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Humble-Grape-5201 Archive

View 6 posts and 41 comments by Humble-Grape-5201 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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In my state it's based off gross pay, too. So if those numbers you gave are net pay then you'll need to get gross numbers. Then you get to find out that child support is neither taxable nor tax deductible which basically means you get to pay the taxes on it at your (probably higher) marginal tax rate while she gets it tax free
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:25 PM
1

You should expect to pay child support. Your state probably has a calculator on a website somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:58 PM
8

She can't waive child support but she can waive spousal support and I bet she knows that. The most common "biggest mistake you nade during divorce" posts I've seen here are where the husband tries to make things easier for the wife only to have that backfire enormously in the end. Do what's best FOR YOU, your children, and her. In that order, and she's a distant third. Think about your situation 3 years from now and make plans accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 04:07 PM
1

I didnt believe it when I started but here I am 5 months later and sure enough, it's all about the benjamins now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:45 PM
1

In my jurisdiction you'd be able to get child support modified under these conditions. Keep records.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:38 AM
2

The danger you're putting yourself into is that you'll view it as a final resolution and she'll view it as a good first step. There's tons of stories in this sub where guys say their biggest regret was trying to do what they felt was the right thing in the beginning only to have that used against them in the end. No matter what she says right now, once she starts talking to lawyers or divorced friends she's going to start seeing dollar signs in her eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:31 AM
3

Are you both on the deed and/or mortgage? Have you already agreed to sell the house and split the proceeds? Or were you trying to keep it?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:16 AM
1

It literally doesn't.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 08:50 PM
1

None of what you just posted has any legal bearing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 08:17 PM
1

How is what you said different than the scenario I laid out? She's been sacrificing time away from the kids to support the family, and now she doesn't want to anymore and instead be with the kids full time
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:40 PM
-1

Flip it around. Do you think it would be fair to you if your wife suddenly decided to be a stay at home mom with zero income and your obligations be based on that, rather than the income she's had for years?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 01:08 PM
5

It's important to add that the offer to solve her problem by involving the lawyers should be in a live conversation with her, like on a phone call or in person. Don't have your lawyer make the offer to her lawyer. You want to be able to judge her instant reaction and not give her time to formulate a response. Given time, she may be able to shoehorn in a "good reason" why it won't work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 01:04 PM
6

In my professional career, I've had to come up with some ways of figuring out if people have ulterior motives. Often times people will come to me saying they need to solve problem A, but the solution they are asking for doesn't really solve that problem or is overly complicated or the like. Usually when this happens, it's because they're actually solving for problem B, but problem B is something that people would be unlikely to help with because it might conflict with their own goals or morals. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 10:59 AM
2

Because women love THAT part of the patriarchy
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:45 AM
3

Well, she'd tell you it was all of a sudden, but it came after 7 months of marriage counseling and me telling her twice that if things didn't improve, divorce was on the table. My jurisdiction has several mandatory TROs that go into effect on the filer immediately, but don't go into effect on for the other party until they're served. So there's this time period where the person who filed can't move any money around or cancel insurance or anything like that, but the other person can because they …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 11:46 AM
5

They view it as the low-ball opening offer. You think you're being nice and trying to make things easier for everyone but in the end all they're looking for is punishment.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 12:18 PM
4

It's just to make sure you don't have a secret million dollar bank account you never mentioned. I agree with your lawyer that it's harmless.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:02 AM
1

Yeah when she was working 30hrs a week from home and I was working 50-60 with a 45 minute commute there was no way possible for us to be equally involved in everything. She still expected it though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 09:54 AM
4

I've been thinking about that phrase a lot, and in my case it wasn't that I couldn't win. It was more akin to "I can't not lose" because most interactions should have been neutral, with no one winning. Just a constant state where I wasn't allowed to be right about anything, ever, no matter how small or insignificant the thing was.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 04:05 PM
6

"they say that money isn't everything/Yeah I'd like to see you live without it" -Silverchair
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:41 AM
1

Man I hope you're right because my STBXW's lawyer is absolutely going back through three years of bank statements and adding up what I spent vs what she spent and wanting me to give her half of the difference as a lump sum alimony payment. My lawyer laughed at it so we'll see.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:05 PM
6

50/50 includes her 401k and pension brother. She doesnt get to play "whats yours is ours and whats mine is mine"
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:14 PM
3

I just got finished reading Dating Essentials for Men by Robert Glover and my main takeaway from that book is that you should not waste time on women who are not "interested" in you. It made me look back at my prior relationships and, yes, I was much happier overall when I was not having to put in a great deal of effort keeping her around. I'd much rather get bored with a woman who can't live without me than not be able to live without a woman who's bored with me. So I think you're on the right …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 06:49 PM
19

So far its the attitude that she is owed half of everything we accumulated--because we were a team--but future expenses related to the kids should definitely be prorated based on income. Like, which is it? Did you contribute half or not?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 06:31 PM
18

The purpose of the boundaries is to weed out the ones who'll violate them. I'd say its working as designed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 06:06 PM
2

We lived over a hundred miles away from each other until a month before we got married, so I never saw it coming. The day after she moved in she cleaned my house top to bottom while I was at work and I thought it was nervous energy or her just being nice
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 08:05 PM
7

Her idea of necessary chores and frequency vs mine is really what got the ball rolling. For example she thought that baseboards should be wiped down weekly and painted yearly and I had never done either in my whole life. Changing sheets weekly, vacuuming the entire house every three days, re-grouting tile every year.... The list goes on. That eventually led to her going from a 5 day work week to a 4 day because we were literally spending all weekend doing these stupid unnecessary things and didn…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 04:07 PM
7

Go to counseling and see if you can work on communicating more effectively. Maybe it helps heal things, maybe it helps accelerate the decision to leave. In my case, after 7 months of counseling we had this really great night together and the following day I told her how proud I was that we'd made such a great breakthrough and how I felt loved and heard and like my emotional needs were finally being met. And she looked at me and said "That was a lot of work for me, you shouldn't expect that again…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:29 PM
4

You need to re-read the post
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:11 PM
8

Why indeed? So maybe STFU about telling other people that their kids' school systems don't matter when you're unwilling to make that same sacrifice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 03:58 PM
1

Any withdrawals she makes will be taxed at her marginal tax rate. A QDRO just waives the extra 10% penalty. She'd be an idiot to agree to that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 02:34 PM
8

You didn't answer the question
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 01:53 PM
10

As a decamillionaire, do you send your kids to shitty public schools? Or do you live in a community with great public schools?
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 01:04 PM
2

The other reason to stick around is that you'll likely still be responsible for the household expenses you've been paying up to this point and child support starts the moment you move out, even if your amount of child support is not decided for several months. Many a man has been shocked at a sudden multi-thousand-dollar child support bill for arrears.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 12:58 PM
2

I'm 100% convinced my STBXW has received the same guidance from her lawyer. As late as April of this year she was offering to go from part time to full time so that I could quit my very stressful job. She's responsible for the budgeting for her organization so she knows the money is there, however once I filed and suggested she go back full time so that we would have more cash on hand for the eventual split, her org suddenly didn't have the money. And now she's saying that her option to go back …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 02:07 PM
1

We plan on having these conversations together, so there's no opportunity for different stories to come up
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:16 PM
1

When I finally opened up to a couple of people about what was happening in my marriage everyone told me I was being abused. Even the marriage counselor told me I was being abused and needed to get out. I'm well-known and well-regarded in my professional field. I command an immense amount of respect at the Fortune 50 company I've been at for the last 18 years. But my STBXW and that supervisor treated me like an incompetent moron. I guess I could deal with it at home but once I couldn't escape it …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 02:58 PM
4

I ended up with a really terrible supervisor about a year before I started seriously considering divorce. He would talk over me, make petty edits to any work I did, force last-minute changes to planned work that would then have to be completely scrapped and rescheduled, then would complain that things were taking too long. He could absolutely never be wrong and I was not ever allowed to complete anything without his input. One day, my wife was talking about the people that work for her and I rea…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:48 AM
1

I can't think of a single upside to me getting married again other than for tax benefits. I'm a high earner and that single rate is murdery, but it's less than what a second exwife would take in another divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 10:31 AM
2

I have 30+ years of experience with these thoughts, though not related to my impending divorce. It's not constant, but it comes back every now and then. Two mantras have kept me going: Not Living Anymore is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Never underestimate the size of the hole your absence would leave. Your kids will miss you. Your other family will, too. I guarantee that you have people in your life that will be utterly beside themselves with grief, even if you don't know it. I l…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:35 PM
1

Well that's concerning. My 401k admin says 30-60 days but y'all are saying its years?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:05 PM
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