TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Ok-Cause1108 Archive

View 0 posts and 538 comments by Ok-Cause1108 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Chill. 50/50 is default in your state and you'll split your debts and assets incurred since marriage 50/50. Child support and alimony will be determined by the state calculators which you can find online and workout yourself. There is absolutely nothing to negotiate in your state. A lawyer can ask for whatever they want. Just don't be an idiot and agree.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 05:16 PM
3

He lost attraction for you and now resents you. There is no fixing this. There is nothing you could have done, this is a him issue. Life is too short to build a future with a life partner who does not admire and adore you. My advice block him on everything, go no contact for a minimum of 6 months, and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 05:08 PM
3

Wait 2 years minimum. Do not introduce any new partner to your daughter until you have dated for 1 year minimum and you have thoroughly vetted them. Date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. Follow all of that and you will have an amazing life. Don't and you will be on divorce #2 in 7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 03:42 PM
6

Yep happened to me. I choose one day during the week to respond to any of her messages from the previous week that absolutely require a response. I have requested she does not contact me unless it is an emergency on the weekends. Women are wired to maintain relationships with a wide range of men in their lives for survival reasons. If their current mate is unable to provide for them they will choose a new mate from this network of men. Every woman is constantly building and maintaining this netw…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 03:31 PM
8

You cannot build a future with a partner you cannot trust. You cannot trust a cheater. Cheaters do not change. This wasn't the first time she cheated on you. It was physical both this time and in the past. The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to divorce, go no contact as much as possible, and move on with your life. Trying to play family will only royally fuck with your kid's emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 03:19 PM
1

Best thing you can do is find a new home and go no contact except for things relating to logistics for the kiddos. This is how the dumpee lets go. Living in the same house and seeing her everyday/communicating with her everyday will only send you backwards and make your recovery much longer. You'll find love plenty of times after this when you are ready. For now focus on rebuilding an amazing life for yourself and your kids and enjoy your season of singleness. New living space, dog and gym will …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 03:15 PM
11

Your choice is either to divorce and build a new connection with someone else, or stay married and build a new connection with your wife. Either way you will be building something new from the ground up. Personally I would advise honoring your vows and your child and build a new marriage with your wife. You guys get to choose to build any kind marriage you want. This assumes she wants to put the work in to build something new with you too. You may find after opening up to each other she is done …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 01:16 PM
2

There is a playbook to all of this and it works very well - keep the focus on dad's world. Your ex and what she does in her world is no longer any of your concern. Do not ever bring anything up to your kids. If they have questions or need support they will come to you. All you need to do is be a rock for them and let them know they can always come to you and you'll be there for them. It is mandatory you back this up by never prying information out of them and regulating your reactions when they …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:40 PM
12

Yes get the paternity test. At the minimum in the future your son will want to know his biological history to address any health issues. He may also want to build a relationship with his dad if it isn't you. Hiding this robs him of both of those opportunities.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:33 PM
6

Unfortunately once a woman detaches and falls out of love with you there is no way for her to ever love you romantically again. Their brains are hardwired to move on once that switch is turned off. The good news is you have a lot of warning and 6 months to correct any issues in the relationship once they start pulling away from you before they permanently detach. It might not be fair but as the man it is your job to lead and maintain the romantic relationship. Once detached the woman will remain…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:30 PM
6

You been divorced since March, you just didn't realize it. Stop reading into every little thing trying to convince yourself she still loves you or wants you in her life. She left you. She does not want you anymore. She has found a new man. It does not get clearer than that. Sorry to be harsh but you need a reality check. Let her go and move on. Improve yourself for you, not for a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:59 PM
2

Shoot for 1 week on, 1 week off. You will need weekends for your alone time and time with the ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:54 PM
4

The three pillars of a successful long term relationship are mutual physical attraction, compatibility, and mutual commitment. Any one of those goes then the relationship will end. 74% of Americans are overweight. Don't be in that 74% or your partner will lose attraction for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:49 PM
2

Gym, dog, and good nutrition (single ingredient foods only, no alcohol or other drugs). It really is that simple. Do those 3 things and everything else will fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:21 PM
7

You'll find a woman like that every 10 years or so by random chance through dating multiple women using apps etc. If you go the other route and listen to the universe and become who you are you will cross paths with one very quickly....it's just the way this universe works. You attract who you are. If you are spending your time and energy finding hookups then you cannot expect to attract the type of woman you are talking about. There are plenty of good women out there. Become a good man and you'…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:15 PM
6

Men primarily form attachment bonds through activities that produce vasopressin. These are activities like accomplishing a task together or going to new places together. If your goal is to not form an attachment then Netflix and chill is in order. Problem is women form attachment through activities that produce oxytocin which means sex is out of the question unless you don't care if she catches feelings or gets her heart broken. If you go the Netflix and chill route she will get attached. Mother…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 06:03 PM
3

Women don't go long without sex. She just stopped having sex with you 5-6 years ago. This affair is just the tip of the iceberg. Easiest walk away ever. File for divorce, move out and block her on everything. Let the attorneys communicate.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 03:24 PM
2

Gym, nutrition and good sleep will fix being fat, unattractive and your mental health issues. All 100% in your control. Women don't care about money these days provided you have a nice bod. Women outearn men so your paycheck is meaningless to them. They want a man who knows how to speak woman and who other women find attractive. All 100% in your control. Focus on building an attractive physique and learn how women communicate and what they need. Everything falls into place once you do that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 03:08 PM
0

TRT is the answer you are looking for. Unlimited energy and keeps cortisol in check.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 03:02 PM
-4

Prenups are great for men that don't know how to vet women. Unfortunately it will not protect against the emotional destruction that comes with divorce. My advice skip the prenup and put that time and energy into vetting your life partner. It is one of the biggest gifts you will ever give to your future children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 09:29 PM
6

For future reference if a woman tells you she needs to find herself that means she has checked out of the romantic relationship. There is no saving it once they detach and check out. They will stay for another 12-18 months upon checking out to get their ducks in a row to move out and to find another man they feel they can lock down. It was not out of the blue, you just didn't have the tools to understand her language. Gym is mandatory. Get yourself some anavar it will heal your injuries in 4 wee…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 09:27 PM
3

Men who understand women do not argue with them. Pick yourself up a free copy of Corey Wayne's book. It will teach you how to speak woman, how to lead them, and how to get them to open up. Even if you give up on your current marriage it will be invaluable for all of your future romantic relationships. Your wife is no different than any other woman on the planet.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 09:18 PM
2

Practice makes perfect. The sex will be bad the first few times until you learn her body. But being a woman she will be 10x as anxious and self conscious as you so don't sweat it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 06:04 PM
8

Living with your ex is the worst thing you can possibly do for yourself and your kids. Go rent an apartment and pack your shit this weekend. Live in your car and shower at your gym if you have to. Just get the hell out of there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 06:02 PM
6

You'll forgive AFTER you heal. That will take a few years. Being angry is the normal and healthy way to feel this first year. But do something constructive with it and take it to the gym. By the end of year 2 the anger will be gone and you will have a kick ass physique.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 05:59 PM
1

You need to accept you have no control over what happens in moms world. She is not doing anything illegal, and you have absolutely no say in how she raises her children. I'd take the energy you are spending on this and focus it on dads world instead. I'd let your kid keep the phone when they are with you. Taking it away is only going to backfire on you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 05:47 PM
6

The mistake was getting involved with a single mom at the very beginning. You did cuck yourself and you now have to carry this emotional baggage the rest of your life. Lesson learned. But you can't go back in time and bonds have been formed. The right thing to do now is to stay in the boys lives as long as they still want the relationship with you. You just need to accept one day they won't and you have to be able to let go. Women never regret or realize what they lost. They rewrite history to j…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 05:39 PM
2

Impossible to repair once a woman detaches. She has already moved on and will divorce once she is confident she has locked the new guy down.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 05:30 PM
3

California will default to 50/50 unless one parent is glaringly unfit (multiple criminal charges, drug use, alcohol abuse, homeless etc). Don't sweat it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 05:27 PM
9

2 weeks. DIY in Oregon, no court appearance necessary. Surreal that 22 years marriage was wiped out so quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 05:24 PM
-6

If you didn't have kids I'd tell you to get rid of both women. With kids involved it's a completely different situation. Staying together until the kids are adults is completely acceptable even if you aren't compatible as a couple.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:50 PM
11

Divorced after 22 years at age 46. Took 3 years to heal and rebuild. Gym was by far the most important piece for building mental strength as well as a bod that all women want. Best piece of advice I ever received was to date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. 50 now and just moved in with my 33yo partner who knocks my socks off. Life is good. I stand by that advice and give it to all men. If you are an older guy and well preserved then you have the pick of the litter as far as women…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 05:32 PM
2

You are 100% in control of this. Learn to say no to your ex. Your mental health and alone time are extremely valuable. It is completely ok to prioritize this over your children and your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 05:24 PM
9

A fuck buddy isn't going to fill your cup. The only thing they are good for is holding you back. Gym, work, dog, nutrition and 8-10 hrs sleep is where it is at.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 05:29 PM
3

Gym and a dog are mandatory. Sounds like you have the gym covered. It may only take an hour per day to lift but also focus on your nutrition. Meal prep will cover an hour per day easy. Taking your dog for a walk everyday is another hour killed. Between working, gym, meal prep, housework, sleeping 8-10 hrs per day, walking and playing with your dog you aren't going to have much time left.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 05:25 PM
2

It wasn't the job. When women say they want a provider they mean a provider of emotional safety and bonding safety. It has nothing to do with finances whatsoever. The time to work on things is when you first noticed distance and tension building. You get about 6 months to correct any issues before your female partner detaches. Once she detaches the relationship cannot be repaired or saved. She will stay once she detaches for 18-24 months so she has time to plan her exit and typically line up a n…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:54 PM
-3

Unpaid male nannies are the best. You and your co-parent enjoy the free help.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 01:15 AM
13

It will take time to grieve and let go of your old identity. There will be a period where you are floating around not knowing who the fuck you are or why you are here. But that will pass. Now you get to choose who you want to be and how you want your life to look. It's 100% your choice. Life on your terms is so fun and exciting.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 01:57 PM
3

Plan out the whole day. Get some good coffee and stuff to make yourself an awesome breakfast. Hit the gym (do heavy legs day). Come home and eat again. Go get yourself a 90min massage. Come home and take a nap. Go see a movie then take yourself out for a nice meal. By then you should be exhausted. Come home and sleep hard. Do this on the regular, not just anniversaries.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 03:42 PM
8

Gym and dog are non negotiables if you are a man. Once you find out who you are as a person and love who you are you will never be lonely again. Being alone does not equal lonely. Being in relationship does not mean you won't be lonely. If you don't know who you are or if you don't love yourself you'll be lonely as fuck in a relationship, you'll just be distracted from the feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:28 PM
6

There will be no reconciliation so let that fantasy go. Parallel parent the first 2 years to give yourself the space required to detach from your ex. She has already detached from you so she will be fine being friendly with you right off the bat. You are in no position to be friends until you detach. Forget about doing shared vacations, birthdays etc for those first few years. You will be tempted to try to use the kids and co-parenting as an excuse to stay in your ex's life in the hopes of recon…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:27 PM
16

She's already moved on mate. You are completely deluding yourself. You don't have kids together so there is no reason to ever contact her again. Block her on absolutely everything and let go of her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:20 PM
2

You cannot get her back, that shipped sailed a few years ago. Physical intimacy is the canary in the coalmine for romantic relationships. The time for communicating and making changes was when she shut down to wanting to sleep with you. Going forward definitely learn how to regulate yourself. A woman is never going to feel safe with a man that has outbursts. She will shut down to a man she doesn't feel safe with. Learn how to respond rather than react. Pour your anger and frustration into someth…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 03:50 PM
4

Nobody can give you closure but yourself. Your ex is the last person on earth you should be seeking validation/support from. Sounds like you built your entire identity as your wife's husband and now feel desperately incomplete without her. You have to accept that relationship is gone forever and put in the work to build a new identity for yourself. This time rather than expect somebody else to complete you (pressure that nobody wants nor can they possibly live up to) become a complete man on you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 05:35 PM
3

Gym, dog, attorney. In that order. None are negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 04:48 PM
10

Hard truth: she is likely having an affair with a co-worker. Stings like hell but once you accept this letting go will become easier. I'd advise getting a lawyer and making sure you get child support, alimony, a piece of the retirement etc. Don't let pride stop you from getting everything you deserve, you'll need it all for raising your kids. The reality is that divorce rates where the man is stay at home is much higher than for guys that are employed outside of the house. It's an attraction kil…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 04:32 PM
5

Standard for a woman to do this. She detached from you years ago and is ready to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 06:59 PM
9

I knew when she decided she wanted to fuck other people. It sucked to lose the life I had built but I knew I was worth more. 4 years later life is awesome. No regrets whatsoever. I'd marry her and divorce all over again given the choice. Being a single dad is nirvana.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 06:56 PM
35

This is where you get rid of the lawyers, file yourselves, and push it through ASAP. Your wife will sign anything while she is cock drunk. You won't have much time until her oxytocin returns to baseline and then you are fucked. Do it today. I was in the same situation as you. My ex happily agreed to everything I asked for so she could divorce and not feel the guilt anymore. Her brain was heavily in the affair fog. I kept our fully paid for house, no alimony, no child support, she did not touch m…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 05:28 PM
2

My advice do not sacrifice your mental health for your kids or anyone else. You are actually doing them a disservice, they deserve the best version of you. Do what you need to to get back into the office and around adults during work hours.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:42 PM
3

Number one is clutch. I recommend talking up your co-parent to your kids any chance you get. Just because they are a bad romantic partner does not mean they are a bad parent or co-parent.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:39 PM
5

When a woman doesn't want to work on things she has already detached and is moving on to another man. Find yourself a place to live and get yourself a new dog. Do not use your other dog to try and stay in her life. Block her on everything and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:29 PM
3

You've been checked out for years and have already processed the end of the relationship. No work to do you are already there. Move on and have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:26 PM
5

Guessing your friend is 35+. Suggest trt. This will get his test back to optimal levels as well as make him infertile unless he happens to be an outlier. No operation required.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:19 PM
1

You typically have 6 months to fix any issues you have as a man before your female partner detaches from you. Once detached the relationship is over and there is no saving it. These issues include illnesses, injuries, depression, financial issues etc. She is already starting to resent you so you don't have long before it's over. Most men mistakenly think that a female partner is going to be supportive or nurturing during times of hardship. Women are wired to be supportive and nurturing to their …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:28 PM
4

Let it go. Block her on everything and get off social media. Going forward only date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:17 PM
8

All women are wired to foster and maintain relationships with multiple men. They do this to ensure they have options if the current relationship does not work out. It is not a bug, it is a feature to ensure their survival and survival of their offspring. They do it unconsciously and are continuously scanning for men to form bonds with. Typically this will be co-workers, neighbors, ex's, highschool friends, the barista at her fave coffee shop etc. She will keep all of them in the friendzone but w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:37 PM
10

In time you will learn that women are only sentimental when it comes to their children or pets that they care for. They are not wired to care in that way for their partners. It is not a bug but a feature to ensure all of their focus goes to their offspring, and that they are able to move on quickly if their partner does not return from "the hunt". If you want to partner up again you will have to accept this feature. Hard wired instincts are not going away anytime soon no matter how "advanced" so…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 01:51 PM
6

Wish I knew that separation is simply a long drawn out divorce, not an opportunity to work on the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 04:15 AM
1

My thoughts are don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy your time with them. Pretty soon your kids will be old enough to choose who and when they want to stay with. Swap off at 8am on the day.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 04:05 PM
4

Never ever accept less than 50/50 with your kids. Do not compromise on that. As for money that is easily replaced. Peace and happiness is not. As for retirement that is for weak little bitches. Man was created to work and to keep growing, not to get lazy and comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:19 PM
1

Time for some tough love. Your wife has absolutely no respect for you. You have absolutely no respect for you. If your son came to you with this you would tell him to kick this woman to the curb without hesitation, and you would be right. Get yourself into counseling and explore why you do not value, love, or respect yourself. Find out why you make other people the center of your world instead of yourself. You can take her back but she will fuck around on you again and leave if she is able to lo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:14 PM
3

You'll be fine mate, you just need some time to heal (a good 2-3 years). Treat this as a huge learning experience. Firstly never date single mothers or raise children that aren't yours. It's all downside for the step parent. Secondly whenever a woman feels disconnected from her partner you generally have 6 months to repair. Beyond that they will detach and once they do they can never attach to you romantically again. They process the detachment as if you have died. There is no saving things when…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:10 PM
1

No, you cannot work on a marriage while living apart. By that time you both have one foot out the door. Separation is not for reconciliation, it is a divorce on an extended timeline.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:34 PM
8

If you learn to speak woman then the duration of the romantic relationship is 100% up to you. It's a great place to be. Marriage has plenty of benefits, as does remaining single. One is not better than the other, they are just different.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:27 PM
7

Nah, you and your co-parent just landed yourselves a full time unpaid nanny who is going to get his walking papers when your daughter goes off to college. And guess who gets to pay your co-parent alimony for the privilege? Great hire by your ex. Nothing beats that look on step dad's face when you rock up and dump your kids off on him so you can go enjoy a weekend with a hot piece of ass.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:26 PM
12

I dated much younger. Did the trick.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 10:54 PM
2

I lost a ton of weight too. I got myself on trt and took me about a year to put 30lb of muscle back on, 4 years to put 60lb on. This was with consistent lifting and eating 5000 calories per day. Full recovered now. Actually way more than recovered. Id recommend trt if you are 35+, and get yourself some anavar that will heal your hip and knee injuries in about 6 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 10:45 PM
6

Incompetence is a requirement to land a government job.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:00 PM
12

Plenty of guys make the mistake of marrying a partner who does not contribute equally. Now you know.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:58 PM
7

50yo. Was married for 22 years. 2 kids. Best piece of advice I got was to date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. All of this once you are fully healed and have rebuilt an amazing life for yourself (this took me 3 years). You are not going to find a quality woman on an app. If you followed the step above you will meet top shelf women organically. They won't be shy about giving you choosing signals, and you will have plenty to choose from. Currently living with my 33yo GF. We will be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:17 PM
-3

The divorce rate for couples that pray together is less than 1%. This is not an accident. Start there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:08 PM
1

Marriage allows you to fully anchor into your partner. When both partners are anchored in this is where the synergy occurs.....1+1=3. Without that commitment each partner has one foot out the door and does not fully show up in the relationship. What you have is just a glorified FWB situation. Obviously if you are spiritual then marriage is on a whole other level IF you have an equally yolked partner. As always it comes down to how well you vet your partner. If you share the same values, you both…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 09:13 PM
2

Us men aren't into practical gifts. We have everything we want or get can anything we dont have ourselves. Stuff means nothing to us. Have your kids draw a picture or right a letter thanking him for being an awesome dad. These are what we fold away and keep in the sock drawer for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:35 PM
2

Doesn't sound right to me so I'd be getting free consults with other attorneys and see what they think about you paying all of the bills. As for her not wanting your partners around your child pay no attention to that. You are well within your rights to move on and build a new family. As for the new guy in your wife's life the poor sap doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Guy is going to be an unpaid nanny and chauffeur who is going to be kicked to the curb once your child is out of the …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:29 PM
4

God removes people from your life for a reason. It makes no sense to you now but in 5 years you'll look back and be thankful. Have faith. He knows the future and sees everything you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:21 PM
8

When my wife started fucking other people I knew it was over. Of course it really ended about 2 years prior to that but being clueless about women I didn't pick up on any of the signs she was unhappy so didn't fix things before she detached. But it truly was a great gift even if I was crushed at the time. I'd still be married to her if she hadn't left and the thought of that is depressing AF.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:35 PM
13

Work, gym, dog and travelling will fill your free time. Romantic relationships require a huge investment of time and energy (assuming you want a healthy one and want it to last). It's completely ok to max out a season of being single. Enjoy this time it never lasts long enough. When you are ready for another long term romantic relationship the universe will make sure you cross paths with the right woman for you. No need to chase it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:27 PM
2

Don't hide it. Do not go on the cruise. When women use the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line there is always another man in the picture, usually a co-worker. Go no contact, grant her the divorce, and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:49 PM
7

Parallel parenting is the answer. No contact except through a parenting app. No interaction in the real world whatsoever. Your life will be bliss.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:46 PM
13

We never vet out first wives. Thankfully this is a good learning experience so you don't make the same mistake twice. Just remember we ask them to marry us, not the other way around. If we choose badly, it's 100% on us.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:43 PM
3

She didn't even deserve a first chance. Set standards for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:40 PM
1

It doesn't matter if you think you're a catch. Women need to think you're a catch. Everything you described about yourself means nothing to women, which is why you are invisible to them. Go to the gym, build a nice physique over the next few years, and you'll have all the first dates you can handle. Average won't cut it. Second and subsequent dates will be dependent on your personality. Relationships will be dependent on your ability to connect emotionally with women. Don't listen to all the red…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:56 PM
10

Single moms look for an ATM, not love. She found hers. As for life being fair? Life is not about being happy, comfortable, or just. You are here to level up, and the universe will make sure you do that one way or the other.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:44 PM
19

She lost connection a few years back and detached. If you look back you will see all of the clues. She has been spending the last 18 months planning her exit. Most men mistakenly think they can win their wives back at this point. The right move is to grant her the divorce she asked for and move on with your life. Once a woman has detached it is over and there is no saving the relationship. Stay amicable and keep lawyers out of it if you can. Divorce can be extremely cheap IF you do an over the t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:59 PM
9

When things aren't going well women often think having children will change things or save the marriage. It's a last ditch effort to find happiness. What they don't realize is children magnify problems in a relationship, they don't fix them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:48 PM
13

Do not look for a long term companion online. Those women are all broken. Best advice I ever got was to date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. 50 now, just moved in with my 33 partner of one year. Life is good and drama free. Stay away from the single moms, you'll regret it every time. I'm a single dad, 50/50 co-parenting time. My partner has no kids. The dynamic works insanely well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:09 PM
3

A year is still very early on. Years 3-4 you may feel differently. Enjoy this season of singleness it never lasts long enough.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:46 PM
4

I love seeing my kids part time (50/50). I'm so ready for a break and me time by the end of the week. Ultimate life hack as far as I'm concerned.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:45 PM
14

No kids so block her on everything starting today. No need to communicate with her ever again, that's what you pay your lawyer for.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:42 PM
6

Get yourself into counseling asap my man. You are handling this all wrong and are a complete dumpster fire. You and your children deserve better. Start by taking that $15k back and never ever let your integrity be up for sale again. Standards.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 05:09 PM
2

Just know that no matter how terrified you are that you won't perform well your female partner is feeling that x10. Women are all extremely insecure. So don't sweat it for one second. Sex is never going to be good the first few times with any new partner. You have to get reps in to learn her body and what her physical and verbal cues are when you do something she likes. No two women are the same. She won't really feel safe with you to open up completely in the bedroom until months 2-3. Totally n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 05:05 PM
2

Well known side effect of this peptide. Exogenous estradiol is what she should be taking and it is dirt cheap ($5 per month).
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 04:54 PM
1

How are you going to feel when you die and lose 100% of your assets? My advice let go of your attachment to material things. Be free.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 05:04 PM
3

Tying your self worth to external validation is very unhealthy and extremely unattractive to women. Learn how to validate yourself or your future relationships are all going to be transactional and doomed to fail.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 05:01 PM
12

Yep my finances improved greatly. I was paying $8k per month for her credit card bills. That is zero now. She divorced while in an affair fog. No alimony, no child support, I kept my retirement, and kept our fully paid for house. She just wanted to split our cash 50/50 so she could go party and play sugar momma. She blew through $80k cash in less than a year and racked up $30k of credit card debt. My life is simple. No debt. Rent out the house. Split my apartment rent with my girlfriend in the c…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:56 PM
3

Find another place to live asap. Pay the lease break fee if you have to. Her behavior screams there is a new guy in the picture. Time for both of you to move on with your lives. Get yourself another dog. Under no circumstance use those dogs as an excuse to stay in contact with her and stay in her life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:46 PM
2

Kudos mate. Can't wait until my youngest turns 18 and I can block my ex entirely. 5 years and I'm completely free.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:41 PM
6

2 kids together. Married for 22 years. Took 2 years to move on. You'll know you have moved on when you stop thinking about her and stop hating her. Instead you move to indifference. She becomes a random woman you happen to have had kids with. Whether she wins the lottery, or lives in a cardboard box on the street, it makes absolutely no difference to you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:38 PM
9

She's not your mom, or your wife. No need to get anything for her for mother's day from you. You did perfect with the art project from the kiddos. Pay not attention to your ex's BS. She just wants to know she can still get a rise out of you which tells her you still have feelings for her. Cut contact as much as you can including not sitting with your ex or her family at games etc. Time to let all of that go and move forward without them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:26 PM
1

Go on Amazon together and let him choose some items for his room. If he has input he'll feel like he has a bit more control and feel more at home.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:15 PM
7

Nah money doesn't rate. You can't negotiate genuine attraction. Getting dates is all about physical attraction. Moving from the dating phase to the relationship phase is all about connecting emotionally with women. Money or a degree won't help you with either. Invest in your body, your health, your oral sex skills and everything else will fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:29 PM
6

Women are wired completely differently from us men. You process things using logic. They process things based on how you make them feel. Match made in heaven IF you stay connected, absolute shit show if you drift apart and stop communicating and stop paying attention to her subtle signals. She feels you abandoned her emotionally which is why she detached from you. A woman will not stay attached if they don't feel their partner is safe. Completely unconscious decision and once they detach they ca…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 03:37 PM
2

Run a background check on the guy. All you need is his name, date of birth and $20. If he has any convictions for violent crimes or sex crimes you keep your daughters and file an emergency custody order. If he is your run of the mill drunk nothing you can do. Just be there for your daughters if they need to talk, and to kick his ass if he gets out of line with them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:33 PM
2

A dog is a must. I'd suggest a poodle mix as they don't shed and they are all cute AF. Your kiddos will love it too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:28 PM
3

Since your STBXW is combative there is no hope of an amicable or uncontested or cheap divorce. Get that lawyer and pay him to handle everything. Go no contact with your wife (I'm assuming you don't have kids together).
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:24 PM
5

The best way to let go and move on with your life is to go no contact, or if you have kids no contact except communication regarding logistics for the kids. What you are doing will keep you in no man's land indefinitely. You will not begin to heal and grow until you move on alone.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:18 PM
2

She has already checked out of the marriage. Did so a few years back. Nothing you can do to "win" her back now. You generally have 6 months to fix things once a female partner becomes unhappy. After that they lose all attraction for you and detach permanently. Next they slowly plan their exit over the next 18-24 months. Start planning you life without her in it. Easy to say but it hurts like hell. But it will hurt more if you think you can win her back and remain attached to her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:45 PM
6

It's because you are dating all wrong. Ditch daring apps entirely you are not going to find a quality woman on those. Never ever cold approach in the real world. Instead approach women who are giving you choosing signals first. Your success rate will be near 100%. Mother nature had this figured out hundreds of thousands of years ago. The woman shows interest/flirts, and then the man makes his move. No need to complicate your life unnecessarily.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:28 PM
-2

If you have a daughter you will understand women perfectly. It's the father's job to contain their chaos, and the husband takes over that job when she gets married. If she had no father growing up then God help the man that ends up marrying her. Women are very much children in a lot of ways. Having said that most modern "men" are even moreso. But pair a woman with a masculine man and it is a match made in heaven, just as mother nature intended.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:18 PM
2

The only red flag I see is you being a doormat and letting her get her way every time. That is all on you though. Set standards and boundaries, and maintain them. As for everything else on the list that is par for the course with women. Femininity is chaos. You cannot change that, or them. If you want a partner that genuinely cares about your day or your feelings then date men. Women focus on how you make them feel. Your job as a man is to be a stable container for their chaos. Find validation i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:38 PM
9

I made sure to intentionally grieve what I had and to let it go. No two relationships are ever the same. There will be pros and cons to each. Your previous marriage was far from perfect if you look at it objectively (probably closer to dumpster fire if you are being honest). No mention of consistent lifting in your life. The outcome of divorce is night and day for guys that lift versus guys that don't. I don't have a scientific explanation, just anecdotal evidence across hundreds of guys. Get in…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:22 PM
1

You are really screwing your kids up by continuing this charade. They are going to learn that loveless relationships are ok and choose asshole partners for themselves. This is going to continue through your grandkids and great grandkids. You are creating generational trauma. They are not stupid and know you guys don't love each other like romantic partners should. Man up and do the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:26 PM
3

We all feel that way in the beginning mate. Every single one of us. You are not alone. And every single one of us thanks our ex for divorcing us 3 years down the track. It will not only get better, it will be way better than when you were married to your ex. Do sell the house and create a new space for yourself. A small apartment is all you need in the beginning. Staying in the marital home will slow your healing by years - not worth it. Being alone may feel scary but once you figure out who you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:21 PM
1

My advice let all of that slide. You can't control what your ex does in her world and trying to control her will only keep you resentful, bitter, and unhappy in your life. Stick to parallel parenting and you and your kid's lives will improve drastically.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:13 PM
13

Yep now that I made it to the other side I see my ex did me a huge favor. I never would have divorced and would still be in that stagnant relationship. I've found a much better partner, my relationship with my kids is awesome, and life is way more fun. Money is easily replaced no loss there. Just wish she would have divorced me 10 years earlier lol. These days I'll have no problem walking away from a romantic relationship if it is not serving me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:09 PM
5

For uncontested just file yourselves, no lawyer required. The whole divorce will cost you $300 or less.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:44 PM
2

Standards my man. Kick this trash to the curb.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:43 PM
6

If you are on the spectrum only date women who are also on the spectrum. It is nirvana. Leave the normies and all of their drama to the other normies, they don't deserve you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:41 PM
-2

If you chose to a marry a woman who makes less than you then this is how it plays out for men. Choose better next time and you will be receiving that $4k per month from your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:36 PM
5

Boundaries are key with a your co-parent. You did exactly the right thing. All you have to do now is maintain those boundaries. I only respond every Monday afternoon to my ex's texts regarding the kids. I won't even look at her texts from the previous week until noon Monday. 95% of it doesn't need a response. Second best move I made. The best was scheduling pickups/dropoffs around school so I never have to physically see her. Life is good 👍.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:33 PM
10

Don't worry about it, it always backfires and it will push your son closer to you. Just keep crushing it as a dad and both you and your son are golden. That's the beauty of being a single dad. Nothing your ex does matters, you are 100% in control of every outcome in your life from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:27 PM
3

Since you don't have kids together the correct move for you is to cut all ties and block her on everything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 07:08 PM
2

Why are you living together? You two are going to royally screw your kids up and your co-parent relationship by doing that. Move out and get your own space. 50/50 with the kiddos. Move on and enjoy life. If you must go down that path know that what women complain about is never what the issue is. They want you to open them up to get to the real issue underneath. From there they want you to contain their emotions, not use logic to win the nonsensical argument. But if you had that kind of relation…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 07:00 PM
10

You'll find peace once you accept the relationship is over and you go no contact except for logistics regarding your kiddos. If you entertain hope she will come back you are in for a world of pain. Once a woman mentions divorce it is over and you cannot change their mind. Do not fall for the phone calls begging for another chance, these are just games to get your validation she has no interest in you as a romantic partner. Time to let go of that previous romantic relationship and move on to a li…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:56 PM
14

She is not going to reconcile. She just wants to know that you are still pining away for her. She lost faith of that when you went no contact. Once a woman mentions divorce it is over. You cannot change their mind or "win" them back. Keep going no contact and move on with your life. Do not remain friends or continue to validate her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:52 PM
15

Haha mine did the same thing. For any guys out there when your wife asks for a boob job the romantic relationship is over. There is no saving it, just pass Go and file for divorce immediately. Do not waste that year of your life thinking she will be loyal. That's a year you could get over the loss faster and a year you could be enjoying an even better life without her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 05:31 PM
11

She wants you to be her gay male friend. She wants emotional support while she goes out and gets dicked down by other men. She no longer wants to fuck you as she finds you repulsive romantically. Do yourself a favor and go no contact. Block her on absolutely everything. Have your lawyer talk to her lawyer and move on with your life. Time to stop being a doormat, nobody finds that attractive.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 05:24 PM
1

Sounds like you were unhealthily dependent on your ex. As a man you should feel confident you can handle anything life throws at you all by yourself. It's your wife that should feel like she needs you. That is the masculine/feminine dynamic that creates and maintains attraction. Give it a few years and you'll stop thinking about her. Meanwhile use this season of singleness to grow as a man. This means physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. Physically is the most important, the oth…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 05:34 PM
3

No kids? That makes it very simple. Get your own place and file for divorce. Since she was the breadwinner she will be paying you alimony and your court costs. The way you screw this up is by thinking you can "win" her back, or by signing your rights away to all the financial assets you deserve (she will be banking on this). Go get a lawyer and don't screw this up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 05:27 PM
7

Enjoy a season of being single my man. Soon enough you'll be remarried and wishing you had stayed single for a few years longer. Go on some fun adventures you could never do with a partner.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 05:21 PM
7

Oh hell no I'm living my best life ever. Holding on to that anger robs you of so much, including a good 10 years off the back end of your life from all of that cortisol and inflammation. If you are a man then gym is always the answer. Get after it. Who gives a fuck if she got $$$ out of you. You aren't going to take anything with you once you leave this world. You got out of a really shitty contract with a really shitty partner really early for a bargain price. Go celebrate the win.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:51 PM
4

Since you have kids together you can't cut her out of your life completely. You just have to suck it up for a few years until you become indifferent toward her. Meanwhile take that anger to the gym and put it to good use.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:47 PM
4

No sense trying once the woman has checked out. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her love you again. Divorce and move on to a better life for you and the kiddos.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:44 PM
1

She has checked out of the marriage. Time to call it and move on to a better life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:41 PM
18

Your marriage is over and your wife has obviously checked out. Why are you going to couples counseling? File for divorce, sell the house, and go live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:37 PM
26

Very rarely do women come back, and when they do it is not because they love you and feel they made a mistake by leaving you. Once a woman falls out of love with a guy it is impossible for her to turn that switch on for him ever again. The good news is you really have to do a lot wrong over a long period of time for them to start resenting you to the point that they stop loving you . You generally have 6-12 months to correct any issues before they turn off to you . Sex is ALWAYS the check engine…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 05:40 PM
5

First you need to accept that the relationship is over. Chatting and exchanging jokes on Facebook is extremely unhealthy for you and a waste of your time and energy. Go no contact with her except for texts regarding logistics for your child, nothing more. Parallel parent for the first few years while you detach from your ex and heal. Once you have moved on to a new life and a new woman you can decide if you want to co-parent or not (spoiler alert you won't). Best practice choose one day per week…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:07 PM
45

Women initiate 70% of divorces, 90% if they are educated. That is the reason for the perception that men take divorce hard - they had no clue it was coming while the women know well in advance (2 years or so). But the data is very clear after 5 years men are far ahead of women in terms of quality of life after divorce. Men are much more successful at attracting a new life partner, much more likely to remarry, their incomes are higher, and they are much happier overall. It takes about 2 years for…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:55 PM
3

Do not give her a dime unless it is court ordered. Follow that and you are golden.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 05:17 PM
1

Heartbreak is the pathway from boy to man. Hard to see it now but you were given a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 05:16 PM
3

If you are in the USA you'll get 50/50 custody UNLESS you sign your rights away. Don't sign your rights away. As for the anxiety sign up to your local gym today. If you've never trained before get yourself a trainer/nutritionist for 2 months to learn the ropes. When you move into your new space get yourself a cute dog. That's all you need to do and you are golden man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 05:13 PM
3

Date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. Easy way to filter out these older women with baggage. Do this and you will live an amazing life. Don't and you will be back here for round two in 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 05:07 PM
5

You have to give it a good 2 years. Once you take her off the pedestal you'll wonder wtf you ever saw in her lol. You'll have plenty of better women in every way than her in your future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 07:16 PM
11

Separation is a delayed divorce, nothing more. My advice go no contact and let your lawyer talk to her lawyer. If you don't have kids together block her on everything and begin moving on with your life. Certainly do not go help her with anything, that's the new guys job.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 07:10 PM
1

Do not feel guilty. The spouse who wants out should be the one to leave the marital home (barring abuse). Ask her to leave, you will need that space and time away from her to detach. Living together is the absolute worst thing you can do for yourself and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:31 PM
5

Just like in any profession 95% of therapists are sub par. You really need to book a lot of consults until you find one you click with. I did personal therapy with a good therapist for a year. It did help, but I would rate it 10% as effective as lifting heavy weights consistently. Men process things by moving their bodies, not by talking (that's women). Lifting or ju jitsu will get you much better results, but if you have the time and money that extra 10% from therapy is good to have. But under …
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:28 PM
2

Lifting heavy weights consistently is the answer for any hardship in life for men. Join your local gym today.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:17 PM
2

Once a woman mentions the "D" word it is over and there is nothing either of you can do to save the relationship. The reason being once they mention divorce they have already been detached from you emotionally for at least a year or two. Once detached it is impossible for women to love you again as a romantic partner, that is just the way they are wired to survive. In future relationships make sure to do monthly check-ins with your partner about the relationship. This way they never detach (assu…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:29 PM
7

Good for you mate! A lesson for everyone out there....once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. And that applies if they cheated in previous relationships as well. Vet for loyalty and self respect. A person who does not respect themselves is incapable of respecting anybody else.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:18 PM
1

I would advise changing the schedule to every other week. It is much easier on the kids, and you! The kids will put up with the car ride, have fun together. Id move and find a new job before cutting hours with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:12 PM
3

Sell everything you bought together married and split 50/50. For pre-existing assets you guys brought into the marriage split any appreciation in value 50/50. Don't worry about the money it is easily replaced and not worth being bitter about. That anger is going to cost you years off the backend of your life and hundreds of thousands in medical bills.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:30 PM
1

I did side hustles. Started a business, did uber, did personal training, whatever it took to pay the bills. Looking back it was an awesome experience.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 05:29 PM
7

It's your body telling you that you are not ready to date. Take a season of singleness and learn what you are supposed to learn. If you don't you will be back here for rounds 2 and 3.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 05:24 PM
3

"Sick and tired of being alone" That's your problem right there. No woman wants to take on the responsibility of making you happy. Build an awesome life for yourself where you are happy, and that includes being happy alone. Do that and good women will be coming out of the wood work to date you. Women are the cherry on top of an amazing life you have already created. You are putting the horse before the cart.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 05:13 PM
10

I was ready to date 4 years after my divorce. Married for 22 years. I stopped missing my ex 3 years after the divorce. The dating pool is fine. I do not do apps so can't comment on those. I prefer to approach the old fashioned way so I know there is mutual physical attraction before the first date. If there isn't fireworks in person I'm not wasting my valuable time. Found my next life partner and we are moving in together next month after a year of dating. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:51 PM
7

Dating is for vetting your potential life partners. You seem to have done a great job doing that with this woman but are choosing to look the other way rather than looking at the results. Your partner is financially irresponsible and is unmotivated to work. She is healthy enough to party but not enough to get a job? You are being played. She is not wife material, not even close. I'm going to guess since she has health issues she is also an older woman. Best advice I ever got was to only date 10-…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:41 PM
10

Your letting your ex live rent free in your head. Let her go. Your son only needs one parent to be stable and to do the right thing and he will be fine. You are 100% in control of whether he gets that or not, and it has nothing to do with your ex so dont worry what happens in mom's world. Keep the focus on dad's world and you'll both do just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:58 PM
1

Always a great idea to parallel parent the first 3-4 years after any divorce. Save co-parenting if you guys end up being friends 5 years down the track. That space the first few years to parent how you want and not caring how your ex parents is bliss and so rewarding.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:53 PM
3

Yeah nice guys are very manipulative and unattractive to everyone. Ditch the transactional mindset. Learn how to love unconditionally (and that includes yourself) and you are golden.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:49 PM
-4

Nah, but social media makes a great scapegoat lol. Back to reality, women walk when they no longer feel safe in a relationship. It has nothing to do with media. They lose connection so they then go looking for it outside of the relationship. At this stage they will utilize social media to rally support and meet new partners, but it is not the reason they originally detached from their spouse. Never once seen a woman leave a guy she has great connection with.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:44 PM
10

No your ex did not give him your number lol. The guy is full of shit and is a real dumpster fire of a man. Completely inappropriate to contact you regarding this. Block them both and don't look back. These two clowns deserve each other.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:33 PM
2

Once a woman mentions the "D" word it is over. By this point she has already detached and has wanted out for 18-24 months. She is only mentioning it now because she has made plans over the past 1-2 years and is now in a position to leave. Grant her the divorce she wants and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:30 PM
2

No you will not work it out. Yes you will get over it. Every man who has been divorced was in your exact situation. After 5 years not a single man would take his ex back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:13 PM
2

Yep once you stop loving them then what happens to them means nothing to you. You won't care if they win Powerball or if they are living in a cardboard box on the street. This is how you know you have moved on. If you continue to be bitter and wish bad things on your ex you still very much love them. Indifference is the goal.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:11 PM
2

They feel like they need to in order to get continued access to sex. They have no other options.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:08 PM
5

Block him and move on with your life. He is not a parent and never will be unless he knocks up your ex. Parallel parenting is best for you and your kiddos for the first 5 years after divorce in any situation. After 5 years if you and your ex want to become genuine friends then that is the time to give co-parenting a shot (spoiler alert you won't want to be friends). Get 50/50 and stick to the parenting plan. Communicate in a parent app only with your ex if she becomes combative.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:07 PM
1

Get a divorce and get yourself a dog. Give yourself 3-4 years to rebuild an awesome life for yourself and your kiddos. Then, and only then, invite a loyal and loving woman into your life (hint: they do not use hinge or other dating apps).
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:01 PM
-2

The cause of divorce is always 50/50. The reason is almost always lack of monthly check-ins with each other resulting in emotional disconnect. This results in building resentments which then leads to a dead bedroom and infidelity/ wanting out of the relationship to explore connections with others.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:56 PM
2

Money is easily replaced, don't sweat it or compare yourself to others. Every man starts back at zero after a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:53 PM
1

An eviction on your record will deny you from renting any place that uses a property management company for 5 years from the date of eviction. I'd find another solution.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:51 PM
2

When you're a single dad you have to realize nobody else is going to love your kids the way you do. You think they are wonderful while everyone else on the planet other than your co-parent thinks they are annoying little shits lol. That's just reality. Your wife only put up with them to be with you. The best way is to NOT go the stepmom route but rather keep parenting all you and your co-parent. Have your significant other take on the role of the cool aunt, nothing more. Your new wife gets to sp…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:32 PM
2

Go be social on the weekend. During the week go to work, take care of your kids, do the housework, do the yardwork, lift weights, do meal prep, and when that weekend hits go have fun while the kiddos are with mom (in time that will be with a special woman). You are living the dream.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:20 PM
2

No don't do it mate. Get out of there and get your own space ASAP. If your job isn't flexible to have 50/50 start looking for another job.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:16 PM
9

Yep, and it was fantastic. Once you get to the other side you realize your are fucking superman and you can take care of business regardless of what happens in your life. It makes walking away from future bad relationships a breeze too. Just remember God never puts more on your plate than you can handle. Keep crushing it!
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:14 PM
3

Relationships take time and effort and the payoff is long term. Hookups take no effort and the payoff is instant. Not surprising most will opt for a hookup.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:02 PM
3

You're too young. All the women are chasing us older guys. You'll get there one day. Your job right now is to grind away building your physique and your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:55 PM
5

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Lust is a feeling. Nobody is going to lust after a partner in a long term relationship. You didn't fall out of love, you chose to stop loving her. When physical intimacy stops you lose the oxytocin and vasopressin responses required to maintain connection and that drive to continue to wake up everyday and make the choice to love your partner. You could divorce and go lust after a new woman, but the lust will only last 6-12 months and you are back to the sam…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:51 PM
8

When women say they want to leave to work on themselves there is always a new guy in the picture. Don't worry what she is doing, she'll be a distant memory before too long.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:43 PM
6

We all go through this mate, it comes with the territory. And like everyone else in time you'll make it through this too. The first two years will suck. No way around that. The next two will be much better. Odds are you'll be remarried by year 5 (yeah we all think no way in the beginning lol but the stats don't lie). Things that will help speed up the process: Counselling, divorce recovery group, gym, get yourself a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 05:34 PM
3

The romantic relationship is over. She wanted out and she left you. A woman who desires you does not leave, she will be stuck by your side like a suckerfish. You cannot convince someone to love you and you cannot negotiate desire. Your financial split sounds fair to me. Congrats on your daughter. Daughters are your real ride or die. You have already won at life. Start planning a life without your wife and start doing the work to let go of her. This next chapter of your life is going to be amazin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 05:29 PM
2

If you are looking for a life partner avoid online dating. The types of women using these apps are not wife material. You'll find partner material at your work, your gym, the coffee shop, the grocery store, out walking your dog, while traveling etc. When you are ready the universe will make sure you cross paths with the right person (you'll know instantly when you see her) and then it's up to you to take the initiative and set a date.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 05:21 PM
2

She will have to give you written notice in advance. If you object (sounds like you will) then it will go to court for a hearing. The judge will weigh a lot of different factors and make a decision for you guys. Definitely consult an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:30 PM
10

In the USA 80% of women (and men) are overweight. I'm guessing that is closer to 90% in the over 50 age range. But 10% is still a large number so don't even think about settling. I see plenty of older women in really great shape at the gyms I go to. Obviously they are going to want guys in tip top shape so if you are not muscular and lean you won't attract them. All that being said my advice is to date at least 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. Plenty of attractive women in their 3…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:21 PM
4

Parallel parent the first few years, and beyond that if it still works for you. Staying friends in the beginning is a huge mistake and will set you back years. Be friends if you want once you have healed and moved on (3-4 years time), but honestly you won't want to once you take her off the pedestal. Your kids need a happy dad, not a miserable door mat pining away for his ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:56 PM
5

I would not invite that type of chaos into my or my childrens' lives. There are so many great women to date why stay with a broken one? My advice in the future do not introduce your kids to your partner for 12 months. Anyone can put on an act for 6 months, but most expose themselves before the year mark. Date plenty of different women and figure out what you want in a partner. The odds that the very first woman you come across after your divorce is the one is slim to none.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:47 PM
1

I'd advise staying away from divorced women or single moms. Dealing with baggage and/or raising another man's kids is not what most men want for their second chance at life. I agree dating is what this guy needs but 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:40 PM
5

Having children magnifies any issues you have as a couple, it does not make them better. Unfortunately now you have brought an innocent person into your dumpster fire of a life. All of your marital issues can be resolved IF both of you are willing to build a brand new marriage together and put in the work. If one or both of you aren't willing to put in the work then it is time to divorce. You cannot force someone to love you or put in effort.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:32 PM
15

Men like you are precisely why the divorce rate for second and third marriages are sky high. Do your future self a favor and slow way the fuck down. You are woefully unprepared to lead a long term romantic relationship. If you must plow ahead with this then I'll give you some advice so you have a fighting chance. Never, ever share details about your romantic past and never, ever ask about your partners past. If she asks simply say a gentleman does not kiss and tell and change the subject. Enforc…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 06:01 PM
3

You only get to meet a Juliet once or twice a decade on average. It stings when you fuck up and they walk. Go read 3% man by Corey Wayne. The section on maintaining once you are in the relationship phase is the best on the subject. When your next Juliet enters your life you will be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 05:48 PM
1

I would set appropriate boundaries regarding finances. Personally I never lend money to friends or family members. If they ask and I have extra then it is a gift with no expectations whatsoever. If I don't have extra the answer is "no". And just so you know nobody cares that you are going through a divorce (not even your mother). You are 100% on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 11:25 PM
6

That is precisely the role of a husband. You are taking over where your spouse's father left off. That is why you ask permission from their father for marriage. That doesn't mean spoil them tho. If she is spoiled that should have been vetted for during the dating phase. If you ever have a daughter you will understand female nature and the masculine/feminine dynamic much better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 11:17 PM
5

It will take time. Give it 3 years or so.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:20 PM
10

Never, ever get back with an ex. Tell her to only communicate to you regarding logistics for your kids. If she won't comply block her and tell her to email you from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:19 PM
0

The man pays. Been like this since the beginning of time and will always be like this. If you want a partner who is 50/50 then date guys.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 07:27 PM
1

Rules will be different for your son and daughter as they are wired completely differently. Your son will be easy. You set the rules and he follows. No negotiations. Women are completely different animals, especially teens with huge hormone fluctuations. Instead of focusing on rules or offering solutions focus on getting her to open up to you. If you can do that you are golden (it is also a very good skill to have when dealing with your co-parent and future romantic partners). Women just want to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 07:23 PM
17

You know you made plenty of wrong decisions. First was dating before you took care of your divorce business. Second was stringing along a poor woman into your dumpster fire of a life and destroying her life in the process. Third was getting back with your wife when she clearly does not love you. Divorce your wife, spend a season being single, and sort your shit out before you hurt anyone else (including yourself).
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 07:11 PM
2

Only one thing to do....you pick yourself up and move forward. Luckily us men were designed specifically for that purpose so it will come naturally once you get some momentum going.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:54 PM
2

Build your own life out. It is never healthy to make your spouse or your kids the center of your world. Time to pick up all of the hobbies you enjoyed as a young man but dropped when you got married. Try new things too. Dog and gym are a must IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:52 PM
6

There is nothing to do. Your son is a grown ass man and fully capable of making his own life decisions. What he does has nothing to do with you whatsoever. Personally I'd be proud he helps his mother out and is not a little bitch whining about some shoulder pain.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:48 PM
1

It gets much better. By year 3 you will be loving the single dad lifestyle. Having 50% time off from parenting is the ultimate life hack.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:45 PM
4

Can't tell based on what you typed. Women talk like this all the time for validation but have no desire for anything else from you whatsoever. Good chance she talks like this to every guy at the gym willing to spend their time on her. The key is to look to see if she plays with her hair while you interact and if she angles her neck to show it to you. These are unconscious and uncontrollable cues she is into you. If not she is just looking for validation. If so ask for her number and setup a date…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 12:11 AM
1

The best time to throw in the towel was when you found out she cheated on you. The second best time to throw in the towel is today.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 11:55 PM
8

I kept the house. One of the worst decisions I ever made. It is like being trapped in a prison of memories. I'll be moving out to an apartment this summer and I am so looking forward to it. My advice sell all assets, split 50/50, let the past die and move on with your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 11:46 PM
1

If intimacy is rare she has already checked out of the relationship. You guys are roommates not lovers, let her go have fun. Meanwhile prepare for the inevitable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:30 PM
0

We aren't on the same page because men and women are wired completely differently. Women do what makes them feel good. We do what is right. Excluding others is weak.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:24 PM
-3

It is ALWAYS just one thing - lack of emotional intimacy. Continue to court your wife and she will be a loyal life partner forever.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:17 PM
5

Yes it is bad. Never stop fighting for your kids. Men were created to do hard things.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:12 PM
1

When a woman cheats she has completely checked out of the romantic relationship. They don't cheat for variety, they are looking for a new life partner. You made the right call. Congrats on you second chance at life!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:11 PM
5

Firstly she's not gay. That is the standard play used by women to leave a marriage quickly and easily. She'll be shacked up with a new guy within a year. But it doesn't really matter. She no longer loves you and wants to move on to find a new partner. You cannot force someone to love you., and there is no way to save a marriage once a woman falls out of love with her partner. Getting to build a new identity is an opportunity. No doubt you stagnated in your marriage. It's scary but in a few years…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 05:22 PM
6

This is your hubby's problem, let him deal with his mess.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 06:37 PM
2

You rent an apartment and get to work on rebuilding. You are starting over from scratch, but this time with kids. With 50/50 you will have plenty of time to work 2-3 jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 03:32 PM
2

Go rent an apartment. You need your own space.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:09 PM
2

You do have a choice. Pack your shit and go. Live in your car and shower at your gym.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:07 PM
7

Women are wired to be social. They process things by talking with other women. Men are wired completely differently. We process things by moving our bodies. Gym and dog is all you need, you are half way there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:04 PM
2

"How do you come to terms with likely overlap/infidelity when you’ll probably never get full confirmation?" Grown men and women don't just get emotionally involved with each other and then do nothing else. Yes she was fucking her co-worker, and yes it is probably his child.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:24 AM
3

Her loss bro. Congrats on the kids and a new start at life!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:12 AM
4

Pressure is a privilege. Keep kicking ass and keep growing as a man. If you have a comfortable life you are not doing it right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 10:21 PM
1

Living with her is the worst decision you will ever make for yourself and your kids. It will damage your mental health to the point you will be in therapy for years. If you have to live in your car and shower at your gym then do it. Just get out of there. Let her handle the sale of the house. Focus on yourself and your relationship with your kids. Nothing else matters at this stage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 10:17 PM
25

You raised her two boys, the gig is over. That is what happened. Tough lesson to learn. Going forward date women 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 05:11 PM
-5

You fucked up. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 05:07 PM
6

"We no longer shared the same values" worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:33 PM
3

Yes, we are designed to partner up, totally normal to feel alone. But you are very far away from being ready for a relationship. Get yourself a dog, nothing better than having a happy face greet you when you come home.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:31 PM
3

She's just figuring herself out and both of you are discovering you are not compatible as life partners. In the future date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. She rushed into a relationship after divorce and never found out who she was as a person or what she wanted from a life partner. Your marriage never stood a chance.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:28 PM
2

Yep, guys need to grow a pair and put their happiness first. Ironically if they did this their wives would not want to get off the ride.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:23 PM
3

You'll need an outlet for that anger of the next year. Go join your local gym.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:22 PM
8

Only 4 years married you won't be paying alimony for very long at all. Dont worry about money it is easily replaced. Focus on your health and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:30 PM
2

Don't let a few bad apples ruin the bunch. 20% of women are whores, 30% of men are assholes. It has always been this way and will always be this way. You never hear about the 80% of good women. Vet the women you date. It's not hard to weed out the 20%.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:21 PM
0

Just because you are hiding it doesn't make you any better than your wife. You are both married and disrespecting your vows. Disappointments, both of you. If you don't believe me ask your kid what they think of you and your wife's behaviour. Cut out the bullshit with the new girl, ask your wife to leave the marital home, focus on getting divorced and getting your kid through the dumpster fire that is now their life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:17 PM
3

Never, ever go back just because you miss someone. Only go back if they added value to your life. People don't change.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:27 PM
2

"Everything seemed perfect. She had some issues, a deep history of anxiety, an avoidant attachment style, a mother that seemed narcissistic" You chose a horrible life partner. Don't even try to understand what is going on in this broken woman's head. Cut her out of your life as much as you can, and when you start dating again vet for crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:25 PM
1

I'd trust my ex before I trust a lawyer!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:18 PM
17

When a woman genuinely desires a man all of their rules go out the window. You ex is really into this guy. You'll never go back to being who you were. We are constantly growing and evolving. The old you is dead too. The good news is you get to choose the type of man you want to be going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:16 PM
14

Block her on everything and cut her out of your life completely. Do not meet up with her. You are bringing all of this pain on yourself. Why?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 11:56 PM
9

Women don't care about a home, pets, quality of life, or how good of a father you are. They only care about how you make them feel. If you fail in that department they lose attraction pretty quickly. There is nothing wrong with them, mother nature wired them to respond to intimacy, or lack thereof. If you want a partner who responds to gifts, a house, cars, steady paycheck, vacations etc you'll need to start dating other men.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:19 PM
2

250mg weekly testosterone. Clean diet. Lift 4-5 times per week. 10 hours sleep per day. Low stress. You'll feel like you could kick the behinds of10 of your 21yo selves, and you could.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:24 PM
3

Bad idea to stay in the marital home. It will wreck your mental health. Move out tomorrow and get yourself a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:22 PM
9

Get rid of social media altogether unless you earn an income from it. Complete waste of time and energy if you are a guy. If you don't have kids block her number too. No reason to ever communicate with her again. Be free.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:20 PM
13

Living together was your first mistake. The one who wants out should be the one to leave the marital home barring abuse. Ask her to leave immediately. She can stay with the new guy. Second mistake was thinking she would honor her promise. Feminine energy is chaos. She is in full new relationship mode and high as a kite. She is not going to care about a promise she made to her ex.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:15 PM
13

Friendly acquaintances? Yes. Genuine close friends? Not a chance.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:05 PM
12

If your motivation to take care of yourself is to find a woman you are going to fail. Women are much smarter emotionally than men and will spot your inauthentic behavior a mile away. Find out why you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself and create a good life for yourself. That is the real issue. Men who love and value themselves are magnetic everywhere they go. If you don't care about yourself why on earth would a woman want to anchor into that? Single women are everywhere. Your …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:23 PM
1

Been there mate. My son attempted to take his life when he found out about his mom's multiple affairs and sex practices at the end of our marriage. Two issues going on here, and counseling will help with both. For now forget about lawyers. This is about repairing yourself and your relationship with your son and co-parent, it is not about being right. You need to process almost losing your son. That's going to take a good amount of work for a year or two. You will need a good counselor to guide y…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:11 PM
14

75% of the time it is the woman who walks away. Most of the time she already has a new partner, and the rest of the time she moves on to a partner very quickly. This is a huge blow to the male ego, and understandably so. Divorced guys try to move on quickly to prove to themselves that they still have "it" and are able to still attract women. Most men are unable to sit in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations. They either had no father in the home at all, or if they did that father was weak and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:20 PM
1

Corey Wayne is the only guy I have come across that understands women (well he and Doc Love who Corey learned from). All the rest are pure garbage. Corey is great for landing women who aren't really into you. Personally I wouldn't waste my time with these women, but you do you. If you find a woman who has genuine desire for you then you won't need to follow Corey's dating advice, they will be stuck to you like glue no matter what. But his book is great once you move past the dating phase into th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:32 PM
2

It's the new guys job to buy her gifts, not yours. You both didn't decide, she asked for space as she no longer loves you and you agreed hoping to win her back. Just keeping it real mate. If you keep deluding yourself your heart is going to get ground into dust. Start letting go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:25 PM
3

Yes you are insane for wanting to reconcile. Put your kids first mate, this woman and her kids are a dumpster fire. In the future date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. As part of the vetting process make sure your kids like your partner. Your daughter knew this woman was bad news from day one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:17 PM
13

When times get tough you learn who your real friends are mate. You may find every person who you thought was a friend abandons you now. Go join your local gym and you'll find an instant circle of solid people who will always be there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:13 PM
15

Fellow divorcee from Oregon. If this is an amicable divorce and you both agree on the division of assets and custody (do not accept less than 50/50) then file yourselves. It will cost $300 for filing fees and you will be divorced in less than 2 weeks. No court appearance necessary, you both just need to do the state mandated parenting classes. Go down to your county courthouse and the clerk will give you the forms and walk you through everything if you need help. It is really not complicated, I'…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:24 PM
13

Women don't cheat for variety. They cheat because they no longer love their current partner and are out looking for a new life partner to build a life with. Don't waste your time on a woman who does not love you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:38 PM
1

Don't let one woman stop you from going after your dreams or interfere with your relationship with God. Put God on a pedestal, not your ex. Do not let her live rent free in your head. Have faith God will bring the right woman into your life when the time is right. And you are right you are nowhere near ready to court your future wife. Slow way down. Odds are right now your future wife is getting ready for you too. Get everything you can out of this season of being single. God removes people from…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 05:33 PM
1

You are way overthinking this. If you guys have a good co-parenting relationship and are flexible with each other just text and ask and she'll say yes unless she already had plans. On the flip side if your co-parenting relationship is in the toilet it doesn't matter how you ask she will say no.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 05:22 PM
13

For future reference when a woman mentions the D word the romantic relationship has been over for close to two years. There is no saving it at that point, she is fully checked out and detached from you. There is nothing to discuss or negotiate at this point. The only move is to file for divorce and begin to let go of her. A one night stand is very much cheating. Sounds like you have fully abandoned yourself to go all in on this woman. Been there mate, it is hell on earth. Once you heal and learn…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 05:32 PM
2

Only had one, but it's always the guys who rush into new relationships and do not reflect on what their part was in the failure of the first marriage that get divorced multiple times. These guys replay the same relationship over and over just with a different partner. Usually by the 3rd divorce they give up and either label themselves as broken or all women as broken, and they stay single. The guys who take the opportunity to grow into complete men after divorce do just fine in their subsequent …
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 05:25 PM
4

You file for divorce and move on with your life. Women don't cheat on men that they love. They don't cheat for variety. They cheat when they are done with their current guy and are looking for a new life partner. It is not a "mistake" or a "relapse". She does not love you. She wats no future with you. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 11:59 PM
6

Yeah you were totally in the wrong, but it is understandable. Sounds like you were watching the game next to your ex? Bad move for yourself. Stay far away and focus on your kid and the game. You are not a family anymore, your ex is no longer a part of your life. For now it is just you and the kiddo. Why would you be pissed at your ex for moving on with her life? Be happy for her, sounds like she may have a shot with a solid guy who also has a kid who plays basketball. That amount of rage and thi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 11:53 PM
10

You'll learn from that mate, don't beat yourself up about it. FYI women don't see buying a house, fixing it up, paying bills etc as caring about them or doing something for them. They only care about how you make them feel. All that other stuff that us men assign large weight to is a only a small bonus to them and ultimately means nothing as far as relationship quality goes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 11:38 PM
5

One cup skim milk, one banana, one tsp creatine, 2 scoops whey protein. Brutal leg workout Friday night. Levelled up. Off to see my girl. Alcohol can fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:33 PM
3

Been there mate. You'll find once you rebuild an awesome life for yourself (this will take 3-5 years) you will love yourself and not rely on women for validation. You will know if a romantic relationship ends It will suck for a bit but you will be ok.....no biggie. It's when you rely on a romantic partner for validation, purpose and identity (an extremely unhealthy and unattractive dynamic) that you fear being betrayed and abandoned and it causes you to have to rebuild from ashes every time. If …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:27 PM
8

Once you let go of your ex wife (that will take a few years post divorce if you loved her) you will start to see other women again. Until you rebuild an awesome life for yourself the good women will not see you back however. This is the most dangerous time for divorced men - still broken you will only attract broken women. You attract what you are, no way around that. When you do let go and rebuild, then vet carefully and go slow when you start dating again....very slow. The diatribe that modern…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:16 PM
3

My ex kept my last name for 3 years and changed back to her maiden name about a year ago. Feels awesome that she no longer has my name. It always felt to me like she was trying to stay family in some weird way - you're not so get the fuck out. Have to love that chaotic feminine energy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 06:27 PM
3

Yeah that feeling is brutal mate. It's just something you have to go through, the dark night of the soul. Nothing you can do to avoid it, upside is once you make it thru everything else in life becomes super easy by comparison (except maybe heavy legs day at the gym lol). After you make it to the other side you become strong as fuck and life is on easy mode, embrace the suck.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 08:28 PM
2

Never, but it will become less frequent by the end of year 2. You'll still experience it from time to time until the day you die but after time you will recover after a few minutes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 08:23 PM
3

Since you have no kids delete everything and block her on everything and move on with your life. Your brother knows jack shit about divorce. You won't appreciate the good times until year 3.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 08:21 PM
5

That was me the first two years after divorce. Once I healed I made a boundary not to let my ex live rent free in my head any longer. I was determined not to let my ex or her past behavior stop me from living the life I wanted. 4 years on I rebuilt and decided I wanted to share that life with an amazing woman. God delivered and we will be getting married in the next year. I remember hearing the statistic that 75% of divorcees remarry within 5 years when I joined my divorce recovery group. I used…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 08:09 PM
16

When women stray you need to let them go. They dont stray for variety, they stray to build connection and find a new life partner. This means all feelings for you romantically are long gone, and once gone a woman can never rekindle those. Unfortunately for her the co-worker is stringing her along and is just looking to get his dick wet. He will dump her as soon as she starts pressuring him for a relationship. No pussy is worth taking on some other guy's 5 and 7 year olds. It will implode as quic…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 12:08 AM
1

Women are wired to maintain relationships with the men in their lives. It allows them to recruit backups so if the current guy does not workout she can count on you to save her. She wasn't testing your stupidity, she was subconsciously seeking to confirm she still has you wrapped around her little finger. If you do not have kids together you need to block her on everything and go no contact. Once you heal and start to value yourself again you won't ever entertain getting back with an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 11:57 PM
3

Taking a gap year off is the best thing you can do for yourself. For most it is simply not a financial reality. It will allow you the time and space to really experience and process those feelings and put you on the fast track to recovery. I'd advise individual counselling once per week (sliding scale counselling makes this affordable) and joining a divorce recovery group (co-ed, not male only) once per week for that gap year (these groups are free). Dog, gym and nutrition are the last remaining…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 11:45 PM
1

You've got this mate. Gym and kickboxing are very wise choices for yourself. Give yourself some grace over the next 2 years as you work on letting your ex go and you rebuild an awesome life for yourself and your son. Seeing the person you love date others is gut wrenching. But it will make you into an incredibly strong man for your son and your next life partner.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 05:21 PM
1

Divorce madey life far more intentional and so much easier. Can't thank my ex enough for walking away.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:08 AM
12

Love is blind. Stop loving them and you stop being blind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:06 AM
3

Consider sports trt and gym. Way better than anti anxiety meds.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:04 AM
2

Why don't you work on communication and connection with your wife instead of fantasizing about a woman you know nothing about? If you leave you are only going to bring your piss poor relationships skills to the new relationship and that is going to fail as well. Stay put, gain some skills, and live an amazing life. If your wife wants out then stay single for a few years and learn those relationship skills.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:31 PM
4

You completely rushed this and you know it. On top of that you chose very poorly, she is not going to make a good life partner. You were never her first choice and she does not genuinely desire you. Whatever you do DON'T get this woman pregnant. Going forward only date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. Vet for a minimum of 2 years prior to marriage. Do that, continue to court your wife after marriage, and you will have an amazing life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:26 PM
3

You need to practice being a bit of an asshole. But only do this in moderation, you don't want to go to the other extreme and become a full on asshole. Start by being a little selfish and self centered. Get used to saying no without giving an explanation. Put yourself first at least half the time. Try that out for a month or two. You just need to break the habit of being an automatic yes man and doormat. Second thing is to think about why you are going to do something for someone else. If it is …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:18 PM
1

Default 50/50 custody in all states. The vast majority of states already do this but there are a handful of hick states where dads still get screwed over. This needs to change. Mandatory waiting period and pre-marital counselling prior to marriage. They do not teach relationship skills in schools, and most parents are clueless themselves so cannot teach their children. Instead toxic relationship dynamics are replayed generation after generation. This is a huge reason for the high divorce rate an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:31 PM
12

I kept the marital home. Worst decision ever, it was like an emotional prison. I'm finally moving to an apartment in 4 months after 4.5 years, can't wait for the fresh start.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 12:03 AM
3

Don't forget you are 100% responsible for choosing the woman you marry. Vet poorly and you will get shit results. Choose wisely and you will be a happy man.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:59 PM
0

Living together is the worst possible decision you could make for yourself. Move out today. If that means using your gym to shower and sleeping in your car then do it. What she does is no longer any of your business or your concern. You need space from her, get out now or you will pay the price by fucking your mental health and future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:19 PM
7

You just need to understand that women are wired completely differently from men. They experience the world through emotions and feelings. We experience it through logic and reason. Two completely different experiences. Your job is to lead them and to be a container for their chaos. Do that and they will be loyal and loving.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:16 PM
5

Gym and dog. Works every time my man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:12 PM
3

I used to think my ex was gorgeous. She was hot when she was young and when you love someone you overlook the physical after kids and aging. Now I see her as average. I suppose dating much younger women will have that effect lol. My advice for you though is to block her on everything. Staying connected in any way is only going to prolong the pain and stop you from healing. Give it a few years before you try to be friends.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:10 PM
1

Gym, dog, and learn how to give phenomenal oral sex. Do those 3 things and you are set for life as a man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:09 AM
3

Being honest is ALWAYS the right choice. Tell them together.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:02 AM
5

10-15 years younger, never married, and no kids is the winning trifecta. Sounds like she was only 2 out of 3. As for sex women are easy to please. Oral sex until she orgasms, then have your fun. Plenty of vids on how to master oral. Do that and you will be in big demand.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:00 AM
6

Don't settle. Find yourself a hot AND classy woman (plenty of them out there). We as men are fully responsible for choosing the women we marry. We ask them, not the other way around. It is our job to vet during the dating phase. Unfortunately as young guys we suck at this job (to be expected). Just make sure to learn from your mistakes the second time around.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 11:54 PM
10

She fired you as husband but wants to hire you back as nanny? LOL. You can't blame her for trying tho!! A simple "No" is all that is required in this spot. Never ever sacrifice your dignity or self respect.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 10:12 PM
1

I have also had to learn to do everything for myself after my divorce. Knowing that I am completely capable of doing absolutely everything a partner could ever do for me (and much better too) brings me peace. Now I go into relationships a whole man and unafraid to walk away. Life is so much better when you level yourself up. One thing I have had to learn though is to let my partners do things for me. After 3 years single after my divorce I became hyper-independent. Letting partners help you out …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 10:08 PM
9

Your life is over mate. Complete freedom. Awesome kids. Free childcare when they are not with you. Having fun with women 10-15 years younger. The worst :)
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 09:46 PM
2

My advice wait 2 years until your youngest is 18 and done with school. It will be so much easier after that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 09:42 PM
2

My advice file for divorce now. You are hurting yourself and your kids by staying in a loveless relationship. Down the track if your daughter comes to you and tells you her hubby said he doesn't love her would you advise her to stay with that asshole for a year? No, you'd rightly tell her to have him pack his bags. Follow that advice for yourself, you are worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 11:02 PM
4

No. you cannot get her back. Yes, it gets much easier, to the point you will be thanking her for setting you free in 3-4 years. Yes, you will get remarried within 5 years and have an amazing life. Lots to look forward to my man, you just need to go through the suck first. You don't get the opportunity to grow into a man until you have been betrayed and had your heart broken. Welcome to the club and to your second life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 10:56 PM
1

I would not waste your time or energy trying to figure out what is going through her head. Only she knows and she will not be sharing that with you. She has clearly communicated the romantic relationship is over and she wants out. Grant her the divorce and build a new life for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 10:49 PM
5

Sorry mate. It does sound like your hubby has long been checked out of the relationship. If he is not willing to go to counseling or work on the relationship you have no choice but to call it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 10:47 PM
2

Honestly emotionally close with a fuck buddy? No, that's reserved for wife material only. And no, you won't be able to change or fix him. He is only with you for one thing. Cut off the sex and see how quickly he disappears from your life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:24 PM
2

None of your business what happens in moms world. Keep the focus on dads world. When either of your kids mentions anything about their mother or her new squeeze just nod and then change the subject. Your kids only need one stable parent to be fine. You are 100% in control of that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:16 PM
4

She has already decided she will be leaving you. Sorry mate this romantic relationship is over. Start making plans for a future without her in it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:13 AM
1

Under no circumstances do you pay for vacations on her time. My ex tried this with me very early on. Give your kids some spending money to go have fun, but that is it. Likewise when you take your kids on vacation you don't ask your ex to chip in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:10 AM
-13

Feminine energy is chaos. It is your job as the man to lead the relationship and be a container for that chaotic energy. If you don't do that she will lead and she will walk away after some time. If you do lead she will be a loyal partner for life. These women have already decided to walk prior to posting online.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:05 AM
3

Bad decision my man. You need to be throwing your own celebration for your daughter. Time to start new traditions. Pretending to play family will fuck your mental health and will confuse your child. You need to know where you are headed and you need to set and maintain clear boundaries. Sounds like you are the doormat type. You need to correct that. You may think you are helping your daughter by sacrificing your mental health for her but she will see you have no backbone and that you will cave w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:56 PM
1

My ex and I do this. We are both amicable and flexible with each other and it's been smooth sailing the past 4 years. IMO it really comes down to your ex's personality. If she is submissive in a romantic relationship I'd get everything in writing with the courts as her new guy will easily manipulate her and she will change her tune. If she is a momma bear and won't take shit from guys then you have nothing to worry about (assuming of course you are not a simp and won't be manipulated by women in…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:51 PM
23

She is cheating on you. But she has been checked out of the marriage for over a year and it is not the reason why the marriage failed a year ago. She lost attraction for you back then....sounds like you were a doormat, women find that a complete turn off. I'm guessing you put yourself on the backburner for her and some other guy's kid.....that was what killed her attraction for you. Most likely a co-worker is filling the void. Women won't bring up divorce unless they are confident in their minds…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:17 AM
1

Yes you absolutely can do it yourselves for a couple hundred bucks. My ex and I did just that. Cost $300 to file, and was done in 2 weeks. Didn't even have to show up to court. Super easy.....I'd put it on par with doing your own taxes as far as complexity goes which is to say it is super simple but the industry makes it look and feel complex to get you to hire a professional to milk you out of big $$$. My advice for the house is to sell it and move on with you lives. You don't want to be living…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:38 PM
4

Been there mate. It will be about 2 years after divorce. You are just baerly starting. In a few years one Friday you will be driving to work and it will suddenly hit you holy shit I haven't thought about her all week. From there if you don't have kids you can go months without thinking about her. But there will be things that trigger memories of her, even decades later. These will pass as quickly as they came. It might help you to understand you do not miss her as a person. You miss your old ide…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:19 PM
9

This is how cheaters try to cope. In her tiny little mind if you and her new squeeze are friends then she did nothing wrong and she no longer has to feel guilty. In the future "no" is a complete sentence. Get comfortable using it
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:12 PM
-8

You attract what you are. There is no way around that. If you keep dating these types the common denominator is you. Work on yourself and get to a place where you have built an amazing life for yourself and you aren't even thinking about dating. Then, and only then, will amazing women who have also built an amazing life for themselves aren't looking for a partner to heal them come into you life. Best practice is to date 10-15 years younger, never married, and no kids. Stick to that and you will …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:03 PM
2

You are in no place to be dating right now my man. And that is 100% ok. You are a mess, and you are only going to attract women who are also a mess. Give yourself 2-3 years to heal and to rebuild a great life for yourself. This season of singleness is all about investing in yourself. Enjoy it, it always go too fast. Once your life is back on track and you are in a very good place in your life then invite a woman to share in that. Now you will be attracting women who are also in a very good place…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:57 PM
2

Don't be a doormat your entire life. Divorce this toxic woman and move on with your life. In the future date 10-15 years younger, never married, and no kids. If you choose to stay with this woman you are 100% responsible for the miserable life you are going to have.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:49 PM
2

Nobody cares when you get divorced. Hard lesson to learn. Sell the house (the kids won't care) and use the funds to make ends meet. When you divorce you are starting over from ground zero. Let go of your attachment to the house.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:46 PM
3

She broke your trust by cheating. She burned the marriage you did have to the ground. That marriage is over forever and you will need to grieve that regardless of if you stay or go. If you want to stay you will need to build a new marriage from the ground up with her. You will also have to learn to trust her again. Rebuilding trust will take many years, and for most people it will not be possible at all after infidelity. Unfortunately when there is no trust there is no love. My advice to you wou…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:41 PM
5

"I was on TikTok" And there was your mistake. Leave social media to the women. Stay focused on your grind and moving forward. All of this could have been avoided if you did that. Tough lesson to learn but set boundaries for yourself and stay on track.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 02:31 AM
18

Plain as day she was cheating on you mate. Women and men define "a good situation" completely differently. Men think financial stability, a home, cars paid for, bills taken care of, kids taken care of, vacations, retirement planned, as a good situation. Women do not give a flying fuck about any of that. Women define a "good situation" as emotional connection, mystery, date nights - they want you to continue to do what she fell in love with in the beginning. All the stuff that men think is a good…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:30 PM
5

Women, drugs and alcohol will only slow your ability to rebuild an amazing life for yourself. Do not numb the pain, instead lean into it. Spend the next 2 years healing. In 2 years time your life will be better than you ever thought possible.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:46 PM
5

Men were created to do hard things. Poor all the booze down the kitchen sink. Never, ever bring booze back into your home. You were given the gift of growth. Don't piss it away thinking about your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:43 PM
16

You will never be able to fully trust her again. There is no love where there is no trust. Start fresh with a partner you can trust.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 02:51 PM
1

Your mistake was becoming a stepdad, and not having your own children. Men win all the time. 50/50 is the default in most states. Being a single dad with 50/50 is utopia. Don't be a dummy next time. Date 10-15 years younger, never married, and no kids. When you remarry get your kids out of the way quickly. Other than kids there is no point to marriage for a man (unless you are religious and your partner is also spiritual).
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 02:48 PM
3

The answer is and always will be #5.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 02:45 PM
6

He is clearly avoidant. Completely normal for a man whose wife walked away. For him love = pain, so when he feels love his body tells him to run in order to protect itself. Lost cause as far as a relationship goes. He will need to spend a few years working on himself. You cannot force him to do the work, he has to first recognize what is going on and then decide to change for himself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:32 PM
6

The right thing for your kids is for you to file for a divorce ASAP. Having them see that it is ok to have a completely loveless marriage is really going to screw up their future romantic relationships. End that. You cannot live like this, it is extremely unhealthy mentally and emotionally for you. Start looking for a place to live today. Move out as quickly as you can into a place for you and your kids. You won't ever be genuine friends with your ex and that is ok. Instead you become business p…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 03:06 PM
1

I starting dating again after 4 years to find a life partner (next wife). I was married for 22 years. 20 years of that was bliss. I want love, I want to give love, I want companionship, I want an adventure partner, I want to get everything out of life that I can. For me I cannot do that being alone, I am just not wired that way. That season of singleness was awesome and I will always look back at it fondly. I grew tremendously as a person and I want to share that with an intimate partner. I have…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 07:16 PM
0

It is very fixable, but it will take time. If a woman's body shuts down to a man to the point she finds the thought of him entering her body "cringe" it is because she does not feel safe with him. This is always due to him spending way too much time in his feminine. Without the required masculine/feminine polarity a female partner will always lose attraction for her man and her body will shut down to him. It is not a conscious choice, women are wired to desire masculine partners. You can build t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 02:55 PM
1

My advice do no get involved with single moms. Date younger, never married, and no kids if you want peace. Anything else and you are just inviting unnecessary chaos and unhappiness into your life, and your kids lives. If you have no other options then casual sex only with single moms and do not get the kiddos involved on either side.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:52 PM
5

It ends when you start respecting yourself and you start implementing boundaries. Until then you are going to be the doormat you have always been.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:45 PM
7

Bodybuilding. It takes an obscene amount of time with the lifting, food prep, cardio etc. With no wife and 50/50 I now have that time. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:43 PM
4

It is never wrong to divorce a spouse who commits adultery. Also get your head out of the sand and get a DNA test for that child.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:58 PM
8

It's over, and has been for a long time. Grant her the divorce she wants so both of you can move on with your lives. Once a woman turns that light switch off for a man there is no way for her to ever turn it back on. They are hardwired to detach from men they feel unsafe with. This goes for abusers as well as "nice" guys. There is no way to "win" her back. You need to focus on a future without her in it. Keep going to therapy to guide you through this transition.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:55 PM
3

Oh boy you are in for a world of hurt my man. She tested you and you failed spectacularly. If you aren't a fan of dressing up then dont dress up. FYI women don't care one bit about what you wear, she was simply seeing if you had boundaries or if you would crumple into a heap when she asked to change you. Nothing turns women on more than a man telling them no to maintain his boundaries, and nothing turns them off faster than a guy willing to change who he is just to please her. She is going to ge…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 03:35 PM
7

Women do not want or need sex from a man they do not feel safe with. I am not talking about safety in the way that men understand it (physical safety), I am talking about emotional safety. You did not provide for your wife emotionally so she closed off physically toward you. It is not a concious choice for women, their bodies will literally repulse at the idea of sex wth a man they do not feel safe with. For your next relationship learn how to provide emotional safety and connection with your pa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:38 PM
2

The Bible my man. It is a blueprint for a successful life, all you need to do is follow it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:29 PM
0

You are a married man. Show you past romantic relationship and your partner some respect. More importantly set some standards for yourself. Nothing is more pathetic than a guy with no standards.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 02:37 PM
9

You have no say or control on what goes over at mom's house. Focus on dad's world and forget what your ex does.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 02:31 PM
4

Just go about your normal life and don't limit yourself to women of your own age. I'd keep the women at your gym off limits. Grocery store is full of cute women. When you do your shopping and see one giving you choosing signals go get her number and set a date. It is that easy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:57 PM
10

Don't be a chump your entire life. Get your butt to the gym my man. Women are a fun addition once you have rebuilt an amazing life for yourself. Until then they will only slow you down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:48 PM
23

She figured out that getting laid was easy, but finding a good man that wants a long term relationship is all but impossible. So she comes crawling back to the one loser she knows will take her back. Don't be that loser. Work on yourself and go find a loyal woman who wants to be with you and to build a life with you. Take her back and she will be gone as soon as she finds a man that she thinks she can lock down. Whenever you are faced with a relationship question ask yourself "If I had a son wha…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 02:56 PM
14

When a woman says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" the romantic relationship is over. There is nothing you can do to make her feel romantic love for you ever again. No amount of counselling can help once she has crossed that threshold. Her divorcing you is the best thing for everyone in your family at this point. You deserve a loving partner, your wife deserves to spend her life with a man who knocks her socks off, and your children deserve parents who model what a loving relationship …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:39 PM
14

Once a woman falls out of love with you the relationship is over. The classy thing to do would be for her to file for a divorce and then move on (and this is what most women do), but 15% or so will end up staying in the marriage (usually for the kids) and will cheat prior to a divorce. I would not let these types of women live in your head rent free and scare you off from future marriage if that is what you want. Take this time to learn about women, how they communicate (certainly not directly),…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:23 PM
3

Great job for getting on TRT. Talk to your wife. Create a safe space where both of you can share what you want in this season of your lives. Build something amazing together.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:40 PM
4

Have you ever heard the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child"? Humans are not wired to spend every moment with their children. Historically the grand parents and extended family have always spent more time with the kids while the parents go out to provide for the family. Only in modern times have we isolated ourselves from "the village". I have my daughter 50/50 and it is an amazing life for both me and my daughter. I'd never go back to full time. My heart goes out to fathers who have no …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 02:57 PM
2

Any woman who is ok dating a married man is not going to make a good life partner. Get your house in order, heal, rebuild, then and only then you will attract a quality woman.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 03:00 PM
2

Distractions will slow the healing process. This is the season to ruminate and to sit in those feelings. Set a time limit of one year on ruminating, After a year if you are still ruminating you need to put in the effort to catch yourself doing it and immediately replace it with a prepared thought of what you want your future to look like.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:59 PM
5

Don't let one bad apple ruin the bunch. There are plenty of good women out there and now you know exactly what to look when you start dating again and how to maintain a relationship. If you play not to lose the rest of your life you will never win at anything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:56 PM
6

With the exception of a small percentage of gold diggers women do not care about your finances. As long as you have your own place, can pay your own way, then you are good. They do not care about what car you drive, how many zeros you have in your bank account, how much you earn, if you rent or if you own a home. What they do care about is physical attraction and how you make them feel. At your age go get yourself on trt and spend the next 2 years building a nice physique. If you build yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:38 PM
0

The answer is and will always be the gym. The outcomes for men after divorce who lift heavy weights regularlary are night and day compared to those that don't. Most don't.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 01:02 PM
6

For women yes. But she is not panicing. Women are wired to keep their male connections. That is why they always ask to stay friends after they initiate a breakup. You are a backup plan if things go south with her new men and she enters a dry patch. She is also friends and in contact with her other exs before you. You should have showed her the door the first time she cheated and gone no-contact permanently. Don't make the same mistake a third time. Move out and block her on everything today.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:59 PM
8

You don't live together. Whoever initiates the divorce leaves the marital home. Simple.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:53 PM
19

You cannot build a future with somebody that lacks character. That goes for romantic partners, business partners etc. Your ex will be cheating on her new hubby within a year. My advice for those that divorced due to infidelity and have kids, go the parallel parenting route rather than the co-parenting route. You cannot co-parent with a person that lacks character and cannot be trusted.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:50 PM
6

Congrats on getting to a place where you have realized alcohol does not serve you well in any way. Leave that shit behind for yourself and your boys. Unfortunately once a woman turns her light switch off for a man it is impossible for her to ever turn it back on. It is not a conscious choice for her and there is nothing you can do to "win" her back or "fight" for the relationship. Trying will only repulse her more. Women are biologically wired to let go and move on to a new man once her love die…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:48 PM
3

The first everythings on your own are the hardest. Happily you get through all of these in just 12 months. Then they get easier, and after 3 years they start becoming better than ever before and you will be thanking your ex for the divorce and the amazing life you now have. My advice cut your ex out of everything as much as possible in the beginning. You need a good amount of space the first few years to heal and rebuild. Your kids don't need mom and dad together for the holidays, they do need a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:27 PM
2

Your previous romantic relationship with your wife is over. She is past the point of no return and has turned the light switch off for you. Once off a woman can never turn it back on for a man, they are wired to move on once their love dies for you. You need to accept that. There is nothing you can do to "win" her back. The more your try the more you will repulse her with your desperate and feminine behavior. Rather than preparing for a heated divorce start on building a good life for yourself w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 01:58 PM
1

Bartender? Sees no problems with exchanging numbers with random guys? Hangs out with random guys at the gym? Have fun and hook up with her, but she is definitely not girlfriend or relationship material. Make sure to always wear a condom with her. Do not invest heavily (or at all) with her, treat her as a fuck buddy. The way to rebuld trust is to rebuild trust in yourself. People are going to screw you over in life, there is absolutely no way around that. You need to trust that you can pick yours…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 01:55 PM
12

Should have married a guy if you wanted that. Feminine energy is chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 01:52 PM
7

Kids are not a negative for men like they are for women. If a woman is into you she wont care if you have 20 kids, she will want to give you 22 lol. Women are fiercely competitive and your new gf will want to show up your ex in every way possible. The only upside to marriage for a man is children. Having to be married and to go thru a divorce with nothing to show for it whatsoever is just sad. Once you have kids (especially a daughter) then you have won at life. Women will come and go but your k…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:50 PM
16

Feminine energy is chaos. Do not try and understand her, she is living in the moment constantly swayed by her emotions. My advice get a court order for the parenting schedule. Allowing your ex to change the days you see your children is ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 02:28 PM
4

I think your real question is how to do you become one of the 50% of guys whose wives remain loyal to them. Two parts: 1) Choose a good woman 2) Keep dating your spouse You are in complete control of each part.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:46 AM
4

TRT was the answer for me. Energy for days and insanely fast recovery. My gf is 17 years younger so no way I would be keeping up without TRT. Healthy diet and plenty of exercise has also been key for me. No alcohol or any other drugs, they just slow me down. Time has always been a challenge. I spend Fri night - Mon morning with my woman and this has worked well for the first 6 months. We are planning to cohabitate within a year. Over the weekends together I make sure to still hit the gym. If you…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:51 PM
14

Dating is for vetting. You will both be wearing a mask for the first 6 months. You won't get to know the real her for at least 12 months. 18 - 24 months is the sweet spot before proposing - people do not put on an act for 2 years. In your case there was no "bringing her back" as that was never her. It was all an act. Congrats on your kids tho. You have won at life. Now you get to spend the rest of your life on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:33 PM
3

Congrats. Took me 3.5 years to find an amazing woman I want to marry. Stats show 75% of us will be remarried within 5 years. I remember laughing at that the first year after divorce thinking no way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:42 PM
11

Been there done that. It will distract you from what happened so it will make you feel better for a short time. It will most definitely slow down the healing process, and may make you miss this important personal gorwth period entirely. Being alone, grieving, forgiving, reflecting, growing - you don't get many opportunities like that throughout your life. Wasting it on a fuck buddy is a big missed opportunity and a recipe for divorce #2 down the track. A woman cannot give you confidence, it is g…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 01:40 PM
3

Your exe's affair partner is not your co-parent. A relationship with her boyfriends is not necessary. You must build a new co-parenting relationship with your ex from the ground up. Your prior history together means nothing. You are business partners now and your job is to raise your kids, not to play house with her or her affair partner. Like any relationship there will be fuck ups so have grace for yourself and for your co-parent. Be flexible, the court order is not gospel, your kids will want…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:57 PM
6

Minimum 18 months after the divorce is final before dating is sage advice. You have had no time to reflect on why your marriage ended, you have not grown as a person, so you are going to repeat your previous relationship just with a different person. Not taking a season of singleness and not growing as a person between relationships is the primary reason why the failure rates of marriages 2 and 3 are sky high. When you are back here in 7-8 years after divorce #2 you'll get it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:46 PM
9

Monthly relationship checkins from the start are a requirement for a romantic relationship to be healthy and survive long term.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 01:37 PM
16

Lots and lots of porn and masturbation in the beginning for me. Fuck it was unhealthy. Then I went through my hoe/fwb phase. Fuck it was unhealthy. 100% do not recommend either of these. Pure distractions that are a complete waste of your life and prolong your healing. Once you heal you will 100% be wanting a healthy relationship again. Until then rub one out a few times a week using your imagination only, and if you still have urges beyond that take yourself to the gym when they pop up. Most of…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:04 PM
8

3 years on. I still love her for what she gave me and what we shared together, but it is not a romantic love. More a familial kind of love, from a distance. I wish her the best (as much as I would wish anyone the best) but I have firm boundaries in place with her. The end with her was extremely hurtful and traumatic and while I have forgiven her I will always remember the cruelty she is capable of as a person.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:57 PM
5

It's hard bro. But luckily we as men were built to do hard things. Might be cliche but lifting heavy shit at the gym daily is indeed the answer. It will rebuild your self worth and become the bedrock for a new foundation and second life. It is time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and time to start putting in the work. You cannot let this woman hold this kind of power over you any longer. It is time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:50 PM
3

My ex wife does this. It's their mum, completely natural for them to have that communication daily with her. In the beginning when you still haven't forgiven and are bitter it can be hard hearing her grating voice still in your home on the regular. In a few years you'll be happy they get to have that relaionship with her. Before too long your kiddos will be grown and out of the house and you will only have to communicate with your ex/see or hear her a few times a decade. I wouldn't say you are b…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:45 PM
12

You need to figure out why you attach your self worth to owning a home. Once you let go of that you will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 01:21 PM
4

Housework, gym, rock climbing, girlfriend, camping, hiking, travelling, movies, going out to restuarants, taking the dog for walks, cooking new recipes, honestly not enought free time to do all the things I want to do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 01:48 PM
5

There is no order to slow her down. What she does in her personal life is no longer any of your business and you need to accept that. I would run a background check on the guy. If he is clean be happy, forget about him, and get on with rebuilding your life. If he has been convicted of violent/sex crimes then you can get an emergency protection order and then file for full custody. As long as your are involved in your daughter's life there is no playing step dad. Kid's only latch onto other men i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:43 PM
12

Well she made it incredibly easy on you. No choice now but to divorce, so go get some free consults with lawyers in your area and go with one that is a good fit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:36 PM
5

Change is always scary, and this is a big change. After a few years you are going to be way happier than you ever were. You will get 50/50 with your kid by default. You'll no longer be supporting your ex so you will have more money than ever. Get to the gym and you'll have no shortage of woman of all ages wanting to date you. But that first year is going to be a total write off. Do not expect to be sharp or functioning normally. Every guy goes through this, you just have to accept you are going …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:32 PM
2

IMO you are wrong on a few different things. For a man not to get 50/50 these days something has to be very wrong in his life. The fact is the judge determined the kids are better off with mom the majority of time for a good reason. Contrary to the red pill garbage spouted the judge will always look out for the kids' best interests. If dad does get his life together then he will get 50/50 down the line. Secondly a stepdad can never steal a fathers role if the bio dad is involved in his kids' liv…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:42 PM
2

Rather than moving out I would start communicating with your spouse and see where she is at with the relationship. Never too late to start growing together, but it will take both of you being onboard.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:27 PM
1

Your kids deserve equal time with both of their parents. 50/50 is where you want to be and what they have. Don't worry about the 4 yo, at that age they have no clue wtf is going on. When he is older he will understand. Meanwhile in your home make sure he calls you dad. The AP won't be a long term fixture. The biggest thing you need to do is to let go of the vision of co-parenting you have concocted in your head. There is no nead to talk with your kids when they are with mom if you have 50/50. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:50 PM
1

This is one of the biggest perks of divorce and being a single dad. You now get to have a life! I spend time with my girlfriend, hit the gym, take my dog for a walk, find a new recipe I want to try, enjoy plenty of quiet time with an excellet cup of coffee, watch a good movie, read a good book, go get a massage. I also make sure to throw in afternoon naps for 1-2 hours. Life on easy mode.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:20 PM
2

He is not freshly divorced. 2.5 years is plenty of time to heal. What you are dealing with is a partner who is avoidant. Dating an avoidant is hell. And he will be back. Avoidants ALWAYS come back, and they will ALWAYS push you away when they feel overwhelmed. It is up to you to decide if you want that in your life vs a loving and reliable partner who will not pull away when things get hard.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:04 PM
6

First step is you need to realize you have absolutely no control on what mom does in her world. You will not be on the same page as your ex. You have no say in how your daughter interacts with your co-parent's partners. And all of that is ok. Once you have accepted that then things get much easier for you. You stay completely out of it and focus on dad's world. If your daughter comes to you then you listen, you validate, you communicate with your co-parent on how your daughter is feeling, and th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:51 PM
4

This is why I date younger. Pre-menopausal women can be basket cases. Leo had the right idea all along.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:40 PM
18

She cheated for sure, but the guy wouldn't leave his wife. He cut your wife off and now shes coming back to you until the next guy who pays her attention comes along. What do you do with this? You go to couples therapy, you both lay everything out in the open (I guarantee this is not the first time for her), and then you make a decision if you want to build something new with her from the ground up knowing what you know, or you divorce her and go find a loyal woman to build something with.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:44 PM
5

Sounds like you are doing great. Go on a date. It will do wonders.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:36 PM
7

Grieving is a long process. It will take 2 years or so to fully go through it. You will have to grieve the death of your romantic relationship, the loss of the future you had envisioned, and the loss of your identity as a husband and provider. There are no shortcuts unfortunately. The good news is you will grow more in those 2 years as a person than you did in your 13 years of being married, and your future relationships are going to be so much better because of that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:52 PM
3

Blame is always 50/50 for a divorce. You both lacked communication skills. When the right man comes along your ex will be getting married again. 75% of divorcees remarry within 5 years. You did the best with the tools you had at the time. So did your ex. The starter marriage got you to where you need to be as a man. No need to feel guilty about improving yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 01:54 PM
9

Tough lesson to learn but as men it is something we all have to go through. Women love what they cannot have. They will come back to test you to see if they still have you on the hook. Because you did not immediately shut her down she lost all respect and attraction for you. After all what kind of a man would get back together with a woman who just divorced him? This is a guy who is weak, has no self worth, no boundaries and no confidence. Not exactly the type that get women wet or daydreaming a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 04:51 PM
8

Without a wife to fully support it was easy. I have more financial freedom than ever. Her credit card bills alone were $8k per month. I myself can live off $2k per month so I came out well ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 02:03 PM
7

Your life is a dumpster fire mate. Get rid of the girlfriend, complete your divorce, and go work on yourself without the distraction of women for a few years. In your current state there is no way a healthy and loyal woman would touch you with a 10 foot pole.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 10:47 PM
8

Been through that mate. The best thing you can do is sit in those feelings and do not distract yourself. This is how you heal. I'm not going to lie it is going to be the toughest 12-18 months of your life ahead. But once you make it to the other side your life is going to be better than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 10:43 PM
1

I'd skip all the red pill garbage being suggested if you want to be successful with women. Instead checkout Corey Wayne or Doc Love (lots of overlap bewteen these two). Once you understand women and how they communicate it is life on easy mode.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 04:52 AM
8

In most states 50/50 is the default, you don't even need a lawyer. Are you sure you are not being taken for a ride??
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 04:47 AM
-6

Nah this is total made up redpill BS. It just seems this way because wonen start detaching while still in the relationship and once they find a new emotional connection they finally leave. To the left behind guy it appears she moved on quickly whereas she was already out of the relationship for 1-2 years already. Be jealous of their ability to not stay in a miserable relationship. Most guys just stay unhappily married.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 03:50 AM
2

Right now just focus on getting through your divorce. After that give yourself a few years of being single to reflect on what you want out of a partner and a relationship going forward. Your single years always go way too quickly so enjoy them while you can. 75% of folks end up remarried within 5 years of divorce so the odds of finding another life partner are excellent. In the beginning there will be plenty of feeling lonely but this is a good thing. Once you grow to the point that you enjoy yo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 03:43 AM
-7

It all depends on what your vows where. If they were for better or worse, until death do you part then that is what you fall back on. If they were until you feel neglected and not getting the amount of sex you want then you are free to bail on your family. Other option is to turn in your man card, forget your vows altogether, and go "find yourself" so you can grow as a person.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 01:03 PM
9

Make sure to run a baclground check on the guy. The number one perp for child sexual assault cases is mom's new boyfriend. You just need his name and date of birth. If you have his name and location a google search will give you his dob. If he is clean nothing to discuss with your ex, just wish her well. If he has convictions share those with your ex but do not expect her to take action over them - she is getting new dick and her head won't be screwed on right for the next 3-6 months. If they ar…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 02:02 AM
4

Women will constantly test their man to make sure he is still a safe partner. Super easy to spot once you know what to look for. Keeping the peace and small surrenders is going to be a huge turn off for her, and once she loses attraction for you there is no going back. Women LOVE to be told no by their man, there is no bigger turn on for them. Just be authentic and communicate clearly what you want. Welcome conflict, it is a chance to grow and become more intimate with each other. Maintaining po…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 11:52 PM
13

You were on the right path to healing in the beginning and then you let her manipulate you. Bad spot to be in my man. Your marriage is over, there will be no rekindling, you are now in a business relationship, not a friendship. You were fired from the position of husband, walk away. If the company you worked for fired you would you come back to "help/assist"? That is her new man's job. She does not need you to support her to be a good mom. Your child needs you to be a good father.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:44 PM
3

Gym. The anger only last 18 months or so. Use it while you have it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 03:43 AM
7

He's not divorced, that is why he doesn't make plans for you to come to him. You are involved with a married man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 03:41 AM
25

You were fired from the position of husband. Stop treating your ex like she is still your wife. Your kids will have picked up on the entire dynamic. Completely unfair on them. Honor the parenting plan and focus on your future and your kids - your ex is not any part of your future.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 03:31 AM
12

The answer is and always will be gym. Join one that is open 24/7. Everytime you think of your ex go lift. Everytime you think of picking up the bottle go lift. Everytime you think of eating processed food go lift. Everytime you lay awake at night and can't sleep go lift. Every divorced guy I see that joins my gym always starts off rough. After 2 years without fail they all end up jacked AF, have an attractive playmate they bring to workout with them, and have huge smiles plastered on their faces…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 11:35 PM
15

Don't need to get married to enjoy a loving partner and build a good life. Unless you are religious I don't see any point to marriage for anybody.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 11:27 PM
5

Congrats! Took 2 years for me as well. Together for 23 years. Today life is better than ever, getting divorced was a blessing. Have fun with the multiple women. I did that for a spell but couldn't make it work with my time constraints Found a keeper though and life is better than ever. If you were the dumpee 2 years is pretty standard as far as I have seen in terms of getting over an ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 11:24 PM
2

You are a married man, why would you find someone new? Take care of business and then give yourself time to heal and rebuild (2 years or so). The only women who are going to be ok getting involved with a marreid man are not going to be healthy whatsoever. People mistakenly think time separated is the same as time after divorce. Divorce hits differently and you won't even begin to heal until you are no longer married. It is not a competition with your ex. Don't worry one bit what she is doing, or…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 12:49 PM
3

You will need weekends off too my man, especially when you are ready to date again. At 7 years old 1 week on, 1 week off will work best. That many changes per week is not going to be fun for your daughter, and that many interactions with your ex is going to add uneccessary chaos to your lives. My advice would be the 1 week on, 1 week off, with drop offs/pickups on a school day. That way you have minimal interaction with the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 12:42 PM
6

Women get this way once they fall out of love. They will give plenty of indirect communication early on so you can make adjustments if you know what you are looking for. Direct communication would be nice but women are simply not wired that way. Men who undertsand women never argue with them. If all you want is peace then get yourself a dog and call it good.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 12:38 PM
10

Sorry mate. When they refuse counselling there is already another guy in the picture as you have learned, and it is not just emotional. Those 4 days were not spent with her friends. I would not waste energy on reflecting what went wrong right now. That comes later. Seek counselling to help guide you through this life transition.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 02:41 AM
2

Her moving out is a very bad sign as far as her wanting to reconcile goes. She is just taking space and preparing herself for the divorce. You don't come back from a betrayal of that magnitude, she'll never be able to trust you ever again. Right now she is doing the work to detach.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 02:33 AM
3

You need to go no contact with her except for necessary communications regarding your children. If she says you're mean who gives a fuck? She is no longer a part of your life. It is you and your kids until you find another partner down the track, not you, your kids and her. If she continues to text you garbage tell her you are blocking her and setup a new email. Tell her to contact you by that email from now on. Check that email once per week. Biggest mistake guys make is assuming your ex will b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:15 PM
1

Getting calories in is difficult in the beginning. I recommend adding smoothies in to supplement any solids you can get down. Plenty of whole milk, peanut butter and bananas. I'd get your butt out of Canada and come back to the States ASAP. You need to be around family and friends. And who the fuck wants to live in Canada?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:04 PM
2

You are both 50/50 to blame. You may assume that an incident or an affair was the cause of the divorce but the romantic relationship was dead well before that. No reason to throw one party under the bus. The divorce will rock your kids' world. Their lives are about to be blown up. Keep them out of the divorce. Trying to explain it to them or to assign blame is a tactic to relieve you of guilt and to protect your ego, not to benefit them in any way. You and your spouse already fucked them over, d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:31 PM
4

Go get yourself on TRT. Exogenous testosterone will raise dopamine signalling and reduce cortisol production. You won't give a flying fuck about your ex or what happened. Pair with gym and you'll be gold.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:45 PM
3

That's all women mate lol. Estrogen is a hell of a hormone. If you want stable, logical and reasonable you better switch teams.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:43 PM
4

That statement you never fought but she was very unhappy and depressed means she hid a lot from you. She did not just wake up one day and feel like that. It has been going on for many years and she never communicated it directly to you. It seems so quick and final to you but she has been pulling away and detaching from you for at least a few years. It takes time to fall out of love. Once you fall out of love the last thing you want to do is counselling or to work on things, you just want to move…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:20 PM
5

"I gave and gave and gave because that’s what I thought love is" There is your lesson. That is not romantic love at all. That is what a father does for his children. You lead, you continue to court your partner, and you set and maintain strong boundaries. You support their growth, not lazy and selfish habits. She lost respect and attraction for you because you did not do these things. She wants to grow, not be a third child. You didn't know, now you do. Your next romantic relationships will be a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:06 PM
9

People have their own shit to deal with, nobody cares about you or your problems (except for your mom - she'll feign interest for you). One guy might be distraught over something you think is laughable, he may look at your divorce and think you are a giant puss. It is nobody else's job to validate you, it is your job to validate you. You can also pay a therpist to validate you if you feel the need.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 01:23 PM
3

You're a married man. Honor your vows. That is the right thing to do for everyone in the family you have built (including yourself).
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:42 AM
3

"Women don't lie, and men don't listen." Tale as old as time my man. She communicated for a long time through her actions (not words) she was losing attraction to you, we are literal (pay little attention to actions) and miss that communication every time and only attempt to fix things once she has already passed her point of no return. They do not teach this in school, most of us do not go to counseling prior to marriage, and most of our fathers are also clueless in this regard. You don't know …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 02:38 PM
7

There is a great book for that - Rebuilding: When your relationship ends by Bruce Fisher. We used this book in the divorce recovery group I was a part of. The group runs for 12 week cycles. The first week they ask everyone what percentage of blame they place on themselves and their partners for the end of the marriage. Answers ranged from 90% - 10%. On week 12 they ask the same question and everybody was at 50/50. It's a great place to be when you can reflect honestly on what happened and see wh…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 02:06 PM
6

All depends on who dumped who. If the woman dumped the guy it will never work. If the guy dumped his wife it can work for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:57 PM
7

You are being paranoid. You are super young and have all the time in the world. You want to vet the woman you have children with extremely well. Jumping back into dating you are going to be a total shit show and you are going to attract total shit shows. No quality woman is going to date a freshly divorced man. Give yourself 2 years to heal and rebuild. When looking for a woman to have children with choose one that will make an excellent co-parent. You will be co-parents far longer than you will…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:47 PM
5

I had that limiting belief in the beginning too (49). Got myself on TRT+, got lean and jacked, now I have women of all ages chasing me. One of my gf's is a super hot 32yo. Half your age plus 7. I have much younger pursuing me but they are my sons age lol. Fuck that. Fit older men are catnip to women.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 01:19 PM
1

You need to create some structure for yourself to keep you productive and to start rebuilding your self image. Nothing huge, but it all compounds into something amazing over time. If it were me I'd do doordash/uber eats/instacart etc while looking for a steady job. Just something to bring in some cash and to keep your mind busy and get you out of the house more. I took a gap year off work after my divorce and did this. You'll get the wine deliveries to the single and lonely ladies - if you are i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 01:53 PM
3

No, in your situation I would text her happy mothers day, give her thanks for being an awesome co-parent (if she is one) and leave it at that. Buying gifts for her on behalf of your child no doubt makes your ex cringe (as well she should). When you child is a little bit older encourage them to make a card / write a note/ make something for their mom. When they are teens just remind them a week in advance that next Sunday is Mothers Day and leave the rest to them. Once they are adults no reason f…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 08:03 PM
-3

You will get wiped out from time to time throughout your life, not just after divorce. It is not a big deal. Men were designed to struggle and to work hard, you've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:57 PM
3

Your mistake was not breaking it off when you found out she was sleeping with another guy during the getting to know you phase. A healthy woman dates one guy at a time, no exceptions. Too late to change that now so you need to do the NEXT BEST THING for yourself. I would not invest in the relationship and attempt to build a future together with a woman like this. Keep it casual, co-parent, but do not get attached. Do NOT get her pregnant again. You defintely don't want to co-habitate nor comingl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:53 PM
13

You got it right. These are guys that have still not let go of their exe's and use their kids to maintain connection hoping to one day win their exes back. What is best for the kids is putting yourself first. Sucking it up "for the kids" is total bullshit. If you don't want to do something you don't do it, otherwise you are teaching your kids their feelings don't matter and they should put themselves and their needs on the backburner to appease others. You are setting them up for failure in thei…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:37 PM
5

A woman is wired to pursue her man, not the other way around. When she pursues she is in her feminine, and this creates the polarity needed to maintain attraction. When a man pursues the woman and takes on the feminine role in the relationship it is unnatural and the woman will lose respect and attraction for her mate. Doing the housework, being her therapist, putting her needs before yours, not setting boundaries on her spending is all very feminine behavior. Woman will say this is what they wa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:23 PM
18

When you become a single dad you take on the role of mother too. Here's to all the stand up men raising their children on their own.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:07 PM
10

My experience has been if you are an older guy and in good physical and emotional shape you will be in VERY high demand by women of all ages for both sex and relationships. Most guys hide behind dating apps and have no confidence. If you are comfortable approaching a woman in the real world you have zero competition. Woman make it painfully obvious if they like you, approach them and your success rate will be 100%. You will be rusty on your first dates straight out of a long term marriage. You w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 02:18 PM
0

Tough one mate. At the end of the day you do not NEED intimacy and you did make a vow for better OR worse. If the roles were reversed would you want your spouse to honor her vows and stay in the marriage? At the same time you only get one life and having sex and that closeness brings a lot of happiness. I don't think you would be wrong for deciding either way, just make sure not to rush the decision to unilaterally blowup 4 lives. If it were me I would not even think about blowing anything up un…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:55 AM
1

I have the exact opposit experience. 49 and date much younger all of the time. Younger woman find older men MUCH more attractive than younger guys IF you take care of yourself and know how to have fun. Up until your 70s you won't have a problem dating 20 years younger. There is no competition at all....most guys 30+ look like dumpster fires and are clueless when it comes to women.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:43 AM
2

Yes a man will almost always go back (99% of the time) IF you play it right. Unlike women men do not have a light switch that gets turned off permanently for a romantic partner. Yes he still loves you. What you need to do is to go no contact except for necessary communication regarding your child. Tell him you want to be romantic partners and if he is not willing to offer that then you are moving on. Set firm boundaries regarding kissing and hugging him (none of that). Decline the offer of frien…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:28 AM
5

In the beginning you won't have the luxury of saving or an emergency fund. You are starting from scratch again but with kids this time. You may have to work 2 or 3 jobs, you may have to get roommates or a live in girlfriend. It takes time to rebuild. In 5 years you will be in a much better spot. Meanwhile cut out all the usless spending and toys (phones, streaming subscriptions, going out to eat etc). You will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:48 PM
4

Once a women turns that light switch off for a guy it is over. All the counselling in the world cannot turn that switch back on. She was probably done 2 years prior to starting counselling. Just so you know it wasn't just emotional they were definitely banging. She exitied your marriage 2 years ago. Now you can face reality and begin to let go and rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:43 PM
3

Daughters are your ride or die, not your romantic partners. Congrats my man. Sons are awesome but that father/daughter relationship is something special, and lifelong. You won the game of life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:08 PM
2

Your wife has lost respect for you. She has taken on the masculine role in the relationship. If you do not lead she will, but she won't be happy about it. Lack of sex is the very first sign there is no polarity in your romantic relationship. She is attracted to masculinity and right now she is more masciline than you which is a huge turn off to her. As soon as she stops giving your blowjobs on a regular basis is the time when need to examine yourself and cut out some of your feminine behavior. G…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:05 PM
7

All women do this with their exes. They dip their toe in the water from time to time to make sure that connection is still there in case they need to fall back on it. Very efficient survival strategy for females. It does not mean she is interested in getting back together or that she is leaving her new man. She is also reaching out to her exes prior to you and also lightly flirting with men at work/gym etc to build out those connections. When she does reach out like this and if you do want to sm…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:32 PM
15

Your wife lost respect for you. When that happens the devaluing begins. We all change and that is a very good thing. Regular checkins with the wifey every 4-6 weeks to keep on the same page is required to maintain connection and to give each other the opportunity to communicate what your needs are for this season. This is especially criritcal for us guys as women communicate very differently than men. Checkins allow direct communication that we understand. Meet her communicated needs and you are…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:24 PM
-16

Way overreacting. Time apart from your spouse is critical to maintain attraction. You both should be taking separate adventures at least a few times a year. Your wife is going to feel controlled and smothered by you. When she suggested the trip you SHOULD be thinking awesome now I can go do XYZ. It is good to have boundaries, but not over stuff like this that is very healthy for a romantic relationship. Sounds like your wife has been sheltered with very little life experience. She needs opportun…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:15 PM
1

Kids won't care one bit, even if its until they are grown and out of the house. Stay small and stack your cash.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:08 PM
4

No, every relationship and love is different. And that is a very good thing. You only know one kind of love, now you get the opportunity to explore the infinite other kinds of love. You have been eating vanilla ice cream your whole life not knowing there are other flavors out there. Once you get to try strawberry and chocolate your mind is going to be blown and while you may still look back at vanilla fondly every now and then you aren't going to ever want to go back to it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:38 PM
7

You need to keep your mind busy outside of work and the gym. That means you need to set a big multi year goal for yourself that you are passionate about. An idle and unfocused male mind is the devils playground and that is why these thoughts are creeping in. As a man you should never have downtime. Outside of work and gym now you get to tackle that mountainous goal you have set for yourself. Preferably something physical. Sounds like you enjoy the gym. How about going for your pro-card in 7 year…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:35 PM
3

Wake up. Make yourself an awesome breakfast, Take your dog for a walk. Come back and prep your meals for the week. Go to the gym. Go see Warfare. Come home and eat, sleep like a baby. Thats your Easter Sunday. Dont have a dog? Get one. Don't have a gym membrship? Get one. Don't know a thing about nutrition, training or sleep hygiene? Hire a personal trainer for 3 months. 35yo+, get yourself on TRT. Therapy, reading, and meditating will do nothing if you do not apply anything you have learned. Me…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:23 PM
1

Sounds like unnecessary chaos for everyone involved especially the kiddos. 1 week on, 1 week off year round. Simple and predictable.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:16 PM
2

30 days no contact? Mate you will need 18 months - 2 years minimum no contact to get over her and heal. There is zero chance of reconciliation so put that fantasy out of your mind. There is nothing you can do to change her mind, she is done. She does not want to be with you anymore. You need to accept that. You will not be good friends, but you will be awesome co-parents. You have to accept your former wife now has a life of her own that does not include you. Do NOT do family activities together…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 01:34 PM
4

Staying in the same house is the worst thing you can do for your mental health and co-parenting relationship. Whatever it takes get yourself out of there. Once a woman mentions the D word there is no going back so don't feel like you have a chance by staying in the house to win her back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 01:15 PM
4

Clock ticking? You're just a kid. One of the biggest perks of being a guy is that we have no clock. The older you get the more attractive you become to women of all ages (if you take care of yourself). You sound desperate for a relationship and that is a bad spot to be in. Give yourself a season of singleness and go enjoy yourself. Build a nice physique, stack some cash, go travel, get yourself a nice place to live in, date a ton and learn about women and how to vet them as long term partners. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 03:03 PM
3

You'll get there. The new woman has slowed your progress for sure but it is what it is. Once you are whole again give yourself a season of singleness to enjoy yourself and figure out what you want from a long term partner and relationship and then go after it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 02:55 PM
0

If a woman cannot cause you to lose control of your emotions then you have totally disarmed her, unless she can physically overpower you (and if that is your case you have a problem my man). Keep doing what you are doing as far as not reacting. Also get your behind to the gym and start lifting heavy shit, eating only food that was once alive or grows in the ground and plenty of it, and get 10hrs of sleep per day. Start to take control of the co-parenting relationship. She will push your boundari…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 01:21 PM
7

Fuck no!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 01:10 PM
5

So you have $1680 per month to live on. That is plenty. Find someone to split an apartment with. You'll have to give back the ridiculous car and get a job that does not require you to have a vehicle. Over time save cash and buy a sensible car and rebuild your credit. If you make smart deicisons in 5 years you'll be doing very well for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 01:06 PM
2

Like any profession most counsellors are average at best, only the top few percentage are any good. Most will do more harm than good, UNLESS you find a good counselor. IME divorce recovery groups (not men only groups) are much better than counselling. Weekly meet ups with other people going through the same thing is very healing, and they are free. Take advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 01:41 PM
18

Your job now is to do the next best thing for YOU. Never, ever try and be nice to anyone in any kind of relationship (family, friends, romantic partners, exs etc). Only do things that YOU genuinely want to do. Being nice just to placate another person is very feminine behavior and it will destroy your success as a man. Women are hardwired for survival reasons to maintain lines of relationship to all men in their lives (and that includes all of her exs that she dumped). Do not take this as a sign…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 01:36 PM
4

If the bio dad is NOT in the picture then yes you can be on the hook for CS since you assumed the role of the father in the child's life. Have casual fun with women who do not have a good co-parenting relationship with the father of their children, but they are not marriage material.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 01:24 PM
3

The older they are the harder they will take it. That does not stop well beyond adulthood into their 50s and 60s (yes 50yo children who have their own lives and families will take the news of divorce much harder than a young child). Your kids are very young so they will be fine. Best thing is to break the news together with your wife. In your case I would do the 7 and 10yo together first, and then the 4 yo shortly after. Do not go into any details. If someone cheated that is their cross to bare …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 01:18 PM
7

Nothing wrong at all with hanging out with your daughters mate. The best piece of advice I ever got from one of my girlfriends was to date your daughters. Take them out and treat them like women, open doors for them, pay the bill, put your phone away, be present and listen to them when you are togther. This will model what kind of man they end up with. But your ex may have a bit of a point if you do not have friends. It is problematic if your daughters are the center of your world and you have n…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:58 PM
-3

You know your own core values as a man. My advice never, ever sell out your core values for money. I would never be able to respect a guy that takes spousal support from his ex wife, but that's just me. As for child support that is for your kids, not for you. It is not your right to turn down child support. Take that money and invest it for them if you can cover their expenses without it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:46 PM
0

You do ask twice. If she says she is busy on the second offer then you say "I'd love to take you out, when your schedule opens up reach out and we'll go have fun". That's it. No third offer, and no chatting after that. The ball is now in her court. If she was a 5 on the attraction scale she'lls probably reach out in the future with a "Hi". Use that as an opportunity to setup a date. Keep it very brief and then get off the app/phone. You cannot build attraction over the phone/app with a woman, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 12:49 AM
2

Unless you live in at at fault state no reason to ever bring it up. What she does in her private life is no longer any business of yours, and vice versa. Bringing it up will only nuke your co-parenting relationship from the start. You want amicable and flexible, and a DIY divorce if she is onboard with that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 12:34 AM
9

There is no relationship with you. She is done. It is over. She has clearly told she wants out, yet you are dragging her to counseling. The reason she lost all attraction for you was because she did not feel seen and heard, and you continue not to hear what she needs. Grant her the divorce and set her free.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 12:07 AM
22

Women are extremely competiitve with other women by nature. Once a woman gets divorced and realizes she fucked up she is on a mission to ruin her friends' relationships to bring them down to her level.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:57 PM
8

Completely normal for it to knock you back a few steps on your progress. It will happen again when she remarries, and again when she has another child with her new man. You wont get knocked back to the beginning tho. After she has new kids its easy sailing there is literally nothing she can do that will knock you back. Keeping the house is a terrible idea. Sell all of your assets, split 50/50, and move on to build a new life. That house is just going to be a painful reminder. Your kids will be e…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:54 PM
7

All women will test your boundaries for sure. It is your job to enforce your boundaries or she will lose all respect and attraction for you and eventually leave the marriage. That never changes, women are wired to find strong men to mate with. Women LOVE to be told no by their man. There is nothing more exciting to them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:47 PM
7

No woman is going to respect a guy that cohabitates after separation. You got played. If a woman wants out you ask them to leave the marital home immediately. Once a woman falls out of love with you they can never turn that light switch back on for you. If she refuses to leave then pack your bags and move on with your life. You wasted 18 months of your life. If you had divorced her as soon as she dumped you then you would have been single and fully healed by now and ready to date again living yo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 12:42 PM
4

Neither of you is an asshole. But you do need to accept that when your daughter is with her mom you have no say on which activities she participates in. For sure ask your co-parent if she can be flexible and swap days if you have a special event, but do not get attached to the outcome of that request. If she says yes awesome, if she says no - also awesome go have fun with your family without your daughter (have a few drinks, maybe someone brings along a cutie that you can hook up with). Flexibil…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 01:29 PM
8

"My ex still drags me down, uses me, bc she knows I’ll give in." Here is your problem. No contact with the ex except about logistic for your son. Do not do anything for her that is not outlined in your divorce decree. "I just have no self confidence anymore," Join your local gym, 5 days per week, no excuses. Clean up your diet. If you were doing that from the start you'd have a nice physique by now and you would not be putting up with BS from anyone in your life. "I honestly don’t ever see mysel…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:23 PM
6

As a man you should NEVER accept the friend zone with a romantic partner. She has fired you from your former position as husband. Why would you keep doing husband duties? That is her new man's job, not yours. You were doing the jobs to act nice in the hopes she would take you back (in short you were acting like a desperate woman). Once a woman mentions the word divorce there is no going back, ever, The romantic relationship you once had is over pemanently. It stings, but that is reality, and you…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 06:40 PM
4

Sounds good in theory and it is a great setup IF you have both moved on. Problem is it fucks your kids royally. You are shaping what their future rleationships are going to look like - playing house with their mom with no intimacy or love means that is what they will get from their future partners - this becomes their normal. Do you want a loveless and sexless relationship for your kids? You've been in one, it is fucking horrible. Move on and rebuild and set the standard for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 06:23 PM
24

Why are you on the couch? Women don't use direct communication like us guys. She gave what she thought were very clear signals 3 years ago as she was nearing her point of no return. Being unaware you missed all of those. We've all been here. Unfortunately they don't teach us relationship skills in school, and our fathers are equally clueless. Once the dust has settled make it a priority to learn how women communicate and how to gage her attraction levels so you won't be blindsided in future rela…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 01:00 PM
3

I would for sure. Married for 22 years. 20 of those 22 years were really awesome. Have 2 great kids. But I love being a single dad and I love my life now too. My wife wanted the divorce. I wanted to stay married at the time. If I could do it over knowing what I know now I would have split from her after our second child. That would have given me another 10 years of freedom and 10 years of fun with other women. Making up for lost time now. My advice if you don't want kids then there is absolutely…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:35 PM
-6

You can bitch and moan about it all you want but that bitching will not change how women are wired. The fact is men can go penetrate another female just for the fun of it, women do not let men penetrate them if they respect and are in love with another man. Both men and women who cheat are dirtbags for sure, but her cheating did not end the marriage. The marriage was on paper only by the time she started looking outside the marriage for attention.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 02:30 PM
-5

No don't tell anyone except your therapist what happened. You tell everyone else you grew apart and were both ready for something different. This will be getting back to your kids no matter how "close" you think these people are. Do not throw their mom under the bus. It will destroy an amicable co-parenting relationship and it will turn your kids against you. When you date you do not mention your divorce unlesss asked. A guy who talks about his exes is an instant turn off to women. They want to …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:50 PM
13

They are not getting serious mate lol. She is one of his girlfriends. Your ex thinks they are getting serious tho. You should NOT be hanging out with your ex to get your son's haircut or going to the park with her. Until you have let her go and moved on you need to parallel parent, not co-parent. A part of you is using this contact in the hopes she will change her mind about you. She isn't. The history you had means nothing to her. Women only care about how you make them feel in the moment. You …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 02:27 PM
1

Never understood why people pay a lawyer to divorce unless you have an extremely complex financial situation (own multiple large businesses together worth tens of millions that you need to liquidate). A lawyer cannot help you get more parenting time or pay less for alimony/child support unless you are in one of the few at fault states for divorce and you need to prove she was at fault. In every other state the judge awards automatic 50/50 custody unless you have a history of abuse, and alimony a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:23 PM
2

Do not marry her. Have fun and hook up wth her but nothing beyond that. Keep dating other women. You arent going to meet a good woman who you find sexy by committing to this one. You are already pushing it with your age if you want kids so don't waste more time cock blocking yourself with your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:17 PM
10

She is just testing you. She will be back. Go complete no contact, and when she reaches out again to say "Hi" tell her you'd love to see her again and invite her over for dinner. Hook up. Could be 2 weeks, could be 2 months, but she will reach back out IF you stay no contact. Keep the focus on your life and your kids. Women may say they want to feel like a priority but putting them first is actually a huge turn off for them. They want a guy who is focused on his purpose where she is just along f…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:10 PM
22

What women say they want and what their bodies actually respond to are two completely different things. Nice is a turn off for most women. They are attracted to masculine, not nice. Let your past feminine behavior go and watch the women come out of the woodwork. The less you care and the less you are attached the more they chase.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:00 PM
13

Single dad here. Married for 22 years. First off 8 years does not qualify for long lol. Thought you were an old guy like me but youre only 28......super young my man. Congrats on your son btw! Being a parent is awesome, and being a single dad is even better. The most important thing when getting dates / finding women to fuck is physical attraction. For women this is means a nice bod (body fat 10-12%, wide shoulders, narrow waist, 6 pack, nice vascular arms,), nice fitting clothes to accentuate y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 01:40 PM
8

You can only rebuild if you are happy to enter an open relationship. She will be seeing other guys with your knowledge or not. If there were no kids in the pictue and you were both happy with non-manogomy I'd say go for it. Problem is this relationship is really going to fuck your son up so do the right thing and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 01:32 PM
3

You are just maturing. Being super romantic is actually a huge turn off for women. Keep treating this one like you are and she will keep chasing. If you don't put yourself first she sure as hell won't.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 03:04 AM
9

Why the fuck are you sharing a bed with her? Come on man have some self respect. She's out banging other guys while you a playing free babysitter at home. She has told you loud and clear she no longer wants to fuck you. There is no coming bacl from that. Ask her to leave the marital home and go file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 03:00 AM
1

"I have come to the conclusion that I was being mentally abused" No you were being tested, and you falied each and every time. She was looking for you to say no and to stand your ground. Women lose respect for men who say yes all of the time, and get turned on by guys that tell them no. It was never about the chores. A woman that is into you will happily cook and clean for you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 02:57 AM
2

Why do you care about amicable if you don't have kids togther? You won't ever be speaking to or seeing her again. Have the talk, grab your gear, leave and file. If it's because you feel guilty and want to think she is going to be ok then stop kidding yourself. You misrepresented you wanted kids, you are walking away, she is going to be hurt big time, is going to be pissed, and she is never going to trust a guy ever again so you have fucked her future relationships. In no scenario do you or shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 01:41 PM
5

It will take 3 years, not 3 months. By the 2 year mark you will start feeling much better. By year 3 you will have let go completely and wonder wtf you ever saw in her lol. That first year is brutal mate. Lots of firsts to get thru without her. She starts dating, introduces the guy to your kids etc. Just a smorgasbord of pain if you are the guy who was dumped. BUT that pain makes you grow into a much stonger man and your life is going to be amazing once you get through it. Do yourself a favor th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 01:26 PM
1

I grill a big bag of costco air chilled chicken breasts once per week. Also cook and rinse of fat a 3lb tube of lean ground beef the same day. Portion up into ziplocks and freeze. Grab two cases of bibigo cooked sticky white rice from costco. Microwaves in 90 seconds and provides 24 meals for $60. Add whatever low calorie sauce on top (G Hughes sugar free bbq is my go to). 73g carbs and 40g protein, zero fat, 1g sugar. Super clean and super cheap. Scrap the rotisserie costco rotisserie chicken t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 01:20 PM
4

I didn't move but I had to make a fresh start. My wife did not want me having friends for 22 years so I had to rebuild a social circle from scratch. Started a new job. Redecorated the house. New car. It felt like a new beginning. It was awesome. It feels daunting in the beginning because I had my wife to lean on previously. Single dad of 2 and had been taught by society that women are naturally better parents so was super stressed about going it completely alone on that front. Turns out both par…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:11 PM
4

Your wife is buying a house with someone after knowing him for 2 months? Oh geez. If you are not on board then the courts will keep her at her current school. My advice look out for your daughter's well being and do NOT be on board. You really need to put your foot down to protect your kids from this outlandish behavior. Unfortunately when women get cock drunk kids drop on their priority list to well behind the new guy. It will take 18 mos - 2 years for your wife to settle back down to reality a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 07:54 PM
-7

First x-wife? Yep that is werid as fuck my guy to keep wedding photos of prior ex-wives.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:30 PM
18

If your romantic partner stops having sex with you then you can be sure she is getting sex from another guy. It always boggles my mind that men think women need or want sex less than men. In my experience women have a far higher sex drive than men, they are just selective who they fuck and will need to get to know the guy for at least a date or two before fucking whereas us guys are down to fuck a complete stranger. Huge red flag if your partner rejects you physically - she is not going without …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:18 PM
11

Great write up. Birth control skews women's attraction toward lower testosterone males. It is very common for a wife wanting to get pregant to lose attraction for her lower test husband when she hops off birth control. She will go back to her natural attraction for men with higher testosterone cues (wide shoulders, narrow waist, well defined jawline, lower body fat, flat stomach, more dense muscle). Plenty of divorces happen during this period leaving hubby perplexed. If your female partner is e…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 12:45 AM
4

Totally normal for a mother to speak to her teenage daughter like this. From a male point of view it seems perplexing and underserved, you have to understand women to get it. When daughters become teenagers a huge rivalry between mom and daughter begins. Mom is used to getting all of the male attention and now she has stiff competition. Women are extremely competitive for male attention. If you think what your wife says to your daughter is bad just wait until you hear what your wife says about h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 12:19 AM
29

Sorry but it is over mate. She lost all attraction to you. The time to make changes to your unattractive behavior was 2 years ago. Once a woman says she wants to find herself and that she no longer loves you then you have crossed the point of no return....it is impossible for her to turn that light switch on for you ever again. No amount of begging, crying, or counselling will help. To keep attraction long term you need to stay in your masculine 80% of the time, and you need to continue dating y…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 03:13 PM
5

She is just resentful because you did not show up how she wanted and she lost attraction for you. No sex for years will make a woman lash out. Don't take it personally or literally. Women think emotionally, not logically. She wants to hurt you because she feels you let her down. "I haven’t been having an affair, don’t drink and try to be as good a Dad as I can, always her for the children and her." A predictable, stable, nice guy. These things are actually a big turnoff for most women and will l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 02:38 PM
2

Get divorced. Best of both worlds. You get your kids but are no longer married to their mom. Being a single dad is utopia. You have complete freedom, you get to parent how you want, and you get 50% parenting time off to do whatever and whoever you want.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 02:22 PM
12

The key is to not outsource your happiness and validation to another human. Figure out what it is you don't like about yourself and make some changes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 02:20 PM
7

Your kids will want to look at them one day. Pack them all up and store them in the garage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 02:17 PM
4

No woman is going to want a ring you gave your previous romantic partner. Since you got no kids out of your marriage (do not make that mistake twice) sell it. On your second divorce keep it for the kiddos.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 02:16 PM
10

Everyone starts off broke after a divorce mate. No way around that. Remember when you were fresh out of mom's house and broke? You ended up fine right? You'll do fine again, you'll just be broke for a few years before you figure things out yet again. In 10 years you will be where you want. You might not be able to retire as early as you want but so what? Men where made to work, not to sit on the couch and get fat and lazy. Don't even think about being a little bitch and making a permanent decisi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 02:26 PM
6

There are 5 people on planet earth with my last name....my dad, myself, my 2 kids, and her. The reason nobody else has it is an amazing story of human courage, grit, mental toughness, and general badassery. She has none of those qualities. But at the end of the day it was me on one knee asking her to marry me, not the other way around, so it's on me. I'm sure she will get remarried at some point....I can wait.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 02:15 PM
1

The higher earning spouse pays alimony to the other (not the man pays the woman no matter what regardless of circumstance)....your income is zero, hers is $100k. Given you are both in bad shape my best guess is there won't be any alimony.....she will be at 100k and they will assume if you were to work you'd be somewhere closish to that. End result they will call it a wash and neither of you will owe the other. If anything she may end up paying you something if you can show you are unhirable in y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 02:08 PM
4

That's a tough one. Personally I would have put him in hospital the first time I saw him after I found out. You just don't fuck around with another man's wife. That's bro code, not just a religious sin. Having to work with the guy? Well you don't. Honestly I would kick his ass and leave and go work somewhere else, and you would be completely right to do so. You sound like a religious guy so if you aren't going to stand up for the 7th commandment then who will? But that's just me mate. If you are…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 02:33 PM
3

You need to focus on dad's world. You have no control over what happens in mom's world. Consenting adults having sex behind closed doors is not a reason she will lose custody. A constantly revolving line of boyfriends is not a reason she will lose custody. Time to let the fantasy go that you will ever have 100% custody. Set boundaries and tell your friend you are not interested in what your ex does on tinder. Let your ex go. What you can control is what happens in dad's world. Create a rock soli…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 02:32 PM
5

When a woman brings up the D word it is well and truly over. There is no saving it. Spending most of your time together is a huge attraction killer for women - they need you out doing your own thing a big part of the time to wonder if other women out there are gaining your attention. They need to know that if you left them you would have a full life with your own friend circle and would easily attract another mate (bonus if other women are in that friend circle). They need to feel like they need…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 02:34 PM
3

As men age they turn into women, and as women age they turn into men (sexually and emotionally). To get your sex drive back to your 20yo self you will have to go on TRT to replace your hormones. You will want to get your test to the 1500 range so you will either have to go to a clinic or manage your health yourself, a regular doc will tell you anything above 300 is fine and that 500 is high. Just make sure to lose the belly first otherwise you will aromatize like a mfer and become an even greate…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 02:11 PM
4

The kids don't care as long as they get quality time with both of you, and you are respectful toward your co-parent. For them it is two rooms, two bdays, two xmas's, and a never ending line of mom's boyfriends trying to play cool guy and buying them gifts during the honeymoon period. Bonus they never have to see mom and dad argue ever again. No reason to ever talk about the divorce, your kids just want to see that you are ok so they know its ok for them to feel ok. If you are an emotional mess i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:31 AM
3

No reason whatsoever to marry if you don't want kids. And there is definitely a trend starting with women happy to have kids out of wedlock so i'm not sure kids is even a valid argument anymore. Marriage is an antiquated custom that is no longer useful in todays world unless both partners are religious. I myself am really enjoying the living apart together lifestyle - all of the benefits of a marriage with none of the downside. Highly recommended.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:22 AM
3

Would have been the same for me. We did our own divorce and remain amicable, never set foot in court. I loved starting over alone in my late forties. A lot more wisdom, more financial resources, forced me to get out and make new friends, and it is so much easier dating as an older guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:16 AM
6

I'm guessing you are not a math teacher. Child support and alimony are worth a whole lot more than $75k (and I am assuming here $150k is the entirety of the equity you guys have in your home). And then you have the moral dilemma of waiving your kid's child support - that is for them, not you. Personally I don't believe you have the moral right to waive their money that will enrich their lives, but you will have to fall back on your own core values as a man to figure out what the right call is fo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:42 PM
5

The odds of reconciliation are 1 in 10,000 or so. When a female loses all attraction for her mate (a process that occurs over years) it can never be turned back on. It is not a conscious decision by them, it is a build up of a loss of respect and resentment due to feminine behaviors you have displayed that once past a certain point tell her it is unsafe to remain with you. To them it is a sensation of drowning to remain by your side. You reaching out to reconcile feels like you pulling them unde…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:10 PM
8

You cope by taking this shit to the gym. You pick heavy shit up, you put it down, you repeat for an hour, and you repeat 5 days per week, 52 weeks per year. You make new friends at the gym. You find new women to date at the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 02:12 PM
10

Do you really hate yourself that much? Let go and move on my man.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 02:08 PM
1

At your age im guessing you either have kids or kids are off the table. In which case enjoy being single my man. If you feel like dating then go have fun, but don't get stuck in another long term relationship. If you don't feel like dating then don't. Society hates single men. It is the exact definition of having your cake and eating it too. With female promiscuity off the charts for modern women there are no longer any checks and balances for men - we get pussy whenever we want with no commitme…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 02:04 PM
5

She has already processed things mate. Women end things in their mind many, many months before communicating to you that it is over. Her telling you in Novemeber you where the man of her dreams means nothing now. She meant it for that one moment only, women live in their feelings, and those feelings change from hour to hour. She has clearly ended things and moved on. You need to do the same. Do not break no contact, do not go to therapy unless it is individual therapy for yourself, and get on wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 02:18 PM
1

As the man you need to set the standard for your partners. If you want a partner that is sober and not a pothead then you need to communicate that. You have to be prepared to walk away. A woman who is into you will bend over backwards to keep you around. But if you don't require those things of her then why would she put in the work to sober up? She is sobering up now because she knows no quality man will put up with it. So that is all on you. As for the beautiful part that is hard. You need to …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:39 PM
11

Been there done that lol. We all have if this is your first divorce. I will say it is not done intentionally by your ex to see you suffer tho. Nor is she laughing about it with the new guy. Women have evolved to build and maintain connections with safe men in their lives. It is a very effective technique to ensure their survival (mother nature has made it clear it is never smart to put all of your eggs in one basket). It is why they keep in contact with ex's who treated them right, why they cons…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:25 PM
15

If your ex gave you kids and you have 50/50 or more then being divorced is utopia for a guy. You got released early from a really bad lifelong contract you signed when you were young and didnt know any better. You got your huge signing bonus (kids) and get to walk away into the sunset scott free. When i'm out and about I see all the married guys with their wives and kids and the guys look absolutely miserable. Overweight, shoulders slumped, wishing they were off having fun in their free time. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:27 PM
26

Your ex found out casual sex is not fun for women and she can't find a guy who wants her for anything other than an easy lay. Your ex is hoping you are still a simp who might take her back so she asked her friend to reach out to test the waters.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:17 PM
5

Total asshole move to use your boys for intel. What does this poor woman need to do to tell you its over? She divorced you, it does not get any clearer than that. If you actually care about her at all you would respect her wishes, leave her alone, and move on with your life. I know it sucks bro, I've been there still wanting and hoping for a reconciliation. But if you don't let go and move on you are never going to heal and you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life. The first year …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 02:58 PM
8

She's not gay. She will be with another guy long term by the end of the year. The gay card and cheating was her way of forcing your previous romantic relationship to end - she never wanted to do therapy. But her sexuality is irrelevant. The simple fact is she no longer loves you and no longer wants you as a romantic partner. She is not mature enough nor has the life skills to end her marriage in a respectful way, heal, and then move forward with a new partner (you never grew together so emotioan…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 02:33 PM
3

Yet to meet anyone, man or woman, who regrets their divorce. It's a shot to the ego but your ex-wife is much happier now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 10:03 PM
7

Congrats! Time to reconnect with yourself and grow. God never removes someone from your life unless he has bigger and better plans for you. Be excited.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 08:55 PM
11

A loving wife does not ask to bring anyone else in between her intimate relationship with you. And you are also a garbage husband for allowing and helping your wife to bring another person in between your intimate relationship with her. Where was your moral leadership? Why did you not steer your wife onto the right path instead of posting on reddit to find your replacement? Learn from your mistakes my man. Both you and your wife have a lot of growing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 08:51 PM
7

No you are not the asshole, but she will treat you like one for asking her to respect you. Ideally you will ask the adulterer to leave the marital home, and ideally they will. She can stay with her boyfriend. Your season of providing and protecting for this woman is over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 02:44 PM
12

Men were built to suffer. That is how we grow. The universe saw you needed to learn something and has given you a huge gift. We should be celebrating your transformation, not consoling you. The money you lost can be easily replaced if that is your thing (not that you can ever take it with you). Do you really need it? Does it play any part in achieving your purpose? Or is it some meaningless scorecard for the old and weak you? Don't look for validation or comfort from others. Nobody cares. If you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 02:37 PM
4

Oh hell yes I would. Love my two kids, and my ex is a good co-parent. She wanted the divorce and at the time I was devastated, now I see she gave me the biggest gift possible with kids and complete freedom. Life is awesome. Kids half the time, freedom the other half, not financially responsible for the ex wifey. She's got some poor schmo hooked to pay her way now and she won't be giving him kids so he'll have nothing to show for it once she leaves him in a few years. Turned out good for everyone…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:15 AM
2

Did Eve take accountability when eating the forbidden fruit? Women's brains are not wired for logic or accountability, they were made for beautiful chaos that makes life interesting. I would not rely on her to be any part of your healing. Not her job, nor does she care.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:04 AM
3

Yeah at that age the kids are going to decide where and when they want to stay between the two houses. I'd have a discussion with your daughter when she gets back. Let her know it's fine if she leaves early but the rule going forward at your house is she needs to text or call to relay that information in advance. Then let her know what the consequence is if that rule is not followed. Not your exes problem. Sounds like she has no respect for you whatsoever and your kids are following suit. Firm b…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:55 AM
2

You are afraid to be alone becuase you have no purpose in your life. A man needs a purpose or he is going to get depressed or will look to a partner to fill themselves up - both very bad scenarios and it won't end well. Sounds like you are not really working out. At your age mate go get on trt and start grinding in the gym 5-6 days per week. After 2 years or so when you have maxed out your trt gains start adding in other compounds on top of the test. This journey will give you a purpose and make…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:47 PM
8

Honestly mate I would not advise you to date until you are looking for something serious and are ready to date with intention. Why give that time, energy and your dick to a woman who does not deserve it (save it for a quality woman who wants to love you and build a life with you). Sounds like you are bored more than anything. Make more friends and go have a blast together. Low quality woman on dating apps looking for casual are nothing but a distraction from the good things you have got going on…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:37 PM
3

What should you do? Get on gear and get jacked AF. After that the revolving door of guys will not mess with you ever. Then have fun with it, flirt with your ex in front of him. Your ex will love the attention and the look on his face will be hilarious. At the end of the day though just remember the poor guy is spending his time and money on your kids just to hopefully get a piece while she is just using him until she gets bored. He is another man who is clueless and destined for misery with sing…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:43 PM
2

I think marriage is awesome if you want kids. If not then no way in hell does it make sense for a man to get married. You just have to make sure to pick a woman who will make a good co-parent, and make sure she contributes financially (earning roughly what you make). She will get bored and leave you when the kids are older so do not make her the center of your world and do have a plan in place for when she exits. Single dad life with a good co-parent who did not screw you financially is nirvana.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:17 PM
12

Did not read where you are going to the gym getting your body and mind jacked AF. Lifting heavy things is the cure to everything when you are a guy, give it a try.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:20 PM
2

I am still closish with them. They are my only family here besides my 2 kids (Aussie moved here 23 years ago). I was there son for 23 years and we were extremely close. I made the decision to pull back, if it was up to them id still be a big part of their family. I still visit occasionally I just make sure it is when my ex is not around. It was a hard choice but they need to bond with my ex and her affair partner and I needed to make new friends and think about building another family here in th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 10:45 PM
0

No you are demonstrating to your wife that you are not replaceable. You are taking the lead allowing her to be in her feminine on a regular basis rather than mom mode 24/7 52 weeks per year. Be the guy that her friends say "I wish my husband did that for me", be the guy that she will make an effort to keep happy because she knows none of her exes took care of her in that way and none of the losers she dates in the future will either. If you are doing low effort then you are intechangeable with t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 05:12 PM
0

He role is to make a home - cooking, cleaning, laundry, growing kids inside of her, pushing kids out of her, sacrificing her body to nourish those children, spending the rest of her life emotionally nourishing those children, grand chldlren and great grandchildren, supporting her man and his legacy, following her man. The man is not respondible for everything, I would say it is very close to 50/50 in a traditional marriage where the man takes on the masculine role allowing the woman to be in her…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 04:58 PM
9

My advice spend the next 7 years growing together rather than apart, then make a decision. Do not screw your kids up just because you got lazy and stopped dating your wife after the first kid so now she resents you so much she'll no longer spread her legs for you (we all do this on the first marriage mate so don't take it personally, it is just a reality check for men who were not taught by their fathers how to keep a woman wet for you). One date night per week, one weekend getaway per month, on…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 01:27 PM
4

I felt that way too. But you have to accept in life all relationships are finite. Romantic relationships rarely happen for life, and of the ones that do only a tiny percentage are happy romantic relationships. The vast majority of your romantic relationships are going to last 6 mos - 2 years, and marriages 7 years. Anything beyond that is truly special. The end of a marriage is not a failure as society will program you to believe, it is an opportunity for growth for both people and to experience…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 12:53 PM
5

A woman without custody of her kids is the biggest red flag there is. Run, and never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:42 PM
5

Great post! I've been divorced for 2 years now. At the time I did indeed feel like I needed her. These days I struggle to figure out exactly what she offered in the relationship. She gave me my 2 kids, absolutely everything else she did I can do for myself or get from another woman without having to commit for life. So now I have my 2 kids, no 4th person to drain my finances, and all the freedom in the world. Society says divorce is bad but the single dad life is awesome and I would recommend di…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:40 PM
3

I'd forget the book mate. Go get yourself on TRT and start lifting. Move on to a few cycles and get jacked AF. This anger won't last so dont waste it reading. Get your dick wet with new women. You won't give two fucks about your ex after that. The idea is to reach indifference. Once you've had better pussy you will wonder what you ever saw in your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 11:37 PM
7

I've been in a somewhat similar situation. I'm going to give you some advice anyway. If your ex creates drama in your house pull her aside and let her know it is not ok. Ask her to leave the premises if she cannot control her emotions. Worked like a charm on my ex. We are friendly, and she no longer gets into arguments with the kids at my place. What she does on her time with the kids is up to her. Secondly on your time do not contact your ex for parenting help. That is your job, time to man up.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 11:26 PM
5

She'll find another schmoe to support her financially once the money runs out. She'll be fine. Worry about yourself - as a guy you can't bat your eyes and spread your legs to get someone to pay your way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:15 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter