TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

LykkeStrom Archive

View 3 posts and 127 comments by LykkeStrom on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

My bestie's nv ex husband hit me up! Not even mine. And I absolutely took her side in the divorce and he knows it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 08:11 PM
42

And a lot of the ones that do request significant custody have it only to control their ex. Custody battles are very often post-separation domestic abuse, using the court system as a proxy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 08:08 PM
6

oooh mine did that with the knives too! It's so creepy because it's absolutely a threat, but not one you can report to anyone without seeming mad. ​ I kind of wish he coparented like I was dead, though. He coparents like I am the root of all evil and constantly attempting to sabotage him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 07:54 PM
7

A lot of the time, partners of abusive people can be scared of the repurcussions of telling the police the full story. Not saying this is the case here, but I do think the police aren't necessarily very approachable for a lot of people in these situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 07:59 PM
76

I do it when they say a positive male trait, like: "but men are providers" Not all men "men are the stronger sex" Not all men "men are rational" Not all men Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 12:58 PM
35

This book should be required reading for every high school student.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 07:34 PM
7

God if only, that sounds almost enjoyable! It was more ineffectual and trembly than that. Ugh. This particular nex also wanted pity for his Dom fetish which added to the ick factor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 11:14 AM
62

I had a nvx that tried to do a similar thing to trick me into having more (terrible, rabbitty) sex with him. He said "well eventually I'm just going to have to look elsewhere". My response? (genuine, I was desperately trying to get him out of my life) "great! That sounds like a proactive solution. There are professionals, that could be a good idea. Or dating apps, I think some women are looking for casual encounters, but then if you developed feelings for her that would also be fine" He was not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 07:57 PM
4

My experience was that my police report was just ignored. That said, if a previous girlfriend had reported, my report would have been taken further. I think it's always worth reporting, but maybe with the attitude that the report might not be an immediate solution for our situation, but a paper trail to reduce the number of predators out there over time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 06:53 AM
3

You and me both, my friend. I spent over 2 years of my life justifying his bs by telling myself he had probably had a hard childhood (ha hadn't) and was just a bit insecure (understatement). It's both disturbing and strangely reassuring how many freaks like this are out in the wild!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:35 AM
11

And "rabbitty" in bed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 08:16 PM
17

And the "she really captures how sensitive to criticism he was" Yes. Because she's absolutely clocked the personality type that is socially awkward, has an ego as fragile as a newborn bird made of glass and is highly manipulative behind closed doors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 08:15 PM
53

Right? A lot of people with trust funds have them inaccessible until their mid-20s for this precise reason. And that's just money! Not your body and lifetime self-esteem and lack of trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 07:36 PM
11

That sounds horrendous, and very similar to the nvx I had, whose diagnosis was NPD with comorbid BPD and paranoia. Congratulations for getting the heck out of there whne you did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 06:44 PM
16

Dr Jessica Taylor's research is about how often women's trauma is misdiagnosed as other things, chiefly BPD. Her social media stuff is really engaging, I'd recommend having a look at her work if you can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 06:04 PM
13

Or projection? It was more or less what he was later diagnosed with by the court-appointed psychologist, and I think those kind of personality disorders have mirroring problems where they see their own dysfunction in others and see others' good points reflected in themselves? Idk I have a hard time fathoming them tbh. Block and delete is better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:59 PM
19

This is a great idea. Bonus points if it's done in a really condescending "helpful" way: "My, aren't those big feelings? Let's not discuss this any further until you've managed to calm down a little"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:19 PM
13

It can get worse, in fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:15 PM
17

OK so I'm pretty sure that is HIGHLY illegal. I'm so sorry that happened to you. ​ The NVX in my story wasn't even bright enough/was to entitled to realize a therapist might not 100 % agree with his perception of things. It was an absolute shock to him when the therapist said I needed to leave him and he was the one with a PD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:15 PM
30

Right? But he could have just latched onto one of the things I was a bit neurotic about and been quite successful. Like yeah you definitely DO have OCD look at how you ball your socks! Which would have had some traction with me at that point. Instead he persisted with a total curveball that made no sense! It's like, if you're going to be evil enough to actually try and drive someone out of their mind at least be a little strategic, you know? He'd have made a useless movie villain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:09 PM
10

Oh I'm so sorry you guys dated that idiot! Did he pout and do that "Oh poor me no-one understands my Dom kink" thing with you as well? And break stuff "accidentally" when he was "not angry"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:03 PM
228

I had an ex like this who would actively try and get me diagnosed with BPD. It was bizarre. Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd bombard me with links to BPD diagnosis pages, when I wanted couples therapy (I hadn't found this sub or boundaries in general at that point) he made sure we found a BPD specialist "for my condition", and whenever I wanted space alone and said I was going to spend a night in a hotel or whatever, he'd take a day off work to "support me through my disorder". I had n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 06:32 AM
20

Jesus. And some of the traffic accidents are probably (if a NV ex of mine is anything to go by) also caused by intimate partner violent driving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 08:09 PM
25

It makes people soooooooo uncomfortable, doesn't it? I wonder psychologically why that is? I get that any privileged group finds it hard to give up their privileges, and I get that it's hard for everyone to question their entrenched values, but this fact seems particularly hard to address. I'm comparing with the response to BLM, where it seemed (although I'm in a bubble) that a lot of white people accepted their privilege, and understood that they needed to listen to poc and be actively anti rac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 08:05 PM
1

It's true that in the majority of cases mothers end up with primary custody after divorce. But that's because the vast majority of cases are resolved "amicably" outside court and never have to get a judge involved to decide. The relatively tiny number of "conflicted" cases in which a judge does have to decide, are decided about 80% (depending on jurisdiction) in favor of the father. (although even this doesn't mean 80% of these cases wind up with fathers having primary custody, often they ask fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 06:46 AM
47

Can I just say congratulations on the Fort Worth Star-Telegram for its title? Too often the femicides are titled with stuff like "woman dies in crime of passion" or "family drama leaves woman dead" or something else that erases the perpetrator/diminishes their role (see the headline on the tv screengrab, for example) The newspaper title is really clear in where the blame lies. ​ Fucking sucks that this shit still happens, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 07:39 PM
1

A friend of mine finally won custody of her 5yo daughter after a 3 year court battle. Kiddo had every other weekend with her dad. She started coming back showing signs of sexual abuse (wanting to wear diapers again, not wanting to get changed in front of her mom, cystitis) and her mom called cps and suggested possible CSA. Result? Custody has just been changed in HIS favor, due to her "alienating" her daughter against him. The. System. Is. Broken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:57 AM
3

Yeah but if you demand child support they usually demand more custody time. And a lot of the time that's not really in the child's interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:46 PM
6

That sounds really traumatic. I'm sorry you experienced that. Congratulations on winning back time with your kid, and on building yourself up again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:44 PM
3

Even when they're child abusers it's pretty hard to get their parental rights signed away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:42 PM
12

Yup, my mother did that back in th 90s with me. It worked fine. I didn't with my kid, and I regret it. Family court is horrendous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:40 PM
19

Yup I had this too, and a lot of other women I know. I mean who even wants to live somewhere where you are unwanted? The entitlement is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 01:08 PM
10

Yeah I totally had kids with a NVM because I wasn't aware of red flags or Narcissism or anything. I have a masters degree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:27 AM
5

She wrote it before Internet porn as well, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:20 AM
17

Right? When we should call it " just getting started"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:14 AM
88

Oh they were definitely faking it. Unless he actually only had like one ex and she happened to be in the minority of women who can climax from PiV alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:12 AM
100

I had a highly narcissistic ex who considered his ex gf to have been abusive to him and puppydogged extensively about this. When I eventually asked him to give me concrete examples of the "abuse" he responded: At the beginning of the relationship she let me touch her boobs but then she got a weird thing about it and stopped letting me. And she had really nice boobs as well, really big. And: Once, we went on holiday to and we were having sex and then she stopped halfway through and refused to con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:08 AM
40

So I guess that applies to his female partners not going down on him as well? Unless he only dates non-praying women. But isn't that unchristian as well? My head is exploding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:02 AM
26

Looks at his phone more than you on a date? Bad in bed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 07:52 AM
8

Haha yeah I have a NV ex who keeps trying to make excuses to give me back like an old disposable bic pen or mismatching socks I left when I FLED IN THE NIGHT IN PYJAMAS TO A POLICE STATION over two years ago. Um yeah no thanks I'm good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:47 PM
2

Right? The energy of this post is just so empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:45 PM
14

Set a tiny boundary and see if they push against it. It could be something as simple as 'please don't message me on x day because I won't be able to respond'. If the response has any pushback you know they will push back on all your boundaries always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:58 PM
10

I've been trying to seperate from one of these for over 3 years (shared kid). The relationship lasted less than 2! So.damn.exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:50 PM
18

Came here to say this. I'm totally implementing it from now on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 03:39 PM
43

It's super hard even to mention that the father of your child might be sexually abusing that child. Very often it's considered "parental alienation" to even suggest such a thing, and that can be enough to lose custody to the aforementioned abusive father. Let that sink in: if a mother is concerned about the father of her child, and leaves him to protect the child, and tells CPS or a family judge that she is worried about his behavior towards the child, she will most likely be putting that child …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 09:45 PM
3

Ooooh I love that idea, I'm sure there are bits that are catchy enough to write on a wall? I'll have a think. Paris has some great feminist street art: https://edition.cnn.com/videos/arts/2021/03/08/paris-street-art-melissa-bell-pkg-intl-ldn-vpx.cnn I especially like the simple glued white paper slogans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 09:48 PM
20

Those Longchamp-type huge totes are great for this! And you can fit a whole laptop in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 09:25 PM
18

Yeah when I remained calm I was 'cold' and had 'zero empathy' and if I got upset I was 'faking it to make (him) feel bad'. Anger obviously meant I was crazy. I only bothered getting angry once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 09:58 AM
42

Yeah this is what triggers me about the abusive relationships sub on here. Women with their faces bashed in and men saying "but it's really embarrassing for us to report which is Way Worse"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:48 AM
38

Judging by my DMs it totally did 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:47 AM
45

Yes, this is definitely true. Mine also has a real chip on his shoulder about Being Right About Facts. So if I was reading non-fiction, especially, he'd get really insecure about how many Facts I might now know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:17 PM
31

That following thing is so creepy. Did he also block your exits when arguing? My lawyer said this counts as physical abuse because although they are not touching you, they are physically dominating you and restricting your movement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:43 PM
56

Yup my nex HATED me reading. He would even put his chin on my book so I couldn't see it - like a (poorly trained) dog wanting to go on a walk. He is definitely doing the same thing to her. They do not change!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:40 PM
25

I just went through this, with similar aged kids. If you want to vent dm me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:39 PM
3

Mine is still in that awful phase. Luckily right now the kids'' ages and the court documents are on my side. Lordy the vagueness! He actually tried to go back to court to ASK FOR MORE VAGUENESS in the parenting order. Basically "the father and mother will communicate with each other at some point to plan each vacation visitation" replacing "father gets last week in August Saturday to Saturday". I think his lawyer talked him out of it before he fired him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:22 PM
3

When you say leans in his direction do you mean he is more likely to flake on kid time than you? Mine only has every second weekend and still doesn't manage to organise his life around it properly. He requests a change at least one every two visitations. Although maybe that's to mess up my schedule and introduce some unnecessary conflict? Hard to know. My therapist is a total expert (she's written books about narc fathers and their effects on children and partners, advises the government about d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:03 PM
3

Ugh he sounds like mine. World's Best Dad is one of his narc things, too, and he is obsessed with 50/50. I've been able to stave it off so far at great expense and effort, which is great for the kids. I'm sort of banking on him getting bored or knocking some poor pickme up, but maybe that's pie in the sky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:48 PM
75

Is the abusive relationships sub male led? I find it really triggering in there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 03:35 PM
120

I blindsided him after having attempted to leave already, being persuaded to give it another chance by committing to 6 months of couples therapy, talking about how it wasn't working in couples therapy, the therapist talking about how it wasn't working, telling him I was going to leave, the therapist telling him I was going to leave, telling him I'd found a new apartment starting in a month, etc etc etc Delusional entitlement is gonna delusional entitlement, I suppose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:24 PM
4

They don't leave, these guys. They say 'no, if you're the one who wants to end the relationship you are the kne who is going to have to leave'. Even though they have the income and you own half the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:35 PM
8

My nex was exactly like this when I was post partum, and whenever I mention it in a support group a bunch of other women have experienced similar stuff. I can absolutely believe this story, sadly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:34 PM
13

Ted Bundy walked around with his limbs in plaster casts. Playing the sad sack victim is a very effective way of getting peoples' guard down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:24 PM
22

In my experience, even when they concede it's not working, these kinds of guys don't go quietly. I had one who is still kind of creepily hanging around three full years later (longer than the "relationship"), despite acknowledging in couples therapy (srsly past self: you have been in a relationship for a year and it already needs couples therapy? Just block and delete!) that it was over. He got extra creepy and escalatey when I moved out. I had to report to the police a bunch of times. I'd recom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 12:25 PM
30

The same lawyers that got her pardoned are handling this trial. Let's hope they get similar results.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:27 PM
9

I'm in europe! Come hang out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:12 PM
71

Jennifer Garner is basically the nicest human in the world, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:10 PM
11

Honey they could pretend to be a 40yo with under eye bags and a couple of kids in tow. The "wall" thing is a total myth, sadly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:07 PM
8

Anecdotally this rings absolutely true for me. I only ventured onto OLD a couple of years ago after a decade of meeting people through real life (almost always activities I was passionate about. I like activities!). That decade of people were all awesome. We were ultimately incompatible, or in incompatible life stages, but we treated each other well and are still friends. The guy I met on OLD however was a serious problem. Love bombed, and then turned into an absolute controlling, stalking night…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:06 PM
10

Idk I met a severely anxiously attached NVM on OLD. Ultra clingy, terrified of rejection, still showing stalkerish behaviors 3 years after I broke up with him (via therapist, and, later, lawyers and the police involved).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:02 PM
3

I can't find it anymore and don't want to look somehow (I have a stalker and a lot of that stuff is really triggering for me). It is the third page of a widely published twitter post with screenshots of things he's supposedly said on FB, if that helps? Sorry, maybe I'll feel more able to dive back in later, if that's the case I'll post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:07 AM
5

Yup me too. Tbh. Glad she's getting it out of her system so early! I was still there at 30!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:05 AM
49

Yeah, plus the lyrics of Ocean Eyes seem really like it could have been him writing that song about his sister. I've often wondered if he isn't a bit groomy with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:12 PM
84

take a pretty girl out and wine and dine her Ugh I just saw it. And he has 'creep' tattooed on his arm. He is showing everyone pretty clearly who he is. More red flags than a Soviet parade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:04 PM
88

"Betraying myself to be "chosen" " Just realising I did that for over a decade. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 06:24 PM
2

Pinterest kibbe TIL I have a dramatic body. Awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 04:12 PM
6

My bff has this smile! It's so contagious and awesome
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 10:10 AM
1

Oh yeah that's less sinister. I was interpreting it as "your brain and looks will get you into trouble" (and implying that that would somehow be your fault).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:34 PM
28

This. My highly abusive ex had learned lots of Buddhist terminology and psychobabble (from a previous "crazy" HVW). He had also been accused of being misogynistic by a ( "crazy") coworker and a week later bought and starting wearing a feminist t shirt. These details made the act more convincing, and sowed doubt in my mind every time I decided to break up with him, ultimately keeping me in the relationship much longer than was wise. Sometimes being too honest with manipulative people creates prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 11:27 AM
42

In my country (where both private and state schools are quite evenly split between single-sex and co-ed) girls consistently do better in girls-only schools and boys do better in co-ed. My personal anecdotal experience is that all the girls I know who went to single sex schools ended up in STEM whereas all of us who went to co-ed somehow ended up streamed in social sciences or arts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 11:19 AM
1

Yup, a bunch of parenting subs, especially married people ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 10:36 AM
5

The "for your own good" is really threatening, but I can't put my finger on why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 06:25 AM
13

I got "why doesnt your brain ever switch off?". I mean, does anyone's? It was the weirdest question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:01 PM
19

Oooh my toxic ex used to call me "pretentious" whenever I mentioned a film/book/artwork he hadnt heard of. So I guess that's a compliment now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:00 PM
14

Certain mother of sons, in particular.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:28 PM
1

Codecademy is fun so far!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:27 PM
2

Oooh i have this and I LOVE it. Even if I only know how to use it with Garageband !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 09:50 AM
3

I'm going to learn how to code!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 09:47 AM
33

I genuinely think they're jealous of all that female affection that should rightfully be going to them 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 08:12 PM
87

Oooh LVMs HATE that a woman travels! I've lived abroad my whole adult life so it comes up in conversation quite quickly and boy are they quick to want to compete. Either with OH BUT THIS PLACE I WENT TO ONE TIME IS AN EVEN LONGER FLIGHT AWAY or IN FACT I'VE BEEN TO MORE COUNTRIES IN TOTAL or ACTUALLY I TRAVEL FOR WORK A LOT AND ALWAYS BUSINESS CLASS. Like I'm not bringing up the subject of travel to put you on the defensive Timothy, it came up because you noticed I wasn't speaking my mother tong…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:19 AM
24

I've found this too. Every time I've settled for mediocre they've turned out to be not just dull and unattractive but ABUSIVE. Abusive behaviour seems to stem from low self esteem/fragile ego, so I think that's what is going on. Boring guy knows at some level he has punched way above his weight so he goes to great lengths to debase/control/isolate his girlfriend in the hopes she wont have any choice but to stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 01:38 PM
30

Yeah, my nv ex told a judge that I needed therapy so I could see that he was right. Literally said that. He didn't win the court case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 08:04 AM
18

Please do this. I had an internet stalker and didn't have the resources/knowledge to do much about it, and I hate to think that wankstain is still out there harassing others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 07:57 AM
13

The entire Britney Spears story is just a horrendous cautionary tale about coercive control and objectification imho. That poor woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 07:52 AM
6

And it also makes his behaviour clearly illegal, giving law enforcement a mandate to intervene immediately.
/r/askFDS27/04/21 10:01 AM
8

Well she is amazing, thanks for posting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 08:36 AM
16

IDK, I had a very HV ex who had older sisters and a single mom and definitely was out to just prevent abuse of/ share insider info with all the women. He would describe his teenage sisters coming home after yet another horrendous experience and him as an impressionable preteen just feeling so strongly that shit had to change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 02:58 PM
59

Right? Same here. I somehow dropped the ball in my late 20s and started settling for mediocrity. And then discovered that, where men are concerned, mediocrity can play out as massively insecure and abusive af. ​ Back on track now though, and living my best life. WOOOP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 02:57 PM
114

Thanks for putting this into words. these guys are totally a thing and I was wondering why I feel so exhausted after dealing with them and THIS IS WHY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 09:05 PM
6

I had two "meditators" and this one hundred percent. Although one of them I never saw meditate (we lived together for over a year). Instead he had prayer flags and buddha statues up all over the place, so I guess that gave him enough spiritual authority to be a manipulative controlling little toerag. The other one did occasionally seem to meditate and also claimed to have become enlightened. He was not enlightened. Definitely a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:39 PM
3

Oooh number 4 is spot on! Thanks for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:31 PM
23

Taxi Driver as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:30 PM
7

ooh I had a nvm who did stuff like this, too. Either too-public "perfect" (NOT perfect, NOT what I wanted/had been giving clues would be a good idea) gifts, or inappropriate lingerie that made me uncomfortable and was all about pleasing him. He also told friends, my family etc. what he was getting me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:29 PM
30

Same with Latin America
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:26 PM
15

Have you read Why Women are Blamed for Everything? It's one of those books that is hard to read because you keep wanting to throw it at the wall, but it's basically your (excellent, thank-you) post with peer-reviewed stats to back it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:44 PM
5

There are some quite convincing studies that connect it with autism (underdiagnosed in females), as well. Janet Treasure researches it, if anyone wants a Google wormhole!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:40 PM
7

I am so sorry that happened to you. What a sadistic psychopath. I'm glad he's an ex, and I hope you're doing well now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:37 PM
9

Totally. I wore baggy af clothes as well when I was anorexic. Not so people couldn't see the disorder, but so I could walk around my city with a hood up and be mistaken for a teenage boy and not hit on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:35 PM
21

I battled AN for a long time, and hypnotherapy worked extremely well for me. It wasn't even focused on the disorder - there was actually a lot of going back and visiting myself when I was a little girl and being the grown-up she needed at that time. I had maybe six sessions and have been ED free (even the intrusive thoughts in times of extreme stress) since. I had previously been through a lot of different therapies and basically told by multiple doctors I'd probably just have to live with the p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:34 PM
3

god I love her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:30 PM
3

I had a very very similar experience, and stayed with the NVM in question for three years. ​ Up to then I'd been successful in a competitive industry, lived in a bunch of different countries, had a decent childhood without any of the key adverse childhood experiences. I'd been in therapy and done a ton of new agey spiritual stuff as well, so I was in many respects a very strong kind of person. So it was not at all the "these predators only find vulnerable people to prey on" narrative. Yet... sam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:25 PM
3

Oh you reminded me of my first boyfriend who was extremely hv and now I'm sad we didn't stay together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:16 PM
5

I feel this. I only woke up to things in the aftermath of #metoo tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:01 AM
20

Yes, this is exactly what Lundy Bancroft concludes in "why does he do that?".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:03 PM
13

Oh my abusive nex was full of this bs. He blamed me for a rash he got on his hands after unsafely using a kinsugi kit (why are so many lvms japanophiles?) thay he had researched and bought online. Why my fault? Because my answer to one of his sob stories on our maybe second date was "sometimes things thay have been broken and rebuilt are even more beautiful, have you come across kinsugi?" (Which is cheesy af, obvs, but definitely didn't cause his rash 3y later). He blamed me when kiddo aged one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 04:58 PM
5

I've just ordered it, but damn that literature is depressing. Thank you for the recommendation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:14 PM
9

Exactly this. And it's less of a niche problem than I'd originally thought - I'd say it's actually pretty endemic and that a huge proportion of "high-conflict" custody cases are in fact abusers continuing their harrassment and coercion through the court system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 02:45 PM
5

My situation happened in adulthood so the trauma was less deep-rooted, but it only took two 3hr sessions for me to become desensitized to the triggers. I'd really really recommend it. I actually did it online, so I imagine in person it is even more effective. I had issues saying no (I had yet to discover FDS at this point) and CBT helped me with that, but that was a slower process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 01:53 PM
20

Your mom sounds cool. I wish I'd learnt to say no earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:49 PM
9

Ugh. Ugh. I am so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:46 PM
23

In many jurisdictions it is. Ironically, the most "progressive" places (Sweden, California) tend to be the worst because fathers and mothers have equal weight in custody decisions (in really traditional places like Latin America women basically always get custody so abusive men dont even try to use these courts). As I said above, check out the work of Lundy Bancroft and Dr Jessica Taylor to see how abuse cases play out in family court. It's horrific. Family court is basically legally-enabled pos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:35 PM
6

No this situation was totally navigable and taking the child out of the situation and blocking and deleting seems like it absolutely was an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:31 PM
8

I agree. What your mother did is absolutely unforgivable. I think my point was just that sometimes there are mothers who are not screaming CSA at the top of their lungs to everybody who can hear, but that doesnt mean they are not protecting their kids (ie they are seeking private counselling for their kids and slowly trying to obtain enough evidence to convict the other party whilst not incurring the wrath of some family judge who thinks euqla parenting rights/keeping the family together is more…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:27 PM
8

I agree with you completely. It is never ever ok to invalidate a child who has disclosed, and - from what I understand - this can be more damaging than the abuse itself. Family courts are aren't fit for purpose in many jurisdictions, imho. We saw a case where an abusive stepfather got custody of his victims at the expense of their (totally sane, somewhat traumatised, protective and proactive for her children) bio mother. I think criminal courts are slightly better than civil for sexual abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:23 PM
42

No I'm absolutely not saying that you should do nothing. And we never advised women not to support their children privately and validate their experience, and we had a list of expert child psychologists to help survivors overcome their atrocious abuse. I am saying, that in a court setting in which the other parent is the abuser, the protective parent needs to be incredibly careful about how they approach accusations because it REGULARLY backfires, and if it does backfire, the child will be put i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 10:49 AM
45

I entirely agree wih the sentiment, but having worked with survivors of domestic violence trying to navigate the legal system, it is actually really difficult- particularly if the purportrator is the other parent- to raise concerns about child sexual abuse. It very quickly turns against the protective parent, who is often accused of "parental alienation" or vindictive slander - espocally, ironically, if the child corroborates - and can end up losing custody (to the abuser) as a result. Dr Jessic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 10:15 AM
11

I like this idea. We could maybe pay for EMDR for her or something, or maybe that would seem condescending? EMDR helped me with some very deep rooted fears from an abuse situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 06:30 PM
1

Was your parents' love for you transactional?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/20 10:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter