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GoHorns1998 Archive

View 0 posts and 144 comments by GoHorns1998 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

To be fair, the simps get cucked, too. They just are in denial and think they still have a shot, or that she had a 'reason' for it, or even worse, say 'we had no infidility' and then you listen to their story and wow, there was massive cheating going on they're in denial about.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:25 AM
4

You really can't take the word of anyone divorcing you. They're literally committing a grave betrayal; once a few more lies on top?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:23 AM
1

Maybe a geographical thing? I'm in a southern metro, mid 30's, and of my social group I know of one couple who met online, and that was EXTREMLEY lucky, he happened to be the first person she went out with on there. I imagine if she had taken the tour, she wouldn't be the same women now. The rest? A few high school re-hook ups (screwed in highschool, got back together after break ups in adulthood). A number who met in college or grad school. A few through work. Some through friends (one of which…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:22 AM
2

More of go in the middle. Maybe lean a little closer to 'not enough' as it has the less risk for you. But giving too much gets first diminishing returns, then it gets negative returns.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:01 PM
1

Depending on if she cares about her credit score, it won't really hurt her much financially. She can miss a few months of payments and then sell the house, and she won't be out any money. So if she has a new guy paying for everything, and thinks she'll never need her credit score again, it's the only thing really at risk, not the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:12 AM
2

Damn. I can understand. Hopefully the prospect of getting out there and finally getting some well deserved poon is an upside to this whole mess that is divorce. For me, we had sex literally the night before she left on a girls trip, so me not having sex the past two years doesn't feel as bad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:10 AM
5

I don't make nearly what you do, but I understand the feeling. When I first started working, if I even made 2/3rd of what I make now, I said I could comfortable live off that until retirement. But with all the debt I've picked up during the divorce after a 7 year marriage to someone who thought the word 'budget' was abuse, I'm literally not able to run the heat and eat ramen everynight, despite making 3x what I make when first started out. It really does feel embarrassing having to have my frien…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:07 AM
1

Pretty sure we got to this spot in our lives by trusting our wives
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:00 AM
2

Definitely a bad idea, you don't want to ever have to think about your EX at all once this is done. Keeping track of if she's paying a mortgage or going to miss a payment and ruin your credit isn't a fun idea.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:27 AM
1

Probably. Felt some guilt, but can't be her fault, so again shifts the blame to feel better
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:25 AM
0

Oh no. I just think many of us think what our wife did was crazy, when really, it was very normal behavior. I basically don't think some 13% of women are psychos.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:24 AM
3

Together about 9.5 years, married about 6.5. Sept 2012 started going out, got married Dec 2015, she cheated April 2021, left July 2021, last talk was sept 2021, and divorce final April 2022. Haven't heard a single word about her other than what I've heard through mutual friends of mutual friends, as anyone who had spent time around me ever she cut out of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:13 AM
1

All seems accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:56 AM
9

By and large, our wives, though they did horrible awful things, weren't psychos. They were just normal women, doing normal women things
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:54 AM
3

Nope, cheated, wanted to leave ASAP, monkey branch didn't work, spent 10 weeks telling me she'd 'think about it' then once new branch secured, said 'she didn't need to tell me anything' cut off all contact, blocked me on everything, and have heard zero from her. Technically, i still owe her some money according to our Agreement, but it's only about $1500 and I guess not talking to me is worth that. She also refused to file taxes with me, which would have saved me 4k and made her 2k.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:46 AM
2

Well, she filed, but yes, we're divorced
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 10:56 PM
10

I think a lot of stems from the whiplash from society telling us one thing about women, when the reality is much much different. What they do, we should expect; it's just their nature. But not only are we told that they don't even have a nature, any who says they do are attacked. So them inevitable leaving to get fucked by a new dick completely hits us by surprise. Think of it like instead of sitting there knowing a punch is coming and getting ready to block, men are just hit with a rock behind …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:04 AM
1

This. So much. Women don't leave a relationship unless sex with another man is involved. Usually, it's already happening. At 'best' they just know they can go on OLD or go a bar and get dicked the next day, and they want too.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 09:27 PM
6

Definitely. My wife cheated on me, was celebrated for it by almost everyone, and neutral at worst from others. Her reasons were on the level of 'you did too much for me and I felt pressured' My best cheated because his wife had been awful to him for years, and everyone treats him like a POS for it
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 09:26 PM
1

It's whole term come up for guys trying to decide why their wives don't want to sleep with them, and for the wives to tell them, so we can avoid saying the obvious answer
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 07:27 PM
3

100%. Almost all the time they leave, they start hooking up soon with someone else. But it's really hard for guys (and society) to talk about this, so we make up all these dumb excuses
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 07:25 PM
5

Most of the stories on the Dead Bedrooms sub, that was the reason for someone being 'low libido'. Like, it's so often the reason you need hard, strong evidence otherwise to assume so.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 07:25 PM
3

Better than even odds. Much better
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 06:14 PM
3

Once I finally accepted it was over, I guess I handled it like I did my parents dying. It hurts a lot, but I just don't through life thinking about it as nothing I can do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 06:13 PM
3

Just being the high earning schmuck is the thing there, kids or no. If you leave without a high earning schmuck, you def don't want kids as that'll reduce the odds of finding yourself a proper high earning schmuck the 2nd go round.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 06:13 PM
2

She's got the tingles. It's probably why she left in the first place
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 02:20 PM
3

Agreed. Rarer still is to see someone actually admit it was a mistake in divorce that led them to their situation. But yeah, my ex everyone said this would happen, but like I thought, life is very forgiving to women who divorce, especially if they have no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 02:19 PM
2

Yup, it seems insane when it first happens. But then you realize it's something a significant minority of wives do, and it becomes clear for the BS is. But yeah, I too was blamed for my wife having an affair with a rando
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 07:18 PM
3

My ex stopped talking to me when she said she felt like Job, and I, for the first and only time during all of this, went off on her and said she wasn't like Job at all, Job's entire point was he did nothing wrong yet had to go through all of that suffering. Her situation (no money, cramped apt, no job, no friends or family to talk too) was entirely due to her own decisions and she could change it at anytime. She didn't like that and once she found another simp to take care of her, told me 'when …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:59 PM
1

Well, typically you marry because it's good, so 'change' usually means bad. Lack of respect is most common.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:57 PM
2

100% agree. I don't agree 'all women are like that' but the percentage available for a second marriage have a much much higher rate of incidence. But I see no success stories here without guys going 'and I got a hot/great new woman' on how they get over the divorce. Which worries me, as that's how it all started here for us. And it's easy to say 'never get married again' but harder when it's been a year, and it's marriage or bust. edit: Yup, just a quick browse of today's post has had more men '…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 11:47 PM
4

100%. My ex wife cheated soley for strange dick at a bar on a friends night out. She hid it from me, extended her trip, and spent our entire savings having an overseas affair with a man who lives with his mom. By and large, she's be celebrated and supported. My best friend cheated on his wife because she had been such a huge bitch for years we had all been taking beats on when he left her. He fessed up apologized. Everyone treats him like a piece of shit for what did (even me). This is how it is…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:24 PM
14

Hmm, I'll have to be different than most and say my ex is doing just fine. I don't know if would call it 'better' but she's doing fine. The way she ended it was so abrupt and crazy that all my friends and her family said she would be a disaster and regret it, but I told them I thought she'd be fine. And I was right, she at the time was a beautiful 33 year old women with no kids. Pre divorce, she didn't work, we live in NC and I made 125k and we lived comfortably off it. Had a house on a golf cou…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:21 PM
4

It's well known her money is her money, and his money is her money. Makes sense it applies to time as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:14 PM
9

Yup, after cheating, my ex keep being more and more horrible to me, because she didn't want to be the 'bad guy' and wanted a reaction. Told me 'this would be easier if you hated me' 'Lucky' for her, I was far too much of a simp and keep forgiving, so she never had any thing to work with and had to cut her entire family and friends out and start over because she couldn't face the fact she was a whore who blew her family up over dick.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:13 PM
10

Definitely. At the time of cheating, when I first confronted my ex, the 'reasons' she could give for her behavior were : 1) I made my life all about her, and it made her feel pressured and 2) that I had gotten really sick twice, and she thought I might die and leave her with nothing. Obviously, that didn't fly, so she had to rewrite reality to tell others, and keep repeating it until she believed it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:12 PM
2

It's 'nice' at times to know that our wives weren't some special evil, and that we're just a statistic of identifiable common behavior patterns, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:10 PM
2

'Same advice?' That I didn't care that's what she did? Are you having a conversation in your head, but having it out here for some reason? Because you're responding to things that aren't there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:09 PM
2

Worrying about possibilities over probabilities is not a winning strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:08 PM
4

Yeah, I found it to be sorta helpful in a way. It's like 'man, divorce sucks, but shit, it beats being in that marriage'
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:53 AM
3

It's amazing how literally the moment they let another dick in them, they 100% turn and can't come back. It's like biology or something. Samething happened to my wife. Went ice cold overnight.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:23 AM
3

From my experience, it's best not to know how deep the rabbit hole goes. It's enough to know it's there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:22 AM
3

Dead Bedrooms. It's like a car wreck. It's full of people in marriages so miserable they wish they were here, if you can believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:20 AM
0

Nah, only a few states care about cheating, and even then, it's only to remove Alimony, which it doesn't seem to be at issue here. But I mean, typically when your wife has a change in opinion of you, it's because she finds someone else attractive. Your behavior could drive her to that point, but until she stays at least visualing herself being fucked by someone else, it won't change like that. But again, things like not working and being dependant can push her that way. I don't know of a way to …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:19 AM
1

...did you read? I didn't care she didn't work or do chores. I made enough myself, and honestly, chores take like an hour a day. So yeah, I know what it's like being in his wife's shoes, and it didn't alter my opinion of my wife at all. So, coming into a place for support, attacking him, then throwing a tantrum, doesn't say great things about you. As for advice I wish people gave me wife, I guess 'Hey, you shouldn't go out to a night club with your single friends, get drunk, then go with them wi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:17 AM
2

I was in NC, spent 350 for the consult, then 1500 to draft up the separation. Wasn't contested at all, thankfully.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:13 AM
2

Yup, same here. Paid 350 for an hour, pretty much covered what I needed to do. If it can't be done amicable, it'll cost more, but it'll give more clarity than we can here.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:13 AM
1

Definitely agree, if I hit that 'it's better than with her!' phase yet. Only two years for me though. All I can tell others is that it gets better from where you are right now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:11 AM
1

Sadly no. For the entire year after she left, I didn't miss a day of work, then quit one job and started another without any time off in between, and haven't been able to take a day off yet. I really don't like my field of work, been trying very hard to get into something that actually has benefits and lets me take a dump without my phone blowing up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:10 AM
2

Sounds about right, sadly. I'm so lucky to dodge Alimony, or that would have been me. As is, I barely can pay the bills, and even after a raise have about $400 a month left over. Alimony would've been $2200 a month, at the lowest.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:08 AM
1

And both are disappointed, haha. It's been the most true saying on marriage I've ever seen. The hope is that even with the wife changing, and the husband not changing, both are still acceptable to the other.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:01 AM
3

I've browed the DB forum enough to know that 'low libido' means the majority of the time 'I'm attracted to someone else'
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:00 AM
1

I've never heard of it happening. And I'd be very wary if it came up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:48 PM
2

My MIL put 10k towards our wedding, and it ran 13k total. I lost about 50k or so in the Divorce split I guess, plus some 'closing costs' as it was. The marriage itself by far did more damage to my finances.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:48 PM
2

Definitely remember that, getting quotes online, then showing up to tour and 'oh, those were the Thursday afternoon prices, you want a saturday Evening?'
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:47 PM
5

It's the majority of the cause for divorces. I'd argue significantly so.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:45 PM
5

Open Relationship talk sadly means the marriage is already over. There's nothing you can do at that point, just divorce and move on. Which is so hard to accept.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:45 PM
8

Anyone I see argue for cell phones being off limit to spouses I think is a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:44 PM
10

Hmm...if I want to fully honest, when she said before a girls night out on a trip "I love you, I'll call you when we're done'" at 9:30 PM , and then didn't text me until 2:30 PM the next day. I spent a lot of time in denial, but really, looking back at the utter twisted feeling in my gut as those hours went by, I think I knew.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:44 PM
1

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-of-desire/201909/how-sexual-desire-changes-throughout-marriage ​ There's a few out there, but that's the gist of it. Tried to find a more recent article
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:42 PM
2

You hit it on the head, it isn't 'he snores' that's the issue. It's a cover for the real issue. Which is almost always some other man is giving them tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:40 PM
1

I mean, it makes utter logical sense, but we all know it doesn't work that way, and acting like it's an option to be with a great women and not be married just isn't realistic advice to any practical meaning. Can it happen? Sure, lots of stuff is possible. Is it even remotely probable? No, not really.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:39 PM
1

so...my ex wife? A lot of our ex wives? I mean, I think many people here have experience with that. It was never an issue for me. Unless we're being sexist here. Which, have at it, you utter fool. Because I really don't think you though that through. Or anything. Change topic or whine, call names, whatever makes you feel better. Cause I think you need it. I don't think you got much going on (ooh, say how much you make or whatever. Check all the boxes, fool)
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:36 PM
4

Oh, well, seems you know. Keep it away from your kid, and don't get serious or you'll just be right back here. Got more than one friend who thought this other women who divorced an awful husband was the one, or that the girl 12 years younger than him would definitely make a great wife.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:39 PM
3

100% right, but there's a reason women leave the majority of the time they cheat, because their man wants to try to make it work. Something must be wrong in us.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:37 PM
1

Plenty of guys can manage it. And honestly, my friends who cycle through attractive women don't spend much money on it. But they have the looks+charisma for it, I guess. For a long term relationship, I guess just setting boundaries as best you can. Fair chance it accelerates the divorce, but not always much we can do about that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:37 PM
8

She actually divorced me, haha. I was the idiot who tried to make it work, as up until then, we had 10 great years together, and literally hours before she cheated she was saying how much she loved me and I had always been so good to her. Once she left, she wanted to get divorced ASAP so she could go back overseas to be with the rando AP (who was jobless and lived with his mom). Before she could, he posted himself with new girls on his IG. So then she spent 10 weeks telling me 'she'd think about…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:35 PM
3

Yeah, and if she had played it harder, I couldn't have. Heck, if she had pushed hard enough in front of a judge, I maybe couldn't have. But her affair partner was posting them on a public IG in motel rooms together with alcohol. Multiple times. And posting them on dates as well, and concerts, festivals, night clubs. But you have to prove sex actually happened, so if she had denied, denied, denied, it would have been hard. But when she initially lied, and I showed a picture, then she lied again, …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:30 PM
2

Damn, I hope that's just a grammer thing. I thought my Uncle who did 5x over 20 years was bad.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:28 PM
3

Alimony really is an evil thing. Thankful my state spared me from it. I don't know how you can handle it, mine would have essentially made me homeless to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:26 PM
3

Ouch, sucks to spend a third of it on legal fees, but I guess that tends to be the going rate when Lawyers get involved, they take a third
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:25 PM
2

Oooh, jebus.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:24 PM
3

My inner social circle is majority from broken homes. Not a one of them say it made their life better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:24 PM
2

Yup, flips a switch and overnight a different person. But recognizing they can't flip back is key, and do as you say, cut bait and move on ASAP, as there is no other choice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:23 PM
2

I guess it's fine? I mean, if you're already there mentally, and no kids, why not. It says stuff about the marriage, but caring about that ain't worth it
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:22 PM
4

Nah, it was just her trying to think of some reason sleeping with a rando on a girls night out was a good decision. Might be mental, but she sabotaged it because she was drunk and horny and out with friends overseas. I don't put much stock in the 'reasons' and the more stories I've read, the more clear it becomes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:17 PM
2

It's definitely a lifestyle. It gets harder to maintain as you get older, as the you need to constantly be going out with new women every 6 months or so. Honestly not my cup of tea, but I've some friends who still do it. We're all getting older though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:15 PM
2

And I don't care that you're wrong. About a lot. And yeah, his life's a mess. He needs to fix it. But acting like that's the cause of his divorce which has been on the rocks for years isn't it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:15 PM
3

Me too. And definitely the sick thing. I got really sick twice during our 10 year marriage. She said more than a few times she was worried about me dying and leaving her helpless as she didn't work or have an education. I got a life insurance policy that paid 5x my yearly salary just in case. After cheating, one of the reasons she gave for wanting to leave was she was afraid I would die and leave her with nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:10 PM
4

There a few studies showing that a wives sexual attraction to her husband will significantly decrease over the first 5 years of marriage. (study only tracked first 5.) They were not able to find any unifying behavior amongst the husbands to point out as a reason; the oft cites 'chores' for example, actually showed a slightly large decrease for doing them. It seems inevitable. Why is that so important? Infidelity is the number one cause of divorce. Women file for divorce far more then men, and wh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:08 PM
10

One of my best friends, was a groomsmen, was laid off back in Oct. His job search has gone so poorly, and his wife got a huge promotion, to the point she's making more than twice what he made before getting laid off. He's kinda settled into being a stay at home dad. His wife is great, one of the best women I know, but I still worry, as I know her being cool and happy with it now doesn't mean it's going to stay like that 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:05 PM
5

It's true; reading the studies showing that regardless of what their husbands did, good or bad, they almost all lost attraction to their husbands. And really, it's not even that they 'appreciate' it so much at the start. It's just that new relationship energy causes them to appreciate whatever at the start, no matter if it's crappy, and be annoyed by everything at the end, even if it's great. It's just how it works. Like, at the start, picking her up for a normal dinner would get a BJ on the dri…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 08:16 PM
7

Yeah, I wasn't wrecked that bad in the divorce itself, honestly only cost me 50k at worst. But it's the 10 years of spending every drop of money on her that you look back and just feel wasted. Would have a very well stocked retirement fund now instead of nothing at all, but it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:48 PM
1

Pretty much. Not saying that method will 'work' but the other method won't work either, and this puts you in a better position if it doesn't.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:44 PM
2

Yup. By and large, anything that happens pre-seperation is just gone. It's hard in court to prove a state of mind, so unless she happens to write down some email you found like 'hi mom, heres another 10k, thanks for holding onto this until i dump this loser' it's pretty much gone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:43 PM
1

This. It takes a lot of effort to find something, and if all they do after that is find some empty bank account you forgot about because you haven't used it in years, nothing will even come of that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:42 PM
11

Not nearly as bad as most. Came into the relationship with no debt, 110k in assests. Wife came in with 15k in debt. Wife left marriage with no debt and 35k, I left with no money, 35k debt, but a house with 35k in equity on it. I could have sold the house, split it, and walked away with no debt and 15k + 1400 less a month in housing compared to an apt. But, I knew the price had just dipped due to interest rates doubling in less than 6 months, and when they stablized, it would go back up, plus I d…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:40 PM
1

I think more things getting tied up there than just say 'never help a woman' but the stats do back up that the greater disparity between how much a wife makes and her husband, the greater odds of divorce. And since the vast majority of divorces are due to cheating, well, yeah. But yes, I've seen it be a disaster taking out loans for your wives education. It's a really bad sign for the mid life career reevaulation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:36 PM
4

Well, I don't think that even was mentioned, so real Red Flag you bring it up. Also that studies show that younger husbands do more chores than wives outside of child care, while still working more and harder jobs. And that doing chores actually decreases wives attraction to their husbands (studies again) And that 'choreplay' is a common lie for women who are cheating to justify it So..yeah, I think you're a bad person arguing in bad faith
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:34 PM
1

Yup. And I know sometimes, it's really not their fault. (Well, I think guy's red flags are much, MUCH more clear than women, so maybe a bit) but as from the outside the actions of one at fault and one not at fault are the exact same, you can't believe. I've seen plenty of men admit their fault. I've actually seen many men (myself included) admit 'fault' when there had no fault at all
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:44 PM
2

Most accurate description of it. How many of us sat in that state and believed her 'I'm thinking about it' while that went on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:42 PM
2

Yeah, I got the 'so great, no one's ever been as good to me as you' talk and then hours later she would cheat on me and never speak to me again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:40 PM
2

At it's core, its Tingles that drive the vast majority of divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:39 PM
2

I see so many say the last line, but there is no appreciavle % of women out there who will go for that, especially any we'd consider 'good'. Men get married the first time in vast part because we know the relationship will end if we dont
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:35 PM
2

There are good ones out there, and while red flags don't work so well for filtering out women as they do for filtering out men, the success rate is managable. However, failure is still more likely than success. So if a guy doesn't want kids, it's really hard to recommend marriage. Also, for the crowd here thinking of trying again, while 'there are good ones out there' they are not out there at our point in life. They are 'good' because they found a guy, are married to him, and aren't leaving him…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:32 PM
1

I've seen enough of this, personals and professional, to say the burden of proof for divorce is cheating. You need evidence that it's not to really consider it, and I just don't see it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:24 PM
2

Seriously, sometimes I understand the other, untold side, even through my bias.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 03:27 AM
2

Yup. Obviously almost half of marriages don't end in divorce, and I imagine a number of those are mostly happy (mine was happy till the cheating and then it ended overnight). So, if you want kids, there really isn't a feasible alternative, and kids are great enough 25-40% isn't awful odds.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 03:16 AM
1

Well, i guess we agree? It is actually the sex, and you're just taking a gamble.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 05:35 PM
1

Depends on how rationale she's willing to be. If you can, get an appraisal and talk to a realtor and state depending, an attorney, to get an idea of how much you'll make if sell it. Use that number to determine what you should do and maybe she'll agree. Example, if it's going to be 'we're only getting 10k if we sell' maybe she'd be willing to take 5k to just sign it over to you. Or she could be like my Ex, and convinced the house is worth more than it is, and doesn't understand no matter what I …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:46 PM
2

I've had a friends wife, they were a couple I confided in a lot after my wife cheated and left, when over every Friday to eat dinner with them for a month and just talk about it. She hated my wife's cheating more than anyone, and went at how all her excueses were BS. She cheated 18 months later, and guess what, it was the same script my ex wife pulled, which suddenly made a lot of sense.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:43 PM
3

Sure, but one gender statistically 'changes' way, way more, as in, literally it's more likely than not. And if you had asked me at year 9, I'd have agreed everyone here was doing it wrong, and had no clue had the world worked. Then year 10 came around, and I see the truth. It's all just a time bomb, you have less than 50% of biology kicking in. And if you're going for round 2, those odds are way, WAY lower.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:43 PM
1

Yup, it's an all about 'me' control, at least when it comes for women. And frequently the most 'successful' men follow that same motto, it's just society doesn't push that like it does the former.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:42 PM
6

Agreed. I've found women fall in love much faster and to greater depths than me, but conversely, can transfer those feelings to another man with just as much speed. So, those early parts of the relationship when its 'your turn' it's amazing, and we get married hoping they won't leave and we can keep that level. It just doesn't work out like that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:40 PM
5

Which is one reason for marriage; it removes your ability to just walk.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:39 PM
4

This. I was with my ex for almost 9.5 years. I had even done family law for about two years. I knew what divorce was, but we're humans, we always think we'll be the exception. And if you had asked me at year 9, I'd say everyone here was just unlucky, just have to find the right women, etc. I know better now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:39 PM
2

Well, it has over a 50% failure rate, so unless you want something that can only be had effectively in marriage, like kids, obviously, not.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:37 PM
2

Yup, if there was some sure fire way to prevent it, we wouldn't see an across the board drop for attraction to husbands no matter what they do. Best you can do is what you did, realize it won't change anything, and preserve as much of yourself if the over 50% chance goes off one day.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:37 PM
3

This, so much. Never ever have to worry about if your ex will pay something. They won't, and it's hell to stay involved
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 12:53 AM
5

Definitely. My ex was the same way, doing what she wanted would leave us almost always broke, and would get upset at any sort of budget.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 12:44 AM
4

I agree. People call it 'insecure' or 'controlling' but the best way to protect a marriage is to avoid letting others near it. Every interaction chips away and has a chance to break it. And it wears down overtime. Obviously can't have zero. But you reduce it as much as possible
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 11:56 PM
5

I'm not convinced not 'caving' would have a different outcome, though you'd have more resources and less stress when it happens
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 11:54 PM
1

Really up for negotiation. A court wouldn't order you to pay X, unless you agreed. They'd order you to sell the house, and then divide that however is 'equitable' (usually evenly). My ex I was able to convince it should be post realtor, I had an apprisal done, talked to a realtor, got the fees, and had an attorney draw up a prelimanry ALTA if we went through with the sale at appraisal price how much we'd get.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 10:12 PM
0

I see it happen far too often to go and say '13% of women are mentally ill' or something.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:32 PM
3

My ex wife was molested by one of the many men who mom entertained after she left her father. Probably didn't help towards the eventually end of marriage
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:30 PM
6

Yeah...legally, there isn't always much you can do. Morally, it's awful and evil and should be treated as such.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:29 PM
2

I think it's more your expected to 'take care of your wife' which is obviously financial. And it's enforced by law via alimony taking money to 'maintain the standard of living' she had while married. So, I guess that's what he's getting at. You have financial obligations to your wife, even if she cheats and leaves. But evidence she can cheat and leave, she has no such fidility obligations to you. It's a really, really twisted system when you think about it. But tit's celebrated
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:28 PM
2

100% agree with it all. I'd normally not suggest 'spinning plates' as it can do real harm to your ability to really bond with another. But any guy here? That ships sailed. Trying to get that back will only get you back here again. And definitely divorced women. I've done family law in my day. I've had a lot of friends and family get divorced. Some of these times, I know beyond doubt, it was 100% the wife's fault. You know how many ex wives I've seen admit fault? 0%. So, I can never believe a div…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:26 PM
1

Pretty much my approach. I didn't want the divorce, she did. You can't start the divorce until we're not living together. If she wants it, she can leave. She did and I kept the house, though I paid a lot for it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:22 PM
1

Stayed in the house, as in my state, you can't file until you're living apart. She didn't want to wait the months that would take to get going, so when I told her I wasn't going to move out, she called up a friend she hadn't spoken too in years (because she didn't like her for being 'constantly dating old creepy men') and moved in with her. Still living here, though it's cost me dearly.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:21 PM
3

I'm not sure if I'd go with 'waste of time' but I do recognize women have a very high chance of 'getting bored' and there is no way I can see, or study has shown, to prevent it other than blind luck and hoping you end up on the right half of the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:18 PM
3

It really is unjust. Far less painful acts are punished, whereas this is celebrated.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:17 PM
1

I highly doubt childless. And I'd doubt 'single' unless we're using 'unmarried' or something. Women well over 80% have children. I doubt that'll change much. Less kids and older, perhaps, but doubt it falls to 50%. Men might, and until modern era, it used to be like that. Having over 50% of men reproduce is a modern invention.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:17 PM
6

You might get downvoted, but you're right. I've read so many stories, and studies on these. It really all comes down to that. New dick is the reason for all of this. Or, I guess if you want to further back, the tingle feeling that new dick gives. It's not 'I grew apart' its 'some other guy gave me tingles, so I had to grow apart so I could chase that'. It's not something people are consciously doing. It's just a biology thing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:15 PM
1

Always is. Infidelity's is the number one reason for divorce, well over half of divorces are the cause, and it's a stat this underreported as well. And considering who files for divorce, and who also leaves the vast majority of time when they do cheat... Well, we understand the divorce issue now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:07 PM
1

To be fair, I think literally every single success story I've seen here on this sub about getting over the ex.....has involved getting under someone new. They often talk about other things they did...but really, that's it. They're having sex and telling themselves this is all great now. It's worrying for a few reasons. I've had friends go down that path and end right back here once nature runs its course
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:05 PM
4

My wife cheated on me, and my best friend cheated on his wife. The reaction from the social groups is hilarious lopsided. My ex wife is largely supported, and very rarely disparaged. No one supports my best friend (not even me) and not many even are neutral. And he even could have some 'reasons' for cheating unlike my wife. ​ It's a really sick and twisted world that society pushes
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:04 PM
3

Yup, my ex cheated while out with a girls group, she and one of her friends both slept with guys from a group who approached them. They definitely after that pushed her to keep 'having fun'.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:02 PM
5

Hmm...I don't know about all of it, but maybe sorta? Like, back in the day, she quite literally would need a man for survival. Also, your man died a lot. So, the women who survived to pass on genes would be ones that didn't have something tying them down to a dead husband. It would be the ones who could quickly and easily form a similar bond with a new man. It's just playing out in harmful ways, like how much we crave surger and salt and what not. Great for the old days, really bad now and need …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:02 PM
1

Oh boy, yeah. Reverse that, 6 days sober, 1 day fun. Give you something each week to look forward too, without becoming your life
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:59 PM
2

It looks more like she just didn't want to be exclusive, if not in so many words. I don't know if those are 'rules' really, more OP thought the relationship was something it's not. ​ edit: Which heck, I can get. My college 'gf' I thought we were dating because we hung out and had sex all the time, but turns out when I was out working on weekends, she was going to parties and still having the college fun. She seem confused when I found out and took issue.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:57 PM
1

Me too. The simping I did for my ex wife who spent our entire bank account having a two month overseas affair really embarasses me to think back on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:56 PM
3

Disagree with a lot of that. The issues really are much simpler, and sometimes, there isn't a solution to them. But it's nice to believe there is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:55 PM
4

This. My ex wife left me to be with an essentially jobless man who lived with his mother, and well, that didn't even last two months before he was in other women to the point she couldn't keep lying to herself (he never stopped being in other women). She had no job, no education, and since she spent 25k on the initial affair trip, we didn't have much anyways so she walked away with 35k. Two years later, she's doing great. She found a single lady to room with for a bit, spent some time on tinder,…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:54 PM
1

I can believe it. I have one co-worker, also divorced, middle aged man, makes good money but isn't the most....masculine? of men. The stories he's told me from his dating wife sync up to what you say. Basically being expected to pay for rent, their kids, while they still sleep with other men. It's really bizarre, and in that situation, I can't imagine you do anything but act like the kind of guy for that environment.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:46 PM
2

I think that's good advice. Just enjoy the ride, and if ends up she's cheating, well, it's easy to leave a GF.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:42 PM
3

Yeah, I'm not sure what 'legal' action they're even trying to take here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:41 PM
3

I always say the BJ is a barometer by how much your GF/Wife is still into you. When she's really into you (usually just at the beginning) my exes couldn't stay off it, like, leaving a restaurant blow me on the drive home or in public almost, but slowly it fades away, and the expectations increase.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:41 PM
2

No, I've been that idiot who said 'overseas trips without partner are fine.' But, from me and my friends, the majority of time I've seen one, it's meant cheating. Heck, one time, she went on a trip with us, left her boyfriend at home (he was poor) and I was sure she had no intention of cheating as she was a group of 5 other people. Still cheated. She felt bad about it, but she still did.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:39 PM
3

My ex actually said one of the reasons she left me is I had been sick and hospitalized twice since we got married, and she was afraid I'd die and leave her with nothing. I even had a 600k life insurance policy on myself, 5x yearly salary, so I thought that'd be enough.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:38 PM
3

That last line, I never thought about it like that. It's always been disparaged as some sort of shameful epidemic, but maybe they really just like many of the bad things in life, had to feel it's effect on their communality sooner than others and have adapted to an environment of no guarantee of fidelity. Just a logical response to the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:37 PM
2

It is crazy how much pressure there is to be 'captain save a ho' as you say, and how much pushback there is to 'no, I don't want to be serious with a ho' but...clearly plenty of other guys are already not being serious with her, so maybe the goal is to be like them and just not care.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:35 PM
1

It can be hard after divorce not to fall back into old habits. Seen friends do that, go from 'so happy i've divorced, found an amazing sexier women!' to right back here 3 years later.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:34 PM
3

Yup, she pretty much said 'I don't want to be exclusive' and well, if that works, great, if it doesn't, walk.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:33 PM
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