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View 2 posts and 154 comments by JayRock1970 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
93

JayRock1970/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:52 PM
30

RantJayRock1970/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:55 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

It's a tough one, one of my biggest growth curves right now. For me it stems from childhood abandonment and other traumas. So alone doesn't feel safe to me, it feels like something's wrong. Additionally, I think Men are wired to have a tribe to take care of and protect. It's an innate purpose for Men.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 04:52 PM
1

Absolutely. It's a character trait to be able to betray someone you committed to.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 01:51 PM
1

Haha, all of them. Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, POF, Facebook. I was also on Match, but for some inexplicable reason they banned my account. Said for suspicious activity. Only thing I can think is I used it on vacation in another location. So frustrating and read this is happening to a lot of people.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 12:40 AM
2

Yes, you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 10:54 PM
2

Maybe I'll try that. I think it's the apps too, they're tough.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 09:55 PM
2

My filters are 40 to 57. So yes have looked a bit younger.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 09:50 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 06:40 PM
16

A year out. Thousands of swipes. Countless matches. Many first dates. A handful of second dates. Nada. I'm 55M, great shape (weights, cardio, yoga), full head of hair, good career, house, savings, not a model but good looking, hobbies (guitar), friends, family. No addictions, healthy diet. Travel. Kind and affectionate person. Seriously I try to figure out why, but I'll just keep trying. Oh, I'm not settling. So, single forever or I find a great woman that I love deeply and I'm proud of.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 04:39 PM
8

Toxic friends of spouses are impossible to work around. They fond a chink in the armor and go hard to convince them to leave. However, it's her choice. This is an unforgivable action. Respect yourself and leave her. Get your legal house in order. She's always going to do this, to you, or to the next guy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 09:04 PM
4

Yup mine felt "stifled" "couldn't be her true self". After she asked for commitment and marriage. And was given all the freedom she could ever want on top of me actively supporting her healthy endeavors. Asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:41 PM
2

Exactly. Then during the marriage they start causing resentment, and resentment takes care of the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:38 PM
6

I got married for the first time because she wanted to get married. She wanted to feel safe. She wanted to have commitment. Well, she ended up asking me for ethical non-monogamy six weeks after our honeymoon. And similarly, I was going through a hard time at that time too. I had changed jobs after 15 years. I started a highly stressful leadership position, and my libido fell a little bit as well. But, I was working on myself, and she didn't help. She was very narcissistic and only cared about wh…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 02:06 PM
1

Agreed. Was my first and last marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:27 AM
1

Agreed. They are like relationship on crack.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:25 AM
1

Ya I know, it's hard to reconcile in your mind with how good it was in the beginning. They are just impossible though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:24 AM
1

You're wise. I agree with your perspectives. Yes she did turn it all around on me, never taking any responsibility at all. And it does make me question myself, still. Even though I know I put in everything I had. But that chapters over. The new one has begun. So just need to train my mind to close the book when the thoughts arise. Appreciate your comments.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 04:34 PM
1

It was a pretty traumatic experience for me. Giving my life to someone and having them turn around on me so fast. So, I guess my brains trying to make sense of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:42 PM
1

It's really tough mentally to reconcile. Especially when your top priority was taking care of the family unit (in my case, wife), and that gets turned around on you like you were a controller, which happened to me. When my priority was just to guide and ensure we ended up in a solid place financially and safely. Just to make a great life for us.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 08:26 PM
5

Damn, I hear those words. Lifelong commitment, stability I was planning and paying for.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 05:55 PM
1

Piece of mind vs piece of ass.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:45 PM
1

Good for you for cutting the vices. Those are a one way ticket.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:41 PM
1

Yes, this may be the way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:24 PM
2

It seems like a very common theme with BPD. I get everyone puts their best self on at first, but this woman changed so completely.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:12 PM
1

I'll check that out thank you 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:45 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:44 PM
1

Not beforehand. After we'd moved in together. A little over a year in after an episode. There were some signs before but didn't know what the lable was. Like disassociation was a big one. And just severe impulsivity and lack of mood regulation at times. She had a big personality though, so hard to put your finger on things. And at the beginning it was perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:43 PM
1

Yes, she was a rollercoaster to be with from start to finish. The early highs were not worth the later lows. Still recovering from the ride. I'd love to find someone who is who they say they are consistently.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:41 PM
2

Thank you. Yes agreed. Maybe it is a bit outdated for our current western lifestyle. Or so I've found out the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 04:38 PM
2

Yes I'm definitely doing work on it. There were some signs, but she is a very intoxicating woman.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:48 PM
1

I mean it would be nice for someone to be there to clean me up lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:46 PM
1

My ex will be going through that soon, good luck to whoever's with her then.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:35 PM
1

I mean I did get married with the intention of it being for life, but my 11 month experience was far from it. Now I guess I'm trying to come to terms with it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:34 PM
0

Ya like 3 years with some optional years attached 😅
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:34 AM
5

Damn sorry. The BPD relationships are really life altering. So much emotion from the highest high to the highest low and in such a short time. Still working on nervous system regulation a year out. Don't give up hope though 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:33 AM
1

Ya, I assume I would have got to that point eventually. But I was pretty staggered. It was a whirlwind of a year.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:31 AM
3

Yes I agree. A beautiful woman can be a blessing and a curse. A lot of them, my ex included, seem to feel they are owed more simply by the virtue of being beautiful. On top of that, I belive men are wired to find purpose when they are the head of a family unit, whether that be just a woman or a woman and children. We will fight hard to do everything to serve pur family and keep it from falling apart. That speaks to some of the codependency issues.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:52 AM
2

The entire relationship was 3 years, but a very short marriage. breakup in under a year. I find it tragic. But need to accept and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:43 AM
1

The Mom is not happy with her marriage. She looks badly upon her husband (my exes step father). Her real father committed suicide when she was younger, but she barely knew him. However, she speaks more highly of her father she never knew than her Mom and Step Father.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:42 AM
1

The woman and the man have roles in a relationship. When it becomes too unbalanced either way, harmony no longer exists. We can either work to bring it back into balance, which requires work by both parties, or friction and discontent can result.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:40 AM
1

Yes. Nothing is forever. We and everything is impermanent. What we think is forever, may not be. And I guess we need to learn to love with the fact that things, good and bad, will change.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:36 AM
1

Yes. I have experienced that. What I thought was a lifelong commitment turned out not to be for my ex. When things got inconvenient, and there were relational needs, that may have not been immediately fulfilling. She looked for the next thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:35 AM
2

My ex asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. I loved the woman, I met with all my heart. Bought a house and married her because she wanted to feel safe. Then she asked for ENM and left when I said f'k no. She's not who she pretended to be, So no I couldn't take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 03:02 AM
2

CoDA is codependence anonymous. I started going as I seemed to choose unhealthy relationships and lose myself in them. For the Buddhism, there's a temple in my area where I go to meditate with a monk every 2-3 weeks and then they have virtual classes every Tuesday, classes on Friday and full day retreats as well. I don't attend all, but usually double down when I'm in a bad headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 05:46 PM
2

Maybe if he has family you can re ruit some of his brother/sisters to help, with of you. And, you need to also make sure you don't lose yourself in this. Live your life to the fullest. Lead by example.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 05:08 PM
3

If I was 36 I'd go into Jui Jitsu for sure. But also, and I'm 55, I started going to CoDA, Buddhist meditation classes and counselling. At the end of the day, build yourself up, use the fire inside to be your best self. But also cut yourself some slack, it's a horrible thing to go through. Finally, the greatest healer is time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:56 PM
3

11 months here, $20K all in.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 05:23 PM
2

Yes, my ex was all for the high of getting a man to commit. Once I was all-in that was it. She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. I'm down a similar road with meditation etc. I started going to a local Buddhist monestary for meditation every other Sunday, and they have online classes every Tuesday. I like it cause adds a little social aspect as well. Take care, hope you find your way.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 05:59 AM
5

It's a tough road for men. I think being the head of a family, even if just a wife, gives us purpose. We're not whole when were on our own. But alas, here we are, after thinking, she was the one we'd be with forever. I'm personally pouring into the gym, music, programs, friends, family, traveling, work. Have been dating for a year and it's a tough road too. Hard to find a "replacement" for someone you once thought was the end game. I'd say, stay off the dark path. Only do life building activitie…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 05:41 AM
3

Thank you I appreciate it. My ex was very attractive as well. But I won't sell my soul for that. I gave her more of myself than I should have up to that point, and that was the last straw. There are other attractive, and nice women out there. Not worth losing yourself over it. And to be honest, women like that are constantly moving the bar, so just putting off the inevitable anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 03:46 PM
5

I said f'k no as well and she blamed me for not listening to her. All of a sudden it was my fault. Ffs.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:52 PM
9

Or is on the verge of cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:51 PM
14

Mine asked for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. My answer was f'k no. She told me she was leaving the next day. Left and completely ghosted me. Didn't even know where she went. 1 year out, divorce is almost finalized. I ain't sitting at home while my wife, who I married because she said she wanted to feel loved and safe, goes out and gets ravaged my other men (or women). F'k that. She can go live her hedonist lifestyle see where it takes her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:50 PM
2

I just handled it with a polite, emotionless response that left no door opened.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 08:59 PM
5

I've went through this as well. My ex said we never had any passion. I find that statement just mind blowing. We had such passion and energy. I think it's a protection mechanism for them. Paint us completely back so they don't have to contend with their actual feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:07 PM
3

Geeze, glad you're out. I'm almost finished my divorce process. My wife was diagnosed BPD. She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. Wanted to have romantic relationships with men and women. When I said f'k no, she told me she was leaving the next day. Left and ghosted me completely for 3 months. Didn't even know where she lived, still don't. Women like this are evil creatures. Preying on vulnerable, caring men. Don't know why they marry people, they should just stay sin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 11:33 PM
2

Second everything you said.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 11:23 PM
7

This is a part of your life journey. Channel it. Use the energy to be you. Whatever your interest or passions are, double down. Join some groups (CoDA if you're codependent). Dust off your guitar. Join a gym. Yoga. Travel. Trying to force the relationship creates resistance/friction. Negative energy that drives away what you're seeking. Not saying don't date, but don't NEED it. If you aren't at that point where you don't need it, probably a good idea to give dating some space. I'm 11 months out,…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 10:49 AM
12

She asked for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:23 PM
3

Time is the greatest healer
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:34 PM
6

I deleted them the second we broke up. It's self inflicted pain to keep them. And morally didn't feel right to keep them to tell you the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:35 AM
2

Me neither, it'll take down the best of us.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:31 AM
5

We were together for just under 3 years. Lived together for just under 2. I learned she was diagnosed with BPD after we started living together. Crazy illness, they crave commitment to feel safe. Once they get the commitment, they start doing things to sabatoge it. Like wholesale changes in habits, values and personality.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:08 AM
15

She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:40 PM
3

Yup on the lizard brain
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 06:49 PM
3

Been there. When my wife said she was leaving I begged for her to stay or try to just separate and work. Nope. It hurt more anytime I'd try, so I stopped. 10 months later, divorce papers are being sent to her today actually and I still get the urge. Even though going back is impossible now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 06:48 PM
1

Exactly
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 06:20 PM
2

Horrible behavior from her. It's funny, they think it's empowering until it's done to them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 06:20 PM
3

Yes the social media amplifies behavior like this, but the blame stops with the person.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 06:19 PM
2

It's absolutely abuse. Telling you they want marriage, pulling you in, then ignoring our feelings, life, while they only think about their base desires. It's sick.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 03:59 PM
4

My ex wife had BPD. Went through the entire cycle with her, idealization, devaluation then discard. 6 weeks after our honeymoon she asked for ethical non-manogamy. When I said no, she told me she was leaving the next day. Left and completely ghosted me. Zero apologies. Sent me a text a few months later. She couldn't be herself in the marriage. Felt stifled, even though I supported every healthy endeavor she chose. It's been 10 months and zero reach out or apologies. She's completely moved on. Su…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:47 PM
2

Yes and paradoxically, the women (in my case) are the ones that really want the marriage in the first place. Push for it. Then are the first to want to leave it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:27 PM
7

Very sad. I really think it has something to do with a man losing his purpose. Taking care of a family.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:45 PM
3

I get what you're saying and agree with alot of it. She did become my primary purpose. Thats the mistake I made. I should be my main purpose always. She had BPD, and it was very difficult, as she was constantly changing, habits, values, jobs, hobbies. I got pulled into that, and cause she was my wife. amd living together, I made adjustments every time as well. And we're talking wholesale changes every 3 weeks or 3 months. I really needed to get out, is what was required. Hard not to lose your eq…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 06:30 PM
3

Yes, the grieving is the tough part. Doing the right things and not falling down a deep dark hole is also important. I'm sure I'll feel 110% after enough time. For me, I'd given so much of myself, I had nothing left when she asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon it broke me. Before that she was my purpose. Thats the mistake I made. I should be my main purpose always.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 06:25 PM
1

That sounds very stressful too. Sounds like you weren't heard or understood as well. Relationships can't be all rosy all the time when life happens for one partner or the other.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 04:39 PM
2

Yes, that's a better take actually, and if one comes along that matches with my life, great.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 04:37 PM
2

Thank you! I appreciate that, and you too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 08:39 PM
5

Yes, I'm happy I don't have to deal with that. I agree, I can see splitting things that both contributed to, but to have to support someone if kids are 50/50 is bananas. It's an out of date concept from when women didn't work and should be adjusted for our new realities where women can take care of themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 04:08 PM
1

BPD's a pretty serious personality disorder. I knew nothing about it till I met her. Now I'm an expert lol.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 04:05 PM
2

Congrats for getting sober! I am also a former addict. Was in and out of the system as a youth, young adult for 10 years. I pulled myself out of the gutter and now I'm clean, successful. I’ve also had 2 best friends, step brother and Mother pass away directly or indirectly from addiction to alcohol or drugs. When I met her she was 100% clean and I loved that about her. So when she started using, when we were living together, suffice to say, it was completely against how I wanted/needed to live. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:11 PM
4

For sure. That needs to be looked at.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:02 PM
2

Sorry you went through that twice, must have been very difficult. I need to find a woman who appreciates what a man brings.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:01 PM
5

Agreed, this is all true. It is the sort term that is very difficult. Just to do the right things and get through that, build back better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:00 PM
4

Yes, I mean I became less perfect when my 15 year job became so stressful due to government intervention I was a nervous wreck. I found another job, Director, and had to change jobs and lead this new team. So I was likely a little more withdrawn, irritable and lower libido etc... during that time. So I wasn't perfect. Zero support emotionally from her. She actually told me she doesn't have capacity for me and to reach out to my supports. I mean otherwise I still took care of mostly everything ar…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 01:58 PM
2

The current system is still a holdover from when men worked and women took care of the kids. It should be adjusted.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 01:48 PM
4

Whenever I hear someone had an ego death, I need to give an eye roll. Everyone has an ego. I mean, maybe the highest level Buddhist monk can achieve that, but that's just not something an everyday person can do, shake off their whole identity, sense of individual being.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 04:01 AM
11

It seems marriage these days isn't what it was meant to be. A life long commitment, through good and bad. As soon as tough times come, people start looking for something else, it's sad. Because it will be an endless loop of relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:33 AM
7

I had a similar experience. My ex had BPD. They love their idea of you, and if they start seeing you as fallible, they see you as all bad. Black or white.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:31 AM
2

Yes I've struggled there as well. I have a hard time with purpose when not in a relationship. Also divorce pending.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:28 AM
7

I hope that is true
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:15 AM
5

What would that be? I know in my case, my ex said she couldn't be her true self, she felt stifled. Even though I supported everything she did, with exception of the drug use and reckless spending. Complimented any positive direction. Encouraged. Only thing I can think is the limerance wore off.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 11:26 PM
3

Yes that would be devastating.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:36 PM
6

Yes I 100% agree. It does become our purpose. Being a provider, protector. I think we're wired for those roles. Then when that is gone, our purpose goes with it. Leaves us feeling directionless. And discarded. Feeling like we weren't enough. And we aren't as social, so that adds more weight.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:35 PM
17

Yes it's like the "I'm free" narrative. Like living with us was like some prison or something. Yet they are the ones that desperately wanted marriage in th first place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:31 PM
1

Yes, this seems correct.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:09 PM
-1

Yes they are definitely more social. I did not turn to bad habits, opposite, dialed in. But it was devastating emotionally still.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:49 PM
1

That's the way to go now, build back better.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:47 PM
4

I paid more and did most of the chores. She was very irresponsible, but fun to be with when she was in a good space.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:46 PM
3

I think for me, next relationship is not to give everything I have. To keep grounded in myself, my life and who I am.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:44 PM
5

I do think she had options. She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. I definitely took it personally as in I wasn't enough, even though I tried extremely hard to make it work. Crazy thing is, she wanted the marriage to feel safe...
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:42 PM
1

I do have friends, but she was more social for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:39 PM
5

We both worked, but she was extremely irresponsible, drug use (she started using adter we moved in) and kept going into debt with reckless spending. I did 90% of the chores, all the shopping, planning, finances. I bought the house. Her issues was with sex. It had gotten down to about once a week. Not enough, but that's another thing. It'd gotten difficult for me during a very stress period with work, and with her constant changes and mood. She had BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:38 PM
3

Experienced a lot of the same. Reckless spending, like just throwing money put the window basically. And when Id bring it up I was being controlling. Actually any issues I brought up, including her all day every day pot use, I was controlling. I tried everything for her too. Move in, house marriage was because she wanted to feel safe. Then 6 weeks after the honeymoon she asked for ethical non-manogamy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:33 PM
2

Yes, I realized how common divorce was. I guess, when I married her, I was 100% committed to her and the marriage. Not the same on her end
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:30 PM
3

I experienced the goal posts moving as well. Always adjusting to her needs, constantly. Not mine. Fried my nervous system and sense of self.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:28 PM
1

Yes, at 6 months I was in a bad place too. I was doing all the right things, but mentally wasn't sure if I'd make it. While it seemed like she just moved on with no issues at all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:27 PM
2

Yes, I definitely put her needs first. So much so that I lost sight of who I was.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:26 PM
3

I'm 10 months put, getting better, but man that first 6 longest was very difficult mentally. Alot if it was wondering if I'd only done something better.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:25 PM
2

Yes time helps. I'm 10 months out and getting better, but it was a tough road.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:23 PM
2

Yes my ex completely changed as well. It was hard to see the woman I loved change like that. She had BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:22 PM
10

Step Dad is a tough gig.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:14 PM
1

I wish I was there. I almost was. I'm doing all the right things as well but 10 months out and I'm falling back into the darkness.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:13 AM
2

Ya, I get it. I'm 10 months out and felt like reaching out today. Even with all the bad, being with her was better than being only with myself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:10 AM
2

Phone scrolling.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 08:33 PM
1

So I think you both are in the wrong here. He should not confront you or act threatening. However, he's an adult who your ex has chosen to live with them, with children. That means he took the role of Step Dad (which can be a shitty gig, trust me). This means he has rights within reason to set boundaries and enforce reasonable boundaries. This should be done in cooperation with your ex. To say a Step Dad can't set or enforce boundaries is kind of ridiculous and not reasonable at all. Saying that…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 06:17 PM
1

It's a tough road bro. I'm 10 months out. I've realized divorce is very common. It happens to the best of us. There's nothing wrong with us. One thing to be careful of is to be drawn to any self destructive behavior during your time of healing/regrowth. Wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:17 PM
1

Aww, hope one works out for you someday. It's such a common thing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:06 PM
3

That's a really tough one. She was intoxicating and toxic at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:18 PM
2

I stopped wearing it the moment she walked out the door. Haven't looked at it since. Question is, what do I do with it now?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:13 PM
1

Yup, it's a whole different level of hurt when you realize all the attitude and difficult moods you were dealing with is because they had their eyes amd heart somewhere else. Don't know why women like that want to get married so bad, then look elsewhere instead of being a working partner in the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:58 PM
1

Actually no lie, my very first response was "I like how you slipped ethical in front of that".
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:54 PM
2

Yes I agree with that. That's exactly what happened. I was 100% in, what she showed me in the beginning was my dream woman. I would do anything for that woman and I did. I actually did not mind taking the responsible roles and managing the household at all. But then that turned around on me and suddenly I was labeled as controlling and I ended up with a self proclaimed hedonist who wanted ethical non-manogamy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 06:33 PM
1

It's a tough road. Im 10 months separated and will be doing the final filing for divorce right away. Of course she left, after asking me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon, but I have to take care of everything. For me it was gym, work, my music, friends, family, diet. Saying yes to everything socially. Dicipline, even when I didn't feel like it I kept my daily regimine going. Am dating, although 1/2 heartedly. Still helps a bit. Oh and counselling and I'm doing group work at C…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:44 AM
2

Either way she's getting more than she deserves. Hard lesson bro. Never marry a woman who's not working. And always get a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:14 PM
2

Yes it is cruel. We bear the emotional burden then have to pull ourselves together to do the tactical work as well, as we know they won't. Looking back they were never capable and we were always the caretakers. We provided the stability and they provided the chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:58 PM
6

It's a really tough road. I'm 10 months out. Separation is all signed and sealed and I'll have to take the final step and file the divorce papers right away. She left, 6 weeks after our honeymoon she asked me for ethical non-manogamy, that was the end. But I am the responsible one, so have been making all the arrangements. I think time will heal everything. The longer I'm gone the better it gets. But I'm also doing the work all along. Working out hard, seeing friends, family, working on music, c…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:05 AM
3

I'm 10 months out and just starting to feel playful again. Just a little bit. Till you can feel playful, it's probably too early. But practice will help. Not AI! Go on dating sites and just go on dates to shake the webs off .
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 03:38 AM
5

Not common at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:44 PM
3

I'm 55, separated for 10 months now, and I can agree in that at this age, you can sure tell who's abused themselves and who's consistently put in the work. I'm a bit of a fitness buff, healthy eating, cardio, weights, yoga...and that's what I'm attracted to. It's definitely fewer and far between now in my mid 50s.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 06:34 PM
4

My ex left me 6 weeks after our honeymoon to Italy. Came in the livingroom one Sunday after we'd been cuddling in bed and asked me what I thought of ethical non-manogamy... Said she wanted to have romantic relationships with other men and Women. This was completely against the shared vision we'd talked about throughout our relationship. I got upset, said no, of course. She gaslit me, now it was my fault for not listening, not hearing her out. Told me she was leaving the next day. I rearranged an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:28 PM
8

Yes it's f'd up because in the beginning they push for marriage, stability and for you to be "the man". Then you provide all that, take care of them, marry them, buy the house, take care of business and they get bored and want excitement. But you are trying to give them that as well, but it's not enough. And all of a sudden youre "controlling" because you're trying to guide the house in a good direction for your futures. Now you're the bad guy and they start looking for some side piece. And once…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:46 PM
2

Yes I agree, went way too far and lost too much of myself trying to keep it together.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:43 PM
2

Yes, she was all about living the moment. I'd agree, open relationships are a recipe for disaster. I think for them to work both people would have to lack the capacity and emotions for a good relationship to work in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:25 AM
3

It's f'ked up. Why get married then? Threw my whole life into this woman cause she wanted commitment in the first place. When I married her, that was it, I closed all the doors, to be with her. And if you do want that life, stay single, or have a clear understanding with your partner before you marry.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:21 AM
1

It really should, but I'm in Canada so have to wait a year to finalize the divorce. And had to pay her out of house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:16 PM
1

No annulment where I'm from unfortunately. Canada. Have to wait a year to finalize the divorce. Finalized legal separation already though.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:57 PM
14

She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:49 PM
3

Ouch bro, horrible situation. Sorry don't have advice but heart goes out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:43 PM
6

I think there's a primal drive within men to have a family/tribe to take care of.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:59 AM
8

It's funny, she used those words "I'm living my truth" after she asked me for ethical non-manogamy then left and completely ghosted me 6 weeks after our honeymoon. From a marriage that she desperately wanted. The man's burden is losing his tribe. The one he was building, forging. A man without a tribe to care for struggles to find purpose. Taking care of her, the house, the finances. Making sure she's safe, cozy, happy. That was a purpose, then it's ripped away. The man without a tribe is a lone…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:55 AM
4

Do whatever you can to mediate with your ex without the lawyer. Not always possible, but if you can, that's the way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 05:28 PM
2

Just went through this, not to bankruptcy though. Married a woman who acted frugal when we met. She used to put a marble in a jar every day she didn't spend any money. It was 1/2 full when I met her. After we moved in, dhe started spending stupidly. Clothes like crazy. She'd rent an Airbnb every once in awhile. She was paying tuition and not finishing her school for 2 years. Lots of other things. But the worst one was her Uber addiction. $1200 to $1300 a month on Uber, it was ridiculous. She cou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 06:32 PM
4

It's crazy how they want the commitment, marriage and monogamy at first, then all of a sudden want the opposite. In my case 6 weeks after the honeymoon. That's a hard no for me. And was followed shortly by divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:28 PM
5

Yup, when they start going out dancing with their friends. And you cheer them on and support them because you want to be good to them, and you don't want to be controlling, even though there's a little part inside you that is saying "this doesn't feel 100% right". This happened to ke a couple times throughout my life. And followed in the short or medium term by them leaving, and in my ex wife's case, asking for ethical non-manogamy and leaving when I said f'k no.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 07:38 PM
1

Mmm, for me it's usually something that's bothering me. Something said, or something done that isn't resolved.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 12:46 AM
3

I'm almost 9 months out too. Just signed separation papers and paid her out for the house today. She asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. When I said no, she told me she was leaving the next day. Left and completely ghosted me for 3 months. This was the woman I bought a house for and married because she wanted to feel safe, just 11 months prior. Just insanity. I'm also still going through.cycles of suck. It's just so difficulty to come to terms with it all. Doing all th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 04:49 AM
3

Yes, once the novelty of the marriage wears off, they're looking for the next fix.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 06:24 PM
2

Mine just left one day after asking me for ethical non-manogamy. 6 weeks after our honeymoon. I begged for her to come back, but she just told me not to contact her. Ghosted me for 3 months then texted me that she couldn't be married to me anymore. A marriage that she pushed for so she could feel safe in our relationship. I tried periodically for 4 months. Then the switch flipped and I began the process of separation/ divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:41 PM
3

I feel you. I'm 55. 8 months out of a marriage I put everything I had in to. It was my purpose to make her a home, keep her happy and build us a life. When that's torn away it's more than losing the woman. It's losing your identity and purpose as a man. To provide and care for a family. It's what we're built for. I've been searching for someone else too. But that hasn't gone well. Still too raw. This is a lesson, unfortunately. Our worth, meaning and purpose can't be outsourced again. Need to be…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 10:08 PM
4

It's a tough pill to swallow. In general, Women are the more social animal. So we have a harder time adjusting to being alone after a breakup. I'm going through something similar, and even though I do have friends, job, hobbies, family, she does seem to be enjoying life more than me post breakup, going by social media posts. I'm not sure the answer. Keep doing the right things, and find your new purpose. Men need a purpose to feel fulfilled, and typically when in a relationship part of that purp…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 09:26 PM
5

She burned it to the ground. No way to rebuild what we had everything. if I wanted to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 08:10 PM
2

Struggling with that now. 8 months post separation.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 07:41 PM
4

8 months out. Not at next level yet. But I try, work, gym, guitar, yoga, cooking. I need to get out of my shell more though.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 05:22 PM
1

Even though I'm still grieving the loss, and am not myself yet, whoever that is now, I would have to agree. I'm 8 months out of an 11 month marriage with a beautiful woman with diagnosed BPD. It was probably both the best and worst experience of my life. So right now I feel like I'm in limbo. Don't enjoy much, isolate a lot. On my phone a lot. During the week I'm better. Work, gym, cook, guitar, show bed structure. Weekends are tough. Just feel like I don't know how to exist properly anymore. Ho…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 05:18 PM
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