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FireflySky86 Archive

View 12 posts and 399 comments by FireflySky86 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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95

Examples of marriage growing up are unappealing and mostly ended in divorce. The nature of my family dynamics made me feel stressed out even thinking of planning a wedding, but since most of those ties have been severed it's less of a concern now. Even before finding FDS, I've been wary about legally/ financially tying myself to another person. I would like to have a partnership with someone with that level of commitment, but I don't know what that would look like and I'm a bit gun shy about "ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 10:35 PM
52

That's an interesting take... What would they say tho about the 40 yr old soilder that never moved up in rank?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:42 PM
32

I'm saying this with nothing but love- if it's confusing to you why you should not throw away your career to build a man ("to make it together") you have some inner work to do. I've been in the same place myself. You are not a supportive character in someone elses life. It's highly advisable to have your own education and financial independence. Echoing this because it deserves to be said again. You can celebrate someone's successes without sacrificing your own to make it happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:51 PM
6

He cheated on me, he was emotionally abusive to me for years, I begged for the bare minimum and I barely got that….. I’m starting to feel like I was the main reason why the relationship fell apart. No. If he had issues with anything you did or didn't do, he could've chose to address them or end the relationship. It doesn't excuse him for cheating, being abusive, or doing less than the bare minimum. No one deserves that and you do deserve more than just the bare minimum from anyone in your life, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:44 AM
10

Ya I really don't understand how it's selfish. My ability to have kids or not has no impact on anyone else's situation. The human race will not die out if I choose to not procreate. I'm not obligated to provide grandchildren, nor is that ever a guarantee. If a potential partner really wants to build a family, they can find someone else who shares their goals. If it's selfish to not adopt, then so is every one else for not taking in a child in need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 06:27 AM
6

I am child free by choice, and I've always found it frustrating when people dismiss me by saying I'll change my mind "when I'm older/ meet the right person." It invalidates my choice and IMO the presumption that all women should have kids is extremely hurtful to other women who can't. I agree that I don't owe anyone an explanation, as "I don't want to" is reason enough. I also don't feel like I'm not obligated to protect their feelings by not being honest about it either. It's really not my prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 06:18 AM
20

Well thank you for bringing it up to begin with. I feel like I should've registered it as being a problem sooner but didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 05:46 AM
11

Consider taking legal action now. If you don't and only verbally tell him to get out, he'll be in a position to dig his heels in and refuse. Then you'll need to formally evict him, which would be another month at least. You're risking a lengthy and unpleasant (potentially dangerous) process by not going by the book now. In the meantime, he could try to guilt trip you, manipulate, gaslight, intimidate you, or all of the above. You need to be set in your resolve to end things and do it cleanly. Yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 05:13 AM
51

I missed your first post, but a couple weeks ago I did see 2 Tik Tok videos that I think may have been this. 2 different women (at least one I want to say was in the US but I'm not sure) posted something that they woke up with a sore/ swollen arm and no memory of how it happened. The one video stitched the other, as she had brushed it off at first until she was still sore weeks later and had seen the first one. I'll pay closer attention to any other reports that come up, as this seems to be some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 04:59 AM
19

I personally don't see it as a compliment, nor do I see it as an insult. Unless I was going out of my way to be mean to people for the sake of it (which IMO would be LV behavior), it would be an inaccurate assessment and HVM (and non pick me women) wouldn't be intimidated by me. If anything, being called intimidating would just be a red flag. I'd be happy with myself for recognizing it for what it is, but it otherwise doesn't phase me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 04:44 AM
46

So we kissed on our first date after a romantic evening but he was quite bad at kissing so he probably not even experienced in that and he kind of revealed he had never had sex before right after, I was shocked and ngl a little put off at first but I didn’t want that to stop me since there were no red flags with him. You had one date- that's not enough time to determine that someone has no red flags. You're also actively ignoring something that could be a flag. There's nothing wrong with being a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:07 AM
32

BEWARE LADIES of men who whine about any kind of chronic pain. I'll echo this- I was friends with a couple and the guy had a legitimate chronic illness that quickly turned into addiction. Because they had both been good friends of mine, we both got wrapped into the caretaker role and were both blinded by his dependency on drugs. When everyone else could see what was going on, we were gaslit into defending and enabling him. While the initial illness was not his fault, his character and resulting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 10:41 PM
42

That makes me feel a bit better about my momentary weakness. And honestly, that curiosity was what got him access to me the second time. I felt like I won something or had some kind of control because he came back. I didn't even want him anymore but I was smug about it. And I had the same initial reaction this time except at least now, I recognized it would simply be a waste if time. There's no prize to be had from a soon to be repeat divorcee who's just looking for a new supply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:18 AM
33

I've had friends that were beaten by their bfs, and my only thought after the seething anger for my friend was either "hope I never go though that" or "glad I haven't yet because that's terrible". No gloating and no self assurance that whatever LVM I was with at the time wasn't "that bad" simply because they didn't physically abuse me. I also never verbalized anything to them other than that they deserved better and that I was ready to help them pack their shit right then and there. All but one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:05 AM
3

And I think male heterosexual prostitutes are so rare because the demand just doesn’t exist and that says so much about women and men. Oh the demand exists, just not from women, yet the supply is still low... wonder why that is. 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 07:52 PM
31

Same here, and we won't know the whole story until she is found. I find it interesting that 2 other women that were at the same location (Moonflower) as one of their altercations were found to be murdered. If there is indeed a connection, that might be the only thing to change the narrative of Brian being a victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 06:38 PM
142

And of course, certain corners of the internet are trying to paint Gabby as being the abuser for slapping him, that she's mentally unstable due to anxiety, and that he was defending himself... Meanwhile according to this source, he's controlling, jealous, and hears voices...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 02:09 PM
51

So we're sending abusers out to deal with abuse, lol. Make it make sense!!! Many of them have issues with women and believe women should be meek and docile, and if they do anything back at all, they "deserve it", And to the point of instances where male victims of abuse by women are not believed, this would be why. This line of systematic (misogynistic) thinking serves no one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 05:51 PM
46

the men as usual get the easiest, most low effort ways out while laying back and have the women still doing 90% off the actual responsibilities and burden if it. This. If 79% believe it should be a "shared responsibility," then they can step up and also do their share. They're so afraid of getting "baby trapped" and having to pay child support, you'd think they'd be more proactive on ensuring that doesn't happen instead of relying solely on women to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 11:10 PM
294

This is so disturbing. And the fact that the comments would brush her reaction off as overreacting.... Reddit loves to say how these kinds of posts statistically favor women over men, but the majority of what I've seen tells me otherwise. Just the other day, I saw a post that a woman admitted to her bf of 5 months that she doesn't get off from oral (nothing to do with his skill supposedly and she is otherwise satisfied) and he freaked out that she had lied and that he felt emasculated. Majority …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 09:37 PM
79

That's a really interesting point. This kind of encounter is nothing new to me either, but for some reason OP's story made something click in my head. Instantly made me think of how many men will leer, take pics when a woman isn't looking, etc but still try to defend themselves that what they're doing is nbd. These types of men are very likely the type to also take simple eye contact as an invitation as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 11:19 PM
8

I still see people that I knew on social media that post those "S/he's my Harley/ Joker" memes. Like... not the kind of relationship you should be aspiring for. Also, Harley eventually leaves him so there's that... Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 09:53 PM
26

Surprised no one has listed this pairing but imo the ABSOLUTE WORST would be Harley Quinn and the Joker. Anyone who glorifies that relationship is 100% cringe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:29 PM
31

I'm a HP fan but always felt Harry himself is a bit overrated. Hermione totally ran that show. I LOVE Neville's growth during the series, and wish there was more of him. He's also consistently been a good and loyal friend even though he wasn't in the main group, wasn't afraid to stand up for what he felt was right, and stepped in Harry's absence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:20 PM
22

I wonder if it's also a tactic to discourage them from leaving in the first place. If they refuse to leave without their families, that's less effort and expenditure to deal with. If they do leave them behind, well one is better than the whole bunch. Save resources and pat on the back for a job well done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:00 AM
20

I'm 50/50 on this. On one hand, yes I think it'd get more media attention and discussion (although I'm not sure how much of any was brought to light during the time either) but also we saw during Trump's presidency how the Stormy Daniels situation got attention and yet didn't really gain traction. Not to get into a political discussion or anything, but we've seen plenty of other public figures get dragged for infidelity, but while an attempt was made in this case it just didn't have the same nar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 10:06 PM
9

My step dad was her HS sweetheart and they reconnected. I suspect possibly started an affair, or at least was something to transition to otherwise she probably wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving. She was imperfect, just like everyone. I've come to understand her as a human and not just as my mother, because there's a lot of feelings wrapped up in there. I feel bad mostly that she didn't know any better really. And my father really did do a number on her. Keep in mind, in the beginning of the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 05:32 PM
1

Sorry that it didn't turn out like you wanted, but it's better to allow yourself to be able to find someone that will vs missing out on that. Wishing you the best of luck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 05:25 PM
12

I forgot how much I loved this song back in the day, and now after finding FDS and gaining some wisdom, this resonates so much deeper. Thank you for bringing this back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 03:19 AM
53

I learned that joining accounts was a bad idea when I was just a child, watching my own family's relationships crash and burn. The front row seat was my mother, who stayed in a loveless and abusive marriage because she was trapped. When she left, my father took all her jewelry, her nice clothes, the house, cleaned out her account and one that was set up for me (his own daughter) for college. Left her with less than a dollar. Then dragged her through an ugly divorce battle for years. She then got…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 03:12 AM
55

Ya it's really about the attitude. I have no qualms dating someone around my height (I'm 5'4) but the insecurity that comes with it hasn't been fun. They complain that society puts so much focus on height/looks (which I agree- beauty standards have been made to be ridiculous) but then they continue to also emphasize those standards. And instead of learning to accept themselves, or seek therapy, or treat the women who do give them a chance with decency they take out all their frustration on them.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 02:26 AM
21

Absolutely agree, and he probably felt less inclined to take that time for himself because how on earth do you expect anyone to pay off a debt like that, unless he can get through the swamp of sadness that is medical school and land a high enough paying job one day. He made mistakes, sure, but that's a ridiculous burden to put on anyone. That said, it's also unfair to put those burdens on someone else. Seems like he's probably making little to no effort to get help, since she's the one posting. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:32 PM
54

Realistically, could this take off? Wouldn't it also be easy for this to backfire and be used against more influential people? I'm not really sure how that works since it already appears to be fairly easy to find personal info if you have the know how. I can't imagine public figures with indiscretions would want to make that even easier. Edit for spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 07:44 PM
166

In what world would anyone think this was a good idea?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:43 PM
3

Yes I can see where it would be useful when looking for something specific, but the micromanaging/ infantilization that some people are willing to accept is just bizarre to me. I have neither the inclination or the energy for that kind of thing, and men shouldn't be ok with that either. Lists are useful, and I do them for myself so I don't forget what I need. A picture for a specific item or two that would be unfamiliar to someone else is also fine. But feigned helplessness is not cute. In the c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:40 PM
10

Ya I'm still reeling from watching people I've known for years go completely sideways. Some you could see the writing on the wall I guess, others were a total surprise. Maybe I'll keep some masks laying around to spark a reaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:50 AM
16

A few years ago I wouldn't have even considered these kinds of topics, but it's unfortunately become necessary as a reflection on other people's values. Even if it doesn't directly affect me, like pertaining to kids since I'm child free, it's still worth gauging other people's opinions to see if they align with your values. Years down the road, if and when some of this blows over, I think I'll end up being at least a little suspicious of people. True colors are really out in the open these days …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 04:43 AM
34

Agree but I'd like to add, have an exit strategy just in case. I've had some uncomfortable vacations by not taking that into consideration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 04:32 AM
17

Mmm no. I was reserving my opinion until this- I've been there, and what I learned was that meant I was only there for convenience/ entertainment because they didn't have any other options. Doesn't matter if they're not actively pursuing other opportunities or not, the point is it's setting you up to be a placeholder. And the "guarded to the point of being incapable".... that's being emotionally unavailable. He's either truly incapable of intamacy with anyone, or he's just guarded because he doe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 02:06 AM
46

Same. I'm patient with a lot of things but not blatant stupidity. I would not have been laughing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 01:45 AM
77

The comments are equally ridiculous. Ppl jokingly saying it's her fault for not sending him with a list, and others adding that they have to send their husbands pictures to go with the list. 😑 Like, I can understand that there are some people with cognitive impairments that need lists/ picture icons to remember what to get or to organize their day so I'm not trying to blast anyone for that, but the whole point of that is to develop skills for independent living. It's not cute to feign incompeten…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 01:43 AM
74

Same here, but I think there are also versions of it that are equally as common. My family didn't fix a plate for the men (unless it was for them to eat later/ take home) but the women would be serving food to everyone- either putting it out and cleaning while everyone else ate, or dolling out portions/ passing plates all around the table. By the time they'd finally be able to sit down, everyone else would be finished with their second helpings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 12:41 AM
32

Ugh same. Wanted to laugh but now I just feel like I need a shower 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 11:44 AM
64

He's inexperienced because he's sexist, and he's sexist because he's... wait for it.... sexist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:46 PM
35

That's just awful. I'm so sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:25 PM
7

Same (except no kids), but he'd also take my credit card without my knowledge to buy himself snacks and weed. Apparently he didn't consider it stealing if he shared a little with me.... Kicker was, I had known him for years and when he had a job, he was very generous to previous girlfriends and friends. I literally supported him and actually had furniture destroyed because of how much of a slob he was. It didn't matter how understanding I was or how much I communicated. I literally saved his lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 05:00 PM
4

I never wanted them either, although I used to try to keep an open mind thinking maybe that would change as I got older. It didn't lol. But in the process, I did think about what my values were about raising children, all from what names I'd like, what shows/ books I'd introduce them to, and what my role would be as a parent. It's something I don't take lightly, and showed me how much I'd rather be living for myself than someone else. I've babysat, been employed as a caretaker, and currently wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 04:36 PM
38

Nope- she's already blasting you publicly about things you've told her, imagine what she'd do if you pull her aside for a private conversation. In fact, I'd say this is a person that you should never speak to without a witness present. Stop sharing altogether. She's shown you who she is so believe her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 02:27 PM
101

He might be lying, but I've also known several guys in the past that did exactly that. Back in the day when I was putting too much effort into being the "cool girl," too many of them felt comfortable enough to gripe to me about their gfs or wives. Some of the women might have actually been more on the plain side/ not conventionally attractive, while others were quite attractive, good personality, self sustaining, etc. If they weren't complaining shit their looks, it was too controlling (ie won't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 02:44 PM
9

He was. They just released him. I have no words
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 01:46 PM
8

I know a couple guys that could ruin that streak for you 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:54 PM
5

Oh no, for my sake I hope your rule doesn't apply 🤣 For me, it's Kevin's that are best avoided.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:36 PM
135

This is giving me flashbacks of vomit covered clothes and skid marked sheets. No thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:29 PM
29

Do you think she would even be aware that he's planted? I feel so bad for this woman. I was never even a huge Britney fan, but of course I grew up with her music. Even if she was a nobody, I would feel awful for her going through this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:08 AM
59

I'm hopeful for her, but I'm also scared for her. It was great to hear her speak her own words and not in that fake baby voice she usually does. And I really hope she gets free and fast because repercussions are coming for her. I'm honestly afraid for her life. Someone who would go to those lengths to control another person, isn't going to let them go willingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:06 AM
29

Yeah that's mind-boggling too. I'm pretty sure in most cases where someone is mentally and/or cognitively impaired, it's still illegal to sterilize them. You could put them on the pill or depo shot but an invasive procedure like that? Hollywood's got issues...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:04 AM
68

She may or may not be unstable, in fact at this point I'd be a little surprised if she wasn't given everything she's gone through. But there's no way that man cares about her well-being, and how the courts can't see that I have no idea. If she is as sick as they claim to warrant this level of control over her, how are you going to make someone like that work 7 days a week? How do you make that person go on tour and perform, let alone against her will? That's a grueling work schedule for someone …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:01 AM
67

I'd love for her to have even an ounce of happiness in her life but, given the circumstances of the control over her I can't help but wonder if he wasn't planted or at least "allowed" to be in her life for nefarious reasons. She has 0 control of her finances, her work, her life, but somehow she met a man and developed a relationship with him? It's too weird. I'd love to be wrong, and I hope I am, but she hasn't had the greatest track record with men and I can't see how her father would allow her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:53 AM
36

I need to end the friendship but haven’t had the courage to break away That's the hard part, isn't it? But learning to walk away is how you love yourself more. You're afraid because you know it'll be finite, that he won't suddenly change his mind, but what's on the other side is so much better. Stop giving him gf benefits. Focus on doing something for yourself that you love, without him. Put your energy into leveling yourself up and meeting new people (female friends, going on dates if you feel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 05:43 PM
19

I also find it amusing that these kinds of guys will blame women for making poor choices, and then get butthurt when we decide to make better choices. Like, else are we supposed to do then? Oh wait... they wanted to deflect accountability, but now they can no longer make the cut themselves when we finally decide to raise our standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 12:59 PM
7

Omg that can't be real 🤮 that is absolutely disgusting. Brown?! Not wiping?!!! Omg... If I could choose not to be hetero, now would be the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 05:06 PM
18

And I will never understand how they think cleaning your own buttcrack is gay. They... what?! Is that a thing? I just thought they were lazy and gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 07:23 PM
50

Notice how it's men who are "down on their luck" but women "did it to themselves with bad decisions"... Absolutely. And when the roles are reversed, with the woman having no job and being fully funded/ supported by a man, she's treated with contempt and called a useless gold digger. Somehow it's only the broke men that should be treated like they have any value, and not women. Either this type of behavior (being a leech, manipulative, abusive, etc) is wrong regardless of gender, or they should j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:17 AM
35

That and also frustrated that he's not able to sleep with her, going full circle back into his feelings of inadequacy. I'd be embarrassed too if I was with someone like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 08:48 AM
9

I relate to this way too much..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:18 AM
4

That's a good one too, def saving that tip for later
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 12:39 AM
16

Lol I use the width of my palm (3 in) but may try that as well. The palm thing- I'm used to horses, and they're measured in "hands." It was a measurement based on the average male hand, which would be 4 in. I was curious and measured my own, but it's still been a useful scale for me that's been easy to remember.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:15 PM
36

That's exactly what I was thinking... Even if it were in a public place and you could make the argument that it's fair game, I feel like a professional photographer would still 1. ask for a release if they planned to use the photograph somewhere and 2. would comply with requests to delete simply to avoid any legal hassle. Not to mention, from the gist of this post, she was definitely a focal point for his subject matter. Courtesy would be to ask first. This guy definitely being a creep, as well …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 01:46 PM
9

Yup, I was very disappointed as I did enjoy TYT. Prior to FDS, I may have eaten it up not knowing any better. Without context, it might be easy to perceive that woman as being shallow and materialistic. Sure, there are people out there who are shallow, but it's certainly not news worthy to broadcast. They went out of their way to drag her for having standards as shallow, and why they wouldn't be interested in someone "like that." Somehow I'm not surprised at Cenk going out if his way to make a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:48 PM
136

I'm also weirded out by the assumption that a woman alone = single, as if we shouldn't be allowed to be out on our own? Solo apparently suggests being single and single = "bad".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 02:28 PM
9

I hear you but incest isn't any better either..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:08 AM
220

They'll even call other men "pussies" because equating a man to a woman (and let's be honest, they're reducing women to just their genitalia here to begin with) is apparently the worst thing they can think of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:05 AM
1

Ya, would not recommend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:47 PM
15

Yup, made that mistake. I had been dating but not exclusive, and was "seeing" someone else. I had known the cop casually for a while, and my friends were friendly with him so when he asked me out I accepted. He knew about the other guy and I made my situation clear but looking back, I'm sure he assumed he'd be able to ignore my boundaries and win me over anyway. Dated for a bit, but start seeing some behavior that I wasn't down with and generally just not clicking. He'd do things like give "frie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:07 PM
19

I just saw a post on another sub where the guy was asking if he was the asshole for continuing to play drums even though his pregnant wife asked him not to. Commenters found another post of his on a different sub asking for advice, where he admitted to purposely pissing her off because it turns him on. Now I just happen to find this post on the same day... Just wow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 12:02 PM
21

Not to mention being unappreciated, devalued, and possibly abused or worse by your clients. Even if the pay was great, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. I don't agree with shaming people who do sex work, but there are many that do and mostly it's the very people they cater to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 11:58 PM
7

Dropped the 15lbs I put on from COVID, cleaned out gutters and yard maintenance. Currently reorganizing/ decluttering guest room that turned into storage. Got a new desk for office so I'm looking to redo that space so it's more comfortable to work from home, should that ever occur again. Looking into getting a new roof and some landscaping for curb appeal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 11:50 PM
16

"Can you wait on him?" No sir, I cannot. I work hard too and don't need to take on an unpaid housekeeping position for someone else. I'm too busy taking care of myself to take on another human, let alone a grown ass man who should be just as capable as me. Now, if you want to work hard together and support each other so both of our lives are easier, then we can talk. Until then, good luck on filling that position of bang maid but it won't be me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:09 PM
8

This brings to mind a post I saw today about a guy complaining that his gf, who sells nudes, didn't put in the same effort to be sexy for him. He didn't care that she was selling nudes, only that he wasn't getting the same quality that she put into her "work". It quickly devolved into the gf is bad because she sells her nudes. I pointed out the hypocrisy of judging her for that, when looking at that kind of content is normalized and critism is met with disdain. Someone else commented some BS to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:54 PM
15

To the snide comments- yes, she should, and leaving to focus on herself is the best option to make that happen. There's no relationship if there's no trust, and whether she's picking up on him being shady (likely) or insecure (with seemingly no effort on his part to allieviate those fears), she chose to work on her mental health and security instead. But really, there's a lot to be said for gut feelings. I've driven myself crazy trying to ignore my intuition and stuffing down my feelings until I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 05:24 AM
23

Ya, I've been thinking the same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:26 AM
62

Ya.. that kind of just sets up women to jump through hoops to become "who he wants to be with." Sometimes you're just not going to be someone's cup of tea, and that's ok. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are lacking in some way. But the right thing to do would mean being honest about that and not stringing someone along until someone they do want comes along. Unfortunately, you can't rely on people to do right by you, so you need to be willing to do that for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:16 AM
62

Poor woman can't even have peace when she's dead. There's another guy who is buried face down on top of her, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 07:31 PM
11

If you're living in the right climate, they'll be right in your backyard after a rain, or early morning when it's still damp. But that is some serious premeditated sh*t to go out and collect them just to poison someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:28 PM
46

Oh god someone please reach out to her... the fact that she'd even blame herself for his actions... Being stressed about their partner's mental health or whatever does not cause a normal person to go out if their way to abuse them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 09:00 PM
38

Mollusks, but yeah they're like homeless snails lol. They look like slimy worms
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 03:42 PM
323

Possible motives: he hates her on some level, wants to degrade her, wants to make her sick to loose weight, wants to actually poison her and starting "small," etc. Pick one, doesn't matter, because it all comes down massive disrespect, lack of love, and a betrayal of her trust. I used to focus too much on "understanding" where the guy was coming from and why he'd do XYZ, and not enough time trying to understand how I felt about it. If you are hurt by someone's actions, why they hurt you is not m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 03:40 PM
2

I feel personally called out lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:12 PM
32

My concern would be that it's like opening a pandora's box. Pre FDS, I would have these conversations (admittedly, I was also too open and would share my preferences as well). Just the very fact that I had brought it up would be interpreted by them as an invitation. So I guess I'd have to ask, how exactly do you open up that conversation? Or how do you avoid them spilling it out to the point of aiming it towards you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 12:25 AM
16

The relationship described between pet and owner reminds me of my dearly departed cat. He was my everything. Reading this makes me want to fight her (hopefully ex) bf for her cat's sake and in memory of mine. Even in the midst of being a pick me, my response to this kind of situation would have been a huge F U.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 12:43 AM
12

There's a woman on tik tok who claims that he assaulted her, and TLC still puts him back on the show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:59 PM
38

The guys I knew were either super into it (with no plan on how to actually raise a child or provide for it) or very against it, which I thought was fine for me since I'm child free. Turns out those were just the non committal types (and one even went on years later to get married and have a child, both things he swore he'd never do).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:41 PM
5

If having sex with misogynistic men had any kind of positive effect, misogyny would have already been eradicated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 04:00 AM
5

Good, had me worried there for a moment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:18 PM
43

Please tell me Bob Ross can still make this list
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 10:05 PM
7

I'm so sorry for your loss; cancer is awful and can suck a D. He sounds like he was a wonderful, caring person with the strength and compassion to face his struggle with dignity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:32 PM
30

That doc was a rollercoaster. I still can't wrap my head around it. The father even gave the guy a hj in the middle of all that nonsense. Both parents have the nerve to act like they were victims too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:34 AM
57

I was all set to meet my aunt until I learned that this b!tch had a boyfriend who had molested her own granddaughter, was in prison for it, and this b!tch was visiting him in prison! I'll never understand how any parent could stand by someone who hurt their own child. That is the lowest of the low
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:31 AM
126

Come to find out one of his close friends was imprisoned for CP — and, no, my cousin didn’t cut him off. He tried to defend his friend’s actions saying that “at least he didn’t hurt any children.” This shouldn't need any clarification but for people like your cousin who need to hear this- just looking at CP ABSOLUTELY hurts children. Where do they think that garbage comes from?? They may not be the ones physically assaulting those kids, or the one taking pictures, but they are 100% contributing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:29 AM
2

Ya same here. It's not always good too but weirdly enough that's a common theme. It's always "just a small thing" and somehow we're the crazy ones. No matter what you do to try to communicate why it bothers you, you'll be considered as overreacting. So might as well overreact and calmly show him the door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 01:26 AM
2

"What's the big deal? It's just a little disrespect and lack of consideration for others. Why are you overreacting just because I do this constantly?"- him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 01:24 AM
15

Clearly he did- now he's an asshat not just to her, but to his kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:00 AM
18

Happy to see that the majority of the comments are not supportive of literally stealing candy from a child, but of course there are those who also blame the wife for overreacting/ not communicating calmly and also for only communicating calmly and enabling his repeated behavior numerous times before finally overreacting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 11:42 PM
3

That's exactly how that goes. I still don't personally mind splitting bills except now thanks to FDS, I'm gonna sit back and see whether or not the guy is as generous as I am willing to be (and even then, I won't be going beyond my means to do so).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:02 PM
24

It really took me getting into FDS to have this sink in. Because I personally don't mind sharing, taking care of myself, etc. But 50/50 was never 50/50. Their version of splitting was finding an excuse to not do/get something, so if I wanted to I had to cover for us both. Or they'd go as cheap as possible if it were an even split. That same guy would order a steak if we decided to just cover our own meals, because I was tired of nickle and diming. 50/50 to me meant, we could treat ourselves to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 07:25 PM
16

Saw that post, too. I had to stop after her reply to one comment, that was "I bet this guy is the type to reuse a condom" and she had the audacity to laugh and say "I'll let you know." 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 07:15 PM
22

I feel both. Definitely a gut punch but, one that feels better somehow afterwards. Growth is painful, but a different kind of pain, one that is worth the struggle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:56 PM
13

Seems to me the only person who is struggling in that kind of situation, is the woman. The guy is just wallowing. If two people are gonna struggle together, they should both be working towards a common goal to improve their situation, not one person dragging another down. That's not a struggle romance, that's just drowning in mediocrity/ poverty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:46 AM
15

I want to add here for smaller women and/or women working towards a goal as far as strength training- sheer force isn't everything. I highly recommend self defense classes, improving your flexibility, etc as well as working on your confidence and self awareness. When I was younger and weighed less than I do now, I had a job that involved situations where I'd have to restrain people, who happened to be bigger than me most of the time. We were taught to do so safely and without causing injury (as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:12 AM
30

To pick only one story from memory.... Being 16 walking with a friend in NYC when a 20 something year old man passes us in the intersection, turns right around and starts to chat with us. My friend actually entertains this idiot, and I'm stuck for blocks with him following us. She seemed to like playing games as far as entertaining his attention but not being interested, so his attention was on her until he realized he wasn't going to get anywhere. I find this out after he follows me into a dres…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 11:52 PM
16

What are the laws about hairspray and a lighter? Or bear or wasp spray that you just happen to have on hand?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 11:33 PM
22

Ya it's amazing. Funny how it took FDS for me to connect the dots... I have no problem getting the job done myself but nearly everyone else does, so clearly it's my body that is to blame. 😂 I have to laugh at myself because that just sounds so dumb when you say it out loud.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 04:55 PM
13

Emojis are the bane of reddit, apparently
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 04:50 PM
21

Ya, it's very common, but that doesn't mean you "have to get used to it" if you are not ok with it. We need to stop telling women to stop over their own boundaries instead of moving on to someone who shares their values. And even if you're ok with the general premise of it (and overlooking the abuse the industry promotes), ask yourself if you are really doing what you enjoy or if you are just tolerating it for someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 04:48 PM
40

Same. I think for me my thinking was more along the lines of masturbation being a normal and healthy thing for humans to engage in and sometimes people use different things to help with that process. Lord knows I'm no hypocrite on that front 😂. But, I took the time to be open and really think about what FDS was saying about it, and when I looked back on my own personal experiences I found myself not being able to argue against their point. It's not that they spent some "alone time" for "self lov…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 04:42 PM
23

Him- "you no want my pee pee? MUST be crazy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 05:12 AM
36

Not to mention that this "industry" exploits literal children. Is he gonna advocate for kids to be accessible too? 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:41 PM
59

Here I was thinking I needed to make more of an effort to love myself, and I've been doing it all along lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:26 PM
9

Can't win either way, so you might as well just not play the game to begin with lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:02 PM
11

Lol this reminded me of a clip I recently watched about Piers Morgan loosing it over the Harry & Meghan interview and his previous tie to Meghan Markle. They then played an older clip of a different issue where Morgan talked about going on a date with Meghan that ended in her getting in the cab that would take her to the party where she met Harry, and he never heard from her again. Clearly he has some strong feelings about that that he's never gotten over lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:01 PM
86

Exactly this, but seeing posts like these makes some of that fear go away. I went to give them EXACTLY the kind of honesty they seem to want and to tell them to F off right at the start. No more bending over backwards to try to be "polite."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:44 PM
32

Believe people when they tell you who they are. It's more important for him to "help his ex" than it is to help the current girlfriend. Guarantee in those situations, they will never do the same for you... And they'll give you some BS that she was there first. Let them have each other and walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 11:44 PM
25

I'm fine w/ unisex bathrooms as policy if you have room for all 3 - male, female, and all gender. Same here. There should be more options, not less. Accommodate parents with kids, non binary/ trans, sensory sensitivity, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 08:53 PM
9

That's an interesting perspective. I'm CF simply because I've never wanted kids, not to subvert the system. I wouldn't suggest to someone who did want kids to do it only to subvert the system, however that's a nice bonus for me. I think we need to be supportive of either choice, however I feel like the stakes are higher for those who want kids for all the reasons you state above. CF should be more normalized, so women who don't want kids aren't pressured into doing so just because society/ men t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 04:52 AM
23

Adding to this- if you know for sure you want kids, all the more reason to be critical of who you have kids with. Don't do it just because your clock is ticking or before you're ready (ie financial/ personal stability and a partner who will actually be a partner and not a leech).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:53 AM
16

I'm CF, but I don't think it's wrong for other women to want to be mothers. It's not an easy thing to do so hats off to them. But too often motherhood is used to belittle and entrap women. Saying motherhood isn't feminist only furthers to weaponize childbirth against all women. My worth is not determined by my ability or inability to procreate, nor does it define any other woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:44 AM
53

I imagine that the woman in the post would've had a much less traumatic experience if this were the case. Her partner is unable to be present and offer support (by his own account, he's busy at work and not involved with the kids) and the closest female support she has is her MIL, who clearly demeans her. The physical trauma this poor woman has to deal with is only the tip of the iceberg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:37 AM
5

This is deeply depressing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:10 AM
187

The way he walks up to her with his hands out... you'd think he was greeting his gf if it weren't for her reaction. Absolutely insane that he'd expect any kind of reaction other than the one he got. Smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 03:33 AM
13

I definitely need to work on my assertiveness but this is something I had discovered and it really works. I'm very uncomfortable in confrontations but lowering my voice has really helped me to convey seriousness. I usually pair it with a deadpan expression and people pick up pretty quick that I'm shutting them down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:45 PM
102

That's disturbing that he can justify one but not the other. See, when I see a scene like that, I'm equally appalled regardless if it is a man or a woman. Anyone who can honestly say it's ok for one but not the other..... ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 08:06 PM
31

She's hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:59 PM
50

Even incels say that women don't have to do anything to get laid other than exist. So apparently "female inceldom" has nothing to do with sex, and more to do with attachment to a man. They are inadvertently/ intentionally equating women's worth to whether or not we are in relationships, and are irrationally angry that women would actively choose not to be in one/ willing to walk away if they are in one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 02:25 AM
185

They don't believe that women here are voluntarily single, or that those who aren't are just bitter that they can't do better/ keep a man. We must all be fat cows who can't get laid because of course women's only value is based on looks/ desirability. They can't wrap their heads around the fact that women here are no longer waiting to be "picked." For some reason, this angers them even though they say they wouldn't "pick us" anyway. Denying men free access to our bodies and choosing to make ours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 02:19 AM
33

Of course it's "not all men", but when it's "enough men/ most women" guess which one I'm going to care about more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 07:01 PM
2

Lol what a dumb thing to argue about. Idk why they care about height so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 01:31 AM
1

Pretty much lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 01:30 AM
77

I'm 5'4 and have had comments that I was lying or didn't know what I was talking about. I've even pulled out my license as proof and once a tape measure 🤣.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 09:17 PM
8

See IMO, body count doesn't matter for all those reasons, plus the fact that there's guys who are insecure if their count is simply lower than yours. Doesn't seem to matter the number at all- if you've had one more partner than they did, they try to twist it around like you're the problem. Guys with a high count don't seem to care about that as much IME, but then as you pointed out, they simply don't care. Of course, nOt AlL mEn, because you'll find examples where the opposites are true. It 100%…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 06:57 PM
51

Ya, not my fav. I get that it's usage is very common but I could do without it most of the time. Not sure if context helps much, but she was replying to a comment someone had made. So mostly said in frustration but still an insult towards that commenter
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 02:22 PM
242

So, a "mom" that caters to their little shnookums while also providing non incestuous sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:59 PM
1

Personally I think any life lost is a shame, even if caused by their own delusions. I do have a certain amount of respect for people who serve, but that doesn't mean that they're except from judgement for their shitty behavior. Also, she had high security clearances so that's off putting. You're absolutely right that LV/NV can be anywhere, including places of high status and power. IMO that makes it a bit more alarming as they have the potential to inflict more serious harm than just those they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 08:15 PM
25

I actually prefer texting because it allows me to multitask and choose when to respond. I hate being stuck on the phone unless I'm going to be having an engaging conversation (at which point texting paragraphs would be super annoying). If you're just gonna give me small talk, just shoot me a text instead of wasting my time 😄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:57 AM
22

Yup, even idle threats meant "as a joke" is now part of conspiring to overthrow the govt. People who support terrorists are also terrorists
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 01:07 PM
11

Lol when he gave that speech telling them to march to the Capitol, he said he'd be right there with them. Then promptly turned around and went back to the White House to let them do his dirty work. Anyone who still thinks that creep has their best interest in mind I'd a grade A moron.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:54 PM
8

She was definitely in the wrong being a part of that mess but, what a waste. She was also an Air Force Veteran. I can't wrap my head around what led her to be there, but any loss of life is a tragedy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:46 PM
7

Ya I saw those. They cannot resist the urge to make everything about themselves. But I love that she just keeps dancing anyway and that's the attitude I want to hold on to for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:56 PM
24

I'd actually love to hear more, particularly about listening to your instincts. I'm trying to relearn some conditioned behavior which has been challenging because it feels like my wires are crossed. Without this advice, I'd be thinking that the butterfly feeling is a good thing. What I don't know is, how am I supposed to feel if it is good? What does good even feel like? And when should I expect to feel it? This is probably something I'll have to learn about myself over time but anything to prov…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 04:26 AM
6

100% this. It was definitely intimidating but putting it into context was a truly enlightening experience. And breaking out of the scarcity mindset. I put up with a lot of crap because I was scared to walk away, because I knew they would let me. FDS helped to teach me that the act of walking away is how to respect yourself, not the free sex or being the "cool girl," and that it isn't scary at all. It may hurt to do it but it'll be empowering in the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:53 AM
4

I think I found this sub at the right time for me, when I was open to it. There were some things I was skeptical about, like waiting for sex and not splitting the bill for dates, but I put those thoughts on the back burner and waited to hear more. I'm still in the process of doing this and changing my ways but giving myself the time to process the information has really helped to change my mind, and some people aren't ready to do that. I'm definitely not out to use and/or abuse men. I choose to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:46 AM
15

I just feel like that's besides the point- I've seen attacks on her that she's not pretty enough and that somehow means she's not worthy of respect. But someone else will be a bimbo, or too mannish. Not to get political but I recall Hillary Clinton getting crap for wearing pantsuits and not being able to keep her husband from cheating, and lately it's Kamila Harris "sucked her way to the top." I lean left but I can admit that there's plenty to criticize about them based on their political stance…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:30 AM
6

Saw that.. one comment of opposition was because she "wasn't that attractive." Not because, idk, there was a time clock on a child when they could start openly sexualizing get without legal ramifications.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:11 AM
28

And they always attack a person's feminity (either too much or lack thereof, or gender specific violence) instead of talking points or play forms. It's really disgusting and scary that that is the go to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:07 AM
64

I'm 34 but in my defense, I never stooped this low. Sometimes I even felt like I wasn't a good gf because I didn't care about doing every little thing for a man. Now I know it was my inner queen kicking down the doors to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 10:06 PM
16

Hopefully, it'll click for them when they're ready. Ironically, I was in the same boat and only found FDS earlier this year. I've recently started dating and while it's still very early in the vetting process, I only had to pop a Tylenol for a stiff neck before my date offered to give me a quick message (and he didn't even make it creepy by using it as a means to get sex). I'm not saying that he's a HVM just for that (too soon to tell), but ever since I decided to drop the BS it's like I've been…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 09:47 PM
4

The bar is so low, we're not even asking them to do the chores. Just to stay out of our way and not make us work harder than necessary. Sad to say it took my this long to figure out, why should I bother? I'll have half as much to do without the dead weight, more so if you consider the time saved not taking those extra steps just to prep doing a chore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 11:02 PM
5

It almost seems like he's a surrogate bf to the "friend." She gets extra male attention that she needs to feel validated and he gets an ego stroke plus whatever she does for her own bf like cooking, cleaning, etc. He's got multiple burners going and the OP gets to provide him with sex until he feels like she's too much work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:54 PM
7

Is it really that quick? Like in under a week? I get the gist of what he's saying but I can't imagine feeling that way so quickly myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:19 PM
6

I'd agree but, don't underestimate the power of insecurity. I had an ex that I would personally say was handsome, but he didn't agree. He was well groomed, decent job, but it was never enough for him. He thought he was too short, nose too big, not in good enough shape, etc. He was also the kind to say that he was smarter than most people he knew, especially me, and would take every opportunity to punch down to make himself look better (at least to himself).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 08:00 PM
3

People buying rings and this girl went and got herself a whole damn car lol, good for you OP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:14 PM
3

Right? And we're the hateful ones... not the lurkers taking time out of their lives to DM insults to users here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:13 PM
38

And he thinks that will somehow change once his sick wife is gone... translation- he will be seeking a replacement to play mommy asap, if he hasn't already. Those poor kids. That poor woman. She'll probably have better care in facility away from that creep, but those kids are stuck with him for the time being, knowing that their father threw their mother away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 08:13 PM
6

They clearly can't stand it when women are ok with their "rejection."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 05:29 PM
28

I see it more as a reminder to not plead and beg/ don't engage in BS vs "silent treatment." There's no point in playing games to try to manipulate someone into doing what you want. If you're at that point, it's best to just leave. Communication shouldn't be about negotiation, at least when it comes to your boundaries and self respect. And you can't be afraid to walk away when someone disrespects you. A HVM won't want to play games and a LVM isn't worth the effort to try to get them to stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 02:31 PM
33

I know for me, I have a habit of making excuses for people like they didn't really mean it like that or just didn't know. If they gave me a reasonable excuse, it just further validated that. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings (still don't) but I've come to realize that what I was doing was putting their feelings above my own. I am learning I can still be nice but put myself first. I don't owe anyone an explanation and "no" is a full sentence. Whether someone meant to hurt me or not does not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 12:23 AM
182

If they don't want to "pick her" then why do they care anyway? Thought they were "going their own way" so why do they care if a woman chooses to do the same?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:28 PM
186

I'm child free and man child free. Cope 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:25 PM
2

I'm so sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:12 PM
5

That's terrible. I do feel like I understand that line of thinking. When I was very young, I knew something was wrong but didn't understand. It was the things that came later that left a bigger impression. And it's completely messed up that compartmentalizing like that is even a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:12 PM
5

I'm so sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:10 PM
47

I don't deny that abuse happens to men, too. Abuse is horrible no matter who it happens to. I'm not a cold hearted bitch and I feel for victims, truly, but I have my own shit to unpack and I'm not equipped to be someone's therapist. For me, it's not just about the several incidents I've been through (it feels like it's always more than just once when I hear stories from other women). It's the unpacking of generational trauma that was passed down to me, and taught me to expect it. It's the fact I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 07:08 PM
38

I second not dating police officers, a lot of them are abusers(statistically) and they can hurt you and more or less get away with it. Same with military dudes- fragile masculinity, abusive tendencies, low/no empathy etc. Calling thirds on this one. I actually tried it once. Looked good on the surface but he def harbored insecurities from being bullied at a young age. He liked being a small town cop because it gave him a certain amount of power. He played the "cool cop" a lot because it served h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 06:47 PM
8

I'm constantly doing this to myself and second guessing, and every single time hindsight shows me that I should've listened to my intuition. It's like I have a really bad habit of thinking I'm crazy that I just can't break. I'm trying to use my head and not jump into things but the result is I end up ignoring my intuition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:41 PM
7

Exactly. I don't think anyone is denying that witholding affection with the intent to manipulate/ cause psychological harm is abusive. It's the fact that any time a woman witholds sex specifically, for any reason, it's viewed as an intentional attack on the man. Take a moment to imagine how self centered, how completely out of touch with your partner you'd have to be to not even consider that they may be tired, not feeling well, or even feeling lack of affection themselves. I'd think that most o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:10 AM
5

Cheers, ladies. Looking forward to spending 2021 with all of you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:41 AM
10

Ya, I know, but you always feel like it won't happen to you. I live in a smaller town where everyone knows everyone for the most part, and pre FDS I developed more male friends than female. I've done a lot it cutting back on toxic people in general, and distanced myself from other male friends for the above reason. This particular friend is a disappointment, though. I'm not surprised exactly that he might've been interested or tested the waters, but no means no. The pushiness plus deflection the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:06 PM
25

He wasn't very good at it. It's like he forgot we were friends for a while so I had insider knowledge. But thanks to FDS, instead of trying to fix my friendship and his hurt feelings, I got PISSED that he disrespected me and then tried to blame me for his actions. That time, I didn't have any trouble saying "no."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 08:41 PM
38

Had to remind a male "friend" of this very thing recently. We had been hanging out, had a couple of drinks, and I was calling it a night. He wanted to linger to "sober up" (2 over a few hours is too many apparently). He asked if we could lay in my bed and cuddle "platonically." Now, my mistake here is 1. I didn't exactly say the word "no," just "I'm not comfortable with that" and 2. that I didn't immediately kick him out. He proceeded to say the same thing 2 more times in a way that he thought h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 08:34 PM
5

He humiliated himself by acting that way around your family. He tried to gaslight you that it was somehow your fault, and that you should feel any shame for his actions. Kudos to you for not shying away from taking out the trash. You let him know, and your family, that you won't tolerate behavior like that. You can love someone but you refuse to be held hostage by your feelings for someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:38 PM
5

My last name is not my own, anyway. It belongs to my LVM father, and is something to be given away if at some point I chose to attach myself to a different man. I actually prefer to go by my first and middle name, as those are mine and can't be taken from me. I've debated whether or not I should change it legally, or keep my legal last name as some kind of buffer to be discarded like a lizard discards its tail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:08 PM
2

I was just thinking that. I wonder how many of them tell their SOs that it's no big deal for them to follow IG models. Because you know, it's soooo not the same thing. That IG model isn't a person, she's just a piece of meat in a thong for their own enjoyment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:19 AM
1

So it's cool to support SW unless they are your wife/ daughter/ sister/ mother, then it's a huge problem and disrespectful... to the men in their lives?? What happened to the empowerment? Just for the record, I don't think SWs should be treated with any less respect than anyone else.. they're still people after all. And I get that there are certain dangers that come with the territory, and why family members wouldn't want to see someone they care about put themselves at potential risk. But whene…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:17 AM
2

I love yoleen, she's hilarious. Have you seen stanzipotenza??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:08 AM
5

I had been diagnosed with it as well and I can tell you, I can't even get a straight answer from doctors and I feel like I still don't know a thing. I went regularly for screening, just because, and had been under the impression that I had been tested for it as well as everything else. I literally ask for "the works" because if anything were to happen, I'd want to be able to narrow it down timewise and I liked the assurance of knowing I was in good shape. When I was diagnosed, I ended up finding…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:03 PM
21

Exactly this. I've done the same but never to this extent, and never neglected to wipe my own ass thoroughly. I also don't subject others to my grossness when I'm in a funk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 11:29 PM
19

I dated someone when I was very young and very in love with at the time. I felt accepted, I felt passion, I was coerced into some sexual things that I wasn't ready for, I was alone when I needed him most... you get the drift. He was the first and probably only person who could consistently make me cum and at the time I thought that was damn near miraculous. We broke up for a bit, I was even with someone else that I was crazy for, but eventually our paths crossed again and I'm a moment of weaknes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:29 AM
72

Lol the bar is so low, many women would be thrilled if they could even cum once
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:52 PM
5

I've known from a very young age that I had no desire to have children. I felt like if I did decide to have a child in my life, I would prefer to adopt. As I got older, I just accepted that that I had no biological clock and I'm satisfied with doing my own thing. Funny thing is, I did put a lot of thought into what values I felt were important to pass on, possible names, and under wear circumstances that I would consider a child (committed partner, financial security, etc.) I really don't take h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:08 AM
25

The fact that she's even asking internet strangers for permission to feel the way she does... I just don't have the energy to unpack everything that's wrong with this. I'm just gonna leave this bag of crap on the curb with the rest of the trash. Hope she eventually does the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:58 AM
10

I don't have an issue with SAHM on principle but- many people these days fail to make appropriate plans for their future and this is one of the areas where it becomes so glaring. Whether someone is single, part of a couple who both work SAHM, people need to start thinking about acquiring their own safety net in the event of unexpected yet realistic events. I feel like the saints are a little higher for women because there's just way too many examples / stories of women getting stuck in their rel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:55 AM
4

I learned this from watching my mother's mistakes, and while my dating record hasn't been great I was never in a position where I couldn't support myself. My father left my mom with literally pennies, and wiped out my college fund that family invested in since I was a baby just to hurt her. My step father was only moderately better but I watched her break down/ be threatened with the fact that nothing was in her name. She got herself stuck and me along with her until I was old enough to leave. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:42 AM
18

"Get in duh kitchen" :::: woman becomes chef at high end restaurant:::: "No, not that one! Wimens r so dum, they can't do ne thing rite"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 12:39 AM
15

Best wishes for a happy future together!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 07:13 PM
49

For the longest time, I thought maybe it was just me and my crappy luck/ judgement was the reason why I'd end up with guys who ended up using me for my money/ resources for one reason or another. I didn't judge based on income, goals, line of work or even if they were unemployed. Sh*t happens, who doesn't need a hand every now and then?? Equal partnership means you support through the hard times... Bla bla bla Some points FDS made took a little longer to settle in, but the more I read, the more …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:44 AM
21

This isn't quality time, but let's just for a moment go with the idea that she actually suddenly enjoys being a passive observer. What about her love languages? What does he do to show her apprection? Clearly not listen to her concerns, because when she communicated her needs to him, he managed to gaslight her and make it about himself. I think it's totally fine to show your SO affection in a way that they enjoy, but it should be a 2 way street. I'm personally tired of putting in more energy tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 07:12 PM
43

Lol same here. Laugh, block, and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 03:21 PM
1

Honestly I can't say how grateful I am for this sub, which I credit to helping me sort through all that and categorize my emotions. I was even having a delayed reaction to this because I immediately shifted into salvaging things. At the time, my brain went to "hope I don't have dirty underwear laying around, better run in before he does and assess things." I can't tell you what a relief it is to be validated that this whole thing was weird AF, and then to get me back on track as far figuring out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 04:04 AM
1

Ya that part still blows my mind and irritates me. If I wasn't sure that there's no way they could be connected, I would've been thinking it was a set up. Instead, he was just that unconcerned about my safety. I am thankful for the advice I got here- it's been really helpful to help sort out all the mixed emotions I had about this incident as well pointing out some mistakes that I made going into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 04:07 AM
2

Thanks. It sucks women even need to be concerned about something like this but, I do intend to use this as a learning experience for myself. There have been several commenters who have brought up some points that I would not have considered otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 06:20 PM
2

What the cop did was messed up. He could've handled it much differently and had the means to verify his accusations, but didn't. As to everything else- this guy lives over an hour away from me. There was no one nearby and not convenient for me to go back and forth. I was also frazzled and thinking about getting to work the next morning. Now that I've had time to think, I realized I could've handled it differently, like driving somewhere else to wait a while and circle back. I shouldn't have sugg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 06:14 PM
3

You're right, I was stuck handling things on my own. You and a few others have made some pretty good points that I hadn't considered in my judgement of this person so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:56 PM
1

You've made some very good points, and some things that I just hadn't considered that way. I had been thinking that things were going in a positive direction so far but I think I need to recalibrate my judgement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:52 PM
1

Thank you. What you've said makes sense. I think I need to sort out my feelings about it more. The date itself was a really nice time but maybe I have to sort myself out a little more and see if there's something my intuition is trying to tell me or if it was just the cop situation that was upsetting. Better to be very honest with myself now while it's still early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 10:34 PM
2

Yes, I know it's way too soon to tell and I did consider the space issue. I don't want to invite him back over just because that barrier was unexpectedly crossed once. I'm a little confused by you saying I rationalized his actions? Only asking for clarification, in case I'm doing something I'm not aware I'm doing. I don't want to make the same mistakes I've made in the past so I do appreciate your input. And just for clarification, he only had one beer over the course of the meal (3hrs, we both …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 10:02 PM
3

It's difficult to find an Uber or cab by me, but I think I will look up that information have on hand for next time so that I have more options available. Also I won't be doing the ride sharing again. Do you really feel like I should drop the date tho? It wasn't his fault that this happened and everything else had looked good. Paid for dates, brought me a small gift for this one, conversation topics going well... I just know it's still early in the vetting process and I would not have chosen to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:35 PM
3

I'm in the good ole USA. I feel like if it complained it wouldn't go anywhere, part of me just wants it on record but idk. I might have to just take this one on the chin but I think I will at least look into what avenues are available to me in case something like this happens again. As well as taking some advice from other commenters here to ensure that I'm not in this situation again. The above comment was also correct, I did feel responsibility to not push my date more into the crosshairs. I s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:27 PM
5

Cops aren't helpful, at least not here. I would not expect them to make that kind of effort. Also I live in the area where public transportation is a challenge to non-existent. He could have made sure we are all right to drive, or let us hang out for a little longer... But the reality of it is that he had zero concern for either of our safety. The more I think about it the more I think it probably threw him that there was a woman behind the wheel and maybe he assumed the reason for that would be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:22 PM
2

Rural area, none of it is well lit. Well, except for the parking lot we were stopped in. I happen to know the owner of the restaurant we went to, I shouldn't have tried to make things easy and just went straight there. I feel like I was so focused on if I felt comfortable with my date that I forgot about the rest of the world. I will definitely be adjusting how I do things after this but, it just sucks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:19 PM
4

Do you think I should still report him? I don't know him but I know he was state, his shift (he made it clear so we couldn't just come back to get the car), and date/time obviously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:57 PM
5

I can tell you from experience, that is a mistake. I get where you're coming from but ty the guy, the fact that he has an opening to communication with you is enough to tell him he's in your head. It does not matter if you immediately reject them, it's a win for them. The only way you win that one, the only clear message of rejection, is if you block them and they have 0 chance to get to you again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:52 PM
2

He's definitely taking viagra. Dudes don't sleep on a kick stand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:47 PM
5

I don't know either, and I wish I had the wherewithal to ask for a name or stand my ground even a little. I was driving and he didn't accuse me of being under the influence. I almost wonder if it took him off guard that the driver was a woman, do he had to change gears? If his goal was to have us leave, we were both willing and able to do that. The date happens to live well outside his jurisdiction, but even if he didn't I've personally never known a cop to be actually helpful like that. He didn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:22 PM
15

No, neither of us are. Probably why we were allowed to drive away without further incident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:14 PM
14

If I hadn't been so caught off guard by the situation, maybe I could've pushed for that. I'm not in the habit of talking to police let alone arguing with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 04:13 PM
30

Ya, you're probably right about that. I did think about it before suggesting it, and in the end felt like he was trustworthy enough and like I'd have control if it were me driving. It was just 5 min down the road, and my neck of the woods (literally woods), but you're right. If anything I gave myself a false sense of security. Which just adds to my feeling of resentment that a whole different man took that away from me. And idk what that cop was thinking. It didn't feel like he was trying to do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 11:16 AM
14

You know what, he kinda has a point- ladies who are frustrated with this should fix themselves... by coming over to FDS and learning how to identify/ avoid wasting any further time on LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 10:47 AM
9

You're right, maybe that isn't the correct term. But it does seem like a way to undermine
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:21 AM
105

I doubt that's the real reason. She's so desperate to cling to her non-committal scrote that I wouldn't be surprised if she thought having the kid would get him to commit and since that didn't work, she's trying the last name thing. He doesn't care what she does because he has no plans to tie himself to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 12:37 AM
59

I almost wonder if he's really that bad at spelling, a mistype he didn't bother checking (you know the rest of that text was c/p), or a chance to neg and call you crusty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 12:30 AM
4

I feel like deeper connection takes time, but you can judge potential for it in a lot less. If you don't see yourself/ the relationship moving forward, and your goal isn't just to drag it along in a perpetual state of limbo, then you should move on. It doesn't mean you're ready to get married right then and there, but you can stop to see what path your on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 09:23 PM
8

I personally find it weird but, it's kind of become the norm these days. People have always seemed to like to record things. I don't mind this one because it feels more like a genuine desire to capture the moment and not self serving. I also wouldn't normally be impressed with pizza on the floor but in this case I think it's kinda sweet, since he was trying to tie it in to an earlier memory that he was fond of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:55 PM
9

Didn't notice until I saw this comment. Prosthetic maybe?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 02:10 AM
44

I believe the term is "cuffing season." Desperate scrotes/ pickmes looking to snag a date for holiday gatherings and/or get engaged by the new year. Watch out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:32 PM
4

Omg, that poor kitten. He's not even sorry for it. He pretty much admitted he'd do it again (probably already has) by his "anything but a cat" statement. He's a serial killer in the making for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:30 PM
79

Can confirm. Dated one once because I thought he was "a nice guy" and stable. Boy o boy was I ever wrong! He knew I was dating around but really tried to take over the limelight. When he got jealous, he proceeded to stalk me while out on a date with someone else, while on duty, in his cop car. Shone a light on us through the restaurant window, sped through town as we walked back to my place and up and down my street. Couldn't let the date leave because we were both worried that he'd start someth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:09 PM
4

Good lord. There's a lot to unpack here but not worth the time or energy- she needs to run like, yesterday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:01 PM
21

I think he has a medical condition that causes shortening of the neck. But that doesn't excuse his shit personality, his behavior, or lack of personal care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:56 PM
5

I'd even go one step above this and argue for 21- if you're of legal drinking age and they're not, it's weird and an easy way to manipulate someone younger. Below 20 I'd say, year or two age difference tops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 08:01 PM
4

Surprised no one has mentioned True Blood/ Sookie Stackhouse series. I originally mostly liked the show pre FDS, however still felt there were a lot of things that were problematic. The books were even worse. Particularly the whole Bill/ Sookie romance- he's gross and manipulative right off the bat and it's somehow supposed to be a surprise when it's revealed that he was sent there to "obtain" her by any means necessary. O ya, he also rapes her in a trunk of a car but it's not his fault because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 07:54 PM
2

I watched the show when I was younger, had initially been into it but dropped off. Tried watching it again as an adult because I remembered having been interested and just... Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 07:43 PM
31

Ugh I had one acquaintance in HS that told me regularly that I looked just like a porn star. He'd say it several times a day, ask if I was sure it wasn't me (like I don't know my own life), and joke that I just be lying. He went as far as printing out a picture of her.. doing something that involved an orange. Kicker was that she didn't look like me at all, aside from similar hair color. Teachers were useless, despite him bringing in a graphic picture. Boys will be boys... Ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 07:10 PM
35

I have large lips. I was always self conscious about them because of being sexualized, despite being told they were enviable and ppl have surgery just to have lips like mine. I couldn't eat an ice cream, fruit (particularly bananas), use a spoon, etc without someone making a comment. I hid behind my hands and tried to avoid eating in front of people. This along with some other confidence issues ended up contributing to disordered eating. Only good thing about it is it's become so popularized, mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 07:06 PM
7

Ugh, eww. I get everyone's circumstances are different but that feels weird to me too. At least not very well adjusted; take a little breather between relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:58 PM
7

I know his wife died but nothing else beyond that. What happened there?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:52 PM
1

That's a great idea! Will definitely help me to keep my head on straight. I was very pleased with how the date went, but quickly had to remind myself to not act impressed because this should be the norm. I think I did pretty well there but journaling would be a huge help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:38 PM
96

This one hurts to watch, tbh. Way too familiar. I once dated a guy who would even walk faster to create distance. There were A LOT of other red flags with that one but if I'm ever in this situation again, I'm turning around and walking in the other direction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:04 PM
11

Well at least I haven't been shamed for my biological functions, but I've had the opposite response- guys who "don't care" and think laying down a towel and skipping foreplay is ok. Nothing makes me feel sexier than cramps, a weird wet but dry feeling, and waking up to a murder scene 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:00 PM
7

Thank you, that does help me to feel more comfortable with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:19 PM
5

It is difficult enough to find one guy worth dating, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to find more than one that is also worth your time. Thanks for putting that into words, I have def been feeling that way and feeling a little pressure to have multiple options going. Maybe 2 is an ok start for now. I can def see the value of not falling into a scarcity mindset as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:19 PM
18

I mean, would you sleep in a homeless shelter if you had a house?? I could totally see a LVM surprising some poor woman with a "vacation," only to lead her to a shelter miles away from home just so he can save money on a hotel room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 01:56 AM
6

I a kid when I first saw that movie and felt so bad for Cameron Diaz's character. I really didn't get how it was supposed to be an enjoyable film. It's a very common trope and it kind of ruins movies for me. Usually, they'll make the plot device fiance unlikable so you root for the main characters, but it just feels toxic no matter how you spin it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:56 PM
1

You could always go for the romance zombie movie, Warm Bodies 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:50 PM
4

It's just something caught in my throat. And my eye. Don't look at me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 02:27 PM
2

The bar is 6ft under and they still can't reach it. I'm totally taking notes tho to establish what my be minimum is- this helps. Also having a forum where I'm not inundated with pick me mindset. I def have friends who would accept this as an anniversary gift if they slapped a bow on it lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 10:54 PM
35

That man was a treasure. Him and Bob Ross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:59 AM
16

Right? If the archetype of a woman using a man for his money/ material gain, then why isn't it equally reprehensible for a broke man to use a woman for her resources and domestic labor? They really try to act like the scrote with no job, no car, expects his partner to finance his basic needs and addiction/ hobby, and cook/clean for him while he sleeps most of the day and does jack for the rest doesn't exist. And on top of all that, the sex is mediocre and infrequent at best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:14 AM
55

I'm gonna skip right over all the falsehoods and point out this little bit- did they really compare shaming (ie calling out shit behavior and insisting people do better) to objectification, threatening physical harm, and rape? Really?? Someone's feefees getting hurt because they had to look in a metaphorical mirror is nowhere near calling for actual harm another person. How big does your ego have to be to actually try to equate that to victims of violence. GTFO with that shit. No one here has ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:00 AM
4

Sounds great. Can anyone take the time to talk my leg hair into not growing? Would really be a time saver for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:02 PM
68

OMG I love you ladies. I've been laughing at the Four Seasons thing all day and this literally made me snort. My nose burns from the drink I was sipping from atm, but my heart is so warm lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 03:56 AM
9

Lol then there's the other side of the coin- the men who weasel there way into your space and just. don't. leave. No no, I don't need you staining my high thread count sheets and trashing my space with your dominos, either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:05 PM
32

Right, and I don't get offended at ads about drunk drivers, because I am not a drunk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:49 PM
1

This is all definitely part of what draws me to her, however I still want to remain objective and focus on but she has to offer as far as her policies, etc. As a role model, I think she's pretty great and I find myself being very easily swayed by that alone. Regardless, I definitely feel proud to be able to call her my vice president.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:07 AM
140

That's even assuming that he's not using her to cheat on someone else. This whole thing screams "side chick" to me. I sincerely hope she wakes up and removes herself from this creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:56 PM
13

"Dominant people smile less." Anyone else have catcalls come to mind??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:40 AM
23

Lol I started doing power poses in grocery store lines for practice. I like to have space and in a crowd, I habitually try to make myself small and get out of the way (which doesn't work). If I stand like I think I'm Wonder Woman people are suddenly much more respectful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:32 AM
53

I don't love everything about her politics, but I LOVED that moment. She had me at "I'm speaking."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:19 AM
30

I've always cringed at that term. When exactly did it start becoming popular to say? And why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 10:57 PM
44

Disgusting that this has been so normalized. 17 men (one listed twice tho I'm sure there's plenty more) and 1 woman. None of this is cute or romantic; it's pedophilia. And any parents that gave their blessing / permission for this kind of relationship is just as guilty. Gross gross gross 🤢🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:24 PM
270

Well, we all know she shouldn't tolerate this and what the correct course of action would be here. But at the very least, I hope the next time he asks her for sex she says no and tells him "she's on her break," since he seems to think that basic needs (like sleep) fit under that category.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:08 PM
13

Tell him that you thought about what he said, and that you agree that self care is the most important thing. Then serve him with divorce papers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:36 AM
12

HOOOOWW do they do this? Literally every species has a biological drive to NOT DIE and search for sustenance. But LVM will literally just wallow in their own filth and starve until someone brings them a sandwich. How broken do you have to be?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:20 PM
25

I know too many women, from my mom's age to mine, who say they have to make prep for their husbands before leaving on a trip so they can eat. According to them, they have little faith that they can manage to make a bowl of cereal or order take out. They seem to think their husbands just won't eat for days and, I'm inclined to believe them. Blows my mind. I remember when I was a teen, I asked my step father how long it would take for a pot of water to boil. He laughed at me for not knowing how to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 07:29 PM
54

We should change the narrative to be how to be "good women-" how to be self sufficient and independent, self respect, raise daughters to be strong and know their worth, raise sons to be honorable men and have basic living skills that have so far only been pushed on girls. Also probably some good ole fashion self defense classes, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 07:14 PM
7

Don't forget, she was part of the Mickey Mouse club. She has been in the industry since childhood. With all the rumors and reports coming out about child stars and abuse in Hollywood, who knows what her life has been like. It's scary to watch. I'm not invested in the lives of celebrities but I genuinely worry for her. I don't think she's ever been allowed to be her own person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 12:39 AM
245

It's disgusting how prevalent this is in Hollywood. I can't even imagine - the things we know about are only the tip of the iceberg. The fact that so many of them go around thinking that it's normal to date underage girls is so disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 09:41 PM
75

Who gave you access to my college era dating history?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 09:39 PM
21

Funny, I can almost relate. I too realize that I don't need a man after some good old fashion self-love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 05:58 AM
43

I wouldn't call it a privilege but it seems to me that if more women were aware of their own self-worth, there would be drastic changes. Had I known of this group or it's principles as a girl, I feel like my life would've been drastically different. I can only imagine what the world would be like if all girls and women were more aware. I think it terrifies men when they are confronted with a confident woman, because they know that none of their BS would work. We are already seeing men complain a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 05:55 AM
2

Live and learn. He was very good at "rationalizing" everything, and I'm not one to be jealous of other women off the bat so I was open to being manipulated. The issue was never the ex- it's the fact that he would constantly bring her up (positive and negative). When the triangulation finally stopped, it was more subtle to not do subtle belittling, but even that looked like an improvement from everything else. I had a friend who warned me the whole time, and I didn't listen. I was glad when it wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:23 PM
19

You can understand her situation without accepting her behavior. She's an adult now, and capable of working through her own issues instead of projecting them on to other people. From what you posted, she's bragging at your expense. A friend does not gloat in your face that your ex is giving her attention, even if it is just via social media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:44 AM
51

Ugh unfortunately I can relate. I once dated this guy that now that I look back, I suspect because possibly a narcissist. I had just been "not dumped" by a FWB, and met this guy at a party. He was attractive, he was smart, and he seems like he really had his s*** together. I mistook all this for being "a catch' and overlooked so many red flags. The biggest of all concerned his ex. During this meeting, he was acting weird because there were people at the party who knew his ex and didn't want word…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 02:30 AM
2

Lol thank you for saying this. I've felt somewhat guilty and snobbish at times for thinking this way, but I literally just cannot with the atrocious grammar and spelling. I've forgiven a few imperfections, but if I can't decipher your text in the world of spell check please just move along and don't waste my time. Before I dropped out of college, I was an English major and was always an advanced classes throughout school. I love literature and while I'm not pompous about it, it's a turn-off when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 01:36 AM
39

I can only speak for myself, as I'm recovering from this kind of mindset, but for me it was a combination of ignorance and low self-esteem. I was too busy worrying about whether or not I was really worthy of attention to consider whether or not certain guys were worthy of mine. I still have some of those hang ups but I just don't have the energy for foolishness anymore. Now I just feel bad for those women who are still stuck in that mindset, and hope that they come to their senses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 01:10 AM
3

I'd rather fuck up my car than my life. Better to make it to a well lit area, preferably populated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:24 PM
3

Good points. I don't like gore for the sake of it, and it's always been concerning to me when that is the focus. Even with horror shows- I like the suspense and mystery of classic horror and not the modernized "goreification". With crime shows- it's all about the forensics and psychology for me. I like trying to understand what happened and how cases are solved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:23 PM
8

I'm one of the fan types, and I particularly enjoy the rare female stories. I just like the macabre. Came in to comment that I had seen a quote somewhere about this- something along the lines of women's interests in true crime stories is taking notes to avoid it themselves. We can already guess who the main suspect is (coughhusbandcough).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:33 PM
83

Same... I don't know one woman who can't share some kind of experience like this. I had one "friend" tell me she never did, then proceeded to tell me about a boyfriend she had when she was 14 and he was in his mid 20s as some kind of proof of her maturity. She argued with me when I pointed out that he was a pedo and most certainly did abuse her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 01:54 PM
108

Judging by how it was written, I don't think there's much planning there in a nefarious sense. Reminds me of the grade school "check yes or no" notes. He seems cognitively stunted to me and clearly not capable of making a good judgement call. What I would personally be spooked about with a guy like that, is an emotional response like being embarrassed enough to get angry and lash out. Not saying that it's what this guy would do but I'd be cautious as there's too many stories about angry incels. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 09:08 PM
35

I even feel bad for the kid being given false hope on top of bad advice. Like, why placate him and think that he's going to "win" as long as he tries hard enough? Why waste your energy on somebody who doesn't want you when you could focus on being with someone who actually could actually love you? Instead they want to encourage this kid to have low self-esteem, possibly develop a complex about women, and teach him to grow into a creeper that no one will want. Society is truly failing young boys …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:18 AM
30

I fell into this trap with my most recent ex. We had history several years ago- I allowed myself to be in a FWB arrangement with him that lasted a year, and surprise surprise I caught feelings. There were no strings attached, however we were pretty much exclusive at least to my knowledge. Then he meant a pretty young blonde that he preferred over me, and dumped me. It was torture to see all the FB posts and pictures, all the sweet little things and declarations that he did for her that he never …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:56 PM
23

I'm just gonna go hide my head under a pillow, because I can relate. I would def consider this thoughtful (the paper towels, not the cash) BUT, I have come to realize that I can appreciate the little things while recognizing that this is the bare minimum. Pick-me mindset is thinking that a gesture like this shatters the glass ceiling. HV mindset is setting this as an entry level standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:49 AM
12

You don't need to love someone to have basic manners. This is beyond low, and why the bar is so low.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:18 AM
31

I know a few men who were assaulted by women. Of course I empathize and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Predators benefit from making themselves appear to be an assuming and being female would work to those ends. They should absolutely be punished to the fullest extent of the law, but the system that fails in doing so is the same system that puts the blame on victims and allows rap*sts to walk free. It's the same system that continues to promote toxic masculinity and even elevate predators in larg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 11:47 PM
2

Excuse my ignorance, but I'm not familiar with how civil unions work. How does that compare to marriage?? Interested because this appears to be a better option for me too, if I ever get to that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 05:59 PM
1

Ya I remember getting caught up in the love story and being surprised at some less than nice behavior from Bill. Then I get into the books and right away when he's supposed to be "loving" I can't get over the big red flags of manipulation. And don't get me started on the character descriptions lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:21 PM
2

Very true, and at the time it was happening it wasn't very funny for me either. My sense of humor can also get a bit dark, as it's sometimes a defense mechanism. I'd rather laugh at the situation than sit with the reality of how bad it could've been.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 12:12 PM
1

Lol apparently FDS telling women to focus on themselves first and not accept BS from men is encouraging women to be man-eaters. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:30 AM
24

I think a HVM (or at least not a NVM) would possibly not feel great about this being a reality for women, but would take action to not feed into it. They would do this by not leering at a woman, leaving her alone after the first rejection, slowing down or stopping if walking down and lonely street so that she might feel more comfortable, and most importantly... calling out other men for their misogyny and/or selfishness like described in this post. They would have no reason to feel personally at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:27 AM
6

I feel like a HVM would forgive a minor infraction or leave if it was a major one, and a HVW would own up to her mistake and accept the consequences. A LVM would use it against you and justify it as a reason to abuse you either way, with it getting considerably worse depending on the seriousness. A HVM will not only respect you, but we'll have respect for himself to not tolerate abuse either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:23 AM
3

Yeah I learned way too late why women should not talk about their past relationships, and this is part of the reason why. The looks on their faces was just priceless but did not help endear them to me. They weren't all terrible, but the ones who weren't crazy just were it interesting enough to talk about. In retrospect, I can see how it might be a little much for someone to hear about the ex who thought he was possessed by a demon and stalked me for 6 months after I broke up with him (or my way …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:18 AM
32

Lol I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and something horrific to happen, but I am pleasantly surprised that is not the case. Thank you OP for restoring my faith in humanity and I'm so happy to hear that you had a great date - I wish you many more!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:13 AM
11

Please don't worry, I didn't take offense to your post. I'm still dealing with some insecurities of feeling inferior and having to accept the realities of that. Some things are in my head, and some things have validity that I need to work on. It can be painful sometimes but I have to acknowledge it as part of my process of growth. Right now a big part of that is forgiving myself and accepting myself for who I am right now. If I focus too much on who I wish I was or want to be, I'm not going to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:07 AM
1

I'm glad to help and honestly I've been going through the same thing since finding this group. It's something that I recognized was a pattern in my life because while I'm mistrusting of strangers, I am pretty open with those that I have familiarity with. It's given me a false sense of security that has not served me well and I was doing the same exact thing that you said - essentially looking for reasons and excuse since as to why they were not being a s***** person. It's more internalized misog…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:57 AM
25

I'm ashamed to admit that I myself have been engaging in some of these LVM hobbies. I have not been very productive person lately. Depression is a b****, and soul sucking LVMs have not helped and I dropped some past interests mainly due to these reasons. I'm currently trying (with little success) to motivate myself to change this while also being forgiving of myself. Right now being a potato is part of my self-care process but I will be trying to do better. I've made a bad habit of not doing eno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:47 AM
36

Tread carefully. I have been revisiting some past interests and have been very disappointed if not disgusted when applying FDS principles. I recently decided to download sookie stackhouse stories on audible because I enjoy the TV show true blood. Granted there are adaptations that vary but the premise is relatively the same, and I cannot tell you how disgusted I am. It's been so disappointing. I am afraid that FDS has ruined any and all vampire romance stories for me lol. Don't get me wrong, I t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:40 AM
2

This hits home for me. I have known all my life that I don't want kids and I'm not exactly keen on the idea of marriage, and while that may not be a goal for me, thanks the FDS I'm starting to rethink my approach and will be adding this to that idea. I believed I was a feminist and living up to those ideals, and that I did not need to depend on a man to survive. Which is true, but where I tricked myself was by aligning myself with men that I did not need but needed me. I have way too many exes w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:35 AM
2

Girl, I feel you there. I live in a small town so many of the men in my life are people I have known for a long time, so it can be a challenge to view them objectively. As to your other question - I don't know the answer to that. But I would say from my experience with essentially growing up with these guys, that particular question has been a moot point and dwelling on it has been harmful to me. I accepted a lot of BS because I told myself that I knew this person, I knew what kind of guy they w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:23 AM
65

He's hilarious, and this post makes me think I need to rewatch his stand up with FDS principles in my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:04 AM
35

Ouch, why do you ladies got to do me like this? Jokes aside, the truth hurts but it's necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:02 AM
30

I'm so sorry for you and your family. I sincerely hope that there will be a happy ending to this and that your aunt is found safe and healthy so she can properly leave her poor excuse of a husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:59 AM
17

I'd like to second this opinion. As of right now I have nothing to complain about and overall I'm quite happy with the content here, I think it's really easy to get sucked into negativity. With so many examples of LVM behavior, it's easy to feel jaded and disappointed with the world. It can be cathartic to share these kinds of situations, as I'm sure we can all relate to them, but I feel more empowered by content that inspires me to do better and examples of HVM to remind me that they exist and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:57 AM
3

Found out pretty interesting too, can I be interested to see others opinions on this. But from what I have learned about FDS, my best guess would be that this is a form of negging. It seems like an attempt to manipulate you and to make himself appear better than he really is at your expense. And agreeing with his female "friend" is most likely another form of gas lighting or manipulation to make himself appear agreeable to another woman. Either way, it seems like it's nothing but one long ego st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:50 AM
9

After 4 years, he either didn't care or didn't care to notice how much care OP put into her pants. 2. Disregarded the fact that OP told him how she felt about pranks. 3. Chose to be childish and destructive when pranking, when he could've easily gone a more harmless route. IDK what other red flags there could have been in this relationship, but those are 3 strikes right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 10:19 PM
22

Right? No better way to make your point that women are the problem than by making several throwaway accounts just to berate a stranger on the internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:32 AM
20

All I can make out is "applying pressure" and making her sweat. Idk the context of what happened but this looks to me like an intentional and collective effort to make her feel uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:20 AM
27

That's still a large group. I'd be hesitant even then just because of that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 10:59 PM
60

Maybe they should change it to "not enough men," since this is what happens all too often.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 10:57 PM
49

Unfortunately you're 100%. I'm continuing to be harassed by a lurker on this sub because he disagreed with a comment I made that men shouldn't hit women. It's been reported, but just goes to show you the lengths that some low level men will go to just to intimidate women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 10:55 PM
2

Yes, that would make more sense just looking at it from the surface but the main thing to remember is that even those qualities should not excuse that kind of behavior. And then you go and have something like this where the guy has nothing remotely "redeemable" going for him and it's just that much more pathetic. I say this is someone who has been there and done that (and never again as long as I can help it). I would sincerely hope that this is a joke, but it doesn't make any less cringy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:27 AM
12

Even if this is staged, I don't think it makes it any better. This is just awful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:19 AM
24

I'm not about shaming either but... if he were better looking would this make any bit of difference? I think the takeaway here is there's nothing special about him to have a woman begging him to commit. And not for nothing, he could look like a supermodel and have a PhD and this would still be cringy. This poor, delusional woman has gotten herself twisted over a guy who is the definition of mediocrity. she actually think she's doing something here and standing up for herself by giving him this u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:18 AM
4

Had an ex that was SO lazy, he would use a decorative towel in the bathroom to blow his nose instead of tissue paper. The kicker was that while sitting on the toilet, all he would have had to do would be to twist right instead of left to make the appropriate choice. He had the nerve to just leave the towel there, which was discovered by me one day when I grabbed it to dry my face and felt dried booger webbing all over the back. Sometimes he would even come back from using the bathroom and use hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:32 PM
3

Pick mes- " ah just love that he's so passionate about about tha cum tree, an that he's a take charge kind a guy. Clearly if he's willin ta kidnap a woman, he ain't afraid to commit! Whew-ie, what a man!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:00 PM
21

Funny, the only womanizer I let touch me is the one that resides in my bedside drawer and it seems to do the trick just fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:56 PM
8

So what would be the term for a man who is unemployed, has no money of his own, and mooches off his girlfriend for everything? Because I know from my own personal experience, I never asked a man for anything and yet they have no problem draining me of my own resources. Are they gold diggers? Or is that exclusively a sexist term for women? The irony of this is, is that now I have been awoken to FDS principles and will be ensuring that this situation never happens to me again, I Will most likely b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:38 PM
17

Well, at least he gives good advice... Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:11 PM
2

Apparently this comment triggered someone who was lurking enough to create an account just to send me an angry message and harass me by commenting on another post I made on a completely different and irrelevant sub. Apparently I'm sexist and women deserve to be hit back and apparently harassed on online forums. Tell me again why women shouldn't be worried about violence from men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 07:23 AM
14

You hit the nail on the head, at least this was the case for me. It was easier to have no expectations and avoid disappointment than to have standards and be constantly let down (or at least that's what I thought prior to finding FDS). I like to think that despite this, I still wasn't attacking other women for their preferences. At least not consciously. I obviously have no intention of using another person for a personal or financial gain, but I may have been falsely assuming that might have be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 03:10 AM
13

Prior to finding FDS, I might agreed with some of these sentiments. I have come to realize that I had lowered my expectations to 0 to protect myself from feeling disappointed. I was unaware of my own self-worth, and didn't want to feel the hurt of not feeling valued. I was absolutely tickled by bare minimum displays of affection, similar to the descriptions in these posts. When I was really young and dumb, I even accepted a mood ring the one and only time I was "proposed" to. (Clearly that never…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 03:02 AM
2

I literally LOL'd at this. My cats are now looking at me funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:28 AM
7

I'd still say that the only time it might be acceptable to hit a woman, would be if she's literally trying to murder you AND there's no way for you to escape. In every other instance, there is a clear imbalance of power so men should be more than capable of leaving or restraining even if she was giving it all she's got. I do not support violence under any circumstance (short of fighting for your life) no matter the gender, and I acknowledge that it is possible for men to be victims of domestic a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:40 AM
14

They are literally advancing technology in creating "love robots." Certain men have completely turned away from the dating world and are exclusively designing robots to their specifications and pretending to have an actual "relationship" with them. I find it incredibly disturbing, hiwever there's a small part of me that almost thinks "better a robot than me." It's only a matter of time before they manage to program them to cook and clean up after them too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:15 AM
8

This just in, folks - men are feeling stressed after being informed that it is no longer acceptable to act like cavemen. Women are making an unexpected play for power by no longer accepting men's b*******. What is this world coming to?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:11 AM
28

Not to mention, there's more than enough people in the world. What else you got to offer, chump??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:07 AM
13

Absolutely agree, and I feel like I'm only just realizing how much that has shaped my perspective on men and relationships and it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Part of me feels like it's almost impossible to find an HVM, but I do feel more confident now that I know what an HVM is supposed to look like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 09:05 PM
7

Welcome!! You hit the nail on the head- I felt the same way when first found this group. It's a mixture of emotions but overall positive to finally have the understanding and validation that was missing for so long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:39 PM
97

One of the things that had put me off of marriage was that I had no good example of a married HVM. I've had male acquaintances that I had known for years and outwardly appeared to have decent long-term relationships with their girlfriends/fiances/wives. At some point, I've had perfectly platonic casual conversation suddenly turn into complaining about their sex life (or lack of) and then asking me for nudes. I was always disgusted and felt like they not only disrespected their partners but disre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:35 PM
86

I would assume that they only looked as far as the name and their conclusions based off what you would find from the male "equivalent." The only kind of "dating strategy" I've seen for man has been all about tricking and manipulating women so they can sleep with them. FDS is nothing like that and I love the response in that post because it is accurate AF
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:24 PM
21

I can do you all one better (or worse). I once dated a guy and and we lived in his parents' house for a time. They were super strict so we ended up sharing a room but in separate beds and shared the whole space with them. I loved his family and they loved me but the situation was not ideal. Anyway, I had caught him a few times where I noticed he was getting up to go to the bathroom, coming back to the room, and blowing his nose on his pillowcase and going back to sleep. Wtf. One of the times I w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 04:14 AM
20

I can acknowledge that there are male specific issues and mental health is always a large topic, but my plate is full enough as it is. Men's issues primarily stem from other men in most instances, whereas women's issues primarily stem from... men. I will happily applaud them working towards a less toxic world, but I don't have the energy to do it for them or to be blamed for their issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:48 PM
4

"When women get to know me and my history, they outright pursue me: texts, calls, sex, making me dinner etc. All this with little effort on my part, other than looking good, and having my life together on a basic adult level. I have access to (but don’t necessarily indulge in) as much sex as I want, and could easily upgrade one of these women to a committed relationship if that’s what I wanted." So he outs himself as being LV and using all these attractive "pick me" women for sex. He could date …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:45 PM
10

I have never wanted kids and wasn't keen on the idea of marriage. Mostly I think those coming from a place of anxiety about that level of commitment to the kinds of men I have been attracting. I don't need the whole rigmarole, but I do want someone that I would be comfortable sharing my life with and I think my resistance to marriage was means to protect myself. What I've come to realize is 1. I should be listening to me gut and 2. I can still have an expectation of commitment even if that doesn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:16 PM
13

I'm still getting used to applying FDS mindset, and am not dating as I just got rid of a LVM and I'm not comfortable yet with asserting expectations. But I have been happy with some interactions where I've shut down certain comments like, I need a man to do (insert basic household maintenance) or suggest I'm trying to use men for (insert basic household maintenance). I simply point out that I am capable of and have been maintaining this on my own so what else do they have to offer me. I get a mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:09 PM
8

I find myself equally grateful to have found this group and depressed that I didn't find it sooner. Just reading the different kinds of posts on here has been so enlightening - more than just being able to identify LVM but to listen to your own intuition and your own wants and needs. So many women have been guilty about second-guessing their intuition or putting their own wants or needs on the back burner because they feel guilty about being unfair or judgmental.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:32 PM
9

Same. When they diagnosed me with HPV I was mortified and asked all the typical questions that would immediately come to mind when hit with that. I had been inactive since my last test, so of course I was curious to know how it could have happened. I was also under the impression that they had been testing me all this time because I always asked for the works just for peace of mind. They informed me that they had not tested me for it prior, that this was the first test, and that they typically d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:24 PM
7

I mentioned her because her case is notorious and to illustrate my point of trauma being a motivating factor. She struggled with mental health and her accounts were inconsistent and questionable, however I'm inclined to believe that she either acted in self defense or thought she was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:31 AM
21

I haven't had a chance to watch the documentary yet, and I don't know what the mistresses level of involvement is but... I think if a guy I was dating just murdered his entire family to be with me I would definitely do everything I could to disappear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:53 AM
38

What is scary to me and something I can't wrap my head around is, why not just divorce? It seems like a hell of an effort and immense risk to do something like that. I understand that divorce isn't exactly cheap but come on. There has to be something deeply F'd in his brain that made him think that was the answer, or perhaps it's something that deep down he wanted to do and this was the trigger to put it into action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:50 AM
53

There's been some pretty heinous women throughout history, but from the little that I can recall immediately there's usually a male counterpart involved as well, or they were deeply traumatized. Lavinia Fisher and Aileen Wuomos come to mind. Women have not been exempt from doing terrible things, but it is still overwhelmingly rare, triggered by trauma, and the majority of that level of depravity is done by men and seemingly for the joy of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:42 AM
14

I hope he confronts her about this, only so that she has the opportunity to see his true colors and dump him before she legally binds herself to him. Her past is none of his business. Had she told him, he would've still been an insecure punk about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:32 AM
4

Short and sweet is best, OP has no reason to explain herself. Stick to the main point that no contract means NO CONTACT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:25 AM
11

My first experience with assault was just a kiss but happened when I was a child, sometime before 3rd grade. First time was an old man, a complete stranger, in a pharmacy one morning. The second time was my neighbor friend's teenage brother, who had already been mean to me until the day he decided to try his hand at grooming me to make out. I knew it was wrong but didn't know why, and the adults in my life awkwardly instructed me to forget it. At least I had sense enough to avoid him, which was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:17 PM
14

It'll feel better to choose to walk away than to wait for a LVM to toss you out. I've made this very mistake over and over again, and felt horrible because how dare they. Recently got rid of my latest (and I intend to be last) LVM and it doesn't feel great but way better. I procrastinated still, because old habits die hard, but he frustrated me enough that I was ready to rip that band-aid. I'd like to say that I'm recovering from being a pick-me, but in all honesty it feels more like I'm just st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:03 PM
9

It's really sad when certain women feel the need to try to tear others down. Very curious what that write up had to look like- how do you actually complain about someone standing? Did she expect people to bow and advert their eyes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:28 AM
11

I have felt this as well, and have made this very mistake stated in this post. I have slowly come to the same conclusion, as well as realizing I was inadvertently seeking connection through shared trauma experience. A lot of my past is no one's business, and should not have an effect on present and future relationships. If I feel the need to share, it should be phrased in a way to illustrate that I am who I am today because I successfully overcame challenges. I don't need to dwell in the darknes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:48 AM
16

I feel like the reason that they would say that they have to be "on the lookout," is because they're nervous as hell about women getting wise to their BS. The more women who start to recognize their own self-worth and demand to be treated with respect, the more scarce their resource for low effort sex becomes. They're getting pissed because they'll have no other choice but to take a long hard look at themselves in the mirror.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:40 AM
4

Meanwhile, I have vacations planned for me and my girlfriends this year, just bought some new clothes and shoes, have been exercising and I’m going to paint my room after giving it a mini remodel. A man never has done this for me so I’m doing it for me. I feel that. I know that I don't do enough for myself, and honestly I've been treating myself like these LVM have been. If I'm going to start expecting men to treat me like I have value, I need to start by doing it for myself first. At least I ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:35 AM
6

Bet these are the kind of guys who would have no problem hiring prostitutes either. Sure they'll cost more but they must consider it a convenience fee to just cut to the chase. If that's all you want then just do that and leave me out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:29 AM
12

" She can learn everything that she needs in less than 2 min, by only offering a coffee date and expecting her to be grateful for it." There, I fixed it. Wondering where my head is at, because I don't necessarily mind a meet up for coffee (wouldn't consider it a proper date), but the attitude that followed with his "explanations" is eye opening. They insist that money isn't a concern from them but they are apparently valuing their date at only $4. They like to accuse women of only caring about m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:26 AM
3

Lol the comment "women want men to be blunt... eewww creep." Was so tempted to reply that yes, women do like men to be upfront because we'd rather know whether or not they are creeps before wasting our time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:16 AM
7

This is interesting to consider. I have had some personal timelines in my head as a self guide but this really sets it in a different tone. Typically my relationships seem to have had a lifespan of about a year, so I don't think I would start any kind of serious consideration until I get past that year mark. my longest relationships that I've ever had have only been 3 years, so I would want to pass that milestone before considering moving in let alone marriage. I have also felt like I would want…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:05 AM
2

I used to put in a lot of effort when I was younger- motivated by low self esteem. It got exhausting, and I ended up giving up entirely. That was part "never good enough away" and noticing external validation anyway. I did this for years, but came to realize I went from one extreme to the other. I don't do enough for myself, so I've been slowly trying to get into some kind of routine for me. Something as simple as not skipping conditioner in the shower forces me to slow down and make time for my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:00 AM
11

Same. I've def been there but have come to realize that what I really wanted was the effort. I don't need expensive gifts, but I do need to feel like you give a damn. By not focusing on myself long enough to be aware of this, I put myself in a position of eating my feelings when I got absolutely zilch for every special occasion from nearly every guy I dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:45 AM
16

Beat me to it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:32 AM
29

I have a habit of trying to make myself small, hug the walls, and nearly twist myself to move through a crowd. I had started to notice while standing in grocery aisles, this tactic of "staying out of the way" does not work, and people will continue to encroach on my space (women have done this to me, too). I read about power stances, and started to practice changing my behavior by standing like a super hero when I feel people getting to close. It's been amazing how people will begin to respect y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:30 AM
40

Lol I usually end up being awkward and saying "thanks, I grew them myself."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:17 AM
3

I'll try this idea. IDK if he was or wasn't cheating, or trying to, but that's just adding insult to injury of how I was already treated last night. It's the disregard and disrespect that became so glaringly obvious to me last night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:30 PM
16

I had a woman help me reach something on the top shelf in a grocery store. She wasn't an employee but saw me getting ready to climb the shelves for a box of pasta (stores have been poorly stocked these days). Funny thing was, she was just about the same height as me and didn't have a much better advantage than I did, but she did manage to get it for me. Really just warmed my heart that she would go out of her way like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:53 AM
7

I'm friends with a married couple who have been together for decades and they have a teenage daughter together. Interesting thing about the husband is- he's a diagnosed sociopath. I've discussed this with him out of curiosity, as well as many other topics because while we rarely agree, I appreciate his blunt responses. When I asked how he views his relationships with people, he said this very thing- his wife and daughter are extensions of himself. I still don't really get their relationship, but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:42 AM
4

I'm currently waiting for my appt date to get my first tattoo. I've always wanted one, but put it off due to fear/ indecision/ not putting myself first. Just prior to finding this group, something in my just clicked that I need to make some changes. Somehow this also resulted in the conclusion "hey, I should get a tattoo." Funny thing is, I decided on the spot what I should get. I'm doing it to make myself happy, and one thing that brings me joy is.... fireflies. Always been obsessed and I get s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:03 AM
14

I have to agree. Spent too many years focused on "doing my part" and never taking into consideration whether or not the man was doing there's. I even had one ex (very toxic relationship, probably narc) even tell me once that "he was treating me exactly how I wanted to be treated." I didn't understand what he was even talking about but after finding this group, I can't help but think back to that moment and think, damn he was right. No matter how much I tried to please him, argue with him, "stand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 04:17 AM
72

Trying to change pickmeisha ways here- my first thought reading this is "oh but that sounds nice," and then I read the reasons why it's not and I can't argue I'm laughing over here every time I read something like this and catch myself. I only wish I found this group earlier in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 11:45 PM
1

Maybe "as much" is a bit of a stretch, I'll admit. I'm only trying to acknowledge that they have their struggles too. I'm sympathetic to a point, as I am a survivor and happen to have male friends/ family with similar stories. If you asked me who benefits more from current constructs I'd say men do overall, however I feel that this ignores the fact that toxic masculinity exists and hurts both sides (mostly women) and should be changed. To be fair, I've only recently stumbled on this group and am…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 11:27 PM
7

I'm choosing to look at it as proof of my own resilience. I'm not going to beat myself up for making dumb choices. It's not bad to be a loving person, but I do need to learn to put that energy into myself first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 08:37 PM
3

I think it's ok to feel that way, to be a decent human being that cares about others. You just need to care about yourself first/ more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 05:59 PM
17

The one time I was ever "engaged," he proposed to me with a mood ring lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 05:52 PM
9

I mean, I've only recently found this group but I've gotten more from you ladies than I have from men my whole life so.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 02:06 AM
11

Wow... I'm not a fan of her or her politics but, I get what she's saying. And scanning the comments section was as enlightening and it was depressing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 08:08 PM
17

Same for you. I'm glad I found FDS because now I feel like I've got a wonderful group of ladies to hold me accountable and remind me of my own self worth when I need it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 04:50 PM
7

I never was into the degradation or pain stuff, but I can certainly say that I've been with the wrong types of men and even "vanilla" sex with these types has been more about their pleasure vs mine. I can def see the value in being more discerning as to what "kinks" someone is in to, or even if "vanilla" really means "putting O effort into a woman's pleasure at all." FDS really has me questioning everything I've ever known, which mind blowing but a good thing because whatever I was doing in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 04:48 PM
14

Thank you for sharing these links. All you ladies are really giving me a lot to think about, and I love that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 04:40 PM
30

Yup, same here. I'm realizing I'm not dating a LVM, I'm dating a NVM. I literally get nothing, not even sex. He's essentially a third cat taking up space, except my kitties will actually cuddle me. Sometimes he takes out the trash. What am I doing here????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:48 PM
9

I'm searching through posts to learn more, and while I'm a little on the fence of it being all bad, I can def see the points FDS has been making about it certainly attracting the wrong types. I'm not questioning myself as to what exactly are my likes and dislikes, and whether or not it's healthy. What these questions are reaffirming for me is to not jump into something right away, and to start being very clear on my boundaries. While I'm debating what activities are ok to engage in, I think it's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:36 PM
3

You're probably right. I feel like I don't mind being friendly but idk what I'm putting out there to give them the idea that it's anything more than that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:41 PM
3

I don't mind being friendly, but I don't want to be viewed as an option either. Even if I'm not taking the bait, it feels disrespectful if that's what they're sniffing around for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:39 PM
2

HAHAHA that made me cackle!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:37 PM
3

Can you pm what the app is as well?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 06:18 PM
13

I second this motion. All in favor??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 04:02 AM
4

I want to say I'd be ok with not being engaged first, but I'm still in the process of breaking out of being a pickmeisha. BUT even still, 1 month is way too early. There's no way you can know what a person is going to be like past the "honeymoon" stage. I suspect people who jump into that are looking at it from what they think is logical, as far as sharing resources. But to me it just looks like a way to get trapped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 11:22 PM
8

Ya, I thought he was just being a jerk but looking at it now I'm this context is really enlightening to a lot of crap that I've been harboring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 09:58 PM
14

Yup, they knew. Thought he was just teasing and that I should get over it. My mother's advice was to ignore it or he'd just do it more. Dysfunction runs deep and is a generational cancer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 09:57 PM
22

For some reason, this triggered an obscure childhood memory for me: I have an uncle who, while I was a child, nicknamed me "Ug" (short for ugly). He knew I hated it and it made him say it even more. He's a fat slob, very "traditional" man, controlling, and would tell me stories of his high school days and happily described women who were "sluts"and "prudes" and guys don't like girls who do X but also don't like those who don't do X. For some reason, this made me think of him and put to light the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 07:56 PM
1

I feel like I'm finally getting the female guidance that I never knew was missing. It's sad how prevalent certain themes are in society, media, families, etc that promotes toxic masculinity at the expense of women. I was taught all the wrong things, and felt out of place/ lacking for rejecting "the norm." The clues were there, but it didn't come together until now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:48 PM
12

Ya she's nuts to think she has a claim to that. It's in the parents' names specifically to make that won't happen. The parents aren't going to care about someone who isn't their kid. Unless they get married and they sign the deed over to them, she has nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:48 AM
10

I know you think you can endure if until a better opportunity comes up, but you can't and you won't. There will always be a reason why it's not a good time. You'll never feel secure on your own and long as you think that it comes from him (or some other LVM if he makes you think he can rescue you). He will continue to erode your confidence and mental health until you can't see a way out. He already has. That backhanded compliment was said to make you feel insecure and control you so you don't le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:36 AM
7

I know some things that I really wish I did not know and vice versa. I don’t wan’t to go into detail but it’s sensitive stuff. For me I don’t wan’t to know anything about their past and it’s fucking alot with both our heads knowing so many intimate, private things that is the cause for 90% of the toxicity. This right here will lead to you both falling into the same patterns that you established when you first got together. There's a reason why they tell addicts to get out of their current social…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:13 AM
5

3 yr olds will grow up, but men who act like children won't. The first thought that pops into my head is, "so why are you with him?" But I'm gonna go look at myself in the mirror and ask that because I have an almost 40 yr old bf sleeping in my bed at almost noon who isn't much better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 03:43 PM
7

If it was just a "age doesn't matter" thing (within reason) I probably wouldn't mind. But in this case it seems he's fetishizing older women, specific to mothers (man child, anyone?), and clearly disrespecting you by not only looking at other women when he's with you but commenting on them. I just found this group and still have a lot to learn, so my tolerance level for BS is still too high but this is too much even for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 03:19 PM
3

I have long hair and I don't even style it really. It still takes at least an hour to quickly throw myself together and run out the door. And usually I'll get the "hurry, what's taking so long" comments with that. I've also been told in the past that I'm not feminine enough because I don't wear dresses or do something different with my look. Which has always blown my mind because 1. I look exactly like I did when they met me and 2. It's not like they're taking me anywhere special to warrant a ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 01:06 PM
9

That last part really hits home for me. I'm pretty low maintenance but, if I'm going out I'm still rushing to get ready, shower, shave, look my best with what I have available, etc. There's not 0 effort on my part, and I've been very frustrated that that it's rarely ever appreciated. Men just don't consider what goes into it even if I am showing up in jeans and t-shirt. It really doesn't take much to please me, and yet I get nothing. I need to learn to not tolerate 0 effort and to not be so grat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 02:25 AM
9

Thanks, I'll have to check her out. Some stuff here has been completely foreign to me, and I find myself having to reevaluate my values. Like I'm ok with simple dates, and splitting the bill (or alternating treating each other). So that's all new to me, but I think if I'm starting to understand things that's ok once you're committed, but initially let them put in the effort? I may need a little more info on some things, but clearly what I've been doing hasn't worked so I'm just taking in all the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 01:35 AM
10

I watched my mother and one failed marriage gets screwed over and had everything taken from her, and trapped by her second marriage before she passed away. The second time she was trapped by her concept of love but she owned nothing and broke down when she realized that she was losing me as well. she couldn't leave and even if she had found the courage to. I've made plenty of stupid mistakes in my past with relationships, continue to do so, and I'm only recently trying to change since discoverin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 06:18 PM
1

You're his kept pet in a gilded cage, a breeder, and sex toy. He groomed you, raped you, continues to rape you/ assault you sexually, and will trade you in for a younger and dumber model when he's worn you out (with the same care and consideration of a dirty gym sock). Listen to your gut and heart. You're not happy, you shouldn't settle for this just because he offers you "security." You do not owe him sexual favors and it's disgusting that he acts as if he's entitled to your body like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 06:10 PM
8

I'm new to FDS and the mindset, but one thing I'm trying to remind myself of is how I act around male friends vs someone I like. I'm totally myself around friends, and have had to turn down several who caught feelings but not my eye. With guys I like, at times I've ended up totally nervous, clam up, and shove what makes me me under a rock. Those guys either don't stay and/or end up being a waste of time. It's taken it until recently for it to ask myself: why don't I just act like they're just a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 03:53 AM
3

Thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 02:40 AM
5

Exactly. Like this guy isn't an unpleasant person to be around, so because he's not "mean" I automatically feel guilty about it. But logically I'm starting to understand that he's not exactly being "nice" either by wasting my time and resources. I have such low expectations of men that it's frustrating when it's somehow "not enough." I know I'm not going to change these habits over night, but I'm tired of living a pattern that clearly doesn't benefit me or work at all. I'm still trying to muster…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 02:02 AM
13

This is the stuff that I need to hear. I get myself stuck wanting to be "nice" and "do the right thing" but I'm starting to find that that is not always deserved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 12:16 AM
2

He also strikes me as someone who doesn't understand how women "pick" vs men. He picks based off what looks like a warm hole and women pick (or should) based on substance/ not a creep, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 04:17 PM
1

Agreed. I don't have kids, nor do I want any, so I would have to be serious about someone to go down that road. Again, not a deal-breaker, but I also don't like when people use kids as pawns or constantly run new people into their lives like it's ok. Although, for some reason, seeing a guy who is good with kids is attractive. That's the only time I get any kind of biological inkling and it really freaks me out. Perfect scenario for me would be a guy who was an awesome uncle.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/18 11:54 PM
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