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SeaweedWeird7705 Archive

View 0 posts and 176 comments by SeaweedWeird7705 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Typically there is a court filing fee of about $400 each, and it’s mandatory. It can be waived only if you are very low income. Other than that, there shouldn’t be anything else mandatory. If her lawyer draws up papers, it would be smart for you to pay your lawyer to double check them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 11:35 PM
3

She likes hoodies. Get her a hoodie at your house. Don’t take it personally.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 12:41 PM
6

You can divorce for any reason. Not having feelings for your spouse is “enough” of a reason. You will see your child only 50% of the time. There is no way around that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 03:04 PM
2

Sure, if you want to. It’s normal to be curious. But be prepared for the test results.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:06 PM
1

Were marital funds (earnings) used for anything related to the house - improvements, property taxes, homeowners insurance, etc? If so, the marital community has an interest in being reimbursed. Otherwise, I think the house is likely your separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:33 AM
3

For how many kids?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 07:50 PM
6

Legally dogs are property. Since you owned the dogs before marriage, they are your separate property. You take both with you. Also, they are likely bonded to each other, so separating them from each other would be hard on them. Don’t just take one. Take both.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 02:05 PM
1

It sounds like you are in England(?). Does your country have Small Claims Court? I’m in the USA, and Small Claims Court was designed just for small cases like this. Also, consider posting this on r/LegalAdviceUK.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 04:21 PM
1

My sister had the same problem with her ex. Her lawyer told her that her ex risked being fined by the court for contempt.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:41 PM
1

How old is your daughter? If she is 14 or older, I would tend to go along with her wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 11:34 PM
6

I resold the ring to the same jeweler where we had bought it. Originally paid $2400, got back $1100.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 02:36 AM
3

Just think of doing right by your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 01:43 PM
5

She has checked out. There is no way to save the marriage. Just try to be good coparents.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:59 PM
3

Walk away from that topic.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 10:48 AM
2

My ex husband had a terrible overspending problem too. I know how miserable it feels. I had to divorce him so that he didn’t drag me down with him. If you divorce her now, you can salvage yourself financially. She might even owe you alimony depending on which state you are in. You can trade the alimony for making sure that she takes all of the debt. If you don’t divorce her, you will die broke.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 03:36 AM
1

I would consider marriage counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:01 PM
1

Have you tried using a parenting app? Many parents like “Our Family Wizard”.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 04:21 AM
3

I think the 401k money can be transferred into the husband’s IRA via a QDRO without early withdrawal penalty. Although then the husband doesn’t have cash to buy his own home.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:20 PM
4

Yes this is possible. It is called “Deferred Sale of family home”. You can Google it. You would need a lawyer to draft the paperwork. You need to think through a few things. Who is responsible for paying the mortgage? Who pays for major repairs (roof, furnace etc)? If she is supposed to pay the mortgage, what happens if she misses a payment? Plus, you need to be ok with her dating and bringing a new man into the house. Or she can buy you out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:43 PM
–

In most states, assets acquired after the date of separation are separate property. So no, it is unlikely that you have a claim to the houses.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:09 PM
2

They will have to reassign the case to a new judge. The new judge will have to play catch up. Expect an extra delay of 1-2 months.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 03:47 AM
12

Don’t do it. You will go to jail. Look at your divorce papers and your parenting plan. What does the paperwork say about whether you are allowed to walk on the porch? If it’s not prohibited, then you probably can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 06:41 PM
1

Agree
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 04:05 AM
3

The standard formula in California is 40% of the difference in income. For marriages over 10 years, lifetime support can be awarded, but is not mandatory. You can try to argue that it should not be lifetime, since she is self supporting.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 02:15 PM
1

Sure, he could try. Malpractice cases are notoriously difficult to win. Really, really difficult. OP has to prove that, if the evidence had been submitted correctly, OP would have won his divorce case. Which is an almost impossible bar to clear. Remember, attorneys write the legal malpractice laws, so the law favors the attorneys, not the clients. Also, does OP’s attorney even have malpractice insurance? Even if OP won, it would be hard to collect.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:22 AM
2

Write about the dementia in your appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:13 PM
5

Sure, OP can make a complaint to the State Bar Association. The Bar may then investigate. In theory, it could lead to the attorney being disciplined (such as suspended or disbarred). But the Bar complaint doesn’t get OP his money back. OP still has to pay what the judge ordered. To avoid paying his ex, OP’s only remedy is an appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:11 PM
4

Bottom Line: You have 2 choices: 1) Accept the judge’s ruling giving everything to your ex; or 2) Appeal. The appeal is the only way out of your predicament. It may cost $5-10k, but it’s the only way. Hire a different attorney to do the appeal, since you don’t trust the first one. You must act right away because appeals typically have a very short timeline. If you file late the court throws your appeal in the trashcan.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 10:08 PM
1

No! If you are dissatisfied, you can shop for a new attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:37 PM
2

You need to pressure your lawyer to earn his money! Your lawyer needs to get you an adjustment!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:30 PM
2

The amount of the child support was originally calculated based on your old job. Since then, you have lost your job. It is fair for you to go back to court and ask for the child support to be re-calculated to a lower amount. At the same time, you need to be diligently looking for work. If you are unemployed for a long time, you will burn through all of your savings.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:29 PM
1

Alimony laws vary considerably by state. You should confer with a family law attorney to discuss. It should cost about $400 for one hour of the attorney’s time. You do not have to “hire” the attorney for ongoing legal work. If you would owe alimony in your state, then trading alimony for the house or retirement is a possibility. But, would she be able to afford the mortgage on her own? Could she make the payment on her own, on a $50k salary? Is your mortgage assumable? If not, she will have to r…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 12:35 PM
5

Agree. My ex wasn’t logical, just screamed. It didn’t help them either.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:42 PM
6

If you want to modify the court order, you will need to go back to court. Don’t violate the existing order.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:17 PM
1

R/straightspouses R/latebloomerlesbians
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 08:11 PM
6

California allows possible lifetime alimony for marriages over 10 years. The concern was that some stay at home moms were ill-equipped to rejoin the workforce and earn enough for them to support themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:41 PM
8

You’re lucky that you’ve only been married 9 years. In California, if you are married 10 years or more, there is a possibility of lifetime alimony. Make sure you move out or she moves out before the 10 year mark. California is a community property state. All assets accrued during the marriage are split 50-50 (except inheritance and gifts). That means that the house, cars, bank accounts, retirement, etc. will be split. Anything that you or she had prior to the marriage remains separate. Child cus…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:24 PM
2

Do you ever regret the decision to keep the house?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 07:56 PM
13

Financial devastation. The money is enough to allow us to keep our house and retire comfortably for the both of us as long as we live together. If we break up, the house will have to be sold and the proceeds split. Neither of us would have enough to buy a new home. The retirement that was enough for both of us living together is not enough for us living separate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 04:24 PM
8

It is quite common that negotiations increase right before trial. This is true in divorce cases as well as criminal, civil, etc. If she makes a fair offer, then consider it. Otherwise continue with your plans for trial.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 06:50 PM
9

Just say No.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 06:34 PM
1

Do you have the divorce papers in your hands? Is there a section where you have to disclose everything?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:18 PM
1

If that “agreement” did not meet the requirements for a post nup in your state, then that money is at risk. Do not lie on any financial disclosure forms or else it could constitute fraud, and you could lose the entire $25k. Can the two of you just draw up paperwork yourselves and submit it to the judge for approval?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:03 PM
6

You urgently need to see a divorce attorney as soon as possible. The matter is too important to listen to strangers on Reddit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:44 AM
1

Yes. It feels good to get it all behind you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:34 AM
6

It’s better to keep the house, if it is at all possible to do so. You will never be able to buy again at that price. The house will be a source of stability and generational wealth.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:00 PM
5

I’m worried that she would just leave again. Would you ever be able to trust her?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:08 PM
7

Ask your lawyer about “imputed income”. It means that they do the calculations based on what she could be earning if she tried harder, rather than what she is actually earning. She could be getting a summer job, teaching summer school or something similar. The calculations should include the summer job. Also, I think it’s great that you can prove that she’s not using the money on the kids. It makes her look really bad that she spent the money on a trip for herself and her boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:57 PM
1

I’m so sorry that you are in that situation. Could you borrow money from family? Put it on a credit card? Could you squirrel away money from groceries each week? Or try asking the lawyer if there is a way to get your ex to pay for your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 05:31 PM
1

I know guy like this. For the first couple of years, they just paid the child support. Later when the wife met the kid, she felt sorry for the kid. It wasn’t the kid’s fault. The wife never truly forgave the husband. But they reached a detente and continued the mediocre quality marriage. They got shared custody of the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 01:44 AM
7

It sounds like you might get a better outcome by giving up on mediation and going to trial in front of a judge
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:20 PM
5

Typically retirement is split. Why would she get to keep all of her retirement instead of split it with you 50-50? Debt accrued after separation are typically separate debts. If you feel you can get a better deal by going to trial in front of a judge then do so.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:15 PM
3

What credits?
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:07 PM
3

Yes that retainer amount is typical. Sometimes the court has free legal aid? Some people can study and learn to do the paperwork themselves. My ex and I did the paperwork ourselves (in California).
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:57 PM
3

I’m a dog lover. Her dog, her expense. When my ex and I split up, I got the dog and I paid everything for him 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 01:01 PM
2

I am so sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:15 PM
11

When I read stuff like this, I wonder why men agree to their wives being SAHMs.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:32 PM
7

I feel lucky. I got rid of my ex after only 2 years of marriage. It only cost me $10k.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 03:02 PM
1

You don’t have to buy right away. Renting is a great solution.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:06 AM
3

She is getting older. She might want to change the current plan, and spend more time with her mother. Your daughter is not stupid. As she gets older, she will realize which parent has been the consistent one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 04:38 PM
3

If you’re talking about around $2000 total, that she has squirreled away from her checks, I think it’s not worth it. I would use it as a negotiating tactic. “Hey, I know you’ve squirreled away an extra $2000, so in trade I would like _____”.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 06:54 PM
1

Yes! My ex was a terrible spendthrift. So glad to be single now!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:54 AM
9

You can no longer afford a 3500 sq ft home. You will have to get used to something smaller. That’s just reality.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:11 AM
6

She wants his entire paycheck? That’s crazy. Google your state’s child support calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 03:15 AM
1

Try posting on r/tax or r/IRS
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:55 PM
2

Go to the local courthouse and watch some family law cases. Look at the attorneys and how they present themselves. Pick the one that argues the way you want.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 03:08 AM
8

The lady who was separated for 4 years… that probably wouldn’t have been a good match.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 10:00 PM
9

“Tethered to a boat anchor”. It’s a perfect description.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 01:50 AM
0

I was much better off financially as soon as I divorced my loser ex-husband. He was a terrible spendthrift and he didn’t earn much. Once he was gone, I could invest my money and buy a house without worrying about his overspending. Fast-forward 20 years, I now have a beautiful paid off house while he rents a tiny slum apartment. If you are going to divorce her, do so quickly. Her unemployment is recent so it is easier to impute her former high salary. If she stays off work as a stay at home mom f…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:49 AM
2

There must be more to the story. Please tell.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:21 PM
3

She cheated. It hurts a lot. Just divorce her and move on. Find a better quality wife.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 01:05 PM
6

Is she refusing to get a job? Thats awful. You may be better to divorce sooner rather than later. The longer you are married, the more alimony you likely will pay.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 01:19 AM
1

I agree. Lawyers are crazy expensive. I agree with the other comments about not fighting over the small stuff. May I ask, what are you guys fighting over? Why do you need a child specialist? Is this a very contentious divorce? Is your ex paying for her own attorney? If so, maybe she is seeing the large attorney bills on her side, too. Maybe she would be willing to compromise on some issues so that you both can save some money?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 09:12 PM
2

So true!!!! She will get alimony, child support, and half of all the marital assets. Plus, you may have to pay her attorney fees, in addition to your own. She will not be “out on the streets”.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:57 PM
3

See a lawyer. Ask about ways to protect your child.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 06:35 AM
7

It is her job to support herself. Pay what you owe under state law.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:46 PM
1

What “Me Too” misunderstanding? A yacht????? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:12 PM
3

Is the Divorce already final? If the divorce is final, then I don’t see the problem. If she thinks she should’ve made a different decision in the past, too bad. The court looks at it as finalized. Typically, to get out of a deal based on “duress”, she would have to prove something like you made her sign at gunpoint.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:54 PM
1

How long are you willing to wait?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 09:20 AM
2

Do you have her Social Security number? Can you just order it? Her refusal means she is hiding something.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:06 AM
4

Have you ordered her credit report? You should then be able to see everything. You can say that you saw an ad for AnnualCreditReport.com and you are ordering both hers and yours. https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 12:55 AM
2

No more arguments. Buy what I want when I want. Do what I want when I want. Peace and quiet. Sleep in when I want. Nobody trying to boss me around. No more of his smelly socks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 11:35 PM
1

Does Georgia have an online child support calculator? Lots of states have one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 01:09 AM
6

Personal relationships like marriage and dating require openness. That leaves you open to the other person hurting you. If you are heterosexual, then the person hurting you is the opposite gender. I know plenty of women who say that they were hurt most by men.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 03:11 PM
2

Sell the house and split the proceeds. That is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:43 AM
1

Talk to a lawyer ASAP. You also may need to file a police report. She is kicking and slapping the kids. That sounds like child abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:32 AM
8

Stay. Do not move out. Talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP. You don’t have to move just because she says.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:22 AM
1

Start planning financially. Make a budget. Could you really afford to give her enough to keep the house, and pay for an apartment rent yourself? Go see an attorney for a one time consultation. It should cost about $400 for one hour of the attorneys time. Some attorneys even offer free consultations. A one time consultation will give you an idea of what you will owe in your jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 06:44 PM
1

Your boys are 14 and 16, so they are old enough to have input. The judge will consider what they have to say. What do your boys want to do on Friday Saturday and Sunday?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:28 PM
2

I’m great now. I have a calm peaceful life. Time helped a lot. Keep busy with work, friends family and dating.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 03:51 PM
3

My ex wasn’t fair with me either. Like yours, my ex wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, refused counseling and just left. I was left to clean up the mess. It isn’t fair at all. I just had to accept it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:42 PM
8

It’s been a year since she moved out, and I think you need to accept that she is not coming back. Focus on your friends, family, and dating. It is near impossible that she would ever come back. And if she did come back, you would never trust her again so you wouldn’t ever want her back anyway. Don’t expect an apology either. Exes never apologize. It sounds like she is just a person who doesn’t want responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:29 PM
5

The attorney does not want you to sue him / her for legal malpractice. They can’t promise you that you would win, because, in case you lose, you would blame them. They are being over cautious telling you it could go either way. Write out what would be your best and worst case scenarios if you went to trial. Include legal fees and costs. If you got hit with the worst scenario how would that affect you? If you lose at trial, appeals are expensive and unlikely to result in a different outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:45 PM
6

No. Don’t do it. She’s trying to stay connected.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:54 PM
2

Can you just block him? He isn't your child’s parent. Just hang in there until the hearing in May.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:41 PM
1

I’m not in Belgium. But it makes total sense that you want primary custody and a psych evaluation, given her 4 psych hospitalizations. Your child probably likes the new guy because he is more stable than your ex wife. If I were you I’d still want primary custody. You MUST keep your cool. For your child’s sake. I don’t understand how you think that a third party is “threatening” you. Could you explain?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:14 PM
7

You are in shock. Don’t make any major decisions in the next day or two. Tomorrow, call a divorce lawyer and make an appointment.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 10:46 PM
3

Sorry I’m in the US, and I’m unfamiliar with UK divorce law. I would recommend that you get a consultation with a UK divorce lawyer and see where you stand. It shouldn’t cost more than $400-500 for one hour of the lawyer’s time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:51 PM
1

In the USA, divorce laws vary widely by state. Which state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:44 PM
0

It makes no difference. Her obsession over who files first is just part of her craziness.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 05:49 PM
3

It is ridiculous for you to spend $400k to indulge a whim. Musical theater will not pay the rent. She needs a career that will allow her to support herself. Check with a vocational expert , but I’m pretty sure that labor market is poor. I disagree with your lawyer’s opinion. You don’t have to waste $400k to appear to be a loving father. Be prepared to explain to a judge how you reached your decision not to pay. Explain that you offered alternatives: 1) that she could pay for it herself; or 2) th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:45 PM
2

You need to develop more self confidence.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:18 AM
1

Exactly! He is having doubts about her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 07:46 PM
8

If I had learned more about my ex, it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache. I think the guy is smart for asking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:23 PM
1

I agree with you. You are separated now. You and she are divorcing. She needs to make her own dinner, mop her own floor, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:56 PM
1

I think you are on the right track. Make a budget. Get a second job. Also keep track of where your money is going. Little things can add up. Start looking at apartments to rent. If you have budget questions, you might enjoy the r/personalfinance sub.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:43 PM
3

Most people I know do one week. I know one guy who does 2 weeks. He really misses his kids when it’s his 2 weeks off.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:33 PM
1

You should confer with a family law attorney in your state. He / she will tell you if your case is as strong as you think. And they will offer tips.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:29 PM
1

That $495 is the filing fee. You have to pay it. If you are very poor, below the federal poverty line, you can ask for a waiver of the filing fee. Otherwise, it has to be paid.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 04:10 PM
4

The boyfriend was rude. He should have behaved better. You are correct to get a proper parenting plan in place.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:29 AM
3

Did she fight you for it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 07:43 PM
2

Yes it can be messy. You can write a nesting agreement to try to prohibit your ex’s friends from visiting. But it’s awkward. You can research about the pro and con and see if it might be right for you. What about deferred sale?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 07:27 PM
4

I think there are some subs on Reddit that specialize in “what city should I move to?”
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 06:58 PM
5

There are a couple of ideas that are messy but might work for you: Deferred sale of the family home. You wait until the youngest kid is 18, then the house is sold and equity is split. Nesting: the house is not sold. The kids live in the house full time. Mom and dad take turns being in the house with the kids. Moving to a lower cost of living area. You each rent an apartment. It’s smaller than your old place, but the kids get used to it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 04:59 PM
1

Si en Los Estados Unidos es posible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 03:45 PM
2

I’m curious about your comment “she makes more but it’s off the books”. What kind of work does she do? Do you have any proof of her income? In some states, if she makes more, you can receive alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 03:21 PM
3

So sorry this happened. Of course you need your own lawyer, who can schedule a hearing and get those orders thrown out or modified. Edit: And of course, obey all the orders for now, until you get them modified.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 02:12 PM
1

Generally inheritance stays separate. Double check with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 02:29 AM
3

Get rested. Then look again at the self-filing. If you can’t afford a lawyer, then self-filing is your only path.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 07:37 AM
1

I’m in California. Forms are available from the court website, along with online instructions. We did form FL-800 and it was easy to complete.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:13 AM
14

Lots of women in their 40s have kids. It’s so common that I don’t know how you could avoid them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:15 AM
8

Just do the divorce. Don’t waste any more time on her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:19 AM
3

Move on. If you fight, you risk your ex mentioning that you broke her nose. If the judge finds this out, you might be denied any visitation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:51 PM
3

Since you are married less than five years, and have no kids, you probably qualified to use form FL – 800, Joint Petition for Summary Dissolution. This is the fastest and cheapest way to get divorced in California. In California, alimony typically only lasts half the duration of the marriage. How long were you married before you separated? If you separated at the 2.8 year mark, then you would only owe alimony for 1.4 years. It shouldn’t end up being too expensive. You could try mediation first a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 03:39 PM
3

I do know some people who had to give up in court, because they just couldn’t afford lawyers anymore. In both cases, the kids came back to them as older teenagers.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 04:09 PM
1

Double check that she did not get a big raise.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 12:13 AM
2

Yes. I am in CA also. I had a friend whose wife was awarded lifetime alimony. But he hired a private investigator who showed that she was now working in a better job with a much higher salary. He got alimony substantially reduced. In California, alimony can also end if she remarries. Are you positive that she has not remarried? Also, if she is cohabiting with someone, there is a possibility of getting the alimony reduced or terminated. The investigator can check on this for you. Also, not to be …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 10:41 PM
2

Agree to a schedule. Then stick to it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:07 AM
3

Try posting on r/personalfinance. They have some really helpful tips on that sub.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 10:22 AM
7

Reconsider your employment situation. Figure out what you can do that pays highest. Confine the music to occasional side gigs. In the meantime, rent.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 02:47 AM
3

My sister’s ex did that. He hid for awhile. Eventually the judge let the attorney serve him by putting a notice in the newspaper. The divorce went through eventually. My sister got 100% of everything she wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:45 PM
1

Oh that’s good news! No alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:52 PM
2

So then, accept the fact that you are getting a divorce. Go see a lawyer and start the process. Get a paternity test. Work on division of assets and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:08 PM
3

Agree. OP is writing all about his feelings. Yet he won’t do the paternity test.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:20 PM
1

The advice about moving out of the marital home is primarily US-based advice. If OP is in a foreign country, such as England, the law there may be different
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:19 PM
1

If I were you, I would be honestly concerned that I was not the baby’s true parent. In that case, it is legitimate to question paternity. It sounds like you might be in England (“mum” and “flat”). I don’t know the process in England to question a baby’s paternity. Do some research and find out the process. Confer with an attorney. You should not agree to “coparent” until you know, with 100% certainty, that the child is yours. Stop worrying about why the relationship ended. I think you’re doing t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 02:07 PM
3

Get it in writing and then keep the dogs. Just because you cave on this one issue doesn’t mean you have to cave on anything else. Don’t worry about a “precedent”. Just enjoy the dogs.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 03:23 AM
4

If you want to vent, see a therapist. If you want to file divorce papers, see a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:01 PM
3

If it was covered in the original divorce decree, then it is likely too late. It has already been decided. Double check with your divorce lawyer. Google “res judicata”.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:56 PM
1

This varies by state. In some states, a commingled account is marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:34 PM
2

Anything that you had before marriage is separate property, as long as it is in a separate account.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 01:58 PM
1

I let my ex keep most of the stuff. And I bought new. It’s just stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:28 PM
5

In your situation, were marital earnings used to pay the mortgage? If so, then the marital union has an interest in the house. However, in OP’s situation, the house is fully paid off with NO mortgage. So it seems unlikely that marital earnings were used on the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:17 PM
2

Agree. IF marital earnings were used to pay the mortgage, then that’s true. However, OP says there is no mortgage. So I tend to think marital earnings weren’t used on the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:15 PM
1

If the house was purchased before marriage, and it is fully paid off, then the house likely is not a marital asset subject to division. It's probably the wife's separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:41 PM
7

You should insist on 50-50 shared custody. This is pretty standard, so it shouldn't be difficult to get. Since you earn slightly more money, you may have to pay a small amount of child support. Marital assets (assets purchased during marriage) are typically divided 50-50. If she purchased the house before the marriage, and only her name is on the deed, then the house is likely hers alone. Go see a family law attorney and discuss your options.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:40 PM
3

Did you go to trial and the judge awarded that? Or did your lawyer talk you into agreeing to it?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 07:20 PM
2

Petting horses is supposed to help????
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 02:38 AM
2

Given the amount of money involved, it is worth conferring with an attorney. What does your attorney say?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 06:20 PM
6

Both genders. My sister’s ex husband was like this too. Nothing was ever his fault. Even when he punched her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:23 PM
1

She will need her own attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:10 AM
1

Usually $5000-7500 initial retainer. Rates of about $400 per hour are typical. When the first $5000 is used up (which happens quickly!), the attorney will want another $5000, which is called a replenishment. You keep paying $5000 every few months until the case is concluded. Total fees of $20,000-$50,000 are typical, depending on how complex the case is. For example, at $400 an hour, that $5000 initial retainer will be used up after 12.5 hours of attorney time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:30 PM
4

If you have kids, I would recommend doing divorce mediation because you will need proper calculations and a parenting plan. If you do not have kids, you are probably OK to do a do it yourself online service.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:27 PM
13

Mediation is only effective if both parties are willing to be reasonable and compromise. If not, it is a waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 01:06 AM
3

That is a very unusual billing arrangement. Most divorce attorneys charge a retainer and then incremental replenishments. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe you need a new attorney
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:58 PM
2

Are you current on your payments to your attorney? The attorney will not do anything if you have an unpaid balance. Ask the attorney how to get the house sold asap. Explain that your ex is not doing their part to address the sale. Ignore the slander. Your lawyer is there to get your money, not to protect your reputation Go into the lawyer appointment with a list of concise questions. Do not rant on and on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:32 PM
2

Is it worth it to go back to court and pay an attorney to argue this issue? It seems to me like the lawyer’s fees would be more than any money your daughter would earn.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:36 PM
3

Two months is too long to wait for your attorney appointment. There must be other attorneys who have better availability.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:13 PM
2

Well if you keep giving in then she asks for more and more. Give her an inch and she takes a mile. And you give in to it. If you really want a divorce then get the divorce. Stop sitting on the fence.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:01 AM
5

If you are selling the house, then yes you will have to clean it. You can rent a dumpster and do it yourself. There may also be junk removal services in your area. Cars can be sold via Carvana etc, if you aren’t keeping them. As to personal items like makeup & clothes, they belong to the individual owner. Make her pack up her own stuff. You should pack up the items you want, and leave the rest for the junk removal team. Don’t expect any help from the court.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:01 PM
3

Well, if she is dead set on the separation then there’s nothing you can do about it. Since you have five kids together, you undoubtedly will run into each other at various weddings, graduations, and funerals. It is a good idea to remain cordial. When she says that she wants to remain friends, she is probably saying that she does not want an acrimonious divorce. You really don’t have any choice since that is what she is insisting on.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 04:12 PM
2

It will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:55 PM
1

My 60 yr old sister just left her husband of 37 years. It happens. “Grey divorce” is a new trend. The divorce has been final for 2 years. They have seen each other at funerals and at a graduation. It is cordial. In my sister’s situation, the divorce was motivated by his increasing temper. There was no affair. Try asking her what is motivating her to do the separation. Maybe you two can do couples counseling and work through the issues?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:16 PM
1

Divorce laws vary considerably by state. Which state are you in? Generally, if her income is the same as yours, then it is unlikely to see how alimony would be awarded.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:09 PM
4

Some people have posted here about spending $50-100k+. If there is any reasonable compromise you can make, you should consider it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:20 AM
2

Bad lawyer. It sucks. At least it’s over now. Enjoy your new life
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 01:43 PM
2

I agree. Your best remedy is a fast Divorce .
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:45 PM
3

This varies by state. In my state , California, an abuser cannot receive alimony from the abuse victim. I do not know about the state of Maryland. You should confer with an attorney in your state.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:44 PM
2

Well if you go to court, the judge will give 50/50. In most states 50/50 is the default unless there is abuse neglect etc. If she won’t be persuaded then the judge will fix it
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:17 PM
1

If there is no agreement, then the disputed issues are set for trial before a judge. The judge would not be interested in deciding a petty issue, so he/she would likely pressure the parties to reach agreement. To do a trial would require both you and your STBX to pay extra to your respective attorneys. When the judge pressures her to settle and she realizes the extra attorney fee amount, she likely will settle then
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:46 AM
1

Talk to him. Ask if he is interested in a quick divorce. If so, then you both waive alimony in writing. Alimony in CA typically lasts half the length of the marriage. So one week of alimony isn’t worth fighting over. He should be willing to sign and move on with his life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 09:53 PM
2

Do you mind if I ask… how much was the retainer?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 12:38 AM
1

You can try to get 40/60. It is whatever you and your ex agree to. If the two of you agree, the judge will likely sign off.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 04:56 AM
1

Laws vary by state. You need to ask a divorce attorney in your state. Generally, most states understand that it is fair for you to retire at some point, and the alimony is calculated based on your post-retirement income.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 10:21 PM
1

I agree. He sounds depressed. I would recommend counseling and possibly medication.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 11:50 PM
4

My sister’s husband refused to admit that they were divorcing. My sister had to hire an attorney and get a default judgment. The husband never admitted that there was a divorce case at court, never showed up for the hearings, never responded to paperwork, etc. The judge eventually granted the divorce by default judgment. His behavior just made the process a bit more prolonged.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:06 AM
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