I need advice.

Adawritesrules · 2020-09-05T00:35:44+00:00

You need to secretly and emotionally detatch. Then secretly figure out a way where you save money somehow and get to a place financially where you can leave. Is there ANY way you can make I come right now? You have to focus on income.

fim_de_semana · 2020-09-05T00:37:59+00:00

Nothing to say but that you should work on your escape plan girl. And please, no more cohabitating without a ring on the finger.

Moira_Spice · 2020-09-05T02:44:28+00:00

Two options, to choose depending how he is:

1- Snap back at this comment severely, no tolerance.

2- Don't bring it up, grey rock, make him believe all is good.

THEN organize your exit plan. Women's shelter, a friend's house, etc. Men can bring down women's mental health, so seeking to gtfo outta his influence will help. No more insults.

Between now and your exit, detach yourself from him, don't let him invade your time and space. Keep just enough the appearances so you're not in deep trouble.

2020-09-05T01:47:49+00:00

I’m not sure what advice you could want. You have said you want to stay with him for your benefit and know he is insulting you. What advice are you looking for? He thinks exactly what he told you he thinks. You can’t change his thoughts. This isn’t a sub for acting a certain way and getting a low value man to treat you better. I am truly sorry for your situation and emphasize a lot for you. I just if anything feel angry at your view of it and then angry at your victim mentality. It’s hard because I feel like you feel helpless and abused. I don’t know what to do to make you see no comfort is worth that. I cried for you and I hope you leave and go live in your car. I think you should consider that you are abused and behaving/thinking like an abused woman. THERE ARE FREE services to help you mentally process what is going on. Call 211. Abuse doesn’t just happen to that women with black eyes, it is happening to you to and you need help.

FireflySky86 · 2020-09-05T03:36:00+00:00

I know you think you can endure if until a better opportunity comes up, but you can't and you won't. There will always be a reason why it's not a good time. You'll never feel secure on your own and long as you think that it comes from him (or some other LVM if he makes you think he can rescue you). He will continue to erode your confidence and mental health until you can't see a way out. He already has. That backhanded compliment was said to make you feel insecure and control you so you don't leave.

You need to start looking into other options that will actually allow you to springboard back on your feet. You need to heal and realize your self worth, that even sleeping out of a car is better than putting up with his LV nonsense.

2020-09-05T00:46:59+00:00

All that matters is that he disrespected you. Block him and read the handbook. Living in a homeless shelter is better than living w a man who disrespects you.

Karthasis11 · 2020-09-05T06:33:50+00:00

First, don't have sex with him anymore. Second, try to get your finances in order and move out. That should be your top priority. If you don't have ties anywhere, It's easier to move. Try find a job in another city and maybe shared housing projects.

2020-09-05T00:35:50+00:00

Read the handbook

bear_sees_the_car · 2020-09-05T10:40:38+00:00

I have a friend in similar situation, who managed to figure it out. Use him to learn to fake it, basically play sugarly nice until you can leave. Be the perfect girl, just like he wants to, to just get what you want. My friend plays a role, because she has 2 small kids and no job, so she tolerates a lot of shit in order to figure it slowly out, gain education for a good job and afford to move out. Its a good lesson for her, she basically deals with herself, karma lol. People like this are sent to us so that we could learn patience and become better human beings. Use your chance, observe him, learn everything you can.

But imo, its way too hard, I would just leave, you have other choices, he is not your best one. He is the most convenient. With him you will allow the disrespect to continue until you either turn into manipulative cold hearted person, or will be shaped into obedient sad girl, who desperately controls her weight to not get sock boobs again. All situations are different, but for me staying in such situation is worse, than leaving, I have no mental power to tolerate stuff like that anymore, it could end in murder.

After that comment this person would be dead to me, it is really disrespectful. It is equivalent of "your dick is so small lol", you dont say such things to people you love.

Good luck to you. This is a blessing in disguise, you will learn to respect yourself a lot, if you rationally look at his actions and words and allow him to show his true colors. And afterwards you won't consider guys like that as someone worth even your basic friendship, not a relationship.

ilostitireallylostit · 2020-09-05T01:08:16+00:00

I know you said you can’t go to your parents but are you sure? I would feel that out just to be sure. Our parents are very forgiving and understanding when we get really down and out. It might be worth it to live under that roof than his. Goodluck. I also like the mentally detach but that’s hard for abuse victims living with the abuser.

Works_For_Treats · 2020-09-05T05:04:06+00:00

Make several lists. The first is the list of what you need to survive. Home, car, food, etc. Write the minimum budget for each of these things. You HAVE to have this sorted out before you can spring your divorce trap.

Next write a list of your support system. These would be people you could go to in an emergency who would legitimately have your back. Get their contact info if needed, write it all down physically.

Next plan on getting a job or something. You need money to leave. Your job at your job is your job. This is your escape, not a time to make friends, buddy up to people. You don't have that kind of time and you can't afford to put your energy into things that aren't your immediate survival. Right now those things would be more distracting than useful.

If making friends has a high likelihood of paying more, do it. Otherwise, keep your head down.

Act like you had been. Do not give this man any indication of your planning. And then when you can, leave. In one fell swoop.

meanemad · 2020-09-05T15:08:02+00:00

can you enroll in some military program or sth like that? that it gives you a place for leaving? or as a waiter in a hotel very away that they provide sleeping for employess too? you think he is your only option cause he has been eroding your selfesteem, you have to escape. i would prefer eat very little than stay with a nvm like that😬

Proud-Purpose · 2020-09-05T16:12:31+00:00

Use the shit out of him and bail. Be chill to give him a false sense of security. In the meantime, revel in the fact that he thought he had you and suspected nothing all along.

enoughalready4me · 2020-09-05T23:45:01+00:00

I suffered terribly from depression. Then my LVM husband left me. After the initial shock wore off, I realized that he must have taken my depression with him when he left. My mental health is just fine now. No wonder it was treatment resistant- it wasn't my brain chemistry, it was him! So figure out freedom- your brain will thank you.

Title	I need advice.
Author	Lemonfresa
Upvotes	22
Comments	17
Date	September 4, 2020 11:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/imqnqh/i_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-need-advice.212816 https://theredarchive.com/post/212816

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