Mostly a lurker here but I have posted a little here and there in the time since my x announced the divorce.

By now, I'm starting to gain some clarity on myself and boy, it has been a ride. I started by getting hospitalized with an adjustment reaction just days after the announcement and taking both the blame and the responsibility for the marriage breaking apart. I have spent many sessions with a therapist and have begun to see both why I have reacted as I did and that the game was basically rigged against us from the start due to, among other things, our different attachment styles. But most of all, I am finally starting to sort through the emotions of sorrow and longing and nostalgia for what was, even though her behaviour for the last few years had been becoming increasingly intolerable. She almost convinced me that I am the worst person in the world, but in the end, it only means that she, and I, never understood who I was and how my upbringing and childhood controlled so much of my behaviour. It will be her loss in the long run, I believe.

Take heart in the process, you will come out of it stronger and wiser.