My divorce just went final today. We were married for just under 2 years when she accused me of abuse and we separated. Everyone told me to end it then but I didn't. We started going to couples therapy and I think it helped a lot even though every session was basically just our therapist and my ex taking turns to talk about how terrible I am. My ex also has serious depression and PTSD, the extent to which I was unaware when we got married. She seriously pursued suicide 3 times during our marriage and one time I was on the phone to file a missing persons report because we couldn't find her. But I legitimately love her and I took my promises to her seriously so I wasn't going to leave because it was hard. But after 3 years of separation, I realized that we had grown separately into different people, and I was definitely not the kind of person the current version of her would choose to be with and I had some serious concerns about who she had become that I was willing to talk about and work through. But we realized that the best option to optimize each other's potential for future happiness was divorce. And 3 days before what technically would have been our 6th anniversary, our divorce was finalized.

We were able to keep the process very amicable. She's been out of work for years because of her depression and living off savings and disability with her aunt. I just got a new job with a good raise and have good earning potential in the future but she didn't ask for any alimony, division of retirement fund, nothing. I'm grateful she and I were able to keep it civil. That did include me keeping her on my health insurance, so I didn't pay nothing, but it's a far cry from what she probably would have sued me for.

But I'm still in pain. I genuinely love her and wish that we could have made it work. And she's told me she "still has love for me" which is perhaps more painful than saying nothing. She used to love me so much and it was a real struggle for me to accept that someone could love me like that. And now that's all gone. I've been seeing a personal therapist and working through feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and feeling unlovable. I've read some of the horror stories here and know there's quite a bit of anti-woman sentiment, but I do really want a family and kids someday. I just fear that between the crazy women out there and my own issues that may be a pipe dream. Since of this may just be coming from an emotional place, but that's where I am. Just wanted to share my story in case anyone else is going through something similar.