Can't live anymore

Apprehensive_Age2289 · 2025-04-02T23:16:41+00:00

I'm in the same mental state. The scary part is the things I used to be able to enjoy to do, I can no longer find the drive to do them anymore. I'm living in despair. I have little friends or family support

funnyman6979 · 2025-04-02T22:20:38+00:00

You got this, it may seem dismal but there is life at the other side of this. Like someone said you are more than your marriage great advice. Normally I don’t plug things but I’ve been to CR celebrate recovery for two years. Anyone with hurts or habits or hangups not some 12 step program for addiction. I wish I had this in 1998 when I went through what you’re going through. I am sorry you’re in this but hit this head on and find that share (like this thread) and you will be fine.

Competitive-Rice-904 · 2025-04-02T21:33:09+00:00

Praying for you brother. Time really does help. I just got out of a 18 year relationship with one daughter. 13 married. It was so hard at first for a while. But time helps. Your relationship was longer. You could probably really use a real friend or family member to talk to and share things with. Find a connection with someone. Idk your story but for me it took some time but then I really started realizing that she didn’t really love me and it was me always doing the work. And you’ll have things to look forward to.

crzapy · 2025-04-02T20:38:48+00:00

Find some help.

Divorce has been rough, but it's also been freeing. Time heals all wounds.

Impressive-Border935 · 2025-04-02T20:31:43+00:00

Gotta find another purpose my guy. Before it was her. Now it’s not. Get yourself a therapist you can vent to and mourn the loss of your relationship with. She’s not who or what you thought she was, you just idealized all of it because you looked past the flaws and red flags and loved her anyways. Then put yourself to use somewhere somehow. Be of service to others. Volunteer. Join Search and Rescue. Mentor fatherless boys. Teach hunters safety. Anything that’s keeps you busy, provides fulfillment and purpose, and moves you forward. This too shall pass.

CRobinsFly · 2025-04-02T20:28:59+00:00

Live out of spite, brother.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2025-04-02T20:19:15+00:00

Okay, NOW LISTEN TO ME! You need to realize it is over and move on. NOW Once you do this, it will take 6 months before you laugh again. But, believe me, you will forget her, and you will move on and laugh again. You need to do this for yourself, but, more importantly, for your true love, who you haven't met yet, but is out there somewhere, waiting to meet you! Do not keep her waiting. And when your life is better than it's ever been, there is someone out there just like you, who YOU need to help! PLEASE TRUST ME....I AM 100% RIGHT! Text me anytime.

Maseworld · 2025-04-02T20:13:44+00:00

Everything goes away with time...

kudosarehere · 2025-04-02T20:05:37+00:00

21 years for me. You can live man! I stopped eating for 2 days and I lived and was hungry than ever…

You have to find something to do. You can’t have idle time. I cry and then I go cut the grass. I cry and then I go watch TV. I cry then I ask for extra work at work….. You have to stay busy but it will get better!

khaddir_1 · 2025-04-02T19:53:50+00:00

Man I’m sorry to hear you are going though this. Get in therapy assp. I learned we can to try and look at the person for who they are and not they we are determined to see them.

Par_then_Bar · 2025-04-02T19:48:37+00:00

Move across town. Smaller place with more amenities. A pool. A golf course near by. Get a pet. Exercise. Don’t end it. We need you.

APixelWitch · 2025-04-02T19:10:44+00:00

My brother took his own life 2 days ago. My family is destroyed. My father is a shell. My brother found a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We will never be the same again.

CopperTylenol · 2025-04-02T19:02:53+00:00

Get a dog. Walk it. Get on Wellbutrin. Your loved ones want and need you around.

alifeofpeace · 2025-04-02T18:57:08+00:00

You need to call me dude. Send me a private message and I will talk to you today. This is just a low point he will bounce out of

NewDay0110 · 2025-04-02T18:46:23+00:00

This is a test of your resolve. You feel like you need her, but you can be happy alone. The loss of the relationship is difficult for all of us, but many divorcees find that there's life after divorce and it can be great!

Dialetic212 · 2025-04-02T18:44:04+00:00

please call a crisis hotline. Things may look bleak now but I promise you it won't always be this way. you are loved and needed. Theres so much more to your life than a woman/relationship. I promise that you will love again.

just take it one day at a time. one moment at a time. dont look into the future. focus on getting through one day only.

chris-berry-1 · 2025-04-02T17:27:06+00:00

It’s cliche. But take care of yourself. But something you’ve been wanting, get a haircut. Get some new clothes. Do things that you haven’t been able to do or have wanted to do. Anything to take your mind off of it. Everything is going to remind you of her for a while. Once you’re confident in yourself, everything else will follow.

Nyoobwsb · 2025-04-02T17:00:35+00:00

I know it hurts and its dark. I struggled for 1 year alone in my small apt moving out of my together bought mortgage home. I was gaining weight, drinking, isolating myself. I think biggest part was I still love her. However, I realized that nothing is going to change, matter in fact if I kept being a loser there would be no hope. I got back up on my feet. start hitting the gym, went to church and now I'm free of my anxiety and hope is there.

kepler22Bnecromancer · 2025-04-02T16:16:26+00:00

My ex and I were 23 years married too, 3 kids... She changed a lot the last few years and as much as I knew it was for the best because I was miserable and nothing was ever going to make her happy it still stung & the emotional hit is real and that's natural and it is okay. I felt the same way and it didn't help she was an awful control freak with the kids things are different now. At the time I didn't think I'd ever feel different but it really will get better. I realize now I don't NEED anyone to make me happy. If someone comes along so be it but I'm about me and making my own decisions now, for my own mental well being and to be there for my kids & others. She can have as many guys as she wants, not my problem not my circus anymore. Watch some YouTube videos of John Griffin it helped me reset my thinking about it all. Despite your current hurt you were meant to go through this and get through this and you will and you will be better for it.

IBlockAllWomen · 2025-04-02T16:01:35+00:00

First you have to get in good physical shape to feel good about yourself. Your self image is key to getting your self worth back and how others will treat you.

Bumblebee56990 · 2025-04-02T15:26:49+00:00

u/DirtyBirdNJ check out this sub.

Acceptable_Use5856 · 2025-04-02T15:23:35+00:00

I can’t imagine what you’re going through after 23 years. I have been married for 13 and known my wife since 7th grade, she deployed in the military came home and no longer loved me or wanted anything to do with me. I have learned that only through pain can there be growth. I now work out, go to church and trying to find interests but I’ve been in the dark place also. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

Bulky-Percentage-243 · 2025-04-02T15:19:45+00:00

Similar story. 23 years together. I hit a peak of 270 lbs, withdrawn, anxiety through the roof. I felt like a chihuahua in all honesty. Yapping and ignored. I just couldn't get through to my wife how miserable I was. Her life was lived entirely through her perspective and she continued doing all those things that were causing me to crash out. I hated my job too but was stuck in college bills and being the primary earner (5:1). I spent my lunch hour pacing a parking structure.

Divorce ironically was the last option I'd ever take. She actually insisted on it. It was a dark spiral. I had an exit plan every hour of the day for the two years it took to divorce her. I work in an open atrium setting with a 10 story fall. And there were days where I thought, one impulsive move and I can end it. Divorce took abnormally long. She wanted the divorce then dragged her feet to teach me a lesson. Nothing went well at all. Then we finally settled.

Four years after filing, life is fantastic. I lost 90 lbs. Back pain has disappeared. I'm active. I'm dating but not really ready to commit yet. And best of all, I've hit 120 bpm on a les paul. I picked up new hobbies and it put me in a different world. I can't imagine a life without music now. I shut her completely out. There is absolutely no reason to keep poking that wound.

It does get better. You have to keep the faith for a few years and start looking to rebuild. You have to also accept that life may not have the same structure as before. Not being the same doesn't mean it's worse. Find your passion. Make sure it's all about you - wood working, gym, music, whatever. Build it. Build yourself.

funzys · 2025-04-02T15:02:04+00:00

Hey brother. The depths of despair and loneliness can take the best of us to the worst places. I'm still going through it after a rough couple of months but it does get better, albeit slowly. Get your own place if you can. Stay busy. Do the things you always wanted to do but never could for whatever reason. Exercise is more important for your mind than body in these situations. Seek out your closest friends and family. Talk to a therapist. There is no magic pill or formula. You've made it this far in life and productively so. Remind yourself of all you accomplished and talk out loud about what you still have left to do. I'm sure there are enough people in your life who would be willing to give you some time. Those are the ones that you need to be there for in the future - when they are in need. Right now, though, tell them how much they mean to you. My best to you.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-02T14:56:06+00:00

Ending your life is never the answer. Get into counseling asap or go talk with your local church. Talk to someone.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-04-02T14:41:49+00:00

Time heals man. You’ll be surprised how strong you are with time. Start small and slowly start picking yourself up, small wins add up.

Slippedbonds · 2025-04-02T13:39:59+00:00

Call 988, brother. You are more than your marriage. There are people around you who love you. You can get through this.

DeepAnt8165 · 2025-04-02T13:33:56+00:00

Sounds like you are suffering from a break up from a person that did the right things to own you.

Part of growing old it is to come up with the realization that in life nothing is granted, that everyone has a price, good times end and nothing last for ever.

Loneliness is a bitch, you have to find a support circle, friends, relatives or even previous relationships.

Probably you will have to move, traveling is so powerful to distract your mind.

Then, rebuild what is lost, get in shape, learn new things etc.

Don't end your life for a piece of flesh that decided to shift around.

Title	Can't live anymore
Author	Substantial_Lemon250
Upvotes	25
Comments	34
Date	April 2, 2025 1:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jpo3fm/cant_live_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-live-anymore.1548411 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548411

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