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FinnianWhitefir Archive

View 1 posts and 314 comments by FinnianWhitefir on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
454

Red Pill TheoryFinnianWhitefir/r/TheRedPill17/02/14 09:33 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Attachment theory is currently all the rage in psychology/therapy. I feel like a big action item at the end of this should be "Go study attachment theory, figure out how your connections to others were damaged, and work on them."
/r/becomeaman16/12/21 06:32 AM
2

What kind of advice do you expect? She's the kind of person in this world who doesn't give a shit about you and thinks that even the common courtesy of giving you access to your property is inconveniencing her. The old lady who lives next door to me loves quiet. So guess what, she told my downstairs hairdresser lady not to hook me up with any of her hairdresser co-workers, with a "I think X is fine how he is, he likes being single". She also keeps saying that after I move out, I need to keep pay…
/r/askTRP18/08/15 07:16 AM
3

I'm hairy enough everywhere that there's just no dealing with it. I was amazingly self-conscious when younger. At some point, getting some self-esteem through therapy and getting into Stoicism, I was able to take on a "It's something I can't change, some girls will hate it, some will get turned on by it, may as well accept it". Here are the words you need to have ready "Yeah, hairy like a beast". Not hairy like a self-conscious boy.
/r/askTRP18/08/15 06:43 AM
1

Let me explain the two ways that psychology fixes this in therapy. The first is that you need a stable comfortable relationship from which to learn how to do all this. A good psychologist knows how to do this, will have you feeling comfortable as you learn how to be vulnerable and show your true self, will slowly show you how to disagree with them until you learn how to do that and confront people, and you will learn that you are worth attention being paid to. You basically "learn" these skills,…
/r/askTRP06/08/15 03:27 AM
3

Look, there's a big stigma in the US against mental health and working on it, but it is designed for exactly this. You hunt around and find a accomplished strong male psychologist, he basically calls you on your bullshit in a safe way, over a couple months you subtly learn how you can speak what you think, how you can stand up to an authority figure, and how you are safe to disagree with someone. You then take those skills out into the real world and are perfectly capable of dealing with other p…
/r/askTRP05/08/15 08:17 AM
2

Is it a problem? Can't you wait a bit for round 2? Most women when asked claim that it makes them feel good, as in it's a compliment that a guy can't help themselves and are so turned on that they orgasm fast. Look, if you had a medical issue like a broken leg, we'd tell you to go see a professional expert in that, I.E. a doctor. Psychologists are the professional experts who know how to help you get over issues like you talk about. You need to find the right one, and the right good one, but it'…
/r/askTRP02/08/15 07:36 AM
3

You just got to try them. I only went when I heard someone say "Half of all therapists are just bad. And only half of the good ones are going to be good for your issues". The first I found seemed super red pill. Ex-special forces, benched a ton, lifted every morning, but he was new at being a psychologist and just didn't get me any progress. The second time I made a list of all in my city, then started googling up those names. I found one with published papers, was a chairmen of an armed forces …
/r/askTRP02/08/15 07:21 AM
8

I suggest in all cases you think "What would people think about a person who did X?" I.E. surely in her head is this "Bad people don't reply to texts and just blow people off, I'm not a bad person, I have to send a reply". Now granted, this reply is probably a lie, or at least a blow-off, and at best just a non-committal delay. But in her mind, she now thinks of herself as a good person who doesn't treat people badly.
/r/askTRP28/07/15 08:50 AM
1

This explained similar stuff in me: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder Half of therapy is getting used to being with another person, relating to them, learning how to communicate and keep a conversation going. I highly recommend trying it, as it seems like you just don't have that experience/practice in truly communicating.
/r/askTRP22/07/15 07:38 PM
3

I did Ireland. Hopping in a rental car and just drove for 10 days, saw nearly the whole island, then did a few nights in Dublin. It's super easy to just randomly find a B&B each night. I highly suggest it.
/r/askTRP21/07/15 03:02 AM
2

Agreed that it sounds like pure panic attacks, I.E. not a medical issue most likely. There's a couple books I've read about how to deal with them in the moment or how to make progress on them. The Nerdist Way or Anxiety As An Ally. This could be caused by some healthiness issue, I.E. some people get them way more when they drink to excess, or miss a lot of sleep, or have huge life stress. Get into some therapy. This is your body telling you that you aren't comfortable and that something is wrong…
/r/askTRP15/07/15 04:53 PM
2

It helped me a ton. At 36 I realized I was depressed, social anxiety, no real relationships with people. It took a few tries but I found a strong objective male psychologist who was really skilled at calling me on my bullshit yet making it a real comfortable space for me to actually talk openly and honestly. Three sessions got me over a ton of my social anxiety by revealing the underlying issues causing it, six months got me really comfortable with confrontation and sharing my true self with peo…
/r/askTRP13/07/15 11:12 PM
1

I found this book super readable and I've given copies out to people I know. It really helped me. http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness/dp/0061286052/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434508933&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+living
/r/TheRedPill17/06/15 02:43 AM
1

I was a lot like that, I did a lot of therapy and work on improving myself, and I came through the side drastically better. It is possible to get through it. First recognize that you "learned" a lot of unhealthy stuff. When your parents beat you, you often learn not to trust anyone and not to love anyone. When you show up at school and everyone automatically shits on you, it often means you never learned how to interact with people. It really helped me having a objective third-party to call me o…
/r/TheRedPill15/06/15 04:00 AM
1

My first real vacation was to Ireland. I made up a rough itinerary, hopped in a rental car, and just hit the road. Best time of my life. Great mix of scenery and driving, touring historical stuff, great food, great drinks, and amazing social people. And no language barrier. I really recommend it though with just a week you might tour a little bit and hang around Dublin for half of it. Really cheap when you stick to B&Bs. The rental car, and scraping it on a rock on a one-lane road, was the bigge…
/r/askTRP12/06/15 04:25 AM
1

The first time I choose someone random, and it was bad. It felt okay to just talk to someone, but he didn't get me any progress at all. The second time I pulled up Google Maps, put in Therapist, and wrote down 10+ names in my city. I then had to whittle it down to just the psychologists, as you get a lot of like "Marriage and Family Counselors" which can mean jack. I then googled their names, and found one that had papers published and was a chair of a psychological association for veterans, and…
/r/askTRP03/06/15 05:03 AM
2

The following helped me get a grasp on my issues, though they could not be yours. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/secure-attachment/attachment-issues-and-reactive-attachment-disorders.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder Babies as young as six months show very different behavior when compared between anti-social/unemotional parents and loving parents. That study hit the front page a couple weeks ago about how they'd have a baby in a room with a snake in a cage and a parent woul…
/r/askTRP03/06/15 04:48 AM
3

I had a lot of that, and getting into some therapy with a strong male objective psychologist helped me a lot. Basically you need a safe place to sit there and explore actually being you and not letting all these thoughts and censorships and fears get in the way. And the right psychologist will be trained to facilitate that and help you learn how to do it. I could explain more if you want, it took me a few tries to find one that got me progress on my SA, but it worked wonders and I wouldn't go ba…
/r/askTRP03/06/15 01:51 AM
1

I only got the courage to find a therapist when I heard "Half of all therapists are bad, and only half of the good ones will be good for your issues". The first was just useless. The second one I got a ton of progress really fast and slowly got even better over a year. I saw a third one because I was curious about EMDR and again just got almost nothing out of it. So if you are paying a doctor to help with your issues and aren't getting improvement, try another. It's important to give them time t…
/r/askTRP27/05/15 06:55 AM
1

I got a ton of improvement when I found a proper objective strong make psychologist as a therapist. He was very good at calling me out on my bullshit and making me realize that I had all these unhealthy motivations and assumptions. I had very bad social anxiety and self-worth issues, and it was very easy to see them for the bullshit they are after having a third party sit there forcing me to look at them and review them as an adult. For me, and it sounds like you have something similar, there wa…
/r/askTRP05/05/15 04:46 PM
2

I only got better when I found a real red pill, objective, strong male psychologist. He really called me on my bullshit, made me look back over all the bad situations in my past and get over them, and helped me realize that all these bad motivations and assumptions were wrong. I only tried a couple after hearing someone say "Half of all therapist are just bad, and only half the good ones will be good for your issues". If you aren't drastically improved after two years, move on and find another o…
/r/askTRP05/05/15 04:24 PM
2

I went through traditional talk therapy, and after I found a skilled objective male therapist, it got me a ton of progress and basically conquered my SA. I highly suggest it. I have a friend who I just reconnected with who says he had similar issues and went through a 10-day meditation camp, basically no talking, no activities, just pure meditation with your thoughts for all ten days, and he claims it also fixed his. I find it very interesting how we both came to the exact same realizations thro…
/r/askTRP24/04/15 05:23 AM
1

A while back I sent someone this: "If you want some info about how it helps, there is a podcast on iTunes called The Dr Drew Podcast. Glancing through the list I'd try 134, 130 especially, 129, 128, 117. The topics are all over the map from show-to-show, so other episodes might be about completely different things, but these ones were really based on improving social/relationships through therapy and were really informational to me." It was way some help for someone on the Social Anxiety sub as …
/r/askTRP12/04/15 06:47 AM
1

I had bad social anxiety and a bunch of issues and got a ton of progress seeing a therapist. He was a strong male objective guy who was really skilled at calling me on my bullshit and making me look at all my assumptions and motivations, which were really bad. Dr Drew talks about this process a lot, about how a lot of damaged people can't relate to another person and how half of general therapy is just learning to sit there and connect with another person who you communicate with openly and hone…
/r/askTRP11/04/15 06:29 AM
1

It's the other way around for me. Getting into RP got me a lot of confidence, taught me power-talk, and showed me how to present myself to other people. Half the people in my group as super low-confidence betas who willingly undersell themselves. One guy literally starts every question with "Now it could be that I'm dumber than average, but..." and makes it really clear to everyone that he is at the bottom of the totem pole. Basically, get to the point of "I tell everyone that I'm awesome and ca…
/r/askTRP06/04/15 03:56 AM
2

Have you gotten out into the world alone? I had a lot of the same issues until I took a solo vacation. It did a great job teaching me how to be satisfied with myself, how to never check with/rely on others, and gave me something to look forward to. Sounds like you are successful and likely have, it's just worth checking into and really changed me for the better. And agreed with the other poster. Getting into therapy really taught me that there were a lot of dysfunctional thoughts I had buried de…
/r/askTRP31/03/15 10:41 PM
1

Sorry, I meant just the book "The Art of Living". Stoicism is just the general term for the philosophy. I found this one easier to read than others: http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness/dp/0061286052/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426547021&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+living
/r/askTRP16/03/15 11:04 PM
1

So first off, it may be easy to see someone through your college. No clue but people always give that "Colleges have counselors for free for things like mental health/suicide" but no clue and I suspect they aren't top-notch psychologists. Secondly you fall under your parents insurance, if you are over 18 they shouldn't be involved or hear about it, though I guess if they are super-involved or go over insurance stuff meticulously they might see something and you might have to give a "Yeah, I was …
/r/askTRP16/03/15 10:19 PM
1

How I like to explain it is that while growing up I learned a lot of ways to act/react. I learned that expressing my emotions and feelings and thoughts resulted in people trashing them and making me feel worthless. That shit sticks with you, and even in my 30s I unknowingly had this "You're a piece of shit and if you say anything, they will know it" way down in my subconscious. I found a strong objective male therapist who was really skilled in digging down into my issues and calling me on my bu…
/r/askTRP16/03/15 09:54 PM
3

I did some therapy and it really helped with this and my social anxiety. It took a objective skilled psychologist to help me dig down and realize that I had this "If I fail or say something wrong, this person will dislike/hate me, then they will attack/ignore me". This happened to me a lot in childhood/teen years, so I learned the best way to avoid this was to pre-plan all my conversations and spend a lot of time in them trying to manage "What should I say, how will they interpret it, what are t…
/r/askTRP16/03/15 06:43 PM
1

Depends. If you want it to cost less, yes. Your options are: Go to an in-network therapist through your insurance. Some insurances don't offer this, mine pays the majority with a small co-pay, some may only offer so many meetings per year, it all depends but it's the cheapest so worth looking into. It might range from completely free, to you having to pay a decent amount each session. Find a random therapist. Your insurance may reimburse, you might end up paying $150 a session then getting 40-10…
/r/askTRP10/03/15 01:00 AM
1

My insurance has an online page where you can find specialists in your area and I was able to get their list of in-network therapists, who they pay most of and I just do a minor co-pay for each session. I ended up finding one on my own before I knew that, and they would reimburse about 40% of the cost when I submitted the paperwork. I have also heard that many colleges provide resources and people to talk to. I'm skeptical of them being great, but who knows. Just recognize it's hard to find a th…
/r/askTRP10/03/15 12:49 AM
1

It's worth doing a little reading up on things. There are real psychologist therapist (Tons of school and actual professional) that are decent. But there are tons of "licensed therapist" that can mean a couple years of school or weeks getting some certificate. I saw a few worthless ones until I did a lot of googling and found one that was a member of professional psychological associations and had papers published. Just suggesting that I'd stay away from "counselor", "marriage/family therapist",…
/r/askTRP09/03/15 11:39 PM
1

I came in here to say basically this. It sounds like a lot of self-esteem/self-worth issues along with no adult encouragement. I solved similar issues in my 30s by finding a strong objective male psychologist who knew just how to call me on my bullshit and force me to review all my bad assumptions and motivations. OP learned that it is easy to ignore everything, to not put any work in, that the best way to succeed in life and not feel and pain is to do nothing. And he's now got to change that.
/r/askTRP09/03/15 11:33 PM
3

Yes, see a doctor. Dr Drew talks about how men with this problem need a physical because it is a big sign of potential blood-flow/heart problems. He also talks about how pot can cause this. Maybe go without that for a few weeks and see if it gets better. Are you always hard through all of masturbating, pointing to it being mental? Or does it happen there too, pointing to it being physical?
/r/askTRP08/03/15 09:18 AM
1

I'd suggest looking into that. People don't suddenly in high school go "I don't know how to relate to people or talk to anyone". Given your story I would imagine you were also kind of isolated and passed over for your brother in childhood and internalized all that. Probably worked great when you were a kid, but taking those into the real world results in just not being able to talk to people and "fit in".
/r/askTRP07/03/15 10:06 PM
1

I'm confused how your personality would isolate you. Don't guys love a tomboy who wants to hang out and play sports and games and such? I know I often felt different, and isolated, and lonely. I got into some therapy and learned how to connect to myself, how to talk to other people openly and honestly, and how to really be in a relationship. Just trying to make sure you aren't avoiding actually being with people by picking a stereotype that is completely non-challenging and mostly doesn't exist.
/r/askTRP07/03/15 09:25 PM
1

The problem you will run into is that TRP deals in generalities and "99%s". I.E. the vast majority of men find long hair on women attractive. Feel free to have short hair if you like it, but recognize that you are choosing to be less attractive to 99% of men. I feel like you are coming in here saying "I'm 1% of women, can I use TRP to find that 1% of man that matches up with me?" So, maybe? I'd invite anyone to read TRP to figure out how men and women think and what they are attracted to. I thin…
/r/askTRP07/03/15 09:04 PM
2

Just curious what part of TRP strategy you think will be applicable? Are you saying you'll find a male that dread game works on and who will value you for your confidence and providership? The solution seems to be finding a really passive guy who naturally won't rock the boat and who will fall in line, and perhaps that appeals to you, but women I know don't find it attractive. There's nothing really TRP about that, other than recognizing that you're going for a beta who is thirsty enough to trea…
/r/askTRP07/03/15 08:26 PM
1

Find a male therapist. A real objective psychologist knows how to work through these issues. It really helped me for the same stuff. Basically, in a very safe comfortable setting you have a father figure/role model/authority figure calling you on your bullshit, questioning you, and forcing you to disagree and stand up to them. Through a few months of this you'll get comfortable doing it and will be able to do it in the real world.
/r/askTRP03/03/15 11:55 PM
4

Therapy. Here's how it works. You sit down with a strong, objective, male therapist who calls you on all your bullshit. In some ways he is a father figure who forces you to learn yourself and stand up to him. In some ways he is a friend who teaches you how to interact openly and honestly. In some ways he is a trained psychologist who knows how to dig into your issues and get you to recognize "Deep in my brain I'm assuming that X is going to happen, X makes me feel like shit and anxious, and X is…
/r/askTRP03/03/15 05:20 PM
4

I did something similar in Ireland, it's not quite as exotic but it was my first vacation ever at 36, really tough to do with no experience, and took me incredibly out of my comfort zone. When I came back: 1. It gave me a ton to talk about. I felt super boring and didn't want to just talk video games with people before, and now I had an interesting "When I was in Ireland something similar happened..." tidbit to put forth whenever anyone was talking about anything. I knew a lot more about what I …
/r/TheRedPill02/03/15 09:22 PM
1

My belief is that a lot of these come down to internal self-worth. You should be able to sit there and think "I'm the most fuckable guy here, these girls should want to fuck me, I'll go ask them if they want to", but it sounds like you have some level of "I know that they shouldn't want to be with me, so I'll avoid letting them fuck me". Getting into some therapy with a strong objective male therapist really helped me fix this. It gave me "frame", this center of "I"m important, I'm worth being m…
/r/askTRP27/02/15 07:14 PM
1

It took a year of therapy for me to realize how many assumptions and motivations and learned behaviors were buried deep inside my mind and weren't really "known" to me. It took an objective third party sitting there querying me and forcing me to validate my actions and review my reasons, to even understand why I choose to do things. When you see something that the vast majority of people in the world do, and you have never done it, it helps to have someone trained in digging into that sit down a…
/r/askTRP25/02/15 01:17 AM
13

They don't want to split the community so have not been pushing people towards it. It's meant to be a rallying point for when this place doesn't work.
/r/TheRedPill24/02/15 08:12 PM
2

Get into Stoicism. Go read The Art Of Living and The Obstacle Is The Way. It will really teach you how to just accept how things are, which includes having no regret for how the past was.
/r/askTRP20/02/15 10:54 PM
2

Yep, going/gone through a lot of that. A few suggestions. Stoicism helped me a lot. Read something like The Art Of Living or The Obstacle Is The Way. It taught me a lot about just accepting how people are, realizing that I can only change myself, and not owning other people's problems. You've got to leave as soon as possible. Just interacting with people like that can drive your stress and anxiety and issues to 100%. I realize it's not really realistic at 19, but looks at non-local colleges, get…
/r/askTRP16/02/15 07:13 PM
4

I don't think you are properly A&A. Your response is basically saying "Yes, you are such hot stuff that all us guys should fight over you and you are worth the whole world being destroyed". She asks because you feed her ego and make her think that all your friends want to fuck her. You need to A&A more on the "Everyone wants to fuck me side". Some quick "Nah, we'll go to Frank's girlfriend's place. She's got room for all of us in her bed and we don't need to draw lots." will impress a "You aren'…
/r/askTRP16/02/15 05:01 AM
0

Yeah, I'm split on it. Myself, with a really checked-out/absent father and an intrusive/neglecting mother really needed a father figure to learn to stand up to and get guidance from. There's a thing called transference where you often look at the therapist as someone from your life, commonly a mother or father. Dr Drew talks about how men with no relationships and no interaction with people need a motherly figure to learn to relate to women and deal with them as people, but I think there's somet…
/r/TheRedPill11/02/15 05:01 AM
4

Sounds a lot like the path I took and am still on. I did 18 months of therapy and then ran into TRP and Stoicism. It's funny how I relate my therapy as "Sitting with a strong male and having him call me on my bullshit" which is really what I should have gotten in my childhood. It's great being able to have self-worth, accept your place in the world, and know how things work. Before this I was so confused and complacent. I also notice a huge different in how I deal with my friends and family, tho…
/r/TheRedPill10/02/15 08:35 PM
3

Very interesting. I joined the FAers when I started Reddit and also Depression and within a few months realized there was constant complaints, whining, and zero improvement. On the contrary, I stick around the SocialAnxiety sub as people there want help, are looking for insights and solutions, and celebrate progress. I find those two groups fall into your theory as people commonly view SocialAnxiety as a distinct illness/issue they have and which they want to get rid of.
/r/TheRedPill10/02/15 08:04 AM
3

I think there are two kinds of people. Some have "anxiety" and need medication to solve that, and once they don't have that anxiety or panic attacks, the situation would be resolved. I had a really bad social anxiety beaten into me through childhood, and while I had anxiety and a couple of panic attacks, removing that anxiety wouldn't help me because I had all these underlying assumptions and reactions and expectations and zero self-worth. Going to a skilled psychologist (And it took a few tries…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/15 07:56 PM
4

Yep, totally my experience Pre-TRP and all my beta friend's experience. Even OKCupids really open objective data-mining shows a minor number of men get the replies. But we all have to get over that "Some day you'll find someone who will love you for you" eventually.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/15 11:30 PM
1

Go read about Stoicism. http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness-ebook/dp/B00AHC9PZW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1423154393&sr=8-2&keywords=aRt+of+living http://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423154456&sr=8-1&keywords=the+obstacle+is+the+way It has been amazingly effective at helping me to just not care about the things which don't matter.
/r/askTRP05/02/15 04:41 PM
17

I agree that his response was weird, but why would you ever just suddenly say that to another person? Do you ever turn to someone and go "I hope you know I'd never kill you"? "I hope you know I'd never steal your car"? It was a weird, meaningless statement that she wanted to evaluate his response on.
/r/TheRedPill04/02/15 08:45 PM
5

I appreciate it. After a few months here I had a trial of conscience and was really questioning everything, and went on a night of research into TBP, Purple Pill Debate, AskMen, Relationships, etc. I found endless platitudes, meaning feel-good bullshit, and "Just be yourself and be nice". Nothing actionable. I'm here because I'm told the truth, because my views are challenged, because I get help with how to improve myself, and I get to have smart people help me learn from other's mistakes. And b…
/r/TheRedPill29/01/15 11:23 PM
2

I've seen three therapists, and two were completely useless. I only got the courage to go when I heard someone say "Half of all therapists are just bad, and only half of the good ones will be good for your issues". So I recommend trying some other ones. I was also shocked how drastically my attractions changed after I did that and improved myself and basically matured. I look at my ex-girlfriends and go "They are completely shut-down, non-emotional, unchallenging, and barely a real person". I no…
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/15 08:15 PM
4

Good on you. What really helped me come to terms with it was this: "In my maturing a bunch of stuff happened. No one was malicious or evil, but a lot of stuff happened that was bad for me. I learned how to react to the world from them, and a lot of my reactions were wrong/bad." As an adult I got into some therapy, it really helped to have someone objective going "Why are you choosing this?" to force me to realize that I was making choices when things seemed so pre-programmed and natural. In the …
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/15 08:38 AM
3

What I tried explaining to someone is that people threaten political people all the time, we view them as wackos, and we should find them and lock them up. But a handful of video game guys do the same to women, and it's a huge issue, they represent normal video gamers, and we should change the whole industry. I also have a guy friend who is on the other side of this, and it's shocking when you really understand his view. A woman having sex of her own volition is so negative and so shocking that …
/r/TheRedPill26/01/15 08:26 AM
5

I think there's a couple parts of this. Revenge porn. This is the scenario that a lot of guys wish they had, whereas some girl just screwed them over and quietly faded away. Some public "I have conclusive truth you were cheating of me, fuck you" is cathartic and brings in a lot of fans. Guys are protective of video games. As sealteamaus said here, we've basically been ostracized and criticized for being into video games, and then have seen women come in and try to change or criticize the medium …
/r/askTRP26/01/15 08:03 AM
1

I got deep into Keto and had symptons like you are talking about. Like I could literally feel myself as dumber than I'd normally be. Posted about it and someone suggested something, maybe Magnesium? I ran out and got some avacados and pickles and felt tons better. Suppose it depends on your diet, but I got into a serious Egg and Bacon twice a day for over a week.
/r/askTRP23/01/15 10:35 PM
1

This. Sounds like you have a plan you want done, you have evidence/proof that this will be beneficial for all three parties, and then you apparently think your boss needs to be the one leading this and you need his permission to talk about it. Put together a three slide powerpoint that shows the problems/missing links currently, the roll you will fill and how that will solve those problems, then the financial part of it where you'll get a raise and he will get money from them in an ongoing fashi…
/r/askTRP23/01/15 07:06 AM
1

I got into Stoicism. This book http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness/dp/0061286052/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421982616&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+living was amazing at teaching me to just accept what life was like, not care about the things I could never change (Like the past), and accept that there's always one step back for every two steps forward. You sound like you are really disconnected from people and wouldn't actually enjoy having a social/sexual life. I had re…
/r/askTRP23/01/15 03:15 AM
1

It sounds like a version of this drama triangle: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle She slips between the steps where she is a victim and does the self-pity thing, then after feeling bad enough times and hating you she flips into Rescuer mode and tries to made you happy so you aren't victimizing her. Then when she doesn't get what she expects from sacrificing and being a rescuer, she then feels a need to persecute you and get angry to get even. To sum it up better, it's like she…
/r/askTRP20/01/15 11:19 PM
2

I'm surprised to see Stoicism popping up in numerous places lately. I randomly ended up with The Art Of Living and credit it as a big part of my life changing. It's funny how it's not even changes, but just a mental calmness as you don't spend any energy on things that don't actually matter. Very freeing.
/r/TheRedPill10/01/15 07:31 AM
3

Dr Drew gets calls from people regularly with these "I cheated, I feel guilty, I think I should tell my spouse" and he often points out that the other person is fine now, their life will be hurt if they are told, so the only possible reason to tell them is that you are selfish and want to reduce your personal feeling of guilt. I'd imagine it is easy to feel bad and like a cheater when it's hidden, but if you admit it and get the other person to forgive you then you don't have to feel guilty abou…
/r/askTRP07/01/15 09:46 PM
1

It took a bunch of therapy with a real strong objective male therapist for me to come to this realization that we all "learn" how we're going to react to any situation. I "learned" to the very core of my being that I was worthless, that I should do any work I could to get someone else happiness, and that I could never say no to anyone. It really ruined my life, I never even realized it, and it took someone sitting there relentlessly going "Why don't you do what you want, why don't you say that t…
/r/askTRP07/01/15 09:33 PM
1

Do some reading on Codependence. Many of us are here because we were raised to have this "My happiness is worth 0, I should do anything I can to help other people". And in the long run, this frustrates and destroys us when we don't understand why other people are just using us for their enjoyment and don't do the same selfless helping for us. There is a book called Codependent No More that helped me out incredibly, though it is very woman-focused and way more into it that our "I should spend my …
/r/askTRP07/01/15 06:05 PM
15

Sounds similar, though I did that at 36. There's a real interesting idea that helped me, where the role of mothers is to coddle and comfort you and provide you a safe place to be. And fathers are supposed to help usher you out into the world, show you that it's safe to leave the comfortable place of your mother, and that it's okay to go take risks in the "real world". I can absolutely see in my life a drive to "Don't go out there, it's too scary and risky". And it's taken a lot of work to basica…
/r/TheRedPill19/12/14 06:10 PM
1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rnFlQAvk8U
/r/askTRP07/12/14 05:11 AM
4

I had really bad impulses. Every single day I'd wonder when I'd get a chance to eat some McDonald's, when I'd make some horrendously unhealthy huge meal of chili and buttered bread, I'd literally have to hold myself off from just eating until I was sick. I got onto Keto, spent a week eating steak and bacon until I was close to throwing up, and then they were gone. I believe that actually sating my body and giving it nourishing food made me feel healthily full and I could then only eat as much as…
/r/askTRP05/12/14 08:29 AM
1

Lots of good standard advice here. To also include, I went into some therapy for self-esteem and social anxiety stuff and just improved myself 100%. Something about being forced to interact honestly with someone, being forced to validate yourself to a higher-status male, having someone objective to call you on your bullshit and make you think through why you look at things a certain way. I highly suggest it. However, there is a huge stigma in the US against it. The idea that you must be mentally…
/r/askTRP18/11/14 05:44 PM
2

When I improved my life a lot, I found that I chose to be around different types of people. I.E. I used to always pick ladies who were disconnected, really unemotional, uninspired, etc. Today they all seem boring and worthless to me, while previously good exciting ladies seemed scary and too outgoing. So just saying, you likely picked to be around guys who were not top-notch and are used to doing things like sitting around complaining because that felt good to you. Now you recognize that it's no…
/r/askTRP15/11/14 08:58 PM
1

A lot of that comes down to self-worth issues. I got a ton better at it when I did some serious therapy with an objective male therapist. Something about having to communicate with him, having to validate my thoughts and opinions, getting comfortable saying anything I wanted to say, I came out of it feeling a ton more like whatever I had to say was valid.
/r/askTRP02/11/14 08:24 AM
3

Sounds pretty familiar. I had the "there but not there" dad and "overly-intrusive but hates emotions and boundaries" mother. She took it badly when I first started improving, thinking I was acting like a jerk when I'd say No to something I didn't want. It helped a lot that I got into Stoicism at the same time as TRP and a bunch of therapy. I really needed that lesson of "My parents are just who they are, they aren't evil or saints, I can't change them at all and they will never realize that they…
/r/askTRP28/10/14 09:21 PM
1

Therapy helped me with the things you mention here. I see a lot of self-esteem issues, a lot of emotional baggage, and attachment issues. Get a real experienced, objective, serious, male therapist who can really help you figure out where that came from and why you think that way. There were a lot of ways I learned to think of myself and the world which were not healthy. Reviewing those as an adult, which absolutely took an objective person to go over with me, allowed me to dismiss them and reali…
/r/askTRP28/10/14 08:12 PM
1

Part of what helped me through similar issues and learning TRP was stumbling on Stoicism. http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness/dp/0061286052/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1414102392&sr=8-2&keywords=art+of+living I totally get the "My parents should be different as they'd be a lot happier and they just can't see the truth" but you need a heavy dose of "People live the life that they want to lead" and "Accept the things you can't change, try to change the things you can chan…
/r/askTRP23/10/14 10:16 PM
2

No, I hadn't heard of that term before. Interesting. I got really into researching http://www.helpguide.org/articles/secure-attachment/attachment-issues-and-reactive-attachment-disorders.htm and see a ton of that in myself and on the Social Anxiety sub. That place is filled with people who just went "Every social interaction is so risky/painful, I'm not going to make any at all". And Dr Drew in his podcasts and radio shows talks a lot about how people recreate what they experienced in their chil…
/r/askTRP15/10/14 07:02 PM
2

This is going to come off a bit Freudian, but I solved a lot of this stuff when I found a really strong objective male therapist who helped me figure out this stuff and forced me to review it all as an adult. I realized that all my childhood my parents were like this, just cold and criticizing 90% of the time and then intrusively complimenting rarely. The girls I picked to date were just like this. Cold, unemotional, passive, and just not really good people. But it was what I was used to, it's w…
/r/askTRP15/10/14 03:22 PM
2

"why would you want to be with someone like that?" The answer is obvious: I am a beta bitch that felt like that was all he could get (at best) or exactly what he deserved (at worst). I don't believe this. You were attracted to her, wanted to experience how she treated you, and considered it a good exchange. You need to fix that. You are not going to magically find a girl who is nice, honest, and considerate, because those are not the traits you are attracted to. If this is all fixed, good enough…
/r/askTRP15/10/14 12:53 AM
1

Dr Drew has talked a bit of his podcasts about how living in a dangerous inner-city leads to basically PTSD trauma in children and leaves them really damaged in adulthood. Feeling that danger and threat constantly is kind of like growing up in a warzone. Finding the right therapist really helped me with those issues. Not just BSing with someone, but having someone who knew how to get me to review those situations as an adult and realize how ridiculous they were and how innocent I was.
/r/askTRP09/09/14 07:46 AM
9

Many companies are just paying Amazon/MS a fee to run webservers and databases in "the cloud", resulting in laying off their internal admins for that stuff. I have a friend who works for a company who manages all your AD stuff on their servers. So instead of shrinking, Admin/IT stuff is consolidating into a few companies. Instead of 100 companies each having 3 admins to run their webserver, they'll just pay Amazon 300K a year and Amazon hires 30 admins. Programming, in-person IT/helpdesk, and co…
/r/TheRedPill28/08/14 01:13 AM
3

Similarly, I realized that every single email/decision I made in my job was accompanied by a "I think" or "This should work" etc. Tons of wishy-washy uncertain words. I spent a couple weeks re-writing every email I wrote to remove all those. It turned "I think we can fix this. Try to X, if that doesn't work then go talk to Y and they might be able to help you" into "Set X to #, if that doesn't work then tell Y". At the same time we had a new boss coming in and everyone had to do a presentation t…
/r/TheRedPill28/08/14 01:08 AM
2

I have not been sleeping enough, this is probably contributing to the moodiness as well. It took me entirely too long to realize that the main things which affect my mood as regular sleep, exercise, and food. When I get too little, or I stay up too late and then sleep in on the weekend, when my schedule gets all out-of-whack, I get no patience, super frustrated with people, and can recognize that I start acting like a jerk. You should definitely take this into account and fix it.
/r/RedPillWomen26/08/14 06:23 AM
1

I did that. Not sure what you mean by old, but at 36 I had no friends, had only had a couple girlfriends, depression and video games were about all there was. I finally realized something was wrong. I got into some therapy, lost some weight, found Stoicism and TRP and a few other things that helped, and things got a ton better. I now know I have value, I do things to make myself happy, I recognize that I am worth having the better things in life, and I am much happier than I ever was before. I w…
/r/askTRP23/08/14 06:51 PM
10

Jimmy Carr. http://i.imgur.com/BZpVp.jpg I hear he gets a lot more sarcastic than that, and so wish I had easy access to him while in America.
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/14 01:26 AM
2

Yes, the constant espoused goal of all these girls is to get married to a successful man, so I just let that go unspoken. I was surprised when the power lawyer on T.V. said she wanted to marry up. Good luck.
/r/askTRP20/08/14 04:17 AM
5

Dr Drew had a short-lived podcast called All About Women that had on a number of 30-something single career ladies who spoke really candidly about how they were told they could have a career and find a husband later. They all seemed really regretful, really confused, weren't finding any men to date them, and were extremely afraid they were going to never get married, much less never have kids. The Wall as this idea that the second a woman flips from 29 to 30 she's less attractive is revenge-porn…
/r/askTRP20/08/14 03:30 AM
1

Sounds very familiar. I certainly went through the same post-TRP mindset. Luckily I had done a bunch of therapy before/during it, and ran into some Stoicism books. Therapy really helped me feel more grown-up, comfortable with myself, and happy saying whatever I feel like saying. I really recommend it with a strong objective male therapist. Stoicism really helped me just accept the world as it is. Not bother thinking about things that I can't change. Working to change the things that I want diffe…
/r/TheRedPill19/08/14 12:48 AM
1

The SocialAnxiety sub is a good place and helpful. Personally at 36 I got into some therapy, it took a few tries as I ran into some useless therapists, but finally found one that got me some great breakthroughs very fast, and I went another 18 months. Dr Drew talks a lot on his podcast about how SA is a lack of ability to connect to people, and how therapy is a learning of this ability. Being able to sit with another person, experience things with them, and gain the skills and self-worth to comm…
/r/askTRP18/08/14 02:58 PM
2

I think TRP should come with a link to Stoicism, such as: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the%20art%20of%20living&sprefix=the+art+of+living%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Athe%20art%20of%20living&ajr=2 Your frustration is caused by your lack of acceptance in truths, in how the world works, and how much you can change or deal with. This book and similar helped me to just sit back and go "The world is how it is, I will change things that are within my possibil…
/r/askTRP13/08/14 09:09 PM
6

Nope. He had lots of shows with his family where he made it very clear that while he runs the pack, his wife runs the home. He got super divorce-raped and attempted suicide. Sounds like he's still taking it like a man: "It's like, 'Okay, I'm a failure. The reason why this has happened is because of me," he said. Thankfully, his two teenage sons found him called paramedics. Since then, the TV star has put his life on turnaround. He's repaired his relationship with his sons, who blamed the divorce…
/r/TheRedPill13/08/14 04:06 PM
3

Part of me getting healthier was learning about Attachment Disorder and realizing it's effect on my life. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm When a child is small they need to feel safe with their mother and learn to bond with her. They then need a father to escort them out into the world and show them that they can safely go out into it while having that safe home base to return to when they are scared. A lot of us guys did not have that father, e…
/r/askTRP13/08/14 03:35 PM
1

I do agree that they have terrible communication, can't correctly ask things, and can't accept the others answer. However, she had brought a bottle of water and doesn't normally get drinks at places. Quite a martyr. So I don't believe that she would have gotten one even if everyone else did. Having solved a lot of my communication issues, I agree that it's very interesting and enlightening to sit there and go "Okay, she said this, but meant that" and "He answered X but wishes she'd come back wit…
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/14 06:03 PM
1

So I'm confused how "Go find a lady who wants to have sex with you, and have sex with her" would qualify for that? It's not negative, it's not prejudiced, not stereotyping, not discrimination, theoretically both of you would leave it having enjoyed the experience. Look, live your life the way you think will lead to the most happiness. Personally I think your views on sex are incredibly more complicated than "No sex outside of a committed relationship, sex is fine within it" and given your postin…
/r/askTRP10/08/14 09:21 PM
1

Can you then clarify what you mean by "sexist" when two people have casual sex? Because the generally accepted meaning is "Negative against females".
/r/askTRP10/08/14 09:03 PM
1

Nope. Because you said here that you consider things like no-strings attached sex or having sex with girls just to practice up, as sexist. Assuming you mean it is sexist towards females, you mean that a man and woman both choosing to have sex is a negative on the female. If you only view it as a loving act and nothing more, why would it be sexist? Wouldn't it be negative on both of them equally?
/r/askTRP10/08/14 08:53 PM
3

For men, this is a huge signal of low self-esteem. Confident, high-value men recognize that women should want to have sex with them. The women would enjoy it and it is recreational fun. Men with low self-value go "Women wouldn't enjoy fucking me, so I think of sex as something only in a relationship, when a woman is already stuck with me". Society has put a huge weight on sex, and it really messes with our heads, but really both people enjoy it.
/r/askTRP10/08/14 08:26 PM
1

Then what possible advice could you get, if attraction was random? You're apparently always randomly attracted to only women who don't like you, and randomly always non-attracted to women who like you. Done. It really opened my eyes when a lady called up Loveline asking why all her five boyfriends cheated on her, and Dr Drew immediately asked her "Why are you picking guys to date who are cheaters? You meet 100 guys every day, could date any of them, but you picked to date the five guys who are c…
/r/askTRP10/08/14 08:20 PM
3

Bullshit. You are picking women that are not attracted to you. You are turned off by the women who are attracted to you. You need to explain in much greater detail why you aren't attracted to these women and what attracts you to others, and you need to accept that "attraction" is not some magical state that randomly happens. There is a reason women with alcoholic fathers end up with alcoholic guys. When they meet a nice guy, then a "not attracted to him". They then choose a bad guy.
/r/askTRP10/08/14 07:58 PM
1

Therapy really helped me with this. You grew up with a really skewed view of how people interact and provide for relationships, and you need to correct that. So my theory that you feel comfortable around and go after women who give you sporadic/random attention and who seem to not really want you around, it sounds like you would be into that. And contrary, when a woman is nice, openly loving, pays attention to you, you're going to experience that as uncomfortable, smothering, and you're not goin…
/r/askTRP10/08/14 07:28 PM
2

Yeah, I had a hard time with that when I first showed up here. But you've got to realize that if you line up 10 men, women will be able to sort them in order of who they want to fuck. There is no question that there is a ranking that exists. And you need to participate in that ranking by making yours as high as possible.
/r/askTRP10/08/14 07:25 PM
1

Low SMV and high standards? Do you mean some esoteric "attraction" or just physical? I don't mean to get all armchair psychologist on you, but we often recreate what we are used to experiencing. Was your mother all loving and nice, or did you not get a lot of attention and didn't feel any affection returned? I know I picked a lot of unfeeling, uncaring, unemotional, bland women who just couldn't make me feel attractive or good, because that is exactly what I was used to.
/r/askTRP10/08/14 07:40 AM
1

I go back and forth on it. My parents are pretty insecure people, but they also have no end of "I know how your life should be". So it's a bad circle of my mother thinking he could be happier and endlessly offering options, but it also comes from a real narcissist place of "I know that your life would be better if you did what I think, so I'll mention it a lot". Good of you to recognize it and work on it.
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/14 10:08 AM
1

Yeah, I don't know what to do. Seeing their bad relationship really frustrates me and I wish I could help, but people get the life that they want. If my dad thought he should get something better, he'd make changes and get it. I had to work hard to accept that in their head, this is perfectly normal, perfectly fine, and they both accept it. Even when I see that it makes them unhappy and creates resentment between them. I was lucky to find Stoicism the same time as I found TRP, which really helpe…
/r/RedPillWomen07/08/14 10:36 PM
8

I've been trying to explain this to my mother, and it's just completely ignored and a non-starter. I make some statement like "I'm walking home from here" and her and my father start talking how that wasn't smart, how it was a bad neighborhood, how they are going to give me a ride halfway home. Actively making decisions contrary to my decisions while I am sitting right there. I'm convinced there is little more toxic to men than that. Likewise, she offered to get my dad a drink at this show, he s…
/r/RedPillWomen07/08/14 06:36 PM
2

Yeah, I joined those subs right when I found reddit, and a few months later realized they were just mired in their problems, constantly complaining, and had no time for people who wanted solutions. I found that r/SocialAnxiety was positive, helpful, and while there are a fair share of complaints, there is a ton of helpful advice given to people who ask for it. I had a lot of those same experiences, let me know and I'll send you a longer better breakdown over PM, but a couple things helped me: I …
/r/askTRP05/08/14 11:16 PM
6

Why not? In the animal kingdom, male and female creatures are different, perform different tasks, and have different physical make-ups. Do you disagree with that, think humans are special and different, or you only mean from a real high-level philosophical idea related to values/goals? This isn't even TRP, books like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus are huge best-sellers and try to explain how we communicate completely differently.
/r/TheRedPill05/08/14 04:15 PM
87

Patrice put it really well. All during The Black Phillip Show he was explaining "We're not together. I'm with her. She's with me. Either of us could decide tomorrow to change that."
/r/TheRedPill29/07/14 08:13 PM
3

This. TRP and therapy combined reduced the frustration and annoyance of interactions with my mother by like 90%. I can now recognize and accept that she isn't comfortable communicating with people, that she can't recognize any faults or failures of her own, and has no motivation in her life. My parents aren't bad people, but I learned way too late that they aren't comfortable or happy in life and that I had to find my own way.
/r/askTRP28/07/14 03:49 PM
5

It's why I find stoicism such a match with TRP. Both have taught me to accept what other people are, to not waste time changing them or society, and to do the best I can to make myself happy no matter how other people act.
/r/AlreadyRed24/07/14 10:59 PM
2

Definitely. Growing up in the 90s with that whole Prozac Nation thing left me super irrationally scared of any brain-altering drugs. But Dr Drew is always all "Go see a doctor, do what he says, he's the expert, be completely truthful with him so he knows if it's not working, if you should try something else, or if the side-effects are too bad so something else needs to be tried". It seems like keeping him in the know, informing him that you know you won't be rational during some times, that ther…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/14 07:46 PM
2

Do you not take medication for it? I don't know anything about it, therapy is likely a really great start, but people call Dr Drew all the time with some "My girlfriend is bipolar and doing crazy/irrational things" he asks if she's taking anything for it or is under a doctor's care, they say no, and he basically says "Okay, so she's going to be like that. Get her help or accept it." I'm a proponent of trying out therapy before any mind-changing drugs, but in your case it sounds like this is an a…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/14 06:47 PM
1

Honestly, I've got virtually the same thing. Therapy helped me get over some really bad social anxiety and self-worth issues. Something about sitting with a strong analytical male figure, having to learn how to validate my thoughts to him, learning how to disagree and argue without getting all emotional and hurt, and just realizing that the things I think and want to say are valid and good. I recommend it if you can find a good therapist, things like No More Mr Nice Guy, Book of Pook, Linchpin, …
/r/askTRP24/07/14 06:04 AM
1

While true in the US, I went to Europe and everyone there does it. Apparently it's tons cheaper than cigs, commonly accepted, and they claim it's healthier. She might just be in some other country.
/r/TheRedPill24/07/14 01:52 AM
1

So you may be different, but in doing a lot of work on myself I realized there were a lot of subconscious "I'm not good enough" and that led to a subconscious "That lady wouldn't want to be with me" which led me to assuming that they should not want to have sex with me. Could be that you still have some self-worth issues to go over. Could be you have some negative views on sex/intimacy that you need to recognize. It's really funny when you realize that "Lets us two have sex" today is equivalent …
/r/askTRP24/07/14 12:32 AM
2

Yes, and find something ridiculous/exciting to say about what you do. I do computer security, which no one wants to hear about. So I tell girls "I fight Chinese hackers all day. It's kind of like the Matrix." It gets them to laugh, it makes it sound exciting, then I get back to doing paperwork all day long.
/r/askTRP23/07/14 03:53 PM
6

This doesn't make sense. Like you don't feel comfortable saying "Bleep bloop" because you normally don't talk that way? Or you mean that you have all these hidden connotations and meanings to those words that make you uncomfortable and therefore you don't feel comfortable being 100% honest with a girl? I'm trying to get you to understand that saying those words isn't a bad thing for a girl, isn't a bad thing for you to say, should be honest, so why would it make you uncomfortable? I think you ha…
/r/askTRP23/07/14 05:38 AM
4

Agreed, and that book really changed my life too. I think of it as not my personality, but I learned a ton of "I should act this way" or even "If I act X, I should get Y" and of course I'd never get Y. Because the person would never know, they wouldn't care, and it drove me into endless frustration. The stuff on Covert Contracts explained my entire family drama and why everyone was always pissy with each other.
/r/askTRP23/07/14 04:07 AM
5

Also agreed to reading No More Mr Nice Guy. Here's the deal, in spite of being "Sweet, charming, caring, adorable" you are out on a date with a hot girl and you would enjoy fucking her. Most girls, if they think you are high SMV, would enjoy you looking her right in the eyes and saying "I would so love to fuck you right now". It is the truth, it's open and honest, and it's a turn-on. Could you say that, feel comfortable, and still be your charming caring self? If not, aren't you being dishonest …
/r/askTRP23/07/14 04:06 AM
2

Good job. Sounds like a lot of what I did also, minus the wife/kids. It was a shock reading books like Codependent No More and No More Mr Nice Guy and having my eyes opened to how unhealthy my motivations and assumptions were. It's scary how you can end up in a "I'm not worth anything, I should sacrifice to make everyones life better". That group sounds nice. The only similar ACA group I found was all 50+ ladies, all still mired in their issues and drama, and I was confused because I went in wit…
/r/TheRedPill22/07/14 05:42 PM
3

"right now I have 2 weeks vacation and I dont know what the fuck to do even though I have all the time" This is exactly what led me to therapy. I had tons of money, tons of vacation time, and I still sat around playing video games alone every night with this excuse of "If I knew what would make me happy, I'd do it". I was really just so disconnected from myself, from what I wanted out of life, from my own self-worth, that I didn't really think I was worth anything. Sitting down with a good objec…
/r/TheRedPill15/07/14 05:51 PM
1

Yes, sorry, was in a rush and didn't check on those books. Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) is the right title. Very interesting and helped me really put a check on my assumptions and ego. It also really helped me understand and let it go when other people claimed they were 100% correct when I knew they were wrong. Similar to TRP, you have to come to accept that some people don't know, don't care, and won't listen to your ideas. Because they mentally can't accept that they could be incorrect.
/r/askTRP08/07/14 06:55 PM
5

Search for podcasts on here and there's often suggestions. Black Phillip, Beige Phillip, I find economic topics on EconTalk to be enlightening about human motivation though a lot of them are too dry to listen to. Then do the standards suggested around here: No More Mr Nice Guy, Models, The Way Of Men. I found Everyone Makes Mistakes But Me to really improve my thinking. 48 Laws of Power is on audiobook.
/r/askTRP08/07/14 04:56 PM
2

Dr Drew often tells people "That's now a first date item and it's not a 10th date item, you better figure out somewhere between there when it needs to come up". I have some friends who are "Sex is on the third date" men so that's likely a good guideline if the topic hasn't come up by then.
/r/askTRP07/07/14 07:48 AM
2

Sounds good to me. I get weirded out when my housecleaner says "I really enjoy doing the dishes, so I'm happy having this job". I would hope that having a SO meant that either we agreed to dedicating money to have a weekly cleaner, and she find constructive ways to spend her time, or she accepts that I'm not one for housecleaning and my larger income means that it's fair for her to do that cleaning. The only issue I see is that I believe it is incredibly better/healthier for kids to be raised by…
/r/askTRP07/07/14 07:39 AM
2

Sounds like you have it down. Alone time helps men reduce stress. Dr Drew all the time asks women about this, and they all answer "I've got to figure out what's wrong, we have to talk it out, I've got to follow him around talking until he opens up" and every man goes "Leave me alone for a while until I've calmed down and want to talk, all that stuff you said is annoying" and the women are always shocked.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/14 04:59 AM
2

And is 4 times in a year really harping? When my sister started a job and had a big problem with how some things were handled, I told her "Feel free to bring this up to your boss twice. Then it is clear he knows about it, has decided how it currently works is fine, and on the third time you have now become the problem. Because you are deciding that you know better than him how things should be." Dr Drew talks about this a lot, men who drink/pot and have no sex drive. Firstly, he always says to g…
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/14 01:40 AM
0

I'm a fan of the "Here is a thing that will help you, I really recommend it, hopefully you spend some time on it, no biggie if not". Do that while dropping off a No More Mr Nice Guy at his desk. If that goes over and he claims he read it, give him or suggest Models. And if he chooses not to, or lets his viewpoint of your fighting to come in front of improving himself, then that's on him and you go on to lead a better life.
/r/askTRP04/07/14 12:25 AM
2

It's a complicated issue. I love the quote from Patrice that "The best game of all is no game at all" meaning you should just be the person that would answer every test perfectly and attract every lady. But the start of TRP is usually understanding what games/tests are happening, what answers will drive attraction, and answer in that way. I.E. every answer to "How should I respond to this text?" is crafting some kind of game.
/r/TheRedPill30/06/14 11:01 PM
1

Because I would do things I might not prefer in order to make them happy purely because they were supposedly a girl and I might get something out of it. When I started approaching it from a "I'm not going to get anything out of this, I'd rather do X". Agreed that there's nothing wrong with doing something with your friends, and doing things you might not enjoy for people who also do things for you. Just don't sacrifice part of your life for anyone, male or female, who also doesn't do the same ba…
/r/TheRedPill29/06/14 07:38 AM
6

Yep. I couldn't believe it when I recognized that I was spending 30% of my time in the game just waiting on people/things, 30% of my time just going from one place to another, 30% of my time doing mindless stuff so in the future I could do fun things, and about 10% of my time actually doing fun stuff. They are finely crafted to waste your time and be an endless treadmill.
/r/TheRedPill27/06/14 04:05 PM
4

It is shocking now that I recognize how much my parents are constantly looking for things to criticize, things to assume bad, and ways to prove anyone else wrong. And they lead very shallow, isolated, unhappy lives. Both of them, separately, in response to me saying I had an interview for a job in another country was "That place is really expensive to live in". I even jokingly now go "Please don't make up potential things that might go bad" when they get into their "I hope your car doesn't break…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/14 07:03 AM
1

I avoided therapy for a long time, until it was really obvious that I was having huge issues and wasn't healthy. A lot of things happening to you in your childhood, you learned bad things from them, and you now need an objective analytical third party to sit down and bring those to light. For me, it was really enlightening how many bad assumptions and motivations I had. I.E. He would ask me why I didn't go on any vacations, I'd start spouting off all the bad things that might happen and how hard…
/r/askTRP25/06/14 08:09 PM
2

Yes. Part of me getting healthier was realizing that if 99% of people chose to do something and enjoy it, and it was obvious that I was avoiding it or choosing not to do it, I should take a very hard look at that thing and figure out if I was right or it was unhealthy. It's hard to tell from your post, but if you don't have any sex drive, then you should really get a medical check. It's abnormal for men in their 20s to not be driven to get sex. If you want sex but you put zero effort into gettin…
/r/askTRP25/06/14 07:47 PM
1

Totally. And related to the original post, unless you are seeing them naked in-person, it shouldn't matter. Do what you want to do and not what you imagine you are going to get out of it. Things also got a lot better when I treated everything ever written online as fiction writing. Previously I'd spend some time and effort trying to verify stuff, figuring out what a person was like, and making sure their story matched up over time. Nowadays, it's just whatever. I live my life, I do what I want, …
/r/TheRedPill25/06/14 06:26 PM
14

Totally agreed, and I started acting a lot differently after I asked myself "What am I getting out of this?" I used to waste a lot of time with these online girls in MMOs and such, until I realized I was getting nothing out of it and doing whatever they wanted hoping to get something. Carolla also says not enough people ask themselves "Will this make me money or give me satisfaction" before doing anything, and end up wasting a lot of time on bullshit that does neither. End result, spend your tim…
/r/TheRedPill25/06/14 03:12 AM
2

TRP takes a pretty hard "Next her" that makes us men feel like these situations are unfixable, so I'd be curious your thoughts on how this would happen. As a man, I view a "Your jobs are doing the cooking and the dishes, and my jobs are garbage and X" are going to get this girl to explode and will never work. So would you think he sets a hard line and accepts she may leave at step 1, or he needs to start 1% TRPing every week until it's done?
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/14 05:46 PM
2

That bothers me as it reeks of cuckold fantasies. Try to figure out if he wants you to be "his slut", which is a huge turn-on for men and pretty common, or if he wants you to be "a slut" which is a big problem and likely leads to threesomes and swinging and such. However, I also worry that there are a lot of guys who denigrate the woman they are with as they have low self-esteem and subconsciously feel like they have to be with a worse woman. It sounds like what you are feeling here.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/14 07:47 PM
1

I don't understand at all what you are asking. If you as a man have anxiety issues and are bad at leading, you should work on fixing that as it will lead to a better life and more opportunities for you to be happy. You listed two issues/skills that are effective at improving life in very wide-ranging applications. If everyone around you plays sports, and you don't enjoy it, and it won't make you money or give you satisfaction in life, you shouldn't do it.
/r/askTRP17/06/14 11:03 PM
3

I don't agree with the first impression thing. People as they grow up get used to acting a certain way and expecting people to act a certain way. You grew comfortable considering other people more important than yourself, and you picked those people to be around, just like they picked you to be around because they were used to bossing people around and love being around simps. Now that you are changing and getting healthier, they feel uncomfortable and if you met them today you likely wouldn't c…
/r/askTRP17/06/14 06:29 PM
1

Very much this. I was shocked after I got healthier in my 30s how much my previous girlfriends were like my mother. Apathetic, boring, emotionless, distance-creating. Treat your son how you would want the girl he looks for to treat him, as that's what he'll look for. Treat him like a responsible man, let him make his own mistakes without nagging, give him a safe place to rest and restore between challenges, show him the things you are excited by. Do this, and the women who are boring, distant, n…
/r/RedPillWomen16/06/14 09:35 PM
12

I identified a number of motherly issues I think caused problems for me. Always questioning my decisions. Whatever choice I would make would get a "Are you sure?" or "Isn't X better?" or "Last time you picked Y". This led to me questioning myself always, as I assumed an adult knew better than me. It also led to me not trusting my choices. No boundaries. I hated when I was 10+ and my mom came into my room singing some baby-song about waking up. And she did it. I also felt like every thing I told …
/r/RedPillWomen16/06/14 07:42 PM
1

You have to read your boss. There's a line between a haughty boss who you want to impress and prove you are above the rabble to, and a boss who considers you all one big team that needs to get everything done. To the first, you need to prove that you are too valuable and capable to spend your time on busywork. "I'm pretty busy, Bob would be good at that" shows that you are more valuable than Bob and positions you in a "You and I are better than the people here" idea. If they ever see you as some…
/r/askTRP13/06/14 10:52 PM
2

The biggest mental change that improved me was "What do I get out of this?" Adam Carolla puts it in a "Does this make me satisfied or make me money? If it doesn't do one of those two, don't spend any energy on it." All I read here is a ton of things she expects you to do without anything you are getting in return. Half the time you make it seem like she onlyt expects you to do things that she wants, I.E. replying to texts and introducing you to people. And half the time you see to claim you two …
/r/askTRP09/06/14 08:55 PM
1

This is great. Thanks. I glanced around and thought I'd come in here to possible link some TRP-ish books that helped me get better as a man, and was a bit surprised to see OP being savaged, but this post makes me understand it a lot more and appreciate RPW a ton more. Tons of respect to you and the other ladies here. I tried getting my sisters here as they seem half-RPW, but they are too busy home-schooling, and raising a bunch of kids, and part-time work to read/socialize.
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/14 08:21 AM
2

I'm glad it helped. I spent decades just thinking that was normal, that I didn't have enough social experience, that I was just bad at it, or that I was just too smart and over-thought everything. I was shocked that in therapy I could talk easily, but in a moment I realized that everything was failure-based. In therapy there was no failure. Success was to talk, to describe my problems, to be completely open and honest, and I was. The realization hit when my therapist made some comment like "I gu…
/r/askTRP08/06/14 09:34 AM
2

That's what therapy solves a lot of the time. You learn to communicate without knowing, without caring, without looking at things from the other person's perspective but only communicating as yourself. They talk about it a ton of the social anxiety subreddit. /u/gg_s once replied better than I could in TRP with: "This. I used to have a filter between my thoughts and my mouth. Whenever I tried to speak, my filter would analyze multiple responses and figure out which would yield the most favorable…
/r/askTRP07/06/14 11:27 PM
2

When I broke out of my depression and social anxiety, I booked a two-week trip to Ireland, just hopped in a rental car, had a really rough itinerary, it was really easy finding a B&B to stay in every night, which also makes it fairly cheap. This was really instrumental in teaching me that I could rely on myself, that I could get along with any random person I ran into and talked to, and I really needed to experience an extended time where I was just doing whatever I wanted to do at any particula…
/r/askTRP07/06/14 09:54 PM
3

What I do is tell my nephews when they are 18ish "These things helped me, you probably won't bother reading them until later in life like me, but it's part of me helping you grow up and become a man to make sure you have the tools and options to learn the lessons that helped me". Then I hand them a couple of books like No More Mr Nice Guy, Models will go on the list now, Linchpin, 10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives, etc. I think you did good. Were I you, I'd hand him a copy of Models…
/r/askTRP06/06/14 08:45 PM
19

My workplace behavior has changed drastically since TRP and reading about Powertalk. Those helped me realize how much I was openly hinting "I'm bad, I don't trust myself, I don't know how to do this". I removed any words like "Maybe", "Might", "Ought to" from my emails/communication. With results. A new manager brought in told me I was one of the people in our group who impressed her the most. Similarly, I've started being honest in a self-promoting way. I let them know "I left my last two group…
/r/AlreadyRed06/06/14 05:02 AM
3

That is the vast majority of my take-away from TRP. Women get to choose what they do, they can choose to have sex with you, they can choose to come along on stuff you're doing. It's really wrong and unhealthy to take on a mindset of "Women don't like sex, she'll never want it, men need to bribe/trick them into getting some". Granted, I completely bought into that mindset before, but it's really insulting to women to claim they can't make their own choices and can be tricked so easily. I think wh…
/r/askTRP05/06/14 03:18 PM
3

Long story, as it was slow getting hard knowledge pre-TRP. I went through a breakup at 27 and did a bunch of reading. Codependent No More, No More Mr Nice Guy, 10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives, and Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, all taught me a lot about my thinking, showed me I was really disconnected from other people and not properly socializing. But I kept going until at 35 I realized I was completely miserable. I found a strong analytical objective male therapist and…
/r/TheRedPill05/06/14 02:57 PM
1

No More Mr Nice Guy is recommended a ton around here. Models is great. Those are more relationship oriented and not really group-dynamic books. People recommend that How To Win Friends And Influence People but I didn't get a lot out of it. Larry King has a book a lot of people recommend but I found it was really just "Ask a lot of questions, people like to talk about themselves". Are you sure you don't have some level of Social Anxiety that you need to fix, and not that you are just introverted …
/r/askTRP05/06/14 07:28 AM
2

I'm actually talking medical. Dr Drew talks about things like rumors on pituitary glands or thyroid problems making it so that men have 0 sexual drive. Or heart problems causing so much blood pressure problems that even guys in their 20s have problems getting erect. I'd think if it were just psychological issues, he'd still get horny, still need an outlet, and still want to get off. And that she'd know if he were masturbating regularly. And just to clarify, nothing wrong with any of it, he gets …
/r/askTRP05/06/14 06:51 AM
3

I really appreciate what you've written today, in your thread and here. It was really exactly what I needed to hear and be confronted with. I'd bet good money I'm the oldest virgin incel here, I've propped up myself claiming I was learning a ton here and it's really helped me in explaining the women I know, but it's slowly sunk in that I still spend all my nights in my apartment doing nothing. I absolutely agree that it's a choice, that we are raised to believe this is easy, safe, and normal. Th…
/r/TheRedPill05/06/14 06:48 AM
1

Dr Drew tells guys like this to immediately see a doctor. A 20s male who doesn't want sex and doesn't masturbate is completely abnormal and needs to be investigated. Could be a medical issue. Her initiating is not going to help. He should have enough of an urge to want something weekly at a minimum, and if that urge doesn't exist, there's nothing to do. I'm a fan of the "He's getting some from the guys at the gym" theory. Occam's Razor and all that.
/r/askTRP05/06/14 06:21 AM
11

I spent way too much of my life believing it was normal to be 100% shy, no friends/girlfriends, no social life, no going outside, no sex. I wish someone had told me "When you are not doing something that 99% of humans are doing, you'd better take a long hard look at whether that is by your choice or whether you are doing something fundamentally different from them". People don't magically fall into relationships, they don't magically fall into sex. I needed a lot of help, a lot of time, and a lo…
/r/TheRedPill05/06/14 06:10 AM
3

Yes. To sum up, many betas believe sex is bad, women don't want it, you have to do something for them to get them to have sex with you, and that corrupts your self-esteem and makes women the prize. Instead it is realistic and treats women as actual people to take on a "Sex is good, women want to have sex, become the kind of man that women will want to have sex with".
/r/TheRedPill03/06/14 10:42 PM
1

I don't understand. Does she not want to fool around? Is it not her choice to fuck you? Are you inserting some "If we fuck, she'll want to marry me" that is completely made up? She wanted to send you those pics. She wants to do more with you. That's valid for her. If she's saying "Let's go out on a date" or "We're now boyfriend/girlfriend" then you have a more difficult situation.
/r/askTRP03/06/14 09:00 PM
1

Very agreed, and I'm glad to see that word satisfaction used in there. Adam Carolla used to claim he looked at things with a "Does it make me happy or does it make me money" but changed because people would go "Well, doing heroin makes me happy" so now has a "Does it give me satisfaction or does it make me money". Try to minimize things in your life that don't fall into those buckets.
/r/TheRedPill03/06/14 08:20 PM
2

I was super codependent, no self-esteem, and constantly put myself down. I read a few books such as Codependent No More and No More Mr Nice Guy and they laid a foundation of considering myself worthy and trying to get the things that I wanted out of life. Eventually I got into some therapy and it all clicked together and worked. I learned that I was important, that I needed to put my true self out there, and that whatever other people did was on them. I wouldn't say that I'm narcissistic but I a…
/r/askTRP03/06/14 04:55 PM
2

Can't fight the tide. When I was new on here, I linked it a couple times to some men who really needed it from places like SocialAnxiety. It didn't go terribly, but I always got a couple of "No, don't go there" comments. This place is really vilified, it's really curious as few know what it is. Now I've changed to just recommending Models and No More Mr Nice Guy. If the guy replies or wants more info, sometimes I'll PM Book of Pook, stuff from the Required Reading here, or just a link here. Good…
/r/TheRedPill02/06/14 11:35 PM
2

This show really opened my eyes to it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_Rehab_with_Dr._Drew Basically, if you aren't ashamed of it, if it's not causing problems, if you aren't attempting to quit unsuccessfully, it's likely not a problem. What did you do before you got a girlfriend? Are you holding down a job/school? It does seem high, but probably do-able 18-25 and will surely lessen later on.
/r/askTRP02/06/14 11:29 PM
42

The book Models does a really good job of explaining how "vulnerable" should mean "Open and honest and communicating your truths and needs" and does not mean "Here is all this crap I'm frustrated with and powerless over". I think you can get what you want without reaching a level where you are whining or just pointing out things that you are powerless over. But it sounds like your definition of "vulnerable" is "exposing weakness".
/r/TheRedPill02/06/14 09:28 PM
1

Why is it tough? Seems like you are done and there's zero reason to pay any more attention to her. Someone said "People need to ask themselves if something earns them money or brings them satisfaction before they do anything" and interaction/communicating with her is not going to bring either.
/r/askTRP02/06/14 02:44 PM
0

Moving out is the real answer. Preferably a few towns away at least. I went into therapy with a strong analytical male therapist and it really helped me get over my parents being intrusive, annoying, and emotionless. I wouldn't normally suggest it for this, but it sounds like they over-react, you don't know how to handle them, and the fact that you're conflicted between doing what is best for you and upsetting them.
/r/askTRP02/06/14 03:14 AM
1

That certainly is putting way too much importance on that, but go check out the ForeverAlone subreddit. When I left it was completely mired in complaining, acceptance, and solitude. At one point I had to reduce my subreddits to the ones that were positive, promoted improvements, and were filled with people who wanted help. Were I to visit it today, I'd think it was the only thing that mattered in subscribers lives.
/r/TheRedPill01/06/14 08:54 PM
21

Happens a lot with everyone, or at least people who don't yet have proper agency and self-worth. I.E. there is a guy in my group who constantly talks down about himself, insults himself and claims he is dumb. He couches it in "Now this may just be me because I've not too bright, but..." or "It may be my Arkansas education but..." whenever he asks normal questions. It used to really bother me, and eventually I realized I used to do the same thing, used to talk bad about myself. You recognize in o…
/r/TheRedPill01/06/14 08:48 PM
3

I'm not trying to send them traffic, no one should actually visit it, but it provides great contrast to them claiming TRP is the thing Reddit should get rid of.
/r/TheRedPill31/05/14 12:27 AM
1

That looks like January 4th. Sounds like about the time we had that first big "What's the worst subreddit on the site?" AskReddit post. We got the #1 place, thousands of people read it and visited here, a thousand of those subbed.
/r/TheRedPill31/05/14 12:00 AM
2

It is really weird and confusing. And beyond just the hate for this subreddit, there are actual subreddit for white power, for posting pics of dead kids, for actually promoting beating women. Is it not somewhat evil to consider us the first ban-target over those places?
/r/TheRedPill30/05/14 11:57 PM
8

Incredibly rarely. The article points out how there was a 'niggers' for a while, but there are still a dozen white-power subreddits if you want to find one. There was also a 'jailbait' that was filled with mostly non-nude teenage girls that got banned, and a few other similar ones at the same time. Similarly, feel free to go see the dozens of other similar subreddits still working, such as 'facebookcleavage'. So in summary, when they get enough bad press they make a showing of banning high-profi…
/r/TheRedPill30/05/14 11:46 PM
1

The advice given to men is "Go out into the world, do awesome things, you will run into other people doing awesome things, and they will want to do more awesome things with you". You need to find things you would enjoy that men would likely be doing. Hiking, camping, traveling, sports, etc. Check meetup.org for male-oriented hobby meetups. Do things in a place where men are likely to be doing things, done.
/r/askTRP27/05/14 05:41 PM
1

My interview advice that people seem to like, is that I go in with a few prepared scenarios. Not actual answers, not pre-canned responses, not robotic sayings. I specifically recall a time when a job went really well, a time when I worked well on a team, a time when things went bad and we solved them, a time when things went bad and weren't solved. Then when I go into this interview I have 4-6 scenarios that I can mold into any answer I need. For instance, you know that you are going to get some…
/r/askTRP27/05/14 04:52 AM
2

Once you realize it, you can start. I'm not in sales, but I realized at one point that I would hem-and-haw every single statement. "I think we should do...", "X might fix the problem", "So-and-so might be able to figure out a solution". For a month I would re-read and edit every single email I sent and remove/replace all those kinds of statements. "We should do", "X will fix this or try...", "So-and-so if the next person for you to talk to". Now I find about once a week I notice I have used one …
/r/TheRedPill24/05/14 05:30 AM
1

Models is much more of a halfway book that will get them introduced the right way. Rational Male is good and is the next step, but BP me would have run screaming away from it's frank talk about plates and sex. When my oldest nephew turned 18 I bought him a real present, but also did a "People try to pass down the wisdom they've learned in life and teach you how to live successfully. There's a few books that have made a huge change in my life and helped me be a better man. I didn't find these unt…
/r/askTRP24/05/14 04:55 AM
9

Compare these: "You aren't allowed to talk to him" vs "I wouldn't be with a girl who cheats on me". The first comes off insecure, guarded, and beta. The second comes off aloof, as you being the decider, and some amount of dread game. It also instills that she is the one making the decision that ends the relationship, not a "Screw him, he can't tell me what to do, I'm now allowed to cheat on him".
/r/askTRP23/05/14 06:57 PM
3

Adam Carolla points out that people don't ask themselves "Does this make me money or does it give me satisfaction" when pondering things like this. What would it possibly bring to your life to have any contact with him or mention him to her, assuming that you aren't going to build up any dependence or assumptions on this girl?
/r/askTRP20/05/14 06:10 PM
2

Dr Drew got into a lot of similar stuff and reading his story may help. Intrusive, non-emotional parents, pressured into medical school, depression and no fun. He was miserable all through school, into adulthood, finally got into some therapy, and claims he is a ton better. Sitting down with someone in a safe setting and learning that you can be your own person, can setup boundaries and resist intrusions, and answer any question in a safe manner that is actually you, is a huge deal and taught me…
/r/becomeaman19/05/14 02:33 PM
1

Agreed with all that. It's shocking now that I pay attention to it, how often a girl makes a statement that basically means "I am running things here and I am the decider". I try to flip it around with a "Hah, you are the one getting lucky here". Your response acquiesced to her statement, even if was playful.
/r/askTRP19/05/14 02:22 PM
2

And I assume as a job at a university, it's a cushy job that is well-paid. I know you say it's annoying and schedules are hard, but understand in the cut-throat private company world, there are often a ton of pressures and deadlines and people getting fired. So it's a tough line. If this is your only real problem, I'd probably just put up with it and rightfully sabotage her when she refuses to let you improve things. If things are too bad, I can't imagine it's too hard for a experienced web deve…
/r/askTRP16/05/14 02:30 AM
3

In my company we have skip-level meetings once a year where we talk to our boss's boss. I don't know if you have contact with them, but I would start by going to them, once only so you don't become a problem/complainer, only verbally so there's no record to get back to your boss, and explain in hard numbers how the above issues cost you lost development time and how her work must be redone by you. If B and S are too good of friends, you might consider pinging the person above them, though if B i…
/r/askTRP15/05/14 08:57 PM
1

Some therapy helped me with those things. If you aren't comfortable sitting down and having an open, honest conversation with another person, therapy is a safe place where you learn to be comfortable just experiencing things with another.
/r/askTRP15/05/14 08:50 PM
7

Yep. It was shocking to me after I read it to realize how much in-my-head "They will do/feel X after I do this action". It was a huge source of frustration, anger, and resentment, and the other person had absolutely no idea. People don't know, they are allowed to have their own feelings about whatever you do, and you have no clue if what you are doing is approved by them at all. Getting into stoicism also really helped with the "Just accept however the world is and however other people are, as y…
/r/TheRedPill11/05/14 04:06 PM
15

That reminds me that I really need to re-read that. The first read through I felt like I understand just a bit and the basics, but didn't get the nuances. But I realized something the other day. In that CoD trailer Kevin Spacey is going on in pure psycopath talk about how the world needs someone to take over, needs someone to hand people security and safety, and then at the end he says something like "And that person is me". Then I finally realized the disconnect I'd been feeling. No true powert…
/r/AlreadyRed09/05/14 01:59 AM
1

Try this: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1y6gyo/never_ask_a_question_always_assume_yes/ I make some points about never asking open-ended questions, proactively giving people limited options without putting them on the spot, and living your life just assuming that you will get a "Yes" to any question you'll ask them to get agreement on something.
/r/becomeaman08/05/14 08:31 PM
1

Yeah, I always thought I was smart and could figure all these things out, but when I got into some deep therapy I was surprised how deep all this was and how my conditioning and motivations were levels deeper than I was consciously realizing. I spent a while pondering yesterday, as I often get into these with specific people. It occurs to me that to be in a passive-aggressive situation you need a person who can't be aggressive and a person who is acting in a bad way towards them. No More Mr Nice…
/r/askTRP07/05/14 03:52 PM
3

Agreed that this book will help on that. There is also another called Codependent No More that helped me a lot as it talked about this "Rescuer > Persecutor > Victim" triangle that summed up all my relationships and I hadn't realized before. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle One day I'd subconsciously go "I'm going to martyr myself (Rescuer) and do whatever she wants, and then she'll be happy and things will be great". When she wasn't happy, I'd slowly get mad and resentful unt…
/r/askTRP06/05/14 11:28 PM
1

I did therapy with a strong analytic male psychologist and it helped me become far more confident and outgoing. Could be that you aren't a good fit with that therapist. I also went to some ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings and it was middle-aged or older ladies, mired in their dysfunction, not progressing or ever being done. It was confusing because as a male I had a mindset of "I want to fix these issues, then I'll be great, and I'll go on to live my life and never think of this again…
/r/askTRP05/05/14 07:13 PM
2

It's great. I find when you deny someone, one of three things happens. 1. You go "I don't think we can't do this, sorry" and they go "This guy is meek and isn't sure, I can bully him into doing something". 2. You go "No" and they go "I don't have any other option, I should keep up with this guy". 3. You go "No, that isn't allowed. Talk to X and they can find a different solution." You've explained conclusively that you aren't going to do it and given them a solution, and they don't bother you ag…
/r/TheRedPill02/05/14 03:01 AM
3

This is very true and the feeling I get from a lot of FAers, being previously one myself. Growing up I picked up on the idea that me just being around annoyed other people (Parents and older sisters), that all the things I enjoyed doing (Boy toys, video games, reading, etc) were stupid, and that it was scary/risky/dangerous to get out into the world and experience it. I did a bit of therapy, a bit of just accepting/improving myself, and a bit of accepting that those people who taught me those th…
/r/askTRP01/05/14 09:15 PM
3

I use the verbage "Old me" and "Current me", as it helps when explaining stories to family like "Old me would have gotten all nervous and given up, but current me just kept going and it turned out good". It helps to explain as people just don't understand someone slowly changing their thinking and life over a few years, and what could be going on radically different in your head.
/r/TheRedPill01/05/14 04:44 PM
1

Agreed with Nitzi and been pondering this a ton lately and identified it as the source of my lethargy lately. We each have this idea of an ideal self in our head. Someone attractive, successful, rich, etc. And for the vast majority of us, we aren't living that life. And this causes a big disconnect in our head, and that confusion/frustration leads us to unhappiness. I lived a lot of my life just completely cut off from any idea of what would make me happy. It was a real miserable isolated existe…
/r/AlreadyRed31/03/14 11:15 PM
2

Not really actionable but the unfortunate truth is: Get a good job at a good company or marry someone who has one. I work for a company with 100K people, the salaried people have a really good insurance plan, I barely pay for anything, though granted I haven't had many health problems and don't have any dependents. But I did a minor surgery under it and think I paid one co-pay for the first visit and everything else was covered 100%.
/r/askTRP22/03/14 08:34 PM
5

The Rational Male book was really red pill lite. Honestly I think the language in it would still turn off a real BPer. Models explained a lot of the thoughts in real-world language and I'd give it to any male who needed to improve himself and his way with women. No More Mr Nice Guy is good but is much more of a low self-esteem guidebook. I'd send him The Book of Pook and see what he thinks.
/r/AlreadyRed22/03/14 08:27 PM
1

/r/SocialAnxiety is a good place for support and help. I only got into therapy when I help someone say "Only half of all therapists are good, and only half the good ones will be able to help with your issues". The first one I saw was completely useless. The second got me a ton of progress in 3 months, slow progress through a year, then I spent 6 months not really knowing what to do and not feeling any better. Funnily, I had the opposite experience. I always went in going "OMG, tons of progress, …
/r/askTRP22/03/14 02:15 AM
3

Seconded to getting her to a psychologist. You say she's not crazy, but a "My husband hasn't talked to me for a few hours and is mad at me, I'm going to cut myself" is not a normal or healthy mindset. This alone tells me that she learned bad ways of dealing with life, and those really should be fixed if you're going to be with her permanently. Secondly, my buddy is basically in your shoes with his filipina wife. She's got zero hobbies/interests, expects a wife to be a home-maker and do nothing b…
/r/askTRP21/03/14 08:12 AM
8

To add one potential step to do this, a lot of salary jobs offer a 401K, which is a retirement account where your money is put into stocks or bonds and stored until you reach retirement age. Many companies offer some form of matching. I.E. I put in 8% of my salary and my company adds 2%. Some others are even more generous than that. This is free money that many people do not take. Many people are stretched to the max and think that instantly losing 8% of their salary would be too hard, but it's …
/r/becomeaman20/03/14 11:40 PM
3

Check out http://www.meetup.com/ If you live in a big city there may be groups getting together weekly/monthly that are into things you want to do. Many cities also have cheap/free evening classes in free papers you can find. Also, being disconnected from that "I want to do X" is something I dealt with for a long time and had to get some self-esteem and motivation to even get in touch with. If you can't imagine something that you would want to go out tonight and actually do, you need to fix that…
/r/TheRedPill19/03/14 07:29 PM
3

No More Mr Nice Guy is suggested a ton. The book really concentrates on why you should do what makes you happy and why it's important to make yourself happy first. I went into therapy with a strong, analytical male therapist and over the long-run it really helped. I learned how to safely communicate with him as an equal, how to disagree with him that I never felt comfortable doing before, and how to stand up to him. Those two things took me from being submissive and never comfortably able to com…
/r/askTRP17/03/14 05:17 AM
2

Can you expand on how you've changed as a result of your accident? Not him, but if you're interested. I once worked for a boss who was the quietest, hippy, peaceful kind of guy ever. Never raised his voice, loved everyone, never had a single stressful moment. Then he was stopped in traffic on the freeway in his small car and a van hit him going 60 while the driver looked at a map. When he showed up to work a month later there was zero happiness, zero calm, zero fun. He was all business, all stre…
/r/AlreadyRed17/03/14 04:37 AM
6

It honestly helped me a ton. I wouldn't go back for any amount of money. 3 years ago I was super codependent, social anxiety, zero real-life friends, scared of everything, never did anything for myself. I was still successful in IT, a smart person, and capable of living my life how I thought I wanted to live it. I went to one male therapist who was new and completely useless. I went to another, a very analytical male therapist who was great at questioning all the weird assumptions I was making, …
/r/AlreadyRed15/03/14 05:48 AM
7

My current one is pretty good, honestly. Completely leaves me alone as long as the work is getting done. Any compliments she hears about me, she applies to herself as she is the one that hired me and manages me, so it must really be a compliment to her as a manager. She fights really hard to get us raises because if we are working for her, we must be important and be doing great work. In essence, having a single high self-esteem boss makes her think of you as an extension of herself. On the oppo…
/r/TheRedPill12/03/14 09:16 PM
2

I armchair psychologist far too much, but when I got into therapy and did a ton of improvement on myself I was shocked how much wrong assumptions, bad motivations, and subconscious views of myself and the world were driven into me by my family. They never sat there and verbally said "You're worthless" but I learned over the years that the best way to survive was to never speak up, never attempt anything, and never go out into the world. So understand that these people have motivations and assump…
/r/TheRedPill12/03/14 05:53 AM
1

Good for you. A lot of people also found help in No More Mr Nice Guy for learning how to put themselves first and do what makes them happy. Chris Hardwick has a book called The Nerdist Way that also has a chapter on panic attacks and how he learned to deal with them. Depression, suicide, and anxiety attacks are serious things. I got a lot of help by seeing a therapist, though it took me a few tries to find a good one. It really helped to learn how to relax, how to be myself, how to safely and op…
/r/TheRedPill12/03/14 05:24 AM
5

Adam Carolla goes off on "If it doesn't make you money and it doesn't provide you satisfaction, don't do it". There is no chance OP gets either from this.
/r/TheRedPill11/03/14 08:34 PM
2

Good job working on your issues. Agreed with everyone that No More Mr Nice Guy helped me through a lot of these issues. There's a book called Codependent No More that also really helped with that whole "Don't ever hurt anyone's feelings, never say no to anyone, they matter more than me". I really empathize with the idea of "re-mature my whole childhood". I had a real touching conversation with my uncle where he talked about how he realized he had to be his own parent as an adult. Ironically, I g…
/r/TheRedPill07/03/14 11:39 PM
3

That's been such the hardest lesson to learn. "I want X, I clearly communicate that I want X, people are allowed to feel how they want". That whole subconscious "Never disappoint anyone, never say no to anyone, their feelings matter more than me" ruined my life for 35 years. Good job working on it.
/r/TheRedPill07/03/14 11:32 PM
3

Pinching, hitting and biting HARD My friend's filipina wife did this after a hot girl from a place we eat lunch at recognized him and called him by name at a mall. His wife Dread Games herself, always imagines he is out meeting girls when he stays at work late, etc. I'm convinced it's some subconscious "I'm marking your body so other ladies will know that you are mine". When I was pre-TRP I had a big thing for hickeys, and I'm sure it was a similar, unconfident, jealous, "I'm marking you as mine…
/r/TheRedPill07/03/14 10:51 PM
-1

Amazing stuff. In the past I've clumsily tried explaining to people that there are 'levels' of thinking and understanding. I know people that can only see one 'level'. "I need to connect this soundbar to my TV, I can't figure out why there's HDMI out to the TV". And I know people that think two levels "This won't work as the TV would have to be set to HDMI out and nothing would come in to the TV". And then I get all mad with a "WTF, of course that doesn't work, it's pretty logical, you just have…
/r/AlreadyRed06/03/14 07:19 PM
6

Yeah, I think this thread misses the point. There's a group of people out there just really psychologically damaged. Unable to have relationship intimacy, to feel close to people, to see themselves as worth anything at all. The FA stuff is interesting as the guys are miserable but just handle it. They don't get too judged by just sitting in their rooms playing video games. However, the women get treated brutally. They aren't accepted in FA because "You've kissed someone, so you're not FA" or "Yo…
/r/TheRedPill06/03/14 06:39 PM
3

So your only issue is her lack of sex drive? Dr Drew tells people all the time that BC screws with that and they need to get to the doctor ASAP, tell him the BC killed their drive, and there's like 3-4 different types they can try at this point and hopefully one won't have that side effect. His own wife got on hormone replacement therapy and was shocked what a huge difference it made, how little she wanted it before without realizing it, and how happier she is now wanting it. If you don't know w…
/r/askTRP06/03/14 09:09 AM
2

Heh, good stuff. If I can help pad it out: The Wall anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K38xNqZvBJI I was thinking how to turn this song into a tongue-in-cheek post on TRP because it sums up a lot of the mentality but is really dumb and simplistic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQd5OEl1W-Q Bitches love cake. None of them bother learning how to bake. If you work hard to earn a cake, you eat that whole thing for yourself. Just replace cake with status. And maybe replace bitches with women. I…
/r/AlreadyRed06/03/14 01:11 AM
3

I had been content to just think "shit happens" when faced with a failure This is one of the biggest differences I see. Not just content and accepting, but not realizing that we live our lives in a way to make this happen. All my life has been passive. "Keep at it and good things will happen", "Some day you'll find the right girl", "Too bad your car broke down". No. People craft the life they want, they choose what to do in it, and they get what they choose. So many people on reddit and in my li…
/r/TheRedPill05/03/14 06:36 PM
2

I'm a male. The female therapists I've been around seemed to do feel-good bullshit that is banned here. It's all "Awww, you shouldn't feel like that" and "They shouldn't have done that" whereas an analytic male therapist really challenged me and forced me to move forward. I picked a therapist closest to my house and he was completely useless. Then I made a list of all the ones near me and then google their names. One was on some psychological associations and had papers published. It's hard as y…
/r/TheRedPill04/03/14 05:10 PM
1

Everyone's stuff is different, I agree that things don't really translate 100%. But I do think that people who are so incredibly divergent from normal society like myself and you, have deeper issues and motivations that they can't even recognize. I only got the courage to go when someone said "Half of all therapists are just bad and won't help anyone. Only half of the good ones will be able to help you in particular." It gave me the motivation to quit a bad one and try another one. I'm much more…
/r/becomeaman04/03/14 06:35 AM
1

I was that way and ended up seeing a therapist when a friend pointed out that the way I was talking pointed to depression. Finding a smart analytical strong male therapist did a ton to get me healthy. He really challenged the ways I thought about things, made me rework the assumptions I made about life, and got me past a lot of hangups I thought were completely normal but were actually problematic and wrong. You currently have all these thoughts like "It's my choice to stay at home every night",…
/r/becomeaman04/03/14 05:20 AM
1

I did 1.5 years of therapy for my mixture of Social Anxiety, no self-worth, no self-concept, etc. The key was getting a strong male therapist who really questioned my assumptions, made me rethink all these ways I thought of things, and made me go back over all these things I thought were perfectly normal but now view as slightly traumatic. Part of this is wrapped up in "failing" being a bad thing, and you have to get over that. I can now accept that I'll try 5 things, 2 will be awesome, 2 I'll n…
/r/TheRedPill03/03/14 03:28 AM
9

It comes from this: http://www.returnofkings.com/26763/girls-with-short-hair-are-damaged While everyone is allowed their preference and weird things that turn them on, when your preferences diverge from the vast majority of men you might take a look at that and see where it comes from and if it's a positive choice you are making.
/r/TheRedPill02/03/14 07:07 PM
4

I find that the hardest part. You make a ton of progress, you relate to new people and strangers great, but all your old family and friends are still communication is unhealthy ways. Half of it is just leaving them behind and accepting that they are damaged with no interest in improving. Half of it is just being yourself, being confident, communicating openly and honestly, and letting them deal with it however they want. Codependent No More talks a lot about the Rescuer > persecutor > Victim tri…
/r/TheRedPill28/02/14 11:47 PM
1

Related to this, as a man at 38 I feel I have 0 energy and 0 mental attention to things. I still work a complicated job, there is just 0 interest/energy to do anything beyond the bare minimum. I have gone for 90min walks with leg weights 4 days in a week and felt slightly better but the the energy didn't really cascade. I likely should eat a lot less food and a lot better diet. I don't believe it's depression as I do have things I look forward to and do things that I want to. So would you recomm…
/r/becomeaman28/02/14 05:32 AM
11

Try this: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ Praising innate things, I.E. "You are smart", "You are pretty", "You are great at math" lead to kids thinking that success is innate and automatic, and quitting whenever they have to actually work. Praising kids for their effort, I.E. "You worked hard on that", "Good job learning how to do that", "I'm proud that you failed then tried again and succeeded", results in them learning that they should work on things and try multiple times. I got an incr…
/r/TheRedPill27/02/14 07:54 AM
3

Definitely. I enjoy looking at it as crafting the life that you want. All my time up until now was spent going "Why aren't good things happening?" "Why aren't I magically being happy?" etc. Now I go out and do what I want to do. Got tickets to fly to Scotland next month and just get lost on the road for two weeks. Do whatever I want, go wherever I want, relaxation and adventure.
/r/TheRedPill26/02/14 11:14 PM
2

Thanks, this gives me a lot of motivation and promise. At 38, 5'8", 225lbs, incel, it's often easy to fall into accepting that it's all over and way too much work. Also hairy like an ape and can pass for way younger. Got to up the lifting and get out there a lot more, so I can catch up to you.
/r/TheRedPill26/02/14 10:38 PM
0

Hopefuly, but... I wonder if I can just bring up a neutral topic and then we focus on understanding it. I don't know that it's your goal in life or worth your effort to do so. Is she off telling people "I tried to introduce my boyfriend to romance novels, I think he should understand them and his life would be better with them in it" and then she tries to figure out neutral topics to bring them up and convince you to understand them? I think a core tenet of TRP is that you life your life that wa…
/r/AlreadyRed26/02/14 08:57 PM
2

I think we all make that mistake at some point. "People should know this, it's all common sense, I'll just show them". I had a talk with my sister who is about as RPW as it comes, and I thought she'd be interested in talking about it and agree. It turned out horrible and I was pretty amused. First she claimed it was completely wrong because her husband once went on a vacation that she couldn't go on, and she almost left him because of it. When I related that she hadn't actually let him, she just…
/r/AlreadyRed26/02/14 12:29 AM
8

It was a real learning experience when a girl called Loveline to ask "Why did my last 5 boyfriends all cheat on me" and Dr Drew asked her "Why are you choosing to date guys who cheat?" It was a great lesson to me that we subconsciously pick to be attracted to people. I.E. if a nice guy had approached her, she would have turned him down and had no tingles. When a jerk who is a cheater approaches her, she gets turned on by that aloofness, casualness, and dates him. So yes, if everyone you chose to…
/r/TheRedPill25/02/14 07:25 AM
3

Nothing specific, it's just a common dating advice thing, like how people say to watch how your date treats people who don't matter, like waiters. If she/he is a bitch to the waiter, then they are automatically a bitch to people they think are less than them. If they don't get along with their family, chances of them forming a stable close relationship with other people is bad. So from a male perspective I would wager that seeing a girl treat her father with respect means that she'll treat in-ch…
/r/TheRedPill25/02/14 06:19 AM
4

I armchair psychologist too much, but I see a ton of low self-esteem, codependent, bad family issues leading right into these beta tendencies. A lot of people subconsciously think they are crap, and then they go out to prove that by living a bad life, by refusing good things, by refusing favors. Being beta is really summed up by "You are so much better than me that I have to do all these good things for you so that you have a reason to like me".
/r/AlreadyRed24/02/14 08:57 PM
9

Think hard before you turn down a favor/offer. In my beta/codependent days I would constantly turn down anything, with a subconscious "I'm not worth it, they are better than me, no one should go out of their way to do something for me". Now if anyone offers to do something, I just let them. It's interesting to see how half my family with issues offers to do something expecting people to refuse them, and how after allowing them to do something you can tell that the dynamics have changed and you'r…
/r/AlreadyRed24/02/14 07:57 PM
24

I'd love to see a TRP rules for marriage and a TBP rules. I imagine TRP would be "The man will always be bringing in a salary", "Sex will be had once a day", "Hot cooked meal every night". TBP would be what? "Everyone try to be nice, you can't expect anything from each other, never expect your wife to do anything she doesn't want to". Next we'd just need to total up how many posts in Relationships or DeadBedrooms fall into which one.
/r/TheRedPill20/02/14 08:57 AM
1

I like to armchair psychologist too much, but let me compare something here... You said that you had a babysitter and less time with your parents and it didn't affect you much. You also claim that you would find stay-at-home motherhood stifling, which goes against the vast majority of your gender. You claim you don't enjoy powerful dominant males and prefer powerless males, which goes against the vast majority of your gender. What if that lack of attachment and attention from your parents left y…
/r/askTRP19/02/14 02:45 AM
2

Me too. I didn't realize something was wrong until 36, and it's been a few years until I'm at this point. Still got a long ways to go until my life is where I'd like it to be, but I'm taking way better care of myself and am much happier in life. It leaves me slightly jealous of the guys showing up here at 21, but you've got to take that journey to get here, and I wouldn't go back to living like that for anything.
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 04:22 PM
2

Look, if you have actual hardcore social anxiety then get that fixed first. /r/socialanxiety is a helpful place and getting a strong male therapist will make it so that you can honestly and openly communicate with people. If you don't have actual SA, then it's just getting used to talking to strangers, accepting that any girl you want to approach is not special, and becoming outcome-independent. Most people suggest just doing it over and over and it'll become easier.
/r/askTRP18/02/14 07:09 AM
10

Definitely. Part of what brought this on was I realized every work email I was sending included some non-committal language. "I think we should do...", "You might want to try...", "X will hopefully fix this". I've banned myself from typing any <might, perhaps, I think, hopefully, maybe, should>. Sending an email that instead reads "You need to do X. If that doesn't work contact me again." comes across a lot more boss.
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 06:32 AM
3

It's a tough place. I know if I had run across this three years ago I would have been horrified and wouldn't have read past the headlines. I got sucked into that "Everyone needs to know about this, it all makes sense and I enjoy knowing the truth!" but it didn't take long to realize that you can't even show it to most people. I joke that all we want from them is something that makes sense and works better, and we'll all leave TRP in a second for that. Given that it only brings "Be yourself", "It…
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 06:29 AM
8

Hah, a couple weeks ago I was driving with the parents, who I always have the issue with. I went: Me: Mom, name three possible places we could eat at. Mom: Mexican place, burger place, chinese place. Me: Dad, cross off one of those places. Dad: We just had a burger, let's not go there. Me: Between chinese and mexican, I choose the mexican place. Really worked out well, given that if I asked either of them to pick one place to eat at, they wouldn't name one.
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 06:26 AM
2

That's tough. On one side I agree that we don't need a checklist or a nanny asking every Monday "Did you go out and talk to 10 girls? No? Bad boy." It's easy to see it becoming a whine-fest. However, I do think a lot of us got like this because we don't have good male interaction. We should be getting that in RL from other men, but some start is better than nothing. People taking this journey as equals is probably better than any kind of mentoring. That said, the main sub loves field reports and…
/r/askTRP18/02/14 04:57 AM
11

"Long distance" and "girlfriend" cannot exist at the same time. If you are not in the same general location, seeing each other every few days, and fucking, she is not your girlfriend. Second to that, if it was accepted that you two were monogamous and she broke that, you wouldn't stay with her if you had any self-respect.
/r/askTRP18/02/14 04:51 AM
3

Yep, the good old "You said X, I feel bad, you need to apologize". They don't like "What I said wasn't anything close to X and it's nothing to apologize over". Doesn't sound like he's in a good place, so either he's not going to be productive or supportive to your life, or he'll come around after a few more bad relationships and you can help him.
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 04:39 AM
14

Yes, because you're leaving open that it's random and not your fault if it sucks. It's the difference between "I'm randomly taking you to someplace that I foolishly hope to luck into being good" vs "I'm going somewhere that I know is going to be awesome, you're welcome to come with me".
/r/TheRedPill18/02/14 04:32 AM
2

I made a post here: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1y6gyo/never_ask_a_question_always_assume_yes/ Would love some feedback or thought.
/r/TheRedPill17/02/14 09:35 PM
3

Dr Drew talks a lot lately about how he thinks Attachment Disorder is the main driver of a ton of problems in our society lately. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder Basically a maternal parent is supposed to make a child feel safe and provide them a 'home base' to explore the world from. A paternal parent is supposed to help usher the child out into the world and convince them that they can safely leave that 'home base'. One or both of these fails, leaving a child who is unsure of …
/r/askTRP16/02/14 07:30 AM
1

There isn't. I really need to finish something up and make my first TRP post about it. I ponder over it and it's helped me a ton. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try to get something up this weekend.
/r/TheRedPill14/02/14 06:11 PM
7

Totally agreed. Wasted 16-36 with "It'll get better, I just haven't met the right girl yet, this magically happens for everyone just like in the movies, some girl will someday see that I'm a nice guy". Men do things and fix stuff. These guys need to be told to fix themselves.
/r/TheRedPill14/02/14 06:09 PM
3

This is a path I think a lot of therapy takes. I started with the whole "Nothing is wrong, my family was fine, we all get along" and it took a long time to accept that there are issues and we don't communicate well. Then I spent a long time in the "My parents did this to me" and anger, until I got told "What if you decided to be like this because it was the best way to cope with that situation? Then I took on the healthier "A bunch of stuff happened, I learned how to deal with that stuff in unhe…
/r/TheRedPill12/02/14 08:01 PM
2

I've always been interested in those. I grew up with a lot of social issues, social anxiety, amazingly low self-confidence, and was always super beta in my interactions with women. I always thought I knew how things worked, why I did the things I did, and what my motivations for things were. After going through 1.5 years of therapy I realized there were a lot of underlying subconscious motivations and programming that led me to do things. I view my TRP progress and my personal therapy progress i…
/r/AlreadyRed11/02/14 11:00 PM
1

This has been a huge eye-opener for me in the past year and a huge issue with my family. We've all been so beta and so low-confidence that we can't state anything. Every communication is a question like "Do you want to go to that burger place?" or "Are there any good movies out?". It's been a heroic effort to change that around to "I'm going to eat at X 7PM Friday, want to come?" or "I need some food from X place, you pick Friday night or Saturday lunch." It's really maddening how I can't get a …
/r/TheRedPill10/02/14 09:53 PM
2

Every company that sells a warranty does so because they make a profit on it. They run math and decide that you paying $50/month on car insurance is less than they are likely to pay out for you getting in an accident. So if you are able to replace the product if it breaks, you shouldn't get any. So pretend the math was buying a new car at 40K with a great warranty that made it free for 10 years and 1K/year in repairs after that, vs buying a used model of that car for 20K and paying 1K/year in re…
/r/askTRP10/02/14 07:09 AM
2

People talk about hitting rock-bottom. Druggies basically need to reach a point where they believe they are either going to get healthy or they know for sure that they are going to die. While it's not to that degree, I see a similar mentality on places like /r/SocialAnxiety where people reach this depressive low point and realize they actually have a problem and need to change or life will never be good for them. I reached the same point, did a bunch of therapy, really looked into myself, my mot…
/r/TheRedPill10/02/14 05:06 AM
1

I did a bunch of therapy before showing up here. It was hard previously to realize that I was rejecting myself, considered myself worthless, and automatically assumed other people wouldn't want to be around me. I get a hint of that in your post, and suggest that it'd really help you to get used to just communicating with someone. A ton of people are beta because they don't believe they are worth more than they have, and you need to fix that.
/r/TheRedPill09/02/14 08:36 AM
1

No prob. It's helpful to recognize and admit you have it. Now fix the problem like a man. Therapy with a strong male therapist really helped mine, and in fact I got over a ton of it in just a few sessions once I understood the underlying reasons. Lots of my other issues took longer. Nowadays I'm perfectly happy talking to strangers.
/r/askTRP09/02/14 07:43 AM
1

All of this. I used to shirk responsibility, live my life so I couldn't ever be blamed for anything, and never spoke up. Now I feel it whenever I speak up authoritatively in a work meeting, whenever I clearly state to friends/family "I am going to do X, everyone is welcome to come along", and when I'm consulted about things that need a solution because they know I will look at what is happening, figure out what needs to be done, and present a plan to do it.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:25 PM
9

Yes, the linked article was genderless and showed that. People can easily fall into either category. I'd claim there's a higher likelihood of random people praising boy's accomplishments whereas I constantly hear girls praised for innate things like looking pretty. Dante actually goes into that a lot, claiming that you shouldn't compliment a girl's looks because she didn't really have anything to do about that. Compliment her shoes that she picked out and thinks reflects on her.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:21 PM
3

Right, I should have been more generic, it was just an example. I fell into the previous one. Always complimented for being smart, always told I could do things naturally, and I was confused and depressed whenever I didn't do something perfect on the first try. It let me to never giving a ton of things a second try, like sports and travel and promotions.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:20 PM
16

A guy in Beige Phillip said he drew on a teardrop "I killed a guy in prison" fake tattoo for a Vegas trip and never had so many girls after him. He just had to keep telling them that he didn't want to talk about it and it was in his past.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:13 PM
10

Agreed. But we might need to recognize that giving baseless compliments and validation can be hurtful to them in the long run.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:10 PM
4

Probably. Feel free to expound on it.
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 06:09 PM
45

Similarly: http://www.parentingscience.com/praise-and-intelligence.html Kids who are praised just for being smart start to think it is an innate thing and natural. I know that I was always surprised as a kid/teen when I failed at something because I was constantly told that I was smart and could do anything. Kids who are praised for working hard and struggling until they succeed, learn that they can work for things. What do we tell little girls? You are pretty, you can do anything, you are so go…
/r/TheRedPill06/02/14 05:57 PM
2

I'm just at the end of that book too. I agree, it's kind of like TRP-easy mode, it explains a lot of this. Just be honest, be truthful, make a girl either love you or hate you as soon as possible because it's useless to spend time on her if she's not going to know or commit. Good luck. Going down that same road myself.
/r/askTRP06/02/14 05:00 PM
2

It's hard for me to go into a ton, but it meant a lot to me at the time I was reading it. My take/history is that everyone in my family acted as if any opinion, any criticism, any question, any favor was a huge imposition. So we all created this "If I act hurt, or I act nicely, or I cook dinner, they'll have to do X for me". It's really unhealthy, really dishonest, and when you are around people who don't do that, it's super ineffectual. It took a bunch of therapy with a strong male psychologist…
/r/askTRP06/02/14 07:41 AM
2

It sounds like you are planning this out and very outcome-dependent. No More Mr Nice Guy goes into how a lot of us plan social interactions, get into these covert contracts with other people like "If I do X, they have to do Y". Just something I pick up on. I can go into more details if you agree that you try to pre-plan these interactions, that you blank out because you are afraid of failing it, or why you think that happens. You are also missing an end to your story. She said she was seeing 2 g…
/r/askTRP06/02/14 06:55 AM
1

True that. I left /r/depression and /r/ForeverAlone because it's filled with complaining and bitching. Help is not looked for or appreciated there. Here and /r/SocialAnxiety are the best places on Reddit, constantly filled with people who help those seeking help and actual usable advice.
/r/TheRedPill05/02/14 06:54 PM
1

Definitely. I went because I heard Tucker Max say "Only half the therapists are any good, and only half the good ones will be good for your issues". I had one that kept cautioning me against researching on my own and doing homework, but he kept mentioning specific issues and ideas, like attachment disorder, and when I'd go research that everything would match and I'd get a ton of insight and help.
/r/TheRedPill05/02/14 06:06 PM
19

There was a great laugh in The Beige Phillip show when Dante related how Patrice would stop his girl a couple sentences in a story, go "Tell me the last sentence", and then decide if he wanted to hear the story. If she went "I ended up buying those shoes" he'd go "Pass". If the story ended with "And after he got shot we drove off", he'd have to hear it. Still working up the nerve to put that into action.
/r/TheRedPill05/02/14 07:05 AM
11

I went on a "Never ask a question" when visiting some family recently and it improved my relationships 100%. I used to get all frustrated trying to ask "Who left this glass here?" and "Where do people want to eat?" I've taken the mindset of "Never ask a question, always assume yes" and the vast majority of people just go along with whatever I state that I want to do.
/r/TheRedPill04/02/14 05:21 PM
1

You don't say anything that you actually do. When I was depressed and had nothing to contribute in conversations I realized it was because I wasn't enthusiastic about anything and just played video games every night to waste away the time, and didn't have anyone who I would talk to about that. Queue some therapy and actually doing things, and I took a 2 week trip to Ireland, my first adult vacation, just rented a car and drove around the island. Met a ton of people, did a lot of stuff, did whate…
/r/becomeaman04/02/14 03:18 AM
2

It's a joke. INTJ "account for approximately 1-3% of females and 2-6% of males" but you see people constantly online calling themselves that. "INTJs are analytical. Like INTPs, they are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less sociable than other types. Nevertheless, INTJs are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emo…
/r/TheRedPill03/02/14 07:40 AM
11

That lesbian who passed as a man for a year talked about this as a huge issue. Men having no person or place to share this with. She claimed to be shocked in all-male support groups and camping trips how much men would open up and complain. Find better friends. Make sure you are not whining but working through issues and progressing. Look for all-male groups that actually do things.
/r/TheRedPill30/01/14 09:35 PM
2

Going to a strong male therapist helped me a ton with that. I got used to communicating in a safe environment. Prior to that every attempt at that was shot down and treated really negatively by my family and friends, similar to your sister. That led to me realizing that everyone I was around was super negative and constantly berated and nay-sayed things. I now pick far better positive people to be around. The answer is "Do things". When I accomplish things I feel better. When I travel places I f…
/r/TheRedPill29/01/14 06:22 PM
2

Yeah, it took far too long for me to accept that being fat was the #1 thing making me unhappy. So it ought to be the #1 thing I work on fixing. It gave me a lot of motivation.
/r/TheRedPill29/01/14 05:54 PM
1

When you do things, you will have things to talk about. I felt exactly like you previously. Took a trip to Ireland and drove around for a couple weeks, and I had things to talk about for months as I told stories and related to it. House-sat for a month in another state, and had stuff to talk about and things to tell.
/r/askTRP24/01/14 12:55 AM
1

Been there and done that. Recognize that is abnormal and he's got interpersonal/relationship issues deep in his mind and how he interacts with people. I sat down with a therapist for a year, worked out a ton of hangups with how I was raised and how I learned to deal with people, and now I actually have confidence and can talk to people. It was super easy to rationalize it all away as I was just a shy nerd, I hadn't run into the right girl, I preferred sitting at home and playing video games. Hel…
/r/askTRP21/01/14 12:01 AM
1

I find it helpful to look on the bright side. You aren't getting a divorce and losing a ton of money. You aren't supporting a kid for 18 years. This relationship could have ended a ton worse really easily. You could be much older and deep in a hole. You're now free and starting from zero. I also learned to take the mentality of "I learned to react like X". As an adult I'm realizing that a lot of the ways I learned to react were bad and wrong. It takes work and time to re-learn those and approach…
/r/askTRP15/01/14 08:49 AM
2

Which is interesting. I ponder over that, because as a man I see that I am constantly changing, constantly improving, heck the instant response I see to how I was ten years ago is my salary constantly going up. I suppose I take pride in how I've gotten better, I.E. how I was a loser and am now a competent person. You'd think they would want a man who is Alpha today, but there's apparently a huge prejudice against zero-to-hero men.
/r/TheRedPill15/01/14 08:01 AM
6

I don't think there's a fear of relationships. There is a healthy "I'm the one who can make me happy, I should live my life in a way to optimize that". Given that, I look at marriage and go "What does this get me that I can't get in a non-marriage LTR" and there's nothing. Outside of perhaps a woman refusing to be in a LTR without a marriage. Some guys who take another step and go "What would I lose committing monogamously to one woman" when they have multiple willing to have sex with them. So t…
/r/TheRedPill14/01/14 11:07 PM
2

I've been pondering how much women hate pick-up and learning game. I'd change your statement to "They want a man who can naturally catch them". They want a man who can get lots of women. They don't want a man who couldn't get any women, but then learned and changed and bettered themselves until he could.
/r/TheRedPill14/01/14 11:01 PM
3

The Black Phillip definitely. The Beige Phillip is kind of a continuation. I find it so-so. The first 20 are pure gold. After that they run out of steam and go off-topic a ton. While not TRP, I started listening to podcasts on economics such as EconTalk, and it's taught me a ton about the motivations we provide to people and why they then choose what to do. It's helped me communicate to others a lot better and provide them options that virtually guarantee they will pick the one I would prefer. M…
/r/askTRP14/01/14 05:30 PM
1

Not TRP but just general advice. I had bad social anxiety and mostly beat it. Therapy solved a lot of it. Dr Drew claims most of therapy is sitting down with someone, learning to communicate safely, openly, and comfortably, and then taking that out of therapy into your other relationships. Doing things has a waterfall effect. When I finally got up the nerve to take an international trip, I found it tons easier to talk to people for months, as I had interesting things to talk about. It's when I d…
/r/TheRedPill13/01/14 05:56 PM
1

Sounds like you are leaving anyways, so I'm unclear what the other option is? Are you going to invite her to move in with you when you move? If not, then you know it's going to end and the only option is to not enjoy her company and fuck her for a month. Why would you choose not to do that? You're not going to marry her, so... I'm hoping to end up there a month or two after you. Let me know how it goes.
/r/askTRP10/01/14 07:43 AM
3

Check out the book Models by Mark Manson. I'd almost consider it the sequel to No More Mr Nice Guy as it goes on to explain what confidence is, how to approach, and how to get in the mindset that would lead to getting girls. In short, he suggests sorting girls into "Want to approach" and "Not interested" and then explaining why there's no reason not to approach them. Also sorting girls into "Interested in me", "Maybe", "Not interested" so you can easily get rid of the ones who aren't interested.…
/r/TheRedPill10/01/14 06:41 AM
1

Hah, okay, good to know. I did hear that from a couple of young guys there too. Shame, as I feel like I need to get a handful of girls to get my head right, then try to find one to keep.
/r/TheRedPill07/01/14 11:23 PM
2

Would you recommend Vegas as a place to move to if someone has a well-paying job? I have the option for Seattle or Vegas. Seattle seems to offer a lot more culture and interesting people, but Vegas seems like it would be easy-mode for meeting attractive women. On the other hand, I could see the women there being a lot more mercenary. I took my first trip there last weekend, I was wowed with the hot ladies I don't see in CA, but I could also see a lot are living off their looks and may not have a…
/r/TheRedPill07/01/14 06:17 PM
1

When I went through a ton of therapy my whole interactions with everyone changed. I had confidence, I could state my wants and dislikes, and I could openly talk about really emotional things. It quickly became obvious that the rest of my family was still scared to discuss anything personal, hated anyone telling them no to anything, scared of going out into the world, and had to nay-say and tear down everything so that they could feel superior. They could just be bad people who hate that you got …
/r/askTRP06/01/14 05:23 PM
9

My nephews asked me for some copies of Magnum P.I. I barely remember it but should be pretty good. Joel in Community comes off very well. He's very aloof and accomplished and doesn't let the women blackmail him, but sticks with his friends when it matters. Farscape. My nephews love Malcolm in the Middle. While is does have a hint of "The wife is in charge and the husband is a doofus" I would claim they still show him doing what he wants and providing. The episode where Lois gets in an accident a…
/r/TheRedPill24/12/13 06:20 PM
2

I get really confused reactions whenever I say "You're the expert, whatever you think is best" to a question by people. I'm pretty sick of being asked anything by my dentist, by my doctor, even by my house-cleaner. It's nice to know what they are doing, but there's no way I have any knowledgeable input to things they ask.
/r/TheRedPill19/12/13 08:28 PM
2

but this is family I speak of and something within me stops me from behaving in similar fashion with them. That sounds like unresolved issues and the covert contracts that are talked about in No More Mr Nice Guy. I got a ton better when I dug into why I couldn't do this with my family specifically, it took a therapist asking me why that was, why my answer was the way it was, and looking back into why that reaction in me was formed. And solving that allowed me to approach my parents as an equal, …
/r/askTRP19/12/13 05:29 PM
4

That's what therapy solves a lot of the time. You learn to communicate without knowing, without caring, without looking at things from the other person's perspective but only communicating as yourself. They talk about it a ton of the social anxiety subreddit. /u/gg_s once replied better than I could in TRP with: "This. I used to have a filter between my thoughts and my mouth. Whenever I tried to speak, my filter would analyze multiple responses and figure out which would yield the most favorable…
/r/askTRP19/12/13 02:16 AM
2

I did 12 days and was surprised at the seemingly improvement of energy. It was shocking to be wandering around Walmart genuinely horny and feeling like a shark hunting down some prey. I really think it'd be better if I did it, at least it'd force me to get out there, but it's easy to do the porn and rely on the old "I have to lose this weight before I get girls". Therapy isn't looked on well around here, but when I hear words like you're shy, reserved, prude, teaching yourself to open up, I hear…
/r/askTRP19/12/13 01:53 AM
2

It took me a lot of therapy to be comfortable communicating what I felt, what I needed, and to healthily handle my parents. The communication, the boundaries, and the expectations between us were all still parent>child, really nebulous and bad, and often wrong. Now that I am completely comfortable saying "I want X" or "I'm going to do X" or "I said that I didn't want X", I do what I say and I say what I'm going to do. While they are sometimes frustrated, sometimes disagree, at least everything i…
/r/askTRP18/12/13 11:31 PM
1

Thank you. I'll go through all those. There is a ridiculous amount of information, a lot of which contradicts the rest. I really need to just start lurking on fitness and read up, but it seems like such a hill to climb. I lost a bunch on keto easily doing 0 exercise, now I'm really liking the strength and reshaping from lifting, just got to get the motivation up to combine the two and finish things off.
/r/TheRedPill18/12/13 06:45 AM
1

Hey there, you offered help on tips for lifting. I've always been overweight at 240lbs 5'8". Always had a desk job and work at home now, so basically had 0 exercise the majority of my life. 38 now. I went keto and dropped to 200lbs, though up to 215lbs now. I read about 5x5 and started doing that. Basically one day I do 80lb benches, 30lb curls, 30lb overhead, 10lb flies. Then the other day I do 80lb squats and often a 90min fast walk. I really like how I'm feeling a lot stronger, I'm at the poi…
/r/TheRedPill17/12/13 06:51 AM
3

Some therapy where I was forced to sit with another man and discuss sexual items and opinions and desires really broke through this for me. I don't know why but I was raised with a terrible, almost evil, view of sex and nakedness and desire. Doing this therapy and also TRP led me to be really comfortable with saying "I want X" and feeling good as it being what I wanted and me being honest with people. I view my old self as pretty bad and sniveling, always wanting to get sex from a girl but never…
/r/askTRP12/12/13 05:50 PM
2

I've heard people also get shadow-banned, just for your info. They can read a subreddit, can still reply/post fine, but all their communication is hidden without them knowing it. It's more of a passive-aggressive ban where the mods don't have to deal with them complaining about it. That's also why you see a 10 comments but only 6 showing, and it's for that entire account in that sub.
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/13 08:29 AM
4

It sounds like you've taken the "Recognize what is unchangeable and accept it, recognize what you want different and have control over and change it" to a negative connotation. Yes, if there are bad things someone could change and they don't, that goes against it. You see things that you could change through extremely hard work and you go do them, while other people do not. Stoicism doesn't have a "That is too hard to change so I won't do it" mentality.
/r/TheRedPill03/12/13 07:00 PM
1

I tried to explain to someone that I apologize when I did something I regret, when it affected people badly, and when I will make an effort to never do so again. When someone sincerely apologizes because they are late, and then the very next time they are late again, I realize their word means nothing and I write off any apology they ever make.
/r/TheRedPill26/11/13 07:51 PM
3

Completely agreed. It's hard taking this road at 38, but things are slowly getting better. It was really eye-opening to realize that in vowing to never be like him, I never went out to be like myself, and just ended up shutdown and nothing. I'm surprised how often after I make a "I want to do X, other people can do whatever they want" I hear a "Isn't that selfish?" But now I can put myself first, do what I want, and get what I want out of life.
/r/TheRedPill22/11/13 08:55 PM
2

38 and taking the same road. I'd be curious what you mean by Men's Center. I know a lot of books talk about how it's hard to find a place where men just hang out and talk, if you aren't into the sports bar scene. It's really helped my mental outlook, made me work on improving myself, and given me a purpose to exercising.
/r/TheRedPill12/11/13 03:29 AM
8

It all sounds familiar. Going to a therapist who was really logical and challenged all my assumptions and why I chose to do things helped me a ton. I could never by myself realize that I was socially awkward because I was constantly judged/criticized and then started subconsciously judging/criticizing myself, to the point where I knew going into every conversation I was going to fuck up, and then I'd spend so much brainpower trying not to fuck up that I wasn't really present and I'd fuck up. Jus…
/r/TheRedPill10/11/13 04:36 AM
2

It was hard for me at first as I don't normally eat cheese and I hate spending time cooking multiple things. Eggs with bacon, salami slices and cheddar cheese, steak with mushrooms. Then I'd buy steam-in-bag broccoli or other veggies and those were 90% of my meals. I was satisfied and full enough that I wasn't craving other things.
/r/TheRedPill29/10/13 06:28 AM
1

Still working on getting over that. I did a bunch of therapy that really helped me get comfortable just being myself. I recognized that this "I would enjoy doing X" voice inside us all was just completely beaten-down and shut up due to my upbringing. My parent's view is that the only worth of a person is their bank account, so there's no doing anything that brings you joy. I started with really small things. I bought some posters and decorations I liked and hung them up on my plain white walls. …
/r/TheRedPill27/10/13 07:47 AM
4

Summed up by Patrice saying "The best game of all is no game". Become the man that is what game is, instead of being someone who has to fake game to make it work.
/r/TheRedPill23/10/13 11:41 PM
1

Totally. Thanks for the links. As a meek white guy trying to overcome all my betaness, a year ago I would have run screaming from The Black Phillip Show due to all the disrespect and anger, but it was exactly what I needed, taught me a ton, and really helped me get my head right and respect myself.
/r/TheRedPill22/10/13 05:48 PM
2

Part of what TRP taught me is that you look at a woman and automatically judge her based on her physical appearance. You then try to put yourself into the view of a woman and judge yourself 95% based on your physical appearance. Recognize that women are different, that they judge men based on a ton more variables, and that they all have low self-esteem because they view themselves as lacking in those variables, even if they have the one variable that men want.
/r/TheRedPill20/10/13 12:21 AM
1

That's not all that bad. And honestly, I look at myself with no debt, no ties to anything, great job, the entire world in front of me, and I feel way better off than if I'd have a few divorces, had a few crazy exes who messed me up, have some kids I'm being a bad father to. Accept that you are starting at nothing with a job, where tons of people are way behind at your stage of life. I can't understand that story at all. I don't get if you were at a coffee shop, or inside your work. But, it sound…
/r/TheRedPill13/10/13 09:18 PM
1

Hey there. I'm the 38 year old in that thread, so you aren't so bad yet. A year ago I would have had a story 100% the same as yours. I would have mentioned it to a lady, would have expected it to be a positive, and certainly would have gotten turned down hard. I was so awesomely BP that I listed my bank account balance in my OKCupid listing figuring it was the #1 thing I could attract women by. But I've spent a few months studying things here, I listened to all of The Black Phillip Show which he…
/r/TheRedPill13/10/13 07:57 PM
2

Good to hear. Now I'll go see it soon. I was very worried it was going to end with some Hollywood "Okay, I'll never watch porn ever again and we'll have a perfect relationship".
/r/TheRedPill04/10/13 04:05 PM
3

I went through a period of time where I wanted to blame my parents, where I accepted that they were a certain way, and then I grew up a certain way, and obviously they made me that way. Then a therapist said "What if you choose to be that way because it was the best way to survive in that environment?" And I was mad for a while because it sounded like he was blaming my younger self, but I grew to accept it and it made my thinking a lot healthier. When you are raised in an unhealthy caustic envir…
/r/TheRedPill17/09/13 05:21 PM
2

Thanks for that link. Reading it really highlights the depths of my self-esteem issues, and gives me something to work towards and shows me that I can hopefully think like that if I can just get over the issues. Going to get into all those over the next few days.
/r/seduction12/01/12 07:18 AM
1

Thanks for that list. Meetup.com has been a big failure here, while there were almost too many events back in the bay area. I've thought FA should have some little list of "Here's where to find things to do and meet people" so I ought to grab those and a few other ideas and try to make an addition to the FAQ.
/r/seduction12/01/12 07:16 AM
1

Interesting, I take it warm/cold does not mean nice/interest but just means "Someone who assumes they will like you and get along" vs "Someone who doesn't know anything about you and has 0 invested". I.E. force myself to actually talk to any girl I run into anywhere and get very quickly to mentioning getting together with her in the future?
/r/seduction11/01/12 09:19 PM
2

I'm 36. Agreed, I don't want to just randomly hit up some meeting and be bored there. Finding something that I light up over and say "I want to spend my days doing that" is something I'm working on. I feel it comes down to "I like doing X, I am knowledgeable about X, and I can interact with others and share or get info from them about X". For many FAers, that X is "Play video games alone, listen to music alone, read reddit alone". Perhaps I need help from /r/hobbies which would get me around gir…
/r/seduction11/01/12 07:06 PM
8

Where should I go? I have moved a lot recently, have no friends, work from home, get virtually 0 social interaction outside of family, and very little seems fun/interesting enough to go out and do. The area I'm living at seems very lacking in social outings, as I've check the subreddit, checked meetup.org, etc. I'm close to signing up to some intro to cooking or dancing or guitar adult education class just to find some people. "Go out to a club" is hard given that low self-esteem tends to run ar…
/r/seduction11/01/12 06:43 PM
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