~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| 2 | Wife complains about my job.You should stop allowing yourself to be the victim. Your wife is complaining because you haven't taught her how to think differently about her situation. You're complaining to us about why it has to be the way it is. Which is valid and logical. Why aren't you telling her this? Not in a complaining way, but in a way that is direct, logical, and without emotion, like you would at work. Stop being afraid of her leaving you. You have to be willing to walk away for them to see your resolve and determ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/24 12:26 PM |
| 2 | "You should be over it by now"You should listen to "the black Philip show" It's a podcast by a comedian and he covers topics like this and how you should view yourself, as a man, regarding relationships. You just don't have the right perspective to help you move on. That podcast will give you that. It's on YouTube and Spotify | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/24 11:52 AM |
| 2 | It’s our fault guys that we are here.I think this is the case for many guys, myself included. It's one thing to know the numbers, and to understand things on paper, but it's another to have it happen to you and learn to deal with it while dealing with life. It's tough. The black Philip show is the only podcast I've ever heard that is catered to men, on how to process emotions in relationships in a good way. It changed my perspective after I had to end my longest relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/24 04:48 PM |
| 2 | TextedThe logistics of my comment dont matter, just apply that when it works. What I'm saying is, you shouldn't entertain her messages about mail in the slightest. You should just immediately figure out how to not have that issue happen and move on. Don't try and figure out what she's doing or why. It's just a distraction. I would have hold her, honestly, "I see. Thanks for letting me know you have mail. If you can, please forward it to Cheb44, PO box 1234, Texas. If you don't want to forward it, I wi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 01:31 AM |
| 2 | Dating After DivorceIt takes time, especially with kids and being together for so long. IMO, 7 months out, have fun. But ALSO you need to put equal, if not more time into making sure you're doing positive stuff for you. Gym, dieting, hobbies. Let the new girl be the reward for crushing it for yourself during the week. That way, as you continue processing the divorce, if you realize this new woman isn't long term material, you can fall back on those good hobbies and have a clean break up. I know the difficult part i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 01:28 AM |
| 2 | TextedStop making excuses. Get a PO box tomorrow and set up online forwarding right after. Takes 30 minutes. You can't just avoid because she will want to pick at it until it's broken completely off You have to take control and set the standards and boundaries - if you just run and hide it'll be worse. You want your mail, then set up forwarding and ask her to give it to you the next time you meet right when you schedule the meet. Don't just ask for it now when you're not getting it now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 01:18 AM |
| 7 | Why are you guys seriously dating shortly after divorce?Probably not. There's mental checking out that can happen before. The only problem is mentally dealing with emotional abuse or whatever during the relationship that can cause issues when dating. E.g. If you were made to feel guilty in an emotionally abusive relationship for setting boundaries, you may find yourself agreeing to everything with a new date, setting yourself up for misery 5 months down the road even though the new person might be great. Who's fault is that? The newly broken up perso… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 12:56 AM |
| 1 | Did anyone here have a relatively painless divorce?Yep. Forgot the term, but did the amicable divorce where we both signed the papers saying no contest for anything and we just part ways. We were renting, shared no assets, so it just cost me 450 in docs and filing fees. The most painful part was getting over my emotions and contacting the ex to sogn the papers. Once they were signed and filed it was like an anchor dropped off my neck. My assumption is this is exactly why men want prenups. It probably goes as smoothly as that, if not easier. I hi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/23 05:18 PM |
| 2 | The toxic friendI straight up tell her that her friends are jealous that they don't have what we have. And why they are doing it and why I don't like them. I'm extremely blunt and honest. A lot of these issues are like us raising kids. Imagine your kid likes to walk on the curb next to the street. Are you going to just say, "I don't like that?" No, you drill it into them exactly why and what can happen. As a man, be the fucking leader. Do the same. Tell her why she can't just have friends because they're "fun" … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/23 01:15 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone thought they can't have the in love feeling again?Everyone in here needs to listen to The Black Philip Show. They directly address a lot of the things people are talking about why you may feel how you feel after ending a relationship. It's only 12 episodes. Listen to them and order and you'll come out a new man | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 09:58 PM |
| 1 | So, my wife decided that enough as enough, we will get seperatedIt's your fault for bending over and giving her what she wanted. It's like you're raising a spoiled kid by giving them candy when they cry they want candy. You have to fix the root of the issue - your fear of her not being happy. Once you get passed that, you can decide what will keep you happy. She absolutely will be like this during the divorce. The best thing is to get a jump on it to protect yourself because she's going to become toxic when it starts going forward. Get a lawyer, file this we… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 07:26 PM |
| 1 | Sex after divorceYou're doing it now by assuming I had a bad therapist to further stand on a high horse and discredit what I am saying. And no, I've never had a bad therapist. Did you recognize you did that? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 06:52 PM |
| 3 | Tips on dating after divorceIf a woman puts that, that's her subconscious trying to self sabotage because she's been left a lot because she is a shit person and is using the kids as a scapegoat. The rationale is that "you knew I had kids so don't complain if I don't do x y or z for you." Why? The alternative is that she keeps getting ghosted because men don't find her pleasant to be around. NOTE - A single woman with kids does not automatically make her like this. But if she has this saying in text and not just a lovely pi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 06:37 PM |
| 1 | Sex after divorceI think you cherry picked my point to create false arguments to combat. I mean, if that's what you think helps, carry on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 06:21 PM |
| 1 | Sex after divorceSo in these sessions, you discuss baggage, therapist talks about the root of the issue, both of you understand, and now the onus is to be aware, empathetic, and accommodating, right? My point is, you can, and should, already be doing that 1 on 1 with your woman. That's what I do. I literally tell her, "babe, I'm sorry I did x, and I think it was because family incident y, and it's a habit. I'm going to work on not doing that." Of course couples therapy is great, but again, if you already set the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 12:50 AM |
| 5 | Sex after divorceHonestly, do not ever go I to counseling without a plan already in your head. You should never be in a situation where you don't know, or don't have a position to stand on based on logic. You go in there and the counselor shows her you don't have an answer to something, and it's basically game over. She's going to want to go back in the guise to win an argument, and if you can't hold your own before, and while in there, you lose your credibility to lead. Counseling is great for providing a neutr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 08:30 PM |
| 8 | Sex after divorceWhat you are experiencing is legit. But I will say, and speaking from experience, your woman will try to test you when the emotions become unstable because she won't want to lose what she has. It will be harder now, because the sex and compatibility is great, but you have to make sure to not let things slide and for her to get comfy, because that's how great sex and being happy starts to fade. Keep your same energy. Don't start bending over backwards because you care about her. Bring up that gut… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 02:28 PM |
| 0 | You guys are the fucking problemIf anyone is wondering about resources for men, there are hardly any. The most comprehensive thing I've found was by Patrice Oneal 15? Or so years ago. The black Philip show. 12 episodes of pure gold. Other than that, men just don't have any sort of resources that can tell us how to learn to avoid the BS. https://youtu.be/LPq7CyHqQ2I I listened right after my divorce and man if I found this resource 5 years earlier I would have saved a lot of time and money; I like to think, anyway. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/23 09:22 PM |
| 2 | Ex having baby todayDon't use co-parenting as an excuse to stay stuck where it's convenient and comfortable. Are you just going to do this the entirety of your kids lives growing up? Seriously ask yourself that. How much longer? Because it's not going to somehow change some day, you have to decide to live your life for you, and then bring your kids, only the kids, along for that ride. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/23 02:22 AM |
| 7 | Ex having baby todayHow much longer are you going to waste your time and life worrying about your ex? Get your shit together and live your life. If you're doing something for you, you won't have time to care about what she has going on. Stop living in the past. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/04/23 06:05 PM |
| 11 | I'm not going to date for a year. Wish me luck.The black Philip show. Podcast on YouTube and Spotify. It should be required listening and it should be a sticky post in this subreddit about it. Life changing mindset for men on how to put your happiness first, without all the snake oil BS | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/04/23 06:04 PM |
| 2 | Done.Andrew Tate is the Walmart version of Patrice O'Neal | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/23 03:33 PM |
| 4 | Why would they be dragging the process out?Sounds like they're content with sitting around and making money off of you and your ex. I'd push the envelope because all of this time is just holding you back from moving on and living your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/23 03:35 AM |
| 2 | Why would they be dragging the process out?What does your lawyer say? | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/23 11:27 PM |
| 3 | What to consider when starting this journey1 piece of advice is to truly understand that closure comes from within. You will never find peace, satisfaction, reconciliation, or understanding from the other person. It comes from yourself. Not believing that and trying to "reach out" for any reason opens people up to getting sucked back in - they are afraid of actually letting go and moving on, so they make excuses for their actions and try to find some closure with the other person It never works and it just brings more chaos into your lif… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/23 06:15 AM |
| 3 | dont go rooting through the trashYou know, it's one of those weird things that we all "know to not do it" but something inside of us (fear, anxiety, hope) tells us to try it one more time. But we know it's gonna be shit, which is why we don't sit down and say, "ok, let's say I go back. She changes this. Does this fix that? What about x? What about y?" We know people don't change. We all know it. We don't even entertain the rational questions because we just want it to all go away. Been there, done that. Good thing you realized … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/23 03:17 PM |
| 27 | The worse mistake I ever made in lifeWhat you report on is what happens a lot of the time. There are small things here and there, but overall it's not bad enough to split, so people get married and keep pushing. But as soon as that happens, the person with bad habits just let's go and it quickly goes downhill in a lot of ways. At that point you're so focused on trying to save the ship, you don't see how doomed the whole thing is, and it just takes time before somebody calls it quits. You got out. You didn't have kids, and you reali… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/23 12:49 AM |
| 2 | I’m very nervous about this divorce. Wife wanted it after 13 years. Two kids 12,6. She has signed and I’ve filed. She wants to leave back to her country. We live In Missouri state. She’ll let’s me keep, the house with me cash buy her out for 45k, i keep my rav4 30k, she’ll keep kia 07 5k.Call up a couple of divorce lawyers and just tell them what you wrote here and ask them if there could be any issues you don't know about. Those guys are good to talk to. They're understanding and will give you a lot of information over the phone, especially since it's more complicated with kids. We didn't go to law school. Ask a lawyer. Do it today | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/23 02:41 PM |
| 3 | Divorce with kids is just miserable and I am unsure how to handle itOP it seems like you're mainly taking her actions as an attack to your character/ego when she's just parenting differently than you are. If your kids kids bottles, stop buying nice bottles. I don't see why you can't buy a pack of 99 cent reusable bottles form Walmart and just use those. If your kids are actual kids, stop buying them name brand clothing. They don't need 80 dollar Nikes. Just buy them quality shoes for half the price. If your wife isn't agreeing to do her duties, than you need to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/23 02:39 PM |
| 6 | Any advice starting outAmazing podcast all men should listen to before getting into the dating and relationship scene The Black Philip Show by Patrice Oneal. It's by a late comedian who is absolutely hilarious and started a podcast to educate men on how to protect their happiness. (If you listen to Bill Burr you'll hear "the late great Patrice O'Neal" at least once a month - this is the guy.) It is absolutely the most crass, non politically correct thing you'll ever hear (came out in the early 2000s) but it's very hel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/23 03:19 PM |
| 20 | Living alone for first time in 20 years.Living alone can be great, one thing I learned is that you are now responsible for your own happiness and everything that happens inside your place. Dishes dirty? Can't blame someone else. Floor dirty? Things dusty? Bad smell? Bad decorations? Too hot? Too cold? Too bright? It's all on you to make it work. Which is absolutely liberating, because if you put the effort in you can create a unique space that's made just for you. But you ha e to put in the work, and wash dishes, and wash clothes, and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/23 02:21 AM |
| 6 | Almost there: Guess I need to feel I have "permission"Unfortunately, I think you're going to have to grapple with what you think you have to do and what you actually have to do. You're going to want to be the good guy and as a result, think about your wife and daughters feelings more than what you need to do as the man in the relationship. That's what you've been doing, and that mindet will poison your actions unless you get ahead of it. Your therapist will likely give you good advice, especially on processing emotions, but I can tell you, as a man… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/23 12:01 AM |
| 2 | My family is completely against my divorce.Honestly, the only way you'll be able to pull your head out of this fog and chaos is to move out and be completely single for a year. No contact with any family or your wife. The problem is that you've been "trained" to think a certain way for so long, you aren't able to see what they're doing to you, and any effort to escape just runs against a mental wall you built for yourself because you have been told to value your family over your own ideas. That's the truth. "blood is thicker than water" … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/23 03:17 PM |
| 2 | 30 minutes till new years. First Christmas and new years alone. Drinking myself under the table. At least I kept my dog. She’s all I need. 🍻 boyosWhen you're done having a pity party, get some books, sober up, go to the gym, and get your shit together. Find men who are supportive and talk it out. Find a male therapist and just do 3 sessions. But don't waste your life away and post it online hoping it's going to help. This isn't the energy we are taking into 2023. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/22 03:56 PM |
| 1 | Was I 100% in the wrong or am I being watchful of my children?I get that, but what he's doing is only going to put himself at risk because now, his ex and that man can do whatever and they can be spiteful knowing OP is rattled. You can NOT control people, no matter how bad he is. The worst thing is to try and fight fire with fire because they see you're angry and it feeds their cruelty. He should appeal to the ex, and hope her emotions can keep people in line. But he can't do anything, and the new man can cause chaos if he chooses and OP would have no way … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 04:31 PM |
| -1 | Was I 100% in the wrong or am I being watchful of my children?Yea you shouldn't have done that man. By your account she's not being honest either but you can't stoop to that level because it just destroys you from the inside out. Take the high road. Channel that anxiety into something positive for yourself, meditate, and focus on improving your situation. Be the dad your kids need and they'll see the consistency as they get older. Play the long game. Short games are shortsighted. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 02:46 AM |
| 2 | wife won't sign simple divorceYea dude you need legal advice. If you own assets together BOTH parties have to decide how every asset is split if you do a simple divorce. You either write assets and money owed (which she would simply put " 60k house" or you check a box saying all assets are done with (which she won't do.) So you gotta go through litigation, and since you're being open about that 60k, she's going to come at you with a lawyer for it. So get your own lawyer so you can at least pay what you owe, and come out with… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/22 06:21 AM |
| 7 | I can't shake the feeling that my marriage is entirely conditionalYep. You started dating and stayed on the train, and now, growing up, you realize that there's a lot of underlying shit that you have to deal with when being with/married to certain people. This is the reality for so many people, men and women, and the reason it happens is because, for many, you have to live it before you stop, back up, and see how far deep you are. Raises hand been there, done that. It's easy to push through when life is shit and you're just trudging along. But those blinders m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/22 02:04 AM |
| 2 | DivorceI don't see how your stance contradicts my stance. Both can be done and both will contribute to being happier in the long run. I guess I am emphasizing that we have to still own our shit, even if your ex is the issue, otherwise we'll make the same mistakes again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/22 11:05 PM |
| 9 | DivorceThe only way through it is to start working on yourself. Don't look for closure or understanding from her, figure out where you made mistakes, find out why, and then fix the root of the issue. When you do that is when it becomes bearable and manageable. If you don't do the work, it's just turmoil and resentment and anger. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/22 08:56 PM |
| 6 | War storiesHey man, this isn't the kind of direction you want to go. Sitting and sharing the shit as a way to sit in it only holds you back from working your own issues out and moving forward in a positive way. One technique I used to do was write down exactly what you're asking. All the bad things. Write them on paper. Stare at the list. Then burn the paper. It's all in the past, it's over. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 02:54 PM |
| 2 | Marriage problemsStop pretending to be the victim so you can justify your actions. You're an adult. Who served in the military. You wanted some outside attention, got it, and are now dealing with the consequences. Deal with them like a man, cut her off, and go do your thing. But I'm telling you, even if she stays, you're going to be miserable because you're going to try and create the old relationship you had which doesn't exist anymore. Waste your time and money of you want but I'm just telling you straight up … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/22 10:00 PM |
| 3 | She told TwitterTrying to think like this is petty and holds you back from growth. Who cares why she's moving out? Focus on your own growth and be glad she is he doesn't have to deal with her BS. C'mon man, we have better things to do than take pot shots at exes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/22 09:57 PM |
| 1 | Divorce feels unavoidable at this point.You shouldn't be seeking reconsiliation. You should want better for yourself than to hold out being her rebound when she decides she can't find better. If you think people change and then come back the way you envision them, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of relationship failures. Move on for you. Don't look back, you have to move forward. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/22 08:38 PM |
| 7 | Divorce feels unavoidable at this point.I think one exercise you can do is reread your post, out loud, and then actually ask yourself, out loud, "why am I afraid to take action to initiate change?" Do that. And then write down your responses on a piece of paper. Sit and stare at the paper and think about the actual consequences of what could happen, and write those down too. Then write down what you have to gain. Nobody will ever say a magic phrase that will show you the way to happiness. You have to decide you want that for yourself … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/22 05:53 PM |
| 3 | Harassment advice ex will not stop.Tell your family and tell them to block her. Stop hiding behind emotions and take action. Own your past, get over her shit, and prepare your current people so she's not in the dark. Take control. Stop being the victim and letting her beat you. It's your mindet man. You need to flip a switch. Listen to the podcast "black Philip show" it's on Spotify and YouTube. It's for men by a comedian and it provides perspective on how to view ourselves in regards to relationships and how to endure our happin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/22 12:26 AM |
| 3 | Harassment advice ex will not stop.Why don't you block her when she's not needed to be talked to? Or silence her number/texts from your phone. You have the technology. If the default apps don't allow it, spend 10 bucks and buy them from the app store. That way you just don't have to hear it ring or see a text unless you want to. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/22 08:25 PM |
| 2 | This is like trying to get out of a cartel...You're in the shit but it's a shit that she carefully created to keep you from realizing how bad it is. You're upset, not happy, miserable, and know you want better. But for some reason you stayed for years and years. Why? A) lack of outside perspective from friends telling you how shit it is B) your wife is creating the chaos in a way to keep you confused so you don't see how shit it is. Hopefully all of the examples of A you got here will help you see B. My ex was like that and I just couldn't… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/22 01:41 PM |
| 2 | Has your wife ever made you feel worthless when you know you are notGet out man. No point in delaying it. It's so much better on the other side. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/10/22 07:34 PM |
| 3 | Has your wife ever made you feel worthless when you know you are notI'm not him but life is great now because I can still put in 100% but there's absolutely no negativity weighing me down Right now you're swimming with a 60 lb lead vest and 10 lb weights on each arm and leg. The 60 lbs is your wife Each 10 lbs is anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, confusion, etc. After the divorce, you lose the 60 lbs and the effort you do to keep swimming means you'll eventually drop the smaller weights. And because you did all that swimming, you'll be really strong once … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/10/22 03:26 PM |
| 3 | Bring dinnerYou're making excuses for her because she's your ex and your kids mom. Ask yourself why you are doing that to a random person on the internet. If you're not being the victim, then why are you complaining to us? Take control of your life. Stop defending your ex and take accountability for your actions and set boundaries and hold them. Otherwise your life will continue to be chaos because she will keep doing this over and over in different ways for the rest of your kids life unless you put a stop … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/22 07:00 PM |
| 5 | ReminiscingActive hobbies that are physically and mentally stimulating. They help. I read books and go to the gym. Both of those will leave you tired, but with a feeling of accomplishment. Regarding books, get some that are written to support mental strength, and they will give you tools on how to frame your thoughts in ways that can be beneficial for you, rather than hold you back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/22 02:21 PM |
| 5 | Bring dinnerBecause you keep rolling over and being the victim. Just man up and don't do it. You have to learn to set boundaries for yourself brother. It's hard but you're making your own life harder because you're still scared of her. Stop being afraid and just stop doing shit for her. Just sit back and see what happens. Be a man for your kids so they can grow up with a good role model. You're just showing them how they should act with abusive partners in the future. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/22 02:18 PM |
| 4 | Scared of the unknown/ shopping for an attorneyStop being afraid and take action. Literally 99% of divorce -related problems can be solved by just picking up the phone and calling whoever needs to be called. Stop procrastinating and just call and go from there. Call 3 different firms and take notes. Then go with who you feel is best. But you're just wasting your time, and you don't have the luxury of wasting time. In the mean time, buy some mental health related books and start reading. The perspective will help you manage your emotions and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/22 10:13 PM |
| 9 | so how do you do the final goodbyeClosure comes from within, not from your ex. Every time I tried having some goodbye I left feeling like shit because my ex was manipulative. It was only later I realized I was just wishing something else would happen. But the reality is your relationship is over, and there's nothing but chaos waiting you if you go back and try to do anything. It's over. Work on looking forward, stop trying to stay in the past. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/22 03:56 AM |
| 9 | Facebook postIt's because you're running away from the shit in your head. You're not even divorced, not even 2 years out, and you're already running to the next woman You're just setting yourself up for failure. As men, it's our responsibility to find out what our issues are and work through them and fix them. That's how we grow as people. Women are great, but like anything, we can use them to run away from our own demons instead of face the music or our own fears. That's what you're doing. And why you feel … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/22 09:18 PM |
| 21 | Can't Take the PlungeI know how that feels to have 3 months of freedom and realize how much better things could be Some things I've learned over the years doing that 1) I have much more time to do anything and everything. 2) I've traveled more in the past 2 years than I have the past 10 3) when traveling, there's always the excitement of something new, and having the freedom and cash to just do it is great. However 4) there's nobody to share it with. Social media is a trap and just gives you the idea that it's real … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/22 03:59 PM |
| 6 | Can't Take the PlungeDude easily has another 15 years of active life ahead of him, and it'll be less with all the stress and anxiety of a bad relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/22 03:54 PM |
| 7 | When a woman say she was/is in an abusive relationship or marriage, Abusive is a Code word for women.Listen to "the black Philip show" by Patricia O'Neal. That podcast is hilarious and it's free on YouTube or Spotify. The guys on there talk about a lot of things which you may find interesting, especially that have to do with this topic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/22 09:09 PM |
| 3 | Living arrangements problemStop trying to live around what your wife wants to do. You have to learn to live for yourself even if that means creating uncomfortable situations. First of all you shouldn't be dating or any kind of that stuff while you're going through a divorce because you're just procrastinating and running away from your problems that you need to process inside of your own head. This never turns out good and you just carry all of your baggage from your past relationship into the next one. Sex doesn't fix sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/22 02:04 PM |
| 2 | What makes you remarry?Absolutely 0 confidence in myself to do anything. Sure I had my hoghies but I just treated everything in life like it was fragile. That's no way to live. I traveled more in 1/10th the time being single after the divorce than when we were together Work? More progress. Mental health? Better Physical health? Better. It's crazy man, it's like some women know the negativity they bring and do anything to keep you down so they can stay around. It's insane. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/22 05:37 AM |
| 1 | Local support structure. is it a factor?It's helpful if there are kids and the person can propose that parents or grandparents can assist in raising the child. This won't give them more than 50% as long as you are stable and can provide but it will ensure that they do get 50% as opposed to possibly less if they had no income and didn't have a stable place to live after the split. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/22 06:14 AM |
| 1 | How do women think? just with emotions?Which is exactly why it's important to figure out where we, as men, fucked up so we don't have to get shafted by the court system. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/22 04:47 AM |
| 1 | Divorce Feels Inevitable - QuestionsYou're still making excuses because you are convincing yourself you know the system more than a lawyer. Stop making excuses and call Jesus man. You gave her all the control and you can't even muster up the courage to call lawyers and get free info over the phone. Dude. Stop complaining, stop being the victim. Take control of your life and call the lawyers and just talk to them. They will give you info over the phone for free. Just call. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/22 10:35 PM |
| 10 | How do women think? just with emotions?One thing I learned in life is that, as a man, it's always best to figure out where I fucked up and learn from that. All of the weak men I've ever met, who are miserable, sad, angry, and frustrated, are stuck with the idea of blaming others. I learned I can't control others, and I can't reason with people. I can only control myself. Therefore, if I'm in a bad situation, I have to take whatever part of the blame is for me, and live with that. Some people are just assholes but it's my responsibili… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/22 10:28 PM |
| 1 | Divorce Feels Inevitable - QuestionsCall a few lawyers, tell them what you told us, be honest, and ask for an estimate on what you can expect to keep. You're asking random ass guys questions you should be asking a lawyer. This isn't that simple. Today, call 3 offices and just get info over the phone. Take notes. Stop procrastinating and get it done. Being a dick doesn't mean you leave with nothing, but you can talk with your lawyer to draw up something fair that she will agree with. You're likely entitled to 50/50 kid custody thou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/22 03:22 PM |
| 1 | What end goal do most woman see with false accusationsI don't understand what you have to gain by bringing up how men get shafted. Yes men get shafted but overtly blaming women doesn't help. I'm a guy BTW, in case you guys think I'm some lady trying to wag my finger at you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/22 04:14 PM |
| -5 | What end goal do most woman see with false accusationsJust to preface, let's not make this a woman only thing. It's just a people thing, and it can be caused by a lot of reasons 1) they feel wronged and don't think you are getting what you deserve 2) they're embarrassed at realizing they are at fault and need to punish the other person for how they feel 3) they are projecting what they feel is happening to them and don't want to just sit and take the pain And others. But a lot of this stems from not being able to accept consequence, due to shit par… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/22 05:40 PM |
| -1 | Wife admits divorcing good man who worked hard to provide because she was lonely and thought there was something better out thereFeminism, just like the LGBTQ movement, got hijacked by assholes who just want to be on top. It's sad, and what really sucks is that many people in those groups don't do anything to protect their original message and the entire group gets put in a bad light. Dave Chappelle has a number of bits on this, and, you guessed it, a lot of the LGBTQ community don't like it because he's falling a small percentage of them out for it. There are assholes everywhere, and regarding feminisms, it's just unhapp… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/22 11:03 PM |
| 7 | How do you guys do it?I didn't know the other person has an option to sign if they get served. Is that what you're referring to? Is your apartment 2 bedroom? Move into the other bedroom. Then you just have a shit roommate and you act professional until you can get out. If you have months on the lease, you have months left to live with her. If she's spiteful she won't move out and keep paying rent just because she would be admitting her fuckup to everyone by moving out. But for the divorce, sign all the documentation,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/22 02:44 PM |
| 3 | Is there such thing as “open visitation”Wow man. Yes you're doing too much. IMO, you gotta pull back and focus on building yourself back up so your kids can come back around to you when they get older. When they're young, they just need love. But they won't remember all of the stuff you're doing. When they get older that's when they really start putting together the fact that you're always happy to see them, ready to do things, and there when they need you. But if you go too hard too early you'll be burnt out and that's when the ex is… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/22 04:26 AM |
| 4 | first post ever: i am just starting this process, and so far she is being very civil about everythingYou see a woman taking your dog, blaming you, and then think everything is going to be ok. Get a lawyer dude. What she says doesn't mean shit. She could be getting a lawyer right now and next week you open your mailbox and get served. Agreed upon house values? Get the fuck out of here. Dude please just get a lawyer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/22 07:35 AM |
| 1 | Will the judge request the spouse return to work in a divorceBut it's also what the husband knows. He's icing her out. So either she files and gets hit financially now, or she just waits, wastes a bunch of time, and maybe files later? What incentive does the guy have to work knowing she's waiting on him? You can't play these games with people, that's how you give them leverage. So just file and be done with it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/22 09:11 PM |
| -4 | Will the judge request the spouse return to work in a divorceJust file for divorce. That's not for you to worry about. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/22 03:52 PM |
| 1 | Divorce in less than 6 monthsHopefully not, but what happens is that eventually both people are trying to move on and then you'll have to contact her to sign something or fax something or resign something and people are irritated and start lashing out. Again, hopefully not but even when you do everything right it just takes so long and the case managers never get back to you. It just sucks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/22 04:05 AM |
| 7 | Divorce in less than 6 monthsJust call 3 lawyers offices, tomorrow, and tell them what you told us. They will give you information on what you can do, what they charge for, and what you can try to do to save money. For free. Just start there. All we can do is tell you to get a lawyer, or at least talk to one, to figure out if you can do an amicable divorce or not Also, you didn't bring this up, but don't try and save this marriage at any point once you get in the shit part of the divorce proceedings. She may change her tune… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/22 11:53 PM |
| 10 | Advice for a friend.Lawyer. That's where it should always start | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/22 04:44 AM |
| 5 | I want to get divorced but it's complicatedIt's a real shit situation. But sit down and get a piece of paper. Left side (I stay) Right side (I leave) Fill that shit out. Be honest and write as much as you can. As someone not affected by your decisions, I would say to leave. You can't save your kid or yourself while holding someone from drowning who isn't working to save themselves. It's painful. But something that was told to me back before I got a divorce, was that sometimes you have to make a painful decision to save everyone; you and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 05:49 AM |
| 6 | How to deal with thought of her and someone else?I always tell people, the second the divorce shit stars, her friends are taking her out that weekend to get fucked. C'mon, we all know that's happening. But yeah, what she's doing ain't my issue because I'm not going to fuck her anymore anyway, so what does it matter now Guys get caught up in ownership for pride, and the reality is she was probably fucked better than you ever did before you guys met. OP, take a listen to The Black Phillip show by Patrice O'Neal. It's on YouTube. He covers aot of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 03:08 AM |
| 2 | Question regarding filing for divorce.Don't move out. Get an attorney to help you with the process. You wouldn't just wing fixing your car or your electricity would you? So stop winging legal matters with divorce. Pay the 50o bucks, get some help, and then rest easy knowing you made smart decisions and don't just hope for the best. I can tell you from experience, it never goes how you think it's going to go. You need a tight document that is signed now, and you need to stay in the house until it's all legally binding what will happe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 03:04 AM |
| 5 | Days from making final decision after 30 years of marriageOh c'mon. This isn't some high school fairy tale. All of that is assuming the woman will change and have an epiphany and come back a new person The reality is that she will be frustrated for being called out, and either a) get better at hiding her shit and being manipulative or b) be the victim and then file for divorce herself since she sees the gig is up. This woman isn't stupid, she's been able to milk OP for many years. Your issue is that you got left and still think that relationship could … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 03:00 AM |
| 12 | Days from making final decision after 30 years of marriageSuch a good analogy and that's honestly all that needs to be said. There's no consolation prize at the end. You just get old and die while being miserable. I sometimes get upset with myself for spending those years and money on the wedding for it to all disappear, but the flip side was that I was fucking miserable while in it, and being able to not feel that is worth the 12 months of pain it took to go through all of it and come out the other side. I've already done more traveling 12 months afte… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 02:54 AM |
| 2 | Anyone lived together as friends after divorce?He's actually making excuses for her. "Emotionally starved so she cheated. And it's ok. " And the dude is sitting here acting like they're going to be best friends. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/22 10:09 PM |
| 18 | Anyone lived together as friends after divorce?Have some respect for yourself. C'mon man. I give it 1 month before she's banging someone in that apartment. Unless you're into that (and no diss or shame if you are) get your shit and move out. Go live your life. Stop clinging to the familiar and go push forward and make your own way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/22 01:54 AM |
| 2 | Well, it's happened, I've been "replaced".Yea man. And if she does ever try to come back, you have to really ask yourself why. And why would you want someone who didn't care about your feelings and the relationship while you were together and only wanted to put in the effort after you went through all of that pain and left. Same thing happened to me and my barber laughed when I broght up "she's different and changed". Dude laughed and said," you really going to fall for that one?" He was right. 3 weeks later and I was livid at myself fo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/22 10:22 PM |
| 5 | Well, it's happened, I've been "replaced".Yeah man, you really have no idea what direction you want to go with this other than the fact that you don't want kids. I would highly suggest you go email only and stop contacting her via text or voice or video because she is playing a game that you have no idea what the rules are and you are not equipped to get in that ring. At least you know what you want in terms of the kid, but even then your plan is just under the assumption she's going to go along with whatever you want to do. You should … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/22 05:42 AM |
| 13 | Well, it's happened, I've been "replaced".To be short, you need guidance on your direction in life. You have a job, you have a daughter, and you have an ex wife. You're not focused, and you're just following whatever carrot is dangled in front of you. You're talking to your ex as if she's a hot date to potentially bang. You're letting her send you provocative pictures and video. You're just a fly, flying around the UV lamp and then she zaps you with her new man in the background. You should answer some questions for yourself, because if… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/22 05:13 AM |
| 2 | I had sex with my ex on Friday and now it’s Sunday. What should I do?Stop looking for validation on the internet for your actions. | /r/seduction | 20/03/22 04:19 AM |
| 2 | Ex is causing emotional stress / anxiety to kids..This doesn't change anything. Stop making excuses and start working to document these actions. You're making excuses for your ex. Just start documenting, and document this interaction, and once you have 3 instances of it go to a lawyer. You posted here asking for help, this is what you can do. You can't confront her about it, but you can document instances, make a case, and make an official stink about it. Either do that and solve the problem or just deal with it and watch your kids get abused. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 09:24 PM |
| 1 | Help with bringing divorce upCouples counseling is suggested too much on this site, because people don't understand it can hurt the unhappy person in the relationship if there is an abuser. It gives the abuser an opportunity to convey a false identify to a therapist to set the stage for the person who wants divorce, but is scared, to get tricked again. Couples therapy is only useful if the relationship is majority ok, but both people identify an issue and want help in fixing that particular issue. It's like tutoring for you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 08:10 PM |
| 1 | Ex is causing emotional stress / anxiety to kids..You need to focus and start documenting things so you can use that as leverage to get full custody. Don't make any noise about it. Just sit and say nothing. Ask your kids to tell you whenever she does anything that hurts their feelings, and document it to the minute. Write down what your kids are saying, or record them telling you their story and transcribe it later. If this happens again, take this instance (which you will go transcribe into a word document with dates and times, right?) And the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 08:01 PM |
| 1 | Help with bringing divorce upWhy would you suggest couples counseling if OP doesn't want to pursue to the relationship? | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 02:58 PM |
| 27 | We are hugging a lot in advance of divorce and it feels so strange—Do not have sex. Right now you both are trying to process the divorce and just looking for physical affection, but you both are the only two people around. This is not good, because it's going to cloud all of the real reasons you need to focus on as to why the relationship didn't work out. Sleep separately, don't have sex, and process the end of this relationship in a good way. Talk. Hugging doesn't solve anything. Sit down and talk. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 02:54 PM |
| 1 | I (M18) know that she doesn’t like me back, now what?At this point, you know she doesn't like you. So the best thing is to understand it, and then move on. You weren't interested in being her friend, you wanted to be her BF. Since that's not on the table, don't interact with her. You don't want to be her friend and she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. So there's no reason to interact with her. Where guys mess up is that they try to decide to be friends with the idea that somehow that leads to them being a boyfriend later on. It never works that… | /r/seduction | 08/03/22 11:25 PM |
| 3 | Why people match with you, even write to you just to send you only one message a day? I usually text a lot, ask questions, bring up serious and silly topics. Yet I feel I do all the talking. People just answer usually. I even give them space. Not a single question about me. Why is this happening?Many people would agree with you, but many people know that the relationship will either go 1 of 2 ways. Fun, and short, or long term, and they will respond to the other person based on how they see that relationship work out. So that underlying baseline will determine how people respond whether they're in a bar, at the club, at a coffee shop, doing a hobby, or wherever. | /r/seduction | 03/03/22 09:12 PM |
| 3 | Why people match with you, even write to you just to send you only one message a day? I usually text a lot, ask questions, bring up serious and silly topics. Yet I feel I do all the talking. People just answer usually. I even give them space. Not a single question about me. Why is this happening?Because there are guys like you who think that by putting in effort that's going to get them further in the relationship. Both people have to decide how far it will go, and the woman instantly knows whther she'll sleep with the guy or not. The man doesn't think that way so hes open to being led on because he just keeps focusing on the possibility of sex but not seeing her actions for what they are. It's why you choose to keep trying to contact someone who isn't interested: you want x y and z, bu… | /r/seduction | 03/03/22 05:56 PM |
| 3 | Why people match with you, even write to you just to send you only one message a day? I usually text a lot, ask questions, bring up serious and silly topics. Yet I feel I do all the talking. People just answer usually. I even give them space. Not a single question about me. Why is this happening?Think of it as your evaluation of them. If you just keep putting in more to save something, you're not evaluating whether they care enough to make it work. Same thing in a relationship. You have to be able to sit back and see if they actually want to work for the relationship, otherwise yourr just going to do the same thing, but with your money and energy and time, for someone who doesn't care. | /r/seduction | 03/03/22 01:26 PM |
| 1 | [deleted by user]You won't ever get a girl if you're too focused on how other people feel. Also, why would a girl want you if you're not brave enough to ask her out in the presence of her friend? To her, it shows you wouldn't be able to protect her if you needed to, from whatever situation that arises. Nut up and ask her out. Get used to rejection because it's gonna happen a lot, or you'll just be in a relationship and too afraid to stand up for your standards and end up miserable. I'm not trying to be negative … | /r/seduction | 03/03/22 01:14 AM |
| 2 | When did you realize you were over your divorce and/or ex?Your loneliness is exactly why you shouldn't date. This sets you up for expecting to feel happier when you're with the woman, and because that won't work, because you have to make yourself happy, you'll put in effort to create that happiness but none of it will address your underlying issues. This is honestly, I think, 90% of the reasons relationships tend to die out and fail over time: people enter with issues and the relationship is a years long bandaid that just distracts from the core issues… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/22 07:02 PM |
| 2 | When did you realize you were over your divorce and/or ex?You're not ready to date and youre setting yourself up for the same traps that got you there in the first place. Because you want the affection and connection, you won't be able to walk away from a woman who is abusive and better at hiding it than your ex. That's why you're where you are now. You weren't able to walk away early in the relationship. So now, as soon as whoever you date throws a red flag, you're going to feel it in your stomach but you'll still power through hoping it'll be ok. Set… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/22 11:36 PM |
| 1 | Things women do/say during divorce.You're doing more damage by staying. Don't you think your kid is able to see abuse happening to others? They can see it happening to them. But at the same time, dad is sitting there letting it all happen and dealing with it. That signals to your kid that it's ok to be in an abusive relationship and just deal with it. That's why so many people are married and miserable. Nobody shows them it's good to leave and just move on. Break the cycle man. Otherwise it'll be your kid in this situation with a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/22 11:26 PM |
| 4 | HopelessnessWhy are you fighting? You're falling into the same trap you did in the marriage. Stop being the victim. Just don't talk to her. Don't pick up the phone, handle everything through email. You're putting yourself in bad situations; she lives far away: stop letting her get to you. Go to the gym 2x a week. Cook your food, clean your apartment or house, and just focus on each day. Do your old hobbies. Play videogames a day or 2. Go walk at a park. Go ride a bicycle. Get out of the house and sit in a c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/22 11:18 PM |
| 4 | Petition Officially Filed/Accepted with CourtUse the momentum to keep moving forward. I've found that you can not, at any point, get comfortable while this whole ordeal is happening. When you feel something, stop and process it, but right now put energy into your career, your body, and your happiness. Work, gym, hobby. Each time you have a good day, use that to push into the next day. As time goes on and things start happening, be prepared for your ex to pop in to try and ruin your mood. You'll see how it happens, and if you're not laser f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/22 11:13 PM |
| 112 | [deleted by user]Why do you care if she sees you're affected? Again, stop caring. Shes blowing the guy dude, she doesn't give 2 fucks about how you feel or how you act. | /r/seduction | 27/02/22 12:55 AM |
| 239 | [deleted by user]You need to move on. You shouldn't be friends with someone who isn't into you, because that's not what you want, it's not what they want, and nobody just "decides to date" a friend. Move on, stop worrying about her feeling; she doesn't care about you dude. | /r/seduction | 27/02/22 12:31 AM |
| 1 | Don't know where to get startedYep. In my experience I procrastinated on submitting paperwork and contacting the ex to have her sign things. I was in therapy, so I could bring that up and talk through why I was procrastinating (I didn't want to contact her because she may start a fight, I didn't want to take 30 minutes off work to turn the paper in, etc. ) But the key was that when I just fucking did the thing, I always felt good after it was done. Always. Because I knew it was the right thing to do, even though it was painfu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/22 04:27 AM |
| 2 | I hired a layer Jan 6 for a no contest divorce and now we are almost in March and still, paperwork is not ready for my wife and I to sign. Is this normal or should I hire another lawyer?Yep. For some it takes longer because the clerks move at different speeds and hour case manager could be working a lot of different cases. Print duplicates of all the papers, ask the person if it's right before turning in, and keep emailing your case manager for information and updates. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/22 03:40 AM |
| 2 | Don't know where to get startedI don't immediately see why it's necessary for you to know the answers to those questions you asked, it's not like it's going to change what you can do to prepare for the outcome. I think you going to be careful about creating a bunch of questions and conflict that paralyze you from doing uncomfortable actions basically, you could be creating questions that you don't need the answer to but then sitting around and procrastinating because you don't have the answers to those questions. Fill out the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/22 03:36 AM |
| 2 | State of Florida - Custody and Moving Out Before the DecreeStay in the place and don't leave. You live in Florida so you don't have to tell the other person that you are recording, I would download an app on your phone that you can quickly add a shortcut to to start recording whenever you are talking to her. Record everything and just communicate professionally like you are at work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/22 03:33 AM |
| 12 | I still don't know how to process thisYour first move Monday absolutely has to be to call up at least five different divorce lawyers in your town and get some free consultation. If you don't act on this now you really will be fucked because she's going to get lawyers to try and get you pushed out. Put those emotions to the side for right now and focus on making sure you can be there for your kids and get what you're owed in regards to that house. Throwing a pity party right now is only going to get you worse off in the future. The l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/22 03:32 AM |
| 7 | The gym is not the end all be all solution to get you laidOk the flip side there is universal advice that's good to follow. Stuff like, "be yourself and don't change who you are to please a woman" is absolutely true although an attractive guy saying it can get laid often while it takes another guy months to get past a first date. The advice holds but, like you said, it doesn't show all of the subtext and context associated with how often it "works". | /r/seduction | 19/02/22 03:29 PM |
| 2 | The gym is not the end all be all solution to get you laidI did the same but about stuff in my major at college. An undergraduate on top of the world; there wasn't anything you could ask me that I didn't know about my major. I also went through it in regards to relationship dynamics. Thought my situation was gold but in reality I was walking through the Vietnam forest and had no idea how fucked I was. Live and learn. | /r/seduction | 19/02/22 03:27 PM |
| 4 | The gym is not the end all be all solution to get you laidYou love to see it. | /r/seduction | 19/02/22 03:25 PM |
| 657 | The gym is not the end all be all solution to get you laidDude gets laid and all of a sudden thinks he gained years of wisdom overnight. | /r/seduction | 19/02/22 03:35 AM |
| 2 | [deleted by user]Listen to the podcast "the black Phillip show" by Patrice O'Neal It's on YouTube and Spotify. It'll give you a lot of insight into dating and just advice on how to live your life. It's good. | /r/seduction | 21/01/22 08:40 PM |
| 2 | Frustrated with my dating lifeIt helps him solve the actual problem which is his lack of confidence. You should be able to talk to a girl and ask her out the same as if you were asking a stranger for directions. He's asking for a solution but the solution is to mentally be at a point where you don't need to ask "how." This stuff isn't complicated, it's just people want an answer other than "just go talk to her." And there are no other answers. But if I just said, "stop being afraid of rejection and do x" then that doesn't he… | /r/seduction | 18/01/22 07:51 PM |
| -1 | Frustrated with my dating lifeYou need to improve your self confidence because you're starting to flail when it doesn't go the way you want to go. You didn't put on weight because you didn't a) work out correctly, b) hard enough, and c) eat right for the job. You have a uni gym. Or get a planet fitness membership. Doesn't matter. Gym Go in there and do these workouts, 2x a week. 3 sets of squats. The first set put on weight to 10 reps is a solid set. That's your warmup. Drop down about 40% of that weight. Now do 20x half lif… | /r/seduction | 18/01/22 06:47 PM |
| 1 | Should I get divorced to be happy again or stay to be with my son?Absolutely. My mom, at 60, set an example for me with how happy she is at life. My parents divorced when I was young and it turned out he was a narcissist and that led to me feeling up how I did. Now, and for the past 15+ years, she's just been such a happy, peaceful person and I know how hard that is to be when you grow up with a narcissistic partner. I don't say that to her but just seeing it helps tremendously. Setting the right example is key. And when they get older, you can be honest about… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/22 01:32 PM |
| 2 | Women need to realize why men be so hurt and angry when a divorce comes upI haven't, but I did listen to The Black Phillip Show which is a podcast on YouTube and Spotify and the comedian hosting it covered a lot of this information. Listening to that podcast really changed my Outlook on a lot of things and helped me have the right mindset of how to protect my happiness like I would my job or my money. Once you do that it gets easy to not get sucked into wishing and wanting in regards of relationships. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 07:12 PM |
| 2 | Women need to realize why men be so hurt and angry when a divorce comes upThe problem is that you have to have a lot of first hand experiences to know if a woman is good enough and also know how to protect yourself if you think she is (prenup). That's not even covering how to put your happiness and career first and not the woman first. Most guys just don't have all of that information given to them before they decide and they learn it while being married, then they realize they're fucked. It sucks. I see my friends' relationships in different light now and can see how… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 06:43 PM |
| 1 | Women who abuseWhat comes up to derail? Dude nothing comes up. Nothing is stopping you from going to the court house right now and filing. It's like 500 bucks and the motion is set and she'll be served. Now yea, it's not that simple once she finds out, but nothing will get done while you make excuses. I'm saying this from experience. If you need a lawyer, go call some today and get quotes. Start saving apartments in your bookmarks now so you have an idea of where you can go and how to budget for that. Check yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 06:38 PM |
| 1 | I am tried of being a simp / punk. Not sure why o keep making choices against my own self interest [vent / advice]You're making mistakes. The house and equity are the same thing. You're already moved out so there's nothing you can do about that, but right now you're literally making bad decisions on top of bad because you have no legal guidance. Get a lawyer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 06:35 PM |
| 139 | drunk texted a lot of women, what now?As far as drunk texting dude you knocked it out of the park. You honestly did what most people should do sober: just ask them out. Now you know they weren't interested and can keep it moving to the next people you're interested in. | /r/seduction | 13/01/22 03:06 PM |
| 16 | Divorce pendingYou're at the bargaining stage of your grieving process. When I was going through the shit, it was sadness, disbelief, bargaining, disbelief, resolve. Then I made the mistake of thinking she changed. Then it was: disbelief, bargaining, sadness, frustration, anger. Then resolve. It took a lot of work and a lot of therapy hours but I got through it. What helped was focusing on my happiness and really evaluating how much she contributed to me being happy. And when I did that I realized I was contri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 02:47 PM |
| 1 | How the hell do you deal with an ex-wife who is hyper-permissive as a co-parent?You know what kids are good at identifying? "Here's money, leave me alone" Vs "Let's do this together." OP, I'd you do this and really connect with your kids it'll be obvious what the differences between mom and dad are. At a young age they might not really understand it but when they get older it'll become really obvious and things will naturally smooth out between you guys. Don't fight the mom because she'll just then it around and make you the bad guy. This is no different than if your kid da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 07:20 PM |
| 1 | How the hell do you deal with an ex-wife who is hyper-permissive as a co-parent?You know what kids are good at identifying? "Here's money, leave me alone" Vs "Let's do this together." OP, I'd you do this and really connect with your kids it'll be obvious what the differences between mom and dad are. At a young age they might not really understand it but when they get older it'll become really obvious and things will naturally smooth out between you guys. Don't fight the mom because she'll just then it around and make you the bad guy. This is no different than if your kid da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 07:19 PM |
| 7 | To the men who are long down the road of grief - I have a question about what I think might be the beginning of acceptance?This is so important. I think a lot of guys take the victim mindset and sit inside their own heads, ruminating and going over what was and what could have been. I've been there. It fucking sucks. But eventually you have to push through that and move on. Staying there is comforting because it's understandable, we can be the victim, we can blame her, and we can be right. But eventually, people hopefully realize that you don't win anything from doing that. You just spend days alone, and each week i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 06:06 PM |
| 3 | Hello, so I just finished an appointment with my therapist and have come to the difficult decision of leaving my wife.Why are you suggesting OP stay in a terrible relationship right after he said he wants out? Don't latch onto the idea of the diagnoses and use that as an excuse for him to stay. Sometimes the best decision is the most painful one, because that let's people be free of situations they don't want to be in and that aren't healthy for either of them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 06:01 PM |
| -4 | How do you handle things with anti-vaxxer?Education is the best thing to overcome fear. Do you guys have any mutual friends who are vaccinated? Just have them bring it up casually in conversation and they describe what it was like and how it's no big deal. With most people, the shame of not understanding vaccines and viruses along with the idea of being "found out" is what causes them to double down and resist it. But personally, can the kid keep a secret? Can you just do it and not tell her? That's super gray area but if you're not wil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/21 01:32 AM |
| 8 | Dealing with STBXW (2nd Divorce) & Screwed up Christmas (long vent)I know you're not looking for comments, but id say that when you're moved on with this woman, you should take some time to figure out why both women you picked ended up being bad news. There's something going on that's causing you to pick and stay with these women and it would definitely benefit your sanity finding out why. If you don't you'll either have to stick to flings or just stop dating all together; if you don't want to do that id look into it. A couple of books id recommend Why people c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 05:33 PM |
| 1 | End is near - should I accept 2nd job offerYou are making a lot of bad decisions and trying to stick them out. You should be filing for divorce tomorrow. This is not the time for you to be emotional. File now and divorce immediately before she finds anyway do fuck your financial future. You need to treat this with some seriousness man. You're going to be taken to the cleaners if you try to improve your life while you're chained down in this relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 05:28 PM |
| 2 | Need tips with random displays of affection pushing me down...Why didn't you block her? You're living in your head where you think there's a possibility she changes and you can have what you thought you had. But that's gone. It doesn't exist. Block her, live in reality, and move on. As all of the comments have noted, they did this and it worked out the same way: it was fine for a few months then it went to shit. It happens to us all and then we wisen up and learn the ropes. I told my barber, basically your story, about 6 months ago and he askede of I was g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 04:36 PM |
| 1 | Hold her to terms she set or say fuck it and let it go?When I was on my way out one thing that stood out to me was how tired I got of trying to give advice. I used to spend so much energy and when I was mentally moving on, I couldn't even finish sentences that were aimed at helping her improve herself. Don't waste your time and energy. You gave enough of it and she obviously didn't care then. Why keep trying to spend it now? Use it on yourself and you'll be amazed at how much better life is without that dead weight. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 01:33 AM |
| 1 | Recovery readingPodcast _ the black Phillip show It's on YouTube and it did more than any book did. But good books I have read are The verbally abusive relationship The road less traveled How people change Invisible partners Maybe you should talk to someone (if you want to explore therapy, which I recommend if you have the cash, but it's a good book regardless) On Amazon check for used copies. They tend to go for much less than new. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 01:28 AM |
| 2 | Should I get divorced to be happy again or stay to be with my son?Yes. He will either internalize that it's ok for him to act like his father or he can expect women to not stand up for themselves. So he either becomes a jerk or he doesn't know how to process communication with women regarding conflict. He will pick up on tension and the tension will be comfortable. He will seek relationships that have tension and drama, and if they're calm and easy going he may think something is wrong. So much research shows it's better for the kid for the parents to divorce.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 01:23 AM |
| 1 | Anyone else just have that empty/DGAF feeling that won't go away after horrible Divorce?If that's how you believe, the best way to go about this is to completely work on yourself so that it is completely obvious to everyone around you that you are that type of person. So you need to be the guy that people look at and go wow that guy has all of his s*** together and there really isn't anything more you could ask for So go to the gym. No excuses. Eat better. Get new hobbies. But if you're the guy you say you are your also reading books, walking with confidence, and most importantly, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 03:18 PM |
| 4 | First time meeting with ex wife after 2 of divorceDude is about to fuck up everything trying to flex on his ex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/21 02:41 PM |
| 6 | Beginning stagesYou need to go ask a couple of lawyers. They can give you actual answers. Whatever we say, you're still gonna have to go talk to some lawyers. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/21 02:28 PM |
| 1 | Depression after divorce - Do you feel like things you used to like are now pointless?Here's what you need to do. 1) listen to the Patrice O'Neal show. It's a 12 episode podcast on YouTube and Spotify. It's hilarious but it gives an amazing outlook ok relationships thatll help you 2) go to the gym. Get a planet fitness membership, go twice a week. Doesn't matter what you do there, but fucking go. Everything in your body will tell you to stay home. Go to the gym. If you want to lift, do squats, pull ups, dips, barbell presses. Rinse and repeat. 3) go outside and walk around. 4) on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/21 03:06 AM |
| 1 | STBX is love bombing me (and it's kind of working) [Vent]Good plan The only problem is that if you seriously consider getting back with her you're going to get sucked into doing it because she's obviously going to interact with you in a good way when she first starts to reach out. At this point, any change that she makes is going to be as a result of punishment because you left. But the thing is, why does it take this much when you were sitting there asking and pleading with her while you were together? If you can be kind and when you guys are togethe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 02:07 PM |
| 4 | STBX is love bombing me (and it's kind of working) [Vent]My ex did it multiple times. Played victim, then would call and yell and harass me. Tried couples therapy and flipped the switch in the session and started being nasty right there in front of the therapist. Did it again but this time about finding god and being a new person. It's. All. Bullshit. Because they see you getting distant and are dropping all the bombs to get you to break. I was happiest when she didn't interact. After 3 months and she started back with this "new person I learned and a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/21 05:28 AM |
| 2 | STBX is love bombing me (and it's kind of working) [Vent]Wow, is that where some of my guilt could be coming from? Damn. But yea. Life is fucking nice not living in that chaos. I look back and wonder why I just let the abuse keep happening and why I didn't just leave. Granted, we lived together and it would likely have to be a "we aren't living together next year" deal, so if things are peachy during apartment hunting time it's hard to break that cycle. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/21 05:25 AM |
| 3 | Planning for the endOP, one way to handle this is to just fall on the sword. "You deserve better and I didn't value you the way you should be valued." Much harder to pull the vindictive victim when somebody comes from that angle. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/21 05:23 AM |
| 1 | [deleted by user]If you're not trying to be in a relationship or get laid why do you want to be friends with women? I'm genuinely asking. | /r/seduction | 27/10/21 01:57 PM |
| 2 | [deleted by user]1) if you're a guy, stop trying to have women friends. If you want to have sex, do that. If you want actual friends, get guy friends first. It'll be hard to have a meaningful, beneficial friendship with a girl WITHOUT guy friends because a large part of a food friend is being able to relate to bullshit you tell each other. She's going to have girl friends to do that with; what is she going to offer you to make you happy? 2) stop spending so much time texting and ask for in person dates. If you'r… | /r/seduction | 26/10/21 11:05 PM |
| 2 | Please, Break Up with Me! Why Women Cheat...I get what the whole angle is, but my concern is when you point fingers at faults in women, that blinds you to all of the shit you ha e to work on as a man. It doesn't mean you can't hold people accountable, but if you blame everything on the woman for x y or z then you're at the mercy of the next woman because you still won't have your shit together. This saying comes up in all parts of life. "you can be right or you can be dead; there are millions of people in the cemetery who had the right of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/21 06:21 PM |
| 2 | Please, Break Up with Me! Why Women Cheat...You just listed stuff you had but you didn't explain why that's what she wanted. Guys out there make minimum wage and have no car and have women who worship the ground they walk on. You proved his point. She cheated cause that's not what she wanted and you offering that wasn't enough. Not blaming you, and not saying it's fair or right, but you aren't disproving his statement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/21 06:18 PM |
| 1 | Struggling.It doesn't get easier hearing it but it DOES get easier when you start doing the steps to make it happen. It's like going to the gym. If may as well be the hardest thing to do until you walk outside. Then it's easy. That's how this will go. Once you leave the house to do the action, call the lawyer, send that email, it'll be easy. I would say to start reading books in your down time. The road less traveled, how people change, the invisible partners are 3 I just finished and loved. They're cheap … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/21 06:14 PM |
| 17 | How would you advice a guy in his early twenties to date?Find a woman who also has her own shit together. Then it's much easier to separate finances from the relationship. If you find someone who has nothing it's hard to identify if they're in it for you or for them. Find someone who doesn't need you and it's easier to pick out quality. IMO, if you're dating early 20s just try to find a girl who's genuinely kind and sweet. Cause 4 years into a relationship when you come home and sit on the couch that's whats going to matter. Not how hot she is. Stand … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/21 06:09 PM |
| 1 | Advice - winning her back.Dude this isn't going to work. You are seriously making a lot of uninformed decisions and shes going to pull the rug under you. The issue is that you're believing she has motives that YOU have. But you don't know her motives. You will be fucked if you don't get ahead of this and talk to a couple of lawyers and just get their advice. Just ask them how these situations go in past cases. Get it straight from the source. Do that. If you don't do that youre just deluding yourself into what you want t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/21 11:34 PM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?Until you start being honest and working on yourself this will just keep happening dude. It's your life but it's also your time that's being wasted. But what do I know? My opinion is that your interpretation of a women's intent is a bad way to go about solving the issue you're posting about. In my opinion that will get you nowhere fast. | /r/seduction | 30/07/21 04:36 AM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?What I'm saying is your initial response to make a generalization that women are scared of commitment and taking the next step from online dating, youre blaming them. If you're willing to do that now, on the internet where nobody knows you anyway, then I can assume you're not really thinking about how you could be messing up in a conversation, because you're simply blaming women who block you. They're enthusiastic but then they block you? That doesn't make sense does it? | /r/seduction | 30/07/21 12:54 AM |
| -1 | Confident but lack techniqueI would not ask at a beach because women are less dressed, and probably with friends, so you'll come off as intimidating while also requiring her to make a decision to give you her number on the spot. And couple that if it's too hot or she's trying to do something and it just becomes annoying. But if she's just chilling on a towel, If you had to, I'd ask if she wanted to grab a smoothie or something with me at a nearby bar or something that we could walk to. So you should know the name and where… | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 07:31 PM |
| 1 | What's with the "chopped liver" routine I'm getting from this girl?Why are you wasting time with this? And now you're making up excuses as to why you're "better" than she is. The reason doesn't matter, just keep it moving. How are we going to be able to explain her intentions? You should ask her directly why she's acting that way and see what she says. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 07:25 PM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?I don't think that's true at all and I think you're not being aware of how you're coming off. You're being blocked after conversation. Women aren't scared of committing to a date, they just block you before you can ask. So you have to figure out why that is. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 07:24 PM |
| 3 | Confident but lack techniqueYou subconsciously do because you're doing everything but asking her out. Basically, you're trying to go from A to B to C to D all the way to Z. Just ask her to get coffee or go to a place with you on a date. Literally make it the 5th line into the conversation. You have to say it before you walk away. Don't ask for a Snapchat or Instagram. Ask her out directly. Get rejected right there, or get the number, then move on. It seems like you're doing 1/2 the work, which is approaching and talking, b… | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 07:22 PM |
| 2 | [deleted by user]If you add her you need to immediately state how you know her in a message, say your pickup line, and then ask her on a date. Otherwise it's never going anywhere and it'll just be awkward as you stare at her pictures and never reach out. Talking over FB messenger would also be weird and become stale quickly, so jump to asking her out as soon as possible. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 07:19 PM |
| 3 | What's with the "chopped liver" routine I'm getting from this girl?I don't think id want to spend time with someone who played emotional games like that. Put your dick away for a second. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who can just turn on being an asshole whenever she feels like it? She's going to have your balls in her purse dude because youre not ready for that kind of relationship. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 02:03 PM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?What are you doing to be blocked? Are you trying to humble women? | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 02:00 PM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?I think my approach would be exactly the same regardless of who the woman was. I'm confident of who I am and I just be myself. That's the only way to come off as genuine and be attractive to other people. Women don't want to date losers. That doesn't change regardless of how much money she makes. So I will just be the same person I am and either I'm liked or I'm not. The idea that you have to humble a woman who has more financial or work related power is a weak man's angle. She's going to see wh… | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 01:47 AM |
| 1 | Beta in a relationshipPatrice O'Neal said it best. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 12:12 AM |
| 1 | Do you treat someone differently if they’re a ‘high achiever’ ?I think their personality type matters most. I wouldn't joke with two women the same way if they were super quiet vs super assertive in their general personalities. That's regardless of their job. The second you factor in ANYTHING else other than their personality, like job or money or whatever, you're fucking up because you're not being genuine in how you treat or view them. And that's going to make you a bad partner. An example of this is when women decide to quit working and be stay at home w… | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 12:11 AM |
| 2 | If you want to reduce the chance of flaking, give the other person a specific reason why they should exchange contact information with you and let them know what to expect in the future.That's just being vague and it's creepy. It sounds like you just want to fuck but you're not brave enought to say it. By giving an actual plan when you ask, you show you're actually somewhat interesting and do interesting stuff. Who wants to be with a guy who doesn't do shit? You're gonna hang where, and do what? Might as well say all that up front while you're asking for the number. | /r/seduction | 29/07/21 12:02 AM |
| 12 | Feel intimidated by attractive women, not sure how to fix it.One thing I used to do was, after feeling bad about the ending of a previous relationship, I would go from the feeling to a thought. E.g.: I feel bad. My ex probably feels terrible in her place alone and Im not there. The key was I never thought this until I was sad and alone in my apartment. The proper way would have been to recognize the feeling is just my feeling and I was projecting feelings onto her that didn't exist. So many guys do this because it's easy and comforting to do. One key tip … | /r/seduction | 28/07/21 11:58 PM |
| 8 | Need adviceHer cheating is the best thing to happen to you. It'll not leave you so on the hook financially for the divorce. You save money and her actions should make it easier for you to see what you should do, and help get over the pain. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/21 03:28 AM |
| 2 | Not sure WTF I'm doing wrong.You're texting lame shit. You're adults. Stop texting her like she's a friend. You want a woman. You want to be able to come home and love that woman. She isn't interested in corny GIFs man, she wants a man who can provide and be a foundation for her after she comes home dealing with a bunch of work shit. She's a go getter. GIFs? I think you need to step back and think about what women want. It seems like you're thinking about what you want and what you do, but not what she wants. So I would say… | /r/seduction | 20/07/21 01:08 PM |
| 3 | Not sure WTF I'm doing wrong.I think your actions and mindset are in 2 different places. Do you just want to fuck? Cause if so, you need to be direct about that during the first date and let them know what you're into. But it seems like you want a relationship, because you're complaining even after getting laid and she's ghosting. But the crazy thing is, the "lame ending of just a kiss" is what you SHOULD HAVE if you want to develop a real relationship. If you're fucking that early that relationship isn't going anywhere lon… | /r/seduction | 20/07/21 05:55 AM |
| 7 | House questionGet a lawyer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/21 04:38 PM |
| 1 | She's so needy, I just want it all to be done, but have never been able to bring myself to pull the plug.That's bullshit. She's playing the victim to make you think it's hard for her. I hope you realize that. It's all bullshit dude. Like, she's saying she feels like she isn't enough. So then she think the best course of action is to be the victim and not rise up to meet your standards? What kind of adult does that? Could you imagine at any point in your life telling anyone you don't think you're good enough and then sitting there crying and waiting for them to do your shit for you? Get the fuck out… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/21 01:10 AM |
| 2 | She's so needy, I just want it all to be done, but have never been able to bring myself to pull the plug.Yea, that's how it goes. They start trying to do what you're been asking, and when that doesn't work, bam. Now they're twice as bad; all done to try and whittle you down over time so you give in and just accept it. It's absolutely terrible and personally, it seems like so much more work than just being a good wife. I don't get it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/21 08:47 PM |
| 2 | She's so needy, I just want it all to be done, but have never been able to bring myself to pull the plug.The whole point of verbal abuse is to make you feel the way you're feeling: you're too weak or tapped out to do anything, to leave, to fight, to grow. You're literally having the life sucked out of you. What you should do is read a couple of books that will get your head space in the right place. This makes it easier to see through the bullshit so you can start being mentally competent again. 1) the verbally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans. Such a good book and I think it'll resonate with… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/21 01:16 PM |
| 2 | Shortcut to healingI found doing all the small things I used to do helped. Walks in the park and woods. I started working out again. I got into gardening and would just talk to the workers at the local gardening centers and plant nurseries just because I had nothing else to do. You get your time back, so you're able to not have to use it in such a structured, pressured way. Don't get me wrong, spending it with someone you like is great, but once you force yourself out of the house on a Saturday and Sunday morning … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/21 12:50 PM |
| 7 | House?Get a lawyer. This isn't simple and the rulings don't follow the logic that you might have in your head. What screws so many guys over is that they are doing what you're doing right now, thinking that it will just go the way that makes sense They don't prepare themselves in the courts screw them over. You just don't know what's going to happen, and you also don't know what she's going to really do when it comes down to it. So what's worse, spending a few hundred or thousand on a lawyer now? Or g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/21 10:34 PM |
| 5 | House?You need to get a lawyer before you lose everything. Not even exaggerating, as it's all hearsay and needs to be on a legally binding document. Regardless of what she says or wants now, nothing stopping her lawyer from saying, "you can get more, the courts side with women on these things" and she taking you to the cleaners. Get a lawyer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/21 10:25 PM |
| 1 | I am not sure if I was cheated on or not but still feel like I was. Is it valid to feel that way?Regarding parenting, I would just be up front and super honest. Kids and people of all ages are really good at understanding when someone is being genuinely honest with them. By doing that and showing love, they'll understand the possible "differences" between you and their mom and grow to respect you for it. Kind of like going everyone knows that there's a bad student in class and is really understanding for the teacher's frustration. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/21 01:49 PM |
| 2 | I am not sure if I was cheated on or not but still feel like I was. Is it valid to feel that way?In the long run you'll come out ahead by understanding that it doesn't matter and that you probably want it to be true so you can blame her for it. Take peace in knowing that if it is true, you're not with a cheater anymore and that you did no wrong. If it isn't true, take peace in knowing you did the best you could and it just didn't work out. You weren't married and 5 years is shorter than 10. Hit the gym, eat better, get some good self help books, and you'll be the best version of yourself wi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/21 05:56 PM |
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