Hi everyone,

Not sure what I'm looking for, maybe pointed in the right direction, maybe some encouragement it will all work out, maybe some words of wisdom. I left my wife 3 months ago have 2 kids together, and a house.I live in Ontario Canads. I see the kids every other day, and usually every 2nd or 3rd weekend I take them overnight to my parents.

Im not proud of what I did, I had an emotional affair, and physically cheated on my wife. After I cheated I told her everything. Called my parents, told them, and after a hard night I went to a hotel for 2 days. That was almost 3 months ago, now im living at my sisters about an hour away from work / the kids.

After I left I felt part relived, and part terrified. Until the night I left, I never told anyone about my relationship, I never told anyone she hit me a few times, threw things at me a few times. That weekly she told me I was a "peice of sht failure", "A sht husband, and a barely average father, just like yoir father",. I never told anyone that about a dozen times she would get angry, storm out of the house, and come back 2 - 8 hours later. The last few times I was standing in the kitchen holding both kids as she slammed the door and left. Never told my family what she truely thought, as soon as we left seeing them, she would berate me saying they are disgusting human beings, racists, entitled.

After telling them all this, showing them. They have been incredibly supportive, and I've actually reconnected with them from being pushed so distant for years.

Right now I'm struggling with paying support, my life consists of working, commuting, and kids. I'm paying $3000 per month to her, which I know is absurdly high. I take home abiut 4400 a month, so after 400 rent to my sister, 400 for gas, I'm left with basically nothing.

She was supposed to go back to work in September, but has decided to extend her Mat leave until February. I think she needs to get back to work, even thought it's only 35,000 per year. But I cannot force her, and her parents think she deserves to be off.

Right now she physically cannot pay the bills of the house / kids. I went to a consult with lawyer about a month ago, And I know that's the route I need to go. I just realistically know, if I don't pay that amount in support, the kids will suffer.

Her family offered to buy my half of the house, but only offered half of what I would get from selling. I want what I'm entitled to so I can start a life and have my kids half time, but I can't stop thinking that I'm forcing them to the street.

The kids mean everything to me, I think im a good father. I want to be the father I didn't have, the father I wanted to have.

Im sorry if this is all over the place, I'm not good at typing these things out, Thank you. I've read some real positive stories on this sub, and a few that have just made me cry. This is a hard journey