I could use some help.

Gamemaker4U2 · 2026-07-25T21:11:16+00:00

Don't give up hope. Time heals. Everyones situation is different. Always do what's best for you and your kids no matter how your divorce goes.

My ex wanted to live as Roommates for the next two years.

I really couldn't believe her for about 3 seconds and then remembered how her thought process worked 😉

I have had to work very hard to heal to the point I get up pretty happy.

It took working out and eating better. Finding my spiritual side again. Always thinking first how my decicions will affect my kids and not about the bad feelings I had to come out towards their mom.

My kids are good. I still have more work to do to be truly happy but that day will come for me and it will come for you.

bringforththeg · 2026-07-11T13:47:35+00:00

I'd suggest working on yourself. Get used to not being beholding to her. She's not going to change her mind overnight, but maybe sometime in the near future, she might realise how much growth you've gone through, and potentially grow close again.

Able_Excuse_4456 · 2026-07-11T03:46:24+00:00

Marine Corps vet here. Just like we had to execute ops on incomplete and imperfect intel, so too must we live our lives. With the knowledge that we may never receive the positive confirmation of the "correct decision" that we so badly crave.

Additional_Support91 · 2026-07-10T18:52:51+00:00

Military here as well going through similar divorce. Spouse had an affair with a Naval JAG officer who worked for EUCOM. You are not divorcing the same woman you married. She is gone and has already shifted the narrative that you are to blame. This will be rough but focus on yourself and take it from experience that life is going to get better.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-07-10T16:57:33+00:00

My ex did something similar. She will try to spin this as if you and she were already over so that she doesn’t have to admit to what she’s done and who she is, but this didn’t happen overnight. The other relationship has been building to the point she caught feelings and is willing to throw away her marriage.

Your wife is no longer the person you thought she was. You won’t recognize her most of the time now. And she is no longer your friend.

You must protect yourself legally starting immediately or you will be financially bent over. There will be time to grieve your lost marriage and family, but now is the time to get things in order and fight for yourself and your kids.

slimypeters · 2026-07-10T16:10:52+00:00

Sorry this is happening. But once she’s checked out she’s checked out. Doesn’t matter if she’s military or civilian. My ex was in Navy and now Navy Reserves while I was stay at home parent. She caught feelings for another Navy personnel. Navy service members are away from their spouses and family months at a time, while they’re with people going through what they’re going through during training and deployment. Regardless, a cheater will always be a cheater.

Protect your assets and children. Build yourself up in your career. Since you guys are in military, where you guys will get stationed at may be different to where you guys want to live especially with child. Hopefully things could be amicable. But just prepare for that separation. Keep this up and good luck

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-10T16:04:28+00:00

Hey man, it was the same here..told me she fell out of love…then i find out that there was actually somebody else for a whole month and a half before she asked me for a divorce.

I know u are devastated, i cant tell u that it doesnt or wont hurt..but man as corny as it sounds…the only way out is through…take all of the emotions u feel and just tackle them head on..talk to your most trusted friends…talk to the therapist u were initially going to try to do couples counseling so just do solo counseling…allow yourself to feel every emotion. Dont hide from it.

Also, that feeling of resentment that u will start to feel creep up….take it…lay around in it…love it….it will help you get over the pick me dance very fast. Do not let her ruin you…look at it as u vs her now…and u be damned if u lose to her. Let her do what she wants to do while u do what u need to do…dont pay her no mind…focus on your kids, your career, yourself…with the help of some great friends, and professional therapy you will be good in no time man…just remember u are NOT the bad guy…u shouldnt be trying to fix something u never broke in the first place man. After everything you have done for her for the family, this was definitely not the ending you deserved from her man…but you are military for a reason man…you made yourself tough…you can definitely overcome this man.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-07-10T15:38:31+00:00

Listen, there are plenty of jaded guys on here and I can’t begrudge them that. But you can also find a lot of the kind of moral support you need to keep going. This community was a very helpful place for me to vent when the hurt was fresh. You are very legitimate going through a traumatic experience right now. I hope you’ll stick around a while. 🤜

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-07-10T15:28:31+00:00

Quit the “pick me dance”.

Quit giving her any attention. Nothing. Hello, goodbye are about the extent of your communication.

Get to the gym. Lift. Walk. No drugs or alcohol at all. Eat right. Read “no more mister nice guy”

You’re going to have to learn that she is not your friend. She is the enemy. Treat her as such.

boss302goat · 2026-07-10T14:49:19+00:00

First step is to stop doing the pick me dance. That'll only make her seat away from you more.

Second, get an attorney and get your ducks in a row since yesterday.

UrAristotle · 2026-07-10T14:04:16+00:00

It’s not super comforting right now, but you’re going to end up much better off than she is.

First, her affair partner will most likely not work out. The odds of a relationship working out are low to begin with. The odds of them working out with a partner who doesn’t respect marriages are infinitely lower.

That’s going to leave her in her mid-30s or 40s competing with 20-something’s for the attention of the men she wants to date. That’s just not a game she’s going to win very often.

Meanwhile, you’ve got a career. You’re stable. Thanks to the military you’ve got fitness standards you have to maintain. You’re miles ahead of the 30-something men you’re competing with.

The minute she told you she was drifting away, you were done. She wasn’t drifting. She was gone. She was imagining what this great other life was going to be like.

Let her go.

bluemarble-spaceship · 2026-07-10T13:51:46+00:00

Here is the hardest part to accept. Women in my experience for the most part dont mature past teenage years. Her feelings have spoken and women are ruled by their emotions. Its gonna suck, its gonna suck so bad, but just know many of your fellow men have been through this and you will get through this to. Matter of fact the good news is usually youll end up better off in the long term. I know you cant believe this statement now and it sounds like BS that most guys say, but most guys say it because its true.

CommonBubba · 2026-07-10T13:46:54+00:00

Sorry you’re having to go through this. As others have said, she’s already made her decision.
As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is move from emotion to logic. Work on what is best for YOU and your kids.

Curious_Will222 · 2026-07-10T13:22:10+00:00

Damn. This hurts. And will hurt. I was unfaithful in my marriage. But it’s was my way of dealing with stress and other issues.

Usually if a woman cheats. Her heart is gone. Definitely do your best to get a therapist who deals in betrayal trauma. And then focus your energy on co-parenting.

Also, use the infidelity and any proof you can get of it to make sure the courts don’t screw you over. You should walk away with 50/50 custody (if that’s what you want) and no financial support obligations.

EitherBedroom2341 · 2026-07-10T13:16:46+00:00

Ship has sailed. You are even lucky she is cordial with you. My advice is to accept that feelings change and she has feelings for someone else at thia point of her life. You are not the same person who met her years ago and neither is she. It’s tough.. but you are a man. Take it like a man. And trust .. one thing that cures heartbreak is new p**$$y.. get you something new under 25 years old even if you spend $$ to get it.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-07-10T12:59:56+00:00

She has checked out. There is no way to save the marriage. Just try to be good coparents.

dpi2024 · 2026-07-10T12:45:56+00:00

You got the order of operations wrong, we all do.

First she met someone else, then she told you she was slowly pulling away for years', not the other way around. She stayed with you and agreed to marriage counceling just in case it does not work with her AP. It seems, it's working out.

Sorry, man, just telling you how it is. There is mo way to save this relationship.

Title	I could use some help.
Author	whiskey33
Upvotes	24
Comments	38
Date	July 10, 2026 12:40 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1usmj6o/i_could_use_some_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-could-use-some-help.1584682 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584682

Comments