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EmbarrassedAge7612 Archive

View 0 posts and 143 comments by EmbarrassedAge7612 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

This needs to be the lesson for anyone that thinks their wives will be amicable. This is where things go in a short amount of time. They have a playbook and they follow it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:30 PM
5

Like everyone else says get a lawyer. This is the only way to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:45 PM
7

You either need evidence to counter her claims and prove your innocence or she’s got to get caught in a lie on record. There’s no other way around it. Unfortunately the game is rigged in her favor.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:11 PM
2

I’m divorced and remarried. My anniversary this year will be 8 years married the second time. 16 in my first marriage. I totally get lost libido and other factors that break apart a marriage but compatibility is one that is a huge change from my first to second. My ex and I were not compatible people. We definitely were totally opposite from one another in almost every way possible. She honestly drove me to loathe most everything she liked and I did the same for her. I feel like there was a lot …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:08 PM
4

I started therapy two years before my divorce and got a head start on healing. There were still some rough moments during and after. I’d say it was at least a year of not closer to two before I felt like original me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 03:20 PM
8

At minimum consult a lawyer and get their advice on the best way to move forward. Women who cheat are amicable until it no longer suits them. Be careful when dealing with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 07:56 PM
3

My ex was like that when she realized she was not going to be getting any support. She banked on spousal and child support being a thing. It was a shock when she FAFO’d with the judge and she ruled no support. All her post divorce plans changed and she ended up not only supporting herself but her affair partner as well. She did end up cleaning out a lot of our savings and kids college funds before I filed. Never got to see a dime of that paid back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:49 PM
1

First I reminded her that she was the one that cheated. Secondly I reminded her that she was the one that cheated. My ex didn’t get pissy about me dating until I got serious with someone. She had no problem with casual dating. This is also after she’s remarried and had a kid. Ex’s get no say in who you date.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:32 PM
18

Think about all the negative and the reasons why you are divorcing. Any annoying habits or behaviors. Then think about the fact she’s now someone else’s problem. The day my divorce was 100% final, my ex announced her engagement and pregnancy to the world. It was the only time I have ever call her directly and asked to speak to her affair partner. All I said was “Just remember, you asked for what is about to happen.” He freaked out. Wanted to know what I meant. I just repeated the previous line a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 07:12 PM
3

My ex used that same tactic. If I divorced her she’d take the kids and I’d never see them. Funny thing is when I finally got a lawyer and filed, I got the kids. She can make all the threats she wants, but it’s up to the courts not her. Find a good lawyer and make the kids your priority.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 12:02 AM
3

I moved into our guest room and we just did what we could to avoid awkward encounters. We essentially lived on separate levels. Eventually I kicked her out when I figured out she wanted me to work on our ma while she was seeing someone else
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 08:59 PM
5

As long as the kids are happy and cared for, let her make her mistakes. As long at it’s not affecting the dynamics with you and your kids there’s not much you can do. Just be there for them and let the rest go. My ex had been married 3 more times since we divorced. Still hasn’t learned. Unfortunately, these guys come and go. Just make sure it’s not impacting the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 08:28 PM
3

This is what I had to do. She had until the day before the final walkthrough and the buyers getting their keys. After that I could sell, donate, or trash whatever she didn’t take. Ended up keeping what I wanted and trashing the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 01:39 PM
3

Self representation is never a good idea unless it’s something both sides are doing for a quick divorce. Lawyers are expensive but they know the laws.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 09:50 PM
2

Do whatever it takes to feel safe. I had random things disappear during my divorce. Had no clue that my wife was coming into the house. She tricked the youngest into giving her the garage code. My wife now is divorced from a psycho as well. Her ex showed up drunk and wanting to talk at 3am. We were able to submit over 2 hours of footage from our cameras to validate the need for a protection order.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:23 PM
2

Let it go. Make peace with things the way they are. Knowing just adds another layer of bitterness to everything. It also adds the pain of betrayal. I’ve been divorced from my ex for over 10 years and I still only see her as the cheater she was. If you pursue finding out, be sure you are prepared for the worst possible answer. Hearing the words out loud is a punch in the gut.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 01:58 PM
4

This is the most honest answer you’ll get . She’s never going to give you the truth and if you pry you’ll find out how checked out she really is. Start individual counseling and work on helping yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 01:20 PM
1

I banned FaceTime calls due to my ex using it to question anything she saw in the background. Eventually they were allowed but I had a designated spot for kids to sit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 08:34 PM
1

She’s just manipulating you. Remember if they see any sign of emotional conflict on the man’s part, that’s just an opening to exploit. You’re better off with the cats.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:31 PM
2

Find a lawyer and file. Tell them what’s going on and they can give you the best options. Sorry you’re dealing with this nightmare
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:35 PM
2

My oldest admitted that if they knew the last argument they had with her was the last time they’d ever see her, they would have not held back. They have also appreciated my current wife never forcing either kid to call her mom. They do because she’s earned it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:27 PM
2

As a dad that had to fight for his kids, I feel your struggles. Women bad mouth their ex’s parenting skills while putting their kids third. First is creating the image of abuse or ineptitude towards we the ex husbands. They will lie about anything just to get “what they deserve”. The kids are just a bargaining chip. Second priority is the boyfriend or affair partner. Painting a picture of how great this new guy is. Smart, funny, charming and all other things they say we’re not. Third come the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 02:58 PM
6

Get a lawyer and get in front of this. If she’s talking about it with friends, she’s already ten steps ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 07:24 PM
9

I was very blind to it but I also had parents that were horrible examples of how a marriage should work. To me her behavior was normal. Now years later I would never stand for being treated the way I had been. I’m glad I snapped out of it but wish I could have done it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 04:28 PM
2

Unless something happens that she’s called to testify before a judge, there’s nothing you can do. My ex falsely accused me to the point she ended up being arrested. She was asked to sit in front of a judge and go over her false claims including lying about her affair(s). Turned everything around in my favor. It a very rare occurrence and I wouldn’t count on that happening in your case.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 06:30 PM
1

Definitely a can of worms.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:02 AM
5

Cheating is cheating. If she gets a smarmy lawyer they’ll argue that she left and the relationship was already over. Luck unfortunately has a lot to do with it. My ex got cocky and eventually couldn’t keep track of her lies. The worst part was going back a gathering evidence after she was busted. Endangerment of our youngest kid, missing money, multiple partners. Just remember if you catch her, she will become something you haven’t seen before. A whole new level of evil will come out of her pers…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 09:54 PM
6

Odds are high that she is cheating. If she’s trying to get things settled quickly and without a fight, she’s trying to hide it. Odds are she’s already moved anything that might have a shred of evidence. You can have a PI watch her but the burden of proof falls on when she actually met the guy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 09:13 PM
5

I’d have been able to keep my house had I known soon enough. I know the wives that found out were able to use their husbands testimonies on record when they filed. Definitely helped their settlements.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:40 PM
13

Ask yourself if you were the spouse that was in the dark, would you want someone to tell you? I would recommend waiting until everything is finalized. I didn’t get that luxury because my ex took one of our kids out of state to meet her felon affair partner. Due to proving endangerment, we had to call her partner’s to testify. Spouses found out the hard way but were glad to know.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 04:56 PM
2

If it becomes necessary, a therapist can testify as an advocate for the children. I had to go that route with my kids and more recently my stepkids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 05:43 PM
10

This is partly how I got full custody. Document her behavior and you may potentially benefit from sending the kids to a therapist. Some of this will erase anything that you already have settled but it’s definitely worth it for the safety of your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 04:38 PM
11

When they say they want to see other people they are already doing that or at minimum have someone picked out. Her problems are her problems. It’s no longer your problem if she can’t afford to live where she wants or has a job that doesn’t offer insurance. These are hers to figure out. As long as she thinks you want to be with her and work things out, she will take advantage. The first big “No” that she gets from you will completely change her attitude and personality.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:37 PM
12

Your wife loves your paycheck more than she respects you. She’s going to make a great ex wife someday.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:00 PM
2

My ex cheated and still acted like it was my fault we were getting divorced. She used the phrase you owe me this or I deserve that. My lawyer warned me I wouldn’t recognize her by the time it was final. She was very accurate with that statement. Thankfully the judge did not agree with my ex and I in fact ended up owning her nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:55 PM
2

Don’t ever stay with someone for the kids sake. Keep doing what you are doing and be a good dad. Focus on healing. Don’t worry about the next relationship or what she’s doing. Keep your focus on you and the kids. I stayed in a marriage because of my kids. All I did was make myself miserable and pretty much anyone around me. My kids were so relieved when we told them we were divorcing. They were just as miserable as we were.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:51 PM
19

It’s all a game to show she’s the victim. She needs you to be the villain of her story so she can justify herself to friends/family. It’s all part of the standard playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:23 PM
4

You’re only as screwed as you allow yourself to be. She is now the enemy and will do anything to get what she feels she deserves. Get a good lawyer and fight back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:19 PM
15

He needs to ask how that fixes any of their problems. Make her explain why him getting this done improves things. Odds are it’s her way of ensuring he doesn’t have any kids after they divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 11:30 AM
2

I embraced my role as the bad guy of her story. Just added to my list of reasons for never wanting her back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:14 PM
5

My ex cheated and we had a mostly miserable marriage. When I caught her cheating I filed for divorce. She acted shocked and betrayed that I would stoop to such a level. She played the victim until people started to realize she really was cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:12 PM
4

I asked for and tried both. Couples didn’t last long because the therapist didn’t automatically side with her. She was also called out as a textbook narcissist. I stuck with individual and it helped me tremendously. Continued post divorce for a bit as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 07:20 PM
3

Unfortunately this is one of those things that no one prepares you for. It’s something that sucks but in the end it’s not worth stressing over.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 03:55 PM
2

I wish I knew that separating just meant she was using it as a head start on cleaning out accounts and getting a head start on her new life. I wish I knew that any effort I put forth was just wasted time. It would have been smarter to jump to the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 03:42 PM
3

There the truth and then there’s her truth. You are now dealing with her truth. No matter what happened, we all become the bad guy in someone’s story. My ex cheated but I was the bad guy for not being okay with her sleeping with other people. Don’t react to her story, just let her spin it. She’ll get bored and move on to whatever her next rant will be.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 06:21 PM
3

I was granted full custody but was expected to pay child support because of my ex keeping the kids on her insurance for 3 months. I had to petition and negotiate a settlement to not have to pay her for absolutely nothing. Thankfully I had a lawyer that pulled it off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:52 PM
9

If it’s in any form of writing, she can and will use it. Be careful with what you say.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:12 PM
4

Ignore him. He wants a reaction and she probably does too. Play along and let him think he’s a big man. I always reminded my ex’s partner that he was just the next in line. He didn’t ever like that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:02 PM
8

Mine was, will you get to see the kids. They were always shocked to hear that I had a temporary protection order against their mom and the kids were with me. It was the automatic default to me being the problem. Some of that came from my ex lying to our friends about her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:37 AM
14

Reject it and come up with a counter proposal that is equally ridiculous
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:25 PM
1

I’d definitely delay. My ex lives in another town over an hour away and that’s still too close. Odds are there will come a time that you have to explain boundaries to her. Remind her she no longer lives with you so her rules end at the front door. If not she’ll continue to encroach on you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 04:06 PM
1

She was checked out, there was no saving it. New furniture and making a place her own is usually a good sign that she’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:46 PM
1

Now the time to do things your way on your schedule. This is where you take ownership of who you are and what you enjoy. I realized this shortly after being on my new place. I could go to do all the things that I enjoyed but tailored out of my life because it bugged my ex. You are now free and need to embrace and enjoy that freedom. It’s okay to miss things but you also have to work on moving forward a little each day.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:15 PM
1

I negotiated half her 401k in return for not paying her support and her acknowledging some of her personal debts as not being my responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 06:43 PM
3

Depending on your state, you are entitled to half of her 401k. I used that as a negotiating position in my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 05:51 PM
3

My ex definitely lived up to that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:01 PM
3

Fight for your rights as a father. Avoid having any kind of emotional reactions to the mother. Deal with her like you would a business meeting. Have witnesses if possible. Document everything and have a lawyer sort it out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:29 PM
2

I agree for the most part in what you are saying. I also was counter to the divorce process and found a female attorney that was highly known for her success rate. Her first bit of advice was to put aside emotions and understand the person I was divorcing was not the person I married. Once I understood that, decisions came easily. She also explained that if I couldn’t follow her advice, she wasn’t going to help me. So I listened to her from day one. No matter how much her direction was counter t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 04:28 PM
1

Get a lawyer and lay out your case. Most states won’t care that she cheated but it doesn’t hurt that it’s on record. The most important thing I can say is stick to your guns on custody. I didn’t waiver, my kids were non negotiable. That had a major impact on being able to get full custody as a father. She would come at us with different offers and I held firm with my kids. The judge definitely took that into account when she gave her final ruling.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 04:11 PM
2

When we separated I told her I was moving to a different part of the house and we needed time to figure things out. Divorce I had the paperwork waiting for her to get back from a trip with her affair partner. I also had a protection order for her to move out within 24 hours of her return.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:04 PM
6

It started over Christmas when we went and stayed with her parents. She basically left the kids and I while she ran around with a friend. She showed up late Christmas morning and the kids were pretty upset with her at that point. Fast forward to Valentine’s Day I took her out to dinner to test the waters I suggested that we do a few things that she always wanted. Her answers let me know she was just as checked out as I was. On the ride home I let her know I’d be moving into the guest room until …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:25 PM
8

She’s made you the villain of her story. It doesn’t matter if there’s any truth to it. She’s going to spin it that way. Don’t let her words stress you out, that’s what she wants. She’ll find something new to focus on if you don’t give her any reaction or emotion to feed on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 11:16 AM
5

I was honestly excited to be the first to say it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:36 PM
7

“Nope, you’re the only one ever!” 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:31 PM
2

Don’t ever move out, she can use that against you. My ex was diagnosed with social personality disorder and had both narcissistic as psychopathic tendencies. So I totally understand. That’s also where you need to document, record, and have witnesses. She will use everything she can against you. Especially if she’s calling you an abuser. Mine made the mistake of accusing me of abuse when I was out of town for work. She was living with a friend and had no clue I was gone. I would speak with your l…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:32 PM
4

I did, but not until after she filed a false report claiming that I abused her. I used that as evidence and filed more to protect my kids than myself. It was granted quickly and played a large part in getting fully custody. Always do everything you can to protect yourself and kids. Document, record, and have witnesses as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:01 PM
7

Depends on what you’re looking for. Generic signs or if she’s cheating. Some fall in both categories. Change in friends and schedules. She will have some new friends that you don’t know as well. She will start going out more and outside of the normal schedule she’s kept. New outfits. Dressing nicer when she goes out. Maybe even new lingerie that she doesn’t wear for you. Matching lingerie is another sign. Less patience for the little things. Things that normally wouldn’t bother her turn into fig…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:06 PM
3

This. That short of time and mental instability should be grounds for an annulment. I’d get a lawyer and look into it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 08:52 PM
3

10 years divorced and my ex still holds onto her lies that have been debunked. Not sure why she does it, but I’ve also stopped trying to figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 02:49 PM
1

Yes they both hated it because it was accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:48 PM
1

Totally get it. 18 together and 16 married. Broke up twice while dating. Had two great kids. We all ended up where we needed to be. It just sucked getting there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:47 PM
1

Now imagine dealing with 18 years of that kind of behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:02 PM
2

Mine was a cheap gold band. Nothing fancy. It had a scar on it from an accident I had. I had a mutual friend point it out on a FB post she had. I nicknamed him “secondhand”.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:34 PM
4

Mine was off years before. I couldn’t wear it at work due to safety policy. I noticed it disappeared when we separated. Later I saw it on her affair partner when they got married. She was too cheap to buy him his own. Ended up being the right call because they filed for divorce 5 months later.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:50 PM
1

Just remember to tell them it’s not their fault. Kids internalize and blame themselves. They will come up with bizarre reasons as to why it’s their fault. Speak to them at their level and let them know it’s okay to have big emotions. If you are in agreement on how co-parenting will look, explain that to them. Make them feel safe and loved. Be honest with their questions. Lastly, find a good family therapist. Sometimes a couple sessions will be enough. Make sure they get through their emotions, q…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:03 PM
5

That was the first lesson I learned with mine. I got full custody of two teens. That first night in our new home we just sat there. No cable or internet. Tired from moving boxes. We ordered pizza and played board games. We laughed and carried on. Eventually, we cried too. Together. It was our first night alone. No friends, or grandparents. No one else’s home that we were invading. It was the first time since the divorce was final that we felt like things would be okay. So we held game night as a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 01:32 PM
1

I was able to explain my situation to the bank and they worked with me. The notary knew it was for custody purposes and time sensitive. She was very nice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:04 PM
1

There was a local bank close to me that had a notary. It was way more convenient than waiting at the courthouse.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:27 PM
1

Your clerk should be able to walk you through the forms. Ours does a good job here but always recommends hiring a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:14 PM
2

Always made coaching interesting. There were tournaments that seemed more like a singles mixer. Divorced parents hooking up while the kids played ball. Sadly when the kids got older they knew exactly what was going on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:44 PM
1

Depends on how expensive her attorney is. Court fees should be available online in your area. Most guys I know that went this route ended up having to pay the legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:23 PM
7

Whatever you see is just for show. She’s never going to let you see the hard times unless she can manipulate it. You keep working on yourself and moving forward. Eventually you’ll get to that spot where you find your peace and happiness. It will driver her nuts and you’ll get to see how truly miserable she’s always been.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:15 PM
2

My ex walked away after the divorce. Left me with two teens and a lot of things to figure out. Be there for them. Stay strong. Everything is still raw so there are going to be hard days. If you have family that can help, let them. Don’t shoulder it all on your own if you don’t have to. Therapy definitely helped us. We came out stronger in the end because we all had each other.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:08 PM
1

That’s where having a good lawyer helps. They can do some of the heavy lifting while you work on yourself and sorting out the BS. I’ve been divorced 10 years and my ex still holds on to a lot of her lies.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:04 PM
1

I asked around. I kept hearing the same name popping up in positive conversations and also in response to not wanting to have them represent an ex. That’s who I went with and had amazing results. If you are able, tap into the guys that have been through it in your area. Best resource I had for finding a great lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:55 PM
8

“It’s a trap”. Get a lawyer for your protection. Best advice is to be as “amicable” as possible. Get things agreed on and in writing. My ex started amicably until she knew that I knew her cheating went back before our separation. Her tone changed within seconds. She fought me every step of the way after that. Women want to be friendly as long as it’s not exposing that they’re sleeping with someone else at the end. They want to be friendly and control their own narrative about being the victim. A…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:07 PM
10

Doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing. You need to protect your child and yourself. You separated yourself and got things on record. Had you reacted differently you may be the one that ends up in jail. The results suck now but it will definitely come in handy moving forward should this happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 05:09 PM
4

The person you knew doesn’t exist in your world now. For whatever reason we become the villain of their story. My ex cheated, I was still the bad guy. She became so focused on hiding the truth from the outside that she lost focus on the important things. I honestly had no idea who she was as a person anymore. It got to the point where I could have said something and stopped her from slipping further into her self induced madness. Instead I let her fall. In the end it got me full custody and zero…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 02:23 PM
3

I alway use my parents as an example. They were married 30 years and mostly miserable the entire time. They divorced and it was a bitter drawn out battle. During their divorce we kids started getting married and having kids of our own. So after a few years of having to have separate holidays, the grandparents decided to play nice for the sake of their grandchildren. About 6 year post divorce they started taking short trips with the grandchildren to the zoo or something else fun. These trips exte…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:03 PM
2

She would only pick up after herself. Kids and pets were on me to care for. We had a schedule for laundry and she would constantly sneak her clothes in whenever it was my turn. She’d constantly sign the kids up for everything to get us out of the house and expect me to know what was going on with zero information. She’d buy snacks and treats for herself and paraded them in front of the kids because it was always something they liked. Then she’d send them to me because they were her snacks. When …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:41 PM
8

Not a great idea. She’s maintaining control over you and eventually will use that to get whatever she wants. What happens if you meet someone else or she does? This doesn’t have a great outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:05 PM
1

Lack of involvement combined with lying to hide her affair. Then I was pushed over the top by her affair partner being a violent felon.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:36 AM
7

Generally a reaction like that means it’s not “what if”. Odds are she’s already deciding what furniture looks good at his place. When you’re divorcing a cheater, her priorities are on her first, affair partner second, and kids are about fifth or sixth on her list. Women often assume they’re going to get whatever they want. It’s the way the system works. The reality is that you need to use these moments to your advantage. If there are witnesses, make sure they know her priorities are not on the k…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 09:39 PM
2

My kids haven’t spoken with her in years. They found out she doesn’t even tell people she has any kids, other than the oops she had after our divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:07 PM
23

We broke up twice before we got married, should have been my first red flag. We had kids right away. Both within the first three years. She didn’t work during those years which put a huge burden on me to support everyone. I understand her pregnancies were difficult so I didn’t ever put pressure on her to help, but she was doing zero to help around the house as well. Year 5 started the big slide in our marriage. She had major wants and I explained that meant she needed to work because I couldn’t …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 12:10 PM
1

My ex would do the same when we talked about support and property. It was ruled that she couldn’t use anything for property settlements because her tone was combative and it was basically entrapment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 04:22 PM
8

While she’s gone on her trip start working on finding an attorney. No sex to an open marriage means she’s either been cheating or is planning. Time to take advantage of her being gone and work on finding a place before she gets back.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:19 PM
1

Women don’t just decide to leave. They start planning well in advance. Odds are she had a moment months ago that was the start. From there she thought and planned and waited for the right excuse. It may seem spur of the moment but she’s not throwing herself out in the wild with no place to go. She had a destination to run to. Could be a friend, relatives, or someone you don’t know. She knew her timing. Waiting for you to be gone and having enough time to pack and go. She had time to write a note…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 03:44 PM
3

Totally normal. It’s part of grieving. My father passed away a year after my divorce was final to the day. 10 years later I still get a little emotional when that day approaches. I also still struggle with a certain holiday because that’s when we decided to separate. Over time it hurts less but it will be something that you will remember for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:47 PM
2

16 years. Should have stopped at year 5. I was a child raised by parents that fought no stop. When things went south I just assumed that’s what marriage is. My kids were teens when we divorced and thanked me for ending it. They admitted they knew we were miserable and saw what their friend’s parents were like. They never understood why we stayed so long. I was honestly doing it for them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:11 PM
10

Trust what you are reading here. Most of us have been through very similar experiences. Nearly word for word at times. My ex wanted to separate out of the blue. Said if I did XYZ that it would be a step towards fixing things. I started playing the game but quickly realized the deck was stacked. While I was wasting time jumping through hoops. She was moving cash and emptying accounts. Running up our credit cards. The mail came early one day and I went out to retrieve it. Normally I was gone to wo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 01:42 PM
17

She’s taking a test drive with this other guy. Probably cheating before announcing she wanted to separate. You need to start looking for a lawyer because she’s about 10 steps ahead. She will string you along and say whatever it is you need to hear, but she has no plans to come back. This is all part of the same playbook women follow. Look at other posts here. Women have a definite pattern they follow.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:58 AM
1

I blocked her on all social media when I started seeing the posts about abuse and being a survivor. The usual lies that get posted. My lawyer advised that I just block her, so I did. There was about a month that I sat and wondered what fresh hell was going on behind my back. I eventually just stopped caring. I was okay being the villain of her story because it was just a story. As soon as she knew I wasn’t paying attention she stopped posting. I took away her ability to get that reaction from me…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 04:39 PM
3

Just focus on getting your kids and yourself back in a good place. As soon as we separated I started us all on that road to recovery. My wife now went through much of the same heartbreak we did. I think it adds to our appreciation of what we have together now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:39 PM
6

My ex left me with the kids. I’m not sure she even had any regrets when the judge gave me full custody. It wasn’t until she was on her next divorce and I was getting married that she admitted regret. Briefly. By then the kids wouldn’t speak to her and I had found my happiness with someone better.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:51 PM
23

Women check out way before they admit anything is wrong. They plan behind the scenes so they are ready when the time comes. They go out and party while we’re left trying to figure out what just happened. The only justice we get is that eventually the party phase ends and they have to face reality.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:57 AM
3

My ex was very much the same. My wife now has mostly similar interests. The things we don’t necessarily share, we’ve still taken time to learn and experience why the other appreciates them. Making that effort to share is a big change from my first marriage. It’s also easier when you have someone that gives that same effort.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:21 AM
0

Honestly, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We’re completely on the same page with life and want all the same things. We started out agreeing that we weren’t ever going to get married. Then one day it just sort of hit us that’s what we wanted. We have an amazing life. Great house. Our kids all love each other. Sex is amazing. We can communicate about anything. And we never fight. We also have a healthy codependence for each other. She is my morning smile and my goodnight kiss. If …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:45 PM
1

There needs to be an agreement between the two of you. If your goal is to wait X amount of time before filing then establish things based on that. You are keeping her on your insurance, so that’s part of your support. Lay out a plan for what you are willing to help with vs where it crosses into taking advantage. If it comes down to moving back in, agree that she either doesn’t date or dates are not allowed in your house. I don’t think paying for her to live elsewhere is on you because she’s the …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:14 PM
1

Have fun but understand this isn’t a long term relationship. Divorced at roughly the same age and had a nice job with money saved. There will be a few women you meet that will throw you red flags. Go with your gut. I was honestly done looking and happy with life the way it was when I met my new wife. We actually still keep our finances separate after years of marriage. We save and share towards common goals, but we each manage our half of our finances separately. Saves a lot of fighting and also…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 01:53 PM
2

Negotiate your retirement plans. You won’t take from hers and she won’t take from yours. Hold firm on the house. She doesn’t get her cake and gets to eat it too. She owes you something and there may be something in your states divorce laws may have extra guidance on that. Start with what you agree on, make a list and have it ready. Get that out of the way first. It saves time and generally helps the mood because you’ve got a good start. Where you disagree. Keep to the facts and be logical. Don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 01:41 PM
12

My ex wife quit going after two visits because our therapist agreed with me. She also call my ex a textbook narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. That may have been part of why she stopped.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 12:54 PM
1

Sometimes it’s best that way. The more you know the more disappointed you’ll get knowing that’s what she chose.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 11:59 AM
6

Don’t fall for it. When we separated my ex would always need a favor or something to help her out. It was a manipulation tactic. Guessing she won’t be very nice if you tell her no.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 07:03 PM
18

I’ve got a step daughter getting ready to graduate. Her bio dad moved across the country to be with his new family. They have always taken priority over her. With graduation approaching he’s taken more interest in her life and trying to act like he’s been there for her. Trying to push me out. She set him straight. She told him I will be sitting in the reserved parent’s seats and he could sit with the spectators because that’s all he’s been to her. She thanked me for stepping in and raising her l…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 07:21 PM
2

Their mom has tried a couple of times. Generally after a bad breakup. She’s even begged me to work things out, even though I’m married and in a much better place. My kids found out at one point that the only kid she claims to have is the one with her second husband. They’ve pretty much adopted my new wife as mom and she’s been amazing for them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:59 PM
1

It’s awesome but it sucked for my kids. Their mom really did some horrible things and then they had to watch her just walk out of their lives. We survived but we definitely weren’t ready for that big of a change up front.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:34 PM
5

I appreciate this. As someone that became a single parent and was surprised to get sole custody of two girls in their early teens. I get it. You do what’s right for your kids. You put things aside to make sure they’re safe and happy. You power through and face everything that comes your way. I struggled those first few months but we found our groove. We found our happiness. Eventually they grew and moved on to lives of their own. Stronger for learning not to run from any challenges.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 10:15 PM
1

We balanced out expenses. One parent took health insurance, one took cell phones. Extra curricular activities were limited to a price cap and anything over that was on the parent that signed them up. We definitely did it in a way where no one was owed. Oddly enough, she screwed up and the court gave me 100% custody. The unfortunate part was that in doing so I got no support and was dependent on what she was willing to pay. Which was zero.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:14 PM
3

And the locked phone. Talking to a “female” friend, when it’s clearly a guy. The excuse of “I took those pics for me so I can feel sexy.”
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:48 PM
3

In this case, she’s losing weight and building up her self confidence. She somewhat blindsided him with wanting a divorce. Generally that means she’s either cheating or planning to. All part of the same playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:19 PM
6

Be as cold as you want. Also, don’t just let her dictate how this is going to go. My ex was very much the same way and wanted much of the same things. She cheated and thought I should just be okay with it. She was completely shocked when I stood up for myself and fought back. Most women think they can just tell men how things are going to go. They don’t expect resistance to their insanity. Just be prepared, the first time you disagree and put a potential bump in her happiness, she will fight bac…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 03:16 PM
2

Be as cold as you want. Also, don’t just let her dictate how this is going to go. My ex was very much the same way and wanted much of the same things. She cheated and thought I should just be okay with it. She was completely shocked when I stood up for myself and fought back. Most women think they can just tell men how things are going to go. They don’t expect resistance to their insanity. Just be prepared, the first time you disagree and put a potential bump in her happiness, she will fight bac…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 03:16 PM
1

I’d make sure this information is passed along to your lawyer. We fought something similar with an abusive parent lying in order to increase his time. It cost us extra for “experts” like a therapist but it was worth the fight. A good attorney will walk you through what you need.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 02:53 PM
7

Two years after filing I met someone new. We’re celebrating 8 years married this year. My ex cheated and ended up marrying the guy she was having an affair with. She was also cheating on him with her boss but ended up divorcing him because she got knocked up and her new husband got caught cheating on her. So there’s sometimes a little justice out there too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 06:13 PM
15

Mine didn’t try to come back but she wanted to hook up when she found out I was getting married. I turned her down and reminded her what a horrible person she is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:51 PM
11

I will never cease to be amazed by how petty women get after a divorce. The selfish things they do. Then they justify it with nonsense. My ex refused visits from my kids because they wouldn’t call her affair partner “dad”. She walked away from them over it. They later found out she only acknowledges that she has one kid. The one she had post divorce. They haven’t spoken with her in almost 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:57 PM
6

I think divorce did the opposite for me. I was hyper aware of reading the nonverbal cues from my dates. I think it caused me to stop seeing people sooner rather than giving things time to develop. Eventually it settled down and I’m able to have an amazing second marriage. I will say the dating world is a lot different now and I do not envy anyone who is venturing out there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:28 PM
2

What you are going through is normal especially for having a partner that cheated. We all go through the different stages of coping with betrayal at different times. I remember being at my desk at work and suddenly realizing how awful my ex was, not just to me but to my kids. The anger was almost paralyzing when it hit. The thing you need to remember is that what you say now will haunt you later. It may feel good to get things out but as things proceed, she’s going to start using that against yo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:27 PM
2

Since they were on my insurance, she disputed every cost. We had a 50/50 split in cost but what it was going to cost me to fight her wasn’t worth her half of the bills.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 04:40 PM
2

The other things to think about is the other parent not getting them to the activity and practice. If it’s a physical activity like dance or sports, how will injuries be handled. I got stuck paying for a series of surgeries and PT appointments for a leg injury. All for an activity my ex put her in and never once attended or paid for.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 03:54 PM
3

I’d be looking at filing. She going to do one of two things. Tell you she’s done and wants out or come crawling back and expect you to act like her avoiding you never happened. If you’re willing to take her back I’d put hard lines on how that’s going to work. Therapy would be high on that list. Both individual and couples.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:13 PM
2

I found a lawyer that was willing to let me do a lot of the leg work for a reduced price. She basically walked me through everything I needed to file. Thanks to her I got full custody and no spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:50 PM
3

It’s different in our situation. Their mom cheated and they were at an age where they understood what was going on. She actually threatened them to keep it a secret when they found out. Thanks to how she handled the divorce, I was granted full custody. She walked away to be with her affair partner. When that relationship blew up, she tried to make up with the kids. They told her no. It’s been around 10 years since my oldest has communicated with her. My youngest has 10 second text conversations …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:44 PM
3

I was 38 going into my separation/divorce. 41 when I ment my new wife. Like you I had teens. I got full custody, so that added another layer to dating. Did the therapy thing as well. We had a completely dead bedroom, zero sex for years. So that added to my anxiety over dating. When I met my wife we had some mutual friends. We started texting and about a month later I asked her to go on a date. We had a pretty good chemistry going in but that date was amazing. I knew pretty quickly she was differ…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:07 PM
3

You’re still fresh in. Take time to heal and learn from everything. Don’t rush into anything new. It’s okay to go on multiple dates. Be picky and trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:44 PM
12

What did you learn from your first marriage? I learned to trust my gut. Sometimes things are exactly as they seem. I learned to put everything out on the table. Honest and open conversation about any topic is better than going along to get along. Have you seen any differences on the second woman that you would remarry? Everything is different. We talk about everything. Always on the same page. We can disagree but it doesn’t mean we have to fight. We actually enjoy spending time together. In our …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 07:21 PM
1

It’s not going to be serious until you serve her papers.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:01 PM
1

This explains my wife’s friend to perfection. It’s the thrill of the new relationship and the rush that comes with everything. Then normalcy sets in and it’s no longer fun. That’s about the time she blows things up and moves on. We’ve given up meeting any of her new boyfriends because they’re usually gone shortly after.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 08:20 PM
2

I’m sure people can be friends after a divorce but I can’t think of any divorced couples I know that are anything more than civil. Divorce changes people and the more you figure out during the process, the more bitter it gets.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 06:34 PM
1

The best example I can give, is my parents. Married 30 years. Always argued. Separated for 3 month around their 15th anniversary. The entire family just kept waiting for the day they divorced. Then it finally happened. They divorced and spent over a year angry and not speaking. They learned to coexist for the grandkids. Then they started hanging out on their own. Eventually dating and traveling together. The thing that made it work was maintaining separate houses. Eventually they remarried. I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:48 PM
1

Men who remarried, how’s it going for you? Amazing. Did you find peace this time? Most definitely. I found the person I was supposed to be with. Does your wife ask about your ex or is it not a big deal? We both talk about our ex’s. Definitely not part of daily conversations. And is your ex completely out of your life now? She walked away to be with her affair partner. I’m not sure I could tell you where she is now. Also, is it better to be open about your past or keep things minimal? Be honest. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:57 PM
6

When we separated I had the kids. She was too focused on her affair. I shouldered the burden of betrayal on my own. I smiled and powered through for the kids sake. The thing that broke me was getting the message from my attorney that said she wasn’t seeking any kind of custody of our kids. She was just walking away. That was the biggest gut punch. Trying to be strong while your kids are asking why mommy doesn’t love us anymore. It broke me more than finding out about the affair. I bottled that a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 08:52 PM
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