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DocumentOwn690 Archive

View 11 posts and 50 comments by DocumentOwn690 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

It’s hard when your “partner” doesn’t do any of the work on this group project we call life. Try couples therapy to air all this stuff out in a safe environment. If things don’t improve, it sounds like you may have some tough decisions ahead. I was in a very similar place of feeling like things were tremendously imbalanced. Once my ex-wife and I split last year, I was amazed at how much lighter I felt, only having to take care of one adult.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 06:49 PM
1

Thank you for sharing, friend. It certainly takes time to untangle past traumas and experiences from the human acts associated with them. I hope the pills help you and that with time as you’re able to make new, positive associations with sex that you won’t need them as often!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 09:09 PM
5

When she stopped wearing hers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 08:28 PM
3

A couple weeks ago I went for a hike with a few friends around the lake in our local state park. It was lovely. I barely had reception but rarely checked my phone. I’m still living off of the battery recharge of that day. We were out there for about 4 hours. Not sure exactly where you’re located, but if the weather is decent this weekend I highly recommend it. Just turn your phone on do not disturb or throw it in your backpack so it’s not in your hand, and get out in the fresh air for a few hour…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 01:54 PM
3

Yes, though I’m trying to stop. It’s been much easier, the better my mental state becomes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:04 PM
2

Proximity is definitely something that I hadn’t considered, but that makes a lot of sense! There’s someone I’ve been talking to the last few weeks. I feel drawn to her, I do think she’s pretty, but I really just love talking to her. I have a lot of anxiety around being with someone physically again, since I’ve only ever been with my ex, but I do think I would feel safe with her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:20 PM
1

Jesus. I’m so sorry man. That sounds like a very isolated path. I’ve found a couple friends and friend groups who are huggers, and it’s been a nice change. I’ve always been drawn to friendships with women more than men anyway (hell, maybe hugs etc have something to do with it), but I find myself going out of my way to go to those gatherings in part because I know there’s a good chance of hugs afterwards. People who just care and share love indiscriminately. If you’re interested, the community in…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:09 PM
3

Oh gawd. It’s one thing if they asked if you’re seeing anyone or are ready to get back out there, or even following up on a similar question asking whether or not you ever want to get married again would be acceptable, but to ask specifically about WHEN getting remarried is ridiculous, especially considering how tumultuous the process often is. Like, “I know you broke some bones skydiving, but hey there’s a 50/50 chance right? When are you gonna go again?” Stupid
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:42 PM
4

Since the divorce got finalized I’ve run a few 5k’s, played in an adult volleyball league with some new friends I made over the summer, and a friend taught me how to crochet last weekend so I’m giving that a shot
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:58 AM
4

I appreciate your thoughtful and balanced response! I’ve been separated since February and divorced since August. And no, I’m not devout in any way. I haven’t attended church in nearly 10 years and vehemently opposed to many of the teachings of the modern western church, especially when it comes to how they treat marginalized groups. But, that’s a different story. I’m definitely not planning on getting out there any time soon, I just frequently have the thought of “even if I did want to, I don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 03:30 PM
7

Goddamn, the timing of this post could not have been better. Literally just came here to be like “ex wife and I separated 9 months ago and divorce got finalized in August. I told myself I was going to be by myself for two years to get to know myself, but there’s a girl I think I like?” I’m definitely aware that I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship, as I’m insecure and frequently ruminate on the land parts of the marriage I stayed in for far too long. So, maybe the appropriate prescription i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 02:02 PM
2

No joke! Eat fruits and vegetables with every meal. Exercise for optimal function, mobility, and comfort(I operate under the premise of “if something hurts that isn’t injured, it’s not strong enough.”) the goal is to continue living well; it doesn’t matter that you can squat 500 or bench 300 if you have constant aches and pains. Don’t post selfies for a couple years 😂 Therapy and getting better mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 08:52 PM
2

That’s amazing man, I love that for you!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:32 PM
0

lol my thoughts exactly!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 09:08 PM
1

I really appreciate your kind response to both situations. We’re both in our early 30s and have adhd(I got diagnosed and medicated last year, she has not done either) so I definitely see a lot of parallels between what the way you describe your experiences and her spending/accumulating habits over the years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:51 AM
1

She just threw away or moved out all of her stuff today. I just keep on looking at the empty space in the room and breathe sighs of relief.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:05 AM
7

Have you ever see a couple and think one of them is a 2-3 and the other is 7-8, but it works and they’re attracted to each other? Being attracted to someone has very little to do with how physically attractive they are, but has everything to do with how you feel about the connection you have. If you are not attracted to her anymore, it’s much more likely a symptom of not having/wanting to have a connection with her anymore, than it is because “she’s not hot anymore.”
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 03:56 AM
8

There are no mistakes, only moments we learn. - Emery “Concussion” The most fascinating journey you’ll ever embark on is the one that leads you back to yourself. We are never going to be okay until we talk about what hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 04:12 AM
5

32m Separated since February after 14 years together. It was really rough for a while, often having thoughts of “Ope, that’s right I don’t have any friends. No one who cares that knows what’s going on. No one knows how I’m feeling.” I just felt completely isolated. I learned the term existential loneliness. So that was fun. I started going to whatever events I could find on Facebook in my town that sounded marginally interesting. I met someone(“H”) at one of them and we talked a ton for about a …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 04:01 AM
2

Awesome, I appreciate your input!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:47 PM
1

Timing: as soon as possible (just so we can each get on with our lives) Alimony: I used a calculator on my state website that suggested I’ll probably be paying some, but I’m just letting the court mandate it if need be. We each own a business, and have each artificially raised our salaries so we can afford our monthly expenses separately, but neither of our businesses can really afford that long term. I think we both plan to pay off debt(credit cards) with the refi money to lower our monthly exp…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:45 AM
1

The short answer is yes, in any relationship both partners should feel safe to express how they’re feeling in order to work through any issues that may arise. Conversely, each partner should hold space for the other to express themselves freely. The other side of this is that it’s all a delicate balancing act. Neither partner’s experience is objective fact. Each is one person’s subjective reality that is shared and integrated into the other’s understanding of their partner’s reality, but is not …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 03:27 PM
5

I’m recently separated. I feel like I’ve never been able to have an identity of my own, and part of that paradigm is thinking(and overthinking) about my actions in the past in the context of “which of these things that I did were things that I wanted to do, and which of these do I perceive as things that I was made/expected to do? Which of these things are actions or situations that I resent my ex for because I didn’t want to do or be in them?” With that said, it’s possible he’s just in a funk o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:31 AM
1

I understand where you’re coming from. But it had come to a point where no matter what I said, she was like “it’ll be okay, we can make it through!” I had to tell her the truth that I don’t love her, so that we can move on from here and we can both start to heal and figure out our next steps from a realistic perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:18 AM
0

After I condensing hours of conversation to a single sentence to give the relevant information to the then-current circumstance, I don’t feel the need to validate myself. I will answer your first question though, because I feel like it’s probably different than most, and I appreciate your curiosity. I was raised in a very mentally restrictive Christian home (very much ‘not my will but God’s be done,’ accentuated by parents who discouraged free thought in general, often instilling that it was mor…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:02 AM
1

This is my hope. Thank you for your kind words.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:53 PM
5

Everything with a grain of salt, my friend. I’m just doing my best to only give energy to those who give energy that’s productive for my life, and ignore the rest. It’s a hard situation, but the internet is always a mixed bag. I’m just glad to have received the support that I have.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:50 PM
2

No kids, but i appreciate you looking out
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:49 PM
2

Update: she got a 24 hour hold and will be released to stay at her parents’ house in town sometime today. Her friends have actually been amazing support for both of us. They have both voiced that while she is their priority, they love me and although they’re sad that our marriage is coming to an end, happiness and wholeness for both of us is all that they want. They have both reached out to me today to check on me and see if there’s anything that I need and make sure that I’m getting the support…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:17 PM
3

Thank you for this. Definitely my plan.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 07:42 PM
5

Listen. I understand where you’re coming from, and truthfully that would normally be my plan of action. But after lying to her for so long and finally telling her the truth, I’m not going to try to lie to cover it up. We can figure out our next steps from here. It won’t be easy, but we’ll figure it out together.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:47 AM
1

No shit. It was definitely an overreaction on my part.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:35 AM
6

You have no idea how much I appreciate hearing this. Thank you. She’s getting a psych evaluation in the morning, they’re holding her for 24-48 hours depending on the results.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:01 AM
4

No kids. Just two dogs
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 07:48 AM
2

Well said. What is an AP?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 12:38 PM
1

I was raised in the church and was very enmeshed, bring taught that the way to live life as a Christian was to surrender your will in favor of God’s. I didn’t start deconstructing this ideology and start to learn to think for myself and have my own thoughts and ideas until I was 23-24 years old and had been married for over 3 years. It should have been a red flag that I never had a concrete idea of why I loved my wife or wanted to marry her, aside from it’s what I felt I was supposed to do, part…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:14 PM
3

OP it sounds like she may be asexual, but either wasn’t aware of it(or not until much later) or was afraid to tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 02:46 PM
2

I’ve been in a similar headspace for several years now, and just started going to therapy this year to try to figure it all out(more accurately to build communication skills to start setting boundaries and stand up for myself, whatever that means in the moment). If you guys don’t fight because you’re compromising, you’re actually just saying that your needs are not important enough to fight for. https://youtube.com/shorts/BP6Vi26pJSw?si=W6AZfnNiKUY7rD7G - “If the good times are only good because…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:36 PM
2

I’m not divorced, but been unhappy in the relationship for years. I started seeing a therapist in the spring and she’s been wonderful. She’s helping me build confidence and work on healthy communication skills so that we can hopefully have an amicable separation/divorce(we’re not well off but both working to build our respective businesses in a shared/adjoining space, so this is a necessity, to at least coexist well throughout). In addition to what others have said about just finding someone you…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 01:53 PM
2

After I told my wife that I was unhappy and didn’t know if I wanted to be with her forever, she asked about marriage counseling. I told her that I didn’t think I’d be interested. Since then, we’ve both started going to therapy separately on a regular basis, and I think I would be comfortable doing marriage counseling with my therapist, but it would be more of a mediation. But my problem has been that after years of prioritizing my wife and her shutting me down when I share when my opinions diffe…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 12:31 PM
1

That thought did occur to me, but I appreciate your feedback. I would think there’s some sort of ___ advisor that would be well suited to guide me through the changes, but I don’t know what kind of service to look for.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:02 PM
1

Lol, we bought the house for $55k and I would guess it would sell for $65k, but we also qualified for a down payment assistance program when we bought it, we just have to give back that money when we sell, so that comes off the top. Small town in the Midwest, and let’s just say it was a starter home. ETA also I guess my math was off, closer to 40% paid off, but I’m sure the scale was more surprising than the portion
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 11:47 AM
1

How about just a broken ball and chain? I do like the blank slate idea though. If you’re having a party with people over, I would do something super simple. Like ‘finally,’ ‘peace’ or ‘free at last’ Come to my divorce party. We’re having cake! Or I just rewatched Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base the other day: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/64/a1/5b/64a15b72511a728843ea0b8ae03822ec.jpg
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 12:44 PM
15

This reminds me of Patch Adams: “Let’s go check out the maternity ward, you know those chicks put out!”
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 12:55 PM
7

My wife and I are heading toward divorce and although finances are one of many reasons I’m unhappy, her spending habits have always been one of my biggest stress contributors. With that in mind, I would imagine he was in a similar place to me. Now that you’re living independently from one another, that stress is alleviated. He likely doesn’t want to get back together because he feels it would lead back to the same place. So instead it seems he’s wanting to move more towards a coparenting dynamic…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 12:43 PM
-9

In all fairness, I think that this mindset is just as common for men, it’s just not as normalized(yet) for men to talk about their feelings, relationship woes, etc. on a regular basis.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 08:51 PM
3

If you feel inclined and you’re on good terms, by all means offer your help.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 01:00 AM
2

It sounds counterintuitive at first, but I do enjoy the mantra!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:32 PM
1

This is my biggest concern, as we share a best friend. But, I am hopeful. She’s the only one who has ever mentioned the fact that my wife treats me poorly. And one of three people who knows IRL that I’m thinking of changing circumstances. I don’t want her to stop being friends with my wife, we also work together and I don’t want her to leave me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:26 PM
1

I’m not as far into the weeds as you(still pretending to be happy) but I’m definitely in a similar headspace. We live comfortably, but would be a lot better off if my wife didn’t have a massive spending problem. She just started a business, so I don’t want to leave now and let everyone think that I screwed her over on purpose right as she’s trying to get it off the ground. So my current plan is to stockpile as much cash as possible in the next 6-12 months, while also trying to be proactive about…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 04:30 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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