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VeteranEntrepreneurs Archive

View 7 posts and 230 comments by VeteranEntrepreneurs on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Why does divorce have to be a game? If you two enjoy spending time going to the game, go to the game. But she has to shit or get off the pot, does she want to keep you around as a puppy dog she gets to take on a walk or does she want to work on the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:40 PM
7

This is 100% a question for a family law attorney
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 12:38 PM
1

If your divorce coach is telling you are a narcissist, you have the wrong coach. A coach is not trained to diagnose narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 01:45 AM
4

Do not remove your name from the deed if you still have the mortgage. If anything, she rents back from you for a year and then gets a mortgage and buys you out of the house. Speak to a real estate attorney before you do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:07 PM
2

This is the best response! Don’t like, you are perpetuating poor relationship behavior. If she likes you and really values you, she won’t reject you. This is an opportunity for you to reset your life and be honest with her. You might be turned on when she tells you she likes you regardless of your hard member or not.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 03:36 PM
4

My rebound was a complete fxxk up! You know what is great about life, we can make mistakes and start over. Fail fast, Fail small, Fail often!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 12:17 PM
6

What if what you did really doesn’t matter, but how you go forward and who you want to be moving forward matters more? I think we can get stuck in a loop trying to understand what we did wrong, how we could have shown up differently. But if you woke up tomorrow and decided how you want to be, and learn what type of partner you attract, what you were doesn’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:15 AM
1

Sounds like you have some difficult decisions to make, living together and ignoring the obvious is not going to go away. What is your next step in moving forward in your situation?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 12:53 PM
0

Sounds like you have some difficult decisions to make, living together and ignoring the obvious is not going to go away. What is your next step in moving forward in your situation?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 12:50 PM
9

The bigger question is how do you take your power back? Who cares what he says? He made his choices, you are trying to rationalize with someone that is irrational.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:01 PM
1

Do you have kids? I am going on a cruise for a week with my kids the week of Thanksgiving. I have made sure for 10 years that my kids were always with my ex-wife as Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday. This year is mine, my kids are 18 and 17, so last chance to do something fun with them before they are off to college and I asked them what they wanted to do and they said a cruise.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:49 AM
1

Yes, that person will be in your kids life, so 100%
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:23 PM
1

Speak to an attorney that has experience with special needs children in a divorce. Having a child with a terminal illness requires special care to handle his care and treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 10:31 AM
1

I am not going to tell you what you should do, because you already know how you feel and already see the writing on the wall. But, here are a few questions, have you asked her specifically if she is willing to fight through and make it work? If she says no, and doesn’t gaslight you, which she might, then I would say, let’s get this over with sooner than later. If she says yes, then I would consider both of you speaking with a marriage counselor. You have a child with special needs, which means y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 10:28 AM
27

You posted 288 days ago that you were stuck and many of your post on Reddit are about child support, your ex and the boyfriend. With all due respect, you should seek professional help to help you move on. At some point your mental health will be impacted. Look up poly-vagal theory, you appear to be in an activated state a lot and a therapist can help you get out of that loop. I wish you well brother, please take care of yourself, for you and your kiddos.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:44 AM
14

Now your job is to make sure when she brings an abuser into your kids lives, you can protect them. She needs chaos and abuse to feel “normal”… you are better without her, just protect those kids at all costs.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 06:35 PM
1

Couples therapy could be helpful… have you tried that yet!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:27 AM
7

I agree… my STBXW said some very hurtful things to me, and as much as you try not to take it personally, it’s coming from someone that supposedly loves you, it’s really hard to let go and forget. If she is already saying hurtful things like that, it’s not a good sign. I highly recommend all couples read non-violent communications before they married.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:24 AM
1

I worry about that too, sometimes I will not talk to anyone for the weekend, so if I died on. Friday, no one would know until Monday that I was dead.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:19 AM
1

I am sorry of your new financial reality, sounds quite heavy. Do you have a plan moving forward? I have found having short-term goals and a plan helps.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:18 AM
2

I feel you on the kid thing, my kids definitely hurt, especially my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:17 AM
2

Definitely sounds like it was the right decision. So glad you are much happier.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:16 AM
3

Not sure if that’s a fear, but good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 09:12 PM
2

I met someone a few months after my divorce, she was younger, hotter and crazier than my ex-wife. There were so many red flags it was like a clown pulling them continuously out of a box. I realized I had a habit of picking the same type of people every time, until I worked on myself. You miss things because of loneliness, co-dependency or whatever else.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:00 AM
6

I tried reconciling three times and each time it ended the same. Make a decision that is best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:10 PM
2

Take a deep breath. Sorry you are going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:17 AM
2

Because when people divorce they need to adjust their estate plan and the need to buy and sell homes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:58 AM
2

Yes a family law attorney in your town. Prenups are a flat rate service. It should not be hourly, if it’s hourly find another attorney. Best way to find a great family law attorney is call estate planning and real estate attorneys and ask them if they have any referral attorneys. Other attorneys only refer to other good attorneys because they don’t want to send you to a bad attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:22 PM
3

First Marriages: Around 40-50% end in divorce. Second Marriages: The divorce rate increases to about 60-67%. Third Marriages: The divorce rate is even higher, estimated to be around 73% to 74%. So why in the heck would you even consider marriage after the first one. If you get married again, always, always, always get a prenuptial agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:34 AM
19

I am on #2 divorce and I have told everyone I love that if I talk about marriage again they are allowed to have me committed to a mental hospital.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:32 AM
3

It’s not attraction, you have misaligned values. You value health and fitness and taking care of yourself, she doesn’t. You value positive communication, she doesn’t. You have misaligned values.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 11:20 PM
3

It’s definitely lonely, but the key is to focus on setting goals for yourself, not other people. So many men are codependent but aren’t willing to admit it. I am a recovering codependent and once I realized that and learned more, I could focus on growing and healing. The key is learning to be alone and not jumping into another relationship. I did that too and even though on the surface she was “better” than my wife, she had identical issues and hadn’t felt with her trauma and eventually it showe…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 11:21 PM
2

Regret lives in a lack mindset. I don’t carry regret for my TWO failed marriages, because each one helped me grow into who I am today. I choose growth over regret, and with that growth I also know, I’ll never marry again. I have chosen to learn why I choose the people I have chosen and what mistakes I made in my marriages. We only have so much energy and space in our minds, I choose to focus on self improvement, not about thinking whether I would get divorced again or not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:47 AM
2

Wtf are you talking about?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:08 AM
1

You won’t get it back, so start focusing on making the next 13 exactly what you dream it to be.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:05 AM
3

"He is a much more financially successful person than I am".................For now!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 08:25 PM
10

If I could make one suggestion from historical experience. Don't talk to you wife about equity or anything related to dividing assets if she is going to seek legal counsel. Don't settle for less than you are legally eligible right now. Give youself at least a month to get through your emotions. You don't want to say "I will take less" and then regret it later.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 07:54 PM
1

It really comes down to a single question… how much do you value being happy in your life? I stayed way longer than I should have, and once I made that decision, it sucked for a while, going through a divorce sucks, but I can’t even imagine why I was with her in the first place and even my kids (they are now much older) will say, “dad, I can’t imagine you and mom together” you only get 76 (on average) years in like and if you are in your 30’s, you will be 50 before you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:38 AM
3

There is definitely someone out there for you, likely a father that has children himself. I remarried a woman with two children and it can be very hard, but something you can work through.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:32 PM
8

You need help with this? Just do it! Call three attorneys in town and then make a decision
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:07 PM
8

Stop it! You have terrible boundaries which is why you are still having sex with the women you are going to divorce. Get over yourself too, once you made the decision that you don’t want to be married to her anymore you don’t get to decide who she has sex with. You will eventually have sex with another women and she will have sex with another man. She is not your possession and you don’t own her. Let go bro!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:44 AM
3

Ok, here is the thing. Most men in this situation cave out of desperation and guilt and give the women everything they ask for and in return, they get absolutely screwed. She does not get to dictate the outcome as she was unfaithful. If you can prove she cheated, you might be able to get out of this without paying alimony at the minimum. Child support on the other hand, that is going to cost you a ton even if you are paying 50%. I would find the best family law attorney can find and get a second…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:40 AM
3

Financial agreements and prenups are so essentials
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:11 AM
2

Sounds like she should have taken economics and finance in school.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:08 AM
1

You’re an over thinker huh?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:06 AM
3

Happy Birthday soon.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:06 AM
1

No one is ever happy that they used an attorney, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:05 AM
1

How you doing? Three months is still so fresh.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:05 AM
1

Yes! 👏
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:04 AM
1

Man I am so sorry… be careful choosing the next women in your life. We tend to pick the same type of people each time. Right after I left my wife the next person was just a more beautiful younger model, but had similar trauma and issues. Do the inner work, so you pick a good one, whether you get married or not.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:08 AM
1

My ex had credit card debt I didn’t even know about and had boxes of shit you bought to try and sell online. She never sold them online. Fortunately I didn’t have to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:06 AM
1

Damn, sorry you got a violent one. We don’t hear these type of stories, it’s always the violent and abusive men. Sorry you had to deal with that. You definitely deserve better. Congratulations for having the courage to get out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:05 AM
3

Did you invest into her startup cost?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:52 AM
1

Maybe income is the wrong word. Wealth…think of income as net income, so your salary minus child support, minus alimony. Net income after taxes and divorce penalties.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:49 AM
1

Did you ever have anything?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:48 AM
2

So happy for you that you recovered financially. Thanks for sharing
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:48 AM
1

Love that attitude
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:46 AM
1

Don’t over think this bro! Do you have the same financial quality of life than you did before the divorces
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:46 AM
6

Man, so sorry to hear this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 01:14 AM
1

Yes my "female friend" told me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 03:54 PM
5

Lawyers are expensive but not as expensive as loosing your assets. Go see an attorney and get off Reddit asking these kind of questions. No one here is qualified to answer these questions. I am not trying to be an ass but I find these kind of questions ridiculous on social media. Talk to a qualified professional to help you protect your assets and identify your maritial rights.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 12:22 PM
4

Go seen attorney asap. Anytime things like CPS is involved you need to know your rights including your rights to reside or not reside in your home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 12:18 PM
7

I did a little comparing and contrasting between MenOver40 and WomenOver40, and the men group is mostly about Sex, Fitness, and Dating Younger Women. WomenOver40 is one big complaint fest...
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:53 PM
3

Loneliness is real brother, and attachment issues, which I have had to overcome. I am trying to be single for as long as I can this time around, to learn about myself, go to dinner by myself (which is uncomfortable), network more, do more organic people connecting. Once I am ready to date again, I am going to try and NOT use dating apps and try to meet someone organically.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 08:55 PM
13

Your post lacks sufficient context to provide meaningful feedback. To be honest, it's kind of confusing to read. Maybe start over.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 07:03 PM
3

Try to find a good divorce coach, a certified divorce coach.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:13 PM
6

You know what I have learned: if you date someone long enough without sex, you learn a lot about a prospective partner. Usually, the issues we see in our partner are not changes, it's things we never saw because we rushed into a relationship with them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:11 PM
1

Sorry to hear that, I knew before I got married that we had issues unfortunately. We met right before Covid shut everything down, so we didn’t really have a normal courting period and were almost shoved into being isolated together. She is an amazing woman, just not a good match for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 10:43 AM
1

Nope, it’s a FB group and app they can download apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:07 PM
3

Thanks for your experience and perspective
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:57 AM
4

My STBX is in a group called “are we dating the same guy”, I think she is on there hoping to see my picture pop-up so she could accuse me of cheating before we split. My female friend is on there to see what’s it’s about and she said it’s super toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 12:43 AM
1

See a good therapist, it’s done wonders for me. Just talking through this, seeing the relationship from different perspectives and help reframing is very helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 12:38 AM
9

Man, I am sorry you are feeling this way and had the weight of the world on you. No matter how things turned out, you need to look at how hard you worked, what you are capable of, but this time, do it for YOU. You don’t have to justify anyone else’s feeling, you can work hard for the hard working, caring and dedicated man you are. Don’t let her sociopathic personally hold space in your mind anymore. You are a giver, you give, give, give and she was a taker, she took everything you gave. It’s tim…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 11:23 PM
2

First and foremost, it’s really none of anyone’s business why, how many times you “threatened” divorce, whether you did the work or she didn’t. None of it matters. In conversation with your friends, just say “me and xxxx are getting divorced, I just wanted to let you know” if they dig for more (they are a-holes), just respond, things haven’t been ok for a while and I decided it was time. They won’t pry and some of your friends will side with her and others will stay neutral. My ex and I were tog…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:44 PM
2

Be my friend!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:31 PM
1

Sorry to hear your pain, divorce can be emotionally brutal and painful. I would highly recommend a therapist or male divorce coach. You really need to go through some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it would be very helpful. I wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:25 PM
3

New chapter in life means the story might be different. You deserve to live your life on your terms in your new chapter and be different. You were married to her, so you loved her at one point in your life, if you didn’t care or have guilt, that would be a bigger problem in my opinion. My ex-wife is a complete shit show, I feel sorry for her but her choices to not grow and so the work is on her, not me. Keep growing and being happy, it’s your new story brother, you deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:20 PM
2

In sales, they say make 100 phone calls and get 95 no’s, you will get comfortable with rejection. Rejection isn’t about you, it’s about them, that is hard to believe but once you do, it makes being rejected ok.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:01 PM
1

“What helped me was not caring what anyone else thought or their opinions of me” - this is key advice. You really have to learn to love yourself, focus on healthy habits both physically, mentally and emotionally and then do things like meetup groups, networking events, speed dating, etc. stay away from dating apps (in my opinion), they are incredibly superficial. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 05:59 PM
2

Having worked with family law attorneys for five years as a business coach, I can tell you the highest paid are not always the best. Many high paid firms have junior family law attorneys do the legal work. The best are the solos with a small team, that respond to your I inquiry, charge a consultation fee (free ones are usually desperate), and have great google reviews. You could also go to the county clerks officer and ask them for a couple great family law attorneys names. Additionally, find ot…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 12:19 PM
2

How about joining a hiking meetup? Either on meetup or Facebook, great way to organically meet someone plus you know you have at least one thing in common.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 12:10 PM
8

That is the problem, you need therapy bro
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 05:42 PM
5

As someone that was married for 15 and together 17 and then divorced, I dated this exact woman and saw ALL the red flags and it didn’t end well. Be alone for a while, learn how to spend time alone, not date a women. You are falling into the unhealthy patterns.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 05:41 PM
1

You are making alot of assumptions it sounds. Half the time my kids didn’t and still don’t know it’s my birthday. I mostly never get a text or phone call from them on my birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 08:25 PM
7

It’s time for you to move out, figure it out. When I moved out of my 3000sqft house on 2 acres into a small two bedroom apartment that my kids had to share a room, I made the most of it. She took them on a cruise, meanwhile I was paying her child support and living in this small apartment. You know what, I loved every single minute of my freedom and missed the heck out of my kids but I learned to find myself and do things I wanted to do. Take some time to be sad and then throw that shit away and…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:44 AM
4

You have a court order, whatever that says you pay and no more. Don’t interact with her, don’t communicate with her, just pay what you have to pay and move on. Let go of your emotional attachment to the money and when you do that you will feel free (easier said then done, I know)
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:26 AM
1

I had the same issue you have, you are putting too much every into what she is saying or doing. Let go of that because it will eat at you. Stop expecting her to be a reasonable human being. She is no longer your wife, so treat her as such. She is your kids mom, so it is now transactional, so treat it as such. You need to start setting better boundaries with her and when she responds negatively, that’s on her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:19 AM
1

Rule #1: if you decide to separate, live separately. Rule #2 and the most important rule, don’t believe a thing she says
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 09:25 PM
4

I have been divorced for nearly 7 years and I asked my 18 and 17 year olds what they were doing for Mother’s Day for their mom, and they said nothing. I cashapp them money and said to take her out for dinner or lunch. They didn’t tell her it was from me, which I appreciated and she was happy they did that and my kids appreciate it when I do things for her after all these years. Mind you, I can’t stand her, but it’s not about me, it’s about my kids and making them feel good about doing something …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 01:37 AM
3

The every other weekend is until your kids start voicing their own opinion. My kids at about 13 started deciding for themselves and saw them a lot more and sometimes less. I found when I didn’t see them, it was an opportunity for ME to grow. Unfortunately I made the mistake of getting into a relationship quickly after separation and that was the biggest mistake. Stay focused on you first and then the kids and then everything else. 48 hours or 4 hours or 4 weeks, just make the most of the time yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:16 PM
1

Yet you are thinking of using ChatGPT to manipulate her?!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:08 PM
3

You could let go and log off bro! My observation is you are obsessed with her and her actions. What she did and is doing is no longer your issue. Find a way to let go and focus on your own growth! My ex sent me some really hot pics before we broke up and I kept that shit for years, even once I was in another relationship. It was holding me back from my current relationship and keeping me in my past as I would occasionally check them out, I was obsessed with her. Once I let go, and deleted the pi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 02:22 PM
1

That’s a choice man… sorry to say it, but everything is a choice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 12:17 AM
1

That’s not a thing, there will be heart ache, there will be pain, there will be everything in between, but there can be happiness on the other side of it
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 11:02 PM
10

No person should have to go 10 years without sex, you should be given the medal for staying that long
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 08:29 PM
2

You can’t control the past bro, it’s really simple. You are putting energy into something that triggers negative feelings. Stop living in the past and put your energy towards building an amazing fucking future for your kid… one dollar, one day, one experience at a time… one foot in front of the other. What does your future look like?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 02:30 AM
7

Stop living in the past; it’s simple! Move on and focus on your future
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:21 PM
0

On a single threat! Come on
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:17 PM
2

He won’t do anything! 95% of people like him talk shit and do nothing, stop living in fear and live your life
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:16 PM
1

You as well.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 11:47 AM
12

You got to prove it? Tax returns should be simple to prove that? Am I missing something?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 12:46 AM
2

Funny enough, it’s been 7 years since we divorced and although I can’t stand being around her ( she really has doubled down on her annoyingness), but we get along when I have to engage with her. She even apologized for all the shitty times.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 09:35 PM
7

Does it matter? If you get the truth will that give you closure? If you don’t can you get closure eventually without ever knowing? Why waste time on something in the past when you can out that energy into your future? In my first divorce (yes I am into #2), I sought the same thing and never got it. I beat myself up, suffered in silence. This time around I realize it doesn’t really matter, what matters more is that I determine what “I” did wrong in picking two people that were not aligned with my…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 09:30 PM
2

I went to my daughter soccer game one time and I sat on an entirely different side of the field as her and she made a point to come by me and give me dirty looks the whole game. I think if I recall correctly she was saying things like “fxxk you, you’re an ahole, I fxxking hate you “ while she was standing there. She was a psychopath
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 05:16 PM
2

The “voice-activated” recorder, you need to be careful of your states recording laws. In some states it’s illegal to record someone without their consent.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 12:37 PM
5

You are not the AH! Completely normal to not want to interact with her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 12:34 PM
1

My kids were younger when I got divorced and are now teenagers and my daughter who is now 18, she did not handle the divorce well. Let her go home with mom and then pick her up the next day from school or at mom’s house. Your kids didn’t ask for the divorce so you need to be flexible with them until they acclimate to you two being apart.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 12:33 PM
2

Based on your timeline, you are young. Managing two younger children will be challenging but doable. You will be surprised by your tenacity and drive when you are alone. The key is to NOT jump into another relationship. Focus your next year figuring out being single, finding who you are and what you want and being the best damn dad possible. This comes from a guy on divorce #2… I wish I would have taken my time the second time around and really focused more on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 11:42 AM
1

Retirement plans are usually in play, but only the value gained while married. So if you have $100k in your 401k and it increases by let’s say $50k while married then the $50k is in play, but again. She makes more than an enough to sustain a quality of life with no kids and she was not dependent on you. It’s unlikely she would get anything such as retirement, alimony. The only split will be assets you acquired since being married, house, rental property, investments, inheritance, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:12 PM
1

I make $200k and my STBXW makes $80k, but she was not dependent on me throughout the divorce, she increased her income during the marriage. She did add student loan debt for her masters, but once our house sells ( which I owned before we met and her name was never on it and I don’t have to give her anything), I am going to pay her student loan debts off. We also had separate bank accounts and split expenses 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:09 PM
1

Sounds like a good plan.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:07 PM
1

This is very common, but you can’t take it personally (easier done then said, I admit). When I would address things to my ex-wife she would blame me and say some nasty things about me and it hurt. My therapist said the best thing to do is focus 100% on my own emotions and what I was doing and not focus on her response, reactions or emotions. I would get angry and raise my voice in those moments, and that just made things worse. I am fixing myself post break-up, but you have a chance to fix it be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:06 PM
2

I am on divorce number two and have been engaged to two other women I never married. I sure as heck have mentally mapped this, but maybe I need to do a mind map back to when I got engaged the first time when I was 20. I know some of it is rooted in my fear of being lonely, which right now I am enjoying (but it’s only been 60 days). I have seen red flags in my last two relationships (over the last 7 years) but still continued them. I think your suggestion would help me, I am going to spend someti…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 01:29 PM
1

Dude, don’t assume all of the debt because you did the same thing she did. I don’t know you, but please don’t roll over like that. You will 100% regret this later on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:20 PM
1

North Carolina is a no fault state, and based on case law in North Carolina the fact you were married for 3.5 years makes her argument for alimony unlikely. Usually alimony is five years or more. Does she have her own income and how much of a gap compared to what you make? Do you have children together? I am also in NC and my attorney said it’s very unlikely she would get alimony and we also were married for 3.5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:17 PM
0

“I really feel like she fabricated”…. You are making assumptions, stop making assumptions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 07:58 PM
1

Here is something my therapist pointed out, I thought I was a terrible communicator as well. He said you can communicate in any way but if she doesn’t want to receive it, how she responds is not your problem. Yes, we need to improve our communication, but we can’t control how they respond
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 07:57 PM
4

Dude if you don’t have an attorney, you really should seek the counsel of one. She sounds like she will drag you across hot coals.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:08 AM
5

And keep a very good eye on your bank accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:03 AM
6

“Finding herself “ = not wanting to drop the D word on you so hard. Once she moves out to “find herself” she will have sex with other men and eventually she will tell you it’s over. Your response if it were me, “with you moving out, it feels like you are wanting to end things between us, is that really what you are wanting”….leave it there and give her time to fumble and fall over herself and she will say “no, that’s not what I want but I can’t be here to find myself” and say, moving out doesn’t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:01 AM
6

Mine did this, she was still wearing her wedding band (even though she is the leaver), and I didn’t even say anything or do anything, and she said “I saw you looking at my ring, you are probably wondering why I am still wearing it”…. I said actually I am not, and she says “it’s because I am tired of being hit on when I go out, so I put it back on”…. Mind you, she had it custom made and it really doesn’t look like a wedding ring.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 10:50 AM
6

My STBXW moved out and still played these hot and cold games with me, she even came over once and asked if we could have sex and when I told her no, I got barraged with hatred and told how much couldn’t wait for us to be divorced. The key is to set really really really clear boundaries and abide by her boundaries when set.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 10:46 AM
7

Don’t make assumptions, time to change your approach and knock the next time. You guys are still playing house and if it requires your routine to change, such as you not entering the room at all, then that is what you need to do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 10:44 AM
1

I was in the same situation, so I let her stay but wrote up a leave for her to sign and then she moved out. My attorney said you can’t legally kick her out until the divorce but she will eventually have to leave so just make it peaceful and find a place to leave until she leaves. She moved out two weeks later and signed a 13 month lease.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 10:08 PM
2

Based on your post, it sounds like you need to first let go and forgive yourself….then block her unless you have kids but learn to set boundaries with her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 10:02 PM
3

Once people have made their decision, they don’t usually go back. Once she decided a divorce was good for her, that was it. It happens, but rarely does someone change their mind.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 02:56 PM
6

She is playing power and control games with you. Until you learn to respect yourself she will continue to play these games. Seems like you have some limiting beliefs “ I won’t ever get a women as hot as her” in an other response… recommend therapy for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:45 AM
1

Sorry you are going through this, unfortunately your story is important for all of us men… there is a fundamental difference between delegation of family responsibilities and abdication. We should NEVER abdicate financial or any maritial responsibilities to our wife. We should manage our budget and assets and other financial assets at any cost. Sure she can pay the bills but we should run our financials like a business. If you have two incomes coming into your house, you are running a business, …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 11:46 PM
1

It sounds like you’re used to being the one who steps in and fixes things, but that can blur the line between helping and overgiving. Right now, it seems like you’re still taking care of her even though she’s choosing a different path. That’s not kindness, that’s losing your boundaries. You’re not responsible for her choices or her future. It’s okay to care, but it’s also okay to let go and stop rescuing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 11:16 PM
7

Therapy, but not just therapy…being 110% honest with myself about my role in the failed marriage. Not hiding behind her issues or how she showed up. Being open about growth and change for myself. Not focusing on the past once I got there and only focusing on the future for myself and how to navigate future relationships better, how to set better boundaries, how to be patient and all of things that make us better men and better partners.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 11:40 AM
3

Having been married and divorced twice and a short relationship in between the two marriages over the last 24 years, I can personally say at this point in my life, I don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship and quite frankly don’t want one. #1 (wife) was an alcoholic #2 (gf) had some serious trauma and I saw the red flags very early and ignored them #3 (wife) was amazing the first 1.5 (covid relationship) but was emotionally unavailable for the last three years and through therapy (that …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 11:31 AM
1

In most states she can only go after your 401k value that was earned in the last 10 years not before that. Did you buy the house since you were married or did you own it before you were married? If before, is her name on the house? An attorney will cost you $5000-$15000 to go to court if not more. Research shows that both parties are much happier after a divorce when they negotiate it outside of using attorneys and the court. When you buy her out of the house if you have to take a home equity li…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:28 PM
1

Yeah, I agree with everything you said. Of course I have some culpability in the relationship and part of it is in married and dated a women in between and they all had one thing in common, I felt like I could save them. Now that I have figured that out, I will only focus on women that have successful careers, own their own home, and have lived alone for a while. I too need to set this standard so no relationship for a while for me, i can’t expect that standard without living it myself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 07:41 PM
2

Only you know when the end is here, it took me 15 years of marriage and many of it miserable before I finally decided to call it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 07:38 PM
7

Sorry to hear you went through this and also having gone through the divorce. I think wanting her in that moment is normal, I just had a realization today filling something out that I need a new “emergency contact”. It feels empty sometimes not having them by oursides, however, it’s really important to fight through your loneliness and deal with your trauma or otherwise it will eat at you. The body will eventually win over the mind, so it’s important to shift your mindset towards the future. I s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 07:22 PM
2

Poor communication is the number one reason leading to divorce, you and her both effectively communicating your needs. When was the last time you took your wife on a date? I am not taking an our Cracker Barrel for Thursday Turkey Dinner, do something fun like bowling, go to a show, do dinner and an art gallery… date your wife before it’s too late.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:31 AM
5

You need to stop focusing on her and focus 100% on your growth out of this relationship. She is living rent free in your head and it’s only hurts you long term.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 09:08 PM
1

Never told me kids anything, always took the high road, nearly 8 years later and both my kids know better…they know their mom is an alcoholic and they even said “dad, I can’t imagine you staying with mom any longer than you did”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 09:06 PM
9

You can't personally initiate deportation proceedings against your spouse. It’s not a thing. OP can divorce her and refuse to cooperate with any further immigration procedures on her behalf. But that is about all he can do, he must let the chips fall where they may when it comes to how that may affect her immigration status.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 08:26 AM
8

“Marry a partner, not someone who’s completely ok with being a burden.” OR just don’t get married at all. I am on divorce #2 and come to learn, marriage is a fallacy crafted by religious and government institutions. Never again will I get married.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 08:24 AM
3

I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my kids after the divorce for a while and the key is spending time outside of the apartment with them and being a good daddy to them. My kids are now 17 and 18 and they still love me and don’t resent me at all and it’s been 8 years
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:22 PM
2

Time to learn about how to be comfortable being lonely and make friends…take up a hobby? Join meetups. Do something new… and don’t date again until you are comfortable living in solitude and not being lonely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:40 AM
20

My STBXW does this behavior as well, it’s very odd. I asked her why she does this and she straight up said, “I miss our connection and need to find ways to stay connected to you”. My therapist said It’s part of the grieving process, and the best thing to do is ignore it. She will be angry you are ignoring her and say some nasty stuff about you, just stick with your boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:09 AM
1

49
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:35 AM
5

Married five years, wife was emotionally unavailable for the last three. I tried approaching the subject with her many times and she does nothing but blame me, it’s always my fault. So I ask for specifics and she doesn’t give me any. I need specifics so I can work on them. I recognize I am not perfect and have issues to address, but everything can’t be my fault. She made the decision to separate and even moved out within a couple weeks and then after moving out, she wants to reconcile. Now that …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:24 AM
1

Marriage counseling to have a third party mediate your disagreements, help you navigate better communication. The majority of divorces stem from poor communication, including unspoken expectations. Try working on it and if in the end you both still feel the same way about divorce then do your best to navigate it peacefully for the entire unit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 01:49 AM
1

Talk to your attorney about a times custody arrangements based on your job, maybe it’s less now until you are done with school and once you graduate and have a job, then maybe it shifts again. Don’t stick with a blanket arrangement, find a way to make it flexible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:43 PM
4

It’s easy to say, but I have been through this, sans the affair, but you will be fine. Deal with your fear, establish a plan and be as kind and fair as possible through this. Put yourself first, then your girls. It will all work out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:40 PM
5

Learn to get comfortable in your loneliness, embrace it… most people are uncomfortable being lonely. I hate being lonely too, and I am finding comfort in it, I even cancelled all of my TV subscriptions, so I didn’t use that as a coping mechanism. I am reading more, working around the house, going mountain biking alone, eating at restaurants alone, taking drives alone… and I am about to sell everything I own and sell the house and I am going to buy a van and travel alone for at least a year. I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:26 PM
2

I lived in a condo while my kids were little and it was perfect for me. It forced us to do more with them outside the condo and they had a good childhood according to them 18 & 17) and I got divorced 8 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:24 PM
2

Pick the schools first, then decide where you will live. You are overthinking it. If you are putting your kids first, both of you decide on the best schools for your “family” and then you move to that school district. I lived in a separate district as my ex and she lived in a not as good district and both my kids in their 10th grade year wanted to go to school in my district and they have been super happy with the change but we live 20 minutes apart. Think about their teenage years, friends, boy…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:22 PM
11

She is using the CBD thing as a weapon and might during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 06:22 PM
2

Focus on your career and getting it right, there is plenty of time for a women in your life, but she doesn’t seem like the right one for you at this stage in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 11:00 AM
2

You should talk to your therapist about starting to consider dating already. My therapist, who has been doing this for 40 years said from his experience, he has seen most men start dating within 1-3 months after divorce and most of those relationships failed. He said the men that take a year off, learn so much more about themselves and grow emotionally, set better boundaries, and are better fathers in the long run. Take time to heal bro! Don’t rush it as you likely are filling a void with your n…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 10:52 AM
3

I don’t know what to say that makes any of this fair, because it’s not. What she did was cruel, and it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel like the pain might never leave your body. Some things shake your spirit so deeply that pretending to be fine isn’t strength—it’s survival. But here’s the thing. At some point, not for her but for you, you’ve got to stop letting her live rent-free in your head. She already took enough. You don’t have to forgive. You don’t have to forget. But you do have to …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 10:27 AM
1

When people grow in their lives, it usually comes from doing really scary shit… When you find the courage to make a change, it will at first feel scary, and then empowering and then scary again… grow my friend, grow!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:52 PM
3

Mine did too! It’s one of those moments you just have to say Fxxk It! And let go!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:50 PM
1

TLDR All of it, but it all sounds really complicated. Sounds like you are hoping it gets better but it never does, and will do whatever is necessary to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:46 AM
5

“She helped pay for my medical treatments that kept me alive(I had a very bad first infection from covid), she (mostly) nursed me when I was recovering for a month from surgery.” At the end of the day, we all get to make choices and it sounds like you are miserable and the above statement sounds like you trying to justify why you shouldn’t separate. The big question is, forget about her for a moment, are you happy being married to her? Do you show up as the best version of yourself while being m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:01 AM
1

It never changes, even for short period of times and then it always goes back to crazy town. Just stick with the court order and meet at the grocery store
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:55 PM
3

Just remember what she says, like, “she can’t remember a time when she did”… that isn’t true as she looked at you on your wedding day and loved you. She is in a place that you can’t change, so now you have to decide if you release both you and her from the marriage. I believe people grow apart, sometimes one person, sometimes both. Stay strong brother!
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:44 PM
2

A variety, one in sustainable energy, another in entertainment, a design build home company, remodel rental business and now a glamping business.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 05:54 PM
1

In theory yes, but most of what he had on his vision was accomplished within 3 years, the car, the custom home, the multiple businesses and starting his fifth business. Most people can’t start one business and make it successful, he has started four successful businesses and the new one is well on its way. He visualized it all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:41 PM
9

Make sure you use that one moving forward, obviously it worked in weeding her out. Could be useful to see other responses.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:38 PM
25

One, it’s not illegal and is only illegal if you distribute it for commercial purposes. You are good there. Two, I will say what my therapist tells me, stop focusing on her and focus on yourself. What she does, has done, will do, you can’t control, so why put energy into it. Let go bro! It’s much easier than fighting it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 02:17 AM
6

Write the thoughts down on paper, then tear it up or burn it. The physical act can be symbolic and powerful for closure. Your present will be consumed with your past if you don’t start removing those thoughts from your past. Create a vision board for your future, the way you dream about your future life and start focusing every day on your future, what it looks like, how you feel, what benefits come from it. This is a neurological way of building your mindset to think about the future which help…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 12:20 PM
8

It’s a tactic they all do as a way to prevent you from looking good in front of your kids. Keep being the best dad you can be, make sure to give your daughter options of things don’t just schedule stuff as maybe she doesn’t want to do certain things. My daughter was 9 when I got divorced and now she is 18, and from 9 to 18 there were varying levels of our father daughter relationship, including her not wanting nothing at all to do with me, but she and I have a good relationship and she tells me …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 10:12 AM
8

Mine did the same thing, and is now suggesting couples therapy and even comes over to pick up things (she moved out), and tries to hit on me and suggest we go to the bedroom and “hash it out”….
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 08:21 PM
2

Accept her offer and move on. You haven’t been married long enough for her to get Alimony, so don’t worry about that. The pain and suffering you will experience long-term from staying with her will be more than leaving now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 11:28 AM
2

I was reading some of your other posts on other channels and I think you have left some stuff out of your post here, like him not giving you the trust and independence that you give him, such as if you went to a resort without him, he would be gone. I think it’s important you consider being honest with yourself about how you feel about him and go with your gut, for both you and your daughter…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 03:12 PM
2

Sounds like he is real but has made poor life choices… his boundaries seem rigid but that is for your to decide. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 03:09 PM
1

Do you know for a fact that the ex is his “ex”? There are plenty of situations men keep relationships a secret, and most of the time they are not for the reason they say. I would be cautious… some men (and women) play the savior (young single mom and he is supportive of your daughter). Have you been in the room when he has FaceTimed his kids? Do you know for a fact the kids exist? Does he “travel” a lot for work? Have you been to his residence? “Because of this fear, he keeps our relationship hi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 10:34 AM
5

Better boundaries? Sometimes the environment we’re in holds us back from becoming who we’re meant to be. It’s not always about blame, it’s about fit. In your case, the marriage may have been a context where your needs, growth, and identity were consistently deprioritized, consciously or unconsciously. That kind of context can slowly erode a man’s sense of self, making change nearly impossible. When you removed yourself from that system, you created space to breathe, reflect, and rebuild. And you…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 12:21 PM
1

Sounds like you need to starting coming up with a new vision for your life, the old one isn’t real any more, so the only option is imagining what the new one will look like and what you want that is different.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 11:07 PM
2

It’s been a month of separation and my wife and her two boys (previous marriage) moved out, it’s quiet, I don’t watch TV, I go to the gym 5 days a week, been mountain biking on the weekends, sitting on my back porch having lunch alone, going out by myself (sometimes with friends) and reading books. It’s been amazing sitting in my solitude, not dogs barking, kids making tons of noise playing video games, her complaining about something. It’s been amazing, sometimes lonely, mostly amazing. At some…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 11:06 PM
3

Its hard for see another man involved with parenting your kids, but here is the truth. Be grateful he is supportive of your kids, who cares about the ex, like really, who cares. We allow our egos to get in the way, but the reality is our kids will eventually grow up and they will make choices of their own. My 9 year old little girl that went through hell during the divorce, is now a grown up (18) beautiful, Intelligent young woman that said to me a few weeks ago “Dad, we used to be best friends …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:20 PM
6

Having been married twice, I can honesty I am so glad I didn’t marry the hot, younger blonde that I let go, she was amazing on the surface but in reality she would have been worse than #2 wife. Staying single the rest of my life, doesn’t mean I won’t have companionship, but don’t plan on going down the marriage path ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:50 AM
1

You like to argue don’t you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:47 AM
8

 State Residency: At least one spouse must have lived in California for a minimum of six months before filing. County Residency: Additionally, you must have resided in the county where you plan to file for at least three months immediately preceding the filing. I would file in Nevada as asap. In Nevada, after filing for divorce, your spouse (the defendant) has 21 days to respond if served within the state. If she fails to respond within this period, you can request a default judgment, allowing…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 10:49 AM
0

It’s called emotional maturity.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 11:04 PM
3

“The only thing I can control is what I can control”…..the best words you wrote! I see comments on this thread all the times of men trying to control the outcome, we can’t and the best thing we can do is focus on what we can control. I am going through a second divorce and I had younger kids 9 and 8 during my first one and we had rough times with my daughter but she is 18 now and is such a good, intelligent young women and has finally come around to apologize for how she treated me at times beca…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 10:15 AM
3

Heal before you do anything and focus 100% on your child and yourself. If a friendship comes, it will come later down the road, the best is to be as peaceful as possible for that kid of yours, trust me, I made a shit ton of mistakes and I wish I could go back and change them. My kids kids were 9 and 8 and now 18 and 17, and they recognize that divorce is difficult and are forgiving but we did she I regret and said things that were hurtful. Let go of your ego and fly Into this world love and empa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 09:55 PM
0

It doesn’t matter really, whether she is doing it now or not, the key is the let go of what she is doing and focus on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 09:46 PM
2

Women resent being told they need to go to the gym, they head “you are fat honey”… that is the logic.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:01 AM
6

It sucks now, but do you want to be with someone that doesn’t love you? Figure out how to peacefully separate and move on. Your kids will be ok, even if at times it doesn’t feel that way. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 10:50 AM
6

She didn’t do it because it was you telling her “she wasn’t attractive” when you say stuff that to a women. My recommendation is focus on your growth and let her do her…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:38 PM
1

I worked with many many family law attorneys and they always said, the goal is NOT to end your in family law court, and people are much happier handling it outside of court. So, If I was in your shoes, I would take the path of least resistance that you feel good about and won’t regret your decision.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:52 PM
2

Your best today is different from your best yesterday and tomorrow, just make sure you are doing your best and that is all you can do. I thought for a long time I was a terrible dad, but according to my now 18 year old daughter, I am a great dad. My therapist, who has 30 years of child and family therapy history believes even the worst parents are doing their best, so just so you best.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:14 PM
2

I would ignore anything that does not have a judges signature.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:49 AM
0

It’s no one’s business what happens in your or her life, no matter what she did, cheated, unhinged, it doesn’t matter. Dragging her through the mud is more about you than it is about her and your relationship. Best approach, is focus on yourself and simply say “[her name] and I are no longer together”, you aren’t obligated to explain to other people. If you feel that you are, then I would encourage you to seek counseling to better understand why you feel the need to tell everyone your business.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:39 AM
3

That doesn’t work, she will resent him forever, it simply doesn’t work. End the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:27 AM
14

I had one of those, she was drop dead gorgeous, like I am saying I was way out of my league, but she did the same thing, and I dropped her. Always, always put yourself and your kid first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:24 AM
5

The real question is, what do you gain by being married that you can’t accomplish being in a committed relationship with them? Love = Check, Intimacy = Check, Companionship = Check, Friendship = Check. No Government Paper Binding You = Check. Marriage is easy, divorce is hard. I live in North Carolina and it is required to wait 12 months of separation before getting divorced. 51% of people get divorced in America. If you get married you should 100% consider signing a prenuptial agreement protect…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:21 AM
1

Just be present in the moment, don’t over think shit, which is what happens to our male brain…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:47 PM
2

Here is the thing with Debt, it also is hers as well, so she is living in a fantasy land.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:40 AM
1

Your kids will still love you Bro, even if they are not always there. I have an 16 (M) and 18 (F) year olds and when I got divorced they were much younger and my daughter would go a long time without seeing me and it killed me, recently she said to me “Dad, I love you and I have missed you for the last few years, I neglected you because I blamed you for your divorce, but recognize now that it was on both you and mom, and I want to be your buddy again like it was before”. They will come back to y…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:38 AM
10

🤣🤣😆😂 Brilliant!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 04:01 PM
2

This advice 💯
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 12:01 PM
3

Speak with an attorney, it’s clear abandonment, and she will have to pay you child support.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 12:00 PM
1

When you focus on yourself and working on you, you tend to forget about her more and more. Stop wondering about her the why and what if. Focus on what can I do for myself (and kids if you have them), how to set better boundaries, put yourself first, etc. it is empowering to learn new stuff about yourself and to work on it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 02:33 AM
1

My apologies, it sounds like you are in a controlled, mental prison. I would focus on what you want and make the changes for YOU. We all stay for the wrong reasons. I stayed married for 15 years because of my children, but was unhappy lost. It sounds like it is time to choose youself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 12:07 AM
7

They key is understanding why YOU are unhappy. She is not going to fill your cup, you have got to figure out what is holding you back and what you can do to be happy in YOUR life. You will be unhappy with someone new or even by yourself. I would encourage you to find a great therapist and if you can’t figure it out with them, find a new one. You can’t do couples counseling well until you own your own shit
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:53 PM
1

Things I’ve learned in therapy, that all men should learn quickly: -There’s always a dick in every relationship, and you maybe that dick -Own your own shit, and don’t blame anyone for your problems. - stop focusing on her, and starting focusing 100% on yourself and your actions because you have absolutely zero control over her actions.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 09:45 AM
26

“Spiritual discovery” is that what they call affairs these days! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 09:39 AM
2

This book helped me with this? Breaking The Habit of Being... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401938094?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:29 PM
4

Boundary setting at its finest
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 01:57 PM
5

It was your wedding too, and if it meant something to you, then keep them. At some point you won’t want them anymore But if you have kids they might want them one day. I would tell her to fxxk off
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 01:56 PM
1

You will do the same, work on your emotional intelligence. Yelling and calling names often comes from insecurities, and being defensive around them. I have the same issue and I am working to overcome it myself. Really focusing on ME and how I show up in relationships. It doesn’t matter who you are with you have to understand what triggers you and what you have I securities about. Mine was not feeling like I was being heard, it stemmed from a father than didn’t actively listen to me when I talked…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 09:40 PM
16

Sorry that you and your family had to go through that, now go find yourself as I find that most people lose themselves and forget their “Why”, go find your why brother.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 03:20 PM
3

If anyone gets remarried they should always have a prenup agreement....Don't make that mistake twice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 03:08 PM
3

"kind to me" that is the most important attribute to find in any woman, but if she is attractive, smart and fun...then heck, you found the unicorn.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 03:03 PM
1

Love the mindset, if we stay focused on ourselves, that is the only thing we could do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 03:01 PM
1

She is moving out this weekend and signed a lease on Wednesday and said this shit today… and tonight she said “This sucks, I miss you “…yet she signed a lease on Wednesday
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:24 AM
2

Mine told me on Monday, signed a lease for a rental on Wednesday and is moving out this weekend, but told me this today. She sent me a message tonight “this sucks, I miss you”… Like wait, you are moving out this weekend (I left Tuesday because she said she could stand being around me, so am staying at my best friends house), and you are saying you miss me and this sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:22 AM
4

I essentially did the vagueness thing, I told her, we have 12 months of separation legally, I am going to focus on myself and at some point in the future I decide I want to work things out and you have moved on, then I will have to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:53 PM
2

Step kids
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:43 PM
7

In North Carolina we HAVE to be separated for one year before you can file for divorce, so u really don’t have an option. I am definitely done, I am sad yet relieved. It’s been a Yo-yo marriage, we are great, we are not, we are great, we are not.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:02 PM
11

1) The other man thing - you married your wife and trusted her enough to have a kid with, you need to trust her she would make the right decision. Maintain as strong of a relationship with your daughter and a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. 2) the sleeping with her piece - yes she has figured out a way to come back into your life physically, but your actions are 100% on you. It sounds like you lack healthy boundaries and that is something you should work with a therapist on becau…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:47 PM
4

You should start a dating app Coaching for men service
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:25 PM
4

How long has it been? That is really the question. Having been married twice and had terrible relationship in between and onto my second divorce. Take this new relationship slower than you ever have taken a relationship. When you have new love it feels amazing and you likely haven’t flushed out everything form your divorce. Be patient.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:22 PM
3

Same
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:39 PM
9

So it sounds like the way it was when you were married then (minus the kids part). This my friend is what modern feminism has created for us men unfortunately. Yet some how we are so dumb that we’ll do it again out of “love”. For anyone reading this, please, please if you ever get married for a second time (like I did), put these items into place before you get married (or just don’t). Prenuptial agreement protecting your assets, all of your assets. Your prenuptial has a clause that includes pro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:27 AM
4

As someone that was the fence sitter, it’s hard to come back from that. You can’t make her happy, only she is able to be happy. Focus on what is within your control and allow her to make whatever decision she needs to make. It’s hard to let go of the desire to fix and control, but once you get go and look at you and what you can do to better yourself and find yourself again, it will feel better no matter what happens. Be the best dad you can be, be the supportive and loving husband (don’t go ove…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:41 AM
3

My therapist said “focus on yourself, she has her own truth and story and it might not be aligned to yours, so focus on what you want”
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:04 PM
1

It just happens that my best friend just broke things off with his long time girlfriend and I am staying at his house and it’s such a great transition place. I am in good shape, but thank you for the suggestions and concern
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:20 AM
2

I owned a home before I met her and NC is equitable distribution state, so any assets you owned before you were married are not in play, she might get something as she contributed to the bills and mortgage and some other things, but I am not too worried about it. I literally have the best attorney in NC for Divorce, and guy has such an amazing track record and usually settles well before it becomes an issye
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:18 AM
2

You just described my soon to be ex-wife… 44, perimenopause, and has some serious family trauma, including a father that had a family in New York and a family in Florida. Damn…and the whole time she said I have been the problem and I believed her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 12:13 PM
4

Oh the abuse…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 12:11 PM
1

The other alternative is that you tell her you can’t afford to continue paying it with a single I come and the only option would be to foreclose, or short sale which would mean neither of you get any proceeds from the home. She won’t live hearing that either.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 10:31 AM
1

How much under market value are you selling the home for? Do you have a court order and if yes, what does it say? And if no court order what does your state laws say about selling community property? Is she on the deed? Is she on the mortgage. You might want to speak with an attorney if it is an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 10:28 AM
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