Paternity test

stillanoobummkay · 2026-07-24T17:54:13+00:00

My heart goes out to you and this is an awful question to be asking.

I will say: you sound like a great dad and I know you’d never hurt or let your son be hurt about this, no matter what.

I agree with other commenters that the only real reason to know would be for health reasons and maybe that is enough of a reason. No one can really tell what the right call is though and FWIW I support you.

All the best brother.

Phoenix_Taurus · 2026-07-24T01:12:11+00:00

I'd get the DNA test. You've only invested five years, you're still young, and if it turns out you're not the biological father, it's better to know now than years down the line.

Let's be honest, after the divorce there's a good chance the biological father could decide he wants to play a more active role in his child's life, especially if she's been sleeping with the same guy throughout most, if not all, of your marriage. If that happens, you'll likely end up getting pushed aside anyway. I'd rather know with 100% certainty whether that child is biologically mine or not. It could save you years of heartache, legal battles, and child support for a child that isn't yours.

If the test comes back that you're not the father, it's a brutal decision, but I'd walk away. You don't want to spend years being the stand-in dad only to watch the biological father eventually take your place. The younger the child is, the easier it is to make that break. As they get older, there's always the possibility they'll naturally gravitate toward their biological father. As hard as it is, cut ties, rebuild your life, and find someone who actually respects you. Then have the chance to become a father with someone who didn't betray you in the first place.

Vintage-Card-Man · 2026-07-23T18:03:07+00:00

I go back-and-forth on this. I could give a different answer next week but today I say get the test.

You never know when it might make a difference when it comes to healthcare.

However, the real reason you want the test is because if he isn’t yours, it will validate your thoughts that she was unfaithful from the beginning. In your mind, this will bring you some closure. And it might.

If the very likely outcome is just getting confirmation that he is yours, and having to make these decisions is a very small likelihood, I say do the test.

UrAristotle · 2026-07-23T17:47:38+00:00

I contemplated the same thing for the same reasons

I won’t get a paternity test because the results would change nothing for me and everything for my son. I can’t see anything good coming out of me finding out I’m not his real father.

I fully expect that later in his life he may choose to do some sort of test and may get bad news, but that’s something we can work through when he’s an adult.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-07-23T16:33:32+00:00

Yes get the paternity test. At the minimum in the future your son will want to know his biological history to address any health issues. He may also want to build a relationship with his dad if it isn't you. Hiding this robs him of both of those opportunities.

carnivalbilly · 2026-07-23T16:14:01+00:00

I can’t tell you if you should or shouldn’t; you can if you’d like and if it makes life easier for ya, go on ahead and do it. I can say that personally I honestly wouldn’t care. From the way you’re describing it you’re worrying who poured the water under a bridge instead of enjoying your wonderful side of the bridge.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-07-23T16:06:47+00:00

Sure, if you want to. It’s normal to be curious. But be prepared for the test results.

federally · 2026-07-23T16:04:34+00:00

From reading your post, this sounds like it's a symptom of you not moving on from your ex.

You love your son, and you want to be his dad. Getting a paternity test only offers the possibility of hurting you, him, and your relationship.

You're already getting divorced, paternity is not going to impact that situation. It probably wouldn't even impact the financial determinations because a court will probably expect you to support the child regardless.

So what's the possible positive? If this is eating at you, that's a sign you have some internal work to do and need to further move away from the relationship. These thoughts are leading you down a path that can only result in negative outcomes.

funnyman6979 · 2026-07-23T15:55:01+00:00

Hope this helps and you may have travelled through this thought process. Does it matter in the overall picture but is this something going forward will always be within your mind?

I am speaking from my own experiences, first child 100 percent there were similar circumstances given the situation and we were engaged at the time. (Daughter) Fast forward four years, again this time a son pondering based on first child and where the marriage was completely possible. Finally, third child (girl)was not mine knew she was not but had to endure court ordered paternity testing with myself and two others. At this point, I left the marriage and somehow this type of pain just became normalized.

Between child one and two, out of these two I have had thoughts the oldest may not be mine she’s now in her 30’s. And we’ve had things like her blood type doesn’t make sense she deleted all this genealogical data as well. But she’s my oldest, would not matter we talked about it once given her sister situation. It would not matter to me never did holding these thoughts for all these years. My son no longer talks to me, which is another sad chapter unrelated.

Make the call for the right reasons, that you can live with. He’s your son you’ve been Dad for five years and cherish the years you have in front of you. Don’t drive yourself nuts, where did the perfect teeth come from for example, no glasses or doesn’t remind you of anyone in your gene pool.

My experience with my first marriage sucked but on the bright side remarried and had a child with someone for the correct experience without any doubt she’s “ours”. I watch her mannerisms and the way she talks and I feel better my son is my son. Maybe. Good luck and I am sure you’ll figure this out.

why_do_I_need_login · 2026-07-23T15:48:17+00:00

If you love him and he is your son no matter what, then no. If it’s eating away at you and it’s something you can’t stop thinking about all the time then yes. Either way I would sit on the idea for a good while.

Title	Paternity test
Author	divorceddad7272
Upvotes	14
Comments	12
Date	July 23, 2026 2:13 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1v4f4k3/paternity_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/paternity-test.1585703 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585703

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