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HowManyBobs Archive

View 3 posts and 47 comments by HowManyBobs on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
24

HowManyBobs/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 03:37 PM
19

HowManyBobs/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 03:02 AM
8

HowManyBobs/r/Divorce_Men28/01/21 01:00 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

The test of the infinite to do list. Then 'why are you sitting down when X Y and Z aren't done' - discounting ABCD that had been done! What a gift to realize there was no completing this list!
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 04:27 PM
3

No one destroying your self esteem.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 04:06 PM
1

Who?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 10:25 PM
3

Overwhelmed with managing tasks and responsibilities i hadn't dealt with in decades. I felt that all the negativity i had been subjected to my have been correct: i.e. 'you'll never make it without me'. I somehow put it in my mind it was my freshman year as a divorced man and that I would improve in my sophomore year - and I did! I continue to improve (and make mistakes) and keep moving forward. Look for first downs instead of touch downs!! It is difficult and better!! Embrace your suffering, sta…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 09:59 PM
2

Embrace all the feelings you experience - try not to judge yourself for feelings them. You are a path you've never walked before - exciting! Fearful! Formational!! You are not alone! You are capable! You alas are human...
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 04:34 PM
5

Prepare to be lost for a while. So many things are going to change. It's gets bad until it gets better. Try to keep your focus on your successes and forgive yourself for your missteps! New territory brother! It will make you the man you are about to become. Embrace the suffering!!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 05:07 AM
2

Ask yourself,'How is it getting better?'. The human mind will seek the answer, and day after day, you will notice the smallish things that have gotten better. Week after week, these realizations begin to add up, and in months combined with the gym, reading and noticing how your life is improving, you will find yourself exactly where you are supposed to be. Pay attention. Grow. Enjoy the suffering.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 08:14 AM
3

Lawyer! Prepare yourself to adapt. You'll realize your true friends - and probably make some new ones. Get familiar and comfortable with your finances. Go to the gym - lift weights. You will suffer. And you will make it. You will make it!!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:03 AM
3

Needlessly mean! I made tons of bad decisions when I finally broke free. You did get yourself into a bit of a pickle OP!! It is and will be uncharted territory for a time to come! Forgive yourself when you screw up. Get up dust off and chalk it up to a lesson learned. Now, my advice would be to stay actively involved in a supportive way to help your ex to find another place. Do what you have to to get her out. Then - ice cold hard stop to bailing her out. No consequences, no change. It feels col…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 07:39 PM
5

This!! You are not broken. Wounded? maybe. Broken? No!!! It will suck for a while. It will! Start looking for how it is getting better and that alone will help you heal faster! You will get thru this. You will!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 02:57 PM
1

She can go in any direction she wants - and you can choose how to react to that. You now advocate only for you and your best interests. She is now an ex-businrss partner. Do not let her emotions or personal pleas cloud your judgements. Take care of yourself in every respect! It is daunting and you will survive it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 03:11 PM
8

Ask yourself what has been improving. Then you will see progress. You seem to be focusing on the down sides. It gets better!!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 02:27 AM
13

I don't want to say I see women differently - I definitely see my ex differently. I now see the amount of emotional and psychological twisting I did attempting to (fruitlessly) gain her approval - with her contributing in a superficial manner at best. I do interact with women differently. A razor-sharp honesty I previously didn't have the nerve to express. Sometimes, it seems hurtful, but I never intend hurtfulness. I just now refuse to play small - all my feelings are valid, and if that comes a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:20 PM
2

"When Things Fall Apart" Pema Chodron
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:26 PM
5

Maybe chane your framing of how you're reading the situation. Ask yourself the question from a different angle. Ask 'how is it getting better' and I our mind will seek answers. Soon, you'll notice little things are improving. Then bigger things. And then you'll notice life is not perfect but improving! Hang in there OP! It will suck until it doesn't!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:15 PM
2

Always be the last party to endorse!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:59 PM
5

Can attest to the lifting advice given above! It's solid meditative experience that also pays dividends health wise. I started taking an interval class - set time to get to the gym - and got fit enough to actually start lifting a d I feel like I'm 20 years younger! Hang in their brother! It gets better!!!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 08:52 PM
2

I used an existing account in the same bank. I found out later - after it had been drained - that my ex had access to that account and simply transferred the funds to a 'mutual' account and then withdrew all of it. So I opened a new account in a bank we didn't use previously and managed financing the rest the proceeds through that account. I was naive and thought we were both wishing the best for each other. 'We' were not!!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:29 PM
4

this! $10,000 lesson learned on my part! Move the money to a separate institution!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 01:55 PM
5

All ears brother!!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 08:24 AM
2

Her behavior might not rise to abuse but it is manipulative. You sound like you've made progress so now keep going - set that boundary and do not move it!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 05:11 PM
1

Only you can enforce the boundaries. Give her a heads up 'last time I'm doing this' and then YOU have to make it the last time. Simple but not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 05:08 PM
2

Settle in for a long slog. It will suck for a while and then it will get better. Adjust your expectations - your standard of living will take a dip and at 25 that gives you plenty of time to recover. It may (at this point) feel like something to rush thru but from my experience deliberations will pay dividends. Find a counselor and/or a group of men (men!!) you can trust and run things by. And always remember - you can do this!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 04:53 PM
3

"If your spouse truly had a major mental health disorder, you'd have sympathy, not hate" This! Exactly this!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 08:24 PM
-1

No! High road is the long term best path! The truth will surface on it's own! NO! You will look small and regret it in the future!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 03:11 PM
1

Mirror your ex! Don't bring a knife to a gun fight!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 11:36 PM
2

Look inside. Breath deeply and regularly Trust yourself. Take it step by step. Check in here often. Trust Yourself
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 05:06 PM
2

You CAN bear! It will hurt! It takes many blows from the blacksmith's hammer to turn the steel into a sword! It will take time. It will take time! Don't ignore the pain; don't pretend it doesn't hury; don't fall into the trap numbing the pain with booze and dope! Use the pain - remain in the crucible of pain and transform yourself. Go to the gym - I joined a work out class for the stability it provided - but whatever join a gym and regain your physicality! Manage your diet! Get out of sadness ro…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/21 04:26 PM
3

In Wisconsin we have a Pro Se process that allows for dissolution w/o attorneys. There are neutral arbiters who can walk you thru the details and provide a legal offering acceptable to both parties and the court. I would say don't go it alone!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 10:11 PM
3

This! I would open up about my feelings only to have her use them against me the next time we had an argument. It was when I set a firm boundary about this that she could/would not respect that i had finally had enough.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 07:18 PM
5

In WI inheritance is not marital property. Just went thru it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:22 PM
6

I am a member of a men's group called ManKind Project which gives me exactly what you are asking about. We're not supposed to recruit overtly but I feel okay since you asked. MKP.ORG is a good place to start. You can DM me and I can put you in touch with someone in your area. This organization has essentially saved my life! Good luck OP!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 04:23 PM
1

ManKind Project. MKP.Org.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 10:39 PM
4

Being too hard on yourself won't necessarily improve anything. You lucked out! Make that a cheap lesson and look for awareness around the impulse - 'where'd that come from?' Use that moving forward! Good luck. You'll figure it out!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 10:45 PM
2

I'm from The States.. We have a Pro Se process where we hire a mediator who creates a 'document' that details all the assets and how they'll be divided which we submit to the court.. The Judge quizzed us both about the agreement and then made it the divorce decree/settlement. We had 25k in checking/savings to divide before common expenses ($5kish) She took all the 25k in our checking/savings saying the common bills consumed it all. I've asked for receipts but haven't heard back. I am currently u…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 04:02 AM
1

A similar experience here. When I filed i feared that during the process I'd realize I had made a mistake and what I thought was happening and what was really happening were different. I was wrong - she has behaved exactly as I thought she was and even worse. It has crystallized my trust in the decision I made. Still very sad and scared but grateful for having crossed that threshold! Good luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 05:35 PM
2

In Wisconsin it's called something like irrational wasting and it is compensated for by the judge. But you will need a list and probably some sort of proof.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 09:03 PM
-1

Eating one as we speak brother!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 08:22 PM
0

Expect it to go south! Prepare for south. Just don't lead the way there. There's no tug of war if you don't pick up the rope!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 08:19 PM
1

Babylon was. Impermanence. Only the mountains last forever. I am sorry for your suffering. Things change brother! You will get through this! One tear. One breath. One step. One year.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:25 PM
-3

There are a lot of hurt men responding on this sub! Don't abandon compassion or rationality. Remember your children are witnesses and much of the collateral damage will be theirs. You can always make more money and will always be a father no matter your marital status. Be the man you would have wanted if as a child this was your experience. Put your children first - this will scare them. Be a Man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 03:01 PM
6

Take the step you have most confidence in. You don't need to to see the entire process from the onset but do take some action. Get ready to get ready!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 02:17 PM
6

My divorce will be final the end of this month - very sad and scared - and will not bad mouth my stbxw cyz it takes two. Ten years ago during marriage counseling m the therapist recommended an organization called The Mankind Project. One of the best steps I've ever taken. It is a very personalized 'process' that allows every man to begin healing from wherever they are on their journey. Primary focus us on personal growth and development but most men become very close and have tons of (pre-covid)…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 08:55 PM
4

Not focused on men but your description brings Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart" to mind. About how to start over from where you are. She is a Buddhist nun with a relatable back story. Sorry to hear about your brother's circumstance!
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/21 03:50 PM
13

Grow up! Take care of your kids. Don't use them as a cudgel against your.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/21 03:21 PM
1

My dad once told me - "you can always tell 'em they're an asshole tomorrow ".
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 10:45 PM
1

All things are in flux really. We sometimes create sturdy illusions to comfort ourselves, but in reality everything changes! The point I am at in my divorce has done me the favor of revealing how many details in my illusion were in fact, hopes and dreams, and nothing more!
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 10:35 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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