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IcyMycologist4837 Archive

View 0 posts and 367 comments by IcyMycologist4837 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

This dude is clueless
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 11:57 PM
3

This happens. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 03:10 PM
1

Believe this, most people listen to her but know it is bullshit. Most third parties just listen and agree but don’t care as much as you are thinking. For those that do, you don’t want to be associated with them. And most people realize they cannot continue having any friendship with both of you so they decide to remove one of you. You need to accept how society works and life is not fair.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 10:57 PM
1

Follow bluetoes1 advice. Move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 10:45 PM
3

The ship has sailed. Time to move on. Woman rarely change their mind. If they do it is situational to benefit them and temporary. You would be delaying the inevitable and it will cost you more in time and money. Time you can never get back. Work on yourself for the next chapter in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 11:04 AM
1

Just stop this BS
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:15 AM
7

Admit did not read whole thing but why would you want marriage at this stage of life? Does it legitimize a relationship to have the government in your business?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 04:31 PM
2

You will get over it and in time be happier with the results. But you need to go through the stages to get there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 10:39 PM
1

They are addictive once you start. I think the omega 3 takes effect to create a craving for it after you eat regularly. I suggest daily a can or two as part of healthy diet.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:32 PM
1

Mine tried similar bill. Stick to your plan. Also notify the chief state attorneys office and ethics commission in your state. I was victorious.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:10 AM
3

No you are not. Especially when the kids are teenagers.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:06 AM
2

Do it! It may actually help save your marriage. Btw you may not realize it that you have a prenup with marriage but it is with the government and bar association to ruin your financial life should you get divorced. So do yourself a favor and get to make the prenup benefit both of you and not the attorneys and gov.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 02:01 PM
3

Your ex probably wanted control over everything or bought in to the movement that all men are narcissistic. That thinking takes over and it is over. Maybe the ones you are dating don’t think that way or just see you as a provider. Woman are very adept at deception to get what they want. Especially those that have life experience.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:00 PM
2

Falling in love in your twenties will never happen again. It’s different now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 08:50 PM
13

That’s crazy they sleep in the same room.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 02:09 AM
6

You have a lot to learn about relationships. She is doing you a favor by leaving but you need a reality check.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:20 PM
2

You need a post nuptial agreement if you don’t have a prenup already. Since financial independence was so important to you a prenup would have been non negotiable for a second marriage. Hate to say it but seems like you are to blame for not knowing that and for not having transparency with finances before signing the marriage contract a second time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 11:44 AM
4

Long road ahead. Good luck. Ignore her demands and stick to your plan.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 11:14 PM
4

Be around people. At the gym, hobbies, take classes, look for in person social groups and set goals.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 05:31 PM
1

Good post with useful information
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 02:26 PM
4

Life is not fair. Can’t change past decisions but learn and make better decisions in your life and not make them mistakes again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 02:22 PM
2

If she is and has been the one paying you would go to court before moving out to get a PL temporary agreement that keeps status quo I. Terms of her being responsible to pay expenses otherwise she can go after you. If you go to court and they say you have to pay don’t move out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:45 PM
26

Be prepared that her lawyer will convince her she deserves everything. Lawyer costs will go up. Expect 2-3 year back and forth driving costs up for nothing as it will end in a settlement. Sell the luxury vehicle you will need liquidity. Another thing is if you move out , you will still pay for her to live in the house during divorce, plus your apartment, plus lawyer fees, and she will see it makes sense to drag things out so long as your paying. You lose any negotiating power. Plus, you don’t mo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:34 PM
2

What you just wrote fits my marriage and ex perfectly. I mean spot on every aspect. I did not cheat but I can see how it would happen. Now my ex is just as bad post divorce trying to play the kids against me. Hopefully you are moving on from that disastrous mistake and situation. Stop bending over backwards for woman. Don’t make similar mistakes and write down things to avoid move on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:29 PM
2

Seems like your wife was just waiting for it to end and maybe just sticking around until kids were older. She put in place a system for herself to live with you but not be with you. She could possibly have gain financially from staying married. I wonder how she is now in terms of trying to turn kids against via s as alienating kids away from you. If not, at least you have a better post divorce life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:39 PM
2

You need to accept the situation. The filing of divorce papers happens is when it is no longer husband and wife in a legal sense. If she cheated before then it was over before the filing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:35 AM
1

I know seems clueless to that line of thinking. Hope he wakes up!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 07:41 PM
3

It is not ironic! That is how things work. Her attorney makes money to drag out and then settle before trial. Negotiations 101. Wake up or you will lose in negotiations. This is not about being logical. There is no maybe about anything here or why. And it is not about being reasonable but about getting everything you uh or she can, not about deserving or being fair.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 07:40 PM
1

So got the guys on this string…if you have a long distance relationship and the woman has a guy friend and he sleeps over her place (in a separate bedroom) and she tells you upfront and says they are just friends, believe it or not?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:10 AM
1

Did you go to trial or is that your negotiated settlement?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 03:58 AM
1

Did you file for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:35 AM
5

Maybe to get pregnant for CS or to charge you with assault.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 01:57 AM
1

You both probably have blame but you can only deal with yours because she is out. Accept you both contribute to problems. She decided to move on. You need to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:38 AM
4

If you don’t have kids or a lot of assets, and not a long term marriage get her to agree to split marital assets 50/50, no alimony. Sell the house if you have together and split any equity. No reason to pay lawyers to pay thousands to fight. Before you file take her off your credit card and change the account number. Make sure to not contribute to joint accounts and all new money goes to your individual account. Freeze your credit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:04 PM
0

And that’s a problem only you can solve because nobody wants someone that way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:40 AM
1

You should not want to want her to come back. It would ruin your life. Move on bro!!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:37 AM
2

Married 18 years with two kids (teens). High earner. Worried about all those things you have mentioned going through the process. I succeeded in getting a fair settlement and limited alimony which was the key to rebuilding. Now three years out with help from the market I am financially whole. More successful at work and having personal freedoms. I wish that I could have been smarter about managing legal costs. So to keep it short most of my worries have subsided and things worked out. The one ar…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 06:58 PM
2

I explored meeting and dates 6 months out. But had no intention or interest in a serious long term relationship. That was a good process for me. I moved on from my ex anyway the minute we filed for divorce but the dates helped realize what I want or don’t want in a relationship. Like others here I never want marriage again, and right now not even a live in girlfriend. A monogamous relationship is good.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 11:46 AM
4

It will be okay if you accept divorce and she is just one woman that has her own interests and you need to follow by focusing on yourself and kids without her. You will be fine. I have to say the complaint About sleep and not recognizing the importance of taking care of your kids is BS. Good luck. She is not the woman you married. That person is gone or never actually existed like you think. All of us have some version of your story. The people that process it feel the pain and move on end up in…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 01:25 PM
1

I’m not in SC but start with adding both income , divide two and half the difference to her income as a starting point. Fight for temporary alimony based on her ability to earn income and support herself. Usually 3-5 years max. But sometimes they push for half the duration of marriage but typical these days to reduces further to 1/3. Example you make $100k, she $50k which equals 150k divide by two equals 75k. Max alimony is 75-50. So 25k but can be reduced further. You may be able to reduce your…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 01:59 PM
1

In the world of divorce you have a first world problem if you know what I mean. You will need to come up with a plan to rebuild which sounds you started. It takes time and some sacrifices but will happen if smart about it with finances etc. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 01:53 PM
1

Your story not unique. You have no choice but to do it. She chose so don’t blame yourself. You are not at the beginning. Marriage is over and you are just in the process of finalizing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:04 AM
2

Dads are not perfect and most likely always did his best but failed for whatever reasons. So he may say things wrong occasionally but give him slack and we never know how to see things from the others perspective so be kind and forgiving. Even though you may also be hurting he is too. Don’t abandon him. Take things slow but always keep communication lines open. Tell him you love him regardless what happened but also keep boundaries if you need them depending on your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:53 AM
1

I waited and ended up happening when kids were 14 and 17. I wish I did it when kids were younger or possibly older but not teenagers. Disaster at that age in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:46 AM
3

Basically, everything earned before the marriage has a reasonable way to keep separate. There are exceptions. If earned during marriage by either party it goes into the pot 50/50 exceptions inheritances but it can be messy. If she is willing to do 50/50 on that basis of only marital assets with no alimony and a quick low cost divorce sign the deal. Retirement money accumulated during marriage is 50/50. You can rebuild off 50/50. Legal fees to argue over 60/40 will cost you big time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:41 AM
5

Many of the things people say below are signs. If you want to avoid or delay divorce take away or don’t create the incentive for the divorce. This does not mean changing who you are, or focusing on giving her everything ( doing everything for her). She will take and take advantage until she decides you are weak or worthless. That could happen year 10 or 20 depending on what suits her best. So taking away the incentive means don’t make a lot of money, don’t save a lot of money, make everything in…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:23 AM
12

Being single with friends is the best way. Plus, second marriages fail.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 02:11 PM
5

Mostly happy, definitely peaceful, occasionally boring or lonely but not much. Still need to find a good group of buddies that are close by to hang with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:13 PM
1

Good for many things which it can replace an attorney. User dependent determines how much.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:59 AM
-5

As soon as decided to get divorce. First name only. Only a simp man would continue saying wife.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:51 AM
8

Somewhat true. But also a rigged System bait and switch or person that changes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:33 PM
3

I wonder if she wakes up one day and realizes it. Of it is a permanent thing?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:32 PM
5

Mine too. Perimenopause she became zen evil, vindictive monster, and she hallucinates worse than an AI model on drugs!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:31 PM
5

You are not alone. Move forward and good luck. None of that other stuff would have made your life better except the part of not getting married. We were all clueless. Our parents should have told us and school should have warned about the dangers of signing a marriage contract.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 09:56 PM
3

So true. I was alone while married. Great reminder now that time has passed, we tend to forget. Thanks for reminding me!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 09:43 PM
3

While going through the divorce it acts as a distraction. Once final, you need to deal with finality of it and now free time. It is a normal phase. Everyone deals with it their own way. It can ebb and flow depending what else you have going on in your life. When you have an empty homestead you definitely feel alone at times. I embraced it. But also made plans to do stuff and ultimately realize need to find a good friend or even a fwb if that is available. Not easy. Still an emptiness but managea…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 09:39 PM
3

Generally agree with you but better than not having one. It can protect assets prior to marriage, depending on circumstances eliminate or limit alimony. Won’t help with child support. But could help with asset division if done correctly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 09:33 PM
1

I find that most people don’t want to know CB or hear about it. If asked you say it doesn’t always work out. Pause. If they ask again say it’s complicated and a long story but you have moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 09:29 PM
6

Pretty much true in too many cases. All risk very little reward. Prenups younger fellows. Better than nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:12 AM
6

Similar but also turned into entitlement, vindictive behavior so you are taking action at year 11. If you stayed for 20 years like me you would be dealing with more issues like me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:19 PM
5

I’m not sure but if you consulted with her about your divorce it would disqualify her from judge on your case.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:32 PM
1

Go on the court web site and look up your case to see what was filed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:25 PM
1

It won’t help your kids for you to react. They need a solid rock parent. You owe them to be stronger. Grey rock towards your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:22 PM
1

Once you are in process the date of separation is technically when you file. She can do as she wants. If you take the confrontation route it will be used against you. This may actually be intentional scheming on her part to bait you into doing something stupid. I would bet she probably has asked him to do this and to let you know”find out”. You need to treat her as a business partner gone bad. All business until papers and divorce decree is filed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:19 PM
2

I’m going to start golfing asap!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 02:43 AM
1

Lots of woman in 40s or pushing 50 put pics of younger days and do a good job photoshop. I’m sure tech girls know how.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:50 PM
4

Create a paper loan to your new wife for any money. Or do transactions in cash to pay stuff where possible. Get smart. It sounds like your new wife is awesome but your ex is vindictive. So read the “room” and play the smart game.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:46 PM
2

Spot on. Most woman on apps are awful. But they think they’re better. 50% 3s, lucky to see a 7 or higher unless you are in Miami or NYC
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:28 PM
3

Do you want to live your life on broken vows? Vows require two people and you don’t have that any longer. Do you want to live the rest of your life on some vows that expired? Go ahead live alone in misery on false hopes. Or move on and live your life because every day you waste I guarantee you won’t get back. Your choice. Sry but reality.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:25 PM
2

Sudden?
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 11:23 PM
3

Just asked once, is this really what you want? She had filed at that point I asked so I never asked again nor ever begged. If you are begging it actually makes her more sure than ever to dump you. You convinced her she deserves better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 10:22 PM
1

It needs a section or chapter on why a prenup to a marriage contract is required. And how signing a marriage license/contract basically puts the government in control of your future and risks everything you have worked where a judge can do anything. Lawyers siphon off your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 01:05 PM
1

You just crossed me off the list. Attorneys are part of the problem. The bar association contributes to politicians who elect judges and vote on the family court rules.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 12:59 PM
1

The older you get the more entitled woman are so beware and set your red flags and keep them to yourself. Don’t compromise. But have fun dating without looking for the one love of your life. You will know if that happens. Second marriages have a higher probability of divorce so get a prenup on the next one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 08:40 PM
1

Follow the formula. Start getting if if that is how it calculated. Then you can put that money in an account for the kid or send back to your ex sometime later. Stupid but you can.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:17 PM
2

Focus on the house if you really need it not stuff in it. I wouldn’t fight over stuff. Buy something if you need to replace it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:15 PM
1

And if things vanish the judge doesn’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:13 PM
5

Of course it is. She tries to justify to herself living the good life and being nasty to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 06:58 PM
3

I know where you are coming from and don’t disagree. If organized it has to target state and federal governments. Men are whiners and unorganized. The good thing is slowly younger men are realizing that marriage is a contract with the government. And can ruin your life. The one good thing about social networks is that the younger men can now be clued in.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 06:28 PM
5

There should be and it should focus on lobbying for divorce law reforms. Bill Ackerman the billionaire hedge fund guy went through a divorce and cost him a ton of money so he can relate to how the system is broken. Of course he is brilliant and can always make more money and has but he can fund the group if it was formed properly to help us common man out from under this system where judges act without impunity. Musk too can donate. Lots of successful men could fund this group to battle the corr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 05:57 PM
5

You seem to have handled it well. Today is just one day. Tomorrow get to the gym and bang out a hard workout and talk to a friend. Keep moving on!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 05:55 PM
1

Many of us experienced different versions of this story. Obviously you know why she is doing it. If playing into it the result will be a self fulfilling prophecy in regard to your kid seeing you as weak. That will let her win and make her vindictive nature stronger. It’s hard but you need to gather yourself quick. Be strong!! Win! Meaning live a great life is the best remedy. Btw you gives sh@t about a mardi gra party at ex s house. Quite Fran kk would make me laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 05:44 PM
1

No. You file separately.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 02:02 PM
3

The other thing they can do is file before and claim deductions. Plus, she leave off 1099s and then 3 years later it gets flagged and on a joint return you will be in a mess with an uncooperative spouse and penalties to boot.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:35 AM
2

Married filing separately. That is what he needs to do and that is okay per the IRS.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:31 AM
3

You might be surprised that filing jointly may not save you much. For divorce purposes you filed so you need to separate and that includes the way you file taxes. Big mistake not to do it. Once you file for divorce treat it as a business transaction where you cannot trust the partner. And bro..it is over! She filed for divorce. If file separately you will see in the final divorce decree it will state she is liable for her taxes and you yours. So if she has something lurking or a liability pop up…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:19 AM
5

Reset your expectations at least for the re-entry into dating. You find many woman have issues at your age and unrealistic expectations or looking for a provider or should I say payor. So reset and hope to find a person that is looking for fun. Sort of fwb. Get some experience in the new world. Use dating apps if necessary. Don’t expect to fall into love. And go in with self worth and confidence. Because if you don’t any woman that finds you acceptable is really going after you for money, health…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:11 AM
2

Lot of backstory here. Sry you go through this but it can now work to your advantage since it failed. Skipping mediation will not count against you considering the events you stated. Push for a trial and I bet 99% they will make an agreement on the court house steps. That is better than working with a mediator for a number of reasons. If you drag this out with a mediator you already know she is unreasonable and will not accept it and it will cost time and money all while you pay 50%. She knows a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 05:18 PM
3

He seems like the weaker party and will get sacked by the mediator. Whereas a trial judge has to follow rules. By weak, I mean not a clue how this works.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 03:48 PM
3

5 year marriage you don’t need to worry about lifetime alimony. What jurisdiction? But most at the high end would grant the duration of marriage. In short term marriage like yours it would be rehabilitated alimony max 3 years unless you did something real bad. And even then it would be hard to imagine going 5 years. She is dragging this out because her lawyer knows that she gets you to pay 50% while this drags on. You need to get a trial date set pronto!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 03:46 PM
2

She Will probably give her equity on the shared house to cover his share of her 401k. This is a shell game of moving assets around.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 04:50 PM
3

Everything you described is what my ex started doing. She is checked out. Be civil but start treating your relationship as a business transaction. It will be long process and don’t over react to legal actions. The laws generally work to do a 50/50 split. Child support is basically a calculated via formula. Premarital assets typically stay out of the split. Alimony is very negotiable and can be limited or do a buyout. The calmer you are and don’t get emotional, threaten, text stupid messages, say…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 02:36 PM
1

Always ask it questions on the answers it gives you like you are the opposing party. Always ask it if it used any hallucinations in the answers or case laws.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:44 PM
1

It is true it will hallucinate so it needs to be checked and used properly. If used properly it is a great res but not without flaws. If used properly it is better than many lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:43 PM
1

He can get limited representation which helps with action in the court room to object where necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:40 PM
1

I’ve used ChatGPT and represented myself in court for 3 hearings against my ex which is using a high priced law firm that specializes in divorce law. I’ve won every time. I will admit that in one case I wish that I had a lawyer for limited representation as it would have helped but I still won. Ended up costing her $20k in attorney fees. So ChatGpt saved me a lot of money.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:38 PM
1

You are correct, the other guy on his scorched earth comment is nonsense. The other advice on how to act in court is correct. Taking the steps to file is good. If the other party is truly interested in a settlement agreement they can make offers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:34 PM
1

It seems to me you are doing it right. You start with getting the process going and setting court dates and a trial date. Don’t move off the trial date. In the meantime she can propose settlement agreements. Don’t get fooled thinking mediation is viable. Many times it is used to drag things to wear down the weaker party. Having the court in play is the way to go and does not prevent her from offering a settlement with or without mediation. Btw ChatGPT is very good but you need to make sure it is…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:28 PM
1

Everything would be split 50/50 including retirement income. You can do it but won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:16 AM
2

You just gave me hope. Curious how long and what age did your daughter start communicating again? And what age were they when you were cut out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:08 AM
1

It sucks but don’t give up on the children just give it time. They are also processing it themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:06 AM
2

Agree. But they could be hoping you make an error, get impatient, or just delaying because attorneys trying to milk it for more money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 02:58 AM
2

Go complete silence do all filings with the court and no further communication unless it is settlement agreement. Make sure you get a trial date or you will drag on forever in CT. CT family courts are run by semi retired judges that don’t know current laws or and don’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 02:44 AM
4

I had a similar situation. My wife ex did everything she could to turn my girls against me. No easy answers as divorce has its own set of problems. I guess a major factor is the age of your daughter and if she is an independent thinker. My experience is if your daughter is already a teenager (15+) then wait. If younger probably go ahead and get divorced. No right answers. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 07:23 AM
1

You need to read No more Mr nice guy. You sound weak.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:30 PM
4

Common and natural. Especially in a first relationship after divorce. Unlucky for you to be the first relationship post divorce. Maybe step back in a positive way to allow him time to date others. It does not mean he jumps in the sack with others but go through the process of discovering relationships with others. If he realizes you are his great luck to find someone who is a great person to build the type of relationship you want he will do this on his own which is healthy for you. I know peopl…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 03:44 PM
1

They don’t and nor should you. The issue is being rational about exit without destroying economic prosperity or creating conflict.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 07:07 PM
1

She can’t throw you out of the house unless you provide an excuse like being combative, threatening, or harassing her. If you minimize communication and just deal with kids without any conflicts it is very difficult to get you out. But that does not mean she won’t try and May start making false accusations. Best to get this done fast as possible split 50/50, CS based on the calculations, and no alimony. Don’t fight over nickels and dimes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:24 AM
2

It is not your problem or business how she finances to buy you out. If she can’t swing it you will find out in due course. You are not her adviser.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:19 AM
1

My biggest advice from going through this is to go into silence mode about anything related split of assets, CS or anything related to the divorce or the breakdown of the marriage. No texting or emails about the topics!! I minimized my communications but wish it was zero. Not that anything I said was bad or ended up working against me. But I truly wish I just kept silent.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:17 AM
2

You are a great kid for giving him some slack. Depends how long ago divorce happened on whether he has been able to process this life event. An occasional slip up like a side comment is common but if you note it he should apologize to you and try to minimize it from happening again in front of you. He may need counseling if he does not get better at controlling his emotions. But please do not go no contact with him. Many kids do it expecting parents to be perfect. But some people do not change a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:08 AM
3

You are responsible for your happiness in life. Take that control back and don’t let someone dictate your happiness if they do not want to be in your life in a positive way. You were happy before her and there are other people better suited for you. You may find being independent has benefits. Embrace your freedom and take your time adjusting to it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 03:20 AM
3

Agree. And the high mileage mini vans think they are luxury vehicles and the expected the high maintenance. Best thing you can do is have some fun with them.like a crash derby and move on. You may run into a good classic with little damage but that is luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:31 PM
3

You can assign beneficiaries and % they get.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:46 PM
1

Follow the lead, get or stay fit, find some good hobbies, meet new people, enjoy your new life and the next time you meet if ever give her the empty hug and smile. And be successful in what you do and how you live. Not talking about money necessarily but about being happy. That is the sunshine at the end of the rainbow with a pot of gold.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 05:26 AM
1

I don’t think what you state applies equally across all relationships because not all people are genuine and most are deceptive. But good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 07:58 PM
2

You may find over time that she just did you a favor if you decide to move on with your life because you were not in a happy relationship. Work through it and get yourself settled into the new reality. Things will be better for you after the adjustment period.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 07:50 PM
4

If you go places and there is a woman at the counter practices having a little conversation. Ask a question. You will see if you can carry a normal conversation and not talk about personal shit going on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:39 PM
18

Yes. A lot and not all woman building the resentment which turns into YOU issues as opposed to our issues. Then the exit planning starts while the man typically thinks things will get better or are able to be fixed. Demands increase and every failure is a reason to exit but also in some woman’s thinking a reason to burn down everything they built by going scorch earth to remove themselves and from having any culpability in the relationship breaking down. It is a sad ending.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:33 PM
16

You need to start treating your interactions with her like a business transaction. Of course stay civil and respectful especially about kids. But gifts to her and expectations from her are not healthy. If you keep up this you will really get shafted on the divorce decree thinking you were a good guy. If she gets the edge in the terms of the decree both financial and other rights you will have no recourse as you pay the piper month after month and she has her new guy living off your dime taking y…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 03:42 AM
1

I respectfully disagree. Kids are easily influenced by a parent especially of the same gender. The biggest disagreement I have is your reference to not being a softie. I think that is probably unintentional poor choice of words. It is important not to be a wall flower or be stepped on by the ex but a very tactful approach is needed because it only takes stepping on one land mine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:10 AM
3

We have a broken system and marriage is a sham. Oh, family court is not about justice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:57 AM
1

No fault is meaningless. Use AI to put in your particulars and state and ask it all your questions. You are lucky to go your separate ways and seem to not be tangled up in any way financially. Keep it that way while pending finalization. Keep everything separate and don’t commingle any assets or contribute anything jointly. Change all passwords and close any joint credit. You should be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:10 AM
1

Risky move. Child will go no contact against who is perceived as aggressive parent. Kid does not want to be in the middle and ultimately decide. Maybe not at 12 but at 16 you cannot force a kid to do anything no matter what a court says. So if she sees this as aggressive she will hold Pat until 16 and then cut one parent out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:38 AM
1

Be careful how you deal with it because everything comes back to your daughter and you may be in a lose lose scenario. Based on my experience you will need to base your reaction on how your daughter wants it. She may be placating to your ex desires. That is a tough you are in because it may come across to your daughter that you are the bad actor if you force it. Take the Xmas day and have a great time with your daughter and don’t bring it up. I know f ing hard to do. Crazy thing is if you do bri…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:34 AM
2

Without being there I think you are way over reacting. Your ex s lawyer probably wanted to stall for many reasons and used discovery as excuse. It is good if your lawyer only gives what she thinks is appropriate. Calm down. And this is coming from someone who fired his lawyer. I’m no fan of lawyers in general. But based on just what was written I disagree with your plan.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:10 PM
3

I slept in the first year. Messed around on the internet and played a few video games watched movies and called my family. Went for a hike. Next day back to normal. Oh! And reminded my self how much I hated spending time with my in laws on the holiday! That helps!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 10:54 PM
4

Wow, should be required reading for all men considering marriage. Thanks for posting. Can you add the prequel of the dating phase?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 10:50 PM
11

Don’t move out or let her create a situation to force you out. This will incentivize her to start negotiating the actual divorce. The play is to get you out and then force you to continue paying expenses for her living. As somebody below said get your lawyer to draft a separation agreement where she has to pay her expenses as that would also incentivize her to get the divorce finalized. This is the game to create get your lawyer out and drain you every month so when you negotiate you are under p…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:09 PM
5

Mine did all those things but we had children. Count your blessings you do not have kids. You will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:58 AM
8

He needs to follow through get the divorce and then do as he pleases. He needs to get out of the contract and all things attached to it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:54 AM
11

You need to be true to yourself and follow through with moving on from her. You are fundamentally not compatible so don’t play mind tricks thinking you will make it work. I had the chance you have now to move on but didn’t. Bad mistake. Do not have sex with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:51 AM
1

Teenage girls tend to side with the mom and nowadays cut one parent out either no contact. So if you move out plan on that happening. Get the kids to see a counselor to discuss alienation. They may refuse which may end up even worse. It is a sucky situation. Your ex is a real piece of work. But like one guy said you need to suck it up. Maybe you have a shot either way your 9 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 02:01 PM
1

True about controlled by the kid. A kid (teenagers+) can be influenced by a parent or counselors to go no contact. It seems like it can go on for years. Mine did the same at 16 even though we had great years before so I cherish the times we had and tell myself at 18 they spend less time with parents anyway. But going no contact is really awful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 02:26 AM
6

My ex alienated my kids from me. They are now 17 and 20. Any advice? What kind of damage do they suffer long term. My ex thinks she is right for them to choose sides to cut ties. I have just let them know I care and will be here when they are ready. I get nothing back. We had a good family life that my ex destroyed. So it shook up the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 01:45 AM
1

Yeah it is hard but you will adjust and ultimately thrive
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 01:39 AM
3

Same here on the last part of what you wrote. Being alone is better than being with someone while having loneliness or just misery.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 08:12 PM
10

Loneliness in a marriage is bad. The process to separate aka divorce is hard. But 45 is easier than 55.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:32 AM
1

Get a new lawyer. Tomorrow!
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 01:53 AM
1

You need to have a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 01:52 AM
1

You are actually in a decent spot at 40. It would be much worse at 50s. 40s are great especially if your fit and have a good job and no kids. Don’t waste too much working on yourself. Get out and date. It doesn’t need to be looking for the one. But have fun casual dates. You can date 30s , 40s. Don’t settle but be patient dating around.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:01 AM
9

Calm down. Breath. Your lawyer will tell you to move back in most likely but not always and to get your own cell phone which you would need to anyway. The good news is now you know who you married. Hopefully no kids. 2 year marriage so count your blessings it is not 10+ years. You need to read No more Mr Nice Guy. Don’t beg for someone that despises you!
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:21 AM
6

I’m in the same boat and made up 80% in just under two years. But I don’t pay alimony, I make a solid income, came out of divorce with liquid assets, and had a bull market. I have CS but my income is high so it doesn’t really make a difference. Unfortunately, if someone has to pay alimony and CS without high enough income it can take 10 years and being frugal.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:04 AM
17

1st don’t remarry without a solid prenup. If the house works for both you then keep it. But get the prenup. Failure rate on second marriage is higher than a 1st marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:58 AM
7

My ex is a nightmare with these things. We use Zelle for CS and expense reimbursement. However my ex posts expense reimbursement requests in APPClose which is for stuff not in our agreement. She also sends reimbursement requests for stuff we are supposed to split but fails to provide an invoice and her proof of payment. So I track everything on a spread for court records and keep track of everything without an invoice that I refuse. She refuses to provide invoices but expects reimbursement. We a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:06 PM
2

Be patient, know the laws, stay with facts. Avoid emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:45 AM
3

It will be settled.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:09 AM
2

I was lucky because she wanted the house. I used that to my advantage and she negotiated away financial assets to take the house and she had to refi the mortgage. I got the money have a new house without the memories. Win win for me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:02 AM
1

Stop responding and just file objections where necessary only. Wait until trial ! I bet you will see them negotiating and just stay calm and stick to reality. Don’t respond unless necessary to preserve rights.The more she puts in writing that is false actually helps you!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:53 AM
1

Men are stupid or to proud. Make it. N issue politically or no changes will happen!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:47 AM
2

Apply for asylum in the most friendly country. Even China!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:45 AM
1

Never move out until you have a fair s as agreement
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:44 AM
1

50/50 sell the family house , split the equity, start over. Save the lawyer fees if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:42 AM
2

Overthrow the government and become a US citizen.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:38 AM
3

Great advice to keep a list of all the bullshit and negative things she did which made you unhappy. I’m not a proponent of antidepressants but I guess some people need some idk.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 01:46 AM
2

I’m 55 now and two years post divorce. I had times of feeling alone but randomly have connected with people. Now I know how to approach relationships and it is still very random to get one but they happen. You do you need to be patient. Use online but also be prepared to make in person contacts through networking or via social activities. It won’t happen overnight but if you start to have a positive attitude you will be surprised.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 01:44 AM
3

I have good job and health but still went through all those things you are experiencing. It’s just a process and takes time. You are not unique. But you need to accept that you and her are no longer or this will be 10x more difficult. I don’t think antidepressants are your solution. Maybe temporarily. Don’t put her on a pedestal or compare future partners to her. She chose not to be with you. Move on bro. Sry. It may take time to heal but make progress because life is short and use your time wis…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 08:48 PM
1

Good for you and you will recover financially. Watch out for alienation tactics and good luck. Seems like you did good managing lawyer expense but it is still a ton of money for bullshit work to get an agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 07:44 PM
9

So you committed your best years to her. Make sure you get the financial split you deserve. Don’t be a baby about it and protect your future.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 02:17 PM
3

For me it didn’t workout. Only delayed the inevitable in my case but still think you need to consider staying the course but try to get your needs met and prioritize your needs and see what happens. Starting over is not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 02:14 PM
5

That a good thing. My ex also had her friend group and sister of divorcées. They will be plotting against you filling her mind about how awful you are and she deserves everything. I went from being a great dad and husband into a concocted story of an awful person. Read about silver bullet divorce. It is a manifesto woman groups use to go nuclear war against you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:25 AM
1

It’s hard but gets better. Many phases. It helps not to dwell on what was or could have been. Also be smart in the process and don’t let emotions influence your actions or decisions. Now the hard part, and all of it is hard really, don’t give her any goodwill as it will be taken and used against you. This means anything you put in writing a separation agreement you need to be exact and no freebies or assumptions she would never do that to you or the kids. My ex said a lot of stuff then did not e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:13 AM
3

If I were heading to divorce it is better to be not working well before filing. Or else that income will hurt you in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 01:03 AM
5

It usually takes my ex 24 hours to violate any written agreements. Your situation is one where you may want to get in front of a judge but honestly I am not sure what they would do. Maybe try to have a rationale conversation with her about how it is not something the kids should be involved in at this stage of her relationship with someone and ask again for boundaries between her guy friend and the kids. I know that would fall on deaf ears with my ex but worth a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:10 AM
2

Get it filed pronto. You can do it yourself and file it. Not very difficult but time is of the essence! File date matters especially if it drags out a bit. Count your lucky stars you found out fast and are acting on it!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 03:50 AM
6

Good advice. Silver bullet is real. He is in a risky situation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 03:45 AM
4

Focus on your kids. Make sure you don’t give them a reason to side with your ex. Treat her as a business transaction. Give yourself time to process the life changing event. It is worse than death in the sense that death there is a defined grieving process. Divorce the life you had died but people did not so your mind takes longer to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 03:43 AM
7

Role reversal in that many woman stay home while the man supports the family only to find years later that his usefulness is no longer do she files for divorce and he becomes an indentured servant by order of the courts. Sounds like she is playing a guilt trip on you. Don’t bite. If she loved you , communication and a plan to address the situation would be the answer and not divorce. She seems to give up and not considering you and your kid. There are other solutions besides divorce if you both …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:45 AM
1

I would not want to be in a relationship with a person that gives ultimatum like that one. The train of thought is scary because it may be a sign of psychological trauma or something else.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 10:48 PM
2

No because I moved on the day she filed. I don’t get angry but sometimes the things come up that I miss out on but it is what it is. I remind myself that I have my health and plan to keep it together. Time will change things good and bad. Anger does not help in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 10:39 PM
4

Lucky bro! And congrats to you! Now enjoy the life worth living!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 10:34 PM
3

You’re 35 and learned a lot of life lessons. Use them going forward in your life. And always have a prenuptial agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 10:28 PM
6

You have not thought this through because you never leave the kids and the house. You need to get your emotions in check and understand the entire situation and how to move forward with divorce or whatever you decide
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 09:28 PM
4

Good luck. It is better to work it out but don’t expect miracles. Your first paragraph.. hyenas around her was spot on and the advice she got about taking control etc..
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 03:45 PM
5

I tried counseling etc. but got to a point better to accept it and deal with it as a business transaction. Without going back through your details are so strikingly similar. I remember her telling the counselor she was upset because I mowed the lawn twice in one week.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 02:22 PM
1

You need to reassess what you are arguing about and how to move forward. If you are referring to a hearing officer aka mediator. Stop and seek a trial and cut off filings until the two weeks before the trial. Fire your lawyer if you spent $300k and the lawyer just strung you along as you seem unwise to pay that much and not even have a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 02:34 AM
1

I use ChatGPT and it is super helpful but you need to check it because sometimes it makes errors. But mostly it is like having a Harvard lawyer if you use it right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 02:31 AM
4

You need a better strategy that is not freaking crazy. On a funny note I suggest watching war of the roses.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:57 AM
16

So many parallels to my story. After 21 year marriage divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:52 AM
4

Yes, you seem to assess this very well but the piece to add is you still need to go through dating casually to move forward. And don’t keep contacting your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:42 AM
1

Is it cheating if they already filed? I don’t think so. It’s over!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 09:53 PM
2

Sell it and let her know somehow that you sold it. If it seems you have not figured out yet that a pure evil person like that does not deserve the time of day or the ring back.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:54 PM
2

Sell it and let her know somehow that you sold it. If it seems you have not figured out yet that a pure evil person like that does not deserve the time of day or the ring back.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:54 PM
1

Purchase a chatgpt account and feed it all the specifics of your case including what state you live in etc. ask away and it will help you understand and file court documents and positions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 02:42 PM
3

When she starts working with an attorney things will change dramatically. Plus, the longer she stays married the benefits accumulate to her if you are the bread winner.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:54 PM
1

Never use a sex worker. Plenty of fish in the sea.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 10:51 PM
1

Use ChatGPT if you know how. I mean really be specific and feed it the information and reference statutes or ask it to research and file for you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 10:50 PM
2

Life experience teaches and statistics don’t lie. 50% divorce rate, 50% of the remaining married are unhappy so at best you have a 25% chance at happiness and love. And even worse for second marriages. Go for the relationship but hold the marriage. Plus, marriage is truly just putting the government in your relationship. Why?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:54 PM
5

Unless you find true love all relationships are transactional (I’m talking legal).
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:49 PM
1

He likes the government in his business. Idk
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:42 PM
1

Agree on 1-5 but 6 is don’t get married without a prenup!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:39 PM
1

Don’t get married again. Work on the relationship with your children. Woman that want you will be in it for themselves. They will play a good game and you will lose your money and your youth.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:38 PM
2

Immoral lawyer. Worse than a used car salesman. Your professional ethics are worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:29 PM
1

You are correct. And why negotiate from the bottom. But lawyers and the system don’t give a crap about what is best for the kids. Which in many cases is 50/50. Instead they sew conflict which impacts the kids negatively to make a false choice not to mention billable hours which also hurts the kids I guess you are one of pos lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 09:27 PM
2

Of course she does! Don’t worry unless you have real issues or lose your cool.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:13 PM
1

Not unusual. She checked out for whatever reason. Maybe someone else but could be for many reasons. You did the right thing. It will get easier to deal with it all, eventually. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t try to rationalize or explain it. It is what it is! Once you are ready go get laid. Trust me that will open your eyes and help you get on with your life. Just don’t expect love at first sight and some kind new found long term relationship. Just a transitional phase.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:11 PM
3

You are right and hopefully social media sheds the light on this for putting these issues front and center during elections. It boggles the mind how everyone is crazy over issues but never brings these issues up to state debate forums during elections. As a result fewer people get married and that is something that impacts states GDP. The shortcut is to have a proper prenup although that won’t address custody and CS. Just assets and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:20 AM
10

Correct because states like Ca give financial incentives to divorce. Follow the money. The alimony and asset split is what matters most for many. And sadly many woman use the children for CS on top of everything. I wonder if Kentucky also limits CS.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:14 AM
3

That really sucks. Keep trying to adjust CS. Is there a wayto move it to a higher court? Go back to court yourself without an attorney and use ChatGpt to guide you step by step.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:17 AM
1

The last part of what you stated is 100%. But if the prenup is reasonable and equitable but not equal it works to limit damage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:14 AM
1

Yeah don’t get married but if you do, get a properly done prenup for protecting asset splits. They do work when implemented correctly. Child support is not part of prenup for many reasons including if the child is born after marriage. Prenup can protect assets, be used to determine splits of assets acquired and spousal support. So if foolish enough to get married get a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 11:28 PM
-8

Not true if done correctly it helps a lot!!! Maybe you are a pod lawyer and trying to protect your business!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:52 PM
6

Love is blind. Or maybe she changed or played him. Either way it sucks. The bad part is the system penalized him for being unlucky.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:51 PM
2

So you pay a lot in CS and she still nickel and dines you for more money! Do you if give it or say no? Does she take you to court for more money when you disagree?
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:29 PM
1

Nope unless you were reconciled. You feel the urge which is natural but it will make the withdrawal worse as proceed to divorce. You are not unique in having that urge but it needs to be managed. You may still have that once in a while after divorce especially since you had a good sex with her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:53 PM
0

I’ve learned through personal relationships and work that woman doesn’t dwell on stuff like men and talk shit but it’s meaningless to them and they move on unless they become petty and vindictive which will be like hell.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 10:59 AM
3

You are getting played!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 10:56 AM
1

Provide the link. Great entertainment value!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 10:55 AM
6

She regretted it with vengeful spite because the blame and to justify it. Those types are the worst because they will never accept accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 10:52 AM
2

Sorry this happened to you. You are in for a long battle and years of post divorce issues. Set up yourself financially as best as you can. Document everything so when she accuses you of stuff. Financially you need to get all documents related assets acquired during the marriage. If you can get your name on the “joint” account it may be possible to freeze it after filing or at least access to it. If not. She will do as she pleases and you will need to prove these are marital assets but she will h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 03:13 PM
1

Man up. Take responsibility and get out if that’s what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 11:19 PM
5

You know the answer but for whatever reason you are not accepting it. Live your life bro. Not others.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 11:17 PM
8

Sooner the better and I bet attraction is one of many issues. You growing apart.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 11:16 PM
2

I don’t think he needs to keep fighting it out in court to say he did not give up. If his kids are old enough he can let them decide while being very clear with them he wants them to see him.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 05:13 PM
3

I’m in a similar situation and just resided to let my daughter now 17 to decide on contact. I made it clear that I left the door open and care about her. The thing that confuses me is that if your ex makes significantly more than and you pay any material amount in CS. The other thing is don’t change anything formally regarding your 40%. Just leave it the kid to decide.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 04:59 PM
1

All the stuff people say about keeping busy, exercising, no alcohol, etc. But you need to man up. The woman you married does not want you. You have no kids or assets like a long term marriage. You have no idea now but this is the best thing that happened to you. The fact she is strong enough to pull the trigger rather than stay married unhappy and possibly have kids is good thing long term she is ending it. The fact you are blindsided probably says more about you. You are young and can recover a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 03:07 AM
1

By the time they 6+ plus they will know if you have 50/50 that you are the dad. If I were a guy dating your ex I would make sure that was understood that you are the dad.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 02:51 AM
2

If that is a true story the damage and retribution exacted would be great.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:03 AM
2

If we read these state laws on marriage/divorce or were told in school to do it none of us would get married or at least have a prenup. Social media is helping educate people but still people get married with no exit plan!
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:01 AM
3

Thankfully she prioritized your time with the kids. In some or many cases the ex is alienating kids from dad. Use your time wisely with them especially as they grow up. Be careful not to ruin a good thing with the ex so she doesn’t go the other way. If you both put the kids first you will see how resilient they are and deal with it. So my suggestion is to keep things on good terms with your ex and the kids will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 12:26 PM
1

I would continue the monthly payments as it should get easier for you. It also includes an option. But if after two or three years it still pains you, make an offer for a lump sum discounted to present value and frame it as moving on for both of you. My question: it seems many men stay in the marriage like you did knowing that you are not happy. Rationing it is good for kids etc. but give up a chunk of your best years to be with someone that not right for you. So probably an easy answer in hinds…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:41 AM
1

I agree that it is up to the individual. There are a number of obstacles like you said including the love factor. But the understanding of the laws as they are written (for maximum conflict and lawyer fees), and how they get applied is not practical to have a comprehensive understanding as a young adult that may not even have an education. So the laws need to be clear and just like premarital counseling there needs to be a premarital law counselor to explain the marriage contract with the govern…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 07:21 PM
6

These judges and the politicians that appointed them need to be replaced. The people in every state like Mass need to start referendums to petition the state government to reform outdated family laws, reduce the cost of divorce, take the power away from the bar association and give it back to the people through civilian oversight of the court system. It is pure arrogance for a judge to make a statement that well you should have a prenup. Assets acquired before marriage should be separate propert…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:36 PM
1

If you don’t have assets or income you are actually in good shape for divorce. It sounds crazy but true. If you were successful and had assets the lawyers would be vultures and you soon to be ex would hit the jackpot. As it stands all you need to do is prove you’re a good dad and get 50/50 with kids. Financially the split will be 50/50 on assets. If she makes more than you, you just won the lottery and don’t even know it!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:38 AM
2

Bro, your statement above proves you have no idea what you are doing. You need to disconnect. She cannot monitor your finances. Stop contributing to joint accounts immediately. Don’t give her access to non joint accounts. You are in for a world of hurt if you can’t spend $30 month on AI without her knowing. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy! You are now in a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:34 AM
2

Educate yourself on divorce laws. But it really is a game of poker and chicken. The more you know the better. Don’t trust any lawyer. Don’t react to anything from your ex, her lawyer or yours! If you don’t like your lawyer fire them immediately. If you cannot afford a lawyer, you are in luck. ChatGPT or Grok4. Game changers.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:29 AM
2

I went out with several and always bailed before hooking up. I finally met a woman that took charge. Needless to say it was a little awkward for me but good. Now I wish I had done it sooner when I had the opportunity with some fine woman. Now I’m ready. So you are normal and should be good to go forward as you meet more woman.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:25 AM
2

Not rational behavior but be glad you are 30 and getting out!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:08 PM
1

Silver divorce is a thing now. High rate of divorce after 50 mostly initiated by woman to use divorce laws to take their half and get rid of the baggage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:07 PM
3

The rest of us that are successful post divorce need to avoid your ex wife from becoming her new ATM! lol
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:03 PM
4

Read no more Mr. Nice Guy. Many parts of your story resonates. Get your independent financial life in order. Set a plan and start living your life as if you are already single but you can decide when to file , when YOU are ready. Don’t threaten to file and stop trying to save the marriage because that seems dead a longtime friend. Be nice but secretive. Avoid conflict which will be easier once you accept it is over and stop trying to please the narc wife.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 11:57 AM
4

52 after a 20 yr marriage and two kids. Negotiated hard and fired the lawyer that wanted me to take a bad deal. My answer is I had and kept enough assets to build back with a fantastic job. With a bull market I’ve made back 7 figures which is 80% of what she got in less than two years. My situation is not the norm because I kept assets and have great cash flow which allowed me to invest aggressively and got lucky with a great market. Otherwise it is a financial trap. Btw the numbers you have are…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:40 AM
1

You need to get that confidence. Meeting and dating will help. Just don’t overthink or get frustrated. Opportunity comes in bunches with a lot of dry spells in between. Don’t waste time to be ready. Just realize you are not looking for the next love of your life but good company.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 08:59 PM
18

Mine was 48 when we filed. Now 3 years later we are divorced. We do not communicate nor do I have any interest in her life. Only two kids which the youngest will be 18 next year. She is delusional about everything in our past but I don’t care. She probably doesn’t have a boyfriend and just hates men in general. Don’t care. I wasted 18 years with her and provided a good life. The day we filed , I moved on. I’ve dated several woman and it seems like 45 on woman can certainly hook up when they want…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 08:54 PM
3

It helps to hit it. You will gain a whole new perspective. I dated for a year and half and always bailed before but then this one gal was like let’s do it. Glad I did and wished I had done it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:38 PM
5

I guess it works but even when it doesn’t it is a scorched earth situation which hits the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:34 PM
2

I think it is extremely rare to have this type of arrangement. But make sure everything legally is set for you to have physical and legal custody as 50/50 and make sure you keep the time with your kids as your time spent with them. She probably knows you have that right and is probably trying to manipulate the situation so she is in control.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:21 PM
7

Same experience here it is a playbook they follow.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:04 PM
7

Delusional and vindictive even though she is the one with matrimonial misconduct. Continues after divorce is final because she can’t accept her faults.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:03 PM
15

It’s not so much how you look but that you are thriving without her. Nice job and keep all parts of your life positive. Next be financially secure and take a nice vacation! Post great pics!
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 02:15 AM
4

Are you finding woman online or in person or both?
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 07:55 PM
1

Certain aspects of divorce laws are written to allow a judge to screw a party over and enrich lawyers in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 12:46 AM
1

My state has a law book with all the statutes. The AI referenced the actual statute and sections. It also referenced cases where the statute was taken to appellate court with highlighting the key facts in the decisions and how they apply to my situation. CT.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 10:56 PM
1

It takes practice and you have to iterate sometimes. If you are precise in using and eliminate bias in your approach it does real good work. I find it very useful. You can put in your specific issue details and reference statutes and case law. Ask it to prepare an argument based on the statute and case law. Ask it to provide counterpoints and arguments or cross examination questions. Including what the other side may cross you on and ask for best way to answer. It can also prepare filings.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 10:47 PM
1

Ouch. From cases I observed they prefer 50/50 but of course every situation is different. That sucks. Learn to file yourself to have another hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 12:08 PM
2

My ex wanted all that and more. Her lawyers, plural, wanted ridiculous amounts of everything. They did not get what they wanted. It was all a bluff to negotiate from a high point. I am a better negotiator so my ex got screwed over because she paid a ton of legal fees and got nothing for it. They will try to depress you and wear you down.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:32 AM
1

Did you have a trial?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:29 AM
2

I wish I read your post T the start of my divorce. But know worries I figured it out fast and did okay. But it would avoided a few land mines!
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 04:19 PM
1

Does the prenup help you or hurt you? It seems like your decision comes down to what is best for the kids. I always thought staying together but I was wrong I think the younger the kids the easier it is for them to adjust to separate households. Not saying easy but they can build relationships with both parents at a young age. If you wait until teens it is trouble most likely. They tend to pick sides as teenagers and alienation actually does play a factor. If you have a peaceful happy life that …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 03:01 PM
2

I had a very similar experience. She tried a TRO and did not get it. I represent myself pro se. when I had a lawyer they tried to push bad deals on me which I rejected and fired them. Did my homework and used ChatGpt properly. I’ve had 3 hearings post divorce and I won every issue they raised against me. Going back to court again soon because she is nuts. I agree with everything you said about lawyers and going to court to apply the laws to facts and evidence. But most people are lazy or not edu…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 02:04 AM
1

Bingo. You said it better than me!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:49 PM
3

Divorce rates in second marriage is higher.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:47 PM
4

I’m a little older but love seems to be a different thing these days post divorce. Not the same thing and I’m only realizing this after dating several woman. All the woman were fine and actually better than my ex. But I’ve changed, the relationship world has changed etc. It can happen but do not count on it. I only realized it after 3 years post divorce and dating actively. You can still have relationships but love is doubtful.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:46 PM
4

Your stats would better support your statement if you had credible data like from all court cases across high and low income jurisdictions from court records and not a bias sample. You also need to factor when woman want to reduce hours or stop working to raise kids and then use that excuse even though kids are older to not work. The system is flawed and it should not be as an issue of men or woman but rather how the laws and process is antiquated, abused by the bar association for profit by tak…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:56 PM
2

My recommendation through trial and error is focus on core body strength exercises. 60 minutes 4x a week is good if you dial in your diet. No alcohol and limit carbs for 3-4 weeks to jump start weight loss. Stay active throughout the day with walks or bike rides. Be patient.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 05:55 PM
1

I’m going off what you just said and I don’t agree you have a good lawyer. Just trying to help you from experience. Lawyers try to scare you about going in front of a judge. I insisted to have a trial date and a hearing. My ex wanted 10k month support in mediation during divorce. I said no way, let’s meet with a judge. Judge told her if I pay household expenses (mortgage and utilities) that is it. No legal fees and no other support. Then they were dragging things out so I immediately set a trial…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:57 AM
1

You need to go back to court in front of a judge ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:43 AM
1

I believe it. Most lawyers are incompetent. I got lucky with one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:40 AM
1

I fired my first lawyer. Things changed dramatically after I did.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:37 AM
1

If your financial situation is as you state file immediately to modify. If you are telling the truth it will get modified.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:33 AM
1

If you agreed to this without a hearing that was stupid. Fire your lawyer and have a new lawyer appeal to modify. Claim you cannot afford to pay her lawyer and support two households. File your sell the home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:31 AM
11

Buckle up because your divorce is going to $$$
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 12:13 PM
1

I’m pretty sure they cannot stop you from taking loans against the 401k and it won’t go against you based what you stated so far.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:37 PM
1

Use ChatGPT for research on your questions and ask it questions about filing motions. It is important to state all the facts when using chatgpt. Not sure about your state but as soon as I filed to take loans against my 401k they backed off and came to negotiate (and I had a trial date looming). You will need to file with the court to force a sale of the home prior to trial and that would also help move you up on the docket. I am curious what state you are in.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:36 PM
1

Do you have a trial date? Did your lawyer file contempt against her? If not, fire them. Borrow against the 401k to pay her lawyer. All money paid to her lawyer should come out of her share of the settlement. File with court to sell the house as you cannot afford it. If nothing works have a mental breakdown and get your doctor to admit you to a psycho ward. Lise your job. Plan to start over after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:18 PM
1

I understand. I was lucky to have my accounts as individual and the one joint account was drained pretty fast. So if she spent money on the house after I moved out it came from her assets. But that doesn’t work in all cases so I get now why you would do it. But yeah you will need to find the off ramp. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:35 PM
2

Home repairs? Wtf are you doing work for her? Holey Toledo Batman!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:14 PM
6

Nothing about divorce is easy. I was married 20 years with kids and a happy life that fell apart for no apparent good reasons. But it did. I realize life is short and I chose to make the best of mine.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:50 PM
2

You are letting someone else control you. You don’t own her nor her you. There are 7 billion people on the planet and you are giving one person supreme power over you. Hell no. I don’t give a … what my ex says or thinks. Hope you get that fast!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:44 PM
1

I’m post divorce now and ex sends me kids medical expense requests without invoices, no proof she paid anything, and is charging me with contempt for not paying 50% because I ask her for those things and not just something like a screen shot with no service dates or payment information asking me to send her my payment. Kids are 17/20. She thinks I’m her personal ATM. Plus, she goes out of network and our Separation agreement says if she does without consent she is responsible for paying.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 01:59 PM
4

That approach you outlined will help him on all fronts. Keeps him in touch with the school and the courts will see evidence he is involved. Keep dates of when the ex failed to coparent as that is a gift for giving you 50/50 down the road. Being a jerk to her to call her out is a lost cause or relying on her to do the right thing is a false sense that she is putting the kids interest above her own.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 01:48 PM
3

On X date ….. factual and with evidence if possible
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 12:51 PM
6

My guess is your style of communication will not serve you well so the lawyer is probably doing you a favor but needs to interject or have a robust response. You should also work on a script because nobody will listen to you even if you are right because it is about messaging and communication not just disagreeing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 12:49 PM
1

I would agree not for everyone but many people that can negotiate and educated enough can draft a separation agreement with or without a mediator. The valid point you have is that if the two sides are stuck it may help. If both parties have attorneys they can also negotiate without a mediator but many don’t or can’t to your point. A mediator is an option with cost if no deal is made.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:59 PM
1

The idea is right but off the mark with some of the details.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:18 PM
1

Making less now helps you avoid s alimony or lowers CS, in divorce the lower your income the better.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:14 PM
1

Use ChatGPT for help
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:12 PM
1

I’ve represented myself pro went through 4 hearings and won 9 of 10 issues. Her lawyer is in a big law firm which specializes in divorces. The one thing I did not win, the judge messed up or felt sorry for her. No contempt anyway on that item. I will say it is work to prep and a learning curve not to get caught on a technicality but in my case well worth it to represent myself so far. Plus I’ve learned so much.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:09 PM
1

Use ChatGpt as your legal advisor and it can even do your filings for you assuming you are competent.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:05 PM
1

Divorce law is not complicated. It’s really just a negotiation process with 98% of divorces avoiding trial. A lot of wasted money on lawyers when you look back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:03 PM
1

He can negotiate without a mediator and use court as a backstop. Mediator is overpriced and only goal is to get parties to a deal and not a fair one. If he can be a good negotiator a mediator is a waste of money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:01 PM
2

Not a good way to be alone. But if you don’t find someone that is a match it may be better to be alone than with a problem if that person is toxic or leaves you anyway. I think some young people have figured out they can find a life partner (life partner…not a forever partner) without marriage and even have kids. Maybe older divorced people need to move away from the traditional relationship structure to avoid loneliness. Old people get stuck in their ways so often just crawl under a rock. Hopef…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 06:59 PM
5

People are like sheep and let politicians get re-elected no matter. Politicians pick judges. Rich lawyers and bar association contributors to politicians and judges. People are stupid and are too stupid and lazy to make changes as they believe BS from politicians and the media. Only hope is communication via social media to get people to be smarter. I give credit to younger people as they have figured out that marriage is a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 03:19 AM
19

Marriage is the biggest contract you sign in your lifetime with giving all control to a court and a judge with no exit plan. It’s shocking high school and college don’t teach everyone about the risks by giving all control to a judge and legal system that is quite frankly rigged by the bar association. The other lie is courts look out for kids interest but in reality cause friction which destroys relationships between kids and the parents. I agree prenups should always be done. If you think about…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 04:29 PM
3

Choice to never get married lol (never is a long time) he did say never get married… which could mean …not to her
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 12:45 PM
4

Scale of 1-10 what were the 10 different woman in 3 weeks?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 12:02 PM
5

At least he would of made a better choice in marriage if he would of played the field
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 12:00 PM
3

You just summarized how I feel. I’ve just started dating after divorce and dump every woman after a few dates not wanting to give up my new found freedom. I was a push over during marriage. I will try the boundaries thing and if they don’t like it then they can move on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:38 PM
3

Read the no more Mr. Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 04:51 PM
1

True. But it is a significant factor for many divorces 15 years + of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 10:10 AM
2

Woman think that if they have a long term marriage they get lifetime alimony. Nowadays that only happens if it was a stay at home mom or there is a huge gap in incomes or income potential. There are woman networks that create manifestos to string the husband along then file. Men are too stupid to realize and don’t realize the wife checked out many years ago. Then when the wife files men are behind the curve while the ex destroys them. Wake up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 10:05 AM
5

I’m amazed how much these attorneys get for bullshit work. AI can do it and replace them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 10:00 AM
2

Yeah that guy had it hard and is managing it right now. Follow his advice if you can. Don’t care what your ex thinks about you or what she does with her life. Try not to be vindictive but also don’t give her a pass . Live your life now the best you can. Like she does not exist.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 09:45 AM
1

You get legal advice from your therapist!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:58 PM
4

Sounds like you need a better attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:56 PM
5

Better off without that attorney. Find another and don’t mention you plan to file a complaint as that is something they will not want to be involved in. But you should file the complaint and ask for funds back. I’ve seen where they actually look to see if you were billed fairly. But you be factual based on what she actually did and charges you for.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:52 PM
2

Cards gifts did not care. Pics and albums had most stuff on digital. If amicable as you say then pick the ones you want or make copies
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 12:10 AM
1

You are 10 steps ahead already, no alimony and you will see your kids often. It gets progressively better as most have indicated. Lots of good advice here. Upfront emotions you are correct. Just don’t let them consume you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 08:07 AM
3

Show me the money. Go buy something with the money and let her know you got something good for yourself. That’s just me and cannot understand why you would even think about it based on how you described her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:37 AM
1

I went through a 3 year divorce (financial issues and nothing else) and 2 girls were 13 and 16 when started. First 6 months during process kids were neutral and spent roughly equal time. I moved out after 9 months. My older one immediately cut contact and tried to get my younger one to stop being with me. My younger one decided to do 50/50. Fast forward year 2 and 3 during divorce my younger daughter spent on average 60% with me. Ex was relentless heavy into alienating tactics. Younger daughter …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 02:26 AM
7

I find going on dates every once in a while helps. It seems like every time I go on a date a good or bad one it reminds me how good it is to be single. What I mean is after the date my thinking seems to be I don’t want to get into a serious relationship because I give up my new found freedoms. So once in a while I have those feelings you mention but goes away. We will always miss the good times of the family but even if stayed married it would have been more bad times too . Another way to think …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 01:45 PM
1

So true about the lies. Normal to also feel that way once in a while to miss the family you thought of.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 05:23 AM
1

I feel for you! Things will get better but never be what they were. You will have better days but sprinkled with bad ones. Hope you have more better days!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:37 AM
3

Yes, you can get half. Never trade assets for reducing child support because that can be modified later. You can trade asset for eliminating alimony permanently if that is your situation. Otherwise get half of everything accumulated during marriage. That may force the sale of assets or trade this for that. If you don’t fight for it now you don’t get another bite at the Apple!!!! Trust me, you may think you can do without you will wake up in 3/6/9 months and hate yourself for not getting all you …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:21 AM
1

Government is a lot of blame. It is coming around full circle because less people are getting married or waiting and having less kids which reduces population which comes to a point where it hits the economy. Government f’ud uo!!! Big time with letting the bar association run wild for profit without any checks and balances!!! Divorce laws are antiquated, hurt kids , transfer wealth from families to attorneys! All unnecessary because divorce can be done efficiently without 10’s of thousands in le…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:06 AM
2

Marriage is an outdated concept under the construction of government and society control.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:00 AM
1

Many have mental issues that get worse as they get older. Studies prove that hypothesis.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:57 AM
10

Too many variables and scenarios. Plus it is not science. In their 40s some woman go through an evolutionary change and decide they want out. Typically a man cannot do anything to save it. Then there is built up resentment, realization that marriage is not what they envisioned, stress, economic strain, communication issues, loss of income, or in a lot of cases deciding they can get the income support without being married (Eg assets split,alimony and CS). Some develop unrealistic expectations, o…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:36 AM
3

You need to use that one year for divorce not reconcile!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:08 AM
2

BS
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:06 AM
2

You are talking 1% and miserable for the rest of your life. This dude has step kids to boot! He needs to move on!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:06 AM
4

Wtf!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:01 AM
6

Are you dating her or married? Good grief! If she asked for a divorce dump her ass and move on!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 03:00 AM
3

I was in a very similar situation. You need to understand the laws or you will get steam rolled(even if you have an attorney). I learned the applicable laws, case law, reviewed cases including separation agreements and actual trial decisions. I ended up playing the long game. If I had not done the work and relied on just my attorney I would have got screwed over badly. I negotiated a fair deal and was ready for trial if necessary. 9 months out now and based on the deal made I am just fine. When …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:42 PM
1

It’s over. Sry!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 02:55 PM
2

Great advice. I’ll add that push to get mediation at earliest date possible to mange legal costs. Concurrently with filing get a trial date set. If you wait for mediation you will have to wait for a trial which will make this situation drawn out and cost you a lot more in legal fees because attorneys will bill you and bill you as both sides make frivolous filings. Getting a trial date will incentivize negotiations at mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 02:51 AM
17

First off, she is not asking you for permission. She is telling you. For her your relationship is now a business a business transaction. She will do whatever necessary to gain the upper hand. They do not change their mind when they drop the bomb. So it’s not asking. You need to quickly get a hold of yourself. There is only question to ask her. Is this what you want to do? She will say we are done. That means accept the sad situation. Stop talking to her until you process what is going on because…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:36 AM
5

A one year marriage has little risk other than splitting assets. No kids and not enough time for alimony. Cool your jets and be glad you found out she cheated year 1. Become like a monk that took a vow of silence. Zero communication with her verbal, text, email or her family and friends. Let your attorney handle all communications and instruct to keep minimal until settlement talks. Silence is your greatest weapon!
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 09:26 PM
1

Everything said is so spot on. Don’t give the system, judges or lawyers power over you to feel bad or you failed. The process is a broken system and creates unnecessary stress. Relationship ships fail and people change or are not who you thought they were. Put yourself first and don’t blame, it will get better for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 12:33 PM
3

Congratulations on doing uncontested. Enjoy freedom as a grown adult. Marriage bonds are not mutually equitable and the failure is part of human nature. Now you can grow and go slow or fast as you want.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 03:49 AM
3

Same here regarding ex and kids but just have not found the type woman you know. I’m 3 years out and could care less about my ex. Got rid of my ring and dealing with loss of kids. My ex made it easy to move on as she is pathological nut job. Lies like crazy to the point I don’t even care. She can do or say the worst and she is just some stranger to me that has no meaning to me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 07:59 AM
1

I think until 2 more years if you can keep status quo
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 02:29 AM
3

If you stay alimony will bleed you by a thousand cuts. You make 4x her. If she realizes that she will want to reconcile and play nice for a while. Don’t fall for it!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 10:51 PM
4

Do it sooner rather than later. Limits alimony and gives you time to rebuild. Child support is what it is. Unless you screw up 50/50 with child is standard. Don’t make false hope and delay by thinking couples therapy will help. Dead bedroom, poor communication and issues early in marriage. Couples therapy will just delay the inevitable and you may think do it for the child. These were my mistakes. Children suffer more when you have dead marriage and it is more painful for them and you the longer…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 10:41 PM
2

Mine does not communicate about kids. I couldn’t care less about her but not communicating about kids is detrimental for them. She doesn’t care. I’m actually glad we do not speak. I actually think that is a good thing. But kids. Should not suffer. You need to realize she is doing you a favor not to communicate except about kids. Sorry if you disagree but in order for both to move on from the past she is doing what is best for her. Accept it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 12:56 AM
2

Happy Ending! Good to hear you moved on to make your life the best you can. Keep going! Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 04:22 AM
0

Not sure I agree with you based on the topic here. Parenting includes building a relationship with your kids and to respect each other, showing them love but also guiding them through tough times, letting them learn by making mistakes and a lot more. Abandonment by either is a waste of life. Sure parenting is rewarding and can be thankless at times but that is not what we’re talking about. No contact is a whole different ballgame. If you experience it also then you should know about it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:44 AM
3

Good suggestion but in my case we were doing those things and going to Universal and Disney etc. great times then all sudden went no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:06 AM
1

Thanks. My daughter did confide in me before cutting me out that my ex was saying things like I can’t believe you spend time with him, she said to my daughter if you want to do things with me and your sister you need to stop seeing him, and also created fictional stories that I was controlling when it was actually the opposite. So eventually it seems to have worked. I still can’t accept it because my daughter spent 60% time with me through a 3 year divorce financial battle that I won.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:04 AM
4

Thanks. I think my daughter must be in the same circumstance. I wish there was a way to help resolve it or make it better without losing all this time. The past is gone, present time is a gift and none of us know the future.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:53 AM
-1

Good that he did and you changed your behavior. But don’t you at all regret the lost time especially since he always was there for you? He must have been devastated by that behavior. So why did you do it and how do you feel about yourself now that you’ve grown up?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:42 AM
3

Long run is years. Tough times.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 12:19 AM
10

Yep I have experienced the same thing. Daughter and I had a great relationship and suddenly changed overnight to no connection. I don’t even understand why.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 12:15 AM
3

In my case inheritance that was kept separated was safe but it is at discretion of the judge in my state. In your situation and based on the facts you laid out it seems to me you would likely be in good shape. But you will need a good lawyer. The longer you wait the more likely your situation will get worse. My guess on worse case she would get half of appreciation only but that did not even happen in my case. She got zero of inheritance that was separate. But again, in my state judge can decide…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 06:01 AM
1

I had my contempt hearing and went pro se. I won on all 3 counts. It worked out in my case but I now agree that the average person should get representation if they can afford it. I’m a professional with multiple degrees. It takes a lot of work to be prepared if you have complex and multiple issues. If it is clear cut perhaps represent yourself. But most people should get a lawyer if they can.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 03:05 AM
2

I get that too. It’s a club. And we’re just passing through the playground. It is a roll of the dice as I have taken the time to observe some cases at the court house and found the judges were actually helpful to the pro se party. I’m in a contempt hearing coming up and the judge actually gave me a paper and took the time to explain what it means to provide evidence etc. But I’ll find if it goes m way and report back. I’m not arguing case law just providing evidence that the agreement was execut…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:42 AM
1

What is your opinion based off? Are you an attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 10:35 PM
1

And don’t sign anything you have not read several times and chewed to the bone…John wick quote.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:59 AM
3

Don’t fold on anything. Mediation in my experience is suspect. They are usually just interested in getting parties to sign irrespective of outcome fairness. So you have to demonstrate you are confident and will not cave. 50/50 is becoming a new normal ex any issues with location or behavior issues.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:57 AM
4

I’m in the same boat as you pro se. ex’s lawyer is an idiot. I’m planning to file a notice for Rules of Conduct violations. I’m interested to hear how yours goes. My only apprehension is judges don’t know me and are familiar with attorneys. I’m going through BS contempt hearing. I also filed contempt against her with real issues and evidence to support.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:52 AM
1

Based on what you said there is little to worry about. Good advice already mentioned but I’ll add. File a notice with the court against her attorney “Rules of Conduct” do a little research and point out where he filed the count of contempt when there is no basis and evidence was already available that their facts are wrong. I would suggest filing this shortly before the hearing. Lawyers cringe when they be the accused because look bad to the judge. Be to the point and concise.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 08:39 AM
2

Prepare for the worst and hope for a miracle. Make sure you have non joint funds to access. Ask your therapist what they think and if they support you moving out. If yes you either have a bad therapist or they are in it against you. My ex was planning the divorce long before actually deciding to pull the trigger. You need a plan. Example if you have a car loan, pay it off from joint account before filing(especially if you put the money in it). If you have extra money set up a UTMA account for yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 07:20 PM
3

Judge will only nudge attorneys to try agreeing. My pretrial experience is nothing happens but sets a course for further actions. It is a long process and don’t sweat it if they file motions. Just prepare your facts, keep some journals on schedules and activities with kids for future if needed for court.probably will never see a trial. Now that you know she is trying to take advantage stop making generous financial offers. Go back to 50/50 immediately and don’t budge. Negotiations take forever i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 03:12 PM
1

18 months! Think why! Move on bro!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:27 AM
1

It takes time to process but you are better off in the long run. Find a hobby, work out and start moving forward. She doesn’t care about you and neither should you about her. Asking her for details or personal stuff is bad so cutoff communication going forward. Business only and only if necessary. Try not to communicate for next 6 months. Like zero. Assuming no kids. If yes, then just the necessary stuff. Redecorate asap! No old pics! Remove her from your life!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:10 AM
9

Playing with your numbers under method 1 imputing her income the max alimony is $5600 a month. But it can be less if her monthly expenses per Florida guidelines are less than $5600 it can be lower. Chill out. Slow down the process until you have a good understanding of her income and her actual historical living expenses. And since your lawyer never did this or told you anything…say you re fired! Look up Florida Durational Alimony Calculator and figure out her true expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 05:55 AM
7

AMOUNT OF DURATIONAL ALIMONY UNDER AMENDED FLORIDA LAW The amount of durational alimony is the lesser of the seeking spouse’s actual need and 35 percent of the difference between both spouses’ net income. Net income is determined under 61.30(2) and (3), Florida Statutes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:01 AM
3

You should impute her earning capacity. I think Florida recently changed alimony guidelines to reduce amount and duration so ask your attorney. Offer to pay 100% college for kid in exchange for no alimony. Also, possible to do lump sum buyout of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:32 AM
4

It does not sound like you are prepared for mediation. Bad position to be in so if you get to an agreement don’t sign it right away. If it is a good deal you can take 48 hours to review it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:06 AM
3

I agree don’t get too excited as it sounds like your lawyer is pushing you into a quick deal that probably is not in your favor. If she earns money can she support the lifestyles you had?if not, make the case that lifestyle is not a reality based on post divorce. Try to get out of alimony by trading things. Also, be skeptical of the mediator as that person’s job is to get a deal and it does not need to be a fair one. They will try to see who is the weaker party to give up more. Be prepared to tu…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:50 AM
1

That seems impossible to get 25%. Any reasoning?
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 03:27 PM
1

Don’t get bullied by the mediator. Always be calm and respectful but don’t cave in. Have reasonable expectations but ask for more. Keep your list of priorities and what you can give up. Don’t trust anyone has your best interest including your attorney. They want a deal made regardless of fairness. Don’t sign anything until 48 hours afterwards so you can think it through. Unless something is bad in your situation, you can expect 50/50 custody. That goes both ways. Don’t worry about lies as judges…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 11:56 PM
3

Probably 0 in alimony. That should be realistic goal especially short term marriage and FL.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 08:35 PM
1

Be prepared for the day you do move out…make plan to remove your personal belongings etc. if you don’t they will be gone soon after.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 05:42 PM
3

Just the beginning. Just an opportunity to see how far apart you are. Really meaningless. Nothing really happens. Judge can give a recommendation but even that does not mean a whole lot.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 03:52 AM
1

You should not be looking at more than 3k per m alimony if using 75k. Plus you need to factor if 330k is including bonus.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 05:31 PM
2

Did she have a job and earnings? What do you mean CS 1200 , this is offset amount?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:27 PM
1

Based on length of the marriage and difference in incomes what alimony was decided if any (amount, duration)?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 02:32 PM
1

If you stick it out, subtly make sure you have individual accounts, don’t out earn her if possible, spend more time with kids as opposed to working, keep track of your involvement with kids, don’t ever make trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:44 AM
3

Similar experience here. I stuck it out for kids. But she eventually decided to want out anyway when it was most advantageous for her. She also damaged the kids by staying together longer. Even my daughter told me now it would have been better sooner. But everyone is different. We had no conflict throughout marriage but once divorce started she was at war. Very sad.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:26 AM
2

You may be prolonging the inevitable but you would know the situation best. So I guess would it be worse for kids now or later or confident you can deal with it status quo long term without degrading the whole situation. Only you can know.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:13 AM
1

Why do you think that is good for the kids to stay together? Once uh, but twice!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:15 AM
1

Close to school is better especially for the kids in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 09:53 PM
4

Run and don’t look back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 09:51 PM
1

You can somewhat manage costs by not paying too much attention to her demands or her attorneys. Just have your attorney respond only if necessary. All the back and forth make attorneys rich. You don’t need to participate just ignore and don’t do anything that gives her any basis for legal actions. Frivolous stuff just ignore or file objection. But don’t sweat it. You can control your end and let her run up her own fees. It’s a game the attorneys like to play to drive up fees. Don’t play along. J…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 03:31 AM
6

They get retainer up front and if not replenished they will drop you like yesterday’s trash.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 11:07 PM
4

That’s great . Lucky too because with a person like that she wants to stick it to you. Surprised she remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 01:28 AM
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