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HappyCoconutty Archive

View 0 posts and 209 comments by HappyCoconutty on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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187

FYI: due to smart phones, the average age a kid first watches hardcore porn is now age 10, as in 5th grade. I know of little girls who started their porn addiction at age 11 and now at age 14 their brain is fucked and their parents have spent thousands on rehab program but they are still having dopamine, depression and impulse issues. Hardcore porn is on Twitter (the new tumblr for porn gifs), Instagram, TikTok, WhatsApp, etc so you don’t even need to use a phone browser. Tons of parents are goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 06:25 PM
45

I am in my late 30s, happily married with a child I adore to bits. But I can attest that absolutely nothing beats the time that I was living alone in my 20s. Please savor and relish in it if you have it. I’m currently trying to save up for a she shed in the backyard so that I can feel this splendor again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 02:34 AM
28

About 18 years ago, I took an ethnic studies course and one of the instructors taught a few lessons about looking critically at race in both heterosexual and queer porn and it was very informative. It didn’t glamorize or support the porn industry, it focused more on the fact that the industry exists and influences people, so let’s examine what impact it has.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:58 PM
0

Replying to my own post because u/saddestpandabutt asked what it is that I do because they feel as though my husband does everything but their post seems to be blocked by the auto mod. The answer: more than him, in addition to working full time out of the house while he works from home for shorter hours, no commute, no work attire, and a lax schedule. I do all the organizing systems of our 4 bd/ba house so that our daily routine functions well, including all closets and storage contraptions. Dai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 02:56 AM
13

I have a 4 year old and my husband does 100% of the daily dishes, all the sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and all the yard work - unprompted and on time. He does a lot of this with our 4 year old and he is also the breadwinner. I do NOT consider him high value for this (I married him before FDS existed). I think I would have thought this was a HVM characteristic had I seen pictures of him doing this before I had a kid, simply because the bar is so low to be considered an outstanding dad and partner…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 12:29 PM
32

If it’s corner stores or laundry mats, it’s likely that the girls get harassed by customers a lot and requested that their guy friends or boyfriends be there for safety. I feel the creeps just going in corner stores to get a pack of gum, I would not feel good working there solo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 03:40 PM
240

Or he didn’t even pause to think about her levels of intelligence, if any, at all. It’s her body and willingness that mattered to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 03:46 PM
1

I understand this as an 80s baby but what does that have to do with the 1980s price of daycare and college that these men are still holding on to? Many of them were part of Head Start for childcare and got Pell and State grants during undergrad large enough to cover all tuition needs. So they operate as if the world still works this way, that since their parents could afford 4 kids they can too. Not realizing the both daycare and public college tuition rates have exponentially sky rocketed to ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 12:44 PM
1

Big boom in daycare didn’t happen till the 1980s, what period are you referring to?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 12:03 AM
112

Rae, the one who says that she needs to get married because she “cooks, cleans, stays in the gym and f*cks really good” was begging to get married to Zay, a man with no degree, no family, a history of childhood trauma, poor conflict resolution skills, no money, and no apartment/home. She was literally proud to be a bang maid for a hobo who refuses to even acknowledge her on his Instagram. And wanted to be attached to him for life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 11:41 PM
97

I’ve heard this so much from college educated men when I bring up the projected cost of public college tuition. Just because you got needs-based grants or an athletic scholarship in your youth does not guarantee your offspring will. And they shouldn’t have to rely on that - if your parents were working class, you need to be middle class and your kids should not struggle as much as you did. If your plan is to load your 18 year old child up with student loans, don’t be a dad! Get a dog, that’s wha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 04:45 AM
290

Red flags: sucks at domestic labor and being respectful when his own biological needs are not being met and his stress levels are high. needs hours of distraction time to decompress from stress (phone scrolling, video games, take your pick). Whereas a lot of guys who are runners/bikers will use healthier means of pushing out all that cortisol so that they can get back to sharing the load at home. has no sense of using organization/systems/calendar for social life or family obligation now with hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 02:43 AM
220

I do not know a single respectful woman who thinks Russell is a square and Future is a catch. These podcast men are the only ones saying that. Their main pain point was that they strongly believe that single moms are worthless and shouldn’t feel like they deserve a man of means once they have had another man’s child. Russell not only adored Ciara but became a stellar dad to her son and it kills these podcast men (who probably all have faced a good amount of rejection from their father figures). …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 02:32 AM
12

You have to get it excused at the root with an expert surgeon who specializes in this, not just a regular gyno who also does other things. You need a surgeon only because they can recognize adhesions and endo tissue that others can’t see. The women who need repeat surgery are the ones who just get the top layer lasered off so that it grows back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 07:54 PM
118

Re: traditional marriage I’ve been reading a book about actual 1950s housewives and it’s not what people think it is. The women were not dolled up unless they were going to work, which many women did before they had kids. The husband didn’t come home to a dolled up wife and a hot plate. Most came home for lunch and got a dry ass sandwich. They actually ate really poorly seasoned food for dinner and many didn’t have fridges/freezers so they had to grocery shop every day. After work, the husband h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:04 AM
87

They are toddlers???? Who takes a shower while watching any kid under the age of 8?? Toddlers’s brains are wired for interactive and sensory play, it’s the adults’s job to redirect them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:31 AM
39

Right, something tells me that the dad provided a lot of the basis for the curriculum and mom knew she was not going to tolerate her sons replicating that. I applaud this mom, she needs to share this with us. There’s so many of my #bOyMoM friends and family I’d gift it to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 11:46 PM
98

If anyone wants to read more about how this structure was created so that poor white men could have the same leisure time as rich men and how wives were used to replace actual slave labor, please read Brigid Schulte’s book called “Overwhelm” https://www.amazon.com/Overwhelmed-Work-Love-Play-When/dp/1250062381 The title makes you think it’s some self help book but once you crack it open, you see how it’s more research and social science based. She looks at historical models and discuss what works…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 04:38 PM
156

She’s selling herself short by charging only 50k. Hospital bills, 6 months of newborn daycare, pumping or formula are already going to cost over $20k. She is going to miss out on an additional $45k in salary on the short term but on the long term she will be delayed in promotions, retirement and overall earning capability till that baby becomes a 2nd grader. I wish my husband and I had an older sister to reach out to and crunch these numbers with in a binder. Our daughter is 4 now but we would h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:05 PM
318

She was so damn poetic with it. You could tell it didn’t stress her out at all, her boundaries are strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 03:06 AM
12

Many men partners who are very close with their partners AND also take on a good share of newborn childcare do experience a drop in testosterone, which can feel like depression. The thing is, a good chunk of men seem to feel stressed about newborn care but don’t help and still want their wives to soothe their stress. Also, OP, if you are thinking about kids, please read “Fair Play” by Eve Rodsky to see what’s in store for you, even or especially with a hIgH VaLuE mALe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:24 PM
176

Friendly clarification that your job and coworkers will absolutely screw you over like this. But your efforts towards your career development and what you pour into yourself is a type of self love that is loyal and a good place to rest in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 08:07 PM
15

Her laughter did it for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:08 PM
89

These are men who believe in their own greatness so much for merely existing. You have to question what type of society reinforces this sense of grand entitlement
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:36 PM
20

Many of us DO learn the most basic cooking skills once we leave our parents’ house, especially if your own parents didn’t cook often or you grew up with a lot of hired help. I don’t see the point of shaming someone for how they were parented. Turning on a gas stove is different than an electric one. My mother was paranoid about house fires and gas leaking so she only allowed me to bake things. We are in the U.S. but from a POC culture that didn’t eat simple easy things like pasta, and cooking wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 03:00 PM
18

If I reward my dog with treats after he chews up my shoes, what does that reinforce? If I treat my daughter like a Queen after she misbehaved at school instead of discussing and addressing the root issues, what does that reinforce? So what will rewarding thoughtlessness, laziness, and self centeredness reinforce?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 02:27 PM
69

I went thru a really frugal period while I was trying to strive for a bigger savings account and retire early. My then boyfriend and I started talking about getting engaged and wedding planning. I guess I had some pickme tendencies still because I wanted to be less of a burden and wanted a low cost ring, a court house ceremony with a small 20-30 person dinner at a restaurant. It was different, it felt more private and I wouldn’t have to feel bad about living up to other ridiculous wedding standa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 02:15 PM
165

What I find so bizarre about the men’s comments in that Twitter thread (and similar comments made by 60-70 year old colleagues at work) is that they say they were in love with a girl, head over heels, tingles on the skin, etc. making you think it was this passionate relationship. Only to find out they didn’t even date, he confessed his feelings and was rejected by her and that was that. Sir, that is NOT love, you had a crush. You cannot be in love or in a relationship with someone who doesn’t re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 06:37 AM
315

Don’t pass the weak chin genetics down to your kids ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 01:17 AM
125

A lot of the mom podcasts focus on this issue quite a bit. In Eve Rodsky’s “Fair Play”, her research showed that even married couples who work the same profession and hours, say a pediatrician husband and a pediatrician wife had severe unequal distributions of labor. When their child got sick or needed something attended to at school, these husbands always said the wife needed to handle it because “she has more time than me”. It’s an issue of valuing time, we treat women’s time as though it is i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 04:46 PM
29

My partners have always treated me well when I was sick or recovering from surgery. However, I found that the true test is how he treats you while both of you are unwell, especially if his illness is milder. Does he still expect you to take care of both of you? Does he feel his illness means he needs to completely forget you exist? Who walks the dogs? Who orders the food? These are all questions you need answers to before a baby comes and sleep deprives both of you. Because most men treat their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 03:46 AM
14

So while we are pregnant we are supposed to be careful about listeria, salmonella, lettuce, egg yolks, sushi and all sources of bacteria but it’s fine and healthy for us to suck on something covered in sweaty bacteria and centimeters from a hairy ass crack that probably only gets wiped with dry ass toilet paper and not even a bidet???? We have been conditioned to care more about a husband’s sense of “spontaneity” than the health of our own child??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 03:40 AM
215

Oh look, a post about 20 demons. I feel so bad for my young daughter yall. What type of world is this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 09:23 PM
36

For that building, the only terrace was on the 29th floor. Everything else is just smooth glass with windows that don’t open all the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:02 AM
65

She said she is a contract worker and I know that since Covid started spreading, contract nurses have been making insane amounts with huge signing bonuses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 01:35 PM
9

Interesting. I follow some of the surgeons on the Nook list and I like the new research they post, how it is associated with autoimmune disorders and wheat reaction. I enjoyed the library of research in the NN group and also believe that excision surgery is the best option for treatment and that it should absolutely be subsidized and paid for like vaccines are. I don’t like that the first line of treatment is BC. Have people who got surgery from a Nook doctor stated that their pain came back yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:47 PM
9

How would you say Nancy’s Nook problematic? I’m genuinely curious, I’m in the Nook group but haven’t logged in there in years. Once I got my endometriosis excised by one of their approved surgeons my new life started and I never looked back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:01 PM
16

I’m a mom to an almost 4 year old and my body doesn’t look all that different after birth but it certainly functions different despite months of physical therapy. I have a handful of tiny stretchmarks on my hips which are way less than what I got everywhere else during puberty. Pregnancy and breastfeeding for 22 months didn’t change the appearance of my body as much as stress from a house renovation and raising a toddler solo during the pandemic did. It’s the stress and inflammation that’s the i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:08 PM
6

Thank you, this is great and should be stickied. I’m glad your kids had good naps and sleep times. Mine was always a terrible sleeper till age 3.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 04:00 AM
15

In inspired and have some questions I’m hoping you can help with: how did you teach English online with 3 young kids running around? how did you afford 3 daycares/preschools? how did you address affordable individual counseling?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 03:26 AM
38

Same. I keep a running online wishlist, both for myself and for family and friends to use. It makes Christmas time for that side of the family easy and now they all use it too. My husband also doesn’t limit himself to the list but since it changes throughout the year, you can tell what phase I’m in and he buys additional items that he finds to help support that phase. It helps the family learn about each other’s new hobbies. This also means that my husband gets me gifts throughout the year, not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 03:51 PM
24

The gross flip side of this is all the men who hit on you during your pregnancy because they have a fetish. I have heard men talk about how pregnancy can feel warmer or better for their pee pee and also how they immediately think “no condom” when they see an attractive pregnant woman. There is a whole subsection of pregnancy porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:12 PM
18

Thank you for the new name I can use for these man. We certainly have this in South Asian culture and I see glimpses of this in some middle eastern cultures (but I think they end up getting married anyway due to cultural practices).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 12:30 AM
21

Can you expand on the empty branch concept. I don’t get it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 09:08 PM
1

I don’t practice Islam. My parents, like most upper class Bangladeshi families in the 1980s, were never religious like Pakistanis were. It was a response to how Pakistanis tried to use religion to control us during the decades prior. My dad and his father are both out atheists. My parents allowed me to explore Buddhism and attend a Christian church during my exploration phase (I’m firmly agnostic now but am enjoying learning about Hinduism). I don’t think my parents have attended a mosque in dec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:33 PM
3

I just want to clarify that my parents truly are liberal. This meant that they often chose to take themselves out of Desi community events - they were outcasted or simply lost their patience for small minded gossip. My dad dated all sorts of races in Europe and has close friends from all backgrounds. He is the person that introduced me to social justice activism by taking me to my first protest. My mom took African American studies classes in undergrad for history and litand most of her American…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:07 PM
8

I’m Bangladeshi American and my parents are considered to be “liberal” when it comes to social practices. But I know of many Desi American girls here who are in upper middle class or from rich families who got sent back to South Asia against their will once they were caught dating a boy or even just talking to one on the phone. And sometimes not even in the city with cousins but in the village to do manual labor. My brother’s wife was a law school graduate but couldn’t move to another state for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:48 PM
14

When I read the women’s accounts of how it happened, both talked about how they dismissed red flags because he was this icon figure in pop culture and both were flattered by his attention even though he was 60 years old. I hated the way Carrie’s character chased after him while he was a dick to her. The show made him seem desirable even while his character was a jerk and for such a popular show, that was the wrong message. He also has a Black woman fetish and I know about a few instances where h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 02:42 PM
23

Girl, your man is too inconsiderate to be someone’s parent. Don’t do this to your future kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:08 PM
51

I don’t send thank you cards to my husband’s side of the family, he is welcome to my stationary though. I don’t coordinate family photoshoots. I don’t volunteer to bring home cooked food to office parties, I make a beeline to volunteer for the utensils or paper plates or just chip in money towards the birthday cake. I do not think about or participate in office party planning meetings, I show up. I do not cook food for the housewarming cause I cook 60 times a week already. I want to enjoy the ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:04 PM
15

This needs to be stickied
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 04:58 PM
215

In most well established pre-schools, the toys are for everyone. So there is almost always a wooden kitchen and food toys and I see both boys and girls play with it because…. Both boys and girls eat and watch their parents prepare food. My 3 year old daughter is tired of her play kitchen and we are making room for a big tent and camping set so I asked my sister in law if she wanted the kitchen (white and grey) for her toddler son and she said no. Why? She said boys need to play with grills inste…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 04:55 PM
63

It seems like he threatens her with divorce because he feels she isn’t doing enough for him. And his health sucks. I hope she does divorce him and finally lives in freedom. The column answer seemed to indicate that the divorce judge would rule in her favor anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 09:52 PM
13

My husband was the oldest of 4 and pretty much treated as the third parent in that culture. He had amazing caretaking experience and patience, and was a wonderful partner with me while we took care of senior rescue dogs with high needs. I was with him for 14 years of this before we had our first child. He was sooo eager and excited to be a dad, did a bunch of research, went to every single doctor appointment. He also tended to do majority of the housework at home. I had no reason to suspect any …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 05:03 PM
44

Every guy I know who has expressed similar things all have this weird belly pouch and and atrophied leg muscles. My cousin’s husband started getting on her every night during her third trimester because her pregnant belly was bigger than all their other friends’ wives bellies during their pregnancy. My cousin, who was already very skinny, then started dieting and stressing and baby ended up coming out premature in a traumatic labor. She started trying to lose weight right after birth and lost he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 08:58 PM
57

Having some conversations with your kids is not enough. I don’t plan to give my daughter a smart phone till she is in late high school, she can use other types of cell phones in the meantime. I also introduced her to sports early and I hope she finds joy in her body’s capabilities beyond how they appeal to men. But most of all, there needs to be laws around kids and apps. Especially with all the vicious bullying (a lot of it is sexual) and the average age of being exposed to smartphone porn bein…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 04:18 AM
159

Did your mom treat him as a golden child too? My mom treated me very poorly and absolutely coddled my brother. But every cancer treatment and surgery she requested I take off work, drive three hours and take care of her. This entails more than nursing, it’s a lot of cleaning and house prepping. My golden child brother never helped once. But he did go to the bars with pick up lines about how stressed and sad he was about his mom having cancer. And girls seem to eat it right up. He made his mom’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 06:00 PM
16

The accuracy of this post
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:38 PM
63

She needs to teach a masterclass
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:36 PM
153

I would so rather redecorate a magazine worthy house and grow a beautiful garden than be slapped, financially drained and cheated on. It seems like she was always a compliant daughter and did everything right like a “good girl”. Being a good Desi girl doesn’t protect you. Your culture will not protect you. “Traditional” customs will not protect you. Your income and your self love will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:32 PM
198

My girlfriends and I were never obsessive about the ring. However, I remember the first Christmas party after my now husband and I got engaged - all his high school and college guy friends were excitedly talking about diamonds, jewelers and why they chose what they did. It was like they were talking about their new house purchases or investment portfolio. I knew nothing about diamonds and don’t wear jewelry but at that point, I understood how middle class (and higher) men view each other’s capab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 05:20 PM
154

Yep, he admitted that his family makes bad jokes and they didn’t like how princessy his last girl was. So he prioritized his family’s racial comfort over his girlfriend’s ethnic needs, after all the discrimination that Black women go thru due to hair. He went behind her back to control this, and then went and got his friends in on his racism to ease his guilt. And now wonders why she asked for space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:39 AM
29

In the comments he said that she is biracial with very curly hair and it always looks nice so she doesn’t need this towel. He also asked a bunch of his female friends who I assume have straight hair about it and supposedly they all think it’s weird to have a separate hair towel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:22 AM
232

Why is he asking so many of his friends? In the comments he asked his guy friends and girl friends and they all supposedly said it was weird to have a separate towel for hair. The girlfriend is biracial with curly hair, how much we wanna bet all his friends he asked all have straight hair?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:19 AM
845

In the comments he shared that his girlfriend is biracial and has very curly hair
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:17 AM
187

The playboy lifestyle (or attempts at it) are immediately followed by the “rogaine lifestyle” and the “corporate belly” lifestyles. You should have tried to find a wife and true partnership when you were actually attractive. Now all you can do is hope to pull some goal diggers with your mediocre salary and your hopeful crypto, and pray they don’t leave you after you get laid off. Good luck stewing in resentment against all women for the next 50 years. Stress kills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 09:05 PM
9

You would be correct, there is a lot of research that indicates men waaaay overhype their contribution towards childcare and domestic duties (and those go hand in hand with me cause children are messy). They end up getting upset if they end up having to come anything close to 50%, that’s when they start saying shit like how they do ALL the parenting and why you see moms only getting a day to themselves when kids are teens (and that’s usually on Mother’s Day or something).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:16 PM
9

He means that when he has free time left over, he uses 50% of it to be in the presence of his kids while playing on his phone and tolerating them while they tear up the house. He wOrKs HaRd and needs his rest, okay?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:12 PM
21

He doesn’t explain if the pictures were taken before she met him, only that he saw them right now and it punched him in the gut.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 03:01 PM
131

She is definitely conventionally attractive. It’s his way of saying “I pull such beautiful chicks that I consider this one to be below my normal standards”. Abusive and psycho as hell. The type of man that want compliments and approval from other men about their roster or lineup of women. Sir, please go on with your dude friends and use them for sex. Leave women alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 06:02 PM
72

In the endometriosis support groups there are tons of women who talk about their male OBGYNs not believing their degree of pain and prescribing useless meds or suggesting therapy instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:15 AM
60

Ever since I became an FDS member and a married mom, I cannot stand a good portion of posts on that sub, however well intentioned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:22 AM
72

As someone who breastfed and pumped, in your first 4 months, your breasts will engorge and hurt (and possibly get really painful blocked milk ducts) if you don’t get the milk out of it every few hours. So even if father of the baby was doing all the bottles, mother would still be woken up by breast discomfort every 2-3 hours and pump just to get some relief. Please believe that if men were the ones who breastfed, we would have had the funding to create portable breast pumps that suction and stor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:28 PM
471

He isn’t posting a pic cause he isn’t proud of her and doesn’t care that this gesture is meaningful to her. He will try to say he doesn’t care about social media, but it’s the opposite. If he didn’t care, it wouldn’t be an issue to post it or claim her online, but he cares a lot about how he is perceived. He thinks he can do better but has settled for her in the meantime for whatever tax or housing benefits. I bet he tries to hide her in certain social circles too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:19 PM
38

If they only knew. My 3 year old daughter absolutely runs my husband. She’s got the real power in the house
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 05:24 AM
93

“We can’t call them pedophiles because it makes people think they are rapists when some of them have not raped yet”. I don’t think it’s a sexuality, I think there is choice and social conditioning involved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 09:44 PM
723

As a brown woman, I was always turned off by men of color who had a pattern of seeking white women or lighter women outside of their race. These men didn’t even need to vocalize their internal self hate to me, their history was enough. So, please don’t think any of us are hurt about missing out on these types. I’m confident and proud of my ethnic identity, I can’t tolerate being with someone who is struggling with hating his own community, that’s rehab work for a therapist to sort out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:41 AM
117

Sounds like he is eating terribly. His toilet habits are extreme, even for IBS-D. I bet he doesn’t follow any of the dietary restrictions recommended for his condition and feels this is something normal to subject a spouse to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 04:29 PM
374

My father in law, a pretty well off guy, started dating my step mother in law when she was 29 and he was 51 (and my husband, his eldest son, was 25). He lied to her and said he was 35 and that he only had 3 kids (my husband’s youngest siblings). He never mentioned my husband and at this point, had a falling out with him so my husband was not invited for holidays. A few years go by and they decide to get married and she is making a guest list for their expensive wedding and asks who <my husband’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 11:12 PM
26

I’m sorry, but the way a man cares for pets, younger siblings, nieces and nephews, etc will absolutely not be an accurate indicator of how he is as a married parent. Ask me how I know. Not trying to bring you down, I just want you to be aware so that you can prepare. Here is a thread with my comment on this: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qed98q/comment/hhsi3b9/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:48 PM
60

Solidarity. I know millennial dads who are close to their spouses experience a big drop in testosterone after child birth, but I wasn’t prepared for what drops in T look like for men. And this is with a guy who does majority of the cleaning, has a great salary, doesn’t partake in video games or porn, and is very dependable. Idk how women with lazy husbands make it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 12:27 AM
127

There’s a reason why the level of stress in the marriage during first 2 years of baby is the same level of stress you experience when a spouse dies. A lawyer friend (also married to a lawyer) recommended this book to me called “How Not to Hate Your Husband After Having a Baby” or something like that. It’s a best seller, I totally see why. She comes thru with stats and solutions that I won’t get into here. But read it and prepare yourself. But also, all you saying to see how a man is with kids, n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 10:22 PM
7

It’s important for me to say that if you are a domestic violence victim (or think you may be) and this post or series makes you feel like social services are impossible and can’t help you, just know that it varies by state. As does the housing/shelter situation you saw in the series. Please do not stay stuck in a dangerous situation, especially with pre-primary kids, because you think you will have no help. The DV shelters in my state have online chat 24/7, and especially through Covid, have rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 05:25 PM
59

On behalf of kids whose moms weren’t protective enough, don’t feel guilty. You taught the teacher a valuable experience and you were not inappropriate in your tone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 03:21 PM
48

Gonna print this out and frame it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 09:36 PM
38

My daughter is just a toddler now, and I feel like with the lower fertility rates and mostly people in poverty having most of the kids (who grow up thinking dysfunction is normal), the chances of her finding a decent, equally yoked guy to date (not even marry) are very very slim. Don’t get me started on how some of my “#BoYmOM” friends are raising their sons. We are also seeing huge gaps in literacy rates between boys and girls by 3rd grade. What the hell is going on?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 06:45 AM
48

Look up Japanese or Chinese scalp treatments/massages on YouTube. You know that wonderful feeling when the hairdresser washes your hair? This is 10 times better and they use all sorts of water droppers and oils and scalp massages. It’s better than sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:09 PM
51

I have so many instances of older men exhibiting predatory behavior when I was in my teens and I never felt attracted or flattered, just grossed out. NONE of them were attractive and ALL had the audacity. When I was 15 and the bus took me to the wrong neighborhood, a 34 year old man who lived in a nearby house kept trying to get my number and followed me for blocks despite me saying no a few dozen times. I was 16 when a classmate’s older cousin came to a high school sports event and saw me. He w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:28 PM
58

I agree with you. Just wanted to clarify that size of breasts have nothing to do with breastfeeding ability and that many of my A-cup friends had excellent milk quantity. Meanwhile my DD cup self struggled to produce. ETA cause I got a comment that mods deleted : I’m not saying big breasts = poor lactation, I’m saying size has nothing to do with lactation volume. Thyroid, latch, prolactin hormones, etc all have an impact on quantity but not size.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:16 PM
10

How frequently will you two visit each other? I thrived off long distance. There were no concerns about infidelity but we were both older and very committed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 03:17 PM
45

You are one of my people. We switched to glass and bamboo only food containers years ago, don’t have carpet in our house, only get free range eggs/grass fed beef, etc. Didn’t even let my toddler use plastic food plates, she learned to use steel, glass and bamboo just fine. My in laws make fun of me for being picky about my daughter’s lunch box and taking too long to find the right one but I suffered from pcos and Endometriosis too much to allow endocrine disrupters into her bloodstream.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 10:32 PM
33

For real! Like you are dealing with a very fragile and anxious person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 03:24 AM
119

She confirmed she is already seeing a man. Word is that it is a white millionaire in Silicone Valley, which means she will be close to her grand kids. Win win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 11:53 PM
74

I wanna see his response. Sucks when a mirror is held up to your face huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 04:10 PM
9

They do. And they respond with “iT dOeSn’t MeAn HiS mEsSaGe Is WrOng!” And other renditions of him supposedly stating facts about women, obesity, and wages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:34 PM
13

It actually explains a lot, both times the women left him and he couldn’t pull his weight financially. He is always talking in his videos about how women are to blame for all the divorces and they need to marry their baby’s father instead of trying to date other people. His basis is that Black women earn more than Black men overall, and that there are numerically more Black women alive today so Black women need to marry down and accept Black men who don’t earn a lot. His whole presence online is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:42 PM
31

If you want to laugh without driving up his view count, go to his LinkedIn page. It reads like a Boomer who wants to sound like he actually has a legit career but is really a 5 year old instead. He is constantly talking on his videos about how high value Black men make 120k a year and have an extensive professional network but it’s obvious that he doesn’t because he lists a free speaking engagement he did for college students 10 years ago as an accomplishment. He cannot list any image consulting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 01:51 PM
19

When I first met my husband in college, I was really impressed at how well he cooked. He cooked for me 6 months before I ever cooked for him. 17 years later, he will do quick cook meals for our toddler, but will munch on cereal and snacks till I can get home and cook a substantial meal. His dad is the same, a phenomenal cook when he was single, but once he married his 3rd wife, he binges on granola bars till wife gets home. Why are they like this with food prep? Edit: Except for “GrILLing MeAt O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 04:44 PM
171

Not y’all being surprised he was a scrote. He was a bad smelling, poor hygiene practicing, serial cheating, research credit stealing, dead bedroom scrote. https://medium.com/@editors_91459/turns-out-einstein-was-a-cold-hearted-misogynist-who-attempted-to-control-his-wifes-every-move-c3f1ff70bf8c
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 04:16 AM
177

The sperm banks don’t want your sperm. The women your age don’t want your receding hairline and pot belly. The women younger than you don’t want your ED. The women even younger than them want your money but don’t want to touch you or be seen with you by their friends. How embarrassing. The only people who want you are your mom and your male colleagues. Please stick with them and leave the rest of the women population alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:32 PM
31

“What do you and your family bring to the table so that my mom can run your life and crush your mental health enough so that you are happy to be my servant. Please have a PhD so that my offspring can have good intellectual pedigree but don’t you dare think about prioritizing your career or goals before mine or before parenthood. Please also have no requirements for hairlines, belly bulge, or social empathy”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 07:12 PM
14

I would like a South Asian/Desi American woman to share if they have ever been asked this question by members of their culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:45 PM
63

My husband did (and still does) 90% of the chores when I was pregnant. He went to all the scans and emergency room visits with me (high risk pregnancy). He took paternity leave and worked from home after. AND STILL his life did not dramatically flip upside down like mine due to parenthood. He would have had to do all his chores anyway if he was single. Unlike me, he didn’t have lactating breasts that woke him up every 2 hours, he had the nerve to complain about being tired because he got 6 hours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 09:31 PM
59

Self respecting dudes feel really uncomfortable when you try to pay for them. They feel emasculate and disempowered. Bums, however, will love it and feel like it’s a green light to exploit you. Or that you are very very desperate and must REALLY like them, more than they like you. Which makes them lose attraction but still keep you around to use you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:00 PM
328

I would say that his family also sucks. What affluent family acts like this? Every family outing my family had organized, they made sure that everyone had enough servings and seconds and desserts. If we knew someone’s girlfriend or school friend wasn’t well off, we would go out of our way to make sure the person’s bill was always taken care of and they never felt socially isolated. His parents are the asshole and it looks like, based on his defensive comments, he likes being a socially awkward a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 12:43 AM
63

No, loaning the money to her so that she can vacation with his affluent family is low value behavior. Being so out of touch with how much your girlfriend struggles to keep up with you or letting her work a second job after an already exhausting first job just to be with your family is low value as hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 12:30 AM
111

I waited till 35 to have a baby with my husband, who does majority of the cleaning and makes six figures. But we live in a low value male dominated culture, much of which our workforce and especially working women have internalized. The nature of American middle class child raising culture (breastfeeding, getting up with baby at night, not excessive daycare with strangers, entering preschool waitlist competitions, having to stay home with baby every time they get sick at pre school, making the m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 11:32 PM
9

You are understanding it. Or he is pissed that he thinks the girl is turned on by someone else
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 03:35 AM
30

I love this video she did too: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMhmf1CF5hf/?utm_medium=copy_link
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 11:27 PM
93

The most moving chapter for me was the explanation of why the men do this- it’s how he was raised, how society raised and tolerated males, and how getting them to stick with counseling hardly works. They feel you deserved the abuse and that you caused it. The bar is set so low that when a man doesn’t hit or curse at you, he thinks you are LUCKY to have such a stand up guy. And guess what moms? When your husband takes forever to start getting ready for an event while you are running around gettin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:57 PM
74

Yep. Women were likely the inventors of a calendar system to track their menstrual cycles but archeological dig sites and professors tried to give that credit to men. Women were also the first farmers and almanac creators but are never credited with them and scrotes like to say “WoMeN dIDnT cReAte AnYtHing”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:04 PM
55

Private from who? The paparazzi? Does he fancy himself a celebrity?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:25 PM
2

I mean, this practice extends on to neighboring countries. I’m from one of them and my cousins still regularly get pressured to abort their female babies from their highly educated mother in laws
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 12:14 PM
299

I cannot wait until India realizes this with the millions of girl babies aborted and killed every year
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 05:35 AM
102

People really think the 0 biodiversity thing especially applies to women cause women aren't people This is also why women, especially women of color, are denied pain medication, blood tests or scans they ask for, treatment of endometriosis that’s not a pill, or believed about incomplete thyroid tests - usually by male doctors but many women healthcare staff as well. We aren’t people, we are exaggerating our condition to play a victim and we need to be taught a lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 12:32 PM
84

Most professional pro-mom places call work “paid work” because all moms work. So when you take a career pause to raise your kids, it’s a pause from Paid work, not a pause from work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 06:43 AM
4

If you Google: “team king argument with wife” it’s the first result and the other men are tearing him apart for being so full of contempt against his own wife. They are telling him to do some dishes and cut his hours and realize they are a team, it’s not him against her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 02:54 AM
41

I think people don’t realize just how much lack of adequate childcare can trap you and thwart any escape plan you have. The DV hotlines and shelter options have been bombarded with requests during Covid, and the state funded coupons/waivers for childcare have huge waitlists, not to mention that many of the childcare centers that take the waivers have many safety violations with the state. I can see why mothers of young kids would want to wait till their child can speak a little better before enr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:09 PM
70

It sounds like OP has already delivered the baby since she talks about childcare and PPD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:00 PM
10

Also see: Zac Efron
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 01:04 PM
5

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 07:09 AM
88

So I looked thru his account for fun and found out: he lived in my area, which has one of the easiest and most affordable paths to home ownership but still rents. he was homeless and broke a couple years ago, but now he is dogecoin rich. his flexes include showing his text reminders from dentist appointments. If this is a flex, think of what that means. he is short with narrow arms and a hairline that goes beyond his ears and he has a lot of belly fat and has been trying to diet and lose it. You…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 01:13 PM
7

This post needs to go in the guide
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:23 PM
32

My husband does 90% of the house cleaning, all the grocery shopping, and watches our toddler 3 weekdays out of the week during pandemic (while also working from home). He teaches her and feeds her well, he is patient and intentional about her art and music lessons at home. We agree on gentle parenting methods and he took the lead on feeding her only organic Whole Foods (I’m more lax). He sounds like a HVM on paper and is a wonderful dad but let me tell you all this effort is not even 50% of what…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:46 PM
6

Oh he is absolutely a shit partner, I could tell by the documentary segment where they talked about meeting each other. I don’t doubt that she is as unethical as him either
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 08:17 PM
34

Who knows, maybe. In this case I think Bill filed for divorce. A lot of people truly do grow apart. For example, by age 65c one person turns religious and the other isn’t interested. One person turns really radical with their social politics and the other person doesn’t care to be involved. After kids leave they can’t find any common ground, still respect each other but have evolved into different people than the one they were when they first got married. I don’t mind if people divorce because o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 04:57 PM
161

They waited till their youngest child finished her last semester of high school to file for divorce. A lot of people grow apart from each other in a marriage but hold on till the youngest completes high school before starting the divorce. The court documentation TMZ dug up says they won’t start trial till Spring 2022
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 12:23 PM
23

My mom will be 61 this year. A former trophy wife, her identity was built around how good she looked. After early detection of breast cancer and mastectomy, she got breast implants, and since then she went down a spiral of plastic surgery, especially after she divorced my cheating dad. She got her butt done, liposuction, and nose job. Each requiring longer to recover from and a lot of pain and inflammation. She is not interested in dating again, but it is obvious that she is really struggling wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:36 PM
11

Speaking of, why does it look like the top half of his head is missing? Did it never form in the womb?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:57 AM
42

I have been both a stay at home mom to an an infant/toddler and working mom and hands down the SAHM was a lot harder for me. And yes, we use cleaning services and Mothers Day Out Programs (child stays at a care center for 3-4 hours a couple of times a week so mom can do groceries and run errands). It helps but doesn’t even come close to touching the grueling volume of labor behind being an attentive and present SAHM. Being a Working mom means I get to delegate childcare for 8 hours a day and my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:46 AM
100

One effin job!!! And he is resentful that he had to do it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 04:55 AM
27

Where can I read more about this type of work being a very important role for society for different global cultures?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 04:54 AM
112

She’s poured every drop of blood into gestating, birthing, raising, feeding, disciplining, co-curriculum managing, nursing, losing sleep, losing identity, losing coworker network and friends, and more into this family, all while looking good somehow but nah, she didn’t contribute anything to the family, huh? You can tell his resentment pours into his behavior towards her, hence one of the reasons why they are in therapy. I hope she cuts him loose so that he can live his life without her efforts.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 04:51 AM
-7

What country do you live in?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:01 PM
29

In my experience, the men who grew up with dads who did more involved parenting (rare for Boomers) turn out to be very involved millennial dads. My husband and his friends can completely caretake their kids at the same level as their wives in terms of quality (obviously, not breastfeeding). The men also tend to do majority of the house cleaning as well and are the higher earners. One time during a large event, I dropped my overtired/fussy 7 month old on my husband’s lap to go use the restroom. S…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:40 AM
8

She definitely did and I appreciated her candid discussion about how therapy went for them on her podcast. Conan O Brian talked about his marriage with her too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:12 AM
42

One of those young girls he sleep next to to test his celibacy was his grandniece, and I doubt she was able to consent. It must have been terrifying for her to be used as a test object. Not to mention Gandhi’s early extreme anti-Black views. Obama was a low earning community organizer who had good intentions and was on his way to high earning career, but he still benefited from and exercised patriarchal practices as they became available to him. What I liked about him based on what Michelle said…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:06 AM
85

Add Gandhi to the list. Michelle Obama had to have a come to Jesus moment with Barack over him going off to the gym after work while she was overwhelmed dealing with a newborn at home all day and didn’t have time for anything, much less a leisurely gym session.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 09:47 PM
76

Same. I stopped wearing nail polish, fragrances, fragranced detergents, scented body products, etc once I got pregnant and still do that now years later. We switched to glass storage containers instead of plastic Tupperware and have ceramic pots. The scary thing is that a lot of the paperwork for eyelash extension has a lien in there about not getting them done during pregnancy due to the formaldehyde content but so many pregnant friends have done this anyway. I suffer from pcos, endometriosis, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 06:56 AM
73

My husband has a childhood friend from the neighborhood. He went to prison for fraud for 8 years and then came out and invested in 18 wheeler driving and then owning. He got with a (prestigious)college educated, beautiful, younger girl and they moved in together (he owns a few houses). He wants kids really bad and they have been trying to conceive but it turns out he has issues with his sperm so they have been going thru fertility treatments. Throughout all this he refuses to marry her. I asked …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:38 PM
136

None. Zero. That world breeds misogyny and the men get consumed by work
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 06:33 AM
2

She won’t speak about it because you don’t give trolls the attention they crave. The DM she sent looks like a polite networking message, nothing more. https://mobile.twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1217497835488337925
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 11:30 PM
2

It’s often the anti abortion places that tend to have the least motherhood friendly practices. And I worked in higher education! My husband works for an east coast company though, and they offer unpaid parental leave and not much else. Fortune 50 company too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:56 PM
3

Right, that’s what I basically modeled it after (several European countries), but I live in Texas so that means I had to take a loss and do it myself. I just did NOT expect to get so much backlash from other women about it and I was in my mid 30s when it happened! When my husband would take work zoom meetings while holding baby, he was told only by his women colleagues to not do that on camera because it was unprofessional but I had to run to physical therapy appointments. Not blaming those wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:45 PM
7

I was a SAHM for first year and a half of my only child’s life, but my husband also worked from home full time and did majority of diaper changes and ALL the cleaning and shopping chores since I was nursing and baby was a poor sleeper. I cooked when I could. To be fair, my husband did 80% of the cleaning and chores before, he is just a clean person and it comes easier to him than me (dust allergies). Before resigning from my well loved job, I had 6 months of salary saved up and no bills/debt. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:15 PM
59

I’ve been waiting for someone to post this on FDS. Alex Beresford Isn’t a guest but another news reporter there and my favorite line he said was when he said was something like “Piers spouts off about Meghan for hours and we all have to just sit there and listen”. The complaints against Piers were launched due to how he said Meghan’s suicidal ideations were not real and he was treating and discrediting her mental health concerns. I am pretty sure Piers was pressured to resign, he didn’t quit on …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 03:03 PM
15

This is horrific. You don’t deserve this, and you don’t need to go back there. I’m so sorry that you went thru this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 04:34 PM
80

He was saying that to her vagina, not to her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 05:46 PM
60

So he is saying sarcastically that he is the worst person in the world for telling a lie. And then he says he is tired of talking about it and it pissed him off. And then trying to act like since he is pissed off, he doesn’t have control and he can act out because she caused him to be pissed off and escalating it by creating a boundary from him (locking door). Blaming the woman for his uncontrollable temper and rage js a classic domestic violence move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:44 PM
24

I hope this isn’t against the rules but both of these books are available for free online download at book4you.org if you are short on funds. If you have the kindle app on your phone or an e-reader, you can download and read them there (kindle uses the .mobi extension). I have a little FDS e-book collection going. And of course, “Why Does He Do That” and some of the other associated books by Lundy Bancroft are also there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:49 AM
63

Right, I think most of my friends and I got stretch marks during puberty. I got more stretch marks then than I did during pregnancy, And guess what? Every single one of the men I dated also had stretch marks and didn’t give a damn about them. They are all slim and athletic body type as well. My husband says that complaining about stretch marks is like complaining about growing tall, it’s out of your control and a sign of becoming an adult, it’s not a flaw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 08:00 AM
104

If you liked this and want to find out more about similar things, you should be able to find a copy of Rosalind Miles’s book, “Who Cooked The Last Supper?” about women’s roles being written out of history. Be warned that there’s mention of sexual abuse and it was written a few decades ago. It seems to mostly cover topics from a White woman’s perspective but I liked listening to the audiobook. If you are a parent and want to change the way your child’s perspective is being shaped to disregard wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 04:46 AM
29

This man is so gross. This is absolutely not normal around me, none of my brother’s friends or husband’s friends are like this with babies, they are all hands on dads and are fine with taking care of their kids solo. Maybe it’s an age thing (we are on our mid 30s) or a class thing? Is this in a particular state? I don’t know any man or woman that would find this funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 06:47 PM
228

Why does he seem so nervous and unconfident? He is stuttering, imagine this guy attempting to put you down in real life, you would bust out laughing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 04:48 PM
11

Thanks for this book Rec. I’m going to look it up. My husband appears to be a HVM to many because he does majority of cleaning, has side hustles and is a great dad, but it’s hard to explain that busy bodies may not necessarily make great partners all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 07:22 PM
9

This. He feels like he is at the top of the world over 70k, which makes him sound like he is not ambitious at all. Finance guys are normally very competitive and always trying to climb up. I wonder if fiancé left him due to lack of drive about other aspects of his life too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 07:19 PM
40

The comments in the thread depressed me because so many mentioned working in or being in hospital rooms where the man was demanding sex from their women who had just given birth a few hours/days before. And then other women redditors chimed in and stated that their ex husbands tried to do the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:36 AM
36

I don’t want to read this link, can someone summarize?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 01:39 AM
18

These types of men are so weird to me. My brother loves his wife, she went thru some mental health issues and has to try a lot of meds to find the right fit and deal with ptsd and they didn’t have sex for over a year and it didn’t bother him because he was so invested in her wellness and finding the best therapy for her. He has always been very into the emotional intimacy and teamwork of a partnership. It’s weird to not want human emotional connection and only want to bust a nut for 2 minutes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:05 AM
13

It was depraved logic like this that probably led to female genital mutilation in some parts of the world/history. The kind where they cut out the clit, labia, and sew the vaginal entrance up so that it causes draining issues during menstruation and so that men have to cut a woman open each intercourse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 03:43 AM
48

There is a Bengali saying I was raised with (often told while I was getting my hair detangled) and it was “meh ther shojjo korte hoy” which translates to “women need to tolerate/endure”. Desi culture has so many beautiful aspects but the misogyny is so severe and women are conditioned from toddlerhood to want to be in a position of abuse. We are still treated like commodities by the larger culture. I won’t even talk about the rape in marriage in the U.S. among arranged marriages here, and it’s o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 05:06 AM
5

I’m Desi and discovered my dad cheating on my mom when I was in my late 20s. Just know that, like most men, your dad will try to lie about it and make your mom think it’s all in her head so before any confrontation happens, you need to email/text back up of messages, pics, etc to yourself. I actually got the other woman’s phone number (she was only 5 years older than me) and confronted her myself too. It’s a long story, I was discredited and shunned for a few months, my mom lost her temper and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 11:27 PM
85

I remember the episodes in Michelle Obama’s podcast about making marriage work (I think Conan O Brien was in one too). She vetted him and vetted him, she remained focused on he goals. She did IVF and struggled with fertility. She talked about how having a child was like having a bomb go off in an otherwise very well functioning marriage and how after parenthood started for both of them, Barack had the nerve to go to the gym while she was struggling with keeping up with a baby routine. She talked…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:59 AM
4

Q’s are on a different level, the rape culture with older Q’s was on a different level back in the day, I don’t know what it is now with the younger ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:33 PM
29

Your personal anecdotes about your friends of color not code switching around YOU doesn’t trump decades of social and linguistic research that talks about why POC have to code switch to survive a white dominated workplace. I have friends and cousins from competitive and Ivy League graduate degrees who code switch, so I think achieving higher education actually correlates with living dual cultures. You have enough key words to do your own research here so I would advise you to do as much. Other c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:32 AM
36

Different POC Greek life orgs use different hand gestures, dances, equipment, etc for when they step or show up at an event. It’s different than white Fraternity culture. But Kappas specifically used to rely on their reputation for being ladies’ men or players that never settle down. You would enjoy looking at them perform on stage but you don’t select them as boyfriend/husband material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:09 AM
25

You sound racist. Reflect on what you just said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:04 AM
28

A Kappa, huh? Explains a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 03:33 AM
50

People can completely code switch according to the environment they’re in, especially POC professionals. I talk one way with my close girlfriends, using similar phrases you pointed out, and a completely different vernacular in professional settings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 03:29 AM
45

It’s so telling that he doesn’t consider child rearing and home making to be work, he doesn’t value her labor. No mention of a nanny or hired help either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 11:14 PM
19

The person who wrote this advice is thinking that dads doing parenting is an occasional thing so some poor nutrition and sloppy appearance isn’t a big deal occasionally. They don’t think that dads should bear 50%+ of the DAILY parenting duties and it shows. These are the type of people that call it “babysitting” when a dad is with his own child. I don’t do any maternal gate keeping. I used to set up meal prep lists, lay out my daughter’s outfit of the day and back her bag before I left my husban…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 03:48 AM
34

Or... cause she’s in pain cause her body is really dying. Even if he had the house spotless, she has the right to voice complaints about being in pain. And men who start taking up a lot of housework often feel you are mean if you don’t compliment their efforts enough, even wincing in pain is considered rude to their fragile ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:20 AM
16

since she seems unable to answer to one text every few weeks (like, no answer at all, but profusely apologizing if we meet) I know that not all her friends are treated as I am. I struggle with this with certain friends. It hurts. Why even apologize profusely? Just leave me completely alone or vocalize your issue with me. I realize I keep my inner circle small and once a friend is in it, I treat them well. But if they feel burdened to give me basic courtesy, I shouldn’t regard them as part of my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 11:30 PM
19

“I know you are very ill and hating life right now but I am stressed and need to release a nut and my stress release is more important than your health ok?” We learn about appropriate self regulation and stress release methods, how to bring cortisol down or do self care but it seems like scrotes don’t know ANY methods besides orgasm and video games. Is it parenting? Why is there such a difference between the sexes and self care? I bet you that while she was sick earlier, she had to take care of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 10:55 PM
28

As a mom of a daughter myself, I would not have intervened the way the dad did. I would say the opposite before I became a mom but now that I’m a mom and have read hella child psychology books, I know what addressing the boyfriend this way is going to do. This type of daughter is already the over accommodating pick-me type. Now she is going to try harder to soothe the boyfriend’s hurt feelings over the “abuse” the dad inflicted on an already “stressed” boy. Boyfriend will make her feel responsib…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:40 PM
69

Had a c-section. The surgery made it too painful to sleep on my side (and I’m a side sleeper) or on my belly for months. We didn’t even try to have sex cause I physically couldn’t lay in any position, much less have a man on top or be on top. I still went to pelvic floor therapy because you don’t need to have a vaginal delivery to still have pelvic floor issues after birth. My vagina was so traumatized from carrying a low, heavy baby that it was too tight and I couldn’t have sex the first 6 mont…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:04 AM
28

Everyone has made good points but I feel like I need to emphasize how enmeshed he is with his mother and what a sign of dysfunction that is. Why are you discussing details of your marriage with your mom and then using her input as support that your viewpoint is the only valid one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:28 PM
77

I have come across so many older doctors, especially Obgyns, who are hella sexist. This has resulted in not only this type of blaming towards women but actually result in leaving women in crazy pain from refusing to diagnose or treat women properly for endometriosis or adenomyosis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 04:11 PM
11

Something tells me that if the legal age limit was below 18, his preferred age range would go even lower
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 10:18 PM
16

He has assigned himself the authority over her as senior management. If this was really as harmless of a joke as he is trying to say it is, he would have made the 5 kids be the senior management. This is telling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:45 PM
12

This was poetic AF
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 11:29 PM
6

What in the world? Did you get hacked?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 01:38 PM
99

And while I don’t think all men hate women, some just resent them, I think they are all fundamentally selfish. This is what I have come to understand and it has made me deeply sad. Even lots of good guys who have HVM qualities are fundamentally selfish, it may not be clear in the first 5-10 years (or 15 for me) but it peeks out every now and then and you are just flabbergasted at the audacity of their entitlement because you didn’t expect it from a good guy. Patriarchy is so pervasive and overwh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:52 PM
38

What pot did he even cook the spaghetti in? Surely that could have been a better choice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 05:23 AM
40

Written like someone who doesn’t give good orgasms but is kiNkY meaning he wants to replicate what he sees in badly made porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:52 AM
35

I have no problem doing this, especially cause men have no idea how much make up is on for the “no make up” look, BUT I’m gonna need to see him shaved, pics of all his uncles’ hairlines and pot belly sizes, and his caloric intake. You’re not about to hatfish or beardfish me and I need to know what type of hairline genetics we are gonna pass on to my offspring cause my hair is luscious and I don’t need you to ruin that for the potential kids. If your diet sucks and I see a pattern of pot bellies …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 04:31 AM
14

What do they say?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 12:37 AM
3

Some of them are into street preaching where they are supposed to spread the word of God but for some reason it becomes an outlet to yell at anyone who is not the “right” race or not following their commandments. They don’t have coordinated violent attacks or manifestos to cause physical harm like many right winged groups do though, leading to less monitoring by FBI. They tend to be more of a nuisance and tend to have some picmeishas in their polygamous groups (never for too long) but are not as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 11:12 PM
13

They might be a hotep or a Hebrew Israelite. Sometimes they get sucked into these two subcultures because it’s their first brush in with notions of Black empowerment, especially if they aren’t around a lot of college educated Black peers. It’s easy to get sucked into these groups and once you deliver a few lectures online and get some likes, you start thinking that this is your purpose and that everyone else needs more of your wisdom that’s just never been expressed before because you are the mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 08:40 PM
4

The amount of goo goo eyes my husband used to get from women while he would babywear our daughter in a carrier was insane. The amount of criticism that I got from other women while being an amazing mom (nursed, did baby sign language, read montessori books, baby yoga class, positive discipline, etc) was insane. The bar is so low for being an excellent dad and so unrealistically high for being an adequate mom. Right now my husband takes care of our toddler while he works due to high Covid rates a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:05 AM
25

Actually, SAHMs should be drawing a salary from their husband and he has little say in how that money is spent. And it should just be hers, not go towards food, family needs or bills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 10:09 PM
14

The Black men I am around love Serena’s body, always has since day 1. I’ve mostly only heard non-Black men consider her body to be too masculine. So many rappers have talked about Serena’s looks being desirable and I remember how hard Drake tried to pursue her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 05:20 PM
113

You are not treated equally, there is a whole system designed by men to benefit them at the expense of your ease. It goes from marriage and property laws, employment, safe apartment options, classroom treatment and more. By the time you marry and have a child, even with a man that does majority of the cleaning (mine does 95%) you still see how unfair things are for you. He has useless boobs so you are breastfeeding for 30 mins at a time every 2 hours while also bleeding and healing from labor (f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 05:07 PM
29

He stopped thinking of her as a human, that’s why he had no problem feeling entitled to her things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 04:54 PM
62

Black men love Serena Williams’ looks but didn’t treat her well during the dating phase. Then they had the nerve to be pissed that she married someone who did treat her well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:12 PM
50

Yep, he was ugly in 2005 and even uglier and broker now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:11 PM
20

My cousin’s banker husband started telling her that she was getting too big in her third trimester and that none of his friend’s wives bellies were that big. She was skin and bones everywhere else so her belly looked more prominent than heavier women. She started trying to diet to prevent getting bigger and ended up going into premature labor and baby ended up being in ICU shortly. Guess what - husband is bald with a pot belly. Thankfully, my close girlfriends married men who adored their pregna…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:39 AM
5

The original 1930s campaign actually said 1 month salary. It didn’t become a 2 month salary norm till the 1980s and then the wedding industry pushed it to 3 months more recently, when Pinterest weddings became a thing. That means a man whose take home salary is 100k/year needs to buy a $25k ring because of a “tradition” that is younger than us. If he has student loans, wants to buy property or more, $25k is not fiscally responsible (and we vet for that). $10-$15k is just fine for a white diamond…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 08:49 PM
3

It’s actually not the norm or that historical. It was a more recentish De Beers as campaign to get you to buy more diamonds from them. Same with their “Diamonds are forever” campaign. Diamonds actually aren’t that rare anymore, there are far more precious stones, which is why you will see those other stones on royals’ rings and crowns instead. That being said, my mother told my husband what type of carat and quality she wanted for me and even though I didn’t know much about rings, he wanted to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 08:24 PM
26

Can someone explain to me why none of the men I dated or my male friends DONT show this level of disgusting living standards? Is it cause I’m older (late 30s)? Is it cause my circle is mostly POC? What is it? Some of my guy friends had some clutter spots and maybe some a couple of dishes in the sink but nothing gross and many of them even had really nicely done interior design choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:47 AM
5

I’d rather a man not make me cry at all
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 08:59 PM
8

Girl. GIRL. Can we find out how you responded and how the rest of the relationship went?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 07:52 PM
12

I feel like a lot of these things are what you do in addition to a date. Like adding earrings adds on to the outfit but doesn’t replace the outfit itself. Grabbing a coffee after the date itself or taking a walk to walk off the desert from the dinner date are the things you tackle on, like earrings. They do not replace an actual date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 03:14 PM
3

I don’t care much about jewelry either but in that guy’s post, he made it clear that his wife did. And he also made it clear that he purposefully didn’t treat her well and is now rewarding her for taking the maltreatment from him. Men talk about their poor actions as if it is something they just happened and that he didn’t have any control over, and women should just stick with them out of love anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:31 PM
23

She never will. She was raised to think that it’s a woman’s job to suffer. That as long as a man isn’t a complete deadbeat and unemployed that he is still a catch, and that nothing is worse than being single. She is the only married one of her friends who all have several unemployed baby daddies, and she holds up the wife status to lord over them. She will often judge my sisters in law (and I suspect me) if we don’t work hard to the point of being distressed (i.e, if I’m overwhelmed, I hire a cl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 05:14 AM
75

My father in law lied to my step mother in law about his age and was not planning to reveal the truth to her, ever. He told her he was 35 when he was really 52 (she was 29). Black dont crack and he is really buff with thick hair so it’s believable, but we feel he did this because he knew women his age have higher expectations for their partners and he kept on failing them. Keep in mind that my SMIL is just 4 years older than my husband and me. That means that the years he was dating her, he lied…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:25 PM
10

So if she is working all day and then cooking at night, who is taking care of baby during the day? Who????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 06:44 PM
22

I’m sure she would like to go hang out with her friends 2-3 times a week plus every weekend but she is probably actually being a parent and taking care a brand new infant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 06:20 AM
5

Yep. I didn’t contribute a dime/credit to our second house and I still signed documents that put my name on the title during closing by default. There’s about 5+ points in the house purchasing process where you verify that you aren’t using income from other sources and if so, list those sources. He consciously chose to exclude her every time he signed those pages. I hope she saved bank docs. All property records actually have my name listed first since I kept my maiden name and my last initial i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:23 PM
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