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Equanimous-Fox Archive

View 5 posts and 40 comments by Equanimous-Fox on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I think couples therapy was good for us in terms of teaching us better communication styles and giving me a safe space to open up about some very difficult things that I just didn't know how to talk about. I think it was ultimately not enough because: - there was already plenty of resentment to work through - i had issues that I had to work through separately in individual therapy first - my ex-wife didn't feel safe with our therapist/didn't trust her I honestly don't really blame the therapist.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 08:47 PM
7

There’s a lot of healthy nuance here, and I agree. The narrative of just blaming women as OP presents it is immature, lacks self reflection and is unhelpful. Ultimately all of us were in long-term relationships that we wanted to make work, and that broke down. There’s a lot to reflect on on how we can avoid this in future relationships, and how we can raise children to have greater emotional maturity and relationship skills than we displayed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:26 AM
1

I’d try and get some professional help on this. Resentment can really gnaw at your trust and then become irreparable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:15 AM
1

Took away a lot of my physical health, my previous conception of relationships, and largely my ability to see anyone in a romantic light. Gave me an amazing opportunity to work on myself and become a better person, and a truckload of empathy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 07:04 AM
9

Honestly, because I was trying to hold on to something the other person had checked out of a long time ago. It just delayed my healing, and got me entangled in ways I wish I hadn’t been. If someone tells you they’re out, believe them and just move on from it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 03:47 PM
10

I did this exact thing last year a few weeks in, and it was not a good idea in retrospect
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 01:54 PM
4

In the same boat, but I’ve decided to spend a few months on getting my body back to place where I love it. Divorce has been hard on me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 08:33 AM
10

Short answer yes it’s incredibly painful
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 12:26 AM
3

I honestly think we’re both trying to stay kind and just go our own ways, but you’re right - space is the best for us all.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:12 AM
12

Honestly, live your own life. Each of us has a possibility to create our own happiness; comparing to others has never been the source of that happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 07:17 PM
3

I think the difficulty is that you’ll both inevitably go through a lot of emotions, and the legal system isn’t really set up to be “friends”. Best you can hope for is to stay cordial and respectful, patient, and then see where the chips land once it’s all done.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 11:55 PM
3

Yes. It hurts and there’s a lot of soul searching and pain, but you grow and let go of resentments and then it gets better. Just try not to become bitter. That really only hurts you. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 10:09 AM
2

Pro tip (I had to travel lots for work during my divorce): use Airbnb experiences to book a random group activity. E.g. I surfed in LA, but you can also just go for a wine tasting or an urban walking tour or whatever. Two benefits: i) it's time you're not spent alone misering away in your hotel room ii) you actually get to interact with people, and over time you'll become more social again
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 11:33 AM
1

That’s amazing, keep at it!
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:17 PM
1

That’s amazing, keep at it!
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:17 PM
4

Over the last year I’ve taken myself on a lot of dates (trips, restaurants, movies, museums, etc.) Initially it was super difficult and awkward but I learnt to become very comfortable with myself. So now I no longer feel lonely when I’m alone; and when there’s someone else/a group I’m with I appreciate it even more. YMMV
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 08:37 PM
8

Grief isn't linear, indeed. It's a good life learning in general though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 08:56 AM
10

Thanks for sharing, and this is incredibly important. Divorce is a whole grieving process and can feel incredibly overwhelming. My ex-wife asked me to divorce while I was thousands of miles from home and a few timezones away from any support network. If it wasn’t for some of my friends calling at all times of the day and night in those first weeks, I’m not sure where things would’ve ended.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:22 AM
3

Hey man, I just wanted to say: all credit to you for doing the hardest part and seeing what’s really going on inside and saying it out loud. Most people bury it. Naming it is progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it. From my experience, recovery/grief after divorce isn’t a linear and it’s not about hitting milestones. It’s more about getting used to a new version of yourself, one you’re still figuring out. Some days will feel lighter, others heavier both are part of the process. The pain you’re…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 06:19 PM
1

In my experience, it didn’t make me happy to live in the past not the present.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:48 PM
1

Look, I feel you but also: why do you care? Your focus should be on your kids and on your own life, she can do with hers whatever she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 12:58 AM
14

Not sure why you’re asking, but here’s what I learned in my divorce: You don’t get peace by figuring out if you made the right choice. You get peace by living with the choice you made, and accepting the present as it is. Regret shows up either way. That’s part of losing something you once cared about. No one gets married expecting to divorce. Of course you’ll have some regrets. Doesn’t mean it was wrong. Just means you’re human. If you’re in it now, focus on being kind. To yourself, first. Then,…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:04 AM
1

Also, I recognise what you say. I also don’t hate my ex, and that did make it harder at times. But consider it a great opportunity to part as friends, without lifelong bitterness.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 02:35 AM
3

Just want to send you some good vibes. What you’re feeling is totally normal; it will take a while before you start feeling better most days. Be patient and kind to yourself, and to your ex. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 02:33 AM
1

I’m not questioning your experience; I’m sharing that, in my experience, this path only leads to more misery
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 05:00 PM
2

I think what you’re saying is unhelpful for your own healing. I do think it’s fair to say - and generally accepted - that men leave relationships impulsively, while women quite quit. In other words, what felt sudden to you probably felt inevitable to her by that point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 04:52 PM
6

I understand many of us here have gone through difficult divorce/separation, and often had a number of unhappy years before that. But it's so incredibly unhelpful for everyone if you demonize each other. My $0.02
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 07:13 PM
2

I'm pretty much in exactly the same situation. I've learned quite painfully that while it's easy to think your ex partner does not care, they probably do and are going through as much pain as you are. So try to be empathetic - this is hard for you both. Sending you good vibes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 09:53 PM
8

Not 20 years, but equally had deep childhood trauma bleed into my relationship and turn me into a shit husband. So I have been there. First, I want to commend you for recognising your issues and trying to be introspective and empathetic for her. Secondly, and I know this is hard, but right now there is nothing you can do until you’ve done some serious work and healing. I’ve tried to rescue my marriage before doing all of the work, and you’ll end up damaging things over and over again. Take a bre…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 06:51 AM
6

I really feel you. It can be incredibly hard to come to terms with someone else no longer wanting to be with you - I can only imagine how hard it would be after nearly 4 decades. Not in a position to give advice, but I do want to say that you’re not alone and that everyone deserves to be loved. If the person you’re with doesn’t want to love you, save both of you the extended pain and accept that they need to walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:22 AM
2

Honestly I’d feel devastated because we sincerely agreed to let each other know if/when we’d be ready to date and move on. So it will feel like a betrayal of trust by someone I put all my trust in
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:42 PM
3

I’m sorry but there’s two painful realities here that you’re going to have to accept before you can move anywhere nearer to getting closure or happiness: She doesn’t want to be in a relationship of any sorts with you right now. The more you pressure, the more she’ll pull away. And frankly even if she said yes to appease you and didn’t want to be with you, you’d be miserable with her. All you can do right now is take a step back and breathe and try to focus on finding yourself for a second - howe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 04:42 PM
5

Slightly different situation (and by no means as bad as cancer!), but I'm going through a huge professional struggle while also going through divorce. I'm equally finding myself very lonely, and had to get my head around the fact that the support I was expecting from my stbx is not there. Not to say she isn't doing anything, but I sort of always thought that when shit would hit the fan she'd have my back. All I can really say is: you're not alone. As much as possible try to focus on your health,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:36 PM
7

Exactly, I think this is an empathetic and likely accurate read
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 01:48 AM
2

I think you'll find a lot of very negative comments here. My story: told about the divorce while I was abroad, came back, then 2.5 weeks of living together in the same house. It was a confusing time, not always easy. Frankly I tried to focus a lot on work. My recommendation would be to spend a lot of time with friends, keep/build healthy habits, and look for another place if you'll be the one moving out. You've already decided to part ways, I think at this point if at all possible you should try…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 03:09 PM
1

Update 2: We’re about two weeks later. A few days after the original post, she asked me to come over and apologised for her (re)actions. All good and well, and I didn’t want to hold a grudge so forgave her (I really did) and tried to move on with giving her space. Then this week on a number of occasions again harsh language, personal attacks, the whole shebang. To the point where I had to interrupt her mid sentence on a call - when she went on an angry turn again to tell me all that’s wrong with…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 10:53 AM
2

Thank you. I am coming to accept that I can’t be responsible for her happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 09:10 AM
3

Update: I disagree with a lot of the posts here suggesting that there's cheating - emotionally or physically. That said, I'm not 100% sure yet how I feel, but a growing part of me believes that I should just let it go and file. I tried a few times this afternoon to talk about what happened. While I did get some apologies, they were quite short, and when I asked for some accountability, I was accused of "it never being enough." The biggest bout of anger was reserved for "you ruined my night" - wi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 05:14 PM
1

Appreciate your experience. Pretty sure in my case there’s no cheating involved, but the point on “if you’re not 100% in you’re out” still stands.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:23 AM
6

Thank you, I needed to hear this now
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 01:35 AM
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