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UnknownUsername113 Archive

View 9 posts and 390 comments by UnknownUsername113 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Look at it this way: If you stayed with your wife then you’d both be paying for it, right? I think most parents want to help their kids with school. This just puts it in writing so that you don’t decide not to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 04:05 AM
2

$4k is cheap for most divorces. I had to fire my first lawyer after he had major communication issues. He missed court without notifying anyone. I came close to filing a lawsuit for malpractice but was told that it would cost a fortune.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:17 AM
1

If sex is the only issue then you’re probably making the wrong call getting a divorce. The next one may be hit and heavy at the start like most women are and then do the same shit. Sidebar: chudfuckers had me rolling.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:14 PM
2

I get it. You just have to remember that you’re going to have to deal with her at points for the rest of your life. I just read another story here on Reddit from a woman who’s getting married. Her fiancés parents were divorced years ago but they hate each other. The dad is refusing to come to the wedding if it’s in his ex wife’s backyard to save the couple money. It’s costing his kids more money to rent a place because they want the dad there. Don’t be that guy. Resentment doesn’t hurt the perso…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:18 PM
4

I’m not sure anything changed with me other than getting back to who I am. I changed a lot for my marriage and that’s probably a big reason I’m divorced. I was tied to her and the idea of being a husband. That’s all I was at the end and I had very little left of who I was before her. The first 12-18 months was rough. I still thought I needed her. I was fearful of change because it was being forced on me. I didn’t know how I’d be able to provide for my kids, buy a house, run my business, and star…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:23 PM
3

I firmly believe that once a woman decides she no longer loves you, it’s incredibly hard to get back to it. Even without infidelity, there will always be that nagging thought in the back of most men’s heads…”does she love me?” I don’t want to live like that so it’s better to just cut the cord quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:06 PM
3

Oh man… I get the text thing. I caught my ex wife cheating because of texts. Called her out and it was my fault for being “untrusting” lol. About a month after our “separation to work on things” she left her phone on the kitchen counter and I saw a message pop up that said “I just washed the sheets, ready to come over and get them filthy again?” That was it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:25 PM
2

It’s been 3 years for me since my ex an I separated. I went out on a date with an old high school fling early on and decided I can’t do it. It’s less about the ex these days and more that I’m happy where I’m at. I have young kids and I don’t want to take on more. At 42, the options for women who don’t have kids and are willing to take on someone else’s are slim. I also know that since I don’t want to take on someone else’s kids, I can’t expect them to take on mine. Plus, my house is too small fo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:23 PM
2

Be honest with yourself. Would trying to reconcile actually help? Or would it waste more time and just delay the inevitable. With women, when they’ve finally said the word divorce, most of them have been seriously thinking about it for years. Divorce brings the ugly side out of people. Most people aren’t truly that awful. “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:53 AM
2

Find a hobby or a project. I used to be the same way. I dreaded the day I had to drop them off, especially on long weekends. Ex and I do 50/50 and the best way to do that is a 2/5/5/2 schedule. It means weekends are 5 days for each of us with 2 days during the week. It’s nice for trips but those long weekends without them were tough at first. I poured myself into work. Now that I’ve sold the family home and bought my own, I have plenty of projects to keep me busy. Not that I ever enjoy being wit…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:58 AM
5

She’s probably just trying to show her kids a healthy co parenting situation. I can tell you this: as soon as I got over my own issues with the divorce and started playing nice with her, my kids changed for the better. They went from being scared to talk about mom to completely open about the entire thing. They no longer feel like that have to carry the weight of parents that hate each other. It also helped me get past the entire thing when I started viewing her as a friend rather than my ex wif…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:24 PM
13

So you’re fat but you expect a hot woman? FYI…”busted” women are often more loyal. My mom always told me… “if you want a lasting marriage, marry an ugly girl”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:54 PM
11

I’m obviously a man so I can’t speak to women’s issues or even everyone’s experiences with glp-1 meds but I’m on them and I’ve noticed nothing but improved confidence because of losing weight. More commonly, here, we see men who experience women that have a boost of confidence so they start cheating or leave.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 04:16 PM
1

Is “perimenopause” a new term? I’ve seen it a lot the last few years but never before. Sounds like another made up term for people to excuse shitty behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 04:14 PM
3

Might not have anything to do with your ex. Ask your kids. At that age, they’ll probably tell you what’s happening. It takes time for kids to warm up. Most of them just want their mom and dad together again.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:28 PM
2

I’m almost 3 years post separation, a little over 1 year divorced. I don’t feel like I completely moved on until I sold the family home in October. That was a massive weight off my shoulders and allowed the kids to move on as well. We were together for 10 years, married 7, two kids and a step son who I raised from 5 years old who is just now starting to talk to me again. You’ll get there. Don’t rush into dating. It only puts a bandaid on it and doesn’t allow you to fully heal. You need to solve …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 07:56 PM
3

Nice come up story! Often times, after divorce, men get stuck in a rut. I did. When it finally hit me that I was better off without her, things changed. We need our drive and passions to progress in life and, for most of us, divorce robbed us of that. Glad to see a positive story on here and enjoy the life you’re building! I’m not sure I would have changed my phone number… just in case something happens with your son. But, if it brings you more peace, you do you!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 02:28 PM
3

This is messed up. I can’t believe women still tolerate this nonsense. TLDR: man sleeps with multiple women, beats them up, and then wonders why his life is chaotic.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:23 AM
10

It’s been a year man. Do you expect her to pine over you forever? Be grateful that your daughter is saying good things. Also, be careful about how you react. I flat out told my kids I didn’t want to hear about my ex’s boyfriend (at the time). Now… she’s married to him, he seems like a decent guy, and my kids like him. Still… they won’t talk about him even if I ask. They’re guarding that part of their life from me and I hate it. You need to get over her. I know that’s easier said than done but li…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:09 AM
12

I did. My ex had a nasty spending habit and it was on stupid shit that had no value like hair and nails. She made $100k when we initially separated. I made around $70k. We had moved to be closer to her job. About a month after we separated but were still living together, she quit her job to take a lower paying job closer to home. I don’t think there was anything malicious about it… she just knew she needed to be closer to the kids after our divorce. Anyway, she dropped her income to $65k which m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 01:04 AM
10

It’s 4 months. She can’t take anything from you that wasn’t purchased during that time. I’m not sure on the timelines for annulment but maybe look into that. I also think a good attorney may be able to get you out of anything if she hasn’t contributed anything financially.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 08:43 PM
3

Read the book “the obstacle is the way”. It helped me get past that mindset you currently have.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 07:16 PM
3

Honestly, I did the same thing but it was influenced by ketamine. Best thing I ever did to get my head right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:15 PM
4

You’ll make it. Same thing happened to me without the work permit. Wife left and I lost my job a week later. Started my own business and I’ve been killing it since. No looking back.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:14 PM
1

I have half a degree in architecture and half of a degree in electrical engineering. I make more money with my remodeling business than I ever would in those careers. A lot of times, women see a guy like me and make assumptions about money. I love it. It weeds out the bad ones. Don’t date by trying to impress… that’s how a lot of us end up divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 12:29 PM
4

Homie… women have an incredibly easy time finding a partner. Men are scrutinized. Most women want something perfect and then they complain about dating apps saying “there’s no good men”. No… there’s no good LOOKING men. Anyway… you aren’t alone. My ex was dating less than a month after we separated. Had a boyfriend 5 weeks later. Few relationships later she was married again a month after our divorce was finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 12:09 PM
6

I let both of my sons have a say in their decor. I picked the sizes but they picked the items. If it’s in the budget, give them an amount to decorate with. Aside from furniture I gave each of my kids a $500 budget for decorations. Whatever they didn’t spend on decor could go towards a LEGO set. They both went cheap on decor but it helped them learn budgeting and to put more value on things we actually enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:40 PM
3

I mean…. The red flags were all there are you ignored them. Sorry you’re dealing with this but it honestly doesn’t sound like either of you are ready or grown up enough for marriage. The fact that both of you got your parents involved in your 40’s is a little odd. Let her go. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:52 PM
2

Awesome read man! I went through the same thing, and still do from time to time. I get hung up on the fact that I don’t have a woman around now and so I feel like they don’t get the “family” experience with me. I try to fill those voids, not just for them, but for myself as well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 09:10 PM
2

Lol. Amazing how you can tell me how I feel. Dude… I never wanted to get married and have kids in the first place. I’m happy I did but I’m not going to stress about the marriage. Your attitude sounds exhausting. There’s nothing wrong with trying to understand the other side and realizing that it takes two for a marriage to fail. If you can’t admit that you have some fault in your marriage ending then you’re probably the narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:14 PM
2

Get out of that house. I hated moving my kids out of their schools when I sold our family house but it was the best thing for my mental health. Now the house I have is mine with all new memories. It gets better if you want it to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:11 PM
2

Just be careful man. Those things do great but they rob your body of nutrients because you aren’t eating as much. I’m sure you know. The weight gain after you stop is bad unless you change your habits.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 11:14 AM
1

She’s absolutely not a narcissist, and that label is too overused.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:02 PM
1

It gets easier. I own a business so while my kids aren’t with me, I’m often working until 10pm. When they are with me, I try to give them 100%. I’m a much better dad now. I’m an introvert, and it sounds like you might be too. I thrive on quality time with people I love but it also wears me out mentally. I think of myself as a battery. I recharge while I’m by myself and then deplete all that saved energy while I’m with them. I never made time for that before the divorce. Both my relationship with…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 04:01 AM
3

Ha! Good as far as I know. It’s funny though because she left our marriage due to feeling like a “mom” and not a wife. Now she’s a SAHM for our two and his two plus her 20 year old son from a previous relationship. She’s always jumped from one guy to another so I knew it wouldn’t take long. Maybe it lasts, maybe it doesn’t. I don’t care either way, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:13 AM
2

I tried really hard at the end to see things from my ex’s point of view. Her major gripe was that she felt like a mom and not a wife. We moved away from all our friends and family to get closer to a promotion with her company. She made a lot more money but it came with a stressful commute (even after moving) and longer hours. I worked as well but took care of our son who was in school, cooked meals, and did my best to maintain the massive house she wanted us to buy. On weekends she would spend h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:23 PM
3

You really have no say in what happens while you aren’t around. It’s unfortunate but it goes both ways. Just keep good notes, talk to the kids and ask how they like him. Don’t put anything in their heads but try to see what they think. I would highly suggest moving quickly on the sale or moving out. Hopefully you aren’t using the same bed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 10:05 PM
6

My ex was married again 30 days after our divorce, lol. He’s not going to feel good if he finds out she’s already dating, which I’m sure she is.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:19 PM
6

My bet is the only “work” being done is a show for her. I went through it too. Any man who has truly done the work to heal themselves and be better isn’t going to want to go backwards.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:15 PM
13

Dude… no. It’s been two years. Its done. Begging her to reconcile will just make you look weak and pathetic… just another thing to turn her off. Move on with your life, take the work you’ve done on yourself and find someone who will appreciate you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:14 PM
3

Let him make that call. I wouldn’t let someone meet my kids until at least 3-4 months of consistent dating and lots of conversations. I have to ask… out of curiosity. Why are you with a man almost 20 years older than you? Do you even have things in common? I’m 42 and wouldn’t even attempt to date a woman younger than 35. Most of that is me feeling like I’m creepy for even attempting it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 08:22 PM
3

Homie… you gotta be comfortable alone before you can be comfortable with someone else. I truly believe that’s why most marriages fail. People meet when they aren’t confident and they put on a fake face to win the affection of someone. Then when shit gets real, there’s no substance. I don’t date. I’ve been separated for almost 3 years and divorced for one. It’s been a long ass dry spell. I’m still the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I do what I want, when I want. I have more money. Im a more p…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:51 AM
3

Gotta look at it this way… There’s a lot of miserable men in this sub just like there’s a lot of miserable women in their sub. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. I’m a firm believer that it’s never just one persons fault. The problem lies in the one’s who aren’t able to see their own faults. They hold on to the pain and try to bring others into their loop.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:39 AM
1

It will go away. Just like all guys in your situation, you’re going to either hold on to your anger permanently or you’ll have an “ah-ha” moment and realize it was for the best. I was in the same spot you were. I’m so much happier now and finally see my ex for who she truly was. Once you can let yourself see the red flags you ignored, you’ll be on your way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:35 AM
8

Man… I know we can all tell you to stop worrying about it, but it won’t help. You gotta get there on your own. And you will. I have no feelings for my ex wife at all. We’ve been divorced for a little more than a year now. I still get annoyed from time to time. New guy was trying to play dad/coach at my son’s baseball game last night. He was talking to the parents like I didn’t exist and taking credit for the progress my son has made when I’ve been working with him non stop. I was pissed but at t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:30 AM
8

Absolutely. I thought my ex was banging when we met. She had a few extra pounds but her personality was top notch. The personality is why it was so easy for her to cheat. Guys eat it up like moths to a flame. When I finally got over her, I looked at old pictures and thought.. “man… I can do better than that”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:07 PM
25

It’s time for a divorce. Stop justifying staying with her by saying you’re doing it for the kids. They probably already know. Talk to a lawyer, file without talking to her, and then explain that you don’t care for her reasoning. She will only blame it on you. Cheaters have no morals. I always told my ex wife… “if you’re going to cheat, just end it first because it’ll be easier”. She didn’t listen and I divorced her. Couldn’t be happier that some other schmuck is now dealing with her financial me…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:06 PM
1

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:16 PM
7

Wait… so she just had a crush on someone but didn’t actually cheat? Dude…I wanted to fuck Natalie Portman through my entire marriage and openly told my wife that. We all have desires. If you say you’ve never fantasized about another woman, even ones you know, then you’re full of shit. I’m sure there’s more to your story… and I don’t want to discredit your part of it. I just wanted to throw some perspective in.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:33 PM
3

My ex and I fought a lot at the end. She labelled me an “angry person” and it just made things worse. Through our entire marriage, I was never angry. I was always the calm one. She was right though… I was angry at the end. She changed as well. Marriage and dating are often a show. People do what they need to in order to impress each other. Once they stop caring about impressing someone, the fake face goes away and it looks like a change. It wasn’t a change, it’s just who they were. At a fundamen…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:26 PM
3

It’ll never happen. Women aren’t complaint free about us either. If you want a perfect marriage where both of you see eye to eye, marry a dude. I’m not gay but the thought has crossed my mind that men should marry men so they can get all the tax benefits and dual income households. Women can do the same and then we just have key parties to get laid.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 10:04 PM
6

Change the way you’re looking for women. There’s plenty of good ones out there but once you hit a certain age, many of them are jaded just like you seem to be.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:45 PM
1

Nope
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:48 AM
-3

So why are they awarding her more custody? There has to be a reason they’ve given you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:45 AM
-6

I believe I gave two options, didn’t I? The only reason any parent would lose time with their kids is if they willingly gave it up or they had a record that prevents them from showing that they’re a stable parent. The same goes for women. It really is that cut and dry. If you believe otherwise then name a scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:53 AM
-10

That’s a good question. But… it doesn’t just happen to men. In fact, most men who have less than 50% are likely doing so because they want to or they were forced to due to criminal issues.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:37 AM
29

So pay your child support. I’m sure I’ll get a bunch of heat from this sub but if you have children it’s your responsibility to pay for half of their childhood. Stop letting wives stay home because that’s how you get killed. Your income, in most states, is combined with your ex wives and divided in half if you have 50/50 custody. Thats absolutely fair. If you don’t have 50/50 fight for it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 02:23 AM
9

Just make sure you finish first and leave. Every time. Seriously though… don’t do this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 10:18 PM
2

And I slept in a chair next to my ex wife after her c section with our second. She was on the couch for a week. I had alarms set to get her meds. The important thing to remember is that YOUR, and my, experiences aren’t always other people’s experiences. All of the men in my group of friends cook. Maybe it’s just that habits tend to extend to others in our circle.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:46 PM
6

Man… so many men are better off after divorce. It’s just hard to tell someone that when they’re going through the mud. And that’s not to say we’re better off single. I do think women CAN prop a man up in life. But I think that a divorce or a long term relationship ending really teaches us where we should place our values. I’m not dating yet but when I do I’m going to be damn good about spotting red flags. Unless she’s a supermodel… then, take my money.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:47 AM
6

Why am I so shocked that there’s a woman feeling the need to add her two cents to a conversation on a MENS sub? My apartment was always immaculate when I met my ex wife. For a good chunk of our marriage, my ex wife worked longer hours and I was the one with all the home responsibilities. Picked kids up from daycare, got them ready for school when they hit that age, picked them up from school, made dinner, cleaned up after dinner, kept the entire lot looking nice, maintained the house etc. The on…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:43 AM
19

Man… I could go on for days. I’m so much happier now that I’m divorced… even if it wasn’t what I initially wanted. Being single allows me to devote all of my time to my kids. I’ve become a MUCH better dad than I ever was while married. Not that I was bad… I just prioritized the wrong things. When I’m with my kids (50/50), it’s 100% them. I go to all their games and practices, even if mom skips them. I’m involved with school and do tons of stuff with them. When I’m not with my kids, I can do what…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:18 AM
16

My ex in laws. Mother in law always tried kissing me on the lips. Father in law was a crabby asshole. I lost my cool with him more than once when he scolded my kids for just being kids. Keep off my grass kinda guy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:57 PM
3

You can view someone as a friend and not want to be married to them. I consider my ex wife a friend. That took a few years of healing but during that time I could always tell she actually cared about me. She just wasn’t in love with me because both of us had changed and weren’t compatible anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that. You also don’t have to see your friends every day so that relationship is easier. Get past the emotions and things get easier.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 01:12 PM
1

Sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like most of our stories. The 7-10 year mark is tough and in my experience, it’s when most marriages either break or get stronger. Kids are young, life is stressful… it’s a lot. Take it one day at a time. Don’t react or contact her other than for issues with the kids. Both of you need space to heal. While I didn’t hate my ex wife, I did despise her for at least a year after our separation. I saw so much in her that I had never seen before. It opened my …
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 09:29 PM
3

And if those values change? Because often that’s an issue in divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 11:59 AM
3

Ex cheated after months of me asking what was wrong because she didn’t seem happy. She’d cry in the shower at 3am after getting whine drunk. There was a lot that lead up to that but she was just overwhelmed. I’m convinced that first marriages don’t work out unless both partners have been with multiple people for long periods prior to marriage so they understand what a relationship takes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:14 AM
6

I would act as if nothing has changed. Take your info to a lawyer and hopefully you live in an area where it will at least disqualify her from alimony. Start planning your exit. There’s no coming back from cheating and clearly she doesn’t want to. Be grateful you don’t have children yet. It’ll make for a clean break.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:30 PM
17

Save the texts and get out. Don’t say anything to her, although I’m sure you already have. She will just turn it around on you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:11 PM
0

No, he’s not. He’s bitter and angry about his own situation and trying to bring others down to his level. There’s nothing right about that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:36 PM
1

No, they aren’t stupid. Both parents need to work on these issues. If one parent takes off to another country, what do you think the kid sees? They see a parent who doesn’t want them, regardless of what the parent says. I’ve seen what an absent parent does to a kid… it’s not pretty.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 04:16 PM
1

Be careful where you put your dick. If you make a choice to have children with a woman then you need to “suck it up” for the sake of those kids. Anything less is a cop out. No one is telling them to keep their feelings in but when it comes to kids they do need to “man up” and I would absolutely say that to a woman who considers abandoning children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 04:14 PM
1

They don’t have to see you. YOU are the only one that allows them to see that. If they don’t see you crying and complaining then they don’t know. Abandoning them to avoid financial issues just shows them how to run from their problems.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 03:01 PM
1

Dude… she can say all of those things and still not be interested in being with you. Both can be true. My ex told me as she was loading the moving truck to move in with her boyfriend that “you’ll always be my ONE”. She meant that because we WERE incredibly in love at one point. That changed. We’re both friendly now and do great for our kids. Take a step back and view her as the person she is now, not the person you married. My bet is you’ll notice all the red flags that make her incompatible for…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:59 PM
-1

You should stop commenting. You’re absolutely not helping.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:55 PM
3

Stop thinking she’s coming back. She’s not. You’re still her comfort zone because you have been for the marriage. Let me repeat…. SHES NOT COMING BACK. The sooner you accept this, the better you’ll be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:55 PM
6

Appraiser. If you’re unhappy with the amount, get a second opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:13 PM
1

And never see your kids again? How are so many of you okay with this?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:20 PM
-1

So you’d just bail on your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:17 PM
1

And leave his kids?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:16 PM
3

My ex wife cheated. But… I’ve done a lot of internal work and I know that women cheat when they’re miserable and already checked out. If I’m being honest, the marriage was over already. I neglected years of depression and was a hard person to deal with. She had her faults too. It was still 50% and, honestly, it’s always 50%. It takes two people to start a marriage and it takes two to end one.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 04:50 AM
2

Man… spoken well. I’ve been frustrated with this sub lately. It used to be a lot of guys mentally supporting each other in a healthy way. Now it’s a bunch of pissed off guys who hate women. I get it. Divorce sucks. But… you gotta let go of the anger or it’ll never get better. I was mad for a long time. For the sake of my kids and myself, I had to let it go. We get along great now. Sit next to each other at sporting events for the kids and chat about BS. I’m happier now than I’ve been in years. S…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 04:02 AM
7

Delete them. You can’t move on if you keep lusting over something you can’t have.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 09:25 PM
6

Take it down.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 09:25 PM
11

She’s not coming back. End of story. Stop wishing she would. She treated you like shit and you admit that you weren’t the best to her. It’s done. She doesn’t care how good you look, how much money you make, what kind of car you drive… she’s not coming back. Do those things for yourself, not for someone else, or you’ll never be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 12:23 PM
3

Yuck. Sorry you’re dealing with that. My reasons for not dating go beyond the divorce. Before I met my ex wife, I had already decided I didn’t want to get married or have kids. Obviously that changed and I’m glad it did because I have two amazing kids now. I may date when my kids are close to graduating. The real reason I don’t want to date is because I don’t want more kids, whether it’s kids she already has or she wants kids with me. I’ve found that most of the women on the dating scene are eit…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:06 PM
5

Not an affair. She cheated while on a business trip which is why I divorced her. She’s never been single longer than 3 months though. It’s just her personality. She was going on dates the week we separated and a was “in love” with another guy after two months. That didn’t last long and she met another schmuck within a few weeks who she moved in with after 5 months of dating. Worked out great for me because I avoided alimony. She married him after 9 months of dating and 3 months after our divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:44 PM
1

Truth isn’t your opinion. There’s plenty of guys who get married to women with children and have wonderful marriages. Someone has to take on the dad roll when shit head dads go mia. Should a woman avoid me because I have kids? Again…your comment wreaks of insecurity and blame. I think you have some internal work to do bud.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:33 PM
2

That’s an incredibly insecure comment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:00 PM
0

You should regret that man. You taught your kids nothing. It’s not his fault your ex wife was a hoe.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:59 PM
3

My ex wife was married again 3 months after our divorce, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:57 PM
2

Happens all the time. Best to move on and stop worrying about it. You may not be divorced but it’s done. You need to accept that. Also… she has no obligation to introduce you to boyfriends or get your input. Just like you don’t have to get hers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:57 PM
2

This. My brother tells me nasty shit about his wife all the time. Yet… they’re still married. For him, it’s easier and he doesn’t want the disruption to his life. I get it and support him in whatever his choice is. I won’t ever try to sway someone one way or another… that’s fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:46 PM
6

Stop. This isn’t your fight. This is nothing more than a minor inconvenience to your life. It’s his decision and you need to stop chirping in his ear about it, especially if it’s to try and convince him to stay married to someone who isn’t right for him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:44 PM
1

If it’s good enough for the government…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:34 PM
3

This. I have a lot of conservative friends as well. It’s getting harder and harder to tolerate it. It’s less about their views and more about how much they’re willing to sacrifice morals in order to stubbornly continue backing someone. Trump supporters are going to find themselves on the wrong side of history. Like supporters of Germany who only wanted to make their country more “German”… I’m sure none of them thought Hitler was going to start murdering millions. Well… we’re at a point with Trum…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:42 PM
9

You’re asking this question in a sub full of men who have been absolutely decimated by their ex. In the end, it’s going to come down to how your divorce goes and how fair you each feel like it was. The process can take a lot of empathy out of the equation. That being said, if you’re emotionally mature and can handle seeing your ex with someone else and there was no cheating then I don’t see why I can’t be done. I’m friendly with my ex. You just have to understand that it will NEVER be what it wa…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 10:34 PM
11

Sorry to hear that man. There’s likely more to it than what she’s willing to tell you. Women don’t tend to leave a comfortable situation involving kids unless they have a backup plan. That usually involves someone else. Talk to a lawyer. No matter how well you think you can handle it, you can’t. It will get nasty when it comes to “who gets what” and the kids. Before you make any decisions, sleep on it. Don’t react to anything until you’ve digested it. Men get screwed when they show their passion…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:12 PM
3

She can’t take them without a major fight. Talk to a lawyer and figure out what steps to take. Does he have kids? That makes it much less likely that they’ll go. In my area, she can’t move more than 25 miles away without my consent and the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:45 PM
15

No man. No. She’s made her stance clear. Don’t let her use you for another year while she skims money to pay for the lifestyle she wants. Chances are she talked to a lawyer and realized she wasn’t going to clean you out as much as she thought. Once the word “divorce” is said, it’s over unless you can hash it out right there and then. The fact that she took weeks to decide and then changed her mind after likely getting more info is a massive red flag for you. Don’t ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:15 PM
24

Mine is too proud to admit she messed up. I can tell she’s miserable with her new husband. I wouldn’t take her back if she paid me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 06:37 PM
1

That’s a really odd comparison and not remotely the same. You’re a cheater, aren’t you? When someone cheats, they’ve shown their cards. They don’t value the relationship enough to uphold moral standards. If you can’t show your partner enough respect to break it off before cheating then you’re not morally capable of stopping this behavior. You may be able to for a time, but you’ll always be someone who cheated and since the thought doesn’t disgust you, you’ll be willing to do it again if you know…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:01 AM
2

Dude… stop. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Every time you allowed it you set a precedent that cheating was okay. Leave this woman, now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:13 PM
2

But… is your mom a POS? My mother can be pretty tough to handle. I’m close with both my parents and they did a ton for us and our kids when we were married. My ex wife couldn’t stand her. It’s an in-law thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:34 AM
13

This is a silly thing to get upset about.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 01:50 PM
2

No one is saying you have to. You’re free to go after whatever type of woman you’d like. The point is…if you’re going to judge a woman for her past and stand on a moral high ground then you’d better follow the same principles you expect of her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 06:58 PM
4

Why does this upset you OP? If someone isn’t happy, they should leave. At least no one cheated. People make the decision to get married far too quickly. A lot of it boils down to societal pressure but it doesn’t mean they should stay married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 05:05 PM
1

Well you’re just playing both sides of the fence, aren’t you? One comment tells this guy he’s watching too much bad content and then when someone agrees you flip? Strange. I’m not acting morally superior to anyone. Morals have nothing to do with treating people with respect. The fact is, your “bad content” teaches men to hate women which is exactly the opposite of what they should do. The best way to get over a divorce is to forgive and forget. My wife cheated on me. I acknowledged my own faults…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 04:05 AM
1

Agreed. This entire post brings out the “red pill” nonsense. I don’t like to say this, especially on this sub, but it’s probably why most of them are divorced. Misogyny isn’t something most women look for in a man.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 01:54 AM
5

Why post the question if you think random strangers can’t help? You have some serious ego issues to work through bud. I’ve been there as well. You’re not doing yourself any favors with the mindset you currently have.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:29 PM
1

No. They don’t. Maybe in the 1960’s. Get with the times man. If you don’t want a woman who’s slept with other men then go find a nice church girl. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:25 PM
1

It’s not completely different. I feel like it’s a bit nuts that you think it’s okay for a man to sleep around and a woman has to accept that but it’s not okay for a woman? Maybe you should work on yourself and your security issues before you worry about judging women.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 05:51 PM
5

You said you’ve had a few flings, but you’re concerned about the WOMAN being a cum dumpster? Bit of a double standard, don’t you think? You don’t date the past, you date the present and hope for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 01:21 PM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 02:15 PM
-4

You’re going to get a lot of downvotes for this comment. Most of the men here are bitter and feel like they were screwed over by the system. I joined this sub initially because I assumed it would be men supporting other men. It’s turned into a large percentage of men who hate women.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 12:35 PM
5

Same! I use to be extroverted in my 20’s but that was fueled by alcohol. It’s also when I met my party girl ex. Now…I enjoy my alone time. I can do what I want, when I want, and it’s nice. I don’t buy useless shit to keep up with the neighbors. I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s freeing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:24 PM
2

OP unfortunately doesn’t seem like the guy to take over the dad role. And you’re right… most kids just want their dad. My ex wife had a 5 year old when we met. I fully accepted the dad role but he always just wanted dad and I understood. His dad was an alcoholic, in and out of jail, and when we moved a few hours away he cut off contact. My step son (who I never called step until the divorce) didn’t see his dad for 5 years until he graduated high school. Unfortunately, as much as I love him and w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:17 PM
2

Getting downvoted by bitter men is insane. Your advice is the only mature answer. The kids had nothing to do with the divorce a for 4 years they considered OP dad.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 04:34 PM
1

I’m in Illinois and had no issues. My ex wife hired a very expensive lawyer. I didn’t pay a dime.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:46 AM
1

This. They ALWAYS have a backup plan.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 11:10 PM
2

Mine wasn’t cold and cruel for the most part but I basically dealt with the same thing. Happy family for all I knew until I found out she cheated on a business trip. As soon as that came out, I was the one who initially said divorce. I changed my mind after I calmed down but I’m glad she decided to run with it and prevent me from making that mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 07:50 PM
5

This. I wish more guys, myself included, understood this from the start. When a woman utters the word “divorce” it’s been planned for years. Most of them don’t make super important decisions like that at the drop of a hat. Most men will spend far too much time trying to figure out how to make her happy. There’s just no going back. Once they’ve made that decision it’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:36 PM
1

Begging or pleading just makes things worse. Stop now. Work on yourself. I’m curious why she can’t divorce you prior to 12/15?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:33 PM
1

Yeah… oof.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:19 PM
14

Be glad you’re rid of her. The more you react the more people will believe it’s true.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:34 AM
7

She will just view you as weak and needy. I struggled for months after my ex and I split. I even made her a “mix tape”. A fucking MIX TAPE! I justified it by telling her that I have an easier time letting music say what I’m feeling but it still didn’t matter. It was pathetic and I realized that almost immediately. Get good with yourself man. Don’t let her define who or what you are. I threw myself into my business and kids after my wife left. I’ve nearly tripled my income and I’m a MUCH better f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:24 AM
5

Agreed. It’s just revenge at this point but it’s costing OP a lot more to get that revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:28 PM
8

A lot of us have been there. Sorry you’re dealing with it. It absolutely sucks. If you need money to buy a home, sell the family house. She can get upset all she wants but both of you have to live. She’s going to get mad because it means more stress for her. Don’t let your love and emotions dictate the outcome here. She will absolutely take advantage of it. Mine did. We ended up selling the house (court ordered) and it was the best move I could have made. You aren’t going to drop all your emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 12:11 PM
1

You need to be more specific on parenting plan. I would divide holidays 50/50 and stick to it. Lay out vacation time for each parent. This should supersede standard parenting time so you can go on longer trips. You can agree to meeting partners prior to introducing them to the kids but I doubt that’s enforceable. The reality is, when the kids are with her, it’s her decision. What happens when you meet someone and ex doesn’t like her? Don’t write something that lets your ex control your relations…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 05:07 PM
5

Kids don’t lie, cheat, and steal. I’ll take the kids any day. I have a low tolerance for fake people and dating tends to be all about putting on a fake face until you hook someone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 12:18 PM
3

Call and talk to your daughter. Don’t trust what the ex says. Get her excited about it and make it special. Maybe take her out to pick out things for her room.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:11 PM
2

This. Everyone thinks they can do it without a lawyer until things go south. Even if it’s just to take the work off your plate so you can focus on other things… hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 05:41 PM
1

It will pass. Breathe deep and make a mental note. It amazes me how two people can go from living mostly civil lives together one moment and then despise each other the next. For one party, that attitude has likely been festering but for the other it’s usually a shock. I have a feeling you’ll need the lawyer. Mediation only works for couples who can drop emotion and get down to business. It’s hard to do that when marriages are all about emotion. It sounds like you have the right goals and mindse…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 05:39 PM
1

Was the divorce her idea or yours? I agree with someone else’s comment. People need to make themselves feel like the hero in order to avoid their pain. Sounds like she’s not over the divorce and she’s lashing out in order to mask it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 02:21 PM
1

Are you taking any responsibility for the divorce though? Look… my ex wife cheated. She’s the final reason we got divorced. But there was a laundry list of other reasons that were shared between us. I don’t blame my ex for our marriage failing. I do blame her for cheating. It sounds like neither one of you are over it. You haven’t forgive her yet, and you may never. I can promise you you’ll feel better once you do. For the sake of the kids, both of you need to stop involving them. They don’t nee…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:12 PM
6

You’re making a mistake. You need to understand that when the parenting plan is in place, it’s HER time when they’re with her. That means you don’t get to see them unless she allows it. How are you going to feel when she starts bringing other men home? You’re obviously going to see it. This is an incredible weird dynamic and I doubt it’s going to play out like you hope. Cut your ties, move on, and be the best dad you can be so that your kids being from a “broken” home doesn’t affect them as much…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:23 PM
1

I’m not sure if I’m understanding. So, your ex has them only mon/tue and every other Friday? You have them on all Saturdays and Sundays? She doesn’t want to change the schedule but wants to continue getting support for the higher days? I don’t see an issue with her having them the days you agreed to. Remember, there may come a time when you’ll need her to be a little accepting.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 06:30 PM
1

Your experience is not the be all, end all. If you’re going to tell someone to “educate themselves” then I suggest you link to the “statistics” you speak of.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 12:11 AM
4

When is it time to tell the kids? I’d think you would do that as soon as you know. Give them time to adjust while you’re both still in the home to help them. Living with the stbx sucks. I had an entire suite on the opposite side of the house to myself and I still couldn’t do it. Watching her go out at night and knowing she was hooking up with the schmuck she cheated on me with? Nah. I made her life hell until she moved in with him and made it official that I didn’t have to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 10:48 PM
9

Ignore
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:21 PM
7

Braces ARE medically necessary most times. You shouldn’t have to cover it all but you should absolutely be putting braces on them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 06:30 PM
7

I couldn’t do this. I want all my kids at once. I want them 100% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:37 AM
3

You understand how messed up that is for your kid? I have 50% custody of my boys. That other 50% sucks. If she wants to give them up, GOOD! I’ll take them. I don’t care in the slightest what she’s doing. In my eyes…I’m the one winning that deal. My kids will know who’s there for them. I think you should reconsider how you’re approaching fatherhood.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:36 AM
1

Honestly, there’s nothing you can do. Just as I’m sure you wouldn’t want her encroaching on your space, you need to respect that boundary with her. If you two decide to date or marry someone else, those influences will have an effect on the way you raise your kids as well. It’s best to worry about what you CAN change.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 08:04 PM
1

I get it. I’ve struggled as well. My ex lets them sit on tablets all day and wants to get them phones even though her (then) 15 year old was selling masturbation videos of himself on Snapchat. You should let it go. The control is out of your hands so you just need to be the best role model you can while they’re with you. To be honest, I think split households has its benefit as well. There’s a ton of cons but at least they learn to be flexible.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 04:46 PM
1

Rage? That’s a stretch. It’s also a stretch to assume that a mother will abuse her children because of a bad relationship with their dad. I take a lot of the posts on this sub with a grain of salt. We’re hearing one side of a three sided argument. I’m not saying OP is wrong in his feelings but saying someone is a bad parent due to an argument is false. Think about all the times women do that to us. If you don’t enjoy that, why do it to someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:17 PM
9

You love the THOUGHT of her. You don’t love her. You’re comfortable with her. I would never stay with a woman who treated me like that, let alone buy her coffee after she did it. Get the divorce. You’ll be happy you did. The kids will be fine and as they get older you’ll come to appreciate the little “recharge” break you get.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 12:23 PM
15

I’m torn on this. If the roles were reversed, do you think she’d be as easy on you? My ex and I had decided ahead of time that we wouldn’t do child support. She made more than me for half of our marriage and right before the divorce was filed she took a massive pay cut to work closer to home. This was after we were separated and she was about to move out. She knew what she was doing. When it came time to decide child support, her lawyer dropped a bomb on me that I was going to be paying $1500/mo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 02:17 AM
3

Good luck man. It’s never easy but it does get easier. Hopefully you can get through it without too much bloodshed. I can promise you that being alone is far better than being with someone who doesn’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 09:33 PM
6

My god man… why don’t you just let her castrate you? She’s using your emotions and your need to support your family against you. While I sympathize with you wholeheartedly, you’re doing this to yourself. Please please please understand that this woman does NOT have your best interests at heart. You getting back together isn’t an option and you shouldn’t consider it one. How do you think that would play out? She’d continue cheating while you pay the bill. This woman doesn’t love or respect you. O…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 08:05 PM
3

She can ask whatever she wants. She’s not entitled to know anything about what happens when your son is with you unless you’re making medical/school/travel decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 05:07 PM
1

Only honest one? I disagree. Only one that matters…yes. Bank appraisers have a habit of “glancing” at the offer price prior to giving a value. My current home was $2k more than my offer. Obviously the house is worth that since I was willing to pay it but I currently have the most expensive (by $60k) comparable in the neighborhood.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 05:41 PM
1

Is she buying you out or are you selling? Get 2-3 appraisals and average them. My sale worked out in my favor. It may be something to keep in mind since you moved out. My ex wife moved out 2 years prior to us putting it on the market. I was making all payments during that time so my lawyer ended up getting me 75% of the principle I had paid since she moved out. Should have been 100 but from what I hear it’s not common. I say this to prepare you for the fact that you may not get a 50% split.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 05:36 PM
14

Just give your wife the divorce. It’s clear she wants it. Do you really want to fight for someone who didn’t want to fight with you?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 05:28 AM
2

Makes sense. I went from 3500 to 1500sf and couldn’t be happier. I’m less tied to the house financially and it’s cheaper to remodel. I plan to remodel the entire house and sell it in a few years. I’d like to live in the country but unfortunately I’m in the Chicago burbs and that means I’d be too far from my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 08:07 PM
3

Haha! I agree. There’s a few pieces I’m still hunting for. It’s a small house and I need storage furniture. Haven’t found an ottoman I like yet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:58 PM
5

You learn that men are often expected to deal with these things on their own. Most men aren’t going to bring up sensitive issues. I almost put a bullet in my mouth and not one person reached out other than my parents when I posted a cry for help on Facebook. Lots of people just don’t know what to say. If you need to talk you can’t expect others to know. Reach out to your friend. I’m sure they care. I still don’t have a group around me. It’s been hard at times but I’ve learned to do things myself…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:57 PM
1

Did you have a lawyer? It’s not the courts job to decide how much you pay if it’s been agreed upon. From what I was told, the only way they’ll step in is if one party forfeits their right to support and it’s a large amount.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:29 PM
0

Man… I spent entirely too much time in the diffuser/candle aisle at a decor store the other day. I have a sensitive nose with a dog who loves to sweat and get stinky but can’t be bathed more than once a month. Gotta keep it fresh in case I miraculously meet a woman willing to come over, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:19 PM
0

I call my robot vacuum, “replacement mommy”. Probably why I’m divorced, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:17 PM
2

I completely get that! I just went through this buying a new home and having to decorate. I was never allowed to do it in our family home. My space was the garage and the basement, which I was never allowed to finish and make my own. I’m a general contractor and I’m fairly ocd about details. I’m around a lot of high end jobs requiring designers so I have a feel for what looks good. The best part of making your own space is getting to make it YOU. When I was with my ex wife, everything for the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:12 PM
1

So go back to court! My lawyer tried to screw me too. They wanted $2500/month. I fired him and had it reduced to my current payment by my next lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:58 PM
0

I never advocated for positive parenting. I advocated for not bossing your children around like you own them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:57 PM
1

Sweetie, I’m a man. A man who has also been through it. Just because shit didn’t work out for you doesn’t mean that’s what happens the majority of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:56 PM
-1

First off… you have no idea what you’re talking about. So many men here go off half cocked on what their feelings tell them. You automatically assume the courts are out to get you because you’re a man. A court is NEVER going to just side with a mother over her words. They may send CPS to check on the kids and verify but unless those kids are coached, that check isn’t going to amount to anything. It’s pretty obvious when kids are sexually abused. If mom claimed it, she better have proof because t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:37 PM
-1

“My house my rules”. You realize how messed up that mentality is? Authoritarian parenting may be great for immediate results and “do as I say” mindset. Have fun when they’re older and stop talking to you. You’re telling your kids they can’t be who they are. Some kids are naturally sensitive. Telling them they can’t cry is suppressing emotions. What do you think happens to those emotions? Yeah… they get bottled up until the kid takes one of your guns to school and offs a bunch of people. Or… he s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:33 PM
1

They’re toddlers, not men. Are we still teaching our boys they can’t cry as well?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:29 PM
0

Is it weird that I know who you voted for based on your comment? “Proper” attire is wearing what’s comfortable to sleep in. He’s not sleeping nude. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with his actions. There’s something wrong with YOU putting a label on it, just like his ex is. Im not European or Asian. Im a white, upper middle class man from the states. My 7 year old frequently climbs into bed with me. He gets scared and I want him to know that dad will always be there to show him there’s nothing …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:27 PM
1

I see this from another perspective. I was forced to sell our family home which meant I lost the kids being in my district. It worked out and the home was too big, but I initially wanted to buy her out and fix up the place to make some extra money. I couldn’t buy her out. We bought the house in 2019 for $360k. It was worth $550k when we decided to sell. Between the increase in value and the $5k higher property taxes, I wouldn’t have been able to qualify for a loan to buy her out. Even though I c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 01:09 PM
5

I’m sorry man. I can’t imagine the pain that causes. It’s too bad she didn’t bring that up earlier. I’m happy to hear you reached out. Hopefully you can start healing those relationships as I’m sure time has taken a toll.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:57 AM
16

I went. I’m not sure I’ll do another but I’m glad I followed through.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 04:58 AM
7

Oh, I have space. We don’t interact other than the kids. Moving close was a must for me. We share 50% custody so driving 30-45 minutes to school 2-3 days a week was rough. I would have actually bought her out of our family home but it was too big for me and my lawyer screwed me on the parenting portion of our agreement. I got 50% time but she got the final say with schools. How he wasn’t able to get me that final say is nuts. I would think judges would want consistency. Their schools were fantas…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 10:21 PM
7

Yeah… it sucks feeling like you’re an outsider in your kids lives. I know that’s all my own head trash but it’s still rough. The party went about like I expected. She socialized with the moms while I sat on the sidelines. I was able to focus on my kids though since I didn’t care about putting on a fake face for the parents. I’m not sure I’ll go to another one but I’m glad I followed through on this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 08:22 PM
5

Thank you. I committed to bringing cupcakes so I’m stuck with this one but I’ll remember that. I do a ton with them so they absolutely know I’m there for them. I just feel guilty that I can’t give them the nuclear family and have no intentions to date so that will be a long term thing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 05:54 PM
7

We did do a little party but it’s just not the same as the big friends/family party that she gives them. I obviously can’t do that. I think what I’m struggling with the most is not knowing their friends anymore. I’ve told them to invite their friends over. I live 5 minutes away but most of the kids parents don’t do anything out of the subdivision.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 05:37 PM
13

She’s lying. They all do. For your own sanity, stop considering her your wife. It’s done and she’s already on board with that. Separation is just an excuse for women to see other men and not feel like whores.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:19 AM
6

Remind him who’s getting sloppy seconds
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:07 AM
11

Once a cheater always a cheater. Cut ties. You’re never going to trust her again and that will come out in your relationship. The kids will know. Your kids will be fine. It’s alway tough at first but they will adjust.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 09:06 PM
1

Ignore the women. You need to get your own stuff handled before you bring someone else into the equation. Continuing with a therapist will help but you have to be willing to accept that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 06:59 PM
1

You will man. It sounds like you’re doing things, but does anything bring you joy? That’s where I would focus. Find a new hobby. Join a mens group. Do some magic mushrooms… that’ll definitely boost your serotonin.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 03:15 PM
1

You’re still hurting from the divorce. I don’t think that finding a new relationship will fix this. In fact, it may hurt any new relationship. I don’t have the answer you need since I’m still searching myself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 02:49 PM
1

You’re right. I choose not to date for my own reasons, not necessarily that I don’t trust women. I know there’s good women out there, they’re just hard to find. I also never wanted more than two kids so dating requires me to either find a woman willing to accept my kids who doesn’t have her own or me accepting more children. I can’t have more kids but I see lots of women in their late 30’s/40’s whose dating profiles specifically say they want to have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 01:54 PM
2

A call girl could have done that for MUCH cheaper but at least you know the doctor is highly experienced. Did she call you after?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 06:50 PM
1

I get what you’re saying here but there’s no way that percentage is correct. Maybe 80% chance of getting into an accident but most accidents are not fatal or cause injuries.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:20 AM
-3

I was going to say this. Most women go to workout places and dress sexy af but they get pissed if you notice.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:15 PM
8

Good for you man! Enjoy the date. Honestly, maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t at your best. She probably isn’t either and if things work then you know she doesn’t care about the superficial nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:13 PM
4

I dealt with communication issues and it ended up taking 18 months for a divorce that was amicable, I fired him 3 months before the finish line and don’t regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:39 PM
9

This isn’t a good thing man. You’re both, or at least one of you, still has feelings and it’s going to end badly
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 07:25 PM
2

Do you have kids? If so, picture them standing in front of your casket, forever scared.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:33 PM
3

Don’t go into too much detail. They just won’t understand. Just explain to them that nothing changes with how much you love them and that “mommy and daddy just want to live in different places”. They will adjust quickly. Mine had a few months of random crying but once they figured out that mom and dad were still going to be there, it got better. It’s been 3 years and they barely remember the time my ex wife and I were together. Good luck man. It’s the hardest part.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:01 AM
4

You should tell him and hope he forgives you. Really crummy thing to do to someone you’re married to. Lack of intimacy is NOT an excuse for cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 06:23 PM
4

Yes, this kind of trauma is common. He’s hesitant because he’s been gutted before and fears it will happen again. His trauma isnt yours to fix and I would break it off.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:45 PM
6

I took mine off as soon as I knew it was officially done. I still have it in a drawer somewhere but I’m not sure why. Maybe as a reminder of what was once good.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:13 PM
2

She can’t “grant him” parental rights without your consent. Not legally anyway. She’s just saying she gave him permission. Even marriage doesn’t give him rights. I would document all activity your kids talk about. You really have no recourse unless it gets really bad, which sucks. Maybe get your children in with a therapist to see if they discuss it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:02 PM
0

You’re incredibly bitter and you need to let go of your ego. I get it… I really do. But you aren’t helping anyone by essentially saying this guy has no input. You’re just raising kids to disrespect someone and it will make their lives worse. He isn’t the dad. He knows that. Your kids know that. If you truly have an issue with how he’s disciplining your kids, talk to him. The truth is, you have no say in what happens at their house though, so you may as well get used to not having control.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 05:32 AM
1

It’s the only way to get close to 50% and remain regular. You still won’t legally have full 50% custody. Not everyone can do it because of location. I was able to move into the same school district as my ex wife so it worked out well. If you’re able to drive them to school everyday anyway then that may not be a problem. I think it works well though. The 5 day weekend without them is tough sometimes, especially around holidays. I don’t think I’d change it though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 10:44 PM
1

It’s hard at first. I won’t say I “look forward” to the time they’re away. It’s lonely since I have no plans to date anytime soon and I don’t have friends. But… it does afford me time to do the mundane tasks like groceries and house chores while they’re away. When they’re with me, it’s all them. Even though I see them 50% less, my time with them is 100% better.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 07:42 PM
1

My ex and I do this. She gets Mondays and Tuesdays. I get Wednesday’s and Thursdays. We switch weekends. So, every other weekend you get a 5 day weekend with them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 07:40 PM
3

If they see you happy, they can learn happy. They’re mourning a loss as they should. It will get better. Fake that happiness until it becomes genuine. I once hated my ex for what she did. I’m past that now and can honestly say it’s better, even though I’m alone. My kids are happy as well because they don’t have to witness mom and dad fighting.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 07:39 PM
4

Keep doing your best. I lost my step son after my divorce. Raised him from 5-17. His mom and I separated at that point and he stayed with me to finish high school. He was a great kid but I saw too much of myself in him. He was straying and I wanted to help but only know how to do that by being hard on him. He would be sleeping on the couch after school and none of his chores were done. I’d yell. His dad wasn’t around after 7 years old and even prior to that it was only once every few months. He …
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 07:21 PM
1

I’m not even going to argue with you man. I can tell there’s no point. I will say… not all SAHM’s are lazy. You’re also taking a woman out of the workforce in order to care for your kids. That gap will make it incredibly hard for her to find anything other than an entry level job.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:05 PM
2

Not buying another house is just setting yourself up for struggles to buy one later. Banking on the market to drop is a fools game. I absolutely agree that holding on to the family home is a mistake. Our family home was 3600sf, 5 bed, 4 bath, on over 1/2 acre which is huge here. Also on a culdesac with a park next door so only one neighbor. It was a house that checks most every box for the average family. I wanted to keep it so I could guarantee the kids stayed in their schools. I also have a sm…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 01:01 AM
-3

No… it’s called rational mentality. Yours is just self preservation. Maybe I’m still the minority. Maybe dads are just as bad as they’ve always been and I’m one of the few good ones. I don’t think so. If you truly want the best for your children, you make sure they’re equally taken care of at both houses. Most men just have no interests other than themselves. They see a woman who left or cheated and just want to gut her because they think the money is for HER. If the same amount was put into a t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 10:54 PM
-4

First off: stop saying the system is against men. If the roles were reversed you would get the same treatment. Remember… lots of women are making more than their spouse these days. They could be the ones paying. Second, I agree about alimony. CS though, should naturally go up as a parent makes more. If you were still married, would you withhold more support of your children if you began to make more? Or would you provide the extra things that families do when their income increases? Try to look …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 10:27 PM
-1

I completely understand the feelings you’re having but it won’t help YOU and that’s what’s really important. Consider the fact that you may destroy two families in order to get revenge. Your own kids may view you differently, whether it’s from not telling them sooner or thinking you’re being vindictive. As an outsider looking in, I would leave this alone. As someone in the middle of it, I’m not sure what I would truly do.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 09:43 PM
2

I have a different perspective on this. My ex cheated on me and moved out. By all accounts, I should be furious. I’m not. At the end, she wanted to help me. I was a complete shithead to her at times during our divorce and every time she expressed that she wants the best for me. It sucks to hear it while you’re going through it, but I do truly think that a lot of spouses care, even through the divorce process. My ex and I get along now. I want what’s best for her and she wants the same for me. We…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:49 PM
10

You won’t get any sympathy from me or most here. Cheaters don’t deserve to be happy. Leave your wife BEFORE you cheat. Not being emotionally or physically taken care of isn’t an excuse to cheat on the woman you made a commitment to and your side piece knows that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:16 PM
3

My ex was always in daycare. Started at 14 making $7/hr and she was up to $9 when I met her at 26 with no ambition of moving up. I built her up, paid for her college, and supported all her advancements. She eventually moved us to a new location for a director opportunity and made over $100k plus bonuses. Shortly after is when she decided she wasn’t happy because I wasn’t contributing enough (made $65k) and wasn’t supporting her next promotion (would never see her). She’s now a SAHM for a janitor…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:06 PM
7

It was tough for a long time. It’s been three years since we separated. I think getting to a point where I no longer have feelings for her made it easier. Sure, it gets to me that she cheated. I never expected it from her. But, I’m just over it. I realized that hating her was doing me no good. I have to see her consistenly for the next 15 years at least so it was in my best interests to get past it. It also helps seeing her gain 40lbs and doubling my income without her around to hold me back. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 10:48 PM
10

Keep that up. But, if she’s decent during the divorce then I would go back to remembering that she’s the mother of your kids and you once’s cared deeply. My divorce was easy as far as financials and kids went. Tough mentally and emotionally. We’re now at the point where we can be some type of friends. She invited me to thanksgiving (knows I don’t have family) but seeing as how she’s married to the man she cheated on me with, I politely declined while also laughing a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:44 PM
5

Hang in there man. Honestly, I would have been gone a long time ago. She’s given up and the fact that she’s looking elsewhere proves it. She’s looking for a backup plan. When she finds one, I promise you she’d divorce you immediately. Don’t worry about the kids. They’ll be fine as long as the two of you can do things amicably and respect each other. You have to put the past behind you and suck it up for them. My ex is currently married to the man she cheated on me with. I know she’s miserable be…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:09 PM
-3

Don’t put that in someone’s head. Even if it was someone else’s, he’s raised that kid and that 4 year old only knows him as dad. Pretty messed up to change that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:04 PM
2

You’re over reacting. Given everything you’ve gone through recently, it’s understandable. Remember that it’s not about anyone disliking you, other than your ex. It’s about keeping the babies healthy. And yes.. they need to stay away from people who are sick. How would you feel if one ended up with pneumonia because of your mild cold? Probably not good. Get healthy and then plan another Christmas celebration with them. Also, I can promise that if your ex is bad mouthing you to your kids, it won’t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:02 PM
3

I’ve been separated for 3 years and divorced 1. No desire to get into another relationship. I can do without the sex if it means less drama. I focus on my kids and my business. Best part is… I do what I want, when I want. Plus, I just love the freeing aspect of never having to worry about someone else’s feelings other than my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:33 PM
8

Do NOT do this without lawyers. I tried and my ex, who I thought was on board after her guilt of cheating, tried to screw me over bad.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:14 PM
5

I feel your pain brother! It gets easier. For me, personally, I wasn’t as present when I was married. My ex handled a lot of the kids stuff because I was working and she wanted to do it. Being divorced forced me to reevaluate my priorities. I moved to be closer to my ex so that I was in the same school district. I’m involved with the school and make sure that I’m always there for events. Use your extra time to take care of the things you need to do when they aren’t around. Yard work, catching up…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 08:56 PM
8

Lots of guys get 50%. It’s pretty much the standard in court unless the man gives it away or has criminal/drug/anger problems.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 08:48 PM
9

Just introduce her to some guys you don’t like. As soon as she shacks up with another dude it’s game over. My ex wife would have gotten alimony but she moved out and signed a lease with the guy she cheated on me with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:40 AM
4

I’d let my ex wife take the bullet. She’s gained 40lbs since our divorce and I’ve lost close to that. Maybe her extra layers will save all of us. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:05 AM
14

She’s cheating. My ex wife started talking the same way. Before you divorce her… is she working? If not…quit one of your jobs and have her find one. Alimony and child support (if you have kids) will kill you otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:17 PM
8

Nah man. Nah. I get it. I really do. She’s not worth it so just leave it be. The best thing you can do for yourself mentally is just forget about her. Find a hobby.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:17 AM
0

Agreed. Men are just as bad. Most people are constantly in self preservation mode and don’t like to be told they’re wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:02 AM
6

Sorry man… I don’t think you should be claiming any responsibility for her cheating. I don’t care how bad the marriage is… end it before cheating. The problem is that most women will cheat to open opportunities and create a backup plan.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:00 AM
4

She’s going to get your 401k anyway man. Don’t trust a word she says. I trusted mine and got screwed. Get a lawyer NOW. She may not get much more than you’ve already paid. I would try to fight paying it at all since you’ve been supporting her while she increases her potential to earn more. As soon as she starts making more, you might be entitled to alimony. She may try to delay this but you should see how to handle that. My ex wife intentionally took a $30k pay cut right after we separated. She …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:27 AM
4

Oh, for sure. I’m well over it, just thinking about it makes me laugh now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:51 AM
30

Yes, this is common. Women encourage each other to silently “prepare”. They look for housing, the alter careers to get more out of the divorce, they stash money, etc. It’s pathetic and just proves there was very little love to begin with. My ex wife would get drunk on weekends and stay up until 3-4am. I’d wake up to her crying in the shower sitting on the floor. I’d sit with her, scared and worried, begging her to talk to me. Because I fucking cared. She’d stay silent. She even bought a sign 3 m…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 12:59 AM
12

Dude, women suck. I’m divorced after thinking I was with the love of my life. Obviously over her but it showed me the truth. Very few women are marriage material these days. They’re all unhappy and refuse to accept that men and women are completely different but that’s a good thing. We have our own strengths. I don’t have any issues with women but I don’t ever plan to seek out another relationship. I’ll take my high paying job and do my own thing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 10:50 PM
4

She’s trying to keep you on the hook. Stop meeting with her. If she wanted the divorce then let her be and ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 12:33 AM
1

This is crazy. On a side note, psilocybin mushrooms will be legal in most states within the next 10 years. Thank god. There are so many benefits to them and I fully believe that making psychedelics illegal was a ploy to dumb us down. Taken in a controlled environment they provide so much good. I took ketamine for about a year during my initially separation. It was incredibly therapeutic but lost its effectiveness quickly. I started with psilocybin microdosing about 2 years ago and haven’t looked…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 02:33 PM
1

Two completely different cases. We’re talking about dads who have full custody vs moms who have full custody. I’m in completely agreement that dads are better when it’s an either-or scenario. The truth is, both parents being involved equally is almost always best.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:07 PM
1

This right here. The anger in some of these comments goes to show why some of these men lose their rights.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:04 PM
1

Lazy comment? Please show me some references of when dad makes less and doesn’t get child support? That’s absolute nonsense that you’re making up to support your argument.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:02 PM
1

I completely agree. Most go with the flow and accept the outcome. At the root of that issue is a lack of wanting a better outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:01 PM
0

Different story then. But your immediate need to lash out at me shows a deeper issue here. I didn’t attack you so why are you taking it that way? I’m in agreement that alimony is nonsense. This post is talking about child support so that’s what I’m commenting on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:00 PM
0

I would have spent every dime I had if my ex tried to take my kids. In Illinois she would have been held in contempt for ignoring judges orders.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 05:02 AM
0

It’s sounds like you had a bad lawyer. Don’t blame the system for that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:16 AM
-2

It’s not a matter of me believing it’s not true or not. Your comment is exactly why the system is fair. The entire point is for the children to have the same financial support at each home. If the mom makes less, she gets support. If dad makes less, he gets support. In Illinois, dads don’t even have the option to reject it out of “shame”. It’s mandatory. My ex and I didn’t want to deal with support. At our custody hearing she even asked the lawyer to waive it. He wouldn’t. The problem here is th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:15 AM
2

I spent $3k for my lawyer. My ex wife spent $15k. I got the better end of the deal even though I pay child support. Why? Because I wanted my kids. There was never a time when my rights were questioned in court. There was never a time when I was told I’d get less time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:34 AM
2

The system has changed from what it was even 20 years ago. Men don’t lose parenting rights in most states unless there’s a valid reason to think the kids are in danger. Same goes for women.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:32 AM
3

Bingo. And I was in that funk at one point too. The point is… you can’t change it so get over it and do what needs to be done. Think about it positively and you won’t hate your life and you ex because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:13 AM
0

lol. I don’t have my head buried in the sand. I just refuse to accept all the negative BS on this sub from men who just hate women.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:12 AM
3

It’s not about custody. Jesus. What don’t you dudes get? It’s about what’s best for the kids and that’s being with both parents equally. Men statistically have higher likelihoods of criminal history, anger issues, drug abuse, etc. If they want a system to play “fair” then they need to act like adults. I have 50% custody. I pay my ex child support. I’m not complaining one bit because I know it’s fair and best for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:11 AM
3

Most men don’t try. Be realistic.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:08 AM
3

You’re a wonderful person to have a discussion with. I can see that your negativity runs deep and you’re stuck with that. No need to call people dumb but you do you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:08 AM
3

Not YOUR reality. Just because you have to pay child support doesn’t mean you got screwed by the system.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:07 AM
-2

Then force it. She can’t legally delay without a reason, especially is she’s getting alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:46 PM
-2

That’s your negativity coming out man. The choice for a woman to back out of the work force is a family decision. Often, men make it not thinking of the consequences. They think that saving on daycare is a benefit but it’s not. Even if your wife makes less than the cost of daycare, she’s still contributing to social security AND she makes an income to show when a divorce happens. The system is not rigged, you just didn’t like how the cards fell. If it were the other way around and she made more,…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:46 PM
7

You’re being downvoted because people don’t like the truth. If someone has to pay in a divorce they automatically say it’s rigged. The truth is, it’s not rigged at all in most states. They want equal prosperity at each home for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:43 PM
3

It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of being pissed about this. You should stop worrying about what your ex is doing with the money now though. As long as the kids are healthy, happy, and clothed… that’s all that matters. This has nothing to do with men’s rights. If it did, you wouldn’t even get 50% custody. If you made less than her and she had to pay you, would you feel the same? I tell every guy I know… don’t let your wife be a stay at home mom. All this means is that she has zero income and…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:42 PM
5

You’re making excuses. Get a lawyer and make sure she CANT drive with your daughter until she gets the help she needs. I can promise you, all it will take is one slip up for your life to change forever. She’s lost the ability to parent your children properly. So take it away.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:33 PM
5

What happens when she’s driving and kills your kid? Will it be worth hanging on then? File and ask for temporary custody until she gets her alcoholism under control. Your kids will have a hard time at first but they will adjust. What they need most is consistency and love without the possibility of harm. Your responsibility is to protect the kids, not her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:17 PM
7

Honestly, once I saw my ex wife for who she really was it was easier. She just wasn’t the woman I thought I married. She had bought a sign for above our bed that read something along the lines of “I will always choose you, through everhthing”. This was hung up maybe 4 months prior to her cheating. It was like a stab in the back every time I saw it. I took it down and burned it, lol. My depression stemmed from not seeing family and friends. I’ve made a point to keep in touch and got involved in m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:41 PM
8

Sorry you’re going through this. Know that your story isn’t new and a lot of us have had a similar experience. At the root of why most women cheat is a lack of needs being met at home. Your sensitivity and forgiveness didn’t help. She sees you as being weak and most women don’t find that attractive. My own situation happened after we moved away from home for her job. I worked alone and struggled to make friends. I became depressed but didn’t acknowledge it. I couldn’t give her the emotional supp…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:24 PM
0

OP doesn’t have a job. None of the money is his. Also, I’m pretty sure a judge will frown on all of the above financial advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 10:26 PM
6

It’s absolutely normal. Just remember, cheating is rarely a one time thing. She’s seeing the consequences of her actions and realizing she messed up. Let her enjoy it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 03:40 AM
1

Just sell the house. Why would you intentionally harm yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:57 AM
2

I will echo this sentiment. I would want to stick close by for when the kids visit. It’s much easier for them to visit both of you in one trip rather than take two trips each year (if that even happens).
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:58 AM
6

Or do drugs, just not hard ones. I microdose psychedelic mushrooms every other day. It’s helped tremendously in every aspect of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 09:18 PM
4

No. Their responsibility is to make sure things are done according to the law, not what’s morally right. My ex wife left her high paying career to take a $30k cut working closer to home within weeks of our separation. Hilarious because the biggest complaint she had about me was that I didn’t support her taking on more responsibility at her career and asked her to work closer to home so we could see each other more. At the same time, I had to come up with a way to pay for everything on my own (a …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 01:48 PM
7

I find the whole SAHM thing amusing. My ex wife wanted it. I was supporting us for the most part at that time. Then our second son was born and she swore she’d never be a SAHM after her 12 week maternity leave. When she left me, one of her biggest complaints was that I didn’t support her career advancements. I had for a long time until they started taking her away from her family. When she started going to work at 5am and not getting back until 7pm, I said I was done with her career advancing mo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:28 AM
13

Brother…don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s too much stuff on the internet telling men that if their wife leaves, it’s the man’s fault for not “being a man”. Don’t buy into that nonsense. I’m going to be blunt… your wife hasn’t loved you like you loved her and it’s been going on longer than you know. It’s not the income. That’s just the easiest thing for her to tell you. It’s surface level nonsense. The real truth is that your wife doesn’t value you for anything other than a paycheck. This …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:23 AM
9

I had shared assets during my divorce. House and a $60k van she drove were the big ones. I stayed in the house because I could afford it, she kept the van and moved in with her boyfriend. My name was still on the loan for the van and she missed 8 of 12 payments in a year. I didn’t realize this until I checked my credit for a new mortgage loan. My credit took a massive hit and I essentially told her she needs to sell it or I’m going to take it and make payments myself. Get yourself off the deed o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:16 PM
1

I’m not denying that. But, he has no right to tell another adult how to handle themselves. Do you think it would be acceptable if a landlord did this to a tenant? Absolutely not. And at this point, she is a tenant, regardless of whether she pays or not. If he doesn’t like what she’s doing then he needs to evict her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 04:20 AM
9

This seems incredibly controlling and crazy. Just kick her out and be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:30 AM
2

You missed the best rule then, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:28 AM
–

Remember that women have often mourned the relationship before they even ask for a divorce. They’ve prepared themselves for years.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:31 AM
1

Thanks! I’m not too worried though. I’m in a good place overall. Hopefully you’re getting there too. I know it’s not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 03:42 AM
5

Sorry, I guess I didn’t really answer your question. Better life, I’m not sure yet. I’ve had more time to focus on the things I want to do and I’ve put a lot of time into building my business. Financially and mentally, I’m in a better place. I miss the family aspect of having my ex-wife and kids in the same house all the time. It also created a distrust in women on my end. I loved her to my core and never expected it, so it was a real blow to not only my confidence but my willingness to get back…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:11 PM
11

Yes, it’s a bit insulting. My ex and I were married for 9 years, together 12. For the first 9-10 years it was amazing. We moved away from home for her job, against my better judgement. I had concerns she would be working/commuting too much but during our discussions she made valid points that convinced me to give it a shot. Unfortunately I worked alone so making friends was tough. I still don’t have anyone (6 years later) that I would consider friends, locally. She also worked long hours and und…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:20 PM
1

She can put Trump on the birth certificate. Doesn’t mean it’s legit. This is exactly why paternity tests exist. Call Maury…you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 02:52 AM
2

Haha! Been 3 years for me. Sure, there are times when I wish I was dating, but nope… much safer for my sanity not to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 01:00 PM
1

No court in the world is going to fight you if you ask for 50/50 custody. As long as you can make it work and you’re not a criminal you’ll be fine. Well worth the cost. Obviously speak with a lawyer first. I tried to modify my agreement a month after my divorce when I realized my first lawyer screwed me. Courts didn’t like that so I have to wait a year or two.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:11 PM
4

Yep. I don’t even bother. My kids are young and more important than my sex life. Between them and running a business I have no time for the nonsense that comes with dating.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 08:42 PM
4

I disagree with the NOW working on it comment. My ex wife said that after she told me she wanted a divorce. I had asked her for years if she was happy. She always said “you’re my ‘one’, I’ll never leave”. She kept everything bottled up so I had zero clue what her grievances were. I was a good husband, just not for her. I handled just about everything other than laundry and watching the kids on the weekend. Weekends were when I had time to do things around the house (maintenance). I begged her to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:10 PM
7

This is the messed up thing about our child support system. My opinion is that, if the mother is capable of working and the custody is 50/50, then neither should be paying child support. My ex was making $100k per year and deliberately took a pay cut as soon as we separated by moving to a job closer to home. $30k pay cut. At the same time, I started my own business because I needed to make sure I could support the house while she was no longer there to help financially. It took off and by the ti…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 03:37 PM
2

Agreed. My ex wife had a friend like that. I hated when they went out but I just kept my distance from the situation. She ended up getting drunk at a bar and cheating on me while out with that friend. That friend, coincidentally, also has marriage problems.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:22 PM
7

You will likely have to deal with child services. They will interview your children. They’re also incredibly good at determining if children have been coached. As long as they clear you then you have nothing to worry about. Sorry you’re dealing with this man.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:16 PM
13

I think you misinterpreted this. It sounds like it’s a female friend from work who’s a bad influence.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 11:24 AM
3

Jesus. That’s an incredibly high number. Lawyers love this stuff but if it’s cost you this much then I’m assuming the paperwork won’t come easy. My divorce was $6k and wife’s was $10k. I only spent $6k because I fired my first lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:57 AM
18

Divorce is worse. With a death you can properly mourn someone and move on in time. With divorce, especially if kids are involved, it’s ongoing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:18 PM
10

You don’t get it. Devoting your life to someone and then having them cheat or walk away is devastating to the ego. I used to have no problem picking up girls. Now… I just want nothing to do with them. I couldn’t care less about the sex.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 08:05 PM
5

My hands…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 10:38 AM
1

Yeah, I’m sure that played a part. Her mom was a cheater as well. She walked in on her having a hot tub party with another guy. Still, I know I wasn’t perfect and for sure neglected her for too long. It is what it is. I’m happier now anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 04:09 PM
1

That’s exactly what I said. She’s at fault for cheating. I’m at fault partly for other things in the marriage that led to her cheating. Women don’t usually cheat for nothing. They cheat because they’ve been unhappy for a long time. They cheat as a way to find a backup plan before leaving. Obviously none of that is okay but it’s pretty common. My self respect and mental health are better now than they had been for years prior to my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:38 PM
1

I am better. Better looking isn’t the only way to do that. Clearly looks are important to you and that’s fine. You’re welcome to that opinion. Most of us have realized that there’s more peace in letting go than there is with holding a grudge. If that’s what motivates you to be better, great! But… don’t call the rest of us “soft” because we don’t see value in it. My wife cheated. At first I was angry and blamed her for everything. It wasn’t until I really looked at myself that realized I was to b…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 03:30 AM
5

Tell her if she wants to refinance then she needs to buy you out. And don’t buy the “not getting married again” nonsense. My ex wife told me as she was packing the moving van… “you’ll always be my ‘one’ and I’m never getting married again”. 30 days after our divorce was official she was engaged.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:47 AM
4

I will tell you this: My ex and I were going to do it without lawyers. Then she went behind my back and hired one. Even then I thought we could use the same lawyer since she claimed it was just to get the paperwork done earlier. As soon as I looked at what the lawyer had I realized I needed my own lawyer. It was a massive waste of money but also could have cost me much more NOT having the lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:13 AM
10

Do you know who she cheated with? She’s probably there. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this man. Just know, the courts do want you to see your kids. Start the divorce process and get your kids back.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 02:45 AM
5

Depends on the mother. My kids are very vocal at ages 6 and 9 that they don’t like going to moms. I feel bad for them because I know they have to share a house with 3 other kids. There’s 5 kids in that house and they feel like they’re more “seen” with me. I would never encourage them to dislike their mom but sometimes it’s nice, as a dad, to know you’re doing a good enough job that they WANT to be with you. In my opinion, single moms work out one of three ways. They cut off men completely and pu…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 02:38 AM
22

Yeah. It’s kind of crazy how long women plan divorces for. I’ve always felt like the people screaming narcissist are the true narcissists. I also don’t like how overused the word is when half of the people don’t know what it truly means to be with one. We’re all human and we all have narcissistic tendencies at some point. My ex labeled me as one. About 9 months after we separated she finally admitted that she was wrong. Considering I gave my entire life to my children once she left… I’d think I’…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 11:10 PM
2

Yeah. I should have paid attention to red flags when I met her because you’re right. When I met her she was out at the bar with some girlfriends, one of them knew a friend of mine. They all came back to my apartment afterward for an after party. After everyone left and I asked her if she wanted to stay I found out she was engaged but not wearing her engagement ring. I guess the guy was a tool. Regardless, I told her if we were going to go anywhere she had to break it off. She moved out the follo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 09:07 PM
2

My ex wasn’t stupid enough to bring hers. She knows I would have made him cry.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 08:59 PM
16

Nope. My only regret is meeting her and bringing children into a world where they have to be involved. I love my boys but I feel terrible for putting them through divorce. That being said, they have coped well and I’m a much better dad because of all of it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 02:24 PM
3

It’s rough. When we initially separated it was me that decided it. She had cheated and I wanted to make sure she was on board with fixing things. We lived in the same house and just stayed in separate bedrooms. We were seeing a marriage councilor at the time. When she finally called for the divorce it was after a night she went out with a girlfriend. I’m protective by nature and so I wasn’t sleeping well while she was out. She was a drinker so I assumed she was driving drunk. At 230am she still …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 12:14 PM
5

Dude. Give me a break. New school, completely new systems in place, chaos trying to navigate it because I’m not familiar with the area… The staff was made aware when we registered that both of us should be copied on everything. The teachers were then told at “meet the teacher” that they should be copying both. My ex knew I wasn’t getting emails but was working on it with the school.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 03:58 AM
1

She’s always preferred the boyfriend. Our situation was a little different when I came into the picture. Her son was 5 at the time and dad had him every other weekend. He was driving drunk with her son so she took him to court and got supervised visitation for him. The guy spiraled and ended up in jail a few times for long stints. After we bought a house together the guy would only come around at Christmas. He’d stay for 20 minutes and then we wouldn’t see him for another year. Real piece of shi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 12:35 AM
5

Thanks! And you’re right. She already had a son when I met her who I took on as my own because dad was a drunk who was in and out of jail. He no longer speaks to me which sucks (he blames me because he doesn’t know mom cheated). She’s repeating the same patterns she did with me and I know it’ll catch up to her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 10:58 PM
1

Not a ramble… I appreciate it. She forgot to get me meds for one of my boys so I stopped by her house after I picked them up to get it. I was cold and pretty short with me, she asked me why. I just told her I’m not going to be replaced by backup daddy so if she ever thinks that’s the plan then she better change that mindset. I’m extremely involved with them and love it. They know that and more often than not they hate going to mom’s house. They know they get love and attention with me. With mom …
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 10:57 PM
1

It’s been two years for me and I haven’t met him. They moved in together after five months and basically started playing “happy family” immediately. My kids don’t talk about him much, thank god. Obviously if they do I won’t talk smack but I REALLY want to, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 09:13 PM
5

I thought I was on the mailing list but apparently the office didn’t have me on that one. She also listed boyfriend as emergency contact ahead of me which irks me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 09:12 PM
2

Probably not. But I didn’t cheat on her and and up with that same women.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 09:10 PM
0

First off… sorry man. This sounds terrible and I think a lot of us here completely get it. I do want to say that you sound incredibly bitter and stuck. It tells me you haven’t healed completely and that would be completely understandable. You should talk to a therapist if you haven’t already. Sometimes bouncing things off someone else helps. It sounds like there was resentment on both sides of your marriage but I don’t think either of you is to blame. This happens so f’in often. Do try to look a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:56 AM
1

Have you spoken with a lawyer? I was under the impression she could opt out as well but that didn’t work out. Just remember, what starts as collaborative and civil will usually not end there. Emotions get heated and when one person stops caring, it gets brutal. I buy my kids a lot of clothes and pay for a lot of things above and beyond what’s required. Every time I send them to her house in new clothes, they come back in ratty stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 08:45 PM
6

If she can’t afford the house then she doesn’t have much choice. Either sell and split or find a co-signer. You will likely owe child support regardless of whether she says no or not. My ex and I didn’t want to do child support. We both make good money and she was living with her boyfriend so she didn’t need extra. We tried telling the courts that (Illinois) and they rejected it. I was told that if the amount is minimal then the court might consider it. Remember, that money isn’t for her, it’s f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 07:08 PM
9

So you’ve been divorced already and haven’t learned your lesson? Don’t rush it. Men always feel a need to “fix” situations. My ex wife was about to get kicked out of her apartment with her 5 year old about 6 months after we met. She was using payday loans to keep herself afloat and in massive amounts of debt. I made the dumb mistake of moving in with her to help. We got married a few years later and she brought her financial irresponsibility with her. We filed for bankruptcy a few years later be…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 04:00 PM
1

Without a prenup you entered into the marriage with the understanding that everything would be split 50/50. The fact that you kept things separate doesn’t matter. Combine everything and split it in half… that’s how much she’ll get. Child support will be minor. I have about the same difference in income (in Illinois) and pay her $470 per month including insurance. There’s a support calculator for Illinois online that can help you get a close figure. I have 50/50 split so that’s something to consi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 03:21 PM
1

I agree with this 100%. I HATED my ex wife for a long time. Hate isn’t a word I even like to use but I hated her. I blamed her for everything because she cheated. While I still can’t forgive infidelity and I lost a ton of respect for her, I’m now able to reflect on my own actions that contributed to the marriage failing. The day my wife moved out to move in with her boyfriend, she told me as she was leaving. “You’ll always be THE ONE and I’ll always love you”. At the time I was disgusted that sh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:37 AM
26

Just know that it gets better. I’m a MUCH better dad than I was married. I don’t have to focus on her anymore so 100% of my time with them is valuable. When I was married I wasn’t allowed to make decisions. She knew best and so I just went with it. Now, I still struggle with her over the big stuff but when they’re with me… it’s all me. We go fishing, camping, hit museums and playgrounds… things we never did as a family. It took my kids about 6 months to adjust. Even then I’d get the occasional n…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:32 AM
6

Very common. Sorry you’re going through this. Women are going to face a harsh reality in the near future when men no longer want them. It’s already starting with the younger generations. I’m just waiting for my robot wife to be invented.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 11:12 PM
3

I had homewrecker for awhile. It was hilarious when I was on a trip with the guys and it announced it over the Bluetooth in my truck. Now it’s just “ex wife” with a picture of a murderer woman from a movie called homewrecker.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 11:57 PM
3

Haha! I like this one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 08:21 PM
3

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:19 PM
9

I could hear friends giggling in the background so they clearly thought it was hilarious to harass me. I’m sure the boyfriend was there. Pretty pathetic at 40+ years old.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:25 PM
1

Unfortunately you have no right to tell her who she can have around the kids. Unless you can prove that they’re a danger. See your wife for who she is and move on. Sorry brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 11:58 AM
7

Nah. She’s gained 40lbs since we split.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 11:50 AM
4

I believe me… I get that. The thing is, she had to deal with calls from her ex like this. I never expected her to do it to me. I wish I didn’t have to parent with her at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:56 AM
1

I ended up closing this out with $470 due monthly including insurance. Funny thing is she quit her job two weeks after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 02:05 PM
15

Until you accept the fact that your wife never loved you like you loved her, it won’t get better. It took me 3 years man. I still haven’t dated. I’m over her but absolutely not over the damage it did. Not sure I’ll ever be. I had to revisit all of the red flags I ignored while dating/married to my ex wife. I don’t hate her. Hate isn’t a word I like to throw around. But… I don’t respect her. When I realize that I don’t respect someone, there’s not much that will make me change that mindset. I can…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 03:40 AM
1

I think you might be bringing your own trauma into this conversation and that’s completely understandable. It sounds like OP has a lot of these thoughts in his head but they might not be legitimate concerns. If she makes 3x what he does and she knows it then she’s already doing better than most women by even dating him. Add to that the fact that she’s childless and willing to take on his kids from a previous marriage… that’s rare.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 03:35 AM
2

You have to talk to her man. Sounds like you’ve got a solid woman. Not many men have an easy time finding a woman who’s single and childless to take on a man with kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 03:31 AM
2

Mine stated when we had to list, no stipulation on “sell by” date. Can’t sell a house if there’s no offers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 03:58 PM
2

Most judges will demand you sell the home. They can’t do much about a house not selling unless you’re intentionally tanking the sale. Our realtor told us some horror stories about a wife that would spread peanut butter all over the walls and countertops before a showing. She was trying to stay in the house as long as possible. I’m currently in the same boat and have had my house listed for 3 months. What should have been an easy sale is proving otherwise. We’ve only received extremely low offers…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 03:57 PM
3

It’s important to talk about it with someone. I’m sure keeping things in has been a major contributor to most of our divorces whether we admit it or not. If you have a friend that you can confidently talk to about it, I absolutely would. I wouldn’t do it in a group setting though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:44 PM
5

My uncle is 64 and he’s been single as long as I can remember. He’s loaded because he never got married and doesn’t have kids. He’s lonely now but he told me a few years ago… “I have enough money that I can travel anywhere I want and either pay for clean sex or spoil some girl for a few months until I get bored”.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 01:35 AM
18

Get a prenup on the next one. Honestly, I don’t know how guys do it. I’ve only been through one and I have no interest in doing it again. We lose. Every. Damn. Time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 12:26 AM
2

The way you talk about your kid is terrible. I would kill to have mine at home every day. If he’s awkward when you hug him, there’s probably a reason for it. My kids have no hesitation about me hugging them and we do a ton together. I think you have zero clue about what’s going to happen here and it’s going to sting when you lose half of everything, including your business.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:32 AM
3

This is exactly what my ex and I do. It’s been fantastic. Long weekends every other weekend and not too long without seeing them. I don’t think it makes sense for people who don’t live close though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 06:32 PM
4

You’ll get used to it. Think of it as a time to do the things you always wanted to do but couldn’t find time for. When women finally admit they want a divorce, they’ve actually made up their mind 6 months or more in advance. They also don’t usually do it without a backup plan. It will get better. The hurt never really goes away until you move on but in time it gets easier. Thank your lucky stars you didn’t have children together. It makes things so much harder. As a single man with no children, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 06:16 PM
2

Agreed. I did go down the red pill rabbit hole initially but quickly figured out it was souring me on ALL women. The women have it just as bad these days. There’s so much negativity out there toward the opposite sex. I’m over that and I know not all women are untrustworthy like my ex. I just feel like online dating makes it hard to truly know someone. Lots of women want the perfect man from the start but fail to realize that perfection takes time to achieve and even then we have to accept flaws …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:05 PM
2

Burden of proof is subjective. All she has to do is come up with some rough dates and provide a testimony about any relationship you may have had. She doesn’t need to provide physical proof.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:27 PM
2

Dude… just take the test. You don’t have to drive to her to take a paternity test. I’ve read through a lot of your comments and it sounds to me like you’re just making up excuses or trying to get out of it. She’s not legally required to prove anything, you are. I think you know the child is yours or you’re scared it might be. Stop being a deadbeat, take the test, and if it’s yours then be a dad or pay support.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:08 PM
9

Maaaaan… I feel this. My confidence is wrecked. Im 41 now and met my ex wife when I was 26. I was in the zone back then and had a different girl every weekend it seemed. I also felt more comfortable going to a bar and had plenty of friends around then. One of these days I’ll sack up and get back out there but online dating sucks the big one for most men unless your 6’5” with a 12 pack and making a doctors salary while also being able to devote time to her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:17 AM
18

The best thing I did for myself was cutting off all communication if it didn’t have to do with the kids. I blocked her from all my social media as well as her family and friends since they were spying. She actually cut off find my because that’s how I found out she was cheating. You need to understand that it’s done. She’s not worth your time. The more you stalk her the longer it’s going to take you to move on. Women move on much quicker than men because they have an easier time dating. Get your…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 04:36 AM
8

This is exactly why I haven’t attempted to date even though I’ve been separated for 2-1/2 years and divorced for 3-4 months. My ex wife did a ton of damage to my confidence and trust. I’m still trying to work on myself. It sounds like he’s not ready. If you love this man or want to continue the relationship at some point, maybe tell him to take a break until he gets himself straightened out. I know I couldn’t give anyone else the attention they deserve but there’s a lot of people who don’t want …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:00 PM
0

You too brother!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 09:54 PM
28

I don’t want to burst your bubble, but this post is doing the same thing. You’re shitting on women. I went into a pretty dark place after my separation and divorce. I was depressed AF and had zero closure. I couldn’t understand what went wrong so I blamed her for a lot of it. Facebook started showing me videos of men who advocate for other men. Then they started showing me videos from men who hate women. It was a slippery slope. I’ve started blocking all of these videos when they show up now. Ev…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:53 PM
2

.25mg seems reasonable. She’s giving my son 1mg gummies. He was with me tonight and couldn’t go to sleep for almost 2 hours after I put him in bed. We have 50/50 parenting and the way our time works out, we each get 5 days in a row with them every other week. Day 1 he won’t be able to sleep after coming back from her house. Day 2 is better. Days 3-5 he sleeps like a baby and he’s out within 15 minutes of me putting him to bed. I just hate pumping chemicals and vitamins and all this other BS into…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 04:24 AM
2

I agree. I know that once they’re teens it’s game over for parents. My ex wife has a 19 year old whose dad was absent so I was dad from 6 years to 18 when he moved from my house. We rarely saw him once he turned 15/16. I suppose it’s less about MY time with them and more about wanting to be involved with who their friends are and getting to know them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 03:03 PM
1

I’m the boss, so no worries there. It’s not so much about the distance as that doesn’t phase me. I tend to work all over the city so my fear is that I’ll have to get them up super early in order to drop them off in the morning at daycare and then drive 45 minutes in the opposite direction. I’d also like to be close by so that their friends from school are in the neighborhood. I’m just not sure it’s worth the financial burden. Legally I’m not allowed to live more than 25 miles from her which woul…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:02 AM
2

No. She has over $125k in equity I’d need to buy her out of. The house is also almost 4k sqft and it’s just me and the dog 50% of the time. Too much house to take care of when I work 60 hour weeks as well. I’m really looking forward to downsizing but getting rid of the perfect house at 2.5% is just shitty to think about.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 03:42 AM
1

Not possible. Our divorce decree mandated that we list the home on May 1. She needs the money from the sale to purchase her next home as well. It’s a crummy situation and I feel terrible for them, but they’ll get through it just like I will, lol. Your concern is valid though, and it’s partially why I’m considering renting. I just don’t know how I feel about renting again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:55 PM
2

I considered renting but I don’t see home prices going down anytime soon. I live in an area where the average home is around $500k if you want it to be livable. I have limited myself to $400k because I’m a contractor and fixing something isn’t a problem. In a 20 mile radius, there’s only 4 houses for sale in my range and 3 of them are garbage. I’m afraid if I rent and wait longer it will just get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:02 PM
2

Agreed. They’re in 1st and 4th so I’ve got awhile. My ex had a son who’s 19 now. I always considered him mine since his dad wasn’t around. He no longer speaks to me which I suppose is understandable given the circumstances. I bought him his first car and was hoping to do that for my boys as well but being broke, that won’t happen. I just see how they are now about going to her house. She lives 30 minutes away and they hate going there since none of their friends live close by.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:27 PM
3

I wish that our marital home was smaller. It’s far too much for me to maintain and seems like a waste. Otherwise their school is a block away and they love it. I just had 8 kids in my house yesterday hanging out and I don’t want to miss out on that. I think getting to know their friends is important.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:05 PM
2

I should have clarified that I’m a remodeling contractor so my job takes me to different locations on a monthly basis. My fear is that I’ll have to drive 15 minutes one way and then backtrack another 45 to get to my current project. 15 minutes wouldn’t be too bad if I worked close.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:41 AM
5

My ex wife was terrible with spending. We were always broke because of her. I’m now supporting the house on my own when it took both of our incomes before. I’m trying to be financially smart about what I do here while also trying to remain in my kids lives as much as possible. I can probably afford the $500k house to live closer to her but it means I’ll be sacrificing a lot. I don’t like the idea of being broke because of a location so I’m trying to figure out the best course of action. Thanks f…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:35 AM
5

I should note… it’s 15 minutes during slow traffic. It’s the Chicago suburbs so 15 minutes can turn into an hour pretty easily. I hired a lawyer so I wouldn’t have to read contracts. Obviously I still read them but he knew what I wanted and didn’t say a word. The last straw was sitting in a meeting with both lawyers going over child support. They wanted to make me pay $1500/month which would have killed me. My lawyer was ready to have me sign off and said it was the best I could get. I did the c…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:31 AM
1

Alcoholism won’t make any difference unless you can prove it. Alcohol is legal, so unless she’s getting DUIs or she’s in rehab, it won’t be something they can use. That’s what my lawyer told me anyway… my ex wife was a drunk too.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:28 PM
17

Your future looks exactly what it is right now just without her living with you. You’ll still be supporting her and your kids until she decides to remarry or move in with a significant other.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:24 AM
3

Have you spoken with a lawyer? I was in a similar situation. I made less than my ex wife for a good chunk of our marriage. After she asked for a separation, I was laid off two weeks later. Rather than go work for someone else I decided to start my own business. I now make about $50k more than here. At the same time as I started my business, she deliberately took a $20k per year pay cut in order to work closer to home. My lawyer made the argument that, because she had the potential to make more m…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:22 AM
2

It’s not foolproof. If she suspects that you have money and you owe child support or maintenance then all she has to do is get a court order to do a financial discovery. You can try to hide it but a good lawyer will figure it out. I just got divorced and because I run my own business I assumed that my write offs would save me. On paper I only made $70k last year when I technically brought in $130k. They figured it out real easily.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 09:49 PM
7

Well said. It’s funny that we don’t see the red flags until after the relationship has failed. My ex wife called off her wedding to be with me. We had only known each other for a few weeks but it was intense. My morals are pretty strong so I refused to actually date or be intimate with her until her previous relationship was done. We just hung out with friends and talked a lot. She was and still is a social butterfly. I’m not unless I’m drinking. I was drawn to her personality and her outlook on…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 01:58 AM
6

This is going to sound insensitive but you need to get off your ass and out of the house. You’re depressed, and moping just makes it worse. It took me 18 months to get over my wife leaving. You’ll get there. Find something to occupy your time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 12:15 PM
6

There’s a lot of bitter advice in these comments. I kept all of our pictures. I have a folder for it that I can give the kids if they ever want them. You’re ending a marriage but you still created a lot of good memories that you don’t have to just delete. I threw out all the wedding stuff. I didn’t save notes, she did. No clue what she did with it but I’m sure it’s garbage since she moved in with another man immediately after our separation. I only get sentimental about stuff for the kids. If it…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 03:56 AM
1

We have a mortgage. I’ve been paying the $3000 payments since she moved out. We will be selling the home in May though.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 05:07 PM
1

She cheated on me and moved in with another man. In Illinois she’s not allowed to get spousal support because of that. Not the cheating part, but living with a boyfriend. That $1500 is only considering child support. Health insurance is another cost.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:45 PM
3

It’s not my Christmas, it’s my kids Christmas. And yes, they should care. If the point of child support is to make sure the kids maintain a lifestyle similar to what they had before the divorce, then taking 25% of the dad’s income shouldn’t be a thing. This isn’t about getting out of child support. This is about paying what’s fair for all parties. Putting one parent in a shitty apartment while the other flourishes is NOT how it should work. Ex also took a $30k pay cut right after our separation,…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:15 PM
2

Do you understand what it costs to live in Chicago? You can’t own a home with $62k a year. Not if I legally stay within the 25 mile limit of her. I have to have a home with a garage or my business isn’t possible. So let me as you this, since you feel the need to fucking judge me like I’m some deadbeat. Is it okay to severely change their standard of living at one parents house just so they can have a much higher standard of living at the others? Keep in mind that in our current situation (no chi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 12:22 PM
1

I will pay what the court tells me to, but $1400 is ridiculous. I’ve had 2 lawyers and the IHFS website all tell me my numbers should be under $500/month with our situation. I don’t really care if they know about child support. Obviously I don’t discuss those things but your suggestion goes two ways. If I pay her $1400 the kids will no longer have vacations with me. They’ll no longer get to do fun outings with me. They’ll no longer live in a nice area so playing outside may be risky. Hell… I pro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:46 PM
1

Essentially, yes. I’m a contractor. I require a garage or an area to store my tools. Because of this I need a house to work out of. We are selling the family home in 3 months. Paying her $1400/month would leave me with roughly $5k leftover after taxes. With that low of an income, I will no longer qualify for a mortgage that I need to afford a home around here. To rent a house here, it’s minimum $2500-3000 but they require that your income be 3x the rent amount. Here’s how I see it: The kids are …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:38 PM
2

Medical insurance which is another $250/month on top of child support.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:02 AM
4

I was told by two lawyers today that I do need to pay child support even with 50/50. I have them 182 overnights… probably more last year since she was sick a few times. They did say that it shouldn’t be anywhere near $1500 but closer to $300 which makes more sense. My lawyer is obviously phoning it in and doesn’t care. He’s gone.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:56 PM
2

Yes! I get the feeling my lawyer is working against me as well. I spoke with 2 different lawyers today that confirmed that I should be firing mine. I tried to contact him back in October. Emailed 6 times and called him probably 10. Left VMs most of those times. He didn’t get back to me until mid January. He’s done and both lawyers I spoke to said I shouldn’t be paying more than $300-400/month. Sounds like her lawyer is calculating as if I had zero parenting time. The fact that my lawyer didn’t s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:47 PM
1

What’s parenting time?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:22 PM
2

We have two kids. She has a third child that she had from a previous relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:22 PM
2

Same parenting time?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:20 PM
3

No daycare currently since she’s a director at a daycare and gets free care. She provides insurance but a previous child from her past relationship is also on that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:02 PM
1

Honestly, at the start of everything I was fighting for 50/50. I was told by her lawyer and my own that one of us needed to have 51% for school registration and healthcare reasons. We share all other decisions and time 50/50. I felt like if that was the only thing we were going to argue about, it wasn’t worth a fortune in legal fees to fight about it. She’s a good mom and I honestly thought we were both doing what was right so the 1% wouldn’t matter. We separated on good terms as well. My lawyer…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 04:51 AM
7

Dude… get out. She won’t need to worry about supporting her kids because she’s probably already got someone else lined up. Your story gives me flashbacks of my marriage a bit. Dug my wife out of bankruptcy, built her credit back up, got us a nice house and did a shit load of work myself to double our purchase price… once she realized she was on top and no longer needed me, she moved on. Good luck brother. You need a lawyer asap because I’m betting she’s already thinking of her exit strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:14 AM
1

This seems fairly common. I was on a dating site for awhile before I decided I didn’t want anything to do with dating. You’d be surprised how many women on there were fresh into their separation just looking for fun. Pathetic. My ex’s first boyfriend after our separation was introduced to our children against my wishes. She thought it was true love, haha! They broke up 4 months later. Then she moved in (kids 50%) with another man who she had only known for 5 months. How these men don’t spot the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:28 AM
3

I don’t really want to drag out the sale… just pissed that I’m having to give up the 2.5% interest because she’s a whore, haha! I had an almost 800 credit score when I met her and now because of all the financial shit she pulled I’m under 700. Making good financial choices for myself obviously didn’t pay off. I’m going to have to sell it regardless because we have too much equity and she wants her cut. I’d rather just get it over with. Just sucks she put me in this position to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 10:39 PM
10

Meh… it sucked for awhile. When she cheated on me initially I was shocked. We were the couple everyone was jealous of and even though I knew things were rough at the time I had actually asked her if we were okay. She said she would never divorce me because I was the love of her life. 3 months later I found out she cheated and was just blindsided. She showed her true colors by blaming me for everything. No matter how much you love someone, time away from them will open your eyes to things you had…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 08:33 PM
4

Exactly that… petty revenge. I’m extremely pissed with her. She moved us away from family and then cheated on me during a business trip. Add to that the fact that she hid credit cards from me and we had to file bankruptcy…. My credit is fucked. Now she wants her money from our house so we have to sell it and move our kids out of a fantastic district. I’m giving up 2.5% financing and because I’ve only been self employed for two years with a bankruptcy, the likelihood of me getting a mortgage are …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 06:47 PM
8

My wife started dating a week after we separated. Still living in the same house and I watched her get dressed up for dates and come home drunk at 4am after sleeping with them. The quicker you realize she never REALLY loved you, the quicker you move on. I know that sucks to digest but really think on it. My opinion: love doesn’t come and go. If they’re willing to leave then it was never love to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 06:02 PM
1

I call him insecure because he clearly has an opinion that all women are bad. Calling men soft because they choose to show love is a little messed up. When you give valentines in school… are you in love the people you’re giving them to? No. It’s a gesture to show you care about someone. Clearly you think Valentine’s Day can only be for lovers, and that’s a little strange. It’s a day to SHOW LOVE. For the same reason I give my children and my parents valentines gifts, I think it’s okay to give a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:41 AM
1

So you can’t love someone without being “in love” with them? It has nothing to do with self respect… it’s emotional maturity. Every situation is different. Not all marriages end on a bad note. Sometimes people change over decades and they don’t change together. That doesn’t mean they can’t appreciate what was once good and love each other in a completely platonic way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 10:32 PM
0

You’re obviously speaking based on your own personal traumas and I get that. No one loves unconditionally. If there’s fighting or abuse in the relationship then they absolutely won’t continue to love but that doesn’t sound like the case for OP. He’s the only one that knows that for sure. I believe most women love for much longer than they should. There are always shitty women just like there’s shitty men.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:14 PM
5

From her, yes. No desire to be with her. It’s crazy the things that we ignore while we’re in a relationship with someone. You start to notice these things after some time has passed. I hold no ill will towards her, even though she cheated. But there’s no way in hell I’d ever want her back. If you mean move on to another woman…nah. No interest in dating right now. I focus on my kids and my business. I’m 40 and the dating pool is fucking rough. Lots of jaded people who haven’t let their past go. I…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:01 PM
2

Haha, yes. We have two kids together. If we didn’t I would speak to her at all and this would be a hell of a lot easier. The step kid doesn’t even talk to me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:12 PM
1

To be fair, in this situation I think it’s different. He has two kids of his own so I believe she’s calling him dad because that’s what they know. In my situation her son’s dad wasn’t around so I think she was hoping for me to fill those shoes. Still pisses me off but I don’t think she’s doing it out of spite. It’s just me being insecure about it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 01:59 PM
-4

Your insecurity is glaringly obvious guy. She likely told him she wasn’t “in love” with him anymore. There’s a big difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. I can love my friends and not want to fuck them. You don’t just stop loving someone you’ve been with for 40 years unless there was abuse, neglect, or cheating. We obviously don’t know the truth there. Just because you give someone a Valentine’s Day gift doesn’t mean you want to hop in the sack with them. As long as he…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 01:57 PM
3

I’m not there. My wife cheated (not with current boyfriend) and we’ve been separated for almost two years now while our lawyers drag shit out. I have not met him and don’t want to until I’m officially divorced. It’s honestly more about my insecurities than anything but I also don’t have any respect for a man willing to sleep with a married woman. Still, I know that holding off meeting this guy isn’t the best idea. You need to realize that ALL the things you’re feeling are YOU problems. For the s…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 01:39 PM
-3

There’s nothing weak or soft about telling the woman you were married to for 40 years that you love her. Stop reading/listening to/watching wannabe alpha podcasts. I’m guessing you’re divorced if you’re here and that means you’re just as bad at relationships as the rest of us.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 01:11 PM
12

If she’s moved out then the marriage is over. That doesn’t mean you friendship has to be. You were married for 40 years. You know each other better than anyone ever has or will know you. You will always love her and I’m sure she will always love you, just in a different way. I wouldn’t hesitate to buy her a valentines gift. Flowers, but nothing romantic. Don’t try to win her back… that ship has sailed. But it’s okay to tell her you love her. Don’t expect a gift back since she may be overthinking…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:27 AM
1

Glad to hear it man. As someone who just went through a divorce that was fairly amicable, I can tell you it’s not easy. I didn’t want it. My wife cheated but in the end I blame myself for neglecting my duties as a man. I let myself go and I got lazy. I took her for granted and even though I sensed she wasn’t happy, I never thought we’d divorce. We were head over heels for eachother for a LONG time. It was too far gone for her and she strayed. I’m a better man now because of it and I honestly thi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 02:50 AM
2

Not sure if you’re willing to read. Here’s a couple books that I found to be great reads when I was looking to change the way I was parenting. My relationship with my children is so much more meaningful now. How to stop losing your shit with your kids - Carla Naumburg The book you wish your parents had read - Philippe Perry
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:35 AM
1

You’re in for a real eye opener if you get divorced man. I can promise you that unless you change the way you handle your children, they will hate you. You’ll learn really quick how easily you have it when you’re married and how much divorce fucks the kids up. Don’t get me wrong… I’m happy to be without my ex wife, but it took a long time to get there and it was a struggle. The dating scene ain’t easy. Women don’t want divorced men because… why are you divorced? Start treating your kids better. …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 11:06 PM
1

Dude… I feel your pain. My soon to be ex wife pulled the same shit. Our sex life wasn’t great at the end because both of us were dealing with career, financial, and children stress. She asked to bring another man into the bedroom and I went ballistic. I feel like men who are okay with that need to grow some balls. It has nothing to do with being secure and everything to do with being a pushover. All the advice I have is to let that shit go. It’s hard to do, and I still struggle after being apart…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:38 PM
9

Good terms… somewhat. She disgusts me because of the choices she made but I keep that to myself. I’m civil with her while the kids are around and I’ll never talk badly about her in front of them. We’re good coparents but that’s about as friendly as we get.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 01:15 PM
3

This is pretty much where I’m at. My son knows I love him and I’m ALWAYS there for events. Sports and school events don’t require me to interact with my ex. Unfortunately my situation is odd because neither of us have family here. We moved to a new town a few years before the divorce and because I work alone I haven’t made any real friends. The birthday party will primarily be her friends from work, the boyfriends family, and a few of my sons friends. I know none of these people other than my so…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:29 PM
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