~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?It sucks but it’s the truth. I’m just trying to preserve my own quality of life and my children’s quality of life with me. I have zero appetite to file motions of my own because I know that they will simply be denied and I will have spent a great deal of money for nothing. She, however, does not see it that way– she believes that she is always right and that anyone who does not see it her way is wrong. Attorneys are really the worst possible tools that could be available to people like her. Even… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 03:47 PM |
| 1 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?May I ask if you were the one filing motions or if you were simply defending against them? I ask because as I have indicated in other threads, in my jurisdiction family court is largely inactive. The only situations that force their hand to actually make a decision are questions of custody, abuse, neglect, or child support/alimony. My ex does not file for any of those things – she is simply attempting to control what my children do and how I parent 100% of the time, even though I have custody of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 03:36 PM |
| 2 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?I wish it were that easy. They are still young and go back and forth. We had a week long vacation together with my extended family, my girlfriend and her children where my kids were busy and not glued to their phones getting interrogated/indoctrinated by their mother. We had a great time as a family-however, by the end of the two and half hour drive home (everyone was on their devices)-my ex’s influence had reemerged before they even went back to her. They see a lot of what she does but they are… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 03:08 PM |
| 3 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?Two things: first, the threats of litigation and ultimately litigation itself arose from the fact that I severely restricted and locked down communications-text only, ignoring all but necessary requests, not reciprocating when she decided to be “nice” (attempts at friendly banter, sending me unsolicited pictures and comment commentary on the children) and basically gray rocking. She actually sobbed to the mediator yesterday that she has spent over $28,000 in legal fees because I “refuse to commu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 03:02 PM |
| 1 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?Great advice-thank you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 02:49 PM |
| 1 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?I should also add that my attorney currently has a client who she’s defending a FOURTH motion for filed by his crazy pro se ex wife. My attorney has asked the judge to bar his ex from filing but so far he has refused. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 02:04 PM |
| 1 | At what point did you decide you had to go pro se because you simply couldn’t afford to keep defending repeated motions?25 months left. We have 50/50 custody. Kids are 14, 11 and 7. She does not want more than that because her partner has grown children and she enjoys her kid free lifestyle (trips, vacations, etc…) during my parenting time. What she seeks is full control over the schedule, my household, and how I parent my children during my parenting time. She basically took me to court over choice of vacation weeks (she and her partner are teachers and only work 10 months per year)-specifically, the fact that s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 01:31 PM |
| 3 | Dating as a divorced dad with a kidThe advice you’ll get on this sub relative to this issue is bananas. First off, you see guys on this sub (whether you have kids or not) who will tell you 150% never date a woman with kids because they’re perceived as just looking for a meal ticket. It’s like anything else I suppose-they could have no kids and be looking for the same thing-it’s your job to feel them out. When I started dating I specifically looked for women with kids because I had three-I couldn’t imagine a woman in her late 30s/… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/26 09:47 PM |
| 1 | Taking The Kids on Her TimeSpoiler alert-she won’t ever reciprocate and will expect this every time. She’ll also either never allow him or give him a really hard time whenever HE wants to take the kids on her time for a special event. OP needs to shut it down now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/26 08:51 PM |
| 5 | Taking The Kids on Her TimeMy ex’s primary reason for wanting a divorce was so she could have 50% of her time kid free but to also try to order me around and use me as a taxi/babysitting service during her custodial time. Once I shut that down she started getting nasty. She hauled me into court recently on BS trying to get fees and everything was tossed out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/26 08:50 PM |
| 3 | What is the occupation of your STBXW or Ex-Wife?Same here-I don’t know about you but mine is a PITA to deal with in terms of the summer schedule as well as fall, spring and winter breaks because she seems to have more time off than actual working days. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/26 02:21 PM |
| 1 | Having an argument and not blowing up is a great feelingYes-being in a normal healthy relationship can feel downright strange coming out of a really bad one-to the point that you have to be cognizant of old learned behaviors. If my GF (of five years now) is upset, whether it’s at me or something else, she simply goes quiet. Really she does this because she doesn’t like to say things out of anger (can’t out the toothpaste back in the tube), but in the beginning, silence to me always felt like the “calm before the storm” because that’s what it was. If … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/26 01:10 PM |
| 5 | Belle Burden's Divorce Novel "Strangers" -- Filled With Lies, But Defenders Don't CareI mean, divorce for people this rich is a game and a spectacle. For the 99% of us divorce carries real risk of financial ruin. For these people divorce probably means the difference between a $6M beach block house in the Hamptons with a G-Wagen in the driveway and merely owning a $3M beach front house in one of the more desirable Jersey shore towns with a fully loaded Escalade. Boo Hoo. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/26 01:05 PM |
| 3 | Avoiding ex on special occasionsLuckily my ex’s dad is just a miserable prick and avoids me as much as I avoid him. He’s still married to her mother who is a 65 year old full blown alcoholic/BPD who is constantly in and out of the looney bin/rehab. My ex is 42 so I figure she has about 20 years until she’s in the same state. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/26 12:57 PM |
| 10 | Avoiding ex on special occasionsMy ex mentally and emotionally abused me for years until she finally decided to leave me for a guy (good luck buddy-Godspeed) with more money. During the separation process I told her I wanted her gone (as in out of the house)-she wanted to continue cohabitating with me and seeing her boyfriend. In response punched me in the face in front of my kids who were 10, 6 and 2 at the time. Once I got into a stable relationship she did everything she could to destroy it including stalking and finding my… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/26 12:50 PM |
| 3 | Kids acting up with new girlfriend. Any constructive suggestions?I forgot that lots of abusive ex wives troll this sub. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 02:43 PM |
| 2 | Kids acting up with new girlfriend. Any constructive suggestions?Key phrase in the first sentence: abusive ex. Bro is dealing with a much more complicated situation than the kids “just wanting mom and dad back together.” My GF and I are dealing with it on both ends (my ex and hers)-when they act in bad faith and are manipulating/alienating the kids it can be very rough and very hard to deal with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 01:56 PM |
| 1 | Kids acting up with new girlfriend. Any constructive suggestions?This is a very simplistic approach-especially with an abusive ex who has no qualms about alienating the kids out of spite/jealousy. See my response above. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 01:54 PM |
| 4 | Kids acting up with new girlfriend. Any constructive suggestions?I went through/am still going through something very similar. A couple things I learned the hard way: First-don’t take the kids’ behavior toward your girlfriend at face value. Kids in high-conflict divorces often feel loyalty binds. Being cold, rude, or rejecting can be less about genuinely disliking her and more about anxiety, guilt, fear of upsetting mom, or feeling like they’re “betraying” the original family. Second-resist the urge to “prove” your girlfriend is wonderful or force closeness. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 01:52 PM |
| 3 | Headed into court in about an hour to defend myself-not for custody, not for money-just for the right to parent my own childrenYup-it’s pretty fucked up what you can be conditioned to accept. My ex controlled every aspect of my life during the marriage, decided that she would control when it ended, ended it, and had a very rude awakening when she found out that also meant that I now had my own life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 05:08 PM |
| 2 | Headed into court in about an hour to defend myself-not for custody, not for money-just for the right to parent my own childrenTotally different-she’s completely self made, has owned her own (very successful) business for 20 years, doesn’t need me, just wants me. It’s a beautiful thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 04:45 PM |
| 3 | Headed into court in about an hour to defend myself-not for custody, not for money-just for the right to parent my own childrenMine isn’t looking for more time. We have 50/50 and her new partner’s children are grown and gone. My ex wants the kids with her 50% of the time and a “break” 50% of the time but she also wants to be able to control how my household runs, what activities the kids do, and how I parent them during that time. When it comes to activities she only wants to pay for the ones that she “approves” and only as much as she wants to pay. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 04:42 PM |
| 3 | Headed into court in about an hour to defend myself-not for custody, not for money-just for the right to parent my own childrenWish I had that in the MSA to begin with-maybe I can try in mediation. Once things got serious I asked for mediation four times and each time they danced around it (we’ll mediate this if you give us that first) but ultimately refused and threatened motion practice in every communication. I did ask for fees in my cross motion but my attorney said that it’s unlikely that the judge will award fees to either of since this is the first motion in our divorce. Just got out of court and the judge only f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 04:36 PM |
| 1 | Court after mediation NJI’ll tell you at the end of the month. My ex is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and has been alleging violations of the MSA and threatening me with court via nasty texts, emails and attorney letters for a solid year now. Over the last four months I’ve engaged with a new attorney and responded on three separate occasions offering: a four way conference, a draft consent order and mediation. All were refused. She filed last week and I just got my cross motion in today. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/26 03:46 AM |
| 1 | Motion (by her) and cross motion (by me) filed-what now?Oof…that was rough to read-mostly because it hits so close to home. Basically yes, your last paragraph is spot on. I handed her $135K (through a brutal cash out refi which almost doubled my mortgage rate) in a buyout of the former marital home which she gleefully references as her war chest that she’ll use to fight me. However in the same breath she’ll cry poverty and tell me that she can’t afford her share (44%) of the “extravagant” extracurricular activities that I sign my kids up for. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/26 03:25 AM |
| 4 | Anybody have to do an Alcohol Test?How is this a thing? Is this in the U.S. or somewhere else? | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/04/26 01:58 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateThank you for seeing the real issue and responding to it. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been told to “just ignore her.” I’m sure that just ignoring some people will eventually make them stop. She just looks for another opening/place to apply pressure and no matter how much I shut her down and wall her off that’s always going to be the kids. It’s fucked up because realistically the courts can’t do much to stop it either. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 06:38 PM |
| 2 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateIt’s true that she tries to hold me to things that are not actually in the agreement and that she wildly exploits any ambiguity in it. I am hoping that this will be resolved when we go to court because the judge is going to be at a loss for what she’s asking. Maybe we won’t even get there. She hasn’t filed yet, but I am calling her bluff and basically saying “ok, let me know when I need to be there.” her attorney has confided in mine that she is a “difficult client” who “gets in her own way.” Re… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 07:17 PM |
| 0 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateI love guys who come on here with an 8th degree black belt in Divorce-Fu that just tell everyone else how weak and silly they are. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 06:59 PM |
| 1 | Remember guys: Know your kids shoe sizes!Can you clarify what you’re saying here? Why were the shoe sizes relevant? Are you claiming that this guy lost custody of his kids because he didn’t know the sizes? | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 02:52 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateWhat did your ex do to punish them when they didn’t respond? Sounds like not much. I’m dealing with something very different here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 02:45 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateDid you have kids with her? If so did she just start spamming them with messages and demanding a response when you didn’t? Not directing this at you but I’m so tired of hearing “just ignore her-this is a you problem” etc…when you have an ex who doesn’t hesitate to go to the kids ignoring them doesn’t do very much. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 02:13 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ sports apps should be more private14, 11 and 7. The 11 and 7 year old are the ones this is pertinent to. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 01:22 PM |
| 0 | Kids’ sports apps should be more privateRe-read. I do ignore her so she starts interrogating my kids. It’s fucked up-I’m documenting everything in preparation because she has notified me that she is filing a motion for all of the ways in which she “believes” that I have violated the MSA. This is just another example of where I am always child focused and she is obsessed with control and herself. However, I still don’t see how whether or not my kid is going to be at any given game is anyone’s business besides mine and the coach’s. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 12:54 PM |
| 1 | Headed to mediation after 2 years under MSAFortunately, for me I have barely spoken with her verbally or interacted personally with her at all over the last four years. 95% of our communication has been by text messaging or email and I’ve cataloged all of it. 70% of all interaction between us is initiated by her. Often times she will engage in multi message bursts of 10 or more messages before I can even respond. I’ve never once threatened to take her to court or accused her of violating the MSA. When I assert a boundary or attempts to k… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/26 04:53 PM |
| 1 | Headed to mediation after 2 years under MSAI’m actually hoping she refuses the mediation which will make four separate attempts by me to settle this out of court. Then if and when she actually files the court will say “WTF-he offered to settle this out of court four times and you never ever attempted-you just said no each time.” My attorney has been pretty clear that the judges in my jurisdiction hate family law and particularly hate these kinds of disputes. They don’t want to hear them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/26 11:24 AM |
| 1 | Headed to mediation after 2 years under MSAMy attorneys have been clear-the two judges in my jurisdiction currently are new, inexperienced and hate family law. When they do family law they want to decide custody and money because it’s easy and moves quickly. Situations like mine are a headache and they’re simply going to see it as a waste of their time. At this point I believe that my best option is to just keep building the paper trail and let HER file. Let the judge look at the history of her consistently coming at me and threatening m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/26 11:21 AM |
| 1 | Headed to mediation after 2 years under MSAThat’s what I’ve been doing for the last two years. She goes to them with everything, interrogates them to try to get “dirt” on me and tests their loyalty constantly. I just try not to acknowledge she exists and simply focus on them. I know I’ll never get relief from the courts because what can they honestly do about it, but my number one issue is how she drags them in and manipulates them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/26 11:16 AM |
| 2 | Headed to mediation after 2 years under MSA“I guess the simple question is - why are you putting up with her shit? Like what changes in the agreement would stop her?” Removing ROFR almost entirely would eliminate a lot of her bullshit. She fought tooth and nail for four hour ROFR which I should have fought harder against in hindsight “What compels you to play along with her games?” The fact that she will ruthlessly triangulate the kids-they’re just pawns to her and levers to pull to get what she wants and ultimately they suffer. “Do you … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/04/26 09:07 PM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)First of all your comment makes absolutely no sense, second of all, this is no place to be on a high horse. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 01:00 AM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)As I’ve said, I’m a normal human being who derives pleasure and joy from things like family, career success, leisure activities, etc…she is a cold, unfeeling machine who does nothing besides plot and create scenarios to try to turn my children against me. I’m also busy and have responsibilities as a father, partner and provider whereas she does not. I don’t have the time or the energy and need assistance in staying 10 steps ahead of her at all times. Thanks for treating it as my own personal fai… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/04/26 04:45 PM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)I’ve been doing the same but it’s extremely labor intensive. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 03:45 PM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)It’s impossible-I’m currently battling with her now over how the MSA provides for her to see one of the kids for a birthday tomorrow (it’s rather ambiguous)-she deliberately scheduled a party in the middle of the day because she pumps my older kids for information constantly. She found out through them that that we were planning on taking her somewhere special that was an hour and a half away. She timed the party specifically so that A: my daughter will be sad to leave her friends (she’s young) … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 03:39 PM |
| 2 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)We have three children together (ages 7, 11 and 14) who are all very busy with extra curricular activities and we have 50/50 custody. Completely ghosting her will only result in me missing some critical update (play/sports practice ended early and so-and-so needs to be picked up, etc…) and not only getting hammered for it, but also giving her ammunition to go to my kids with “see-your father is a disorganized mess.” Not to mention I’m not abdicating important decisions to her about things like a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 03:12 PM |
| 2 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)Very similar situation and I feel for you. I actually changed attorneys because my original attorney’s default position was “well you have to work it out for the kids.” My kids are nothing but pawns to this woman. Again – she is not fighting me for custody. If I tried to GIVE her full custody she would fight it. She is very much concerned about her “me time” – she just wants to dictate the time place and terms of when she has the kids and when I have them and how I have them with an iron fist. W… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 02:10 PM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)I’ve been doing that with chat it gets fatiguing – constantly screenshot and pasting messages, formulating responses only need to have her immediately shoot back endlessly. I’d like something that is akin to a receptionist. Something that gives her some sort of generic reply, thinks in the background, and then present presents it to me: “________ just reached out and said/asked ________” and then it gives me a choice of responses. In fact, I would prefer if she knew that the only way that she co… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 01:48 PM |
| 1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)What bot? Do you have a link? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 01:44 PM |
| 2 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)OFW and other messaging apps are a joke. OFW will tell her that she is sending too many messages, that her messages are not child focused, and that she shouldn’t not engage in personal attacks. That’s it – it does not stop the messages from going through. It also does not keep a log of how many times she sent flagged messages. It does preserve the record in the messages cannot be altered, but she is so self-righteous that she never edits or deletes her text messages anyway. My problem is not doc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 01:43 PM |
| 2 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)That’s great but i’m way too busy being a father, earning money and being a partner. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard “don’t engage.” the only way to not engage with this woman is to do exactly what she says, when she says it, how she says it and every time she says it. It’s not just annoying text messages, it’s the fact that since she literally has nothing going on her life, nothing better to do and absolutely no responsibility that she spends every waking moment plotting how to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 01:39 PM |
| 2 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)Nope. I’ve devoted way too much time to this woman. She has zero responsibility, zero regard for my children and BOUNDLESS energy. I essentially want a bot assistant that she has to go through before she gets to me and who can sift through her bullshit, give me the relevant points and recommend a response so that I just tap a button with a chosen response. I’ve greyrocked, BIFF’ed, ignored, gone silent, etc…to no avail. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 12:50 PM |
| -1 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)Possibly, but I’d love something that could respond to text messages for me, etc…something automated | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 12:34 PM |
| 0 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)If AI is not the answer, in your opinion what is? I’d like to spend much less time dealing with this woman. The problem is I have three children with her so it’s rather difficult to just completely ignore her oftentimes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 12:26 PM |
| 3 | Anybody find a good AI tool (more specialized than Chat) for intensive ex-wife management? (High conflict, parental alienation, etc…)I use AI in my daily work to analyze data, crunch numbers and do all kinds of mundane shit that is a waste of my time outside supporting larger efforts. This is no different. I work hard enough already. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/26 12:11 PM |
| 7 | Anyone else have a STBX that has people fooled?OP doesn’t say if he has kids but if he does it can be absolute hell. The whole “stop caring what she says or does” is all well and good until “what she says or does” begins to have a direct impact on how your own children view you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/26 05:58 PM |
| 7 | Recently divorced ex wife hitting on guys at kids basketball game.I wish I could relate to this…LOL. If it were my ex I’d be making them dinner reservations. All I want is that woman to find something else to keep her too busy to try to run my life and my kids’ lives on my parenting time from afar. The worst part is she has a boyfriend-trouble is he’s already tired of her shit and regretting allowing her to run his life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 01:26 AM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationIt sounds like you’ve got a similar ex, but what is she doing with your kids? She has mine convinced that everything from the food we have in the fridge to our color choices of new furniture are proof that I value my new partner and our relationship over my children. My new partner and I try to eat fairly clean (nothing crazy-she just tends to buy organic, etc…) and encourage the kids to do the same, and we bought new couches (my ex took the old ones) and everyone hates them because they’re blue… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/26 02:31 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationOk, so what did you change about yourself and how did that translate into relief? | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 10:46 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationUmmmm…also I just read your posts about helping your ex get over an STD and how she complains to you about her boyfriend. I’m sorry but our situations aren’t even remotely similar. Actually, they could be – mind behaved that way, and sadly I did go along with it for a while in the beginning. The second I started throwing down boundaries, grey rocking and essentially cutting off supply, she started going scorched earth and hasn’t let up since. It’s been nearly 3 years now and things have only int… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 10:18 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationOk-so you’ve been through this. How did you deal with the relentless attacks on everything from your parenting to your life choices from your children coming via your ex? My 14 year old is telling me how to live my life (because she’s getting her marching orders from my ex) and when I shut it down because I’m the adult/parent I’m the bad guy and she tells me that she wants to live with her mother. How did you deal with your ex trying to use the legal system to destroy your new partners’ reputati… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 09:59 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationThe common dynamic is that no one here is dealing with actual coercive control. Again, you’re talking about annoying ex-wives who like to hit the Chardonnay a little too hard and bad mouth you. I’m talking about a woman who has physically attacked me twice (once during the marriage, once during the divorce process), searched, stalked, found and successfully contacted my new partners ex in an effort to get him to “join forces” and take both of us down (all documented) in terms of reputation/caree… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 12:07 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationSo I should just find a therapist and tell them that my ex is actively trying to destroy my new partner’s business (and our relationship in the process), accuse us both of child abuse/neglect, and alienate me from my children? I guess the therapist is supposed to help me not care about those things? I’m not talking about an annoying ex, I’m talking about someone trying to do real and lasting harm to me by weaponizing my kids, the legal system, etc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 11:55 AM |
| 3 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationAt this point the only way my kids are getting into therapy is if I can get a judge to sign an order mandating it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 10:58 PM |
| 6 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationYes-this is what’s happening, but to address your last line, the responses on this thread are pretty solid proof that this is not known nearly well enough. Though my children have everything they’ve ever wanted and more and are surrounded by caring, loving, supportive family members (on my side)-every day that goes by I am ripped apart and accused of abuse and neglect more and more by my ex, and increasingly, by my oldest. My ex additionally makes threats against my current partner and her child… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 06:45 PM |
| 3 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationWhat about the fact that the threats, abuse and manipulation are now coming full force from my 14 year old daughter via my ex? | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 06:23 PM |
| 3 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationI’ve been ignoring for the last three years but now she is threatening to ruin my current partners’ business reputation. As I said, I’m in a long-term relationship with a stable, emotionally healthy partner and we’ve created a calm, structured blended household that is intentionally supportive and child-focused. Despite this she and her attorney have taken to put in writing that we are psychologically abusive to my children, neglectful, reckless and essentially unfit. These are not just “thought… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 06:20 PM |
| 2 | Dealing with post-divorce coercive control and parental alienationYou’re not dealing with a dangerous narcissist so my situation doesn’t really apply to you. I’m not dealing with thoughts and opinions. I’m dealing with actual threats on attorney letterhead and otherwise. Overt threats to ruin my current partners’ business, etc…and also inferred threats to turn my children against me. It sounds like you’re dealing with a fairly run-of-the-mill garden variety divorced woman who likes to run down her ex over a glass of white wine once in a while. Not at all what … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 06:15 PM |
| 0 | Ex wife invited me to Christmas day activities.There are only two possible scenarios: the first is that the ex-wife is an extremely vindictive and cunning. Individual bent on setting some sort of trap. The second is that the ex-wife is a controlling narcissist. Who is trying to have her cake and eat it too.. Either one is not a good situation to put yourself in voluntarily. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/25 05:40 PM |
| -6 | Ex wife invited me to Christmas day activities.It’s always a trap. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/25 11:12 AM |
| 23 | Ex wife has a new boyfriend that has moved in with herJesus…get fucking hobbies my dudes. My miserable-abusive-dead-inside ex left me for another guy and I was fucking thrilled. Except she STILL tries to meddle in my life and turn my kids against me because I didn’t shrivel up and die when she left-instead I thrived. I wish she’d find a side piece in addition to her current boyfriend-maybe then she’d stay busy and leave me the fuck alone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/25 11:06 PM |
| 1 | For those with a high conflict/mentally and emotionally abusive ex: What was your experience pursuing therapy for your children?Sorry to hear that…I certainly don’t want it to get to that point but it is very very tough. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/25 04:59 PM |
| 1 | For those with a high conflict/mentally and emotionally abusive ex: What was your experience pursuing therapy for your children?A lot easier said than done. Not sure how it is wherever you are but there simply are not enough providers-especially providers who work with children. I just made three calls today to new ones who popped up as being in-network according to my healthcare plan. Praying that they’re actually accepting new patients. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/25 04:41 PM |
| 1 | For those with a high conflict/mentally and emotionally abusive ex: What was your experience pursuing therapy for your children?This isn’t normal teenage drama-I wish it was. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/25 04:30 PM |
| 3 | Do you get hassled when out in public with your kids?Ummmm…example? Divorced hands on dad of 3 here, 50% custody. Never argued with a “Karen” in public about my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/25 01:40 AM |
| 9 | Anyone ever meet their STBX affair partner? How did you react?All sales final-no returns! LOL | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/25 06:30 PM |
| 4 | Funny Story from Divorced Land - the woman you will meet.I was pretty damn close! | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/25 01:47 AM |
| 17 | Funny Story from Divorced Land - the woman you will meet.I’m going to go with mid 40s smoking hot and serious crazy eyes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/10/25 10:18 PM |
| 17 | When She Says She Wants Out, Step Aside and Show Her the DoorLOL…mine was such a miserable, abusive, controlling BPD/narcissist that once I got over the fear of financial ruin and the loss of a traditional nuclear family my first reaction was “HALLELUJAH I’M FREE!!!” Five years later I couldn’t be happier and her current victim is regretting his decision every day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/09/25 03:41 AM |
| 1 | To what extent and in what context do you still “care” about your ex?If you don’t have kids with her, sure. I have three kids with mine and even though they even have their issues with her at times, if she got very sick and/or dropped dead tomorrow it would be devastating for my kids and I would be left to handle three children grieving the loss of their mother. Whether she was Cinderella or the Wicked Witch it’s still a fucking mess. That’s the part I care about. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/25 12:01 PM |
| 5 | I can't be the only one who feels this way in retrospectYour story is more common than you think. For every guy who was legitimately in love with a woman who left him, there are probably five who were trapped in abusive relationships that were built around anything but love. I was one of them. As much as the divorce system is stacked against men it’s stacked against abused men tenfold. Forget about being believed-we’re not even seen. No one wants to believe that a woman is capable of abusing a man-physically or otherwise. Most of the time we can’t ev… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/25 04:18 PM |
| 4 | Have to meet the "new man", how to approach this?Can’t relate to these kinds of posts. I spent nearly 12 years locked in an abusive marriage with a narcissistic woman. Once I got clear of the brainwashing and the fact that I no longer had an intact nuclear family (I was raised Catholic, married in the church, etc…) I was beyond relieved to be rid of her. Nearly five years later, I’m thriving, in a LTR with a woman who survived a similar situation with a guy who was the male version of my ex, and I get regular updates from my kids who now see t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/25 07:12 PM |
| 3 | Why I had to Take A Big Red Pill to HealOk got it. Usually when I see “red pill” on Reddit it refers to Andrew Tate type stuff. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/25 06:33 PM |
| 4 | Why I had to Take A Big Red Pill to HealFirst of all, congratulations on coming so far. I know how hard it is because I went through the same shit with an unmedicated/untreated N/BPD dumpster fire of a woman for 16 years before she finally got tired of abusing me and dumped me for another victim. I’m not really understanding what you mean as far as “red pill” though. I always thought that meant weird misogynistic incel stuff. Five years on I am now with a wonderful woman who was the female version of me, married to the male version of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/25 05:37 PM |
| 9 | How soon did your wife get into a relationship with someone elseThankfully long before we got divorced. Five years on I’m happy, thriving and with a wonderful woman. From what I hear there is a bit of buyers remorse on his side. Best of luck buddy! I suffered through 17 years and made it out ok-YOU CAN DO IT!!! LOL | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/25 04:44 PM |
| 1 | Any Catholics go back to the church in some way after divorce? Especially those with kidsHow does communion work? I mean obviously if I show up at a random church (I’ll never go back to the one we were married in) I can just take communion because who would know. However if I show up with my kids, or perhaps even my girlfriend is some old church lady going to see that I’m not wearing a wedding ring and rat me out to the priest? LOL | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/25 02:19 AM |
| 2 | Any Catholics go back to the church in some way after divorce? Especially those with kidsMy new partner is Protestant. I was married in the church-my ex made all of her sacraments and we met at a Catholic college. She has now renounced all religion (her new partner is an atheist or something) and is extremely dismissive/outright hostile to the idea of the children having any further involvement in religion but I don’t give a shit what she thinks. I don’t know much about annulments and assumed that you have to be a wealthy donor, well connected or both to get one. That said, I don’t … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/25 01:31 AM |
| 2 | Any Catholics go back to the church in some way after divorce? Especially those with kidsI always preferred going to early mass with no music at all. I think I liked the calm and the quiet more than anything. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/25 01:07 AM |
| 28 | What’s the weirdest thing your ex wife’s boyfriend tried to do to you?Begged me to take her back…LOL | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/25 05:38 PM |
| 1 | Men's rights attorneys - good or badUmmmm…probably because they’re just angry incels with law degrees who can’t control their emotions well enough to actually help you win. There’s no question that the system punishes men, but in this game you don’t need (or want) a crusader who wants to find a hill to die on. You need a cold, detached, and precise professional. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/25 02:16 AM |
| 2 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?Want to know the worst part? She’s a teacher with a masters degree. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/25 01:28 AM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?I may decided to go this route first. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 07:22 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?WOW-this is the best explanation of why this type of communication tool is valuable. Really really appreciate this! It does make total sense. Am I correct in assuming that if and she decides to send a high conflict message anyway (and she will-she believes that she’s always right, that the world revolves around her and that everyone else is wrong) that it will be logged with some kind of flag or other notation? In other words, I don’t see this changing her behavior at all, but if I can use it to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 07:20 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?How so? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 06:08 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?Again, that’s what I was told, but according to the app it’s “court admissible” which to me means that yes, it will generate a report that the court will accept, but I’ve still got to file the motion and spend the many thousands just to get a judge to look at it. If I’m wrong and it is actually monitored in real time or even periodically reviewed let me know because that’s not my understanding. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 06:08 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?That’s great but I just watched a demo and it clearly shows that she can still say whatever the hell she wants, whenever the hell she wants. It was suggested to me like it was some kind of panacea. All it seems to be is a texting app that you pay for with a calendar. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 05:52 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?I’m not sure if I follow about the “extra chatter.” She is constantly chattering at me and most of the time I don’t respond. When it do it’s “yes, no, maybe, I’ll be there in 2 min,” etc… What is a judge going to do? Penalize me for not communicating with her enough? With regard to just paying for things (medical appointments, clothing, shoes, extracurriculars, etc…) you must either make a ton more money than I do or you pay her almost nothing or both. With what I pay every month and what I make… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 05:32 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?No I get it, I’m just putting it out there that my agreement does absolutely nothing in this regard. Between that and the fact that someone else just responded saying that OFW lets you send whatever the fuck you want (it just wags its finger at you as you type the message and says “that’s not nice!”) I guess my only option is to simply not respond no matter what she says. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 05:20 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?So in other words she would see it, ignore it, and just send it anyway? WTF is the point then? I know that once you send messages you can’t delete them or edit them | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 05:06 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?No. This was going on five years ago. I was in a much different (worse) place than I am now. I was starting to wake up but was still way more abused, manipulated and gaslighted than I ever realized. Nearly five years on I’m in the best shape of my life, at the top of my career, I successfully fought for and kept my house and have improved it quite a bit, am with a wonderful, loving, caring and supportive partner, and I’m focusing on being the best dad to my kids that I possibly can be. If I was … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 04:58 PM |
| 3 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?I guess what I am looking for is supposedly OFW uses AI to screen responses and it would prevent her from sending messages like those that I transcribed above. To me the value in that would not only be the fact that I would not be getting them, but it would also be a psychological blow to her to be told by some third-party (even if it’s not an actual human being) that she can’t speak that way to me. All of the abuse that I suffered (and continue to suffer) was/is in secret. I think it would be e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 04:41 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone here successfully forced the use of OFW or some other app that limits/oversees the ex’s communication?Yeah…I mean clearly I should have stuck to my guns during the negotiation process but I let it go. I’m looking to hear from someone who did it after the fact. Essentially, I am looking at dumping my entire text thread with her, bringing it to a judge and claiming harassment. I just have no idea what my chances are. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/25 04:27 PM |
| 1 | Update to: 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my ex-it worked very wellAMEN! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 06:16 PM |
| 2 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exNever acknowledged the ex’s presence and celebrated the hell out of my daughter. Had a nice dinner afterward. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 12:29 PM |
| 2 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exYup! It is! See my update. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 12:28 PM |
| 2 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exSee my new post-it went fantastic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 12:23 PM |
| 2 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exUpdated with a new thread-knocked it out of the park. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 12:23 PM |
| 1 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exIt’s in the evening | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 05:27 PM |
| 4 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exIt’s hard for my kids to actually push back as they are still a little young, but they see the difference. Any kind of a problem (running late, someone forgetting a book at school, a skinned knee or a spilled drink) sends my ex into a fucking tailspin of screaming and yelling and cursing and chaos-not to mention hurling blame at whoever she feels like targeting. Whereas I just get them there as soon as I can, drive them back to the school to get the book, put a bandaid on the knee or grab a wad … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 02:57 PM |
| 3 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exYup. Heard that many times – her attorney pretty much laughed in my face at the suggestion and my attorney basically told me that I would probably spend $10,000 filing a motion only to have a judge then laugh in my face. At least in New Jersey the courts do not believe that a woman can harass or be abusive to a man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 11:42 AM |
| 6 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exI certainly will-and I guarantee that it’s not going to read “…and I stood there beaming with pride alongside the woman who once called me a piece of shit and threw a full glass of orange juice at my face in front of my kids at the breakfast table for some imagined offense I had committed.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 01:24 AM |
| 3 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exWhen did I say I was not going to do that? Why the fuck is this sub all of a sudden about kowtowing to the ex? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 12:39 AM |
| 3 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exNo pressure on the kid…if the ex does approach it will be afterward. I will be dropping her off early to prepare/stage, etc…when it’s all over we will take pictures with our family and if the ex wants pictures she can have some time to do that before we go to dinner to celebrate. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 12:36 AM |
| 7 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exYeah no. Why? Because I and I alone raised/am raising a great kid. My ex is repeating the same cycle of alcohol and narcissism fueled abuse that her mother (also a worthless abusive drunk) perpetuated on her as a child. She has laid off of the physical abuse of my kids (when we were married I saw them slapped across the face, shit thrown at them, etc…) but lays in harder than ever with the mental and emotional abuse because she’s smart enough to know that it doesn’t leave marks and that women ge… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 12:34 AM |
| 2 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exFour years ago yes-because I attempted to leave the house during an argument. She hid my keys so I just began walking down the road. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/25 09:24 PM |
| 4 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exI have two younger children as well, 50/50 custody and they are all involved in lots of extracurriculars. There needs to be some level of communication but nowhere near what she demands. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/25 09:23 PM |
| 6 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exAll I could say is, I guess that you just haven’t had it anywhere near as bad as me. My ex has not only continuously ripped into me, but most of my extended family and my new partner. She is a relentless machine. I’ve “fallen on the grenade” for over four years now, and no one has benefited – not me, not my kids, not my family. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/25 08:04 PM |
| 3 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exGuys, please read my message carefully – I tried to make it very clear that our strategy is going to be to completely stonewall and ice her out. Zero interaction, zero reaction. No retaliation whatsoever – if she tries to occupy the same space as us, we will simply move. If she punches me in the face (which she has done before) I will calmly walk over to the school, resource officer and explain what happened. Obviously I don’t think it will come to that, but I am just trying to make clear that I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/25 07:44 PM |
| 3 | 8th grade graduation tomorrow-changing the tone in public with my exJust to reiterate, my plan is to say nothing to her, not acknowledge her presence and completely ignore her. My entire family is going to do the same. For example – my brother and sister-in-law (who she talked endless shit about when we were still together) had a baby recently and the last time we were at a function together my ex came up and acted as if she was the babies Aunt and made a huge fuss over her. Absolutely fucking cringey. None of us are tolerating that shit anymore. Again, we are g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/25 07:38 PM |
| 2 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!I just can’t fucking stand the guys who are like “I had a bad relationship so now I’m gonna sit in my basement, watch degrading porn, play video games, and rant on the internets about how much I hate all women.” I spent almost 20 years in a bad relationship but for whatever reason when I came out of it, I realized that it was one very narcissistic woman who was the problem. Not all women. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/25 12:47 PM |
| 0 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!WTF!? Physical abuse (or mental, or emotional, etc…) by either gender is always wrong no matter what. STFU | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/25 12:35 PM |
| 3 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!Your question proves my point perfectly. No one (and rightfully so) would ask that question of a woman who spent 20 years in an abusive relationship – they would simply offer compassion and understanding as they should. As a man, however, you are expected to “know better.” in any event, the gender dynamic makes no difference. People get trapped in abusive relationships because the abuser utilizes a variety of methods to keep them there. I am pointing out that it also does not help when society s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 03:14 PM |
| 7 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!I’ll first put a disclaimer on this that I am not in any way trying to advocate aggression or violence towards women, but consider the following scenario. WOMAN: We had a disagreement over ______ and he got very frustrated and raised his voice at me. WOMAN’S FRIENDS: OMG Leave him!!! He’s abusive!!! MAN: I had to stay late at work to finish a project so when I got home, my wife threw her glass of wine in my face. MAN’S FRIENDS: HAHAHA…marriage sucks, huh bro!? | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 02:59 PM |
| 2 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!Figure what out? | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 02:51 PM |
| 5 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!I’m not taking offense specifically. I’m just pointing out that these memes are representative of the whole idea that as a man, you are nothing more than an annoyance to be tolerated. Furthermore, if and when you annoy your wife, you do so at your own peril and must suffer whatever retaliation she sees fit to dish out. I’m not saying that all women operate or think this way, but these ideas are what keep men in abusive relationships, and accepting the way that they are being treated. It’s fucked… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 02:30 PM |
| 2 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!That’s what society tells you to believe, but it’s not true. Also, I don’t do the red pill incel weirdo gamer shit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 01:51 PM |
| 2 | How many of us were actually abused?As sad as it is, that my girls have to witness it, it is satisfying for me to hear from them that she is treating the new guy, the same exact way she treated me. All that while my girls see the massive difference in my house versus hers. She ruled through fear and intimidation and with an iron fist and still does. I take a completely different approach. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 01:50 PM |
| 2 | How many of us were actually abused?Matches my story exactly. The other problem is, as I’ve talked about here, we are socialized to accept it as men. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 01:45 PM |
| 3 | Social Media to Men: Abusive Wives are HILARIOUS!!!Tired? Or just dropping the mask? In my case, it was the latter. It’s just who she is, who her mother was/is and I am determined that it’s not going to be any of my daughters. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 01:21 PM |
| 1 | How many of us were actually abused?Yes-I was very lucky. She’s incredibly impulsive which was good for me (her basic MO is “ready, fire, aim) I spent years of our marriage bailing her out of messes she created through impulsivity. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/25 04:48 PM |
| 1 | How many of us were actually abused?YUP | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/25 02:17 PM |
| 1 | How many of us were actually abused?Believe it or not I was never accused. She’s so fucking nuts that if she gets going and you shut down and walk away from her she’ll follow you and do everything she can to get in your face. I tried to leave the house during an argument and she took my keys and hid them so that I couldn’t drive away. I just started walking-she followed me, got in front of me, was in my face screaming, so I just changed direction. She finally became so enraged that she punched me in the face and pushed me to the g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/25 01:37 PM |
| 1 | How many of us were actually abused?Mine actually did hit me and gave me a bloody nose (in front of my kids) and I stupidly saved her ass by not pressing charges and helping her get it expunged. I’m sure many reading this are right now saying to themselves “what a fucking dumbass…” when they wouldn’t think of saying the same to a woman punched square in the nose to the point of bleeding by a man. I reasoned that she would have lost her job (she would have), that I would be further financially ruined, that my kids would be labeled … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/25 03:04 AM |
| 2 | How many of us were actually abused?Well said. Again, it’s also hard to see the flags because men are socialized early on to believe that they are an annoyance to be barely tolerated by their partners-and deserving of their punishment and humiliation for any transgression: “Happy wife, happy life.” I just figured “OK well this what adult relationships are like I guess…” My current partner could not be more different. Independent, successful, owns her own business, needs/wants absolutely nothing from me but my love and support. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 09:58 PM |
| 4 | How many of us were actually abused?No, they weren’t all like that from the beginning-another myth that keeps abused men silent because the inference is that “we should have known better.” Mine was abusive very early on now that I look back. I was in college, very motivated to find a nice Catholic girl (which she was) and to start a family and build a life. I wanted all of that so badly that I missed every single flag she threw-and there were many, way before I put a ring on it. Many lessons learned. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 08:44 PM |
| 3 | How many of us were actually abused?I missed the neon warning sign of my ex’s family. Her mother is an N/BPD alcoholic and her father is a beaten shell of a man. They’ve been together for 40 miserable years. That could have been me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 06:54 PM |
| 2 | How many of us were actually abused?Exactly. Society stopped telling women that it was their duty to “please their husbands” in the 1960s. 60 years later, we are still telling men that if they are abused by their wives that it’s their fault. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 05:58 PM |
| 5 | How many of us were actually abused?This is the “apology” I would get: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 05:46 PM |
| 3 | How many of us were actually abused?YUP! As I referenced in another post, whenever I see/hear the phrase “HAPPY WIFE-HAPPY LIFE” I want to fucking scream. It’s society’s way of saying “If your wife is unhappy for any reason at all you need to suck it up and take whatever abuse she dishes out and fucking smile and like it.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 05:42 PM |
| 2 | How many of us were actually abused?Sorry (but also glad) to hear that…it’s nice to know I’m not alone. My ex never really hit me but as an example, once threw a glass of orange juice in my face at the breakfast table in front of my kids for some transgression I no longer remember. If she was in a good mood I was a “great dad” but if she was in a bad mood (nothing to do with me) I was a “piece of shit father/man,” again, all in front of the kids. Convinced me that she was the victim and that my entire family was evil and against u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/25 05:38 PM |
| 3 | BannedExactly. I’m teaching them to have boundaries and respect for themselves. My oldest is now old enough to understand the dynamic. My ex and her mother have a dysfunctional and codependent relationship and my oldest now sees the pattern repeating itself. I’m helping my daughter to recognize that it doesn’t have to be that way for her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/25 07:44 PM |
| 2 | BannedThanks. I spent nearly 13 years getting screamed at, called names, belittled, had shit thrown at me (all in front of my kids at times), and just thought that’s what marriage was – miserable. I can’t really relate to the people who just “didn’t work out.” I am in a LTR now and it’s absolutely work, but it’s work with a gentle, loving person who, even when we’ve gone through some tough times doesn’t even raise her voice to me. We support each other and work through it without attacking or trying t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/25 07:28 PM |
| 2 | BannedLOL…text to speech. “Mothers Day greeting” | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/25 06:15 PM |
| 5 | BannedI was trying to make the point that not everyone has a divorce where being cordial is possible or even desired. My objective is to communicate with my ex as little as possible (we have children so unfortunately, I cannot cut her out completely)-I rarely initiate communication and if I do, it’s because I have no choice, but to do so. When she initiates communication, my answers are single words or very short sentences. I do not insult or attack her, but the minimal communication for me often prov… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/25 09:36 PM |
| 5 | BannedYou obviously weren’t mentally, physically and emotionally abused by your ex during the marriage. Many of us were and were too scared to leave because of finances, kids, etc…four years on that crazy bitch still never misses an opportunity to insult, degrade, and guilt me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/25 09:05 PM |
| 11 | Saw Ex Brother in Law Today who promised he would put 'make me pay' the next time he saw meAdults don’t deal with a threat of this type by arming themselves and preparing to fight back. Those are last resorts when you find yourself cornered. Adults document, record, press charges, and destroy the life of the person doing the threatening. If this guy is dumb enough to “send” (I’m assuming through text message) death threats in writing it will be fairly easy to get him locked up which will lead to a loss of gun rights, hopefully the loss of his job, and then cause a cascading financial … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/25 02:13 PM |
| 5 | I’m glad I didn’t burn that bridge.Yup-she believes that her husband should endure any abuse she sees fit as dictated by her mood. When mine was a good mood it would be “you’re a great dad,” but when she was in a bad mood it was “you’re a piece of shit father!” In front of my kids of course. Run-don’t walk. Get as far away from her as possible and don’t ever reach out or confide in her again. She is NOT your friend and will exploit any weakness you show. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/25 06:46 PM |
| 2 | Kids’ extracurricular/sports scheduling apps are a toxic narcissistic woman’s wet dreamNot sure what level your kids play at but that’s my other gripe…here the coaches, the parents, etc…act like these kids are all in the running for D1 scholarships-they’re 10 for God’s sake. In my situation all of the parents are constantly chatting on the app and RSVPing…the coaches are constantly following up if you don’t, etc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/25 09:38 PM |
| 8 | I’m glad I didn’t burn that bridge.Define “terrible wife.” If terrible wife means that she was abusive (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc…) then don’t fall for it. This is how they manipulate and exploit vulnerability. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/25 09:31 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ extracurricular/sports scheduling apps are a toxic narcissistic woman’s wet dreamI don’t respond to her. What I object to is the fact that kids sports have now gone to this level of surveillance that plays into the hands of narcissistic control freaks. I respond only when absolutely necessary and my answers are as dull and devoid of emotion as possible. It has lessened the amount to which she reaches out but hasn’t eliminated it. She is an undead zombie that runs on an unlimited supply of evil, spite and hatred. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/25 09:26 PM |
| 1 | Kids’ extracurricular/sports scheduling apps are a toxic narcissistic woman’s wet dreamA lot of us did brother…it’s just that we as men have been conditioned to think it’s normal. I’m sure you see the memes about “happy wife, happy life” and “your wife is a wonderful loving person except when you’re (insert pretty much any behavior here) and/or she’s on her period, then you just have to accept whatever abuse she dishes out.” Men abusing women is demonized (as it should be) but women abusing men is hilarious according to society at large. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/25 12:03 AM |
| 4 | Kids’ extracurricular/sports scheduling apps are a toxic narcissistic woman’s wet dreamShe’s a narcissist, possible BPD, severe untreated anxiety. She was an absolute nightmare to be married to and I’m glad she’s gone-except she’ll never be totally gone because of the kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/25 11:03 PM |
| 11 | Kids’ extracurricular/sports scheduling apps are a toxic narcissistic woman’s wet dreamI just ignore her. Obviously I have to communicate on some level because we have 50/50. Me bitching about it here doesn’t give her any satisfaction. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/25 10:49 PM |
| 6 | Coparenting with narcissistEverything that has been said so far. Communicate as little as possible and as vanilla as possible-yes or no answers and little more if anything. When she comes at you with crazy shit: “I’M GOING TO MY ATTORNEY (Insert threat here)” etc…the response is simply “Thanks for letting me know.” Nothing more. Once you start to cut her supply she will try everything to goad you into more, accusing you of being a monster and that your supposed lack of communication is hurting the kids. You can’t co-paren… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/25 01:11 AM |
| 5 | Jealous thoughts and poor sleepCant relate. I was beyond thrilled when my abusive narcissistic/BPD ex found a new victim…er…boyfriend. Nearly five years on the poor bastard is really going through it now. I used to feel sorry for him but now she’s got him beaten down to the point that he’s backing her up on shit like trying to stop my girls from riding horses and making them play sports they don’t want to play. Not cool and way out of bounds. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/25 02:35 PM |
| 4 | I lost a date in the funniest way possi le.I think OP is throwing the red flags up…LOL | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/25 02:40 PM |
| 10 | I lost a date in the funniest way possi le.You said “watch a movie with the dogs and the kids.” This is the weirdest fucking post ever. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/25 01:36 AM |
| 19 | I lost a date in the funniest way possi le.I’m trying to understand why OP is introducing his kids to a woman after three dates? | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/25 05:59 PM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsThankfully it’s not that bad (yet)-ex has her signed up for a local rec team and a travel team. The only point of playing for the rec team is to get more time on the field-it’s essentially glorified practice. The game that she would miss in order to go to the birthday party is a rec game-not a travel game. For the 1000th time I fully realize that it’s not my parenting time and therefore it’s not my decision, my problem is the fact that I know it’s not my ex who is making the decision at least no… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/04/25 12:12 PM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsBoth – which would be entirely possible if she only played for one team rather than two. She loves horses, she loves riding, she loves being at the barn and the community of friends that she has at the barn. Basically, what happened was she told my ex that she wanted to play softball and since both my ex and the AP absolutely hate everything to do with riding, they hatched a plan to ensure that softball would eat up so much time that she would not be able to ride. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 03:21 PM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?If we’re talking about energy, I guess the energy has changed drastically around here. There used to be a strong vibe of “a man’s children are his children” and that the AP/BF/SD needs to stay in his lane and know his role. Apparently not anymore. I should add that I have a significant other with children as well. Her son plays soccer and his biological father coaches him, etc…I wouldn’t DARE do anything that interfered with that, nor would I try to lure him to another sport. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 11:49 AM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?Missing the event is a symptom-ex’s AP meddling is the problem. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 11:46 AM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?Tough to be a team player when your “teammate” is a mentally, emotionally and physically abusive narcissist. Asking the child what they want is not the easiest thing either-my ex rules through instilling fear, belittling and intimidating. My daughter knows full well she can’t just say what she feels to her mother. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 11:28 AM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?No problem cheering my child on at a game. Big problem with the amount of games (three per weekend) crowding out everything else my child loves to do. Even bigger problem that this is being orchestrated but a strange weirdo who has ZERO relation to her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 02:20 AM |
| 1 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?So you’re cool with a stranger moving in and dictating your child’s activities-good for you. I’m not. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 02:18 AM |
| 5 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsI’ll pass. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/25 02:14 AM |
| 7 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsWhen did the bitter ex wives start posting here? BTW it’s a family birthday party for their only first cousin on their side who they all adore-not some random neighborhood kid. Also, that’s not even my point. My point is about some stranger off the street telling my kid what activities she can and cannot do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 08:20 PM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsYeah no. My girls are heavily involved in USPC, have a large community of friends at the barn and beg to spend time there whenever they can whether it’s for riding, mucking stalls, etc…it’s a community where they are surrounded by people (including adult women) who have been involved in equestrian pursuits their entire lives. Not sure where you are from, but where we live horses are a way of life and big business. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 06:01 PM |
| 0 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?All of this is coming from AP. Ex couldn’t play fucking hopscotch if she tried. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 05:39 PM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?Maybe re-read. I don’t have a “co-parent.” Ex is a mentally, emotionally and physically abusive narcissist. Initially I had no beef with AP-her leaving me was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I was scared to blow up my marriage and endured years of misery and abuse at her hands (my children still do)-I am all too happy to hear from my girls that she treats him the same way she treated me. AP needs to back the fuck off and stop preaching “commitment” to a sport he introduced. My ex is… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 05:38 PM |
| 1 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?No but the issue is not the event-it’s ex’s AP meddling. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 05:28 PM |
| 1 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?Nope nope and nope. She wants to play? Fine. He wants to coach? Fine. Deliberately over scheduling my kid in order to crowd out horses? Not fine. Convincing my ex (and presumably my daughter) that the world will end if she misses ONE town rec softball game for a family party? Not even close to being fucking fine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 12:03 PM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsThere’s a difference between feeling “threatened” and an outsider actively interfering. I’m not imagining this. If my ex was on her own and had to actually lift a finger and care my daughter during this time period she would happily hand her over to me for the party and say “Phew! More time to guzzle wine, stuff my face and watch Netflix!” Instead I have this asshole in her ear acting like town rec softball is Remember the Fucking Titans. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:59 AM |
| 2 | Apparently my last post on this subject was TLDR-are you guys good with your ex and her AP actively driving your kid away from a sport they love?Not relevant but yes. It’s not my time-I get that. I’m pissed about ex’s AP meddling. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:47 AM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsMy Brother in Christ-motherfucker is trotting himself out there as “Mr. Softball” and has my previously sack-of-chewed-bubblegum-fat-alcoholic ex now extolling the virtues of team sports and is coaching. He’s not just “living in the same house as my daughter.” This place has changed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:24 AM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sports“Maybe she will get college money!?” Yeah ok. I bet-maybe I’ll win the Powerball tomorrow too. The post wasn’t about whether or not I should be able to take them to an event on my ex’s parenting time-the post was a rant about the AP not knowing his place. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:21 AM |
| 0 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsGot that part already-thanks. Was ranting about AP not knowing his fucking place. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:18 AM |
| 1 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsThanks-but see my other post which simplifies all of this…my girls not attending the birthday party is a symptom. The problem is ex and her AP pushing my daughter away from something she loves. At least that’s how I see it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 11:17 AM |
| 2 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsThat was…interesting? | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 10:45 AM |
| 2 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsNot exactly. She has no values-she’s an unathletic and uncoordinated bag of monkey shit. This is all coming from her BF who has now wormed his way in to being my daughter’s coach and is trying to drive her away from riding. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 03:38 AM |
| 0 | Ex’s BF is overstepping with sportsUnfortunately it’s the opposite. My brother and sister in law TRIED to schedule the party on a weekend that I had my kids. Due to other factors they could not, which necessitated me asking my ex for permission to take them (causing my daughter to miss a game) during her parenting time. If it was my parenting time I wouldn’t have even consulted her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/25 03:31 AM |
| 5 | Has anyone else dealt with a destroyed sex drive even though they are happily with another partner?Then the problem is in your head which you need to find the right treatment for. Not really for me to judge but you’re kind of moving at warp speed. Therefore you might have a lot of unresolved issues up there that you really need to sort through (therapy, etc…) for your own sake but also your new partner. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/25 02:02 AM |
| 5 | Has anyone else dealt with a destroyed sex drive even though they are happily with another partner?How old are you and what kind of physical shape are you in? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/25 01:43 AM |
| 6 | The future as it would have beenNot to mention the fact that your ex is a product of your ex-in laws. There’s a certain amount of personal responsibility but all in all, if your ex is an asshole, it’s because your ex-in laws were too and/or did a poor job of raising her. My ex-in laws were nightmares and I ignored the signs and thought I could “help” my ex. I was very wrong. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/25 02:10 PM |
| 5 | Does your ex motherfuck you in private and try to act like you’re friends in public?Not sure I follow. I’ve got plenty of boundaries-I communicate with her through text/email only and I hold to my agreement 150%. During kids’ activities I barely speak to her and generally avoid being near her. If having more boundaries means staying away from my kids’ games, plays, competitions, etc…because she is going to be there that’s a non-starter for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/25 01:43 PM |
| 1 | I thought we were gonna be "friends"This is the way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/25 07:56 PM |
| 17 | Does your ex motherfuck you in private and try to act like you’re friends in public?I certainly could, but I don’t want that for my kids. They saw enough horrible shit when we were together and they are healing now and seeing the stark difference between my household and hers. My kids fear her and respect me. Huge difference-I have no desire to start a hillbilly methhead white trash knock down drag out at my kids’ basketball game. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/25 06:56 PM |
| 9 | Does your ex motherfuck you in private and try to act like you’re friends in public?Gives me some solace that I’m not the only one I guess. Though I now know that she had pre-planned all of this with the new BF I actually feel nothing but sorry for the guy. She was awful to me our entire marriage and I was just too afraid to leave her for religious (I was raised Catholic) and financial reasons, fearing that divorce would take away the standard of living that my family had enjoyed up until that point. When she first told me that she wanted a divorce, I was terrified and also sad… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/25 04:01 PM |
| 3 | I am really sad for the men that do family activities with the SBTXWIt might be healthy for some people. My ex is/was mentally, emotionally, and a few times physically abusive to me. She is still mentally and emotionally abusive to my children. We have 50/50 and I spend my time with them repairing the damage that she has done. My children benefit from seeing two mature, stable adults (myself and my new partner) who treat each other (and them) with kindness and respect and who care for and support each other. Their mother is a train wreck who is still tormenting … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/25 01:17 PM |
| 0 | Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again.You do you…if you’re happy trying to be a creepy aging player go for it. I’m just putting it out there that it’s not the only way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/25 03:36 PM |
| 0 | Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again.“Bought into her story?” Full disclosure-my ex is an absolute nightmare and a horrible, horrible excuse for a woman. Unlike a lot of men who end up here, I was never “in love with her.” I was in love with the idea of having a traditional family and rushed into it right after college all while building a career, buying a house, etc…before I knew it I was trapped with a crazy N/BPD monster that I did not know how to get away from because I was still so tied up in the idea of having a traditional n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/25 02:47 PM |
| 1 | Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again.Basically, this is red pill/incel lite. Seems to be pretty common here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/25 02:29 PM |
| 13 | Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again.When I read these posts, all I can think of is stop trolling the trailer parks and strip clubs for single moms. My new partner is a mom of two and was married to the male version of my ex. Anxiety ridden, narcissistic, lazy, entitled, etc…we also were both always the breadwinners, climbing the ladder as professionals, each making six figures while our exes were slugs content with mediocre rank-and-file jobs. Financially she doesn’t need me and I don’t need her, but together we can have a life th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 11:56 PM |
| 1 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?We have 50/50, but as a part of that schedule I have them every Thursday-it doesn’t alternate. That is why having work travel that is scheduled Thursday to Friday is a PITA. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 08:04 PM |
| 3 | Lets say you have rock solid proof that your wife cheated with a married man. Do you tell the wife of the AP or keep silent to maintain the peace for the sake of your kids?Yup. I want to be divorced. I don’t want to be the ringmaster of a white trash circus. Talking to your children about an affair is not appropriate in any way shape or form. It’s Jerry Springer level. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 04:31 PM |
| 2 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?And what did all of that cost you? $50,000? I’ve never spent a day in court and I never intend to. I just don’t have the money. I fought like hell to keep the house-she moved out, and I am struggling to hold onto it. I make a decent six figure salary, but I had to refinance it at today’s rates to buy her out, and I live in a high cost high tax area of the northeast. Moving is not an option. as for putting the kids in the middle – no way. I have enough problems with her, manipulating them in Waze… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 03:24 PM |
| 3 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?Kids are 13, 10 and 5. I’m not on “talking terms”(I force her to communicate by text and email only) but obviously there needs to be coordination with the kids. Signing an agreement saying you’ll do one thing and then doing the exact opposite as a man within a system designed to punish men seems rather counterintuitive but I guess report back and let us know how it works out for you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 01:42 PM |
| 3 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?Obviously. However, it’s not as if this is an imminent threat. I’m just spitballing here to see if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation. If she pushes the issue and files a motion, I will, of course have to involve my attorney, but we are nowhere near there yet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 03:39 AM |
| 11 | Building boundariesJust stay away. Your ex is not your friend and neither are her family members. I was just as glad to be rid of my ex’s parents as I was to be rid of her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 02:23 AM |
| 2 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?Mine doesn’t. I’ve read it more times than I care to admit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 01:44 AM |
| 4 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?Good lord I’m done talking to him…I like holding onto my money. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 01:28 AM |
| 3 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?I guess we will see…I’ve only been in the job six months so far. I’m hoping that she may get tired of burning up her time and let it go eventually but she is a spiteful cunt. However she is with someone else and his kids and grown and gone whereas mine are 5-13. He’s already pretty miserable (she’s an abusive N/BPD disaster) and I would imagine he will get tired of it as well and maybe put some pressure on her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 12:26 AM |
| 3 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?It’s honestly very poorly written. The amount of time is four hours (yes, I know I’m an idiot for agreeing to that) and it just says that the parent who is inaccessible for four hours or more during their own parenting time “shall reach out” (doesn’t say how, doesn’t say how far in advance) to the other before contacting a 3rd party. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 12:22 AM |
| 1 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?So your take is that if my travel schedule continues to increase, that she can deliberately choose to take them every time (even though they could be cared for by their own family members on my side) and then cry poverty because she is incurring expenses as a result. As far as happening consistently it’s not as if I have a job where I’m scheduled to be gone a set number of days and a set time each month. It’s a global multinational company that has set very ambitious growth goals so it’s more li… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 12:09 AM |
| 3 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?I don’t follow. Everything in the agreement is supposed to be enforceable, ie: I don’t pay child support she can come after me for it. It says that one parent SHALL reach out to the other if they cannot for the children care for the minimum block of time during their parenting time. In my experience when a legal document says “shall” it means that if you don’t do it there are consequences. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 12:01 AM |
| 1 | 50/50 Custody but new job has increased travel demands-even though I always line up care for my kids, my ex invokes ROFR every time-if she keeps doing this can she come after me for more child support?The thing is that they don’t HAVE to go to her. I always line up childcare in advance of notifying her. I don’t need or want her help and I’d rather my kids not be around her any more than they already are. She deliberately invokes ROFR just to exert control and because she hates the people (my GF and my parents) who I utilize for childcare. She also hates the fact that children love being with my parents and my GF. I guess what I’m asking is, if she keeps invoking ROFR every time I am away rath… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/25 11:46 PM |
| 12 | She’s dating alreadyIt’s hard for me to relate to these because my ex was an N/BPD abusive nightmare. I was grinding it out for the kids and afraid of the financial consequences of divorce. Once I got over the loss of the traditional nuclear family and she found a new guy I was like “HALLELUJAH!!! GOOD LUCK BUDDY!!!” Now every time I see him he looks miserable and I’m with the calm, gentle, caring, supportive and loving woman of my dreams. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/25 04:22 AM |
| 5 | Daughter's classmatesMine wastes $300 at a clip having her attorney send nasty letters when she gets a bug up her ass about something. I’ve instructed my attorney to ignore them so that I don’t have to pay for him to read them. The only way I will ever respond is if she actually files a motion that I have to then answer. Put simply, unless there is actual court action on the table, it’s just noise. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/25 11:22 PM |
| 3 | Daughter's classmatesI mean, I have three daughters myself and am generally not thrilled with the behavior of certain boys around them, but during your parenting time it’s on you to monitor and control the situation. Not her. I wouldn’t invite the kid over for a play date but they can certainly play sports together. I’m nearly four years in and this kind of shit still pops up from time to time. Just got to keep fighting for your right to raise your children the way you see fit without interference. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/25 10:23 PM |
| 7 | Daughter's classmatesWTF!? Tell her to file a fucking motion if she wants you to comply-spoiler alert-she won’t. Until then, pound sand. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/25 10:08 PM |
| 6 | What would be your reaction if your daughters do the same thing to their future husbands?I see my ex in my daughters every day and every day I try to model better behavior and show them the difference between her and I. I also love them unconditionally and am there for them in every way I possibly can be. My ex’s father (and mother) is a selfish, drunken, anxiety ridden asshole who could be all “my little girl” if he was in a good mood and “STUPID FAT CUNT!!!” if he was in a bad mood. My ex is still responsible for everything she’s done and continues to do but her childhood and upbr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/25 07:51 PM |
| 4 | How did social circles and communities change after divorce?Try this one. My ex is an abusive BPD/Covert Narcissist who only dropped the mask when we were at home. We had (and have) lots of mutual friends-mostly parents of kids our kids are friends with but none of them know what I went through or how she really is. Now she manipulates my kids, comes after me via nasty letters from her attorney every chance she gets, tries to meddle in my new relationship, etc…basically tries to motherfuck me six ways to Sunday at every turn in private, but then if my da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/25 03:22 AM |
| 2 | Any advice on how not to be a narcissist co-parent would be appreciated.Agree with most of this except the all modern women are narcissists part. I (43YOM) divorced a textbook narcissist as did my current partner (40YOF)-our experiences with our former partners were almost mirror images of each other. They also both projected on us and we both carried guilt for years, even after the marriages ended. Thank God we found each other because had I met a woman who had not been the victim of the same kind of abuse I was I think there would have been too much complicated ba… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/25 02:28 PM |
| 2 | How do you guys get along with your ex’s boyfriend/husband? Especially if you have kids, how has that been?Not true at all. My new partner was married to the male version of my ex. Both of us are helping each other heal and everything is equal. Neither of us “need” each other. We both make a little over $200K per year in professional/management roles and both us used to essentially be the sole breadwinners and EVERYTHING fell on our shoulders while our exes toiled in menial rank and file jobs, bitching at us that we simultaneously “worked too much” and just “left them with the kids” and that we also … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/25 03:52 PM |
| 5 | How do you guys get along with your ex’s boyfriend/husband? Especially if you have kids, how has that been?Trust me-cold and sour is what you want. Mine is sickly sweet fake friendly until she doesn’t get something she wants (a deviation from the custody agreement, etc…) and then she goes nuclear psychotic. If she never spoke a word to me again I’d be the happiest man on earth, but that’s the problem with people like her-that pisses them off to no end. Their attitude is “YOU SHOULD BE FALLING ALL OVER YOURSELF TO TALK TO ME!!! I AM A DELIGHT!!! PRAISE ME!!!” | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/25 12:55 PM |
| 7 | How do you guys get along with your ex’s boyfriend/husband? Especially if you have kids, how has that been?Everyone’s situation is different but from my perspective I can’t understand guys that are constantly thinking about their ex and their ex’s new partner. I was married to an N/BPD monster for almost 12 years. Once I got over the loss of the marriage and the nuclear family, the deep desire for which drove me to stay with her all those years despite the abuse, all I wanted was for her to leave me the hell alone. She’s a controlling abusive manipulative monster who, despite being the one to leave m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/25 11:54 AM |
| 10 | Advice for your kids when they are grownI would take a step back and maybe get into the weeds of what to look for in a partner in the first place. At least in my case I was blinded by a strong sense of tradition, wanting to settle down and be married, start a family, etc… I ended up with an abusive BPD Narcissist. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/25 10:31 PM |
| 8 | STBXW wants to date after she moves outHoly fuck dude-crazy similar to how my N/BPD divorce started. I also had been with her since 19/20 and the divorce started when I was 38. It was a rocky four years but I’m finally on the other side. Research Narcissist, high conflict, BPD divorce, get a take no prisoners lawyer, don’t try to co-parent, draft an ironclad agreement that severely limits her control over you and the kids. She will attempt to run your life from afar. Text communication ONLY!!! Stop speaking to her in person and on th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/25 03:11 PM |
| 2 | She's moving outIt will be that much easier to start over. Don’t spend any time wallowing over a woman who doesn’t want you. There are plenty that will. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/25 10:34 PM |
| 12 | She's moving outBro if you never see your ex again you’re my fucking hero. I’ve been separated from mine for nearly five years and officially divorced for six months and she takes every opportunity to try to get in my face and drive me nuts. I’m guessing you didn’t have kids with her-consider yourself lucky. I have three with mine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/25 10:55 PM |
| 3 | For those who have children of working-ish age, what is your arrangement with your ex regarding the money they earn? Is it written into your agreement?Of course it’s not-that’s why I’m asking Reddit and not my attorney. It would likely cost $500 just to get a response from him. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/25 04:37 PM |
| 2 | For those who have children of working-ish age, what is your arrangement with your ex regarding the money they earn? Is it written into your agreement?I’m glad that you feel that way-so do I, but I need some legalese to stand on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/25 04:25 PM |
| 2 | For those who have children of working-ish age, what is your arrangement with your ex regarding the money they earn? Is it written into your agreement?She has a savings account at a local bank that my ex established. Here’s the issue at hand. Hypothetical scenario: It’s mom’s weekend-daughter gets babysitting job and makes $100. Parent hands daughter the cash. Mom picks her up (it’s her parenting time so I can’t just show up) and says “give me the money so that I can deposit it.” Can my daughter tell her “no I want this money to go towards horses,” ? Yes or no? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/25 04:24 PM |
| 2 | Fiancé’s ex wife calls and hangs up repeatedly until he answers her textsMy take on it is that there isn’t much that the app does that you can’t do yourself. The app will stop her from sending nasty messages and I believe will limit repeat attempts to message, but you can do the same thing yourself through greyrocking/ignoring. Once you become impervious to their insanity it feels very empowering. My ex just today responded with a “HaHa” to my response of “OK” and then ranted about it in an attempt to bait me and I just put my phone back in my pocket and went about m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/24 07:46 PM |
| 2 | Fiancé’s ex wife calls and hangs up repeatedly until he answers her textsIt’s very difficult at first but it gets easier each time. I would probably still be killing myself battling my ex non-stop if not for my GF’s intervention. Kudos to you for standing by him and not just hightailing it because of the baggage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/24 07:33 PM |
| 2 | Fiancé’s ex wife calls and hangs up repeatedly until he answers her textsMy $0.02-OFW isn’t worth the hassle. Greyrock, greyrock, greyrock. It will make a difference eventually, I promise you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/24 07:19 PM |
| 2 | Fiancé’s ex wife calls and hangs up repeatedly until he answers her textsI’m guessing you’ve never dealt with an N/BPD woman where there were also kids involved. It’s not that easy and it takes time to figure out how to deal with it. “Advice” like this is just a big fuck you to every man who has suffered abuse from these evil and sick creatures who literally exist to inflict pain and suffering on everyone around them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/24 07:17 PM |
| 5 | Fiancé’s ex wife calls and hangs up repeatedly until he answers her textsEx is clearly N/BPD and is still seeking “supply” from him. He needs to just shut it down. The only responses she should get from him are “Yes,” “No,” “OK,” and “Thanks for letting me know.” This is called greyrocking. It starves the Narcissist of supply and eventually they will seek it less because they realize that they can’t get blood from a stone, but first they will go through a period of extreme escalation (trying to gin up drama, repeated calls, harassing messages) which is referred to as… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/24 07:11 PM |
| 9 | Feeling myself becoming that cliche bitter woman hating divorced guyFirst off-sounds like you’re dealing with a N/BPD woman which fucking sucks. I’m nearly five years down the road from divorcing one and she’s still a pain in my ass but it’s a lot better than it was. It’s true that there is nothing you can do about her behavior, but you CAN change how you respond to it and how you let it affect you. Read up here and on other subs about greyrocking and generally how to deal with Narcissists/Borderlines. Second, good for you on figuring out that you’re feeling you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/24 04:57 PM |
| 0 | For those of you who are divorced with kids but totally opposed to a relationship with a divorced mom with kids-what’s your plan? (Long read)Is AI writing red pill stuff now? | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/24 01:31 PM |
| 5 | For those of you who are divorced with kids but totally opposed to a relationship with a divorced mom with kids-what’s your plan? (Long read)I get it. I just think that some of it is also born out of the idea that all women are awful, which a lot of guys come out of broken marriages feeling like. For every man who has been wronged by a woman there’s at least one woman who was done dirty in a similar way by a man. Honestly, when I was dating, I couldn’t relate to the women who were “friends” with their exes. I mean, if you can come out of a divorce that way and co-parent, etc…Amen, but that’s not my situation by a longshot and I don’t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/24 06:33 PM |
| 1 | For those of you with a high conflict/narc ex how do you handle it when she screws up?The point is I bought the shoes via child support and they should have been on her feet when she was sent to school by my ex this morning knowing she had basketball. So your position is I have to double pay for everything to make sure that I don’t have to rely on her at all. I get the theory-just fucking sucks since I’m being bled dry already. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/24 12:31 AM |
| 4 | 'Narcissist' the most over used word of 2023/2024I’m sure it probably is overused, but for any woman who was ACTUALLY married to a Narcissist, I feel badly for them because my ex is textbook. Narcissism is also a spectrum…all of us are narcissists to SOME degree. In any event, being married to my ex was pure hell and being divorced from her isn’t much better. This is the Narcissist’s Creed-it describes my ex’s entire approach to interacting with other people: That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a bi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/24 09:10 PM |
| 13 | UPDATE: The woman who accused me of endangering my daughter two weeks ago reached out to me for help with a family disaster this morning-SERIOUSLY!?I was married to her for 12 years and the smallest difficulties were consistently turned into monumental disasters especially when her parents were involved, but YUP-I was clearly the problem. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/24 05:29 PM |
| 8 | UPDATE: The woman who accused me of endangering my daughter two weeks ago reached out to me for help with a family disaster this morning-SERIOUSLY!?If you look at some of my other posts you’ll see how she has been doing basically anything she can to discourage them from riding horses which they love and have been doing for five years now. They become more and more independent, confident and hardworking every day which she cannot stand. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/24 05:18 PM |
| 2 | Christmas party for an organization my kids and I are involved in. It’s my ex’s weekend and she is taking them-do I attend? More background in the postThe agreement states that we share the cost of all extra-curricular activities according to a percentage which is about 60/40 with me contributing the 60%. One of my daughters also plays softball and another is a Girl Scout and plays basketball and we share all of those costs. Going down the road of “Only I pay so I say what goes” is a slippery slope IMO because if I did that she would just try to involve them in something that directly conflicts with riding in an effort to obstruct. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 05:18 PM |
| 1 | Christmas party for an organization my kids and I are involved in. It’s my ex’s weekend and she is taking them-do I attend? More background in the postIt just sucks because if I go I’m not going to have a drop to drink. The owner’s husband and I were all in Kentucky together over the summer with the kids at a competition and we went on a bourbon tour and brought some good stuff back and were planning on cracking it open. One of the themes of our marriage was that anytime I looked at my ex crosseyed or she didn’t like my tone, etc…and it so happened that she had seen me consume a drop of alcohol at some point during that day her go to was “YOU’… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 04:50 PM |
| 1 | Christmas party for an organization my kids and I are involved in. It’s my ex’s weekend and she is taking them-do I attend? More background in the postGenuinely asking the question. As far as the owners trespassing her, they’re not going to do that to my kids, plus it’s just trashy-no one wants the State Police rolling up to their house at a Christmas party. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 04:45 PM |
| 1 | Ex has called me (unsolicited) 54 times over the last five months. I have called her (unsolicited) 4 times. I returned 12 of the 54 calls. Our agreement says communication is supposed to be primarily email or text.I’m curious…are you paying her alimony/child support and did you lose your job as a result of the charges? I pay $2500 a month and have 50/50 custody. If I were to be charged with anything my employer would drop me like a hot stone and I’d be unemployable/unable to keep my house and paying her. If I lost it all she’d end up with the kids full time (which she does not want) and either no money or reduced money from me. She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed but she’s also lazy continually bitche… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 04:41 PM |
| 1 | Ex has called me (unsolicited) 54 times over the last five months. I have called her (unsolicited) 4 times. I returned 12 of the 54 calls. Our agreement says communication is supposed to be primarily email or text.That will be very tough since we haven’t lived in the same place since August 2023. Also, early in our separation she punched me in the face, called the police herself, and then was dumbfounded when she got arrested. I stupidly felt sorry for her because I knew she would lose her job over it and refused to press charges. She ended up getting it expunged, but it still happened. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 03:56 PM |
| 4 | Ex has called me (unsolicited) 54 times over the last five months. I have called her (unsolicited) 4 times. I returned 12 of the 54 calls. Our agreement says communication is supposed to be primarily email or text.His advice so far has been to simply ignore her. We signed an agreement and she can came back after the fact (in a letter from her attorney) and asked for more money because I had gotten a new job with a slightly higher salary. We sent a letter back politely saying no. She had her attorney send another letter expressing disappointment that we didn’t even counter so he and I were ignoring her/working on a final response that basically said she was already getting more than she was entitled to (I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 01:19 PM |
| 5 | Small victoriesIf my ex was trying to keep my kids from me I’d probably understand it better. Instead she tries to insert herself into every aspect of our lives when the kids and I are together, attempting to control schedules, what we do, hell she used to try to dictate bedtimes, asking what they ate, etc…all I want is to be left alone!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 12:57 PM |
| 2 | Ex has called me (unsolicited) 54 times over the last five months. I have called her (unsolicited) 4 times. I returned 12 of the 54 calls. Our agreement says communication is supposed to be primarily email or text.That’s the thing…I walled that off a long time ago, so she basically manufactures things “about the kids” so that if I don’t respond it’s “SEE!? HE’S A MONSTER!!! HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HIS CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDREN!!!” | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 12:33 PM |
| 2 | Ex has called me (unsolicited) 54 times over the last five months. I have called her (unsolicited) 4 times. I returned 12 of the 54 calls. Our agreement says communication is supposed to be primarily email or text.So this is a “thing?” I’m not the only father suffering through this insanity? Interesting. Here’s an example I sent her attorney of why I am demanding OFW-short version: Ex called me at 7:00 a.m. as I’m getting myself and my kids ready for work/school as it had been my night. I ignore the call as I’ve been getting better at doing and go about my morning. About 10 minutes later as we’re getting into the car my oldest daughter’s phone rings and I hear my ex screaming on the other end: “NO ONE WAS… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/24 12:29 PM |
| 2 | Anyone have experience using a guardian ad litem?So basically there is nothing I can do to protect my kids from her? | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/24 03:20 PM |
| 3 | Songs my stbx wife has been listening to^ This plus WTF is this garbage? Do yourself a favor and find a woman who listens to good music that someone has heard of. FWIW When my marriage was over I lived in the gym and listened to “Bleeding Me” when I was in a self pitying mood and “Don’t Tread on Me” when I was in a defiant mood (both Metallica songs) and it worked wonders. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/24 01:54 AM |
| 3 | What are you eating?I’ll be honest, on the nights I don’t have the kids I don’t miss it. When I do have them and we make dinner and sit down as a family and eat together it actually feels like a luxury which is kind of nice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/24 02:21 AM |
| 1 | Gym Motivation^ This…would I love to be bigger and more shredded than I am? Sure, but in the meantime I’m just happy to not be constantly complaining of aches and pains, talking about how if I sit down I won’t be able to get back up, and resigning myself to 40” waist pants and XL t-shirts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 09:22 PM |
| 5 | Gym MotivationI just look around at other men my age (42)-at guys who have just given up on any kind of meaningful physical activity and are content with the extra 30-40 lbs they’re carrying, the fact that they have no muscle tone and couldn’t run a mile if they tried, the fact that they’re headed for Type II Diabetes, etc… That gives me all the motivation I need. Putting aside everything that the gym does for your appearance and mental health, IMO your 40s and 50s are basically the last chance you have to ch… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 02:50 AM |
| 3 | Why are you guys seriously dating shortly after divorce?See my posts above. Neither of us went in looking for a LTR but once we realized we had such similar stories (being married to narcissists that we ultimately never loved and who never loved us) we began helping each other heal and it all just came together from there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/24 04:48 PM |
| 3 | Why are you guys seriously dating shortly after divorce?Agree…I just feel like “the work” is a lot easier when your situation is what mine was…I had wanted out of the marriage for YEARS but just didn’t know how/have the balls. To me that’s a lot different than thinking you have a great relationship and marriage only to find out your wife has been fucking someone else/playing you. Though again, it took some time to sort out, pretty early on my take on her being with this other guy was “good luck buddy-take her off my hands!!!” They’ve been together a … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/24 04:30 PM |
| 6 | Why are you guys seriously dating shortly after divorce?Everyone’s situation is different. I was never in love with my ex…I was a young guy who never had much confidence with girls/women by the time I got to college. I’d had a few girlfriends/hookups but that was it. I ended up meeting a girl in college who was wild in bed, nice body, and at least seemed sweet…she was also Catholic which checked a big box for me-in any event, I was hellbent on diving headlong into building a career and a family right after college. It’s all hindsight at this point, b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/24 04:10 PM |
| 2 | For those who divorced an NPD/BPD woman with children-were you made to feel as though greyrocking was a form of abuse and bad for the kids?So in other words, act fake nice and submit to her demands…no thanks-I did enough of that during the marriage to last me a lifetime and then some. I just don’t understand how the entire system says that it’s not only ok for a woman to behave this way but that I should also take it with a smile and a “so glad we’re amicable!” attitude. If I had done half of what she did I’d be locked up, never see my children and be shunned by society. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 02:06 PM |
| 4 | For those who divorced an NPD/BPD woman with children-were you made to feel as though greyrocking was a form of abuse and bad for the kids?I proposed the use of OFW and her and her attorney nearly got up from the table and walked. How has your experience been using it? Obviously it cannot be deleted so that you have a record of the insults and harassment, so are you just saving it all up just in case? What other useful features does it have? | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 01:52 PM |
| 7 | For those who divorced an NPD/BPD woman with children-were you made to feel as though greyrocking was a form of abuse and bad for the kids?You’re missing the point by focusing on that specific example. I was just using it to illustrative of the overall attitude I’ve been getting. My point is that it should be ok that I will not take phone calls from her. It should be ok that my text message answers only consist of “yes” “no” and “ok.” It should be ok that beyond a polite “hello” that I don’t wish to interact with her any further in public. I don’t understand why I’m getting such pushback from the attorneys and the therapist. Again,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 10:55 AM |
| 6 | For those who divorced an NPD/BPD woman with children-were you made to feel as though greyrocking was a form of abuse and bad for the kids?Just to clarify we’ve never been to court-we settled it all with our attorneys. The incident I referred to was just the four of us sitting at a conference table. What I resent is the attorneys urging both of us to “just get along” and to “do it for the kids”-in other words act as though we are friendly when in public as if we’re two petulant children holding a silly grudge at each other. To this I simply ask, would a female survivor of domestic abuse/violence be asked to do the same? Of course n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 03:16 AM |
| 3 | For those who divorced an NPD/BPD woman with children-were you made to feel as though greyrocking was a form of abuse and bad for the kids?I just can’t do it…and neither can my GF. She wants to come up to both of us and act like we’re best friends after all that she’s done to us. The worst part is she and her BF have befriended a couple on their block who are a blended family with kids on both sides. Apparently the ex husband, new husband, ex wife and new wife are all buddy buddy and hang out together all the time like some big weird polygamist commune. My ex has blabbed to me about it and how wonderful it is, meanwhile if I wasn’t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 02:59 AM |
| 6 | Toxicity vs. Normal Marital Struggles?In response to your second paragraph: TOTALLY THE SAME. It’s as if we were married to the same woman. In response to the second paragraph: Not at all. First, we don’t “argue” but we do talk through things, the difference is we come at it from a place of wanting to solve a problem rather than be defensive or to “win” or score points in some game. It hasn’t been easy either-we are blending five kids between us which has no shortage of challenges, plus the challenges posed by our crazy exs. We are … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 11:44 PM |
| 1 | Toxicity vs. Normal Marital Struggles?Unfortunately it’s work to be in a normal healthy relationship after dealing with a toxically mentally ill individual. Fortunately I found a woman much like myself in terms of personality who was married to pretty much the male version of my NPD/BPD ex so we both had similar trauma, had both felt trapped and had both longed for something else. We found it with each other and nearly three years in it is the loving, caring, supportive and equal relationship we had both always hoped for. Also, both… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 10:50 PM |
| 20 | Why isn’t this more well known?Preach, brother…I’ve posted on here many times about my batshit N/BPD ex and seem to get only responses from guys who went through a run of the mill divorce with some relatively normal woman who “fell out of love” or just got bored. This woman thinks nothing of using my the kids against me, has tried to destroy my current healthy, supportive, loving and egalitarian relationship multiple times because she cannot stand the loss of control (ie: having to deal with me having a partner that I consult… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 02:36 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?It’s obvious that whatever your situation was you were not dealing with a mentally ill abusive ex who was in turn training your daughter to end up the same way. Thanks for the advice but it’s not really applicable to my situation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 07:55 PM |
| 2 | Realizing My Wife Emotionally Abuse MeReading through this is helpful to know that I’m not alone but I’d love to know how some of you are making out now that you’re divorced. My BPD/N ex is physically out of my life in that she’s living elsewhere but she is still attempting to abuse and control me by leveraging my children whenever she can. For those of you who have children with your abusive ex, how is it going? My biggest worry is that I see my oldest daughter beginning to behave just like my ex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 07:50 PM |
| 5 | Was this a mistake ?Just curious…I’ve heard this so many times and it seems like the narrative is always that it’s BOTH parties who can’t put aside petty differences and how terrible that is for the kids etc…as a result I went into my divorce committed to trying to be amicable and be “friends” with my ex. What I discovered (as many men have) is that my ex is (and always was) a horribly abusive narcissist possibly also exhibiting BPD. You can’t reason with these people and the only way that you can be “civil” with t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 07:34 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?Yes I’m familiar with the strategy of liquidate your assets and run up six figure debts to win the right to have full custody of your kids in a refrigerator box. It’s bizarre…it’s another instance of where the middle class gets totally fucked in that if you’re poor to begin with you get free legal services plus you have nothing to fight over anyway. If you’re rich divorce court is literally sport where you spend hundreds of thousands with no real impact on your quality of life and you just bitch… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 06:46 PM |
| 2 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?It’s the trying to fight within a system that’s designed to grind men and fathers into the dirt that’s difficult. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 06:26 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?Apologies because I’m still a little salty over the “grow a spine” comment, but this is an amateurish response. Again-my daughter is emulating the crazy BPD/Narcissist behavior that her mother models. If you ever had experience with these kinds of people you would know that you can’t simply explain things to them. My ex is impenetrable-my daughter isn’t there yet and I’m trying to figure out how to intervene. As far as telling her she could stay with her mother that would be seized upon by my ex… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 06:25 PM |
| 13 | Has anyone’s Ex-wife ever apologized for putting them through hell?I used to want an apology-now I just want consequences. I want her to end up alone and miserable as a result of her treating the new BF and our children the way she treated me. Once that happens I’ll be at peace. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 06:17 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?Define “grow a spine.” Again, I am not going to verbally abuse my daughter or hit her so if that’s your definition that’s a non-starter. She has learned from the worst (her mother)-she will continue to escalate to the point where it would have to get physical ie: forcing her to stay in her room as punishment. Her mother used to pull the same shit but luckily I have enough self control to never lay a hand on her even when she hit me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 05:57 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?Because it would simply end in an ugly and expensive he said she said with my daughters caught in the middle. My ex is an awful person but she’s not a filthy illiterate crack whore living in a trailer-she’s a white (publicly) well spoken professional with a masters degree who lives in a $600K house with a boyfriend who is about the same. Not to mention If made a complaint I’d probably end up in jail because it would be somehow construed as me harassing her. I’d love to hear of someone in a simil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 05:51 PM |
| 2 | What do you do when you’ve walled off your ex but your daughter has become her stand-in?Ok-a little more detail here: My ex is/was relentless and my daughter has learned to be as well. My ex will be very quick to tell me how “they don’t behave that way at her house” but that’s because my ex will not hesitate to savagely attack and belittle them verbally (calling them psychopaths, assholes, ungrateful little bitches, etc…) and physically-she will not hesitate to slap them across the face. I will not do any of these things-I try not to even raise my voice at them, but the therapist h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/24 03:37 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone know of an app or some function in iOS that allows you to export an entire text thread to PDF or some other printable format?So I paid $60 for it and no matter what I do I can’t export anything. I have a blank 115GB USB DRIVE and it keeps telling me that I don’t have enough storage…the entire iPhone is only 64GB so how could just the messages be more than 115GB!? The help tutorial has been no use either…any suggestions? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/24 10:28 PM |
| 5 | The Gym is NOT the Answer for Everyone…and Could Even be Dangerous…Actually the gym IS for everyone in some form or another. Divorce is a circumstance that makes a lot of men hit the gym or go back to it for the first time since playing scholastic sports, but the reality is that EVERYONE should be trying to achieve the best level of fitness they can at EVERY stage of life whether that’s just walking on a treadmill or lifting heavy. I went back to the gym at 39 after my divorce and now at 42 I’m in better shape than I was at 22 coming off of my drunken college y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/23 08:36 PM |
| 3 | Privacy of communication with kids through devices?The phone was bought by me and the monthly bill is paid by me-essentially the question is if I have my daughter change the passcode can I get a judge to tell my ex that she’s not entitled to it and it sounds like the answer is yes. We’ve been separated for nearly four years and we have a draft divorce agreement that I was ready to sign but my exs psychotic controlling behavior of late is driving away my long term girlfriend. My girlfriend is a therapist herself who works with children and has to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 10:31 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone here have experience with a court monitored texting app? How do I force her to use it? How much does it cost?How do you deal with the constant manipulation when they’re with her? When I’m at now is yes they see this as a safe place but that often means that their emotions run wild here…they know that no matter what I will not scream at or belittle them, call them names or hit them whereas she rules with an iron fist through fear and intimidation. Are your boys in therapy? If so did she fight you and how did you overcome that? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 07:48 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone here have experience with a court monitored texting app? How do I force her to use it? How much does it cost?I get what you’re saying. I’m 42 years old-first in my family to go to college and I’ve done ok having built a life through a white collar career…the divorce hit just as I had pretty much reached top earning potential in my field, about $200K. I am actually a bit of an outlier and most in my profession top out around $150-$160 but aside from COLA type increases there’s nowhere else to go from here and I’m a bit old to try to start over in something else. It’s just scary to think about having to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 07:25 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone here have experience with a court monitored texting app? How do I force her to use it? How much does it cost?Totally get it…just trying to figure out what it will cost me-what meager savings I have? My truck, my house, etc…? I have a lawyer who is $450 an hour but to date I’ve only spent about $3000 for him and his associates (at a lower rate) to draft an agreement and other mundane stuff. Fighting dirty to win in court sounds great but what does it cost? Right now I live I a nice house in an affluent area with great schools (same town as my kids not even 10 minutes away), a decent amount of land, etc…… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 07:14 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone here have experience with a court monitored texting app? How do I force her to use it? How much does it cost?Also unfortunately she is smart enough to stay off of social media and as far as I know she does not trash me to anyone else besides maybe her own family. We live in a fairly tight knit community and had a lot of mutual friends so it would get back to me. She projects a very convincing image that it’s an entirely amicable split and we’re both living our best lives. Meanwhile behind the scenes she accuses me of all kinds of abuse, says that I’m a piece of shit father, calls my girlfriend a whore … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 05:40 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone here have experience with a court monitored texting app? How do I force her to use it? How much does it cost?Sounds easy but I’ve been led to believe that what you just said will take many many months in court and thousands of dollars to accomplish and that the system is so biased against men/fathers that the judge will likely tell me to go jump in a lake at the end. I live in NJ if that makes a difference. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/23 04:30 PM |
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