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ExtraLettuce555 Archive

View 9 posts and 152 comments by ExtraLettuce555 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Are you depressed? Depression wiped out my appetite the first month and combined with working out to boost endorphins (survival mechanism) I dropped a full 10 lbs which is huge for me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 05:06 PM
1

Let’s say she was indeed perfect. No modern man should get married earlier than their late 20’s. You need to experience youth as a bachelor or in another committed relationship to know what that’s like before you make a lifelong commitment to one person. The curiosity might sabotage you later. Don’t kick yourself. It wasn’t the right time for either of you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:21 PM
2

Some people don’t need friends. I sure do. I can’t imagine it’s easy at 50 to make new ones but maybe you could try getting involved in some social groups.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:00 AM
7

So, your pain can’t really be mitigated because loving her for such a long time it’s just hardwired into you the way mine was for my wife. But I learned that the old adage, once a cheater always a cheater holds true. Any good and genuine guy isn’t going to want to commit to somebody capable of what she’s done. So either she starts a relationship based on the lie that she has never cheated in which case he will eventually find out and that will sabotage the relationship. OR her guy is ok with inf…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 09:42 PM
2

Yeah, that’s tragic. When this all started I told her that the dog stays with me. No discussion. I was not about to lose my boy
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 01:08 AM
2

Thank you man. I appreciate that
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 08:37 PM
3

Sweet Jesus, glad you’re still around after that
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 03:41 PM
2

Assets at best. Doesn’t seem like there’s much “winning” to be done here
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 05:02 AM
2

I would just add seeking a counseling not provided by one’s employer for privacy purposes. There are stories of that biting people in the butt
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 02:55 AM
3

I believe that there are female influencers out there that are touting the mindset that you deserve better and you need to live your best life. Any loving supporting husband should feel the same way. The problem is that the message encourages or valid women to dump anything that’s not serving them.. that includes the commitment of for richer or poorer, and sickness and health. My wife said “ I need to build my empire”. So I googled that and found a book about it which encourages a Machiavellian …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 02:22 AM
1

Yeah, I think that’s exactly why the original question is very valid to ask
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:41 AM
3

In my case she left it. Didn’t want it. It’s just sitting around the house as a bad memory collecting dust
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:38 AM
1

Damn man, I’m in the same boat. I really want to be able to love someone again but need to figure out how to disconnect the feeling of loving someone from the thought of my ex
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 05:05 PM
1

I’ve talked to married friends and relatives since this all started. Not one of them hasn’t been through some hard times. The difference is that both people decided to work on the relationship. You and I weren’t so lucky
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 04:55 PM
4

Listen, there are plenty of jaded guys on here and I can’t begrudge them that. But you can also find a lot of the kind of moral support you need to keep going. This community was a very helpful place for me to vent when the hurt was fresh. You are very legitimate going through a traumatic experience right now. I hope you’ll stick around a while. 🤜
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 03:38 PM
8

No because it fucking destroyed me being cheated on. I won’t do that to someone else
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 03:02 AM
1

I created the account I post here with specifically to separate posts about divorce from my main account. I’m sure OP has done the same
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 08:35 PM
1

Im not Indian but if you approach a girl or date online, it would be ideal for her to be aware before the first real date. If she’s not ok with dating someone in your status that would save both of you time and allow you to demonstrate a cool, graceful demeanor.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 05:25 PM
6

Strongly agree with this. She’s abandoned you to serve her own interest so you need to protect yours. See what the rules are as far as who takes what debt in the divorce and go after any and everything you’re entitled to. If you feel like giving her any quarter because you still have feelings for her right now, remember that you won’t feel that way in six months. That was my experience. Now it’s a matter of financial survival and trying to resume a normal life. I also made it clear that I was ke…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 09:44 PM
5

My middle-aged divorced female therapist literally told me that it’s not fair but it’s just what women do..
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 02:42 PM
1

To release you… thats ego-defensive to make her feel less guilty about destroying you. I’m sorry dude.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:55 PM
5

Sorry man. I was with mine for 10 years as well. It’s crazy to have lost all that time where we could’ve found a better person
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 08:45 PM
8

Just because my wife betrayed me doesn’t mean that I don’t want a better wife. It’s entirely reasonable for others not to share my opinion
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:29 PM
1

After what I thought about doing to the other guy, I definitely wouldn’t want to ignore any signs that I’m the other guy. Can’t blame her for being overly cautious. Better luck next time
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 08:53 PM
3

“It’s true.” - Dwight Schrute
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 04:05 PM
3

Think legally. Dont break anything and don’t do or say anything that she could record and use to make you look bad. Her having shamelessly hurt you, she needs that to make herself look like a victim. You’re going to come out of this as the better person and you’re valid to be as infuriated as you are. Just control where and when you vent it
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:59 PM
4

When she told me lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 04:37 AM
12

If I haven’t I just don’t respond. The supportive community was really important to me when the hurt was fresh
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 05:41 PM
1

One of the worst parts about my wife leaving was that she blindsided me. I always trusted that if she was unhappy she would tell me and we could work on it together. Even if we failed, at least we would have tried to save it. Unless your spouse is abusive, I feel like everybody deserves that chance. You married her for a reason right?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 03:33 AM
3

That’s a bit more of an economic question getting higher education or not. The job market at present is hard for pretty much anybody. It’s more about the amount of people with degrees competing for the same job vs male/female. More women in C-suit is likely more a result the longstanding effort for them to advance in the white collar world similar to how black people did the same. Being a tradesman alternatively can be a strong career option but that is equally subject to change. I have an assoc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:18 PM
2

Uggh I know that one’s in my future too lol. It is indeed so final. I threw almost everything in the house that either belonged to her or could be an emotional trigger into one room. I’m not gonna rush her to get it out until we’re about to sign papers but I know that shit’s gonna hurt the first time I see that room empty
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:09 PM
5

In my experience there was no controlling rumination. It just happens until it doesn’t. I’m really glad you’re improving though
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:02 PM
9

The first 2 months were the hardest most painful experience of my life and similar to you. We are naive to love and trust our partner so completely but you SHOULD be allowed to be naive. That love and trust is the basis of a good marriage but sadly doesn’t prevent your wife from being unfaithful. It’s terrible that you two have to continue to live together because that’s a limbo that’s going to keep you from healing. Don’t go back. If she did it once, she can do it again. One foot in front of th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 08:50 PM
3

It was a non negotiable. He’s my boy
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 08:21 PM
1

I’m sorry man. That’s awful. When it gets out there that you’re going through arguably the worst experience of your life, you learn more about who your best friends are. One or two that I thought were good buddies didn’t even make time to hang out when I needed it most. Any of her friends that I had good relationships with went radio silent. You’re feeling justly unappreciated right now. And If you want to live life in a quiet place there’s no problem there. But this experience shouldn’t be the …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:43 PM
10

That’s awesome man. It’s me and the dog now. Finances were extremely hairy until I found a better job. I hope to find someone better.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 02:48 PM
2

“Or because after being with someone this long, leaving feels like failing.” What matters is that you tried. And hard it sounds like. If my wife did as much we’d still be together. If you can’t protect your marriage, you should focus on protecting yourself and your daughters. None of that will be easy. I think you’ll really need to find your way. But you deserve a healthy life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 06:47 AM
1

Copying my other comment, the woman that I married doesn’t exist anymore but I never stopped loving that person. So for the past 10 years the thought of loving someone is synonymous with loving that person. And I need to figure out how to pull those apart again so that it doesn’t hinder me from growing a relationship with a new partner
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:06 PM
1

I already do this. The woman I married doesn’t exist anymore. The problem is I never stopped loving the person I did marry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:01 PM
6

This is more of a question for r/askmen than divorced men.. seems oddly specific
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:10 PM
3

I think you should be strong for yourself and create distance. It’s gonna be a gut punch when you find out she has started dating. Even if you didn’t want to reconcile. Hanging on and hoping she’ll come back is most likely going to waste a time that you could be using to heal and work on yourself. If she doesn’t want you to be her husband, you don’t owe it to her to be her friend.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 05:14 PM
5

If you hope to save your relationship (which both parties have to honestly want to do) it’s time to sit her down for a no bullshit conversation. If you think she’s physically or emotionally cheating and you want to catch her, time to start spying or hire a PD. In the worst case, once a cheater always a cheater proves itself true again and again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 07:02 PM
5

Relatable. I had a mild medical episode that had me in rough shape for a half hour while I was out. My first instinct after going to sit in the car was to call my wife and let her know. The emotion hit me like a freight train in that moment.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 10:15 PM
1

Once a cheater, always a cheater. It’s real. Because if they’ve crossed that line once, it’s easier to do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 07:13 PM
1

Oh man, I’m sorry. The first few weeks were a world of hurt for me. More complicated for you since there are kids in the picture. And while right now you’re worried for your daughter, this is one of those times when it’s especially important that she’s in your life. Even if you don’t have any other friends or family that you can hang out with, you’re gonna have a lot of emotions and thoughts building up over the next few months that you really need to get out. Talk therapy could potentially help…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 08:38 PM
1

😕
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 11:58 PM
3

For the first 2 months, nights in an empty house was cripplingly hard. Especially the first day where I came home to a dark empty houses I crumbled immediately. If you have friends, now is the time when you need somebody to talk to to give you breaks from the hurt. Also my dog was a god send. Just having him around was important to me
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 12:47 AM
1

It’s a bad idea. If you stay friends you’ll never completely move on and I suspect that would sabotage both yours and her relationships down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 10:56 PM
2

I think your response said enough. I’ve also thought quite a bit about what would be out of bounds for a future partner. I don’t want anyone that thinks of a lifelong commitment as so disposable the way my stbxw did. The other hard lesson was if she’s ever cheated on someone, she can do it to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:11 PM
4

The first few months for me was when the storm of emotions was raging. It makes sense that you’re having to grapple with handling yourself right now. But it seems like you’re doing your best to keep composed and that’s a good thing. Just remember that the strong emotions are going to get out no matter what because it should. So try to manage the when where and how if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:36 PM
6

I was focused on building my career so that I could better provide for us. But at the same time I let other issues fall by the wayside. That was my fault. Rather than voicing in the slightest that she was unhappy, she stayed quiet and planned her exit. I would have moved mountains for her. We’re both to blame in different ways. But I’m the one that’s left with the trauma of being dropped by the person I committed my life to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:21 PM
3

This is a good mindset. I think it would be good to remember to look out for yourself but also don’t be selfish. They aren’t mutually exclusive and being selfish could get in the way of your happiness
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:50 PM
6

The road is very unclear. My deepest trust has been broken and I have to separate the feeling of love from the thought of my ex. But I’m confident that I can find someone better. And I haven’t given up hope that I can be happy with someone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 07:05 AM
1

Get off the dating apps. If you aren’t ready to move on work on healing. The dating apps will only make you feel worse
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:58 PM
7

The hardest lesson is that I need to do occasional relationship check ins. Because they don’t always say anything when they’re unhappy. My lawyer said the guy is the last person to know (true) and my middle aged female divorced therapist said that it’s not fair but staying quiet is just something some women do.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:51 PM
1

I was just mentally to the point where I want to be a dad. We were together 10, married 5 and trying for a kid 3. Even with IUI she couldn’t get pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:55 PM
2

Part of it could be the area you live in. You should also consider if you are dating within your league. If not, you need to work on getting more fit and probably pay attention to your personal style.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:14 PM
1

Mediators only facilitate communication. That’s it..
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:56 PM
1

I don’t think you do. If she was ever an important part of your life, you’re stuck with her memory. And I feel like it’s a sort of curse that we have to carry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 09:36 PM
2

Damn, she couldn’t even give you a DM.. sorry dude
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:21 PM
5

I’m so sorry man. When my wife left, I was broke and unemployed. Time is of the essence. Be functionally oriented and prioritize your needs. Right now it sounds like that is stability. In my case I used the now empty time and empty house to heavily focus on studying for my work certification, revising my résumé, and applying for jobs. My work is fully remote and doesn’t require me to leave the house most days. Depending on where you live, there may be social programs that you can take advantage …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 09:58 PM
3

A good support system gives you a healthy combination of moral support guidance and feedback that you can use to grow. Support that precludes any critical thought isn’t necessarily healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 06:47 PM
8

A saw a clip of comedian saying that any marriage needs 2 of 3 things. Good money, good sex, good person. At the time that my wife left, I was checking one box, and so focused on fixing the second that I put the third on the back burner.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 06:41 PM
1

Good on you OP for being remarkably put together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 06:31 PM
1

With my stbxw and from other stories I read on here, I feel like some women have a mid life crisis which makes them burn everything down to go find something else. Then there’s all the podcasts, social media etc encouraging women to go do life for themselves, which, sure. Seek your happiness. But not at the expense of abandoning your commitment to your partner. That content is toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 09:06 PM
1

I was advised by pretty much everyone that getting a good lawyer is important. It’s ok to do a free consultation with someone else before you choose a bigger gun
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:30 PM
4

Yeah I think this. Let’s say she’s the ‘bad guy’. She needs to make you look bad to protect her image. If you really are the bad guy she really doesn’t need to broadcast the bad situation she left. My wife very much needs to drum up sympathy so that she isn’t judged for cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:27 PM
1

I went for three sessions with two therapists. The first one was useless, the second one gave me a little bit of insight but we had no goal which made the session unhelpful. I haven’t been since. Friends and family have been incredibly helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:25 AM
1

I think that’s a question best answered by a lawyer from one of said states.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:55 PM
3

I face the same question. I have to figure hour how to separate the feeling of love from the thought of my wife and that’s going to take time and work.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 07:14 PM
5

Nights. Because I’m the only one in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 05:01 PM
1

The rumination in those first few weeks before I confirmed the cheating was the absolute worst. And it’s even harder for you because the kids are involved. Podcasts my man. Your thoughts are going to keep trying to eat you alive and ruminating is unstoppable. But having some chatter to occupy a little space in your head provides a slight bit of relief at a time where every bit matters. The first month was torture. By the end of Month three I was fairly level. Not great, but ok.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 09:46 PM
3

It’s super conflicting. Those pictures are your history as well as hers. The unfortunate thing is that the last 18 years of your photos may be marred by the fact that she was in or around the pictures that were taken. I chose not to delete everything. Even though my wife cheated, there was once a version of her that was the woman I married. I chose to protect those memories from the person she’s become. I’ve stored them on a hard drive so I won’t see them until some day when I feel like it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 09:28 PM
12

Do occasional relationship check ins. She might not say anything if she’s unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:05 PM
1

I was blindsided. She never said anything when she was thinking about leaving and never wanted to work on our relationship as hard as I tried to convince her to. Since then I have talked with several people that have been married longer than I have. Every one of them could cite hard times in their relationships. But the difference is that they worked through it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 06:57 PM
10

God damn that is painful. Week 3 for me I found out that she was getting banged out. It’s disgusting to think about. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 04:56 PM
1

At the time I was just, on fire. It was the worst of the worst emotional pain and hurricane of thoughts and feelings. That stage. So in a way it was kind of just me putting my hand up like “I need a manager!” As part of my attempt to figure out which way is up. Now that I’ve got some space I’m in the next phase. I know that I want to eventually find someone else and know that I have to give myself a lot of time before dating again. But the first problem to face is that I’ve spent 10 years being …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:39 PM
1

24 is SO young. You’re going to do an incredible amount of personal growth over the next few years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 06:59 PM
3

We were hitting a lull in our marriage. She was somewhat out of shape. Good diet no exercise. But I Ioved her regardless because she was my person. Now she isn’t that, and she isn’t hot either. Just a representation of my mixed feelings. 🤷🏽
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 06:34 PM
1

Mine beterayed me. I found out shortly after she told me she wanted to leave. As much as that destroyed me, knowing that she crossed that line instantly meant that our relationship would never recover. And now I can simply “mourn the dead” so to speak rather than a long absence of closure and false hope of reconciliation. That lines up with the last bit of your post. You won’t have to hate her but your challenge is to find closure / finality. Firmly putting her in your past and losing contact is…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 08:00 PM
3

Not irrational. My stbxw and I were a great looking couple and over time got out of shape though I was the only one that still went to the gym. Since it all started I’ve lost 8% of my body fat and put on muscle. I plan to look my best and date in my looking best league
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 12:06 AM
2

She slept with someone else. No matter what, I would think less of myself to ever let her back in.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:03 AM
12

The way you layed it out she’s already 1 foot out the door.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 11:13 PM
3

Apps and the internet have definitely adversely effected the dating world. I met my stbxw organically right around the time that organic was getting somewhat scarce. I dread getting back on the market but I still want someone in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 10:51 PM
1

Over the course of a month I tried 3 times. I composed my thoughts, tried different angles. All just to convince her to TRY to work on things. After the third time with zero from her, that was it. I’m still broken, but I think there’s a point at which begging becomes unattractive in a basic instinct sort of way. In house separation sounds like a nightmare. Only space can make things start to hurt less.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 09:37 PM
3

Ghosting you was such a harsh thing to do and you deserved a proper goodbye. Sorry man. It does seem like despite how much you loved her, she was in an unhealthy place for herself. And it sounds like the end was inevitable. So letting her go might be the best if you want her to be well. Apologies if I’ve speculated way too much. Now you’re left with the really hard part. And that complete absence of closure is going to be a big hurdle. This is an important time to tap your support system. I foun…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 02:12 AM
5

I swear to god the social media and reality tv shows of women trying to appear glamorous have an effect. Like, it’s great to be aspirational but you also made the most significant commitment one can make. Someone that can discard their marriage like that has already set themself up for their next divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:09 PM
2

Partitioning the memory of the woman I married from whoever she is now was a helpful way for me to cope too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:02 PM
3

Man, I thought the same. If I had lost her to a car accident or something then I wouldn’t be hung up on abandonment and betrayal. The only weird positive about the cheating is that when I found out, the care for her evaporated. Still it was brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:00 PM
4

Saving this for later. I need this advice
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 08:08 PM
6

Oh I definitely misread the last couple of lines 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 05:02 PM
3

Dude, crying is good. It balances you out. Don’t worry about being too strong. This shit is hard so you need to look after yourself emotionally
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 08:36 PM
2

Saving this for later 😄
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 07:37 PM
2

Oh boy, it seems like it’s quite a mess. On the one hand if you leave it sounds like you’ll be out of the house, paying child support and fighting a now extra bitter partner. On the other hand no good marriage ever ended in divorce. You did the right thing by seeking professional help but you’re still in a seemingly highly dysfunctional relationship. Honestly man, it sounds like you lose either way. You’re considering a highly consequential decision. Maybe you should consult a lawyer first and a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 07:38 AM
1

In ways it’s a big leap. Coming home to an empty house in the early days was always a gut punch for me but in your case it’s good that you see it coming. It’s also good that your new apartment is a fresh start with no old memories. Good luck on your path!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 09:02 PM
2

I had a whole lot of “fuck it” in me because I felt like my world was ending. I borderline forced a meet up with a sibling I’d been on the outs with for a year to hammer out our differences. We talk regularly now. I also finally reached out to other friends I had drifted apart from over time. Even if they aren’t people I can vent to, they’re generally sympathetic and the social time gave me much needed breaks from the emotional pain. A few old friends and I have our own little discord/whatsapp g…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 07:22 PM
3

Sounds like it’s time to start documenting everything
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 07:05 PM
3

Cost more money.. I think that’s a reasonable claim
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:46 AM
3

Ahhhh fuck. Listen if you’re drinking three drinks per night, cut it back to two. Building up an alcohol habit it is only gonna fuck you up worse
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:45 AM
2

Yeah, it’s so unrealistic for her to just expect you to leave with nothing that it’s genuinely funny. While I don’t have any further advice on lawyers I’m sure you won’t have to go far to find it lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:15 PM
2

I can’t speak to California’s specific laws but generally any assets acquired during the marriage are marital assets. It doesn’t matter who paid for what or how much. So the default starting point is 50-50. No kids is extremely good for you. Were this to go to court, consideration of who is entitled to what becomes much more straightforward. Even if you don’t immediately get a lawyer on retainer, 100% schedule a couple of free consultations. I scheduled a couple then used ChatGPT to tell me what…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 06:45 PM
3

I’m sorry man. Same boat. I also had a couple of issues that contributed to the decline. The difference between you and her is that you meant your vows where as she felt hers were disposable. It takes two to make a marriage work. She’s shown herself capable of being a girlfriend but not a wife. You are not at fault for believing she was better. Good luck on your path
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 11:26 PM
5

That sounds like a very complicated situation. Imo it’s safe to cut out the noise and ask yourself what’s good for the dog. That may or may not be a vet visit. Best to have a plan of action and make that known so it doesn’t look like you’re ignoring the dog’s well-being. Maybe he got into some fertilizer or something. For now you observe and if the problem persists through the next day you escalate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 09:43 PM
1

Regarding your feelings, it’s plenty fine to be amicable, but I recommend against being friends. It’s going to prevent you from moving on and if she starts seeing someone it’s probably going to sting the more connected you are to her. Be an acquaintance and care only as much as an acquaintance would. That will take time especially if she hasn’t done something particularly harmful.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 09:03 PM
0

I usually go for cute. Not hot. Cute girls are pretty and have a cute personality. Less likely to be shallow.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 06:53 AM
4

I’m into the looks. Questioning the caliber of personality
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:51 PM
1

Yeah, we were trying. Bullet dodged
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:40 PM
2

I feel for you. You’re having to handle a lot more than me. Here’s hoping that your road head is only as hard as it has to be
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:26 AM
1

So much man. That little dude has been vital
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:19 AM
2

Ohh that’s a tough one that takes time. You could look at it like a hurricane. In your mind it’s furious and loud but it just has to run its course. I’ve had a lot of happy memories with my wife and so I’ve chosen to protect that by partitioning off the memory of the person I loved from the selfish person that hurt me. That person took the love of my life away, and they know how much damage they did on the way out such that they have to justify it to their self and their friends. So yeah, I’m al…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 09:27 PM
2

Hey man I’m sorry. My world blew up back in October. I was so destroyed I could barely move some days. It’s been a little over 2 months and numerous depression anger numbness cycles. Literally just keep going eventually it’s going to hurt less. In the meantime survival mechanisms for me were forcing myself to spend time at the gym. Do not drink when you’re sad . You don’t want to associate that with the hurt so that later down the line when you can have fun and not trigger sadness. Put items on …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 09:52 PM
12

It’s brutal man, I’m sorry. Both my therapist and my lawyer told me that we are the last ones to know when she is thinking of leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 05:51 AM
1

Yeah, setting low expectations isn’t a terrible idea. You have a much harder situation than I. But all I can think of is that keeping that one f’ing foot in front of the other doesn’t require solving problems, just functioning. Functioning all the way through to better days when you can breathe.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 07:17 PM
1

99.9% sure
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:23 PM
1

What if my poop gas floats over to my toothbrush? (Also featured in the mythbusters episode) also what if you’re not the only person that uses that bathroom? I’d rather be cleaner about it
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 09:52 PM
3

😮
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 08:03 PM
7

I thank Mythbusters for teaching me about fecal aerosols. Ever since then I always put the seat down before flushing. Problem solved!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 08:02 PM
1

Gotcha. Don’t know if this helps but when I’m at the gym I just plug in my noise canceling earbuds and do my thing. The other people around may as well be mannequins
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:17 PM
2

Heeeey, 2 month buddies! It was mid October for me. No kids. I turned 41 right after she left. Don’t overthink kids for now. We have more time than the women. But we’re also valid to consider age. You’ve got healing to do. I have to disassociate the feeling of loving someone from the thought of my stbxw. It’s gonna take time. Btw you have Carte Blanche to trade in for a younger model. Staying in the gym is good for your mental health and good for attention when you’re ready for it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 05:58 PM
4

For the last 10 years (all of my 30’s) most my photos either include or are tied to an experience where my wife was present. The FIRST thing I did was tell my iPhone photos app to stop suggesting her via face recognition. Put your photos on an external hard drive. Over time you can browse through them and pick out the photos that don’t trigger you or are special on their own. I have come to the conclusion that the woman that hurt me is not the woman I married. There is a logical cutoff, which re…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 08:01 PM
2

What I did: Run what I need to do to prep for a consult through chatgpt List assets and their estimated values. (You can get actuals later. Schedule multiple free consultations before planning to do a paid one. My divorce is more simple than most but I found the first consult highly educational. The second consult reinforced that and provided some additional insight. Yours will be more complicated but I’m solidly informed before I have to start spending money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:34 PM
6

Oh man I’m right there with you. 2 months in now. Found out she had another dude shortly after she walked out. I had already started getting back in the gym and then the depression wiped out my appetite. Started out at 180 and now I’m at 164! The emotions are going to continue to cycle between anger sadness and being ok. Like I feel pretty good but got hit with a tough wave of depression for like a day last week. You’re doing good so far. Don’t forget to actively maintain your mental health. Als…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 05:52 PM
6

Yep, my stbxw does not make reckless decisions. I was very certain she had at least been emotionally cheating on me. She was banging another dude no more than 3 weeks later and changer her phone password for the first time in a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 08:39 PM
2

Keep your eyes on the prize my man. I definitely think she will try to sabotage your agreed upon financial solution so move FAST when it comes. You’ve got this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:16 AM
9

I’m gutted for you. Mine also had no interest in trying as much as I pleaded with her. It’s one of the hardest things to deal with
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 07:14 AM
6

I’m dreading eventually getting on the used market. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 08:12 PM
6

Wild. My stbxw also was beginning to address her childhood trauma when she left…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 08:11 PM
2

I feel you. Emotions go back and fourth and then any time I interact with her everything gets stirred up. It’s baked into us to care even if we consciously dont.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 09:52 PM
10

No kids for me but the first day I came home and the house was dark and empty I crumbled
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:52 AM
10

If the answer is that you had too much faith in her then don’t kick yourself. I asked my wife once if she had ever cheated on someone. She said yes. And you know, once a cheater, always a cheater. But I thought she was a wonderful person and that I would just have to trust her…. Welp!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:15 AM
30

Gaslighting. The wife cheats, the husband gets blamed. I thought so highly of my wife’s mom and her quality of character. When my wife admitted to sleeping with someone else her mom skirted the point and blamed me for driving her to do it. It’s fucking wild.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:43 PM
5

You can get a faraday bag on Amazon for 20 or 30 bucks. When your son is over, the phone can stay in the bag.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:19 PM
3

She sounds like she might be quick to make this ugly. Perhaps you should do a couple of free consultations to get an idea of the road ahead before you unleash the Kraken. I found them highly educational. Took a lot of notes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:13 PM
10

Mine walked out so suddenly completely and finally. She is a person who plans. Not like her to make rash decisions. So like you I was highly suspicious that she already had a guy. Listen man you’re doing this right. She showed you she isn’t the woman you married. She hurt you but she did you a favor doing this at 37 and not later. It’s not too late to find the partner you deserve. So work on yourself for now
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:09 PM
1

Yep, unemployment is a contributor. If you‘re out of work, you’re not spending as much money and maybe not being as romantic. Meanwhile your partner maybe taking on a difficult financial load. That was one of the reasons why my marriage failed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:08 PM
2

Don’t be disheartened. I’m at the beginning of it too but a full 10 years older than you. Trust me you have sooo much time to rebuild and plenty of time to find someone to start a family with. Don’t focus on divorce rate stats. I had my first break up at 26 and was ungodly depressed for like a year . The way that I survived was to work out 2 to 4 times a week. Then I forced myself to go to any party, karaoke night (I hate karaoke) social event that my friends were at. Spending so much time aroun…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:05 PM
1

Dude it is haaaaard. And those feelings are going to keep you wanting to go back to her. They’re baked into you. If you divorce her, you really need to get your legal ducks in a row because it sounds like she will put up a nasty fight judging by how she deals with conflict. I will say though, I constantly lament that when my wife left she made the decision that she was going to leave without choosing to try and work on us. So at this point you or either choosing the marriage or not choosing it. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:23 PM
7

Good god man. Hold on! Just get yourself through this and you’ll be an inspiration. I’m rooting for you
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:34 AM
3

If you’ve been a parental figure for most of a child’s life, imo divorce doesn’t automatically invalidate that. You have a relationship with another human.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 05:27 PM
6

Sorry man. You always had those feelings. Forgive yourself for letting them out. I hope you can smooth things over with your friend. If he has a good sense of empathy he’ll understand that you’re going through a tough time and might not be thinking straight. Your support system is more important than it ever was. Being alone in the house is not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 05:23 PM
4

Hey man, don't feel bad if you feel blindsided. My lawyer told me on day one that I was the last one to know. And he was right. Every guy in our situation is. I’ve talked to friends since who told me about how they weathered hard times. One even fell in and out of love with his wife over the years but their marriage was strong enough to work through it. Anyway I'm sorry man. You deserve better and luckily you have many years to rebuild with a woman that will love you unconditionally. Take the ne…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 08:34 PM
2

My dog has been there for me and I swear to god it’s been vital. Don’t know what I would do without him. He makes the pain hurt a little less and keeps more purpose of my day-to-day life
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 06:54 PM
4

+1 leave the place you hate living in and go be with your support structure. Your decision now can’t be detrimental to a child that doesn’t exist and will be infinitely less complicated
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:49 PM
4

Really tapping into some core interests of mine lol. Thankfully there’s very little digital crossover between me and my stbxw
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 05:46 PM
1

You’re right but god do emotions cloud rational thinking
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:48 PM
3

I like this. Gotta work on me for a while so that when I start dating I’m not showing that I’m still hung up on my ex
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:08 PM
3

I’m at the start of this though much less complicated than your situation. Us guys are a little less social than women so you may have to make your hangouts happen rather than waiting for others to call you up. Help your friends help you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 06:15 PM
3

Yeah…. She’s not the reckless type. I hate to think that she has someone in mind but the logic is there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 05:15 AM
3

It’s wild
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:46 AM
1

Oh man it hurts. It’s really hard. The best thing you can do is sleep. It’s the only thing I could do to escape the hurt. I put on a podcast or comfort tv to doze off to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:34 AM
8

Thanks man. Useful advice. The gym is an absolute survival tool.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 12:35 AM
5

Yyyyep! It’s my birthday too lol
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 12:26 AM
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