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Evichar Archive

View 4 posts and 58 comments by Evichar on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

If she had full custody, how much would child support and alimony cost altogether approximately?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 03:09 PM
1

Thanks for the caselaw, I’ll check it out. “You can’t parent your child thousands of miles away”. It’s not going to stop me from trying if that’s how the cards fall, but perhaps I may not have to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 02:02 AM
3

Thank you Outlaw. I hope you don’t mind if I bug you later on if a question comes up. This is extremely helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:58 PM
1

If I pay her directly, but a few years down the line she decides to go to the agency and claim that I “never paid her”, wouldn’t that put me in arrears? Ideally you’re right, it’d be smoother if we could accomplish all things amicably. I’m just worried down the line, a few years from now, she might open up potential pathways to screw me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:49 PM
1

Wouldn’t California override that somehow? I’d visit when I can and vice versa. I know, doesn’t sound feasible does it? That’s the kind of dire situation I’m in. But right, wouldn’t California say (despite your wife and child living in another country, we require you to pay X in child support)?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:32 PM
1

There isn’t an end date to alimony/“spousal support in CA” after 10 years marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 04:04 AM
2

Hope you get it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 08:44 PM
1

Is it going to be 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 07:09 PM
2

OP, I’m losing my child on a normal basis after a divorce (living in a whole different country). What feelings or trials do I have ahead of me?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:58 AM
5

Just so I’m clear, you had to pay $45K to fight nonsense and there’s no justice after all of that?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:40 AM
1

Thank you very much for this post. When I have time, I’m going to go through it more deeply. I definitely feel like I’m in the FOG, and it sucks. Realizing that I’m in FOG helps, but it’s still difficult as it’s hard to imagine altering my life in such an extreme way. I guess it’s because the extreme wrong of DV to change the course of an over 10-year marriage with a child is hard to come to terms and grips with, never-mind the financial upheaval I’m going to have to survive. So tough because my…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 07:39 PM
1

Thanks for the advice No Exit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 03:56 AM
1

If you don’t mind sharing (here or DM), what things are you trying to work through? For me, it’s the cycles of violence, and how it’s slowly changed the amount of patience I’ve had, and it really wore on me to the point of where my patience has dwindled, and I hate the fact that it feels like it had that much of a negative affect on me. My wife doesn’t have BPD, it’s just that eventually there will be a small issue that continues to grow into a big wedge where I have to tiptoe until something ba…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 08:35 PM
1

Have you ever known a relationship coming back from something like this?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 08:03 PM
1

Any recommendations for a digital recorder? I know I can jump on Amazon, but figured I’d ask her because it might be a bit more catered to our situation as DV victims (in my case, it’s true, but I’m the victim, rather than just combatting accusations)
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 06:53 PM
1

Yeah…ironically the thing that changed this time was me. I’m wondering if she’s going to change to save our marriage, but it feels like I’m giving her no choice but to seek therapy, but at least she’s going and making attempts. It’s hard to predict if this is going to work out or not, statistically, the odds are against us.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 06:49 PM
1

Thanks for the tips. I think CA is against recording like that to be used as evidence against…I think if I’m defending myself sure. But she’s on high alert since I’ve brought up divorce and she’s been acting like an angel, that’s why I’m trapped. It’s not that I’m trying to coax her to hurting me, it’s that she knows I’m considering divorce so she’s doing her best to convince me otherwise. Even last night she was just staring out into space, looking at a paused TV. I could tell that she could fe…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 06:14 PM
1

Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m leaning towards divorce. Just want to make sure I’m not making a mistake, because if I do, it’s literally the worst mistake I’d ever make in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 04:57 AM
1

The biggest thing that we’ve identified through therapy is that I simply can’t trust her. Everything seemed perfect, despite being in a possible honeymoon phase, but in one of our latest therapy sessions, she started pushing blame to me. To be fair, in all of 10 years, I’m not perfect either, but there is only so much you can take year after year after year after year after year until you become affected, and you change. It’s no different than the reason why people say to be careful who you choo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 02:11 AM
1

I wish there was an amicable way out of this, but it looks like I just have to prepare myself for hell.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 02:08 AM
2

How about you and I get married at this point, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:07 AM
1

Off the top of your head, what are the actual possibilities of an amicable divorce happening? 10%? 5%? I feel like I should just get ready to live in a box.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 10:01 PM
1

I appreciate you trying. I asked her how she’d like for me to bring up issues, thinking that if I did things “her” way, that she’d be open to listening to me. Nope…just “why do you have to bring things up?” Also, this is not to be mistaken with things that are resolved like “bringing up the past”. These aren’t things being brought up from the past, these are things that still need to be resolved. EXAMPLE It’d be like if I called her something absolutely insulting in front of a live audience of 2…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:59 PM
1

We’ve been communicating, getting and seeking more therapy, but I’m just doubtful that it’s doing anything for her. We’re riding on the edge and she knows it. We’re amicable at the moment…but I know I’m wide open to get destroyed financially by the courts (and her) alike. We’re amicable now, but I don’t see any reason why she’d hold back against me and stop being amicable and just throw everything she has at me to drain every last bit of me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:56 PM
1

fragile is accurate, and the explosive comes later, but in between the fragile and explosive is a dark, draining, and depressing period where I have to stew on the issue knowing that it’ll be next to impossible to be able to bring it up since she never wants to talk about it again (she wants to forget about it and move on), and I just have to “live with it”. For example if she gets onto me for something, or is completely rude to me in front of other people, I have to suck it up during that time,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:48 PM
1

I’ve tried writing her, texting her, telling her, and she’d respond with “not now, maybe later”. 3 days, sometimes a week later, when everyone is happy and calm, I’ll very gently and lightly bring it up, to the point of where she wants to clarify what I’m talking about. Then I clarify it further and it becomes “oh that, didn’t we already resolve that? Why are you bringing that up now, you want to fight?” Etc. Over a period of 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:46 PM
1

Drinking isn’t what causes these issues. Rather, in the very rare occasion that she does drink, she’s actually pleasant. What eventually happens is everything is on edge, I’ll wait days before I’m able to bring up an issue that I think we need to resolve or suffer in silence, and when I bring up the issue, hell breaks loose. It’s like living in fear of having any kind of emotions. I’m not sure if I can wait for a next time FunkyTown, I’m unfortunately at that point man. 10 years. I know I’m abou…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:28 PM
0

It’s too late for that. I mean, in the future yes, but right now we’re in a honeymoon period so I’m stuck in limbo. I should have called the cops before..now I know better. Too late unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:13 PM
2

This is an excellent post. I think of the financial implications because surviving on fumes is debilitating, but your post shows that the happiness of marriage can overcome that…perhaps. DV in my case with losing a lot of parenting opportunities throws a complicated wrench into my heart, so I’m just stressing away day by day trying to fight through hopelessness.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 02:41 AM
1

To be clear, you absolutely CANNOT have one lawyer that represents the couple? I know you can’t have a lawyer represent, for example, the husband, and then, at the same time, the wife, because it would be an obvious conflict of interest. But for some reason, I thought that a lawyer could represent the both of them as a couple, because… they are united front? I’m ignorant so feel free to educate me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 01:06 AM
1

That’s…about where I’m at. After 10 years and a child, but getting a divorce just seems so harrowing. Getting my soul and heart ripped through my wallet, just not seeing how it’s all going to work out. Mind you, none of the evidence I have of the DV is going to stick, so basically I’ll be out spousal support and childcare. RIP. Just goes to show…you try to do everything right and as good as you can, and you still get nuked. How did you…or are you getting through with it? Just seems like a massiv…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 10:35 PM
1

I know each person’s story may differ, but what was the turning point (unless it was a series of events) for you all? I’ve experienced DV in my case and I think she “truly this time” wants to work it out since I expressed interest in a divorce without it being anywhere near a fight and it seemed to have shocked her “this time”. I just can’t believe it anymore. Even with therapist and counseling, I feel like if I get abused one more time, my entire life is going to unravel drastically and I’ll ju…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 09:28 PM
2

For some reason, this is what I needed to hear. It seems obvious, but it's also hard to see this line of thinking when having to consider other heavy variables.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 02:36 AM
2

A touch of empathy or respect goes a long way. Your tone is hard to get around (jumping to conclusions and snide remarks). That’s my feedback to you, take it how you like, and I say this with the risk of you replying with “well tough, good luck to you Evichar”. You may have more experience than I do on this topic, but I say again, a little understanding from who you’re conversing with goes a long way. It’s a need I have in this case, and it’s fair if you can’t give me even that little bit of res…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 08:09 PM
1

What you are sharing is terrifying, and shameful of some organizations… completely predatory. So, we all know that we have to pay child support. It sounds like what you are identifying is some kind of organization or organizations that inject themselves into this process as “legal“ as possible. Thanks to you, you’ve shielded me, and I can prepare my wife and I to protect ourselves against signing any nonsense and potentially avoid a massive nightmare. On the first video that you shared, child su…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:58 PM
3

Watching both now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:00 PM
2

You’re right, I’m not. Thankfully we still have some months before we actually start going through the motions. I’ve been reconsidering a lot with these responses. It’s hard to think clearly when something like this is just eating away at you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 04:39 PM
1

I would like your help, but understand I may not be like your other men you’ve spoken with. Perhaps you’ve dealt with this sure, then that means I would hope that you’d have an understanding on why I’m aloof. It’s not because it’s fun or I enjoy being obtuse as you say, it’s because I’m holding onto something which is damningly uncomfortable and I’m going through what may be the worst time of my life that I hope I can survive. I’d be more comfortable with chatting or DM’s if you’re up for that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 04:35 PM
2

I won’t be able to live in that country. I’d either have to visit when possible or vice versa while she is on break. Definitely reconsidering our stance though, we’re so focused on stability but perhaps presence overshadows that by far.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 03:07 PM
1

DM’d.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 03:05 PM
2

Thank you for sharing this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 02:32 PM
0

You’ve taken portions of what I already expanded on, and missed that I haven’t shared the entire chasm of what led to our why. That’s fine. I appreciate your feedback, just know the means to an end aren’t as simple as your response.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:45 PM
0

So per your response, your 1 for 3. And now you’re asking questions after the fact after your platter statement. Enjoy a block instead. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:30 AM
1

I’m glad you read everything, understood everything, and know the full situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:59 AM
3

Thank you for sharing those two different perspectives. They're both helpful for different reasons. The first perspective is helpful because it's what we all want, inside out and around. The second perspective is helpful because you might be onto something...somewhere deep into the future maybe I'll have a regret or a chance of mind, but there isn't any doubt that I have at the moment that this is the best decision for all of us. I know it's hard to understand that without providing every single…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:22 AM
1

How does filing jointly and agree to terms in front of a judge work? Is it that we file jointly, and then we get scheduled to appear before a judge and agree to those terms? Or is it more like we file jointly, we go over the documentation with our lawyers, appear before the judge alongside the lawyers, and then agree to it? It just seems like everything is good to go right now, I'm just afraid of a change of heart a few years down the line and then I get raked over the coals when our agreement f…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:19 AM
1

I explained in another comment below further, I may amend my original post if it seems to take center stage, but the long story short is, it’s a decision both my STBX and I have reached in the best interests of our child, and I get that we’ll have to present this before the court in order for them to see that we arrived at this decision with thought, not just on a fleeting thought.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 11:04 PM
3

It’s not comfortable just seeing my child a few times out of a year, it’s a decision that my wife and I have reached in the best interests of our child, knowing that typically the courts favor both mother & father being present in their life. With that said, yes, there is a deep layer of complexity which necessitated us arriving at this decision, and ultimately, the child has an absolutely robust foundation in her “home country” so to speak - she is a citizen of both countries, but it must be un…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 11:00 PM
1

Couch advice is all I’m looking for - otherwise, I’d be massively burning through consultations needlessly, whereas at least having this Q&A session and bouncing things off of you over a virtual beer, I can at least pointedly ask the questions that matter to our lawyers. Message sent by the way - looks like you have your chat function blocked to outsiders, so I can send you the regular message “reddit mail” as opposed to the “live chat function”.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:21 PM
1

Do you mind if I DM you? I have a couple of smaller questions that I’d appreciate your input/insight to. You’ve been extremely helpful in at least providing what a path may look like for us as my wife and I reach out for legal consultation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:14 PM
1

I see what you’re saying, thank you very much for spelling that out for me. Basically option 1 is low-cost but high-risk due to the possible perception of coercion, and Option 3 is extremely cost-effective because it puts a legal seal on things we already agree on, protecting our decision for years to come (if not “indefinitely”?)
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:08 PM
1

Ohhhhh I understand what you’re saying, I think I need to address a point here. She and I both want me to pay child support, period. I agree with that, she agrees with that, and that’s all good to go. My question is addressing the alimony (aka spouse support) portion. She doesn’t want any (outside of the lump sum I’m speaking of). ’m concerned that the judge would question her and/or the situation, despite me providing a lump sum to cover that obligation, -not- the obligation of child support. I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:03 PM
1

I’m the sole earner, but essentially she and I both realize that the more conflict that has to be resolved, the more expensive it gets. I was under the assumption that it’d be resolved in one of three ways to put it simply: Amicably, we do our own research, file our own documentation by following guidelines found online like wiki how or google etc. Amicably with mediator, costs more than #1, but at least we have someone with knowledge to help guide us through the process. Our understand is that …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:59 PM
2

Thank you for sharing, this is very reassuring u/pk2at
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:52 PM
4

We’re married 11 years, she’d have sole/100% custody, more than likely back in her country outside of U.S.A. She’s basically looking to get CS, but without anything else because she doesn’t want to financially harm me any more than what CS is going to be. She will be taken care of back in her home country with support of her family (they’re well off, she knows I’m not in comparison). We’re trying to do things as amicably as possible and this is her olive branch to me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:52 PM
0

It would seem that with both of us getting representation, costs would skyrocket…seemingly needlessly. E.g. - let’s say it was -me- wanting to forgo receiving alimony, and I signed the documents stating that. Would a judge essentially force our hands to paying out of our pockets to get representation to say the same thing we’re desiring for ourselves -without having to pay- for this legal representation?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:39 PM
1

She would be fine with attaining child support, forgoing monthly payments, but receiving a lump-sum instead. Overall yes, she’d be okay with forgoing “additional on top of the lump sum offered” if that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:37 PM
1

Very intricate situation that I can’t dive into the details for, hence why I said that I thought long hard and deep about it. It’s not just some random country. It’s a country where there is a significant amount of family surrounding and is able to support. I have no such support network here. It is not some easy, five second choice that I made. It was a very long hard, long process and worked through by talking with some professionals and bouncing it off of them, among other things that I don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:45 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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