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HelenHavok Archive

View 1 posts and 427 comments by HelenHavok on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
15

HelenHavok/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 10:08 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Definitely dread gaming you. It’s almost textbook.
/r/ExRedPill24/07/26 12:01 AM
2

Sounds like the Dread Game to me.
/r/ExRedPill23/07/26 11:59 PM
8

None of these things is evidence that “ Men are more expected to uphold traditional male gender roles while also balancing those roles with being respectful and modern.” The woman in your first example was not the right person for you. She wanted sex after the second date and you wanted physical touch but not more yet. She may have been using you to get laid OR she may have had some experiences that have caused her to equate her worth and desirability with a man wanting her body and felt upset y…
/r/ExRedPill18/07/26 11:17 AM
12

Just saying something doesn’t make it true. Expected by who?
/r/ExRedPill17/07/26 09:11 PM
10

Everyone is having less sex. The reasons behind it are not unique to gender.
/r/ExRedPill17/07/26 04:51 PM
3

If you are not communicating through words or actions that you are interested in a woman, they may like you and your personality, but move on because it looks like you aren’t interested or view them platonically. So it’s a failure of communication and not a shyness issue. You’re making a bunch of assumptions here as to the cause of your lack of success that aren’t backed up by the evidence. My first boyfriend at 19 was a very shy and inexperienced guy. We had a slow burn of half a year before I …
/r/ExRedPill17/07/26 02:40 AM
7

So much of the manosphere stuff is basically men's *idea* of what women want, instead of what women actually want, and men performing for other men. So guys who get enticed into it think they can follow some sort of formula of money+abs=bitches and then are let down when it turns out that a) women are individual human beings with differing preferences and b) most people are going to want more substance to their relationships and partners than a cardboard cutout with a big bank account. Also, so …
/r/ExRedPill16/07/26 08:42 PM
3

Then go to smaller communal events. Places where you have to do things with your hands, like art or gaming, can take the pressure off if having to so directly interact with others the whole time is anxiety-inducing. You can choose to remain comfortable and make no progress or you can fight through the shut down until you’re desensitized or find and environment that does not cause this response. You cannot grow without discomfort.
/r/ExRedPill15/07/26 04:16 AM
4

You go there and talk to people even though it’s uncomfortable. Life is uncomfortable. If you always want to be comfortable, you can expect things to never change and to never grow and experience new things. Socializing is a skill that is learnable. Some people pick up math faster than I do and are better at it, but we all had to learn how to do it. When you practice socializing, you get better at it and it’s easier every subsequent time. You may never be entirely comfortable being new in a room…
/r/ExRedPill15/07/26 02:26 AM
3

I’m close with several people who were severe alcoholics and were able to quit drinking longterm with cannabis. One is nine years sober, another is almost at four years. Their lives are radically better and more functional. The second guy was literally homeless when I met him and just recently bought his first car. It’s not a miracle drug for everyone (I can’t use it because it increases my anxiety), but it’s worth trying as a therapeutic option. Not as another route to numb yourself and escape,…
/r/ExRedPill15/07/26 02:12 AM
2

Look into getting an app blocker like Opal to prevent mindless scrolling. That will help you free up time for literally any better use.
/r/ExRedPill15/07/26 02:02 AM
–

There’s always the option to not be in a relationship instead of being in a bad one. A lot of women have arrived at this logic and I wish more men would too. Staying in a bad relationship just to not be alone isn’t a healthy mindset ever.
/r/ExRedPill15/07/26 01:58 AM
3

All men know women. If you make friends with men, you are more likely to meet the women they call friends and family. And if you get along with the guys, and they get along with these women, you are more likely to get along with them too. This is how social circles are created and why a lot of people find their partners in these groups. My uncles married three women who were best friends. My current friend group includes three cousins. Their spouses were all friends of friends they had made and …
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 02:18 PM
2

I don't understand what mean by building up a deficit. What is this deficit? I have asked you several times across several posts if at these events you asked people out or suggested a post-dance, -comedy, -game night happy hour or potluck to actually hang out and chat and you haven't responded. When we suggested spaces where you might find people who are wired like you (ie: ND groups), you responded that there are just dudes there, so a waste of time. It's like you got partway across a working b…
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 01:58 PM
5

You have a lot of self-loathing right now, which you don't deserve. Trauma, depression, and other mental health issues can lead us to be really self-destructive. When I was in a bad place mentally, my internal self-talk was so much crueler than anything anyone would ever think or say to me. Please, please get some help from a therapist to help you sort through what is real and what is your brain being horrible to you. Many therapists got into the profession because they had fucked up pasts or ch…
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 01:44 PM
2

It is a lot to learn, but it’s absolutely not remotely too late. Many people start experimenting with dating in their teens, but tons of people are just starting to figure out dating in their 20s and 30s. For example, I had my first my first relationship at 25, but I didn’t get married until I was 36. You aren’t going to see results if you don’t try to learn. Every couple you’ve met has had to learn the “rules” around dating and relationships, which requires trial and error by actually doing it …
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 12:11 PM
2

Did you ask him if he cooks and cleans? Or why he asked you that question? Leave this guy behind. He sounds like a real weirdo. You don't need that in your life.
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 01:56 AM
2

Sure, try everything. But be cognizant that you may make women uncomfortable or even afraid by approaching them without cause and please try to do this in appropriate places where they are least likely to feel threatened by you - always in public, preferably during social gatherings. Don't follow them, take no as a complete sentence, be aware of the time of day. All that stuff. Neurodivergent people like myself meet partners like this too. My husband is ADHD and I am AuADHD. We met at a hostel. …
/r/ExRedPill14/07/26 01:20 AM
3

Do you want a girlfriend? You shouldn't do what other people want you to do or because it's what everyone else is doing. You don't have to date if it's not something you're interested in right now. It is not an indication that there's something wrong with you. If you do want a girlfriend, you have to put yourself in places where you might meet other people and then also have conversations with them to find what you have in common. If you like gaming and think having a gamer girlfriend might be c…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 08:34 PM
3

If that bar example is too much for you, I'm sorry to say that I think you are going to have even less success at cold approaching than whatever the average is. My example is very straightforward and requires very little initial social interaction. Buy a girl a drink from afar, leave her alone, wait for her to approach you if she's interested...there is very little skill required with this method, but that still feels overwhelming and intimidating, so instead, you want to do a blanket cold appro…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 07:33 PM
6

I'm not really sure what you're looking for then. You've shot down literally every suggestion in the dozens of comments on this thread, whether broad/generic or specific. Hobbies don't work for you, a social circle doesn't work for you, bars don't work for you, dating apps don't work for you...where are you trying to cold approach women then? At the grocery store? When nothing that has worked for other people works for you, then maybe there's a deeper issue within yourself that need examining. W…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 06:43 PM
6

Dude, women are 100% complaining about dating apps. Everyone I know absolutely hates them and the women suspect the men are just swiping yes on every single woman because "volume," which is resulting in the same exact dynamic in cold approaching that turns women off.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 06:26 PM
4

In all of your group activities, did you ever once suggest like "hey, would anyone like to go grab a beer or a bite to eat after this?" Most people are going to say no, because they have work the next morning or kids to put to bed or a paper to finish, but I'm curious if you have ever been the one to initiate a post-event/hobby hangout.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 06:20 PM
5

Look, I don't like how you're behaving in these comments or the dehumanizing terms you've used to talk about dating and women, but I will give you what you asked for. A really good friend of mine who is not a manosphere dude had a great bar/club technique to meet women. When we were out, if a lady caught his eye, he would buy her a drink from across the bar without leaving our friend group. When she received it and the bartender pointed him out, he would smile and raise his glass and then immedi…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 06:13 PM
5

90% of the comments have pretty thoroughly described what a rich social life looks like; you are just ignoring what they are saying and whining that it didn't work to get you tail.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 05:57 PM
4

You keep saying that men don't have the same opportunities that women do. Where is your evidence of that?
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 05:54 PM
5

This has literally never been the way the world works for anyone I know who is in a relationship right now.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 05:52 PM
11

Whether you intended to or not, it *is* demeaning to talk about dating like this. Try not to talk about other people like they are pallets in an Amazon warehouse.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 05:47 PM
1

Yeah, I figured. Just providing additional context for others.
/r/ExRedPill10/07/26 07:43 PM
1

There's a pretty major schism actively happening right now between the Vatican and the Society of St. Pious X. Last week, despite warnings, SSPX decided to consecrate new bishops into their order in direct violation of the Vatican, which responded by excommunicating the leadership and instructed American Catholics to pull their kids out of their Catholic schools and not attend any masses run by the SSPX across the US.
/r/ExRedPill10/07/26 06:55 PM
4

The last decade or so, a strain of Catholic fundamentalism has spread rapidly around the United States. It's more akin to fundamentalist/evangelical protestantism to me than the Catholicism I grew up with. It's why we're getting bishops publicly fighting with or straight up defying orders from the Pope. The Society of St. Pious X is an extremely conservative group that has a significant presence in the US (especially places like Kansas and Kentucky), with its own schools and masses. They reject …
/r/ExRedPill10/07/26 06:07 PM
3

That's awful. I knew a woman who was hindu and in an arranged marriage. They were both normal American college students (second-gen. immigrants) and not very religious, but they agreed. They ended up seeing other people outside their marriage (I knew her through her affair partner and got a convoluted explanation, so not sure if it was ethical or cheating). Anyways, his family was deported and he decided to go with them and convinced her to move and last I heard, they are now living in an ultra …
/r/ExRedPill10/07/26 05:11 PM
6

I recently heard a someone say “you can make anyone love you, but you will lose yourself in the process.” You can be all these things he wants you to be. You can convert, stay sober, have the kids he wants, wear the clothes he wants, live where he wants, and he’ll probably love you. But who will you be? ETA: this may be a form of evangelical catfishing/bait and switch and not red pill at all. There are people who purposely form relationships with partners who are not of their faith or fundamenta…
/r/ExRedPill10/07/26 12:41 AM
6

“Feeling a sense that a lot of people seem to be…” sounds like you’re making a lot of assumptions and then generalizing for a reason I don’t understand. This does not seem like a reliable way to determine what someone thinks, let alone many someones. Dating apps aren’t real life. They are not places that really tell you anything about broader society. They are tiny snapshots of a very specific community of single people that would choose to use dating apps.
/r/ExRedPill07/07/26 03:28 AM
5

It started out as a community of people who had serious barriers to dating and sex that can’t be fixed by a good personality or skincare routine or going to the gym - physical disabilities, disfiguring birth defects, chronic illness, significant cognitive problems, etc. This expanded to people who were socially or self-ascribed as ugly, suffering from depression, or socially inept due to neurodivergence. Then it was co-opted by dudes with antisocial, misogynistic, and predatory behaviors who the…
/r/ExRedPill06/07/26 03:26 PM
1

Do they use the term “boyfriend” at all? Would they if it were serious instead of it being a temp thing? Or would they not use “boyfriend” regardless?
/r/ExRedPill09/05/26 05:34 PM
2

Boyfriend and girlfriend are terms that indicate an immature relationship - either in terms of age or time together. People who hear this term often perceive the relationship as not serious or as deeply significant. “Partner” is a more serious term that communicates a certain level of dedication and mutual equality. I am married, but was with my partner for ten years before that. “Boyfriend” was a wholly inadequate term for his significance in my life. I still refer to him as either my partner o…
/r/ExRedPill09/05/26 05:31 PM
4

Are you able to describe the discrimination that you’ve personally experienced? This isn’t a gotcha question. I’d actually like to know. Also, are these things happening in your real life or amongst internet strangers?
/r/ExRedPill26/04/26 03:25 PM
2

You can only speak for yourself. Soybeancola said definitively: “Men and Women who engage in casual sex do have different personalities traits - there is data on this.”
/r/ExRedPill23/03/26 02:35 PM
2

Yes. And what may be true in the aggregate may not be true in my limited personal experience. My issue is using statistics like this to make sweeping generalizations about people and their character and classifying their worth by the number of sexual partners they’ve had.
/r/ExRedPill22/03/26 03:43 PM
1

A lot of people fall into RP and other ideologies that demonize entire groups when they experience infidelity, mistreatment, and rejection. It’s believable that this is how he wound up here. Some people also repeatedly choose the wrong partners because they are attracted to traits (perhaps due to childhood trauma) that tend to result in mistreatment (like cheating or abuse). But I had this nagging thought: are you certain he was cheated on? Is it possible that his relationships keep falling apar…
/r/ExRedPill21/03/26 09:11 PM
3

Interesting. Neither of my promiscuous friends have mental health issues. They’re both in longterm healthy relationships and have advanced degrees and good careers. They just did a lot of experimentation and casual sex when younger.
/r/ExRedPill21/03/26 08:21 PM
1

What personality traits (beyond enjoying sex)? I have two girlfriends who have had over 100 partners and I couldn’t identify any trait that makes them specifically different than myself and friends who have had few intimate partners.
/r/ExRedPill19/03/26 08:28 PM
4

Hitting on strangers effectively requires expert level ability to gauge body language, facial expressions, and context. Out of several hundred men I’ve known in my life, there has been only one who was able to pull it off with any regularity. One. He wasn’t model hot and wasn’t rich, but he could find the girls that were open to being approached in a crowd and knew how to catch their eye and gauge their interest before even striking up a conversation. I am of the opinion that this level of socia…
/r/ExRedPill12/03/26 01:48 PM
3

People can change. It happens every day. Some people face legal consequences for their behavior and go to jail, where they get clean, work on degree programs, and reform their ways so they don’t end up in similar circumstances when they get out. I think they do this in spite of a punitive environment that tends to reinforce existing beliefs. Most people do not have the resources or desire to change their beliefs or behavior. A man willing to kill other people for their religion, race, or sex, is…
/r/ExRedPill11/03/26 07:49 PM
25

It sounds like you aren’t a genuine person. You aren’t being you - you’re playing a game. People, women included, aren’t interested in disingenuous people who play games with them, are rude for no reason, and change their personalities to suit their agenda at others’ expense. If I was your friend watching you treat others like this, even if you were nice to me, we would no longer be friends. In your endeavor to not be a simp, you’re breeding your own loneliness and isolation. Is this ideology th…
/r/ExRedPill09/03/26 07:00 PM
14

You did gorillas. Now do bonobos. And then meerkats.
/r/ExRedPill04/03/26 04:48 PM
12

The pills are not a “byproduct” of sexual selection and species theories; they are a manipulation of some data that inform these theories as a way to create a financially profitable ideology that enriches promoters and to reinforce personal and systemic sexism (usually against women).
/r/ExRedPill04/03/26 04:46 PM
3

This is not worth my time to respond to.
/r/ExRedPill01/03/26 04:36 PM
4

When you talk to her, I would frame it as a desire to learn how to make sex better for her. To learn more about what she likes and how best to touch her. Is she also in her 40s? Sex and desire may be changing for her too and can open the door to conversation. Maybe suggest experimenting mildly with some new techniques or foreplay. Consider who usually initiates things, when, and why. This seems like a pretty straightforward starting point that doesn’t leave her feeling inadequate or put upon. If…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/26 10:48 PM
3

You’re joking right? I made a comment talking about how individual couples can make individual rules for behavior acceptable in their relationship after you declared it fundamentally wrong and your pushback is that it’s okay to hurt people against their will because some random person somewhere (not involved in said relationship) finds that behavior fine in their own relationships? Dude, that’s a wild extrapolation of my comment and moral relativism.
/r/ExRedPill28/02/26 08:54 PM
3

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years. I enjoy feeling hot and my husband enjoys watching other people in a room or passing on the street desire me. But I’m not dressing up for them. I’m dressing up for him and the joy it brings him. Or sometimes I’m dressing up to impress other women platonically. There isn’t anything wrong with this. We are both onboard, we trust each other, and have great communication if something feels awry. We can openly discuss feelings of unease and jealousy without nee…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/26 08:42 PM
3

There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with this. Monogamous couples are allowed to make their own rules about their relationships. If one person is ambivalent or gets titillated by their partner being desirable and arousing those around them, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Their relationship, their rules of engagement.
/r/ExRedPill28/02/26 08:32 PM
2

The amount of people describing to their partner that they not only got hit on, but took their number and hung out with them all day is not at all proportional to the amount of people who control or attempt to control what their partner wears in public or who they can even talk to.
/r/ExRedPill28/02/26 08:28 PM
2

You put quite a few words in my mouth when I was clear that I was talking about predators, abusers, and gaslighters - bad men, not all men. I wrote as much about good men in my comment as bad.
/r/ExRedPill27/02/26 02:31 PM
5

I have obsessive anxiety and it can be such a battle some days. I know my brain is lying to me, and that’s horrible to experience, but in order to be happy and not damage my relationships, I absolutely must fight back. On hard days when I can’t quiet the noise and fear with other techniques, I now have medication. It’s been such a relief to not feel controlled by my thoughts. I’d want that feeling for anyone suffering like I do.
/r/ExRedPill27/02/26 12:49 PM
1

Nearly every woman I’ve ever met - all my friends, my MIL, my aunts, coworkers - eventually discloses to me that they’ve been sexually assaulted by men at some point in their lives. Not harassed, assaulted. The vitriol isn’t unjustified. I’ve been sexually assaulted twice and still hold significant affection for the many good men in my life. But yeah, online, I’m going to be nasty about the predators and abusers and gaslighters that make life hard and traumatic for women. I do not think good men…
/r/ExRedPill27/02/26 12:36 PM
3

Sometimes crappy people have learned to be on their best behavior starting out. Once they get comfortable, especially if they don’t think you’ll actually leave, their real personality emerges. The majority of people are not like this, but it’s important that you learn the signs and end things when the mask starts to come down instead of staying and hoping things get better. Take these hard-earned lessons into your next relationships - not bitterness and mistrust, but awareness of what it looks l…
/r/ExRedPill24/02/26 10:43 PM
3

This person didn’t “lose respect for someone who gives you attention and love on a regular basis” because you gave them love and attention. You can’t force someone to love and appreciate you back just because you invested the time and energy. Your ex wasn’t great, their respect (or lack thereof) had nothing to do with how much tried, and they weren’t the right person for you.
/r/ExRedPill24/02/26 01:44 PM
6

You only have one life to live. You need to look farther than how you feel in the moment. What does your life with this man look like in a year? Five years? Are you going to be happy living a rigid and highly controlled traditional life where you are not able to make any decisions independently - on what you wear, how you spend your money, who you hang out with, how many children you have or don’t have? He will not change; he is not facing any reason to. So you have to make your peace with thing…
/r/ExRedPill24/02/26 12:44 AM
1

Thanks for providing receipts. That’s a breath of fresh air! I’ll take a look at the others later, but looking at page 10 and the graph on page 11 of your last link, it pretty much reinforces my anecdotal observation. Women are consistently, on average, partnering with men who are only a few years older than themselves throughout their lives: “Using multilevel models, we replicated this pattern, finding that as men’s age increased, they reported increasingly younger partners, on average, whereas…
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 02:35 PM
5

“What I care more about is whether or not I can get young, hot girls to want to have sex with me based on my looks.” You told us to let you know if you’re cooked and I think this is the one statement that’s given me real pause. You may not realize it, but this is a crazy unhealthy ideal. Having this be your principle motivation leads to all sorts of problems, not the least of which is that it results in guys developing predatory behavior towards young women. But it’ll also completely wreck your …
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 01:35 PM
6

You are eventually going to be 37. If you are not able to address and work on your fixation around age and develop a healthier mindset about your value and desirability outside of whether you are hot or not to younger people, getting older is absolutely going to wreck you. If there’s nothing holding up your self-esteem except looks, every year will be a source of anxiety instead of celebration. Don’t do this to yourself man. I’m turning 40 soon and I’m still not freaking out about my age. I do h…
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 01:24 PM
2

Almost every married couple I know (even generationally) is 1-2 years apart. I’m not sure where this metric about women preferring men five years older than them comes from. I of course know a few happy couples with larger age gaps - I’m not saying they don’t exist. My best friend is married to a woman a decade older than her, for example. My mom has an extremely active and outgoing friend who married a guy 12 years younger than her (she was 40 and he was 28, they met on a vacation). My husband …
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 01:03 PM
3

Your age won’t be a negative if you aren’t trying to date people much younger than you.
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 12:45 PM
3

Did Seth Rogan “taper off” after 30? No. What about George Clooney? I know some people will complain about using celebrities as examples but I think Rogan is a good one. I always found him attractive back in his chubby Stoner movie era (not everyone did/does), but he got way more attractive in his 30s. Here’s the thing - we’re about the same age. So a guy I found attractive in my 20s has gotten more attractive to me in my 30s. Could he pull in 25-29yos if he weren’t rich and famous? Probably not…
/r/ExRedPill21/02/26 12:43 PM
3

Maybe. Attraction is complex and doesn’t follow only physical looks. Most people I know are married to or dating people within a few years of their age. People are usually attracted to those who have similar interests, experiences, and life stages. That’s more important than age. If you’re “young at heart” and interested more in things people in their mid-20s like/do, then maybe a woman who is 25 is going find you attractive. Or maybe she’s an “older soul” who doesn’t find the interests of her c…
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 09:30 PM
6

When I was in college, me and all my friends thought 30yos hitting on us was SO cringy and gross. We’d laugh afterward and joke about how they must be so bad they couldn’t find any women their own age who would date them. There are young women who are enamored with older men. Most of the women I’ve known in my life like this had extremely unstable upbringings. They were attracted to the image of stability that older men projected, but the men trying to date women a decade younger than them often…
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 09:00 PM
12

There is a lot going on in your post, but 30s tend to be some of the best years for everyone, not just men. As a generalization, your sense of self is well-developed - you know who you are and what you like/dislike and no longer care what anyone thinks about it, whether that’s how you dress or wear your hair, or the hobbies you enjoy. You likely have more financial stability than in your 20s and that allows for things like fun vacations, home purchases, or starting a family. I turn 40 next month…
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 01:45 PM
4

This line also gave me pause and sounds petty distasteful, but I understood “better” to mean measurable attributes like higher education level or salary than the person OP is talking to that could trigger insecurities, and not “better” as in being a more superior/worthy person vs an inferior/unworthy person. I think OP has some points, but they don’t paint themselves in a good light with the way they’ve presented their observations.
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 12:20 AM
7

Yeah, misogyny isn’t new. There’s a certain type of guy that has existed for forever that will punish any woman who he perceives as reaching “above her station” or thinking she is equal to a man. So whether the woman behaves as if she’s better than him or is just existing with an education, career, confidence, good looks, or sense of humor he finds unacceptable, this type of man will be triggered and attempt to put her back in her place - with the most minor behavior being unnecessary rudeness a…
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 12:04 AM
3

I would definitely do your research into them. I’m sure like any service, some are great and some are scammy garbage. Use a service that has a long track record and good reputation. I’d make sure they have a vetting and interview process for anyone who uses their services and aren’t just taking $10k to set you up with whoever else paid their rates. A good sign is if they conduct background checks. That’s the absolute bare minimum you should accept.
/r/ExRedPill16/02/26 07:44 PM
5

Learning how to rest is important, but I’m like you. I feel mentally much better when I am doing things. Being bored doesn’t sit well and often induces anxiety for me - life is short, there’s much to do, and I want to take action. And that brings me fulfillment. Perhaps being retired isn’t a good fit for you and you need new sources of activity.
/r/ExRedPill16/02/26 07:32 PM
3

I want to say that I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I am not going to pretend that height doesn’t matter at all in life or dismiss your many negative experiences. I do know at least two longterm hetero couples who have a height disparity - in one the woman is 5’9” and the man is maybe 5’2”, so I know it’s possible. I am concerned about your mental health, and while it sounds like you’ve taken some good steps to try to find relief, it seems like you’ve sort of given up on them. Being retired at…
/r/ExRedPill16/02/26 07:19 PM
3

Thank you for posting this. The part about asking to stop even after sex is initiated really resonated with me. Changing your mind at any time is totally valid, but also, upwards of 75% of women experience pain with sex at some point in their lives. If your intent isn’t rape, you shouldn’t want to hurt your partner, either emotionally or physically, and should stop immediately when asked without any sort of attitude about it. It may be a let down or make you feel self-conscious, but that’s bette…
/r/ExRedPill16/02/26 03:27 PM
3

Maybe, maybe not. First you’d have to be consuming social media, but not just social media, the type of social media that is associated with partnership and dating. And then you’d have to be the type of person who lets your social media content bleed into your real world. Most people (but clearly not all), are just out there living their lives. Maybe they’re tangentially influenced by online content when it comes to relationships, but they aren’t being directed by it or making their life decisio…
/r/ExRedPill14/02/26 08:09 PM
4

I’m 40 years old. Of the 26 friends I’m closest with, there are 4 single people and 11 couples. None of the single people have been in serious relationships (or any relationship) in several years. Of the 11 couples, here are how many years they’ve been together: 21, 20, 15, 13, 12, 11, 10, 8, 4, 4, 3. I know many more longterm couples that I am not as close with. In my family, there are four siblings and my parents. We’re all partnered: 41, 17, 15, 9, and 6 years. My husband’s parents just celeb…
/r/ExRedPill14/02/26 07:58 PM
3

You don’t even have to “stay in shape.” There are a ton of men and women attracted to curvy or even fat partners. And I mean their bodies, not “I love them for their personality more” cop out nonsense.
/r/ExRedPill14/02/26 05:18 PM
3

I imagine that in some cultures, marriage is more transactional than about interpersonal connection. I had a friend from Bangladesh who was in an arranged marriage, for example. And I know many places emphasize same-sex friendships where men and women really don’t intermingle socially even when married, but meet their social and emotional needs through people of their gender and maybe less through their spouse. That said, I have no interest in being with someone who isn’t my closest friend too. …
/r/ExRedPill14/02/26 02:07 PM
3

You aren’t statistically wrong. I do believe there are surveys that show that married women fair worse in some metrics than single women and that married men fair better than unmarried men (like in lifespan). The problem with overarching statistics like this is that they don’t mean much on the individual level. You’re making a population-wide observation and maybe not getting into the messy details of what factors are causing these disparities and who exactly they’re affecting within the whole.
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 08:45 PM
4

I’m sorry to hear that. Marriage is not by default a negative sum game. You admittedly chose a partner for the wrong reasons and are projecting that regret and frustration onto everyone else’s marriages.
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 04:00 PM
4

I’ve been in two serious relationships. Neither of them were bad. My first relationship ended because he wanted children and I did not. I’m married to the second one. I did have a tryst in between that was exciting, but was not a potential relationship for me - we were not a good match, but I/we discovered this early on, so it was fun while it lasted, but we broke it off. Still not a bad experience. Beyond these three, there were a lot of people I considered or dated briefly without it going any…
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 03:51 PM
5

This doesn’t sound like young women jumping into marriage to me. When I hear that phrase, I think of non-college 19/20yos, not 25-29yos who focused on their own education and careers before considering marriage. That is a pretty healthy and appropriate age and situation to get married in. Unless you mean that they meet and marry their partners all in a very short period of time, like 6 months or something?
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 02:38 PM
7

Are they jumping into marriage for financial security or because they are in love? Statistically, the younger a woman marries, the much more likely they are to experience divorce at least once.
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 03:34 AM
11

I think choosing to be single is a fine and valid choice. Something like 30% of people never marry and many live full, happy, meaningful lives surrounded by family and friends. That said, my husband gives me so very much - laughter, love, support, adventure, companionship… he listens to my stories and dumb ideas, he knows my likes and dislikes and surprises me with gifts for hobbies that aren’t his own. He encourages me to go for my goals and better myself and helps fix the things that are broke…
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 03:30 AM
17

There’s an adage out there that says “men think they’re competing with other men. They’re actually competing with women’s peace.” Basically, is being in a relationship with that person over there better than being single or will it ruin my peace of mind and body? Now that most women can provide for themselves financially, they need men to provide in other non-financial and often complicated ways - to help them care for the household and their children, sure, but to manage their anger during frus…
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 01:16 AM
2

Ugh, the stuff I believed in my teens straight up haunts me, haha. I remember telling my parents I would just not drive rather than be seen in an ugly car like a landcruiser. 😆 OP, this isn’t a dig at you, it’s a dig at all of us. We’ve all been 17 and have been where you are before. The weirdest part of getting older is looking back at all the awesome stuff and being like “wow, that was a really cool time” while simultaneously looking back and saying “damn, I was an idiot back then.” Much love …
/r/ExRedPill13/02/26 12:06 AM
6

None of this is remotely true or based in science. I have at least two female friends who have had around a hundred partners and they’re both in longterm committed relationships that are healthy and stable. Having had sex with a lot of people doesn’t have anything to do with your “capacity to emotionally bond” because love and sex aren’t the same thing.
/r/ExRedPill12/02/26 10:01 PM
13

Yeah, and there are all these dudes online who say “if she’s slept with more than 2-4 guys in her life, she’s for the streets.” And I’m like, so I had sex with one guy for every decade I’ve been an adult and that makes me a whore? Totally legit logic here.
/r/ExRedPill11/02/26 03:54 PM
8

I’m fairly certain the quote was “one of the wonderful things about the redpill being fake is that people get to choose who they date.” I can’t find it now, and would accept a link to it, but I’m pretty sure it was about the ideology generally not the statement of the OP. The wording matters to your takeaway from it.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:41 PM
5

One was at a cabin, surrounded by family and friends. The other was dinner at a favorite place of theirs.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:37 PM
6

There are 365 days in a year. If you are interested in hookups, and become sexually active at like 16, by the time you’re 30, that’s only a hookup once every two months or so. That’s not something I was ever interested in, but not completely bonkers, imo.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:35 PM
6

Oh, definitely. I know two women who had dozens of past partners when they were younger and both are happily married now. Their husbands either didn’t care enough to ask or didn’t care about the answer.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:31 PM
10

I’m of the belief both that number of partners doesn’t mean anything objectively about a person (good or bad) and that a person is allowed to have feelings about how many partners a prospective romantic interest has had, as long as they are not hypocritical about it. If I were a practicing Christian, for example, I think it would be okay to prefer a partner be a virgin if I held myself to that standard too because it would align with my religious beliefs. That said, it doesn’t tell you much abou…
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:30 PM
13

Is it? Why? Is the number of partners a man has important?
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 10:13 PM
5

You are describing a dystopia, the mob, or a dictatorship. Those things don’t have positive connotations.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 09:35 PM
2

There’s literally a community for everyone online. People who like anime, birdwatching, niche culture, reading, sports, art, etc etc. can find their people. Those who boil their whole personalities into dating, looks, politics, or major league sports are boring people who need to expand who they are into different realms that create fulfillment. This is not fulfilling you. Turn it off and find something else that does.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 09:29 PM
3

If I was listening to media that constantly told me I was fat, but either I’m not fat or I’m a confident person who doesn’t care that I am, why would I continue to subject myself to something that preys on my insecurities unnecessarily? And what if I am fat and insecure about it? Even more reason to not do that! This sounds like actual torture. Why consume things that make you feel awful about yourself when there is a world of media to consume that doesn’t have that effect or accepts you as you …
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 09:18 PM
4

Who is “they”? And why does what they say hold merit to you?
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 09:10 PM
7

Well, it’s not super helpful to use the word in the definition, but I’m absolutely not interested in a man who “dominates his environment.” That sounds overbearing and controlling. As if I wouldn’t be an equal in the relationship or have agency of my own.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 04:12 PM
5

Define dominant.
/r/ExRedPill10/02/26 01:25 AM
1

Wanting love, sex, and intimacy is great and normal. Obsessing over it and making it your core value or goal is not healthy for you or your sense of self and worth. It sounds like you’ve figured it out and are taking steps to understand yourself and correct a behavior that wasn’t leaving you happy or fulfilled. You’re doing great.
/r/ExRedPill06/02/26 08:46 PM
5

This is wonderful news! I’m so happy you’re taking the initiative on your health. It can be hard to find doctors and book appointments when you’re not feeling good. Bravo! Many of us on here take medications for our physical and mental health to help us function well and feel better. I have several times in my life needed antidepressants or anti anxiety medications to help me during difficult times. Whether you need something long-term to shut off the bad self-talk and obsessive thoughts or only…
/r/ExRedPill06/02/26 01:27 PM
3

People who kill their intimate partners is definitely a long tradition. What has changed is that the internet gathered aggrieved and single lonely men together and radicalized some of them into violence against strangers.
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 09:09 PM
4

Statistically, both people. In this economy, most partners must bring in money if they can.
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 07:15 PM
3

Attraction between partners is not the same as “objective” attractiveness according to a societal standard. My husband is starting to bald. He is not less attractive to me because my attraction to his physical looks is formed by my feelings about him as a whole. We all get older and our bodies tend to fade. Do all old people leave their relationships because their partners are less objectively attractive?
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 06:40 PM
5

Also not the person you asked. Ambition to me generally boils down to wanting to better yourself somehow - to grow in your chosen career, whatever it is - or change it when it no longer fits you or the life you want; or the desire to keep learning new things or going new places or meeting new people. The opposite of ambition might be stagnation or complacency. You do the same things day in and day out, you stop learning, you stop taking care of your physical and mental health, you take those aro…
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 06:34 PM
5

Same here. My husband makes less than I do, but he is a secure and masculine guy who doesn’t care a bit about whatever weird ideology on earnings the random dude he encounters holds. He pulls his weight and my job allows him to do something he loves instead of something soulless for higher pay and that fills my heart with joy.
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 01:14 PM
10

This is exactly it. Also, can you imagine holding yourself back in your career or earnings to appease the ego of men who actually think like this? I’d rather stay single than kneecap myself because of a guy’s insecurities.
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 01:10 PM
4

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and except for two years while I was in grad school, I’ve always made more than him. My brother is a stay at home dad and he and his wife have been happy together since 2010. Hypergamy is a lie when it comes to how real people live their lives. If you buy into the idea that men should earn more than their female partners, then men who believe that won’t date women who earn more than them and women who believe that won’t date men unless they earn more than t…
/r/ExRedPill03/02/26 01:05 PM
8

There is a difference between trauma dumping on people and sharing your past hurts and insecurities with someone who loves you. Which are you engaging in? Also, vulnerability can be pretty simple, like being self deprecating in a lighthearted way, which shows you understand your shortcomings, being able to recognize and apologize for being wrong, or not having to be in control of every situation. It doesn’t have to be therapy-level divulgence.
/r/ExRedPill01/02/26 04:31 PM
1

I certainly agree it’s shallow. But should fat women judge men in broad strokes, especially when there are plenty of guys like you who aren’t shallow?
/r/ExRedPill31/01/26 11:09 PM
5

That’s sounds like it was the right choice. I’m sorry you’re struggling with judgmental people who can’t cope with your past. The more you shut down because of these bad past experiences, the less likely you are to be in a position to meet someone who accepts you as you are.
/r/ExRedPill31/01/26 10:42 PM
7

Many men have deal-breakers for who they’ll date. A ton of guys would never date a fat woman, no matter how many other boxes they check. Does that make all men cold?
/r/ExRedPill31/01/26 10:38 PM
6

Are you able to give me the rough number of women who have done this to you? Did all these women grow up in the same conservative area as you? That may have something to do with it. Bisexuality is still pretty stigmatized a lot of places - bisexual women may find acceptance a little easier mostly due to fetishization (like around women making out with each other and the desire for threesomes) - but then you’re dating people who fetishize you, which sucks, Potential partners assume they’re up for…
/r/ExRedPill31/01/26 10:29 PM
3

I feel this so much. I’m 40, but when I was 24, I had just gotten out of my first relationship, which lasted six years. I wasn’t interested in a relationship or casual sex, but did want to try hitting on guys and maybe making out with someone new as I reentered the dating pool. The first guy I decided to hit on was a friend of a friend at a bar/music show that seemed cool and cute. He told his buddy right next to him that he was put off that I’d approached him instead of the other way around and…
/r/ExRedPill31/01/26 12:59 AM
5

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Since you don’t have a terribly good relationship with him, I don’t think there’s much you can do by directly talking to him about these topics. But protect yourself, your sister, and your mom. The more the men in our lives dehumanize us, the more they are liable to do dehumanizing things to us. Also, the comment about Renee Good is especially upsetting to me because her husband was a combat veteran with PTSD who I believe took his own life.…
/r/ExRedPill30/01/26 09:45 PM
3

I don’t think you’re hopeless.
/r/ExRedPill29/01/26 09:18 PM
4

I second this. Stepping back or taking a break can be helpful to a point in analyzing a situation or interaction. But being alone when you are spiraling or having repetitive or intrusive thoughts isn’t good. OP should reach out in person or digitally to others. It doesn’t have to be heavy. It could be an invite to play video games or get pizza. Sometimes we need to do the hard work to be better, like with a therapist, a trusted friend, or this sub. But sometimes lighthearted companionship is tak…
/r/ExRedPill29/01/26 09:17 PM
4

I’m also going to make some generalizations from my personal experiences with my relationships and those of my family and friends groups. They aren’t going to apply to every woman or relationship dynamic. There’s a saying that behind every strong man is a strong woman. This is the case in every successful relationship I know. Good women, whether stay at home or working, are the support structure for their husbands, especially as men increasingly have fewer deep relationships with other men. We’r…
/r/ExRedPill26/01/26 10:04 PM
10

I’ve made more than my husband for most of our 15-year relationship. He’s a confident and self-assured guy who wouldn’t allow anyone to shame him about anything, but only his parents have ever shit on him about it and he cut them out of his live a few years back after decades of bad treatment. As long as you’re contributing to the relationship and household in some way, why would it matter, fundamentally, that a woman makes more than you? Maybe you love what you do, but it doesn’t pay super grea…
/r/ExRedPill26/01/26 09:37 PM
8

I don’t know many stay at home husbands currently, because in this economy, both people usually need to work to support the household, but my brother was out of work involuntarily for about a year and for the majority of that time he was home caring for his newborn son while my SIL worked. He loved being able to teach him everything and be there for all the milestones.
/r/ExRedPill26/01/26 09:27 PM
6

Also, I recently just made several comments on other posts in this sub about the intense emphasis some guys place on being in a “protector” role and how this may not translate into the healthiest dynamic in a relationship - ie: we don’t live in the jungle surrounded by things that want to kill is anymore and so other grown adults don’t often need a savior or knight. But in this case, trust your instincts and please protect this woman. If you feel like this former good friend is a danger to her, …
/r/ExRedPill26/01/26 01:47 AM
13

I am of the opinion that people generally won’t change their behavior until there’s an incentive or consequence to do so. It doesn’t sound like your relationship is strong enough anymore to have the in-depth conversations with him that might allow him to rethink his beliefs, behavior, and media diet. Unfortunately, I don’t think your former friend will be reached by anything you have to say - there hasn’t been any incentive or consequence yet that would induce him to change. What you should do i…
/r/ExRedPill26/01/26 01:33 AM
4

Any system that requires a hierarchy of submission by one partner to another becomes a system of control. There’s no way around that. And you completely glossed over the whole sex on demand part. If I can’t say no to you, and I must defer to you in any household decision, my agency is significantly curtailed. I am not a free or equal participant in the marriage. That arrangement greatly benefits the husband, in that his word and will are the end-all be-all, and the woman must just abide by whate…
/r/ExRedPill25/01/26 12:56 PM
5

That sounds really healthy and nice. It’s good for both partners to do some occasional introspection and communication to make sure protectiveness doesn’t blur into controlling behavior. After all, women can definitely be controlling too. For instance, it may be comforting and feel like caring to one partner to always have locations shared, but it may feel intrusive or oppressive to the other person (my husband and I do not track each other’s locations, for example, but my best friend and her pa…
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 04:50 PM
6

What do you anticipate you are protecting her from? I see this word used a lot and the problem is that we don’t live in a jungle surrounded by wild animals and warring tribes. My main issue is that sometimes/often this desire to protect a loved one manifests into control. It’s a lovely feeling to have someone there to support you emotionally when you’re having a hard time. To hold your heart when it feels heavy. To check and make sure you got home safely or to come pick you up from a situation t…
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 02:03 PM
6

The biblical model was developed during a time when women were property and men could not only marry, but take slaves and concubines. It is arranged to benefit men primarily and women secondarily through men’s defense and provision of their property (ie their women, children, slaves, and livestock). Modernizing this bronze/iron-age model to make it more palatable to people today and using terms like “honor” and “cherish” does not mitigate the control and ownership underlying it. There is literal…
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 01:53 PM
2

I think that’s all a fair point.
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 04:38 AM
3

Have you ever watched the show Deadliest Catch? There’s a guy on that show named Jake Anderson who is incredibly emotional and sensitive. He feels things deeply, cries easily, and communicates his feelings. But he’s simultaneously doing one of the most physically demanding and dangerous jobs in the world, has a wife and several children, and worked his way up from nothing to provide for them. Everyone loves the guy - his bosses, his coworkers, his family. He’s one of the best real examples of po…
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 04:15 AM
4

Honestly, this knee-jerk defensiveness isn’t great. We all have more work to do to be better people and partners. We’re all a work in progress and there’s no reason to be defensive about it. For example, I know I can be short or irritable, messy, and overly anxious and because I am aware of the flaws in my thinking, I can try to address them.
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 03:50 AM
11

Can you explain what resonates with you in regards to “traditionalism”?
/r/ExRedPill23/01/26 09:49 PM
9

Have you considered therapy? When you have many people telling you something is true, but you won’t/can’t believe it, there’s something fundamental going on inside your brain where your perception isn’t matching reality. A therapist can help you work through this cognitive dissonance and what sounds like body dysmorphia. And now that so much therapy is online, you can just download an app on your phone instead of having to go to an office somewhere.
/r/ExRedPill19/01/26 05:54 AM
5

Think of it like playing an instrument or maybe a video game: no one gets better without practice and occasional failure! You are going to hit the wrong notes in your goal to play the whole song, but that’s okay! No one gets good at anything without practice and failure. Fortunately, as a teenager, it’s all new to everyone and you’re all hitting the wrong notes and carrying on together just fine like every young adult before you. You can even tell a girl that you want to kiss her but you’re nerv…
/r/ExRedPill19/01/26 05:44 AM
18

Seriously? It’s striking how negatively you talk about yourself throughout the entire post. You’re consuming all this online advice about how to please women but are also obsessed with looksmaxxing content that makes you so insecure and miserable that you’ll never have the confidence to actually follow through with anything you’ve supposedly learned about women. You’re literally blowing opportunities you theoretically want due to not only normal 16yo insecurity and nervousness, but all this addi…
/r/ExRedPill19/01/26 03:56 AM
20

How is any of this actually benefiting you? Like, it’s clearly making you miserable, so why do you keep doing it?
/r/ExRedPill19/01/26 03:26 AM
1

What are you already interested in? What new hobbies might you like to check out? The best option is a meetup or class around something you’re interested in that reoccurs weekly or monthly, so you’re seeing some of the same people over and over. Could be an art class, a gaming meetup, a bird watching group, a book club, a recreational coed football league - it’s really anything you might enjoy with other people. Do several of these types of get-togethers a week and be kind, social, and happy whi…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/26 09:14 PM
1

It sounds like you’ve figured it out on your own. Cold approaching women is highly likely to result in a casual hookup and nothing more. You’re just randomly picking women without knowing their partnership goals, and the ones saying yes are more ambivalent about dating a stranger than someone looking for a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it doesn’t sound like what you want. Meeting people through shared hobbies and social events where you can get to know them first is the tick…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/26 08:10 PM
3

I mean, getting into a relationship with someone hoping to change them isn’t a great start, whether you’re a man or a woman. This seems like alright advice. I want my husband to be the best version of himself because I see his potential and the things that bring him joy and a feeling of accomplishment. But I’ve never tried to change him into some version of himself that would appease me. I’m with him because I liked who he was to start with. If you see a lot of things you’d like to change in you…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/26 07:58 PM
3

One of the biggest issues with being a victim of infidelity is that you start trying to devise ways for it to not happen to you again and a lot of those ways ultimately hurt your chances at finding love and increase your chances of future infidelity. The more you try to control someone else instead of managing your own hurt and mistrust of others, the more your relationships will fail.
/r/ExRedPill30/11/25 03:40 PM
15

Ah, I see. That would definitely make it more alarming and confusing. I thought it was a longer timeline. It’s possible the mask is just coming off. Some people behave well until they feel their partner is in deep enough that they don’t have to put on the act anymore and can be themselves. That may be what has happened here. Or maybe he’s been introduced to this content via algorithm recently and something about it is resonating with him. Waiting around for him to snap out of it isn’t going to w…
/r/ExRedPill06/10/25 06:26 PM
37

“Why hasn’t he broken up with me?” Why on earth haven’t you broken up with him? Seriously, are you a doormat? When you remove the red pill or conservative bits, you’re just describing a relationship that’s over. You aren’t attracted to each other, you argue all the time, you don’t respect each other or communicate well. I’m absolutely confused why you’re still with this guy. There’s nothing to salvage here. Find someone who treats you with affection and sweetness all the time instead of treating…
/r/ExRedPill06/10/25 05:51 PM
15

You can try appealing to his emotions and love for you. Ask genuine questions to disarm him in a calm way: “you don’t think I’m like that, do you?” “Is this stuff making you happy? All I want is for you to be happy and you seem to be really struggling right now.” A lot of this stuff comes from feelings of rejection and loneliness and not being understood or taken seriously by people. Also try grey-rocking. This is a cult deprogramming technique where you actively listen politely, but you don’t e…
/r/ExRedPill06/10/25 11:54 AM
5

That’s awful. I can imagine that sort of treatment would make trusting people’s intentions hard. It’s hard to leave our mistreatment by others behind, but hopefully as you and the people around you matured, this behavior has lessened and it’s mostly benign now.
/r/ExRedPill05/10/25 08:51 PM
7

It’s possible. I’d imagine someone with a fragile ego would also not be okay with having someone turn them down by declaring they’re fat or ugly though Yes, they’re trying to be nicer to you by letting you down easy, but more importantly, they’re seeing your humanity and dignity in a way that telling you to fck off or insulting you absolutely does not. I’m now curious: have you considered you’d prefer to be let down hard like this because then you can write off those women as jerks/bitches who y…
/r/ExRedPill05/10/25 12:19 PM
28

You should probably work on reframing your thinking about this, because your feelings likely don’t match reality. You aren’t being pitied. You’re being treated with kindness and respect by people who may not have romantic feelings for you, but are attempting to let you down with dignity as a person who has feelings instead of someone who deserves brusk dismissal. Being flatly refused can also be a safety issue, it’s true, and so instead of feeling pitied, you can work on understanding that it ha…
/r/ExRedPill04/10/25 12:38 PM
3

Equally hating women (misogyny) and hating men (misandry) has its own name: misanthropy. That’s the word you’re looking for. But these terms all describe thoughts, words, and behavior. So you can still be described as misogynist (or misandrist) due to your words or behavior in specific instances despite being an overall misanthropist. The terms can all coexist simultaneously.
/r/ExRedPill03/10/25 11:54 AM
5

I think this is the same mistake as trying to conflate virgins and incels. You can be a virgin without being an incel, which involves an ideology and not just a state of being. Likewise, plenty of men move abroad for various reasons and find romantic partners without being passport bros, because there’s an ideology involved beyond just dating someone of a different nationality.
/r/ExRedPill04/03/25 01:23 AM
13

My friend is a middle school teacher and she’s had boys recently tell her they don’t have to listen to anything she says because she’s a woman. If boys have access to the internet, they are being exposed to these ideas. It’s rampant by 11-12.
/r/ExRedPill24/01/25 10:55 AM
3

I don’t tolerate people using racial slurs around me either. If that means they’re just telling me what I want to hear because they won’t use racial slurs or sexist language around me, then that’s a feature, not a bug. Maybe you should ask yourself why using dehumanizing language is fine with you and your friends.
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 07:49 PM
4

It’s 2025. You can be a farm animal if you want. You can be a misogynist too. Some women are. But leave the rest of us out of it. Man or woman, or whether you realize it or not, using “female” is a tactic to dehumanize us and therefore excuse our mistreatment by men and misogynistic women. You can take the warning or not, I really don’t care, but no one I know in real life respects people who talk this way about other humans.
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 07:30 PM
6

It’s kind of rude for you to refer to everyone of my gender using a term intended to dehumanize us like we’re farm animals or dogs, so I guess we’re even, right?
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 07:18 PM
4

I’m not trolling. Using the word “females” to refer to women is debasing. You’re intentionally dehumanizing us with that term. I immediately know exactly who a man is when he refers to women as females, and that’s a bad and very unsafe person.
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 01:50 PM
7

If you stopped referring to us as “females,”maybe you’d deal with less rejection…
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 03:25 AM
21

Exactly. I’ve had unrequited love with a male friend. We were in a tight group of three and he ended up starting a relationship with the other friend. We all survived this, even after they broke up, but it was certainly painful. You decide the friendship is worth dealing with your feelings or you decide it’s too hard and you create distance. Both options are fine, as long as you aren’t being a jerk about it and punishing or harassing them. You can’t control how you feel any more than they can co…
/r/ExRedPill19/01/25 03:22 AM
2

Hmm, I don’t think you have to choose one then. The stories we tell ourselves can influence our thoughts and behavior. If you don’t feel like socializing or being around others most of the time, then don’t. If you later feel lonely and want to be around others, then do that. Don’t make black and white rules about “how you are.” People contain multitudes and our preferences can change over time. Do what feels right for you, but don’t fix your story in concrete. Saying “I enjoy being alone most of…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 09:52 PM
2

Yes, he does. He’s just more mature than men who obsess about a woman’s past… When they met, he was immediately interested, but the person who introduced them said she’d never settle down, and that he could expect some fun and that’s it. But he really liked her, and it turned out that she really liked him, so they decided to be monogamous together. It’s been many years and they are among the happiest couples I know. You can just see how much they care about each other.
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 09:18 PM
2

I understand that the way I feel about any subject isn’t how everyone else feels. Likewise, the way you feel about something isn’t how everyone else feels. Asexuality is a spectrum. There are, I’m sure, asexual people who feel like you posit you would feel and don’t bother forming these types of relationships. But there are plenty of asexual people who want romance, physical affection, and companionship, they’re just minimally or not at all interested in sexual acts. Since sex is only one part o…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 09:12 PM
1

I’m married and have been with my husband for 14 years. You clearly still have a lot of growth to do. Your bitterness and disdain for women is so overwhelming in your tone that it would be unsurprising to me if you struggle with maintaining healthy relationships. I hope you leave your contempt for us behind some day, for your sake and for the sake of women around you.
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 08:54 PM
1

Your last sentence is bizarre. I don’t know any woman in my real life who chose a man to lead her. All of them chose people who they felt were their equals. And safety is nice to rely on, but it’s not a job. Life isn’t warfare and there aren’t battlefronts women need constant protection from. I love a man who would come to my aid if I couldn’t handle a situation on my own. That’s good masculinity. I do not want a man who sees threats everywhere and steps ahead of me in what he thinks is best for…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 02:46 AM
1

My ex was straight and asexual. It was very hard for us because we didn’t have that term back then and I, as a sexual person socialized to believe men are always interested in sex unless there’s something wrong with the woman, couldn’t understand that he cared for me and wanted to be with me, but was content with little or no physical intimacy. Now I get it, but it caused a lot of heartache and confusion at the time. I’m so happy we have words to express this and other relationship styles today.…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 02:35 AM
3

The anecdote is a counterpoint to the RP claim that women who engage in casual sex are low-value, dirty, emotionally broken, and/or are unworthy and incapable of a good man and healthy relationship. IE the red pill would claim that my friend, an overweight woman in her 30s who has had more than 100 sexual partners, would be unacceptable to any good or worthy man with standards, wealth, looks, or choice. But she has been married to an exceptionally kind, very intelligent, and good-looking man for…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 02:27 AM
3

Why put yourself down? It’s okay to be an introvert and say so. It’s okay to prefer your own company over others and determine relationships aren’t for you. But if that’s what you want and what makes you content, embrace it! No need for the self-deprecation - be confident in your introversion. Calling yourself a loser out the gate comes off pitying, and of all the things these people you don’t enjoy being around could know about you, why give them that?
/r/ExRedPill18/01/25 02:15 AM
30

I think this is the answer. Trying to disprove the content never works, because people are connecting to it emotionally, not logically, even if it’s couched in logic. Deprogramming people from unhealthy beliefs often includes diverting their attention away from engaging with unhealthy content or communities. He’s missing something that makes this stuff appealing to him. If you can decipher what that is and distract him from consuming these ideas, you may be able to roll this back. That said, don…
/r/ExRedPill13/01/25 04:10 AM
2

Anthropology for me! I do think we may be a bit more interested in the “why” of behavior than the average person from an outsider-looking-in perspective, even though we’re participants in the same cultural phenomena as everyone else, haha.
/r/ExRedPill12/01/25 06:28 PM
2

The question you are asking is both extremely sociologically complex and simultaneously simple: people want to feel belonging; our brains are flawed and much of what we think is free will is driven by biology; many people are mentally unwell; the internet is a social experiment with known and unknown consequences; algorithms funnel people from mainstream ethical beliefs and behavior into fringe beliefs that exploit the strongest drivers of humanity, like fear, anger, competition, need for belong…
/r/ExRedPill12/01/25 06:12 PM
10

I don’t have a problem with men or women going on vacation with the added desire to hopefully have a fling abroad. That can be really fun! That’s not what most passport bros are doing though. They’re expressly looking for relationships with women who meet their perceptions of appropriate partners, targeting cultures that value limited feminism and submissiveness in women (both socially and economically) and are open to transactional sex involving money or promises of something more than a mutual…
/r/ExRedPill02/12/24 04:18 PM
9

Can I read what? This is our first interaction. You’re responding to my comment, lady. I have no idea what you said beyond “most women are taller than him” on my comment. No idea why you’re coming at me. Also, stop speaking for other women. Your shallow preference aren’t everybody else’s preferences.
/r/ExRedPill24/06/24 02:10 AM
11

Yes. What’s your point?
/r/ExRedPill24/06/24 12:07 AM
13

People are telling you that attraction between people grows over time because evidence-based science has demonstrated that people find their partners more physically attractive as their emotional connection grows. But I think what’s being lost in translation is that if you have no initial attraction at all, there’s nothing to grow. I’m a straight woman. I can find other women pretty in an aesthetic way, but no amount of time spent with a woman is going to result in physical attraction for me bec…
/r/ExRedPill23/06/24 09:36 PM
7

I think this is the key. My cousin is the same height and he sometimes bemoans (to me and my husband) that he would have more options if he was tall, but he has had almost no issue getting laid. I’ve literally never known him to sleep alone for long, whether that’s hookups or relationships, so I’m curious if things would be much different if he actually was taller or if it’s a “grass is greener on the other side of the hill” situation. Maybe more of the taller women he is attracted to would reci…
/r/ExRedPill23/06/24 07:49 PM
8

The cousin I mentioned elsewhere has had plenty of casual hookups. It is a bit harder for him because there are women that have superficial ideas about height, but few men have their pick of any woman they’re interested in. In the grand scheme of his life, he really hasn’t been held back by it in his escapades.
/r/ExRedPill23/06/24 07:13 PM
30

My cousin is 5’4”. He’s had four long-term relationships and several flings between. He has two kids now. Women are sexually attracted to him. He’ll make light-hearted comments about wanting to be taller, because as you know, it can be a bit of a drawback in several different ways. But he’s not obsessed with his height deficit. As I mentioned before, I know several short men who have found relationships and even married. Their partners find them sexually attractive. Personally, the biggest diffi…
/r/ExRedPill23/06/24 06:06 PM
16

Be careful generalizing that all women feel so-and-so. You’re looking to find an individual, not satisfy the average, and there are many individuals who don’t think short guys, especially those they’ve formed a connection with “ugly.” I know a few women who are much taller than their short husbands. It isn’t the norm, no, because statistically men are taller than women, so statistically men are usually taller in a relationship.
/r/ExRedPill22/06/24 09:42 PM
20

Well, and if you can be convinced that one group of people is the cause of all your problems, why couldn’t Jews or Black folks or other minority groups also be the cause of your problems? Why would it stop at women and feminism if your worldview is that people in the groups hold power, cause problems, and are all the same? It’s a pretty straight line from point A to point B.
/r/ExRedPill22/06/24 09:37 PM
1

What experiences are you talking about? Intimacy? Or how to be in a relationship? Because plenty of people who had relationships in their teens are terrible partners and plenty of people who don’t date til their 20s make amazing partners. Every path is different. There is no expiration date. You love music, you’re working on your career, you’ve travelled a bit if I’m remembering correctly. That sounds like experience that others might find appealing and interesting to talk about. You also had se…
/r/ExRedPill21/06/24 07:53 PM
6

The key to meeting people in real life is repetition. You want to go to the same places over and over to build rapport over time with the people there. Social anxiety is no joke. I suffer from a panic disorder, so I know it can be hard. Hard things are often the most worth doing though and my dad would say “you should be just a little bit uncomfortable every day, that’s how you know you’re making progress and not just treading water.” So, find something you’re interested in. It could be a gaming…
/r/ExRedPill21/06/24 12:35 PM
6

I think you’ve answered some things for yourself in this post. You hated yourself because you were a virgin. Now you aren’t a virgin and you still hate yourself, but you’ve moved the goalposts to thinking that getting a girlfriend will make you not hate yourself anymore. The underlying problem is you hate yourself, not that you’re a virgin or single. Sex didn’t fix it, and getting a girlfriend won’t either. Your sense of self has been torn down by this ideology and replaced by the idea that your…
/r/ExRedPill21/06/24 11:51 AM
7

A good partner varies a bit from person to person, but there are some basic foundational things common to everyone: honesty, good communication skills, fidelity, kindness, integrity of word and action, someone who doesn’t punch down or lash out when angry, who is supportive and has your back. Most people (but not all) want a partner with drive - someone with goals and motivation and self-sufficiency - in whatever form that takes. Do you help your partner out when they are stressed or feeling dow…
/r/ExRedPill21/06/24 11:41 AM
6

It’s not wrong. But there is no right way. For me, I had some romances in high school, but they never got physical because I was kind of freaked out about kissing and sex (fears of being awkward or doing it wrong). When I was 18, I met someone who was kind of the same and I was able to take things at my pace. When the relationship ended when I was 24, I decided I wanted to have some casual flings. I started with flirting with random guys I felt attracted to. I made out with an ex from high schoo…
/r/ExRedPill21/06/24 11:20 AM
10

Of the roughly 8 hetero couples in my close friend circle, 6 of the 8 women have a higher level of education than their partners and about half are the breadwinners. These are all long term relationships ranging from 4-16 years. None of us women view our men with contempt or derision. We love them and their contributions to our lives. What you’re repeating here are toxic patriarchal views that define men’s’ roles as providers, the end result being that men who do not fulfill the roles they’ve be…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 09:46 PM
7

RP would say that their fame and money is what made the difference, but you can walk around anywhere and see regular dudes who look like them with girlfriends and wives (well, maybe not Prince, at least not with his normal eclectic getup, but guys who have his body type and face).
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 09:24 PM
8

Men are not a monolith. There are some who will treat you as a series of holes or a personal servant. Most people are looking for more in a relationship though. You are a fully-actualized human being with value apart and above what you can do for someone else. Stop consuming content that is hurting you. When people try to quit an addiction, they have more success if they substitute, like having a pen in your pocket to fiddle with or chew on when you try to stop smoking or substitute seltzer wate…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 07:31 PM
12

We women are just gatekeeping a series of pleasure holes men feel entitled to and waiting to ruin him when he’s sated and lulled into false security like the biblical Judith or Delilah. /s
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 06:05 PM
5

1) no, men being emotionally vulnerable isn’t a turnoff at all. I do not respect men in my life less for being human; I want emotionally mature friends and lovers. Men who have never learned emotional complexity end up channeling all negative emotions into anger because that’s the only option according to other men, not women. It’s a huge turnoff to be emotionally austere it angry. 2) I have a deep emotional connection to my family, friends, and partners that can’t be swayed by random strangers.…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 04:26 PM
7

Forsooth!
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 01:04 PM
16

You have a lovely writing style. I wish that the content of your post wasn’t such garbage. This is rife with a bunch of unsubstantiated assumptions where you force your patriarchal and misogynist views onto women and then say, “See! Look what they’ve done! They actually want the patriarchy, deep down.” 90% of people marry at some point in their lives. More than that have meaningful relationships. Fat, short, broke; these people find partners who care about them deeply and form long-term monogamo…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 12:01 PM
17

And some people enjoy the attention of getting checked out, but there are a ton of people who do not like this experience, both men and women. All straight men have to do is get visibly checked out by a gay man to understand that this isn’t always a welcome experience (caveat: plenty of straight guys don’t care at all if gay men check them out).
/r/ExRedPill20/06/24 01:20 AM
13

If you’re regularly consuming misogynistic content, especially without adequate skepticism or education (by which I mean high level social sciences, biology, etc), then you can become convinced by bad ideas. The people creating this content are very skilled manipulators and conmen. Anyone can be fooled by someone skilled enough to identify and target the exact people who may be susceptible to their personas. All of us have different areas of susceptibility, but we are all capable of being misled…
/r/ExRedPill19/06/24 08:17 PM
7

I feel really bad for you that you believe this, like, sincerely. The effect it has on your feelings of worth and the hopelessness it breeds is pretty heartbreaking. I hope you stick around in this sub so we can help you to stop feeling this way. I imagine it’s pretty destructive to your well-being and that’s all really sad because pretty much everything you’ve written isn’t true.
/r/ExRedPill19/06/24 06:00 PM
1

Maybe. Some antisocial behaviors are pretty common in these guys. More socially-adjusted or good looking guys can be just as toxic and misogynistic and angry, but instead of being incels, they become serial abusers. They get laid, but they still hate and look down on women.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 10:41 PM
1

I’m not going to drag on him too badly, because he admitted in the opening post that he recognizes that he has a destructive addiction that has warped his perceptions of women. It’s that he has extrapolated his experience out into thinking that everyone only masturbates with porn or develops an unhealthy relationship to porn and then coming on here to shame us for the odd “just jerk off” that is the problem.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 10:31 PM
7

You’re conflating two different things. Telling people to masturbate is not the same as telling them to use porn. The thread we’re talking under hasn’t mentioned porn at all and you’ve said elsewhere that masturbating itself is harmful. With the caveat that anything, like drinking too much water, can be harmful in extreme excess, 100% of the data indicates that masturbation is a healthy activity that releases a bunch of good brain chemicals and hormones. It’s not part of any problem if it’s not …
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 06:35 PM
8

Masturbating doesn’t objectify women. It releases dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins that reduce stress.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 06:21 PM
5

What problem?
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 05:51 PM
13

Yeah, I’d need some links to this happening. I’ve maybe seen in once in a few hundred comments here.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 04:28 PM
21

This right here. You can even think a person is objectively attractive, but still not be attracted to them, kind of how you might view a lovely painting. I’d definitely do what you’ve done in this relationship in the future and see if affection cultivates attraction over time, but if it’s not there, it’s not there. Don’t let your fear of being alone or of hurting her feelings stop you both from finding a better match. She also deserves to feel attractive to her partner.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 11:48 AM
6

I think this comment is good advice, but I have to say that I don’t think feminist and RP content are the same at all. Manosphere anger and bitterness tends to revolve around women withholding things from men: attention, respect, romance, their bodies. Depending on the circle it might also include women taking things, like jobs, and failing to maintain traditional roles that serve men and their children at their expense. Women are human; some of them cheat and abuse men and behave all-around hor…
/r/ExRedPill17/06/24 11:40 AM
2

And even more importantly, is OP bringing that behavior to their real life interactions?
/r/ExRedPill16/06/24 07:55 PM
1

How are you clearly being judged as worse? Like, what would the metric look like? A friend of mine decided he wanted to get married and start a family. He spent about two months going on as many dates as he could, sometimes 2-3 a day. He went on dozens of dates that never progressed past that first meeting and all those women that didn’t get a call-back weren’t unlovable, worthless, or failures. They just weren’t the right match. You would be lumped right in with them in terms of dating failure,…
/r/ExRedPill16/06/24 07:36 PM
1

That’s because your reality is warped by your brain malfunctioning, in this case, likely due to depression. Our brains are powerful and they are also fallible. I suffered a traumatic brain injury some years ago. I thought I was just fine; I felt like myself and that I was thinking and behaving rationally. I wasn’t. It took people who knew me to sit me down and say, “You aren’t quite right. Your perception of reality is not accurate.” I later experienced something very similar with depression whi…
/r/ExRedPill16/06/24 07:23 PM
2

And yet they exist whether you find them evil or not. We’re highly attuned social animals who communicate consciously and unconsciously through all sorts of verbal and nonverbal cues. “Vibes” is just a new term for the ways in which you are communicating things indirectly or unconsciously. People can pick up on these things and not even be able to explain why they feel uneasy or calm around different people. It’s some lizard brain stuff meant to keep us safe from potential danger.
/r/ExRedPill16/06/24 06:44 PM
10

That’s awesome. Congrats! What a great thing to come to terms with. I think this is the case for so many people sucked into these toxic ideologies. At 40, I’m probably a bit older than the average age of this sub, and it’s funny how often both men and women in my real life have looked back at photos and said they didn’t realize how beautiful or handsome they were when they were in their teens and 20s. Their younger selves were just so wrapped up in the angst of their early adulthood. I think thi…
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 08:24 PM
3

Honestly, this is a big part of the problem. When many women go on dates, they aren’t just evaluating the physical looks or the enjoyability of the conversation or how much you have in common. They’re also evaluating if he seems mentally balanced. Is he safe to bring to my home? Will he hurt me through negligence or malice if we have sex? Will he stalk me or cuss at me if I turn him down? Will he become unstable if I dump him and threaten suicide or worse? Does he seem like the type to become cl…
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 06:40 PM
4

There’s just SO much in this single sentence. And you think you’re actually successfully hiding your inner feelings from others? Just the framing of this one sentence is an incredible insight into your flawed thinking. 1) to encourage you to not care that you’re incapable of being loved means your therapists actually believe you are incapable of being loved. I highly doubt anyone but you believes that. 2) this post is a totem of you not being in a place to hear advice from literally anyone, not …
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 05:27 PM
5

I very strongly believe you aren’t hiding it well. You’ve had a half-dozen women find you attractive enough to go on a date with you. You presumably talked to them online or in person beforehand just fine. But when it gets to the actual date, one-on-one, things end. Why? I don’t know how to impart on you enough that people can feel the inner turmoil you’ve laid out here, even if you try to hide it and even if they can’t quite define it themselves. You’re almost definitely giving off vibes in per…
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 04:38 PM
2

Really good advice!
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 04:27 PM
3

In my country, the “pursuit of happiness” is enshrined in our founding documents next to life and liberty, because happiness isn’t some hedonistic value. It’s fundamental to humanity and recognized as necessary for a meaningful and fulfilling life. Sure, there are things you might choose for happiness that could be considered hedonistic or destructive. But living a life based on happiness is not all about you. A lot of people are most happy when helping others or bringing them joy, for example. …
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 04:24 PM
5

Many of the things in life worth doing aren’t easy. It’s just that simple. It’s the execution of that fact that’s difficult. You need to change your perspective and you can do it on your own, but one of the fastest ways to do that is in therapy. I don’t know you, but based on the tone and content of your comments, dates not progressing is likely a symptom of your internal state and perspective and not the original cause of it. Of course rejection stings! But you’re in a red pill recovery group f…
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 04:01 PM
5

I only have your words to go from on this entire post, in which you say you have nothing going for you, you hate your hobbies, and you’re jealous that other people have more achievements than you. You clearly feel insufficient to others beyond just your struggles dating. My advice on remaking yourself has nothing to do whatsoever with what other people expect of you, but instead working to be the person you want to be. It sounds like you have plenty of things going for you, so the work you may n…
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 01:49 PM
5

And how did they get that way? Do you believe they all just sprang from their mothers’ bodies successful and with “positive traits”? No! Every person alive has to work for what they have, whether that’s money, or fitness, or a college degree, or less tangible but even more important things like kindness, humor, integrity, and honesty. They put in the work to achieve the things they have. What are you bringing to the table? Not just to a relationship, but your own life? If the answer is “idk” or …
/r/ExRedPill15/06/24 04:03 AM
6

Because a lot of other people love themselves even when they don’t have romantic partners. They do it, so why do you think you can’t?
/r/ExRedPill14/06/24 11:44 PM
3

Excellent comment.
/r/ExRedPill14/06/24 09:22 PM
9

The reason that loving yourself first is important is that people can sniff out desperation and lack of self-confidence and it isn’t attractive. Self respect and love is vital to a healthy relationship and you probably won’t have much success dating until you cultivate these things. No one wants to be an emotional crutch for someone full of doubt or self-loathing. Few healthy people want to adopt a man they have to “fix” because he refused to work on himself first. I suspect that you’re probably…
/r/ExRedPill14/06/24 04:51 PM
17

Wow, okay. That may feel like a failure to you, but actually, the fact that you’re able to get any dates at all (and five that) means there’s quite a bit of hope here, even if you don’t currently see it that way. It means your first impressions are good enough that women feel comfortable trying to get to know you one-on-one, and that’s something that can be built off of. This definitely isn’t hopeless.
/r/ExRedPill14/06/24 12:19 PM
1

I think I disagree. A certain amount of comparison is totally normal. I might even say it’s unavoidable even if you don’t want to compare. The problem comes in when it’s obsessive or disruptive to you forming or keeping relationships. There’s neutral observation of differences (“my ex played drums, my new partner plays guitar”), positive observation of differences (“my new partner treats me better than my ex would in this situation”) and toxic comparison (“my ex cheated on me, so my new partner …
/r/ExRedPill14/06/24 02:15 AM
10

This is excellent advice. Being kind to others for no other reason that it’s what should be done and what makes you feel good is deeply attractive for all those reasons.
/r/ExRedPill13/06/24 11:14 PM
5

Seriously. IMO, it’s super weird to pay for everything for a year when you’re not dating. This is NOT a societal expectation of men where I live, even if you were dating. If you’re trying to woo her, during the first date or two it can be a nice gesture, especially if she comes from a more traditional upbringing (personally, I prefer splitting because then I don’t feel like I owe the guy something). But until you’ve established that what you’re doing together is actually a date, you need to spli…
/r/ExRedPill12/06/24 09:13 PM
5

It’s worth confronting this fear now and working through it, because it’s incredibly easy to ruin good relationships when you’re obsessed with infidelity. It leads to clingy, controlling, and insecure behavior that will drive women away. Why do you think it’s more likely someone would cheat on you because of your looks? Where’s the evidence of that?
/r/ExRedPill12/06/24 12:29 AM
4

Infidelity certainly happens, but it’s not ubiquitous like you are feeling it is. I’m in my late 30s and most of my friends are in committed monogamous relationships now. Only a tiny minority have been involved in unfaithful relationships anytime in their lives. In my anecdotal experience, there are two types of cheaters: serial cheaters and those who stray because of dysfunction in their relationship. I’ve only known two people who are serial cheaters, either cheating on multiple committed part…
/r/ExRedPill11/06/24 11:35 PM
7

I’m a woman and didn’t have sex for the first time until after college (and I was even in a sorority), so while the whole hookup culture may be rampant in some circles, I’m not sure I would say it’s the standard. My now-husband was 13 when he became sexually active, but by the time we got together in my mid-20s, we’d both only had a few partners. Most people have fewer than 7 partners in their entire lives. I don’t have a problem with sex work or single people engaging someone ethically for this…
/r/ExRedPill11/06/24 06:03 PM
8

Welcome, and I agree what much of what you’ve written here. I do take issue with the idea that having a lot of different sexual partners is dehumanizing for either party or a sign of poor self-respect. I am not personally someone who ever really engaged in casual sex, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with ethical promiscuity. That means being very clear about expectations of encounters, communicating and respecting the boundaries and sexual needs of your partners, using protection, and getti…
/r/ExRedPill11/06/24 04:30 PM
4

It does happen. There’s a political podcast called “Know Your Enemy” where one of the hosts was a fairly far right conservative who is now very left. The hosts are not run-of-the-mill righties. They were not pilled. They are serious highly-educated guys who approach issues from an intensely intellectual and philosophical bend. Honestly, it’s often over my head because they’re like Ivy-league smart and have an understanding of the political history (of the US at least) that goes back like 100 yea…
/r/ExRedPill03/06/24 02:31 AM
3

Exactly. I’m a fairly attractive woman and I was a virgin til 23. It certainly wasn’t my choice to wait so long, but I’m socially awkward and had a history of sexual assault, so finding a trustworthy partner was difficult.
/r/ExRedPill03/06/24 01:00 AM
7

I have often attended political and social rallies. I know a lot of people who would call themselves antifa, as in the definitional “anti-fascist.” I know like two people who are part of BLM-affiliated chapters, but exactly zero people associated with an antifa group and that includes anyone formerly pilled. Now I’m curious, what made you curious about this topic?
/r/ExRedPill02/06/24 09:15 PM
4

Are these guys actually saying these things to women or is this locker room talk? If not, what’s going on here is that these dudes you know are manipulative people. They understand the attributes that women find attractive and put on that persona to trick women into thinking they’re something they aren’t. Sociopaths and narcissists can be very charming because they experience no shame and lie well. Dating is always going to be easier if you don’t fell social anxiety or embarrassment because it p…
/r/ExRedPill30/05/24 12:44 AM
2

Yeah, it’s not ideal. Recently, while waiting in the subway with my bike, a man with a bike approached me and asked if I knew the closest place to get a new bike tube. He seemed genial enough and I told him about a few spots along the line. Then he continued talking to me about a bunch of random stuff and I got increasingly uncomfortable and aware that we were alone. By the time the train showed up 15 minutes later, it had devolved into him asking me if I liked cocaine and if I would give him my…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 02:51 PM
1

Additionally, in the US, 90% of people will get married at some point and that doesn’t mean the remaining 10% didn’t have sex or meaningful relationships during their lives. This data completely disproves that only 10-20% of men are getting all the women.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 01:20 PM
1

Men are not more sexual than women. Women are just conditioned from an early age to be more cautious in who they sleep with (and who they tell) due to societal views around purity and promiscuity, as well as safety, pregnancy, etc. Studies on the number of lifetime sexual partners by gender in western countries return different results that vary from 4-12 partners on average, but according to a recent survey of the US, UK, and Europe, women had an average of 7 partners, while men had 8. A CDC st…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 01:14 PM
31

There are a whole lot of assumptions here not supported by any evidence.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 03:13 AM
3

People have mentioned a lot of the big safety stuff, but one of the more consistent problems I’ve encountered is men monopolizing me with conversation, especially when I’m busy doing something else. it sounds strange, but you can be cornered by conversation about as well as being physically cornered. And a lot of guys don’t seem to recognize what they’re doing. Here’s an example: my friend was gardening in front of her house, where she lives alone. A man walking by complemented her garden and st…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 02:28 AM
2

It most definitely is enough to be thoughtful of this. It happens more you could believe that guys who have no ill will unintentionally scare the crap out of us. You know you’re a good guy, but you don’t look all that different from the bad guys, so we don’t know if you’re a bad guy or not. Unintentionally following women is one great example. If you aren’t aware of how you may be perceived, you could happily walk behind a woman, oblivious and scrolling through your phone, while she’s counting t…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 01:53 AM
2

Yes!! One of my best friends is 6’8”. He’s one of the most passive guys (which doesn’t equate to not confident) but since he’s so big, he can be really intimidating. Funny enough though, almost all the people he intimidates are other men, because he has a lot of close female friends that surround him when we’re out and that tells other women that he’s a safe guy.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 01:44 AM
12

I think it’s fine to be ethically promiscuous or to want to be desired by a lot of people. Making it your whole personality or using it as a cover/excuse for mental health issues is bad news though. And I would strongly suggest never using the term Chad, the same way I would suggest never using alpha/beta male. These terms are major red flags to people that you’ve been pilled and will pretty much immediately hinder your efforts.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/24 01:27 AM
9

This post is excellent. You’re in a transitional life period right now, between dependence and independence, between fledgling young adult and realized adulthood and all that entails. It’s an all-around frustrating time that I remember very clearly. There’s so much unknown, which can cause anxiety about what comes next, but at the same time, it’s taking forever to get through to the other side and you just want to arrive at that future you that has it all figured out. The anticipation and daily …
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 09:05 PM
3

I give this post a gold star. It’s so spot on. ⭐️
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 06:36 PM
3

I know you’re feeling down and out right now, but like I mentioned on your other post, you’re working towards a career and that’s nothing to feel low about. You’re literally putting in the hours to get that “respectable” job rn, which NO ONE expects you to have at 21. Most people don’t even graduate from college until 22/23. None of them have “respectable” jobs. They’re all baristas and janitors and retail workers. But I can tell you that between unemployed and underemployed, people are going to…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 06:24 PM
3

This is seriously bad advice.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 05:04 PM
7

Based on your Reddit history, your issue is clearly that women can sense the misogyny a mile away. Your contempt for us really rolls off your posts. I assume you behave more normally in person, but it’s impossible that the disdain you feel towards women isn’t peeking through, even unintentionally. You can put up a nice front, but if the core is rotten, people will figure it out. You aren’t going to have luck dating until you actually leave RP/BP behind and get in a healthier headspace.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 05:02 PM
10

He’s not 13. He’s 21, as he’s stated in multiple other subreddits, including ones about his trade school education. He’s not trying to learn or grow. You just have to look at his post and comment history in various subreddits. He’s still deeply pilled and probably just trolling for engagement here. OP, I do hope you eventually recognize that these toxic ideologies are not serving your goals, only justifying why you feel so crummy now. I hope you take the advice given in this subreddit in good fa…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 04:49 PM
17

I tend to agree with you. If sex bots are just about pleasure vs intimacy, why wouldn’t your hand or a pocket sex toy be adequate? A sex bot is just a large sex toy, and toys already exist and haven’t reduced attempts to control or treat women as objects. Conversely, I’ve seen several stories of men becoming emotionally attached to their sex bots, so they feel they’re still getting intimacy. I’d certainly rather someone interested in controlling a woman choose a sex bot instead, but I’m not sure…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 12:43 PM
7

This is so true. There are so many ways to be a good man and a good partner. It’s not one-size-fits-all and figuring out the type of man you want to be is an important part of your teens. You can be passive and also brave. You can be confident and also sentimental. The online culture wants to sell that there’s only one way to be a proper man and that’s entirely bs.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 12:32 PM
15

It’s not true. Girls and women want to be treated with kindness and respect, just like you would want to be.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 12:27 PM
5

Also, regarding this “alpha male” nonsense, there is a scene in Game of Thrones where Jeoffrey declares “I am the king!” And his father replies “any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king.” I’ve never seen people roll their eyes harder than when dudes start talking about “alpha males.” Like in GOT, it’s an enormous red flag to others that immediately communicates insecurity and emotional instability. If you are truly an “alpha male” it should be as natural as breathing, right? But we a…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 12:22 PM
4

This is all a great insidious lie. Often the charlatans spreading these ideas are breaking down their audience’s sense of self or preying on those who are already insecure in order to sell them something that will “fix” them. It’s all a scam parading as (pseudo) scientific fact. All you have to do is look around you. The vast, vast majority of men have partners. In the US, 90% of the population marries at some point in their lives. And that doesn’t mean that all of the remaining 10% who stay unm…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/24 12:03 PM
3

Why don’t you feel like you can talk about or think about your ex? Sometimes men feel like they have to cram all their big feelings into a little lock box deep inside themselves, because feeling those emotions isn’t manly in their view. They feel like that’s weakness somehow. It’s not. If it’s too painful to examine your former relationship right now, that’s okay. But sometimes talking and feeling these big things helps us grieve and move past them. Developing emotional complexity and learning t…
/r/ExRedPill25/05/24 03:48 PM
2

This is long, but bear with me. Being 21, in school, and living at home is neither unusual nor something to be ashamed of. You’re setting the foundation of a career. That’s something to be proud of and living at home can make dating success difficult, but my brother is marrying a woman he met while living at home and it’s a financially practical decision as a young adult. If I were in the dating market, a job, even if only part-time and minimum wage due to the demands of school, would be a must-…
/r/ExRedPill25/05/24 03:31 PM
13

I think this guy is a troll.
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 06:25 PM
8

Definitely depends. The unemployment rate is near historic lows at 3.9%. Everywhere in my area is hiring. The sandwich shop near my house starts at $18/hr and I live in an affordable city. If you’re in school or were recently laid off, then I’d give that person a shot. But I’m not signing up to care for a person who is too lazy or disagreeable to hold down a job. I’m not looking for someone to support me or make more than me. I’m looking for someone driven enough to do the bare minimum of suppor…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 05:51 PM
9

Is this your personal experience with therapy or an opinion you developed independently? I know several counselors/therapists. They aren’t wealthy people, just squarely middle-class. Like, maybe they can afford a house and a summer vacation. Maybe not. Therapy is what you make of it. Some people find venting to an outside person once a week to be helpful in settling their minds. Many other people, like myself, want therapy to be very goal-oriented. That’s something you have to communicate to you…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 05:31 PM
8

Have you tried it? What’s your specific issue(s) with therapy? What are you doing on your own to improve your situation or state of mind?
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 04:53 PM
12

Addendum: Learning that you’re 13 has completely changed my advice. We aren’t talking about men and women. We’re talking about boys and girls that are 8th, 9th, or 10th grade in high school. I don’t mean to be condescending, but your rebuttal is somewhat comical given your profound lack of life experience. At 13, how could you possibly know you can’t approach women at a random club? Or talk to them at work? Are these spaces where you have significant direct experience to make such an assessment?…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 01:29 PM
8

Oh man, you’re so young to be feeling this defeated by life and dating! 😰 You’re seriously just starting out. Please, please, please tell an adult about how you’ve been feeling. Therapy is not a punishment, it’s a tool to help you feel so much better. If you don’t like your therapist, get another one. I know you feel like an adult at 13. I don’t mean to infantilize you, because I know many 13yo’s are sexually active, but I would never define a younger teen as “involuntarily celibate.” You haven’…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 01:08 PM
20

Incel became a slur once self-proclaimed incels started killing people. It became an insult when the movement became more about controlling women than self-improvement. Incels are perceived as men who feel entitled to women’s bodies, even up to wanting to be assigned wives. They’re perceived as blaming women for their own failures and poor mental health. The term and the ideology it represents deserve the scorn it receives. I’m beginning to wonder if you’re being disingenuous in this group. I’m …
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 12:53 PM
15

It sounds like you’re suffering from depression, severe self-esteem issues and defeatism, and that you’re still pretty convinced by RP thinking. This isn’t an accusation, but a plea that you get yourself some professional help especially with your depression, hopelessness, and desire for things to end. The language you’re using throughout this entire post indicates you’re in a really bad space mentally, beyond what laypeople on Reddit can help you with. Speaking from personal experience, when pe…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 12:29 PM
23

Meeting women is the same as meeting new male friends. Attend group social activities: a multi-week art class, co-Ed recreational sports team, book club, group gaming at one of those gaming halls, yoga class, birdwatching group.…the possibilities for group social events where women are going to be more receptive to you striking up a conversation are pretty limitless. Find something you’re interested in learning or doing and there’s a group of likeminded people for that. Gathering with others and…
/r/ExRedPill24/05/24 02:58 AM
12

It’s not that you should be thinking about being content with being single forever. It’s that you’re working to be comfortable right now, in the short term, being alone. Making a decision to get out there and explore, learn, meet people platonically, and do things you enjoy without the motivation of finding a partner is really good medicine. If you don't know how to be content and happy on your own, how can you make someone else happy? It’s about learning to feel worthy to yourself first and for…
/r/ExRedPill18/05/24 03:14 AM
40

There seem to be a few different versions of this advice. Some might be saying “be happy alone” as in “stop caring about dating,” but most often, this advice isn’t about ending your goal to find a partner(s). Learning to be happy single ensures that you have a healthy perspective on relationships. You aren’t going to settle for bad behavior or mistreatment or someone who isn’t really a good match for you just because you’re afraid of being alone. You’re less likely to use your partner as a crutc…
/r/ExRedPill17/05/24 10:52 PM
2

That’s good. Much better than dating apps. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?
/r/ExRedPill17/05/24 06:19 PM
3

Where/how are you meeting women?
/r/ExRedPill17/05/24 05:51 PM
1

I’m sorry you feel this way. Without invalidating your personal experience and feelings, how is it that there are truly ugly people in relationships everywhere if nothing works? I see ugly people that have found love and created families all over the place.
/r/ExRedPill16/05/24 06:06 PM
1

Yes, it’s real. The US Surgeon General released a study that found that people ages 15-24 interact with their friends 70% less than that age group 20 years ago. And the interactions they have tend to be shallow and online, which doesn’t help these feelings. Half of US adults are lonely and this loneliness leads to measurable poor outcomes, like big increases in heart disease, stroke, and dementia in older age. It’s serious stuff.
/r/ExRedPill16/05/24 02:57 PM
1

His past history of violence is really concerning. I think you and the rest of the family are well within rights to distance yourselves for your own safety and mental well-being, but if you still want to help him, the family can try to reduce his isolation. Embracing this ideology can be a sign of mental illness, but is often a symptom of severe isolation. I would strongly encourage you go into any gatherings with him with eyes wide open and your well-being in the forefront. I would not engage h…
/r/ExRedPill16/05/24 01:46 AM
2

Of course, people experience attraction in all different ways. That’s why there are people who are poly or asexual, both men and women. You may not be able to relate personally to this common type of attraction, but it’s important that you know it exists, because it’s why so many people suggest working on having a good personality, especially if you aren’t conventionally attractive. A good personality is often enough on its own for many people to develop physical attraction.
/r/ExRedPill15/05/24 08:29 PM
2

Hahaha, yes, although they were technical manuals, not novels. He doesn’t have the patience for them. He’s an electrical engineer now. It was his third degree.
/r/ExRedPill15/05/24 08:20 PM
41

Attraction is significantly more complex than you’re perceiving. For most people, as they develop an emotional connection to someone they like, they find them literally more physically attractive. Like, your brain tricks you into being less objective about whatever the mainstream beauty standards of the day are. They become hot to you. Personally, I may observe and appreciate a physically attractive body, but I lose 100% of that physical attraction if the guy opens his mouth and is a dunce or mo…
/r/ExRedPill15/05/24 12:39 PM
1

I think I agree with this. But there are so many types of professional cosmetic procedures that there’s a big range in degree of change and permanence, from brow threading, laser hair removal, teeth straightening, and skin treatments to improve complexion, to the bigger nose, pec, ear pinning, or lipo surgeries.
/r/ExRedPill14/05/24 11:34 PM
3

Your post is great, but I don’t really understand the outright rejection of plastic surgery as an option. Cosmetic surgeries can be life-changing for people. Pre-surgery consultations go over realistic expectations and surgeons are trained to look for signs that people have an unhealthy view of what cosmetic surgery will actually do for them. But if there’s a physical attribute that is impacting you negatively, and you can and want to change it, then why not? There are tons of happy, well-adjust…
/r/ExRedPill13/05/24 11:53 PM
11

The word had one meaning, but it was successfully co-opted by a hateful ideology, changing its meaning like so many words before it. For example, when you think of a word like “woke,” which was created with a positive connotation, it’s now broadly considered an insult in a lot of places. Meanings change and when self-identified incels started killing people, that sealed its fate. This term is currently strongly associated with an extreme, distasteful, and even violent ideology. It does not matte…
/r/ExRedPill13/05/24 11:21 PM
1

It’s absolutely bonkers, but this exact dissonance has been known and understood since at least the 1500s. Titian, the renaissance artist, called it out in a painting of a virtuous woman and a promiscuous woman titled “Sacred and Profane Love” way back in 1514. In the early 1900s, Sigmund Freud developed several theories about this cognitive dissonance/hypocrisy now called the Madonna-Whore Complex. His ideas on the causes of this issue are pretty specific, but broadly, some men categorize women…
/r/ExRedPill13/05/24 02:00 AM
2

I wouldn’t continue pursuing any relationship with a guy who stopped talking to me for days after a date (unless he let me know he’d be “out of office” ahead of time; people have lives). I would consider him uninterested or immature and just “playing games.” I’m not a person who texts all day or needs to stay in contact, but failing to message someone thanking them for a good date or letting them know you’d like to go out again sometime isn’t appearing needy, it’s just being polite and demonstra…
/r/ExRedPill08/05/24 11:44 PM
1

I haven’t seen too many posts that just say some variation of “get therapy.” Usually, they’re pretty thought-out and lengthy comments that include therapy as what will likely be the most effective solution to the OP’s issues. People will spend hours watching manosphere TikTok and YouTube videos that claim they know how to fix their problems, but won’t do any research on what therapy is, what various forms it takes, and how it may be helpful. You can lead a horse to water…
/r/ExRedPill07/05/24 09:44 PM
1

My psychiatrist diagnosed me. They just can’t prescribe medications or may feel a psychiatrist will be more experienced with complex cases. But a diagnosis doesn’t mean a cure. It’s more like cancer, where the treatment could be one surgery, or longer bouts of chemo, or long-term management to minimize recurrence or spread. Treatment for mental/emotional distress may vary based on your issues, but most people who do not need medication-management for mental illness can often end good therapy aft…
/r/ExRedPill07/05/24 09:29 PM
2

I’ve never differentiated between psychiatrist and psychologists when it comes to suggesting therapy, and I’m just now gathering that maybe that’s not the case for many people. I see both of them as therapy and any good psychologist should recommend you to a psychiatrist for more serious issues that can or must be managed with medication. Mine definitely did. So when I’ve suggested therapy, I’m including both medication management and “talk” therapy (which could mean a wide range of non-med trea…
/r/ExRedPill07/05/24 09:15 PM
4

Definitely! I was recently at a subway station with three male friends when a mentally unstable person approached aggressively and threatened us with violence for filming him (none of us even had our phones out). He went away once he received some aggression back, but everyone was pretty freaked out.
/r/ExRedPill05/05/24 06:35 PM
3

What you’re describing to me sounds like conscientiousness, not creepiness. I recognize that it can be really hard to navigate rules of engagement though. I think there are a few places you generally shouldn’t approach strange women. Some are obvious, like in a park alone at night, but some are situational. I really don’t like being approached by guys when I’m busy doing something, like while grocery shopping or at the gym, but I admit that may not apply to everyone. If you’re dominating their t…
/r/ExRedPill05/05/24 05:14 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like maybe they weren’t the right fit for you.
/r/ExRedPill05/05/24 12:01 PM
20

Seriously. Life is really hard, and all around me I see people society might call ugly who have found partners that deeply love them for who they are and have chosen to joyfully weather the difficulties of being ugly or overweight or just alive together. These people have something about them that makes them attractive to others in spite of their physical appearance and it’s worth discovering what that is. It certainly isn’t insecurity, self-loathing, or victimhood. It’s likely things most anyon…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 10:25 PM
3

I count both psychologists and psychiatrists as therapy. Perhaps I’m alone in that lack of distinction. My psychologist and psychiatrist are in the same practice, divided only by their office walls. It’s all therapy to me, whether medication management or coping strategies.
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 10:07 PM
17

I think the tack that at least some of us are taking in challenging self-proclaimed ugly people isn’t so much that we totally don’t believe you when you say you’re unattractive, but rather we’re challenging if that’s really the root of the issue. I fully believe that unattractive people struggle in many aspects of life due to others’ perceptions of them. That said: 1) people who have low self-esteem or body dysmorphia issues may way overrate how ugly they are, and 2) physical attraction is only …
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 08:19 PM
4

What an awesome story. Sounds like you all made a huge difference in his quality of life.
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 07:19 PM
2

Definitely can be, but that depends. My insurance covers several practices with a lot of different therapists on staff. So I was going to the same office, but able to try out different people without having to fill out new paperwork or start over from scratch. It’s pretty common for people to shop around for the right fit, so the therapists don’t take it personally or think it’s weird. Edit: my needs from a therapist have changed over time. The first one was a cognitive behavioral therapist I hi…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 01:45 PM
3

I had the same feeling about online therapy. I guess my only pointers are if it’s something you want to and can afford in the future that you shop around a bit for someone you really connect with. Just like all physicians aren’t equally proficient, there’s great variability in the efficacy and specialities of therapists. My other tip is to go into therapy with specific goals and not just complaints. With a physician, you tell them your symptoms and they diagnose you. With a therapist, that metho…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 12:58 PM
2

First, it’s okay to mourn the end of a friendship for a long time. I ended a friendship several years ago that wasn’t healthy and I still feel that loss. Second, I’ve lost several friendships at once due to something shitty I did. It was certainly traumatic, but it also prompted me to have some necessary introspection as to why I was losing these friendships and spurred me to become a better version of myself and a better friend. I’m not sure if you’ve done that work, or if it even applies to yo…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 09:56 AM
4

I think this is all still good advice if you’re feeling hurt and alone. I had an event in my life that caused me to feel ostracized from all my friends and very isolated. I would definitely describe the experience as traumatic even though the people were physically fine.
/r/ExRedPill04/05/24 09:35 AM
2

I didn’t say it was fine. I said the end result of asking a guy to spot you may be that they think you’re hitting on them, whatever your real intentions.
/r/ExRedPill03/05/24 06:16 PM
2

This is a really good way to pick up a man, but not a good way to pick up a woman. Unless you already have some sort of interaction (say you’re both personal trainers at the gym), leave women working out alone.
/r/ExRedPill03/05/24 12:28 PM
17

What have you done to make yourself more attractive to potential partners? Most people bond best with those who have similar interests. Are you putting yourself in spaces to meet people with similar interests? Also, I see in other comments that you have evaluated that many of your male friends are above average and fit/slim and that most of their partners are a bit more round and average. Have you considered that many of your male friends are attracted to bigger women, but you are not, and are t…
/r/ExRedPill03/05/24 02:11 AM
1

What you’re describing is pretty much textbook depression. People who haven’t suffered from it before often think of depression as sadness, but most people experience clinical depression exactly as you’ve described it: a kind of numb emptiness and inability to feel excitement or interest in hobbies or social activities, or even friends and loved ones. This is likely a chemical imbalance due to your recent life changes. The good news is that you don’t have to feel this way forever. Get yourself s…
/r/ExRedPill01/05/24 07:00 PM
7

Competing with them for what exactly?
/r/ExRedPill01/08/23 10:22 AM
6

Confidence/assertiveness aren’t the same thing as being an asshole. Some women will conflate the two, especially those who do not have healthy examples of relationships in their lives, but no one actually wants to be with a mean person. If you want to date emotionally stunted, insecure, or “damaged” women that you can manipulate by cycling through good and bad behavior, then be an asshole. If you want a healthy and happy relationship with a balanced partner, don’t be a jerk. People may not want …
/r/ExRedPill01/08/23 08:50 AM
14

I wish I could like this comment twice.
/r/ExRedPill31/07/23 11:16 PM
34

I think you’re conflating “getting better with age” and “being able to score much younger women.” They aren’t meant to be intrinsically linked. In theory, men get better with age because they mature. They gain confidence and experience (in careers, in people skills, in the bedroom, etc.). They tend to be more emotionally and financially stable. They know what they want and don’t dick around to achieve it. These characteristics are going to be attractive to women around the same age, because we g…
/r/ExRedPill31/07/23 11:12 PM
2

I definitely agree with this.
/r/ExRedPill31/07/23 12:14 AM
12

Yeah, I don’t have any problem with these reasons. Exercise is great for mental health and it can “make you a better person” in that it isn’t easy to plan and stick to a workout schedule. Exercise and lifting is really hard/painful when you’re just getting into it, which is why a lot of people quit. Perseverance through adversity is a great skill to cultivate, especially because results aren’t immediate.
/r/ExRedPill30/07/23 10:51 PM
1

Loyalty, honesty, kindness, equitable division of labor (chores, children, etc) Healthy conflict resolution Respectful disagreement Support for my interests Sense of humor Financial responsibility (not the amount of money coming it, but spending it maturely)
/r/ExRedPill29/07/23 05:01 AM
2

I also know two women who have been fired for workplace behavior. The first was the wife of the breastmilk guy. She tried to get me to forge her doctor’s name on a form confirming she had custody of her children. She also tried to get an employee fired for being her main suspect of ratting out her husband by accusing him of dealing drugs at work. The other woman was more typical sexual harassment. She was a manager and made subordinate male coworkers call her Cherries, referring specifically to …
/r/ExRedPill28/07/23 08:03 PM
3

It’s just…incredible. 😅 I think people have this idea of “woke” workplaces where guys can’t talk to women anymore without offending them or misstepping in some way and end up getting fired for harmless jokes or even just basic misunderstandings. In actuality, the cases where it happens are egregious, like bonkers bananas behavior that no normal person would find reasonable for a workplace, and usually there are multiple incidents of this behavior before HR finds out or a termination happens. Tha…
/r/ExRedPill28/07/23 07:49 PM
3

I have known three men fired for their words/behavior at work. The first called his female boss a bitch, said that “no broad could tell him what to do,” and texted me asking if I’d like to “sext” (all by his third day on the job). The second put his hand on the thigh of a coworker while in a company vehicle. He later cornered a different female employee, pinned her up against a wall and tried to kiss her. The third was bonkers. His wife was an upper-level manager and had apparently been covering…
/r/ExRedPill28/07/23 07:31 PM
2

I just keep thinking about all the cool stuff to do that doesn’t require a car and will keep you from destructive thoughts. You could research making emergency shelters in the woods and go make one. You could join web-sleuth communities online to solve cold case murders. Learn foraging and grow mushrooms, get into mountain biking, fishing, or hiking peaks in your area. You could learn to tan and work with leather. Or how to code and build basic circuits. Possibilities are endless. Maybe most imp…
/r/ExRedPill27/07/23 03:33 AM
2

I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit lost right now. I understand you don’t have a car, but I’m curious in what other ways you can get around your area. I live in a city, so I know a lot of successful, partnered people without cars, but I also know that’s not the reality for people who live more rurally, because I grew up in a rural place. Are there busses? Do you have a bike? You say you work; are you able to start saving up for a car in the next year or are you not able to drive for some reason? My …
/r/ExRedPill27/07/23 03:18 AM
1

I understand that. Definitely time to move forward instead of looking backwards. :)
/r/ExRedPill27/07/23 01:17 AM
3

Ah, yes, this makes sense. We’ve all been there and it’s a crummy feeling. I certainly think it’s healthier to let a friend go who can’t be the romantic partner you’re looking for so that you can free yourself up to find what you need. As long as you don’t behave badly or blame them for being unable to meet your needs. RP is alluring because it claims to give you the answers and some of them work. But mixed into the good, there are a lot of terrible ideas that result in really toxic and controll…
/r/ExRedPill27/07/23 01:16 AM
5

Yeah, may have. Keeping boys and girls separate for years during their development is going to result in all sorts of weird outcomes. I do think knowing your own boundaries is good, even if I think you should work on self-control. I know lots and lots of men who wouldn’t consider cheating on their spouse. They aren’t “tempted” because they aren’t looking outside their relationship and care about their partner enough to not want to hurt them. There is a problem when you take this personal boundar…
/r/ExRedPill27/07/23 01:10 AM
7

I completely disagree. I’m married and have always had far more male friends than female friends. One of my guy friends has always meshed better with women. He’s getting married in September. For me, men who dislike being around women they aren’t dating or who feel their partners should not have male friends are major red flags. It points to severe insecurity, trust issues, jealousy problems, and the potential for controlling behavior. It’s pretty much a nightmare scenario relationship-wise. Edi…
/r/ExRedPill26/07/23 11:17 PM
8

And there it is. So you can’t be friends with women. And perhaps you associate with likeminded guys who also can’t or don’t want to be friends with women. That has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else and their ability to be friends with the opposite sex. Your personal experience isn’t the rule. And you even admit that it’s not that you “can’t” be friends, it’s that you see zero value in even talking to women if you can’t date them, so it doesn’t matter that a person might be interesting or…
/r/ExRedPill26/07/23 10:58 PM
1

I certainly am not judging the age of people you like to date, just curious about who you’re putting yourself out there for. Did your musician friends find their partners at your gigs and at bars?
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 02:48 AM
11

Househubby is still full RP as far as I can tell.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 02:35 AM
6

Do you feel you are actually ex-RP?
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 02:31 AM
5

We super disagree. Tone exists in writing, whether the author does it intentionally or not. I am primarily friends with men. I do not think every man is an abuser. I don’t think he’s abusing his girlfriend based on the provided info. I do think the way he chose to frame his post describing his relationship provides a pretty interesting glimpse into his thinking. ETA: regarding gender stereotyping: yeah, that’s my point. He’s engaging in it in the way he framed his comments.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 01:53 AM
5

Same. I don’t know anyone who has met a partner at a bar.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 01:24 AM
14

Sure, but the bad apples are the ones driving the apple cart.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:40 AM
4

I’m actually okay with people forming the kinds of relationships they want, together. The way the comment was written though sounds misogynistic as hell, even if that wasn’t the intent. If I were talking about my relationship, I would’ve said something like, “we discussed that this is what we wanted our relationship to look like when we got together and it works for us.” Instead, the comment reads as a man dictating to a woman how things are going to be, with rules about who she engages with, wh…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:37 AM
12

Let me ask then, what are her rules for you? In what ways does she control your behavior or actions?
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:20 AM
7

So a year? I fervently hope it doesn’t for you, but for a lot of guys, they see good ROI initially, as they embrace the self-improvement advice and build confidence. It isn’t until later that the more toxic messaging peppered through the good advice starts to saturate your brain and change your thinking. This can happen in any ideology (religious groups, political groups, etc.) as adherents become more immersed the deeper they go. If you were only absorbing the self-help messaging on the surface…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:18 AM
7

Holy hell, man. That first sentence is a doozy.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:09 AM
3

How old were you?
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:08 AM
16

I second this. This group isn’t really a place for believers to play gotcha. We’ll debate good and bad ideas, but if you’re still all-in, there’s really not much here for you. Swing back on by when the toxic stuff starts to overwhelm the self-improvement advice or when you find that the ideology isn’t working for you anymore.
/r/ExRedPill20/06/23 12:07 AM
4

How old are the women you’re pursuing? I have to admit I’ve been out of the dating market for a bit, but I’m almost 40 and therefore pretty close in age to you. The language and techniques you’re using seem far more suited to 20-somethings and not 40-somethings. I assume that since you’re a musician, you spend a lot of time in bars/venues. This seems an alright place for a fling, but not a serious location for meaningful romance, especially if you’re competing for attention while women are out w…
/r/ExRedPill19/06/23 10:04 PM
9

Welcome! I hope you can feel comfortable asking questions here. Most people are earnest in their responses. They might challenge your views of dating or women, but a lot of members have been where you are or are here to help, not to beat you down. I do sometimes see posters get blasted in comments when people don’t feel like they are being genuine or honest in their effort to leave PUA/RP/MGTOW behind and are instead playing games with hypothetical examples, gross generalizations, or are close-m…
/r/ExRedPill19/06/23 05:24 PM
1

I am primarily friends with men and I know maybe one guy who would find it acceptable for a partner of his to be a SAHM/SAHW that he supported financially alone. I do have one former coworker that had a “SAHH” for her three kids while she traveled a lot for work, but he was a primary school teacher as well. Where I live, even young mothers work, although most the people in my social circle are childless by choice. I know the US has a reputation for being with work obsessed, but it’s definitely l…
/r/ExRedPill19/06/23 03:53 PM
2

I lived out of my car for the first three years of our relationship and we met at a hostel. We were both working though. I likely wouldn’t date anyone chronically unemployed because it points to certain character defects that I don’t find attractive. The guy could be really good looking, but it wouldn’t overrule whatever the root causes of his unemployment were. If my existing partner became unemployed due to something like injury/disability (we’re talking long-term here, not short stints betwee…
/r/ExRedPill19/06/23 02:16 PM
1

I’ve made more money than my spouse the entire 12 years we’ve been together. In my group of friends, all of the women have Masters degrees and their partners have bachelors or high school diplomas. The “breadwinners” are split about 50/50, leaning towards the women, but everyone works hard and contributes. Of the couples in my social circle, all have been together for more than 6 years, through good times and bad. I guess we’re all exceptions.
/r/ExRedPill19/06/23 11:44 AM
9

I think it’s a highly variable and complex issue that can’t be boiled down into shallowness. I do agree research finds that major events can alter the course of a relationship. Job loss, for example, can cause depression and financial strain, which can bleed into a relationship and cause long-term strife. I wouldn’t call that shallow behavior though. Economic issues are real problems. The figures on men abandoning their wives if they become seriously ill however is exceedingly disturbing to me. …
/r/ExRedPill18/06/23 07:49 AM
2

Exercising is incredibly important to mental health, as much as it’s important for physical health.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 08:08 PM
2

I read in another comment where you say you’ve sort of fallen off the wagon regarding RP, but I’d like to ask how RP is serving you now? Is the ideology making you happy? It really seems like it’s not based on your comments here. You’ve gone back down the rabbit hole into a bunch of unhealthy ideas (and schemes) that aren’t doing anything to help you achieve your goals. So you create some way to “expose” selfish couples. How does this manifest into you becoming more marketable and finding a part…
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 05:26 PM
3

Wtf does that even mean, “getting what’s coming to them”? If this is how you view the world, I guarantee women are picking up on it and avoiding you. This jealousy and entitlement is beyond unattractive; it’s scary. You aren’t owed women or love or relationships. I strongly feel you need a professional to talk to about these feelings. You come off as far too angry at the world to be trying to date at the moment. I truly wish you the best and to be able to move past these destructive thoughts to …
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 04:50 PM
2

Well, that’s okay. Everything in life is having an experience and saying to yourself “I really liked that!” Or “ew, I don’t like that.” It’s part of being alive.
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 04:44 PM
4

I dated an ace for six years. We didn’t have a name or even a concept for his level of desire and it was so hard to understand what was going on. We essentially became best friends who slept in the same bed, but because society was/is so jacked up, expecting men to be virile and women to be sexually desirable, we wasted years being tortured by our mismatch in libidos and needs. We both felt like we were failing because of what society conditioned us to be. I blamed myself. He blamed himself. It …
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 04:42 PM
2

Women do encounter a lot of difficulties with dating. I think what you’re missing is that quantity is not equal to quality. These immature girls you saw on discord might be flattered by the attention, but that doesn’t mean they are always finding satisfactory partners. If I’m looking for emotionless casual hookups, I could find dozens of guys (and girls) with no standards willing to get their rocks off without much concern for my pleasure or well-being. Of those I match with, I have to gamble on…
/r/ExRedPill17/06/23 02:16 PM
2

When it comes to humans, there is no statistic that includes 100% of a population. You can’t gamify or reason attraction between people because there are too many complex and interwoven factors. In a vacuum, where a person is shown different physiques, you may be able to gain insight into a majority preferred body type, but it’s a lobotomized sort of insight. You’ve divorced the data from meaningful real-life complexity.
/r/ExRedPill15/06/23 02:28 PM
3

The wall doesn’t exist. It’s completely made up and arbitrary. Some RP/Mgtow influencers claim it’s 35 or 30 or 27 or 22 or even 20! In the past, people talked about midlife crises, but that doesn’t have the horrid finality of the RP wall. It was just a feeling of discontent and/or depression, not societal dismissal. No one outside of gamified dating culture even knows the term “the wall.” It sounds like you’re struggling with depression and would benefit from some therapy. You aren’t where you’…
/r/ExRedPill13/06/23 08:55 AM
0

If they’re women at all…
/r/ExRedPill12/06/23 08:31 AM
1

I haven’t advocated for any interference. I think, like drugs or gambling or video games, that there are things that can negatively impact a person’s psyche. I don’t think that affects the majority of consumers of drugs/video games/gambling/etc. though. There’s nothing dangerous about suggesting a person be aware if and how the things they are consuming are affecting them.
/r/ExRedPill11/06/23 07:22 PM
1

Sure, I guess. I don’t have a problem with consensual porn. As with many other things considered vices, like drugs or gambling, it really comes down to how you are using it and if it negatively affects your life. Porn and sex dolls aren’t real life. If a sex doll or porn are warping your perception of women (and men!), then it’s something you should be aware of and put some boundaries around.
/r/ExRedPill11/06/23 06:21 PM
5

And you know that how?
/r/ExRedPill07/06/23 10:49 PM
2

Yeah, and I once enjoyed the Saw movie franchise. It doesn’t mean I’d like to be tortured to death.
/r/ExRedPill07/06/23 06:37 PM
12

THANK YOU for rejecting this and encouraging others to reject it too.
/r/ExRedPill06/06/23 08:19 PM
4

Maybe in a vacuum.
/r/ExRedPill06/06/23 02:22 PM
4

Being fit is one thing. I do think demonstrating that you take care of your health can be a bonus (shows you have motivation, drive, ability to stick to your goals). Being shredded is entirely another. You absolutely do not have to be shredded or take steroids to find a partner. If I found out a guy I was dating or interested in was taking steroids, I’d probably dump him. The guys I’ve known on steroids were aggressive, quick to anger, and super insecure. It would be a hard pass. I’d 100% take a…
/r/ExRedPill06/06/23 01:35 PM
2

It’s not that hard to understand. Maturity isn’t subjective. It’s taking care of your basic needs and obligations without relying on others to support you. It’s the ability to process your feelings and manage conflict, stress, and responsibilities in a healthy manner, like being able to communicate without manipulation, gaslighting, passive aggression, or outright aggression. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you entirely stop being insecure or jealous. People aren’t robots. It means you can manag…
/r/ExRedPill05/06/23 01:04 AM
3

No, because I don’t value sex above other attributes. If you check all my boxes on integrity, honesty, humor, similar interests, emotional connection, etc., I can work with inexperience all day long. After all, a lack of experience is rectified through practice. They’d have to have emotional maturity though because I don’t have any desire to train up a boy (by which I mean insecurity, drama, jealousy, controlling behavior, inability to care adequately for himself [ie. I’m a maid/cook/laundress],…
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 09:12 PM
1

These are two different groups of people though. Men in (or aspiring to have) relationships and men who are single-by-choice can both have female friends. We’re talking about content single people, not problematic dating behavior.
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 04:33 PM
5

I disagree with that. I think single men are often looked at with suspicion or pity, the thought being that they’re seriously flawed or have just given up, not that they’d actually prefer it that way. I think people can more easily believe a woman might be content alone but have a hard time imagining men feeling the same way. Of course, both are often harassed by relatives and friends to partner up since that’s the societal norm. Edit: Proof in point, you automatically jumped to single men being…
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 03:20 PM
1

We’re talking about men who are content being single here, not single men who aspire to have partners and have unrealistic standards for women without putting in the work themselves.
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 02:48 PM
8

Perhaps I’m misreading you, but I feel like you’re conflating two different issues here and in other comments: what is natural and what is the patriarchy. Similar to how women victims of SA often receive sympathy while male SA victims get jokes instead, single women being “sensible/selective” and single men being “flawed” isn’t the natural order, it’s the patriarchy at work saying women should be chaste and not give it away, while real men should be virile and sex-focused, either playboys or fam…
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 02:40 PM
9

Don’t use dating apps. They propagate shallow, looks-based partnering. It’s far better to meet likeminded people in person at a shared activity or hobby. I don’t know almost anyone in a successful relationship that met through dating apps, and those that did had to wade through a lot of garbage first. If your circumstances make going out places very difficult (physically, financially, geographically, etc.), meet people in online spaces you enjoy, but don’t use dating apps. I guess I don’t have a…
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 01:20 PM
4

I know two men and two women who are content being single and do not aspire to date or hookup with anyone.
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 12:39 PM
2

15% of Americans are single and content with their non-relationship status. I’m only in my 30s, but I know several people who are long-term happily single folks. There’s nothing wrong with flying solo. People may pressure you, but ignore them. Do what works for you.
/r/ExRedPill04/06/23 03:12 AM
17

The two short guys I know well (5’3 and 5’4) are very happily married to extremely attractive women and have kids. One guy’s wife is about his height, but the other is like 5’8” and a stunner. His complete confidence about it is definitely notable. He knows what he wants and doesn’t give two shits about other people’s perceptions because he knows his wife is awesome and loves him. He doesn’t police her desire to wear heels or continuously bring up his height because he had chosen not to be insec…
/r/ExRedPill03/06/23 04:43 AM
4

Ah, I see. Yeah, that might be a less than ethical situation.
/r/ExRedPill03/06/23 04:31 AM
6

Can you post a link to that percentage? An older Canadian study based on hundreds of interviews in six communities found that “70% of sex workers are satisfied with their jobs. Eighty-two per cent feel they are appropriately paid and 68% feel they have good job security.” I like this article because it does also discuss negatives in sex worker’s lives, like much higher than average instances of depression and PTSD, BUT workers reported feeling low stress while at work and much higher stress in t…
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 10:06 PM
4

I used to live in Nevada in counties where sex work has long been legal and regulated. I knew several sex workers and to say they are all desperate and would prefer to be anywhere else isn’t at all accurate. Like many other types of work, sex work can be conducted enthusiastically or not and ethically or not. Ethical and enthusiastic paid sex exists. I don’t know why people understand that a person can do what they love for money when it comes to sports or painting or healthcare, but if what the…
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 09:48 PM
4

Have you known any sex workers?
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 09:20 PM
2

I don’t think there’s any shame at all in being with an escort, but I also think you should look into some therapy, because an escort is only going to help so much with this deep-seated anxiety you’re describing. Your sexual history (your virginity, your history with an escort, your number of partners) doesn’t define you, but ensure the decisions you make are ethical and healthy. That’s what matters most.
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 08:56 PM
2

Can you explain why?
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 08:45 PM
2

Yes! I’d been dating a guy for a few months before we had sex and didn’t tell him until like right beforehand that I needed to take things slow because I could count one hand the number of times I’d done it and was really nervous. He was patient and then peppered me with questions afterward because I was in my late 20s and not exactly shy. Everybody’s life brings different experiences and at different times.
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 08:42 PM
4

I dated a guy for several years without penetrative sex because he had some past trauma and anxiety. It turns out that if people like you and especially if you’re able to do other things in bed, they’ll be willing to work through your issues with care and patience. I’d avoid casual hookups though since they tend to be pretty to-the-point and transactional about sex. You need someone with a little more time on hand. Most women I know have been with guys when they’ve struggled to get or stay hard …
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 08:34 PM
1

I don’t find this to be compelling evidence that most men didn’t find partners before “patriarchal society.” We have pretty good records of how many matriarchal or matrilineal Native American groups lived and formed families during and after European contact. There is no evidence that most men were unable to find partners in these societies. Indeed, it has often been patriarchal communities around the world that allowed powerful men to enforce polygamy and hoard women, which creates a shortage o…
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 03:50 PM
1

Which cultures? Where? When? I’m a professional historian and anthropologist, so when people make broad sweeping statements about non-patriarchal society like this, I’d like some evidence.
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 02:46 PM
1

70% of adults in the US have partners. Another 15% are content being on their own and aren’t interested in dating or romance. That leaves only 15% of the population trying to change their single status. The number of single people is split equally among men and women, so single and searching men make up 7% of the population (this includes people interested in casual dating). Half of these men are under 30 years old, meaning men eventually partner up as they age and become more experienced/confid…
/r/ExRedPill02/06/23 02:19 PM
1

My husband has an awful mother and went no-contact as an adult. He finds RP repulsive and counterproductive. On the other hand, the men I know who have found RP ideas alluring came up in male-dominated/misogynistic households where their wives/daughters/sisters were treated more like annoying chores you had to deal with than full people. People from dysfunctional families often need help to not perpetuate dysfunctional relationships. I see no evidence this is a mommy problem. Plenty of dudes hav…
/r/ExRedPill01/06/23 07:43 PM
2

It only focuses on capacity for change when it comes to men. Women are unchangeable automatons. We’re controlled by “evolutionary” impulses like hypergamy, are irredeemably shallow, and inherently cruel. You’re either a chaste Madonna or a whore, where every partner you’ve had will be held against you for eternity regardless of your current behavior.
/r/ExRedPill01/06/23 07:32 PM
6

If this were the answer, why do the vast, vast majority of men, who live in the same cruel world that neglects men’s mental health (a point I agree with) not fall into the same manipulative, sexist ideology?
/r/ExRedPill01/06/23 01:42 PM
1

There’s a name for someone who often doesn’t find sex enjoyable, fulfilling, or necessary and that’s asexual. Interestingly, I’ve only ever known asexual men in real life, but there are entire networks out there for aces to find meaningful relationships that are compatible with forms of intimacy you do find enjoyable and fulfilling. People should stop trying to stuff a square block in a round hole by conforming to RP ideas that don’t work for them. You can be masculine without sexual acts. Some …
/r/ExRedPill30/05/23 12:41 AM
1

Not to badger you, but I do want to understand your perspective on modern day feminism. Can you elaborate?
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 07:49 PM
5

No, no, I don’t think you’re being brash or vindictive. You’re just having a hard time processing a complex and emotional situation. And that’s okay. We’re all a work in progress and you’re already taking some good steps to get yourself to a healthier place.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 05:14 PM
2

This is really good introspection and why I think therapy is really going to work for you. You’re already able to be open and honest about how you’re feeling, even if it’s conflicted, you just need someone to help you develop the tools to tackle the “what to do about it” part.
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 05:08 PM
2

Good to hear. Therapists can have some insight, but they need you to be at least a semi-reliable narrator of your experiences, so the more open and honest you are with yourself, the more they can help you. The thing to remember is that going to therapy doesn’t mean there something wrong with you, just that you’re seeking better understanding of yourself and how to make healthy changes in your life that will make you a happier, better version of you. One of the best pieces of advice I got when lo…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 05:03 PM
9

If you aren’t dating and don’t have a clear understanding that you’re exclusive to each other, you have absolutely no right to police how she behaves around other guys, be outwardly angry or jealous, accuse her of being inappropriate, or any of this stuff. You do have a right to control your own behaviors and actions, such as clearly communicating what you want and then choosing to limit or end the relationship if she won’t or can’t meet your relationship needs. I can’t stress enough that you do…
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 04:50 PM
7

Therapy. Therapy is how you deal with invasive thoughts and difficult situations. It’s a wonderful tool for introspection and healthy self-development. When you are meeting regularly with a therapist, you can work through these sorts of everyday interpersonal incidents and they’ll help you understand the healthy and unhealthy thoughts and actions related directly to your real life. They’ll give you tools to tackle the issues you’re having. Have you ever had a therapist?
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 01:47 PM
1

Could you expand on this?
/r/ExRedPill29/05/23 12:35 AM
10

It also seems to target a lot of very young, inexperienced people who eventually grow up. They either discover the methods are destructive and ineffectual or they just lose interest as they gain more life experience and date real people. I think there’s a big risk of a tiny minority of disaffected people taking out misogynistic RP or incel frustrations in violent acts against strangers, and the damaging ideology is certainly used to justify physical, psychological, and emotional abuse of partner…
/r/ExRedPill28/05/23 04:47 PM
8

Tbh, I’m way, way more concerned about trad conservatives. There’s certainly a bit of overlap in ideology, but the current traditional conservative movement is crazy dangerous because they’re making fundamental changes to people’s rights through the law and courts. We have elected people advocating for the reinstatement of at-fault divorces and making abortion so illegal or unattainable that women with wanted babies are being maimed or dying and 10-12yo’s are being forced to become mothers. Birt…
/r/ExRedPill28/05/23 04:38 PM
2

If you’re accessing the internet from the same IP/network as before, you’re still going to be pushed the same content.
/r/ExRedPill28/05/23 04:20 PM
3

I love that there has been this greater understanding of the different ways people love. I dated an Ace for a long time before we had a word for it, my best friend is poly, and I’m monogamous. Having terms to describe these different relationship needs has been a godsend for finding the people who you’re really compatible with.
/r/ExRedPill27/05/23 01:21 PM
6

From a monogamous perspective, I started a new job and caught feelings for a coworker. I do not find myself emotionality or very physically attracted to others when I’m in a good relationship (even during rocky patches), so it was a strong indicator to me that things were over with my partner of six years. The new coworker crush (or in your example, good friend) didn’t cause the breakup. It was a symptom of a relationship that wasn’t working for me. I suspect that is common. No amount of barrier…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/23 07:12 PM
3

Positive and negative behaviors do tend to be passed down generationally, but there are tons of people who successfully reject the toxic way their parents behaved instead of perpetrating it. You can choose to be different and better, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a work in progress or fail at times. True change takes work and sometimes it hurts and so a lot of people choose to blame their relationship problems on external forces instead of addressing themselves. Therapy can be expensive, bu…
/r/ExRedPill23/05/23 06:27 PM
3

I’m curious how you have determined that sexual compatibility is “very rare.” As to why some people get in and out of relationships, I’m not sure I catch your meaning. There are dozens of reasons why heathy relationships begin and end. People form relationships to get to know someone on a deeper level. As you learn more about each other, some people find out they aren’t compatible for whatever reason. This can take one date or several years. People also change over time and you can discover that…
/r/ExRedPill23/05/23 04:45 PM
11

A healthy relationship is like an endless sleepover with your best friend (or friends if you’re engaging in ethical non-monogamy). As with any good platonic friendship, you should laugh much more than you fight or feel bad. You really enjoy spending time with them outside of sex, but can spend time apart and can maintain your individual sense of self and hobbies/passions outside of them without bitter/jealous feelings. You trust the person to have your best interests at heart and vice versa. A g…
/r/ExRedPill22/05/23 07:40 PM
5

I feel like there’s a pretty fundamental disconnect here. Women often have libidos that match or exceed those of men’s. We can, after all, have sex all day, every day, with multiple orgasms, without having to “recharge.” Need evidence? Just look at all these RP or trad guys either talking about drowning in pussy or unable to find a girl without a “high body count” (aka “sluts & whores everywhere”). Almost every long-term relationship I’ve seen fail due to intimacy issues had to do with the woman…
/r/ExRedPill22/05/23 03:25 PM
1

I’m 37, but I was making about $47k a year at 30. I was the last of my friends to buy a house when I was 31, but housing costs are variable by region. The median house cost in my city is $189k and was quite a bit lower 6-7 years ago. That’s fairly affordable for two people with full time jobs (especially compared to a lot of major metros), but you’d take on more debt buying even modest condos in a lot of places, so a $200-300k mortgage would be a pretty standard starter home. In 2011, I financed…
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 09:25 PM
3

I’ve watched several successful and healthy relationships completely crash when one or both people decide to start a business. Years and years together damaged for a dream that barely makes ends meet. It’s very high stress and all-consuming. People have no time for their partners. In one case, the couple closed the business to try to save their marriage. Another guy’s wonderful girlfriend of eight years left him because he had to focus everything on his business to try and keep it above water. I…
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 09:05 PM
1

A mortgage would make that an easy number to get to. A new car is like $40-50k right now. Student loans average like $27k for undergrad and an additional $70k for grad school, but both those numbers mean half the populace borrowed above that. Throw in credit card debt and maybe medical debt (childbirth, injury, illness like Covid) and I could see people being well above that. I live largely within my means, no credit card, paid cash for my house, used car, paid off undergrad before going back to…
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 08:56 PM
3

Haha, seriously!
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 08:35 PM
6

Also, healthcare is a great field. People who choose it are often perceived as compassionate, helpful, and selfless. It has incredible job security, because every person will need healthcare in their lifetime and our shrinking population will require more and more healthcare providers (whether you’re providing direct care to patients or working in ancillary healthcare positions like reception or billing or supplies acquisition). You can also often find work anywhere in your country, and these da…
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 07:38 PM
9

Exactly!! I wrote almost exactly the same thing before I saw your comment. Young people “starting businesses” is almost always a red flag to me. Those who succeed either have extremely niche and hard-earned skill sets or come from substantial money. I’ve also seen a few young folks make an okay living doing “low-skill” manual labor jobs like landscaping or plowing (no shade intended here, it’s hard work!). Every other teen/20s “entrepreneur” I’ve ever met is naive, narcissistic, lazy, antisocial…
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 07:22 PM
7

I can speak from experience, both my own starting a business and those of friends and family members. Being an entrepreneur is absurdly hard and regularly fails. You will work harder than you’ve ever worked. For years every second of the day and every dollar you make will need to be reinvested into your business. No vacations, little disposable income, no time for dating. And even with that work ethic and discipline, lots of driven, smart people never make the cut. As an example, there are tens …
/r/ExRedPill20/05/23 07:05 PM
7

I think it’s sort of going through a tumultuous transition. I feel like I’m seeing a lot of conflict between trad conservatives and RP folks lately. There appears to be increasing conservative chatter online about women’s place being in the home, bearing children, and supporting a dedicated husband. These traditionalist are now directly challenging RP ideas of non-monogamy and rejecting a hedonistic lifestyle while still fully embracing misogyny and strict gendered behavior and roles.
/r/ExRedPill18/05/23 05:01 PM
11

This is the best comment here and I wish I could upvote it a dozen times. OP, dating and talking to potential partners takes practice. In fact, men and women who were in long-term relationships that ended find that these skills have atrophied and need to be rebuilt. If you’re coding and you make mistakes, that’s certainly frustrating, but shouldn’t make you throw up your hands in despair. Meeting potential partners is similar. You learn from your missteps and do better next time. Like Hippy said…
/r/ExRedPill20/06/22 01:01 PM
2

You sounds like a well-rounded and emotionally balanced adult, not part of the Greek alphabet, lol. But I get your point and hope other recovering RPers take your words to heart. You’ve had success with partners because you’re being a normal dude with his own interests whose life doesn’t revolve around his dating pool and who doesn’t see women as either a conquest or something less human than you.
/r/ExRedPill15/06/22 06:54 PM
2

Out of curiosity, have you been told to “just get over it” by someone? What was the issue you were supposed to be getting over? And what was your relationship to this person? I’m trying to understand if your stance is based on a specific personal experience or a hypothetical/one you have witnessed between others but not experienced personally.
/r/ExRedPill15/06/22 06:37 PM
5

Examples?
/r/ExRedPill15/06/22 05:51 PM
8

What kind of gym do you go to? In my experience, the people at the gyms I’ve belonged to are like 80% women at any given time, and not just treadmill runners. There are women weight lifters there too. Not body builders, but all types of exercise styles. People I know in committed relationships do actually have these sorts of standards (or preferences, at least). It’s how you build relationships: mutual interests. If working out is important to you and you would like a girlfriend to go to the gym…
/r/ExRedPill14/06/22 12:58 AM
1

Hmm, I suppose that might be the case for some men. Most of the men I know are happily in long-term relationships and married for companionship and love, just like women. I really don’t think the reasons differ as much as you’re assuming here, in my experience.
/r/ExRedPill27/05/22 12:27 AM
2

Oof, dating apps are rough. I’d rather be single than have to use one of those, honestly. Talk about rejection! 😵‍💫 Hobbies are great places to meet others irl. Maybe expand your hobbies? I’m not sure what size community you live in, but there are so many different types of group activities out there. If you want to meet a ton of really cool women, I’d strongly suggest finding your local roller derby league and volunteering or learning to referee. Bike and co-Ed football clubs are really great. …
/r/ExRedPill27/05/22 12:07 AM
2

It’s kind of the whole package of being a woman in society. I’m sure you’ve read it in this thread as well as many others. Being unable to have platonic male friends, being unable to navigate the world in thousands of different ways without being hyper situationally aware of men around you to ensure you are not in a bad situation, being harassed and stalked online and in person, feeling the need to maintain crazy beauty standards. It’s all super exhausting, even when most men I meet are nice guy…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 11:51 PM
1

Why from a “woman’s point of view?” How would it be different from a man’s point of view? Edit: I meant “you” as a collective you, and not you personally. I wasn’t trying to insult you and hope I didn’t. I obviously don’t know the details of your current or past romantic experience and am not here to pass judgement, I was mostly just wondering aloud and it maybe came out wrong.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 10:16 PM
6

Seconded! (sorry, I had to look after that comment). OP, if you’re feeling physically unattractive or inadequate, Ghoul and I would like to assure you that your personal perception of yourself doesn’t match reality and for sure isn’t what is holding you back.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 08:56 PM
10

What a cool hobby! I definitely think that’s a better use of your time than trying to make these “who has it worse” comparisons. It’s a zero sum game where no one involved wins and everyone feels crappier afterward. Life is hard, and while there are certainly factual differences in how hard it can be for various groups, everyone is struggling in their own ways and don’t appreciate having that struggle invalidated, even indirectly, by someone coming into their space and saying “I have it worse th…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 08:45 PM
1

Well, that’s going to depend on the woman. We’re not a monolith and have individual wants and needs. For example, I’m not a mother, but if I was, I would want a partner who liked children and wanted to be around them. That isn’t something I care about, because I don’t want kids. The things I’m looking for personally are a man who wants to go do things (ski, hike, bike, explore new places, try new stuff), one who is self-motivated (to learn, to clean up his own shit, take care of his basic needs …
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 08:04 PM
2

I’m in my mid-30s and I know women who are so exhausted with this behavior that they are seriously looking forward to the near future when a large percentage of men will start looking right through them as they pursue younger partners. Women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s talk about how unexpectedly freeing it was to walk around in the world and not be constantly under male gaze/attention. To be able to form male friendships without being disappointed by unwanted advances. To be in less danger of st…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 06:27 PM
3

Yeah, this is a ton of work for the OP. They should be investing this time in literally anything else. There is no value in hashing and rehashing social media rants. It’s a useless, negative exercise that contributes nothing positive to the OP, their goals, ideas on gender, or us the readers. I can empathize with the frustration driving the post, but it’s just not a good use of the OPs brain power or emotional energy.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:57 PM
2

Being guarded and slow to trust when forming relationships is very different from “hating” half the population. Surely you understand that this is an irrational response to your very rational past pain? Men have done some pretty terrible things to me, and I’m not “over it,” but I refuse to allow a few terrible people to color my entire perception of gender in general. If you can’t quite get there, that’s okay, but I think therapy (if you haven’t already accessed it) would be a good place to work…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:51 PM
3

I’m exactly like you. I find a large percentage of men physically appealing, in all shapes and sizes, but I don’t develop a strong sexual attraction to a man until I’ve gotten to know them and we mesh well. The traits in that kind of person have nothing to do with looks or finances, but about kindness, trustworthiness, good humor, reliability, self-pride, self-reliance, motivation, similar values, similar interests, etc. I have a high sex drive, but it doesn’t trump my need for compatibility fir…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:41 PM
1

Out of curiosity, how do you meet new people? And what do you do for fun or in your downtime?
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:21 PM
3

I don’t want a roommate. I want a mutual partnership based on love, trust, and respect. Sure, you can be friends AND be in a romantic relationship with someone. Friendship is necessary for a successful romantic relationship imo. If the only thing you have to offer me is sex though, then yes, I can probably get that in a number of other places. But what else are you bringing to the table that I should become emotionally invested in loving you? This is the key. Do you know how to cheer me up (and …
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:12 PM
5

Attractiveness is certainly objective in some ways (facial symmetry, for example), but it’s also highly subjective. When you like someone and your brain starts releasing those good chemicals, you perceive your partner as more physically attractive, regardless of how others perceive them. This means two people could meet, develop an interest in each other based on non-physical attributes, and discover they find the other person to be really hot. It literally happens every day. It’s part of the re…
/r/ExRedPill21/01/22 08:33 PM
2

Ah, no, haha, just a play on Hell n’ havoc.
/r/ExRedPill21/01/22 04:22 PM
2

Sure, they’re pretty good, but I don’t know them. Why do you ask?
/r/ExRedPill21/01/22 03:59 PM
2

I am not.
/r/ExRedPill21/01/22 03:35 PM
8

This isn’t RP stuff. You got more mature and focused on yourself. This sort of confident self-management is what most healthy-minded adults do and almost all of them got there without red pill ideology. You’re just a responsible and interesting human being, honest and respectful, with your own drive and goals and interests, and that’s attractive. People can feel that you’re mentally and emotionally stable and worth their time.
/r/ExRedPill21/01/22 02:10 PM
12

You’re rationalizing an idea that you were indoctrinated into. It doesn’t matter who can get partners more easily. Like all bad ideas and lizard brain instincts that have become wedged in our psyches, you can make a choice not to feel this way. It won’t happen overnight and it takes conscious effort. Anytime you think negatively about women choosing to be promiscuous, correct it. Chide yourself for being a hypocrite. Explore your rationale, because while I understand your point, it doesn’t actua…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 11:32 PM
10

You completely missed my point. I chose a celebrity because me saying “I know some guys” is irrelevant to you. Yes, I know some ugly guys in great relationships and I know some hot guys who are miserable and alone, but this was just one mutually recognizable example instead of my anecdotes. This obsession you seem to have with looks isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. Most people do not operate like this. And they’re much happier for it.
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 05:22 AM
7

Are they? I don’t find Pete Davidson physically attractive, but he regularly dates some of the hottest women around. He might be the most prominent example, but he’s not at all an anomaly (early Seth Rogan is another one). Women like him because he makes them laugh, he’s self-deprecating and doesn’t take himself too seriously, and he’s totally okay being vulnerable and having flaws. It’s the perfect recipe. Attraction isn’t nearly as physical as red pillers make it out to be. There’s a whole mes…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 04:44 AM
1

This is neither here nor there, but I was a virgin until I was 24 and I’m a fairly attractive person. I wanted to have sex, badly, but wanted it to be with someone special the first time and the person I picked ended up being asexual and completely disinterested in doing it. So I just took care of myself for a bunch of years and eventually found a better partner for my needs. He was very surprised I was a virgin, but didn’t hold my inexperience against me at all. 😄 Ignore these idiots. There’s n…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 03:13 AM
10

I think maybe you need to do some more thinking about why you’ve come to this conclusion. What evidence do you have that you aren’t just extrapolating how you feel or how others have told you to feel into a reality that isn’t supported by any data? Why is focusing on anything other than looks in a man’s personal development silly? Yes, dating apps can boil things down to looks, for both men and women. And people do generally want someone who takes care in their own appearance, whatever their sty…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 02:48 AM
5

Yeah, the moment a man tries to dominate me, I’m out the door. Sure, maybe some women dig it, but I think this is just something guys who want to dominate and control women say to validate their own behaviors and desires.
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 02:25 AM
1

This is great advice. I met my husband 11 years ago at a hostel while we were both on vacation. My parents met at a bar. My best friend met her partner when she needed a date for a college dance and so-and-so had a roommate who wasn’t working that night. Serendipity. Not all relationships start so randomly though. My brother and SIL played rugby together for a few years before they hit it off. Before online dating, most people met partners through mutual friends or by doing activities they enjoy…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 12:44 AM
3

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It doesn’t matter if it’s directly RP or not. Plenty of abusive and controlling partners have never heard of TRP. Obviously his word choice indicates it probably is, but it doesn’t affect my advice at all: This is abusive and controlling behavior. It’s just starting and it will escalate. No amount of past or future sweetness should cancel out this bad behavior. You can’t fix him and you can’t love him into treating you well. You are not “the only one who un…
/r/ExRedPill18/01/22 12:15 AM
3

Absolutely, cognitive behavioral therapy can do wonders. Find a therapist you like (don’t scrap it altogether if you don’t connect with your first one). You need someone non-judgmental on the outside of your life to work through these issues with. They’re complex and very human (not just RP-specific) and any therapist worth their salt will be able to help you move past the toxic thought patterns that are holding you back.
/r/ExRedPill14/01/22 06:21 PM
5

San Francisco is awesome, but one of the most expensive places in the country. It certainly wasn’t what I would suggest for a relocation option. Cities tend to have more opportunities for work and they pay higher wages, especially once you leave the south. There are plenty of great affordable places in the south though if you want to stay in the region. I just get the feeling that you’d be closer to meeting your goals if you were in a place with more opportunity for socialization and a larger po…
/r/ExRedPill13/01/22 02:09 AM
3

That’s really tough. If you live somewhat rurally, I’m sure it’s hard for anyone there to find compatible partners, so that’s certainly not any personal failing of yours. I grew up in a California city that I couldn’t afford when I became an adult. So I moved to an affordable city with a fraction of the living cost. Honestly, where I live now it’s the same price to live in the city as in the woods, if not cheaper. When you don’t have kids or a partner or dependents, you have immense flexibility …
/r/ExRedPill12/01/22 11:34 PM
8

I’m not single, but my friends who are, both men and women, are also struggling with dating right now. Even if you live in a place with few pandemic restrictions, the pandemic is affecting the dating pool and people’s dating behaviors. A lot of folks are feeling depressed or like they aren’t at their best and it’s not a recipe for forming quality relationships. What actions have you taken to improve your social life? One of the best ways to meet people, both platonic and romantic, is by engaging…
/r/ExRedPill12/01/22 07:53 PM
31

Wealthy people still marry for convenience. I knew someone who had a lucrative patent and entered into a business marriage with his spouse to access her family’s money to develop his patent (everyone was on the same page here and got what they wanted out of the agreement). There was an understanding that they would have a few kids together, but they largely led different romantic lives. When people marry for money, reputation, immigration, etc., the rules within the marriage are often different …
/r/ExRedPill10/01/22 11:48 PM
12

This idealized version of the 50s in the public consciousness almost entirely originated from TV of the time, which was a highly fanciful and sanitized version of reality. If you were a person of color, you might imagine this wasn’t exactly a golden era. In the post-war boom, young white families were able to buy in new developments and begin building equity. Black veterans, however, were prevented from capitalizing on the GI Bill (by design) through neighborhood covenants that actually prevente…
/r/ExRedPill08/01/22 07:20 AM
3

If you don’t want to leave him, you guys need couples therapy asap. This toxic passive aggressive nonsense and overt sexism is ruining your relationship. It sounds like you were at least able to have an open dialogue before. Go get some counseling. You need to be firm that not going with you is not an option if he’d like to continue to be with you and be serious about that. Think of it like preventative medical care. If you let the cancer fester for years, it will kill you. But if you zap it ear…
/r/ExRedPill07/01/22 10:31 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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