TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Illustrious_Can_7698 Archive

View 4 posts and 24 comments by Illustrious_Can_7698 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
33

Illustrious_Can_7698/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 08:46 PM
11

Illustrious_Can_7698/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 06:24 PM
9

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIllustrious_Can_7698/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 04:50 PM
8

RantIllustrious_Can_7698/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:46 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

In a word? Yep. Completely baffled at how I did not see her for what she until after months of grieving and therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 09:13 PM
5

That sounds excellent. You're well on your way! For me, it's Star Trek, board games, long walks and food. Stuff that is distracting enough that we need to pay attention, but not so much that don't start talking about the big stuff and the small stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 04:54 AM
1

I bought new furniture for my apartment, decorated it the way I like, with for example subtle Tetris brick patterns on the floor of my balcony and a set of small square shelves arranged like Tetris blocks coming down the wall. I made a collage of post cards I have received over the years and my board game collection is now displayed somewhat proudly instead of being hidden away. I have a little poster now that is to my taste and I have colored small sections of my walls in colors that are both b…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 08:10 PM
2

In short: No! In more detail: I am still not sure if she is right that I was abusive or, as I am beginning to suspect after 18 months of therapy, that she was very subtly and very powerfully abusive towards me or if we were both grade A a**holes in the end. Or, if we are both just deeply flawed individuals that started out covering each other's weaknesses but ended up enhancing and perpetuating them. If there were ever to be some form of reconciliation, she would have to acknowledge a whole lot …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 11:37 AM
4

18 months in and I still cannot let go. Even if I find her less than desirable as a person now, I just cannot sever the emotional connection I feel with her and it is a tough time thinking daily about someone who chooses not to have you in their life anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 11:24 PM
7

Spend time with friends who are supportive and can listen for a while and then rotate so you don't tire them out. Seek temporary shelter somewhere else and see if your opponent will do the same so the burden is on both of you. Do stuff with your kids if you have any. Most of all: preoccupy yourself instead of brooding over what was, what could have been and what will not be now. And if all else fails, remember that the universe truly does not care. Your pain at the moment, as real as it is, is m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 12:14 AM
5

It may be a blessing in disguise even if it is tough now. It took me over a year to see just a glimmer of light for the future, but the sorrow only comes seldom now and there many a thing that I can now enjoy more fully than before the divorce. Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 10:42 PM
2

She sounds like my ADHD ex-wife. Nervous system reacts badly when I'm around, turns everything into her being manipulated, gaslighted or harassed by me, all the while I begin to see the traces of her badmouthing me to our shared friends. All of this after she started out claiming she hoped, we could still be friends after the divorce that she asked for.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 09:42 PM
1

At this point I'd rather be forgotten, I think. The sense of active hostility being directed at me is difficult to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:04 PM
1

Yes, for sure, it would not have been proper practice by the therapist to take my ex in. However, the therapist is under no obligation to inform me about what had happened. The fact that the therapist actually thought it necessary to inform me is what disturbs me because it speaks volumes about her assessment of what my ex might be able to attempt to do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 03:59 AM
11

13 months post-divorce. I still miss the small things like greeting another human being when I get home or having someone to reach out to in the middle of the night when things weigh too heavily on me. But she wants no contact so I have to work through those feelings until I can start looking forward for myself again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 04:58 AM
3

She used to hold it against me that I felt very uncomfortable having sex with while she were pregnant with our second child. I was working, sleep deprived, scared out of my wits at the thought of not being able to take care of our first kid and most likely battling some sort of post partum depression myself. And she managed to make me feel bad about myself for not having sex. The feeling of having neglected or even resenting my beautiful first little boy because everything was so so very barely …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 06:15 PM
1

Emotional detachment is probably a great defense mechanism if you can consciously choose when to use it and when not to. In my own case, it became a survival mechanism because otherwise I would not have been able to cope with the feelings of guilt her reaction to my actions would cause. However, it also numbed everything else to the point that I felt de-humanized. A robot with very few and very basic desires and needs, but otherwise going through the motions of work and child rearing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 09:04 AM
2

Damage is a relative term, I guess. I started off with 10 days in a psych ward due to an adjustment reaction and its been up hill from there. I did find out, though, that the new friends I had made just a couple of years prior are some amazing people that have really helped me. I never hope to see them in a situation where I can return the favor, but I will stand up for them at any time from now on and ever. It is scary how similar many of the stories are. The details may differ a little but the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 08:59 AM
1

I have felt a great deal of guilt and responsibility for the collapse of the marriage. The reasons for those feelings are what I am now sorting out in therapy. I am flawed in ways that I have never understood before now. It was not her job to mend those flaws, but on the other hand it now seems to me that she never tried to understand those flaws either. And when she turned sour, boy could she play those flaws like a fiddle. I will never know to what degree her actions were conscious choices wit…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:40 AM
1

That does sound much better than what was before all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:24 AM
2

I have worked with a therapist to uncover a whole can of child trauma to better understand my own patterns while making a new home for self with room for our two kids. I have sought out new friends and worked hard to be as available and open to them in order to counteract some of the trauma related reaction patterns.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 08:29 PM
2

Yes, keep on trucking and trust the process until you find your roots and yourself again. Become a better man for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:49 PM
2

Time. Time and distractions. I am 11 months into my divorce and it only occurred to me a few days ago that it no longer feels like an extremely poor taste version of candid camera. Get your basics down: homemade food, laundry, cleaning, hobbies or tv-shows and soon that routine will help normalize the situation because your brain can't be both in survival mode and routine building mode.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 09:32 PM
7

The best revenge you could ever get is to let her go, be happy, and let someone else love you. As others have said, if you hold on to your anger and grief, she keeps on winning. Not only did she ruin the marriage, she probably also spends 0% of her time thinking about you. I know it is easy to say and it takes a lot of effort to get to that goal, but as others have told me: there is light to come, it will get better, but you also need to let yourself feel all the hurt and you need to work with y…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 08:23 AM
2

3 months is very little time in the bigger perspective. Find someone you can trust and share your hurt with. Not to get pity or understanding of even empathy, but to talk yourself through your emotions and process them. Healing comes with the pain of processing, not the pain of being stuck in the same emotion all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 12:19 PM
5

I'm in more or less the same spot, although not dating. I am starting to realize that living with her might not have been the best option for me and that she primarily is interested in 'what is morally right' in her very idealistic, supposedly somewhat objective opinion rather than what is right for me. Still, I miss her even though she misunderstands and even belittles what I consider small personal victories. Nothing is ever good enough, not because it is bad, but because it can be improved. I…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 10:14 PM
3

I spent ten days in a psych ward trying to adjust to the new reality of wife not wanting to stay married. That was an experience that does not need to be repeated.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 01:34 AM
16

It helped me a bit when I realized that my ex was a sort of ghost. She could sit next to me and look like the person I thought I knew, but she was no longer the person that lived in my mind, but rather just an afterimage and the person who lived in my mind might have been gone for years. There was no cheating or dramatic events, she just grew to not love the person I had become to survive work, parenting and modern society in general. Remember the good stuff that used to be, but realize that the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 09:43 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter