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Irishspartan Archive

View 1 post and 22 comments by Irishspartan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

Irishspartan/r/Divorce_Men22/04/19 10:09 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Wish I had known this back then, haha!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/19 12:53 AM
2

Good on ya!
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/19 10:03 PM
2

Also, seeing your post history, find a gambling support group man. I can only imagine how much of a vice gambling can be, even more so when other aspects of life are hurting. Don’t let that be what you turn to to fill the void.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/19 08:25 PM
2

If life seems meaningless, then your first step is to find some meaning. It’s not your marriage anymore. Your son, finding hobbies that you can pick up again or for the first time, exercising (get those endorphins and confidence going!), and some positive thinking self help reads will go a long way. Good luck man. It does improve.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/19 05:33 PM
1

Subsequent marriages have a high failure rate because 1) most people don’t do the hard work of figuring out what they AND their partner fucked up the first time (not easy admitting failure), and 2) because of #1, people just say “fuck this” a lot quicker. That’s just my two cents. I, for one, am completely open to a second marriage, if things fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 11:51 PM
6

First off, I’m really sorry man. I can’t imagine the hurt you’re going through. Second, this was similar to my situation, but the roles were flipped, and we talked MANY times over years about the issues (that never were addressed by her) prior to me leaving. Nonetheless, she still felt as you did, that a marriage is worth working things out (she acknowledged that I had spoken to her about the issues many times but she had wanted an ultimatum of divorce or else to make her change). I’ll tell you …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/19 11:34 AM
5

I can’t say I’m an expert here, but I think you have reason for concern, although the fact that she has such high education and earning potential should help you in this case. Not to make this out to be a cautionary tale, but for everyone else, always try to get a clause in the paperwork stipulating that the support is not allowed to be reassessed/recalculated in the instance of future loss of income.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/19 10:14 PM
6

You would not have any obligation to ship her things. Access is one thing, but you’re certainly not expected to bend over backwards like that for her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/19 10:45 AM
1

This isn’t the subreddit for that question or discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/19 01:41 AM
2

It’s not pathetic. That’s not at all what anyone is claiming . You’re allowed to feel like shit for a while man, and to be sad. That’s unavoidable, and just means you’re human. Your being too shy can just be something to work on moving forward. I didn’t change dramatically since the separation, but I have pushed myself past my comfort zone a few times and, for the most part, it’s opened up aspects of myself that I didn’t know existed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 02:21 AM
7

I understand you’re hurting really bad and feel immense despair, but truthfully man, those are normal feelings, but they are just that —feelings. The perspective you take on your situation will determine the happiness of your future FAR more than your circumstances themselves. Your username itself shows that you’re stuck in the rut of feeling helpless about your situation. Take control. If you’re not in therapy, get in therapy. If you’re not reading, I highly recommend starting with some self he…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 12:46 AM
2

Agreed. Don’t “try again” if it’s only because you feel guilty. A mid life crisis is fixed by changing your perspective. Therapy too. Shows commitment to the process and is incredibly helpful. Find the value in the simple, but good things in your family life and realize that that’s all that matters. If you’re truly done with the nonsense, then it’s worth trying to show her you are committed to her again. That means honesty and vulnerability with her — why you did what you did, what you did...eve…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 02:50 AM
3

If you’ve worked that hard on improving yourself despite your circumstances, the world ain’t got shit that can break you. Keep up the hard work —Find that happiness in life that you want. Well done brother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/19 10:42 PM
1

I would highly recommend therapy for yourself, brother. Especially since you’re having self harming thoughts and having trouble dealing with her actions. I was in nowhere near as precarious of a divorce situation and therapy helped me get my mind straight, get it strong and get through it. You’re at the front end of a pretty terrible process that has the potential to get worse. Be strong, get the help you need, and know that you’re doing the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/19 10:13 AM
1

I am 100% on the same page. All I had was resentment towards her before I moved out. After I moved out, I had time to reflect and see the shit that I did that contributed —the enabling, letting it get as bad as it all did. I was culpable and I’ve owned up to my role in it. It’s humbling doing such self reflection during such an awful time. Growth is right. Why put yourself through this all if you’re not gonna learn from it to be better for future relationships? Certainly not something any of us …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/19 02:36 AM
1

I think those points are well made. Those things are incredibly important. I don’t think they are 100% necessary — but those are all things, compatibility, shared values, quality time together, that give value to a relationship and keep things worthwhile when times are tough. You can look at the relationship and see those things as reasons to stay with that person. It’s tough to see the value in a relationship (which seems like it was both of our situations) when you don’t have those points of c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/19 12:29 PM
2

Grow some big ones might be the best advice I’ve gotten through all of this. Much appreciated man. Probably long overdue in needing to hear that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/19 12:27 AM
3

That’s great! Dialogue is key if you’re wanting to stay together. Be prepared — counseling can be brutal, but meaningful. It’s tough work staying together.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/19 01:34 AM
4

If she won’t agree to couples therapy, will she agree to individuals therapy? It’s called Discernment therapy. The idea is that you are able to really identify whether or not you want marriage counseling before starting. I thought couples counseling was what we needed in ours. My wife (soon to be ex) dragged her feet and so I just started individual therapy. I figured out that I didn’t really want couples therapy after all: I was done. Alternatively, I knew that I could have had a revelation tha…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/19 07:51 PM
1

Agreed. Take this time being single to reflect, work on yourself, take time away and reconnect with people you haven’t in a while. That time after the separation is invaluable. There’s a lot of valuable change you can make in your life in that window, which I would highly recommend doing before jumping into any future significant relationship. It also helps to give you back your confidence and belief in yourself, which will only help with dating.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/19 11:52 PM
2

Check out the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It walks you through problems in your relationship. When I did this, I realized there were things that were good about our relationship, but there were also SPECIFIC issues that just wouldn’t be resolved. The best thing is that it gave me specific issues, instead of this nebulous idea of general unhappiness. Really framed my decision.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/19 11:47 PM
2

Be sure to have a definitive answer to that before leaving. That’s my only advice.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/19 11:44 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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