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47omek Archive

View 2 posts and 1,264 comments by 47omek on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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47

47omek/r/MGTOW27/05/21 02:11 PM
9

47omek/r/MGTOW10/10/18 01:01 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,264 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

She also wants that schedule because she will have more than 50% of the overnights for future child support re-calculation reasons. No judge is going to order that schedule that she wants, I'd hold my ground on the 2-2-5-5 and offer to be flexible. The ex and I have 2-2-5-5 on paper but at this point with 11 & 13 year old kids and all their activities we only loosely follow it and just work it out on the fly trying to equalize overnights as best we can. You want your schedule to be durable, don'…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 07:30 PM
10

This is why we tell men who are facing difficult STBX's to aim for a trial as quickly as possible. So many men spend multiples of what they should've on lawyers because they're doing endless rounds of back-and-forth and mediation that never works because there is no threat of a looming court date. Nothing gets a woman reasonable like a walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her fate. You're not the first to see this and you won't be the last, it would have been better…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 08:03 PM
1

Your ex knows exactly what her attorney is asking for and is all for it as she gets more money from you that way. You're falling into the classic trap of listening to what a woman SAYS rather than just watching what they DO. They filed a motion to remove you from your kid's lives as much as possible. Quit talking to her and FIGHT that in court. She gets more money if she has a court order giving her most of the overnights with the kids and that's what she cares about. Whether the kids are actual…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:50 PM
2

I did. Had to pay her about $105k equity so was forced to refi to pay her out. Put in some sweat equity and sold it a year later for about $60k higher than the agreed value which all went into my pocket.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 08:24 PM
2

You read us for a year telling men to never move out without a custody order signed by a judge then just ignored it and are moving out anyway? You're making a huge mistake. Children are involved, you HAVE to use lawyers. She'll have one "just to draw up papers". A lawyer can only represent one party, and it won't be you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:42 PM
1

Ask for mediation? GTFO with that. Mediation without a looming trial date is a WOMBAT. Have your attorney get a trial date as soon as humanly possible in your jurisdiction. Mediation will probably be court ordered anyway, and will probably go nowhere unless you just fall on your sword and give her everything. Make her take that walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her fate and all of a sudden she'll likely get a lot more reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:36 PM
3

Force the sale. Leave no financial entanglements post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:20 AM
5

Alimony shouldn't be a thing in this day and age. But at the very least they should require the women to work an equal number of hours as the paying men they're leeching off of to receive it, even if they're flipping burgers or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:16 AM
0

Yep - "to have and to hold" (biblical sense) is just as important as "forsaking all others" and "til death do us part" in the vows.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:21 AM
6

You want a litigator. Typically their office will be near the courthouse because they are there often. Ideally you are able to reach an agreement in mediation however the issue is this - a litigator can mediate just fine as they have a good idea what you'll get if you take it to trial, however attorneys that are "mediators" are usually not effective litigators. Often these types will push you to take a bad deal in mediation because they're deathly afraid of the inside of a courtroom and getting …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 09:52 PM
3

Feel free to leave, there's plenty of places on Reddit for women to scream "man bad" all day long for you to feel right at home in. 25% of men make $100k+ and less than half that percentage of women do. Women are overwhelmingly increasing their economic status by marrying and baby-trapping these men. And prenups aren't allowed to make any stipulations about child support or custody because the state maintains purview over those no matter what, so the whole ridiculous child support (read: mommy s…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:47 PM
7

What is the "financial devastation" she's caused? I'd have a pretty hard time considering anyone that's willingly screwed me financially to be a "good friend".
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:24 AM
3

Wrong again princess. You're on a roll! She has to stay in a marriage 10+ years in all states to get long-term alimony and most states have (rightfully) massively reduced alimony since women are perfectly capable of supporting themselves nowadays. On the other hand she can pump out a kid (that she wants anyway, it's a hardcore internal instinct for many) a year in with or without marriage and she's got close to 20 years of big money from the much larger percentage of $100k+ men locked in, no que…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:49 AM
8

Oh look a woman here to try and gaslight us out of the knowledge that so many of us have learned the hard way with our own eyes and experiences! You use the 18% figure but it's actually 25% of men that make $100k+, the figure is much lower for women because they don't work as much so the overall average is 18%. And a significant percentage of that 25% of men is a nerdy type that was inexperienced with women until they made that kind of money so are easy prey for the very types of women that are …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 01:14 AM
2

That's highly state-dependent. Plenty of states where that is not the case.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:46 PM
12

Because she then has court-ordered access to a significant portion of your paycheck for the next 18-23 years depending on the state you're in and she probably gets a better than 50/50 asset split on the way out. You're an annuity to her. She wanted kids and she wanted the security of an income she didn't have to earn. Not every woman wants to be a wife, some number want to be a mother and have a man's money without the wife part. The current divorce industrial complex enables that for them, easi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:15 PM
3

Don't pay a dime while the divorce is proceeding that isn't ordered by a judge. Her having a lawyer and you not means you're going to get bent over in whatever settlement they come up with. If she's living in the house she can pay the mortgage. You've got your own housing expenses to pay in the meantime. Get your own lawyer. Her having to foot the entire mortgage and going underwater doing so will keep the pressure on her to reach a reasonable settlement. If you're paying half, she's got your ho…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 07:25 PM
1

OK I see some of these and your other comments. She's gone silver bullet and you already know that she won't be reasonable. Have your attorney aim for a hearing as quickly as humanly possible. "We'll see what the judge says" is the response to her ridiculous settlement offers. Her walking up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her fate is your only real chance of any reasonable settlement here. You already have no parenting time, so you have nothing to lose with a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 07:21 PM
1

So you already have interim parenting time orders? Then she doesn't control whether you see your kids, unless you were ordered zero time. Otherwise if there are no orders move back into the marital home and see your children every day.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 07:11 PM
8

You're assigning FAR too much of your feelings about yourself to the whims of the women around you and whether they find you "worthy". Why do you care what they think? If you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you are doing the right things for yourself and your children that is all the validation you really need to know that you're a good man. The thoughts of flighty women are completely outside your control and as you've seen when dealing with your ex either don't have that much to …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 06:39 PM
2

I don't like your "ex is willing to let me see my kids" statement phrasing AT ALL. It speaks to you having a mindset that child custody is something that she controls. It isn't, she is subject to the same family court custody decisions and controls that everyone else is. You need to change your mindset from parenting time being something she "gives" to being something that you're going to TAKE and ensure by court order that you get it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 06:27 PM
1

Do not move out of the house without a custody order signed by a judge. Her "agreed rotation" can go right out the window once you're out in your leased place and you'd have zero recourse and zero parenting time (they stay in the marital home) until you can get a temporary orders hearing. Stay in the marital home, file for divorce and have her served. Adopt the gray rock method in communication with her and have a digital audio recorder running on your person at all times in the home for your pr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 04:38 PM
5

Single mom and longest relationship 6 months? That screams major mental health issues if she can't keep the mask on any longer than that. Run away.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:31 PM
4

It's 18 in Texas or 19 if they haven't graduated HS yet. No college requirement - so Texas dads going through divorce DO NOT get talked into including any college provisions in your divorce decree. What you pay for college and post-HS support is between you and your adult child, not the state nor your greedy leech of an ex-wife. Unfortunately it looks like Missouri is one of those dumbass states that love continuing the wealth transfers from men to women for as long as they can get away with. It…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:22 PM
2

I initiated. Being "happy" is a bit of a fleeting temporary emotion and not something I care to chase. However I am extremely content with my life as it is now, vastly improved from when I was married. Every decision, every dollar I earn is mine and mine alone (minus taxes and mommy support, of course). I get to parent our children how I see fit on my half of the time without interference from her and I get to just be a bachelor and recharge when I don't have them. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:30 PM
4

I did. Ex was into equestrian and looking good to all the other women so a big spender. Even with having to hand her $22k per year in mommy support (I have 50/50 parenting time mind you) and half the assets I've been able to increase my NW from our combined 600k pre-divorce (I kept $300k) to almost $2M now in just 7 years. I'm able to save/invest almost $100k/yr while she still spends every dime of her, my, and her daddy's money that she can get her hands on to look good to all the other women.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:03 PM
5

DO NOT move out of the marital home without a custody order signed by a judge. Why are you just volunteering to fall on your sword? I can assure you that there won't be any appreciation from your STBX for you moving out and she'll use it as leverage going forward. She's now got your house, your kids, your money and no you. Exactly what she's always wanted. Why would she want to reach a reasonable settlement when she's already got all of that?
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:43 PM
2

No, he was supposed to go straight into getting the divorce done right from the beginning and NOT GET A GIRLFRIEND that the STBX knows about because that automatically means she is going to fight tooth and nail over everything. It's a mistake so many men make, just keep the dating life as quiet as possible until the divorce is done, don't introduce anyone to the kids, don't bring her around. You're just asking for a protracted expensive divorce by bringing the STBX's replacement around before th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 01:15 AM
5

I've never actually introduced any girl I've dated post-divorce to my kids. It would have to be at least 6 months minimum dating with clear likelihood of further progression (moving in etc) before I'd even consider it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 04:47 PM
4

Getting a girlfriend before your divorce is even close to final is a big reason why you have $700k in legal fees and counting.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 04:45 PM
10

Get a paternity test on the child. With her being away from you for all but a 3-month timeframe it's entirely possible the child isn't yours.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 01:08 PM
1

File for divorce and temporary child support based on your status quo of full custody. Get full or at least primary custody in the eventual divorce and have her ordered to pay the state guideline child support like any man would have to do. Until more women are forced to pay support the laws will never be changed to be a reasonable amount for raising the child, so get everything you're entitled to as primary parent. Do not tell her you are doing this, simply have her served with the divorce peti…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:49 AM
5

Oh how I wish my ex would have just run off. Instead I have to deal with her all the time for 14 fucking years until the youngest graduates. Today on Mother's Day she had me keep a kid overnight and take them to their activity early this morning because she didn't want to and wanted to lay in bed instead, and then bitched at me in texts because I took them to lunch after the activity instead of bringing them straight home so that she could get her social media Mothers Day "doing it all on my own…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:24 PM
1

Why do you assume that you will be the one moving? Why are you just assuming that you won't have the kids 50% of overnights or better? I kept the house and I got 50% parenting time in a non-50/50 state because I would accept nothing less and was completely willing to take it to a trial to prove I was the more involved parent. They knew that (and that I had documentation of being a more involved parent) and folded in mediation. Between my own parenting time and handling a large portion (majority)…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:14 PM
5

Do not talk to her in person, on the phone, and do not text unless it's an immediate need of the children. Email only. Do not respond to any of her emails any earlier than the next day. If she tries to talk or text, your response is "Sounds important, send me an email". Direct communication with you is a privilege that she has abused and now lost. Also, look up the Gray Man method and put it into place around her. You cannot control her behavior, but you can control your response to it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 08:21 PM
7

There's someone she wants to bang on this upcoming work trip, and she was looking for your agreement on opening up the "marriage" or at least for enough gray area in her mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance and be able to tell herself she's not "cheating" because cheating would make her a bad person. She's now got that. Dude your marriage is over and has been for a long time. No sex for 2 years means she does not care whatsoever about your needs and you're just a financial means to an end f…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:13 PM
6

She's just stringing you along while she tries to get the other dude to fully commit. 99% that she's already had sex with him and continues to do so. You're just a backup plan, and if she can't get this dude to commit she'll find one that will eventually and you'll be out. Monkey branch physics for her - don't let completely go of the current branch until you've got a firm grip on the next one. Get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. Focus on being the best dad to your daughter that you ca…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:15 PM
4

Massively expensive hobby where it's pretty much pay to win, they'll bleed you dry financially. Most of them are entitled and spoiled by their rich dads and you'll be hard pressed to compare to that level of "support". Also more likely to care far more what other women think about them than what YOU think about them and you'll be doing a lot of keeping up with the Jones's. They start disrespecting their husbands and going dead bedroom because the husband isn't the strongest, most powerful thing …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:15 PM
9

LOL you're listening to a woman's words and not looking at her actions. She's lost attraction for you and this "spiritual" nonsense is just an excuse to not have sex with you anymore. Gray rock her from now on, take your time, get your ducks in a row financially and parenting-wise, get yourself a lawyer and file for divorce and have her served. She doesn't need to know anything about this, the first time she hears the "D" word should be when she's handed the divorce petition. You'll be amazed ho…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:16 PM
6

Horse women. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:33 PM
2

Go to a different doc. 300 is the min test level when they group all men from age 20-70... you don't want to be at the barely acceptable level of a 70 year old man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:53 AM
2

Assuming you never mentioned it to her before, I wouldn't disclose the crypto at all, as if you've only been married 2.5 years there's no way you should have to give up bank statements from prior to that time. That marriage time is too short for her to get alimony in most cases, you might offer a little "get on your feet" money but that's it. My opening offer would be half of the contributions to the retirement account for the last 2.5 years and the gains on those contributions over the 2.5 year…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:07 PM
3

No sex for years means she does not care about your needs/desires at all. You are a means to an end for her. Don't be so sure there isn't anyone else, either. Combining the no sex with her marriage dictatorship and I don't see why you would stay in this. However you don't "ask" for divorce as it's not hers to grant or deny, it's the state that you live in. Get all your ducks in a row beforehand then have your attorney file for divorce and have her served. You don't "ask" her for divorce, you TEL…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 02:09 AM
7

Trial separation = I want you out of our house so I can get everything in the divorce. Give her a divorce, but it doesn't have to be the fairy-tale one she wants where she walks away with everything. She's free to leave the marital home and run to mommy and daddy for this "trial separation" while the divorce progresses through the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:03 AM
1

You have children though, correct? Staying in the marital home until their is a signed (by a judge) 50/50 or better custody order is paramount.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 04:42 AM
1

Why is it presumed that you will be moving into the rental? If she wants out so bad she can move out of the marital home and into the rental.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:37 PM
2

$300k in assets that she did nothing to earn as she spent everything she made on mostly non-essentials during the marriage while I saved. Including about $50k in value increase on 401k assets that I had before even marrying her. $275k in "child support' (read: mommy support as we all know) over the next 14 years. You're getting off easy. And I got off easy compared to many other men with 7-figure asset/"support" losses. Marriage/divorce in this day and age is designed to be an asset transfer fro…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 02:41 AM
5

Alimony and the ridiculous "child support" (read: mommy support) awards that are far beyond the basic needs of the child are just the modern form of indentured servitude that is somehow legal, as long as it's only men paying it. Every woman getting these ridiculous payouts should be required to work - in a real job - AT LEAST as many hours per week as the men paying before they receive a dime.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 04:09 AM
3

They're never "hostile" until they aren't getting everything they want in the divorce. Protect yourself, look up the "gray rock" method and put that into place in all interactions with your STBX going forward. Do not let her disturb your peace - you cannot control her but you CAN control your own reaction to her behavior. Be the best dad that you can be to your son during the time that you have with him and he will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:50 AM
3

Move back in and file for divorce. You didn't just randomly arrive at the decision to separate, it took 5 long years of neglect to get there, and if she actually cared about meeting your needs she would have done it at some point during that time. Don't drag this marriage out even longer as it will be worse for you financially the longer you wait. You can dangle the carrot of possible reconciliation if you like but do not let it prevent the divorce from completing. If she makes a real long-term …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:44 AM
3

Move back into the marital home. Parent your children. Gray rock (look it up) your wife. Get an attorney and file for divorce, do not tell her you're doing this just have her served with the petition. Do not move out of the home again without a court order giving you parenting time of the children (preferably 50%) signed by a judge. Have a digital audio recorder running covertly on your person at all times in the marital home to combat false domestic violence accusations. Remove 100% of her acce…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:36 AM
1

Or maybe she's just a terrible person. So many excuses made for so many women to act horribly toward their husbands. She was pretty awful before the baby by all accounts and accepts zero accountability for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:29 AM
2

Your words there tell the story... "her baby". She does not see you as an equal parent whatsoever and does not respect you. You are in for a huge fight when divorce comes. My advice is to cool your jets and do your best to parent your child while gray rocking (look up that term if you don't know it) your wife. Divorcing now when your child is so young will likely not have a good outcome for you custody-wise... best to wait til the child is at least 2 and go for equal parenting time at that point…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:25 AM
2

Funny how a man not bringing in income any longer has a way of making a large number of women realize all of a sudden that they no longer want to be married. Just a crazy coincidence...
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:37 PM
1

Oh cut the "woe is me" drama, princess. Please don't assign your over the top emotions to me, I'm not "offended" by anything you post - you're not that impactful. I just find it silly for you to come to a man's space and tone police. I accused you of lying because you posted the opposite of what you posted in previous posts that you chose to delete recently to hide that you had posted them. And again, you're not posting "just take EOW" in the women's divorce sub. Men have everywhere and everyone…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 02:32 PM
1

You're not posting this in Divorce_Women though, are you? Only for the men. Also, before you deleted most of your post history you were posting about YOU being the one with primary and your ex only having EOW, so interesting to see you flip that around now. Are you lost? Hard to see why so many women feel the need to butt in on men's spaces and tone police us and give self-serving advice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 08:09 PM
26

She's cheating, or at least has a specific man that she's in contact with that she has her sights set on. The "light-switch" effect is very common in that scenario and she has to find fault with everything you do to justify to herself that you deserve to be cheated on and left and that she isn't a bad person for doing so. Don't have sex with her and get your divorce done as financially advantageously to yourself as possible while she's still in the "affair fog" and wants to move to the new guy a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 09:54 PM
7

Of course we get a woman in here telling men to just take the every other weekend screw job and like it. Men, you are not lesser parents and don't just accept that you are. Set 50/50 as the bottom line and fight for it. I did so and have zero regrets and my children are better off for it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 07:05 PM
5

Nope. 50/50 was my hill to die on and it includes overnights.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:23 PM
1

Dad's Divorce Forum lives on...
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 03:19 AM
3

Get all personal valuables and important records out of the house into a place where the stbx does not have access. Get a digital audio recorder running covertly on your person at all times when in the marital home to fight off false domestic violence accusations. Stay in the marital home, try to create a locked fortress of solitude in the home (spare bedroom etc) that stbx can't get into, but assert all of the parenting you can and make it clear that you're not just going to back down and will …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:26 AM
4

Overnights is all that matters, you will be paying massive CS with her having 100% (and on paper in the court order is all that matters). I've read Florida is a pretty much default 50/50 state - you need to get your 50% overnights on paper in the decree and get it NOW in the initial divorce - it's 3x more expensive and 3x longer to go back and try to change already existing custody.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:16 AM
2

Unless it's dictated by court order (ie. your divorce decree) you can name whoever you want as life insurance beneficiary, or not carry any life insurance at all. In my case the decree dictates I carry life insurance payable to ex equal to the amount of outstanding "child support" (read: mommy support) until the kids age out so I make her a % beneficiary of my larger policy equal to the outstanding CS.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:12 AM
3

Find out what age in your state the courts will take kids' custody preferences into account. If she is as useless of a mother as you say, there's no way the kids would want to go with her. Whenever the youngest reaches the age of having a say, that's when you should pull the trigger, not wait until he's 18. The best she'd likely get is every other weekend which wouldn't have you missing out on much. Even with that aside, be aware that once kids are around 16 they can effectively vote with their …
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:55 PM
2

Good deal it appears you're going into it eyes open, hope it all works out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:11 AM
3

You're potentially making a huge mistake moving out without court ordered parenting time signed by a judge. All it takes is one hen in her ear and she can withhold the kids from you completely until you can get temporary orders (weeks to months later), and you can bet they'll be worse than 50/50 since she lives in the marital home (that you're also giving up all rights to with nothing in writing as to equity split). Good luck to your spit-in-the-hand handshake, but I wouldn't advise anyone to ta…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:15 AM
1

You set a no marriage boundary and she'll either live it or she won't. You can't control other people, you can only control your reaction to them. If she begins to act "resentful" about not being married, it's time for you to send her on down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:06 AM
2

I don't. My 50% time with the kids is for them alone with my undivided attention, and a large chunk of the ex's 50% I still end up driving the kids to activities/appointments etc. I've had 6ish month dating deals with a couple women and it just left me completely worn out and spread way too thin to be the kind of dad I want to be and left the women frustrated at the lack of time I could give them and always pushing for more. So not worth it at all for me to just get a little regular ass and I've…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:33 AM
1

Agreed 100%. My child's quality of life is not equalized in any way with their classmates'. Many kids have far more than my kids do and many kids have far less. Why should it be equalized between houses? As long as the absolute basics (food/shelter/clothing) are accounted for there should be no further equalization. If mom wants to give the kid a better quality of life at her home she can work for it just like dad does at his.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:16 AM
1

So your ex didn't pay a dime of (a not much) CS before the divorce agreement and you just laid down and waived $9k in arrears and the court OK'd that? And now after divorce the ex has still not paid a dime of court ordered CS up to almost a felony amount? And you aren't pursuing it because you feel bad that mom would be on a deadbeat website? AND after all that.... you say that men and women are treated the same? I can assure you that ANY man in your ex's position would have been buried under th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:12 AM
5

Too many men attach their self-image and self-perception of their worth to the opinion of the women that they date/marry. After all, if that cute girl is willing to bone me, I must be a pretty good dude, right /s? I reached the realization some time ago that I do not care whatsoever about the whims of mostly irrational creatures and their opinion of me has no bearing whatsoever on whether I see myself as a good and worthy person. After that, sex is just something that's nice to have when availab…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 11:31 PM
1

Dude, Gray Rock method. Look that up and put it into place with her going forwards. You CANNOT be "kicked out of your house". Your house is just as much yours as hers. YOU are the primary parent and if anyone needs to leave it should be her. It takes two to "fight", otherwise it's just one crazy person screaming at the walls. You will no longer rise to the bait when she starts in on you. GRAY ROCK. Get a digital audio recorder running covertly on your person at all times in the marital home to a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 05:50 AM
15

I've done it and offered the reverse, when the kids were younger. We only live 5 minutes apart so no big deal to go over and do the family thing. Now that the kids are older - this year when she offered I told her no, I'd have the kids on the 27th and we'd do our Christmas then. It doesn't have to be a big thing - go over and enjoy the extra time with your children, keep your mouth shut and then head home at the first opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 05:37 AM
3

Yeah, I share it with my girlfriend, she's from Canada, you wouldn't know her! Whatever princess. Good luck in your parental alienated man-hating future. Sounds like your mom did a real number on you. You wouldn't have deleted the post history trying to hide shiz if you were on the up and up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 05:02 AM
1

Nope, do not move out of the marital home without a custody order signed by a judge. Otherwise you're at her whims for custody and setting yourself up for a disaster in "family" court.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:08 AM
2

I kept a daily parenting log of who was taking care of the children with 15 minute granularity for 4 years after our son (second child) was born because very soon after his birth I became very sure that we would be divorcing. With that in hand I felt I could confidently fight off her attempts to claim she was primary parent (I had been solo parent 65% of the time in my log). At 4 and 6 I felt the kids were old enough to handle time apart from either of us and I filed. Went into mediation knowing…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:05 AM
3

Mom is the "sweetest person ever". Dad is the Devil. Yep, parental alienation all the way. You don't have memories from when you were three weeks old, that's something your mom told you and probably made up. It's "seriously weird" of you to come here and assume that we're all "slandering" our ex-wives when we can state with absolute certainly that we were the abused ones and are 100% truthful. Why did you delete some of your prior history posts that you were a female high schooler applying to co…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:53 AM
5

Your experience is not everyone's. Just because you think your dad is awful (and you don't know what went on behind closed doors between your parents so even you can't really say) doesn't mean everyone here is "likely" the same. As you get older you'll realize you are not the center of the universe and others have had other experiences and that we just may be right in the aggregate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 05:51 AM
11

She was trying to set you up for a protective order violation. Good job not falling for the trap. It's so terrible that "family" court lets women get away with this stuff. Stay frosty.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:57 PM
10

A large chunk of modern women aren't in it for the struggle as you work your way up, they're waiting at the finish line to fuck the winners - and dropping even the winners as soon as they stop "winning".
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 07:29 PM
14

The world has been telling them their whole lives that they're flawless princesses and that everyone must accept them just as they are with zero pushback ever or else it's "controlling" behavior. It's the outcome of modern gynocentrism.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:37 AM
1

Depends on the state/province. In Texas there is no provision for child support after 18 or graduating HS whichever is last. There's also no provisions here for requirements to pay for college - and I strongly advise all men who are in states that don't require it to NOT agree to any college payment provisions in the decree. You can choose and agree with your now adult child to pay whatever your financial situation allows at the time they're going to college and it also allows you to have your o…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 09:16 PM
7

So much for the "open adultery is a recreation that is denied to her" part. Nowadays in the great majority of jurisdictions her adultery will have no recourse or bearing on the divorce at all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 06:01 PM
5

It failed because couples therapy is a colossal waste of time and money. If both parties were reasonable people capable of seeing the other person's side and acting accordingly, they wouldn't be in that situation to "need" it in the first place. What I would do differently is not go, save the money I spent on it, and hire an attorney to file divorce sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 08:22 PM
3

I did, my boss had been divorced with kids as well so he understood what I was going through and was very flexible with me. A month after the divorce was settled he gave me a HUGE raise which took alot of the sting out of the ridiculous mommy support payments. 10/10 would do again (though NEVER getting married again so moot)
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 05:04 PM
7

Once the "D" word comes out it doesn't go back in the bottle. Just a matter of time. Fight like hell for your children and youself financially longterm. She's no longer your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:52 AM
3

Cut her loose and find one that's not still married. Or better yet don't find one at all. This blended family nonsense goes wrong at a horrible rate long-term.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:50 AM
1

Do it yourself. You need to treat your divorce like a second full-time job, don't just outsource it to your lawyer or ChatGPT.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 09:11 PM
4

Fidelity Full View. Since my work 401k was with them already I moved brokerage, HSA, etc there and you can add "accounts" for values of homes, items etc. They've got a 2% on everything cash back credit card and their Cash Management account works like a checking account but pays effectively HYSA interest rates. It's a pretty good setup.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:33 PM
6

OK, this REALLY needs to be your "last big fight". From this point forward, you DO NOT fight with her. It takes two to fight, otherwise it's just a crazy person yelling at the walls. Look up the Gray Rock method - that is what you will be towards her from this point forward. Do not give her even the slightest justification for an "I'm scared of him" claim that will have you removed from the family home and fighting from a disadvantage for the duration of the divorce. Consider getting a digital a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:26 PM
1

9yo is old enough for week-on/week-off. I greatly preferred when we were doing that over the 2/2/5/5 in our decree but since the ex wanted to go back for her own purposes (not the children's) we had to go back to what was on paper. The fewer transitions, the better IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 07:00 PM
9

Parenting exactly how I want to on my half of the time with the children without interference and undermining from the ex is better than full-time with her around doing the above. I see them all the time on her days anyway with their activities etc.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:57 PM
5

Don't tip your hand. The first time she hears the "D" word should be when she's being handed the divorce petition that your attorney filed the prior day. Secure all personal valuables, documents etc outside the home where she can't get to them. Put all your firearms in the care of a trusted friend so that she can't claim you're threatening her with them. Do all of this secretly BEFORE filing. Look up "silver bullet divorce" and take steps to minimize your exposure to this. If you have minor chil…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:51 PM
1

I don't think it's just in your head based on what you're describing. That existence sounds completely miserable - it doesn't sound like she really likes you at all much less loves you. I lived what you're going through regarding being primary breadwinner and still doing the great majority of the work in the home as well while getting zero appreciation and having all my contributions minimized by her - I pulled the plug and am doing far better without her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:46 PM
2

This is exactly why she's dragging it out - it's the best she'll ever get and she's establishing it as the status quo so the longer it goes the better it is for her at the eventual trial. You HAVE TO aim for trial as quickly as you can get there. But don't just show up with nothing but your dick in your hand like you did this time, be ready with evidence to refute any and all last-minute bullshit that she might bring to trial. She did it this time, you know she's going to do it again. Be able an…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:03 AM
1

If you want kids without a woman, there's always surrogacy. In fact it's really the only way I'd recommend a man have children anymore given current divorce laws - it's the only way to guarantee that the state will never be able to dictate if/when you get to parent your own children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 03:50 AM
6

Quit going back and forth with her forever. Assuming you have an attorney as well, you're just generating attorney fees that will eventually bleed you dry to the point you take a bad deal. Mediation is going to fail, be ready to walk out after around 2 hours when she doesn't budge to keep from running up attorney and mediator hours. Instruct your attorney to file for another divorce trial date as quickly as possible. You really should have just gone forward with the trial yesterday with a "lets …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:19 PM
3

Fantastic post here. Listen to this guy OP.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:50 PM
13

Why would I ever remarry? New woman can live without the government slavery contract or she can get on down the road...
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 03:10 AM
9

Your experience is not everyone's. Your one anecdote does not offset thousands of other points of data. There are plenty of men that between asset loss, alimony, attorney fees fighting off silver bullets, and egregious uncapped mommy support are set back 25+ years. Congrats to you, but don't come around here telling us we didn't experience what we experienced.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:47 AM
4

You don't "leave" and you don't need to "ask" for divorce. You get an attorney and have them file for divorce while you remain in the home. You have a process server hand her a copy of the divorce petition. Don't tip her off before the filing because that opens you up to a bunch of pre-divorce shenanigans like false domestic violence accusations, her hiding or dissipating assets, or her playing keepaway with the children. You do not move out of the house without a custody order, preferable 50/50…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 09:10 PM
2

It might as well be named Divorce_Women. Just like family court it's massively slanted in favor of the women and the man-haters there hate any thought of men being treated equitably.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 08:58 PM
5

Probably? You have no way of knowing that. Plenty of women are just terrible people towards their husbands.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 08:44 PM
12

It's always amicable until you don't agree to give the woman everything she wants. Make sure you're protecting yourself and not backing down from equal parenting time and equitable financial split. Now is the time to make sure your ducks are in a row for parenting and making sure she can't pull financial or false DV shenanigans, you can always soften up once the ink is dry on the signed (by a judge) divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 08:41 PM
5

I've got a group of buddies (mostly single and middle-aged) that get together and watch NFL every Sunday. We take turns hosting/cooking and get to just be men without any side-eye from annoying wives. It's great.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 01:08 PM
2

Do NOT move out without a custody order signed by a judge! Come up with a BS story why you can't on Sunday. What she does is nothing for you to worry about from now on. All that matters now is preserving your relationship with your child and getting out of this as financially whole as you can. Moving out gives her your house, your child 100% of the time, probably your money after she files for massive temporary "child" support, and no you - what incentive does she have to reach a reasonable sett…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:40 AM
0

Just say no. She wants a child support increase. 2-2-3 is 50/50 overnights (which is how CS is decided), her proposal is 4/7 overnights with her (every Sun/Mon/Tue/Wed) meaning she gets more child support. Straight money grab like mothers do quite often. Or propose the Sunday night is with you instead of her every week and she'll probably balk. She wants that money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 11:08 PM
4

Take a day off work and go down to the courthouse and watch them at work, if you see one clearly with their S together get a card from them. Also tends to weed out the ones that are afraid of a courtroom and will try to get you to take a bad deal.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 06:49 PM
4

No reason for you to "leave". File for divorce and remain in the marital home for the duration of the divorce. Get a court ordered parenting plan signed by a judge with you having 50% or more parenting time and voila - you never "left" them and get to be a 100% all-in dad with no interference from the STBX on your half of the parenting time. In my experience it's superior to trying to parent with the she-beast criticizing everything you do and ruining what should have been many awesome days with…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 04:42 AM
1

Nope. 50/50 equal parenting time is your bottom line. Anything else and it's "Let's see what the judge says". Princess is not a SAHM anymore, time for her to put her big girl pants on and get at J-O-B and support her child just like you do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 11:17 PM
2

Ok sounds like you've a good idea what you're doing. Good luck - and just remember - it's ALWAYS amicable until the first time you tell her no!
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 06:31 PM
2

It doesn't just need to be signed by her, it needs to be signed by a family court judge. And the only way to get that is for divorce to be filed. Any agreement just between you and her, even written and notarized, is completely unenforceable and will hold zero water in the divorce to come. You are opening yourself up to a whole host of bad things by moving out of the marital home. The need to move out in order to reconcile just strikes me as silly to be honest as marriages don't get repaired by …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 03:53 PM
3

Terrible idea. Marriages don't get repaired by living apart. Just rip the bandaid off and file for divorce. If you separate you probably mean that you'll move out and she'll have the kid most of the time, which will create a terrible outcome for you financially and custody-wise in the divorce that's certain to follow. File for divorce, remain living in the marital home at least until there's a 50/50 custody order signed by a judge and preferably until the divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 03:09 PM
1

Take a day off work and go to the courthouse and watch a bunch in action. When you see one that clearly has their ish together ask for their card.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 11:26 PM
3

Pick the smaller firm that has an office walking distance from the county courthouse. You want an attorney who is NOT afraid of a courtroom (surprisingly many lawyers are FYI). The lawyers afraid of a courtroom will try to get you to take a bad deal so they don't have to go in front of a judge and get exposed. I had great success with a small firm where the main attorney had a junior attorney that he farmed all the busy-work out to at a lower hourly rate. Main attorney was there for court and fo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 03:36 AM
1

You're not hearing me - you're just burning money doing mediation at this point. Get a trial date on the docket and don't schedule any more mediation until a couple weeks prior to that date. You say you don't mind making your attorney rich mediating but it's just making it more difficult for you to ACTUALLY follow through on the threat of trial. Keep your powder dry for when it's actually needed/useful.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:32 PM
2

With someone like your STBX you need a looming court date to get anywhere in mediation. Don't waste anymore time or money until the trial date is coming up and she's about to have a stranger in robes deciding her fate if she doesn't get reasonable real quick.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 02:04 AM
1

Alright good deal - they still call it ESPO even though it is the default so that threw me off. It's a decent custody setup, enjoy your parenting time with the kiddo(s).
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 12:33 AM
1

No kids and she's putting in zero effort to improve the relationship? Cut her loose, marriage counseling is basically a waste of money, brains, and time when a relationship gets to this point. Once you're single learn to savor your freedom and don't give it up for just any woman, she needs to ADD to your already great life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 06:57 PM
4

Why the standard possession order instead of Expanded Standard? It's basically there for the asking, if you want it. Glad you were able to get agreement in Texas in mediation to preserve assets from the vultures a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 06:50 PM
10

LOL yes gotta complete the real sentence. "Find myself" almost always means "Find myself some new dick as fast as possible".
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 05:43 PM
2

Love the word "skank", so 90s. We need to bring that one back to the current lingo.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 08:15 PM
5

I would not pay a dime more than court ordered as CS as it's currently implemented is not guaranteed in any way to be spent on the needs of the children at all. If the children have specific needs then I might pay over and over the court order DIRECTLY TO THE PROVIDER but would never just throw more mommy support over the fence and hope for the best. If she's not able to meet the needs of the children with state guideline CS then the children should be with me for more parenting time as I can.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:10 PM
13

It's funny to watch the language of the posts of many women in divorce forums. It's always "MY" kids when talking about custody, taking care of them etc. The only time it's "HIS" kids is when they're talking about getting Child Support (read: mommy support as it's implemented in the US).
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:00 PM
3

You're the custodial parent and in Texas your income doesn't matter. It's a straight percentage of the non-custodial parent's net income no matter what, so she's going to be paying you. Might not be much on a 30k income but better than nothing. She's way off here trying to scare you into agreeing to something she'll never get in court. "Let's see what the judge says" is your response. Odds are she won't actually file anything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:56 AM
2

She will absolutely try and alienate your daughter against you. That's what those types do. The way to fight it is to have 50% or more parenting time. Do NOT settle for anything less - I went into divorce steadfast that the only way I was getting less than 50% parenting time was if a judge ordered it as I would NEVER agree. And I got 50% parenting time in a non-50/50 state (TX) by sticking to my guns. With enough parenting time you can show your daughter with your actions that you aren't the mon…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 06:58 PM
2

This is what we do as well. It also allows us to both file as Head of Household status instead of Single. Works well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 06:49 PM
4

Marriage counseling is a waste of money, brains, and time (WOMBAT). Especially with a woman who believes she is incapable of doing anything wrong. Rip the bandaid off, find an attorney, and file for divorce. Don't tip her off though, the next time she hears the D word should be when she's handed the divorce petition that your attorney filed the day before.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:57 PM
5

Custody first, always. If you're not getting 50/50 parenting time on the table, you and your attorney pack up and walk out at around the 2 hour mark. Contrary to what others said i wouldn't go for easy stuff first - you need every bargaining chip available to ensure 50/50 parenting time - and if you've already given the chips away there's nothing to use to ensure equal parenting time. My attorney and I were packing up to leave with no 50/50 on the table (my state TX is also NOT a 50/50 presumpti…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:49 PM
1

I cook, clean, and pick up the kids a helluva lot more than my ex-wife does and I don't have to "stay home" to do it. It's the year 2025. Once the children are in full-time school there is no longer any need for a "stay-at-home" anything, and women that continue to do so are just leeching off their husbands at that point. Don't worry about my bloodline, it's doing just fine especially as I demonstrate by example to my children how a man manages a career and raises children and doesn't have to be…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 05:31 PM
-1

So much this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 05:08 PM
3

Kids are in school all day after age 5. She chose to continue to sit on her ass all day instead of contributing to the family. This ain't 1850 where keeping a home is a full-time job, we have modern appliances that allow us to work full-time jobs and still take care of the home when we're not at work. She mentions "take care of all our kids" but they "won't qualify for child support"? If she's still "taking care" of 18+ year old adults she did a shit job raising them as a "full-time mom". Prince…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 05:02 PM
1

No, you're under no obligation to accommodate her schedule. The decree will typically spell out a set schedule and if she can't exercise her parenting time then they should be with you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:47 PM
10

Coming up next: Season 6 Episode 4 in the hit series "Why You Don't Wife Up Single Mothers!". You were always just a resource provider to her and HER children. She knows the ropes of divorce and "child support" (read: mommy support) and knows that with just one kid of yours she gets access to roughly 25% of your paycheck for the next 18 years (or more) so she goes ahead and locks that in. Once she's got that, you serve no further need and here comes the divorce so she can move on to the next vic…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 12:06 AM
12

The word "abuse" is effectively meaningless when spoken by many women nowadays. It basically means "he told me 'No' once" in their usage. My ex actually physically abused/assaulted me many times, I never even raised my voice and she had the gall to tell me she a few weeks back how she was so prone to "abusive relationships" like ours. Like bitch, YOU'RE the abuser!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:12 PM
13

No, do not move out of your home! This is a ploy to get you out of the house and set the status quo of her having 100% of the parenting time with the children, which she will try and make permanent in the divorce that will surely follow. Marriages don't get repaired by being apart and they DEFINITELY don't get repaired by dating others. She is a cheating 304 and cannot be trusted. If she wants to "separate" SHE can move out and the kids stay in the home with YOU. She's several steps ahead of you…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:02 PM
2

Winner winner chicken dinner! Congratulations sir!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 05:58 PM
5

That's a feature not a bug. In Texas as well as almost all other states "child support" is actually Mommy Support and a fully intentional wealth transfer from men to women.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 04:57 PM
2

OK, but what do you think bringing the lawyers into this is going to accomplish? All it's going to do is burn some money and let the ex know it's working. Unless your ex slips up and gets recorded making disparaging remarks about you to the child nothing will ever be done about it and even if she did it would just be a slap on the wrist. I actually had a buddy have his dumb ex forget she was still on the phone and leave him a voicemail with her telling the kids what a piece of shit he was and th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:30 PM
6

Gotta learn to tell your wife NO man. She is not the family dictator. This dynamic is going to cause major problems in the long run if you let it continue. Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:14 PM
6

Couple of things - First, you can't take things that a 3 year old tells you too personally. They're going to say all kinds of things to test boundaries and try to get a rise out of you. Five minutes later it's "Daddy you're the greatest!" Second, yes the mother is probably saying things to the child that she shouldn't. But for the most part there isn't anything you can do about it and if you bring it up to the ex you're just showing her that it's getting to you and she will ramp it up even furth…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:13 PM
1

You're not going to get anything to equalize her financial contributions vs. hers since November. While you're married the financials are considered just one big pile and they don't care who brought the money in. Just be glad you dodged the I-864 and that you're getting out of this so quickly instead of flushing years and many tens of thousands of dollars down the drain paying for HER family. Let this be a lesson to you - Do NOT Wife Up Single Mothers!!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:07 PM
2

If your sex life is good sleeping separately almost sounds like a blessing to me - but only if you had another bed to sleep on separately instead of the couch. However you need to look into the dynamic between you that has you being accepting of her telling you to go sleep on the couch. Start telling her no and if she wants to be separate SHE can go sleep on the couch maybe half the time. She'll probably end up just staying in bed. Not ever telling your wife NO is a huge mistake that many men ma…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:03 PM
1

It depends on how much parenting time he has. I don't see where he's stated it anywhere but I'm guessing it's probably 50% or close to it as well based on getting the CS calc down that low. But when thinking about "not too much for the care of 4 children" you also need to remember that Mommy is also responsible for supporting her children, not just Daddy. In this case the guy is paying all of the children's expenses BY HIMSELF on his time PLUS $823 for the expenses on his ex's time. In the end t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 03:44 PM
1

I hope you give that straw man you propped up and then murdered a proper burial. Literally no one said that we shouldn't "pay for our children". My children are with me 50% of the time already and I pay everything there. I also cover their health insurance and half of extracurriculars and unreimbursed medical. However, I am forced by the state government to pay $21000 per year to their mother because I am more successful financially. Again, I have them with me half the time so I know exactly wha…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 03:42 AM
1

LOL yes hoes big mad up in here today.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:59 PM
9

If you are a man who ended it, the answer is almost always "no". Men don't tend to just make snap decisions, we don't end things because "OMG I'm not HAAAPPPYY" - if we end it it's generally because there are massive problems in the relationship, partner's mental health issues, them abusing us (real abuse not the way it's used on the internet), them spending us into bankruptcy, dead bedrooms and them contributing basically nothing to the relationship etc and we've generally tried every possible …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 04:02 PM
4

No More Mr. Nice Guy is always a good one. Books on Stoicism (Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius) generally help men with healing. Red-pill content is controversial but for me at least it explained a lot of what I saw with my own eyes in relationships better than anything had before.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:55 PM
6

There's different flavors of "feminist". Second-wave feminist boomer and maybe early GenX women believe men and women are equal and that princess can get out there and get a job just like her ex-husband. Those are fine if you get them as a judge, and probably yes preferable to the doddering old man judge. However third-wave feminist later GenX and after women are female supremacists and will absolutely kill you in court. It's not about equality at all with them (women are victims of the patriarc…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:50 PM
1

Everyone thinks their STBX "wouldn't keep the kids away from me" until their STBX sees how much mommy support they gain by knocking dad down to every other weekend. Then it's game freaking on. Also if she gets a boyfriend a few states away you can guarantee that she's going to try to move the kids away from you. To counter all of this you need to absolutly make 50/50 parenting time your hill to die on. You say you're sharing responsibilities equally, if that's the case start documenting all of y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:17 PM
3

LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:11 PM
7

I'm alone this evening as it's ex's weekend with kids but I wasn't this morning. I got up with the kiddos this morning and gave them the valentine's candy/cards I had gotten them and gave them big hugs before getting them ready and taking to school. Of course ex as always had an excuse why she couldn't couldn't pick up daughter from school on her day so I left work early and picked her up and took her to her mom's and got to have a nice 10 minute convo with the daughter about how her Valentine's…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:08 AM
2

Depends on where you are and your income/asset differential. They always ask for it and it's seldom granted in most places. I wouldn't do it without the court ordering it - "We'll see what the judge says" is your auto-response when she's making unreasonable demands.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:14 PM
2

Assuming you're getting something close to equal value it's a reasonable thing to do. Once the kids are out of the house you can sell it and downsize to fund retirement. At today's rates I certainly wouldn't want to finance any more than I absolutely had to. See if you can get her to agree to a pure dollar-for-dollar on the retirement accounts since home equity is post-tax money and some retirement accounts like 401k are pre-tax and she'll owe income taxes at time of withdrawal which she may not…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:11 PM
12

Then don't do it. I'm perfectly content with no woman playing a significant part in my life any longer. I'll have some fun with one here or there that I run across in a bar or whatever but I'm not spending any time looking for them or "dating" them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 02:23 AM
1

You're going to have to beg/borrow/steal whatever you need to do to get an attorney for this. Fight it with every resource you have. If she gets primary the child support that goes with it will cost you WAY more than the attorney will now and the kids will be worse for it. Document all your parenting time, if you have strong documentation that you've been doing 75/25 in your favor (based on overnights) I would have my attorney counter-petition for YOU being primary and her having "reasonable vis…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:40 PM
3

Don't go off half-cocked. Don't move out of YOUR home. Consult with one (or even better several) attorney without her knowing and take steps ahead of time to prepare for divorce as once it's filed you're much more limited in what you can do. Document your parenting time to show how much more involved than she is going back as far as you can remember. Consider taking a day off work (again covertly) and go down to the courthouse and watch family court in action. You might see an attorney that clea…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:32 PM
2

Whether you choose new counsel or not, you need to take a completely different mindset on the divorce. You need to treat the divorce case as a second job. Your attorney is YOUR employee and you need to manage them accordingly. NO ONE cares about your case nearly as much as you do, and there should not be a single fact, a single date, a single step that you aren't aware of and making sure happens as you need/want it to.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:28 PM
3

You don't "leave". You get an attorney and have them file for divorce and remain in the home at least until there's a custody order (preferably 50/50 parenting time) signed by a judge, and even better stay in the home until the divorce is final. By leaving you're giving up every bit of leverage you have, you're increasing your expenses paying by paying for two residences at PRECISELY the time you need to be saving your resources for attorney fees, and you're setting up a status quo of your STBX …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:09 PM
3

It's almost always alienation by the mother. A few lies about how "he abused me" during the marriage can be enough to have them cutting you out. I've heard that sometimes they come back to you in their mid-late 20s as they see as adults that their mother's words and actions do not align and that you probably aren't the monster you were painted to be. Wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:50 AM
7

It's sad that in this day and age we have to consider being ordered to pay $10k per year to our leeches a win, but it's definitely a win nonetheless. Congratulations sir and good job being prepared! I've been considering going for a CS re-calc to lower my $21k per year mommy support sentence but a bit leery of rocking the boat for an uncertain outcome. May have to call up my attorney and see what he thinks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:18 AM
7

Walking out of mediation with a signed MSA with 50/50 parenting time. At that point I knew she'd never be able to take my kids away which was my greatest fear when I filed for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 08:03 PM
2

Do not trade anything financially in exchange for no child support. The next day after the decree is signed she can call up the Texas AG office and have a child support case opened and you WILL be ordered to pay guideline Texas mommy support. And you'll still be out whatever you traded to try and avoid CS. Having effective 50/50 doesn't count for anything, as long as the decree says she has them more then she will get CS. If you want to have 50/50 you have to fight for it, and don't trust her wh…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:39 PM
16

Winner winner chicken dinner! This is what winning looks like. I love it when men come back here and tell us how great they're doing and it doesn't have the "And I met the love of my life 2 weeks ago, she's a single mother and we're getting married next week!" part at the end. Learning to define and appreciate yourself based on your own values and not how you are perceived by a woman is priceless. Keep on truckin'!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:45 PM
1

I kept a parenting journal for 4 years pre-divorce and a couple years post-divorce as well in case I needed to fight post-divorce custody motions. Once I knew our marriage was unsalvageable I did some looking around and found the Men's Divorce forum (RIP) and learned what I needed to do there to ensure I would remain a present parent. As our youngest had just been born I ended up waiting 4 long years to pull the trigger and that whole time I journaled my parenting of the children. My method was …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 01:11 AM
9

Awesome. The only way these ridiculous mommy support and alimony amounts ever get addressed is if enough women are paying them. No one cares if it's just men paying it, they had it coming for "being bad husbands". Every man out there in that position needs to take every dime the state will give them, they're doing their future bros a favor.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 11:14 PM
1

Ahh yes that would change the calculus a bunch! Don't fault you for spending in that situation at all, and one of the best things about being divorced is that I know that everything I save is mine and there's no other person out there spending frivolously on horses and crap undoing the savings I've done. Hope you're there soon brother!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:47 AM
7

I didn't spend money on anything unnecessary and invested the savings so I'm a couple months closer to FIRE. My entire focus is on getting myself to a point where my time is mine and no one else's as quickly as I can. Nothing wrong with what you're doing, but for me self-care is reaching retirement ASAP where I'll be something closer to a free man.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:22 AM
4

Your attorney may be giving you an overly-rosy picture of the likely outcome - someone making $144k/yr isn't likely to get $15k attorney fees awarded from the other party, and the credit card debt she accrued is likely to be considered half yours unless it was accrued after divorce was already filed. You're also probably not going to get the $12.8k CS and SS back that you've paid and you may even be forced to keep paying it until you can get the orders changed based on her lying about income whi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:13 AM
7

There is ALOT of that. While only something a little over 50% first marriages get divorced, how many of those other 50% are dead beadroom or otherwise very unfulfilling for the man? By my estimation probably less than 20% are successful using the criteria of both partners being fulfilled by the relationship 20+ years in.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 02:14 PM
19

No one cares about divorced men. The prevailing response to a man getting divorced is that "he must have been a pretty awful husband for that wonderful snowflake woman to leave him". There will be no sympathy there. Only possibly other men that have been through it will understand and even many of them keep the "women are wonderful" after what happened to them somehow. It's how the egregious mommy support and alimony amounts men pay are justified - the man probably had it coming so who cares. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 02:09 PM
1

Look into the Gray Rock method and put that in place in all your future dealings with the STBX. It takes two to fight, and if you just sit there quietly then she's just a crazy person screaming at the walls. This is now just a business transaction dissolving a contract you signed between you, her, and your State. Try to take the emotions out of it and work on getting the best deal possible financially and custody-wise as that will dictate a great deal how your post-divorce life goes. When she st…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 01:54 PM
1

In that case it may be a better idea to sell the house and live closer to the kids school and to the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 05:02 AM
2

Is the 5-year-old in school already? Is your STBX planning to try and move the kids to different schools near her new place and will you fight her on that if so? That will figure in greatly to the decision making process.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 04:37 PM
1

If she has no order for exclusive use and occupancy of the marital home, move back in immediately and parent your child. Your wife is gone and frankly you're better off without her as it just sounds like she didn't want you, just your resources and your doing everything around the house. California is a 50/50 parenting state, don't settle for anything less. Any mother that will alienate the child from the father is NOT A GOOD MOTHER so you're way off there. The only way to fight alienation is to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 04:33 PM
7

Research the Gray Rock method and put it into place when it comes time to deal with your ex. You DO NOT want there to be any increased emotions leading to a fight as raising your voice is often enough to get your removed from the home permanently. You cannot control what other people say and do to you but you CAN control your reaction to them. You've got to - for the time being - realize that divorce is a business transaction first and foremost, you're dissolving a contract that you signed with …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 04:27 PM
5

Holy hell what a post man. Sadly I only have one upvote to give...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 05:20 PM
6

Wow your advice here just goes from bad to worse. Only dating single moms, blended families are awesome, leave the home because maybe you'll get your kids back after 3 years of barely seeing them? Consider posting less.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 06:47 PM
3

Emergency custody orders hearing. Get 50/50. You have to show her NOW that you will not be bullied out of your parenting time. Nothing will ever be done to a woman withholding custody from the father other than MAYBE ordering makeup time, so don't expect any traction from that angle. More importantly, improve your relationship with your children to the point that they're not as susceptible to your ex's manipulation and can just tell her "No" when she pushes the "don't want to see dad" angle in t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 06:36 PM
4

ROFR isn't meant to prevent the kiddos from being able to spend a night with their grandparents. Next time you have to travel there's no need to inform the ex, the kiddos are just spending a night with the grandparents after all. She's not going to get anywhere on a custody modification based on getting a day or three of yours here and there, it would take a prolonged, significant, and consistent change where she's getting several of your days per month demonstrated over a 6-12 month period befo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 07:47 AM
0

$54k in Austin won't get you anywhere, the cost of living here has skyrocketed and you won't really be saving much if anything more on that income in ATX. I'd seriously consider hustling like hell to reduce expenses and increase income there in FL before moving away from my child for that salary.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 09:07 PM
1

In that case I would expect she wouldn't be awarded any arrears. Were I you I would seriously consider ceasing all non-ordered child support payments - take the money and put it away and keep it to pay any arrears that might be ordered in the future. You already know that she thinks she's entitled to "arrears" despite you having been paying with no child support order. There have been MANY men here who have complained that voluntary child support payments were considered by the CS office to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 08:56 PM
16

She won't get shit for alimony in Texas with a 3.5 year marriage and a master's degree. Laugh in her face and say "let's see what the judge says". Texas is one of the best states for men alimony-wise as it's 3 years max "rehabilitative" and that's for stay at home moms in 20 year marriages. In this case she won't get a dime most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 04:24 AM
1

Has she filed a motion for support? Sometimes back support may be ordered back to the date of the original motion for support if it is later granted, but it's unlikely any support will be ordered for prior to the motion date. Just sounds like she's trying to cash-grab everything she can by bullying you into things she wouldn't get at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 10:11 PM
1

The alimony is probably a no-go. However there's quite a few ways you can slow-walk the home sale and drag this out awhile longer so you and the kids can remain there. Plenty of men have had that done to them by ex-wives. Look into how you can drag the home sale out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 10:08 PM
9

I handed her a copy of the divorce petition that my attorney had filed at the courthouse the day before. It told her everything she needed to know. There's no great drama needed and it's not like she's going to magically see your side of things by having some long drawn-out discussion. File for divorce, get the automatic restraining orders in place preventing some pre-divorce shenanigans she might pull like asset dissipation or false domestic violence accusations, and hand her a copy of the peti…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:10 AM
1

In almost all cases, no. You can voice your opinion to the kid that he should spend time with both of you but you can't physically force a 16 year old almost-man out of your house and if she files any court actions you can simply state that. In they great majority of places the police won't due anything if she calls them other than possibly show up and talk to the kid but mostly they'll just tell her it's a civil matter and she needs to work it through the courts. Encourage the kid to work it ou…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:24 AM
21

Huge mistake. You're approaching this new woman with a desperate scarcity mindset after having had no real connection in your marriage for years. You have no reasonable frame of reference to vet future partners. The new woman is not one IN a million, she's one OF a million - and she's a single mom for a reason. Not to mention that dating before the divorce is final is a great way to throw gas on the flames and turn an "amicable" divorce into a nuclear one. Back off, don't worry about women for a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 09:25 PM
3

If you push back now your ex will be on guard and try to prevent it now and in the future. Instead go ahead and get the divorce final. Your kid will soon be 16 and presumably driving at which point they can easily vote with their feet, and after 3-6 months of the kid being with you fulltime you can motion for modification of parenting time to reflect the status quo and there won't be much she can do to fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 08:43 PM
9

LOL I was sadly thinking the same thing reading the latter part of his post. "See you back here in 5-7 years after she pumps out that second kid and has a huge percentage of your assets/income locked down!" The better approach IMO is to learn to be content (happiness is a fleeting emotion, contentment is an enduring state) by yourself and approach women as at best a fun hobby. Marriage is an unconscionable contract in this day and age.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:06 PM
4

Pre-nups only really protect assets that you had coming into the marriage and not ones gained after the marriage has begun - and that's IF they remain in force and aren't overturned by a man-hating judge. They also can't specify physical custody outcomes and the state always maintains purview over "child support" (read: mommy support) so any provisions about CS in a pre-nup are unenforceable. The only way to be sure you won't have your children and your money taken away by the state is to use a …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 05:55 PM
9

Current therapist is DEFINITELY tainted by the ex having been the one that found them and chose them. Your ex probably went for the most man-hating one she could find and has been feeding her lies such that you'll never get a fair shake. Were it me I would absolutely be looking for a new therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 03:51 AM
0

This was my marriage. I literally asked her a few times when she was trying to start a fight - "What do you actually do for me? Name one thing you do that makes my life better or easier." Only to be met with silence, because there was nothing. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and childcare while working fulltime meanwhile she did nothing around the house despite working only part-time. Divorcing her made my life easier by far, one less child (effectively what she was) …
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 03:05 PM
6

If she has no order for exclusive use and occupancy of the marital home, move back into the marital home, cut your expenses to the bone, and parent your child every day. Unless you are in just a couple of states that require living elsewhere to divorce, you are able to proceed with divorce while living in the same house. Practice gray rock with her, do not fight or do anything that would give her an excuse to get you thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:58 PM
1

Best advice is to take a day off work and go down to the courthouse, watch some of them in action, and get cards from the ones that have the stuff together. Regardless, Texas is a big state and you'll need to be more specific as to your area if you want referrals. Most attorneys only practice in one or two counties.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:46 PM
5

Hurry up and get her to sign on the dotted line before she changes her mind. You can't force her to be a mother if she doesn't want to be. If she ends up wanting more time later you are free to be flexible with her but having the decree with you primary as a backup if needed is a great situation for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:43 PM
3

Lesson learned: discovery should be an EXCHANGE of the information. She doesn't get your info until she's able to provide hers. Others out there who are about to hit this stage, instruct your attorney accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 11:40 PM
4

You're exactly right, and you need to reiterate that to the judge instead of worrying about refuting your ex's emotional appeals. If by "in a good groove" you mean your kids are getting good grades and socially active then by all means show that to the judge - yes including kids' report cards. "They're getting all As here your honor, why would we risk changing that?"
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 08:38 AM
1

It's not disdain. We just recognize what they are good for (recreational use) and what they are not (relationships).
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 08:28 AM
4

Yep, the move-away soon after initial divorce was often referred to on the old Men's Divorce forums as "Round Two", it's not that unusual at all. You need to focus on the ties that your children have to their current location - extracurriculars, schools, sports teams, friends, family etc. In most states minors don't decide which parent they live with - judges can interview them but their preferences are just a part of the decision and if you can show how remaining where they are is of the greate…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:33 AM
1

A few options - 1) Yes your mother could help you. We hear time and again around here about women who pawn the kids off on their parents all the time while enjoying primary custody. 2) Plenty of young children go to daycare as well while their parents work if that's an option 3) Another option is a step-up parenting plan that defines very specific dates (usually child turning x years old) where at younger ages you might start at every other weekend but in the course of a few years/steps move up …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:48 AM
6

It's not possible for me to "fall in love" again. I've seen too much and understand too much about the opposite sex to ever trust that blindly again. Not to mention also understanding the lovely "family" court system in the US. I enjoy women from time to time but that's as far as it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:31 AM
4

Winner winner chicken dinner! Congratulations DAD!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:25 AM
2

It's three times more difficult and expensive to change custody later on than to get what you want at the time of divorce. Fight for 50/50 now. Make it known that you will not settle for anything less and take it to trial if you have to. The walk up the courthouse steps where they're facing the prospect of a stranger in robes deciding their fate has a way of making a woman much more reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:21 AM
1

Get a lawyer AND be civil. Don't move out of the house. Not sure of Maine divorce law but you may be entitled to spousal support from her given that income disparity, an attorney can advise you on that. Don't give up anything, get your 50% of all assets (including home equity). Nothing wrong with a 2BR apartment post-divorce for you and the oldest if that's how it works out, all the costs associated with a large home can be quite a financial drain as you near retirement and there's alot to be sa…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:54 PM
2

That's what attorneys tell you so you'll move out and they can run up your legal bills by drawing out the divorce. Strategically however, you need the STBX to be motivated to get you (or her with half the equity) out of the house so she can secure her next victim, and the way to do that is to be there at the house every day making her miserable having to look at you. It also keeps your expenses lower (paying for one residence instead of two) so that you can keep your powder dry if you need to ta…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:12 PM
9

It typically won't last. She can maybe keep a job as it is absolutely required to live (at least until she can secure a new victim) but the rest of the housework stuff will eventually go back to being just like it was in marriage. I always kept my ex working during marriage thankfully but she did basically all the household failures you point out and I had to do everything around the house just so it got done. After she bought her new house at first she pretended to be Betty Crocker but it wasn'…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:15 AM
3

It's better for the kids to have a father with equal parenting time instead of an ATM that pays for everything but they "visit" every other weekend at best. The way you get that is staying in the house. Also, it's a choice to fight with her. You can just go gray rock mode and basically ignore her and then it's just a crazy lady hollering at the walls. With your digital audio recorder running covertly on your person to fight false domestic violence accusations, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:05 AM
6

It quite often boils down to money. They want to be primary so that they can get that sweet sweet mommy support money. If you're willing to pay a CS number similar to what they'd get with you at EOW, or to at least split the difference between 50/50 and EOW CS numbers (like I did) you'll have a decent chance at getting an agreement. You have to be willing to get up and leave mediation though if she won't budge. My attorney and I were packing up and about to leave when the ex agreed to equal pare…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 05:54 AM
3

They wouldn't be offering you ANYTHING this early in divorce unless it was in their benefit long-term. A business should have its value appraised for asset division like any other asset so it can be weighed against home equity.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:33 AM
1

Don't agree to any of this. The poster you're responding to always throws out absolute worst-case scenarios because they were too afraid to even fight for their own children and gave away everything without ever even going to court. She won't get attorney fees awarded. She'll get half of any equity accrued during the 2 years of marriage and that's it. You've mentioned retirement accounts in other posts though and there is some exposure there that she could get half the increase in value of any o…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:29 AM
2

You're being way too afraid of spousal support when the income difference is only 73k vs. 42k and the marriage was only 5 years. In most areas that wouldn't result in any spousal support at all. Go for 50% parenting time and alternate claiming the child on taxes by year. Use whatever the state child support calculator arrives at for your income difference and a 50% PARENTING TIME split. It sounds to me like you're falling on your sword in this divorce due to the failed business - get your head o…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:18 AM
1

She can't unplug a digital audio recorder running covertly on your person at all times when you're in the home to fight the false domestic violence accusations. She claims you beat her at 5pm, you play back a recording to the police from 5pm showing nothing but quiet. You've already got her with charges filed for filing false police reports. That will carry weight if you push it. Take a day off work and go down to the courthouse and watch a few divorce attorneys in action and pick one who visibl…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:11 AM
7

My second divorce was in my 30s. I started boning everything that moved as soon as we split up (no kids). I ended up getting baby trapped 4 months after the second divorce was final by a girl I'd only been dating (and not exclusively on my end anyway) for a couple months and married for a third time to try and make it work as a family. That was a colossal failure and I had not had NEARLY enough time to vet this woman and her mask slipped almost immediately after the wedding. We ended up having a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 07:02 PM
3

LOL this sounds like it has disaster written all over it. You threw gas on the flames of your pending divorce by starting dating so soon but you don't seem to connect the dots. And now the new broad is bitching already about how she can't lock you into that government contract and get her cut out of you too and you're not seeing that either. Wake up brother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:56 PM
1

So much this. Nothing about your relationship makes it sound to me worth saving. It sounds like she just wants to leech off of you and provide absolutely nothing herself in exchange. Cut off any and all access she has to your money or any joint credit, cut all expenses to the bone prior to filing, get an attorney and file ASAP. A lot of your stress probably stems from the fact that you're taking care of your mother as well as an adult child (your wife), you can at least make your life much easie…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:52 PM
1

You ex knows exactly why they don't want to come to your house because she's poisoning them against you. Don't believer her for a second that she isn't. Children don't just spontaneously throw away the protection given by a loving parent - think in evolutionary terms how that would ever work. She's probably told them some horrible lies about you physically abusing her during the marriage or something like that and sworn them to secrecy. That said, our society does not allow 9 and 11 year olds to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:44 PM
4

There's still the issue of lost leverage from moving out. Assuming you're contributing at least half of the mortgage/utilities right now - you will almost certainly be required to continue paying half the mortgage and utilities while the divorce is ongoing even though you don't live there. And on top of that you're going to have to foot the entire bill for your new apartment/house/rental during that time - it's going to bleed you dry. In fact, she'll be counting on that. She can drag the divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 12:44 AM
2

Then you've got your answer. Mediation, begging etc isn't going to work unless you just fall on your sword and give her everything. Cut your expenses to the bone, instruct your attorney to stop all the back-and-forth with hers and have him get a trial date as quickly as possible. Every answer to her should just be "No, let's see what the judge says". Make it clear that you will not be bullied and are perfectly happy to go to trial and you'll more often than not get a reasonable settlement in the…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 12:31 AM
1

There's two separate concepts at play in your question - legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody is what's important regarding decision making, and in most states joint legal (both have a say in everything) is the default though in some areas they have one parent have decision making in some areas (medical/religion/education/etc) while the other parent would have decision making in other areas. Really need a local attorney to answer that as it's very locale-specific. Physical custody i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 11:03 PM
3

Yes, you have to cut all expenses to the bone and weather the storm. Put attorney fees on credit cards if you have to. If you know she's going to be unreasonable, direct your attorney to aim for trial as quickly as possible. Stop the expensive endless back and forth of offers, mediation etc that are just churning attorney fees. Get a trial date as soon as you possibly can and prepare for trial. Quite often your STBX will get much more reasonable on the walk up the courthouse steps and a deal can…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 10:36 PM
1

Get an attorney and file for divorce immediately. File for an order returning the child to the marital home. Do not delay, the longer the child is out of the marital home the lower your chances of having them returned.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 10:32 PM
2

Divorce outcomes are about incentives. What incentive does she have to reach a reasonable settlement if you've already moved out and are still paying for everything? She's got your kids, your house, your money, and no you so she's free to find her next victim. She's free to move "replacement daddy" right in the next week and both live off your support money and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. And by moving out you're INCREASING your spending outlays precisely at a time you need to …
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 10:20 PM
2

I stayed in the marital home until the divorce was final - and kept it in the divorce so I didn't have to move anywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:57 AM
2

Do not move out without a signed custody order. Get an attorney ASAP - you're giving everything away needlessly. Do not pay anything that isn't court ordered. Just pay guideline CS after it's ordered and fight spousal support with every fiber of your being. How about instead of just giving her everything "for the sake of the kids" you work on keeping every dime that you can so that you have your OWN PLACE that is also the children's HOME and go for 50% or better parenting time so that you can pe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:13 AM
2

Do NOT move out without a custody order signed by a judge. Do not believe any promises that "you can see the kid whenever you like". You will be giving up a massive amount of future leverage for the divorce by leaving the home, and your final divorce settlement will likely be best if you never leave at all until everything's final. After you're out of the house and undoubtedly paying support - what incentive does she have to settle? She has your child, your house, your money, and no you to get i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:08 AM
3

My advice is.. don't. Sounds like you have kids and a contentious divorce - dating will immediately throw gasoline on the fire and your STBX will likely go off the rails costing you MUCH more in attorney fees. Yes, even if STBX is already dating - nothing sets some of them off more than a potential "replacement mother" entering the picture and hypocrisy of her having "replacement dads" around will be completely lost on her. Just don't. I assure you, you will survive and any woman that will date …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:24 PM
1

Daycare is generally included in the CS in Texas and not something you should have to pay half of over and above CS.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:20 PM
8

Move back into your home today. Parent your children everyday. Find a lawyer and file for divorce immediately. Get a digital audio recorder immediately and have it running covertly on your person at all times when in the marital home to fight false domestic violence accusations. Do not get into any arguments with your wife, she can scream as much as she wants but you sit quietly and remain calm. Remove her access to your money - direct your paycheck to a new account that only you have access to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 08:29 PM
1

I do wish I had been a little more hard-nosed at the negotiation table. I agreed to a CS amount that split the difference between the typical 50/50 parenting amount and the amount I'd have had to pay at EOW to lock in 50/50 parenting time. My attorney advised me to send back a number $200 lower and in hindsight she'd have probably agreed but I was just so glad to lock in 50/50 parenting time with my children (in a state that doesn't typically order 50/50) that I didn't want to jeapordize what I …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 07:12 PM
1

Get divorce filed immediately if it's not already. That will typically put in place standing orders that the kids not be moved and remain in their current schools for the pendency of the divorce. The time to fight the move-away is BEFORE it happens. Do not delay - if she's run off with the kids to her sister's before the filing it's tougher to get them back. You keep talking about what your ex wants - that is immaterial. All that matters is what you can convince the court is in the children's be…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 07:04 PM
3

You cannot control your ex's behavior. You cannot talk or manipulate her into being a better parent. All you can control is your own reactions to her behavior and make the best decisions you can for you and your child. You're voluntarily getting more time with your child during the holidays. Most men here who got massacred in "family" court would KILL for that opportunity. Your ex's relationship with her child is NOT your responsibility. That said - if you're basically primary parent you should …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:50 PM
9

Up next, Season 4 Episode 11 on the hit show "Why You Don't Wife Up Single Mothers"! From the beginning, you were nothing more than a means to an end for her. And that is how the vast majority of single moms approach their relationships - all that matters is what they can get out of you, your needs/desires are immaterial insomuch as it doesn't stop the resource spigot you provide to her and HER kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:43 PM
4

Why are all of your questions related to her new relationships or your new relationships? That's the farthest thing from my mind when I think about co-parenting. Any women I date are kept far away from my kids and there won't be any Brady Bunch fantasy blended family nonsense causing me to compromise my focus/time on my own children when I have them. For the more important aspects of co-parenting that you didn't ask about: Co-parenting with my ex has been a mixed bag - she initially tried to dic…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:34 PM
3

I wouldn't agree to any of that. Sounds like your only parenting time is at her house? Hell no. Go for 50/50 parenting time with overnights in YOUR OWN HOME. You've fallen for this "disruption for the kids" nonsense that women like to spout as their justification for getting all the cash and prizes - kids are resilient and will adapt to two homes. Mine certainly have. Go with state guideline child support (which she'll get ordered later on anyway if you initially agree to something lower) and fi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:24 PM
2

File for divorce. Hand her a copy of the divorce petition that your attorney filed the day before. Or have the process server hand it to her. You need to get out in front of it and filing before telling her will prevent some of the pre-filing shenanigans that a lot of women try like asset dissipation, false domestic violence accusations, running off with the kids etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:05 PM
1

Custodial parent's income isn't taken into account at all in Texas. She could be making millions and it wouldn't matter - she'd still get 25% of non-custodial's net. The bright side is that in Texas CS is capped so higher earning non-custodial parents don't pay more than around $2300/mo CS for 2 kids no matter what they make. Doesn't help lower/middle earners though.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 11:18 PM
2

So much this. Listen to this guy OP! Your ex has been thinking about divorce for a long time and just waiting for an opportunity. This gives her the perfect opportunity to strike and she has. She is not your wife any longer, she is your opponent in the most important and difficult lawsuit you will ever face. Once the "D" word comes out it doesn't go back in the bag. Give her a divorce, but don't let it be the one she wants where she has the kids 100% of the time with you still paying for everyth…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:24 PM
2

This guy GALs, listen to him OP! GALs are just another part of the machine that's trying to get its hands as deep into your pockets as possible. They aren't there to help the children and they're definitely not there to help YOU, they're there to help themselves to as much of your money as possible. And usually they're just serving as GALs because they're not good enough on their own as family court attorneys to succeed without a court ordering you to use them and pay them. I wouldn't purposeful…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 03:52 PM
1

The state doesn't care about daytime, it cares about overnights when it comes to custody and child support calculations. Sounds like you have no overnights. That is going to be a mistake in the long run, but good luck with that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 08:00 PM
1

Is this agreement in the form of a court order signed by a judge? If not, then no you do not move out. "Agreements" with women you are divorcing aren't worth anything unless they are signed by a judge. Once you are out of the house they'll go for the jugular and get a custody order with you EOW at best since you aren't in the marital home anymore. Even with a signed court order I'd still advise against it as you're potentially putting yourself in a financial predicament paying for two residences…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 07:56 PM
1

Have a great time with your kids. Show them that you are a completely capable parent and a helluva lot more fun to be with than that shrieking mental patient STBX. You are Superdad, quit worrying about you ex and focus on your relationship with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 07:52 PM
5

The best way to combat parental alienation is to have equal or better parenting time. Demonstrate to your children by your day to day actions towards them that you are not the monster that you're painted to be. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, but they're not necessarily listening to what you say - they're watching what you do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 07:48 PM
1

Yep that's exactly it - it's always about the money and once she found out she doesn't get max child support at 50/50 parenting time (it's not "Visitation", fathers don't visit their children they parent them) she backed out. Look into getting her to agree to above-guideline child support in exchange for 50/50 parenting time - something like split the difference between what is calculated for 50/50 parenting time and EOW. She might go for that rather than take her chances on a custody evaluation…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:59 PM
1

Assuming there is enough equity in the home after sale, inform her that her portion of the mortgage payments will be coming out of her part of the equity at the time of closing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 05:53 PM
2

You can usually download the forms from your county court's website, but you're going to need to file at the clerk's office. You're also going to have to appear in person before the judge to get it signed, and have to get her to sign a waiver of appearance if she's not going to show up for the final court date as well. You'll probably also need her to sign a quit claim deed relinquishing any interest in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 05:37 PM
2

But since you have grandchildren now, it sounds like your children have been done being raised for quite a long time. She could/should have been working full-time that entire time since and you'd be in a much better position now. Why does raising kids for 25 years or so entitle one to immediate retirement while their spouse has to work outside the house for 45 years to be entitled to retire?
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:15 PM
12

You should have fully retired before you ever moved out and established that as your baseline income. Now judges are going to base your spousal support on your employed income and the judge now gets to decide when you retire - if you ever even get to. She gets to stay just as "retired" as she's always been since your kids became adults but with half your income that you have to keep working for. If you reduce yourself to half-time that just means she's going to get 100% of your income instead of…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 09:51 PM
2

Season 4 Episode 11 in the hit series "Why You Don't Wife Up Single Mothers". You were there to provide resources for her and her children, the fun stuff she could (and DID) get elsewhere. Cut her loose ASAP, she's for the streets. It will suck to lose what may have been good relationships with the children but you have no legal right to them and it's best to just rip the bandaid off now and cut them loose as well. Stop saying "our kids" as they aren't yours and never were, too many of us have e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 07:06 PM
2

Retire now and establish a couple of years of only your retirement income as your baseline. THEN file for divorce and you most likely won't be on the hook for alimony. After divorce is final you can go back to work if you need to build back up the nest egg.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 06:57 PM
2

Not that great based on what you're telling us but you really need to speak with an attorney as it's highly locale-dependent. But you may have to go all the way to court to fight it. For now your response is "No. We'll see what the judge says."
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:45 AM
4

Slow play the divorce filing, try to get at least a year of you established as retired before filing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 06:12 PM
1

"Moneygrabber" by Fitz and the Tantrums
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 04:14 PM
9

It really is interesting how the ex spams the hell outta me with her dumbass shit when I have the kids. I can almost see the anger on her face as the messages come in with her wanting (and failing) to dictate what goes on on my parenting time. The loss of control from me divorcing her is what bothers her the most. Don't respond, it only encourages her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 03:23 AM
1

This right here. "Let's see what the judge says. He already gave me 50% once, I like my chances!". The walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her fate almost always gets her rational long enough for an agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:44 PM
2

The state always maintains jurisdiction over child support no matter what an agreement between you and you ex says because they say "it's for the child". You and I both know it's just thinly veiled mommy support but the state disguises it as for the child. Judges will rule accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:40 PM
1

I'd only do it with a surrogate knowing what I know now as a divorced dad. Always knowing that the mother could at any time use the power of the state to reduce you to a visitor in your child's life is a non-starter. I wouldn't sign up again for anyone to have that kind of power over me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:30 PM
5

Do not do ANYTHING in lieu of child support. After it's all signed she can walk right over to the state child support authority and file for CS and it will most likely be ordered at the guideline amount. House needs to be sold, avoid financial entanglement post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:13 PM
2

Season 7 Episode 19 in the hit series "Why You Don't Wife up a Single Mother", coming up next! Your sacrifices were indeed for nothing. Less than nothing in fact, as she's going to get half of the increase in your retirement since the date of marriage even though your retirement is already reduced because you had to pay for her and her kids the last 6 years. The courts don't care what you did for her. And she's going to go for every dime she can get from you and she knows exactly what she's "ent…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:45 PM
15

Every asset that was purchased since the date of marriage is pretty much a "joint asset" and it doesn't matter whose name is on the deeds/titles/mortgages etc. Get half of everything and go for the maximum spousal support you can get. The only way these egregious support laws ever change is if a bunch of women have to pay it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:39 PM
4

All of this "therapy for a 5 year old" advice is way off IMO. I was forced into that play therapy crap with my kids around that age and it was a colossal waste of time and money. I'd tell the ex to deal with it herself, and that he's fine on your time and you're happy to take over primary custody and she can have every other weekend if she's unable to handle the children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:28 PM
1

Just because the house was purchased before marriage and is in her name doesn't mean you don't have any equity. Assuming there's a marriage being paid with marital funds (ie. her/your paycheck) then any mortgage paydown and value increase (total equity increase) in the home since the date of marriage is half yours.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:21 PM
6

Yep this. When a switch flips like that there's usually another dude either already on the hook or at least waiting in the wings.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 06:15 PM
7

OK fair enough if during custody eval. But once the court has ruled and the final orders are done, I wouldn't sweat 30 minutes whatsoever. Courts won't want to see you guys again at all for at least a year after and even if it were longer she'd get no traction with that. You still need to work on getting over your fear of her now though, and set a precedent that you won't be bullied by her any longer. She does not have a magic parenting wand and has just as much to lose in this custody eval as y…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 12:03 AM
7

If you've got something important going on and the kids want to stay an extra 30 minutes, don't ask her and just keep them and give them back to her 30 minutes late. She'll never get anywhere with a judge complaining about a 30 minute late return (especially with a reasonable justification), they'll laugh her out of the courtroom. She'll probably return them to you 30 minutes late the next time but generally that isn't a big deal relatively. She is not your wife anymore, you DO NOT need her perm…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 09:33 PM
2

If you've been the primary parent up til now like you say (and can prove it), then YOU threaten to back out of the 50/50 custody and make HER take her chances on custody. In Texas, if you get primary she's going to be paying you child support purely based on what she makes - it doesn't matter what you make as there's no offset. She's got just as much if not more to lose here than you do. "Let's see what the judge says - I've taken care of the kids more than you and I can prove it", and leave it …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 08:08 PM
20

98% of the time the answer to any question that starts with "my ex-wife is threatening" the right answer is to ignore her and not respond. If you actually ever get served with the motion, deal with it then.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:53 AM
6

The Texas CS income cap is not $110k/year, it's more like $145k/yr gross. Also, there's actually no set formula in Texas for 50/50 custody. What's typically used is if they calculated what she would be paying if you had primary, and what you would pay if she had primary - then subtract and she would pay you the difference in those amounts. The each claim one child thing is probably good for you both, with 50/50 and claiming a child you can both file as Head of Household status which helps reduce…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:33 AM
13

Quit looking for an apartment. Do not move out of your home. It's just as much yours as it is hers and there's no reason for you to leave. Continue to be Superdad to your children. She's free to leave if she can't handle it but the children stay there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:30 AM
1

That $9200/mo is "net resources" and not your gross. When you take out the taxes etc that are deducted for "net resources" calculation" it's more like a $145k gross income figure where the cap is, so you could still be getting some CS. Get an attorney's opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:23 AM
1

Actually youre almost guaranteed to get Expanded Standard at least and not just Standard. Expanded is about 42%. But I went to the mat for 50% in Texas and got it in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:23 PM
1

Wrong about the student loans. Those typically stay with the student that borrowed for them even if during marriage unless OP co-signed them. It's the one common exception regarding marital debts.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:21 PM
5

I don't EVER answer my ex's phone calls unless she texts me first to let me know what it's about. If it can be handled via text or email I push it that way. The less direct contact with her, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:13 PM
16

Just because the house is in her name doesn't mean you don't have any equity in it. Unless the house was completely paid off prior to marriage you're entitled to the difference in equity from date of marriage to now ie. mortgage paydown and property value increase. Fight for what you're owed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:07 PM
2

That's awesome. I bet having male Scoutmaster role models helps the boys growing up under the thumb of domineering mothers a ton. You're doing good work sir!
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 10:44 PM
10

Holy shit man! Congratulations on your success, whether your ex appreciates it or not. She probably thinks that she was the key ingredient to your success, when she was simply a passenger along for the ride.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:37 PM
14

Too many think that they are the parenting dictators and that Dad is just there to bring resources and otherwise keep his mouth shut when it comes to parenting. It was quite a shock to my ex that I had some ideas on how to parent that were different from hers and she wasn't going to be able to just run roughshod over me and order me around.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:33 PM
3

I think I've seen cases where it was to be kept in escrow with one of the party's attorneys and only released to either by agreement from both parties. Maybe an option here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:30 PM
1

I bet your attorneys are PISSED. They probably looked at your asset pool and thought they'd each get new BMWs AT LEAST. Good on you both for getting it done more reasonably.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:33 AM
2

Why are you having to leave the house? Absent a court order, DO NOT move out of the house. Continue to live together and parent the children on your time with them as that will bring about the least expensive and most reasonable settlement to your divorce, since she still has to see you all the time and can't work on finding her next victim until after you're gone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:27 AM
2

My ex threatened divorce monthly for roughly a 3 year period. Should have seen her Surprised Pikachu face when I handed her a copy of the divorce petition my attorney had filed at the courthouse the day before. And then of course the propaganda campaign that followed to everyone we knew that it was completely out of the blue and she never wanted it. They lie. But OP, you're going about this all wrong. Separation with children opens you up for all kinds of badness like her running away with the c…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:19 AM
4

It's a woman, so she gave the standard woman's response - "What did you do wrong to deserve it?" Couldn't possibly be that princess is a cheating 304.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:07 AM
8

LOL GTFO. She's probably cheating, women don't jump without another branch to grab onto. She doesn't need be heard. She needs to hear... from OP's lawyer! Get out in front of it and get filed. She wants a divorce, fine. But give her the divorce outcome YOU want OP, not the one SHE wants.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 11:58 PM
1

In many states (I know in TX it does) you having a new child will reduce your CS to the previous children, and if you're covering insurance for the previous kids then the premium going up will often reduce CS as well (thought not by all that much in TX at least). If you're in a state where the parenting time % affects CS as well then yes 50/50 summers would reduce your CS as well. Google around online for the CS calculator for your state.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:28 PM
4

God I hate those lawyers who say that shit. Yes, you can move out "no problem". Because it's not a problem for them that you have no custody of your child, and that you're paying for two residences + child support. It's a problem for YOU. Moving out makes the divorce last longer (ie. generates more attorney billable hours) because what incentive does she have to settle? She's got your house, your money, your kids, and no you around to prevent her from getting new dick. Divorce is all about incen…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:23 PM
0

VERY rare.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:16 PM
6

Not to be all Arkansas or anything, but first cousins.. second.. third? What are we dealing with here?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:14 PM
1

Gotcha, good deal. I only ask because sometimes we get dudes kinda abandoning the old family at the behest of new wife who refuses to work. Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you, other than looking into whether a CS reduction could be in order in your state with the ex making that much more than you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:08 PM
1

Does your new wife work or are you trying to foot the ex's mommy support and all the expenses for new family all by yourself. Because if new wifey isn't working, there's a real easy way to increase the resources available for new family....
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 06:53 PM
-1

Quit paying anything that isn't court ordered. She could claim that it's just a gift and go back for real back child support so might as well keep it right now and save it for later in case back child support is ordered. Get your case into court as quickly as you can for your parenting time. Given the apparently unstable nature of your relationship I would get a discreet paternity test done on the 2yo (like Identigene home test or whatever) and definitely have a paternity test done on the new ba…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:38 PM
9

I'm going to go against the grain here - I personally think a driver's ed course for your kid to be able to get their license would reasonably fall within the extracurricular activity costs that are usually split 50/50 (on top of mommy support) in divorce decrees. You need to look at your decree and see what it says, maybe it says only "agreed extracurriculars" or something - but I think it would be a dick move to not agree on the kid taking driver's ed. Be aware that if you don't pay your ex wi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:29 PM
2

Student loans are often treated as a special case debt that are assigned to the student only as long as the spouse didn't cosign - because presumably the benefits of that loan will belong to the student going forward post-divorce. All other debts occurring during marriage are usually considered 50/50 responsibility regardless whose name they are in.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:25 PM
3

I kept the previously marital home for a year after, ex took vast majority of the furniture. Spent that year painting/updating everything then sold it for quite a bit more than had been valued in divorce and bought a new place closer to where ex moved so it would be easier getting to kids school and getting them back and forth. Had some girls over during that year, but wasn't bothered by any memories or whatever during that time. My marriage wasn't anything to be wistful about though hah...
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:55 PM
3

Be aware OP that this person hates men, it is literally all they post. They aren't looking to help you at all. Disregard their screed with that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 09:27 PM
3

For the sake of men everywhere, go for every dime of maintenance you can get. The only way these egregious laws ever get changed is if a large number of women are forced to pay these ridiculous maintenance amounts too. No one cares when it's almost 100% men getting boned.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:25 AM
1

Same thing happened to me in mediation with it going late in the day, though my attorney didn't lean on me to take a deal and was actually pushing me to counter a lower mommy support offer but I was ready to be done since it was 50/50 parenting time in a non-50/50 state. But I can definitely understand how you felt at the end of that long day of mediation. I kick myself still for not trying to get to a lower CS number. Asset split was 52/48 so really not all that different from yours tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:21 AM
2

They will do ANYTHING to hang onto that mommy support. That's what it's all about with most of them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:16 AM
2

So much this - do not wife up single mothers!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:13 AM
2

Agreed - there's always the chance she remarries which immediately terminates alimony. Would feel awful dumb to lump-sum her near the full amount only to have her get remarried the following week.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 08:13 PM
1

To be fair, it sounds like you settled for this in mediation and it was not decided by the courts of WA. I'm sure you had some information from your attorney about what might happen if you took it to trial. But be aware that many attorneys are actually afraid of the courtroom and will push you to take a bad deal to avoid it. The 56/44 asset split looks sus to me but I know WA is "equitable" distribution and not equal so maybe that's the ballpark of what you would have gotten at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 08:08 PM
1

You've got a good lawyer. Definitely better than those "go ahead and move out" lawyers that know you moving out means a protracted divorce and lots of $ for them. Make her feel your presence, if she wants to be free to find her next victim she'll need to agree to reasonable divorce terms in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 01:51 PM
1

Female GAL favoring mom against all the evidence.... unsurprising.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 06:13 PM
4

Why shouldn't his ex have to support the child too? OP has his child 6/14 days. So ex has the child a grand total of 52 days a year more - probably less if holidays are equally split but we'll use 52 as the upper bound. OP has to support his child on his own days with nothing from the ex. If OP is like most of us here he's also required to pay 50% (or more) of all extracurriculars and out of pocket medical costs ON TOP of the mommy support. So you think $12000/year is a reasonable amount to pay …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 05:26 PM
27

LOL she knows exactly what she wants. She wants 100% custody of the children with you completely removed from their lives. She wants 100% of your paycheck so she never has to work while you couch surf and are completely destitute. She wants to bring in some new dude to pay the bills as well while still cashing your support checks. You better wake up and realize that she is your enemy and your opponent in the most important lawsuit that you will every be involved in and you need to fight back wit…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 06:24 AM
1

Damn man, sorry to hear that. Happens all too often. How soon til you can get the supervised visitation lifted? Is that your attorney's plan at contempt hearing - to push for custody modification to unsupervised and (hopefully) 50/50 parenting time?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:23 PM
9

Winner winner chicken dinner! Congratulations sir - I wish we saw more men getting wins like this. Celebrate a bit and then throw yourself into being Superdad for your boys in the half of time you have them. I've got 50/50 parenting time too and love it - it lets me be an all-in parent half the time (without her there criticizing and ruining it for all of us) and just a dude that does whatever the hell he wants the other half the time. It's very near an ideal existence for a dad. Plus I end up t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:26 PM
5

Don't forget about the "financial abuse" you enacted on her when you wouldn't let her spend thousands of your hard-earned dollars on a Louis Vuitton purse...
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:18 PM
4

So she turned out to be a gold-digger after all. Not surprising, so many of them are in one form or another. Good job listening to the advice you got here. I'm sure it hurts now to find this out about someone you care about but trust us that in the long run you dodged a huge bullet. Don't screw up and get her pregnant! She might try for the hail mary pass when she sees that time is running out on your future together... And don't be so sure that she planned to continue working after marriage. Pl…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:06 PM
8

That was my read as well. Dude moves away from his own kids because he says he needs to financially but he's shacked up with a single mother and supporting both her and her son while she doesn't work and contributes nothing? Just a huge mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:56 PM
0

Ahh OK you're on supervised visitation only. So no you can't just pick them up. What the hell did you do to get that? Convicted felons can get EOW unsupervised no problem.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:41 PM
1

Start squirreling away cash now in case you'll need a war chest. Do it in small untraceable amounts like with taking $50 cash back when buying groceries with a debit card once a week. Don't put this in an account in your name, either just keep the cash somewhere safe or get a trusted sibling/friend to set up an account that you deposit to. Anything in your name can be found in discovery. I too waited about 4 years after I knew the marriage was done before actually filing, but in my case it was t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:37 PM
3

It depends on the state, but for the great majority of states in the US cheating doesn't matter whatsoever for anything in court. The threat of exposing a cheater to friends/family can sometimes be leveraged to get a better deal outside court though.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:19 AM
2

I 100% agree with this, you're feeding the monster by doing this and making her think, "What if I pull shenanigans again in case I can get a little more?". Let her walk up the courthouse steps on trial day. You very well may get a better deal than what she walked today.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:16 AM
2

Could have made a good Yakov Smirnoff joke to her about it - "In Soviet Russia, pussy licks you!"
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:38 AM
4

Here's the thing - she can be stubborn with you because she knows that eventually you're going to fold and give her what she wants. She can't be stubborn with a judge, they decide what they decide and she has to live with it, just like you do. That will change the calculus for her and when she's walking up those steps it's going to hit her hard. Stay strong brother.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:27 AM
7

Hence the word "covertly". You don't get in trouble for doing something no one knows you're doing. The cops will likely still listen to it and it will be key in avoiding jail. I can assure you that about 1000x the number of men have been jailed over false domestic violence accusations than the number who have even gotten a slap on the wrist for nonconsensual recording of conversations.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:21 AM
7

It's something on the order of 5%. But don't let your fear of trial make you take a bad deal that you'll be regretting for years. Your STBX has just as much to lose in a courtroom as you do, and the walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her fate is very often enough to get her to be reasonable long enough to get a deal signed. If she's being unreasonable in mediation, a " OK let's just see what the judge says" before you pack up and walk out is all you need. Many man…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:19 AM
8

Lotta great info here. I'd add to have a digital audio recorder (not your phone) running covertly on your person at all times when in the home. It's not for gathering trial evidence, it's to play for the cops when she calls in a false domestic violence accusation. You want to avoid that black and white taxi ride, even if she gets you out of the house and away from your kids only temporarily it still puts you on the back foot from the get-go.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 04:16 PM
3

Leaving quietly? Hell no. You have kids, do not move out of the house without a custody order signed by a judge. But that doesn't mean you have to fight with her. Gray rock her instead. She loves the fight, don't give it to her. That will bother her more than fighting. She can scream up and down the walls, ignore her and do what you know is right.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:19 PM
1

Season 11 Episode 21 in "Why You Don't Wife Up Single Mothers", coming up next! You need to start protecting yourself. Since she's already been through this before and apparently has full custody of the child that isn't yours, she knows what she's doing when it comes to divorce and family court. Those 3 children you have with her are a cash cow in mommy support so you've probably got a fight on your hands to have them with you, if you can even get her to move out. Get an attorney, file for divor…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:27 AM
2

Women can be pretty, sane, and single. But only 2 of the 3. If she's really hot and single, it means she's batshit crazy. You probably dodged a bullet. Might have been a really fun bullet for a night or two though...
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:10 AM
8

Congrats - what is the custody order going forward? Will alienating mom still be primary? If so not much of a punishment for her or Captain Save-a-ho. It's so sad when simps believe a woman's lies about abuse etc and finance the campaign to remove a loving father from children's lives. This is why we tell men to go for 50/50 parenting time at time of divorce - the very best way to fight alienation tactics is to have just as much time with the child and demonstrating by your actions that mommy's …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:02 AM
2

Wrong about the changing locks. Any party on the DEED can change the locks. You can get a locksmith and have them changed today. The catch is that if she's on the deed she can get a locksmith and have them changed to a different keyset you don't have either. And then you can get another locksmith and change them again ad nauseum. Thing is tho after you first change them, since she isn't living there if she comes over and tries to use her key and it doesn't work she'll probably cuss you out over …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:59 AM
12

"Amazing girl" you've never actually been on a date with? How could you possibly know that she's amazing without having been one-on-one with her? She very well might be horrible to be in a relationship with. You've seen nothing but the very surface layer and I think most of us here can attest that women can hide some really awful personality disorders in the beginning or around other people. Gotta stop putting the P on a pedestal dude. She's one OF a million, not one IN a million.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:50 AM
8

Divorce. Frankly your marriage sounds horrible and I don't know why you'd want to save it. Women's mental health generally does not get better as they age, if anything it gets worse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 03:21 PM
2

Any cases I've ever heard of a man paying for the woman's lawyer were all prior to the divorce being finalized. For post-divorce motions/trials princess is usually on her own dime. If you lose a contempt hearing you could end up having to pay her lawyer but from the things you've posted I can't see you losing unless your attorney is just completely incompetent. What may be happening is that she's got her AP ginned up against you with a bunch of lies about abuse and such so he's gone full Captain…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 05:10 PM
1

Work with your attorney to do everything you can to have her imputed at full time RN salary. Time for princess to put her big girl pants on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:36 PM
2

Hand her a copy of the divorce petition that your attorney filed the day before. It tells her all that needs to be said. Filing before letting out the "D" word puts in place automatic restraining orders to prevent her from pre-divorce shenanigans like asset dissipation, running up credit, hiding assets etc. And false domestic violence accusations are looked at MUCH more sceptically after divorce has already been filed. Divorce is a business transaction where you are dissolving a contract, take t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:29 PM
5

Moving 3 hours away from your children is an exceptionally bad way to stay involved in their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:09 PM
3

Your ex did not become a legal expert the day divorce was filed. Unless there's actual motions filed there's not much to worry about. Sounds like you've still got a bit of irrational fear of her that you need to get past.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:00 PM
6

She isn't your boss. You don't have to do what she tells you to do, you've just gotten in a "walking on eggshells" mode and always let her have her way. That stops now. From now on you parent the children as you see fit and if she wants to start a fight just shrug and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 01:15 PM
2

Start preparing for divorce now long before you ever file. Document all that you do for and with the children. Reduce/remove her access to your money and credit cards. Start squirreling away rainy day cash in a safe place she doesn't know about or have access to. Stop fighting with her - it takes two to fight, otherwise it's just a crazy person yelling at the walls. Look up and put into practice gray rock method. And for certain do not tip her off that divorce is in the cards, the first time she…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 03:57 AM
1

You can have your lawyer try and get a default judgement that would probably be very much in your favor, but as others have stated she'd likely respond to the court then and they wouldn't care that she went past the 30 day response window. Even if you do get a default judgement she can typically go back and get it overturned.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 03:53 AM
10

My kids (4 and 6 at divorce 5 years ago) have adjusted to it just fine. They have 2 homes, neither is "lesser", and their parents have different styles at their homes that they understand well. A well written decree that doesn't have gray areas helps a ton. And for me it's awesome as well. Half the time I'm 100% Superdad without my ex criticizing and second guessing my parenting and ruining the kids and my time with her neurosis. Other half of the time I'm a free man doing whatever I want whenev…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:56 AM
3

As I said, a huge number of men here can absolutely factually state that entire paragraph you posted above is BS. False domestic violence accusations are used all the time by women because THEY WORK. And now you're running off into the weeds accusing all men of being rapists. Go be a man-hater somewhere else, it doesn't fly here. Edit: Ohnoez replies disabled! Whatever will we do without princess here making up "stats" when we have all lived experiences that directly refute her nonsense?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:19 PM
1

Then don't move out. Fight for equal parenting time. The best way to ensure your boys have a great childhood is to parent them yourself at least half the time and be Superdad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:14 PM
4

No, the #1 tactic women use at the onset of heterosexual divorce is false domestic violence accusations. A huge number of men here can attest to that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:06 PM
4

Ahh the "statistics" you made up in you own head then, cool. Ma'am are you lost? The line at the top says "Divorce_MEN". You've got the entire rest of Reddit which will cater to you and pretend that women are oppressed - but every man here has been to family court and can factually tell you that is absolutely anything but the case. Have a great day, somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:05 PM
5

Yeah those "statistics" which are just surveys where women claim they're doing everything? In my marriages/divorces I've certainly learned that the claims of women often don't reflect reality, at all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:31 PM
5

So much this. OP seems to be operating under the assumption that he has to move out and that mom automatically gets the kids and the house and everything. He needs to fight for as much custody as possible and make sure that he's not giving away everything financially so that he can give the children a good home when they're with him as well. My kids have two homes, not just hers, and they don't consider mine their "lesser than" home.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:13 PM
8

There's no way I'd ever move away from my young children by choice. Ive read that 90% of the time you ever spend with your children is before they graduate high school, you're never going to get that time lost back when they're adults as they'll be busy with their own lives.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:19 PM
2

Money, mostly is why they go for more than 50% as they'll get more mommy support. With a smattering of "looking good to their friends" on top.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 02:54 PM
9

I've been married/divorced 3 times. Knowing what I know now, there is zero chance I would ever get married given the current laws and norms of female entitlement. I would, however, look into surrogacy to have my own children that can't be taken away by a vengeful ex with the government as her muscle. My children are awesome and give me more than enough reason to live and work to be my best. I only wish I didn't have to share them 50% and pay someone else $21k per year so that she can have a nice…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:20 PM
1

Litigators can mediate just fine if the parties are agreeable. Mediators cannot litigate worth a damn and you're going to end up paying twice if you try some dumb "collaborative" approach with an unreasonable STBX. In a very large percentage of cases, you need the threat of a trial where a stranger in robes will decide their fate to get an unreasonable woman to come to reasonable terms. And if I'm making that threat of trial I want to have an absolute bulldog of a litigator on my side. My own di…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 03:49 AM
1

Take a day off work and go up to the courthouse and watch them in action on cattle call days. Find one that looks like they know what they're doing and get their card. Ideally you want one who has an office right next to the courthouse and knows all the movers and shakers. And since you found them at the courthouse you won't end up with one of those paper tiger attorneys who is actually afraid of going to court and will talk you into taking a bad deal to avoid going...
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 08:00 PM
1

Never take legal advice from your STBX or her attorney. Alimony in Texas is very limited, and she won't get "full custody", expanded standard is there for the asking which gets you about 42% parenting time. And you can fight for equal parenting time if you've been at least an equal parent while married, I did and got 50% parenting time in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 07:57 PM
2

Non-custodial parent typically has to cover child health insurance in Texas but some of the premium is credited back as a child support reduction in the calculation. Look up the child support calculator on Texas Attorney General website
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:12 PM
2

Exactly correct. Mine talked about quitting and staying home with the kids several times and I shot that down with the quickness to prevent just this scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:48 PM
2

I'm sure it's legal. It's also perfectly legal for your ex to call up the Texas AG office here in a year or two and they will be all too happy to go to bat for her to get full Texas CS ordered based on her being the custodial parent. CS is ALWAYS in the purview of the court system until the kids graduate HS in Texas. I hope your ex doesn't know this or decides not to pursue it later, but be aware that she can. Your attorney should have told you this. My Texas attorney certainly did. The family c…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:40 PM
4

If you haven't already, make an email rule that her emails automatically direct to a separate inbox folder and only look at her emails once a day and always wait 24 hours before responding to anything. She gets her jollies from riling you up and the only way it will ever end is if she knows (or at least doesn't see it) that she's not getting to you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:32 PM
3

There's kits you can buy to check it at home and make sure you're still all good. I do it roughly yearly just to make sure...
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 09:11 PM
2

Additionally Texas has a cap on child support which OP is over if he has 190k take-home. CS cap is hit at roughly $140k gross/yr.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 04:01 PM
1

Almost the exact same in my divorce, I got done for $8k and ex spent $23k...
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:31 PM
1

You'll probably have to spend a few $k for a vocational evaluation that will establish what she should be making. Judge will likely give her an "imputed income" for the calculations somewhere between minimum wage full time and what she could actually make as an RN.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:25 PM
13

After 3 divorces, they're recreational use only for me from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:47 AM
4

File first, hand her a copy of the divorce petition once it's filed. This prevents a lot of pre-filing shenanigans that women often pull with dissipating assets etc. Also false domestic violence accusations are looked at much more skeptically when divorce has already been filed. Don't take any chances on giving her a head start by warning her, file and have her playing defense for the rest of the divorce. She has completely and totally disrespected you and your marriage, you owe her nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 04:32 AM
11

Your child support? But but I thought it was FoR TEH ChIlDren? Freudian slip I guess...
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:40 AM
18

Don't give anything away in exchange for "no child support". In most states they can just go to the state CS office after the deal is signed and get baseline child support ordered anyway, and then you're out whatever you gave up and STILL paying CS
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:48 PM
4

Not sure why you're assuming you need to move out and get an apartment while the divorce is ongoing. In fact the quickest way to get a reasonable settlement is to stay in the marital home and force her to deal with you day after day. Get the house sold then move out, split the proceeds, and move on with your lives.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 07:41 PM
4

Families move ALL THE TIME, do we always act like it's the end of the world when it happens? You're falling on your sword here dude and you're going to regret just giving away everything. Get 50% of the assets - house included and it needs to be sold if she can't get a mortgage and buy you out, 50% physical and legal custody. Princess can put on her big girl pants and start providing for herself and the kids in the 50% of the time she has them. She's going to line up some new victim and he's goi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 12:08 AM
8

She's only got control of your finances because you allow it. Open a new account in your name only, preferably at a different bank than you jointly use currently so she can't social engineer access to the new account. Set your paycheck direct deposit to that new account. Transfer half of your current checking/savings to that new account and leave her the other half. Voila, she no longer controls your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:14 PM
3

This is why I often give the advice to aim for a trial as quickly as possible if you've got a completely unreasonable STBX. Either they'll get reasonable during the walk up the courthouse steps and reach a settlement or you'll have a trial and you'll get what you would have gotten anyway. The endless back and forth between lawyers before during and after mediation is just a way for them to churn fees. Two hours max of mediation then you leave if she's not moving off the craziness, and no more ba…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:06 PM
2

I don't get the need for the life insurance with her as beneficiary. That would be a non-starter with me. This is typically only relevant in the cases where one is paying the other child support and/or alimony, which will not be the case here. Also, you've been retired and making only your pension income for 4 years - courts typically have AT MOST a 3 year lookback for income calculations so you should not need to worry about being imputed at your higher former income. I'd approach it with her a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:02 PM
5

Just get divorced. She's going to drag this out as long as possible. Get a trial date set, aim for that trial as quickly as you can. She'll probably get alot more reasonable during the walk up the courthouse steps and you can reach a reasonable agreement at that time, but likely not before. Don't spend thousands going back and forth between attorneys endlessly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:29 PM
5

Your ex doesn't get to decide. A judge does. Quit listening to her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:24 PM
6

By "go" I hope you don't mean move out of the house your children live in. That is a non-starter. If she wants to separate she is free to leave. Were it me, I'd just file - she doesn't respect you and is currently working on a different plan. There's likely another dude or at least one she's got her eyes on, she just won't pull the plug until she can lock him in. After filing, continue to be Superdad during the divorce and get 50/50 custody and depending on the state she may owe you child and/or…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:54 PM
1

By PA-C I'm assuming that's a Physician's Assistant, which should mean at least $100k annual and probably closer to $200k. Getting an imputed income to her in that amount would undoubtedly be worth whatever the vocational eval would cost.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:09 AM
9

Don't operate under the assumption she'll get half of everything. In many states if you can show a clear paper trail from your premarital separate property to a marital house downpayment you can recover that entire amount as your separate property in divorce. Then you'll split whatever's left of the equity. And don't go for this full custody nonsense. Ideally you should smooth things over until she's no longer breastfeeding and thus has no reason to be the preferential parent and then file for d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:02 AM
3

Why are you in such a hurry to move out? Do you have kids? If so don't move out without a signed custody order. Even if you don't have kids, if you own the house by moving out you're probably going to cause the divorce to drag out longer. Forcing her to watch you walk around every day in your tighty whiteys and prevent her from getting her freak on at home with the new guy will give her alot more incentive to reach a reasonable asset settlement. If you're renting and don't have much in the way o…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 09:09 PM
6

I hope "separated" does not mean you've moved out and aren't living in the marital home. Huge mistake if you have, move back home and do not move out without a custody order signed by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 09:02 PM
21

There's hope after divorce yes - but it needn't involve any new woman. You can have an awesome life as a single man just having women for recreational use but otherwise not needed in your life. You're only 3 months in with this new woman and you're already telling the world that we're wrong if we don't believe that women are worthy of cohabitation/marriage in this day and age. Lots of women can put on the mask for a few months but 6mo to a year that mask will start to slip. Me and many other dud…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:58 PM
8

She didn't just emotionally cheat if yall basically agreed to divorce two years ago. She's been banging and blowing dudes this whole time and probably before that too, brother. She's for the streets, recreational use only at this point. Send her on down the road. She's only coming back because her primary plan fell through and she needs to hang on to you as backup until/unless she can find a new primary plan.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:52 PM
1

Exactly right - the fact she won't sign a pre-nup says all you need to know about her intentions. Also - the "can't keep wasting her time" language OP used sounds to me like something that came directly from her mouth. Why is a continued non-marital relationship with OP considered a waste of time if she truly loves the guy? Spoiler alert: this chick wants a husband - not this guy in particular - and the cash and prizes that follow especially if she can pop out one or more of his kids. OP dodged …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:28 PM
2

Slow down, no need to be in a hurry here. If you can smooth things over for a bit with her and retire early immediately and establish that as the baseline income level for a couple of years, then file after that. You should be looking at no alimony at that point. After divorce is final and you've lost half the assets but gotten no alimony order, you could go back to work to rebuild the nest egg a bit if you really feel like you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:19 PM
3

LOL at "the good little paycheck I was supposed to be" This is EXACTLY how my ex viewed me - not as a human being but as a paycheck that should otherwise keep its mouth shut and do what she told it to do. When the "good little paycheck" handed her that divorce petition she had no idea was coming it was like the fembots heads exploding in Austin Powers....
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 03:42 PM
5

Based on your below info you have a daughter together? You're worried about all the wrong things with the dating apps and whatnot. Stop that stuff now, all it will do is throw gas on the fire of the possible divorce/custody fight. You've got the most important fight of your life on your hands. You should have hired a lawyer and filed for divorce (without her knowing until she was served) within a month of finding out about her cheating. Do not move out of the house! You talking about getting a j…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 12:30 AM
3

You need to very covertly get divorce filed without her knowing beforehand so she isn't able to dissipate marital assets beforehand which it clearly sounds like she has been and will continue to do. Half of whatever she's saved up during marriage splitting bills with you even though she makes double is yours. Once divorce is filed she won't be able to make loans or hand relatives money (at least not without repercussions in court). Try and secretly dig up all her bank account information beforeh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 12:22 AM
1

You most likely won't be forced to hand over the house, but you might be forced to sell it and her get half the equity if you aren't able to buy her out of her equity in other assets/cash.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 12:18 AM
3

Yes, relocation would be a very big worry if you had less than 50% legal custody - also choices in education and medical care would be hers to override whatever you wanted. I wouldn't agree to anything other than 50% legal ever. Also, it doesn't sound like you're talking about a normal equal custody schedule when you're talking about "half weekends and days off" - be aware that 50% physical custody means having half of OVERNIGHTS only - your school pickup and afterschool time counts for nothing …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 12:15 AM
3

I love being able to just be a single dude again and do whatever I want when I don't have them. My thought is that I earn that downtime by being 100% awesome solo dad with no help on the half of the time I do have them, so not feeling guilty about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 09:36 PM
6

This is the way. You never see a motorcycle parked in front of a therapist's office.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:51 PM
7

You're setting yourself on fire just to keep a woman who really doesn't even like you warm. Stop. You don't tell her anything. You file for divorce and have her served with the divorce petition. That's it. She survived her whole life before she met you and she'll survive after you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:48 PM
–

Quit arranging anything with her, she's never going to honor any agreement anyway. File with the courts for custody and don't pay any maintenance that isn't court ordered. Absent any custody orders you're within your rights to just take your biological child the same way she did.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:44 PM
5

"No" is a complete sentence. You don't need to explain anything to them. They will not be able to get you married without your consent in the US. You've got a math problem on your hands it sounds like. Is the inheritance you're going to lose (inheritance stays yours in divorce unless you take steps to commingle it, look into that) large enough to make it worth the potential of losing half your shit and having to deal with a woman day in and day out that you didn't even choose? Also be aware that…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 06:48 AM
6

You are interacting with her in person WAY too much. Given that she's abused the privelege, she should not have any opportunity to take any shots. All correspondence should go through thru Our Family Wizard or email and ONLY be about parenting of the children. As many exchanges as possible should be through school and exchanges not at school should not involve any interaction - you pull up into her driveway and text "I'm here" and the kids come out (and the ex DOES NOT). Vice versa at your house…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:19 AM
2

Do not move out of the marital home without a custody order signed by a judge. No, a piece of paper that you and the ex have signed (even notarized) does not count and is not binding - once you're out of the house she can turn around and keep the child 100% and there's nothing you can do about it. Gray rock at the home.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:14 PM
3

Yep, your starting point for alimony in this case is 0. She's not some stay-at-home-mom that had to forgo her career for the family here - she's fully employed and just looking to continue to be a parasite hanging off of you. Don't let fear of a courtroom cause you to take a bad deal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:09 PM
7

Depends on the state, but generally not in play for marriages under 10 years. Most often it's half the length of marriage or less, and in some states 3 years max. Your ex did not become an expert on family court all of a sudden when divorce was filed - do not listen to anything she or her attorney say about what she's going to get. You need your own attorney to let you know the local norms on alimony awards and how your particular judge leans. From a negotiation standpoint, start with 0 alimony …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 02:59 PM
3

Found happiness? Nope, happiness is some fleeting feeling women are always chasing. I've found contentment. And it certainly doesn't involve living with a woman. Will NEVER do that again. Look inward into what it is about you that seems to REQUIRE the presence of another (potentially damaging to your life) human to have "happiness".
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 05:16 PM
4

Being alone does not equate to loneliness. I love my solitude.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 05:11 PM
3

By 50/50 custody you mean equal parenting time right, and not just 50/50 legal? If so why would you need to worry about her putting YOU on CS if she makes more than you do? If anything it would be the reverse - if anyone pays in 50/50 parenting time it is the higher earner which is her...
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:00 PM
1

Damn man sorry to hear about all of that. Absent an order for exclusive use and occupancy, you would have been completely within your rights to break back into your home, or better yet to have waited til she wasn't there, broken in and gotten your own locksmith to change the locks on her. What happened to you is another reason many of us recommend never doing a "trial separation" as it opens you up to all those shenanigans. Lawyers will often give advice that while removing any potential chance …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:14 PM
3

I can imagine you could get very attached, I almost did the same thing with a woman who had a 4 year old girl around 20 years ago. The hard part is that now you legally have NO rights whatsoever to that boy unless you officially adopted him. She could make it so you never see him again and be completely within her rights legally. Ergo... again "This is why you don't marry single mothers"
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:47 AM
2

Get a digital voice recorder and have it running covertly on your person on all times when you're in the marital home. Yes, even when the STBX isn't there, there's been plenty of times when men have been accused of DV even when she wasn't even there. This isn't to gather evidence to use against her in court, it's to play for the cops when they show up to give you the black-and-white taxi ride after she's called them. The most important thing is to NEVER take that ride in the first place because …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:42 AM
6

"This is why you don't marry single mothers" episode 2344245
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:58 AM
2

Being cheap in the short-term can cost you alot more long-term. Getting divorce filed in most jurisdictions puts in place a bunch of automatic temporary restraining orders that preclude her from dissipating assets, transferring assets to her sole control, cutting you off of insurance, and false DV or CPS-related accusations are looked at alot more skeptically AFTER divorce is filed than before. Get it filed and have her served and you have much more control of the timeline going forward...
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:54 AM
3

Yeah I was thinking about dropping mine right when she got pregnant as well. We hadn't even had an exclusivity discussion at that point and I had some hotter prospects I wanted to pursue, but knowing I had a child coming made me try and do the "right thing". You get a pass from me being 21 at the time of your 'oops' - I don't have that excuse as I was 37 and should have known better.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:43 AM
5

Got snipped just a few weeks after divorce was final and don't regret it at all. Marriage to the ex was completely as a result of getting baby trapped only 3 months into the relationship and she turned out to be a nightmare in marriage and divorce, so not taking any chances with that happening again. Two kids is plenty for me, I love my children but I'm also very much looking forward to my post-child life when they're both adults in 9 years.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 08:46 PM
2

Do not move out of the marital home without a custody order signed by a judge. It's the worst mistake a dad can make in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 07:51 PM
2

And now you're $60k into that very same attorney and your STBX is $200k into hers (from your postings on another thread) and you don't have child custody figured out and final divorce is nowhere in sight correct? Your lawyer's advice was based on what was best for HIM (billable hours generation), not for your eventual divorce outcome. Forcing a woman to live together in the marital home while divorce is ongoing with someone she ABSOLUTELY HATES is a very good way to get her moving towards a reas…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 07:48 PM
2

OK. So you see it's a little misleading to say moving out affected nothing because in the end you didn't even get expanded standard apparently which is usually there for the asking. Custody is the most important thing affected by moving out. I didn't move out and got 50/50 parenting time in TX. Living in a different school district than your ex is a dangerous game because if she tries a move-away you're fighting an uphill battle because you can't keep the kids in the same schools either and it's…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 07:37 PM
2

Texas is 50/50 assets yes, but not 50/50 in parenting time in general. What custody outcome did you have?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 06:34 PM
2

You can hide a little by getting cash back when paying with a debit card at the grocery store etc every week. But that has lower limits and only really adds up to much over a pretty long period of time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 06:27 PM
1

That is not necessarily the case, depending on your state. In my state the custodial parent's income doesn't figure into child support at all, mom can be making $100M/yr and she'll still be entitled to 20% of dad's $40K/yr if she is awarded primary custody. In other states with "income shares" models the parenting time split figures into the calculation so if you only end up with every other weekend that 80/20 parenting time split is still going to have you paying her a substantial amount. You'l…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 06:12 PM
3

No, this is not reasonable. Child support in Texas will be 30% of your net income for 3 kids and if she has significant income on her own, alimony will not be in play in Texas at all. Stop paying her anything that's not court ordered. Change your paycheck direct deposit to a new account (not at the same bank as your joint account) that only you have access to. File for divorce immediately. Get a temporary custody order in place so that you can see the kids uninhibited and she'll probably go for …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 09:46 PM
2

No. Absolutely not at all. Relationships do not get repaired by being apart from each other. Also separation opens you up to a whole bunch of shenanigans that women often pull before divorcing like dissipating assets, false domestic violence accusations, moving joint money to their sole accounts, establishing a status quo of you out of the house with no overnight parenting time yet paying for everything in both homes - a situation that will be immediately continued by a judge once divorce is fil…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 09:38 PM
4

You really don't want to divorce with a newborn, due to breastfeeding it's going to be tough to get equal parenting time. Your wife sounds pretty horrible, and basically just like my ex-wife. I knew very soon after our second child was born that I was going to divorce her, but I took my time and got my ducks in a row and did not file until he was 4 years old. In those intervening years I made sure I was Superdad, documented with daily parenting journal entries and many pictures showing how massi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 09:29 PM
1

Kids are more resilient than alot of dads fear, they learn quickly how to handle two homes. Think about it, families move all the time for work or whatever without considering it to completely "disrupt the kids lives" so forcing the sale of the marital home is not as big a deal for the kids as you may be thinking - as long as they can stay in the same schools, with the same activities and friends.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 11:50 PM
2

You shouldn't have moved out without that separation agreement in place. Huge mistake - after moving out you have zero leverage to get a reasonable agreement. I know it doesn't help you, but other NC dads who might be reading need to see this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 11:46 PM
1

Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. I think you're dismissing it a bit too easily. And who will you be "asking for parenting time"? Not the mother, surely? If there's no custody order you are absolutely within your rights as the father to take the child 100% of the time. Since you're no longer moving out (right?) you should be able to continue parenting but know in the absence of a temporary custody order it's the Wild West when it comes to custody. And there's nothing more permanent t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 11:42 PM
8

10 years in some states is the point where permanent alimony kicks in. Look into whether that is the case in your state. If it is, based on what you're posting about how bad the relationship is and that you're working 70 hours (likely making alot more income than her), you need to get an attorney and file ASAP. She sounds really disrespectful towards you, and once a woman gets to the point of disrespect to her husband there's no going back. Mine was similar, and I don't regret filing on her at a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 03:19 AM
8

You're talking to her way too much. When you both have lawyers there's little to no reason to be discussing anything with her that doesn't involve the day-to-day parenting of children. Everything else will be figured out involving the lawyers (mediation or trial). Divorce has been filed, right? She really shouldn't have access to any of your money after that point.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:59 PM
5

You need to realize that you cannot control other people's behavior, you can only control your reaction to their behavior. Your post is just dripping with thoughts about "why wouldn't she" this or that when you have to realize she is a human and completely controls her actions and you are not in any way responsible for them. Look into the philosophy of Stoicism - basically quit worrying about things you can't control and focus your effort and attention on the things that you can. Before I decide…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:50 PM
5

I waited until the kids were 6 and 4 so that at least one was locked into a school system to deter a move-away attempt, and also so the kids were at an age where they could handle longer times apart from either parent. I did not do separation, you're basically just delaying the inevitable, increasing the potential damage she can do to you financially and otherwise and you can't repair a relationship by being apart. Just file and get it over with. You never stop worrying but you do come to terms …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:37 PM
6

Get 50/50 custody so that they know that your home is just as much "their house" as their mother's home is. Make your time with them completely about them and don't bring other women into the picture - especially women with kids that you'll now be having to split your attention to your own children with. Don't rely on the ex for anything - show them that you're completely capable of handling the parenting on your time. Coach/volunteer with their extracurricular activities so that you can get som…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:27 PM
3

Exactly this. Surrogate or adopt. The only way the child is truly yours is if the mother has no rights to it, otherwise the legal system always has final say over your child.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 02:18 PM
2

This. Maybe seeing your child in 3-6 months is their plan? Oh hell no. They're past breastfeeding age so no reason for the mother be preferred. Tender Years doctrine has been thoroughly debunked.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 02:14 PM
5

Quit worrying about who she's boning and start worrying about getting your daughters back. Do you have a temporary custody order currently? If not, get your kids back and keep them at your home. File for divorce and exclusive use of the marital home and have the children returned to the marital home for the duration of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 05:49 AM
4

You don't say a word about it. You are a gray rock from now on with her. Secure all financial assets so that she cannot dissipate them, secure important documents in a place you can get to them if she pulls the false DV card to get you locked out of the house. Take a day off work and go down to the courthouse and watch a few divorce attorneys in action and get a card from the one that most seems to have it together. Meet with him and assuming all is kosher have him file for divorce and have her …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 01:58 AM
4

None of them are any better than the other when it comes to her getting 50% of the assets accrued during the marriage, including your military pension. The major differences as others have stated are in spousal support amounts and duration, and it doesn't sound like that's in play for you. The time to have kept her from getting half your pension was 10+ years ago and that ship has sailed. While it stings (believe me I know how much) you're going to have to just look at the bright side that you g…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:15 AM
1

Exactly this. That was my bottom line and I got 50% in mediation in TX because I stuck to it. TX Expanded Standard possession is about 42% time and that is the ABSOLUTE WORST you will get if you take it to court - convicted felons still have it for the asking. Having that as my backstop made it easier to be willing to go to court to get 50% knowing I didn't have much to lose. And the ex knowing I was fully willing to take it to a judge made her more reasonable in mediation as I might have just w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:00 AM
2

Alright sounds like you've got the parenting part under control too, again nice work there. It sounds like she's already asking for everything in the divorce, so don't be surprised if she tries to claw back some of your parenting time once she hears from her attorney and her flock of hens that that's the path for her to primary custody and having a big chunk of your paycheck for a bunch more years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 03:18 PM
4

LOL your title reminded me of a funny divorce joke: Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is a little strange..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was a little strange, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:16 AM
3

My Texas divorce (with kids, a home, and somewhat significant assets) was over in less than 3 months. I filed (blindsided her to avoid some of the pre-divorce shenanigans women often pull) and she had an attorney within a week. Our attorneys exchanged our financials (no formal discovery - I had a good idea what she had and would have known if something was missing) within weeks and set a mediation date roughly 5 weeks after my filing date. We hashed it out in one long 9 hour day of mediation and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:05 AM
7

Nice work. She and the MIL thought they were going to railroad you with the "collaborative" attorney but in truth he would have been doing their bidding. An attorney can only actually legally be working in the interests of one party in a lawsuit (which divorce is), so he surely would not have your interests or any semblance of "fairness" in mind. One caution based on your post - it seems you're holed up in the basement and not actually parenting your children - do NOT cede 100% parenting respons…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:53 AM
5

If your STBX is like my ex, it's all about the child support she gets so if you agree to pay full Texas CS even with 50/50 she'll probably jump on that offer as she gets the money and doesn't even have to be a primary parent. In mediation (also in TX) my ex was balking at my non-negotiable 50/50 parenting time requirement so 2 hours in my attorney and I started packing up to leave. All of a sudden a 50/50 parenting time offer came across from the other room (with me paying full CS of course) so …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:24 AM
3

Yeah I remember he was an older doctor who lived onboard his sailboat in a marina in San Francisco Harbor. Glad that you didn't "Halt" your work for men with the forum going down. As for me I will continue to be a Dadee in Tx and try and put men on the right path here as well. Bart had a great way of "shaking the shit out of" men that showed up who were broken and beaten and getting them on their feet and proactively fighting back in their divorces. A lot of tough love over there.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:06 AM
3

Yep that forum was a great help to me in preparing (for 3+ years) for my eventual divorce - the advice I gleaned there made my divorce go so much more smoothly, quickly, and better for me than it might have otherwise. I still wonder what happened to BartSimpson - he did more over those years to help other men (me included) than he probably knows and that's one anonymous stranger on the internet who I'd like to thank.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 05:35 PM
3

Your attorney fucked up. Never give up your discovery docs without it being part of an exchange with the other attorney for her discovery. I'll show you mine if you show me yours...
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:42 AM
7

Right there with you bud, being "alone" is pretty fucking awesome when it means I do whatever I want, whenever I want with absolutely zero consideration of the whims of some irrational woman.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:09 AM
20

Nope. No "separation" if it means you move out of the house that the children live in. She can move out if she wants to, but you stay where the children are. I can tell by your language that you're thinking in terms of what she "allows", but now it's time to get your balls back out of her nightstand and make decisions for yourself. She doesn't control you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:06 AM
16

Happiness is a fleeting feeling and not something to be expected at all times like women seem to think. The real state that you want to achieve is one of contentment. Work towards a change in mindset that accepts your current life as it is while changing the aspects of it that you don't like. Look into the philosophy of stoicism.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:24 PM
9

"Alright, we'll see what the GAL says." Even the 12 hours you're proposing is too short in practice and no judge is going to order 2 or 6. You've got to get over the fear of the ex - she has just as much to lose from a GAL in this custody fight as you do and she didn't become a legal expert all of a sudden when divorce was filed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 04:05 PM
1

Once a month is plenty. The ex and I often go between 3 and 6 months - she'll finally put her stack of expenses in OFW, I'll go in within a week or so afterwards and put mine in then pay her the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 06:24 AM
3

Yep "to have and to hold (Biblical sense here)" is just as important a part of the vows as "forsaking all others". And yet it seems in modern times it's perfectly fine for a wife to turn off the sex with her husband but completely unacceptable for him to get it elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 06:09 AM
7

Don't bother with mediation and paying lawyers to go back and forth endlessly, aim for a trial just as quickly as you possibly can get a court date. The walk up the courthouse steps has a way of making women a whole lot more reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 06:06 AM
1

Basically when my ex treated me exactly the same way your wife is treating you is when I knew it was time to divorce. Also, she's not a good mom as a good mom wouldn't treat the father of her children like that. And you need to wake up from the "totally trust her" nonsense if you do file for divorce. Tons of men have believed "my wife would never do that" only to have their STBX's break out the false DV allegations and have him arrested, clean out the accounts etc etc. The best way to "totally t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 06:02 AM
7

You're doing it backwards. Don't agree on ANYTHING until you've got the custody you want lined up. All those other financial items are quite often the leverage needed to get the custody agreement and if you've already locked them then you have no leverage on custody. In mediation I absolutely refused to discuss anything else unless it was associated with a 50/50 parenting time commitment, to the point that my attorney and I were packing up to walk out two hours in when she caved. From there it w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 07:22 PM
1

If you leave the home you're probably going to get court ordered to continue paying for the home and all associated utilities/expenses, as well as whatever accommodations/expenses you've gotten for yourself, going forward until the resolution of the divorce. So now she's got everything she could possibly want - your money, your house, and no you around. What incentive does she have to reach a reasonable settlement given that scenario? And that's even without kids in the picture, leaving the hous…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 06:08 AM
2

Nope. This is exactly the way to do it. She's more mad that you beat her to it and how it looks to all her friends that you filed on her and not vice versa than how you "surprised" her. If she's a reasonable person and you can reach a reasonable agreement this won't affect that, but if she's got unreasonable expectations of what she's entitled to then it wouldn't have mattered in the least how it went down. Divorce is often "amicable" until the very first time the woman doesn't get what she want…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 05:58 AM
5

Stay in Texas and file for divorce here to lock in jurisdiction. It will be very difficult for her to move the children out of your current area. Alimony in Texas is far more limited (usually 3 years) than it is in California where you'd be looking at lifetime alimony for a long-term marriage. Child support in Texas is 25% of net (for 2 kids) but capped at around $130k annual gross so your max outlay is around $2300/mo even if you're making 7 figures. You're being FAR to generous to her in the a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:50 AM
6

Gentlemen, things like this are why you DO NOT agree to any post-divorce financial entanglements whatsoever. If she can't buy you out at divorce the house gets sold and proceeds split right then. Edit: Just saw the explanation below. That's an even worse entanglement. Men, DO NOT do this divorced but not actually divorced craziness! Princess can put her big girl pants on and get her own insurance, you are no longer responsible for her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 08:35 PM
1

My ex threatened divorce monthly for 3 or 4 years straight. I had a lawyer file and handed her a copy of the divorce petition. Cue surprised pikachu face. And of course like yours, denial and gaslighting that she had ever threatened me with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 06:01 PM
4

Most states don't require parents to pay for college. I'd never sign anything dictating what I pay for my children's college. What I contribute will be my own decision based on available means and the relationship I have with the adult child at that time, and how seriously they are taking college. I think you're way off on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:53 PM
2

Correct, but you will need her to sign a quit claim deed so that you can get her off the title.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 03:57 PM
2

It's not codified anywhere by the state, but I was told by attorneys that what's "customary" in equal parenting time in Texas is that you do the normal TX child support calc for the higher earner, and the child support calc for the lower earner, and the higher earner pays the difference. I agreed to something a bit higher than that in mediation to lock in equal parenting time as going to trial would have been a crapshoot and I might have ended up with expanded standard and full child support. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:32 AM
3

Basically you need to consult with an attorney to see what the most likely outcome is if it goes to court. Then you go into mediation and if princess is unreasonable and has decided that she's entitled to way more than she'll get in court then you say "We'll see what the judge says then" and walk out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:55 AM
1

Mediators only care about getting a deal done and don't care whatsoever whether it's fair to both parties. They will almost always lean on who they deem to be the weaker party for concessions to get the deal, to that party's detriment. Don't be the weaker party.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 12:37 AM
16

Less than two months after my mother had died, who had passed only a few weeks after my father - she's got her face an inch from mine screaming "I hope you fucking die!" in one of her usual unhinged fits of rage. At that point I knew she was just an irredeemably horrible person that I needed to get away from.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 12:30 AM
3

Yep. I bought a toy hauler travel trailer RV to pull behind my truck with my DR650 dual sport motorcycle inside. I plan to just park it someplace for a month at a time and ride every backroad around on the moto then hook up and pull it to the next place and do another month, rinse and repeat. Can't quite go fulltime until 8 or so years from now when the egregious mommy support payments are done but I've been able to do some shorter stints in the meantime.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:06 AM
4

There's basically nothing you can do about it. All three of my ex-wives went on a defamation spree to any joint friends we had to a lesser or greater extent. The positive is you find out quickly who your real friends are. The last divorce I lost a friend who I'd known for 10 years before I'd ever met the ex, and whose wedding I'd been his best man. He never even asked my side of the story and just believed her lies straight away. But now I know who will have my back when I need them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:38 PM
1

Unlike some here I actually prefer paying mommy support through the state agency (and you shouldn't be paying anything without a court order to do so mind you) as there's complete tracking and she can't go back and claim you didn't pay. However if you can avoid wage garnishment you should as you often end up overpaying - I do a monthly EFT to the Texas State Disbursement Unit (SDU) which if something changes I can IMMEDIATELY stop/change payments instead of waiting around for the state office an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:29 PM
3

Alimony amount/duration is highly dependent on the state that you are in. It's the kind of thing you should really consult with a local attorney on. Also be very careful about putting kids' college expenses 100% on you open-ended in a signed divorce agreement. What if the ex alienates them from you completely and they won't even speak to you? What if they won't give you access to their grades at all? What if they're burning $300k on an underwater basket-weaving degree? What if you lose your job?…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:11 PM
8

DO NOT move out of the house without a custody agreement signed by a judge. She's not the parenting/divorce decider - you are allowed to remain in your own home absent a court order to the contrary. As others have said, lawyer up immediately and stop talking to her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 03:00 PM
3

You're worried about all the wrong things. You don't need to be thinking about dating post-divorce at this point at all. You need to be thinking and planning on how you're going to get out of this shit marriage with the least amount of damage done to you and your children. Future women should be the farthest thing from your mind and trying to date during divorce often becomes a distraction from what really matters and throws gas on the flames of your ex's already bad attitude which will make com…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:57 PM
1

Good deal. They still do standard possession if that's all the NCP wants. Good luck in mediation, don't agree to anything you can't live with long-term. To this day almost 5 years later I still regret not following my attorney's advice and countering (again) with a lower CS number because I was just so focused on locking in the 50/50 parenting time that they'd finally agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:10 PM
5

Why standard possession and not Expanded Standard possession? It's pretty much there for the asking. You add every Thursday overnight and dropoff at school Monday morning on your 1/3/5 weekends instead of dropping off with the ex Sunday evening. That much less you have to see and deal with the ex. Regarding mediation, without a looming court date it's probably a waste of time if she's the type to make false abuse allegations. Just stay for 2 hours or whatever the minimum is and if she's not bein…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:03 PM
2

The marital credit card debt will be split, yes. Or more likely you will take it solely but it should be made to offset an equal dollar amount of assets that you're getting. And always funny how the "we decided" things solely benefit them at your expense. Don't think for a second that she wasn't aware of that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:29 PM
1

Good deal, sounds like you're getting your head on straight. So during the marriage she had you pay off her student loans but kept yours floating? That's really underhanded as student loans are the one debt that typically stays with the divorced party and isn't split which she probably knew and took advantage of. If nothing is filed yet, then I'd definitely just go ahead and pay off your student loans with marital money to even things up.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:22 PM
9

NO NO NO. Do not keep ANY financial entanglements (like the home mortgage) in place after the divorce is final. A huge number of men have done this only to have her not pay the mortgage and since it's still in the man's name it's his credit that takes the hit and it will take the better part of a year just for you to get a court date to force the sale. She's unlikely to cooperate on the selling of the home even after that point so it will likely be run-down from a complete lack of maintenance an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:40 PM
9

You should be able to let the process server in, yes. With her having not even been served yet she won't have been granted Exclusive Use and Occupancy so you're entitled to be there and let in whoever you want.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:33 PM
2

Better yet put a Will Smith style slap upside his face. Much more degrading to a man than a punch. Also, your wife cannot shut your home to your family (nor can you shut it to hers if she wants them there). It is your home too and if you want them there you are allowed to have them there. If she doesn't like it she's free to leave, but the fact you've made the above statement tells me that you have real issues standing up to her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:30 PM
8

No way in hell I would move away from my kids. From that point you're going to be at best an "uncle" to you children that just visits them every once in awhile. That 25yo jerkoff is going to be your two younger children's real father for all intents and purposes. And in your comments it doesn't sound like she's the greatest person either so I just can't see why you would leave the raising of your flesh and blood children effectively 100% to this woman and the 25yo dude. A significant chunk of th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 08:24 PM
11

Damaged? You sound to me like you just learned something. Not grabbing the hot pan again after you've been burned by it is not "damaged", it's 100% logical behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:26 PM
1

She's been fucking him since before October. They don't let go of one branch until they have latched onto the next one. Assuming you have a good environment for the dog, just keep it. She's going to be so wrapped up with Mr. Wonderful she'll likely just let it drop after some initial protestations.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:21 PM
1

That's expanded standard and you're going to be paying a big chunk of CS with that schedule. Texas CS doesn't take into account custodial parent income if you don't have 50/50 parenting time, so you'll be paying full CS (20% of your net for one kid, 25% for two) despite having 42% parenting time with expanded standard. I'd advise to go for full 50% parenting time. If you think you're broke now, try making it post-divorce while giving away 25% of your income and still having to cover child expens…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:27 PM
2

Split custody how? 50/50 parenting time or "split" as in you get Texas Standard (every other weekend) or Expanded Standard (EOW with Thursday and Sunday nights added)? What is the exact parenting schedule?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 05:23 PM
3

So much this. My ex threatened divorce monthly for several years - basically just like OP's whenever she wasn't getting her way. But cue her surprised Pikachu face when I handed her the divorce petition that had been filed the day before. Of course in her propaganda campaign to anyone that would listen afterwards she conveniently forgot to mention her constant divorce threats. But as others have said, kids are resilient and can adjust to two homes fairly quickly. It's so much better when you can…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:31 AM
11

My experience has been that I haven't attempted to date at all really. There's basically nothing that modern women can add to my life. I've got my kids half the time and the other half I don't want to be make any compromises with my time. I've messed around for a few months with a couple women that I happened to hit it off with at some event or other I was at. But as soon as they start talking about a committed relationship I end it immediately as there's really just no significant place for a w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:14 AM
1

Hopefully many men will recognize that nothing is filed yet by the OP or his wife so there are no lawyers and no judges in place at this time. But keep on being afraid of the boogeyman!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 04:59 AM
5

Yep, it's "mommy support" plain and simple. Has nothing to do with the children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 09:36 PM
1

I didn't have to do it in my case as I made sure my ex kept working the whole marriage to avoid just this scenario. However this has been the usual advice at forum.mensdivorce.com for a long time based on a couple decades of comparing experiences and figuring out what works and what doesn't. And that's some weaksauce to call it "abuse", unless you're using the new made-up feminist definitions of the word. Controlling the flow of the money that you earn is not in any way "abuse" and the lazy wife…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 09:04 PM
3

You've got to get her working before filing if you can. Austerity measures are your only hope, and don't use the "D" word. From now on your paycheck goes into an account that only you have access to. Open this account at a new bank as women can often talk their way onto an account with a bank you already use. Change all bank passwords so that she can't access anything. You pay all bills. You do all the grocery shopping, and you only buy things that you and the kids like and nothing that she like…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 04:31 AM
10

Don't dick around trying to placate her. Aim to get this in front of a judge as quickly as humanly possible. If mediation is required, sit for the minimum required amount of time and tell her and the mediator "We'll see what the judge says." Let her know that you can't wait for her to get up in front of a judge and explain how getting your daughter prescribed an antibiotic for a UTI is dangerous. She'll get laughed out of the courtroom. Motion for her to have to pay your attorney costs from this…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:43 AM
6

Dude wake up. She's already seeing another man. You ARE plan B - she just wants to make sure she locks in the new guy before completely letting go of you. It's obvious monkey-branching.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 06:16 PM
5

In most states child support is a mathematical formula based on parents' income and percentage of overnights each parent has with the child(ren). Google North Carolina child support calculator and plug in the data and you should have your answer. And if you're entitled to it - TAKE IT. "Child support" amounts ordered are far over and above actual needs of the children in this country and until more women are forced to pay it nothing will change.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 05:29 AM
1

Don't move out until you have the 50/50 custody agreement signed by her and a judge. Once you're out of the house she can just change her mind, petition for your kid to remain in his home while the divorce is pending (ie. with her and not you) and you'll be fighting an uphill battle for custody. All your leverage is gone once you're out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:19 AM
12

My ex is perfectly nice and cordial - when she wants something from me. Otherwise she's the same miserable, disrespectful asshole she's always been.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:48 PM
6

Yep, cheaters are big with the projection...
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:42 PM
3

Unless the incidents you have recorded happened last week it's pretty much useless. If she does it again get it recorded, and file for the RO IMMEDIATELY.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:58 AM
3

Based on my understanding he's got it right. Currently she's got 4/8 or half your pension but if you keep working for 30 years she's only going to have 4/30 of your pension and won't get a dime until you retire. With that being the reality you might be able to negotiate a buyout of her pension interest at a much reduced rate. Many women aren't interested in looking 20+ years ahead and will take a little quick cash over a larger future payout. Edit: also this assumes you've been married for the e…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:44 AM
2

You beat me to this one!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:14 PM
1

Exactly this. I guess I miss some of the "friends" I lost when she went on her false propaganda campaign to everyone we knew.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:09 PM
–

What are you supposed to do? Nothing, you've learned from your experiences. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you burned your hand touching a frying pan would people describe you as "bitter and jaded" when you decide to not touch the frying pan again? And yet it's somehow fine to dismiss a man's learned experience and denigrate him for making a rational choice based on those. Crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:21 PM
1

Mediation isn't magic. Reasonable people can reach an agreement, but if she was reasonable you probably wouldn't be getting divorced. Mediation without a looming court date is usually a waste of time and money. Get a lawyer and get things moving along. You really can't "move on" anyway until you have a signed divorce decree so slow down . And refusing to take care of your own children while she dates? Completely shooting yourself in the foot there brother, she's giving you a gift of uninterrupte…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:11 PM
1

I filed first, blindsided her pretty much as I had concerns that as her family was full of attorneys I would be subject to a whole bunch of pre-divorce shenanigans that would put me at a disadvantage financially and for custody. I had been preparing for 3+ years as it was pretty clear after our second child was born that this was where things were headed and I wanted the children to be old enough to get past the "tender years" BS. To my surprise she actually behaved fairly reasonably during the …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:59 PM
1

This is definitely one of those "it depends" questions which is why the attorneys are answering that way. A few tips: 1) Make your case about how you are Superdad, not about how bad their mother is. Hard data showing the percentage of school pickup/dropoffs, doctor/dentist visits, parent-teacher conferences you attend. Do not waste time slinging mud at the mother (unless there's something with a police report involved) as judges see that all day every day and tune it out. 2) Document all of your…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:47 PM
4

It's neither of those mod users, it's the "Divorce_Men-ModTeam" user that's spamming out the same muh soggy kneez cut-and-paste over and over again. Looks like it started a month or two ago. Probably complaints from a certain group leading to the prior mods getting some outside "help".
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 10:04 PM
18

I noticed it starting last week. I'm guessing we got a new mod, probably a woman who couldn't stand that men have a place to talk among themselves without female censorship. What a shame.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:14 PM
0

We don't allow 10-year-olds to make life-changing decisions for themselves for a reason, and this is no different. You can also be sure that the ex is manipulating the kid to say what she wants him to say. Stick to your guns - "We'll just see what the judge says" is a powerful phrase and the walk up the courthouse steps for a custody hearing where a judge will decide her fate has a way of making women a lot more reasonable. Women by and large do not do a great job of raising men - your sons need…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:11 AM
3

Texas with an employed spouse = no alimony. She often talked about quitting her job and staying home with the kids and I shut that shit down with the quickness every time for that very reason. Writing was on the wall for the marriage for quite a few years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:23 PM
1

Total of~$550k.... $300k in assets of which she contributed very little, ~$250k in child support by the time the kids are 18.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:12 PM
2

Yes he'll have to split his retirement and assets. He's looking at that no matter when or where he divorces. What he won't have to do if he retires first is pay spousal support to her at a monthly rate commensurate with his full employment until the day that he or she dies, which is what he's facing right now. And if he goes back to work after divorce is final and the threat of spousal support is gone, he gets to keep everything he earns thereafter.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 07:51 PM
4

Yep, that or retire early and after a year or two of established status quo of you in retirement THEN file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:11 PM
3

"OK, let's see what the judge says." Aim for trial as quickly and as inexpensively as possible with no more back-and-forth between attorneys. The walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes will decide her parenting time with the children has a great way of making women a lot more reasonable for long enough to get an agreement signed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:09 PM
11

Yep some people need to get burned more than once by touching the frying pan before they get it. I certainly was that way, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:02 PM
3

Separation is a waste of time - no one gets closer by spending time apart (and her likely hooking up with other dudes all the while). It would also give her the opportunity to start marginalizing you in the childrens' lives to use against you when the divorce happens. So just get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. DO NOT move out of the marital home without a fair parenting time agreement signed by a judge. You've got to do your best to put emotions aside for the time being because you're…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:57 PM
5

Yep, you don't believe it because it's not true. She got the commitment she wanted and no longer needed to provide anything further to you. Once you're gone she'll fire the sex/passion up with the new guy to lock him in just like she did with you. People behave based on incentives. Anyway, cut bait on this marriage but don't just give away everything - get your 50%. And DO NOT get hoovered into having an accidental oops baby. Be very careful once you're back out on the market - after being so st…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:53 PM
3

Don't talk to her about it at all. Talk to more than one lawyer - even better if you can go to the courthouse on cattle call days and watch a bunch of them in action and get cards from the best ones. Retain said lawyer and have them file for divorce and have her served, the first time she hears about the divorce should be from the process server. Tipping your hand early opens you up to a whole bunch of negative outcomes like her hiding/dissipating assets, her making false domestic violence claim…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:35 AM
9

This, so much this. DO NOT MOVE OUT. In almost every state you can file for divorce and remain living together in the marital home during the divorce. This gives a much larger incentive for them to quickly reach a reasonable settlement. OP, is her mother by any chance divorced? Sounds like she knows the ropes and is coaching her daughter on how to win this even with her recent D&D and resisting arrest. You're working on "marriage repair" and your STBX is working on winning the divorce already. A…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:24 AM
3

Exactly this. While it's probably fine to record, what do you think you're going to gain by doing so? Do you think you're going to play it back to her and she's going to magically realize the error of her ways and turn into the perfect unicorn wife? Nope, if you play it back pointing out her inconsistency she's going to explode at you for recording behind her back, turn it all around on you and make you the bad guy in her mind. And since you're so horrible as to sneakily record her she's complet…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:13 AM
8

Once the "D" word is out of the bag it doesn't go back in. I've been on both sides of this - promising to change to try and avert my first divorce, and getting promises to change from the ex trying to avert my third. Nothing ever changed for long, especially from a modern woman who's been told all her life that she's perfect and faultless. She may say she's going to change, but deep down she really doesn't think there's anything wrong with what she's doing. You may be leaving the marriage, but D…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 01:51 AM
1

Yes, you can absolutely change the locks. Unless you have exclusive use, assuming she's on the title she can get a locksmith to change them as well, but most likely she'll just give up when her key doesn't work. She'll bitch about it but probably not actually do anything. Courts won't care, other than possibly requiring you to give her a specific time to move out the rest of her stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 06:07 AM
2

TX 2 kids Me $180k her $60k 50/50 parenting time $1800/mo CS Agreed to the CS amount in mediation to lock in 50/50 time which can be difficult to get in Texas without agreement. $1800 was kind of a split-the-difference amount between using the "offsetting CS" model often used in Texas for 50/50 and the Texas CS cap for 2 kids she would get if she'd have been primary.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 11:04 PM
4

Stop answering her calls and stop celebrating Christmas together. My kids enjoy getting Christmas twice. Limit your contact with her to texts/email as much as possible. If she tries to engage with you at a kid exchange, your answer is "Sounds important, send me an email."
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 10:44 PM
3

No, the courts won't force her to take 50%. I had one uncontested divorce where I kept a large majority of the assets. We had to both go to the uncontested docket day at court and the judge asked both of us a couple questions, including asking the ex whether she understood she was getting substantially less than half of the assets. She answered that she understood and was OK with it and the judge signed the paperwork. Done deal.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 10:31 PM
2

The answer for Texas is No, you cannot be forced to pay for college as child support ends at 18 or HS graduation, period. However if you stupidly agree to it in the divorce decree then it can be enforced by the courts. So don't.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 04:32 PM
2

Yep, my ex did the same thing. Dropped kids off with me then said she needed to go to the bathroom - when in actuality she had her phone capturing video the whole time. The day before mediation her lawyer sent mine a big bunch of documents and pictures to try and scare us and screencaps from that video of when she came in my place were included. We weren't fazed in the least by it as it was all nonsense but she sure thought she was getting one over on me. All it taught me was to never let her in…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 04:28 PM
1

The amount the non-custodial parent pays for the children's health insurance premiums is subtracted from the NCP's "net resources" for purposes of CS calculation in Texas. So it doesn't help at all if you're still over the $9200/month net resources cap after subtracting the premiums. If you're under the cap, it will reduce the CS by whatever CS percentage (20% for 1, 25% for 2, 30% for 3 kids) of the health insurance premium. So effectively 70-100% of the child's health insurance premiums are "o…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:47 PM
2

For me with a 7 year marriage - $300k in assets (half), including half the gains on 401k that I had prior to marriage (that part hurt), $250k in child support over 14 years with 50/50 parenting time. $8k in attorney fees on my side (she spent like $25k) which was kept low as we settled in the first mediation session around 2 months after I filed, with a signed divorce order right at the 90 day mark from filing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:18 PM
6

Be careful with this. The way PCs make money is to keep you two coming in and meeting with her and billing hours. This PC is not your friend. It's highly unlikely the PC is just going to take your word that all the issues were already solved with direct discussion- they're going to get rehashed. She's also not going to just take your word for it that the ex is violent and the "sisterhood effect" will make sure your ex receives every benefit of the doubt. Your read on this interaction is WAY too …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:17 AM
2

OK thanks for the correction. I didn't have to pay alimony as I kept my leech working during the marriage so not as versed on that part.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:06 AM
3

Texas is good for divorce in some ways and not in others: GOOD - Child support is set at a percentage of your gross but only up to around $140k annually where you reach the cap and you get to keep everything after that. Good for higher earners. GOOD - Alimony (spousal support) is not as onerous in Texas as in alot of other states as in most cases it's rehabilitative 3 years max and worst case half the marriage length with no ridiculous lifetime alimony. BAD - No presumption of 50/50 parenting ti…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:00 AM
2

It takes two to argue. Do not rise to the bait. Keep your mouth shut (especially about your divorce strategy!) and enact the gray rock method.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:15 PM
4

False domestic violence accusations leading to a restraining order against the husband and him being removed from the home and having zero custody of the children until he can fight off the DV case, by which time the wife has status quo on her side and basically automatically wins in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:14 PM
2

Like others have said, while her pension may not be divisible but it does have a current value that can be assigned to it from an asset division perspective. Also, you need to be sure to discount your 401k value by about 20-30% to account for future taxes owed on distributions when you're trading off 401k versus tax-free assets like cash or home equity. A dollar of 401k is equivalent to about 70-80 cents of cash/equity. To be honest I'd just propose that she walks with her retirement and you wal…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 07:00 PM
5

It's the first thing I did after getting divorced. The baby trapping that got me last time won't happen again...
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 06:53 AM
2

There was no affair as I asked numerous times for her to tell me if there was because I think it’d be easier to forget about her if there was. Bruh. She's completely disrespecting you and you expect her to tell the truth about cheating? Which moreover means admitting to herself that she's a cheater? GTFO. Both of my first two ex-wives swore up and down they weren't cheating and were just done with our marriage. BOTH were cheating. Especially with her going full on with getting in great shape - t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:42 AM
3

I covertly did Identigene tests on both of my children soon after they were born to make sure they were mine (and they were). Given my life's experiences, I follow the "trust but verify" approach at all times when it comes to women. They were babies so it didn't affect them, and it didn't affect me either other than giving me peace of mind that I was baby-trapped fair and square with the older one and that I wasn't raising some other dude's kids with either. All men should do the same IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:29 AM
6

I didn't. I stood my ground in MY home and had a digital audio recorder running covertly on my person at all times when at the marital home to fight a false domestic violence accusation. Even with no kids moving out is usually a huge mistake as it often incentivizes the woman to drag things out as the man is usually ordered to continue paying for the marital residence. What incentive does she have to settle things quickly when she's got your money, your house, and NO you?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:21 AM
5

Worst case you can have her imputed at 40hrs minimum wage per week if there's no way to prove any other income.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:05 PM
1

I've been divorced a few years and my 8yo son recently has been asking "Daddy why did you divorce Mommy?" when at the time he never really cared. I assume the ex is bringing it up over there. I am still just going with the "That's a grown up discussion and between your mother and I and not something for your to worry about". Our 10yo daughter however recently was refusing to go with her mother one evening telling me "She yells at me all the time. It's just constant yelling and being mean to me!"…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:47 AM
3

You sound like you're assigning far too much of your own self-image into whether some irrational woman will let you put your penis in her vagina. Sex is fun, it feels good and all, but it doesn't change anything about your worth as a man whether you're getting it or not. Value yourself outside of female validation and you'll be far less susceptible to overlooking red flags and putting up with behavior and disrepespect from a woman that you never would have otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:39 PM
3

You don't need to convince her of anything. Just go file for divorce. She sounds horrible.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:30 PM
-1

You need to put in extra hours at work and contribute extra money to him to fight this injustice in court. Pay for the best lawyer you can find for him. After all, you're ride or die for him, right? Also, you're paying way more than half of the joint expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries) to support him in this difficult time, correct? There's nothing a woman hates more than another woman digging her man's gold...
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:29 AM
1

While they're right that there's no "official" deviation for child support for 50/50 parenting time in Texas, there is a somewhat unofficial custom that with equal parenting time you take the full CS number from the higher earner, calculate the full CS number from the lower earner and subtract and the higher earner pays the difference. In my case to get agreed 50/50 parenting time in mediation I agreed to a somewhat higher CS number - basically splitting the difference between the "difference" n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:19 AM
13

If you can actually get her to agree to 50/50 parenting time then get her to sign on the dotted line as soon as possible. Be careful though, often times women say one thing then when they realize that 50/50 parenting time means they won't get 75% of your paycheck in "child' (read: mommy) support their tune changes quickly and all of a sudden you were abusive and should be on supervised parenting time of 4 hours per week. A couple of other things: It takes two to argue. You can control yourself a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 03:06 AM
2

My buddy pulled a trick in his divorce with a $50k 401k loan that you need to look out for if you agree to this. He essentially double dipped on the debt. When you take a 401k loan they immediately reduce the 401k balance by the loan amount (50k in his case). So when you pay it back you're really just paying it back to yourself with interest and adding back to your 401k balance. So it's not a true "debt" in that you don't owe it to anyone else. He was able to get his 401k balance (that he had to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:51 AM
1

Yep. Forgot to also add that it will also weed out the lawyers who are themselves afraid of the courtroom as well. There's a bunch of them out there just wanting to rack up billable hours outside the courtroom but when push comes to shove will pressure you to take a bad deal due to their own imposter syndrome.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:46 PM
4

The new girl didn't reach out to you "randomly", she heard that you were newly available and wanted to get her hooks any before any other chick had the chance to. Be very careful with her, often women doing this are predators and you are the prey. Have some fun if you want and clean the pipes, but don't get attached and drop her with the quickness at the first sign of the mask coming off.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 02:18 PM
3

Take a day off work and go down to the courthouse on cattle call days and watch them in action. Pick one that clearly has their shit together and that you can see that the judges like. This will also serve the purpose of taking away some of your fear of the courtroom. So many men fall on their swords and take bad deals because they're deathly afraid of the courtroom.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 02:14 PM
1

Stop fighting with her. It takes two to argue. Any argument can be used to get you arrested and a restraining order against you which is an automatic "I WIN" button for her in divorce. Just sit calmly and say "I won't be disrespected like this, be quiet woman." If she continues put your earbuds in and ignore her. Pick back up your sports/hobbies - your health and happiness are just as important as hers. She can only bring you down mentally if you allow her to - once your realize she's just a pet…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 11:57 PM
1

Fight this with every ounce of your being. So often this is an unhealthily attached mother that can't let go of the child and nothing to do with the child themselves - especially given the pre-school reports showing otherwise. She will use homeschooling as an excuse to never get a job and keep your child (read: mommy) support as high as possible. Go back and fight for shared parenting with at least every other weekend with you. An healthily attached mother is sure to begin alienating the child a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 11:44 PM
3

Same thing happened to me in Texas, TWICE. I put my first wife through nursing school and 6 months after graduating and finally contributing to household finance she cheats and files for divorce. I put my second wife through nursing school as well and less than 2 years after graduating and contributing she tells me she wants a divorce as well (and probably cheated though I couldn't confirm it). One of my friends joked that marrying me should be called the "47omek Memorial Nursing Scholarship"
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 05:23 PM
2

No, I'm saying you bite your tongue and stay a couple until 2-3 years after the child is born. Since you're not married you legally have no rights to the child and in the event of a split you would need to establish paternity THEN try and petition for parenting time, all the while she is building up status quo of you being completely out of the child's life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 12:41 AM
1

Yes, you are stuck due to the pregnancy. You'll need to wait at least 2-3 years after the child is born to have any chance of getting equal parenting time. During that time you need to be Superdad - every doctor visit, daycare dropoffs/pickups as much as possible etc. If you try to move sooner you'll be facing a breastfeeding mother and you'll get minimal parenting time to start and be fighting an uphill battle from that point.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 12:08 AM
7

The walk up the courthouse steps has a magical effect of making many women alot more rational. Be prepared to negotiate a settlement the morning before trial. Hold your ground until then.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 12:04 AM
4

Gotta reframe it to your daughter - "Guess what sweetie you get to have TWO birthday parties this year. I'll be running the second one, it's going to be great!"
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 03:07 AM
1

Don't pay a dime until there's a written, signed by judge court order for it. Do your best to get a written/signed custody order as soon as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:19 PM
81

Modern women aren't there for the struggle. They're waiting at the finish line to fuck the winners.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:05 PM
9

You won't get downvoted for that opinion here. If it's not the majority here that feel that way (learned the hard way in almost every case) it's certainly a very substantial portion.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 07:29 PM
1

Since the baby's so young you'll probably need to go for a step-up plan to 50/50. And you definitely need a lawyer. Go for something like every other weekend when kid turns 1, 60/40 when kid turns 2, and 50/50 on a 2-2-3 schedule when kid turns 3.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 02:41 PM
6

"Wants to see other people" in womanspeak = "I've got a specific dude lined up and I'm already boning him or will be very soon" Do not be fooled.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:26 AM
3

Even in states where it's protected it's not as simple as he put it. Look into the term "commingling assets". If you take that inheritance money and stick it in a joint account where your paychecks go and expenses are paid out of, it will likely be considered commingled and up for asset division in divorce. If you take that inherited property and spend a bunch of joint money (ie. your own paycheck) on maintenance and upkeep it can be considered commingled and up for asset division. You basically…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:42 PM
2

Be careful - mine tried the fitbit thing early on after the divorce and I'm pretty sure it was because she wanted to use the sleep tracking to claim I wasn't getting them to bed early enough. I just stuck the fitbit in a drawer when they came to me and put it back on them when they were going back to her. The kids didn't care. She gave up on it after awhile. She still made the baseless sleep claims, but at least she didn't have any hard evidence from the fitbit to back them up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:20 PM
1

Some of us really like being dads and love the 50% parenting time we get and don't consider ourselves "Mr. Mom" but instead as Men who get shit done. Yes the state still mandates that I pay the ex ridiculous CS but there's nothing I can do about that and it doesn't mean I need to be less of a dad out of spite. I'm a better parent than my ex anyway so the more time they spend with me the better off they'll be in the end. Letting her have primary would only up my CS by around $400/mo but my kids w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 04:33 AM
3

Forgot to add - it's also been the experience on the men's divorce forum that often the kids come back in dad's life in their early-mid 20s once they get some separation from the unhealthily overattached mother and get a bit of perspective on the complexities of adult relationships - so don't give up. I'm not personally in that situation yet (and hopefully never will be) but wouldn't hurt to reach out with a ping to the kids every so often...
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 09:56 PM
2

Not OP but read your whole website - really sorry that's what happened to your relationship with your kids. But I appreciate you sharing your story - it's been the same shared experience at men's divorce forum that trying to be a long-distance dad often results in little to no relationship with the children in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 09:19 PM
1

Extended/expanded standard is Texas parenting time terminology - though I'm not OP I'd guess that's where he is. Getting a 50/50 custody eval is an excellent outcome. Some areas in Texas have judges that are more 50/50 friendly than others, hopefully he's in one of the good ones.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:37 PM
5

Talking of "OMG I need Happyness" is woman talk. Peace and contentment is what I needed, and what was made impossible during marriage by my horrible ex's need to impose herself into every moment and situation. I now have that in my home. The children get to experience what it's like to be in a calm, reasonable environment 50% of the time. I can be relaxed and content knowing that what's mine is mine from here on out, and I don't need to bend over backwards trying to appease some irrational being…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 07:02 PM
2

I cook big meals and make use of my vacuum sealer to freeze stuff. With a vacuum sealer most food thaws out and warms up great. I love my BBQ smoker and it's basically just as easy to do two pork butts or 4 racks or ribs as 1 of each, so I do multiples and break out a frozen bag of pulled pork or half a rack of ribs whenever I'm in the mood. Same with brisket though just 1 big packer is enough to have plenty left over to freeze after the kids and I have all we want in the first 2-3 days after I …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 02:45 PM
2

Wrong. Phone stops recording audio when you have to call 911 because she's assaulting you. Phones are also often the first casualty in an argument especially when you whip it out and visibly start recording her. A digital audio recorder running covertly on your person is far superior.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 08:22 PM
7

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 09:41 PM
2

/u/dday_throwaway3 I believe is a mod on that forum. Though this sub isn't associated with that forum it has adopted many of the same principles learned there which is a positive IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 03:06 AM
3

The "no child support" thing is a ruse. She can walk into the state AG office a week after this deal is signed and get state guideline child support ordered. Don't give up anything in exchange for that. Also, don't go for this gray-area custody schedule without defined days. The two of you can agree to deviate from an order however you want going forward, but you need a firm custody order giving you a specific schedule as a backstop in case she decides to pull shenanigans. All women are willing …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 04:34 AM
2

Be prepared for the ex to start shit with regards to the kids and custody once you have a girlfriend and especially if you're living with the GF. Nothing drives a mom off the rails worse that the fear of being replaced by another woman in their children's lives. The ex might already be married, living with a dude, whatever - it won't matter and they'll never recognize the hypocrisy but once you have another woman around the kids things often go sideways for awhile.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:16 PM
3

Being a more-than-equal parent before the divorce happened. I knew right about the time our second child was born that our marriage was done - but I didn't go off half-cocked and file right then. I kept my mouth shut and gray-rocked for 4 long years until I felt the youngest was old enough to handle time apart from each parent. During that 4 years I was Superdad - and I kept a daily journal in emails to myself that documented all the things I did with the children - playdates, school/daycare pic…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:08 PM
7

You must be picking and choosing the posts you read looking for loneliness and despair. There's a whole bunch of us here who regularly respond that are perfectly content with their post-divorce lives and consider it a massive improvement from when we were married. Some have moved on to other women and others (smarter ones IMO) have decided that marriage to a modern American woman is fraught with peril and make ourselves and our children the centers of our lives and find great enjoyment from that…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:34 PM
2

Unlike the others commenting I don't think she'll be entitled to half of the home value if you can show the clear money trail from the sale of your premarital home to the downpayment/purchase of the current home. You'll get full credit for the amount of the home purchase that was from your clearly documented premarital money. But any gains in the value of the home, and any mortgage balance that was paid down during marriage will be half hers and it will probably amount to alot more than $5k. How…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 02:32 PM
2

Why do you have to be the one to move out? Why can't she?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 06:55 PM
4

You're probably in good shape to avoid a false DV accusation as long as she's not living there. You need to cement her not living there by motioning for Exclusive Use and Occupancy of the marital home. Otherwise she can move back whenever she wants. Go ahead and change the locks though to make her moving back more difficult if she tries it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 02:28 AM
8

You're acting like you had no control of the situation. We're not women here, things don't "just happen" to us. You're going to have to exercise a helluva lot more self-control in the divorce days to come. Gray rock from here on out with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 02:44 PM
19

You had 20 people here already telling you not to ever use the D-word until she's being served with the divorce petition. Now you're running the risk of a false domestic violence accusation removing you from your home and from your child's life. You need to file ASAP now and get a digital voice recorder running secretly on your person at all times when you are at home to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 02:28 PM
3

Winner winner chicken dinner! Congrats Dad! There's nothing more permanent than a temporary parenting plan. Continue being Superdad and 50/50 should become your permanent orders.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 02:02 PM
4

Listen to this man, OP.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 11:22 PM
2

The HDHP works well for me because my employer kicks $1500/yr into my HSA if I go with that plan instead of the PPO and I can use that for my 50% of the health expenses while the ex gets none of it and is all out of pocket for her 50%. The first $3000 of the kids' annual health expenses (which coincidentally is the plan's deductible) are essentially free to me this way.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 07:19 PM
1

Do not move out without a (preferably 50/50 parenting time) custody order signed by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 03:25 PM
6

You hit back like she hit you. Get an attorney, file for temporary primary custody with her having every other weekend at best, her paying you child support based on the status quo of the children living with you fulltime for months, and her paying you spousal maintenance based on her being the breadwinner. The only way mediation ever works is if she has no other choice than to take the deal and the only way to get there is a looming trial date where a stranger in robes will decide her fate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 12:01 AM
7

"Walking away?" Nah you file for divorce (do not tell her you're doing this, just file and have her served) and have her hit the road. It's your house and she needs to be the one to "walk away". If she's wanting divorce it's because she's already got her next victim lined up anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 11:54 PM
19

I deal with women now by ONS or at best FWB for a few weeks until they realize that I'm serious that I won't be finagled into a relationship. There's no "trauma" to fix and there's no such thing as a soulmate - women are what they are and the only way to deal with them is to not allow them to have any input or control in my life whatsoever beyond meeting some physical needs. It's not "trauma" or an "inner block" to stop touching the burning surface after you get burned, it's wisdom. This is a su…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 11:04 PM
2

Exactly, society has convinced us that for the men at least "forsaking all others" is more important than "to have and to hold". If she isn't "having and holding" then I believe the man is under no further obligation to "forsake all others" - the contract was voided on her end first.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 07:17 PM
3

I handed her a copy of the divorce petition that had been filed by my attorney the day before. It's the only way to prevent a whole bunch of shenanigans with dissipating assets, running up debt, false DV, absconding with the kids etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 03:55 AM
3

Go to the courthouse. Sit in on some proceedings and get cards from the ones that have their shit together. It will also serve to demystify the process and take away some of the fear of going to trial if needed. You'll need that confidence when mediation comes up. Litigators that you find in the courtroom are also far less likely to pressure you into taking a bad deal because they're not afraid of the courtroom themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 05:00 PM
2

When she says she needs to find herself, it means she needs to find herself some new dick.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:47 PM
1

You don't "leave". You keep your mouth shut and never use the "D" word, go gray rock method and don't rise to the bait when she tries to start a fight to avoid a false domestic violence accusation. Start discreetly speaking with attorneys and get all your ducks in a row then you file for divorce and the first she hears about it will be when she's served with the divorce petition. You will remain in the home until there is AT LEAST a temporary parenting plan signed by a judge and preferably an ag…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:46 PM
1

You're not going to be paying "child" support for 18 to 23 years and you're not going to be paying spousal support for life like a whole bunch of the men here were forced to do. Women are primary breadwinners in 40% of households yet 97% of spousal support payers are men. Sounds like he held down a steady job which is alot more than most of the men here can say about the exes they're cutting four-figure checks to every single month a decade after the marriage is over. You're getting off easy onl…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 10:01 PM
33

I lost almost all of "our" couple friends in the divorce. My ex went on a propaganda campaign to anyone that would listen. Even lost a friend I'd known for 10 years prior to meeting the ex and I had been best man at his wedding. Most people will believe anything a woman says and never even bother getting your side of the story.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:53 PM
4

Get a lawyer. Don't agree to alimony in Texas especially since she's employed, she'll never get that from a judge. Quit thinking with your small head and stop all dating until well after the divorce is FINAL. Any woman who will date a still-married man is a predator anyway. Prioritize your relationship with your children over any future cupcake. Make 50/50 parenting time your hill to die on. "I just want this over and done with" will result in you making a bad deal that you WILL regret in the fu…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:16 AM
3

Getting reimbursement in court will cost more than it's worth. Best recourse is to wait for the ex to front some expenses and then short her reimbursements to an equal amount as the orthodontist.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:05 AM
3

Never ever ever short your CS payments to attempt to recover other unreimbursed expenses. The CS is a very specific court order and if you don't pay it you will immediately be subject to penalties including losing your license and/or passport and subsequently jail time if it continues. State AG offices do not care whatsoever whether princess shorted you on reimbursements, only whether you're paying your court ordered CS because they get reimbursed by the federal government on a percentage of the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:01 AM
3

He's wrong - it's not until after 10 years of marriage in California. Still ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as after 7.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 03:55 PM
2

Not a new drain plug, but you should be putting a new crush washer on the drain plug every oil change. But you probably know that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 07:33 PM
1

Texas CS sucks in that unless you have 50/50 (and even that isn't encoded in law but just a "usually we do this") the custodial parent's income isn't taken into account whatsoever, only the non-custodial's. Texas CS is nice in that it has a hard cap of about $1900 for 1 kid and $2300 for two kids when the non-custodial parent's income is around $135k gross. In some other states without caps higher earners can get soaked, but lower/middle earners have it worse in Texas in general since the custod…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 04:52 PM
3

Nice one. It's good to see a dad get a win once in awhile... I mean other than getting laid off haha
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:25 AM
5

Similarly, mine agreed to 50/50 in mediation in Texas as long as I split the difference between offsetting CS and full CS so $1800/mo. It's always about the money with these broads.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:23 AM
22

LOL humblebrag. "I feel so bad about getting double-teamed by two chicks last night"
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:16 AM
6

The related joke I've heard is: Why does the bride smile so much at the wedding? Because she knows she's given her last BJ....
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 11:21 PM
2

That's not likely to work. The jurisdiction will be based on the last state you lived in together. You'll need to get her to move with you. That will require you to shut up about divorce for awhile.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 03:08 PM
2

Yep. Women CANNOT stand men having a place to discuss women's behavior without them butting in and trying to tone police it. They have the entire rest of reddit to cater to women and yet need to Divorce_MEN and throw their opinions around.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 10:30 PM
2

Go to the courthouse and watch them in action. See first-hand who has it together. It will also work to help reduce your fear of the courtroom - being deathly afraid of a trial results in so many men settling for a much worse deal than they would get from a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 02:50 PM
1

As others have said the post-nup approach is pretty fraught with peril. A possibly better approach would be to check your state's alimony laws - if they promote longer-term or alimony-for-life (like CA does) you should really consider moving to a state that doesn't go for long-term alimony especially for an employed spouse. TX for instance only does rehabilitative spousal support for 3ish years usually and with her income it would probably be completely denied. Several other states are similar. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:33 PM
2

Awesome. Start taking steps to be able to prove all of that because you can be certain that if there's a custody disagreement she's going to try and paint you as a deadbeat do-nothing sperm donor.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 06:11 PM
2

She would be responsible for 50% of the cost of your work-related childcare in most states.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 05:59 PM
8

I agree with most of what you said, alot of good info here. But I'm going to disagree with one thing - that the best way to get custody is to mud-sling at the mom. Judges see that crap all day every day and just ignore it unless you have a police report where she's caught holding the baby with a heroin needle sticking out of her arm. What judges don't see every day is a man that comes in and proves that he's been doing an equal or greater share of the everyday parenting of the children. Parent/t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 04:59 PM
1

As others have said collaborative only works if it's not contentious. In your case, aim for trial as quickly as you can get there. Don't waste time with a ton of BS back-and-forth churning attorney hours. It will take a looming court date and possibly a walk up the courthouse steps with the threat of a stranger in robes deciding her fate to make your STBX a rational person for long enough to get a reasonable agreement signed. "We'll just see what the judge says" is your response to her inequity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 02:41 PM
45

You're not going to be able to negotiate away child support, that's a straight-up state formula. Even if you get an agreement for lower CS she can just go back and get it changed to the state guideline amount. What you need to be working on is imputing her income at at least full-time minimum wage (and higher if she has degrees/qualifications/experience) so that higher income number would be used in any CS/spousal calculations to lower your payments. Part-time work was a perk of marriage that is…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 02:30 PM
2

Thank you for the detailed response. I completely understand the "division of labor" laziness issue as I was in the same position of doing so much of the parenting and housework while also keeping a full-time job. I am completely unfamiliar with how custody works in Germany so I can't help you much there - but I would be very surprised if the parenting time division has anything to do with both parties making equal money. Child support, yes - but not parenting time. It may be worth an hour of ti…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 01:55 PM
5

You don't have children so there's really no reason for you to be forced to live near her family. She's choosing her family over you - it's not that "we can't", it's that "she won't".
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:19 PM
2

If you're already having these doubts despite her not being a profoundly negative aspect of your life then it's probably best to call it quits. Were you to accidentally have a child with her you'll be stuck and the marriage will transition from indifferent to negative. The point of marriage is not to endure it - it's supposed to be each of you mutually adding to each other's life. If being married to her takes more off the table for you than it adds there's no point in it. It's completely accept…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:03 PM
1

Be prepared that all of your old "mutual friends" are now her friends and not yours, and any that do still talk to you may be feeding her information that could hurt you in the divorce proceedings. Women almost always go on a propaganda campaign to all the mutual friends and it's almost always successful in making you persona non grata. I lost guys that I was close friends with for 10 years before knowing her, including the one who I was best man at his wedding. But I gained a couple I knew I co…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:04 PM
3

100lbs overweight puts her in morbid obesity territory. How sad the state of modern American women that that puts her a 4-5 on the bell curve...
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:50 PM
2

Strike first, strike hard, no mercy. She's no longer your wife, she's your opponent in a VERY important lawsuit. Your children are counting on you. Get all of your documentation about her alcoholism lined up and in a safe place that you can be sure to have access to even if she gets you kicked out with a false DV accusation. Third party neutral witnesses of her drinking would be good. Be prepared for her to "find sobriety" right after you file for divorce and be prepared for the judge to eat it …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:40 PM
1

Assume that your kid is doing fine unless she notifies you about an emergency. There's no need to constantly ask about it and it screams of seeking further entanglement with the ex when none need exist. What's your parenting time with the kid? That's what's important.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:23 PM
1

You're not going to get sole custody. Get 50/50 and be happy with it. The best way to fight parental alienation is getting equal parenting time and showing the children what a calm, loving home life is like in the half of time you get them. You've got to bring down the temperature. It takes two to fight and one thing DOES NOT lead to another if you're just sitting there silently ignoring her and BF's antics. Look up gray rock method. You cannot control this woman's actions, you can only control …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:16 PM
9

Why did you just agree to be EOW? My divorce would certainly not have been "amicable" if the ex had not agreed to 50/50 parenting time. If you hate losing your kids, fight for more time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:08 PM
2

Hope you're not moving away from your son. Your role in his life will become more and more diminished over time when you're not living close enough for regular parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 01:00 AM
20

Did you ever think that trusting women is just a bad idea? Plenty of men have that lived experience. Instead of falling for the "who hurt you?" shaming language, chalk it up as learning from your mistakes and not repeating them...
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 06:29 AM
3

My advice with a 2 month old - WAIT. I did the same thing, I knew around the time my 2nd child was born that I could not deal with the mother long-term and that divorce was inevitable. But I did some reading and determined that I definitely had to get past the breast-feeding mother preference time and preferably to an age past the "tender years" BS. I ended up waiting til the 2nd child turned 4 before filing for divorce. But I didn't just sit around - during that 4 years I was SUPERDAD, I went t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 06:20 AM
8

This. Your videos may or may not be good to have. In the next situation where she goes nuts and attacks you, you IMMEDIATELY call the cops and have her arrested for domestic violence, show the cops the video of THAT incident. The very next day you march down to the courthouse and get a TRO against her preventing her from being around you and ALSO from being around the children. From that point she gets AT BEST supervised visitation and you don't let her off the hook. All this historical stuff do…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 06:06 AM
7

When it became clear that she saw me as nothing but a prop and an ATM for her dream life, not as a human being with my own desires and cares. Of course my 2nd child was an infant at this point so I had to wait it out for about 4 years after this to get past "tender years" BS and get the older child locked into a school district to fight a potential move-away scenario. Her actions in that 4 years only served to reiterate what I'd already seen.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 09:48 PM
4

Ahh that's unfortunate! Seems counter to the shared costs involved in raising multiple children but what can you do - if it's anything like stateside the government only cares about transferring as many resources from men to women as possible. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 06:49 PM
2

In most states child support doesn't double for a second child. In Texas it goes from 20% of your net for 1 child to 25% of your net for two.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 05:48 PM
1

You've got child support. Maybe not right now, but as soon as she decides she wants it all she has to do is go to the state AG and they'll order guideline support and you'll STILL be paying the morgage for nothing on top of the CS. You've made a terrible deal.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 02:31 AM
11

You need to crank up your DGAF meter. This is a very temporary situation and not worth fighting about. You can't control your ex, only how you react to her. You probably shouldn't have even brought up trying to have alone time with your son at the hospital with her leaving as now she knows she's got your goat and as a narcissist will be sure to make use of this info in the future. Just do your best to be there for your son and never let it show that her smothering is getting to you. In a few yea…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:08 PM
1

Exactly this. If it's hurting you mentally to send that money each month just set up an autodraft so you don't have to lift a finger and can kind of put it out of your mind. It's how I pay my ridiculous mommy support...
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 06:17 PM
1

I'd even be real damn skeptical if the lawyer tells you to move out. Lawyers are working in their own best interests and the best way to generate more billable hours is to get the guy to move out without custody orders then have to go back and try to fight for scraps in temporary orders then fight again for reasonable custody in final orders. Lawyers will at times advise the path of least resistance even though it's not strategically prudent for the long-term custody interests of their clients.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 07:40 PM
1

This is a lesson I've spoken about here - often the quickest way to get a settlement is to schedule depositions and trial and aim for them as quickly as possible. The threat of a stranger in robes deciding her fate is often the only thing to make a woman rational long enough to get a settlement done. It's the guys who act deathly afraid of a courtroom that end up dragging out their divorces for 3 years and $100k+ attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 08:42 PM
7

Marriage counseling is a giant waste of time and money at this point. Once she's treating him with utter contempt and disrespect like this, completely ignoring his physical needs with the dead bedroom etc it's over. Anyone that cared about their partner enough to consistently make any of the changes that will be pushed for in counseling would have never treated their partner with this level of disdain in the first place. Start preparing for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:33 PM
1

Most Texas counties have a website with the documentation you'll need. Usually you'll need to fill out hard copies and go to the county courthouse and get on the uncontested divorce docket. If only one of the two wants to show up the other will need to fill out a waiver of appearance as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 01:53 PM
1

Hearing to contest mediator, or actual custody trial?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:32 PM
3

You're not going to get any different result in future mediation without a looming trial date. Start aiming for trial as quickly and inexpensively as you can get there - the walk up the courthouse steps where a stranger in robes decides their fate will often get these entitled "golden uterus" types to become somewhat rational long enough to get an agreement done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:23 PM
2

Depends on the state. Some states go as far as age 23 if kid is enrolled in college. Crazy I know - married dads are under no obligation to support their children post high-school yet divorced dads are.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 04:54 PM
1

Come on dday - that link is massively out of date now! If you date during divorce you won't be buying your attorney a new BMW or Mercedes anymore - it will be a Tesla Model S or X ;)
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 03:53 PM
3

I would reconsider moving out before you have a settlement in place. If you move out you're going to have to pay for a new place and she's going to get temp alimony ordered which will incentivize her to drag the divorce out as long as possible and block selling the house for as long as she possibly can. Plus you said she's a hoarder and could completely trash the place making it unsellable. If you move out, she's got your house, your money, and no you around so she's going to milk it until she c…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 03:37 PM
4

Being honest, I'm just a little bit relieved when my kids head to their mother's for her week. A week solid of juggling a full-time professional job, making lunches, school dropoffs and pickups, taking them to sports/extracurriculars, helping with homework, making dinners, handling bedtime, putting together a fun weekend of activities etc 100% solo and I'm basically worn out. I need the downtime to mentally recharge after that. I still see them alot on her weeks as I help coach their sports team…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 03:08 AM
1

Put in place some austerity measures to see if you can get her working full-time. Completely remove all of her access to your money and to any credit cards that you are primary on. From now on you do all of the grocery shopping yourself and you don't buy anything that she likes. A prepaid gas card so she can put gas in her car and gift cards for toilettries etc is all she gets from you and if Princess wants more than that she can get a full-time job and buy it herself. Once she's been working fu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 02:53 AM
3

Do not move out! Get a digital voice recorder and have it running secretly on your person at all times when you are at home - whether she's there or not. She should not ever know about this. This is only to play for the cops when they show up after she makes a false domestic violence accusation. Quit talking to her. Gray rock method.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 03:51 PM
2

Yep great call, with the side benefit of taking some of the "fear" of the courtroom away making you more willing to walk away from a bad deal and "let's just see what the judge says"
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 11:42 PM
3

Mediation is mostly a waste of time and money without a looming court date to force a woman to become somewhat reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 11:37 PM
4

Lying to the police about false domestic violence to get a man out of the house is illegal but women do it all the time and are never prosecuted for it even when it's provably false. You need to protect yourself. And get a separate digital voice recorder and have it running secretly in a pocket, not your phone. It's only for playing back to the police if she calls in a false domestic violence accusation. And as pointed out Texas is a one-party consent state but this advice applies even for two-p…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:16 PM
1

That depends on the state. Some like CA as pointed out below will draw a line at date of separation but others like TX don't really recognize separation and consider finances joined until divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 01:51 AM
1

Divorcing with an 11 month old would likely put you at a disadvantage custody-wise. I'd wait til the kid is at least 3 or so and can better handle extended time away from each of you then reassess - if she's still starting fights constantly over bullshit then you've got your answer. Also, remember that it takes TWO to fight and if you don't participate she's just a crazy yelling person. Research gray rock method. In the intervening time, make sure that you are AT LEAST as much of an active paren…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:22 PM
5

If your time starts when they get out of school, pick them up from school. Take every minute you can get, plus you don't have to deal with your ex or in-laws.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:15 PM
2

I waited until the kids were already in bed asleep to avoid them seeing/hearing. I fired up my digital audio recorder and had it running on my person covertly then I handed her the divorce petition. She asked if this was a joke and I assured her it was not. Of course she dragged out signing the waiver of service and I was about to hire a process server to make it official when her attorney finally agreed to the waiver of service with my attorney over a week later. If I had it to do over again I'…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:09 PM
3

Why are you worried about that and not the fact that you've let your STBX run off with your kid and you have no custody? You need to file immediately and motion to have the child returned to the marital home and be a father and not some dude on the phone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 04:28 AM
2

It's interesting that you characterize the men here as "jaded, hurt, resentful", attaching so much emotion. In my case and I'd venture the case of many others here that it's not an emotional stance at all, it's simply a logical response to our lived experiences to refuse to marry again. If you get burned when you touch the hot pan, it's not "jaded" or "resentful" to not want to touch the pan again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 04:15 AM
3

Not all states have such onerous alimony laws. Look into other states' laws and see if you can get her to move to one of those after the youngest graduates. Also, think about cranking up the austerity measures. Remove all of her access to your income, buy all groceries etc yourself and don't get anything that she likes. If she wants anything more than the absolute minimum existence, princess can get herself a J-O-B.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 04:03 PM
8

Moving away from your kids for the "job transfer" would be a massive mistake. Do not move out until you have a custody order giving you 50% parenting time. You're worried about all the wrong things here, who fuckin cares how you "say goodbye"
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:26 AM
1

Many men have reached out to their STBX's with the "let's be logical and stop wasting money" approach and it doesn't work. You have to project strength. It shouldn't be 8k for mediation if it only lasts 1-2 hours and you walk out with "Let's see what the judge says"
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:23 AM
5

That's a great first hearing. However you need to be on your toes - the battle here is to get your children's schools defined as the ones in your current location, tying them geographically to you. Ex can move wherever she wants, but the kids stay where you are. You need to be able to highlight the ties that your children have to their current location - sports, friends, extended family etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 09:56 PM
2

You should have adopted the "Let's see what the judge says" mindset about a year ago but at least you've gotten there now. There's nothing more frightening to a female narcissist than a walk up the courthouse steps to have a stranger in robes decide her future. Most locales require the mediation but be fully prepared to walk out 2 hours in if she's being unreasonable. "Let's just see what the judge says" needs to be part of your vocabulary.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 09:50 PM
3

Don't move out. Stay in your bedroom, if she wants to move into the basement that's fine. No need to discuss beforehand, file for divorce and have her served. She is not the decider on witholding the kids, the judge will be. Have a digital audio recorder running on your person at all times when at the home to avoid the false domestic violence "I WIN" button that women like to push.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 09:44 PM
2

Why are you so comfortable with just giving up your son to her to live in a different country? I'd never be OK with that. Your best outcome will be to have a bodycam or at least a digital voice recorder running on your person and the next time she attacks you, call the the police and have her arrested IMMEDIATELY. The next day file for a restraining order keeping her from the home and from contacting you or the child. File for a divorce and FIGHT for at least 50% residential custody with residen…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 09:36 PM
5

Most states have around a 2-3 year tax return averaging lookback to establish earnings. I'd smooth things over for at least another 12-18 months to establish your current earnings as the new baseline before proceeding with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 09:28 PM
2

You aren't "leaving". You're filing for divorce and remaining in the marital home jointly parenting the children until there's at least a temporary custody order in place, and preferably a permanent one. Moving out at the onset is a massive mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 08:07 PM
11

Her issues are no longer your problem. Move back home immediately and get a digital audio recorder running on your person at all times when home to avoid the false domestic violence accusations. No need to discuss anything but care of the children. In the vast majority of states you can reside together for the duration of the divorce, and doing so will give you a better outcome than moving out when it comes to parenting time and assets.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 05:55 PM
3

Yeah, this guy even admitted he's not divorced nor has he even filed yet, just that he's somehow gotten his wife to verbally agree to walk away from half the assets and all support. Yet here he is telling all of us that have actually been through divorce we're all stupid and wrong. Based on my experience, there's quite a distance between a woman's verbal agreement and her signature on a divorce decree and once the hens are in her ears she's going to be altering their agreement to "protect hersel…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 01:47 AM
5

Lawyers are on their own side. An inexpensive, speedy divorce does not get them that new BMW they want. The guy moving out resulting in a long drawn-out expensive divorce gets them the BMW.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 01:42 AM
1

Teenagers are not going to want to travel hundreds of miles away from their friends/activities/jobs for a month at a time over the summer, and at that point they can pretty much vote with their feet and it won't matter what a custody order says. Your plan is a recipe for failure if you want to have a meaningful relationship with your children in their teenage years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 12:17 AM
12

Do not even discuss anything else until child custody is agreed upon. Mediators will often try and get agreement on a bunch of financial stuff first because they know custody is contentious and in doing so it takes away a bunch of the leverage that can be used to get what you want in child custody. Very often a woman will be fully willing to trade 50% custody for a favorable asset and child support number (like mine did) and if you lock the assets down before talking custody that takes away a ch…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 01:25 PM
2

The best way to guarantee your access to your grandchildren is to support your son in getting at least 50% residential custody of the children. Since I see below his STBX has gone the nuclear option with the TPO, he's going to need a lot of support first fighting that to get any access to his kids and then after that scratching and clawing his way to 50%. Relying on his STBX to see the grandkids is a recipe for failure as your access will not be anywhere in a custody order and the first time you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 06:13 PM
1

Three years post-divorce, no interest in a relationship. Had a couple of FWBs here and there and a few ONS from the bar or whatever to scratch the itch but have no time to deal with a woman's issues in a committed relationship. Pretty much resigned that the vast majority of modern women are not additive to a man's happiness or financial success and are best left alone other than for the physical needs.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 02:42 PM
1

Never take legal advice from your ex or her attorney. You need to be able to demonstrate that the children have ties to the community - school, friends, sports teams, extended family etc to fight the move-away. Start collecting evidence of all of those things. You will need language in the decree that the children will remain in the current school district, and better yet the current elementary-middle-HS feeder flow. If you can't agree on the house it will be sold and the proceeds split, don't j…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 04:10 PM
1

Get an attorney and file for divorce and instruct your attorney to make certain that the children are locked into their current school district for the duration of the divorce. You need to fight this move-away she's got planned with every fiber of your being. Mommy can move as far as she wants but the kids stay there with you. Do NOT move out until the divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 03:55 PM
3

Don't leave your kids. You will become - at best - a visitor in their lives and not a real father. At worst you'll be completely alienated and have no contact and be nothing more than a distant ATM for their mother. You've only been unemployed for two weeks, take your time and just get the best local job you can and make do on less if you have to. Play the long game - when the kids are very young, having that support network is important but as they get older the ex may soften a bit and agree to…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 03:47 PM
16

You're not broken, brother. It's called wisdom.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 12:52 AM
2

Then you need to have a digital audio recorder (not your phone!) running covertly on your person at all times when you're in the home. It's not for gathering evidence, it's to play for the cops who show up when she claims you abused her - to avoid the black and white taxi ride in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:07 PM
13

False domestic violence accusations are an all too effective way for a woman to get everything they want in divorce right from the get-go. A restraining order getting you out of the house and with likely 0% custody of your children, or at best supervised visitation for a couple of hours a week which makes it real easy to alienate the children against you as you have no opportunity to counter it. An immediate "temporary" order for child and spousal support will be established as well. And you've …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 07:57 PM
4

Many will. Just agree to pay full child support as if they were primary or something close to that and quite often they'll go for 50/50. Mine did.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 05:58 PM
9

Probably ran out of money and wants her betabux back...
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 12:38 AM
3

If she's selling the SUV for the payoff amount, then it apparently has no equity - and your lawyer is right in that you want to get rid of outstanding debt that has your name on the loan so you don't end up like so many guys with ruined credit when ex stops making payments after the divorce. Your truck on the other hand does have substantial equity and assuming it's a marital asset (acquired/paid-off during marriage) she's entitled to half of that equity and there's not alot you can do to fight …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 05:45 PM
2

That's not how it will work. At worst, you could show that the stock market dropped 20% year-over-year and that 80% of the 401k is still your separate property. Your year's worth of contributions made up the other 20% which would be divisible 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 02:57 AM
2

If you can establish a clear paper trail from your premarital condo sale to the marital home downpayment you can likely establish that amount of home equity as separate property. If she balks - "Let's see what the judge says". Odds are she will fold on the courthouse steps. But you're not likely to get any principal paid off during marriage - even though she contributed nothing, your paycheck that paid those mortgage payments during marriage was half hers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 09:54 PM
1

I think if you can show what the premarital balance was and that the balance never went below that amount during marriage you should be able to designate as your separate property. If it dropped lower then came back up you may have difficulty claiming that as separate.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 09:40 PM
1

Saying you're "separated" implies that you've moved out of the family home. If so, move back in immediately before filing for divorce. It gives you the best chance for a favorable custody outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 03:37 PM
4

You know that you can tell the GF "no" when it comes to marriage, right? Just because she wants it doesn't mean you have to do it. And if she walks because of that, then she just showed you that she values her own financial security more than her "love" for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 04:04 PM
5

Great post. I think about it the same way when everyone calls guys that warn about the dangers of marriage "bitter" or "jaded". It's not bitterness, it's WISDOM and I learned it the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 04:00 PM
2

Not to speak for the guy you're replying to, but I have the same 5/2/2/5 in Texas. We agreed to this parenting time in mediation and in exchange I split the difference in CS between what it would have been with offsetting CS (around $1200/mo) and me paying full CS ($2300/mo) so I'm paying $1800/mo. I feel like it was a reasonable compromise to avoid a trial and taking a chance on a judge giving her primary and me getting hit with the $2300/mo anyway. I generally have the kids closer to 60% overn…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 02:57 AM
2

You don't "leave". You file for divorce, have her served with the petition, and remain in the home until you have a parenting plan signed by a judge. Unless you're OK with minimal time with your children and a bad deal financially...
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 02:27 PM
2

Doesn't matter if it's in writing or not. The state always maintains purview over child support because it's "for the children" thus the mother cannot sign it away. Mediators just want to get a deal done and they don't care whatsoever whether it's fair to either party - they will lie right to your face if it gets a deal done. Never trust them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:24 PM
1

Do not discuss the divorce with anyone that still has contact with your STBX. This includes your mother and any other family or friends.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 11:10 PM
1

Frankly, it should be a requirement that any man filing for a marriage license should have to spend a day sitting in family court to see what may await him.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 01:55 PM
3

It takes two to argue - do not engage. Google the gray rock method. Have a digital audio recorder running secretly on your person at all times while home to avoid arrest from a false domestic violence accusation. Do not move out of the home without a parenting time order signed by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 12:57 AM
4

He says his wife is in school though - if he can get her graduated and into the workforce before filing for divorce that will be a much better situation for him than filing now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/22 06:40 PM
4

The federal government is not the only employer in the world. The unemployment rate in Texas is like 3%. You could find another job if staying near your children was the most important thing to you. Your ex can put her big girl pants on and handle her own situation, you get yourself a place in their school district and get your expanded standard parenting time. Your responses read as weak-ass excuses to me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 02:04 AM
3

Plenty of jobs in Texas. Why did you choose your job over your relationship with your children? I'm almost always on the man's side of things, but this is where I part ways with the dudes who move away from their kids and claim they're making sacrifices. Find a job in Texas and get a home/apartment in their school district and get AT LEAST Texas Expanded Standard which is around 42% parenting time. Then you won't have to worry about your ex-wife's guy replacing you as a father because YOU will b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 08:40 PM
2

Do not move out of the marital home. Your wife can hit the bricks but you need to be there for your children. Your son won't have to cry every day if you're there every day. Going forward 50/50 parenting time is your bottom line.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 03:18 PM
3

If you were the kind of husband who let their wife walk all over them and have established that you're unable to stand your ground with a woman, you probably need to hire a male lawyer. As some others have stated you want the lawyer with all the relationships at the courthouse and you want a LITIGATOR. Try to find one whose office is walking distance to the courthouse - they are more likely to be litigators. If the attorney advertises themselves as a mediator then you can bet they're going to ca…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 02:53 PM
9

Don't agree to anything else in mediation INCLUDING asset split until you get actual 50/50 parenting time. By agreeing to the asset split you're taking away any ability to use it as a bartering chip in the 50/50 parenting time negotiations. Parenting time FIRST, always. Nothing else can be agreed on until that is decided. Mediators will always try to separate the issues like that so they can put the weaker party (you) in a corner on the parenting time. Do not allow this!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 05:53 PM
2

Several folks are talking about getting her working but they aren't talking about how. You need to put in place austerity measures assuming you make all the money. No cable or TV streaming services. Her phone plan only has the bare minimum of data. Only you know the password to the Wifi. You pay all the bills directly and she has no access to any of your money. Cut up the credit cards and close any credit accounts, and lock your credit with the bureaus. You do the grocery shopping and you don't …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 02:39 AM
5

The second "F" is Firm, not formal. Being firm is very important for a man in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 07:33 PM
1

Depositions are also worth it. Get her BS story on the record as soon as possible so that she can't change it and you can refute it at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 03:55 PM
2

Separation? As in you moved out? Move back into the marital home ASAP. She has no reason to reach a reasonable settlement if she's got your house, your money, and no you around.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 02:52 PM
1

You don't "ask" for divorce. You get an attorney, file for divorce and have her served with a divorce petition. The first she hears the word "divorce" should be when she's handed the petition. This protects you to some extent from a great number of unpleasant outcomes like false domestic violence accusations, asset dissipation, running up debt etc. Your wife sounds just like my ex. Now 3 years out from divorce, my home (have children 50/50) is so much calmer and pleasant than when we were marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 02:18 PM
2

I wouldn't give up the residential restriction without putting in place a school district designation for the child. IE the child will attend xx school district until graduation. Mom can go wherever she wants, but your son remains in the school district where he's established roots, friends, activities, etc. YOU need to reside in said school district. If she wants to run off and play house with the new guy then go ahead but she won't be taking your son with her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 03:37 PM
1

Unless you had a police report filed immediately after said DV your "evidence" isn't going to mean shit. If it wasn't worth going to the authorities right when it happened a judge will basically ignore it. You aren't holding the cards you think you are.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 12:13 AM
2

Whether they survive the full hearing or not, the damage is usually done and the desired effect of putting the man at a severe disadvantage in the divorce in process has been achieved. That's what this sub points out - with the man out of the house and zero access to his children, even temporarily, status quo has begun to be established and he's fighting a massively uphill battle. Don't pretend it's all hunky dory after the TRO is dismissed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 03:00 PM
2

This is easy. Don't have any more "heated discussions" - it takes two to fight and if you just sit there quietly she's just a crazy person yelling at walls. Google "grey rock" and that is your MO from here on out. Get your ducks in a row, file for divorce, and keep a digital audio recorder running secretly on your person at all times at home to counter the false domestic violence accusations that are sure to come since she's already tipping her hand with the codewords. You didn't file the INS fo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 05:38 AM
4

Don't screw yourself over because you're guilty about the affair - as far as I'm concerned if she's forcing a dead bedroom on you then you're free to get it where you can at that point. "To have and to hold" is just as important part of wedding vows as "forsaking all others". Get out before your income goes up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 06:30 PM
1

I'd take what the new husband's ex-wife said about him with a giant grain of salt. Most men on this subreddit can attest to some pretty amazing lies our ex-wives have told about us during and post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 11:50 PM
3

The father thing ESPECIALLY. My latest ex had a poor relationship with her father due to her mother bad-mouthing him and making him the scapegoat for any and all problems - despite him working his ass off to make a VERY good living, put her through undergrad and graduate school, and support her massively. The ex talked down to her dad and was downright disrespectful. And guess what - it wasn't very long after the wedding that she started trying to speak to me that way - after all that's what was…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 06:47 PM
1

She doesn't get to decide parenting time. The courts do. Don't waste a bunch of time and money with mediation and lawyer back-and-forth, aim for trial with this one, and the walk up the courthouse steps will make her alot more rational.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 03:03 AM
2

Get a vacuum sealer and freeze the extra.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 03:16 PM
1

Yeah - it probably helps that she's cashing a big monthly alimony / child support check from her kid's dad as we here all know so well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 01:01 AM
22

Your relationship with your son WILL be impacted by moving 45 minutes away. It's not a question of if, just when. You're sending a clear signal to him that the new cupcake's easy commute is more important to you than him being close to his school, friends, sports etc. Don't be surprised when in a few years junior decides he wants to spend most of his time at his mom's since she's so much closer to his friends and pretty much everything else he cares about. Also, cupcake's already willingly takin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 08:30 PM
3

This is exactly what my ex wanted out of it - to be able to dictate the goings on at both homes. Thankfully the PC was having none of it and told her "his house, his rules". After 6 months of her not getting the PC to force me to do things her way, the ex was fine ending the sessions and saving the money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 03:01 PM
3

She "won't allow" you to keep your kids for extra parenting time? Aw hell naw. It's your house too. Start preparing for divorce and file when you've got all your ducks in a row. You're better off without this one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 03:17 AM
3

I filed on mine when there was (to my knowledge) no infidelity. She was just a horrible person to live with and be married to. Constantly disrespectful, unappreciative, screaming, mostly dead bedroom etc. I'm cordial with her now for the kids' sake. She's still bitter at times and tries to disrespect or start a fight but all she gets is the grey rock. At other times she acts like she's my best buddy, but she still gets the grey rock from me. I'll never consider her a friend - that's impossible g…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:41 PM
6

If the car's title is in your name only, go get it and sell it so you won't have to carry insurance on it. Then file for divorce after. Have her served and if she doesn't show up get a default judgement and keep everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:30 PM
2

Guess what - there is absolutely nothing wrong with finishing the race solo. With the state of marriage and "family" court, it's really the only safe way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:36 AM
2

If you truly have 50/50 parenting time and she makes more than you she'd likely owe YOU child support, not the other way around. It sounds like she's selling you joint legal custody but with her having majority parenting time but calling it "50/50" when it's really not. You need a lawyer. Do not settle for less than equal parenting time - that means overnights spent at your residence.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:10 AM
1

You're not going to be able to force your ex to behave how you want her to. Just reinforce to the kids that they're great just as they are. The more you react to this the more the ex will do it because she knows she's getting your goat. Ignore her and be the best dad you can.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:30 AM
1

Yep, we have it spelled out in decree (equal parenting time) to each claim one child and it basically allows each of us to claim HoH status. It's an important detail often overlooked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:25 AM
3

Why are you fine with her taking the kids and moving out? You need to file for divorce and get a temporary custody order giving you equal parenting time with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:22 AM
3

No point in doing this. If she was self-aware enough to offer you any useful advice vis-a-vis your relationship, you wouldn't be divorcing her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:20 AM
16

Don't allow her to use marital funds to pay for any of her (likely large) student loans - those will most likely stay her separate debt post-divorce. And I hope you haven't signed onto any of those loans yourself, either. This is now a business transaction. Get the best deal you can. Put the emotional component aside until the business part is done, then work your way through it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 04:36 AM
2

Excellent post.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 02:22 PM
4

Congratulations on sticking to your guns and securing equal parenting time with your children. It is the single most important thing a father can do in divorce. Too many men fall on their swords or are so scared of a courtroom that they won't tell princess "Let's see what the judge says" when she won't agree to 50/50. I got 50/50 in mediation as well. Me and my attorney had packed up two hours into the mediation session and had one foot out the door when the ex caved.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 11:20 PM
1

You don't "leave". You file for divorce and have her served with the divorce petition while you remain in the marital home. You do not move out without a parenting time order signed by a judge. It would be best if you could get her working before filing for divorce. Start practicing austerity measures, if she wants extras then princess can go out and earn them. Next time she physically attacks you, call 911 and have her arrested for domestic violence, then file for divorce and a restraining orde…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 07:07 PM
0

You're welcome to your opinion but I disagree wholeheartedly. Have you ever divorced with a 2-month-old? There is zero chance he will be given 50% parenting time of a breastfeeding 2-month-old off the bat in temporary custody orders. Zero. He'll be lucky to get a few hours each week on Saturday or Sunday at that age. And there is nothing harder to fight against in a custody battle than an established status quo of a mother having the great majority of parenting time for the child's entire life. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 03:41 PM
3

You are approaching this from a scarcity mentality and clinging onto a girl that really doesn't seem to have that much going for her. There are 3.5 billion women on Earth. Also, you probably didn't get pregnant the first time you had sex with her. She was probably already pregnant from a guy she knew would be a deadbeat and was trying to pin it on someone (ie. you) that would support them financially. Her not trusting you around other women was projection, because she knew what she was doing wit…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 03:27 PM
13

This is even worse. She can just stop paying the mortgage and it doesn't even hit her credit, only yours. There is zero chance I would ever agree to this arrangement. She either refi's or the house sells. Period. And of course she made sure during marriage that she was on the paperwork for the asset but not the paperwork for the liability... snake in the grass women.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 02:51 PM
25

Got snipped within a month of my divorce being final. No regrets. Not getting baby trapped again, lesson learned the hard way there.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 02:43 PM
0

The child being 2 months old complicates things substantially and puts you at a disadvantage due to breastfeeding and "tender years". As the other responses say you definitely need to make sure she doesn't leave and establish residency elsewhere so if she does leave for Atlanta you need to file immediately. However your best long-term outcome would likely come from waiting til the child is a bit older to file for divorce. Bite your tongue, say alot of "yes dears" and smooth things over. Don't ma…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 02:39 PM
14

Post-divorce entanglements are a terrible idea - do not go for this 2 year deal. In fact, push to have the house sold ASAP even before divorce is final. So much can happen in a 2-year timeframe, she can fail to make necessary repairs that result in an unsellable house, she can stop making the mortgage payments (on a mortgage that I assume has your name on it, killing your credit too), and if she wants she can drag the sale out in myriad ways meaning you won't be able to purchase a home for many …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 02:29 PM
2

Everyone agrees about custody - until they don't. What then?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 12:03 AM
7

That's even worse. She could just keep the kids and not let you have one minute of parenting time and there's not a damn thing you could do about it. You're making a huge mistake. Sounds like you think you've got it all figured out though, so good luck. Hopefully others reading this thread will get the message.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 12:02 AM
3

While that's possible, that wouldn't be my opening position. And definitely make sure you get your downpayment back out of the calculation free and clear before any equity calculation is done.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 11:53 PM
4

This is why you don't wife up single moms. Standard bait and switch tactics. Do not tolerate this disrespectful behavior or it will only get worse. Make sure you can trace your downpayment coming from your separate property premarital accounts. She's probably due half the amount that the mortgage has been paid down from date of marriage to present day but nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 10:13 PM
3

That's what they all say - then when you sign papers saying 65/35 as soon as you do something they don't like they'll be holding to the signed parenting plan and not a minute more. You need 50/50 down on paper, signed by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 10:04 PM
2

Your lawyer seems to be taking a terrible approach IMO. Everything is negotiable. If the ex doesn't want to give a fair valuation of the home that includes taking out the realtor fees, then you just say "no deal" and "we'll see what the judge says". She'll get alot more reasonable with a walk up the courthouse steps.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 04:09 PM
3

I kept the marital house in my divorce that settled in mediation. When we worked out the numbers, I wasn't given any allowance for closing costs on my side of the ledger in the subsequent cash-out refi I did to buy her out. My refi fees were much lower than your $13k. However I did bargain for and get a 6% reduction in the overall home value calculation to account for realtor fees in the eventual sale. We initially went for 10% reduction to account for make-ready / repairs etc but settled at 6%.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 03:39 PM
1

Phones are often the first casualty in an argument - and if you have to call 911 because she's attacking you your voice recording app will be automatically stopped and you won't have anything to play for the cops showing exactly what was happening, with the 911 call following, and how she acted during and after the call. Plus she's going to notice you fiddling with your phone every time she gets heated and will figure out what you're doing. Just get a Sony or Olympus DAR, keep it hidden in your …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 06:50 PM
1

Try to avoid animosity and threats, enhance your DGAF. He's older and probably has the money to finance your ex's future legal campaign (Captain Save'a'ho style) to reduce your parenting time and get you paying child support if you piss him off enough.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 04:19 PM
17

Move back into your house. You're making a huge mistake moving out when custody's involved. Find an attorney and file for divorce - do not let her know in any way that you're doing this, just hand her the petition once it's filed. Get a digital audio recorder (not your phone) and have it running covertly on your person at all times when you're home. Look up "grey rock" and put that into practice. It takes two to fight, if you don't engage she's just a crazy person yelling at walls.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 04:09 PM
2

I was in the same situation, except linked for 14 years instead of 10. I still just handed her the paper. Either way you're telling her you're divorcing her - if she's a reasonable person (and if she was you probably wouldn't be getting divorced) it will be amicable and if she's not it won't - how you do it will have no impact. My ex and I settled in mediation pretty quickly anyway - the key to getting a settlement isn't being nice it's giving her no other option besides a looming court date and…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 12:31 AM
2

You didn't have to do it while you were together. She's a grown adult capable of putting a seat down herself. There's no reason her preferred seat position should have been the default over yours.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 05:14 PM
6

Don't "have the talk". Get an attorney, prepare in every way possible upfront and practice complete opsec until you have every duck in a row. Then just file and hand her the divorce petition. All you're doing by "having the talk" is giving your soon-to-be opponent in a lawsuit the opportunity to go scorched earth with false domestic violence allegations, dissipating assets, running up debt that you're going to be at least half responsible for, and/or alienating children against you. What's the p…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 02:56 PM
1

The 401k part has a little gray area. Ordinarily with accounts it's just ((Today's value - date of marriage value) / 2) but if you can show you didn't touch the assets themselves then you might be able to keep the gains on those assets. IE if you had 500 shares of XYZ mutual fund at date of marriage you may be able to claim the 500 shares still as separate property even though their value is now greater than at date of marriage. Talk to attorney about this. But if you've moved all your 401k asse…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 04:03 AM
3

Most of this is good advice. However, DO NOT take the child to talk to your lawyer or talk to the child about the divorce proceedings at all. Just be a great dad when you have her and leave it at that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 03:57 PM
-3

If you really want to have children, divorce this one and find a younger (and hopefully more agreeable) woman without a busted uterus. Or better yet stay single and get a surrogate so you won't ever be dealing with custody battles like most of us here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:51 PM
3

Be careful of gains in retirement accounts (401k, IRA etc) during the course of the marriage. Technically half of the gain on your retirement accounts during the course of the marriage is hers, and vice versa. If there's a big discrepancy there between your retirement accounts she'd be entitled to the difference in gains. However, keep that fact to yourself and hope she never brings it up if that's the case. Make sure she doesn't have any way to run up joint credit during the course of divorce. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:49 PM
12

The ex would argue that you're underemployed and would likely be able to get you imputed at your former wage. Perhaps if you could get yourself laid off (with documentation to that effect), then do a "job search" and end up having to take a lower paying job you could have success but at anything short of full retirement age most judges wouldn't look kindly on reduced income. As a man, thy tally of bricks shall never diminish...
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:42 PM
1

Should have hunkered down in the home (with the children) with a digital voice recorder to refute false domestic violence accusations. You're opening yourself up to a poor custody outcome moving out without a parenting time order.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 03:05 PM
3

Do you have a signed court order outlining your 50/50 parenting time? If not, don't move out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 02:34 PM
3

That's what I do - sit at the bar and eat, watch sports on TV and maybe strike up a conversation with folks sitting nearby if I'm feeling like it. Very enjoyable.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 08:03 PM
1

You're correct, 25% total for 2 children.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 08:08 PM
1

This is one of those things that varies from state to state.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 07:55 PM
1

You're welcome. Thanks for your reinforcing look into the mind of a woman who think she's entitled to her ex's resources in perpetuity! Of course I've already had a pretty good look at that in my own ex...
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 08:55 PM
1

So you now have a good paying in-demand career, and still want your ex-husband's future earnings too because you think you know better than he does what to do with his own earnings and for your own personal retirement? Got it. Basic greed. Regardless, it's pretty clear you're not as interested in "financial independence" from your ex as you claimed in your original post since you're making sure you get everything the state allows you to from him - however you justify it to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 08:33 PM
2

LOL "reach financial independence outside of any support from my ex"? Then why did you post this recently... "I’m asking for alimony for half the marriage length, child support, primary custody, and a disproportionate distribution of the debt in my favor." I love how she comes in here claiming to be a unicorn but in court she's asking for her ex to be financially destroyed and with minimal parenting time. Just the typical woman trying to destroy her ex, moving along....
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 03:00 PM
5

A few things I like: Holiday schedule nailed down airtight. Language specifying from school release at start of the holiday til dropoff at school and morning school restarts. Summer vacation nailed down airtight. Language where each parent gets to pick their two consecutive weeks first in alternating years, has to notify the other parent of their chosen two weeks by March/April The summer vacation weeks can't be picked such that one parent ends up with 3 consecutive weeks etc. Set the exchanges …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 07:45 PM
5

"Not all women are like that" ... yeah - but they all have the option of being like that. Men need to act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 06:00 AM
3

I waited til mine were 6 and 4, and they're now 8 and 6 after a couple years divorced. I knew I'd have to divorce her at least 3 years earlier. So I waited, with my reasoning being 1) I needed at least the older child in school to give the child ties to the community and avoid the attempted move-away 2) the youngest was old enough to have formed strong bonds with each of us and not be as badly affected by periods of absence that shared custody would bring 3) That gave me time to have a long hist…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 08:07 PM
2

Colossal waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:25 PM
9

After the kids were in bed late in the evening, I fired up my digital audio recorder covertly and handed her a copy of the divorce petition that my attorney had filed 2 days prior. She asked if this was a joke, and I informed her that it wasn't. She begged for a second chance, that she could be a better wife etc and I let her know that her chance to be a better wife was the previous seven years and that we were done. She then spent the next week or so running me down to any of our mutual friends…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 06:39 PM
2

HoH is based on overnights. She's acting in bad faith going for HoH with you claiming the child this year, but if you can prove you had the child for more overnights than she did in 2021 then go ahead and file HoH and let her try and prove you wrong to the IRS.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:37 PM
1

Understood, I know how you feel brother. Just wanted to caution you not to be too hasty and make sure you have all the angles covered. Regarding the journal, it doesn't need to be a physical book. I did mine in the form of a weekly email draft that I would open each evening after the kids were in bed and put in the parenting info of the day, and at the end of the week attach a couple pictures showing me doing with the kids exactly what I said I was doing in the journal, then I would send the ema…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:33 PM
3

Honestly dude I would wait. Do not speak the D word to her anymore. I was in almost the same situation (knew it was coming by the time youngest was born) and I chose to wait until the youngest was 4 to file. That way the child had formed strong bonds with each of us and could handle a few days without seeing the other parent. Also it takes out any preference she might get in custody for breastfeeding or any "Tender Years" BS that some old judge may still follow. With Kentucky's 50/50 presumption…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 09:25 PM
2

Don't leave it up to her. You're just as much your child's parent as she is. Take him to the doctor and get them to prescribe ADHD medication. Give the child medication on your time and show that the mother is unwilling to follow the doctor's recommendations for medication for the severe ADHD. My son (6yo) is doing so much better academically and behaviorally on ADHD meds.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 03:25 AM
12

Nope. Child support arrears are not dischargeable by bankruptcy. Basically only child support, alimony, and student loan debt are treated as such.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 03:19 AM
2

All the Olympus and Sony models work pretty well. Keep AAA batteries on hand and get a larger micro SD so the recorder can store a lot in case she makes claims going back a few days. Record with higher compression so that you can store more, we're not that worried about high quality audio here. Don't run your digital audio recorder on voice activated mode. The silence can be just as important as the sound. She calls the cops and claims that at 6PM you screamed at her and threw her up against the…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 07:43 PM
3

I'm not there yet, but one of the experienced old stalwarts on the men's divorce forum advised setting up a weekly ritual with the daughter - in his case they went to a greasy spoon type place for brunch every Sunday morning - no screens or devices just sat and ate and talked - and more importantly he just mostly listened and didn't offer input unless asked. This might be a couple years away for you yet - but his key tenet was that you need to start establishing an adult relationship with them a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 02:02 AM
3

"OK, we'll see what the judge says." She'll sign after the walk up the courthouse steps if not before.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 01:40 AM
9

We advise to file first and do it without telling her because it reduces the chance for her to make false domestic violence claims to have him removed from the house, or for her to dissipate assets or run up a bunch of debt before the filing because she knows he's on the hook for half. You can still mediate after the filing if she's willing to be reasonable, but mediation is always more fruitful with a looming court date. OP will be in control of setting that court date if he's the one that file…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 01:33 AM
1

No, 20% for 1, 25% for 2, 30% for 3, 35% for 4, 40% for 5 or more is the guideline I've seen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 08:37 PM
2

25% for 2 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 05:38 PM
2

DO NOT agree to any bad deals for the sake of no CS in Texas. All she has to do is call up the AG office and you will have a child support order at state guidelines (25% of your net income for 2 children) with the quickness, regardless of whatever is in your divorce decree (if a judge even approves it).
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 03:37 PM
2

$2300 in Texas for 2 kids is the cap, which the payer hits somewhere around $135k/yr gross. Most states don't have a cap though, so the more you make the more you pay with no max. To be fair - though it's not codified in TX with 50/50 parenting time a judge will often order an "offsetting" CS amount as if the two parents were paying CS to each other - this would have put me paying around $1400/mo ($2300 me - $900 her). I agreed to the higher CS in mediation to guarantee 50/50 custody without tak…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 07:08 AM
1

OK. Apologies for coming in harsh re: the new wife as it's something that's seen all too common here. If you're really OK with paying full CS then go straight to the mother and work out an agreement between yourselves. Execute a custody agreement with you having primary custody and giving your ex the EOW time that dads usually get. Keep that agreement in effect for 1-2 years then go back and get it codified into a custody agreement. After that point you can get the CS dialed back once a solid pr…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 11:13 AM
1

Nope, she's a legal stranger to your child and if y'all split up she has zero custody and would likely never see the child again. Do what's best for your own relationship with your child, not what cupcake is telling you to do. To be honest this sounds like cupcake posting this trying to gin hubby up into going for primary custody. There's nothing a woman hates more than hubby's resources going to another woman, and if dad gets primary he doesn't have to pay CS to the ex anymore. Based on what yo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 02:36 AM
9

Same here brother - ex has a master's to my bachelor's and yet I pay $1800/mo with 50/50 parenting time. The system is broken.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 02:02 AM
2

What do you mean "We", kemosabe? I'm assuming you're talking about your new wife - in which case you need to keep her out of this and shut her down with the quickness when she tries to opine on the custody situation with your prior child. Dudes appeasing new wives result in massive problems with the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 01:56 AM
13

Additionally - Radio Silence from this point on out. Don't discuss the divorce or anything else not having to do with the children with her. She doesn't sound like the type where you could get an agreement done at the kitchen table so any information you give her will just be used against you. She is now your opponent in a lawsuit. This is business - worry about the emotional side after it's done.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:55 PM
4

You're staring down the barrel of paying your STBX 30-40% of your net income until AT LEAST full retirement age of 67 and possibly longer. Any hopes you had for early retirement are shot with that kinda of annual outlay as with $2M assets I'm guessing 30-40% of your current income is substantial. By retiring now you can likely get the spousal support down to little or nothing with the nice side benefit of getting to enjoy a couple of years without work at an age where you're still physically abl…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:45 PM
45

Shut your mouth about divorce to her ASAP. Retire now (leanFIRE) then wait 2-3 years and divorce her. You'll have established zero income as your baseline and have a decent chance of escaping any alimony as you can argue that you each should be able to live on your half of the assets. After divorce is final you can choose whether to go back to work for a couple of years to replenish the coffers a bit to make retirement a few years later more comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 10:04 PM
1

An attorney with his own practice only needs to churn enough fees to pay his own BMW payment. An attorney in a big firm has to churn enough fees to pay for his BMW payment AND the BMW payment for the firm's partners. And probably the BMW payment for the partner's daughter who wrecked hers within a month of turning 16. Simple economics...
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 06:44 AM
2

That's not going to work. However, if you have any separate debts like student loans or credit card balances you had prior to marriage, absolutely cash out any retirement assets accrued during marriage (which are half hers) and pay off those student loans / separate debts. She likely won't get any credit for those student loans getting paid off with marital assets, women pull this trick all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:57 AM
41

Pretty standard. Mine got half of the gains on my premarital 401k amount even in addition to half of what I'd added during marriage and its gains. The market had doubled in the 7 year time period we were married so it was a pretty substantial amount. Marriage is designed to be a wealth transfer from men to women.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 05:06 PM
2

Have the loan payments been made with marital funds (ie. your or your wife's paycheck)? If so you're definitely entitled to half of the equity gained via reduction in the loan over the last 4 years and probably entitled to half of any increases in value of the home during that time as well. You're probably not going to get any of the value of the downpayment that came from selling the in-law's house, but I wouldn't go in with that as your opening position during negotiations. Horse-trade away th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 02:59 PM
3

The best way to minimize attorney fees in a contested custody situation is to aim for the courtroom as quickly as possible. Too many men are deathly afraid of the courtroom and will drag things out then fall on their swords giving away everything. Mediation is not magic and likely will not be productive unless there is a looming court date putting princess's feet to the fire. The walk up the courthouse steps is the most powerful way of introducing a STBX to reality. DO NOT move out of the marita…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 04:28 AM
1

You need to prepare before you move forward with divorce. How old are the kids? It's best if they're school-aged so she doesn't have an excuse not to work anymore. You REALLY need to get her working. She can't go clothes shopping if she doesn't have any money, so you need to start practicing austerity measures. Close any credit cards she has access to. Your paycheck direct deposits into an account only you have access to. From now on, you do all of the grocery shopping so she doesn't need access…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 04:18 AM
4

Exactly right here. It takes two to fight, otherwise it's just a crazy woman yelling at the walls. From now on OP you are a gray rock. If she starts in on you, say something like "You may be right" and walk away. Then do whatever the hell you wanted to in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 04:06 PM
6

Absolutely. It's best to not even speak the word "divorce" until she's served with a divorce petition so that you can better avoid her dissipating assets, running up credit cards, or attempting to have you removed from the home via false domestic violence accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 07:30 PM
1

With respect to spousal support, yes. Not with respect to child support - that is a simple formula and after any agreement for a below-guideline CS amount the mother can simply walk over to the state CS department and quickly get a CS modification to the guideline amount.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 07:26 PM
7

Custody is awarded to the parent, not the living conditions. As long as the kids have a place to sleep they'll be fine to stay with you. However, DO NOT move out of the marital home until you have a custody order signed by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 07:23 PM
1

Absent any custody orders, assuming you were married at the time of the child's birth you are well within your rights to keep the child in the marital home and tell the mother to GTFO. She has no more right to the child than you do. Take a few days off work and keep the child with you and then negotiate a 50/50 temporary custody order (signed by a judge!).
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:35 AM
4

Women can justify anything to themselves. You're not going to get any kind of apology for her cheating. All you need is to have strong enough principles within yourself to know that she's garbage for what she did. It doesn't matter if she acknowledges it herself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:30 AM
2

No need for a talk. You, or a process server, hands her the divorce petition. That says all that needs to be said.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:25 AM
8

Not your problem. There's no reason she should get tax-free assets while you have to take taxable IRA assets of the same amount. Just need to have them QDRO it into an account in her name and then if she wants to cash out and pay penalties/taxes that's her prerogative.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 04:42 PM
10

Yes, that is typically exactly how retirement account distributions are done. A QDRO is prepared and sent to the IRA administrator who will move the specified amount to an IRA in the receiver's name. There's no reason she should get more money due to it being taxable - after all the amount of the IRA you're keeping is taxable too. So unless you're giving her way more than half of your IRA to compensate for you keeping post-tax money/assets I wouldn't go for the increase.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:51 PM
1

She's entitled to half of whatever gain in equity has been made in the home since the date of marriage. Mortgage paydown since that time was made with marital funds (ie. your paycheck) and property value increases since that time are half hers too. Doesn't matter whether she was on the title or not.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 05:51 AM
2

File for divorce, and file an emergency motion for return of the child to the marital home, as well as exclusive use and occupancy order for the home. Just sitting there hoping she comes home will result in an established status quo of her having 100% custody of the child. You MUST prevent that immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 07:00 PM
2

Shouldn't be a problem IMO to reactivate Facebook for doing marketplace transactions. I don't post anything because I don't want the ex looking at my life through the keyhole trying to find something to make a big deal out of nothing about, but I do use it for marketplace and messenger.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 03:55 AM
1

You grossly underestimate the downsides and the timeline here. When she can't pay the mortgage, she can just squat until the foreclosure and eviction process completes (many months) which will also kill YOUR credit. She may also trash the place and not keep up on any home maintenance which will massively cut into whatever equity you have in the home. And having to go to court for motions (and it will take multiple I assure you) to force the sale of the home is going to run up your attorney fees.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 02:44 PM
3

Try and smooth things over and push the divorce out. Get a job that doesn't involve travel and be a father to your child, then if you still can't stand the woman file for divorce and hold out for 50% parenting time since you've been an equal parent.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 04:58 AM
1

Divorce is about incentives - what incentive does she have to move things along once she has you out of the marital home and is receiving temporary support? She's got your house, your money, and no you! Best of all worlds. Having to watch you walk around the house in your tighty whiteys will make her a lot more amenable to a reasonable settlement. What's the hurry on moving out? Cupcake involved?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 04:15 PM
4

This is what happens when you move out of the marital home without a custody order signed by a judge. I know that doesn't help you OP, but let it serve as a warning to others contemplating moving out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 03:42 PM
1

It's better for your attorney, because the STBX will be in the driver's seat and you'll churn a bunch of fees for him trying to maintain reasonable custody from a position of weakness.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 05:43 AM
3

Don't even speak the word "divorce" to her until you file. Get a digital audio recorder (not your phone!) running secretly on your person at all times when you are in the marital residence. This is to avoid a false domestic violence accusation. Just because she claims to have been physically abused in the past doesn't make it true, and from the sounds of it that's more likely projection on her part and she is the actual abuser. From this point forward you are a gray rock and you do not react wha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 08:12 AM
1

He's already spoken for himself - "swinging out her elbows, with no ragard where it'll strike me". That's physical abuse and domestic violence by definition. Who is talking about feminists, strawman much? No one has even brought them up in this thread and no one is telling you anything whatsoever to believe about men. We're not on the Divorce_Women subreddit telling women that their lived experience is wrong - YOU are a woman over here telling us that despite such a large number of us experienci…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 11:41 PM
8

The greater danger is that she'll meet a wealthy Captain Save-a-ho who will finance her legal campaign to remove you from the child's life via the family court system.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 05:51 PM
1

It's not a "result" of anything - it's physical abuse and domestic violence. Or is that only when a man does it? It's telling that you have to go straight to the shaming language and ad hominem attacks when you can't refute the facts of the argument. The thing is that we don't care about that nonsense - we're men that have been through divorce helping other men that are going through it. We are free to discuss the patterns of female behavior in those situations that we recognize here. Unless you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 02:21 AM
4

She's throwing elbows at the guy intentionally. She's an asshole. It's also funny how many of these so-called "asexual" women become "sexual" after divorce when they need to lock down a new provider.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 08:40 PM
2

Digital audio recorder (not your phone!) running covertly on your person at all times when you're at the marital home to avoid the false domestic violence black and white taxi ride. She does not once even hear the word "divorce" from you until she's served the divorce petition by a process server. Do not give her the opportunity to go scorched earth and dissipate assets before you file. After you file there are standard orders to prevent that kind of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/21 09:16 PM
15

Typically if the parties in divorce can't agree on who gets the house, the judge will order the home sold and the proceeds net of mortgage divided equally between the parties.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 05:38 AM
2

You can hope for the best, but always prepare for the worst. Assume she's going to fight custody and act accordingly. If she doesn't, so much the better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 05:45 PM
2

Not really. Stay at home mothers don't get jobs during the divorce, stay in the home, get primary custody and massive child support along with alimony - and after the divorce can then get jobs to add on top of all they're getting from their exes. So I don't see what you got as all that much of a big win. If your ex had wanted to play hardball she could have filed for exclusive use and occupancy and then filed for temporary primary custody based on keeping the children in the marital home. Just b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 05:41 PM
7

Do NOT do this OP. Do NOT move out of the marital residence when there are children involved - it's the worst mistake a man can make in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 04:28 AM
1

$9200 is the monthly "net resources" income cap number which is after-tax, which would probably be hit at around $135k/yr gross.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 04:21 AM
2

I agreed to an above-guideline CS amount to make sure I got 50/50 parenting time in mediation so if she went and asked for guideline she'd get less. Texas also has a cap on CS that kicks in when you make about $135k/yr gross so even if it wasn't 50/50 offsetting CS my increases would be over the cap. You're right about alot of other states though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 06:27 PM
6

Same me, but don't need a relationship. When I've got the kids I'm Superdad, and when I don't I do whatever the hell I want whenever I want. Despite the silly child support with 50/50 custody, my net worth is up massively in the 2 years post-divorce since I don't have to burn money on frivolous crap to look good to people that I don't care about. The 35%+ in raises in the last couple of years due to my improved performance at work as I know that every increase is MINE and mine alone takes the st…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 03:50 AM
4

Since attorneys know all about your financials they'll know if you're not in great shape, and if so they'd probably take a 50% lump sum buyout. In more general terms, a mistake men often make is that from the beginning they're deathly afraid of seeing the inside of a courtroom and they'll let their attorneys engage in endless fee-churning back and forth with opposing counsel, multiple all-day mediations etc in hopes that princess will come to her senses. In truth the best way to get an unreasona…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 08:33 PM
3

We have a 2-2-5-5 equal parenting time schedule. I have every Wednesday and Thursday evening/overnight and every other Fri/Sat/Sun. I like having set sports/activities that I do with my kids on Weds/Thurs and I can schedule my own adult league play on Mon/Tues evenings when I never have them. I think I'd like to move to week-on / week-off when the kids are a little older to reduce the number of transitions but the set weekdays of the 2-2-5-5 are a very nice benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 08:20 PM
3

Do not keep that ongoing entanglement of co-owning the house going after divorce. That is a situation that is fraught with peril. If she can't afford to buy you out and take on the whole mortgage herself, the house needs to be sold at/prior to divorce and the proceeds split.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:50 PM
4

If you decide to go ahead with splitting up, do not even mention the word "divorce" to her. Do not bring it up as a threat as that will backfire. The first time she hears it should be when she's handed the divorce petition by a process server. If she gets wind of it early she can start hiding/dissipating assets, running up credit card debt, and/or making false domestic violence accusations to get you arrested and permanently removed from the home - which is basically an "I WIN" button in the sub…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 11:13 PM
14

Don't even mention the word "divorce" to her until she's served the petition by a process server. Otherwise she could start dissipating assets, running up joint credit, and/or falsely claim domestic violence to get you removed from the home. Don't move out. Move all important documents, keepsakes etc off premises. Move all firearms off premises. Change your salary direct deposit to an account that only you have access to at a different bank from any joint accounts that you hold with her. Transfe…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 07:10 PM
1

Five years? WTF. Instruct your lawyer to get a trial date set ASAP. That walk up the courthouse steps will get things in gear for her. Do not give her one minute more than the currently court ordered custody as what she's currently doing is changing the status quo to try to claw back 50/50 and hopefully get child support out of you. Get exclusive use and occupancy of the home ordered if you don't already have it and don't let her in to take anything else. She has no incentive to get this divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 01:09 AM
1

OK that's good to hear. When custody is involved you definitely need an attorney. Go ahead and get the divorce filed yourself so this doesn't drag out forever and so that she can't try and establish her mom's or wherever as the children's residence of record.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 08:56 PM
1

Where are your kids? You didn't move out of the marital home without a signed custody order, did you?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 02:01 PM
5

Don't give anything away in exchange for reduced child support. The mother can always just go to the state CS office and get guideline CS ordered at any time regardless of any prior agreement. This is a very common mistake men make.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 01:57 PM
1

The problem with this is you can discuss all you want and agree on whatever, but when the divorce happens it won't make any difference whatsoever. The state you reside in will always maintain the ability to determine custody in the event of divorce and no pre-marital agreement can override that. And pretty much every man here can attest to how a woman's recollection of things can differ significantly from reality once divorce is on the table.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 02:48 PM
1

You have at least equal parenting time with your children correct?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 04:02 AM
5

This is why you don't tell them you're filing for divorce. You just file for divorce without a word to the ex and have them served by a process server. After a divorce petition is filed it's a lot harder for them to make the false abuse claims. Doesn't help OP, but let it be a lesson to any other dudes out there thinking about divorce...
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 03:57 AM
5

"Let's see what the judge says"
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 03:49 AM
7

Glad you learned from the lessons here, sounds like you really dodged a bullet with this one. Going forward - if you really want to be a dad I encourage you to look into surrogacy. Having a child with a woman under todays societal/judicial conditions is fraught with danger and you could very well end up with a stranger in robes dictating whether you are allowed to actually parent your child. The only way to avoid that is for no other person to have any legal custodial rights to your child. Men, …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 09:03 PM
7

If you said "yes" he was probably going to give you his card or put you on his mailing list so he could cash in with divorce #2....
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 02:29 AM
4

You need to hold out another year and when your youngest is 5 and kindergarten-eligible you need to get them both into public school and get your ex working. The worst thing you can possibly do is divorce a SAHM who's homeschooling (poorly it sounds like, so hurts your children also). Implement some austerity measures to provide princess the incentives she needs to get a JOB. Only after she's employed do you file for divorce - and you don't move out but remain in the home for the duration of the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 02:24 AM
4

Jolie went nuclear option off the bat with child abuse allegations. Pitt had clawed back to 50/50 after a few years but it looks like she's now been able to knock him back down to the EOW screwjob.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 04:00 PM
1

No, don't leave. File for divorce but remain in the home with a DAR running covertly at all times to avoid false DV accusations. Otherwise she'll drag the divorce out forever because she's got his house, his money, and no him.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 03:42 PM
42

It's a completely rational response to current societal / judicial conditions - very little to gain and everything to lose. It's my plan going forward as well.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 03:35 PM
3

OK so it's obvious you need to get a divorce, but you need to not make any rash decisions and plan this out thoroughly. You need to get her working before filing divorce. Change your direct deposit to an account that only you have access to - at a different bank than your current joint accounts. You pay all bills directly and all she gets from you is small gift cards each month to cover her personal items and nothing more. If she wants anything more than that, princess can get a job. You buy the…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 03:06 PM
9

You're missing what's staring you in the face - she only decided to end it when you were about to quit working. The one thing women won't stand for is for the horse to stop plowing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 02:36 PM
11

Chicken Dinner! Now don't take your eyes off the prize, avoid all drama and get the divorce done and this woman out of your life ASAP. Then take your time before dating - self-analyze on why you missed the red flags on this one and how to spot them in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 04:12 PM
2

To expand a little on this - you're going to want to have neutral third party witnesses (ie. not your best friend or your mom) that can attest to the fact that you're doing all the parenting. Think doctors or teachers. And whatever you do, don't move from Texas to NYC. NY has much worse alimony provisions and also child support continues to age 21 there.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 03:08 PM
1

There's plenty of industries not impacted by Covid and there's significant labor shortage in the US. Encourage him to move back and be a father to his children every day. I put my children to bed tonight. I coached my son's soccer practice on Tuesday and his soccer match on Wednesday. I'll be coaching my daughter's volleyball practice tomorrow evening. Ask your BF how he plans to do those things from the other side of the continent? If all he wants to be is a paycheck and a visitor to his childr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 04:57 AM
7

Don't file yet. Kick cupcake to the curb. Quit your job and move back home. Find a job where your kids are so you can be a father and not a "visitor". Get your kids into public school. Be 100% as much a parent as your STBX. Mommy dearest needs to cowgirl up and get a JOB. The free ride is over. Austerity measures need to be put in place to encourage her employment. After kids are in public school and mom has a job only THEN do you file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 04:42 AM
4

Your boyfriend needs to get rid of you and focus on his children and his divorce. He also needs to get a job back in NY and parent his children every day and not "almost every other weekend". By his actions he's signaling to the judge that he's fine being a visitor in his children's lives. You're what's called a "predator", taking advantage of a man who's in a difficult situation and just not thinking clearly. What kind of woman goes for a man who is still married and in fact there's not even a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 04:24 AM
2

OK that was smart, at least you saved some money that way. What you need to do now is get a trial date set as quickly as possible. Get the STBX deposed quickly to get her story on paper. Then instruct your attorney to not engage in any back and forth BS with opposing counsel. Your goal is to get to those courthouse steps while spending as little as possible. You'll need to manage your attorney. Don't agree to any more mediation or settlement conferences unless the the judge orders it. If she has…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 07:32 PM
1

You're typically paying by the hour on these - so if you're not getting anywhere by the 2 hour mark just pack up and say "we'll see what the judge says" and walk out. A walk up the courthouse steps will quite often snap a delusional STBX back into reality.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 05:51 PM
16

No response is the right response. My ex is always yapping about how I need to "step up" whenever there's some difficulty with one of the children as if she's the only one who does anything. Meanwhile I take the kids to most doc/dentist appointments, sign them up for and coach both of their sports, and end up doing most of their school projects at my home instead of hers. So many of them have this victim single mother narrative in their heads that no amount of evidence to the contrary can overco…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 07:18 PM
2

Women's greatest fear is being replaced as a mother to her children by the new GF, so she's going to react irrationally. You're best off having the GF keep a low profile when it comes to kid activities to keep the crazy to a minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/21 11:40 PM
3

Are all the kids school age? If so you need to get you wife working before filing for divorce or you're going to be looking at massive CS and SS. If the kids aren't school age yet you might consider holding off on divorce until they are and you can get the wife working.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 03:39 PM
2

Nope. She finds out you know when she's handed the divorce petition by the process server and not before. Otherwise you run the risk of false DV allegations, asset hiding/dissipation etc. Any explanation is just going to be a trickle truth exercise and your marriage doesn't really sound worth saving. You don't win any prizes for staying in a bad marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 03:32 PM
3

It's typically 18 or when they graduate high school, whichever is later. I think there's a provision that it doesn't go past 19 if they're held back a year along the way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 05:08 PM
3

You need to start with a weekly ritual with them. It's not trying to get them staying overnights off the bat, more like taking them out for a Sunday morning brunch and going for a walk after without any phones or screens in their face. Listen to what they say, only offer your opinion when asked, and try not to get defensive if/when they start parroting your ex's opinion of you. Best bet is to use it as a critical thinking skills teaching opportunity - ask them what in your behavior indicates to …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 08:42 PM
2

Awesome news that you're moving back. Get yourself a digital audio recorder and have it running covertly on your person at all times when you're in the home. Not for gathering any evidence against her, it's just to play for the cops when they show up after she's called 911 on a false domestic violence allegation against you. If she gets you put in jail and a restraining order you're basically guaranteed to lose this divorce both in terms of custody and financially.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 03:12 AM
1

OK, thanks for the correction!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 04:14 PM
2

It wasn't terrible in my situation. We (50/50 parenting time) had one specified in the decree for the first year after divorce. My wannabe dictator ex continually tried to dictate what should happen when the children were at my home and the PC shut that down regularly. "His house, his rules" and "Her house, her rules". Funny thing was it was the ex and her lawyer that pushed for the PC because she thought she'd be able to get the PC to strongarm me into doing her bidding.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 05:43 PM
12

LOL not sure I'd consider a man getting married in this day and age good news. Especially at 22. I got married at 20 and looking back I didn't know anything about myself or her and it was a huge mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 01:07 PM
1

That advice will guarantee that this divorce drags on and on forever with OP supporting his ex. Ask yourself, who benefits from the divorce dragging on? Of course that's what lawyers advise.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 01:04 PM
3

"Time apart" is code for her wanting to bone other dudes. Just lock down everything financially then file. You don't need to discuss this with her beforehand, in fact from this point on you shouldn't really have any contact with her at all. No more arguing. Rip the band-aid off instead of dragging this out and potentially setting yourself up for a worse divorce outcome. How the F do you make 6 figures and have no assets? Let me guess, princess likes to live far above her part-time means?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 12:50 PM
3

Not just parenting/child custody agreement - but a Court Order signed by a judge that outlines the custody particulars. You do not move out before you have this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 03:43 AM
7

There is zero chance I would do a divorce decree involving child custody without an attorney. There are some many future pitfalls that you don't know about that a good attorney will help you steer around. I divorced twice without children without needing an attorney either time, so I'm not just dead-set against pro se. But with children involved, divorce is not the time to DIY.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 07:26 PM
2

Yeah mine threatened me with it just about every week for 5+ years also. The look on her face when I handed her the divorce petition was priceless. Of course she ran around claiming I "blindsided" her to anyone that would listen.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 03:42 PM
1

The thing is if you lash out and yell like this when you find out she's filed for divorce, you end up with a restraining order, removed from your home and from your children's lives. It's damn hard, but you CANNOT react like this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 03:40 PM
2

Your lawyer is completely wrong and as per dday above seems completely spineless and afraid of conflict. You need to lock her out of access to your ongoing earnings and half of the accounts from date of separation. You pay the bills per normal but cut off joint credit. Princess needs to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 07:47 PM
2

Why are you still supporting her? She should not have any access to the account where you now deposit your paychecks and you should have moved half of whatever joint marital accounts existed at time of separation to accounts that she cannot access. Absent a support order from the court, signed by a judge, you should not be giving her a dime. Financial austerity measures will make her much more amenable to an early settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 05:25 PM
2

Texas isn't terrible. It's not 50/50 but expanded standard is there for the asking which is something like 43/57. Alimony is supposed to be "rehabilitative" and only for 3 years. I've read Kentucky has a pretty strong assumption of 50/50 custody. Unsure about their alimony guidelines.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 04:30 PM
1

No, what you really need to do is remove her ability to mess with your life when the kids are with you as much as possible. Take actions to reduce the amount of interaction you have with the ex to a minimum. Don't tell her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 01:22 PM
14

LOL got baby trapped and now telling us all how we too can be lucky enough to make the same mistake twice! Yeah, thanks, but no. Plus now you get to deal with all of the difficulties that "blended family" nonsense will cause with your older children. Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 07:10 PM
1

You've got to quit letting her know where you keep your goat tied up, otherwise you're just encouraging this behavior to continue. Unless it's an issue immediately harming the health and safety of the children, do not get involved in a spur-of-the-moment back and forth. And if it is something that you'll need to go to court to prevent, you're going to need to establish a clear pattern of behavior before anything is done about it. One instance probably won't be enough. So fully document this inst…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 07:04 PM
8

I took my gun safe and the guns to a buddy's house before filing and kept them there until divorce was final and ex was moved out. You don't want her having any justification for a TRO filing because it's often the "I WIN" button in divorce. She's already using the "doesn't feel safe" codewords so you should really consider getting a digital voice recorder and have it running secretly on your person at all times when you're at home. This is not for gathering evidence, it's just to play for the c…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 04:01 PM
1

If you have the means and just really want kids, I'd start saving up and pay for a surrogate. If I had it to do over again, that's what I'd have done.. Given my and many others' here experience with "family" court, you want to be the only one with any parental rights to the child. Otherwise the state will always have jurisdiction over your child, not you. If you're set on getting married, you can squirrel away money in the marriage but you have to do it a little at a time over a longer period of…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 01:29 AM
1

Dude, no. Get back to the place where you (and the child) have established residency, file for divorce and an emergency motion for the immediate return of the child. DO NOT let her establish residency in your home country with the child. You need to act NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/21 11:01 PM
7

DO NOT let this one get on the stay-at-home-mom gravy train. Get her back working ASAP. Even if daycare costs close to what she makes, you don't want to be setting a precedent as the sole provider for the family because that's what the state will enforce a continuation of post-divorce. In my experience, once a woman starts openly disrespecting her husband like she's doing it's just a matter of time til divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/21 10:51 PM
8

You made the right call there. People like that just love to stir shit up and you can be certain that they're also talking to her about what you're up to. Give them one chance to stop with the gossip then cut them out completely if they persist.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 01:27 AM
5

If you have children together, you're making a huge mistake moving out. Even with no kids it likely results in things dragging out longer than necessary. Having to look at your ass lounging on the sofa clad only in your tighty whiteys is powerful motivation to reach a reasonable settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 01:22 AM
10

Call her bluff. Bet she comes up with some excuses not to show for the blood draw. There's no risks on the blood draw type test, that's only if they're drawing amniotic fluid or whatever. It is pretty expensive, though. But worth it IMO
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 04:09 PM
1

Typically in most US states you would be responsible for half of all work-related childcare. Can't speak for the UK though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 03:13 PM
20

Dude, there is a better than 50% chance that the child is not yours. Do not put your name on the birth certificate until after a paternity test (handled by YOU not her) is done. Paternity tests can be done before birth using a blood draw from the mother and if she balks at this request you've got a pretty good indication that she's not as certain it's yours as she makes it out to be. She likely is just looking at you and the affair dude and figuring out who she can get the most resources from. A…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 03:09 PM
2

Yes it can work just like that. Typically when you import a spouse you'll have to file an INS form I-134 Affidavit of Support which puts you on the hook to support that person for 10 years. If they go on public assistance the government can come after you for that money for the 10 year period.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 02:15 PM
3

Why do you consider this a "problem"? Seems like a rational response to not grab the pan again when you've been burned.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/21 08:43 PM
1

LOL you financed removing a father from your step-kids lives and now karma's coming home to roost. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 05:30 AM
3

Slow play it for a few months and get status quo of your son living with you. Then go into mediation armed with that and get standard TX child support for 1 child - to the cap of course ($2100/mo I think) as her income is over the cap. Everything else is just a split down the middle. She can keep her 401ks IRAs cash as long as you have retirement/assets/equity of equal value. If you don't have equal assets, cupcake is just going to have to cut you a check (QDRO).
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 10:10 PM
2

"I'm so angry" Stop that. You have to train yourself to not respond emotionally to anything that your ex or your daughter does or it will make your situation much worse. Keep a rational mind as best you can. You're not an animal, you have the ability to choose how you respond to setbacks.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 08:37 PM
2

Do what he said. You need to file in ex parte court for a temporary restraining order against her IMMEDIATELY. If you wait it signals to the judge that it's really not an emergency.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 03:26 PM
2

There are smartphone apps that will automatically record all your calls, or you can select specific numbers to record calls for. I use Cube ACR but there are many. You need to get a digital audio recorder and have it running on your person at all times when you are home (whether she is there or not). This isn't for gathering evidence against her to use in court, it's to play for the cops when they show up after she calls them claiming domestic violence. It's the only way to save you the black-an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 03:23 PM
8

Do not do this. If she's really as you describe in the below comment there are a lot of things she can do before divorce is filed to try and have you removed from the children's lives and completely wreck your financial situation. If you need to write the letter for your own personal peace of mind then do so but burn it after. The first time she hears the word "Divorce" from you should be when the process server hands her the papers. Do not tip your hand! Get a digital voice recorder and have it…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 07:26 PM
3

Many fathers here can promise you that her walking away from you and the kids is NOT the worst possible outcome in any way. Getting falsely accused of domestic violence and completely removed from your children's lives while paying 75%+ of your take-home to her for the privilege is much worse. As far as divorces go, you've been dealt 4 Aces, get this thing finalized as quickly as you can before she wakes up from whatever's got her distracted and comes back for equal or primary custody.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 01:42 PM
5

Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym. Look into intermittent fasting, and perhaps some multi-day fasting routines like Snake Diet.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 01:34 PM
2

Sounds like your kid is getting pretty close to or is already at the age where they can just vote with their feet, and there's not much you can really do at that point to force them to come over on your parenting time. Teenage kids also tend to have pretty busy lives so even if they're sleeping at your place you're not seeing them that much, and their friends are bigger influences to them than their parents. Your child is nearing adulthood and you need to start building an adult relationship wit…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 01:28 PM
10

The sad thing is there's a pack of Marlboros in the cup holder of that chair. Isn't smoking supposed to make you skinnier? How big would she be if she didn't smoke?
/r/MGTOW10/07/21 08:50 PM
3

She can ask for anything she wants. Practice saying "no" and/or "let's just see what the judge says".
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 06:13 PM
5

No regrets. I knew we'd divorce by around the time my youngest was born but I waited til the youngest was 4 and the older one was 6 and locked into a school. That way the youngest could more readily handle separation from each of us for a few days at a time, and with school locked in it made any potential move-away by the ex a more difficult proposition as I'd be able to counter with keeping the child in the schools, with the friends etc that they were used to. I'm a better father now that I don…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 05:54 PM
4

If you're talking about lifetime alimony, then no. Texas has rehabilitative alimony only which means princess better be figuring out a career or lining up her next victim while she's receiving it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 05:43 PM
6

Yep this. Her "financial abuse" is just him not leaving her unfettered access to his paycheck in perpetuity. And she's probably trying to do the standard "oh I don't want child support" to get a better asset settlement when she knows she can just go back to court in 6 months and get guideline child support for the next 15 years. Also, spidey sense is telling me that the 50% of pension, assets, and home appreciation she wants is a more substantial dollar figure than anything she claims to be givi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 04:57 AM
3

This. Estradiol (E2) is the one my endo always looked at - the T/E2 ratio is key. After I went on clomid that bumped my T way up but my E2 went up with it and he put me on an aromatase blocker. After I leaned out and dropped body fat % to sub-15% levels the E2 conversion dropped and I was able to drop the anastrazole and still keep a good T/E2 ratio.
/r/MGTOW05/07/21 04:39 AM
2

That's not 100% true anymore. Depends on the judge, but my very experienced attorney told me that many in metropolitan areas in TX will award 50/50 even if not agreed - though in more rural counties 50/50 non-agreed is less likely.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 01:48 PM
3

He's not exactly right. It's not codified anywhere in law, but in 50/50 custody in Texas the CS is usually set such that both parents are paying each other the standard amount per above - with the higher earner actually paying the difference in the two numbers to the lower payer. To ensure I got 50/50 without going to court I agreed in mediation to a CS number that basically split the difference between the offsetting number and the full non-50/50 CS.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 01:45 PM
1

Well sounds like it's too late and you've already told her. Women say lots of things, you need to be watching what she DOES. Up to now her actions have been only to leech off of you and get everything from you she can, it's doubtful she's just going to walk away without going after what she can get.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 06:42 PM
2

Here's the actual famous photo that they've attempted to mimic. As expected, not a female in sight... https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/lunch-atop-a-skyscraper-photograph-the-story-behind-the-famous-shot-43931148/
/r/MGTOW30/06/21 01:40 AM
7

Do not do that. The first she should hear about the divorce is when she's handed the papers. Make excuses not to have sex in the meantime to avoid getting baby-trapped. If she knows it's coming there's some dirty tricks she could pull like clearing out bank accounts, running up credit cards, false domestic violence accusations to have you removed from the home etc and that stuff is much harder to accomplish in most locales after divorce has been officially filed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 01:13 AM
3

Same, $1800/mo CS with equal parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 07:03 PM
2

If you already know she's not going to accept a reasonable offer then don't spend much time and money in mediation. Be ready to walk. Aim for trial as quickly as you can get there as the walk up the courthouse steps has a way of making women alot more reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 07:03 PM
3

And if there's no current custody order you don't need to give the child back to her. Maybe go on a little vacation with the child. You have just as much right to the child as she does.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 04:02 AM
1

That's an interesting premise and I'll have to look that book up, thanks. Both of my grandmothers were like that really in their own ways - both cattlemen's wives who kept a great home. The other grandmother was quite possibly the nicest person I've ever known - lived to 102 and I never once heard her say a single negative word about anyone. You just don't see that kind anymore...
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 04:30 PM
11

I'm not there yet, but what I've seen is that men do fine in later years if they have social interaction with other men. Things like Masonic lodges, car/motorcycle clubs, regular golfing/tennis buddies, or just regularly getting together for a few beers at a buddy's house. Before my dad passed he had a few buddies that went on hunting trips together all the time. He wasn't MGTOW but he did spend most of every day in retirement out in the shop or on the tractor as physically far away from my moth…
/r/MGTOW21/06/21 04:17 PM
1

She's not awesome. You're only 2 months in and you shouldn't be rushing things (though I don't doubt this "awesome" woman is pushing you to move as fast as possible). It's in her best interests to get a dude who's clearly inclined to provide for a bunch of women to direct his resources towards her. All that sex you're getting now will quickly be reduced once you've committed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 08:13 AM
3

Bullshit. Your kids need a Dad. Every fucking day. Not some dude who doesn't even live on the same continent that they see for two weeks a year. You know your STBX is going to be boning some new dude and he's going to be their "new daddy" the other 50 weeks a year, right? Your kids need to be back in the US, then you get the divorce. But good luck, sounds like you've got it figured out...
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 07:54 AM
1

Why did you delete your amazing, and I quote the entire post "BS" response above? Own your failures, Miss. I'm pretty expert on being my own Man as I've been one for 46 years. Are you now going to tell me how I'm wrong on that too given your breadth of "experience"?
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 07:29 AM
2

That's just it, you have no "experiences" dating, living with, and marrying women in this day and age. And yet here you were telling us all how great so many of them are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 07:24 AM
2

Something approaching half of all women over 40 are on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety/ etc meds. If being prescribed medication for your mental illness isn't "crazy", what is? And the other half are walking around unmedicated which is even worse!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 07:18 AM
3

Who's venting? Just speaking the truth up in here. I get my needs met on the regular in my "dating" without needing to sign myself back up for the plantation so I'm all good here. I wish you well also in your exploits in telling men what it's like to be in relationships with women.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 07:09 AM
2

I think that back then there was a bit of a contract that most women kept that they would handle the home-front if the man would bring home the bacon. My grandmother was pretty verbally abusive to my grandfather in her later years but in her younger years she also was physically helping him build their home, she was out milking cows at 5am in their joint dairy business , and she was handling the children and the cattle ranch (after they converted from a dairy) while he was a seaman on oil tanker…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:55 AM
2

Don't be the one to leave or you'll be on the back foot for this divorce. Ride out this year on foreign soil and then get you AND YOUR CHILDREN back into the US. Once back and established THEN you file for divorce. I sat on my hands for FOUR YEARS until I felt my youngest could handle the physical separation from his parents, you can make it one. I see your below post and the "she was not ready and extended us out another year" language is revealing. You're acting like you have no agency in your…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:42 AM
1

Good deal. Kick her ass, seabass. And if she gets physical with you now YOU call 911 and have her removed from the home and follow up with a TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:26 AM
5

Aim for trial as quickly as you can. Go to the courthouse yourself on divorce court days and watch attorneys in action - get a litigator for an attorney and be ready/willing to walk within an hour in mediation once you know for sure that your ex isn't going to be reasonable. It seems counter-intuitive but aiming for trial ASAP is the cheapest way to divorce if there's any question it will be contested. The walk up the courthouse steps has an amazing way of making a STBX much more reasonable. DO …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:20 AM
3

How many of these amazing women have you dated, lived with, and married, missy? I can assure you that what your friends tell you and what they actually do (and what we men experience with them) are two different realities. This is based on actually having dated, lived with, and married them - and then heard what they told their friends.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 05:57 AM
2

Such a well thought out and reasoned response. I'm so glad we have women here in a Men's divorce subreddit to tell us how we're all wrong. We clearly didn't get enough of that during our marriages!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 05:53 AM
1

If DeepEddy is a reference to the ATX area, I had an attorney that I'd recommend - PM if interested.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 04:04 AM
3

If the end of your sound recording is you conversing with the police officer that shows up it's a pretty good indicator that establishes time and place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 06:45 PM
2

You do not have a custody order signed by a judge so yes this absolutely all does apply. You have nothing. The first time you disagree with the STBX on giving her everything she wants your 50/50 custody will very quickly not be agreed. The divorce agreement can be structured to allow you to reside at the marital residence after divorce is final until you're able to secure a new place if the housing market is tight. I allowed this with my ex in a Texas divorce. But until it has a judge's signatur…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 06:29 PM
10

I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you dodged a bullet. If she'd have been really shitty she could have pulled a kid out of you then taken 20%+ of your net income for the next 18 years. As it stands you burned a couple of years of work with nothing to show for it except a valuable lesson that women don't love men the same way and once she has a "dream job" you're extraneous and getting in the way of her getting a man "on her level". Edit: I see your miscarriage comment below so she act…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 06:07 PM
6

She gave you a response. It was no. Aim for trial as quickly as you can get there to minimize attorney fees on meaningless back and forth. Expect a settlement on the courthouse steps.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 05:58 PM
11

You answered your own question when you wrote: "have him put all his resources and time to you" Women don't love men the same way men love women. It's always conditional on the man providing them. Sometimes they can be pretty committed to the most alpha, physically superior dude they ever had but if you're anything less than that guy in any way, in her mind she settled for you and could have done better.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 05:49 PM
2

Looking for a negotiator is EXACTLY OPPOSITE of what you should be looking for. You want a LITIGATOR. Litigators are not afraid of going to court. Your STBX has a litigator. Litigators can mediate, but mediators cannot litigate and are scared of the court room. They'll pressure you to take a bad deal and if you don't they'll drop you as clients to avoid actually going to trial. Your ex's attorney knows this. STBX's get a lot more reasonable when there's a stranger in robes about to decide her fa…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 03:53 PM
3

Don't have any more blowouts now that the D word has been spoken. Any raising of the voice can be grounds for a false domestic violence accusation and you being removed from your "m-f crazy nice house" while you still have to pay for it, and good luck getting 50/50 custody after not seeing your child for 6+ months with the restraining order in place. It takes two to fight. Do not rise to the bait. If she attacks you physically, YOU call 911 and have HER removed, and file for a TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 03:19 PM
11

Just do it while she's not there. No need for the drama.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 12:11 AM
1

Brilliant way of writing it out. Well done sir!
/r/MGTOW214/06/21 07:33 PM
1

To add - Clomid basically gets your pituitary to produce more of the "signal" hormones FSH and LH that tell your nuts to produce more T. A fair % of men aren't producing enough T naturally because their nuts aren't getting enough "signal", and Clomid fixes that.
/r/MGTOW214/06/21 07:26 PM
2

Same here on the Clomid at 46yo. Started with higher doses but now down to 12.5mg (cut the 50mg tablets into fourths using pill cutter) 3 days a week and it keeps my T in the 800-900 range for 5 years now. Pretty inexpensive prescription as well. Dudes should definitely try Clomid before going on TRT as the side effects are minimal when it's your own production.
/r/MGTOW214/06/21 07:18 PM
2

Just amazing how the timing of "true love" works out ain't it?!?!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/21 09:55 PM
1

Yep, rehabilitative spousal only which means princess better get a job or find a new victim fast.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/21 01:58 PM
5

Texas is much better than California from an alimony standpoint, and also has a child support cap that you hit once you have reached around $130k gross annually. No state income tax as well. It's a little worse for child custody as it's a bit more difficult to get 50/50 parenting time in court, but Expanded Standard time is there for the asking and is something like 40-42% for the non-custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 04:39 PM
1

Ask your doc about trying clomiphene first. It will attempt to boost your own natural T production by getting your pituitary to put out more of the T stimulating "signal" to your nuts. It worked for me, taking my T from high 200s to 900+. Made a world of difference.
/r/MGTOW211/06/21 02:36 AM
8

This. But to expand a bit it's when I realized dealing with the ex's horrible attitude was making me a worse father to my children. I figured out that I could give my children a nice, calm home half the time without the ex's screaming at me and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:57 AM
5

"No." is a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:53 AM
5

What the F is wrong with you? She's cheated on you many times but you "KNOW a happy life and marriage await"? You don't ask her to leave. You get a lawyer and file for divorce and the first she hears of it should be when the process server hands her the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:51 AM
1

I think you're the same troll girl who was here a few weeks ago trying to figure out how to screw your dad over. Begone troll!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:13 AM
2

You start by getting out of the middle. This is between your mother and father and you shouldn't be involved in any fashion whatsoever. Sounds like your narc mom has convinced you that your dad is the devil so not surprised he doesn't really want to deal with you at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 02:54 AM
10

LOL white knight coming to princess's rescue. You're making a huge mistake getting involved with a married woman while still married yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 02:50 AM
14

You need to be very careful with this "3 week" trip to her parents' with your son. There have been many men who have let these kinds of trips drag out longer and the next thing you know she has achieved the residency time requirement in the new location and she's filing for divorce there. Now the man is forced to choose between moving to her location or the long-distance parenting plan which is garbage. If she's not back by the end of the 3 weeks - YOU need to file divorce in your location immed…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 02:22 PM
3

This. I lost 28 pounds on snake diet in a month last year and I was only 185lbs to start with. No reason to suffer for a year on a 500 calorie daily deficit when you can suffer for a month, get to your goal weight, then go OMAD and maintain.
/r/MGTOW09/06/21 01:32 PM
11

Thankfully Texas has a CS cap so income above around $130k gross doesn't figure in. Most states don't.
/r/MGTOW09/06/21 01:06 PM
2

Don't move out without a signed custody order in place. File for divorce, and don't tell her you're doing so until she's served the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 04:12 PM
3

Ya dun goofed moving out IMO. Establishing your ex as the primary parent who actually lives with the children is not the optimal path to 50/50 custody. If she actually is BPD then whatever verbal agreement you think you've arrived at with her will be out the window as if it never happened. Pretty easily she could get temp support ordered where she's got the house, the kids, your money, and no you. I really hope it works out for you though, good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 03:32 AM
2

One addition - not just "have it in writing", you have to have it in writing and signed by a judge as an official Court Order or it's meaningless. OP, do not move out until you have a signed Court Order.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 01:32 AM
20

Quit tipping your hand. Every time you tell her you want a divorce she goes on "medical leave" with the job in hopes of establishing an income disparity and putting you on the hook for alimony for the rest of your life. You need to get her back working ASAP and then you need to file without telling her. The first time she hears the word divorce from you should be when she's served the papers by a process server. Her going on "medical leave" after divorce is filed will be a pretty clear indicatio…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 10:52 PM
2

You need temporary custody orders that establish your parenting time and that aren't contingent on you remaining at STBX's residence. STBX can pump to provide breastmilk for your solo parenting time. You'll be getting a temporary support order as dday referenced and that is when and what you should pay, not before. Judges see this all day every day and aren't going to base their decisions on whether you gifted her money. Another item: If she's living with an ex this soon after separation, there'…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 08:45 PM
1

https://www.securitylawbrief.com/modifying-child-support-in-california/ Is one of the places I saw.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 08:36 PM
2

Don't send her anything without a court order stating that you do so. You shouldn't really have any active joint accounts with her with divorce in process. What's the custody situation with your daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 07:04 PM
1

Yes, she can. Some states have a 3-year wait period between child support modifications except in significant changes of circumstances (job loss, custody percentage changes etc), but a quick Google seems to indicate that California is not one of those states - the only requirement seems to be that the support would change by 20% or $50/mo whichever is smaller. Edit: I should have mentioned that the above is the case for child support. Spousal is generally not modified based on changes in your in…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 06:28 PM
7

The mediator is not there for fairness, they're there to get a deal done by any means possible. They will exaggerate and they will lean on who they perceive as the weaker party. Have a bottom line going in and do not move it. Be prepared to walk after a couple of hours if it's clearly not going anywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 12:29 PM
1

Depends on the state. The online calculators for most states are usually pretty good and judges don't deviate a whole lot from them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 02:38 PM
5

You don't. You're going to lose friends in this, including friends that you had before you even met the ex. She's going to go on a propaganda campaign to anyone who will listen. Just understand that your "friends" who would just believe her lies about you and cut you out without asking any questions of you weren't really the kind of friends you need in your life anyway. You'll find out who your ride-or-die bros are. If you end up with even 2 or 3 of them after this is done consider yourself fort…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 02:18 PM
7

Quit texting her about the divorce. She is your opponent in a lawsuit. Do not tip your hand. Radio silence from here on out. Any direct communication should only be about the children.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 02:14 PM
3

I noticed that too - there's a whole lot more of the article about the guy's alleged bad acts 6+ years ago than the fact he was just falsely accused of rape - as if to imply the guy had it coming. Of course the article was written by a woman with two more women "contributing" so with injecting their agendas into the reporting there's no chance he could get a fair shake.
/r/MGTOW27/05/21 06:20 PM
3

Here's a more descriptive article... https://www.texastribune.org/2021/05/26/texas-lobbyist-rick-dennis-legislature-sexual-harassment/
/r/MGTOW27/05/21 02:16 PM
11

Lost my dad 4 years ago. Spend every minute you can with him while you still have him.
/r/MGTOW27/05/21 01:30 PM
3

I did all those same things. It won't matter. What you need to focus on is the parenting of the children that will be seen by 3rd parties like teachers, doctors, dentists, neighbors, coaches etc. Those are the types whose testimony will carry weight with the judge if it comes to that. Better yet - your ex will know that you have been engaged with all of the above and she'll be much more likely to settle in mediation given that you've been Superdad for all these years...
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:43 PM
1

You don't do anything "despite distance". You either remove the ability to move the child away from you or you move to wherever the child will be. No one is a father from 2000KM away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:28 PM
2

The first time your STBX should hear the word "divorce" is when she's served the papers. Do not tip your hand. If she was interested in being a wife she would have tried to be one in the x number of past years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:21 PM
3

You need to start documenting your primary parenting on an ongoing basis. Detail who's taking care of the kids, who's taking them to doctor/dentist appointments, who's taking them out for playdates with other kids etc. It's not uncommon at all for a woman to claim she's been doing everything parenting-wise despite working a schedule that guarantees that she hasn't. A parenting journal including pictures of you doing exactly what you say you've been doing is not out of bounds here. You have to pr…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:18 PM
1

I get it brother. Again, what you have to focus on is your kids and being there for them as much as you possibly can. You cannot control your ex. All you can control is your reaction to her. You do not need to respond to any of her texts unless it pertains to the day to day parenting of your children. Your ex sucks. My ex sucked. They have no comprehension of their hypocrisy. You have the chance now to make yourself a far better life than you had with her. Be careful of the "another lady" part o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:10 PM
5

Heh don't cry for me Argentina. I've got 50% residential custody of my children and I'm making about 40-50% more gross than I did when I divorced so it takes alot of the sting out of the child support and asset split. That said, I could be retired right now had I not supported 2 women through college then bankrolling at third woman through her 40s via "child support". Younger men need to take a real hard look at what's out there...
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 10:58 PM
7

That level of stuff isn't grounds for a restraining order. You are a grown man and you can choose how you respond (or more appropriately, don't respond) to those texts. Focus on your children and anything outside of that gets no response from you. Enhance your DGAF.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 09:25 PM
1

There's lots of jobs out there, but you only get one shot to be a father to your children. With the EOW screwjob you're going to be a "visitor" in your children's lives and whatever dude your ex is shacked up with is going to have more time with your children than you do. If your job is a higher priority than your children then just keep going as you are.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 08:30 PM
5

I'm divorced 3 times. First time was HS "sweetheart" - we were married 8 years and after I finished college I put her through a couple stops and starts of college before she completed nursing school, after which she left me within a year of actually contributing to the family finances. Divorce went reasonable smooth with us splitting things roughly evenly and no spousal (no kids) but I was blind and thought it was all my fault and was surprised when she married a dude 1 week after divorce was fi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 06:05 PM
1

Specifically for the purposes of the Head of Household designation the IRS goes purely on overnights ie. you need 50%+ of overnights in the calendar year to claim that status. If you can get her to sign IRS form 8332 for one of the dependents SSNs you may be able to fly by and claim HoH (assuming she never gets mad at you and tries to claim that child's SSN as dependent) but if you ever get audited you'll need to show you had 183 overnights. Bottom line: do not agree to anything less than 50/50 …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 05:52 PM
6

How did you survive from age 12 til whenever you became sexually active? You can make it the same way. That said, I don't really consider a once or twice pump-and-dump to be a "relationship". Your focus needs to stay on being a great dad, getting your post-divorce life right etc and you don't need a new girlfriend distracting you from that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:45 PM
3

A buddy of mine was able to sneak through his 401k loan as both a debt on his side of the ledger as well as a reduction of the 401k total balance reducing his payout to the ex. Since you're really only repaying the 401k loan back to yourself in the form of your 401k balance it's not a "true" debt where it's something you are upside-down on. It is a liability that's non-discretionary but it's not like owing a bank money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:25 PM
1

If there are minor children, you absolutely need to have a lawyer. With no minor children - assuming you have a backbone and won't just hand her everything - you can DIY it. I've done both.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:07 PM
8

Not trusting women is nothing to be fearful of, it's a valid learned response to your environmental stimulus. Not giving a shit is a perfectly reasonable way of approaching relationships with women, whenever you do have them hopefully well after your divorce is final...
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:02 PM
8

If you really really want a kid save your money and look into surrogacy options. As long as you share parenting rights with a woman the kid will never truly be yours, she'll always have the power of the state ready to back her in forcing through whatever idiotic parenting ideas she has.
/r/MGTOW20/05/21 06:54 PM
2

Sweet! I also have a $2k dual sport (read: street legal dirtbike) but I can't claim that it has any practicality - that one is more for nourishing my soul seeing the backroads of the country on 2 wheels...
/r/MGTOW219/05/21 05:18 PM
4

Just like me. I have a 4x4 truck to do truck things and a 40+mpg hybrid for everything else. Neither one is worth more than about $8k so it's not like they're each $50k vehicles. Right tool for the right job...
/r/MGTOW219/05/21 04:54 PM
1

Your attempts to appease her will only make her more bold in her demands. You need to be in the house negotiating from a position of strength. Your kids won't be getting the house, you're just handing it to your ex for nothing of equal value and she'll be selling it just as soon as she gets victim #2 locked down. You're going to be part of the "I agreed to a really bad deal and wish I'd negotiated harder" crew, we've seen lots of those. Guys who gave ex full custody with promises that she'd let …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 07:02 AM
0

You're so scared of this woman it's palpable through the interwebs. Oh noes I might trigger a war if I try to be an equal parent to my children! Do you realize how that sounds to dads who have fought for equal parenting time with their children? Go to the nightstand where she stashed your balls and re-attach them. She is not your boss. If she can't buy you out of your jointly owned home then it will be sold and the proceeds split. Do not fall on your sword!
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:53 AM
1

You can try and get her to sign IRS Form 8332 for the custodial parent to give up claim for a dependent, however filing as Head of Household status requires the child lives with you 50%+ of overnights.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:44 AM
13

It's not a "commitment issue" brother, it's learning from experience. Was it a "commitment issue" when you stopped touching hot frying pans after the first time you got burned? You said it yourself - you make good money - which is the key to attracting 40+ year old women who are looking for a retirement plan. You didn't break that woman's heart, you broke her plan to extract resources from you. If she thought you were that awesome to be around she wouldn't have insisted on a commitment and would…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 03:05 AM
4

Get a vasectomy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/21 04:34 AM
4

Not gonna get far with your kickstand down! J/K it rained here most of the day so I'm jealous. Hope ya had a nice ride...
/r/MGTOW17/05/21 03:55 AM
3

Great Day to Be Alive by Travis Tritt
/r/MGTOW16/05/21 01:15 PM
10

Yep, standard operating procedure in divorce for the woman to go on a propaganda campaign to all friends and family. We've all been conditioned to believe the woman now and it's highly effective. Lost many longterm friends I knew well before ever meeting her.
/r/MGTOW15/05/21 07:30 PM
7

40%+ of households have the women as the higher earner yet 97% of alimony awards are from a man to a woman. How can that be? Oh yeah, family court massively favors women. Don't assume that getting with a wealthy woman entitles you to alimony...
/r/MGTOW213/05/21 07:10 PM
3

You want a litigator, not a mediator. Litigators can mediate, but mediators cannot litigate (at least not effectively, they mostly just capitulate because they're scared of court). Ask about deposing the STBX - litigators will know that they want to get her story locked down ASAP so they can refute/expose. Mediators will always caution a softer approach. You'll always spend less aiming for trial from the get-go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 06:36 PM
3

Nihilist? Aww hell naw - I'm going to enjoy everything life has to offer - as long as it doesn't have a 95% chance of making my life suck for the duration. Your limited view that a life well lived must include an old woman pining at your bedside as you draw your last breath is not reality nor even attractive on the whole. Once you've moved on past sharing a grandparent's home with your children's mother there's really zero reason to wife up a wrinkled old hag and give away half your net worth.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 04:30 AM
1

She's clearly got a Captain Save'aho lined up and you need to take full advantage of that. $250/mo alimony is nothing, and if you maintain that 75-80% overnight custody for a year or two you can most likely go back and have her paying YOU child support for the duration of your boys' minority. Get her - and the Judge's - signatures on that shit before she changes her mind or the Captain kicks her to the curb and she starts looking for alternative income streams (ie. your paycheck).
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 03:25 AM
3

LOL yeah, check out those second and third marriage "success" statistics before you dive in with the expectation of growing old with someone. Plus, of all the old married couples you know, how many of them even like each other anymore? Basically between divorces and staying unhappily married you're looking at a 5% chance of happily growing old together. You willing to bet (more than, factually) half your shit on a 5% chance of success?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 03:15 AM
8

A lot of us GenXers got sold this same bad bill of goods. Disney movies - girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. Watched our boomer dads bend over backwards for the family but at least many boomer-era moms had enough decency to keep a nice house and show dad a little appreciation so it seemed somewhat equitable. But GenX and later women blew the equation out of the water - they wanted all the benefits and none of the responsibilities. Men are rightfully walking away from marriage, and wh…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 03:00 AM
2

Marriage is betting someone half of your stuff that they'll love you forever...
/r/MGTOW13/05/21 02:48 AM
1

Move back home. Your upcoming divorce will go much better for you if you do. You do not need her permission.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 09:31 PM
2

I like you. Sounds like you've got a handle on things. Keep doing what you're doing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 06:14 PM
7

The best thing you can do to help his divorce/custody case is to break it off with him now. He needs to focus on his relationship with his children now and not on boning his younger cupcake and he needs to be fighting for equal parenting time and not "sees them regularly". Your presence also instills fear in his STBX that she's going to be replaced as a mother and her reactions to that fear will not be helpful to him or to the children. If he's still interested a year after the divorce is final …
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:58 PM
1

"She wants"? "She's keeping"? What do YOU want? What are YOU keeping? She's not your life's dictator anymore - stand up, get your balls out of the nightstand she's had them in and re-attach them. She is not your boss. Supplicating in hopes of appeasing her WILL NOT produce a better divorce outcome for you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:52 PM
7

"Practice wife"? F that noise. As someone who's divorced 3 times (including from HS sweetheart on the first one as OP here) it does not get better with the second or third try. He's mid-30s, enjoy the hell out of messing around with girls in their 20s (well after divorce is final!) but do not co-habitate or marry again and definitely don't introduce a new mother figure to the children as that will drive STBX off the rails and the divorce and/or post-divorce custody situation will get much more m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:44 PM
2

I spent $8k and my ex spent about $20k on a divorce that settled in mediation. My guy didn't pad hours, farmed out busy-work (financials spreadsheets, documentation etc) to his lower-hourly-rate associate ($250/hr vs. $450/hr) and I was careful not to constantly call about every little issue and just mostly sent emails to the associate attorney. I think the ex called a whole bunch more and her attorney padded the shit out of her hours and ended up costing way more despite a nominally lower hourl…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:31 PM
13

Be aware that your STBX either has a new dude already or at least has a good prospect that she's pretty sure she can land. It's probably not material to the divorce but for your own mental preparedness you need to be ready when she starts bringing the dude around pretty soon. Don't react overtly in any way that could impact your divorce. Women in general operate on monkey branch physics - they're not letting go of the current branch until they've got a pretty firm grip on the next one they're sw…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:01 PM
28

This is why I (discreetly) had both of my kids DNA tested within a month after they were born. Despite no indications of the ex cheating, I had to make sure.
/r/MGTOW09/05/21 04:41 PM
17

You're probably being gaslit by the ex to believe that everything is your fault right now. They have a way of rewriting history to make themselves the victim. Don't be too hard on yourself, princess probably wasn't checking every box in the "awesome wife" list either.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 06:32 AM
2

Keep this shit out of here. We don't need one of the only places on Reddit where men can seek advice from other men without women policing the content to get shut down due to dipshits talking about killing wives.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 05:55 PM
2

Mediation isn't magic. If she's the type where you two could sit down at the kitchen table and work out an agreement then you could possibly get this done without courts involved. Otherwise you need to file for divorce, get the process rolling, and have a looming court date a couple of weeks after mediation for it to be successful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 04:05 AM
1

Have your digital audio recorder ready to go for when you have her served. She shouldn't know the divorce is coming until the process server hands her the papers. Radio silence. Do not tip your hand.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 05:13 PM
2

And also a mortal enemy that you're forced by the state to write checks to every month for 10+ years after they've stabbed you in the back. It's nice to get that little reminder of the pain they caused every month.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 05:09 PM
2

Excellent advice here OP, seconded. When it comes to school, medical, dental, therapy etc - don't fight from the outside. Get inside, get all the info and be engaged as you can, then do what's best for the child in a reasonable fashion. That will never be wrong. Assuming you have joint legal custody, you are legally allowed to access all of that information.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:53 PM
5

Don't respond to her and don't forward to your lawyer either. She's trying to push your buttons and engaging your lawyer is only burning money that you're going to need to fight the DV and then eventually divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:49 PM
2

OMGZ he Stone Cold Stunnered my sadness and Rock Bottomed my anxiety. MY EMOTIONS HAS BEEN ABUSED! The world has gone mad. She won't get shit in court with that garbage, dude. Hold the line.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:08 PM
1

Angry? LOL. Standard female with the shaming language when her "facts" get blown away by the hard evidence. But glad to hear she's OK with paying child support to give her children a good life at both homes, like all the men on this subreddit do. Best of luck in your attempted tone policing of men-focused subreddits!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 05:37 PM
3

This is the standard propaganda campaign that most women go on when divorce starts brother. Have a guy that I was best man at his wedding and knew for 10 years before I ever met my ex that I've barely spoken to since I filed for divorce because he believed her lies. You find out who your real friends are, and you're a lucky man if you have 2-3 you can truly count on. Just assume everyone is feeding information to your ex and act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:37 PM
2

For your own sake you've got to put the emotions aside for a bit and start treating this divorce like a business operation. She is literally your opponent in a lawsuit now (or soon to be). They all say it's amicable until you're not giving her everything she wants, which is usually your money, your house, and no you. Get a digital audio recorder and having it running covertly on your person whenever you're at home. This is not for gathering evidence against her, it's only to play for the cops wh…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 01:53 PM
1

Blah blah all I heard you say was 1) No you weren't present in the mediation negotiations to see where the numbers came from and 2) No you've never read the divorce decree. So you don't know anything. I ran the PA child support calculator at: https://www.humanservices.state.pa.us/csws/csws_controller.aspx?PageId=csws/support_estimator_overview.ascx and it spit out a number of $2400/mo she'd be paying based on the info you provided here (250 vs 80k, 3 kids) and that is purely child support, not a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 01:12 PM
1

Children need both parents in their lives and you should be encouraging this. Yes, the ex pulled a dirty move with the protection order (I assume false?) but that doesn't mean that 14 and 16 year old girls don't need their mother. Being strict is not a reason to have 0% custody of minor children. With the 16yo it's tougher especially if they're driving, but with the 14yo they are not at an age where they can rationally decide to remove a parent from their lives. It's unnatural and anti-evolution…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:41 AM
3

That's awesome to hear. Congratulations DAD!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:17 AM
7

That's awesome man, congrats! Just a word of caution - now is not the time to rest on your laurels. Is this temporary orders pending a GAL investigation? Even if it's a final order from the judge you need to keep yourself squeaky clean, you need to make sure you stay just as involved as mom with school (when she starts), activities, play-dates, doc and dentist visits etc. And document all of this in your parenting journal. I have had mine going for 6+ years now - 3.5 years pre-divorce and 3 year…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:03 AM
4

Ahh the good ol' "Who hurt you?" shaming response. It's like they're reading from a script. And we can't measure social media usage statistics? https://www.marketingcharts.com/industries/retail-and-e-commerce-73699 Key passage: "Women have long been known to be heavier social media users than men on average. In this study, they were found to spend 2 hours and 10 minutes more per week on social than men, an average of almost 20 minutes more per day."
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 03:40 AM
5

Always love these success stories that end up with a dude happily signing right back up for the thing that ruined them in the first place. If you'd been posting on reddit when you were dating/living-with your first "forever partner" you'd probably have been talking about how you "coudn't be happier" then too. Glad you're happy now, but pretending to know that it's going to go so much better the second time 15 years after you wife this one up is a fool's errand. Know this - adding a new woman int…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 07:11 PM
1

As I posted in your other thread - you need to get yourself out of the middle in this situation as it's between your mother and father. Tell them to quit putting you in the middle. Also btw while your dad may have earned (his company) $2M from his projects - as you say a recent long-term project failed - that likely means a whole lot of money was lost (by his company) due to that project failure and most or even all of that $2M may be effectively gone at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 02:47 PM
1

So you read the divorce decree and/or were present at the mediation table while they figured out the amounts? It's highly doubtful that that it was all spousal support and there was no child support involved with 3 children and that kind of income disparity. It's far more likely that the majority of the $1900 was from CS calculations but they structured it as unallocated support for tax benefits. A woman's commentary on their divorce is usually heavily slanted to make themselves look better, and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 02:25 PM
10

OK I missed that part earlier. You're fucked. Start keeping your mouth shut and not engaging in fights - it takes two to fight, otherwise it's just a crazy person screaming at someone else. Get yourself a digital audio recorder that you covertly run on yourself when she's wanting to fight - it will show you on your best behavior when she calls the cops on false domestic violence and save you the black and white taxi ride and subsequent almost-guaranteed loss in the divorce case. Start being Supe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 05:09 AM
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