It's not getting better

Least_Golf_9087 · 2025-03-19T17:47:02+00:00

It’s been almost a month since I discovered my wife was cheating on me. We were together for nearly 10 years. I still miss her sometimes, but I’m able to sleep, work, and eat regularly. I occasionally feel lonely (and sometimes it feels unfair), especially at night, but the feeling doesn’t last long, and I can live with it.

Here are some methods I’ve been using to help myself get back to a new normal: 1. Good exercise, good routine, good habits – Keeping yourself busy and physically active really helps. 2. ChatGPT (yes, you heard that right) – I talk to it about what happened and share my feelings. Believe it or not, it’s sometimes better than a therapist. It offers suggestions, validates your feelings, and even shares how others with similar experiences have coped.

Ronin3790 · 2025-03-18T20:27:17+00:00

Just start living your best life. Improve yourself physically and financially. Do those hobbies that you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t beg of family time. Her seeing live your best life will bring her back quicker than anything. You might start living for you and realize that she held you back all of these years or something like that

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-03-18T12:15:20+00:00

This is going to sound insensitive but you need to get off your ass and out of the house.

You’re depressed, and moping just makes it worse.

It took me 18 months to get over my wife leaving. You’ll get there. Find something to occupy your time.

No-Walk-1633 · 2025-03-18T03:52:47+00:00

Fastest way to get over her is to get under another.

playerknowmore · 2025-03-18T01:11:39+00:00

No one can help you until you realize you are the main character in your life. You are the only person who is essential in your life. One day, you are going to wake up and realize that your ego put unnecessary roadblocks to your happiness. You can live without her, just as easily as she can live without you.

Your ego is telling you that she is your greatest loss. That you can't live without her. She didn't begin your story, and she is not the end. She is a chapter in your story. You let her write this chapter, and it ende in disaster. Save the main character; who is you, and make your next chapter better.

My dad told me, "Change your mind, and you can change your world." You perceive that divorce is the worst thing that could happen to you, but what if it's not. What if divorce is an opportunity for you to find the best version of yourself. People take years, creating a narrative to get divorced without looking like a monster. They can not achieve this without manipulating and neglecting you. Honestly, look back a few years, and you will see you weren't happy either.

Gockdaw · 2025-03-17T21:44:28+00:00

As I often say, if I ever find I miss my wife, I'll just reload and take a better aim.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2025-03-17T20:41:15+00:00

Don't talk to her or take her seriously when she says anything at all.

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-03-17T19:58:25+00:00

It gets better, brother. I'm at exactly one year since she ghosted me.

It wasn't until just a couple days ago that she finally, at last spoke her truth. What she really wants out of life and why she's so fucking angry at me. (Also that she is, in fact, angry)

While the causes hurt, they're irrelevant to today. Today her bucket list and mine are fundamentally incompatible. She wants to travel, like almost a live abroad situation, but hopping all over Europe, SA and Africa.

Me, I want a place on a beach, any ocean. I want to go tidepooling, fishing and swimming. I want to become part of the community and know people by name when I walk down the street.

It took way too long, but I can now let her go and even wave a loving goodbye.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2025-03-17T17:38:14+00:00

You're going to be all right.

Conscious-Ad-7338 · 2025-03-17T15:55:43+00:00

At least she can't deny you access to your kids, since they're grown. That's the most painful potential part of divorce. Doesn't sound like she got you in legal trouble either. Money comes and goes, and at the end of the day is nothing more than little scraps of paper. You'll be alright, bud. The best thing you can do is try to be a guy who you enjoy being around, seeking out supportive male friends, and doing things you enjoy. Aside from kids, I don't even know what women are good for anyways. You might find peace and quiet the most beautiful music to your ears soon enough

HowManyBobs · 2025-03-17T15:15:49+00:00

Maybe chane your framing of how you're reading the situation. Ask yourself the question from a different angle. Ask 'how is it getting better' and I our mind will seek answers. Soon, you'll notice little things are improving. Then bigger things. And then you'll notice life is not perfect but improving! Hang in there OP! It will suck until it doesn't!!

regertsrus · 2025-03-17T15:04:09+00:00

You go on, by moving on. By enjoying life and everything you have never experienced. Start now and you will wake up one day soon feeling amazing

ChartOne9250 · 2025-03-17T14:56:16+00:00

I'm going through same thing my friend. It hurts and let ut hurt. It sucks and I've been where your at recently. The best thing that I can suggest is the following. Gym, get some sun, eat healthier, focus on self improvement, enjoy your kids when you have them. These things can help. Doing this stuff is a step towards improving your mental health and you as a whole. Yes, over time it will get better and you by no means can give up.

Your stronger than you think bud.

InternetOffender · 2025-03-17T14:49:56+00:00

Get some pets. It's a step toward the peace you are going to enjoy down the road a bit.

ConfidenceNo242 · 2025-03-17T14:37:17+00:00

Just keep telling yourself she doesn’t want you so why should you be wasting your life worrying about her

superman_410 · 2025-03-17T14:32:24+00:00

You can do this man your kids need you, dont let her win, man up and own this shit, hit the gym, hollar at your friends to hangout, dont sit in that house all alone everyday your gonna go crazy, you need to find something to do ASAP, time will heal you yes but sometimes it takes a lot of time, in the meantime you need to distract yourself from the situation, focus on you, keep up with your kids, gonna have to let go of the ex, i did it you can too

LoquiListening · 2025-03-17T14:21:53+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Three months can feel like an eternity when you're in so much pain. It's completely understandable that talking to her reignited the hurt – sometimes closure doesn't come in a single conversation. It's okay to still be hurting, even if others are telling you time should have healed things.

The emptiness you describe, the feeling of being alone with dark thoughts, is something many of us in this subreddit understand. You're not alone in feeling this way. We are here for you if you need to talk.

Decent_Mushroom7835 · 2025-03-17T13:46:09+00:00

This is a tough time. I am going through a separation right now as well. I have been separated almost 11 months. I was where you were at the same time (3 months of being separated). Still hurt and still wanting her back and my kids back. Trust me, you will get better. I feel worlds better than I did even 2 months ago. You have to reach out and make connections even when you don't feel like it. I joined a group through a church called Divorce Care. It has helped me immensely and it shows that you are not alone. Others are going through what you are going through right now. Show yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. You are strong enough to go through this. I didn't think I was, but I am proving that I am. Take care my friend. If you need to reach out and talk to someone, I can be there.

DudeforRighteousness · 2025-03-17T13:36:55+00:00

It sucks. But at the end of the day, if you hang in there, you will look back one day and realized just how much she was dragging you down. You need to level up. Get in the gym immediately if you’re not already. More importantly, if you have a faith, you need to explore it further. I’m a Christian and I can tell you that without my faith in Jesus Christ I don’t know where I would be right now, but I can see his hand working and everything that has happened so far.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2025-03-17T13:29:19+00:00

It's been over four years for me and I'm still not completely over her. When she left my world was absolutely shattered into a million sharp fragments.

I have now mostly good days where I'm actually glad she left because over the years it made me dig deep and discover myself at and become a much better man. And life is peaceful.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-03-17T13:26:29+00:00

It will take 3 years, not 3 months.

By the 2 year mark you will start feeling much better. By year 3 you will have let go completely and wonder wtf you ever saw in her lol.

That first year is brutal mate. Lots of firsts to get thru without her. She starts dating, introduces the guy to your kids etc. Just a smorgasbord of pain if you are the guy who was dumped.

BUT that pain makes you grow into a much stonger man and your life is going to be amazing once you get through it. Do yourself a favor tho and do not communicate to her about anything other than logistics for your kids the first 3 years. Once you've let go be friends all you want after that you'll be fine.

Illustrious_Can_7698 · 2025-03-17T12:19:05+00:00

3 months is very little time in the bigger perspective. Find someone you can trust and share your hurt with. Not to get pity or understanding of even empathy, but to talk yourself through your emotions and process them. Healing comes with the pain of processing, not the pain of being stuck in the same emotion all the time.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2025-03-17T11:46:02+00:00

Normal , and you’re not alone. Life throws shit at us, and this shit comes in different shapes and forms, but men are men because they can handle it. You have your life, you’re good, she didn’t deserve you and she wasn’t committed. Her loss. Focus on you and your kids without the deadweight of emotional burden.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-17T10:56:58+00:00

First, it's normal to feel this way. It's grief. Everyone deals with it differently.

Worst thing you can do is sit in your house and ruminate.

Get outside and get some sun. Get a good workout in. I'm talking push your body and elevate the heart rate. Sweat.

You have to invest in the S&ME 500. Go out with friends. Do not sit inside brother.

whoisgodiam · 2025-03-17T10:36:19+00:00

Dude, get a fresh 20 year old. Never marry again.

cherales · 2025-03-17T10:06:30+00:00

It WILL get better, the good days will begin to outweigh the bad.

Me? I woke up this morning feeling a little lost, but I’ve found the comments here and elsewhere to be helpful.

I hope that over time you do too.

Please accept the following in the spirit of genuinely wanting to help, just as others have helped me in ways I can’t begin to thank them enough for … x

I’m around 5 months after a split after 24 years of marriage and nearly 35 years together. I didn’t see it coming at the time. Currently selling the family home and trying to find somewhere to live for two of our children and myself.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, but by telling myself “I’m good” I find myself feeling a little better each day.

Whilst it’s not a ‘linear’ upward trajectory, overall, I’m finding a way forward. I hope you do too,

As another reply has said, put some ‘bright’ music on, also, have a hot shower, finish by turning it to cold, put some clean clothes on.

If the house needs a tidy, sort it.

Or don’t, don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes it’s ok to sleep it all off.

Try to avoid alcohol. I don’t always succeed with that, but after a heavy weekend with a couple of friends I might need to reassess quite how much I’m drinking.

Find something creative, whether painting, writing, woodwork, music. It doesn’t have to be done for anyone else but yourself.

Do something for someone else though, where you reasonably can, whether it’s volunteering, even just reaching out anonymously online to offer support to others in whatever way you can.

Find something that makes you laugh. Meet up with friends or family that make you laugh. Don’t doom scroll too much on your phone, but try to gravitate towards the more positive stuff when you do.

Don’t beat yourself up over the shit days.

Exercise apparently is good. All I’ve managed to do so far is walk every (ok, most) days. The weather is immaterial, a walk in the sun feels glorious, yet a walk in the rain has been great too.

Avoid the booze, sleep when you need to sleep, don’t beat yourself up.

Above all, I find it helpful to tell myself “I’m good”, I hope you can too…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HK9DOXglzo

Take care internet stranger, I hope that you find things DO get better.

DicksOut4Edamame · 2025-03-17T10:01:07+00:00

3 months is nothing, man. Took me over two years to finally get clear. It was absolute hell before that, especially the first year.

Be the bison: run through the storm, embrace the awful shit that life has given you in this moment and trudge through. Don’t run from it, run at it. Every time you ache, pick up some heavy shit and don’t stop until you’re too exhausted to do anything else. Start a hobby. Pray. Eat healthy. Etc. etc. Cry and scream and hurt all that you need to hurt.

But always be moving through the storm.

You want some secret that we can give you to bring you out of the utter hellscape you find yourself in. It doesn’t exist, mate. We’ve all been there. It will hurt until it doesn’t. And trust us when we tell you that some day it won’t hurt anymore. Just keep going

Front-Elderberry-783 · 2025-03-17T09:58:25+00:00

Be strong and ride it out. I hope things get easier for you. Try to find some distractions

CA_Poppy_25 · 2025-03-17T09:23:47+00:00

Hang in there. Turn on some music to drown out the bad thoughts. If you're a Christian, remember that God has not forsaken us. I don't know why we're going through this trial, but there is hope.

Title	It's not getting better
Author	Substantial_Lemon250
Upvotes	43
Comments	38
Date	March 17, 2025 9:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jd8fti/its_not_getting_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-not-getting-better.1546816 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546816

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