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DocHolliday80 Archive

View 0 posts and 188 comments by DocHolliday80 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

We were not in a good place before COVID, but we managed to get along fine, despite weekly fights. When lockdown began, going out to walk the dogs was allowed, so we started going for walks with our dogs, and it seemed to get better, we walked holding hands, until one day she told me for the first time she wanted a divorce during one of said walks, out of the blue.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:40 PM
7

Policewomen are close competitors
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 09:35 PM
3

She belongs to the streets now, you have to let her go
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:27 AM
8

This. Don’t believe a word.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 09:31 PM
1

I bought a Roborock S7 Max Ultra, with the base that empties the dust container and changes the water. I am happy with it, but there are newer models.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:29 PM
18

Started gym and eating healthy. Gym is your best ally, it cannot be said enough times. It has been really life saving for me. Almost the only good thing that has come out of this. Giving up drinking (I didn’t drink much before, but now I don’t drink alcohol excepting in social events). Setting some rituals with self care and grooming. Feel that if others don’t, at least you care for you. Buying new clothes. Changing decorations at home. Buying a quality vacuum and floor washing robot to help me …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:16 PM
7

Uncertainty, financially and socially. Will I have to work even more to get back in the financial safety I had? Will I be alone forever? Loneliness, which is growing each day even now, 7 months after divorce was final. Having three dogs and a cat and a healthy amount of friends doesn’t help. Feeling that I don’t have a purpose in life and that everything I did in the last 15 years (job, career and city choices, buying a home…) has been wrong. Regrets about lost chances. Not finding joy in the ho…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:06 PM
3

Man, I understand how unfair this is, but you are very likely to divorce in the end, and if you delay it for long, it will be dead by a thousand cuts.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 09:46 AM
3

Man, most of us are getting no chances, if you get lucky, for fuck’s sake, please enjoy the ride.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 08:31 PM
1

I spent them at my parents’ home, felt depressed af, watching my brothers happily married with kids, but I guess it would have been worse to be by myself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 09:34 PM
1

We all have great expectations and requirements, but with a few exceptions, second or third marriages usually involve people with baggage (ex-hot-no-job-women, single moms, substance abuse, mental illness…). We all have some baggage. Maybe we get lucky, and find a unicornish lady, and manage to establish a healthy relationship with her;but I feel it is more likely that we may feel lonely after years of holding the fort by ourselves, and then one of these women that doesn’t check all (or none) th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 02:01 PM
2

Well, my parents have been married for about 45 years. They are always together and have always been. They met in childhood, since they were neighbors. They both went to college together, and they worked in the same field in different places in the same city. They retired at the same age and keep being together. I never saw or heard them fighting or yelling. My brother is happily married, has two kids. My other brother also is married, no problem. Then it comes me. Hell of a marriage and divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 09:24 AM
3

My sock day didn’t feel happy, pretty much numbness and disappointment, something that started with so much joy and excitement was finished with some signatures and money exchanged. It was the beginning of a downward spiral which I am still in, and from which I am trying to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 11:11 PM
4

My ex shared an office with a woman who is the ex of a friend of mine, and who rants about him all the time. Things started going really down hill when she started working with this woman. On the bright side, this friend of mine is who makes an effort to take me out for drinks when I get in hermit mode.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 10:43 PM
3

THIS
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:12 PM
3

AMEN
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 12:37 AM
15

Quote from “The rational male”: “Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.” Rollo Tomassi
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 11:37 PM
2

Welcome man, have a seat and grab a drink
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 06:08 PM
3

These divorce milestones (splitting, filing, returning things, finalizing divorce,…) are somehow supposed to be felt as goals you meet and when you get to accomplish them, you expect to feel good,… in my experience not all of them feel good. I was shot down when my divorce was final this year in January, I was more depressed than during separation and ongoing proceedings. No “happy sock day” bullshit people say, no “just divorced party” with friends, it felt like a disappointment that something …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 11:38 AM
7

Man, I have one big disc herniation and two protrusions because I also did lots of amateur masonry and garden and yard work at home for years to please my ex, so she could have the nice home she wanted even if we couldn’t afford it. Not worth it if you would ask me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:21 PM
1

I have dated a woman a couple of times and it didn’t work out for any one of us two. She was nice and all, but she had some issues who reminded me of my ex, so I wasn’t comfortable with her. She kept noting all my “flaws” (I dress too fine for her, I work too much for her, I like dogs and she liked cats, I like cars, I eat too healthy for her, I work out too much for her, I am too calm, I am too rational…). We both called it quits, no hard feelings. I have talked to several other women, and all …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 04:49 PM
1

Peace is the first thing I got when she fucking left. I may have been lonely, but lack of peace has never been an issue since she left.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:54 PM
2

I have been separated for 17 months now and divorced for 8. I didn’t feel lonely in the beginning, I was relieved of all the fights, yells,… I had peace and valued it a lot. Loneliness hit hard about 1 year post-separation, stopped doing hobbies, went a little hermitish,… I tried to date, to no success and a lot of emotional toll. I started therapy in May, and after 3 months, it works! I no longer feel lonely, I am OK by myself. I have had a couple of dates, and have realized that it takes a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:52 PM
4

My X also wanted a mom SUV, not a Merc. I bought a cheap KIA SUV for going hunting and she “fell in love” with the goddamn car, so she wouldn’t allow me to drive it off-road lest I got it dirty or blemished. I had to use my daily drive.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:27 PM
15

Wow, my X said the same bullshit to me!!! They must have all the same firmware
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 06:04 PM
14

Spanish here, same bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 07:23 PM
5

I get what you are saying, my ex said the same to me, she was focusing in her “career”, threatened with divorce several times spread apart during several years, before the final one. During said years, she showed no attraction signs towards me, dead bedroom. I think she hasn’t had affairs but I am pretty sure she would have if she had had the chance. She is not hot and has quite a few excess pounds on her. Your case seems very similar to mine, and she may not be actively pursuing an affair, but,…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 10:14 AM
6

Take the chance now that you are in good terms and no kids or property involved, and get a divorce. You are 33, I wish I had done that when I was younger. You have been with her 1/3 of your life, but you will live a lot of years, it can account for 1/8 of your life in the end. If she has not an affair, she is looking for one. At least, you don’t attract her any longer. True desire cannot be negotiated. If she comes back, it will be a matter of time that she leaves you again, maybe this second ti…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 09:27 AM
1

Wow man, it seems they work with some kind of algorithm, at least some of them (let’s give the benefit of the doubt).
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 09:12 PM
1

We all have ups and downs, you are no exception, just be kind and give yourself time to recover. I do not miss my wife for a second most days, but today something strange happened and had me thinking about her for some minutes. I have not told everyone about the divorce and today a not very close friend/acquaintance of mine showed up at home (former family home) with a present because he was grateful for some favors I did to him. When I opened the bag with the present, there were some vegetables…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 02:37 PM
1

Paying her several thousands Euro more because there was more money in the common account (which only came from my two jobs) and a larger portion of mortgage had been paid (also from said “common” account). If I had divorced earlier, the amount would have been much less. Sorry, not English native, maybe I used a wrong word.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:02 AM
32

Less marriages maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 11:11 PM
2

This is the same that happened to me. I wasn’t sure to get a divorce and she became more and more abusive and in the end it was her who dumped me. I could have spared several years of shitty life and several thousands in equity if I had divorced earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 11:09 PM
6

I feel for you man. I have one full time job and other half time, paid almost all the expenses at home, did half of housework (focusing more on yards, repairs, car maintenance… but also home chores) and she still told me that she was doing everything, that I was lazy,… I was like come on! I spend more than 60 hours a week working to pay for all the shit we have, vacations,… help at home as much as I can, and you aren’t fucking happy yet, what do I have to do? Quit sleeping? She told me my jobs w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:49 PM
13

I feel this. My wife was a 6 in a good day, but I was attracted to her, until she started having rage tantrums more and more often.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:32 PM
6

That’s OK, but do not overwrite the saved games with your own
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:09 PM
3

If asked, do not lie. To close friends, tell the truth as bitter as it is. If they are friends, they will support you. You may say to people not so close to you that you do not want to talk about it. That will leave them guessing and, in the end, when they get to know the truth (people love gossip) you will be seen as an elegant man who chose to be discrete and not pour his shit onto not so close people just to speak ill of his ex. Eventually, everybody will know the truth, maybe they already kn…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:05 PM
17

Don’t play another man’s saved games
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 09:51 PM
5

That was the feeling I was getting. We also had a lot of pics and videos, I put them in a hidden album in my phone, didn’t delete them for the moment. Be kind to yourself, especially next week, it will be a mix of peace and relief and weird feelings (regrets, loneliness…) Just be assured you are doing the right thing and in the end you will be glad you did it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:40 AM
6

Sorry this is happening to you. Having to play happy family sucks. Anyway, don’t rub salt in your wounds looking at old memories, photos… and such. Just get it over with, give yourself time to recover and try to live a good life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:04 AM
6

Wow, you took the high road and even gave her a sensible reply to her question.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 10:36 PM
3

Fuck, I am a doctor and spend long hours at work, 90% of women I meet are nurses or other healthcare workers, if I manage to have a new partner somehow she will be likely a nurse, so I will be fucked up again!!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 10:44 PM
1

Man, your story is very similar to mine, ex with lots of issues but divorce kept civil. Take things easy, one step at a time, don’t put yourself long term goals (like having kids), just short and medium terms goals (maybe going out with friends, meeting people, spending time with hobbies, making your house a home for you, getting in shape…). Go no contact with her, don’t talk about feelings with her, you will not get anything good from that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 10:38 PM
4

I was physically fine, but it was one of the worst moments of my life, a guy in a bicycle literally rammed my car, he got badly wounded, and I had to help him, call ambulance, police… everyone who drove by me stopped to yell at me that I should drive more carefully as if I was the culprit of everything, and it was like “man, he rammed onto my car, give me a break”. The only ones who supported me were the policemen, who measured distances, trajectories and such and told me it was clear it was not…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 10:08 PM
11

After 13 years also in my case, maybe not so harsh, but I had something similar happen to me. I had a car accident, I called my ex just to tell her, looking for some support. She rejected the call several times until phone battery died, I finally reached home and when after several hours she arrived and I told her, she just asked me if the car was badly damaged, she didn’t even ask about me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 05:05 PM
2

I told my parents one night I went to see them for another reason. My mother started crying and my father told me it was OK and that he had seen it coming, so it was no surprise for him. They told the rest of the family. Some of them texted or called me to give me support. It was no big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 11:05 PM
3

Last year I did, also 7 months after separation. Just something polite/distant.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:17 AM
3

Loneliness, not missing my wife or marriage, which was a nightmare, just the feeling of having someone with you who cared for you and to care for her. First year was almost better than marriage, because fighting and shouting ended. But the feeling of peace and freedom become new normal and I got used to it, and loneliness took its place as main state of mind. I think it will also get old and I will be over it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 11:04 PM
1

Man, I am happy for you. Enjoy the ride. Sadness will fade with time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 10:46 PM
3

What worked for me in the beginning of separation and divorce process: Gym. Getting exhausted will help to lower your anxiety. You will get fit, and everyone likes to see himself fit, so it will be a very welcome boost to your self esteem. As a bonus, the discipline to workout everyday will also help you with self esteem. No contact or as low contact as possible if there are kids or pets involved. Treat her as if she was dead. The woman you married no longer exists, it is another woman who left …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 10:41 PM
1

I totally agree. Even if I will be alone for the rest of my life, I would never go back to that hell of a marriage I had.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:39 AM
1

18 months after breakup and 7 after divorce was final. In my case, I valued a lot the freedom and peace that I got when she left, no more being shouted at, scolded, … I spent more time with my hobbies, started working out,… It was fine for the first year. Afterwards, I got used to freedom and peace, and now I feel lonely and depressed most of the time. I feel you when you say you have no game, I am the same, dating has been awful and scarce, I don’t think I will find a girlfriend anytime soon. I…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 11:14 PM
1

In my ex’s family there have been several cases of divorces and separations and comebacks afterwards (her parents, two uncles and one cousin; her cousin even had a kid with other man during that separation). It seems like a pattern of behavior for them. Whenever she sees me she is always telling me that I am so fit now and in a so nice shape… I don’t know if she would want to follow the same pattern of her family, and come back with me. I feel very lonely in the last months, but I don’t forget a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 04:01 PM
4

Loneliness
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 12:37 AM
3

And from your other posts, if she offers help, compassion or support for your mental issues, politely decline. Treat it as if you were hungry and your enemy was handing you poisoned food, look for help elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:48 PM
3

Read “The rational male” by Rollo Tomassi, at least the blog.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:40 PM
2

She is shit-testing you. Don’t fall in the tests and grey-rock her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:28 PM
7

After the one and a half year of loneliness that I have had, if it won’t mess things up for you in the divorce process or in your head, enjoy the ride, you never know when will be your next chance.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:20 PM
1

No f-ing way
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:13 PM
3

Loneliness (after the peace feeling when she left waned). Trying to date again to worst results than being alone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 11:02 AM
2

Wtf did I just read?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 12:56 AM
2

Don’t forget also forbidding going out together, on dates or travel, which was the release valve for many stressed marriages or relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 12:39 AM
2

Man, I am reading the history of my life. No kids, buying property together, dogs, cat, cars,… no physical intimacy, she putting on 40 lbs and I another 40…, fighting every day. I endured 13 years in this toxic relationship, only to be dumped at 42 years old… I lost all my thirties in a dead end relationship. Don’t be me, if it doesn’t work don’t waste your life, because it will end no matter what you do. Make a plan and get out of that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:57 PM
12

That guy was orbiting her, and was his Plan B in case she decided to ditch you. She already knew his intentions perfectly. Just, don’t be her plan B now in case things go south with this guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 08:56 AM
2

My ex (divorce was final in January) has told her parents we are just separated (at least in May she hadn’t told them). She has just told her sister. I have no kids, so not my circus, not my monkeys.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 07:56 PM
3

This. Absolutely. I also thought I was ready and what I have got trying to date is the worst state of mind I have been in my life. I have paused all my OLD profiles and will get back to nurse myself to numbness. And the reason is not my missing my fucking ex wife, that I don’t miss for a second and I find pretty repulsive. Therapy isn’t helping, my therapist rushed me into finding another partner and this is what I got.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:33 PM
1

We both did wrong things to each other. I think we rushed to move in together, buy a home, marry,… ignoring all our mutual red flags. We were not compatible and in the end it exploded. We loved each other so much in the first years, as much as we fought everyday in the last ones. It stings, but I think in the end divorce was the best end possible for our marriage. Luckily we didn’t hurry having kids. At 43 yo, I have missed my chance to be a father, but it is better this way.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:42 PM
5

This is so unfair, brother. You will have to wait it out today and keep it cool for the kids. Don’t give her any ammo to use against you in court. Make plans for GTFO of there so you make sure it doesn’t happen with you at home (because it will happen again).
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:37 AM
2

Just take it easy and stay strong brother. Don’t let this bring you down.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:31 AM
6

It doesn’t sound any good. In case she is not already sleeping with the other guy, this is definitely an approach to it, and she will do soon. You have to make a plan to get out of there ASAP and have as little contact with her as kids allow. File for divorce ASAP also. Get a therapist, I wish I had done it sooner, this is going to be rough for you, homie. Join a gym if you hadn’t done before. As for today, don’t do anything crazy, specially if you have the kids with you. If you are alone and ha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:16 AM
2

Sounds more negation or negotiation stage to me. Acceptance is the last stage, and usually comes after depression stage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:23 PM
1

Wow, I didn’t know what were those damn butterfly tattoos were about. I am not into tattoos, but I read that an 8 pointed star on your knees means that you will not kneel again to no one. This would be more suitable.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:16 PM
1

I am planning on doing this in September. Drive my new car solo to Normandy, to see the remains of D Day (history freak here, specially ww2), 1400 Km each way. Stay there for 9 days. Drive around, see sights and museums. Be alone with myself, get to terms with my mind, getting to do things she would never allow me to do…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:03 PM
3

I get what you are saying and pretty much feel the same. Now my parents are alive and I have a brother who lives in my same town, whom I only see in Christmas and other family celebrations. I had to change my job this year, so no more hanging out with coworkers (which anyway are younger than me, so I don’t expect to get really friends with them). I lost most of my real friends because of focusing on my marriage and they on theirs. I wonder what will happen when I am old and my parents are no lon…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 10:47 PM
14

Gym, it cannot be told enough times, it is the only thing that keeps me sane.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 09:18 AM
1

I feel the same, and what is worst, I have been separated for 14 months and effectively divorced for 6, and now it is worse. We were together for 13 years, and did the same thing you did (travel, home, job, she got a degree, I got a PhD…) At the beginning of the separation I was relieved because I had peace, after years of arguing almost daily, but now I feel lonely and I am losing most of my hobbies. I am a little better in the last month, since I have started therapy. I have begun to make plan…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:32 PM
7

Gym is what purges my mind of the bullshit these two last years have thrown at me. I come back home feeling euphoric after work out. Back pain has got better and I am in an athletic shape, better that when I was 18.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:34 AM
11

This one can also be worded as “I want to liiiiiive” with many “i’s” (in Spanish “quiero viviiiiiiiirrrr”; source: my ex).
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:13 PM
2

Same
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 02:42 PM
3

This doesn’t work for me, when the dopamine high fades I feel like shit. As for dating apps, I have 4 of them, no success, they have become another time waster like Reddit and YouTube, just a mean to spend idle (or not so idle) time. I have had several conversations with women, but no dates and several scamming attempts. I focus on work, gym, and try not to lose hobbies. I have also started going to therapy. I have accepted that I will be lonely and depressed some days (my therapist disagrees wi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 11:40 AM
1

Already have a truck and three dogs, now waiting for a convertible to be delivered. It feels like I was a boy waiting for Santa Claus again
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:52 PM
2

Don’t do it brother, don’t let that bitch win
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 05:38 AM
3

That’s a good piece of advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 04:21 PM
2

Same, and also waste of money in OLD sites fees and therapist for the emotional toll.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:13 PM
1

Almost never wore it, I work with nitrile gloves almost all the time and it was a hindrance, so I just wore it on special days and events. It should be sitting somewhere at home, I don’t know where and couldn’t care less
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 12:37 AM
3

I understand you man, I also felt blue after the divorce was final. Something that started with so much happiness ended with just some signatures on some papers. I also had several other issues, work related and woman related, that contributed to my being low. It is beginning to fade away, time is doing his job and I feel numb about it now. “This too shall pass” as said by Tom Hanks
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 09:34 AM
5

Man, I feel for you. My first and only date after divorce was a mess, she disappeared after it and I got no answer to my texts so I felt like shit and my head was messed up for two weeks. In retrospect, I recall that during said date she told me about the horror story of her life, including hallucinations, suicide attempts and drug use, and the bad relationship she had with her brother because she made up with all his friends. Man she was a dumpster fire and I was not realizing. Monk mode on now…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:59 PM
2

She did, I just obeyed, just as I had done to all her shit during our marriage. I am glad it ended.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:02 AM
1

Congrats man! My 9th anniversary would have been July 19th. I have just bought myself a convertible car as a non anniversary present.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:53 PM
5

Hard no for me. It would mess my head up
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:30 PM
0

Gym, no contact, therapy if needed
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:29 PM
4

I told only close family and friends that I was divorcing, at the start of the process. I instructed my family to communicate about it with no so close family if they were asked about. If I am asked about, I don’t deny it. If someone I don’t care about and see once a year asks the usual “polite” gossip questions (“how are you doing?, do yo have kids?, how is your wife”) I tell them my wife is fine (last time I checked she was, so not lying). About emotions, I can speak about them to some close f…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 08:55 PM
9

Gym and no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 07:51 PM
1

First, get a lawyer so he sorts legal stuff. For anxiety management at the beginning of my divorce process I worked out till exhaustion (and I keep doing it). Getting fit will also help with self esteem. I started writing a journal where I noted all the worries (financial, loneliness,…) and drafted strategies to overcome them (like prioritizing some expenses over others, and making plans to do things I liked and lists of things I would like to have). This served the purpose to let my brain have …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 07:48 PM
2

I slept meh after she asked for separation April 2022, like 6 hours, but it was enough-ish for me, since I have never slept a lot. This year, after divorce was final and after I was forced to change my job to for another one in a nearby town that has a 50 min commute, I am sleeping like shit, like 3-4 hours. I reach Friday night feeling like a zombie, and on Saturday and Sunday I sleep till 11:00 in the morning. I think of myself as a camel sleeper. I have to take sleeping pills some days, not g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:42 PM
2

Same for me. Difficult as fuck. I am learning a lot of the new dating jargon now, since I have been breadcrumbed and ghosted. Also had a date with a girl that I met organically and had been texting like for a month and out of the blue she told me in that date that she had just started a Tinder account and that I should do the same. Kind of messed up my fucking head. Made the damned account, not one single like. I have begun to see a therapist, and almost given up dating, and I am getting a BMW Z…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:17 PM
0

Same
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:05 AM
1

One year before she told me she wanted to separate, I had COVID pneumonia and had to expend a week in a hospital. When I was discharged, we were instructed to sleep in separate rooms for two weeks. After those two weeks she told me she felt we should continue sleeping apart, I thought it was fear of COVID, and finally we slept together again after several days, but now I get it was that she had already checked out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 10:48 AM
3

I can relate so much to this. Post divorce blues sucks. I have made an appointment with a therapist next week, for the first time in my life
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 10:37 AM
17

Social media are fucking the entire world up
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 06:58 PM
1

This. IPSC is great
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 11:15 PM
1

Thank you brother
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:51 AM
2

I should write down the feelings thing 100 times, last week I dated a girl I had been texting for a while, and she ghosted me afterwards, and now my fucking head is messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:22 PM
5

Or playing another man saved games
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:06 PM
1

You are not at step 1, you are having one of those low periods we all have now and then, which are more frequent when you begin the separation and divorce process, and afterwards are shorter and farther between but still exist. This one has been triggered by your realization that bringing your family back together is not possible and that she was lying to you. Some low periods, like this one, have triggers, others may not be so obvious. It will pass faster than the ones you likely experienced at…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 10:40 PM
7

You should leave the room (not the house!) when things like these happen. He may be even showing you his domination over her. Or, if you want to get petty, record it and call the cops because this is definitely some kind of abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 12:25 AM
1

Because my wife told me so
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:26 PM
2

Thank you man
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:00 AM
6

In my case, it was her who started the divorce. We were not happy together but I never wanted to divorce. In retrospect, I should have started the process years before, but she has been my only girlfriend and wife and I couldn’t imagine my life without her and feared loneliness. During our marriage, there was a lot of fighting, yelling… mostly from her, I am a very calm guy and seldom raise my voice. Maybe that lack of opposition is what made her escalate the intensity of her bad temper. After s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 10:25 AM
3

Congrats man!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 11:03 PM
1

I think this is the way
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 07:43 PM
1

Similar to my case, we had the convo on our anniversary, which was a week after Valentines (when I gave a her a present and received nothing).
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 01:05 PM
1

Pee into it discretely when she is not looking and let her keep it. Just kidding. Let her keep it, show that your are doing her a favor to earn some bargaining token for other thing you may want, and buy a new one for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:42 PM
4

Think what would be best for your interests. Don’t think with your gut, keep a cold head. Revenge is served cold. Maybe if you make her angry she may make things harder for you in court or it may trigger a violent reaction from the AP or her. Maybe even it is worse for your ex if her AP stays in his marriage and dumps her. On the other hand, if you knew the AP or his wife beforehand, it may be better to inform her, the same way you would tell them about other problems that would concern her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:35 PM
5

She would to the same or worse to you if she had the chance, don’t think it is something personal against her, just the way it is thought to work and you are just looking for your best interest.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:24 PM
3

I am also having a bad time this year. Divorce was final in January, I thought it would be a relief, it wasn’t, I think I just feel it as the confirmation of a failure and the beginning of a period of loneliness that I don’t know how long will last, maybe forever given that I am introvert with almost male only hobbies and bad social skills. In addition, I had a nice work in the city I live (10 minutes by car from my home) until January, when I was transferred to a nearby city (60 min by car each…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 10:42 PM
2

Well done my man
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 07:32 PM
5

My ex was like that. Thanks Heaven she doesn’t have cancer, but made all kind of excuses to act like that. Her father had diabetes and had one episode of angor pectoris like 20 years ago and acted like your STBXW, nothing could be said to him so his blood sugar didn’t go up. He came home uninvited, did all he wanted no permission asked, but I couldn’t say a thing lest his sugar didn’t go up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 04:34 PM
1

This is the story of the relationship with my ex wife, a dream the first 1-2 years, and a verbal abuse ridden nightmare the other 12. I was also relieved when she left me, if only it had happened sooner. Now I am not in a perfect place either, but it is better than what I was suffering during my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 11:44 PM
22

My ex wife started yelling at me like that everyday years before she asked for a divorce. I also tried to fix things and apologized to her about everything she accused me of doing or neglecting. It was useless, I started to avoid her and she finally asked for a divorce. I wish it had happened sooner and I could have been spared of years of verbal abuse. OP, if she is abusing you this way, don’t hesitate, the divorce will be for your best. It will hurt like hell, you will feel lonely, sad,… but t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 08:38 PM
4

Vacuum and floor washing robot
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 06:10 PM
2

Just think that if you remove yourself from the scene you will be doing that bitch a favor. I am sure she is disturbed because you went to see your kids. Hold on, stand your ground, keep your chin up, survive each day, you have to be alive to fight back when the time comes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 08:04 PM
11

That’s what my ex said, she threatened not to marry if I wanted a prenup. As always, I said “yes, honey” and no prenup it was. I wish I had the balls to call it quits back then.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 04:00 PM
1

Congratulations!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 08:00 AM
3

I thought the same, she initiated. Thinking back, I should have done it myself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:28 PM
5

Thank you man
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 04:58 AM
8

My ex changed suddenly three times during our relationship. First, at the three months mark, when she started a fight for a stupid reason, and from that moment she did that now and then (usually before her period, I thought it was just PMS). The rest of the time she was kind, caring and had a high sex drive, and I loved her so much that I just forgave her everything. Second, when we moved in together (one year in the relationship), fights were more frequent and intense, she stormed out of home f…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 10:36 PM
3

Forget about women, focus on yourself. Specially, forget about her. No contact if possible. Work out hard, eat healthy, get in shape. Spend time on your hobbies. Write a diary to vent the shit your mind will produce. Buy yourself some presents (new clothes, car, motorbike, tech, guns…) Work hard and make money to spend on yourself. If you are married, get a lawyer asap. And, probably, she had her new boyfriend before dumping you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:56 PM
2

No, I felt pretty indifferent about it. I didn’t tell anyone after a few days later. It felt more than a failure, or the end of a painful time of my life that didn’t lead to a better time as ir was expected.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 11:38 PM
6

Not being yelled at for petty shit everyday. Not having to ask for permission for everything, and to be scolded after doing something I had been allowed to do. Having a bath in MY house in MY bathtub for the first time in 12 years, I was not allowed before lest I stain it. Cleaning when I feel like to it, not walking on eggshells because there was a stain on the counter. Not being yelled because the dogs broke some stupid plastic plant she put at their reach in the backyard.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:00 AM
3

Man, your wife and mine must have attended the same wife school, always telling me that his dad knew better than me how to do all kind of things, even she made me let him drive my car because he drove better than me because he had been a taxi driver. I had to ride shotgun while he drove too fast and recklessly and I was fearing for my car or having some ticket in my name because of him.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 11:02 PM
7

I know that feeling, driving back home after work at 10 PM and taking a long detour in the highway just to listen to some music and have peace for a while
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 10:56 PM
2

Don’t feel guilty for that, you only live once. I almost died from COVID pneumonia 2 years ago. This and my recent divorce make me think that I only have the present to live and enjoy, you never know what will happen tomorrow. Once basic needs and debt are covered, use the as much of your money as you want to make your life better. Since my divorce I have bought a lot of things for me (fancy clothes, several guns, hunting and shooting equipment, tech, appliances…). I am planning to buy a convert…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 02:37 PM
6

Someone give this man a beer
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 10:33 PM
3

I think we all go through similar phases during our divorce process, not exactly the same, or in the same order or for the same long. I had moments like the ones you are experiencing at the beginning of my separation, and still have them now and then more than a year later. I found that it is better not to overthink how you are feeling, and work in a automaton-like survival mode, setting just short term small goals (working out, cooking meal, doing laundry,… whatever you need to get to the next …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 05:38 PM
20

Death by 1000 concessions is a wonderful way to describe my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 04:05 PM
4

This should be taught at school
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 03:38 PM
10

Man, that’s the story of my marriage. On season 2, I have felt that my ex wife may be regretful of leaving me because she is being nice to me again. I think she has realized all this shit she learnt from TV shows, influencers, and friends and acquaintances may be wrong. The other day she started complimenting me for being fit when I saw her because she came to see the dogs. It felt very wrong and also a source of problems, so I thanked her and left (almost fled).
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 11:51 PM
3

Congratulations man!! Buy yourself some anniversary gift!!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 11:29 PM
3

Hoping to do the same, but with a two seater convertible (Z4) when budget allows
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 11:28 PM
4

Yes. Her workmate, with whom she shares an office, is divorced from a workmate of mine (he is the person who acquainted me and my ex wife), and is always speaking about him, berating him and complaining. Also, her best friend got divorced because she was cheated on (he was abusive on her ex husband).
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 10:55 PM
14

Don’t play another man’s saved games
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 10:40 PM
2

Thank you for your words. I also love shooting. Last week end I completed the course for competing in IPSC mini-rifle, PCC, shotgun and rifle. Friends almost dragged me to take the course with them, it felt good doing things outside again with friends and with no questions asked. I used to go shooting a lot when I was married, now I think maybe I was unconsciously fleeing conflict with my then wife. Now I feel comfortable at home and I don’t feel the urge to do things outside. Anyway, I think I …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 10:15 PM
2

Thank you, friend
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:24 PM
6

My divorce was completed a month ago, and since then (a little bit before, since Christmas holidays) I am worse than before. Like I have no objective now. I don’t feel like doing anything, just work, gym, sleep and repeat. I am not feeling specially sad, just apathetic. I hope it will get slowly better again, this time for good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 12:45 AM
3

Nobody is going to shame you, divorce happens everyday. Your parents are going to support you, they wouldn’t want their son to be stuck in a marriage with an abusive wife. Just be glad you only wasted under two years and that you have no kids, so everything is going to be easier. I was in a similar situation a year ago, but I spent 13 years with my ex wife, 8 of them married. Divorce was easier than I thought, I am having my ups and downs (surprisingly, a lot of downs after divorce has been fina…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 12:04 AM
3

Same thing for me. Affection waned over several years, two years of dead bedroom, finally separation last year and divorce a month ago.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:44 PM
8

No way
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 07:29 PM
1

Save all evidence, do not delete anything, you never know when you will need it. Anyway, I don’t think your daughter will resent you, but her mother, who is the one who abandoned her. Focus on your daughter. In case the new guy and new marriage is real, it was likely planned well before your split, and so your wife and her family have played you, so don’t try to fix anything, she es behaving like an enemy, beware of her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 11:00 PM
1

Maybe it is a stupid suggestion, but, could you buy her out of the bar loan and hire a waiter to keep it running? I don’t know it your bar gets benefits, but if it could cover the loan and the wage of the waiter you could get rid of her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 06:59 PM
5

Once a cheater, always a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 02:25 PM
3

Because you will feel just contempt for her, hopping from one AP to another, hitting the wall in the end, maybe even crawling back to you (if she does don’t allow yourself to fall again for her, just act cool and dismiss her, don’t make scenes) while you have made yourself a way better man that you can wonder now
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:07 PM
3

Thinking about revenge will only hurt you more, as you are not getting it soon. Now it is time to crawl back to safety, lick your wounds and wait for them to heal. Then start making things that make you better or happy (gym, hobbies,…). Being happy and not giving a shit about her will be your best revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:58 PM
3

Thank you man!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 10:34 PM
4

Same for me, I was numb when she left me, now 9 months after that I am realizing she did me a favor
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 07:31 PM
2

You will have ups and downs in the next months. In my experience, first weeks I would feel numb, neutral, like I was watching a movie, with some downs when I realized it wasn’t a movie. Also, there were moments when I felt relief because I wasn’t being yelled at and no longer walking on eggshells. Good days became more usual, and I began chaining several of them, so I had long good periods of time, but there are always also bad days or weeks. I think the ups and downs are slower and longer lasti…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 12:20 AM
1

Wow, I wish I had known this video 4 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 12:05 AM
16

My ex wife began behaving like yours in 2021, and also was hanging with other women (several different women and groups of them) who I think influenced her decision of asking for a divorce. We finalized the divorce process last week. She was sharing an office at her work with the ex wife of the common friend that acquainted us, who used to vent about her ex husband on my wife, and how much happier she was after divorce; also several of her friends had divorced lately. I tried to fix things, to n…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 07:44 PM
5

I also have slipped back last month, after 9 months post separation. I think it is because of the damn holidays that made me feeling lonely (first holidays on my own). Feeling a bit better after the end of holidays and going back to routine.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:52 PM
1

Don’t waste any more time with this woman, even more if you are 40 yo (I am 43 and wasted a lot of years with an abusive wife, I know what I am talking about). Get a divorce. Don’t even think you can fix it, it will only get worse and some day you may end up arrested. And, be extra sure not to make her pregnant in case you have sex with her again, don’t rely on her taking measures to avoid it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:41 PM
2

Same thing was happening to me in the months before “the talk”. I got scolded at least daily over any nonsense. So I started walking on eggshells and asked for permission for everything, invariably she said OK to everything but after I had done the things she had just allowed, she started to yell at me for doing them. It kinda drove me crazy. After the separation people started gossiping about her having an affair (I haven’t wanted to confirm). It is said in my country that the one who wears hor…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:30 PM
2

Western society chose to commit suicide years ago. In my case, I have no kids, so it doesn’t bother me, since I won’t be here to see it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 11:27 PM
4

I have also answered the same post as you. My situation was the same a year ago. I was also in a kidless marriage. I also was raised as a catholic and no one had divorced in my family before. I am almost divorced now. My wife has abused me verbally as much as yours, but she hasn’t had an affair (or so I think) or beaten me. And even though, I think I should have divorced years ago. I have been married for 8 years and at least last 4 sucked. She started the divorce, if not I would still be loweri…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 12:13 PM
2

Friend, it could be me who wrote this one year ago. I have the advantage that I don’t have kids. My life was just like that almost during all my marriage. We were together since I was 29 to 42 years old, and married since 34. She had always had a bad temper, but I was so deeply in love with her that I tolerated it. The year before our wedding, she started to be abusive, I thought it was due to stress for setting up the wedding and I just didn’t engage in arguments and fights. But this kind of be…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 11:56 AM
1

With this suggestion she will learn that being abusive to her future partner will get him to do all the chores at home while she can be posting shit at Facebook. Ditto if he decides to endure the abuses and stays at home, the girl will learn that it is normal to be abusive to her SO.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 11:39 AM
6

This is sick, your STBXW is a crazy bitch
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 12:32 AM
1

I love to shoot at the range, it works wonders. And this year I have begun competing in IPSC. I also love hunting, sometimes with my buddies and some time alone with my dogs, this is even better.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 07:42 PM
1

I agree with you, I lost almost all my circle of friends during marriage due to spending time with my wife, and my friends doing the same with theirs. But this works both ways, when one wife of the group divorces, she will start telling the other wife’s in the group how great is to be divorced, and feeling young again,… and other couples will start divorcing cascade like
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 07:19 PM
1

That’s pretty much my story, with the difference we didn’t have kids because of her career. She never felt happy with anything, and last year she started screaming “I wanna liiiiive”now and then and that I wasn’t allowing it, and that only her parents treated her right and that her divorced friends were doing great. This year she asked for separation and divorce in March. On November we hadn’t filed yet and I almost had to force it. We have just signed, and are just waiting for confirmation from…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 07:06 PM
5

I was pressured into buying a house and into marriage. Things got worse in the relationship with my then wife each time. After the wedding she began to treat me as property and so did her family. Thing got a little better after 6 months or so, and then sloped down until the relationship died and divorce came a bit later. Never getting married again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 11:20 PM
4

Western civilization chose to suicide when divorce laws were passed, it is a matter of time, don’t blame men who don’t want to be rolled over by the system
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:59 PM
2

Higher risk of STD’s. Some of them are not preventable wearing condoms (eg HPV)
/r/TheRedPill15/12/22 05:05 PM
1

Well done!! Get a nice deal and get rid of that nuclear waste of an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:55 PM
3

Man, your ex is a piece of shit and deserves nothing good, but you are hurting yourself watching her and Mr. Wonderful. Just ignore them, keep yourself busy, think just your next steps each day. Workout hard, feeling exhausted will numb pain, and you will get fit. Feeling strong is wonderful, you will look at her and Mr. Wonderful above your shoulder with the contempt they deserve. Write a diary, you can put down your thoughts and worries, and review them later, and you will find relief when you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:26 PM
2

Karma doesn’t exist, but your ex is bound for some serious problems with her drinking habit, doing drugs and probable mental disorders. If you want to call it “karma”, it is ok. On the other hands, as other people has told you, work on yourself and forget her, your goal is indifference, not getting even. When so called “karma” finds her, and probably it will happen, you won’t give a rat ass about it. And you will be happier this way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 09:36 PM
1

Your inlaws charging you rent for living with them with your wife, who is their daughter, when you both are broke, ooohh man, this is sick
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 07:51 PM
4

It could be that (which is very likely, because several of her friends have divorced lately and also she shares an office at work with a divorced woman, and they have a very close relationship), but I am suspicious of the male divorced class mate which was our former neighbor. Maybe it is another person, but I am pretty sure she has an affair. As I said before, not my war anymore, it doesn’t hurt even a little bit, and better to keep quiet until divorce is final (all warfare is based on deceptio…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 01:22 AM
7

My case is similar to yours, but it was my STBXW who asked for divorce. I was blind and didn’t see the signals. My wife started taking English class in our local Language School, and there she met a couple of female friends, and also a former male neighbor of ours who had moved out because he had got divorced. I didn’t gave it any importance, and even was happy that she had her new two friends, because she is also a difficult person. She didn’t talk again about the divorced man, but started to h…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 05:29 PM
22

Gym and no contact. Work out until you feel you can’t anymore and then keep working out a little more. This will numb these intrusive thoughts. And as a plus, you will get fit. It worked for me, don’t know for you, everyone’s brain works in a different way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:39 PM
2

Same thing for me in January-February 2022, things went kaboom in March. Brace yourself, friend
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 12:57 PM
9

I think so. My wife asked for divorce after 2-4 friends and acquaintances of hers divorced and started talking between them about how mean their exhusbands were and such. Humans learn by imitation, and imagine that that small group of physical friends become a several hundreds member group of social media friends, maybe even famous people/influencers… The same can be said about some TV shows.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 10:33 PM
3

The story of my life, luckily I don’t have kids
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 09:57 PM
1

It was her who did it, I was still trying to fix it
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 09:54 PM
34

I have also noticed that two female friends noticed things in my STBXW behavior that I hadn’t seen and told me she was cheating on me, and months later they were proven to be true. Congratulations to the OP. If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 03:21 PM
2

It seems it was me who wrote this
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 02:40 PM
1

Separated in last week of February. First Wedding no-anniversary (July) was not bad, since we didn’t celebrate it much anyway, just presents exchanged and dining out. But I fear the anniversary of our first date (February 21st), which was the day we made a great celebration, with weekend travel to the town where we had our first date, sleeping in the same hotel as in our first date, several meals out, big presents, home crafted gifts we made for each other… It would be the anniversary of first d…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 11:22 PM
2

Best piece of advice ever. It should be engraved in a gold plaque
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 10:46 AM
3

This guy knows what he is saying. The PO describes a situation which is the same thing I lived 7 months ago. I have found this week that my STBXW has an affair with someone. What CrazySanta7 has described is exactly what happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 09:17 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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