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Medium_Message_224 Archive

View 2 posts and 45 comments by Medium_Message_224 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

My best experiences are when I stopped looking and just did what I wanted. I joined 3 groups on meet up app. 1 for kayaking, 1 for cycling and a dining out group. I wasn’t looking for anything and met someone slowly. Got to know her and gradually dated and became serious. Focus on you and what you like. Eventually a gem will be unearthed
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 12:19 AM
2

Funny, I started a sub Reddit purporting Marriage Contracts that need to be renewed every 7 years. I think it would help tremendously for all men to prepare for divorce at age 35. That means solving a couple of common issues that lead to divorce or cause lives to implode. Men operate very well with a plan and prevents being blind sided. 1. Finances are always kept separate 2. Custody arrangements preset 3. Insurance options geared towards the next phase 4. Prenup with cheating clause 5. Never ge…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 04:32 AM
1

I think it depends on your situation. I left because of a dead bedroom and I hate f*%ked for about a year before I got it out of my system
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:35 AM
3

Weird situation on my front. A friend and I were going through a divorce at the same time. We actually met at state mandated divorce school. I every time he slept with his ex, she ended up taking him back to court for some BS reason or another. Don’t do it. You are divorced. Move on. If she thinks she can still rely on you for emotional support, you will never experience the peace you deserve
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:23 AM
3

I picked the wrong person
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 11:17 PM
8

Dude, get an agreement in place asap. Child support maintenance custody etc all needs to be in a legal agreement. IDC how amicable things are now, they can and will change. It will be painful now but the alternative is death by 1000 emotional paper cuts as you continue co-parenting
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 11:01 PM
6

It’s an uphill battle. First she has to prove fitness. Check social media for party pics or damaging posts. If fitness is proven, it may be supervised visits. Observe for parental alienation. A lot depends on the age of the kids and the judge you get and the state you are in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 02:30 AM
8

Look, this happened to me and I vehemently support talking to your kids about boundaries here. My ex told my kids that “what happens here stays here. It is non of your father’s business “ To a point that is true but my kids took it literally. The guy my ex hooked up with was an alcoholic abuser and she ended up marrying the POS and my kids refused to tell me that there were things going on there. I ended up finding out what was happening 4 years after it all started when my oldest called for me …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 10:48 PM
3

After 3 serious live-in relationships (each shorter than the previous) I subscribe to the “together but separate” philosophy. Your space needs to remain your space. If she isn’t pushing than don’t you start. It’s like you want to change who she is to fit a picture in your head. I’m guessing that the reverse happened with your ex where she tried to change you? I say go with the flow but watch for red flags. Not meeting her family is one. What nationality is she? I lived in Japan for 2 years and I…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 10:33 PM
2

Focus on what you can control. Gym, friends, hobbies and be the best dad you can be when the kids are with you and communicate when they are not. The kid situation can get worse or it can get better. I was weekend dad for the first 7 years after divorce. She f’d up marrying an abusive alcoholic and I got full custody after she filed a PO against him. She hid it from me, but when I found out I went nuclear and won. Other dad’s aren’t as lucky and don’t get a relationship until later in life. Just…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 07:01 PM
3

I think this is the key. Because women react, emotionally marriage becomes very unpredictable. As a man, we look at protecting and providing as our soul focus. Sometimes women feel life is getting away from them and want to have some fun. In their minds, they’re no longer happy in the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. What’s missing from all of this is entitlement and accountability is never taken into consideration in family court.If grown ass adult can’t hold themselves accounta…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:00 AM
3

After looking at all the comments, ot has started me thinking a little more clearly, but I still have some questions. As a man, if we band together, we can actually make changes to the whole divorce and child support laws that are in place. But it gets me thinking why all these laws Were put in place in the first place and it still goes back to the boiled frog syndrome. Slowly, but surely women made changes to divorce and child’s custody laws that we are all suffering from now. I’ve had many tho…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 02:57 AM
23

I posted this as a reply to a reply down below, but I think this illustrates boiled frog manipulation: Look at the evolution of the man cave for example. She wants you out of the family room and suggests the garage or the basement. Keeping to the boiled frog analogy check this progression and tell me where I am wrong: ⁠Partner sighs heavily when you relax in the family room to watch a game. ⁠Over time, for some reason, you watching the game is the best time to run the vacuum, have aloud phone co…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:52 PM
3

Yeah. I was just hoping for recommendations from real people instead of advertising
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:46 PM
5

This, but what advice/examples/reources can you provide people pleasures that can snap them out of that behavior?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:04 PM
5

I agree it is tough because you described perfectly “our” nature. I’m not saying to go look for arguments, but look for opportunities to have them. I am not suggesting high conflict, I am suggesting letting your partner know that you have preferences. Look at the evolution of the man cave for example. She wants you out of the family room and suggests the garage or the basement. Keeping to the boiled frog analogy check this progression and tell me where I am wrong: 1. Partner sighs heavily when y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:59 PM
4

Yeah. I do want to share, just not sure if this is the best place
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:46 PM
6

I have noticed a lot of these traits and I am sure there are books out there that describe these behaviors. One thing I noticed and have tried (with limited success) is that me and men in general will not participate in expressing conflicting opinions (read: arguments) over what we perceive as “not worth the effort” or “just not that big of a deal” and let her have her way. What I have tried is if I have an opinion, I voice it, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Kind of like settling…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:38 PM
7

Yes to this! I stupidly remarried a single mom. I was smarter this time with prenups and keeping finances separate. The main blowback I got from this relationship when it ended was that our kids became best friends. So yes I agree. Do NOT get remarried, ever! It’s not worth the risks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:32 PM
2

OK what i did was help change the law here in KY where 50/50 shared parenting is the rule and deviation from that requires court documents stating why that it was not approved. Before that though, I moved within 1 mile of my ex and the kids’ school. Had to do everything to make it easy on the judge. Highlight child care during work hours. If she is a sahm, hopefully your alimony is not a living wage. CS is for kids not for spouse lifestyle maintenance. Note that she will have to go back to work …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:07 AM
3

Are you visibly upset as she keeps dragging things out? If you aren’t talking to her outside of lawyers, the only thing I can think of is she is still trying to flex control over you with this. Is the temp agreement the same as the proposed final agreement? If so, be (and show) indifference. It will drive her nuts. If you need the divorce final for something else (ie getting remarried, insurance stops, etc.) that could be part of it too if she knows. Regardless, sounds like the judge is getting …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:59 AM
1

Just a thought. Can you buy a house you own. Let her live rent free she just has to pay utilities until kids are 18 then use it as an investment property and rent out or sell it and pocket the profit? If rent is same amount as alimony, you are basically buying an investment instead of have a pure cash drain like alimony. She gets stable housing and a 7-year runway to get her life back on track.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:35 PM
4

Agree with this. Keep conversations to the kids only. You won’t be her husband anymore so you have to stop behaving like a husband. She will try to keep you as her support system. Basically she wants her cake and eat it too. She may not understand what is in store for her , but she needs to experience that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:30 PM
2

If she thinks she doesn’t need a husband then stop being one. Use the 180 method because the pick me dance you are doing will never work. https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/what-is-the-180-technique-everyone-is-talking-about.180410/
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:32 PM
2

I’m no lawyer, but wouldn’t her sending you pics be considered a gift? If so, no taksies backsies. Pound sand
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:04 PM
1

This! Get the decree and use it like a bludgeon in the future. Been divorced for 18 years and the bs kept coming until the kids were 18.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:41 PM
2

Communications should all go through email or a court recommended app so there is a record. Don’t commit or agree to anything without it in email/app/rext. “Hey, can you take child to soccer practice on Friday?” You say sure, just send it email for me so I get it on my calendar.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 03:18 AM
1

Do the grey rock or 180 method. Trying to do the pick me dance never works
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:29 AM
3

As you stated, you know she is still manipulating you. You need to focus on that. The tears, the apologies, are all tools she is using to tug at your natural instincts to provide and protect. They are very strong with you, but you need to strengthen another core instinct. Eat or be eaten. Trust me, in a few years when the emotions die down, you will realize how toxic the situation is and be thankful. You will also teach her a lesson that manipulation doesn’t always work and being honest and stra…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:42 PM
3

I want to address what you said “no woman will be able to achieve my goals” no you are right but the wrong woman can interfere with your goals or totally derail them. If you decide to go against Vegas house odds and do get married, trigger quickly if your goals start seeming less important
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 04:45 PM
1

There are a few states now that assume 50/50 is standard. In KY, if a judge rules differently, the judge has to file an opinion as to why. As stated above, SA, DV, mental health and substances and criminal past are justifiable reasons. Other states still use the “best interest of the child” but there is no standard functional definition of best interests especially when statistics point to poor outcomes when a father is not involved and yet still decide on lopsided custody rulings against these …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 05:18 AM
10

A lot of comments about how did I get here. Boiled Frog. It seems reasonable at the time but as soon as you step back and see the forest for the trees, the picture becomes way too clear. To the OP, it seems she has a lot of resentment already built up. Make the first move and file. It is only a matter of time before she does. You have an opportunity to get ahead of it now if you move quickly. Use a judge for full disclosure of all finances and shine the light on what is being hidden. Soon!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:09 PM
2

Look up the 180 method. It calls for the spouse that is on the receiving end of divorce to immediately become non-husband. Car breaks down? Call a tow truck. Need a ride? Call an Uber. Sleep in same bed? No thanks. Then you start changing your other behaviors. Stopped playing golf because of marital pressure? Start playing again. Free time on your hands? Go do what you want without your SO or informing her. Basically you are no longer her husband, friend and partner and you are focusing on yours…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:45 PM
1

Dude you have to post that story here when it is done. I am really curious about her reaction when consequences of actions get real.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:38 AM
1

Yeah one person’s controlling behaviors and insecurities is another person’s boundaries… did the sarcasm come through?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:35 AM
1

Meh… I think the OP is referring to the facts that when men screw up, we are held accountable. When women screw up they aren’t. Regarding children. 70% of divorces are filed by women. The majority of reasons given is that they aren’t happy. So for that reason they destroy the family and put the children at every statistical disadvantage to “go find themselves” Yes there needs to be compassion but let’s call a spade a spade and talk about the real issues.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:31 AM
2

Be your own hero. Right now that is what you need to focus on. Paint the story you want to see happen for you in your head. It will all come full circle. The lies and deceipt even the alienation will all come back to bite her at some point. What is happening right now is out of your control. You can’t do anything about it except to wait. Focus on living a wonderful life and being the best version of you you can be. My story: Ex married an abusive alcoholic.i got full custody of my kids 7 years a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:10 AM
2

Fragile female ego. Yes it exists. In this case, it is:. “I can do better than him and he won’t be able to find anyone better than me.” Then boom, as soon as that proves wrong she starts questioning everything she previously convinced herself was true. The up and down cycle you are seeing is her going back and forth between “maybe I was wrong” to “no I’m right, he won’t be able to truly move on from me.” Unfortunately this could take some time to settle down. Eventually as she emotionally mature…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:36 AM
8

Dude! Stay away. Her time with the kids is her time and yours is yours. While the kids are young custody arrangements, child support and other tactics can change these outcomes in a way that may not benefit you. Given her history of saying you are abusive, do NOT give her the opportunity to do it again. You can’t trust her. By not playing at “husband” you avoid any opportunities for her to throw down an uno reverse card. I also don’t understand why she is asking you to join them if it isn’t a pl…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:59 AM
1

Dude! Cancel joint cards and adopt greyrock/180 asap. Focus on yourself and the kids. It is not your job to make her happy. Show her through 180 that life is going to be different and her happiness is not your problem. People are responsible for their own happiness. Another person cannot make them happy…. EVER. Trying the pick me dance n ver works. She has to figure it out on her own and she can’t do that if you support her bad behavior. This is from experience and not red pill social media. She…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:58 AM
3

After going through this myself, hindsight told me I wasn’t fully healed from the divorce. I felt free and lighter, but that was just the beginning. I thought I was ready and in reality I was not. It takes a lot longer to heal than I thought. I brought baggage to new relationships that I should have never had. If you need physical release, be upfront about only wanting FWB or you risk hurting your partner and damaging any future relationship they may have. It’s not just about you when you start …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:49 AM
1

Now 57. Divorced at 39. 3 kids. Now youngest is 20. And ex is still a b*%rch. We have no communication and co-parenting sucked. I got full custody at age 46.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:25 AM
4

Agree. After several long term relationships, “Together but living separately” is a perfect option. Your son is most important right now. Your new child will appreciate the time you can give them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:20 AM
1

Just curious. Did you greyrock/180 or “pick me”. I see bad results from pick me but 50/50 on 180.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:30 AM
7

I have been divorced for 18 years. Back then she initiated legal separation and then after 1 counseling session 6 months later, divorce. Honestly I had checked out 7 years into our 10 year marriage hoping things would get better. Suggested counseling, etc. to try and fix things but she refused. I grew up in a family where my parents were married for 58 years before my mom passed. I knew marriage was hard but both people need to work on it. I just thought she needed time. I was stupid. Well, I fo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 01:56 AM
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