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RalphWastoid319 Archive

View 0 posts and 105 comments by RalphWastoid319 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

The general rule is that you don’t move out without a court order, specifically because of the perceive status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 10:46 AM
3

Exactly, why not call the PD first and get her removed? It's okay to be first sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 11:45 AM
6

My experience is that once a woman has made up their mind, you are not going to change it. As hard as it sounds, you have to accept and come to grips with your marriage being over. Perhaps talk to a third party like a therapist to work through what you can't get over. It's hard, really hard. It took me a couple of years to fully get through everything after my wife left.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:08 PM
6

She really is so loyal and the ones she cares about is her world. Take this and compare to most of your red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:27 PM
8

It's only been 5 months, way to early for this kind of stuff. I dated my second wife for years before we finally tied the knot. And even then the blended family was tough with the different expectations. You are allowed to set boundaries on your relationship and stick to them. Rushing into something new without knowing the person is recipe for disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:26 PM
2

People ask this question to gauge where in the process of both the actual divorce and your personal healing that you are. It takes time to get over a relationship and heal. By not taking the time to heal, a lot of people enter new relationships emotionally unavailable and/or carrying their baggage along with them and never truly dealing with it. Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone who isn't ready. I say this as someone who got themselves into a couple of rebound relationships after my di…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 03:17 PM
1

Or go through with the divorce, focus on being the best father I can be, and accept that this chapter is over Trust after infidelity is difficult to survive. It's like there is always this nagging question if it could happen again. I'm not sure that I would want to go back to someone who only wanted to turn things around after their affair was exposed. Here she was trying to stick you as an every other weekend Dad and now she wants to work on repairing the marriage? Only you can make the decisio…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:50 PM
4

We had kids and had to coparent. We were able to maintain a business-like relationship and provide loving homes for our kids. But I would not say that we are friends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:36 AM
1

Your kids aren't stupid, they know something is going on. Leaving them in limbo for another 2 years really isn't fair to them or to the both of you. In order for this her plan to work, you would have to remain living together for a couple more years. How are either of you supposed to move on?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 07:49 PM
7

Take the time to heal and work on yourself. Self reflection and look to understand what happened in your marriage that it ended. I went out of the country for a year after the separation and it was perfect for me to get away from the situation and do that self reflection. I did my own thing and dated here and there when I returned. That lasted a couple of years. Built a car, worked out, enjoyed time with my kids, and just chilled. I eventually met my current wife at my weekend job. We have very …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 01:34 PM
1

You can divorce without lawyers if both parties are amiable. Rarely does a divorce go that way due to the emotions involved. Judging by the way you worded this, I would be hesitant to try without an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 11:42 AM
9

Sorry to hear what happened to you, a parent should never be forced out of their kids lives.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:42 PM
1

You entire post reads to me that she is checked out of the marriage and moving forward with her version of the future. I will comment on individual parts of your post that are concerning to me. I would also highly recommend that you start to interview some family law attorneys, most offer a low cost consultation so you can get a basic idea of what is going to happen. You want one that is Dad friendly. As much as you don't want to get on this train, you need to get ahead of it before it runs you …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:22 PM
1

By the time a lot of women ask for a divorce, they have already worked through most of the emotions and are done with the marriage. They will put on a facade to be nice, but they have no intention of reconciling. Technically, it is your house and therefore you have rights to be there. If you have kids, I would definitely say move back in asap. You don't want your stbx to claim any sort of abandonment or any kind of status quo with you living outside the home, away from the kids. It sucks but you…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:45 PM
1

This is the way. Have your documented expenses subtracted from her portion of the equity when the house sells.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:10 PM
13

So is it ex or stbx? I am confused (why are you still living together if you are not married?) The double standard is real. She can fool around but you are not allowed. A couple of things come to mind: Your new girl has given you a nice out, take it. Don't bring someone into your dumpster fire till you have things sorted out. It's not fair to her. Your new girl should file for a TRO against your ex. This is not her fight and she should protect herself in case your ex thinks about doing something…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 04:29 PM
5

Your stbx wants to buy you out and, shockingly, her appraisal shows that the home is worth less, which means she would have to pay you less. Absolutely get your own independent appraisal and don't just rely on hers. Sometimes what the appraiser writes is a reflection of the information given to them. Take that as you will.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 07:22 PM
3

The divorce was pro se. We agreed to a flat $1500 a d split on medical copay, recreation, dental. You all both voluntarily agreed to the divorce terms. I hope that one of you had an attorney review the final document before you submitted. As written, you own $1,500 a month plus a split on the medical copay, recreation, and dental. That's it. (I'm kind of curious what your kids do that costs $2k a month that you are paying that much extra) Anything over your written terms is a gift to him. Illino…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:29 PM
3

Normally this should be a relatively simple division without kids. For this level of effort for a short marriage, there must be some significant assets.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 12:57 PM
7

Not sure the importance of sports to you all, but sports mean nothing if he fails out of school. Schools don't want to touch athletes that are a risk to fail out (If he is looking to get a scholarship to a good school). You should continue to reinforce with your son how important school is for his life. Failing out of school will have long term effects that I am not sure he understands at this point. Ultimately, you can't control your ex, nor can she control you. Her blame shifting is her just t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:12 PM
3

So want does your separation agreement say about expenses?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 11:52 PM
4

Realize that you are setting a precedent that this arrangement is okay. I am not sure of your goals in the divorce process, but this will look poorly on you getting custody beyond the minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 04:33 PM
4

You were shafted the first time. Remember the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." You say she is high conflict, which means she will declare open war as soon as she finds out. You know her and what she is capable of, do you think she would be willing to work something out? Keep your cool, continue to document, keep all communications via text/email, and let your attorney file with the court and wait for her to be served. Then allow her phone calls to go to voice…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:09 PM
13

in my age group are 1) breaking down. 2) broke and broken 3) lack a youthfulness I need. Hello kettle? This is pot calling...
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:29 PM
6

If you take the time to do some self relection on what went wrong in the first marriage and work to fix the issues you brought to the relationship, the next marriage might be better. Learn from the first one and apply that knowledge to future relationships. My second marriage, we are much more aligned than I was in my first.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 05:00 PM
18

Her new bf dumped her?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 12:57 AM
19

This is just business now, finish the deal and don’t be financially engaged with your stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 12:11 AM
9

It's a strategic game that you have to play. She is also probably documenting everything she does with the kids, so should you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 01:54 PM
4

Whether I liked it or not, I had to accept that our relationship was over. It was hard to see her move on (with a woman), but I put my emotional energy into my kids. Like I said, it took years to finally cut all of the emotional connections I had with her. I kept most of the communication to text or email and our exchange point was school, so I did not have to run into her very often. We had been together for half my life at that point, it took a lot of time, self help books, self reflection, a …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 08:14 PM
6

It took me several years to get over the end of my marriage. Time and self reflection are the only things that will make it better. Things did get easier as we both moved on with our lives. I made a conscious effort to take a higher road and not talk bad about my ex and just love my kids and be the best Dad I could be. You are allowed to establish boundaries about your house and when she can come over, it's not her home any more. Overall, we did okay co-parenting. There were hiccups like anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 07:36 PM
8

As noted already, don't take all of this to heart. Your wife is rewriting the story so that she will not appear to be the bad guy in all of this. Some of it will be true, some of it not so much. If you want to communicate better with her, if you haven't already, look up and study active listening. It has helped a lot in my marriage to listening and asking questions that show I am listening. Once I learned that she really just wants to vent most of the time, it made it so much easier listen knowi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 06:59 PM
7

Odds are that for all her good front, she has not fully completed the grieving process of ending a long term marriage. It took me a couple years after the divorce before I felt truly happy and available again. Knowing what I know and observed with others, don't invest to much in this relationship. She still has to get through all of the emotions and work out the kinks of coparenting. If you want to jump on that roller coaster, go for it. Otherwise, just have some fun.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:33 PM
3

Not sure how she slipped that in, but a judge agreed with it. Document, document, document every time she denies you time that is not in accordance with the decree. After you have about a 10-12, you go back to court and ask for that time to be returned to you, on her time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 10:09 PM
2

Complete bs, there is no requirement to let her know that you will be exercising your court given time. Document this every time that it happens. One time is not enough to back to court, but you can establish a pattern. Ensure all of these interactions are through the app.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 09:55 PM
1

Why not file today? Your expectation today will become tomorrows reality. Just file now and get it over with. Divorce sucks financially and there is not a lot you can do about it. Do it now before you have more to lose.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:55 AM
8

Never keep financial entanglements with former spouses. Keep moving in the process and finish the divorce. It’s a business transaction at this point, go ahead and wrap this deal up.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:51 PM
1

Nothing sucks worse than seeing someone get that Dear John letter / message while on deployment. At this point, there isn’t a lot you can do from a distance. It hard to mend a relationship when you aren’t there. Try to be compassionate and understanding of what she is saying, she is still the mother of your children. You can’t change her, you can only change your actions. JAG can give you a little advice but generally won’t get involved with domestic issues like this. If you have the time and re…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:51 AM
7

Document, document, document. And keep a voice-activated recording device nearby when interacting with the stbx. It sucks, but collect as much evidence as you can to avoid the he said, she said issues as much as possible. I feel for you and your kids. Some people have no shame in trying to manipulate situations to meet their needs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:05 PM
2

We were, we agreed on most everything. Turned into a pretty good coparenting arrangement too. I felt pretty lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 11:15 PM
7

$165 for court filing fees, 50/50, with an amicable split. Then $30k to buy out her equity in the house and half of our investments. All in all, it went as good as I could have hoped for.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 10:51 AM
9

Divorce sucks, especially when one side decides to go down the path of the blame game. Narcissists are professionals when it comes to spinning the story their way. It's hard to fight a pro; most recommend going grey rock with her and taking the high road. As much as it sucked, I tried my best to keep the best interests of my kids in mind. People choose to hear what they want, but if you are consistent and a decent person, people will eventually see the truth. You will lose some acquaintances alo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:20 PM
4

This is why you date, to weed out those you are not interested. I generally steer away from people not willing to own their mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:04 PM
1

He started making things up and seeings things and creating his own stories in his head which led to him misinterpreting things.. I think a divorce is a great idea, unless this is the life you want to continue. Edit: Yes, we men typically say what we mean. If he asked you to stop texting, please stop. Let him come back to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:08 PM
3

Document, document, document. Ideally, have your conversations over email or something like My Family Wizard so that when she denies court granted access, you have the written proof. If she does not write out anything, ensure you are keeping a log of every interaction, including the time, date, and results of the interaction. Don't cause a scene or anything that would give her an excuse to call authorities. Just document her refusal to allow you to execute your parenting time with your kids. Kee…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:13 PM
-2

If you use the time that you are single to do some self-reflection on what happened in your marriage due to your actions to become a better person, a second marriage might be worth it. If all you do is forget history and repeat the same mistakes over and over again, it might not. I am of the opinion if you fail twice (or more) at marriage, there is a reason why. And it's generally looking at you in the mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:57 PM
11

She kept my surname due to the name recognition she had built up. She works in a very visible role, so I totally get it. Doesn't bother me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:30 PM
9

Also: Get a Voice Activated Recorder and carry it always. Tends to work better than a phone and takes drops better. This is totally to use in the event of a false DV. If you have guns in the house, move them to a safe location away from the home. If you have heirlooms that are important to you, move them to a safe location. Make copies of all important documents (Taxes, child's SSN / passport, banking records, etc) Open a separate bank account, at a new bank, and move your direct deposit. Don't …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:33 PM
6

Why would you move out before you have a proper separation agreement? Why would you leave everything behind? You have rights and are entitled to marital property, just as much as your stbx. If you have money and just want to leave the memories behind, go for it. But make sure you are getting something out of it before you just up and leave.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:23 PM
3

I read of your situation and thank anyone that will listen that my ex was reasonable and we were able to divorce amiably. We have two kids together and we ended up each buying one car, one for each kid. Kids bought their own gas and ex and I would split maintenance. Not sure how me managed to get along, but we did. Sorry to read your story, I won’t ask how many attorneys you have been through. And I continue to read posts by women wondering why men don’t want to get married anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 04:58 PM
1

I will second this response, an amiable divorce with no attorneys is only doable if both parties are rational and can agree on things. Remember, you have to be able to get along for years until the kids reach 18. If you have any questions that you might not be able to get along and co-parent well, a well written divorce decree can be your savior. ​ (she is a control freak from A to Z and dependent in a lot of things and ways, manipulator, guilt tripper, and possibly mental health issues) You've …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 04:33 PM
2

This is the correct answer. Have a recording device on your person running at all times while you are home for your protection. I’ve always refrained from taking action, wanting to preserve our family How's that working out? She also brought her mother over without my consent. Your FMIL is a guest, not a tenant. Ask her to leave. I don’t want her in jail. You had her kicked out with an order of protection. How would her going to jail be that much different? To avoid confrontation, I’ve left the …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:53 PM
2

It really depends on your wife and how she will play the divorce. Variability it state statutes may come into play as well. Long story short, other than the emotional pain of the divorce itself, the business side can be relatively painless. Because that's all it is, a legal dissolution of the marriage business. If you have no kids and no assets, not a lot to discuss or argue about. The only possible issue might be alimony depending again on state. If its a short term marriage, even that is not a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:48 PM
1

My ex worked and her income was close at the time, which helped. She honestly is a pretty level headed and smart woman, so negotiation was on the table. We negotiated over the years as things changed and kept it pretty fair. As I said, I can't complain. It could have gone a lot differently.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:12 PM
3

Forget the idea of an “Amicable Divorce” I must be one of the Unicorns, my ex and I had a very amiable divorce. I won't say it was without pain, whose divorce isn't, but it could have been so much worse. We divided everything evenly, came up with an agreement that was flexible for all, co-parented well, and moved on with our lives. Raised a couple of great kids. Are we friends? No, but we are good business partners.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 01:11 PM
59

Get everything agreed to, signed, and filed while she is in the affair fog.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 08:20 PM
3

You all commingled funds, that is all marital property open for division.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:53 PM
9

Divorce is just a business deal, get the best deal and keep the emotion out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 01:31 PM
8

Do as I say, not as I do
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 07:07 PM
3

My STBX fully expects me to drive 3 hours a day with no complaint. What kind of schedule is being proposed that has you with kids everyday and going back and forth to ex's house? Typically, she should be responsible for transport on her days and you on yours. My ex and I had a 2-2-3 schedule for years. For instance, I would drop off at school on Monday and she would do pick up/drop off till Wed when I would pick up from school. I would do Wed & Thur and we would alternate weekends. I would also …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 03:53 PM
5

Logic hits them in the face eventually. Not when they were cheating with your best friend or decided to date women. But those are stories for another day.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 06:41 PM
21

By the time a woman initiates a divorce, their mind is made up and they are done. I dealt with my ex for years till the kids were old enough to go out on their own. Never once was there a glimmer that she would return, and honestly, I didn't want her back anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 04:23 PM
2

Honestly, if you can amiably work it out with your stbx and can reach agreement without attorneys, you can do it. But you have to trust that your stbx will stay true to their word. Although I hated what happened, I was able to work through everything with my ex and the total cost was just our time and less than $200 in court fees. She was a great coparent and we were able to talk through everything over the years until our kids finished college and they went out into the world on there own. I st…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 05:05 PM
24

Honestly, she is probably feeling some sadness now that the final hearing is around the corner. To make herself feel better, she is being friendlier. I could be completely wrong, but if she initiated this thing, odds are low that she will return.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 07:37 PM
3

Depending on the state, they have a set of rules they use to make the split of marital property "equitable". Doesn't mean 50/50 but there would need to be documented evidence as to why one party should receive more of the marital property than the other. Don't forget that marital property also includes such things as: Property, bank accounts, investments, retirements, and physical stuff like furniture. Realistically, how much more does she think she wants? If we are talking like $10k, I might le…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 12:48 PM
8

All I can say is sorry that you screwed by this whole deal. I never understand how women justify their actions to remove a Father from the lives of their children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 11:57 AM
10

Please stop taking legal advice from your stbx. Unless she is your attorney (then I would fire her), her opinion and wants don't mean anything. Contrary to what has been portrayed in the past, Dad's are more than capable of raising kids. Be the best Dad that you can be and do what you need to do to make sure your kids are taken care after this is all done. Mom wants everything? Sure, after the equitable split she can have 100% of what she is entitled to receive. Mom can't afford to live? That's …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:04 PM
19

All you can control is yourself. Be the best Dad you can be and take care of your kids. Protect them and nurture them. Take the high road in regards to your stbx, she sounds like she adds plenty of fuel to the fire by herself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 11:49 AM
7

Congrats, nothing is better than living your best life possible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 05:20 PM
3

How do you go back to a now tainted by so many dicks ex wife and live? You don't. You are harboring memories of the woman that you remember, which is different than the woman she is today. You all have grown and changed over the years and most likely your relationship did not. You can't go back to the way it was, those times are gone. Perhaps with some counseling, real self insight, and personal growth, you all might be able to forage a new relationship moving forward. But both people have to wa…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 01:10 PM
1

These are just a few examples, and my ex expects me to bear the majority of the expenses despite earning more than double my income. Is that documented? If yes, have you requested child support?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 05:51 PM
2

The devil you know verse the unknown, it's a question we all ask. I will say, you left your wife for a reason (or several). Remember those reasons when you think about getting back together. Time tends to blunt those memories, as you have discovered. Would you want to go back to the way things were? Secondly, you are not responsible for your wife's happiness. That is something that is all on her. I would give her what she is legally entitled to receive, no more, no less. She is an adult and can …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 05:42 PM
4

Every time I read these, I thank a higher power that my ex has a reasonable head on her shoulders. As much as the process and emotional toll sucked, we can at least talk reasonably and work things out. Sorry you are in the position you are OP, especially since you will have to deal with her for years to come.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 01:18 PM
11

But now, with divorce, I want to give her “the truth”. Not one where she gets juicy insecurities or perceived weaknesses about me but actual hard factual evidence about the kind of person she was to me. Other than making you feel better, giving her this information will make absolutely no change in your wife. If it helps, write it all out in a letter to her, but never send it. You can't change someone like this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 05:05 PM
12

Being married to a therapist, I can say they are generally more messed up than the rest. Recommend a male counselor as they seem to have their heads screwed on straight. If you choose a female, see them individually before couples counseling to see what they are like.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 01:06 PM
10

She is allowed to ask for the moon, but it doesn't mean anything. She is court ordered to leave the house, keep the status quo and don't agree to anything. The DV will play in the custody portion of the marriage and you can leverage that to your favor. A lot of guys will feel sorry for their stbx and drop a DV hoping to keep it amiable but I would strongly suggest you keep the current path. Based on her requests, I suspect that she will be anything but amiable.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 01:04 PM
7

I’m pretty sure my STBXW ran out of money with her attorney. This is not your concern any longer. If you are not getting a response and want to move it forward, schedule a court date to settle in front of the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 01:08 PM
6

Amen bother! Words to live by.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 01:05 PM
2

If she is denying you time with your child, regardless of the pretense, you need to do something to change the situation. A lack of action on your part could be construed and argued as acceptance of the situation. You have to show the court that this is important to you ( and it should be). By the time most women take action like this, they have already made up their mind. The keeping the child while you are "working it out" is just a way to build status quo in her favor. She has done some resea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 02:12 PM
12

You should be seeking immediate relief from the family court to have your children returned to the marital home (go ahead and ask for exclusive use of the marital home too). The longer you wait, the more it looks like you don't care. Find a local Dad friendly attorney and get to work. As a parent, you are entitled to spend time with your kids, just like your soon-to-be-ex (stbx). Do not allow her to be the gatekeeper to your kids or allow her to establish any kind of status-quo that your not see…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 05:27 PM
2

You are obviously on the way to divorce, you have completed the step that most have trouble (custody). Discuss with your attorney, but you should be able to file a motion with the court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:40 PM
2

You already have court ordered sole custody of the kids, request exclusive use of the marital home due to abandonment of the mother. This will give you legal backing to change the locks, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 05:29 PM
9

Realize that the behavior you are allowing is moving towards status-quo in her favor. Basically you are saying every other weekend is okay. Why are you only seeing your son a couple of weekends a month? Is this Court ordered? If not, are you documenting her refusals? What is the advice of your attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 04:51 PM
1

This is the way if you are trying to play the long game of custody. Status quo is what you are looking for in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 04:00 PM
3

You can’t control other peoples actions, only your own. Best you can do is continue taking the high road and protect your children and yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 04:49 PM
14

It's not your problem to make up for her lack of planning. It's great you look out for your kids, but you are setting a precedent with your ex that it's okay. Time to establish some polite boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 01:46 PM
9

First and foremost, I would say swallow your pride and get everything that you are entitled. You have taken the role of care giver of your children, its a lot of work with no pay as a SAHD. Just because you have no 'income' doesn't mean you don't have rights. Don't let your pride get in the way of accepting child support and alimony. You need time and resources to get back on your feet and self supporting. Most likely some time to possibly finish your college degree and get back into the work fo…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 12:29 PM
4

If I was you I would be most concerned about her care plan. As a single parent she is required to have a Family Care Plan. Because someone has to take care of the kids outside of normal business hours or if she is deployed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 02:34 PM
1

Way to go Dad!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 04:09 PM
9

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 04:48 PM
1

Make full use of 401k (and equivalent) and Roth IRA to avoid taxes on the earnings. There are other things to do, but prepare for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:58 PM
1

we both bring about $250k/year Alimony will be a non-issue then with you both making roughly equal income we have a good life style, luxury cars, nice villa, etc. Be prepared to part with approximately 50% of that stuff if you divorce. Personally I would make sure you are maximizing your tax shelters for retirement first, then blow your money. child support This is something that you need to prepare for ahead of for divorce if you can. Keep running documentation of what you do for the kids and y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:15 PM
3

Document, document, document everything with regards to your stbx. Especially document the dates & times that you have asked to see your child. It is not harassment to ask to spend time with your own child (That your stbx is playing keep away). She is trying to document status quo that you are not spending time with your child to look better in the eyes of the court for custody purposes. Email every request to see your child, so that you have the time stamp. I don't think it would be unreasonabl…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 06:34 PM
1

First of all, preserve all evidence in multiple places in case she happens to find one. Make sure any and all communication is via email. No texts or phone calls. Next, most states are no-fault. You need to check yours. Typically all an at fault ruling will get you is no alimony, which can be significant. You have given no information on length of marriage or disparity in income, so hard to say if it matters. The burden of proof is on you to prove to the court that she committed adultery. You wo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 05:24 PM
1

Some of this is dependent on state statutes, so take with a grain of salt. Most people get bent around the axle about kids & custody, if you don't have them then the rest is just marital assets and going before the judge to finalize. With the exception of heirlooms, which are priceless, most stuff can be replaced. As others noted, place heirlooms in a safe location to prevent something from happening. For the rest of the stuff: Divide those assets you both purchased prior to marriage that you wa…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 04:53 PM
2

First marriage, since I traveled a lot, we had a single joint account that all funds went through. It worked but I could never figure out her accounting system that always had us with little to no money in the account. Funny how after she left, I suddenly had money in my own account. Second (and last) marriage, we each have our own accounts and contribute to a joint account for all the bills. I make sure the bills are paid and we each keep the remainder of our respective monies. We also contribu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 04:46 PM
11

Yes, you can have an amicable divorce. The caveat is that BOTH parties have to be committed to the process and be willing to work together in the future as co-parents. At least one (maybe both) person will have to choke down some emotions to avoid the inevitable anger and desire to fight that most people feel. That being said, my actual divorce cost $165 in court fees. We agreed to everything and worked with each other over the years to ensure our kids were taken care of until they were done wit…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 04:31 PM
3

Reading what you wrote, you are trying to justify to yourself that you should leave your wife for your mistress. Is it possible to love more than one person in your life? Absolutely, we love our friends, family, SO's, and anyone else that we allow into that circle of our life. I have loved all of my long term SO's. That being said, relationships take a bit of work and compromise in order to grow and thrive. Will you always get what you want? Nope, but that is part of the compromises you make alo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 05:05 PM
3

Without a court order, your stbx cannot block access to your kids. You are still their parent and allowed to see them. She sounds like she is being spiteful. Up to you if you want to push the issue, but status quo is on your side for after school. Look up Right of First Refusal and make sure you have it in your decree. I would much rather watch my kids than some unknown dude my ex is dating.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 01:07 PM
1

What are the details of your parenting schedule? How did you end up with only weekends? That is below most states minimum. Do you have a Right of First Refusal in your divorce decree? Technically you have status quo with the 5 years of your Mom picking up the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 12:47 PM
3

Am I making a mistake? You are abso-fucking-lutely making a huge mistake. You make less than minimum wage on a sub teacher salary, how exactly do you expect to live after the divorce? You have to eat, you have to have a roof over your head, you have to pay for utilities. I get it, you think you are doing the noble thing by granting your stbx a stress free (and cheap) divorce. But you are opening yourself up for a world of pain that you don't need to. Child support is for the kids. Yours are youn…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:57 PM
2

The moving out part primarily has to do with custody, not marital assets. Your last post made it sound like you had young kids, but that is not the case. I would talk to an attorney, but at this late stage in the game, not sure it would make a difference if you move back or not. Your daughter will very much want to stay with her friend group for the remainder of her HS time and would likely resent moving away. She is old enough that some judges will weigh her desires in a custody decision. Again…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:32 PM
4

It's called "projection" She is projecting all of her bad behaviors on you, because obviously you are the bad guy. Honestly, don't engage in any conversation that does not involve the kids. Finish what you are doing, excuse yourself, and move to new location. If she follows, rinse and repeat. If you are worried about what she is saying, get a digital audio recorder so that there is no doubt about what is being said. Especially important in a high conflict situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 06:26 PM
10

Wear a mask and follow CDC guidelines to the extent possible in a home. Without a court order, it is still your home and you are legally okay to go back in, your wife has no say in the matter. Take over the guest room and self quarantine if you need to. Moving out of the house can be viewed poorly by the family court and will be used by your stbx that you "abandoned the kids". Don't give her the ammunition. You've only been gone a couple of days, very easy situation to explain. Move yourself bac…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:50 PM
2

We have been separated under a year with nothing started yet in court. Am I allowed to keep the kids on the next visit With no motions in the court, you are both still the children's parents and allowed to see the kids at will. I hope that you have been documenting mom's stonewalling at being able to see your kids. Why have you not been able to see the kids? Technically, yes you could keep the kids on the next visit. With no documentation from the court the PD can't really do a lot. But you can …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 04:49 PM
1

So obviously you know what you are up against. She has been reading up on divorce and how to swing it in her favor. Trying to hit you with a false DV charge? The gloves are off for sure. I would not leave the house unless ordered to by the court. As noted, find someplace safe to store your important stuff, ideally your own room. Document your involvement with your kids and consider getting a voice activated recorder in case she tries some shit again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 07:09 PM
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