Bring dinner

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-10-26T14:29:48+00:00

No, that's not normal. The next time she asks, I'd state the following:

"Feeding the kids during your parenting time is your sole responsibility. If you are unable to take care of the basic necessity of feeding our kids during your parenting time, then I may need to discuss modifying the custody agreement with my attorney."

RalphWastoid319 · 2022-10-26T13:46:57+00:00

It's not your problem to make up for her lack of planning. It's great you look out for your kids, but you are setting a precedent with your ex that it's okay. Time to establish some polite boundaries.

azwildcat74 · 2022-10-26T14:43:03+00:00

Start replying that you'll happily pick the kids up for the rest of the night and get them fed and to school the next morning since she can't feed them. She'll stop this stuff real quick then, or she wont and you can go back to court for more custody.

If the kids are hungry I'd want to make sure they were fed. If the ex is hungry she can eat a dick.

Islandboy2000 · 2022-10-26T15:02:23+00:00

My ex used to to try similar crap like this. I fixed it by establishing the communication boundary that all comm. must go through email. (Her) Texts are muted and will not be responded to. Phone calls are for true emergencies only - strictly enforced. This has helped my stress tremendously! It also made our communication more business-like and cordial, whereas with texting, things would often spiral down quickly if she didn’t get what she wanted from me.

Imagine if you did this…she wouldn’t respond to your email with another email saying, “sigh”, unless she’s super petty. Also, these last minute requests would die out because they would be futile. (This assumes you don’t respond to emails frequently throughout the day. Pro tip: I created a new email account, solely for this purpose: to communicate with the ex. And it’s only on the iPad at home. So it gets checked maybe twice a week ).

One more thing to add… my ex was notorious for asking me to help her pay for the kids clothing and backpacks every fall. So one year I responded with, “I’ll consider giving you additional support only after you provide me with an audit of how every dollar of Child Support was spent for the previous 12 months.” And as expected, she did not reply.

Now to my surprise, she did try me again the following year, right before school. and I gave her the exact same answer. But she has never asked me again, after that. Problem resolved , permanently.😁

Also, take responsibility for the fact that you have enabled her behavior. It sounds like you’re a great dad and a nice person. But you’re too nice, to a fault. Being a doormat is not a virtue. Create boundaries, clearly communicate them and then never deviate. If the kids don’t get fed one meal, note it! And to be frank, if they indeed skipped a meal or ate junk food one night, they’ll be fine. If they miss an ortho appt, they’ll be fine. She will have to reschedule on her time. Don’t ever let her infringe on your time.
When the kids aren’t with you, you should be working, enjoying life, improving yourself, playing, hobbies, hanging with friends, dating, and of course, looking forward to their return home with you.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-10-26T15:53:17+00:00

Set the boundry and stick to it. 'I will no longer be able to bring food for the kids when they are with you, so please do not ask. If you do, i will ignore the text'. Send. Done.

ZombieJetPilot · 2022-10-26T16:04:00+00:00

Not normal, but you what what... your kids will remember this. I have no idea what your situation is or if you're on good terms or not, but if your kids see you going out of your way they'll remember that

I'd do it, if it was convenient. If I'm not in the middle of something else or out somewhere and my ex asked I'd do it and make sure the kids knew it came from me.

No advice on the BF

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-26T14:12:49+00:00

This is actually thought out ahead of time and she sells it as last minute. She is passing on the expenses and time onto you. My ex tries this bullshit too. Especially the appts. I work 50 hours a week. I live farther away. So I spend the gas money. I get pissed and she backs off for awhile.

Have you ever said why the fuck can’t you make them dinner? Next time say your not available. I would be willing to bet there is a A common thread in when this happens.

ABBucsfan · 2022-10-26T13:49:24+00:00

Heck no. Sometimes you gotta take the kids with to go grocery shopping even if you try to plan when you don't have custody most of the time. Then there are the odd nights when crunched for time maybe you eat out once a month

derelictherds · 2022-10-26T15:29:35+00:00

I'd routinely provide dinner for my kids during my ex's parenting time, but they'd eat with me at my house. In general any extras I provided were almost always on my terms. This led to them staying with me most of the time and eventually set me up with a solid case for full custody. Guess my point is to consider your goals and plan strategically. My goal was to provide a stable home for the kids more than 50% of the time.

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-10-26T19:32:37+00:00

Dude, I don't even want to get started on how my ex would abuse my love for our kids with all kinds of random things like this. Shed straight up tell me last minute she was going out of town for a week and if I didn't take them she'd find a sitter FOR A WHOLE WEEK. So, of course I dropped everything to watch the kids on her week while also still paying her child support for being on vacation.

TomCatInTheHouse · 2022-10-26T19:35:41+00:00

It's not normal.

"I have something going on. You'll have to figure it out." Is the only response you need.

Title	Bring dinner
Author	crunx22
Upvotes	8
Comments	31
Date	October 26, 2022 1:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ydycmn/bring_dinner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bring-dinner.1137246 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137246

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