Derelict86 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
39	Disheartening views		Derelict86	/r/Divorce_Men	16/11/25 05:14 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Finalized This is a great response. It takes some time to establish a new normal.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/26 03:20 AM
6	How long did you wait after your divorce to start dating again? And how long is too soon? I have too many hobbies, backlogs of books and movies, bucket list of travel destinations, and more reasons not to date right now. After 15 years, I'm focusing on my daughter, dog, and I. Don't need the distraction or expense anytime soon.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/07/26 01:31 AM
3	Has anyone had to make the decision to file for divorce? My ex wife was also abusive when off her meds. Refused to stay on them. Treated me like a punching bag. My military training had desensitized me to it and she must have sensed it was all somehow okay. It's not okay. Do what you need to in order to protect yourself. I was able to move out and still get 50% custody of my daughter, no issues. I don't want to take away from female victims of DV, but something like 20% of victims are men. As a society we aren't ready for this conversation.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/26 06:23 PM
3	Anyone else getting bitter towards the idea of marriage? That's my perception as well. I'm trying to be optimistic about the future, but I fear I've become far too cynical and jaded.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/03/26 03:34 AM
11	Anyone else getting bitter towards the idea of marriage? One of the things I didn't fully realize until my divorce was over was that it props up a whole industry of opportunists, just like marriage and death. I'm surprised nobody offered flowers in the process. I didn't just get taken for a ride by my ex. It was also her attorney, my attorney, the mediator we hired, they all acted incompetent and used delay tactics to bleed me out. I'm not rich by any means but I had a couple hundred thousand in assets. My divorce took 2 years, yet likely would have b…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/03/26 03:08 AM
3	Anyone else getting bitter towards the idea of marriage? This here. Dont watch Court TV or Dateline/48 Hours Mystery. Too many murderous, spousal wackos out there.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/03/26 02:57 AM
1	The trap waiting for you 3 years from now Wise words to remember.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 07:52 PM
2	Divorce Is Brutal I feel for you OP. From the outside view, without knowing any more details of your situation, it looks like you were a sugar trap victim, which is a hybrid situation between a honey trap and sugar dating. The issue at hand is whether you are deemed a stepparent (most likely) or adoptive parent (I don't think this applies to you but I may be mistaken). The difference within a legal perspective: Stepparents: Can seek custody or visitation if they have acted as a parent figure, but they have no aut…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/25 08:56 PM
1	Disheartening views Part of our "process" early on was court mandated mediation, which I knew would go nowhere. In Illinois, you can't request a trial (at least for cases involving custody) without having done mediation. I was able to get a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) to take us on for a flat fee instead of another lawyer with a high hourly bill rate. That probably saved me a couple thousand dollars.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/11/25 06:02 PM
3	Disheartening views Those are great points. A lot of it is on the client (that is, for us to keep communications with our lawyers brief and on point). On the contrary, my lawyer had me fill out financial affidavits and submit financial statements FOUR times over 18 months. My ex submitted her affidavit and financials ONCE and only late in the process at the demand of the judge. The amount of rework and correspondence with my lawyer and paralegal cost me thousands of dollars.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/11/25 05:55 PM
5	Disheartening views There are many noble and honorable areas of law. I have great respect for those in public service. Also those attorneys that take on huge sacrifices and risks, such as in criminal prosecution. With that said, family law is in need of a major overhaul. The person I'm relying on to get me across the finish line shouldn't slow down the race to collect more billable hours from me. The conflict of interest is just too large.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/11/25 04:57 AM
1	Early 30s is marriage worth it? I am not seeing anyone and have no plans to remarry. Maybe I can get lucky and find someone who subscribes to 'Living Alone Together.' Yes, I have to pay alimony for 5 years. I did get 50/50 custody of my daughter but I had to fight for it and got charged a small fortune in legal fees. I probably would have got 50/50 either way, but the lawyers know how to shake you for all the money they can get out of you.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/11/25 04:21 AM
3	Early 30s is marriage worth it? I was married to a latina, I'm white. She laid the affection on thick, we even lasted 14 years and had a child, but in all honesty, there were yellow flags from Day 1. I can definitely remember the allure of an exotic lady as a young man. That also goes for American born, but perhaps only first or second generation, with parents or grandparents speaking the native tongue. Let me share the below statistic with you. [People from different cultures have a higher risk of divorce compared to same-cul…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/11/25 11:16 PM
1	Men over 45 after 27 years of marriage I haven't been intimate with my wife for 4 years. Thinking of calling it quits but I am afraid of not finding anyone. How hard is it out there? My head hurt trying to read this.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/11/25 05:40 AM
1	Struggling with timeline to tell her and kids There's never a good time to have the talk, but having adult kids makes your situation a bit more manageable.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/10/25 05:14 PM
3	I don't know why I cooked her the eggs Yeah, this seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm all about expressing frustrations, but this doesn't seem to align with the target audience here whom are dealing with custody and financial issues, not who did or didn't buy the eggs. 🤷‍♂️	/r/Divorce_Men	28/10/25 05:05 PM
3	Newly separated, confusing times First, things seem fine now, but you need to get a lawyer. If you move out of the marital home before you have a custody agreement in place, that action can be weaponized against you down the road.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/10/25 12:51 PM
1	Who Really Wants to Be a Single Parent? Luckily I work from home and have a fair bit of flexibility. After selling the marital home, I moved a block from my daughter's school to ensure I can be there for her. On occasion, I have to call to put her in aftercare, but things are working out pretty good. Apartment life sucks, but my relationship with my daughter has never been stronger.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/10/25 03:24 AM
7	Who Really Wants to Be a Single Parent? Stay strong. Men step up for their children every day. You'll never hear about it though. Doesn't fit the narrative being spun that most men are irresponsible deadbeats.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/10/25 03:22 AM
4	Who Really Wants to Be a Single Parent? It's truly amazing what women can do and still get 50/50 custody. My trial date is coming up and I feel if I so much as sneeze or look at the judge the wrong way, the hammer might come down 60/40 in my stbxw's favor.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/10/25 03:16 AM
10	What I realized - healthy relationships The marriage model is in need of an overhaul. People change as they age. You can be in a meaningful relationship, yet keep your home and finances separate. I won't remarry and risk the government interfering with my personal affairs ever again. I'm rooting for you, OP. Just keep your wits about you and know unicorns aren't real.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 02:07 PM
6	Did you have sex with your wife after separating? Same situation, but 14 years. She is an absolute train wreck in so many ways, but sex was never a problem.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:40 PM
2	Male of female lawyer? She had thyroid issues, which spiraled and made her physically and verbally abusive. I've heard time changes people, but this seemed like so much more.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/25 10:48 PM
6	Male of female lawyer? I chose male. My mom passed away suddenly and tragically in 2022, with no support from my wife, and then my wife became someone I didn't recognize over the following few years. Some of her friends, who used to be cordial with me, are now encouraging her to stick it to me for filing due to her mental health issues that have gone unresolved. I know that I have a temporary bias and lack of trust in women that will eventually fade, but for that reason, I chose a male attorney as well as a male realt…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/25 06:24 PM
6	Male of female lawyer? Bingo. You'll also interact with his/her paralegal, who will, of course, be of opposite sex and perhaps more annoying to deal with. The paralegal will also get little done other than some light paper shuffling.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/25 06:19 PM
1	Question: if we split and decide to sell the marital home, do I have to pay out the equity immediately or upon sale? In my divorce, the home sale proceeds are in trust while we are working through custody and a final financial settlement. You normally wouldn't pay out equity until after the sale, but you need a lawyer to help guide and protect your best interests.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/08/25 02:46 PM
3	Summer is the loneliest time? Spot-on. Chicago resident as well. Our public pool just opened June 24th, and yet it closes Aug 1. Summer is too short here!	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/25 04:02 AM