's always under her control and has to be her bitch to get more time with the kids, so when she wants to go f@ck some other dude she's got built in child care.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 06:00 PM
15

It is worth the fight. You are a parent too. Every other weekend is bullshit. You need to be there for homework, for break-ups, for the real stuff of the day to day. Otherwise, mom is the REAL parent and you're just a tag along wallet that can't ever enforce parent boundaries because of how little time you get with your kid. WEEK ON / WEEK OFF - nothing less. Put geographic limits on the divorce so you can co-parent. Either parent leaves that area, all costs and travel comes out of their time an…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:52 PM
18

Because they're lost in the romantic fantasy and would rather shoot the messenger than take off the rose-colored glasses.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 06:50 PM
2

You should have never given her the second chance.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 12:27 PM
6

1) Talk to a divorce lawyer right now. 2) Verify if your state allows one party consent to recording 3) If you can legally, put cameras up and have a voice-activated recorder going. Get her on recording saying these threats.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 03:28 PM
6

Help by priming your GF with topics your teens might be willing to talk about. Teens can be very much... less than open and helpful in conversation at that age. I'd look for a fairly brief, low-stress option - as simple as going out for coffee. Maybe invite her over for "family" game night?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 04:10 PM
22

WTF why is it messing with you? Yeah, she doesn't want a divorce - but she should have thought about that BEFORE screwing someone else. Now it doesn't matter what she wants. Every time you even remotely consider getting back with her - think about her sucking him off and then coming home and giving you a big wet kiss. Get the ugliest mental image you can that makes you nauseated, revolted, blood-boiling angry and hold that front and center - bring that image closer, in full HD 4K clarity and viv…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 08:56 PM
2

Divorce period is an area where there are very wide differences between states and even county law & operations. Some states have very long mandatory separation periods and cool off requirements, some none. This is why sometimes if you know a divorce is coming and have lots to lose, moving to a new state with laws more in your favor might be very wise - just have to wait 90+ days normally before theirs would be applicable. :)
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:39 PM
12

Here's the way to look at it: You can go all out get everything you're entitled to legally, and LATER come back and decide to be generous. If six years from now, she's clearly suffering financially, has some major medical issue she can't pay for treatment - you can be the blessing angel and hand her tens of thousands of dollars if you damn well see fit to. You can't do the reverse and get back the dollars if you decide later that was a bad call and you're the one not able to pay for medical trea…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 04:46 PM
3

Children's Bill of Rights
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 04:18 PM
5

Please note for those in community property states, this usually applies to INHERITANCES too. If you get one, keep it in your personal account at all times. Do not let it hit a joint account at any point. Keep it all in your name.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 06:33 PM
1

Sorry to be the wet blanket here, but there's a reason they changed the laws - and it is because of people playing the game of "just not getting married" and then dumping their partner after years of their partner supporting them in various ways and ending up with nothing. Yes, you are a high earner - but that has been enabled by your spouse taking care of your child I'm going to guess. Has your wife been the primary caretaker of your child? Who stayed home repeatedly during the pandemic schooli…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 02:41 PM
9

Just means when she meets some dude online and he flies her out, eventually shacks up with him.... that your "anytime you want" will be worthless since she has no job to stay around for. Don't plan for the current conditions, plan around WORST CASE SCENARIO.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 06:30 PM
12

That's going to bite you in the ass so hard it's not even funny. Did you put ANY language about how you're dealing with it when she moves 2000 or 3000 miles away? Yeah, you can see your kid anytime you can afford to fly halfway across the country!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 04:41 PM
6

No we regret not getting divorced sooner or making that person at all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 05:16 PM
10

This is dangerously parent alienation territory. She's using this to turn your son against you. If she's broad brushing all masculinity as toxic, you need to get to your lawyer ASAP and bust her for parental alienation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 06:09 PM
3

Get it in the divorce filing that all time and expense if you leave the county - that parent eats all the cost and time lost due to travel. Stay in the county or all that driving is your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 02:04 PM
4

No I'd be livid if they sent another lawyer if I was paying for a highly experienced lawyer and they sent a rookie in to fill in. I'd be livid if I'm being billed for this second lawyer time for her to read up on the case. I would have zero faith that nothing was lost in the handoff between them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 03:55 PM
3

Your GF needs to get over herself. Sometimes you need to be able to just focus on your kids, not her and her kids. They can talk to you that way more about what's really going on, how they really feel - without so many other people around.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 01:36 PM
7

Our dog died in my arms, he was the last thing holding us together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 01:50 PM
1

I'm personally only going to be interested if they're several years after reconciliation and truly happy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:02 PM
4

r/DeadBedrooms has several planning on the "graduation present divorce"
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:01 PM
1

If she has more nights at her house, that is the final determination factor of who gets to claim the child - end of discussion.https://www.irs.gov/publications/p504#en_US_2021_publink1000242188
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 02:10 PM
6

You are likely looking for a "high conflict" divorce specialist. Skip the collaborative divorce, low conflict folks - if she's been working on this for that long, she plans on taking you to the cleaners and you need to get ready for a fight. Document the time you spend with your children. Make damn certain you know their friends names, parents names, have phone numbers, etc. If it looks like you're not an actively engaged father - it will be used against you. Seriously stay away drugs & alcohol …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 04:33 PM
1

Anything adult/nude yes delete immediately. Presume your right to have those in your possession pretty much ends the day either of you filed for divorce. Make sure you never accidentally leak them when you're mad during the divorce or afterwards. You can't leak them if you don't have them anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 07:21 PM
2

If you ever had a conversation with her in which she denied the affair, you should return with the factual assertion of her gas lighting you. If she effectively told you you were crazy when you suspected her... That would qualify. So yeah, return fire - all cannons.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 05:09 PM
1

Yes, it is, because that's how the IRS counts it as well ion the event of disputes over who is claiming the child.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 11:42 AM
8

What I found on that - she wants to use the counselor to pressure or force you to enforce rules at your home that you don't want to. Like "don't alternate the children by letting them know their mother is a lying dirty whore."
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 11:39 AM
5

As others have mentioned, there are several potential motivations: Your soon to be ex wife lied and told them it was with your approval in a "dont ask, dont tell" kind of deal. Your soon to be ex wife threatened or bribed them They didn't want to hurt you / break up the family They didn't know how to tell you - that's an extremely difficult thing to tell you They were afraid of you getting enraged, and thought it would be at them
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 08:23 PM
1

Only if there's a small difference in income. If you make 6 figures and she's making 44k, they're going to want 20% of the difference of your incomes as the child support.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 05:17 PM
6

What the f@ck is so wrong with your wife that you got the kids 6 nights a week?!! The wave of divorces is coming through now - as COVID ends and people don't feel like they have to stay connected to another person for "battening down the hatches"... there's a flood of divorces happening.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 03:25 PM
9

Yep you just have to file and be absolutely ready to provide documentation on who spent what nights where. I'd go so far as to also include Google location history for kids have phones of any sort.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:05 PM
7

You need to hire a private investigator to follow her and get video of her like insurance companies do for fake injuries.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 01:57 AM
6

You screwed up massively when you didn't file first. The minute she left you should have filed. That's the only way to put an good, official timestamp on bill responsibility / house payments, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 05:25 PM
3

Yep - seen it happen more than once. "You can't let him do that to you." the phrase that will cost you so much time, treasure, and sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 08:44 PM
14

Everyone says that at the beginning, that they'll play nice. All it takes is one person to move wrong or flinch. God help you if her bitter divorcee friends get in her ear. Plan for the worst, hope and work for the best.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 12:47 PM
1

I would ensure you ask for way more than you actually would accept. Demand an immediate end to the religious schooling to save your child from dangerous brainwashing. Get your kid out of there - there's a reason they want to get in your kids' head early. I guarantee you there's ALWAYS much darker, more extreme, more judgemental and vile crap being said to your child than you know. They will try to distance you from your child, since you're clearly going to "burn in hell".
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 09:27 PM
6

No, from my understanding he's had his own extramarital endeavors with men and women.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 08:52 PM
4

You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy What you're describing sounds like you are taking ownership for her happiness. Stop. You own your emotions and that's it. Be a man of your word, handle your shit - but don't take on ownership of her emotions. That's her shit to figure out - not yours anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 07:34 PM
11

These guys might be able to help ya out: https://mensgroup.com/community
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 07:12 PM
5

If you want to embrace the anger - focus on the lies, the deception, the callous cruelty it required to conduct the affair. Think about every time she came home and kissed you - after being with him. Think about every time she and him laughed together at how you bought her latest bullshit excuse and what a gullible idiot you had to be. Think about kissing her or going down on her, and maybe he just left and there's a little something salty taste there. Think about every Valentine's Day / Anniver…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 03:54 PM
1

If those assets are "under water" - that's not a gift at all. Make sure to know the EXACT value & loan balances at the date of filing for any assets. Every woman "wants to not do lawyers" right up until someone flinches - maybe a friend gets in her ear about how "you're taking everything / taking advantage of her / screwing her over on the house and cars", maybe you do start seeing someone else and now jealousy gets in there. Even if she didn't want you or cheated on you, you can't go be happy "…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 12:58 PM
3

She's trying to date and doesn't want any pictures of her looking happily married with another man out there. She's not getting the grade A dick she was expecting and is blaming your pictures being "out there" as the reason she doesn't have a conga line of massive-cocked men at her bedroom door.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 12:43 PM
1

You should put on the brakes, pull the emergency brake, put damn a parking ticket boot on the front passenger wheel rim, shoot out all the tires, and take the car battery! Make it clear the terms of the divorce just got drastically worse for even TRYING to get your daughter a passport.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 12:39 PM
3

In this job market there's very little excuse for a dragged out job search. File for divorce now. There's usually a mandatory coming off period Start the clock, get some protections by law.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 08:14 PM
5

These guys I know have a depression and relationship recovery group:https://mensgroup.com/community and actually they are meeting in about 2 hours from now if you can make the time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 05:54 PM
16

Sorry you got used dude. Do you have an accountability buddy for your depression - someone you have sworn an oath to call if you're spiraling? It sounds like her "monkey branch" broke on her. Her monkey branch was starting a new relationship with some guy likely before she said she wanted a divorce from you. He fizzled out for some reason, so she came swinging back to you. Never fall for it again. If a woman asks for a divorce - she's been thinking about it a LONG, LONG time beforehand. The pain…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 05:44 PM
1

It absolutely can. If your child support is presuming the child is splitting time in a equal or roughly equal manner, and it changes to be highly lopsided - that opens the door for going back and recalculating the percentages for Child Support. It's one of the main reasons divorced parents try to bribe their kid with a PS5 to get them to say they want to live with just mom all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 04:46 PM
2

At least in my state, after kids are 12 or 13, they pretty much get to choose which parent to live with. If it goes to court, the judge heavily weighs the child's wishes. Keep this in mind OP, that your ex wife and daughter can quickly make that time with you zero.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:57 AM
3

Other ones have yes that were hormonal based pills. This one in particular is not a hormonal specifically because of the zero tolerance of side effects.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 12:47 PM
5

Actually the main obstacle is the fact that guys have shown zero tolerance for side effects during other male birth control pill testing. If a guy testing can't lift their max weight at the gym during testing,the pill gets instantly blamed by him.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 11:36 AM
4

The vast majority who try swinging / open relationships will fail. Congratulations for adding your name to the long list of arrogant guys who thought it wouldn't happen to them. You've been replaced. Learn that there's a damn reason people don't let their wife go fuck other dudes. Inevitably there will be an emotional bond created that doesn't have the baggage of day to day drudgery. "The community" will never tell you just how many people fail miserably at this - how many marriages die within 2…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 02:09 PM
4

"Could I get screwed over if I remove the insurance from the vehicle?" Yes, you could end up screwing yourself badly. You need that car to have VALUE if it's going to her. If she's not an insured driver and gets in a wreck? You might have lost that as an asset on her side of the balance sheet for splitting things up, which means now you get to pay her for half of YOUR car. Time to move forward unilaterally with a lawyer - and no longer no-fault if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 02:49 PM
1

Yeah, and the financial dread of divorce I'm sure doesn't help at this point. Wish you the best - better days are ahead. It's just like Shawshank Redemption - you're just gonna have to crawl through miles of shit to get to the freedom on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 09:32 PM
2

OK so, let me start by saying I hear ya man, it hurts. It sucks to see everything you worked so hard for get torn down and burned to ashes. It seems like you had a really difficult time processing the grief from your mom's health and passing. Did you ever get professional help during that time period? The TV items does sound like a crutch that should have only been a temporary thing - because distracting just prolongs the stress response cycle. From everything you've described - your stress resp…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 08:54 PM
1

Not in Maryland, but glad to upvote and support!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 08:45 PM
1

Has she been evaluated for depression? Sure sounds like some indicators?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 04:28 PM
3

Yeah, this is where I have a significant concern. I'm always horrified to hear that someone knew going in that they weren't all that sexually attracted to their spouse. Don't ask your partner to commit to reserving their precious sexuality for you alone out of the 7 billion people on this planet if you don't want them, crave them, and vow to be the best damn lover you can possibly be for them. If you have to hold your nose and force yourself to have sex with your soon to be spouse, don't marry t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 03:19 PM
4

I watched an uncle go through this kind of divorce. It's horribly destructive when folks are willing to make false abuse accusations. Do your best to follow these guidelines, and document every time she doesn't: https://www.traviscountytx.gov/dro/children-rights
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 07:16 PM
9

Get your head in the game - this is war and she's going full scorched earth. She's made it abundantly clear she has zero scruples, morals, or restraint - she will do anything and everything necessary to screw you over. She's already done it literally! She's going to deny the affair, so hope you got hard proof of some sort of her admitting to it. She's going to make all sorts of accusations. Check your state laws about cameras, consult with your divorce lawyer, and setup cameras and microphones e…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 07:01 PM
4

How many nights did your children spend with you vs your ex? That's the final line. https://www.irs.gov/publications/p504 "Children of Divorced or Separated Parents (or Parents Who Live Apart) Custodial parent and noncustodial parent. The custodial parent is the parent with whom the child lived for the greater number of nights during the year. The other parent is the noncustodial parent. If the parents divorced or separated during the year and the child lived with both parents before the separat…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:08 PM
4

Marriage counseling works when it's long before most people end up actually going. 95% of folks seek counseling way too late in the equation, when the four horsemen of the death of a relationship (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, & stonewalling) have been around for years. It's like asking a copilot to take over the moment before you crash into a mountain... you needed help to change course further back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:38 PM
-1

Regarding the lack of affection, from my standpoint if it was more a year of no sex, then she violated your commitment to monogamy first by turning it into forced celibacy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 01:10 AM
2

OK so a few things: Double coverage?? Only one of you should be covering them (generally the person with primary custody and the tax deduction) Unless you both have some very weird situation with your insurance, you're paying lots in premiums out of your paycheck unneccessarily so unless your boys have horrifically expensive chronic conditions to deal with that justify that coverage - figure out who is paying for it and balance it out with payments from the other. Most medical insurance should a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 07:32 PM
1

You're kinder than most then, because usually folks who weren't the first to stray are quick to lay that out there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 07:24 PM
3

The first affair should have been the end of it. Given that you didn't call her out, I'm gonna guess you were the first one to cheat and hers was the revenge affair?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 06:59 PM
3

Yeah we had agreed that we were getting divorced, but neither of us had discussed seeing other people yet. As a result, there was some serious questions racing through my mind for those brief few seconds.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 02:00 AM
36

Hey, if it helps - I was still cleaning out the garage with my soon to be ex wife when both of our phones got a notification. We got a 95% match on OKCupid with each other. Thankfully, we managed to have a good laugh about it. But wow.. that was horrifically awkward for a moment. At least the algorithm thought it wasn't stupid for us to have gotten together - even if things did go to sh!t in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:03 PM
1

Sunday evening like most, parent starting their time shows up at the other location at 6pm.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 12:36 PM
3

Ashley Madison is corrupt as fuck and you're an absolute moron for creating an account there. It's literally a ploy to extort money out of you. 98% fembots that exist solely to bait you into buying message credits. They were exposed for this years ago. And watch what happens when you try to delete your account....
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 12:53 PM
9

She may not have technically slept with him yet, but most women "monkey branch" at this age - and absolutely have someone they have a high degree of confidence they are going to snag.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 12:09 AM
6

Guy here, everything is a damn dick measuring contest if there's several guys involved and liquor. Every single thing in existence turns into one.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/22 06:35 PM
3

You realize the entire point of child support is to minimize the government assistance needed right? that's the only reason the government effing cares at all!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/22 03:06 PM
2

The .7 hip to waist to hip ratio. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1306012/Beauty-summed-To-tell-womans-really-attractive-figures.html
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/22 12:53 AM
13

Late bloomers of both genders can be the best - attractive now, but clear memories of what it was like to not have that and how people treated them. They don't take for granted like people who have always been "hot" or were early enough to have that their main pubescent and identity defining experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/22 01:45 PM
-2

Thank you - this is certainly a "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:29 PM
3

Can't help you, I don't do FWB ever. Not worth risking a great friendship over.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/22 10:14 PM
9

Yeah, I've visited total unnecessary drama 🎭 island 🏝️ as well and have zero desire to end up there ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 12:36 PM
7

Southern US, Evangelicals, Baptists and all still pushy "purity culture" very firmly. They scold daughters for any "revealing" clothing and any expressions of sexual interest pretty consistently.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/22 04:35 PM
10

Media is a big part of it, religion is huge on teaching the more passive, less aggressive role - and of course there's the shit other women give them that "only desperate bitches have to ask guys out".
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/22 04:06 PM
34

You have a few things going on here: Men are compliment starved Women traditionally being taught they have to be indirect and just "give hints" that men need to read. Men having had experiences where they "missed the signals" and only are told long after the fact when they can't take action anymore. Between the three, you have guys over react to minor compliments, and as such perceive it as "the hint" they need to take and run with or risk having lost out on that "golden opportunity". What's my …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/22 03:39 PM
0

I have serious questions about this "virginity" status - it sounds like someone who is playing the technicality card and does everything under the sun with dozens of people except PIV to be able to hold onto that for their advertising purposes.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/22 07:04 PM
1

Personally, I'd be very concerned that the first one has a complete bullshit technicality definition of virginity by your own description. "Sure, I've given 382 BJ's, taken it from behind 249 times, and have been with 37 women and 83 men - but I haven't had my hymen broken or penetrated by a human male so I'm a 'virgin'.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/22 07:00 PM
11

OMG yes. Was so passive aggressive and reckless after my dead bedroom situation just kept dragging on with one obstacle or excuse after the next...
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 01:26 PM
16

Don't be in a hurry, but know when to shit or get off the pot. - Date then live together 2 years. Normally by then, the sex will either start dropping off or you'll start to see the "real person" long enough, in enough stressful or bad situations to really figure out who they are. If they have shit they need to address in their life (mental health crap they've clearly avoided dealing with and affecting the relationship, for example) , make it clear during this time period that it's a barrier to …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 05:21 PM
28

There's no man in town as admired as red pill You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you and it's not very hard to see why! No one's slick as Red Pill No one's quick as Red Pill No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Red Pill For there's no man in town half as manly! Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on! Simps and Chorus: No one's been like Red Pill A king pin like Red Pill Simps: No one's got a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/22 04:52 PM
3

Isn't this pretty much eHarmony? I know I got treated like shit and blackballed on their app for being an atheist.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/22 01:18 PM
62

I think the inherent problem is that people perceive that there's a strong bias culturally toward chastising certain behaviors in men and women, and looking the other way or justifying that same aspect with the opposite gender. For example. when it comes to "dead bedrooms" it seems like it is ALWAYS the guy that gets blamed. If he's low libido - it's his fault for porn use, ED, or whatever - not "you're a dirty perv woman / fem-rapist trying to force yourself on him. On the opposite side, when t…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/22 03:23 PM
1

I'm gonna vehemently disagree with you. There's nothing that made me happier than when I was working toward divorcing my soon-to-be-ex wife and she bought some bullshit I used as an excuse to cover a part of the prep work. I knew damn certain that I needed to shut down that "swallowed a bird" grin that was going to come out.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/22 03:15 PM
4

I think the traumatizing is the longer term, not just "a one time drunk f@ckup" situation. It's the friend/acquaintance you knew set off your warning bells, and you ignored them or let yourself be talked out of them. It's every time they were late or going out without you and you swear you saw something and brushed it away - only later realize that it was "deceiver's delight". The person you loved was getting off on the fact that you bought their bullshit to go fuck someone else. They used your …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/22 04:21 PM
11

You love who you thought she was, you love who she used to be - not the person she has shown herself to be now. You got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. It seems like she may not have actually wanted you personally, just the "life achievement" of being married - and when the full weight of that reality hit, it was crushing and sent her into a downward spiral. It's not uncommon if your wife was raised in a very conservative religious or cultural background at all to have happen. Talk t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:28 PM
1

For me, the run-up in home prices and continued housing shortages in many parts of the country would make me extraordinarily reluctant to let go of it without extracting an extremely valuable concession.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 02:52 PM
2

Surrendering the home equity sounds like horrible idea and an awful financial decision. Especially if we're going into a period of inflation, the "value of the alimony dollars" drops over time. Play the long game - even if it's 20 years of alimony, spread out enough over that time - make certain the value works in your favor in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 03:51 PM
3

Surrendering the home equity sounds like horrible idea and an awful financial decision. Especially if we're going into a period of inflation, the "value of the alimony dollars" drops over time. Play the long game - even if it's 20 years of alimony, spread out enough over that time - make certain the value works in your favor in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 03:51 PM
1

Nah, I get it. If she's pulling that kind of garbage - all you can do is document and make your requests in writing. "I heard X child say (Y disparaging thing) yesterday. I don't believe our child came to this on their own. If you're discussing any problems or resentments you still have with me with them or near them - cease and desist immediately." Was something like this not part of your paperwork for divorce? https://ctxlaw.com/childrens-bill-of-rights/
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 06:53 PM
17

I had to repeat a mantra so many times during my divorce and subsequent legal fights: "I love my child more than I resent my ex." Keep repeating until it's true.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 05:13 PM
17

For those that view sex very transactionally or as a reward for "good hubby behavior" - yes. Especially if she's much younger than the man - trophy wife/ high maintenance that knows she's 2+ points hotter than you. Most I think don't consciously do so, but slip into feeling "safe" in the relationship. Once they feel safe and content in the relationship, aspects where they were stretching themselves and were just being done "for you" drop by the wayside. Folks get complacent and lazy. Both men an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 05:36 PM
36

Only rarely is it abruptly noticeable. Most try to be more subtle than just completely cutting things off or drastic changes. It normally starts with cutting back on things she used to do for you. (BJ's being the most frequently noted) Then it moves to more and more obstacles to what you want, priorities that need to be higher than anything on "your list".
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 04:09 PM
3

Do not give up anything you are entitled to without getting something of significant value in return. When you are tempted to "be nice" - see Rule #1 You can always give things back later if you decide to be generous. Push to be the primary parent, 5/149 - you get to make school decisions, you cooperate on medical decisions Why? You don't want to get cut out of medical decisions with your children. Especially these days with severe disagreements about trans kids and hormones, antivaxxers, COVID,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 05:26 PM
1

Yes she lives with him, used to be a "good" friend Have you taken a paternity test?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:23 PM
4

Seriously? Did you not grow up watching Friends reruns? Did you not know what the meme/tagline "we were on a break?!" meant? Yes, sleeping with other people when separated is one of the things you should absolutely have expected - if not done yourself. I'm really trying to wrap my head around what exactly you were expecting? I mean, my now ex wife was fully aware during our separation I was absolutely going out and getting some action, I had her put that in writing to avoid a later accusation of…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 01:56 PM
1

I understand your don't want the house, but as they say possession is 9/10 of the law. Better to be living there and maintain your legal right to live there than surrender it. Even with a pretty amicable divorce for me, the details weren't final for almost a year. I'm telling you, just file unless you are making a deliberate effort to change the financial picture by getting her working and earning an income. That's the only reason to delay.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:49 PM
3

Check your local county laws and get the paperwork for divorce filing. In most states, there's a standard set of protections that kick in when you file divorce and a mandatory "cooling off period." **DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.** until a lawyer specifically tells you to. If she doesn't want to live under the same roof, she can leave. Just file for divorce would be my suggestion - but certainly get an initial consult with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:29 PM
11

At 5, your son is just now making memories they will actually recall as an adult. All those adorable moments between birth and 4 yrs old? Almost all gone, won't remember them at all. Do not take the freelance job if it's going to cost you your relationship / quality time with your son. There's certain times you can't get back - at 5 you're still the world to your kid. I'd give anything to go back and not be working so much when my kid was 5. You can make money at any time, even 15 years from now…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:22 PM
5

If you're fighting this much, you don't want to air that in front of family. Not bringing her will let them know something is up, but is probably the best option at this point. Going forward, don't threaten divorce ever again - with this spouse or future ones. They never forget it, they never feel safe in the relationship again. It's like my dad taught me about guns, don't point it at anything you don't intend to kill / destroy. Talk about issues, go to couples therapy or just go cold - but don'…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 07:51 PM
2

So much this - the product must be private and secure, otherwise you're just creating a honeypot of information for opposing counsel. Encryption and 2FA should be mandatory across the board.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 05:20 PM
5

She's testing whether you're actually going to stand up to her or not. Make it abundantly clear that this is a willful, deliberate, completely unnecessary violation and you will pursue enforcement to the maximum extent possible. Send the message that you absolutely will enforce boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 01:10 AM
15

THIS - the "friend" or lawyer gets in their ear about women's empowerment, how so many women end up worse off, he's playing you, you're being a doormat, internalized misogyny, your financial future is going to be screwed if you don't fight to the death, etc. etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 05:35 PM
4

ADHD medication can be very challenging to get done in a right balance for adults. Some kill libido, some cause various other side effects - I know I went through several medications and dosage levels before I found something that felt healthy and normal. If therapy isn't part of the picture, it really limits how much medication can help - the longer she went undiagnosed / untreated - the more of a mess there usually is to try and untangle. But she has always been hard to live with in the sense …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 05:13 PM
4

She's likely going to struggle with "relationship ADHD" if not on medication combined with therapy and personal introspective work / reading. It's a very common issue with ADHD and women often aren't diagnosed until later in life, which does tend to lead toward the compounding issues of anxiety, OCD, and depression, etc. Most likely everyone that knows her knows she tends to hyperfocus on things for a little while, then get bored with them. It's a common trope on r/ADHDmemes - "The ADHD walk of …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 04:48 PM
1

It seemed like from the description there wasn't a loan at all, that the equity covered the purchase completely and there was no mortgage or mortgage payments. OP, please correct me if my understanding is inaccurate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 03:08 PM
6

**This is going to vary from state to state, so check your state laws.** Essentially, if your mother in law and STBXW did an exceptionally good job of keeping everything away from a joint account that you put funds into / have access to - you may not be eligible. When the house was sold, did the funds go into your JOINT checking account or did they stay with the mother in laws account? You need to start digging for bank details, closing details of where funds got paid from right now. Have real e…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 02:50 PM
3

So two options I would float 5-2-2-5 scheduling - it helps with very young children to have more time more frequently. Parent whose time is starting comes and gets the child from your home. That way, if they are late showing- it's their time lost, not yours. If she balks at the drive time for this, use it against her hard https://divorcelawyermn.com/2012/10/24/joint-physical-custody-5225-schedule/ Stipulation to not mandate one stays within a boundary for the ISD or county, but just poison pill …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 04:44 PM
9

Phrase it as BAD for your child. The court doesn't give a shit about you. Won't have school friends anywhere near him, will be socially outcast and ostracized Poorer education (better school rating) Excessive time in the car almost every day - increases risks of accidents and other problems Wasteful of funds and time to care for the child - driving that far costs money, and is wasted money that harms the funds available to support the child.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 04:29 PM
3

For the twins, yeah - they're going to favor her hard due to their age and stay at home status. The 5 yr old should be less slanted. Depending on where you are, the standards for the age at which children need their own room varies. Check with your lawyer. At worst case, with the ages involved, you should be able to have a temporary 2BR arrangement with distinct effort to make sure that by puberty - opposite sex children aren't sharing a bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 04:22 PM
1

For things you know you may want later, but can't stand to be looking at you can either leave them in boxes in the Attic or at a family or friends house. Try to avoid getting into the storage unit trap, but it will be easier if you take a look at them in a year or two after the divorce is finalized. When the pain has become at least somewhat less intense, then you can think with a little more level head. My ex would bring more over every now and then for years when she was doing her Marie kondo …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:40 PM
2

Ahh the "dump the emotionally heavy items and make you the asshole for disposing of them" move.... Yeah, been there - dealt with that. Take them, leave them in boxes - lose a box next time you move if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:06 PM
2

Take it from many of us that have been there - it is much better to have the recordings even if you don't use them later, than to need them and not have them. Hope and work for the best, but plan around the worst - divorce brings out the worst in people.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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