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Enough-Introduction Archive

View 7 posts and 191 comments by Enough-Introduction on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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70

This is a very important remark. Especially more intelligent and educated men show this behavior in a clinical context. They know very well what psychologists and doctors want to hear from them to believe they are a true victim. One warning sign of this is they are too friendly with us and act as „the perfect patient“, as in super willing to better themselves and big talks about wanting to take responsibility, to get us to like them. It‘s hard to pinpoint what exactly is off, but my team often s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 06:26 PM
490

I‘m a psychologist and hear a lot of male patients talking about how they were abused by a woman. Personally, I decide on what to make of their story by listening to how he talks about everything else in his life. If he is the victim or the misunderstood hero in all his other stories, puts too much emphasis on what a great person he is, shows lack of empathy or perspective-taking, or even tells other stories about how he mistreated others without even realizing his behavior was mistreatment, I b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 05:45 PM
6

Oh hello sibling I didn‘t know about, my parents are just the same. It‘s not fair how we were raised, but it has helped me realize that this is no way to live, and I now do my best to be authentic and create honest connections with others. It was an expensive lesson, but I‘m so grateful to have learned it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 06:29 PM
17

Oh god I needed to hear this. Maybe after years of therapy and developing an array of securely attached friendships, it is not me who is insecurely attached, but it‘s the guy who is scared of actually committing to anything in life who causes me to feel insecure. I felt like a failure the past weeks after a break up, but my only failure was to yet again take responsibility that was not mine to take.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:01 AM
49

I feel this so much, thank you. The guy I was seeing for several months introduced me to his family and best friend over christmas, and then three weeks later told me he wasn‘t sure whether he wants something serious and that he wasn‘t sure about remaining exclusive. I ended it there, but it broke my heart. I did not see it coming and I had feelings for him. I haven‘t heard from him again since then, 5 weeks ago. But 2 weeks ago I started dating a phd candidate who takes me out for dinner and al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 06:46 PM
3

This is excellent advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 09:41 PM
82

You still are a bad bitch, even when you‘re crying on the bathroom floor. You are grieving the end of something that meant so much to you, you are grieving the dreams of a future that will never be, you are grieving the past that will never return. I know that you want to fasttrack this process and not see yourself as weak, but that is a cognitive distortion: you are not weak, you are grieving. If you go through the depression, allow it to be there, allow yourself to ugly cry, you will experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 10:56 AM
22

Child free
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 06:47 AM
3

Same. I barely like any man, and I‘ve met someone a few months ago that I really like - the first one I really liked in 5 years. His mixed signals sent me right into limerence, uhh. I know that dating multiple men would in theory help, but in practice all it does is highlight to me how much better he is than any other man I encounter. It makes sense that people with OCD, anxiety or like in my case, a history of depression are more prone to limerence, as we already have lower levels of serotonin.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:18 AM
63

Ohh that was me, I feel so honored!! This was such a tough lesson to learn for me, I‘m happy it helped you as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 08:18 PM
8

I experienced the same years ago with my ex who always tried to „help me“ be more social by pushing my boundaries and ridiculing me. Sending you a hug, I know how sad and lonely it must have felt back then. I‘m so happy you learned from it and chose self love, your comment sounds like you‘re in a good place
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 06:33 AM
4

Lol good riddance. So much denial, deflection and gaslighting in one comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 06:17 AM
7

I looked at your post history. When even a certain advice sub tells you that your boyfriend is a no-no and you should leave him, it‘s really not it, sis. You keep bringing up your secure attachment style, and I want to honor your willingness to make things work and give the other person space even though you want closeness. But tough love: I think you‘re codependent rather than secure. You don‘t need to give men who leave you space to come back, you need to give yourself space and love by allowi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 06:11 AM
23

The answer to fear is trust. Not in some dude, but in yourself. Trust yourself that as soon as he shows a side you don‘t like, you will be able to act accordingly and keep yourself safe. Until then, the best you can do is listen to your gut feeling and enjoy the time you two spend together. It is easy to become hypervigilant because on this sub we talk a lot about red flags and what can go wrong, which is really important, but ultimately we date to enrich our lives, and it is not enriching if we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 12:18 PM
322

I needed to read this, thanks. I have been dating a (so far) wonderful man for over 2 months. He went on a hiking trip 2 weeks ago, and didn‘t text me at all during that time. Fair enough, maybe he didn‘t use his phone when hiking, but I would‘ve liked that to be communicated beforehand. He did text me the day he got back home to ask me how I‘m doing, I replied the day after, now he hasn‘t replied in 2 days. Maybe I‘m overthinking, but the lack of contact feels like mixed signals. I slipped back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:21 PM
83

This is an excellent strategy. It puts the responsibility back on the person who behaved inappropriately, and all you have to do is smile and maybe put on a slightly confused look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 11:51 AM
42

I love your analyses and would love to see one on the women of ASOIAF. The stories of Sansa and Daenerys have given me a lot of inspiration and strength. I see myself in Sansa, and I admire Dany‘s unapologetic determination to go after what she wants. It has been a few years since I‘ve read the books and maybe I am only remembering the parts that I liked, but I feel like they are well-written characters with development and depth to them, and are not reduced to only being a victim, only being a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:49 PM
13

Just chipping in to say Lundy is a man :) it personally helped me tremendously in healing from my abusive relationship to know that somewhere in this world, there is a man like Lundy. It helped me believe that I can find a loving relationship with a good man, and that not all men are abusers. Happy to say that I now found a so-far HVM who has opened my eyes to what is possible in love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 09:43 AM
70

Justin Bieber is very clearly LV, so obviously it reflects in his songs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:28 PM
76

They always come back. Once you become aware of the pattern it‘s hilarious just how predictable they are
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:04 AM
34

Especially the book women who love too much might be a nice read for you, OP :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 09:31 AM
6

Anyone else feel like the number of posts with screenshots from other subreddits is on the rise again? I‘m so tired of seeing them, I scroll past them but they still act as a constant reminder that many men are LV which I really don‘t need more of. This has been an ongoing discussion since FDS started and I understand why they are posted and allowed, but I just needed to share somewhere that I‘m so annoyed by them. Tbh I think posting them is LV behavior. We all know LVM exist, why go out into t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 02:44 PM
19

The audacity! Good riddance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 07:47 AM
3

Wow thank you SO much for sharing!! This is absolutely amazing. We deserve to feed our brain with nourishing input!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:12 AM
161

This is handbook material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:56 PM
10

Yes, LVM are everywhere. The only good approach to finding HVM is doing things you genuinely enjoy and where you get to know people, if that‘s climbing that‘s great, but there‘s no reason to think there‘d be more HVM in climbing than in any other sports
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 06:10 PM
133

I love climbing and met the man I‘m currently dating through the local climbing association. Be warned though that the misattribution of arousal is actually not great for dating, as it clouds your vision. You easily misattribute the arousal you feel from climbing to the man you‘re climbing with. It makes you believe you are attracted to someone, even though you might not feel this attraction under neutral circumstances. I would strongly advise against doing high adrenaline things during the earl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 12:49 PM
2

In light of everything that other commenters have said, I retract my advice to listen to her podcast and instead encourage all of you to go read the book and discuss it with us or friends. HVW don‘t put money in LV pockets if it can be avoided. Her behavior is a good example of what not to do, so I changed the post flair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:07 PM
15

Thanks for clarifying, I wasn‘t aware of this. I‘m not a fan of separating the message from the messenger, so even if some of the stuff she says is helpful, I‘d prefer to support women with integrity. Seems like she applies fds-like principles for her own benefit rather than the benefit of all women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:34 PM
12

Ew for real?? That‘s so disappointing, thanks for letting me know. I still believe she has some valuable insights on creating boundaries, but what you said sounds like she still has a LOT to work on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 01:53 PM
76

Thank you so much for sharing. HVM are rare, but if it‘s possible for you, it‘s possible for me. And well, if he starts acting LV, good riddance, but we shouldn‘t forget to enjoy a healthy relationship out of fear he might turn out to be LV. You sound like you have a healthy level of discernment, I am sure you worked hard for it, and I am happy you get to reap the benefits of it now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:23 AM
4

Big oof, i needed to read this. For a while now, I feel borderline exploited by a friend who says i‘m her best friend, but only talks to me when she needs emotional support or favors. It feels so difficult to distance myself from her though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 10:22 PM
15

I cannot express with words how much empathy I have for you. I grew up with a narcissistic father and a passive mother, and spent my teenage years trying to flee from home through relationships. I found toxic partners who were willig to make use of my desperation, all of them significantly older than me. My last relationship was so abusive that I was forced to wake up and educate myself on what went wrong. I learned so much about abuse and emotional violence in the last two years. Now I see clea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 07:52 PM
16

I second this. God, all these irrelevant fights and lost opportunities for a manchild who was intimidated by my intelligence and actively tried to drag my GPA down to his. Two years of university just filled with his noise. Luckily I got out soon enough, but it‘s better to never get into such a situation in the first place. Use your time in education to learn, build a CV, create connections, nourish friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:02 PM
20

Exactly. Best case scenario of oversharing is getting some support and mediocre advice, worst case scenario is being retraumatized. So not worth it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:44 PM
36

Message from future you: it is SO worth it to wait until you meet the right person. I have been single for two years now and really struggled with being so touch starved. All my libfem friends wanted to convince me to not make such a big deal out of it, just have some fun. Your pizza analogy is on point as to why I held my standards high, even if that meant going hungry. Yesterday I kissed a (so far) HVM I‘ve been seeing for a few weeks now for the first time, and it was so perfect. In that mome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:38 PM
59

Spot on. One of the most valuable things I learned from FDS is that trust has to be earned. What did this person objectively do to deserve your story? Very few people will ever be trustworthy to the extent that you should share your deepest traumas with them. I misused oversharing to create false intimacy and fast-track real closeness. Now I know that healthy people can support you in healing and learning from your trauma without knowing the full story, and they know not to ask for the details b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:22 PM
11

This is exactly what I did when my mom did not stop asking me. I gave her my phone and told her to swipe for me for ten minutes. She was completely shocked and has never asked again, instead she now tells me to focus on myself. I‘ve deleted tinder shortly after, it just made me dislike men even more
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 10:54 AM
21

I agree. It’s dangerous to date when you’re not healed yet. For me, this line makes sense for when you have healed, but you are scared and therefore tell yourself you need to first heal perfectly to be ready to date again. But you’ll never be truly ready, as in you’ll always be a bit scared of what might happen if it goes wrong. You have to practice self love, have strict boundaries, and vet vet vet - but you will need to jump into the cold water at some point (if you want a partner).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:01 PM
162

As a teenager, I thought that as a „cool girl“, I should prefer being one of the boys over being close to other girls. I always prided myself in getting along with boys better than with girls, and I convinced myself I was having a great time with the group of boys I was hanging out with. But looking back, it was so so boring. They didn‘t discuss anything, they just watched boring documentaries, got drunk or high, or kicked around a ball. Nothing ever happened, and I had to smoke weed to numb out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 08:19 PM
55

I also deleted tinder after I saw my abusive ex on there. It was a wake-up call as to what type of men I‘ll find there. My ex is 27, and he used a picture of when he was 18. And of course, he is in a relationship. That‘s who you‘re swiping on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 06:28 PM
86

While these are the same things I‘m vetting on, I think half of these questions teach men how to manipulate us better because they imply our own views. I prefer to say less and just make them feel very secure, so secure that they share their own opinions. One example I got from this sub is to ask „how often do you watch porn“ or „what kind of porn do you watch“, as it doesn‘t give away that any other answer than „I don‘t watch porn“ is unacceptable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 08:40 PM
13

Yeah disillusioned actually means the opposite of what she’s trying to say. It’s also statistically instead of statically. But her message is still on point
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 01:45 PM
5

I can definitely relate! I am trying to do the same thing right now. I‘ve been single for 1.5 years after breaking up with my ex. I have spent the time healing and getting to know myself. Now I finally feel ready to get back into dating. And my first priority is being treated well. I‘ll move to a different country after the summer anyways, so everything that happens now is just an opportunity to learn how to be treated well. It‘s not what I‘m used to, but so far it‘s been wonderful. It makes me …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 09:11 PM
15

I wholeheartedly agree. There is enough to be angry about as a woman as is, I really don‘t need screenshots from other subs in here. Like, were you surprised to find this? I don‘t think it adds much to the discussion. When I joined this sub a little over a year ago, it was many text-posts with advice and some memes here and there. It brought so much value to my life. Now I find myself deleting reddit from my phone regularly because I‘m only here for FDS, and lately it‘s just been more draining t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 07:56 PM
69

I love how you mentioned the poly part twice, they can’t stop bringing it up. For some reason they think them wanting to f*ck around is very different from regular, patriarchy-approved male horniness, and instead a sophisticated part of their personality. They also always dabble in DJing and never clean their sneakers, put a lot of effort into looking like they don’t put effort into their looks, and smoke but only self-rolled. And they wear funny socks because they are just so very eccentric and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 12:05 PM
17

This!! We need our anger. Instead of seeing it as a sign of defeat and something to suppress, we need to learn how to use it wisely. It informs us of our boundaries, it energizes us. We need to learn how to regulate it, how to take what we need from it, and how to let it go. Anger is so necessary for healing. And still, that anger work is done on the inside. It rarely is wise to act out a passionate, angry response to the outside world, more often than not it weakens our position.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 09:30 AM
23

Congratulations!!🎊🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 08:01 PM
4

I feel so incredibly called out by this. Thank you, I needed to hear this. I have been contemplating whether I should cut ties with a friend, after he repeatedly showed behavior in stark contrast to his self-proclaimed feminist views. I wanted him to be different so badly, but he isn‘t. It‘s so very disheartening, but true nonetheless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 09:35 PM
2

Yess I‘ll do it too! It‘s a good exercise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 09:34 PM
28

Go and write whatever you need to, just do it in your journal or in a whatsapp text to yourself instead. It‘s super handy, cause you can go back to it after a while, cringe hard, and be even more convinced that silence is better than writing novels
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 05:21 PM
84

I‘m proud of you for moving in silence! I know it takes a lot of discipline to not give in to the short-term pleasure of telling him how he wronged you. And thanks for sharing the playlist, I was not aware of it until now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 01:04 PM
244

I see you have met my ex. How sad that this is such a common experience by now. And just to reaffirm you, no, you could not have solved this by „communicating“. Pornsickness is not about preferences, these men have to relearn sex all over
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 06:47 PM
59

Damaging objects is a pretty effective strategy to induce fear in those who witness it. In fact it speaks against unchecked rage issues, as the violence is intentionally used in a controlled manner to intimidate others without inviting the legal consequences that harming a person would have. Not always, sometimes it truly is uncontrolled anger. But if truly out of control, then they should harm themselves and their own objects just as much as others and their belongings. Which rarely happens, in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:08 PM
4

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had such terrible experiences. Therapy can sadly be very retraumatizing. Unfortunately only few therapists are educated in how the personal is political, and how our private interactions are deeply intertwined with the social and political structure as a whole. I am training to become a pschotherapist, and I want to implement that notion in my practice. It doesn’t help you, but maybe it restores some of your trust in the profession.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 11:31 PM
9

I’m going through the same right now. My mother is finally starting to see that my father is abusive and she’s considering divorce. But it’s too little too late, i mean it’s nice for her, but I needed her to do it when I was a child. Like you described, it took me getting out of the picture as the scapegoat for her to recognize his abuse. The back and forth you describe is real. Some days I feel deeply connected to her and so grateful that she’s finally beginning to understand how traumatizing h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 07:53 PM
64

You said you sent it before finding this forum, so I’m sure you know better now! But just to clarify: we never show men our cards. Of course these standards are appropriate and you should vet accordingly. But no HVM would read your text and think, “oh yes, that’s a person I want to spend time with”. The text just comes off as demanding, aggressive, and bitter. Keep your standards to yourself and whoever doesn’t meet them gets blocked. If you wish to communicate your desires, there’s a way of doi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:55 AM
27

You expressed it so well. The term “social damage footprint” goes straight into my mental sticker album, i love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 11:33 PM
98

She’s sharp and hilarious. But I don’t agree with her views on sex work. It is also not in line with FDS. Sex work has nothing to do with women’s sexuality. And prostitution is not absolved from its guilt of ruining millions of girl’s and women’s lives, just because a minority of sex workers in relatively rich, western countries engage in mental gymnastics to make it seem like “consent “ given under financial or circumstantial pressure is actual consent. It is harmful to all women and possibly t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 10:34 PM
39

Always funny how Americans think of Europe as one uniform area. The countries have extremely different cultures, many of them overtly misogynistic and not at all a good place for dating as a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:40 PM
13

No matter how long you have been friends, it is a completely new dynamic when you switch to the dating domain. It is easy to let your standards slip, give the benefit of the doubt, ignore red flags. If you have never dated him, you do not know who he is as a partner. You have to vet him like you would with any other guy. I’m speaking from experience, I sadly had to realize that while my best friend was a wonderful friend, he was an immature, cheating partner. Just because he was suitable for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:22 AM
282

I am screaming 😂 it’s also a beautiful metaphor for how much narcissistic behavior backfires on them eventually
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 09:15 PM
17

Banks is an exceptional artist. Her lyrics are poetry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 10:57 AM
47

Putting up boundaries invites a lot of gaslighting. By the abuser of course, because boundaries are uncomfortable to him since he‘s required to change his behavior. But also by bystanders. Sometimes that is because they like the abuser and do not want their perception of him as a nice guy to be challenged. Other times it is because our boundaries make them awfully aware of the fact that they themselves do not have any, and do not want to change that. It is easier to accept subpar behavior and ga…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:41 PM
92

All the strength and courage to you. It is tough, but so worth it. You made the right choice. Did you read Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft? It‘s very validating for victims of abuse and gets you rid of the idea that only physical violence is violence. Emotional abuse is equally, if not more harmful, because you lack the objective evidence that what is happening to you is abusive. You only have your subjective experience to back you up, which is exceptionally tricky with the abuser eroding …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:40 PM
3

I second this, it is eye-opening
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:12 AM
66

I experienced something similar. It hurts, it‘s traumatic, it‘s unfair. But it is such a powerful wake up call. People like to say that survivors have trust issues, nah, we just learned that trust has to be earned. We‘re no longer naive enough to give it away for free. Process your emotions properly, really revel in the grief and anger, until they no longer require to be felt. This will cleanse your body from the pain. And once it subsides, you will be stronger and wiser. You‘ll be so much bette…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 07:13 PM
16

The voice!! Wow I never realized this but it‘s so damn true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 05:45 PM
62

My father has recently deleted both my mother‘s and my e-mail accounts as a way to punish us, because I did not break no-contact to congratulate him on his birthday. He‘s the owner of our family domain. I‘ve had that e-mail connected to eeeeeverything, as he made it for me when I was 13 and it‘s always been the only one I used for everything. Men will not shy away from using whatever power they have over you against you if you cross them. I‘m grateful for learning that lesson with something as s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 05:48 PM
21

I‘m not at all into celebrity gossip so maybe this was predictable to everyone else, but personally I‘m really surprised by her development. I feel like her songs „thank you, next“ and „god is a woman“ suggested that she‘s on a good path towards self-worth, I really did not expect her to go this low. I feel sorry for her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 09:52 AM
26

Same. OP if you‘re on your phone you have to do two paragraphs when typing for them to show up in your post, idk why but if you only do one it merges the whole text like yours is right now. Maybe that helps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 08:05 PM
5

It does indeed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 09:56 PM
27

Since she owns the company the parking spot belongs to, I‘d assume the boss is fine with her parking there to take a video.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 09:17 PM
22

This is an interesting thought, thank you for sharing. In case you want to know more about it: The observation that people weigh losses and gains differently is summarized in prospect theory by Kahnemann & Tversky, who received a nobel prize for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:34 PM
9

Read the handbook girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:12 PM
29

FDS taught me how to love myself, and for that I truly am eternally grateful. I can‘t put in words how much all of you have inspired and impacted me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:18 PM
6

Dear, I relate to your story so much. Thank you for sharing, it made me feel less alone. You have described my father and the wounds I carried away from living with him. I know how terrifying it is to have a father that sexualizes women as if there was nothing else to us, but who just stays within the limits of social acceptability so that we somehow carry the trauma of sexual abuse, but cannot attach certain memories to it. I personally believe that the sexual abuse I experienced as an adult wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:16 PM
34

„It ends with me“ has been my mantra since I was 8 years old. Never again will my family line have women abused at the hand of men who were supposed to love them. It ends with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 09:04 PM
2

Thank you so much for your kind words. I can relate so much to how you said hitting rock bottom made you finally start loving yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:19 PM
21

This perfectly sums up the whole of libfem ideology
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 05:40 PM
14

Thank you. It’s been a year after leaving my abusive ex, and what he has done to me still hurts like hell at times. It doesn’t help that my friends are all friends with him, except for my HVM longtime best friend who immediately stopped all contact to him - but who has just told me he’s in love with me, which I cannot yet return. On top of that I recently broke off all contact to my father after realizing he was abusive and borderline incestuous. Everything in my life hurts at the moment, but I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 05:37 PM
5

The first paragraph leeches of internalized misogyny honey. You don’t need to categorize people into alphas and betas in the first place, but you sure as hell don’t need to justify your alpha position by being “not like other girls”. Then again I’m kind of hoping that OP is a man, which would make the use of male-female, alpha-beta, and the justification for dating subpar men less sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 05:45 AM
151

The last one should say „stop kinkshaming“
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 05:34 AM
26

I think it sounds lovely. It‘s a red flag when they can only come up with the way you make them feel and nothing else. But of course how you feel around someone is important in choosing whether you want them in your life. Turn it around: if a man is perfect according to your list but makes you feel unworthy and unloved, you should nope out of there. You need to feel wonderful around him and they have to be a wonderful person. And he has to feel good around you and see that you‘re an amazing pers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:08 AM
7

„Entertained the idea that you were not his priority“ I needed to hear this. Thanks for the truth bomb but damn did it hurt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:01 AM
4

I‘ve been procrastinating these lists for months now (partly because at one point I preferred to not think about the ex at all anymore), but as you point out, it‘s not only what he did, but also what I want instead and what I will never put up with again. And the last two are, in fact, very necessary to have clear for me atm. So thanks for the reminder ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 10:27 PM
33

Did we date the same man?? Pathetic losers. But damn girl, it’s so amazing that you were able to detect these red flags and even have the clarity to write them down back then!! But please, don’t waste your time on which diagnoses he might possibly have that could explain his behavior. Truth is, he is an abuser engaging in psychological violence. No need to look for reasons as to why he may engage in violence, he does and therefore is unsafe to take up any space in your life. I say this not becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 09:17 PM
7

There is a whole playlist on spotify called Female Dating Strategy by Chloe! 2 gems I recently found: 100 thousand by Navvy: ‘There's 100 thousand people who are perfect for me And I've been thinking there are plenty fish in the sea I'm done with wasting time on what I thought we would be 'Cause there's 100 thousand people that are waiting for me’ Grow up by Christiana Danielle: ‘And I require more than empty conversations I require vibes on higher vibrations I require you to say just how you fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 10:09 PM
4

Yes of course! It’s hilarious that they act so helpless when someone (a woman) is there to do the work for them, but somehow still feel entitled to be perceived as the most competent beings of all time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:04 PM
61

Most already look ridiculous at 25... I kind of hoped dating would get better with age, but I guess not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:51 AM
34

I know what you mean, but I’m really hesitant to believe these guys actually changed. I think they are good at putting up a front, but I don’t think that my exes, when without an audience, are following through with their manufactured impressions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:46 AM
17

And this right here is why I don‘t do FWB. I know my brain confuses touch with love, so I’d rather not have any of it before I’m sure the guy’s worth it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:40 AM
10

But why would you do that? I think making excuses and lying are a sign of weak morals and inability to take responsibility, so I sure as hell will not engage in it myself. If someone asks me for something I don‘t agree with I just say no. If my no is not well-received, that person is blocked. Edit: not saying no but instead giving some flaky excuse also means that you are saying yes. So you are sending the message that you are okay with inappropriate requests and questions. Don‘t do this if you‘…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:20 AM
6

Talking to a psychotic person does feel crazy. It feels like they are in a different world, and it‘s true. Queen if you‘re dealing with depression, believe me it is exacerbated by weed. I know it feels like a relief from the depressive thoughts in the moment, but it only gets worse the day after. Going back to school and building a healthy, drug-free way of living really is worth the effort. I know it sucks in the beginning, the trouble falling asleep, the friendships that revolve around smoking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 07:22 PM
3

Right?? She is just getting more stunning every year. I‘m not into celebrity gossip, so I have no clue what she‘s doing in her life, but she has such a beautiful, wise aura.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:59 PM
7

Ew, I felt physically ill imagining this stoner dude talking to you like he has figured out anything in life, let alone what the government/illuminati/kanye west (???) is up to. Such a low life. And also, believing in conspiracy theories is a warning sign of a psychosis, which is not uncommon to be triggered by weed. So be wary of this guy, but also watch your own behavior. Smoking can be fun, it‘s legal in my country and quite normalized, but it is not good for your mind and soul, girl. When I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:42 PM
4

Yes! For me it‘s the bravery of being sincere, and risking the hurt of rejection. If they don‘t do that, they clearly are not stable enough to be in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 09:35 PM
2

Ask the other way around: is he offering enough for a relationship? You don‘t owe anyone more of your time just because you‘ve given it to him previously. Don‘t gaslight yourself into thinking it‘s not a big deal that someone has nothing to build on but underwhelming high school grades. The typical „excelling in some aspects, sucking in others“ is a sign of severe lack of discipline. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who bases his actions on something as ridiculously unstable as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:38 AM
23

Don‘t fall for potential and read the handbook, please
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 07:54 AM
9

Agreed, a friend of mine has been with a guy 10yrd older than her, who was known among his friends as a player. My friend was blind to all red flags, and when a girl approached her on instagram telling her that he‘s been cheating with her, my friend got angry at HER for „trying to spread rumors about him for attention“. Ofc I tried to talk to her but she is not able to see him for who he really is yet. We all got things we need to learn the hard way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:13 PM
27

Exactly. „Trolling“ is not a display of fine humor
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 09:04 AM
36

Honestly, as a bisexual woman, I have to say my relationships with women have not been better than those with men. Just anecdotal evidence, I cannot speak for all women. In my experience the problems are of a different kind though, while guys try to shift the power balance in their favor and have the upper hand, my two ex girlfriends were much more overly submissive and passive aggressive. It showed in all kinds of ways, eg while dudes would not text back, girls would triple text and never let m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 08:58 AM
71

Honestly I think he was trolling.. people who are serious about this don‘t write stuff like „To suit what the majority of people on the internet say about your body“. But while this one case may be trying to exaggerate, it unfortunately does not work because too many of these scrotes think exactly like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 08:50 AM
87

I remember this was part of the „cool girl“ trope I felt bombarded with when I was younger. Engaging in a painful activity „voluntarily“ is one way to resolve the cognitive dissonance of being hurt by sth that you are not allowed to be hurt by because that would make you jEaLoUs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:08 PM
148

I‘m bi too and, surprise, I don‘t objectify women! Seems like you can be attracted to women and still understand they are human beings. A wild concept, I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:06 PM
13

Can confirm, I received it too🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:02 PM
11

What do you feel? What does your gut say? Trust it. Also, if you’re unsure about that: you wouldn’t be asking here if you did not know the answer already. And my 2 additional cents: even if this very elaborate story of why the poor man has no control over the apps on his phone was true - do you find this attractive? Do you like it when men make their most used object dependent on another man, just to save a few bucks for watching movies?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 06:39 PM
35

Yess to this! I would‘ve stopped answering after „jw“. He didn‘t even put in the effort to type out two words, bye boy. And I sure as hell am not going out with someone who doesn‘t even have the guts to ask for a date, but instead asks for my next day off. The whole conversation was carried by her, that’s pretty pickmeisha. No shame in this OP, I‘ve been there too. Keep leveling up❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 06:01 PM
15

Over the past years, I have manifested 3 wonderful, way above average yet relatively cheap apartments in a city with a difficult housing market. Each of them was exactly what I had imagined it to be, and each time I got better at manifesting the specifics - e.g. the first one was amazing, but had a terrible roommate, because I didn‘t think of that while visualizing. The second was even better, wonderful roommate, but the landlord was horrible. This third time everything is perfect for me, and I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:27 PM
23

It‘s called trauma bonding, there are a lot of good resources that explain it on youtube. Abuse does not feel comfortable in itself, but the cycle of abuse basically mirrors intermittent reinforcement which is probably the most powerful tool to create dependence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:30 AM
13

My ex did exactly the same. I should’ve taken his phone back then and check which subs he followed, I’m 100% sure it would’ve given me more than enough reason to break up with him on the spot. I’m against sniffing through a partner’s phone usually, but the subs men follow on reddit really reveal their true face and might be life saving
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:44 PM
41

Oh god my ex who was on reddit always complained about this🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:35 PM
180

Everything about this is sickening. The titles, the thought that so many adults engaged in these subs, and the fact that it took so long for them to be taken down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:39 PM
2

This is incredible. Thank you so much for the effort and thought you put into writing your response, I really, really appreciate it. I will take these questions with me to the session tomorrow. Martial arts are also a very good tip. I did boxing for a while and as you said, it changed the way I moved through the world, because I felt like I could actually defend myself. Once our local gym is open again I will join the muay thai team, I considered it anyways but your reply really reassured me tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:45 PM
7

I think discipline really is key here. I often find that when I talk to my friends, they find it too exhausting to control their impulses to not sleep with a guy right away, and too „unnatural“ to keep their emotions in check to avoid crushing on a random tinder match. It‘s like everything else in life, to get the best long-term outcome you have to keep your short-term wants in check. Doesn‘t feel comfortable, hence many fail to recognize that it is much more in line with their true desires than…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:54 AM
2

Thank you for your advice. Do you have any questions that you feel really helped you figuring out whether you‘re with the right one? I‘m imagining it to be difficult to hear things from her if the conversation is focused on me, but I gueds it‘ll work out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:22 AM
23

Thanksss, now I finally know where my favorite song intro is from!! Check out the amazing song „hide out“ by mahalia!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 03:08 PM
7

Thank you. She does emdr too, so I‘m hopeful! I would like to think that experts on trauma are more likely to refrain from victim blaming, but you never know..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 03:04 PM
2

Thank you so much❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 03:01 PM
16

I recommend the song „new girl“ by Gabi Du Plessis as well as the spotify playlist „female dating strategy“ to listen to on repeat. Also, read the book „Why does he do that“, there are free pdfs online. I have empathy with how shitty it can feel when your ex apparently has moved on and you didn‘t, but that‘s just a distorted version of reality that you have been conditioned to think. A more accurate version is that you have seriously leveled up, reflected upon your life, and are willing to take …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 07:07 AM
38

This book has had such a huge impact on my life. I am eternally grateful for Bancroft‘s work. It also inspired me to focus my own career on victims of abuse. I‘d love to meet him one day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 07:46 PM
6

Please go ahead and do so!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 04:58 PM
27

Former Pickmeisha here. As a teenager, I decided „it ends with me“ when I realized that my father was abusive, my grandfather had been, my great-grandfather... well, I still had 3 abusive relationships as a young adult. The last one was bad enough to make me realize that it is not enough to say that you respect yourself, which sounds strong and glorious and people will applaud you - you have to actually make yourself a priority in order to do that, and no one will compliment you on that (apart f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 08:04 AM
1

I am so glad to hear that! It‘s a sign of great bravery and maturity on your side that you reflected on this with a therapist. I wish you all the best for your future❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 05:47 PM
28

THIS. During the early phase in the relationship with my ex, he always used to really stress how glad he is that with me, there are no power-games, no manipulation, no dominating the other person. He said he really loved that about me, and I was kinda weirded out by it bc I thought well, that‘s basically how normal interaction should be like. Guess what he engaged in for the rest of the relationshit lol. People tell you who they are right up front, you just need to listen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 11:20 AM
13

Just a little heads-up: when your former partners were abusive, pay extra attention to whether you are repeating this pattern. There is a very calm, „so in touch with his emotions“-type of abuser. Warning signs are overly loving, quick to want close bonds too early (proposing a few months in, or proposing to merge careers as in your case), and isolating you by taking up all of your freetime because „he wants to spend quality time“. Be wary and listen to your gut. Check out „why does he do that“ …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 10:45 AM
7

Check out the book „Why does he do that“, there are free pdf versions online if you cannot afford it. And remove yourself from this person‘s life, you need time to focus on your own mental health and an abusive partner is not going to contribute in any way other than pulling you down even further.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:59 AM
6

I can relate so much - I just read the same book and in addition to knowing my father is a peak narcissist, I now know he also is very abusive. Struggling with whether I even want contact with him rn, the cognitive dissonance caused by „but he did nice things“ is strooong. But back to you, there is no way of pushing anyone in a direction they don‘t want to go themselves. Also, you deserve so much better than to work for someone‘s interest in you. You are his daughter, he should work for you. I k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:56 AM
425

I love these guys. They kind of showed me how kind, appreciative, honest and well-groomed men can be. They raised my standards by a lot. Also, in one of the new episodes their „client“ said sth like „I just need a wife to get my life together and help me with the household“ and they all freaked out and called him out on his distorted view on women. I loved them for not letting such a hurtful comment slip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:18 PM
20

Giving someone the opportunity to use your trauma against you will in no way reap enough benefits in terms of „exposing him“ to justify the potential damage it would do to you. There are multiple other ways to expose LVM without risking your safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:43 PM
5

You don‘t have to accept mistreatment only because he calls it a „joke“. It‘s only a joke when both find it hilarious. If one person is hurt by it, it‘s because it was not a joke, it was an attack. Ignore the gaslighting in form of „you’re only hurt because my divine humor is above your cognitive abilities“, fuck that, you don‘t have to earn the right to express being hurt. Also, if this is what he calls a joke, his humor is not funny but distasteful, which should disqualify him as a potential l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:27 AM
53

For a second I was shocked thinking OP didn‘t see through his false humility. Such a relief when I saw the tag. He is using so many false dichotomies (you can be fit and still drink alcohol sometimes), and so many unnecessary comparisons (when you say friendship, no one thinks of social media contacts, so lame to point that out)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 06:13 PM
54

A very sad consequence of being abused as a child is that as an adult, the sense of sexuality is distorted in several ways. There is shame around feeling pleasure with your body because as a child, your body was one of the causes of your pain - e.g., you were shamed for how your body looked, or to the contrary you were only praised for how it looked but nothing else. Sexual abuse also includes a very subtle sexualization of the child by the parents, that might have expressed as gazes that made y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 09:30 AM
18

I think we could give you better responses if you gave us more context
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 08:01 PM
7

This is why the general consensus between psychologists is that body language gives you a very limited amount of information. It is useful to infer a general state, such as nervousness, but it can’t tell you why a person is nervous - just like you, there are many people who are stressed during an interrogation despite being innocent. At least in europe it’s not taken too seriously, but the US also still use lie detection tests, so the body language nonsense fits right in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:20 PM
2

The number of people that I can (want to) bond with enough to be friends are quite limited around here, and if I‘d now cut out all people I don‘t agree with on everything, I‘d be very lonely. I also don‘t expect to agree with them on everything. But you are right that being alone is better than being with the wrong people - I just wish there were more good people around
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 05:26 PM
1

This is such a great quote, thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 05:19 PM
7

That is true. It only came up a few times during general dating discussions, and they luckily do respect my decision, they just don‘t understand it. But we are on the same page in enough other areas to make the friendships valuable to me regardless
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 05:16 PM
8

I love this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 02:38 PM
25

Because I still argue with myself about it. I understand why it’s a good standard to have, I just haven’t confidently adopted it yet because it’s a very new concept to me. And I feel that as long as I‘m not fully backing myself up, it‘s difficult for me to shut down people asking for reasons
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 02:37 PM
81

Thank you. I‘m so trained to always give reasons for everything I want, I sometimes forget that „because I want it“ is a full sentence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 02:24 PM
61

These posts are why I call bullshit on the love language stuff.. you might have a slight preference for one of them, but there is no love in your language at all if you neglect all others in favor of one - usually in favor of just words (dare I say lovebombing) or touching (guess what, it‘s not cuddling).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 01:15 PM
12

They really don‘t understand that not everything is about them. Us waiting is us making sure we do not open up to people who are undeserving. And yes, he is right, many of us learned this the hard and painful way and got intimate with men too quickly in the past, later regretting it (not for „i‘m such a slut boohoo“-reasons like he assumes). Still, with this sub growing rapidly, there are probably many women who (perhaps willingly) misunderstand the approach of withholding sex as a tactic to mak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 10:31 PM
12

I applaud you for speaking up! I think this belief is a big part of why many women stay. At least for me it was. I felt so strong when I could argue against him in our fights, or when I was ”wise“ and ”mature“ enough to understand his point of view. And it made me feel like a good person to forgive him again and again. There are (subconsciously) perceived benefits to staying in such a relationship: you are the ”better“ partner, you are “strong” for enduring the suffering. It is much more desirab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 10:08 PM
31

My friends also never told me to simply leave my abusive ex. It makes me so angry to think of all the times I told them what he was doing to me, and while they offered emotional support, they never said „girl what the FUCK are you doing, RUN“. In fact, they only rolled their eyes at his behavior. But like you, I try to let go of that anger, it only harms my own health. Still, it‘s sad to know that there are so few people who will not make excuses for abuse. That’s why it’s so important to sharpe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 07:09 PM
2

I just googled Anna Bey, she is full of fillers?? Cheeks, lips, probably chin, plus botox to lift the eyebrows. If she acts like she only had a nose job she is lying, and if people think this is a natural look it‘s truly concerning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 10:56 AM
20

To be honest, this is not a sub for relationship advice. Read the handbook and then seriously reevaluate whether you are ready for dating in the first place (being mentally unwell is a ticket for disaster in dating, so no), and whether he is the right one to do it with (he’s not into you, so no). Regarding the latter, you mention so many red flags that should have you run far away from him. The reason he even considered you sacrificing so much of your life and move to his town is that it „would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 11:50 PM
3

Not really, you could measure several things, such as general level of satisfaction in the relationship, feeling respected by the partner, or perceived level of support from the partner in terms of household etc. Obviously this would be correlational but still useful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:08 PM
32

My ex once massaged me, and before he even started he said that I have broad shoulders and a very wide back for a girl. I was so young and it made me hugely insecure about looking manly. 6 years after the relationship ended, he apologized for this comment when I met him for coffee. I didn‘t care anymore, I knew he missed my pretty back terribly after I broke up with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:49 PM
12

Thank you so much for sharing this article. I thought I had it all figured out and that FDS would be bulletproof against narcissists. Turns out, painting general mistrust in FDS colors could attract them even more. This also gave words to my feelings of uneasiness with the „I am the prize“ mentality. It has its place, definitely. But if it covers up deep insecurity, then it can get harmful. It is a fine line between knowing your worth, and cultivating superficial arrogance to appear like you kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:24 AM
19

Me too. I also feel like applying FDS might accidentally lead to this. When you are too much in your head during the date, evaluating his moves and words etc, you might give off this gameshow-vibe they talk about. Only a narcissist would be turned on by that. Damn, that is a pill I did not expect to swallow today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:17 AM
28

I think it is so important to move through all of them after a breakup. Seeing them as a bad person helps you create distance and cut the desire you had for them. Seeing yourself as someone who has been through a lot of suffering, and now needs your attention and care, helps you to get back in touch with your own needs. Only when these two are experienced can we healthily move forward, without overcorrecting in the next partner or trying to fill the void. It helps to view it as a triangle, thank…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 11:12 AM
25

Important distinction, thank you for this. I‘d add a third option for the surprise ending though: he might not actually cheat, but he may be playing with your mind to make you think he maybe is. My ex did this to manipulate me into being jealous and wanting him more. No-surprise ending: whatever the reason, when you feel he could be cheating, the trust has left the relationship, and you should follow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 10:48 AM
60

„You make me feel“ Nah. Adults are responsible for regulating their own emotional response. Big red flag when they act like they couldn‘t - they‘re basically saying they‘re not capable of self-control
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:03 PM
29

You gave yourself the answer several times in your text, be brave enough to listen to it. Worst case scenario? You realize you don‘t like the suburb-job anymore and apply for one at the larger company. Do you think they would turn you down then if they want you now, when the only difference is that you gained more work experience?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:53 PM
33

Congratulations!!! Reading this made me so happy, it sounds like you are finally living your best life. You deserve everything that you dream of! Also, the exact same thing happened to me - it was almost scary reading it, because literally everything could‘ve been written about me. These men really are so predictable. Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:13 AM
54

Apparently they are both trans, just to mention it. I read the post too and OP talks about their mental health issues being the cause for them not being confident enough to share their partner. Still, all four of them (the friend also has a partner) now agreed on an open relationship. All I can say is do not date if you are mentally unwell. You cannot share from an empty cup. Someone‘s gonna be very sad very soon
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 10:27 PM
1

Everything is overgeneralized in this, but the german part feels especially icky. People who get offended over germans not laughing at racist „jokes“ usually show ignorance for their history, and lack empathy. Germans are very humorous people, and critical thinking and intelligence will have you level up in this society way more often than it will get you discarded. Those who cry about being an outsider due to thinking differently are usually avoided by others not because they truly are of super…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 08:12 PM
9

Never again truly is the best mantra to remind you of your value. I‘m so sorry you had to go through this, I can relate so much. And sure, men don‘t know the effects of the pill, because they don‘t care. They just want you to make the consequences of their actions go away so they can continue playing with their toys. Many simply don‘t outgrow the toddler stage
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 07:20 PM
15

I am constantly lecturing my girlfriends about what I have learned from this sub. For many, it worked wonders. To my surprise, those of my friends who are in academics like me, are much more stubborn about equating emancipation with pseudofeminism like paying half, or casual sex. I have often received backlash from them about being too picky, and that my views are too conservative. There is this huge bubble in academics where FDS principles are directly equated with women cherrypicking feminism.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:34 PM
24

I rolled my eyes so hard when I read that part of her message. Who would’ve thought that drunk sex with a stranger would be bad, what a surprise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:19 PM
27

It‘s about that amount in my country, too. The bar for men is indeed on the floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:07 PM
32

Agreed, no one should ever hide their true opinion just for the sake of not causing conflict. But I can disapprove of her behavior without disapproving of her as a person or friend. We discuss a lot, and we both grow from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:02 PM
77

Same, it just isn‘t fun for me. If the best case scenario is mediocre sex, why take the risk of ending up in the worst case scenario?? And paying anything for the pill myself isn‘t even on the table, I thought this was common sense - glad to see I‘m not crazy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 01:13 PM
2

Don‘t start now by dua lipa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:38 PM
2

I see that, too. My interpretation was that he was also portraying how terrible the patriarchy is towards women, especially in medieval times. Which I thought made those women who fought and rose above it more remarkable. But maybe that was just my wishful thinking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 09:34 PM
26

Thank you for taking the time to write this. It kind of explains why my ex did „no fap months“ and weird things like that, I was always a bit confused as to why that is 1. an achievement?? Like just don‘t do it and 2. a desirable thing to do, because I never felt like masturbation is harmful, just a natural part of one‘s sexuality. But with your explanation it‘s clear that they are just too stupid to call it „no porn“, because for them masturbation is inextricably linked to porn. Ugh it’s disgus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 01:37 PM
5

I think that a song of ice and fire (the books to game of thrones) is full of intelligent, powerful women, who constantly outsmart men, defy stereotypes, and continue to level up despite being hurt, used and just generally victimized by the patriarchy. Unfortunately, the series did not make it a point to portray this and instead added a lot more sexism than you will find in the books, so please don‘t be misled by the show! The author created fantastic female characters that definitely inspired m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 01:31 PM
43

I feel you. I sometimes get so incredibly sad about the thought that maybe a lot of men are (more or less) secretly thinking of us this way. My ex bf was a lot on reddit (I did not know it back then), and I suspect he browsed a lot on nofap. I didn‘t have a look, but I thought they would see things differently because they realized how sick porn is?? Would you mind giving me a short outline on their way of thinking, I am honestly too scared of what I‘ll find if I look for myself. I am not in the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 01:19 PM
115

Thanks for sharing! On top of all the dangers that come with giving your body to a stranger, the sex is usually bad. I find it honestly quite hard to understand why this culture became so predominant in the first place
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:27 PM
42

This was so universally present when I was younger. I cannot count the times I have been pressured by guys to like any of the shit they liked (gaming/smoking weed/rock music) because they thought it was superior to my interests. I have been called a girly-girl and manipulated into being a „cool girl“ by sneaky comments from ex boyfriends. Other girls were proud to be a „cool girl“ and told me I‘m uptight when I got angry or hurt over crappy behavior from men. Never again will I allow women to pu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:02 PM
17

I love this! Aging is great, my mom is mid-sixty and she is so beautiful and full of life, she takes away all my fears of aging that media created. I have babywrinkles from smiling around my eyes, and I love them. I don‘t need to be a blank state forever, it’s beautiful when you can tell a person‘s positive mindset from their wrinkles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:28 PM
1

I laughed so hard at his list stating „15 mins of exercise a day“ like dude, at 24 years this should be the time you need to cycle to the gym, not the whole workout 🤦🏼‍♀️ Edit: I just realized my narc ex did create very similar lists. Why do they feel the need to create a list to remind them to get enough sleep and get their ass to work out? Maybe it‘s their lack of inner drive but who cares
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:06 PM
16

I‘m talking about the generalization that all van life is LV. I have several friends who travel the world in a van, and they are all educated, wonderful people working from their laptops, earning far enough to live in an apartment instead. Wouldn’t be for me, but I understand their passion for living minimalistic and traveling the world. Of course, living off another person‘s resources is never okay. We are probably talking from different perspectives on this, my friends are all mid-twenties who…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:58 PM
1

Not all friends have to tick all the boxes. I have friends I can laugh and party with, I have some that share my interests and with whom I‘ll do sports or discuss things, and others again who I will ask for advice. Some of my friends are pick mes, and that‘s okay, because so was I a while back. I just don‘t ask for their advice in relationship things, but they do ask me a lot and I helped some of them let go of their codependencies. It will get lonely if you require everyone around you to be at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 04:49 PM
7

Not all friends have to tick all the boxes. I have friends I can laugh and party with, I have some that share my interests and with whom I‘ll do sports or discuss things, and others again who I will ask for advice. Some of my friends are pick mes, and that‘s okay, because so was I a while back. I just don‘t ask for their advice in relationship things, but they do ask me a lot and I helped some of them let go of their codependencies. It will get lonely if you require everyone around you to be at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 04:49 PM
20

I agree. Potheads are a nono. The last piece I must disagree as a neuroscientist, there are quite some benefits to cannabis, and it is used as medication for some conditions. However, I highly highly recommend to only smoke CBD, especially if it is taken as an equivalent to wine - the goal being to wind down a little. CBD is the component that is not psychoactive, hence will not get you high, but is associated with the most benefits that you commonly hear from the media, such as relaxation and p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:49 AM
1

You will know whether he watches porn the very latest when you sleep with him. It will be a performance, it‘ll feel inauthentic, too hard/fast/violent/goal-oriented. One year in (but you will know way earlier if you look for the signs), you can talk if you don‘t want to leave right away. You can explain the research behind porn and how it is in contradiction to your whole value system. If he replies anything less than „Thank you for opening my eyes on this, I feel disgusting for ever getting ple…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:24 AM
69

The latter, but butt sex was another thing that they always wanted to force because YoU dOnT KnOw tHaT yOu dONt LiKe It iF yOu dOnT tRy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:14 AM
73

When it comes to morning pleasure, I guess we all know the good ol‘ dick in the back, that‘s what I got at most
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:10 AM
106

When I was young stupid boys made me believe that this is what I‘m supposed to do to be romantic 🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 09:59 AM
22

If the government position and emergency thing is true, I think that‘s a very good reason to not plan a date as conscientiously. He still initiates texting, that‘s a good sign. Whether he is slowly detaching or not you‘ll probably find out soon, but I wouldn‘t read too much into this. It‘s important to be careful, but don‘t overanalyze.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 12:06 AM
20

Okay, there are two main things to this imo. First, you mention several things that I would advise to explore with a therapist instead of reddit. What are those rose-colored glasses about, and why does depression slip in when they come off? Why can‘t you concentrate? Why do you seem to lack a sense of joy when doing things for fun? These are some signs for mental health issues that you should take seriously. Secondly, and I mean this in a kind way: being attractive comes with many advantages, as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 04:58 PM
16

Take your time. Healing is a tough and long process. Do your best and don‘t expect everything to work right away, you are only human and wherever you are right now is just where you are meant to be to learn and grow. One tip for thinking of the great qualities of exes: create a list of qualities you’d like in a future partner. Everything you liked in them you will find in another, minus all the crap that came with your exes. My ex was highly intelligent but abusive, but I waste no time crying ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 10:24 PM
2

Run girl. Don‘t waste your time trying to figure out what goes on in his tiny brain, it‘s not much anyways in my experience. Great to hear you are healing from your ex❤️ I laughed at the part where he got „agitated“ over you being quiet instead of making sure you are okay. My narc ex always got angry when I did not react enthusiastically enough to the stories he told me. One time, I was incredibly tired after 6hrs of uni and 3 more to go, and met him for a quick coffee. He extensively told me a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 10:16 PM
5

I agree with what has been said by the others, one more thing: I was soo easily impressed with some older boys‘ studies/car/job when I was 18. So if you are anything like me, know this: an engineering degree is nothing special, neither is a car or a job (however fancy it might sound like) or whatever. Take note of it as a sign he hopefully has at least some of his shit together, but don‘t be impressed just because you‘re not there yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:24 PM
7

Take your time and don‘t feel rushed into anything by fear of losing him ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:02 PM
14

Are you scared of turning this into a relationship? That‘s what I kind of read between the lines with you mentioning not craving commitment nor being emotionally ready for it. You say you are scared of losing the upper hand, is this what a relationship feels like to you? You should think about why you are hesitant to commit. Do you not like him enough? Or do you like him, but are scared of whatever you fear will come with a relationship? Fear can point us to important aspects of a situation we m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 07:51 PM
2

But he is showing up because he is lonely and confused, no matter how much money he spends. He left, you ran after him, now he‘s jealous and comes crawling back. You deserve better
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 05:54 PM
4

Honestly, you don‘t come off as a strong, HVW in this at all... and no HVM would pay this amount, if any, to see someone. A HVM respects that he hurt you and respects your decision to be alone. He could send you a letter explaining himself, which I find a very respectful way of saying things that he considers important, while leaving it up to you to decide whether you want to hear (read) them. But neither is demanding money and presents from a LVM to see him in return high value behavior, nor is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 05:45 PM
1

If she is only your coworker, I wouldn‘t say anything. It is not your place if she did not ask for your opinion on it, and instead of helping her realize her worth, you are much more likely to risk her getting angry and feeling belittled by you. With friends, I always make it very clear if I have a bad feeling about someone as soon as I notice it, but I still respect them if they decide to see things differently. I will keep supporting my friend, but I won‘t make excuses for her LVM. I love my f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:05 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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