(Throw away account) (Trigger warning, Domestic Violence)

I’m reaching out for help from a very difficult situation. I’m a victim of physical abuse over the course of a decade and we’ve tried counseling and many chances. For what it’s worth, I’m a tall male, so it’d be impossible to see this happening if you met me in person. Married to a foreign national, and we have a son. I thought about divorcing amicably, but I am also not sure if I should pursue a divorce and provide evidence of my abuse over the years as I am afraid she will rip my heart through my wallet. Her family is wealthy, and mine simply is not.

She will retain custody of our son in her country.

With that said, I sense that I will be paying child support, but the “spousal support“ is the part that I may be afraid of more than anything. I can’t comfortably live with her without fear of getting battered again. I care for her, but I can’t sleep well, my health is deteriorating, and I feel gray all of the time. I’ve reached out to the chaplain personally and am seeing therapists with her as well. I will retire, and I’m trying to figure out what the best way forward is if therapy and counseling continue not to workout: Do I try amicably first? Do I gather a lawyer (CA, no fault state), but may have stipulations it seems for abuse.. Do I include abuse in my case despite the fact that I care about my wife and what may happen to her if I include abuse evidence in my case? As sad as it is, I have the scars…photos…some video. We’ve never called the police, so there were never any reports made. Should I file for divorce in Korea? (we meet the required conditions since we lived there among other things), or just push for it in CA?

Also, I know some lawyers give a free consultation, but once I begin down that path, is it a never ending path to divorce, or is the retainer refundable? For example, perhaps I utilize the lawyer in the beginning to get a head start but then my spouse and I are able to arrive at an amicable conclusion. In other words, is there anything I should consider before just jumping to a lawyer? Is there anything I have to lose? I’m just worried that I’m jumping the gun.

I’m hoping somehow I can leverage a good amount of savings and assets (everything?) to that effect and keep my military pension/pay largely untouched (I assume a portion for child support, sure…but considering what I’d be giving her, I’d like to keep my military pay as unaffected as possible).

Thanks…