TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

DntCareBears Archive

View 0 posts and 217 comments by DntCareBears on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Agreed. AI can solve this easily. Use Codex or Claude Code. Honestly, you could do it with a prompt and just the excel sheet with raw data. Lawyer is billing you based on what he’s going to save you. This is how all those filthy lawyers think. I use AI. Shit I work AI security and have beat my ex’s lawyer twice in court. If you learn how to prompt and scrape legal blogs, you can build your own AI Lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 10:57 PM
1

Sorry, what I meant by that is controlling your lust so that you don’t go full head over heels chasing her and spending money. Just give enough attention to where she does not become your universe. Control your desire to be her beta buck that saves her. That’s what I meant
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:17 PM
1

Get ready for the lawyer shark shakedown. They will review your assets and make a killing off you. She will be empowered by the lawyers promise to get her the “rightful outcome” she deserves. This will cost you 50% of everything you own.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 12:30 PM
1

Yes, but what I mean is, you can date, but don’t go into it looking for a girlfriend or especially a wife. Date around, have experiences and come back home to your castle. Dont let the relationship take your time away from things that make you grow as a man. Stop putting relationships first and making your identity all about it. Focus on your kids first. I found me a good woman and we live together, but she leaves me alone. We are not married and never will marry. We keep everything separate. Bu…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 12:11 PM
4

Control your lust. Go to the gym, lift and get in shape. Stop telling yourself you need a relationship. Just date and protect your time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 07:09 AM
1

You have assets the lawyers can target. Watch out for the excessive billing. With you having a high income, you will be stuck with legal fees, loose your home, alimony, minimum 60/40 on incidentals and child care. You’re going to get railed. This was my exact situation as you. Income was the same. The best advice I can give you is, don’t believe your attorney when he says this is what the judge asked/wanted. It’s BS. Call it out when in front of the judge. Lawyers want their money from you and w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 08:42 AM
1

Yup! I’m living the same life as you. I was offered a job where my salary was going to go to $250K a year, I turned it down due to the salary. I really wish I could’ve told my 18 year old self that one day I’d have to turn down a job due to the salary being too much and that it would only make me less financially stable and only enrich my ex wife. The family law system is broken and it will never get fixed. Never marry, but if you have kids, there is no way out either.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:24 PM
2

I agree. I too have seen this behavior from my previous attorney, but then he drops the ball last minute. Definitely possible. I am in agreement with you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:05 PM
1

What does your attorney say about your likely outcome? Tell me more. How about status updates? Are you just going to court non-stop for status updates?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:31 PM
2

This is true, but the courts generally don’t like to take or add numbers to the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:26 PM
3

Yea but how many kids? I have 3. Also, the calculations are correct. I literally spent a week learning the state calculations. Sorry, I should update my post. I pay $28,000 per year child support, but I carry the insurance. That’s an extra $400 a month, plus extra curricular activities. Comes out to roughly $35K on a good year.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:21 PM
3

What are you talking about! This is why she has a family law attorney. That person is there to navigate the family law court on her behalf. However, because she is an attorney, she may be able to pick up on the nuances and the details of the statute in her state. The other attorney representing her husband will tell him to his face all the things he wants to hear, but the reality is when he meets with the opposing console, enclosed door meetings they will talk like two brotherhood, attorneys and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:55 PM
-1

Right, but she doesn’t have to be in family law, but she’s still part of the brotherhood. His lawyer will tell him what he wants to hear, but in reality, he’s not going to want to go balls to the wall against another attorney. Even though it sounds like she’s being represented. And that’s where the 3 amigos come in. Those lawyer to lawyer calls where your council never tells you about, but they negotiate on your behalf and both attorneys play out the outcomes and they agree on a finalized soluti…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:52 PM
7

Here’s what going to happen. Pull up a chair and read carefully. Your income will be calculated based on what you have made over the last 3yrs at minimum. This is your projected earnings. They will take the average and then do the state calculations based on that number. Thats your child support amount. If you were working 60+ hrs over those 3yrs and earning a higher salary, but now plan to stop working so hard and want to come down to 40hrs, you may very well still be on the hook for the higher…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:48 PM
1

I believe you, but as someone who’s fought with attorneys on both sides, and even as a PRO-SE, one’s very own attorney will make it look like he/she is taking the battle to them, but it’s really theater just to get you to settle. It really is a strategy that if you don’t recognize the signs, you won’t know it’s at play. Attorneys will hold conf calls with each other without your knowledge and talk through the case and likely outcomes, meanwhile you’re all pumped about how tough of a lawyer you h…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:15 PM
11

Sorry, but you have bigger problems here. Since your wife is a lawyer, other attorneys will be unlikely to bring the fight to her in the way you want. She knows the law, but she’s part of the brotherhood. If you can get an attorney to take on your case, they will ultimately come up with a plan to get you to settle and not anything above what you want or think you’re going to get. Attorneys don’t usually take the fight to another attorney. They will negotiate, but at your behest. It’s not about w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:41 PM
6

This 900billion percent!!! 👏👏👏 That’s all this is… Legal Theatre… The biggest lie to watch out for is when your attorney says “This is what the judge agreed to.” Always, always ask the judge. Never trust your attorney. They’re there to build out a divorce play where you’re one of the main characters. The more assets and money you make, the more you will pay your ex wife in legal fees, percentage loss in assets and alimony. Child support is a flat calculation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 08:09 PM
7

She says she doesn’t want your money until she talks to a lawyer who knows that (1) You’re the bread winner. (2) Will use your high income against you to relive her of debt. (3) You will loose half of not more of what you spent your entire working life building. (4) Chefs kiss! Legal fees assigned to you. Both lawyers will see the assets and conjure up legal theatre tactics to get the both of you to argue and pitted against each other. This will result in higher legal fees, but 100% guaranteed a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:08 PM
2

Hear me out. Depending on your assets, house, income, savings, retirement etc, if you have a lot of assets two things will happen I guarantee you. 1) Lawyers will review the couples assets and depending on how much is there, this will determine the legal battle. Lawyers will work up a theatrical back n forth show to drive costs a.k.a billing. If you’re the bread winner, then the legal fees will fall on you. Much more than that, but I am certain of it 2) It may be to your benefit to go the non-la…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:14 PM
1

I’m sorry to hear, but I must ask. How much of this was your mother’s design? I am going through this now with my son. He is 20. I call no answer, text no answer. I want to see him and do things and nothing. His mother has eaten his mind and now he thinks I’m the bad guy. I have two other boys with her as well which who I see every week and have a close tight bond. It’s my 20 yr old who’s gone off the deep end. It’s been a year now and I am at the point where I’m exhausted from chasing and ready…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 02:45 AM
5

Do not sign anything she sends you or her council. It is 100% in her favor and 100% not in your favor. What you need to do is find an attorney it’s going to cost you money and you’re probably going to have to go into a little bit of credit card debt but believe me this will save you in the long run. From reading your post you sound like me when I was too quick to sign the divorce papers because I wanted to be divorced now years later I live with regret every single day because of the financial m…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 04:27 PM
1

I have too! But the only hangups are local court rules. I’ve beat my ex’s attorney twice, but he will get me on stupid shit like layout in a document. This was 1.5yrs ago. I now have enough experience where I am my own lawyer. You just have to study up on local court rules because they will get you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:38 PM
2

You don’t. You focus on renting a room and seeing your kids at a neutral location (no overnights). The best I can tell you is that maybe see if you can move in with family and pay them rent for a room. I say this because your own family may be more open to allowing you to bring your kids over vs a room rental. You also need to focus on you and skilling up. Having a girlfriend and playing to her needs is going to keep you in a financially negative state. You need your time 100% and no time for a …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 07:19 PM
2

And did you write it off in a bankruptcy?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 05:52 PM
2

Yes, this will vary by state, but at what cost to you with your lawyer and hers? You understand that the lawyers both pit you against each other unknowingly. It’s not that the lawyers agree to do this with each other to their client, it’s that they’re focused on increasing billing. Especially if you’re paying with a credit card. Lawyers can tell when a certain party will be forced into bankruptcy. Once they see this, this is unlimited billing ceiling. They will entertain all tiny concerns in the…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 04:10 PM
27

Courts not gonna care, but if you have an opportunist lawyer, he will “legal theatre” you into all this paperwork and motions you can do in order to increase billing against you. You busted her, process it and move on. Get in shape, glow up and don’t seek her. It will fade and she will seek you out later on, but you will have moved on. Don’t sit there and wallow. It’s simply a choice, and you choose to be the best version of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 02:06 PM
2

What were the terms? You have 30 days to over turn the divorce no questions asked.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 07:59 PM
11

It’s her lawyer. This is a billing strategy. They focus on pitting you two against each other, but more so enraging her via entitlement through the “Law”
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 06:23 PM
7

Careful, this happened to me, but with the home after living there only 1 year. I got kicked out and lost my half of the home. She got to live 2 yrs off my loan with 2% interest rate. Once she lawyers up, you will loose a lot. Especially after 15 yrs of marriage. She’s going to have you paying alimony for a long time. Her lawyer will put the both of you against each other in order to raise billing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 10:09 AM
8

If your divorce is not finalized, just wait for more legal theatre. The family law system incentivizes women and judges award them badges of honor in the form of 100% debt allocation assigned to you. I got so royally screwed that my only way to cope with it was to find other horror stories that were way worse. What ever you do, never re-marry. That is the best advice I can give you. Don’t make that mistake twice.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 07:09 PM
3

Rare breed. The woman I’m dating now was one of those. She got half, but did not force his hand. However, I would never marry. You basically give away 50% of anything you own. If you have children, then you just now cut their inheritance in half.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 05:14 PM
9

You’re not wrong, but you’re not fully right either. It’s the legal system. Women know that they can check out of the marriage and get 50% of everything at minimum. Those that have been home makers see even higher gains. It’s the legal system. Lawyers make money off the failing marriage, feed the women what they want to hear and how they are owed everything because they had to stay home and earn a masters degree while her husband worked. I am fully divorced and whole never consider marriage in m…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 12:44 AM
9

This 100%!!! Even if it’s AI slop, it’s very applicable to all cases. One item of note. Plz make sure you use AI to summarize your emails to your lawyer and find applicable statutes etc. keep in mind that January is superbowl season for divorce lawyers. They have all these people surging at them. You will spend a lot of money on vague emails all designed to keep you asking questions. Good luck out there. For those that do end up divorcing, never ever re-marry! I don’t care how great of a woman s…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 03:58 PM
1

Depends on your assets. However, I made the mistake and had a bad lawyer, who basically handed over everything to her, and in the end she got to make the majority of decisions with the kids, and I owe her a ton of money for things that I knew no knowledge of in terms of loans. I’ve seen people with worse situations than me, but still a headache either way. Have you thought about going pro se? Using ChatGPT nowadays is pretty good if you know what you’re doing. I’ve beat her lawyer three times no…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 11:33 PM
3

You won’t get it. The judge won’t default. Especially if there are kids. There has to be a mountain of evidence that she is not responding. Please keep us posted.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 02:20 AM
1

My lawyer lied to me in order to get the case closed out. Made me sign the documents via lies.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:16 PM
0

Brother I am sorry you’re going through this. I had a brutal divorce and lost everything and even though it’s been years, I’m still trying to pull out of it financially. My concern here is if she lawyers up the lawyer is going to do a discovery he has to, and when that happens, they’re going to identify the money that you have. He will then tell her that she’s entitled to half of it. You have to remember that this is a woman that you are divorcing and as such, her mindset will be to line her poc…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:09 PM
3

She got her citizenship and now is about to cash out. With you being the only one that’s working, you will be left with all marital credit card debt. She will lawyer up, and depending on the assets, this will determine how hard her attorney goes after you. If you have a house, be prepared to either 1) buy her out. 2) you move out. 3) sell the home split earnings. She will absolutely 1 billion percent get half of the $300K. I’m absolutely positive that she will. Lastly and the best for last. Beca…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 07:49 PM
1

Remember, you have 30 days to get the MSA thrown out. Please go home and review line by line. You might be signing your life away and don’t realize it because you’re in the freedom bliss.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 03:24 PM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:33 PM
2

You passed my sniff test.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:14 PM
2

lol! At least you’re commenting on other posts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:05 PM
3

Sorry, I’m just high strung on accounts that are new and barely have posts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:03 PM
4

The OP account is 45 days old. Not saying it’s a bot, but careful airing out your laundry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 06:42 PM
2

Oof! Good catch! I updated it. I was using speech-to-text. Phew! Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:54 AM
5

Unfortunately, because you are dealing with an ex-wife who is going to lawyer up, her lawyer the very first thing he’s going to do is a review of the assets as soon as he sees that you have a business he will immediately assess how much income potential there is for him. This is where he is going to Inflate her ego on what her potential payouts are going to be. This is going to drive a lot of time and billing on his part with the goal of having you as a business owner take on her legal fees. Wha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:29 AM
1

Student loans is considered a marital asset, but she will have to show that they were used for living expenses. But since she doesn’t work, there is a high chance you’ll get stuck with them. Very high chance. Plus interest. Her lawyer will argue that the student loans benefited the marriage because she is now marketable and can earn an income, therefore it’s a benefit to you as you would’ve had to pay a higher percentage had she not earned her degree. This is why I advise men to never get marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:44 PM
2

My answer is no. You would not be in violation of the MSA. Here’s why. If she took your daughter and performed the medical services without consulting you and or your approval, then she made what’s called a unilateral decision. As such, you were never consulted and she made the decision solely on her own. This would more than likely violate the terms of your MSA for medical decision making. Specifically if you have a clause for being able to seek a second opinion. As such, in her making that uni…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 09:05 AM
2

Yes! 100%. However, Grok 4 is $30 a month vs Chat GPT $20 a month tier. I still use my old prompts of “Assume the role of a [Insert your state] family law attorney.” Next I want you to review this motion for X. You get the idea. With Grok 4, you can upload multiple documents and tell Grok, I want you to review the attached documents, however, I do not want you to respond. This is simply for background reference and understanding. Upload your MSA, Parenting plan or any other documentation that Gr…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 08:00 AM
8

Please read! You should only trust your lawyer 50% of the way. What you need to do is get a Grok 4 subscription. It’s an absolute beast at interpreting law and case laws. You will use Grok to fact check and steer the path with your lawyer. The lawyers main job is to ensure that you comply with all local court rules etc. outside of that, use Grok 4 (not 3) to do you analysis. As I write this to you, I’m using it myself to review an open item in my case. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:59 PM
2

This 100%!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:56 PM
2

My advice that I tell men on here is, you can live with her, but just as long as it does not lead to marriage. Marriage is a terrible idea for men. Even if you think you found the best partner and how shes different from all the other woman, spending 10,15,20 yrs to then meet in court and erase everything, and end up as enemies. The thought of loosing half of everything once, is enough to keep me away from ever considering marriage and loosing everything twice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 04:11 AM
6

Any man who survives divorce and lives through what opposing counsel (her attorney) does to you in court, why risk loosing it again when you’re starting over with half of what you had. I would never get married again. Even if children are not involved, you still run the risk of having to divide your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 09:47 PM
5

You don’t know what abuse is until she lawyers up and her lawyer comes after everything you’ve spent 24.5 yrs building. Sorry that you got attacked, but it gets much worse once you’re in the system.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:00 AM
3

I say, don’t get “legally married.” Exchange a promise ring to be committed to each other, but don’t involve the state. Don’t sign anything that’s contractually binding. Make sure your state/county does not have any “Palimony” laws or a state where living together can be seen as being married. Both of you should sign a rental contract as roommates. That’s it. Here is what really bothers me about OP’s case. His wife is going to lawyer up with her, not working the lawyer will review the assets and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:40 PM
2

I don’t think that’s going to happen. You’d have to convince the judge via evidence of mental and psychological breakdown of the wife. It’s not just “my wife is crazy, please order her to take this exam.” The same applies to women who try and file restraining orders against their husbands. You have to show evidence of police intervention, documented abuse cases after police were called and or other evidence. It’s not just my wife is cray, cray, please order this test. If she’s been a homemaker f…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:57 PM
1

Not really. She will just say claim through her attorney that OP subjected her to years of mental abuse, inflammatory remarks and verbal altercations for decades. She is going to play the victim 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:46 PM
8

If she does file, just know that her attorney will see this as a cash cow opportunity and will tell her she’s entitled to everything! With that length of marriage, you’re looking at lifetime alimony, loosing half your 401k or pension, home etc. You’re screwed because she will feel that she’s a victim to it all and now deserves everything. Her attorney is going to drive you insane with his artful ways of discovery. The woman you marry is never the same woman you divorce. 34 yrs of marriage only t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 09:37 AM
3

You must not have an attorney. If you did, your attorney would tell you not to utter the word bankruptcy while in the middle of a divorce. Opposing counsel will use that to their advantage. Do not speak of bankruptcy until after your divorce. Read any MSA terms before you sign and watch out for things that can limit you if you were to file for divorce. By that I mean, dismissing all debts under chapter 7 could violate the terms of your agreement because they can come back and argue that you had …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:43 AM
1

You can try and see if she’s Will to enter into some negotiations with you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 07:07 AM
5

I went through this exact same thing. To keep things short, I did not agree to the mortgage assumption she had to refinance. However, I never did see what the terms of her refinance were and she could’ve very well gone behind my back through her attorney and got the assumption done back door, but the account was paid off with my mortgage company.You do not have to sign it over my ex did take me to court to get me to sign, but the judge did not agree to it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 12:15 AM
2

I thought of that too. I think after a certain amount of interview failures and rejection, the courts would see a pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 10:49 AM
3

She has to show that she’s applying for jobs and getting rejected.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 06:13 PM
6

Common tactic, but that’s not how it works. If you can prove potential for working and income. I.e education, previous work history and job durations. Also, say she does get a job after the divorce is finalized, you can go back and modify support. Getting a job is a valid reason. If she is purposely not looking for a job due to divorce and asset reviews and allocation, again, you can prove that via income potential. However, the market is really crap right now so she might not be doing it on pur…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 05:38 PM
1

Here I thought someone was caught smashing and cheating at a Chick-Fil-A Grrr… kind of bummed the title didn’t pan out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 01:36 AM
4

No. You cannot. The court will rule in her favor, and that is called a default judgment that will be the worst case scenario for you. You cannot move away.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:11 PM
5

American Family court. Here is the best part. You will pay her so that she can pay her legal bills. However, her lawyer will strategically drag out the divorce proceedings, discoveries, issue subpoenas etc. this is all dependent on how much equity is in your marital home. What you’re stating happened to me. I paid her monthly, she used the money to pay her legal fees then filed after the divorce for legal fees and won and I had to pay her legal bill. Her attorney had strategically set it up that…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 04:38 AM
2

Spot on brother! That was beautifully said. If he were to lawyer up, all that’s going to happen here is the start of a paper trail. However, the judge has full authority and I am 1billion percent sure that he will rule in favor of the mother and unborn child. It’s family law and this will be about the mother and the baby. OP needs to settle in for the pregnancy and bite his tongue. There is no need to try and get a divorce going with a pregnant woman. This will be stressful on her and just make …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 12:51 AM
1

Her lawyer will argue income potential and what your potential is to earn a living. Even though she is the bread winner, she is pregnant and as a result, her income potential may be diminished based on pregnancy, carrying the baby, needs etc. as such, you could be ordered to pickup the slack and provide a bigger payout to her based on your income potential. Again, you can file, but know that your lawyer will only serve you to complete the required paperwork. You’re not going to get a lawyer that…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 04:11 AM
4

Nope. Hard disagree. If OP leaves now, no lawyer is gonna want to take on his case. Think about it. A pregnant woman and he’s defending the dude that wants to bail and take half. Judge will not agree to anything for this dude. Sorry, but yes you can get divorced, but you might have to wait until after the baby is born. It’s not going to go your way in court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:39 PM
14

This is 1billion percent accurate. I have experienced all of this. My divorce was exactly how you described here. If you’re a bread winner, you will be left with all the marital debt. One item that I believe is a good one to mention here and for those soon to be in the system, is to watch out for the following: If you have a home with significant equity, the lawyers know that they can push the paper game with either side to its full extent. The equity in a home pretty much guarantees the firm a …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 04:15 AM
7

Amen! This is exactly what happened to me. 200% accurate. Ended up with a shitty divorce package. Basically all debts and lost everything.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 10:51 AM
2

If the accounts were created pre-marriage, but you actively deposited and withdrew money from it, then her lawyer will make the case that it should be treated as a marital asset due to yours and hers usage of the account. She can’t hide things. Discovery will require that she discloses. She will also have to show W2 and you’ll be entitled to a yearly copy. If you find she’s hiding money, then that’s an automatic contempt. God help her because the fines alone will be bad.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 03:30 PM
4

I’m confused, maybe it’s me, but… sounds like you were planning a trip with your daughter who is over the age of 18 (Adult) at the same time as your ex. With your daughter being over the age of 18, I don’t believe any provisions in your parenting plan regarding vacations are still applicable. Sounds like a trip was planned to France by your ex right around the same time as you were planning yours with your daughter. If so, why could either one of you ask your daughter about her preferences and w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 02:09 PM
10

Agree 200%. I will however say that no matter how beautiful she is, I will never allow myself to get married. You can be in love one day, spend 10, 15, 20yrs working hard and building only to get half taken away from you by her once she realizes that she wants more out of life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 08:20 AM
4

The best advise I can give you is this. If you know this is the right thing to do, then follow through with it. However, be prepared for the legal warfare. Once she lawyers up, her attorney will review all assets and from their design his billing scheme. Basically, you will be shaken down for all things.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:05 AM
1

Awesome success story. Now remember, don’t go off and getting married again. I live with my lady now, but told her I will never marry. I am happy with her, but the home I own now, was before her and I would not be ok with having to split anything I’ve already built. Especially with half my income already being paid into alimony and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 04:55 PM
16

OP- Can you give me more details please? How much do you make annually? How much does she make? Number of kids, years of marriage and state. What is your homes estimated value? The reason I’m asking is because this has all the paintings of legal warfare. You’re being pushed to make a deal via attorney scare tactics. I’d like to see the proposed MSA. You can black out the names. I was a victim of legal warfare and lost a lot. It was a payday for my ex. I want to help others.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 11:13 AM
1

You can, but you also need context. Also, law is all about interpretation. Chat GPT may say one thing, but the local court might rule in a totally opposite direction.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 08:13 AM
3

That’s my situation right now. I pay my ex, but she’s not in any relationship. Shes strategically keeping herself under a certain income. Once the alimony matures, she will then seek out that promotion. Right now the alimony gives her $900 from my pocket per month tax free.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 02:20 AM
6

Can you post the section for alimony here? Dont post your names, just the paragraph so that I can review it. I’m not a lawyer, but a PRO-SE who has beat my ex wife’s lawyer twice in court.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:34 AM
1

I agree with your comment, but the MSA can have its own rules. Literally, it could have “If wife drives by a McDonald’s, said maintenance shall terminate”. State law can say one thing, but the MSA can have some crazy agreeable items.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:33 AM
7

If she is co-habitating with him, then you may be able to contest it under statutory guidelines. What are the terms of your MSA say about alimony? Typically cohabitation is a justifiable reason to file a motion to terminate alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:01 PM
1

Interesting. Given your increase in creditworthiness, how come your lawyer allowed the case to drag then? I don’t mean to profile you, but given your income and access to credit, I would think that you would have an attorney who could draft you up a step-by-step plan of what’s going to happen and when. Given the 4.5 yrs, this feels like it dragged on unnecessarily due to Legal warfare. They file a motion, your team responds and counter files. The attorneys are playing off each other, but doing s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:26 PM
4

It’s absolutely 100% cheaper if the both of you can work something out together and not involve an attorney. Technically, you might need one for the drafting of the MSA and filing, but if you both go the the attorney as one, then he can’t bait her to use him to go after you. I would be careful with your soon to be ex. Once she lawyers up, they will paint the town as hers. She will just see $$$$ and forget about who you are. Good luck. Most men on here don’t have this good fortune of a sound mind…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 11:16 AM
5

Here is what’s going to happen. Yes, you will be paying alimony. Her attorney is going to push for it. You will also be paying a percentage of her legal fees which are climbing. Now ready for the shocker? Student loans!! If she took out student loans while married to you, then yes, you will possibly have to pay her a percentage. It’s called marital debt. Lastly, keep any eye on her lawyer fees. They are made to rise so that you settle prior to it reaching out of control proportions. This is marr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 07:46 AM
1

Damn brother. I am sorry. The worst part is that when the legal fees are via court order, you have to pay them regardless of bankruptcy filing. Did you end up filing for bankruptcy for the $100K legal fees? That’s what attorneys are chasing. They drive you into legal debt via pitting you both against each other. Once that happens, legal fees start to climb. The goal is to bill as many hours as they can so that you ultimately have to file for bankruptcy due to surmounting legal debt. I’m glad AI …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 07:39 AM
2

You could have, but it was the lawyers. When her lawyer saw the house, bank accounts, your retirement etc, he knew there was money to be made. Also, dragging on litigation means he gets paid more. She puts it on a credit card. As you get closer to finalizing an MSA, the legal debt is brought in and you either have to split her legal fees or they are assigned to you because you’re the breadwinner. I’m sure this costs yall north of $50K. Even if none of her legal fees got assigned to you, her lawy…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:22 PM
4

This!!! 1,000%. Happened to me, but thankfully no arrests. She would call the police on any little fight she has lit me with. Be very careful. She could use this to her advantage by getting an order of protection against you. This will work against you in divorce court when it comes to your children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 11:42 AM
9

I lived all that too! I still have the videos and audio tapes. Damn.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 11:49 AM
6

Be careful with your current mindset and mood. Family law attorneys love people like you. They will tell you that a discovery is needed. Bank records for the last 5 yrs, assets everywhere need to be reviewed. What I see here is that you will fall into the retainer pit. Lawyer will do his initial discoveries, but quickly recognize that he’s not going to be the lawyer you finalize your divorce with. So should you lawyer up? Yes, but only after you know for sure that you’re going to file for divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:58 PM
2

I agree. I’d much rather pay the attorney than her. However, what gets me is the “Gamification of Family Law” as done by the attorneys. It’s absolutely horse shit and terrible that attorneys strategically drive folks into bankruptcy due to divorce and play on their heart strings all while lining their pockets. This is why I cannot wait for the rise of AI lawyers and the democratization of family law.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 10:09 PM
0

I mean, you kind of did pay it. $80K in attorney fees is nothing to laugh at. I got stuck with alimony and it was only $40K. Maybe it’s a win because you can always file bankruptcy and wash away the alimony. This is what the lawyers know and why your case dragged on. They make it a high costs divorce only to result in bankruptcy for one party just as long as it’s not court appointed attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:37 PM
9

I was tapping my ex for a while after the divorce, but she started getting fussy again and I was used to having my own place and peace and quiet. When I was married to her, I could never go out and enjoy the mountains. It was work, come home. I have since broke this off. It just doesn’t work long term. You’re too jaded from the divorce and are eager to be with someone else. I am happy with my new lady, but my ex gives me that eye all the time. I don’t think I would though. It’s left the system.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 09:17 PM
5

Amen brother! This is exactly what I did when I first got out. I was falling in love and rescuing these women. Over time I would just snap out of it like a flu that subsided. Take your time. I know that we love the new found attention, but don’t go off to the races with the first one you find. Have fun, enjoy yourself. Spend time alone and enjoy the quiet nights with cereal for dinner.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 11:50 PM
7

Agreed! While I wish him the best, marriage is not for divorced men. He now got an apartment and a kid with her. I am sure she is the best woman in his life, but wasn’t your ex at 1.5 yrs in as well? Sadly, this will definitely end in another divorce. Not sure OP’s age, but a second divorce in your 40’s/50’s is gonna be hard on your finances. Unfortunately it will be this divorce that will teach you that “The woman you marry, is never the same woman you divorce.”
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:44 PM
4

I don’t wanna be the bearer of bad news, but, the court will always mandate that child support and alimony come first before you pay for your car insurance or even car payment. I know that you need the vehicle in order to get to work so that you can make an income, but they will say that it’s the law. I just want you to know that. You might have to shop around for a different insurance or strategically default on your vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 12:10 AM
0

Isn’t your cousins brother technically your cousin? If so, can’t you just say my cousin?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 09:49 PM
0

Amen! Same here. I pay $900 a month in alimony alone.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 09:32 AM
2

Don’t do this. Filing for bankruptcy in the middle of a divorce only frees you up for more debt allocation from your soon to be ex wife via her attorney. Both attorneys are counting on you filing for bankruptcy. This is the period where all legal fees go onto your credit cards. Once you max out, are in debt and then want to file for bankruptcy, her attorney in the final MSA will make you pay her legal fees she had to endure. It’s really sickening how judges allow this. I really hope AI democrati…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 11:24 AM
1

Okay, I’ll admit, was in a hurry to pickup dinner when I read this. If you receive an inheritance from your father typically, she would not be subject to any of it, unless you deposit the money in your joint account. Then she can argue through the court that the money was intended to be shared by you. As it relates to anything that your father left you in a will or you inherited again, she’s not really entitled to it because it’s an inheritance. You’ll have to speak to an attorney on it, but I’m…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:43 AM
-7

$90K is not rich. Because both of you make about the same money, you might actually get away with not having to pay her alimony. If anything you’re a lucky bastard.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 12:50 AM
1

Thank you! I was browsing Twitter yesterday and saw that. Had to share it here. 🙏👏🙌
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 12:11 AM
18

Saw this on Twitter (X). Not directly related to divorce, but seems applicable. Hope it helps. What you have to remember about the past is that it literally DOESN’T exist. It exists ONLY in your mind, your memories. No more real than a daydream is. What you also have to remember is that your memories are most likely not as accurate as you think they are. They are colored by your emotions and how you were feeling and colored by your memory itself. Your mind exaggerates some things and totally for…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:02 AM
1

Talk to me about your assets what are we talking about here? Do you guys own a business? Do you have multiple homes? I need to understand where you were at in terms of valuation of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 08:36 PM
2

Woah!!!! I saw that, but my logical mind said that’s got to be a mistake. So how does one get to $700,000 in legal fees? What is happening here? Does the husband own a company? Is he a CEO? Are the homes and assets in the millions in terms of valuation? If so, then that explains why there is a $700,000 legal fee. The lawyers once they get a hold of your asset information and what it’s worth they know that at the end of the day they can file with the court a petition for legal fees, and the court…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 08:34 PM
11

READ ME This is nothing more than a legal tactic. Bill, bill, bill. Here is what is happening… You’re the higher income earner in the marriage. As such, they are trying to paint you as having the ability to be able to pay her legal fees. But what this really is is nothing but a money grab by her attorney. They are trying to drive up the marital debt. A lot of these cost will be on credit cards and ultimately what this is going to do is cause you to file for bankruptcy. If your court ordered to p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:34 PM
3

You can’t take her back on the ground of “I pay too much” the court won’t even look at it. You need to show a change in financial circumstances. Either her or you. Additionally, you will be asked to provide a financial affidavit. As part of that financial disclosure, they will see your taxes. If you have a side hustle and pay taxes, they will see that and she could technically ask for more because you’re working a 2nd job. It’s unfair I know, but it’s the attorneys. This is why I hope LLM’s (AI)…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 04:04 AM
10

Listen, she doesn’t work and you want your peace right? Well here is what it’s going to cost you… I don’t know the duration of your marriage, but easily expect to pay minimum 10yrs worth if married for a long time. In California it’s lifetime alimony. Secondly, if you have kids, you can expect to pay child support and at a minimum 60% on expenses because she’s not working possibly even more. I don’t know what your lifestyle is right now whether you guys own a home or have any assets. You can exp…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:50 PM
5

It is terrible. I come on here and I see my fellow brothers being taken advantage of like this where even though the marriage has broken down a lot of the times it’s us the men who have built the homes through hard work, created an abundance for the wife during the time of the divorce, woke up early in the morning to go earn that money while she just sat at home. There are a lot of examples of that. I was one of those guys that got up and went to work every day while my ex-wife sat at home and p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:12 PM
2

They’re going to drag this on. Discovery can occur every 3 months depending on your state. You can expect another round of seasonal discovery. Also, as it relates to her student loans, don’t allow them to suck you into taking that on. What’s happening here is she’s claiming them so that she can offset any debt that’s assigned to her. In order to claim student loans as marital debt, you would have to show that you were using the loans to pay for things such as living expenses, etc. The loans them…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:50 PM
6

OP’s goose is cooked. The lawyers are going to pit both of them against each other and here’s the best part. The lawyers talk between themselves and they will basically cover the entire grid of divorce bingo. filing notices asking for discovery sending multiple emails setting up meetings, dragging the divorce on. You can expect a lot of back-and-forth activity that is just going to drive the cost insanely through the roof. because he owns a business they’re probably gonna do a subpoena against t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 11:39 AM
6

The lawyers on both sides know that you have a business and so expect to pay a lot of money in attorney fees. Also, if your soon to be ex-wife is not working, you can expect all of her attorney fees. Typically what the lawyers will do is they see, what assets you have such as a house and if you are looking to sell the home as part of dividing the assets, they will bill crazy hours because they will get a cut of that money. So much so that it’s almost guaranteed that they will get their money bec…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:56 AM
4

She will be calling you for service on a random night. Just know that now she’s single that she’s free to date and chances are she’s going to meet somebody and they will get to that very quickly so when you get with her again, just know that somebody else might’ve already been there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:50 PM
3

While we recognize that you created all the assets in the marriage, because it’s a legal marriage, all assets are considered marital property. Regardless of who earned them. Shes entitled to 50%, but her lawyer will argue for higher. This is to push the coming litigation against you to its full extent. After which, they will ask for legal fees and you will be responsible for paying her legal fees if she does not work.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:42 PM
1

I think sometimes I get downloaded by attorneys that lurk on here. They don’t want to offer legal advice. Nothing I’m doing that either because I am not an attorney, but I too am a victim of the family law court system and as a result I’ve had to educate myself on the Waze of how, this system exploits men. To be fair I know that you are coming up on the 20 year anniversary and even if you file before that date, I really do think that they’re just going around it up anyway so you’ll still get tha…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:43 PM
1

So let’s say that you lose your job and you were making $80,000 a year. You now find a new job that only pays you $40,000 a year. You will immediately file with the court to adjust the income because you cannot pay her the previously ordered support on the new income of $40,000. This is black-and-white and the court will usually adjust it right away. It’s simple math. However, what she will do is challenge you for what’s called income potential so this is where things can get tricky and like I s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 01:50 PM
1

I’m a little lost. So did you end up having to leave her the house under your name? Did you end up doing a deal with the bank where she takes over the mortgage payments and you basically transferred the mortgage into her name and she kept the interest rate at whatever you had it at?it’s not real clear to me in your last response what exactly you got. I’m trying to understand if the reason your alimony is so high is because you gave up the home or you stayed in the home. I also want to add, her c…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 01:13 PM
1

Correct! However, you cannot quit. You have to be fired, let go, reduction in force etc. you file an emergency motion to modify support. Court looks at your new income and adjust from there. Keep in mind she will challenge for any savings you have. So if you have a savings of $7,000. Then you may be ordered to surrender a certain portion of that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 01:11 PM
4

Wow! How did you end up paying so much in alimony? This is exactly what I tell a lot of the guys here. Even if you have one child, they will find a way to raise the alimony. Notice how your child support is less than your alimony. Did you not have a lawyer? Jesus that is insane. I would love to get my hands on your marital settlement agreement. I would like to see what that looks like. I’m willing to bet that your attorney basically, handed you over to her attorney and allowed him to do whatever…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 11:21 AM
1

😂😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 01:10 AM
1

I agree with you. I only know the laws in my state. However, that lifetime alimony sounds terrible. I cannot imagine being at retirement age, and still having to pay her out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 11:29 PM
1

YES!!! That’s also very important. The more you make, and then you head into divorce with that high income, that’s more money you are going to have to pay her and then have to work at that same level of endurance throughout alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 11:27 PM
2

I respect your comments to OP, but that’s not reality. His wife is currently not employed and/or barely making ends meet. She will lawyer up. The entry bar for lawyering up is very low. The lawyer will see they have assets ( a home) and he will ask for a low retainer, get her to sign and then start litigation. With them having a home, this signals to the lawyer that he will get paid for his services. I’m not saying that the lawyer is going to liberty start billing her but he will run through the…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 10:40 PM
10

All women with kids who are exiting a marriage say the same thing. it's literally a script. The court will not allow that to happen. She would have to provide evidence beyond doubt of child abuse, neglect, harm, endangerment etc... Those are just words. You have 2 kids with her and now the clock is ticking. The longer you stay married, the more alimony she is entitled to. I am not saying go get a divorce, but if you know that the marriage with her has an expiration date, you may want to consider…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 10:22 PM
0

Per your post, you will be married 20yrs in approx. 20 days give or take. In NJ, you stated that after 20yrs its lifetime alimony for her. Unfortunately, that is what's going to happen here. Say you took drastic measures, you would need to at a minimum file with the court and have the date of filing be before your 20yr anniversary. However, her lawyer is going to contest that once in court. I don't think you have a way out here. My sincere advise is that you stay married and just do you. If you …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 10:11 PM
2

Agreed. Mine was hard on my boy at first, and now we do all kinds of outdoor stuff together with no soccer mom police.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 12:34 PM
17

Let me simplify this for you. You’re still married? If yes, she’s entitled to 50% of the marital home. Regardless of what your temporary agreement states. It’s NOT an MSA. You will need to negotiate the terms of the home in your MSA. The home is jointly owned until you finalize an MSA. Done. That’s it. Now go talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 03:45 AM
2

I’m with you. And I’m sorry. 😞 I too got rammed pretty hard. I am paying 7yrs alimony and child support. I don’t care about the child support it’s the alimony that kills me. I walked away from the house for my kids. If I challenged her, my kids would have ended up in a different school district or even south Jordan by her parents house. It sucks but all you can do is possibly challenge it after doing your own independent research. I say this because going through an attorney could cost you $5-$7…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 10:14 PM
2

Also even if he’s on the lease or utility bills, again, he can say he’s renting a room. Nothing the court can do here because there are no legal grounds that they can cite that would apply to non-marital person who is “renting a room” and being tried under the grounds of marital laws for your city/state. In simpler terms, if they are not married, they cannot try him in Family Court for marital matters.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 09:47 PM
1

Thanks OP. Appreciate you circling back. Sorry to hear about the attorney, but it’s just how it is. They deal with this all day everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 09:43 PM
3

I was shocked. But I guess they didn’t want to hear the legal version of the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 09:01 AM
1

I don’t see how an attorney could bring this to the court. It has to have merit. In this case, the “live-in-boyfriend” is just that, a friend who sleeps over occasionally. He has no legal obligation to contribute to her financially, nor could she claim his income as joint because they are not married. Sorry, but there is nothing here to challenge other than if he’s a threat to your children.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:18 PM
-1

I disagree! She would have to remarry. He could simply say that he’s sleeping there, but nothing else. Also, your attorney should know this, but the judge probably wont entertain this until she remarries. I say you have nothing here. She has to remarry for the alimony to be challenged. He is under no legal obligation to contribute, as such, it’s not a guaranteed income for her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 08:40 PM
3

You’re walking away with your future still in tact. If I were you, I’d hold my head up high and focus on your future. Whatever you do, don’t go running into another marriage while you may have escaped this one you may not escape the next one. Be careful out there dating because the void that this creates for you can create a filter to which you will not be able to see your actions when pursuing females. This can lead you down to some scenarios where you find yourself quickly, living and signing …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:12 PM
2

Bruh, it’s a Marital Settlement Agreement that you signed, not a petition. A petition is used for petitioning the court for say, something you failed to do as ordered by the court. I hope you took your time to read that document because it is a binding document and it will affect you for the rest of your life. I don’t know what state you are in, but you should really sit down with that document and read it over and over for the next week because you get 30 days to bring it back to the court to c…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:58 AM
1

Wow! That captures alot of what I went through with my ex. Crazy how the code for these women is the same.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:55 PM
6

Beautifully said. 👏👏👏
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:53 PM
1

If the incomes are the same or if shes slightly higher, then you have a chance of escaping alimony. However, I will say that she may go the 2 weekends a month visitation for you. This then maximizes the contributions she will receive from you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:02 PM
1

This is text book behavior from her. The issue I see here is that her lawyer will “advise” her on what her rights are and it’s through that advising, that her lawyer will put the both of you against each other. A lot of people don’t wanna believe it when I say this, but the lawyers number one job is to create billing hours. I’m not saying that the lawyer is just gonna sit there and try to drag this out for as long as he can but what he will do is set the stage for you guys to argue and through t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 07:37 PM
2

With regards to the false allegations, if she’s filing motions for that, can’t you counter with a Motion to strike and dismiss? In your motion, you can call out the false allegations. This has serious repercussions if she is found guilty of knowingly bring false allegations to the court. Not only that, but her attorney (assuming she has one) has a duty to ensure he does not bring meritless issues before the court. I’m sure you could call him out on any professional code of conduct rules. Sounds …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:48 PM
0

OP - Honestly, you can file a Motion to Amend Parenting Agreement at anytime. You can state your reasons in the Motion. Any judge who sees a willing parent who wants to ensure a bond with their child will more than likely award it up to the 50% mark. This would be fair to both of you. However, keep in mind that she will counter and say that it’s disruptive to the child’s schedule etc. Ask away. I am happy to answer any questions. I am not a lawyer, but probably one of the best PROSE’s out there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:21 PM
7

A lot of these comments have hit the nail on the head, but here are my 2 cents. Dont get married. THE WOMAN YOU MARRY IS NOT THE SAME WOMAN YOU DIVORCE. THE WOMAN YOU DIVORCE WILL GO SCORCH EARTH ON YOU THROUGH HER LAWYER. YOUR INCOME WILL BE TAKEN FROM YOU IN THE FORM OF ALIMONY, LEGAL FEES, MARITAL DEBT ETC. THIS IS OUTSIDE CHILD SUPPORT! Prenup will not help you. If you marry and have kids, her lawyer will just make you pay more towards child support by way of inflating your available gross/n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:42 PM
1

The best advice that I can give you is to watch your lawyer and hers. You’re being dragged down a route where the lawyers buckle and dime you. Once you dry up, then it will head to the final proceedings. It’s all a game.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 11:54 AM
4

OP - I am in a similar boat to a T. Here is what I am doing and you should too. 1 - Learn the basics of filing in your local county. Learn how to represent yourself in court if you cannot afford an attorney. If you can afford an attorney, it’s going to cost you at least $5K to get an answer from the judge. 2 - You can file what’s called a “Motion to vacate marital settlement agreement” Very Important! - in your filing, you will need to show how the MSA has either fraud, duress, coercion, or unco…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 01:10 AM
2

Did he have a prenup? Lawyers still gonna argue that her lifestyle would need to be maintained. Hes gonna pay. Judges can do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 01:37 AM
10

For now. Depending on where he is located, a judge has the final say. If she gets a good lawyer, which she will… the story will be spun that he did this in order to avoid having to share the marital property. His intent is whats going to get him. Judge can rule however they want. Just have to convince them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 11:13 PM
7

You’re in what i call, “A state of Mind.” Before you proposed to your ex, you did not feel the way you do now. All those years of ups and downs with an eventual divorce, led you here. To the state. I was there too. Well, your feelings are not your feelings. I was like you. Did not want to date, valued my time, ate cereal for dinner etc. Then i met a fucking unicorn! This woman is basically everything i would put into an AI. Will i marry? No! Its too costly and the little i have left is for my ki…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:07 PM
6

That’s a tough situation to be in. He really needs to play out the long game here in his head and calculate his best strategy and move. As I tell a lot of these guys if you get married, just remember that you need to be comfortable with paying alimony at some point. You may be happy now, but you will be very angry in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 01:57 PM
25

Your reply is spot on. 🙌🙏👏. However, OP is so far down the rabbit hole, that he will not be able to rationally think clearly and listen to all of our warnings. I say this because i was in OP’s shoes once. We already had kids, but thats what kept me hanging in there. She was bat shit crazy. What I have come to learn is that no matter the warnings we give, people still need to fail on their own. I love that we help each other out here, but it just kills me to know that if this man has a kid with t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 01:27 PM
2

Oh wow I did not know that. Still pretty scary to know that a lot of guys basically get taken for with these ridiculous alimony laws.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 01:33 AM
1

Usually you can fight that in court. Because alimony technically is for rehabilitation and therefore because of her actions, it just really seems like she’s refusing to work. Technically you could challenge that if you were pro se, going through a lawyer will just be lengthy and will cost you a couple thousand
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 01:26 AM
6

Damn brother! I am in a similar places you, but I don’t have lifetime alimony. You must be in California wow that would hurt. Especially if you are in your 30s or 40s that’s a very long time to pay someone $700 a month for the rest of their lives. I am telling you this I am coaching my boys on the dangers of getting married. Live with a woman if you want but do not sign those papers. You can have kids because you know what at the end of the day you’re supporting your kids so it’s OK to pay child…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 12:14 PM
1

Be careful my friend. By the way you’re asking this question, lawyers are going to prob you for how much money they can shake out of you, and then build a take-down defense story that never plays out the way its sold. Familiarize yourself with the divorce process in your state. Get familiar with what you think is going to apply to your case in terms of assets, money, visitation, and any other things that only you would know. Be careful with the attorneys make sure you do a good due diligence, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 07:18 PM
2

Amen brother! That response was phenomenal. 🙏🙌👏 The issue i see here is that the attorneys will play the couple against each other. I get the state and all the other stuff, but its the attorneys that agitate the situation the most. The number one think i have been preaching here is, learn your local laws. If you can go PRO-SE do it, but only if you feel confident. Your attorney will get worn down hearing about your story. It’s unique to you, but its the same shit over and over to him/her. Simila…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 01:16 AM
9

Op, just file your taxes and do your standard deductions. I will tell you this though her lawyer is playing games with you and I think your lawyer is in on it. Here is the reason why because if your attorney is reaching out to them and they are ignoring you you technically are conducting a due diligence assessment and by them failing to respond you can file that motion to compel. However, that is probably what your attorney wants because that’s more money and secondly her attorney also knows tha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 08:31 PM
1

Lmao! 😂😂😂. Get on Bumble. The soccer moms are literally throwing themselves at you. Start lifting and get in shape. You wont need that. Make sure you get snipped.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:22 AM
3

Amen brother! I know this all too well. My ex would call me at work and bitch at me if i bought a $2 oatmeal. Ive been divorced 3yrs, but damn it feels good buying shit and not having to ask for permission. Im now thinking about a PSVR 2 headset for my PS5. Non of that was possible under the old dictatorship. Yet her $300 hair cuts were okay. Small wins man, small wins. Enjoy your peace brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 11:26 PM
1

She won’t get that. However, just be careful that they don’t try to stick you with her legal fees. Here’s how that will play out. The lawyer will send for information from you in the discovery if you even take your time or send the wrong documents he will play it out as if you did not comply and then they’ll come after you saying that you purposely delayed the whole thing. it’s all the game she can’t get more than 50% max with the children you can fight for them if you want them with regards to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:39 PM
5

Yes! The parenting plan should include a schedule. This will be the days of your parenting time the start and end, and also pick up and drop off locations and how that will be split. But the plan should also include an address other things such as education schooling Medical expenses, such as school, registration fees, medical fees, tuition sports, etc. You also have things in there such as vacation. This will be the amount of time that you are allotted say for example two weeks that would begin…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:42 AM
2

Do not sign that MSA! What are the proposed terms?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:32 AM
6

Yes! I dont have the full details, but your lawyer has basically abandoned your case. What did he send over? Can you share?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:31 AM
1

Can you tell us some additional details please? For example, who is the breadwinner between you and your wife? What is the wage gap between the two of you? You have one child together. How about marital properties? I’m just trying to get a feel for your situation so that I can make a recommendation for you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 02:46 AM
2

I firmly believe that opposing counsel (her lawyer), has a strategy, and that is to threaten trial. What they will do is tell you that trial is going to be very expensive and that is a way to get you to buckle and settle. I fell for it don’t you fall for it because it will cost you more in the long run. all I will say is that don’t show all your cards to your attorney you can trust your attorney, but only about 75% use the other 25 for speculation because that will keep you away from making irra…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 07:18 PM
1

Be careful here, that $20,000 will be spun right back at the prove up right before your divorce where her attorney will argue that you delayed the divorce and therefore legal fees should be factored in. Do you think you hate this now you just wait. Start learning to go pro se and don’t trust everything. Your attorney tells you. For all, you know, they may secretly be working together behind your back. I say this because it happened to me. My attorney could smell that I was willing to settle, and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 07:09 PM
2

OMG! Guys! Wake the f*!k up!! This is nothing but a money grab attempt by pitting you guys against each other. OP, from here on out, know this as truth… Your wife will not listen to anything you say no matter how rational and right you may be. Stand your ground at the house. Dont touch her. If you touch her then yea, police will be involved. I know she is making it up, but if you leave the house, her lawyer will argue that you left the residence and automatically award her with temporary rights …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 03:21 PM
7

Bruh! I love that! 😂😂👏🙌 The girl im dating already has started telling me that shes wants to talk about moving in, in the fall. Im like nope. Here’s the other issue I see. A lot of these women want us guys to be the provider. If you are a career professional guard yourself against women who are just out there, working a random job and act like they are actually contributing to something. I dated a girl who was very pretty and smart, but when it came to her chosen career, it was nothing that was …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 12:43 PM
1

Bruh, stop with the lawyers and go PROSE. She wont provide the W2? Here is what you do… 1 Check your MSA for any details about providing or exchanging W2’s at the beginning of the year. If none… #2 send her an email (write it with the thought that the judge will be reading this too). Send her a total of 3 messages, but give her a timeline. Say, 14 days to produce W2. 3 After she ignores all your emails, file a motion to modify support. In your document, write it as that you have reason to believ…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 12:32 PM
18

That was my ex wife. Same shit! I would come home from work with books that were handed out as part of team building, my ex would always say… “Must be nice to have free time to read”. Literally in the most Karen tone way. I dont think i can live with a woman again. I enjoy my peace and freedom. Dont get me wrong, I have a GF and she stays over, but moving in is NOT in the cards.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 09:43 PM
5

This is nothing but a money grab attempt. If there was any sexual assault committed, why did she wait x many years to come forward? Whats really happening here and might not be apparent to everyone is, this is nothing more than a smear campaign aimed at attempting to get hush money from Tiger so that his personal image is not tainted again with negative press. Negative press against Tiger (everyone knows shes lying) can still hurt him via his sponsors and business ventures. A payout of say $500K…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 05:38 PM
1

Are you overseas? Can you transfer to be closer?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 09:12 PM
1

Whats stopping you from going PROSE and filing a motion to modify parenting time? Plea the above in your motion and show the judge that you’re an outstanding father. You might need to do mediation (waste of money), but you will get that extra time with your kids. Dont let the legal process scare you. Learn how to file your documents and go after that angry bitter ex.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 08:59 PM
5

Wow! We are in a similar scenario. I am in-flight with my ex to contest some financial wrongdoings. Im post divorce, but taking her to court. Ive got my court dates already assigned. Im sorry about the children. My ex does this to me on my off weeks. Ive already drafted my motion to modify parenting agreement. It’s regarding communications with the kids, so im hopeful no need for mediation. Mediation is bullshit and will just take your money. I met a really nice gal. Very calm, independent, smar…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 04:08 PM
6

Bruh! This was beautiful! I came here to respond to OP’s post, but then saw your comment. Guys! Pass this on to your sons. I know i am already preaching this to my son. @OP - It gets better. You have to let her go. Just know that you’ll find another and fall for her too and will need to fend off the same feelings. While hour ex may have been pressuring you for marriage, the real silent killer is being in a relationship, everything is going good and then you yourself are the one that tries to pul…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 03:20 PM
10

Op! Ive been down this road. My advise here is (a) dont let her attorney scare you. Its a tactic. (b) be weary of your attorney. If he smells that you’re willing to settle for less, he will take it and screw you. If it ends up at the judge, its 50/50 no matter what. The judge can award what he wants, but you can counter back by filing a motion to re-consider. Judges are fair. Its the attorneys who are not. Dont let them scare you about trial and costs. When you get a draft copy of the MSA, make …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 06:11 AM
1

No she cannot. However, if the inheritance is deposited into the shared account you have with her, than her lawyer will argue that the intent was to share, therefore she would be entitled to 50%. Get a separate account. Have the money go there. She cannot touch it, nor can her lawyer argue it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 04:20 PM
9

Nothing but gold in this thread. Honestly, the life advice that has been handed out is just shy of biblical. Seriously, dont ever get married. Just live together, but know your state laws for cohabitation. Keep your residence at your parents house or better yet, split the rent and make it look like roommates. In the end, getting married will get you into legal debt, loss of income, loss of retirement, loss of property etc. if you’re a high income earner, you will be paying her for the maximum ti…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:01 AM
2

It sounds like she’s willing to work with you. And if so, that’s a great situation and I’ll come for you. I think it’s just making sure that when you get to that final MSA it’s split evenly between the two of you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:04 PM
3

Mine majored in public law, but is NOT an attorney. Honestly, its all about forming your arguments and backing them up with evidence. Lawyer fees will eat you alive!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:57 PM
5

You’re spot on, but it does not have to be that way. You need to learn to be PRO-SE. Once you learn how to file your motions, petitions etc, your ex cannot mess with you like that anymore. Even if she lawyers up, you go head-to-head with her attorney. Learn how to use Chat GPT to review your writing and ask it to review the following and re-write in a legal context. Or ask it to review her legal responses and ask it to write a defense for the respondent (you). Once you learn to skill up, speak t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 12:43 PM
1

Got it… Here are a few things to look out for. Opposing counsel (Her lawyer) might be using the threat of trial as a means to get you to cave on the MSA. Do you have an MSA yet? Any drafts sent out between the two lawyers? In my experience, i fell for the trial trick. They threatened me with a trail and how its going to be very costly etc. Judge wont want to hear it and will just sell everything. These are games the lawyers will play. Also, while your lawyer may have your best interest, he still…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 04:25 PM
2

Two issues here. 1) You have an attorney. Just by the way that he has responded to you stating that he wants to do everything at once is lazy. You wont get this money back. 2) If you’re done with divorce proceedings, just go Pro-Se. saved me thousands! File a motion to modify support. Thats what its called in Illinois courts. You can only do this if you no longer have an attorney. Since he is the attorney on file, you cant file it until he withdraws from your case. I think your attorney does not…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 12:53 PM
18

I understand and feel your pain and frustration, but there are others on here who have lost it all and gained nothing but debt. I lost it all and got a big $50K credit card debt bill, alimony and child support. Yet my ex makes six figures as well. You’re lucky my friend. I am not trying to dismiss your pain. But if you read some of the other posts, it may actually ease your pain.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 03:00 AM
3

Congratulations! I would not worry about her threats. That’s all they are. It will be up to the judge to decide and as long as you are showing that you care about your kids and you want to spend time with them, believe me, no judge is going to overturn that she would have to show that the kids are in danger and or you’re not being a responsible parent. You’re as good as gold buddy. Congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 10:33 PM
3

Hang on! There are no penalties in QDRO’s. Once she gets the money, then yes, if she withdraws from her account sure, but no penalty for you giving half.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 02:29 AM
1

Congratulations! If you dont mind me asking, how long was your alimony sentence? Did you challenge throughout the life of the payments for lower payments? Did you ex just live off the payments and the court not really care to adjust?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 01:05 AM
2

Yes, correction “men”. That was a typo on my part. 🙌🙏
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:48 PM
3

You just described my current situation. I pay $600 a month in alimony. High income earners like men are burned at the steak.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:06 PM
2

Blew your mind? Just wait until alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 07:47 PM
0

Got it… and just for the record, you did not site your source. As such, my comment of “Has to be made aware” is still just as valid. I recognize you dont want to identify your state. I respect that, but please, if you’re going to engage, lets do so in the name of adding value and educational awareness to the men of this subreddit. The divorce system is one-sided and we need to support each other.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 05:22 PM
0

I can’t argue this because I don’t know what state you live in and nor do I have access to look this up without knowing the aforementioned. However, in a court of law, you are still going to deal with the other sides argument of pre-meditation. With you recording without her consent, even if allowed by your state, you are knowingly, creating scenarios to which she is going to react and you are going to hold back. Again, if your ex starts throwing things breaking things and coming at you, chances…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 05:10 PM
1

I am not familiar with all the rules, but read my comment regarding favorable conditions for evidence. Her attorney will argue this. Let me ask you this, say you and your ex fight all the time. If you knew you were being recorded as part of evidence gathering, would you behave and/or react in the same manner? I’ll answer that for you… NO! So in the end, if recording is allowed by your state rules, it may not apply here the way that OP thinks. Ill wait for your response.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 05:02 PM
2

Hang on… This may actually not work in the way you think it will. If your soon to ex, is behaving erratically and at times escalating arguments to violence, then yes! this can help you prove your defense granted you take no action physically. Read that twice! Physically!! Next, recording her without her permission may not be allowed. She has to be made aware she is being recorded. Her attorney will argue that you recorded her with the pretense of escalation. You pre meditated the situation and l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 04:50 PM
3

Lose the divorce? Please explain. Women dont loose in Womens court. Amuse me. Its Monday. 🥴
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 05:50 PM
1

Immediately I want to say no and by that Yellit at the top of my lungs from a cliff. Depending on where you are and what town there may be some, but the reality is this. Most of these family law, lawyers graduate, with the intent of making a difference, however, the day-to-day of this field, naturally erodes their tolerance, and with time the cases that they work, they immediately start to judge you on subtle and minor things. It is if they already seen it all and know how it’s going to play out…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 07:29 PM
3

So here is the deal that i got handed down to me by the layers. Both her and mine, NOT THE JUDGE. They took my gross of what i made in the previous year. Like you, my bonus varies and i may or may not make say, $30K in bonus. They made it as it was my entire salary. Be very careful here and stand your ground with her attorney regardless of how threatening he comes across. I am paying her bonus money up front without receiving the bonus. I plan to challenge Jan 1, 2023. But you get the idea. Her …
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 02:49 PM
2

Yes and no. I make $175K my ex makes $85K and i still pay alot of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 04:28 AM
10

Agreed! And dont forget alimony. 17yrs in you’ll be paying for a while, but if stay another 2yrs it could be a lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 09:00 PM
5

You don’t necessarily need a lawyer. Hiring one can be a slippery slope. The lawyer will require a retainer. Im guessing $2,500 minimum. Then of course drafting and filing documents. All of which you can do for free. 1) identify your court house. Go on their website or call, see if they have a legal self help department. Most do. 2) Learn how to file your own motions and petitions. Familiarize yourself with the language and paperwork gymnastics. 3) File a motion to modify parenting agreement. As…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 05:55 PM
2

READ ME OP - Alot of the responses here are spot on. I just want to point out, be very careful with the attorneys. Both sides. Sounds like the drama between you and the ex will be used against both of you by the lawyers. They will put you against each other. Your attorney will bait you with short responses that just create more questions on your part. Educate yourself on how to manage your attorney, and not so much responding to the wife’s demands. This will only get costly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 03:07 PM
2

Yes! Yes! Yes! Listen to this man! 🙌💪👏 Lawyers will bait you with 1-liners, cause feuds with legal letters and gas light anywhere they can. Be very careful with your lawyer. I am pretty sure youll get a shitty one, they all are, but just know how far you’re willing to go with them. Its costly! Very costly. This is all a game. Start reading up on your states marriage and dissolution act. Be familiar and educate yourself. Lastly, family court hates fathers. You will lose even if you had video evid…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 02:11 PM
1

Stay married. Courts will make you pay legal fees, alimony for like 72 months, child support etc. You can kiss your retirement goodbye. The court will have no sympathy for you. Lawyers will go full legal theatrics and promise you a solid win, but fail miserably. Her attorney will order the biggest dissipation of assets check he/shes ever done. All of these fees will be yours to pay. Be very careful and choose wisely my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 12:01 AM
2

Or, if you make bonuses, know that you’ll have to pay bonus money bi-weekly without ever receiving your bonus.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 04:58 AM
8

So its getting lowered soon, but thats what Ive been paying. She recently got a job, but at the time of the order was not working. I swear, the system incentivizes the lower earner to sit on their ass.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 01:20 PM
12

$5,200.00 a month. Trust me, my story is coming.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:46 AM
2

Her cheating won’t help you in divorce court.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:17 AM
3

The app is great, but the more you communicate your earnest intentions (email), the better. She needs to realize that some times you just have to take a loss.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 12:39 PM
3

This is the best advice you’re going to get. No I am not a lawyer. Find out the total cost of the bill. Assuming its a deductible. Lets just say its $800.00. Well its going to cost more money in attorney fees to litigate this issue. A respectable attorney would not even take this on solely on that fact alone. However, if she filed a motion in the courts on her own then you would have to follow response to that motion. At that point the only thing that would be at stake is your time. Your best be…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 05:58 AM
19

Amen! Came here to say the same thing. Stop thinking about “My wife resents me for having a high paying job.” Once your wife lawyers up, you’re going to resent having a high paying job. Depending on the state, you wont even have half your income.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 01:17 AM
1

Duuuuude! You dodged a bullet. Wow! Alimony is no joke for high income earners. Trust me, my story is coming. Ive got alot of good nuggets. Just need the MSA to finalize because it basically lays out the financials. I too am in the midwest.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 07:49 PM
1

Wow! Are you me? Shit man, that read like my life. As far as looking for something meaningful, try hiking. I head out to Colorado, Utah and Idaho to get away. Great way to get perspective and see the bigger picture. Push yourself on some of these hikes and find adventure. I have this one spot I visit every year. Its my time machine zone. What I mean by that is, I know exactly what I was thinking the year before, feelings, emotions, what’s important etc. best part, is playing it out instantly and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 07:18 PM
1

Start working out if you haven’t already. Now that you’re divorced, you have your “Me time”. The first thing I recommend is that you learn about time. Learn about the passage of time and what it means to you and how it will affect you with time. I’m not talking about looks, but rather where you are putting your time and how will that pay off in the long run. You can go on all the dating sites and chase all the women you want, but at the end of the day is that giving you utility to be able to pro…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 05:01 PM
3

Thank you OP! Will do.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 07:37 PM
1

Lol “make a good reason”. Bro, men are cleaned in divorce court. Its happening to me. My story is incoming once the MSA is signed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 03:47 PM
5

Illinois here. You got my support. I am going through the final steps of my MSA. I plan to post my story here when done. Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:13 AM
1

Great post OP! 🙌👏
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 10:08 AM
1

That was freakin brilliant! 🙌🙌
/r/RedPillWomen25/12/21 11:44 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter