Just don't wanna be alone in my head, and want to hear some insights.

Male 30 here, ex wife is 29, got divorced 2 months ago, we share our 2 year old son, we've been together for 7 years, 4 years of marriage.

When she announced it, she told me that she couldn't get over an emotional affair I had 3 years ago with a girl online (nothing physical). No excuses for what I did, told her that our couple lacked intimacy because she got comfortable, even when I tried initiating dates, romantic nights.

She tried for 3 years, and I did everything in my power to rebuild trust, we even got our son.

I begged, I cried, I kneeled, but her decision was final.

Don't be me, don't fuck it up if You have a loved one.

Now I'm living alone, taking the little one from nights to nights, and this morning when I dropped him, as I watched her car go, waving goodbye, my heart couldn't take it, tears flowed instantly, this is my new reality now.

She told me that I was her best relationship, we're Muslims, her parents are very traditional, but I never caged her, nor with what she wears, drinking, partying, etc. I wanted to show her the world, she loved the way I made her feel, the way I lead things, the way I take responsibility seriously, I was a man of action, but she lost herself trying to stay emotionally after what I've done.

She said she needed to find herself without me, and said that she would never remarry as she's convinced that no guy would go as far as me for everything I did positively and that if life finds a way, she will choose me. (basically I'm the backup if she fucks up lol).

Also told me to go date other girls, so they can give me what she couldn't give.

She still has photos of our marriage on her Facebook profile.

But I recently discovered that she's in a flirty/sexual situationship with her coworker, (that she told me not to worry about lol) her ex from university and another guy, going out drinking, partying, while I'm grieving, she even contacted all of her exes to test the waters, it hurts but it's not my business anymore.

We're still good at communication regarding our son.

She even cooks for me time to time (it's a sweet move but ambiguous as hell)

1 week ago I decided to keep communication at the bare minimum, told her to stop the cooking and the attentions (knowing what she does) So that I can move on.

It's hard, I talk to my bros daily, I use the rage and sadness that I have at the gym. I want to put up mass, I do Muay Thay as well, keep upgrading my physique and taking care of my son, as it's the only thing keeping my self confidence at the moment.

Moral of the story, I fucked up, but I'll get through as a good father and a steady man.